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I do continue to find the “SKOOL” sign funny

Shoe and B.C., 3/26/13

Elementary school test questions as setups to jokes in comic strips: most played out cliché on the comics page, or mostest played out cliché on the comics page? I guess I shouldn’t complain about accuracy when the students being tested are anthropomorphic bird-people and/or sentient ants, but I do question the quality of instruction in the bird and ant educational systems. In Shoe, Skyler’s cynical, heavy-lidded expression in panel two shows that he understands what a bizarrely open-ended and unanswerable question he’s been presented with, presumably by whatever over-eager art teacher also thought that art puns based on a catchphrase from a 17-year-old movie would get elementary school kids enthusiastic about learning. The ant-child, meanwhile, in an act of defiance over what appears to be a test of his knowledge of old sayings that are actively incorrect, fills in the blanks with a plea for death. Frankly, these questions are both making a good case for a uniform, standardized testing regime with questions developed by government bureaucrats, if these are the locally-directed alternatives.

Mark Trail, 3/26/13

Maybe Mark does love Rusty after all? In order to perpetrate his completely misguided rescue scheme, he’s been forced to not verbalize a sentence he’s formed in his mind and confine it to a thought balloon instead, in what must be a superhuman effort on his part.

Spider-Man, 3/26/13

DAREDEVIL: “And that’s where attorney Matt Murdock comes in!”

SPIDER-MAN: “Wow! This I gotta see!”

[SEVEN HOURS AND HUNDREDS OF LEXISNEXIS SEARCHES LATER]

SPIDER-MAN: “Oh, man, was I ever wrong about this.”

281 responses to “I do continue to find the “SKOOL” sign funny”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G

    Margo can’t talk until she’s had her morning cup of Kopi Luwak coffee.

    Wimpy: Befouling lawn gnomes — Mother Goose & Grimm
    Badass: Befouling ICE SCULPTURES — Marmaduke

  2. Ranger
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Shoe: “SHOW ME THE MONET.” This art teacher must be a riot.

  3. Chareth Cutestory
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: It just goes to show you how nimble and acrobatic these superheros can be while swinging through the city, that for two days in a row readers have been subjected to both obvious and coy taint shots.

  4. Old Folkie
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    MT: Rats! Baka beat me to the iceberg comment by writing on yesterday’s post – that’s what I get for waiting for today’s posting by Josh…

    FW: How did the kid pop up in front of Asshat and his buddy – they are in the front row. Secondly, the kid is pointing at the buddy, whereas Asshat threw the paper…

    A3G: Margo reappears from the mist, and needs COFFEE!

    MW: Why does Elinor not like Tom? Um, Mary, she’s a misanthrope…

  5. Liam
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-I’m going to nail the Kingpin on tax evasion.

    A3G-”You have no idea what it was like in the mist.”

    A3G 2-”Did I just hear someone speak my name? I was just in Chicago where a person was standing in front of a mirror and chanted my name three times.”

    JP-It is a thrilling tale of big breasted women, who would put Russ Meyer’s women to shame, and men who struggle daily with people just throwing money at them.

    Love Is-Do you want to swap wives?

    MT-The Slylock Fox School For Detective has paid off once again.

    MW-And by break I mean let’s kill the mother.

    MW 2-That’s not Beth’s mother. That’s really her brother. Their mother is dead and the brother is doing a Norman Bates.

    RMMD-Let’s hope she doesn’t come too early if you know what I mean.

  6. nescio
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    ASM: “Wow! This I’ve gotta see! Because you can’t!”

  7. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

  8. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    Matt Murdock plans to close down the Kingpin’s legally owned chain of “Get the Funk Out” laundromats. (Speaking of “funk” and “laundromats,” isn’t it high time Peter washed that spider-suit of his?)

  9. pugfuggly
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Shoe I can’t tell if the student bird is staring out at the reader or the writer in that middle panel, but it is clear he’s pleading with someone to end this all.

