Main content:


I long for the day when the Little Ice Age rids us of Hagar for good

Archie, 3/7/13

Here’s a sentence that’s probably never been written: I don’t understand Archie’s emotional arc here? Veronica’s dialogue in panel one is stereotypical “Ha ha the ladies like to gossip about their network of relationships with other ladies and we hate that amiright fellas” talk. But what are Archie’s sweatballs in panel one supposed to represent? Is he already nervous about being cruelly snubbed by Ronnie for daring to ask for some quiet study time? That would seem to undercut the vague surprise of the punchline, then. Is it sexual arousal, always a good bet with Archie? Is he saying that the reality of Veronica’s conversation is interfering with his ability to think sexy thoughts about her? Those word-balloon icicles are perhaps well deserved.

Hagar the Horrible, 3/7/13

So, mild historical accuracy: It’s true, that, in their colonization of Greenland in the 10th through 15th centuries, the Norse came in contact with the Inuit! Inuit names tend to be polysyllabic, though, and not, you know, incoherent grunts, but sure, let’s have Hagar talking to “Oog.” And let’s give Oog slits for eyes too! Why not!

Heathcliff, 3/7/13

Unironic praise: Nearly everything about this is perfect, from the fish-costume’s terrifying eyes and weird fin-feet that would be very difficult to stand up in, to Heathcliff just standing there with his hands behind his back, dreaming of ripping open the great fish and feasting on its hundreds of pounds of succulent flesh, to the bored dude with the hair in his eyes inside the costume, who isn’t being paid enough to deal with any of it.

The Lockhorns, 3/7/13

“But I’ve finally managed to poison mine! Now help me move his body to the car so we can go dump him in the river.”

268 responses to “I long for the day when the Little Ice Age rids us of Hagar for good”

  1. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    JP: So Neddy is giving money to a worthy cause? How disappointing.

    MW: “I can get someone a minion to help you!” FIFY, Mary.

    PC: Political ideology aside, “drone” is perhaps the most apt word ever for this strip.

    MT: “Rusty wouldn’t be stupid enough to get himself kidnapped by going into a stranger’s va—Oh. Never mind.”

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    One Big Happy — Hey, Rick Detorie got Grandpa to say “booty call.” That’s got to count for something!

    http://www.creators.com/comics/one-big-happy.html

    Heathcliff — He’s either picturing the guy naked or he wants to get down and dirty with an empty fish costume. Either situation puts us
    smack-dab in the middle of “Beetle Bailey” territory. (ABORT! ABORT!)

    @Toms On Sale (#y331): No thanks. I get my daily dose of Heathcliff via the Dark Gate Comic Slurper (shameless free plug!).

    I mean, why buy the cat when I can get the jokes for nada?

  3. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Doones: University of Phoenix! Heh.

  4. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Archie – Rule #1 if you are confused about what a teenaged boy is thinking about. Breasts. He can’t focus on his homework, or on what she is saying, because he is thinking about her breasts. In panel 3, she holds the book in front of her face to ignore him, but that just makes it easier for him to be distracted by her breasts.

  5. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Love is…: Is.

  6. Ratiocinator
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    9CL: Brooke commands you all to tilt your heads to the right when you get to panel two!

    If they’re gonna actually mention or allude to the unspeakable stuff that goes on in prison, there’s a lot worse than strip searches to be worried about. Although–and I say this in all seriousness–some of that worse stuff is sometimes done by guards instead of inmates, possibly using strip searches as justification.

    Anyway, I think Edda took that bow off for the train ride up, and put it back on her dress right before she walked in the door just so she could dramatically pull it off again and throw it away.

    She has also managed, somehow and for some reason, to get her right eyebrow on top of her hair.

    Second-lastly, we can’t get a reaction shot of Twinkly The Cow? That might actually make for a passable joke, if she really were terrified of the dress and we could see it. But instead we get Edda’s ass not jutting out of the panel at us due to her ass being flat as the paper it’s drawn on. Still better than seeing that terrifying, smiling maw of hers again, though.

    Lastly, I’ll admit to kind of liking how blase Edda is about Twinkly. “‘Sup everybody? I see you’ve got a cow here in your living room, that’s nice. Well, I’m gonna change clothes now, TTYL.”

    ASM: The way Bald Henchman is quaking in terror–whether at the mention of the laboratory or Kingpin SLAMMing the door right behind him–makes me laugh.

    Btw Fisk, powder blue is not your colour.

    BG&SS: If Jughaid can make a banjo go “PLANK!!” then I think he’s damn talented, lady. I’ve never heard of anybody else making that sound with a banjo. You have a gifted kid there, and instead of nurturing his ability so he can become a world-famous banjo player, you’re crushing his spirit. Shame on you, you monster.

    FW: How do you ever bother a conscience back? Can you poke it with a stick? Can you call it names? Somebody tell me what Dead Skunk Head would do to his conscience if it were to break this cease fire.

    Garfield: Apparently Mrs. Feeny is wearing nothing but a leash, out in public. The reason Garfield says it’s sad is because it’s just dangling there without anybody holding it; she desperately wants to find a dom, but nobody’s interested.

    Luann: Quill saying it’s a great idea has gotta mean “Here’s our chance to humiliate Tiffany!” instead of “Ooo, spending time with Tiffany sounds awesome!”; he knows that if he said the latter to Luann, she would kill him from a hemisphere away with the sheer power of her hatred.

    So, um, here we have a couple of protagonists scheming against a hapless idiot for expressing interest in one of them. Yay?

    Slylock: Somebody stole that cat’s eyelashes! Get the Fox here, NOW!

  7. revenge4Aldo
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    MT “Rusty would never go somewhere without tweeting about it… Oh here it is… @Rusty1987 became the mayor of Rod Bassy’s van on 4square.”

  8. lorne
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

  9. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    As if the monosyllabic name and slits for eyes weren’t bad enough, “Oog” is actually short for “Ooga Booga.”

  10. Chareth Cutestory
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    The Lockhorns: Loretta, you spend so much time destroying his self-respect and his will to live, then you complain when he doesn’t leave you? You did this to yourself, you fool.

  11. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    FW – The last vestiges of Comic Book Guy’s conscience left him around the time he added that special back room to his store where he could “watch movies” with his favorite underage customers.

  12. Ratiocinator
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#2):

    I mean, why buy the cat when I can get the jokes for nada?

    You get the jokes for nada? I wouldn’t get some of them even if I paid good money for people to explain them to me. (Such as this one.)

  13. WeatherServo9
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Leroy Lockhorn is either fifty yards away or he’s shrinking.

  14. wossname
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MT – That “parking lot” in panel 2 would be more useful if it weren’t covered with shrubbery. Jackelrod must not have any clip art of a distant parking lot.

    MW – Seriously, do y’all think Giella was trying to make Mother that scary-looking?

  15. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    MT: Hey look at this picture! It’s Rusty tied up and Catfish holding a copy of ‘Twenty Shades of Blue’…

    MW: “Yes, Mother…(Blue bag for the blue bag, heh, heh)

  16. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#9): I’d have thought they’d save that little gem for when Hagar inexplicably goes to Africa.

  17. nescio
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: That really puts things in perspective. Horrifyingly bad perspective.

    Hagar: Long, long ago, Oscar’s ancestors were hunted by Vikings to make green fur coats. No wonder he’s a grouch.

  18. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#14): MW: I don’t think Giella has a choice. Any less angry and she looks too much like Mary and the story arc’s already sporting a Honey Huan/Dawn hybrid creature with his new character “Beth the Doormat”.

  19. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#12): Please don’t ask me to explain “Kitty Korner.” It’s the only part of Heathcliff I’ve never been able to figure out.

  20. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane: Everything goes back to a blonde in a slinky dress. Everything.

  21. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    There are only two lines in Veronica’s part. You’d think she’d be off book by now!

  22. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#20): Everything goes back to a blonde in a slinky dress. Everything.

    The worst offense of this strip is the way that it turns this into a bad thing.

  23. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Luann: Christ does this mean this BS is going to drag out ’til summer? If Evan’s is gonna keep it up think he needs to add an arc where Quill starts Skyping Aaron Hill and then comes out of the closet…

  24. Mibbitmaker
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Uh-oh, looks like Loretta’s been watching the Arias trial again…

    MW: Yes, Christopher Walken is playing Cruella DeVille in this story, as Mary Gross’s bossy mom.

    FW: I see…. Batty’s going to do the dietary disease and/or death nagging himself. Smug strawfatman adding to the deathly dour mood of Battyland ready to go….

    RMMD: “In other words, get tons of money and be really, really stingy.”

    JP: “You want giant boobies, horny men? Too bad, you’re going to have to settle for noses!” — Manley

  25. sally
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    The straightforward take on Archie is that at first, he can’t concentrate on his schoolwork because Veronica is talking to him, and then, he can’t concentrate because she’s moved the book that was formerly blocking his view of her breasts.

    The deeper take is that once he saw her pert, teenaged breasts, he realized that there is something horribly amiss about a supposed teenager with friends called “Midge” and “Ethel.” (And even “Betty,” for that matter, but “Midge” and “Ethel” would typically be Betty’s mom’s age.) The flop sweat is Archie trying to figure out if Veronica is the product of decades of plastic surgery, or an alien masquerading as a human, or what.

  26. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

  27. Hogenmogen
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    FW:
    Comic Book John: Yeah, you’re right about the pepperoni. And cheese is fatty, too. I think I’ll just go to the local Subway for a veggie sub.

