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“Friend of Mark Trail”? Come on, Rusty doesn’t have friends

Mark Trail, 3/9/13

OK, fine, I’ve been ignoring it all week, but yes, Rusty was snooping around Rod Bassy’s van and saw the cheating-at-fishing equipment and got caught and now has been tied up, and, I mean, it’s hilarious and all but it’s not exactly a surprise, is it? The best part here is that Rod Bassy is reacting to the fact that his friend/accomplice Catfish has, you know, forcibly kidnapped a child with irritation that this will complicate his plan to rig the outcome of yet another bass fishing tournament, rather than with mounting panic and despair a là William H. Macy in Fargo. I mean, really, the tied-up little boy is in a van with Rod’s name painted in enormous letters on the side! You know, there’s a reason child kidnappers usually use vehicles without distinguishing marks.

Mary Worth, 3/9/13

Carlos Alora is the Charterstone groundskeeper and he hasn’t been seen in years, like, not since I started reading this strip in 2002 or thereabouts. Now they’re misspelling his name, which is more insulting than just dropping him down the memory hole. JUSTICE FOR CARLOS! WE CAN HEAR THE DOUBLE L WHEN YOU PRONOUNCE IT, MARY!

Shoe, 3/9/13

Man, can you believe it’s been four years since the rebooted Star Trek movie came out? Which means it’s probably been about three and a half years that Shoe’s been sitting on this joke, but now at last it’s relevant! Wasn’t it worth the wait? (No, no it wasn’t.)

Six Chix, 3/9/13

“Good lord, that was a filthy fuckfest, in every sense of the word! I had sex with a lot of men that weekend, but your father was the only one whose name I learned. Of course, that was only after we had done it five or six times. Hey, where are you going?”

235 responses to ““Friend of Mark Trail”? Come on, Rusty doesn’t have friends”

  1. NonnyMus
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth has been steadily forcing Beth and Elinor back away from the building and now she’s standing between them and it. Welcome to Charterstone Condominium Complex, Beth and Elinor!!

  2. Hammster
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Holey moley, just how big is that van that grown men can stand up inside of it and based on the sense of scale are standing at least 6 feet away from Rusty.
    Or maybe they’re all just really tiny people.

  3. Old Folkie
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    MT: Mark is too embarrassed to admit Rusty is his adopted son – so he introduces him as his “friend.”

    MW: “Don’t interfere with my slave – er – daughter!”

  4. Ratiocinator
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MT: The pink salamander (or whatever kind of lizard that is) represents…um…Rod Bassy’s cheating, and the green salamander pleadingly asking “Hey, wanna fuck?” represents…how Mark will fuck up Rod’s plans to cheat, I guess.

    ASM: Spider-Man has this guy scared? Really?

    9CL: This seems like sexual harassment, except Sven is cool with it, so maybe it isn’t? Is she going to hire him back right after their date, and then fire him again before their next one? Why go through the charade at all?

    Twinkly seems to be rolling her eyes in panel one. Who can blame her?

    Luann: Oh okay, it turns out that Quill isn’t planning on doing this to humiliate Tiffany after all, but Luann is. So yeah, kind of a bitch.

  5. Little Blue Bicycle
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn’s long-lost mother looks just like her, but gee, Granny Phyllis Schlafly is brutal.

  6. Liam
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    A3G-And if Margo says no Greg will jump.

    Spiderman-I’m sleeping with Spiderman’s wife. At least she says she’s his wife.

    Crankshaft-”That’s a great idea. Why don’t you mess with those power lines.”

    JP-Abbey wants to ride Thalia like a horse.

    JP 2-And cue the porn music.

    Love Is-I’ve heard of cyber sex and phone sex but never tweet sex.

    MW-”I’m not letting you come in here until you acknowledge me as your savior and will do what I command you to do.”

    MT-Mark will pay you handsomely for Rusty and he’ll pay you double if you kill Rusty.

    Sally Forth-Sally’s sister is pregnant with the child of her mortal enemy. I thought Ted was going to be the first one to crack and have to be locked up.

  7. btown
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MW: Now I remember where I saw Elinor before

  8. Liam
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    @Hammster (#2):

    The van’s from Gallifrien Autos. They are bigger on the inside.

  9. Doctor Handsome
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Wow, it’s crazy how differently today’s Mark Trail plays, depending on whether you’re listening to “Lucy in the Sky (with Diamonds),” or “In the Air Tonight” while you read it.

  10. Friend of Mark Trail
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    SixChix: if mom was meeting guys at Woodstock, which was in 1969, that makes her about 63 years old. Maybe this should have been a Plugger joke instead.

  11. Liam
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    MW-”I’m sorry but you can’t move in until I get one of the unseen maintenance men to bring in your things.”

  12. Bluerosebud
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Mary, you just spent weeks practicing solely to lift a heavyweight cake over what appeared to me several miles to a display table. Yeah, you just play the weak old woman card and get Carlos.

  13. debussy fields
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    MT– Another subliminal Rorschach inkblot from the pen of Elrod in the back of the pink salamander. I see a man continually striving to be upstanding and magnanimous in spite of an ever-growing inner tornado of sexual frustration and repressed anger toward an overprotective, domineering, long-dead mommy. Marrrrrk Trrrrailllll!!!!

  14. Ed Dravecky
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    At least Shoe spared us the “Klingons orbiting Uranus” joke that was tired by the time I was in elementary school. (Or maybe they’re saving that for the big Sunday strip.)

  15. Johnnycakes
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    I can’t be the only one who took Spanish in 7th grade, right? If the name is Spanish, L vs LL would be pronounced differently. Think “Alora” vs “Ayora”.

    Tune in tomorrow for my note on “ser” vs “estar”.

  16. Grossman
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Shoe- Given that the new Star Trek movies are set in an alternate timeline in which both the Romulans and the Klingons are enemies of the Federation, it’s likely that the joke was initially written sometime in the 90s, when the TNG movies were coming out, as at that point the Klingons had developed an alliance with the Federation while relationships with the Romulans were frosty. Either that or the dude who writes Shoe doesn’t know much about Star Trek. I don’t know which possibility I find sadder.

  17. RavenHawk
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    ASM: While Larry David tries to escape the syndicate, the scientist in the background is wondering, “How much for the gourd?”

    Mary Worthless: Steve Buscemi has really let himself go.

  18. Matthew
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    *sense

  19. Crankenstank
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    This just in : Jeff MacNelly is still dead.

  20. Col. Havoc
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Yep. No body. No bones, no blood in the cage, no leftovers, whatsoever. Just one really fat lion. Dumbest. Villains. Ever.

  21. Shran
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    MW: Is that a third eye forming between Elinor’s eyebrows?! My God! Could Mary have finally met her match? Do I really care? No, not really.

    Shoe: I got to hand it to ya, Shoe. That joke was almost as bad as the movie.

    MT: Catfish’s expression really troubles me. It’s like he desperately needs to shit but enjoys the sensation too much to actually seek out a toilet. This is one depraved man!

  22. Horace Broon
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    A3G: Greg has a really important question to ask Margo, and he’ll be very upset if the answer is no. “Are you actually doing any publicity work for me? Because it seems like you aren’t.”

    ASM: “I thought we were going to be fighting a real superhero! Going up against Spider-Man is just embarassing!”

    FC: Hurrah, the storyline’s over! And before we got to “While Daddy’s sick, Billy draws the strip.”

    JP: This is one of those “The creators must be in on the joke” moments.

    S4th: Take yer bets! The smart money’s on Jackie, of course, but it might be worth taking a long shot on Laura.

  23. Liam
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft-That’s it, Cranky, fight the power lines.

  24. Neil J Murphy
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    “…in every since of the word”

    Huh? Did you mean ‘sense’? Relying a bit too hard on your spellcheck these days?

  25. sully
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    In keeping with its recent self-congratulatory style, today’s ADAM @ HOME informs us that it’s ‘punch-line’ is ‘Comedy Gold’, apparently, the new term for forced, clumsy, labored, bland drivel.

  26. Nomstrosity
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Actually, Star Trek: Into Darkness will be released May 17th, 2013, so Shoe is terrifyingly up-to-the-minute. Whether it’s because they are actually up-to-date or just so far behind that it’s a lucky coincidence cannot be known.

    I realize that citing my knowledge of upcoming Star Trek movies as a response to a riff about a dying newspaper comic (while watching an old MST3K episode in the background) is likely the geekiest thing I’ve done all week, and I’m comfortable with that.