    MT The first clue that Rod wasn’t operating on the level should have been when he caught a 6 lbs bass out the middle of a glacier…

    SM Ah, follow the money and take down the criminal empire! This is going to be just like The Wire except sillier and completely caucasian.

  10. wossname
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    A3G – Margo recovers remarkably quickly from those compound fractures of the fingers and wrist in panel 1. Must be that pact she made with Satan.

    FC – Jeffy, I hate to tell you this, but that’s a deceased kitty. He’s pining for the fiords.

    Crank – that’s actually sort of almost funny!

  11. Christopher
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “This is an isolated spot with a steep drop off,” thought Mark. “What possible reason could someone engaged in criminal activity have for bringing me to a place with no witnesses and where a body could be easily disposed of?”

  12. Ned Ryerson
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    ASM: Spidertaint and Dangle Devil are really Ponch and Jonning it up.

  13. seismic-2
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    ASM: “Wow! This I’ve gotta see! Because, um, watching things is what I’m mainly good at.”

    MT: So between the Pillars of Hercules is a good place to catch a couple of big ones? I dunno about that, but the Rock of Gibraltar would be a good place to hide Rusty, since he would blend in well with the Barbary apes.

    BC: “Why did Vincent Van Gogh choose to become a painter?” “Because he had options other than being a schoolteacher.” – Caulfield and Frazz share a laugh.

  14. Terryfic
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    New artist for Sally Forth? I noticed a new signature.

  15. Derelict
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    So, once again, the only amazing thing about Spiderman will be his inability to do anything more heroic or super than watching from the sidelines while someone else deals with bad guys.

  16. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    JP -Whew! I’m glad that we’ve cleared that up. The Judge knows exactly what he is doing and will have no problem finishing the screenplay during the cruise! Another potential source of narrative tension has been easily disposed of before we even leave port! The movie will surely be the #1 all-time box office leader by the time they make it to Mexico.

    9CL – Don’t tell me that the whole cattle rustling/receipt of stolen property issue is still hanging over us!? Oh well, I’m sure that once the Sherrif sees her in that dress, he will collapse on the floor, providing plenty of time to escape.

    I’m just thankful that, for once, we didn’t have to see her teeth as she bit the phone in half.

  17. billman
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#7):

    GAAAHHH!!! That does look like Beiber, that’s freaking uncanny.

  18. Cayuga
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    AS-M: Still trying to figure out why Matt and Peter couldn’t have had this conversation in Matt’s office.

    [Reads earlier posts.]

    Oh, right.

    [Heads to the Urban Dictionary to look up "taint."]

  19. Hogenmogen
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    Daredevil: Kingpin is a criminal, but he has businesses that operate legally!

    Spidey: And funnel cash to him?

    Daredevil: Yes, he uses the funds to run his criminal enterprise!

    Spidey: But, if he can make lots of money legally, why would he waste it on an illegal operation that loses money?

    Daredevil: Kingpin is a CRIMINAL. Weren’t you listening??

  20. pugfuggly
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    A3G “You know the order, Lu Ann: coffee first, bagel second, Lu Ann third. Then, if we still have any time before the Today Show, we might listen to Red-Head Whats-her-face there for a minute.”

    FW Just quick lesson in probabilities and why the house always wins in the end…

    MW “Yes, the mother is the real problem here, and there’s no question now what we have to do. No, don’t say it out loud. Meet me here tomorrow morning at dawn: we’ll start making some plans and then start lifting cakes to build up our strength.”

  21. Anonymous
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    @Christopher (#11): especially since I don’t MY life vest on…

  22. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Dog Eat Doug

    Why don’t you come with me little girl
    On a magic carpet ride

    Nice to know Sophie plans to have puppies someday. Because I was under the mistaken impression that she had been spayed…

  23. Dennis Jimenez
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    MT – Rusty Be Fucked – A Lure THAT LIGHTS UP!!! That a violation of Lost Forest Game/Fish Reg 467R-39.7F!!! I’ve got a real criminal on my hands here….