    Funky: Good for you, John… you… wait – I’m desperate for money! Come back! This pepperoni doesn’t cause cancer – it’s uh.. magic pepperoni! You read those freaky graphic novels, you’ve gotta believe in magic pepperoni!

  28. The Diceman
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Archie: Look at Veronica’s face in panel two. That’s not Ronnie, that’s Reggie in drag.

  29. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    MW: You know, this arc is looking like it could be named “Tommy Harpman, Tommy Harpman” (its a Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman reference for the less ancient CC’ers)

  30. Hibbleton
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    MT: Years later, Mark searches the now overgrown parking lot where Rusty was last seen alive. He looks at his reflection in the lens seeking a companion in his loneliness. The voice inside the camera mocks him.

  31. Crankenstank
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    I’m concerned about Veronica’s odd physical transformations among the three panels. Perhaps it is an artistic metaphor for the obsessions of teenage males upon the physical attributes of teenage girls, ignoring their intellects and eschewing conversation for ogling; but a more likely story is that Veronica is undergoing a grotesque David Cronenburg-like metamorphosis, and Archie, having snorted roach powder or somesuch, is either hallucinating the whole thing or even more horrifying, is not.

  32. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Non-applicable. Everybody knows real Pluggers use straight razors. Or at least disposables. Certainly not those namby-pamby ‘lectric ones! Those are for commies!

  33. bunivasal
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    I think we’re supposed to assume that Archie is a naturally caring lover who becomes worried to distraction when he has upset the object of his affection.

    Of course, I think that in this case object is more apropos than normal and he’s just worried when a breast-haver exhibits agency.

  34. pugfuggly
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns I like that the Lockhorns’ living-room is often portrayed as just floating in the ether, like some kind of waiting room in purgatory. And they’re just the kind of people you’d expect to meet in purgatory: not kind, not evil, just…..there.

  35. Hogenmogen
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    In this town where I work, the 4th most populous city in the 47th or so most populous state, there are two people forced to stand outside in all kinds of weather wearing ridiculous costumes, waving signage of their employer. I just wonder if they get together in a professional society meeting to compare notes on how best to attract attention of passing motorists or look enthusiastic while the freezing rain is dripping into their underwear.

  36. Hogenmogen
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Oog: Something missing that I’ve always wanted: Crown molding!

    Hagar: Will mold even grow on ice?

  37. RavenHawk
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    ASM: Can’t he go to the laboratory by himself?

    ASM 2: Horrified, Larry David, & Guy from The Matrix, flip a coin for who is going to have to wipe.

  38. cheech wizard
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Hah! Archie isn’t getting any tonight! Not that he was going to in the first place – this is Archie, after all. So don’t sweat it, dude.

  39. Hogenmogen
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    SM: I want to one day be a big crime boss and wear ruffled shirts. I want to have a henchman called “Punch”. I mean, doesn’t everybody?

  40. Voshkod
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Leroy may be dead, but I don’t think the realdoll the wife is talking to is going to be able to help move the body.

  41. erdmann
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Ooooh, Mary’s gonna get caned!

    ASM: Uh, Kingpin’s mad because his missile blew up? Isn’t that like being mad because your iPod plays music?

  42. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: So Kingpin was able to design a surface-to-air missile that paused in mid-air, homed in on superhero-aura, and cost just a million dollars? They should really rename this strip Frustrated Engineers and the Spider-Drip That Loves Them.

    Apt. 3-G: Alec Baldwin Tom Cruise Idris Elba Laszlo Cranick Greg Cooper, have you met me? I’m not the clingy girlfriend type! I’m really more of an automaton repulsed by human emotions!

    Dick Tracy: Honestly, I’d be happier if they went for a little verisimilitude here and had a foul-mouthed Rahm Emanuel stand-in responding to the @#$%-space-alien infestation in the city.

    The Family Circus: Dolly, that’s not the kind of sick Daddy is. He’s the kind of sick that begins when the local dealer says, “Don’t worry. Just try it. It’s on the house.”

    Frank and Ernest…is more accurate than I’d like.

    Mark Trail: We could be here for months. “Rusty wouldn’t leave a severed foot in his tennis shoe…unless something happened!”

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: “When you become rich, you must never take it for granted! After all, you don’t live in Judge Parker.”

    Shoe: …And we’re about five years too late on that joke.

    Sinfest: I honestly can’t tell if Ishida is doubling-down on the feminism, or poking fun at its limits…

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    rCdS: appealing to the Poteet demographics.

    Lio: ummmm, spiders can do that themselves.

    R&R: *snikker*

    Bizarro: *snurk*

    yJUMBLE: *groan@answer*

    RwO: mmmmm, nice finish.

    rMC: *sniffle* Violet looks so nice in her dress.

  44. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . phone sex.

  45. True Fable
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    I don’t get Edda’s complaint about the dress. A saran-wrap tight floor-length gown with spaghetti straps and a plunging neckline, topped with a foppish bow in front? How is that so different from every. single. dress. she. wears. daily? Bitch, please.

  46. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    The Lockhorns: Sure, half of their wardrobe and furnishings are the deepest, inkiest blacks — shades of death, if you will — but at least they still go to the trouble of putting out the cheerful lampshades when visitors come over.

  47. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @sally (#25): Actually, Archie takes place in 2030. They are all the children of Hipsters, which is why they have ‘ironic’ retro names. The other weirdly out-of-time details of the strip come from the great retro craze that started in 2027. Plus the end of cheap electronics which came about gradually but was in full force by 2025, as wages rose in developing countries and human rights finally started being enforced around conflict minerals.

  48. RavenHawk
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Apartment (of the damned) 3G: It’s funnier, if the “No you don’t…” comment (second panel), was actually coming from the car in the background.

  49. Donald Saxman
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#17):

    I just assumed Hagar was wearing one of those green polar bear fur coats. We have green polar bears here in Texas, or at least we did at the San Antonio zoo. Until they got a handle on that algae infestation in the basking pond.

  50. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Bigporn: What the hell is that between her legs? WTF?

    FW: I was going to say something about the lack of conscience, but I see everybody pretty much beat it to death already. Creepy comic book guy is creepy.

    9CL: This makes no sense. Not that I actually expect it to, but still.

  51. Downpuppy
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    When that doctor in Judge Parker says she specializes in waterborne diseases & parasites, why does it sounds like she spreads them?

    Scary lady is scary.

  52. Anonymous
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    OMG! There’s an “Oogrooq” in the list of babynames that you linked to – it means “Bearded Seal”!

    David “Dave” Swart.

  53. word-doctor
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    GasAlley: Anticipated recycle–”Hold still, Becky!” panel in a room at the Angel’s Arms Motel.

    Hagar: “Oh that silly Eskimo! She thinks crown moulding ALIVE!” Clutch Cargo lawsuit to follow.

  54. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#30): Yeah, I wonder if Lost Forest Dairy has milk cartons with Rusty’s picture pre-printed on them. “Hello, Lost Forest Dairy, may I help you? What ? Not, again? Seriously? Yep we do. Do you want the troll version or the mutant version? Yeah, we still have a pile of both. We just did another production run after the last incident.”

  55. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Zits — I would like to see Jeremy and Garfield in a lasagna eating contest. A lasagna-laced-with-cyanide eating contest.

  56. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @Toms On Sale (#y331):

    Actually I *was* in the market for a new Tom-Tom, but I gather from your spamaddress that you sell only single Toms, so I’ll pass.

    ///Yes, “it’s because I only have one Tom, isn’t it?”

  57. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#50): Penishead Djinn is groping her butt. part of his arm is between her legs.

  59. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#50): 9CL: This makes no sense. Not that I actually expect it to, but still.

    No, it makes perfect sense within the logic of this strip. Edda’s one and only criteria for her every action is: “What will call the most attention to myself?”

    Missed a period? “What will call the most attention to myself?”. Well, I could skip out on my job and hop a flight to Europe, telling everyone I see (except my boyfriend) that I am pregnant.

    Mom calls while I am at a wedding, with some vague nonsense about coming up to see her because of some crime that has been committed? “What would call the most attention to myself?” Jump up, sprint out of the church like a diarrhetic zebra, take a train to Boston while still wearing the bridesmaid dress, then make a dramatic entrance, complaining about the dress, leading to my stripping off the bow as a grand flourish!

    Notice that she is completely unconcerned about the nature of the crime, as she is too busy discussing what would happen to her in prison. Oh, the delicious drama! She hasn’t even given a thought to the cow, or to what may be going on, she is too busy fantasizing about the strip searches.

  60. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#56):

    You should sign up for the Tom-Tom Club! It’s a lot of fun! Fun, natural fun.

  61. Horace Broon
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    FW: “Becky wants us to eat a little lighter, because for some reason she doesn’t pray for death. Me, I’m hoping I have a heart attack before the cancer hits me.”

    Garfield: Jon, looking out the window “I’ve just had an awesome idea, Garfield! I’m off to the pet store!”

    JP: I can’t wait to see how Abbey’s interest in Dr Thalia’s good works will lead to the doctor giving her a big heap of money. At the moment, my best guess is that the whole thing is a scam, so at least they’ll get to reclaim the money Neddy gave her.

    S4th: “My second piece of advice was going to be ‘not everything is about you’, so thanks for literalising that for me.”

  62. Digger
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: “I’d carry him out of here myself, but my toothpick-ankles can barely support my own weight, never mind his.”

  63. Leonard
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    RMMD: What is this comic’s intended audience? Mitt Romney?