  27. Rusty
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    MT: I guess kidnapping was just a misdemeanor when the original strip was drawn. After the weigh-in and the trophies are handed out, they will just drive Rusty to the edge of town and let him go.

  28. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    MT: Please throw Rusty back into the lake please throw Rusty back into the lake…

    GT: I don’t want to alarm anyone, but Milford just made the play-downs.

  29. tb4000
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    6Chix: I like how the teen daughter’s body language turns from open to cringing horror when she learns that her bespectacled mother only had her due to her dad’s penis randomly finding her vagina in a mudhole.

  30. els
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    “It really wouldn’t be a problem for me to get you some help. I… I won’t help you myself, of course. Mary Worth carries cakes. Mary Worth carries all the world’s knowledge. Mary Worth carries the solution to every problem ever faced. But a suitcase? Get fucking serious.”

  31. Mibbitmaker
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    MW: Beth, have you ever heard of Christina Crawford…?

    FW: Disease, decrepit, it’s all de same.

    HotC: Oh no, she’s going all Danae Pyle on us! Go back to math class and learn what equal means, Heartless of the City!

    MT: “No, I don’t need any car insurance! Go away!”
    (far more interesting than the same-old same-old main plot)

  32. Dave
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Shoe – The Perfessor is making a Star Trek reference while blithely wearing an uncharacteristic red shirt. Is this foreshadowing some bird-based tragedy?

  33. seismic-2
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Margo, I have a question to ask you. As my publicist, do you think my acting career would be more successful if, in the next panel, I change myself into George Hamilton?”

    ASM: Don’t ever go to this clinic. When the doctor in the background examines your prostate, he really examines your prostate.

    RMMD: Considering that the Morgan’s 2-day trip to San Diego started last August, this plane flight back could take enough time for Heather and Sarah to read aloud all of David Copperfield, Nicholas Nickelby, and A Tale of Two Cities. Twice.

    S4th: Ralph, you stud!!!

    MW: (I’m sort of repeating myself from the end of yesterthread, but today it’s even more apparent, so please forgive me.) Beth and Elinor were just background characters a year ago, when Elinor was still a man. However, then as now, they were played by a mugging Carol Burnett and Harvey Korman (now in drag).

  34. bbofun
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Luann- Ladies and gentlemen, your heroine.

    A3G-This seems to be leading to Greg proposing- the question is, how will this work out?
    A)Margo says yes, but they’re going to wait until after he’s finished filming, and he dies while filming a stunt?
    B) Margo says yes, but they’re going to wait until after he’s finished filming, and then she gets jealous of the time he’s spending with Skyler, and believes the tabloid reports, and they break up?
    C) Margo wants to say yes, but worries about her career, it turns out Greg is old-fashioned, and expects her to give up her career, they break up?
    D) Margo says no, it’s too soon, Greg jumps off the roof?
    E) Margo says no, Greg tries to throw her off the roof, falls off himself?
    F) Margo says yes, but Greg falls off the roof anyway?
    G) Greg’s not proposing at all, and this has been a big misdirect?

    FW- Crazy Harry was masturbating with the book, wasn’t he?

    Plus, always great to see Funkizens having compassion-”Ah, that’s too bad about him having a stroke- say, that reminds me of a joke (or at least something remotely resembling one).”

  35. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @billman (#Y79): Robert Griffin III, rookie quarterback for the Washington Redskins

    Oh, thanks. And afflicted with “bambi legs”, poor fellow, I see!

  36. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    9CL. FW, RMMD are all tied for biggest OFFS of the day. *gets out the dynamite*

    Frazz: smart lad.

    A&J: Arlo, Jeff T. Shark (of all people) beat you to that joke years ago.

    GF: protip: the ultrasonic devices don’t work.

    HotC: burrrrrrrrrrrrrn.

    LaCuc: ouch! well played, sir.

    Lio: *furious applaz*

    R&R: also has a Peanuts gag today. Not as funny as Lio, but still well done.

    SBp: weak tech gag is weak.

    Bizarro: /facepalm.

    DT: AKBR! AKBR! AKBR!

    MG&G: *slap*

    Retail: guest-starring Sequitur.

  37. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .sexting, 140 characters or less.

  38. TheDiva
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    MT: “Trail will never suspect the very people his creepy ward was so eager to investigate would be responsible for his disappearance!”

    MW: The Anti-Mary has appeared! Armageddon is upon us!

  39. pugfuggly
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    MT Luckily for our villains, the northern part of the state is home to the enormous magenta salamander, which should help them take care of the evidence, provided that Rusty doesn’t use his defensive stink glands or hypnotic ‘rusty-gaze’.

    MW Hmmm…heavy bags, a frightened woman and her secretive, angry ‘mother’. I wonder if Albert Camus had anything to say about what one should do upon discovering a meth lab?

    Shoe I was going to ask where Roz was, but it occurred to me that since the diner has no walls, the Perfesser and Mr Wizard can really go any time, whether they get food service or not. And obviously they do, just to share witticisms like this one! Well, I think Mr Wizard is just there for the wi-fi, and his silence tells me he’d probably rather be there alone.

    6Cx “That was the weekend I did so much acid, I completely lost my ability to judge perspective. I’m sure this table looks flat to you, but to me…”

  40. bbofun
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Friend of Mark Trail (#10): They could mean Woodstock 2 (aka Woodstock ’94), the 25th anniversary concert- which would be lame, but it is Six Chix, so…

  41. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Friend of Mark Trail (#10): SixChix: if mom was meeting guys at Woodstock, which was in 1969, that makes her about 63 years old. Maybe this should have been a Plugger joke instead.

    And her daughter, complaining about guys, amirite, is in her forties.

  42. Joe
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    DFe4 I hope those 1970s lapels on Mr. Biddle’s jacket don’t catch in the meat grinder.

    POOG Is she still squirting that fluid? I guess that’s why she keeps moaning “Gee Wilikers.”

    LKF I’ve seen freight cars with bigger wheels.

    Zillo Snell is still drawing Bipsie without the trademark unibrow. Messing with an icon.

  43. Little Blue Bicycle
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#39): “Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and we’ll get to a phone and call the police.”–Albert Camus

  44. Zerowolf
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    MW: It would be wonderful if Elinor organizes a Charterstone coup d’meddle, driving Mary onto the mean streets of Santa Royale, where she spends her last days struggling to survive selling apples.

  45. TheDiva
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    9CL: Well, if your goal is to make Amos and Edda look like a healthy, functional couple, you’re on the right track.

    A3G: “You do realize you’re at the top of an ordinary brownstone apartment and not the Empire State Building, right?”

    C’shaft: All those grill explosions can’t be good for the power lines. I’m just sayin’.

    FW: It’s funny because death stalks them at every moment.

    Luann: Simply stuffed with inner beauty, I tell you!

    Pluggers can’t summon up the energy to change the television channel.

    SM: The “villain kills the reluctant employee” cliche would be the most action this strip has seen in weeks.

  46. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

  47. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Grossman (#16): … [e]ither that or the dude who writes Shoe doesn’t know much about Star Trek. I don’t know which possibility I find sadder.

    You find it sad that someone might not know much about Star Trek? How interesting. I find it sad that there are many people out there — you will scarcely credit this! — who don’t know much about slide rules. Omnia mutantur nos et mutamur in illis.

  48. Inkwell
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Josh: the next Star Trek movie does come out in a couple months. Franchises don’t end, silly!

  49. Virgil
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#47):

    Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur.

  50. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Bizarro — Gee, doc, does this mean Fred Flintstone can start doing the “Flat Foot Floogie”* with Wilma?

    *The 1938 jazz song “Flat Foot Floogie (With a Floy Floy)” was originally written and performed by Slim Gaillard. However, the original song title was “Flat Foot FLOOZIE (With a Floy Floy)” — the latter term being contemporary slang for a venereal disease.

    Eventually, Gaillard found it necessary to change the word “floozie” to “floogie,” so the censors would allow “Flat Foot” to be played on the radio. The same censors didn’t catch the obvious reference to a venereal disease, however — the “floy floy” was left intact!

    And if Fred Flintstone has a venereal disease, having flat feet are the LEAST of his problems.

  51. Stroker Ace
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    MW – Whitey Bulger moves in.

  52. Baka Gaijin
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Elinor CatButtFace doesn’t want anyone to handle her grips full of homemade tomato preserves and severed heads.