    Shoe – I’m a Workpan, not a Chopin….

    S-M – Funneling cash into the Kingpin – That means he’s a piggy bank! And we all know pigs get fat, but hogs get slaughtered, ergo….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  24. Hogenmogen
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    I can’t wait for Spiderman to take a whiff of Kingpin’s mind control gas. At least he’ll be some use to somebody.

    I also have to do a double-take on myself as I type “Kingpin’s mind control gas”. Is that seriously the story line here or am I misremembering from a dream I had after a heavy night of LSD?

  25. Chyron HR
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Q: Why did Vincent Van Gogh choose to become a painter?

    A: TO GET LAID

  26. Nekrotzar
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#19):
    Kingpin isn’t interested in money. He only cares about winning fishing tournaments.

  27. word-doctor
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Up, dressed, making and gorging waffles in time for a 730 obgyn appointment? We know where to go to get Peter Parker’s self-efficacy transplant.

  28. Fred Barney
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Legitimate businesses operating legally and funneling their ill-gotten gains to the business owner. Those bastards!

  29. Hogenmogen
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    A3G:
    Monday:
    Lu Ann: I had a great idea, Tommie! Let me tell you about it!

    Tuesday:
    Lu Ann: Margo! I need your help on an idea!
    Margo: First, coffee!

    Wednesday:
    Margo: What is your idea?
    Lu Ann: I thought of it in Arlington. Here it is…

    Thursday:
    Margo: I can’t wait to hear your idea!
    Tommie: We’ll help!
    Lu Ann: I’ll certainly need it, because this is the plan…

    Friday:

    Tommie: I’m glad I could help with your plan, Lu Ann!
    Margo: It all worked out so well!
    Lu Ann: All it took was a great idea… and great friends!

    Saturday:
    Margo: Scotch anyone?
    Tommie: I’ll have some!
    Margo: No takers? Oh well, more for me!

  30. Hogenmogen
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#29): Oops, I tried to put a narration box in on that “Friday” that said “Three weeks later”, but I did something that the system regarded as an HTML tag. Oopsy.

  31. Matthew
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Good going, Pete, use sight metaphors when talking to the blind guy.

  32. Dennis Jimenez
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#29): Tommie – I’m half scotch – Margo – I’m half drunk LuAnn – I’m half-Wit….

  33. TheDiva
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Damn, Jerry Maguire was really that long ago? Now I feel old….

    SM: A superhero who does things? This I gotta see!

  34. bbofun
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    FW- This is seriously one of the worst-drawn pieces of story/joke telling I’ve seen in quite a while.It’s so bad, both commenters here and on the Comics Kingdom page are having trouble telling what the joke is (I’m thinking it’s a “bullying” joke, the idea being that kid-with-glasses is being automatically picked on over kid-with-hat). The sudden shift in the position of brown-haired-kid doesn’t help, nor does the fact we can’t even see who it is (not that I would know him- my mind has decided to bock as much information about Funky as it can from being stored in my memory). Is there a reason we aren’t suppose to see the kids face? This is all ignoring the fact that a teacher would be unlikely to make a bet for money with a student- most teachers, as I recall, in this situation might say “bet you don’t make it,” but would refrain from any actual dollar amount.

    What I’m saying is, Batiuk’s a hack.

    MW- Mary? Did you forget that little outburst about “not all men leave like father did?” Or was she in the kitchen getting some of her prize-winning pink cake when that was said? (Although, honestly, I suspect a champion meddler like Mary would have the room bugged to pick up any conversations she might have missed.)

    JP- Yes, Judge- writing a screenplay is easy. Just ask any waiter, cabbie, front-desk clerk, gas station attendant, bartender… [DISSOLVE TO MONTAGE OF NAMES OF EVERY PROFESSION, RESOLVE]…grocer and police officer in Los Angeles.