  64. Lynette
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Wow! Maybe Mark Trail should do a story on this guy….looks like he’s been using the “Rob Bassy” lure…

    http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/blog/51239/alabama+anglers+monstrous+striped+bass+is+one+for+the+record+books/

  65. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Leonard (#63):

    Mitt doesn’t read comic strips. He has people who do that for him.

  66. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth — Cane or no cane, I sure hope the old lady is fast on her feet.

    Because Tom Harpomarxman will start chasing mother and daughter the moment he spots them.

    HONK! HONK! HONK!

  67. Pozzo
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Judging from the cheesy fish costume and the fact that someone seemed to think that giving out balloons would be effective promotion, I’m guessing that the “Elite” in the fish market’s name is either ironic or wishful thinking.

  68. Marc
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail- Really Mark? REALLY? You seriously can’t believe that Rusty would have run off without telling you? It’s happened sooooo many times before. I know you’re barely around, but you had to have at least heard of the kid’s constant disappearances in passing during your half hour trips home every 3 months.

  69. bbofun
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    RMMD- We could be watching the party the ex-strippers are throwing to celebrate right now, you know. Or at least Rex and June watching the dolphin show. Just sayin’.

    9CL_ So, Edda actually was at a wedding/ Or at least the reception? And she just left abruptly? I’m calling it- we’re getting a strip tomorrow (or maybe Saturday) with a panel of Amos standing at the reception wondering where she is.

    Pibgorn- Brooke? The stories are suppose to last all night, interrupted by the morning- which is why she’s spared, to continue them the next evening. But, hey, go ahead and re-write classic literature. I’m sure you’re a greater artiste than any who have come before you.

    LUANN- So, Quill’s excited about the drama camp because- they don’t have drama camps (or something similar) in Australia? So maybe he can get his plane fare paid for? In any case, obviously Luann will be going, too- luckily her parents have no financial problems, so sending her will be a piece of cake. (Hey, does anybody know when the Australian school year is? Do they have their summer off, so that Quill would be out of school right now? And, if so, would him coming to a summer camp mean he would miss school? or is he already a graduate? And why am I thinking this much about Luann?)

    A3G- Yeah, Margo’s sick of guys like Evan whom she has power over (and try to kill her). Just do what she wants, Greg, and enjoy this completely equal relationship.

    ASM- So, one henchman’s name is Punch, hmm? Does that make guy-who-looks-like-a-70s-Hollywood-producer “Judy?” (I’m gonna call him “Morty.” he looks like a “Morty” to me.)

    GT- Milford snatches defeat from the mouth of victory yet again!

    MW- Could “Mother” hit Mary with her cane? Please?

    JP- Either the doc is a grifter, or this is going to be a “very special episode” of Judge Parker. i’m hoping for grifter. (Hah! Spell check doesn’t recognize “grifter!” It’s ripe for the picking!)

  70. Hogenmogen
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I’m not going to call you every day! I want to play hard to get! I criticize, rebuff and insult any attempts at contact! It’s the winning strategy that has advanced my PR agency from a client base of two to a client base of one!”

  71. bbofun
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    FW- Short version- Comic Book John is a sociopath.

  72. TheDiva
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    9CL: Wait, wedding? When did that happen? Does Edda have any friends besides Seth (who, being a Stereotypical Gay Man, would have better fashion sense than this)? Was Brooke to distracted with the idea of Edda in a prison exploitation plot to clarify this?

    C’shaft: I’ll bet it also doesn’t destroy property or make bad puns, either.

    FW: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGUH SMUG JOHN FACE ABORT ABORT

    Luann: “Let’s use this opportunity to play a humiliating prank on Tiffany!”
    “That’s a great idea that is in no way cruel or has any possibility of having far-reaching and tragic repercussions! You’re such a sweat guy!”

    MT: “I’ve got it! The camera MUST be out of film!”

    MW: “Uh-oh, it’s the meddling biddy the super warned us about. Keep walking and pretend you don’t hear her.”

    Pibgorn: On the plus side, it looks like the Armageddon will wipe them out.

    SM: Anybody who’s wearing Koh-i-Noor as a tie tack probably isn’t fazed by losing a measly million bucks.

  73. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#58):”Penishead Djinn” — Great name for a rock band, or greatest name for a rock band?

  74. Hogenmogen
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#69): RMMD: You mentioned that Rex and June are watching the dolphin show. It’s been established that they’re on the plane right now, after having gone to Sea World for lunch. So, how is little Sarah eating breakfast several time zones to the EAST?

  75. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#Y276): Re: “Hive Fidelity”

    Ohhhh! So that’s why Mary and Toby were walking down a dead-end sidewalk! It’s an auditory aleph — from that one spot, Mary can eavesdrop on every public and private space in Charterstone.

  76. TheDiva
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#69): Well, Brooke’s already established that “Scheherazade” staved off her execution not through her own cleverness and imagination but by simply banging her hubby until he was too exhausted to do anything else, so what’s to stop her to sneak out for another porn scene assignation after the fact?

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#61): JP: I can’t wait to see how Abbey’s interest in Dr Thalia’s good works will lead to the doctor giving her a big heap of money.

    Isn’t Mr. & Mrs. Bill Gates & eponymous foundation interested in waterborne illnesses? There’s your connection.

  78. TheDiva
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#72): Correction: Quill is a sweet guy, although with his perpetual case of blue balls he could sweat a lot too, I guess.

  79. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#65): Mitt doesn’t read comic strips. He has people who do that for him.

    Josh works for Mitt Romney?

  80. Hogenmogen
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    JP:
    Abbey: So you help poor kids in Africa?

    Thalia: Yes. Sometimes they give me little gifts, like this uncut diamond they found.

    Abbey: It’s the size of a baseball!

    Thalia: You can have it, for letting me stay in your guest house.

    Abbey: Yes, thank you. I’ll have my secretary log it and put it with my collection.

  81. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: “So are you going to take the contract or not?”

    Ziggy: The pizza baker wonders if he’s asleep and if his unconscious is trying to tell him something, what with the pantsless bald man in front of him talking about sausage.

    FW: Thus explaining the bones and limepit in Comic Book John’s backyard.

    C-Shaft: “I’m standing right here, dad.”

    9CL: Ah, so Edda actually was a bridesmaid, but she abandoned little Ms Nobody’s wedding party so she could indulge some puerile women in prison fantasy. You know what I said yesterday about her having redeeming qualities? Never mind.

    BC: Oh well, would-be Moses. You haven’t parted the water yet, but you might be responsible for the plague of locusts in Wiley’s beard.

    RMMD: You have to love—or at least you have to notice—a comic where the title character’s daughter growing up into obscene wealth is just taken as a given.

    H&L: “You realize I could have eaten you when we were in utero and the world would be no poorer for it, don’t you?”

    DT: “I’ve never felt so useless,” Dick sighs as his suit gradually morphs into red and blue spandex with a web pattern.

    EC: Oh, I get it. She read a book about BDSM, so they’re inflicting pain on the reader. Very clever.

    S-M: “That tears it. Tomorrow I go back to the bandleader job on Letterman.”

    S4th: Ted’s poor coworker doesn’t know that the world already has a Judd Apatow.

    OBH: “Are we still talking about the movies?”
    “Nope.”

    A3G: When grownups read her fairy tales, little Margo always interpreted “they lived happily ever after” as “they never saw, spoke to or thought about each other again.”

  82. HCV
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Horribly regressive racial stereotyping aside, I thought the “crown molding” punchline was actually pretty funny.

  83. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Archie: On Darkgate, Veronica’s icy word balloon is colored yellow. So maybe she’s urinating in contempt? I’m not really up on all the Riverdale behavioral tics.

  84. Hogenmogen
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    MT: OH MY GOSH! RUSTY HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED! HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?

    Bluegill: Yeah, who knew that sending a kid to snoop around alone at night in unfamiliar places would ever lead to trouble?

  85. Hogenmogen
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    SM:

    Baldy: Why are we wearing sunglasses indoors, again?

    Punch: So any passers-by can’t see what we’re looking at.

    Baldy: Pass- wha? That doesn’t make sense. We’re in our own headquarters.

  86. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    MW: Until Mary directly acknowledges the independent existence of “Mother,” I’m holding out hope that this is a NormanNorma Bates situation. (Yes, my hopes will be dashed, but that’s as close as I’ll ever get to experiencing actual drama in this strip.)

  87. wossname
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#35): In the town where I live, there are way more than two people wearing ridiculous costumes and jumping around beside the highway waving signs for their employers. What I wonder is: Has any motorist, ever, been driving down the road; seen a person dressed (sort of) as the Statue of Liberty, doing the Harlem Shake and waving a sign that says “We do taxes”: and then smacked himself in the forehead while saying “Yes! Great idea! That’s where I want to get my taxes done!”? You’d think not, but since somebody keeps paying these people to get out there and dance and sign-wave, it must actually have some effect.

  88. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#84): How many kidnappings do you get before CPS takes your foster kid away? That’s what I want to know. For private reasons.

  89. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#69):

    Or at least Rex and June watching the dolphin show.

    That’s like a donkey show but with more swimming, isn’t it?

  90. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#73): The Butthole Surfers disagree.

  91. Vanya
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#59): That’s about right. Edda is not only not the hero Brooke seems to think she is, she’s objectively simply an awful human being. More petty and cruel than Luann, if I may be so bold, and even more self-centered and heedless of the pain she causes others than Les Moore.

    My only correction – she didn’t take the train to Boston, she took “trains” to New Hampshire, because in Brooke’s world it’s always 1946.

  92. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#88): Just for background information, right?

    Two. The answer is two.