    I’d rather follow the adventures of “Skink and Slink, the Salamander Pair” than Rod Bassy and Co.

  53. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Long Story Short — Why don’t you let the poor guy take a break? Because he looks a little FLUSHED to me:

    http://www.creators.com/comics/long-story-short.html

  54. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Virgil (#49): Rem acu tetigisti!

  55. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#50): And I was afraid I wouldn’t learn anything today!

  56. Illustrator Steve
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Virgil (#49): “Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum vidtur.”

    Okay, but if you do, you clean it up!

  57. Illustrator Steve
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#54): “Rem acu tetigisti”

    answer #1: Okay, but if you do you clean it up!
    answer #2: Betcha I can beat you in a game of Dominooooes!

  58. Master Softheart
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    6C: Woodstock having taken place 44 years ago, mom looks good and/or had a daughter rather late in life. Good that people who met groping in the mud at Woodstock formed such happy, stable, and long-term relationships – looks like twice-divorced Newt Gingrich really was wrong about the defective “family values” of the counterculture left of the 1960′s.

    Or, well, maybe she attended Woodstock and hooked up with some guy while in grade school, which I suppose would give a superficial plausibility to the complaint about eroding traditional values, but if she and her husband have stayed together ever since the 5th grade, I say more power to them.

  59. Illustrator Steve
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    MT – “Let’s not do anything with the kid until after the tournament!”

    (catfish) “Okay…..but WHAT should we do with him after the torunament?”

    (rusty) “TAKE HIM FISHING….TAKE HIM FISHING….TAKE HIM FISHING!”

  60. Shran
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: That electric man has got to be the most easy-going guy in the Funky-verse. Anybody else would undoubtedly jump at the chance to kill the bastard if he offered them a chance like that on a silver platter.

  61. Illustrator Steve
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    MT – “…I wonder if Trail knows anything?”

    A question pondered by Psychologists, Paleontologists, educators and even Mark Trail’s Sunday School Teacher for more than sixty years!

  62. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#48): Franchises don’t end, silly!

    Thank goodness!

    When’s the next Carry On movie due?
    I could use a laugh or two.
    Or maybe another Torchy Blaine,
    Or Doc Zach Smith, “The pain, the pain!”
    Mr. Moto, or Charlie Chan?
    Or a new Thin Man, with elan!
    Just, no more comic strip re-do’s –
    Another Garfield, I cannot use.
    A Hammer Dracula would delight,
    But not, God-help-us, another Twilight!

  63. Illustrator Steve
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    MT – “JUST GREAT! I’m one day away from winning the bass tournament and now THIS! WHAT A MESS…just LOOK at it! Cookie crumbs, candy bar wrappers, arrowheads and pawn shop receipts all over the floor of my van…EVERYWHERE! This is ONE sloppy kid!”

  64. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#57): “Okay, but if you do you clean it up!”

    I wonder…

    Bene si feceris mundabit eam.

    Yes! It does look better in Latin!

  65. Bill Peschel
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, Cosmo is advising Beetle to frag Sarge. Time for a reboot of “Platoon.”

  66. VikingKitty
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#58):March 9th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    6C: Woodstock having taken place 44 years ago, mom looks good and/or had a daughter rather late in life. Good that people who met groping in the mud at Woodstock formed such happy, stable, and long-term relationships – looks like twice-divorced Newt Gingrich really was wrong about the defective “family values” of the counterculture left of the 1960?s.

    Or the mom had tons of anonymous sex, mistook it for romance, and kept getting plastic surgery while eventually adopting a late in life child, on a sad attempt to ‘have it all’ ? Given the narcissism of some boomers I’ve known that’s at least as plausible

  67. Majicou
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Grossman (#16): You don’t even need to know that much about Star Trek to know that they’re not going to have two third parties duke it out at the climax of the movie while our heroes watch from the sidelines. But that’s overthinking this 3rd-grade humor anyway.

  68. Illustrator Steve
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    MT – That van must have an adjustable cieling height for Rod and Catfish to be standing up inside of it like that since they couldn’t possibly be looking in at Rusty through the open side of the van since THE VAN HAS NO DOORS!

  69. Alice
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Six Chix: That punchline was the last thing the daughter would ever hear, because she immediately ruptured her own eardrums lest mom offer up any more reminiscences about her “free love” activities.

    Luann: On the basis of strips like today’s, it’s tempting to suspect that in fact we ‘Mudges have been misreading the comic all along, that Luann is supposed to be an unsympathetic, unlikeable protagonist. (Because how, rationally, can anyone like and identify with someone who clearly values her sort-of boyfriend only as a means of tormenting and humiliating another girl who wants but can’t have him?) But then I recall that both Greg and Karen Evans repeatedly and proudly tout Karen as “the real Luann.” And I… well, I got nothing.

  70. Illustrator Steve
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    MT – (Catfish): “WHOOA! Wouldja LOOK at that huge pink Salamander basking in the sunhine over there out in the open like that!”
    (Rod Bassy): “Okay, wise ass! So I forgot to zip up my fly!”

  71. Illustrator Steve
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    MT – “The kid is a friend of Mark Trail…”
    “THAT would explain a LOT!”

  72. Sparko Heaps
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#22):

    The smart money is on Jackie, but I’m hoping for Hilary.

  73. Illustrator Steve
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    MT – “I’ve got it! After the tournament we will take this van with the kid tied up inside of it and drive over to the van dealership and trade this sucker in on a brand spanking new van!”
    “WHAT about the kid tied up inside of it?”
    “He should get us at least another hundred or so towards the trade in value of this old heap!”

  74. Inkwell
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#62):
    We’ll do Carry On with dullard Americans
    The actors so dull and the humor barbarian
    Torchy Blane will wear nothing but leather swimsuits
    Toting guns and wooing men in this edgy reboot
    Random CGI will be sprinkled throughout
    That’s the one thing a film can’t be made without
    As for comic strip movies, we’re making billions!
    A brand new Garfield– and its star? Robin Williams
    Dracula, well, chicks dig the necromantic
    Can Hammer make something for teenage romantics?

    Yes, we’re remaking everything, unfresh and unfunny
    No one will like it, but we’ll keep making money

  75. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#55): You know Latin — that’s impressive in and of itself.

  76. Fred Wertham Jr.
    March 9th, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#51): Whitey Bulger hiding out in an apartment in Southern California? That could never happen.

  77. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#62): [re:Torchy Blaine] Unfortunately, they don’t make ‘em like Glenda Farrell anymore:

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HeYQ6lZCyRc/T3olPd51BOI/AAAAAAAABEs/dcqWR9JgozM/s1600/Glenda3.jpg

  78. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

  79. Virgil
    March 9th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64):

    Hocine tibi habeas iocum?
    Melius? Verum est.
    Non omnia jocosam est linguam latinam.

  80. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#74): Effulgent!

    (I wouldn’t mind seeing young Glenda Farrell in a leather swimsuit.)

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#77):

    // Mea culpa. I misspelled Torchy Blane! @Rocky Stoneaxe (#75):

  81. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#8): Nice Doctor Who reference, by the way. (Did you know “Great Gallifrey Daniels!” was a favorite expression of W.C. Fields? He must’ve been a Whovian…)

    @Grossman (#16): One of the writers for “Shoe” used to write jokes for comedian Bob Hope. Can you imagine Bob Hope telling a Star Trek joke that was in the same universe as “funny”?

  82. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#75): You know Latin — that’s impressive in and of itself.

    It’s kind of you to say so, but I speak it with a terrible rustic Pannonian accent. I recognize that now, but it’s too late to change. You should have seen me mocked… mocked! … on the streets of Rome. They never mocked St. Jerome, and he came from a village near mine!

    // They will pay! Someday those haughty Romans will pay! I have friends among the Ostrogoths. Roma delenda est!

  83. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Virgil (#79): Non omnia jocosam est linguam latinam.

    Perhaps not, but, as you yourself said, “Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur.”

    As Albert “Renault” Camus said, “Well, personally, Major, I will take what comes.”

  84. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#80): Would you settle for a young Louise Jameson in a leather swimsuit?

    http://doctorwhocompanions.com/files/2011/03/leela-louise-jameson-2.jpg

  85. Calico
    March 9th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Ah, Fargo – one of my favorite movies, ever.
    “Uh oh, I think I’m gonna barf!”
    (Me thinking Margie’s going to puke after seeing a frozen trooper with part of his head blown off)
    “OK, it passed. Just some morning sickness.”