    RMMD- Wait- Rex got up early, waking up June, who’s now going to have a breakfast of homemade waffles- and has a doctor’s appointment at 7:30 am? WHAT UNGODLY HOUR OF THE MORNING IS IT?

  35. Alice
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Luann: Never, ever give a stoner any task that involves handling candy.

  36. Marc
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    9CL- This mother and daughter masturbating together thing is getting a little weird.

    A3G- I’m not sure who seems to hate Tommie more; her hair dresser, whoever allows her to buy those clothes, or Margo.

    Mark Trail- This fishing tournament is about to be severely disrupted in a few minutes when the Titanic comes crashing into that iceberg.

    Mary Worth- Tom is single, Beth is single. They both work in some capacity and are neurotic, emotional cripples. They must be together, Toby. It is their destiny as determined by Mary Worth.

    Funky- Owen the idiot’s lack of hand eye coordination yet again causes suffering for Dweeby McLongface. I really don’t like these two.

    Luann- Ox has done nothing but walk back and forth carrying that same box this whole time. I assume that’s all he’s allowed to do at Weenie World as well since he doesn’t seem to be good at, well anything.

    Family Circus- Pot meet kettle Jeffy. You’re getting pretty round in the middle yourself.

    Cranky- ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF CHEATING AT FINDING THE AQUARIUM?

  37. The Silent Penultimate Panel
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    SM: I’m no expert on dangerous and unnessessary high-flying acrobatics, but wouldn’t it have made more sense for this whole conversation to take place in Matt Murdock’s office? Especially since their plan seems to involve them NOT being superheroes? Ah well, I guess you don’t get quite as many spread-eagle spandex crotch shots sitting in an office, and for some people that’s not a trade off worth making.

  38. Dennis Jimenez
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @The Silent Penultimate Panel (#37): Spandex Ballet – I think they played at my prom back in ’86

  39. Voshkod
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    “This is a deep spot . . . I’d better use my lure that lights up!”

    Best line for a porn flick, or worst line for a porn flick?

  40. RavenHawk
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    FW: “Wait!?! I have to pay asshat, because he lost his bet to you??! Arghh! This is what I get, for taking Tea Party Economics 101. THANKS OBAMA!!!”

  41. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    QC.

    still down.

    *jonesin hard*

  42. Horace Broon
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: That’s weird. Margo appeared when LuAnn said her name. But she only said it once, and she wasn’t looking in a mirror.

    JP: “I heard a scriptwriter say ‘blocking the scene’ on a Making-Of documentary! By the time we’re on the cruise, I’ll have found out what it means!”

    Phantom: “And since you elders were the ones going on about the Phantom Lion in the first place, maybe you should shut up.”

  43. Old Folkie
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#29): You saved me from looking at the strip this week!

  44. WCjobber
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    As an experienced comic book reader, I can tell you, “And that’s where attorney Matt Murdock comes in!” is nothing but a harbinger of suicide inducing boredom to come.

  45. TheDiva
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    9CL: Today’s McEldowney-to-Human translation:
    Edda: I bet Sven and Fleurrie are having so much sex right now.
    Juliette: No doubt. Sexy sex sexing!
    Edda: I like sex! And I like thinking about other people having sex!
    Sven: In an attempt at ironic humor, this is one of the rare times when a couple in this strip is not having sex or talking about sex.
    Fleurrie: Life is full of novelty.

    A3G: Dealing with LuAnn requires caffeine. Lots and lots of caffeine.

    C’shaft: It’s funny because Crankshaft’s incompetence is about to drown a busload of children.

    FW: …What?

    Luann: And I’m sure the seniors who are on carefully regulated diets will appreciate this basket full of refined sugar.

    MW: “Beth’s mom doesn’t approve of all the things we approve of! She clearly is evil and must be stopped!”

    Pibgorn: Where’s the plot?

    Pluggers are delusional, and vanity sizing isn’t helping.

    FW: ….No seriously, what?