  93. Hogenmogen
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    MT:
    Cop: Can you describe the missing child?

    Mark: He had reddish hair and a gap in his teeth.

    Cop: Any other identifying features?

    Mark: He wants to go fishing a lot.

    Cop: How old? How tall? What was he last wearing?

    Mark: He likes pancakes. He answers to the name “Rusty”.

    Cop: This is a pet?

    Mark: No.

    Cop: And you can’t describe someone you’ve lived with for years? Wait, let me ask you to describe a sea otter.

    Mark: Sea otters (Enhydra lutris) are around 4 feet long including the tail. They have long forelegs with retractable claws, and their webbed back feet are shaped like flippers. They have small rounded ears and a large black nose pad. Sea otters have long flexible bodies and long tails. More information can be found on the internet.

  94. Liam
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Sorry for my late delay. Just as soon as I was going to get onto this site the tech guy at my job showed up to install our new computers.

    A3G-And that was the last we ever saw of Greg Cooper.

    FC-The poison apple would have killed him by now.

    FW-If it knows what’s good for it. It won’t bother me.

    MT-Rusty, never has a second cup of coffee at home.

    MW-I can command one of my many legion of follower to help you instead of me actually helping you.

    Archie-Veronica, how do you expect me to concentrate when you aren’t wearing a bra.

  95. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Vanya (#91): she’s objectively simply an awful human being

    There is a very misogynistic core to Brooke’s message that “Women are flighty, egocentric, unreliable, useless creatures – AND I LOVE THEM FOR IT!”. I’d be terrified to see how his daughter, the puppeteer, turned out after growing up in that environment.

    she took “trains” to New Hampshire

    I enjoyed your yesterthread post on this. I lived in Milford for a few years, “one town over” from Manchester, where the bus would have dropped her off. It isn’t exactly the refuge for overbilling vets and preening adjunct professors that Brooke seems to think it is. If you stole someone’s cow, no matter how drunk or violent they were, they would notice, and take steps to get it back, steps that would likely involve drunken violence.

  96. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    look at the sense of satisfaction heathcliff gets from *owning* that fish. the feline equivalent of a judge morgan (rex parker?) character

  97. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#92): Just two? How is it Rusty is still living with Mark?

  98. Gal Friday
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#93):

    Bravo! [slow, Citizen Kane clap]

  99. revenge4Aldo
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    MT Mark gingerly resets the “days since Rusty was kidnapped” counter to 0.

  100. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#87): It’s also a way for people who are unemployed (or underemployed) to earn a few extra dollars.

  101. DownInTheValley
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Apparently the Hagar team couldn’t find a real Inuit, so they hired Joe Jitsu for the job.

  102. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#97): Lost Forest Child Protective Services is notoriously bad.They send all the wards and orphans they’d like to sweep under the rug to the southern part of the state.

  103. Ed Dravecky
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Does every Montoni’s pizza come topped with extra sadness or does that cost more but you have no choice but to pay and pay and pay?

  104. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#87): @Rocky Stoneaxe (#100): In my town, one of the tax places has a robot – a mechanized manikin really – dressed in the Statue of Liberty outfit, standing by the road, waving one arm, and holding a ‘do your taxes here’ sign in the other. They had a real person in the same outfit doing the job last year.

    // Pretty soon, English Lit. majors will have no employment opportunities at all!

  105. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#102): If that’s the case, they might as well just givem’em collars and chain’em to logs.

  106. Ed Dravecky
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#74): Time in Rex Morgan MD flows so strangely that not even The Doctor can cobble together a plausible explanation.

  107. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Buckles: Arrant nonsense! Of course as a person, he could have all the doggie treats he wants!

  108. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#57): Just imagine what life would be like if teachers evaluated student papers based on how they taste!

    Okay, it would be awful. Absolutely awful.

  109. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#106): I suspect RxMD in set within an alien simulacrum, much like in “The War Games,” except rather than harvesting our best warriors, the aliens are harvesting smug, self-absorbed dickheads.

  110. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @revenge4Aldo (#99): We really need a “Days Since Rusty Was Kidnapped” counter graphic in the sidebar here…

  111. Stuurminator
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Hagar just keeps screwing up the guy’s name, and “Oog” is being super smug about it?

  112. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

  113. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#110): Although I think the wording should be “Days without Rusty being kidnapped,” since the wording “Days since Rusty was kidnapped” is ambiguous.

  114. Casino LF
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Okay, I’ll admit, I’m a shoddy bridesmaid. I hate being one, and all the dresses any bride picks SUCK, but is Edda trying to tell us that she … left in the middle of the ceremony? Because that is horribly awful.

    Also, like that dress is any worse than her jumpers, which no 20something woman who isn’t in some kind of conservative religious compound would wear, ever.

  115. Shrug, Sometime English Major
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#105):

    I think your comment at #105 re missing Lost Forest children:

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#102): If that’s the case, they might as well just givem’em collars and chain’em to logs.

    works even better as a reply to Scudder at #104 (right above you):

    // Pretty soon, English Lit. majors will have no employment opportunities at all!

  116. Stroker Ace
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Archie – Unspeakable filth: Archie grovels and masturbates.

  117. Shrug, Overthinking Mark Trail
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#68):

    Have we ever been told why Mark doesn’t just put a collar with a GPS device on Rusty, so he can track him when kidnapped? It would pay for itself in just a few weeks. (I realize that Mark might not be bright enough to figure out how to use it, but he could ask Andy for help.)

    Also might as well microchip Rusty, so his badly decomposed remains can be identified even if, someday, one of his many kidnappers happens to be competent.

  118. Shrug, the Lasser of Two Evils
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#29):

    Oh, I’m ancient enough to fondly recall MARY HARTMAN, MARY HARTMAN, and like you was hoping Mary’s bowl of chicken soup would prove deadly.

    ///There’s still time.

  119. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Sometime English Major (#115): As a someone who was an English major and who is now facing a layoff in the next few months, all I can say is that being fitted with a collar and chained to a log would at least provide some small sense of security.

  120. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    BB: This is great! I only had to change one letter in the dialog!

  121. Shrug, Scraping By
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action (#32):

    PLUGGERS: I disagree. Speaking as Plugger myself, I think the essence of Pluggerhood is an indifference (sometimes but not necessarily to the point of active hostility) toward changing one’s set patterns, generally those first established in childhood/young adulthood. Electric razors have been around long enough now so that most male Pluggers would have encountered them and (probably) used them when they first started shaving, and so WILL still be using them, now and forever, world without end.

    (I speak only of the corded kind, of course; cordless electric razors weren’t around fifty-plus years ago when I started shaving, so I do consider THOSE tools of the devil, as any good Plugger should.)

  122. Écureuil Écumant
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    FC:

    A baby’s arm. Holding an apple.

  123. Illustrator Steve
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    MT – Parking lot? Mark is standing knee deep in overgrown puckerbrush with bushes taller than the buildings behind him. WHAT do they PARK there? Swamp buggys and Army tanks?

  124. terrapin
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    MT: “…and Catfish wouldn’t leave a camera with possibly incriminating evidence in it just laying on the pavement so I won’t bother getting the film developed.”

    RMMD: “When you’re rich, you can never take it for granted. So I’m going to thoroughly enjoy this forty-dollar-a-cup coffee.”

  125. Amos Snarkadder
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Maybe Rusty took a picture that will show what happened! I should mail this film right away so I can get the pictures back in two weeks!”

    Luann: Hey,Quill! How about you get Tiff to pay for your trip to the US and drama camp, then you can stand her up and spend all summer with Luann? Won’t that be funny, and teach her a lesson, too? Haha, she’s such a slut!

    A3G: Someone has to. I guess.

  126. Freakin Hemingwad
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#73): I liked Calvin’s Cardboards Box’s ‘Diarrhetic Zebra” for a band name.

  127. Shrug, Getting Back to Normal
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    RIP HAYWIRE is mysteriously back in the local (Minneapolis) STAR TRIBUNE this morning, after an unexplained one-day absence in which is was replaced with RHYMES WITH ORANGE. (I have not received any reply from the STRIB to my email of puzzled complaint from yesterday, either.)

    I assume there are only three likely explanations:

    (1) Sheer one-time goofup; hope no one else noticed.
    (2) Deliberate messing with our minds; to see if any one much noticed — if not, they can go ahead and drop it later if they wish.
    (3) Wednesday’s RIP HAYWIRE was Unspeakable Filth, from which the tender young hothouse minds of Twin Cities comic readers must be protected.

    Checking it out online, I see that #3 was a possibility, since it made it clear that Rip and Cobra had not in fact been legally married, and thus presumably were doing Naughty Things Without Benefit of (Legitimate) Clergy. Like, er, dozens of others characters in the comics page in the last few decades. . . . um . . .

    As a sidelight, both RIP HAYWIRE and JUDGE PARKER today had plot lines involving treatment of water-borne diseases. I used to seeing two or three strips on the same day doing, say, golf jokes, but this was a stretch.

  128. TheDiva
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#95): I’m starting to think Brooke McEldowney is the spear counterpart to Lynn Johnston and Cathy Guisewite, both of whom “celebrated” women by painting them as neurotic, passive-aggressive, self-pitying, gossipy nags.

  129. commodorejohn
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Inuit names tend to be polysyllabic, though
    But…but…what about Quinn?

  130. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#58): Oh. Doesn’t look like that at first…

  131. Freakin Hemingwad
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#120): “dialogue” – is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  132. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#59): Now that you put it that way…

  133. Freakin Hemingwad
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#129): Ha, I misread that as “Quill”

  134. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#106): Yeah, but most newspapers won’t run Rex’s strip by its full title: Wibbly-Wobbly Timey-Wimey Rex Morgan M.D.