  86. Calico
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#6):
    Couple of things:
    I cannot believe Margo has never been to the top until now! (I’m pretty sure she is a top but that’s another matter entirely)
    Actually, the top has inward-curved steel bars well above head level-I guss they were installed after a few folks decided to end it all by going high-speed vertical

  87. Bill
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    SIC (sic) CHICKS: They met at Woodstock?! That was 44 years ago!!! Let’s assume “mom” was 18 at the time. That would make her 62 now. Does she look 62 to YOU?! Now let’s assume* her daughter is; oh; 21? Mom had her when she was 41, NOT as a result of her “fuck-in” with multiple “hey man’s” in the muck and mire of Max Yasgur’s farm.

    ASSUME: Make an ASS out of U not ME! Gotcha! Didn’t I?!

  88. ralph
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    6 Chix: Previous comments pretty well covered the Woodstock angle. If it were Grandma instead of Mom, it would make more sense and also increase the ick factor. As for the good old days of romance, the youngster has been watching too many really old movies. However, if she actually wanted romance rather than hooking up she could find it. Just probably not with her current group of friends.
    9CL: Fleurrie is hot, but not hot enough to give up your job for. And yes this would be actionable if the sexes were reversed. Asking an employee for a date, and then firing them when they decline. Don’t try this at work.

  89. Cleve Barrister
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    SF-See, I never got this: Sally’s “mortal enemy”s only “crime was to expect people to actually do their job and be accountable when they didn’t. Now, she’s being an uber-control freak who won’t let her sister live her own life. Really-she’s one annoying person

  90. Sam
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    I think Rusty’s ugly in a cute way, like Mr. Snuffalupagus..

  91. NoahSnark
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    As the Perfessor fondles a dead tree and makes a stale joke, Wiz calmly ignores him and reads something relevant on an iPad. If there is a more perfect metaphor for the newspaper comic industry I haven’t seen it.

  92. Sarah said instead:
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Oh, golly, Heather, I would much rather read some Karl Marx with you.

  93. Victory Garden
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Luann: This one time, at drama camp … well let’s just say Tiffany knows what to do with a curling iron. My bangs sizzled like Bac-Os for months afterwards when I used it. During the tech rehearsals Tiff and I were getting it on in the catwalks. Sure, she made me call her “Sheraton,” but whatever whatever. Bernice still hasn’t talked to either of us and I don’t know why, but Sherri and I are pretty happy now. We’re like Scarlett and Rhett. I’m Rhett. Quill? Oh, that Aussie? Yeah, he ran off with the costumer with the giant peen. No, I’ve never seen it, but I heard he had to make a special divot in his worm costume just to hold it.

  94. Uncle Lumpy
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth — Carlos Alora was introduced in January, 1988 as the vagrant “Stomper”, who scared Santa Royale doyenne Mrs. Windsor and left his jacket behind in the ensuing kerfuffle. Mary discovered a photo of Alora’s beloved wife Belina in the jacket pocket and enlisted Ian “Chinbeard” Cameron to help her return it to him at “the neighborhood“, i.e., Santa Royale’s gritty homeless encampment.

    With Chinbeard grumping hilariously all the while, they find Alora and learn that he is in fact a noble sumbitch down on his luck after paying Belina’s medical bills, and that “Stomper” is in fact no sinister gang-handle but his apodo (nickname) from years spent in the wine industry.

    After many amusing complicaciones and malentendidos estúpidos del lenguaje, Alora is brought aboard as Charterstone’s groundskeeper, valet, and all-around ethnic comic foil. Over the next two decades, Mary systematically undermines his role by lopping the heads off flowers and leaving the mess for him to clean up, and generally treating him as her own personal lackey. Now she taunts him by getting his name wrong.

    Justice demands that Carlos carve up Mary with a pruning hook, then leave the strip entirely to run off with Gabriella (Old Gabriella, not the new one) from Apartment 3-G.

    JUSTICE FOR CARLOS ALORA!

  95. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Cleve Barrister (#89): back in the day, Ralph was a horrible boss, on the edge of abusive. That part of his character hasn’t been seen in years, but I remember.

  96. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#94): I hereby nominate Uncle Lumpy to take over writing duties for Mary Worth.

  97. MeganKoumori
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman: So this Kingpin guy…He’s what you’d get if Lex Luthor ate Rupert Thorne, right?

  98. Baka Gaijin
    March 9th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#83): I rented a Renault Camus last time I was in France. Nice car though the interior design was rather absurd.

  99. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 9th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @MeganKoumori (#97): pretty much, yes.

    add in high levels of sumo and other martial arts, and being very large and strong. (human level, not superhuman.)

  100. Ratiocinator
    March 9th, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Sarah said instead: (#92): I like this Sarah better.

  101. FOOBed again
    March 9th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#95): Agree! Ralph was even mean to Sally, IIRC, and Sally was a hard worker. It was Sally who was trying to get her staff to do their jobs, and she ended up having to fire them when they continued to goof off all day.

  102. Tragic Shrug
    March 9th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#35):

    “And afflicted with “bambi legs”, poor fellow, I see!”

    Poor fellow indeed, since he had to watch some hunter shoot his “mother legs.”

    ////They play for keeps in the Disney conference of the NFL.

  103. Old Folkie
    March 9th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#84): Tom Baker and Louise Jameson: my all-time favorite Whoovian duo!

  104. FOOBed again
    March 9th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @VikingKitty (#66): There are narcissists in every generation.

  105. Dash It All, Shrug!
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    The Floozie probably caught it from some gunsel who’d been on the gooseberry lay.

  106. Shrug, Obsessing About Pregnant Comic Strip Characters
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sparko Heaps (#72):

    I suppose Sally’s mother is too old, but it would be Kool….

  107. seismic-2
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    6Chix: This strip took place roughly 20 years after Woodstock, sometime in the late 1980s. The daughter is bemoaning how, due to the zooming number of cases of AIDS, all her male friends now want either just to be friends or to commit themselves to a single long-term partner. “Gee, Mom, you old hippies really had it great, just going at it with anybody you wanted and screwing in the mud like pigs! We teenagers regard you and Dad as heroes of a bygone era of slut-dom!”

  108. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Shoe:

    I’ve never understood the wizard in the strip. How is he even possible? Or, is it just that he’s a cuddly wuddly, widdle Ol’ lunatic who happens to fit in with the other characters?

  109. Baka Gaijin
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Tragic Shrug (#102): Bambi legs. Bambi legs. What does that even mean? Would a running back be good if he had Dumbo butt? A quarterback with Tinkerbell neck?

    @Shrug, Obsessing About Pregnant Comic Strip Characters (#106): Ooh, I didn’t think about that. Damn! Now I have to wait until Monday morning to find out. But this weekend it won’t be as excruciating: Monday’s Sally Forth wil arrive an hour earlier than usual–tonight you in the US change time, the rest of the world doesn’t.

  110. I speak Jive
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#86): You don’t expect Frank Bolle to research what the Empire State Building actually looks like, do you? That would interfere with his phoning it in.

    Mary Worth – Could this possibly get any more heavy-handed? And this story has just started!

    MG&G – I laughed, but this gave me a Yoko Ono earworm.

  111. Poteet
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    MW — I ask those Mudges who know about such matters to tell us what combination of drugs they think Beth might be on. My first wild guess was ludes, but the look of total blank despair doesn’t seem to fit.

  112. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Trail won’t suspect us. He’ll suspect, um… those creepy giant salamanders. Yeah, they always look like they’re up to something.”

    MW: Mrs. Kinley is really determined not to let anyone but her daughter carry those bags. Probably because they contain the remains of Mr. Kinley, and she doesn’t want them leaking.

    Shoe: Dear God, at least Mother Goose and Grimm would have shown it instead of telling it.

    FW: Kinda makes Fred Fairgood’s troubles look insignificant, doesn’t it?

    C-Shaft: So, yes.

    JP: If there’s one thing to love about Abbey besides those two other things, it’s that she puts the “high functioning” in “high functioning alcoholic.”

    RMMD: Heather doesn’t say that there’s also a natural inclination to suck up to rich people and other VIPs, but she doesn’t really have to.

    Drabble: As expected, the “Ralph Drabble stops watching TV” arc follows the “George Costanza abstains from sex” one pretty much exactly.

    BB: I can see paying a guy to frag my sergeant, but I wouldn’t hand over a fin just so he can tell me to do it myself.