  135. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#129): We’ll just have to wait til he gets here.

  136. Shrug, Hiding Out
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    In 9CL, human beings have kidnapped a cow. Well, it happens, but I’m finding this depiction hard to believe, or to care about.

    In MARK TRAIL, human beings have kidnapped a human (sort of) child. Well, it happens, but I’m finding this depiction hard to believe, or to care about.

    In POOCH CAFE, a band of talking dogs have kidnapped another talking dog. Well, this never actually happens, but compared to the plot lines in 9CL and MT, I’m having no trouble at all accepting this as coherent, logical, and intriguing.

    Moral: Kidnap plots need more talking dogs. (No, not more cowbell this time.)

  137. Amos Snarkadder
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Pam’s as big a pain as her old man. But we knew that already. The asshole doesn’t fall far from the tree.

    MW: Hmm… Any guesses what Mother will say to Mary?

  138. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Vanya (#91): Actually, there are still Amtrak trains that go to New Hampshire. Some sort of state subsidy, possibly for all those people who watched “White Christmas” (although that was Vermont) and want to go to private resorts in the White Mountains.

  139. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#133): @commodorejohn (#129): Ha, I misread that as “Quill”

    It doesn’t matter. He said “Inuit” — not “idiot”!

  140. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#55): A whole new take on “Garfield Minus Garfield”.

  141. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#73): can we call the first album “Roadside”?

  142. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#78): Ha! That reminds me of graphitti I saw on a railroad overpass in Wisconsin once: “I Love You, Sweaty!!” Being Wisconsin I was never sure if it was mispelled or not.

  143. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#137): Preview of next week’s dialogue:

    Mother: No! I tell you no! I won’t have you bringing some old biddy in for supper! Shrimp scampi, I suppose, in the cheap, meddlesome fashion of spinster daughters with cheap, meddlesome minds!

    Norma Bates: Mother, please…!

    Mother: And then what? After supper? Conversation? Advice?

    Norma Bates: Mother, she’s just a neighbor. She’s friendly, and we’re new here!

    Mother: “Mother, she’s just a neighbor”! As if spinsters don’t desire meddlesome neighbors! As if… ohh, I refuse to speak of disgusting things, because they disgust me! You understand, girl? Go on, go tell her she’ll not be appeasing her ugly appetite with MY food… or my daughter! Or do I have tell her because you don’t have the guts! Huh, girl? You have the guts, girl?

    Norma Bates: Shut up! Shut up!

  144. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Hagar the Horrible — Proof that an Inuit could do a helluva lot worse than “Oog” for a name:

    http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/1/7/1/122171.jpg?v=1

  145. nescio
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Donald Saxman (#49): I find your lack of faith in Helga’s skills as a washerwoman disturbing.

  146. Baka Gaijin
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    I’m taking bets on when and where the next big Mary Worth Pontificat-a-thon begins.

    Margo Magee. She’s people who don’t need people except to “bathroom” when she’s out of town.

  147. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Phantom — Sobering proof that not everyone fares quite so well in a close encounter with a lion:

    http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2013/03/07/lion-mauls-intern-to-death-at-california-cat-haven

  148. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#144):

    See, that kid is an Eskimo after all! I nu it!

  149. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#108): *soaks term paper in Stoli*

    4.0!!!!

  150. Government Cheese
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: I can get someone to HeeeeeLLLLLLpppp you! Tom! OH TOM, bring your penis…er…hands down here and help these two ladies!

    By the way, Beth’s mother in panel one is probably the most frightening image I have seen in the MWsphere in some time. It’s as if they drew a grey alien and put Grand Moff Tarkin’s head on top. I think someone previously mentioned that she looks like Tarkin. Well that person is right. “Beth, you may fire when ready.”

    Archie: Ok, what’s going on here with the sweat bubbles? Is it just really hot in there, or is Archie jizzing through his head?

  151. saluki
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    In today’s Hagar rather than some lame joke about (I guess) igloos not having corners I think there is a more interesting premise. What is Hagar doing in an Inuit young lady’s abode in the middle of snow covered nowhere? The comic possibilities of how this scenario came to be are endless.

    How do I know the Inuit is female? Well she has the small upturned nose that some women but no men have in the Walker/Browne Comic Industrial Complex (god help me I spent minutes researching this).

    Also Oog is a lady name.

  152. Sequitur
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @saluki (#151): The masculine of Oog is Ogg.

  153. Here Come the Judge
    March 7th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Veronica, how do you expect me to concentrate when your book is no longer blocking your perky chest?

  154. Brave Little Toaster
    March 7th, 2013 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Hagar: Fun fact – Oog’s Inuit name for Hagar is, “The Walrus Who Walks on Two Legs.” Later in this exchange he’ll be thinking, “Soon my brothers, soon we will dine on his tasty flesh.”

  155. wossname
    March 7th, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#137):

    MW: Hmm… Any guesses what Mother will say to Mary?

    Well, working backwards, we know that Beth and Tom Harpman will end up together, after an appropriate amount of meddling. But first Moy will have to establish (as if she hadn’t already) that Mother is mean and Beth is browbeaten. So I predict that tomorrow, Mother says snottily and/or snootily to Mary, “We can handle our own bags, Madam!” while Beth casts a look of helpless embarrassment.

  156. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 7th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#55): I read Zits over lunch. My first thought was that Garfield‘s exclusive license on lasagna must have run out. Since lasagna is an identifiable foodstuff, Mary Worth is unaffected.

  157. Liam
    March 7th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth-No, it’s Ted Bundy. We figure one day you’ll crack and become a serial killer.

    Grand Avenue-”That rug tied the room together, did it not.”

  158. Marc
    March 7th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    MW- If we’re lucky, Mother will jab Mary with the sharpened end of her cane. Repeatedly.

  159. nescio
    March 7th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    It’s sexist to berate women for their looks, and silly to do so to a fictional woman comic strip character, but Veronica really looks like a pig when viewed from the side.

  160. DaveyK
    March 7th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    After choosing the improbable “Elite Fish Market” for the establishment’s name, I am frankly stunned that Heathcliff’s creative team had the self-control to avoid switching to a pun about eating fish from the best schools.

  161. Apocrypha
    March 7th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    MG&G: I’d love to play “THE GAM LIFE”.

  162. Apocrypha
    March 7th, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Mother” is the Bizarro Mary.

  163. commodorejohn
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Apocrypha (#161): It’s got a leg up on most other board games!

  164. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#6):

    So, um, here we have a couple of protagonists scheming against a hapless idiot for expressing interest in one of them.

    Pretty much cyberbullying 101, innit?

  165. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @DaveyK (#160): eating fish from the best schools

    Bwah!!

    Buyer beware still applies, as always. Just because a fish is Ivy League, don’t assume that label means anything. Avoid the Brown trout is what I am saying.

  166. KreatureFeatures
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: I’m guessing that before this Rusty kidnapping storyline is resolved, somebody ends up in the wood chipper.

  167. Sparkle Plenty
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    MT: I don’t think Mark knew of the last kidnapping. He wasn’t home long enough to hear about it. If only he would send Rusty to boarding school, this wouldn’t keep happening.

  168. tallyHO
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    snuffy smif What has Weezy wrought? Jughaid will now either quit playin’ the banjo or he will give the Holler a punk-a-billy version of the “Deliverance” song.

    apt3G Over the years, a young Johnny Carson probably said a version of the same thing to each of his three wives. Hi-yoooooo!

    mary worth Let’s see where we stand:
    The blue bag won’t get it self = it is not a magic bag. So, the new, old lady probably isn’t practicing witchcraft.
    However, based on her treatment of her daughter, she is practicing browbeating.
    Mary is offering someone else’s assistance. Nice, Mary! You spent weeks practicing cake carrying and now you want to shuffle off the chore of lifting to someone else.

    family circus I’ll leave the “Snow White” apples out of the picture….for now. This daddy is sick storyline has been going on for a while. Is that typical for the gag-a-day world of FC? I seem to recall a long visit to the mall but usually there’s a joke here and a joke there.

    slylock fox’s broken fun house mirror Reading from right to left:

    These boots were made for marching.
    These toots were made for honking.
    Then a drumroll for the ages.

    Hi&Lois in all seriousness, it is a good loose strip. The artwork is just enough. There is a casual approach to the drawing that makes it look slightly different from the normal ones. The joke is simple enough but is a good funny things kids say joke.

  169. Sequitur
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#166):

    …somebody ends up in the wood chipper.

    Since in the Mark Trail world names are often puns, it’ll probably be someone named “Woody.”

  170. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#169): The way this arc is going the guy’ll be named “Woody Chipman” or maybe “Sawfish”.

  171. Marc
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sparkle Plenty (#167): If only Mark would send Rusty to ANY school, this might stop happening.

  172. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Apocrypha (#162):

    Which makes sense since Mary Worth is the Bizarro Mary Tyler Moore.

    @Sequitur (#169): Chip Whittle put you up to this, didn’t he?

  173. Sequitur
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#170): Heh heh.

  174. Sequitur
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#172): And Rusty is the Bizarro, eh, Rusty!

  175. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#168):

    Mary is offering someone else’s assistance. Nice, Mary! You spent weeks practicing cake carrying and now you want to shuffle off the chore of lifting to someone else.

    Now that Mary is a champion thing-lifter, her rates are too high for most people to afford, but she is willing to hook them up with novices who are willing to do it for the practice.