    H&L: “Let’s make sure our next babysitter is someone we can call the INS on if they threaten to go away.”

    Luann: Young Ms de Groot seems to have come to the conclusion that the true pleasure in life lies not in having, but in depriving others.

    S-M: “I’ve got a reputation to maintain, and tangling with Spider-Man will bring it way down.”

    A3G: Just imagine how much more amazing the view would be if the Empire State Building installed binoculars like every other elevated tourist site did.

  113. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know if this is a bad thing or a good thing.

    I just realized I hadn’t bothered to even read today’s comic strips. They are all so…well, they bleed together so seamlessly that I just plum assumed I was up-to-date.

    Apt 3G:

    So, Bond James Bond is gonna ask Margo to marry her after Margo said she isn’t that kind of girlfriend who is clingy and gets close. Fool.

    Wait! What is up with the scowl on his mug? “Only if you say no?”
    Hooo brother! Margo is a maniac magnet!

  114. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Shoe addendum: I have to defend Brookins here. The likelihood is that he’s referring to the upcoming Star Trek: Into Darkness (wherein Star Trek starts smoking clove cigarettes and wearing only black.) So the joke is terrible, but not as out-of-touch as it might seem.

  115. David Foster Wodehouse
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    When Mary Worth meets an unmeddle-able object, what happens? Oh, who am I kidding — even this old woman will inevitably crumble. Not before she tries out some Jedi mind tricks, apparently.

  116. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#88): re 9CL: Among other things, you don’t want your new boyfriend to be broke and insecure because he lost his job and can’t find a new one. That’s even assuming you go for more than one date and you didn’t fire him for nothing.

  117. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#45):

    SM: The “villain kills the reluctant employee” cliche would be the most action this strip has seen in weeks.

    The Kingpin of the comic books would certainly be capable. In a Daredevil comic one of his employees was stupid enough to have his wife kidnapped, and he beat the guy into cold marinara. The newspaper version will probably just break a chair and dock it from Paul Schaeffer’s salary.

  118. Baka Gaijin
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @David Foster Wodehouse (#115): There will be a scowl-off in the Charterstone community room.

  119. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 9th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#33): Re MW: What’s Harvey Korman doing in the Vicki Lawrence role?

  120. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth:

    Hoo hooo!

    So, instead of just helping right then and there, Mary employs a delaying tactic to ensure that the couple does not get any assistance whatsoever.

    “I can get you help.”
    “No thank you.”
    “But, there’s people who can help.”
    “You’re evil.”
    “But, I’m only trying to help by getting someone else to help you.”
    “I’m gonna play my music loud, you interloper!”
    “But, but, there’s people who can help you move!”
    “We’re already done! Are you blind? You’ve been standing here offering help for hours to no avail!”

    Mary thinks to herself: “Some people need help and won’t ask for it. That’s why I ask them.–Ham-on-rye-bi”

  121. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Dash It All, Shrug! (#105): That was a merry chase! Thank you, and a tip of the hat to Earl Stanley Gardner!

  122. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm…now that I re-read what I wrote, I realize Mary Worth has too much in common with that Herbalicious and Jamaraquai strip and Mistopher Trendy’s strip. No joke, just a jokey bit of “wisdom” disguised as something entertaining and not the least bit patronizing.

    Fail.

  123. seismic-2
    March 9th, 2013 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: This meddle should be fairly trivial. Just get old lady Elinor to go out on a pity date with the seriously ill Tom Harpman, so that she will catch his horrible virus and die of a respiratory infection. Then Beth will finally be free, and she can go find happiness with Carlos Alora, once he comes to her apartment help her move out and they fall in love. So let’s skip all that and get on the the pool party! I bet they still have some pink cake left!

  124. Jeff
    March 9th, 2013 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Great post by Beau Smith, remembering and celebrating the birthday and talent of the late Eduardo Barreto. Barreto is best remembered around here for his great work on Judge (“Juggs”) Parker.

    http://westfieldcomics.com/blog/interviews-and-columns/beauology-101-happy-birthday-eduardo-barreto-my-brother-my-amigo/

  125. Anachrosaurus
    March 9th, 2013 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Yes!! At last, the Evelyn Waugh-inspired story arc of my dreams! (Complete, I hope, with a secret dungeon/reading room and a fake gravestone for Sarah in the backyard to explain her disappearance… “Shall we read “Little Dorrit again? I never tire of it.”)

  126. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 9th, 2013 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Here’s proof that even in Mark Trail’s own universe people have difficulty envisioning him as the sort of person who might reproduce. Otherwise, like most normal people, Rusty would be identified as Mark Trail’s kid not his friend.

    (Unless this is a world where adults regularly hang out with children not their own, which is sort of weird.)

  127. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 9th, 2013 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#122): *snurk*

    now I’m thinking of Jamaal bein’ all RastaFAR-aye, smokin’ the ganj.

  128. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Jeff (#124): nice to know where Dixie Julip ended up. . . .

    (srsly, thanks for the link.)

  129. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#121): The English nobleman, I mean. No relation to Erle Stanley Gardner.

  130. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: I love how the black negativity and green sourness are radiating off angry Elinor and her despairing daughter. I’d wear that t-shirt.

    MT: Having kidnapped Rusty to cover fixing a fishing tournament, Rod and Catfish will stop for gas and kill the attendant who accidentally sees Rusty. A schoolbus full of kids is driving by when they shoot the attendant, so Rod and Catfish run the schoolbus off the road and execute the survivors. Rod and Catfish immediately surrender when Mark and Bluegill, on their way back to Lost Forestfind them disposing of another random victim along the highway. Rusty is returned unharmed (unless you count the relentless corn holing).

  131. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#Y77): I would think that a yegg would be fairly high in the criminal hierarchy – cracksmen usually are. Not like some gunsel on the gooseberry lay.

  132. Liam
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    FC-”Go forth and proclaim the word that he is risen.”

    FC 2-”Daddy’s all better-he’s dressed in REAL CLOTHES and not that polyester outfit he was wearing.”

    FW-”I thought I was having a stroke the other night. It just turned out that I was really bored.”

  133. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smif:

    The way the second panel is drawn and given the gagline, it almost looks as if Doc is gonna test his bouncing baby boy theory.

    “Les’ see how strong ‘e is!”

    Of course, if Weezy kept a laffin’….oh what am I thinking? There’s no child services in Hootin’ Holler.

  134. Liam
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Shoe-Static Kingons is an old joke that has never been funny.

    Six Chix-”And then nine months later we were forced to marry when you came along.”

  135. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus:

    Dad:
    “Ah, Billy-san! I am actually more than better! I am Pukezilla! Behold as I blow megatron-sized chunks!”

  136. Midtown
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#130): MT: Make it Ed Crankshaft’s school bus and I’ll buy your scenario.

  137. Liam
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    MT-Rusty is no friend of Mark. Mark takes his friends fishing. Rusty has never fished with Mark.

  138. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Normally, I ignore these two but….

    “Mother Goose and Grimm” and “Mutts” both have peace jokes.

    Nothing wrong with that. Just an odd coincidence. Now, if they both had peach jokes, that would be freaky.

  139. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#108): Shoe:

    I’ve never understood the wizard in the strip. How is he even possible? Or, is it just that he’s a cuddly wuddly, widdle Ol’ lunatic who happens to fit in with the other characters?

    Well, that’s an interesting story. Long ago, when you were little, and computers were first being widely introduced into the workplace, and, eventually, the home, computer experts were known as “wizards” (now, generally, “gurus”). If your computer broke, you went to see a wizard to fix it. Even today, certain computer help programs are called wizards. I’m not sure if the reference was to the Wizard of Oz, or Lizard the Wizard from Tooter Turtle — maybe both. Anyhoos, that’s when The Late Jeff McNelly introduced the Treetops Tatler resident computer expert, sole member of the newspaper’s IT Dept., the Wizard, dressed as a classic fairy tale Merlin type. It was an amusing jeu d’esprit. McNelly was pretty good.

  140. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#139): It may well have been an oblique reference to Arthur C. Clarke’s wheeze about any sufficiently advanced technology being indistinguishable from magic.

  141. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey:

    I don’t know who Cosmo is but if he’s calling on Sarge to be “whacked” then he must be a big shot on the base.

  142. hibbleton
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    MT: Disappointed! I know Mark. Your disappointed I never became the nature writer/fisticuffs man you were. No! Disappointed that you tried, Rusty. (Cue music) Bassy van hits water.