  176. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#166): Rod Bassy wants to know where’s pancake house.

  177. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#172): Mary Worth is the Bizarro Mary Tyler Moore, then who plays Mr Grant, Ted Baxter, and Sue-Ann Nivens?

  178. Sequitur
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#177): I don’t know about the others but Wilbur is the Bizarro Murray.

  179. KreatureFeatures
    March 7th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

  180. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth — The blue bag belonging to Molly Hatchetface is a not-so-subtle reference to the “20 Shades of Blue” brouhaha over in Edge City.

    It’s about time Karen Moy sexed up the storylines in Mary Worth!

    In the next gripping storyline, Moy has Mary debate the merits of eating bread products vs. not eating bread products.

  181. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#177):

    Bizzaro Lou Grant – Wilbur
    Bizzaro Ted Baxter – Professor Cameron
    Bizzaro Murray Slaughter – Aldo

  182. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#178):

    Remember, it is Bizzaro world, so key character traits need to be reversed, while maintaining a physical similarity. So Bizzaro Lou is balding and stocky, but writes an advice column about sandwiches rather than running a newspaper/news station.

  183. Calico
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#176):
    Hahaha!
    “We go to pancakes house.”

  184. geogreg
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    MT: This strip should be renamed Rusty’s Camera, as all the action seems to revolve around it.

  185. tallyHO
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#172):

    This may seem very off-kilter but if that is so then I think the solution is that it needs a guest appearance by Bill Murray. I’m not certain how that would right the wrong that a Bizarro Mary Tyler Moore world exists but it would help it from getting all apocalyptic, somehow.

  186. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#177): I know its the wrong strip but would Bizzaro Chuckles the Clown have to be Clown-9 then???

  187. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @geogreg (#184): I’d like to see Rusty’s Camera as a spin-off strip, preferably with words and art by Ben Katchor of The Cardboard Valise and Julius Knipl, Real Estate Photographer fame*.

    *For certain values of “fame.”

  188. Ratiocinator
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Casino LF (#114):

    9CL: Okay, I’ll admit, I’m a shoddy bridesmaid. I hate being one, and all the dresses any bride picks SUCK, but is Edda trying to tell us that she … left in the middle of the ceremony? Because that is horribly awful.

    This is the kind of thing that, for whatever reason, doesn’t occur to me when I’m reading the strip, and need somebody to point it out to me. Anyway, now that’s it’s been pointed out by you, @Artist formerly known as Ben (#81), and @Vanya (#91), I have to agree.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#108):

    Just imagine what life would be like if teachers evaluated student papers based on how they taste!

    Okay, it would be awful. Absolutely awful.

    But how do you know until you try?

  189. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#188): ((takes a cautious nibble)) Blech! Ptui! I need some Potato-Ade to get the taste of bad thesis out of my mouth!

  190. Ratiocinator
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#189): Okay, I guess it’s better to do it the old-fashioned way.

    Too bad; it’d probably save a lot of time.

  191. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#188):

    So “the dog ate my homework” would no longer be an excuse, but a means of bragging? “He couldn’t keep his mouth off of my book report, teacher dude! He was eating it like it was an Asian kid’s math quiz!”

  192. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#189): “Hmmm… this essay tastes of 2 a.m., Mountain Dew and panic-sweat — C-plus … On this one I can barely taste the toner, so they probably have fiddled the margins and spacing to get to the page minimum — D-minus …”

  193. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#192): The risks would come from those soaked in Adderall and Five-Hour Energy Shots, with a piquant whiff of desperation.

  194. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#193): Hell, those are the kids what have IEPs and 504s, so you just save yourself the hassle that comes from holding them accountable and give’em B-pluses and move on.

  195. Calico
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#189):
    You sound like a synesthete! I’m a partial one. Bienvenue! : D

  196. Ratiocinator
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#191): Yeah! Of course, you’d probably need to film the dog doing it so they’d have more than your word on it, and then you’d have to explain why you didn’t stop the dog or at least tear off a scrap of paper for the teacher to taste as well, and maybe assignment-tasting is kind of like wine-tasting where you need to have a refined palate in order to distinguish good from bad which dogs (to the best of my knowledge) don’t…but I’m probably overthinking it.

  197. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#194): Not necessarily. Apparently, Adderall is a hot commodity among the students; in class today, a student who wrote about attention problems talked about a friend who was prescribed an ADHD medication and would skip doses and then sell them–or trade them for sex.

  198. Calico
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#193):
    Writing University-grade papers has always been a challenging task, but why all the Adderall and Ritalin and such? What happened to good old coffee?

  199. ralph
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Dennis: Margaret presumably doesn’t expect an answer to her question, but is just taking the opportunity, in league with Gina, to do a put down. The perspective greatly emphasizes the put down, as does Gina’s smug look. I like it that Gina is drawn in the “traditional” way rather than the just-another-little-kid way that seems to be standard the last few years. I strongly suspect that Ketcham’s death had a lot to do with the downgrading of Gina’s part in this comic. Hank loved Italy, and Gina was based upon The Gina, who was no bit player.

  200. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#198): Not entirely sure, but I suspect a few reasons: 1) It’s there and easily accessible, 2) students are so overloaded with information and stimuli that it really is quite difficult to focus, and 3) students now want to be ultra-efficient, cutting corners wherever possible to get as much work done as quickly as possible.

  201. Alison
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: Luann’s boomerang necklace is magical: it disappears and reappears, depending on whether it’s convenient to the plot. Just like her boyfriends.

    “Rex Morgan”: Can this Heather person spend some time lecturing Rex and June please? It would be good for them to try and learn a little gratitude, because the way things are now, they go into shock if they don’t get something free at least once a day.

    “Mary Worth”: I was going to snark on Mary for offering to go get help, instead of offering to help on her own, but then I remembered she could barely carry Mr. Dill’s cake to a table without grunting and groaning and sweating, so I realized that yeah, she probably can’t carry a suitcase.

  202. Calico
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#200):
    *Sigh*
    Tell them that even though properly nurtured, flowers do not grow and blossom in a day. : )

  203. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    What the h-e-double hockeysticks is going on here? Last week we spent a few days with a surprisingly taciturn Les, then he’s gone like a will o the wisp. But this issue goes beyond my own personal heartbreak; the very future of the LMFC,LLC is at stake.

    Membership is dropping rapidly. They say, “Why bother, Les is a slacker, I’ll take my hero-worship elsewhere.” Of course there’s still the hard-core true believers (mostly high school English teachers working on their novels and star-struck teenage girls experiencing their first encounter with sophistication) but they too may eventually be disillusioned. So Mr. Batiuk, get Les back into the picture. He’s your bread-and-butter too, you know.

    Although if you want to kill off Comix John, that will be OK. Just let Les be a part of it.

    Most pressingly yours,
    Susan Smith, President

  204. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action (#32): It’s got to be disposables, now that straight razors are making a come-back among the 20-30 something urban set. Probably whatever cheapo brand comes in a bulk bag at the local Walgreens, too.

  205. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#203):

    …then he’s gone like a will o the wisp…

    He vanished from view, enticing the curious and oblivious alike to follow him into the deep forest to their certain deaths? Sounds about right.

  206. Johnny Knuckles
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Arch’s realistic panel three response, “Veronica, how do you expect me to concentrate when I can now openly stare at your impressive rack?”

  207. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @geogreg (#184):
    “Rusty’s Camera”, Pilot Strip . Rusty stands in room staring blankly at large 1970′s era camera. Enter Jeff Bridges as Starman.

    Starman: Rusty, what is… kid-napp-ed?
    Rusty: Gosh Mr. Starman! It’s just what happens when you take pictures! You’ve got a lot to learn Mr. Starman! Can I take some pictures of your space ship Mr. Star Man?
    Starman: Up yours!

  208. Uncle Lumpy
    March 7th, 2013 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#203):

    I’m confident Les will be found tied up in the back of a van somewhere, with a rope in his smirk.

  209. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#208): Or insufferable prick Len. Meh, works for both….

  210. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 7th, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#81): 9CL – and eat cookies. Don’t forget the cookies.

  211. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 7th, 2013 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Public service warning: do not eat student papers. Who knows where they’ve been?

    //Seriously, wanting to avoid the little germ packets was a large part of why I encouraged electronic submissions. It’s horrifying to be handled one by a sniffling, pasty-looking and feverish student, and realize that the paper itself is damp. ::shudder::

  212. wossname
    March 7th, 2013 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#155): After much thought, I would like to amend my prediction about tomorrow’s MW, since obviously tomorrow will be an important day in terms of setting up the “plot”:
    Panel 1: Mary says (again), “Oh, hello! Would you like some help with your things? I can find someone to help you!”
    Panel 2: Beth, smiling: “Oh thank you, Ma’am! That would be lovely!”
    Mother, scowling: “No, we would not. In this family [glowering at Beth] we take care of ourselves and we don’t need any help from strangers!”
    Panel 3: Mary looks horrified and holds her hand to her face in the traditional Charterstone gesture of horrification.

  213. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#212): I think you are right. But when will we learn that “Mother” is actually Grand Moff Tarkin in disguise? i.e. Weeks Later: “And leave Charterstone at our moment of triumph? I think you underestimate Mary’s chances”. Ha, don’t bet on it honey…

  214. Zerowolf
    March 7th, 2013 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Why do a fear this will lead to Burbers In Chains

  215. Comrade Denny
    March 7th, 2013 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#213): “Don’t try to frighten us with your meddler’s ways, Mrs. Worth. Your sad devotion to prudish mores has not helped you keep Wilbur from overeating, or given you enough clout to have Charley Smith evicted…”

  216. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 7th, 2013 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#211): Oh, come on. It isn’t like the little gutter-snipes deliberately infect their papers in an effort to get you sick…

    OTOH, my former students are probably (1) smart enough, (2) angry enough, and (3) unemployed enough to try a little germ warfare…

  217. remmy
    March 7th, 2013 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#203): I think Crayola has been beating Les into submission – and that is a GOOD thing. Les talks less.