  143. hibbleton
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    Balls! You’re

  144. seismic-2
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#139): I always thought it referred to Ask Mr. Wizard, the know-it-all science guy on TV. But maybe it had more of a fantasy aspect to it, as the Wizards and those Daemons from the covers of the BSD UNIX manuals fought it out inside your computer in some sort of crystal-cave “Adventure” text-only game, written of course in FORTRAN.

  145. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    March 9th, 2013 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    6chix: Wait a minute. Woodstock was 1969. It’s now 2013. “Mom” does not look like she is in her 60′s. It’s the Crankshaft age problem all over again.

  146. gleeb
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#131): Crikey! So a yegg is. I’ve been using the word wrongly. Good thing I don’t use it much. Still a good jumble word, though.

  147. hogenmogen
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: The silent Wizard is like “Eh, whatev. I figured out a spell to turn a $200 iPhone into a $500 iPad. What was that about climaxes and cling-ons?”

  148. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#144): All of that was part of the zeitgeist, sure.

  149. hogenmogen
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    MT: I thought this scene was on the deck of a yacht. It’s inside a van? My garage isn’t that big.

  150. Peanut Gallery
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “What an amazing view!” We still haven’t figured out if the authors are toying with us or just feuding with each other.

  151. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#146): Good to know in Scrabble, too. Ever get one of those horrid trays all filled with g’s and y’s and w’s and h’s? Reasonably good scoring letters, but hard to place.

  152. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Luann TJ must be so proud! Maybe after Luann and Quill have totally humiliated Tiffany, Toni can beat her up.

    Crank “Looks like your father is all tangled up in the power lines. We’re going to have to cut him out.”
    “Oh! That means you’ll have to shut the power off, I guess.”
    “No, we’re going to cut your father up, not the power lines.”

  153. hogenmogen
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#40): Thanks for the reminder about ’94. I was thinking that a 43 year old grousing about guys who “just want to hang out or hook up” and being nostalgic for some mythical romance era of the past that never existed would be pretty pathetic for her and her male suitors alike. But if she’s 18, it fits.

    18 year old dudes do all want to hang out or hook up. I can say that with confidence because I’m much older now and I’m still not certain that there is a third alternative. Skyping?

  154. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    re: sally forth — yeah, ralph used to be a mean sob when greg howard ( i think, working off memory) ran the strip. he got kind of de-fanged, though, and when my paper quit carrying the strip ralph was working in fast food. now i gather he’s married to sally’s sister? seems pretty unlikely… i guess it’s what has to be done to keep the strips interesting and familiar at the same time

  155. hogenmogen
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#152): “Maybe after Luann and Quill have totally humiliated Tiffany, Toni can beat her up.

    And Shannon can bite her. That should teach Tiff a lesson. Bad, bad Tiff!

  156. Zla'od
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    6Chix: Could she have meant one of the Woodstock reunion concerts? That might solve the age problem. Was there group sex in the mud going on at any of these?

  157. hogenmogen
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    A3G: The World Trade Center used to have a deck like that. Of course, in A3G, the WTC hasn’t been built yet.

  158. demoncat
    March 9th, 2013 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    mw but you do not understand i insist mary shall have some help for my rulel is law here elinor you will learn the ways in this building no one argues with mary worth.

  159. Liam
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I had no idea New York looks like this. Where are all the buildings and the famous New York skyline that I’ve heard so much of?”

  160. Calico
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#144):
    Wasn’t FORTRAN a compiling language only? ANd written by *gasp* a woman?
    (From me, who only knows the teensiest bit of programming info, like a crumb or two)

  161. Droopy Says
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Sam (#90): I think Rusty’s pre-adoption name was Rusty Bumpers. Trail picked him up after a Plugger family lost him while visiting their Lost Forest cousins (“Pluggers are one big happy family.”)

  162. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#160): No, and no. You are thinking of COBOL and Grace Hopper.

  163. Droopy Says
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#132): FC: “Mommy, Daddy’s back from the dead! And his head wound is almost all healed!”

  164. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Wow, what a day to be “parenting” instead of snarking on the comics. There’s lots of rich, crapulent goodness to work through today.

    The Amazing Spider-Man: When you doubt yourself in life – when you begin to wonder if you can get anything right or amount to a hill of beans of beans in life – when you can’t even get your mother to return your calls – look at the soon-to-be-dearly-departed villain in today’s strip, practically peeing his pants at the thought of facing a superhero who’s been chumped by an elephant, a monkey, and a clown in his last three match-ups – look at that dweeb and think to yourself, “Peter Parker won’t be able to defeat this gentleman’s corpse, after Kingpin macerates his own lackey. Now that’s a loser.”

    Apt. 3-G: “You look so serious, Greg. Is something wrong?” “Only if you say no.” “Oh? No to what?” “‘Can you fly?’”

    9 Chickweed Lane: Having filled this strip for more than a year with the story of a nerdy, repressed dweeb in love with a naive-but-pure creature of wonderful goodness hinting, chortling, and sniggering around the idea of s-e-x, it’s at long last time for Brooke McEldowney to answer the question of what comes next. And what comes next? You guessed it: the story of a nerdy, repressed dweeb in love with a naive-but-pure creature of wonderful goodness hinting, chortling, and sniggering around the idea of s-e-x, but with the genders reversed! I look forward to months of hand sex, unhinged jaws, and naughtiest of all, the resolution of the story coming with the main characters “accidentally” winding up in – and talking like a horrific, animated SAT exam about – reverse cowgirl. And by “I look forward to,” I really mean, “I’d rather be processed through a large, open sluice than read this dreck.”

    Dick Tracy: I don’t care much about dude, but I’m hoping the dog will play a leading role in this story. Scotties rule!

    Judge Parker: 1. Shower. 2. Put my bag and coat down. 3. Take a nap to recover from transatlantic flight. 4. Get breast implants.

    Luann: Funny thing, I didn’t feel nearly this stabby when I ran into my real-life friend Luann last night.

    Mark Trail: No, Rod, no one will suspect a thing of the man with the ridiculously homoerotic name plastered all over his van and who makes a habit of walking around shouting ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF CHEATING??!! every time someone compliments him on his daily catch. At this point, your best bet may be to enter Liberace’s non-union Mexican equivalent into the tournament and pray for the best.

    Mary Worth: Remind me again why Paulie Walnuts is hiding in women’s clothes in Santa Royale? Did he kidnap Mark Trail’s “friend” again, or is this a setup for “Weekend at Bernie’s IV”?[*]

    Pibgorn: The same snark applied to 9 Chickweed Lane above can be applied to this strip. The exact same goddamn snark.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Except Jesus. And Buddha. And St. Francis of Assisi. And Mother Theresa.

    Sinfest: I swear to God Ishida’s been reading the comments here. I think he’s Baka Gaijin.

  165. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Yep. Ralph was a TOTAL ASSHOLE. That is all.

  166. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @FOOBed again (#101):

    I meant this as a reply to your posting, so lets try this again….

    Yep. Ralph was a TOTAL ASSHOLE. That is all.

  167. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#103):

    Yeah, but I thought that the Mary Tamm as Ramona was a bit hotter.

    // And let’s not forget about Nyssa and Tegan!

  168. Majicou
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#162): There was a woman on the team that developed FORTRAN–Lois Haibt, so speaks ‘kipedia.

    Admiral Hopper provided one of my favorite quotes of all time: “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.” Many have, of course, misattributed this to Albert Camus.

  169. commodorejohn
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#96): I hereby nominate Uncle Lumpy to take over writing duties for Mary Worth.

    I hereby nominate Victory Garden (#93) to take over the writing duties for Luann.

    @Horace Broon (#22), @Sparko Heaps (#72), @Shrug, Obsessing About Pregnant Comic Strip Characters (#106): Methinks you guys are being remiss in leaving Ted out of your considerations. At least, that’s the impression I got from today’s strip.

  170. Majicou
    March 9th, 2013 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    FW: WITH THE JUNGLE JIM TOPPERS, DAMMIT! If you don’t mention the Jungle Jim toppers every time you mention the volume of Flash Gordon Sundays with the Jungle Jim toppers, it’s fucking GARBAGE. Sometimes I wonder why we even have Jungle Jim toppers.

  171. seismic-2
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    S4th: When Ralph was introduced (back when the strip was more strident than humorous), he was something of a lech, as well as an asshole. Eventually the possible harassment aspect went away (with the change in the writing staff), but he was still an asshole. After he was fired and then re-hired, he was more nearly simply useless than actually infuriating. After he left the firm, he has been quite civil, but Sally still treats him like dirt. In many ways, Sally has a lot of her mother in her.

  172. Sgt. Stoned
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    MT: Rod Bassy is right about one thing: Trail will never suspect them. Truer words were never spoken. Trail is dumb as dirt.

    MW: So, is Mary pronouncing Carlos’s last name as “AYE-ORA” which is the correct way to pronounce the double-L if Carlos is Latin American as opposed to Spanish? If so, it is weirdly interesting as most norteamericanos would make the opposite mistake.

  173. Ratiocinator
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#117): @TheDiva (#45): Speaking of the Kingpin killing somebody, I looked and found a story where he does just that. And it’s actually a pretty good story, from what I’ve seen of it.

    This is in “Ultimate Spider-Man”, which takes place in an alternate universe from both the original Spidey and Newspaper Spidey, so a lot of things are different. In this story, Peter’s still just sixteen or so, for example.

    This version of the Kingpin, though, is very similar to the original version.

    (Also, the story was written in 2001, hence the Ja Rule t-shirt and reference to Carson Daly.)

    You can read it here:

    http://scans-daily.dreamwidth.org/3099258.html

  174. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#164): “Crapulent” may not mean what you think it means — but maybe it does, which makes your comment seem even more intriguing.

  175. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#174): I don’t have a scat fetish, if that’s what you mean.

  176. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#174): Well, I’ll be double-dipped. I always thought it meant something like refulgent, except for crap. Thanks for the book larning.

  177. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#173): …This is in “Ultimate Spider-Man”, which takes place in an alternate universe from both the original Spidey and Newspaper Spidey…

    I’ve never been a superhero comic book fan, but I’ve learned a bit hanging out here. Don’t you guys get tired of the constant retconning (a word I learned here) and alternate universe crap? It just looks like everybody is playing tennis with the net down…

  178. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#141): Beetle Bailey: I don’t know who Cosmo is but if he’s calling on Sarge to be “whacked” then he must be a big shot on the base.

    Cosmo Ray Bradbury is the author of “Something Whack-ed This Way Comes.”

  179. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#169): I’ll second that.

  180. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#176): “Feculent” is the word you’re looking for, I think. An easy mistake.

  181. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#170): Whenever I order a Montoni’s pizza, I ask them to leave off the Jungle Jim topping. Maybe you should do the same.

  182. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#178):

    hmm.
    Ambitious and smile inducing. Well done.

  183. Ratiocinator
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177):

    I’ve never been a superhero comic book fan, but I’ve learned a bit hanging out here. Don’t you guys get tired of the constant retconning (a word I learned here) and alternate universe crap?

    If I read more DC comics then I would, because DC retcons a lot. They seem to reboot their whole universe and change little things about their heroes’ origins every ten years or less.

    Marvel actually doesn’t do that at all. They tried rewriting Spidey’s origins and those of his older villains with a series called “Spider-Man: Chapter One” back in 1999 or so, but that wasn’t well-received, so they wound up changing some things back and just not referring to other things that were changed ever again.

    There was also the horrible “One More Day” story, which wasn’t well-received either, but which Marvel was adamant about sticking to because the guy in charge really wanted Peter to be single again. And, in what I now realize as even more cruel than I thought it was at the time, they told us “If you want a married Peter Parker, you can always read the comic strip!”

    Apart from that, Marvel has never out and out reset everything that I can think of. You can make an argument that perhaps they should in some cases, though; the Punisher’s origin had him as a Vietnam vet, for example. As far as I know, his origin hasn’t changed, and in his comic book appearances he looks more like a forty-year-old than at least a sixty-year-old, which is what being in Vietnam would make him today.

  184. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#161):

    As a storytelling twist that was the most awesome Reverse Romulus and Remus development ever!
    Child of Animals, raised by People.

  185. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 9th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    MW Mother Kinley doesn’t want her help, but Mary hasn’t got a claw clue.

    Mother Kinley is a little crabby, you see

  186. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): Don’t get me started. I’m still trying to figure out why they always called it “Earth Two” (home of the 1940s DC super heroes) if it existed FIRST.

  187. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#164):

    Luann: Funny thing, I didn’t feel nearly this stabby when I ran into my real-life friend Luann last night.

    One would hope not, assuming she’s a friend and not a frenemy.

  188. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177):

    You know, I do and I don’t mind the constant rejiggering of comics.

    Unfortunately, the products are like ads for selling other products (toys, t-shirts and movies). So, if it gets “stale” then it makes sense to try and liven it up.

    But, from a purely creative angle, it is unbelievably lame that there is no belief that interesting stuff can’t be done using the characters/premises they have. Instead of breaking things and reinventing the wheel, they could just improve the traction on the tires. It doesn’t work that way, of course.

    There’s so much stuff that potential readers can choose to indulge in. (video games, movies on demand; making their own entertainment, just to name a few things) So, I guess it is tough to keep readers.

    Now, I would like seeing retconning happen in comic strips. Finally they can straighten out that mess of Crazy Ol’ Apple Mary becoming Meddling Mary Worth!

    Seriously though, mixing comic strip properties up, adding something new, would potentially attract new readership if the syndicates insist on zombie strips being made. Of course, there’s alway just making new comics, too. Being creative and good. But, that apparently never works. So, just reinvent the wheel…

  189. Dale
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#126):

    MARK TRAIL and Rusty address each other by their first names, so there’s no way for an observer to know their actual relationship.
    Would you expect a talking van to know CATAMITE?

    FRAZZ – My grade school had two janitors. They had the same first name- Mister.
    We didn’t hang out with them, or talk to them unless necessary.

  190. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#186):

    Maybe the answer is they wanted the Sliver Age characters to maintain that level of primary importance while making the Golden Age a bunch of second bananas. So, choosing to name the Silvers “Earth One” helped that along.

    ??

  191. seismic-2
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): The superhero genre is not my favorite category of comic books, but I have read a fair number of them, especially from DC (very few from Marvel). DC keeps changing things and changing them again, then changing them back, changing them again, etc., as new management comes and goes and the new folks think they have the sure-fire formula to take all this tired old material and revamp it as a sure-fire hit. I really don’t have a problem with the concept of doing that (although I have problems with a lot of the actually choices they make, which often seem arbitrary or capricious and sometimes just plain dumb), but I do have a problem with their insisting that the new reality and the old reality are part of the same continuity, via a retcon. These can be ridiculous (such as keeping around a “pocket universe” of the old reality to make the new stories work, if they have to depend on the old history), and they are always forced. It would be a lot better simply to let a re-boot be a re-boot, and say that henceforth the “old” reality was then, and this is now, and that’s that. There’s nothing wrong with a game where the rules change every now and then (many collegiate sports do it every year), so long as you don’t try still to enforce the old rules as well, out of a sense of obligation to the game’s “continuity”.

    Did that make any sense? If it didn’t, then don’t worry – we can change it tomorrow by saying it was a posting that leaked through from the joshreads.com Web site on earth-8, where everyone understood it perfectly.

  192. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#183): @Rocky Stoneaxe (#186): I suppose Nick Carter is the original hero with retcon superpowers. He started out in 1886, and lasted until 1990, always contemporary with his times.

    // Probably due for a revival any day now. Maybe combined with another old franchise or two: Carry On, Nick Carter!

  193. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#190): It was the Silver Age Barry Allen Flash who came up with the “Earth-Two” designation in Flash #123 (9/61)*. Barry may have been “The Fastest Man Alive,” but he couldn’t count worth s**t.

    * “Flash of Two Worlds!” is a landmark comic book story that’s been reprinted many times (in case you decide to seek it out). It introduced the concept of multiple Earths to the DC Universe.

  194. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#187): I save that for my frie – frenemy – Margo.

  195. commodorejohn
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    If people keep saying “frenemy” I’m gonna have to start busting heads.

  196. Peanut Gallery
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#192): Nick Carter of Mars?

  197. seismic-2
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#193): D.C. editor-in-chief Julius Schwartz insisted Earth-2 and Earth-1 should have been named vice versa, since the Jay-Garrick-as-Flash era happened before the Barry-Allen-as-Flash era, and the numbering ought to be chronological (with respect to comics industry history, that is). However, it was felt that things would be less confusing for readers if the “current” earth were earth-1 and the “alternate” earth were earth-2, so that numbering system won out.