  218. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 7th, 2013 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#215): “I find your lack of faith… disturbing.”

  219. Zerowolf
    March 7th, 2013 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    FC: Because nothing keeps a Melonhead healthier and happier than the charred hearts of their victims.

  220. Zerowolf
    March 7th, 2013 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: And always remember that compared to being a Parker-Spencer-Driver, we are mere peasants.

  221. Zerowolf
    March 7th, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    JP: Abbey smiles fantasies of lacing impoverished people’s water supplies with dysentry dance through her head. Serves them right, being poor. Oh, charity? I suppose someone has to do it.

  222. Liam
    March 7th, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    MT-”Rusty never gets himself kidnapped two stories in a row.”

    Crankshaft-”This wood is better than the dead wood that lives with me.”

  223. Old Folkie
    March 7th, 2013 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#204): It’s also why Pluggers can never move out of their old houses, since they need that little slot in the medicine cabinet to dispose of the used razor blades.

  224. Mikey
    March 7th, 2013 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#215): Ha! Well played Comrade Denny. I hope there will be more opportunities to snark about Grandma Moff Tarkin. Alas, I predict we’ll only have 3 months tops. I guess WIlbur could be Vader but the breathing sounds are probably how he breathes all the time.

  225. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#212): Mary looks horrified and holds her hand to her face in the traditional Charterstone gesture of horrification.

    Do you think Susie MacNelly would mind if the creators of Mary Worth borrowed Shoe’s “Goggle Eyes Of Horror” just this once?

    Because I’ve always wanted to see Mary Worth’s eyes bulge out of her head like a Tex Avery character…

  226. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    Donald Duck — At least we now know what became of 10-foot tall “Cardiff Giant”: he moved to Duckburg and became a yacht salesman. Either that or the artist forgot Donald is supposed to be drawn larger than an ACTUAL duck:

    http://www.creators.com/comics/donald-duck.html

  227. The Frozen Disembodied Head of Walt Disney
    March 7th, 2013 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#226): Someone still reads Donald Duck? Excelsior!

  228. Ed Bob
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    MW–Kinda looks like Mary Gross and the Church Lady from SNL are going to do a hi-lar-i-ous skit with Mary!

  229. Government Cheese
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Hasn’t anyone noticed that with her boomerang necklace, it looks like she’s almost wearing the flag of Mauritania or the Maldives?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mauritania
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maldives

  230. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    Mickey Mouse

    Mutts in Disneyville look pretty much alike:

    http://www.creators.com/comics/mickey-mouse.html

    But how do you know that’s the ORIGINAL Pluto, Mickey?

    @The Frozen Disembodied Head of Walt Disney (#227): As you see, Uncle Walt’s Head, I also read “Mickey Mouse.” (And I look forward to seeing your majestic Giant Floating Head in a future Mary Worth strip!)

  231. The Frozen Disembodied Head of Walt Disney
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#230): Mary Worth? That old cronemudgeon! She still set up in that sweet Santa Royale condo I got for her in ’65? We did things that’d turn your hair white!

  232. The Frozen Disembodied Head of Walt Disney
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    And thanks for the Mickey shout out!

  233. Margo
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    I’m honestly shocked that I found that Heathcliff panel funny as well. The phrase “gutting me with your eyes” is genuinely amusing.

    Suddenly, my world is a more confusing place. Next thing you know, Bil and Thel will start engaging in clever banter, as if they were an encircled Dorothy Parker and Robert Benchley.

  234. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @Margo (#233): Next thing you know, Bil and Thel will start engaging in clever banter, as if they were an encircled Dorothy Parker and Robert Benchley.

    What fresh hell is this?

    // That’s my life in a quandary.

  235. commodorejohn
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Margo (#233): I especially like the way the strip takes a common expression for a particular context of uncomfortable stare (“undressing me with your eyes”) and turns it into something even more unsettling (actual, literal predation.) Bravo, Heathcliff.

  236. mary_worthless
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#29): Mikey, I think many of us here are, uh, perhaps just “this” side of sixty yrs. old. I mean, Uncle Lumpy titled one of his posts last wk after a song that was popular in about 1966 (“Along Comes Mary” by the Association). I thought I was one of the few that would recognize it.

  237. Sgt. Stoned
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Archie: The sweat balls mean that Archie is on amphetamines.

    BB: Not bad, but a fart would have been funnier.

    MT: “Rusty wouldn’t have run off without telling me…Rusty wouldn’t have left his camera unless something was wrong…oh, look drops of blood…Rusty wouldn’t be bleeding unless he were injured in someway or experiencing the stigmata…”

    MW: Two old ladies about to go at it , mano a mano…this is gonna be good!

  238. Poteet
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    ARCHIE — I had always thought of Archie as a rather handsome lad, but Panels Two and Three may have ruined that forever.

  239. tallyHO
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    I’m starting to believe that despite The Lockhorn’s vibrant social life being routinely documented in the strip, when they are shown in those situations they are actually socializing with therapists and counselors. Notice how the extras in the strips just seem to be listening and, in general, observing. And, maybe constantly judging, too.

  240. Huckleberry Fink
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#237): Sorry, but a gassy discharge from Sarge doesn’t pack the wallop of Gen. Halftrack’s smelly old feet (yesterday’s BB). Just ask Lt. Fuzz, who’s been an unwilling victim of both!

  241. Sequitur
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#237):
    and
    @Huckleberry Fink (#240):

    Is it possible you missed this? @Nehemiah Scudder (#120):

    Nehemiah Scudder may be too modest to point you in the right direction so I’ll shill for him this once.

  242. Peanut Gallery
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#Y340): There is opportunity to exercise individual talent as a DJ, but it doesn’t have to do with skill in operating the audio equipment. Back in the old old days, and even today on some non-commercial stations, DJs have been allowed to select which records to play, and in what order. There’s an art to that, and depending on the type of radio show you’re doing, it can be quite creative. But at the most basic level, it at least involves making sure you don’t transition directly from, say, a weepy song about the death of a celebrity, to an upbeat happy partying song. (Unless you’re just doing it to be perverse.) Maybe most people are too oblivious to notice, but I’ve heard some transitions that really made me gnash my teeth.

  243. Mr K Martin
    March 7th, 2013 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    HTH: Oog might not be the eskimo’s name. It’s possible that Hagar just said “Nice place you got here”, then threw up in his mouth.

  244. Majicou
    March 7th, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Hagar demonstrates the really incredible amount of racism you can get away with when the bulk of your target audience was born during Reconstruction.

    I’m drinking a honey bourbon, and it’s bloody amazing.

  245. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#241): Being a creature and Creator of Pure Art, naturally I disdain worldly praise and recognition — but thanks! Perhaps I can return the favor sometime.

  246. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#214): That is pretty horrifying!

    // What’s the background pic from?

  247. Chip Whittle
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    I’m really hoping Quill’s great idea turns out to be “let’s kidnap Rusty Trail”.

  248. Mr. O’Malley
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#69): From the usual source:

    In most of Australia, the primary and secondary school year typically lasts from late January or early February to mid-December, and is split into four terms:

    Term 1 starts in late January or early February and ends in late March or early April (often in close proximity to Easter).
    Term 2 starts in mid-to-late April and ends in late June or early July.
    Term 3 starts in mid-July and ends mid-to-late September.
    Term 4 starts in early-to-mid October and ends mid-December.

  249. Droopy Says
    March 7th, 2013 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#247): Here it is March and I’m still hewing to my New Year’s resolution not to read Luann . . . but I can guess Quill’s plan. He will let Tiffany finance his trip to the States, then humiliate her by telling her he never explicitly promised to be her boyfriend. Tiffany will deserve this because she paid for his travel expenses by landing a role in Sphincter of Zeyv, the arrogant witch. And once again she will wear a costume that should get the production company arrested en masse for sexually exploiting a minor.

  250. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 8th, 2013 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    SM: Faster! Work Faster!…Typical manager!

  251. Droopy Says
    March 8th, 2013 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Wouldn’t destroying Spiderboy and DullDevil be more of an engineering assignment? Is that a retort hanging free in the upper-left corner or is it a bongful of whatever the artist and writer have been smoking? Why not buy some drones, fit them with rifles, and use them to hunt down your targets? Then destroy the evidene by dumping them in the ocean?

    Funky Witlessbean: If Skunk Boy joins the Chamber of Commerce, he’ll have to discuss his business in detail. Like Crazy Harry’s perverted dance, and why he entices kids into the back room. The scary thought is, that could be SOP in Westview.

    Family Circus: Daddy wants a piece of Quiet? Subtly, the Keane neighborhood is escaping its Plugger-style “diversity.”

    Mock Travail: Logic flaw: Rod Bassy’s van was parked at the hotel. Rod Bassy has shown no means of land transportation other than the van, and has not been shown camping at the lake. Catfish was shown driving away from the hotel. Where has Bassy been staying?

    Pluggers: Did White-Out ever work on crayon?

    Phantom: “And then let’s figure out why we didn’t hear any screams and roars in the night!”