  198. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#192): As long as he doesn’t end up on Nickelodeon. They might decide to star him in a “hip” new teen-targeted show called Nick O’Teen Detective.

  199. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#191): …it was a posting that leaked through from the joshreads.com Web site on earth-8, where everyone understood it perfectly.

    Minced Oath! You’re on to me! As it happens, ALL my posts are from some guy named Nehemiah Scudder on Earth-8. They are incredibly erudite and brilliant and funny, and… what’s the word he uses?… refulgent, that’s it. I just cut and paste them here, and take credit.

    In the few cases where it doesn’t work, it is because you guys are all jobbernowls, and not equal to the aesthetics of Earth-8.

  200. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#196): Nick Carter of Mars Meets Abbott and Costello in Police Academy Ten, Twilight of the Muppets!

  201. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

  202. Droopy Says
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    So on Earth-8, McEldowney is the Secretary of Art and Esthetics?

  203. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#195):
    I want a front row seat for that pheromony!

    //waitasec!!!! we aren’t just randomly mashing up words?

  204. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#200): Nick O’Teen Detective Meets J’onn J’onzz, the Marlboro Manhunter from Mars!

  205. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#193):

    Oh I do know that. I think I’ve read the story before.

    What @seismic-2 (#197): says with it being debated and decided, that gibes with the type of reasoning I assumed was used.

    They were trying to sell the New Flash and…well, it is like when New Coke resulted in Coca-Cola Classic. And, then the retconned the whole damned thing! Just like Good Ol’ Crystal Pepsi, New Coke went the way of distant memories.

    So, even back then in comics, they were about selling the New.

    Besides, weren’t the other Earths sitting on some dusty shelf and only broken out when company arrived? So, Earth 2, 3, 4, S, Z, Butter, Parkay, Oleo, etc. weren’t used that often in relation to the ongoing adventures of Earth One.

  206. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    (Sigh) Æsthetics. The ligature is important. You’d have your moolies grungered by the splodknobblers in a sennight, on Earth-8, you would!

  207. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#205): Technically, it is:

    Earth 1
    Earth B
    Earth Gamma
    Earth IV
    Earth Five
    Earth 110

    … and so on. There’s an ISO for it somewhere.

  208. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#207): There’s also Earth-Prime, the “real” Earth inhabited by anyone who reads DC comic books. If you DON’T read DC comic books, then you’re up a creek without a paddle. Sorry.

  209. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    MW: Never you mind about your own bags, full grown adult woman-person. I’ll go find some flunkie to port your stuff to your apartment, even if it’s not part of his actual job. Never do for yourself what you can browbeat a member of the staff into doing for you!

    Carry your own bags into your apartment! Who ever heard of such a thing!

  210. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#208):

    It’s existential, is it?

  211. seismic-2
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#208): Right, Earth-Prime is where the meta-stories happen where Mr. Mxyzptlk pops into the office of DC comics to complain about a storyline, or where Ambush Bug reveals that the reason the dialog in this book suddenly sounds so awkward at this point is that the artist took over writing it after the writer passed out in the bar.

  212. tallyHO
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    This is apropos of not much but I really look forward to Billy getting a new Denial Avatar. I’m not sure if NotMe is his go-to ghost but he really should get one named
    HellYeah!

    //he’s gotta start rebelling sometime, ya know.

  213. Peanut Gallery
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#211): And of course, the world where people read those stories is Earth-Double-Prime, and so on.

  214. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Catamite? You mean a gunsel?

  215. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

  216. Droopy Says
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#206): So I’d be a pariah under Secretary McEldowney (I’m sure he’d use the word. It’s short and familiar, but it does have three syllables.)

  217. Majicou
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#206): An alternate universe ruled by Rambling Syd Rumpo?

  218. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#217): As Albert Camus, in one of his many avatars, once put it, “The universe may not only be stranger than we know, it may be stranger than we CAN know.”

  219. Ramblin' Syd
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#217): Cheerio, my dearios!

  220. Albert Camus
    March 9th, 2013 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#210): It’s absurd!

  221. Droopy Says
    March 10th, 2013 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Spiderblah: It’s about time somebody stuck it to the Kingpin.

    Family Circus: Ritalin does wonders for kids, right?

    Funky’s Flunkies: When imagination fails, do a comic-book cover.

    Phantom: Weekday or Weekend Phantom, these extramarital affairs never end well.

  222. Kilby
    March 10th, 2013 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    @Grossman (#16): There was a pretty good “Klingon” joke in the movie “Chicken Run” (it was even delivered in an authentic Scots accent, not an imitated one).

  223. tallyHO
    March 10th, 2013 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    Sunday, Fourcolory, Sunday:

    Mary Worth:
    A writer? A fussbucket? A match made in Mary Heaven!

    Dennis The Menace:

    Granpa? Dennis is only five yrs old? He’s a card shark? Oh dear! My! My! I think I’m comin’ down with the vapors!

    Snuffy Smif:

    Elixer of Euthanasia? Oh well, I’m sure Xs were scrawled on the paperwork.

    Slylock Fox:

    Upside Down Answer: er, because the barefooted Slylock Fox and his nimble, half-nekkid companion will freeze to death before they accomplish anything more than looking cool to the denizens of the North Pole who are all quite able to survive the harsh climate?

    Blondie:

    Chortle, chortle! Yuk, yuk! Geeefaw! Gurgle gurgle! Hiccup! Thash funny…if’n yer into clock jokes!

    Pluggers:

    Yes. The beauty of the survival instinct of the Sportsmen’s Bear is that they follow the rules just like any other fishermen. They do this despite not being men. They suppress their instincts to dive right in the waters and grab their meals and try to act civilized.

    This is why not why Pluggers are an endangered species. No. They will have frozen TV dinners. That is why they are not long for the Earth: too much processed foods.

    Beetle Bailey:

    Just curious what Dreidel Bailey would be like. Would it be funny? Or would it be the greatest Retcon EVERRRRR!

  224. Baka Gaijin
    March 10th, 2013 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    Elinor Catbuttface Kinley already has on her “Ugh, not salmon squares” face.

    What’s a 2-word phrase for “Scottish Rummage Sale?”

    Oh goody. The Kingpin’s gonna crown that guy, and good!

  225. seismic-2
    March 10th, 2013 at 3:13 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#223): MW: Not just a writer, but a romance writer. It’s all over, Tom Harpman. Mary will start making the arrangements for the wedding reception now.

  226. tallyHO
    March 10th, 2013 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#225):
    Hmmm…I wonder if there is any chance of getting a wedding cake made especially for the occasion?

  227. Baka Gaijin
    March 10th, 2013 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#226): Mr. Al(l)ora will carry it from the kitchen counter to the display table. And it will be pink. Pink! Salmon square pink!

  228. Jonn
    March 10th, 2013 at 5:03 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure Bizarro already did that “klingon” joke. Like, in the 90s. “Captain, these Cling-ons are severely eroding morale!”

  229. Dale
    March 10th, 2013 at 6:14 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#214):

    In MARK TRAIL, guns are thrown away by villians when they need them most.

    I was surprised to see that “gunsel” could mean “catamite”. These are not words I use on a daily basis. Would you think of them in connection with MT? How about Batman and Robin?

  230. Liam
    March 10th, 2013 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    JP-The sexual innuendo is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

    MW-When Mary meets new neighbors for the first time she bars them from entering until she knows that they will make good supplicants.

    RMMD-Will Rex be able to use his super speed to reach Mr. Avery in time?

  231. Lenoxus
    March 10th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    How could several commenters here have missed Josh, on Shoe, saying “but now at last it’s relevant”? Hmph.

  232. KayJayWhy
    March 10th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    So, the doctor gives Snuffy that little bottle of pills and tells him to take five and a half spoonfuls in one day? Clearly, this is a comic about assisted suicide.

  233. Hart of Johnny
    March 10th, 2013 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    Get bent, lady who’s roughly 45 but claims to have been at Woodstock.

  234. nomuse
    March 11th, 2013 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Shoe — wait, so the Professor is a red shirt? Are the colorists getting more clever than the writers?!

  235. Sarah
    March 12th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    You can tell that no one loves Rusty because no one has taught him the basic skills needed to deal with kidnapping, like how to get out of ropes or evade capture. Depending on how time flows in MT, Rusty gets abducted, by my estimation, 15 times a year. They haven’t had him microchipped? I bet that damn dog is microchipped.

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