  252. Marmaduke Franz Ferdinand
    March 8th, 2013 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Aw yeah, Heathcliff gone get all up in dem guts

  253. tallyHO
    March 8th, 2013 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    Will Margo Magee make an honest man of Bond James Bond?

    Is Grampy’s cane as tall as Snuffy Smif?

    In Hi & Lois, is making the gagline: Hi gesturing as if he’s playing a trumpet and making the sound, “Wah Wah” going for a cheaper joke?

    Is the Legendary Fountain of Girth something which was discovered by Paunch de Leon? (just curious. it isn’t comics related)

    Will Dagwood discover Redonckulousness? Or will his son successfully convince him the synonym for it is saying “My Pastrami has a first name…” and following it up by spelling two consecutive words that both end in -W-O-O-D?

    Will Slylock Fox’s Slowly Waking Up From a Hangover Only To See a Frightening Hallucination work as a weekly feature?

    Will the Keane Kids Jamboree Bunch ever get to practice their chops again or will they break up when Winona Ryder’s hypothetical daughter starts having playdates with Billy?

    Will Mary Worth introduce the accusatory question asker to someone who responds, “Hell, I know ‘er!”?

    Will Mark Trail sharing his thoughts with a giant bird result in Rusty not being used as bait in a shark tank at the local zoo?

    Are the Kingpin’s “scientists” just making a brand new comic strip which doesn’t feature Spiderman or Daredevil and then issuing a research paper with the findings proving their hypothesis of how while sometimes crime does not pay, making a slightly less lame superhero comic strip can be considered a “win” over a bad comic strip’s characters?

    Will I admit to truly being serious about any of these queries, even the ones with vague references?

  254. Baka Gaijin
    March 8th, 2013 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    And introducing Elinor, the new wacky neighbor with patented FingerPointing Action!

    Back in the Chevy Van with the optional Tardis interior, Bassy and Catfish think Rusty saw “everything.” Little do they know that not only does Rusty look like a marionette, he has the memory of one too.

    I’ll be the first one to say it: “More sciencing, mules!”

    When the future Mr. Bond and Margo get to the roof of the Empire State Building, we’ll find out Margo has hidden wing flaps when Bond pushes her over the edge and she glides gracefully to the nearest Starbucks.

  255. jnik
    March 8th, 2013 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    FW: “You should join because you and I own the only two private businesses in this town”!

  256. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 8th, 2013 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#216): Oh, I never thought it was deliberate. (After all, a lot of them were parents, so them getting germs from their kids was pretty much inevitable.) It was more disgusting than anything else, and I washed my hands regularly when grading.

  257. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 8th, 2013 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    MW: Meddle-Off! Meddle-Off!

  258. Fashion Police
    March 8th, 2013 at 3:13 am [Reply]

    We really are beginning to wonder what is going on in Apartment 3-G. What took place between panel 1 and panel 2 to cause Miss Magee to change her turtleneck for a man’s shirt? And why is her actor friend (Mr. Cooper is it?) wearing a woman’s shirt? Either there is some peculiar subtext here, or Mr. Bolle has gone completely off the rails.

  259. Dub Not Dubya
    March 8th, 2013 at 3:49 am [Reply]

    Hey, it’s an old-timer here just stopping in with an observation. I haven’t been following the comments, but I did do some quick searches, and I’m really surprised to find that no one else has pointed out that Mary Worth’s new neighbor is clearly Paulie Walnuts from the Sopranos, under witness protection. I mean, look, it’s definitely the same person:

    http://www.celebitchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/paulie-walnuts2.jpg

    Maybe this means the syndicate (see what I did there?) is finally tired of Mary Worth and is going to put an end to her once and for all? Nah…we all know Mary will meddle poor Paulie to death before that happens!

  260. Zla'od
    March 8th, 2013 at 5:21 am [Reply]

    Isn’t it true that Eskimo hospitality requires Oog to offer Hagar the services of his (Oog’s) wife for the night?

    PS. “Hagar” is not actually a Viking name either. At least not for men…

  261. Boophilus
    March 8th, 2013 at 5:58 am [Reply]

    Luann: Luann bitches and moans about her rival and her situation. Quill – to his credit – actually does take some actions (getting a job to save up money for a plane ticket). Meanwhile Tiffany finds a pretty good short-term solution. And she’s supposed to be a stupid one.

    I’m a TV Tropes junkie, so I had to relate:
    Villains Act, Heroes React
    “That’s the problem with heroes, really. Their only purpose in life is to thwart others. They make no plans, develop no strategies. They react instead of act. Without villains, heroes would stagnate. Without heroes, villains would be running the world. Heroes have morals. Villains have work ethic.”
    —Narration from The Last Avengers Story

  262. Gerry
    March 8th, 2013 at 6:37 am [Reply]

    Never mind the Eskimo, look at the racial stereotyping of Vikings as red-beared, wearing ahistorical horned helmets, and interested only in murder and pillage. Isn’t it amazing how much you can get away with when the target is white and the bulk of your target audience are PC automatons?

  263. gleeb
    March 8th, 2013 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    Bizarro: Well, I think Jerry would give the cat a hotfoot, then scurry out to the kitchen, pick up a skillet larger than himself, and wait around the corner for Tom to run into it.

    ‘shaft: Ed is an idiot. And it’s kind of dull. Go Gutman!

    ‘bean: Is it really a chamber of commerce if there are only three remaining businesses in Cancerdeathville? I’m counting the Toxic Taco, against whose vote fat failure Funky wants to recruit granny-cheatin’ John. And John, for once, is right; just who is the owner of a tiny comic-book shop above a lousy pizza joint going to “network” with, even if there were more viable businesses in town?

    Between Fiends: And the luggage saga ends (I hope) with a celebration of payola.

    Dick: Instead of extending the Moon story, as I knew by now they wouldn’t, we get the beginning of the tale of the nefarious Jumble Jeff!

    Thorp: The Peacock has failed them!

    Spidey: Shouting at researchers like galley slaves has always been the key to spurring scientific breakthrough.

  264. Hogenmogen
    March 8th, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Kingpin is putting a lot of resources into hiring science-y guys to do… something to destroy two costumed idiots that are relatively harmless unless directly challenged (such as by shooting a missile at them). Seems like a long way to go to invent bullets.

    Say what you want about Gus Fring, but his lab was a kick-ass money maker.

  265. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 8th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Bizarro: it is known that cats follow Meerclar, not The White Man’s Jesus.

    Blondie: bouf!

    JUMBLE: Michigander SAAAAAA-LUTE!!!!

    Mutts: *golf clap* fwip fwip fwip

    PMP: would have been better with a jar of leeches on the counter.

    Retail: I know that guy.

    Frazz: tries to be Pastis. fails.

    A&J: season-shifted win!

    AD: yeah, he got probed.

    LaCuc: not nearly enough of them would. that’s part of the problem.

    PBS: yes, yes it does.

    SBp: ewwww. ew ew ew.

  266. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 8th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . the little naked guy from Nantucket. . . .

  267. The Ridger
    March 8th, 2013 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#57): Hah! My bulldog would fetch once. The second time she just wouldn’t bring it back (you threw it away, it’s mine). If you wrestled it away from her and threw it again, she just looked at you.

  268. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 28th, 2013 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    In the drawing room of historic Bilgewater Castle. Present: Viscount Bilgewater, Dick Tracy, Chief Patton, Vitamin Flintheart, Sam Catchem, George Takei, Theremin the Butler.
    BILGEWATER. Chief Patton, Detective Tracy, we meet again. Theremin, better open the window. The insurance company is getting huffy about the glazier bills.
    THEREMIN. Yes, my lord.
    CHIEF. Lord Bilgewater, do you own a red bandanna?
    BILGEWATER. Why, yes. How did you know?
    FLINTHEART. (whispering) Dick! Wossname also has a red bandanna!
    TRACY. (whispering) Quiet, Vitamin. It’s her birthday, she could know nothing about the Affair of the Dubious Scimitars!
    CATCHEM. We have our ways, Lord B.
    TRACY. Quiet, Sam! And put out that cigarette.
    CHIEF. Do you recognize THIS, sir!
    BILGEWATER. I… I… Yes. That is a scimitar, of dubious origin and even more dubious quality. Careful, that blade could snap like melba toast!
    TRACY. Right, and where would you find such a defective blade.
    BILGEWATER. Must… must I tell? George, this hurts me, but…
    TAKEI. (grabs scimitar) Stand back coppers! Don’t make me use this!
    CHIEF. No! George… you’re a star! You don’t have to do this!
    Blade falls out of hilt of sword, striking Takei in foot. He screams in agony, and falls out open window.
    FLINTHEART. Why, Great Ceasar’s Ghost! The blade fell out of the hilt, pierced his foot, and he fell out the window!
    THEREMIN. Mr. Takei is still screaming, Lord Bilgewater. Should I attempt to succor him?
    CHIEF. Too late… Too late.
    TRACY. Him of all people. He should have known better. Crime doesn’t pay.
    CATCHEM. Yep. And never wear a red shirt on set.
    [ALL] (Laughter).
    (Theme music)
    ANNOUNCER. Join us next week when Federated Lard again presents Dick Tracy, Radio Detective, on most of these stations, when Dick asks:
    TRACY. How are the otters today, Rusty?
    CHORUS. ♫ Lard lard lard lard lard
    It makes you brave!
    It makes you hard!
    Naturally gluten free! ♫
    ANNOUNCER. Federated Lard, the brand of lard that makes you hard!
    And stay tuned for musical adventure, as Echos with John Diliberto presents Calvin’s Cardboard Box and Diarrhetic Zebra

Comments are closed for this post.