  46. Mibbitmaker
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    A3G: LuAnn didn’t magically summon Margo, Margo’s overinflated ego did.

    Glibporn: Where’s my breakfast?
    (it ain’t in me anymore)

    MT: MARK TRAIL DISCOVERS THOUGHT BALLOONS! This bit of history is so powerful, it caused Josh to type “superhuman effort on his pat”. That Trail is some supervillain, making the good guys typo their snak! [*]

    S-M: “….It’s gonna be like Law and Order, isn’t it?”

  47. Liam
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Shoe-Too soon.

    Shoe 2-It’s funny because Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear to impress a whore.

  48. Illustrator Steve
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    MT – As time approches for another commercial break, Mark turns and faces the audience, reminding them that he is filling in for Marlin Perkins during this week’s episode of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom about investigating fish tournament cheating.

  49. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    FW: All I can come up with for this is that it’s setting up something for tomorrow. Or, Batiuk has finally lost his mind.

  50. Justin
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Between today’s and yesterday’s Spider-Man, I’m pretty sure the actual purpose of this storyline is to announce to the entire world that Matt Murdock is Daredevil.

  51. RavenHawk
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#34): “FW- This is seriously one of the worst-drawn pieces of story/joke telling I’ve seen in quite a while.It’s so bad, both commenters here and on the Comics Kingdom page are having trouble telling what the joke is…”

    I’m thinking this going to end up being some twisted (“batshit”) way to explain how the teachers in Mopeville are being punished because of the budget.

    Or maybe it’s the wisdom of hiring a second assistant coach for the Women’s Basketball Team, during a budget crisis.

    Either that, or a commentary on welfare mothers.

  52. Mibbitmaker
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Margo: “Did I just hear my name? Me? Me? Me?…. Me, myself, and I? …..Me? Me? Mememememeeeeeeeeeeee!…? Me? Meme?……………………… Me?”

  53. cheech wizard
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    MT- Mark discovers that Rod’s lure that lights up is actually a cherry bomb with a lead sinker glued to it.

  54. Mibbitmaker
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    I read FW as the coach, as a gym teacher, cannot accept money from a student due to betting, so Bull gave the winnings to the best buddy instead. That it could possibly screw up a “friendship” is just icing on the cake for Coach Babushka.

  55. Mibbitmaker
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Or whatever Bull’s last name is.

  56. cheech wizard
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#45): BigPorn – I don’t know about the other details, but I’m pretty sure this whole genie/Arabian Nights storyline is just a very roundabout way for the ginger to get her natural ladyparts back. I think Brooke was getting bored with a heroine whose lower half was a mechanical love doll.

  57. Liam
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    FW-Who is that guy in the last panel? Is the teacher employing people to collect money that is owed to him?

    FW 2-”You owe him five dollars. Now don’t make me have to break your legs.”

    Crankshaft-I’m waiting for Rusty Trail to show up.

  58. Leonard
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    FW: I used to read FW to realize reality is better than the Funkyverse… I also know recognize I am more rational than anyone in FW.

  59. LP2004
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    MT: That afternoon -
    Tournament Judge: “Mr. Bassy, there’s no doubt that you caught the biggest fish today. However, this is a bass fishing tournament, so I’m afraid we can’t allow your coelacanth, ocean sunfish, or whale shark.”

    Catfish (whispering): “Sorry, Rod, but CheatAtFishing.com was out of bass today!”

  60. Little Guy
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MT: This is the part where Mark is thrown overboard, sinks to the darkest reaches of the deep, and encounters the great Cthulhu.

    TVTropes is ready and waiting.

  61. Dennis Jimenez
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#59): Won’t they be surprised when he pulls a 1,200lb marlin out of Lost Forest Lake!!! Yeah Team Bassy!!!

  62. Mikey
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    MT: Hmm…Are those thought bubbles? They must be from Catfish’s scuba gear because I always verbalize my thoughts!

  63. Hogenmogen
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    FW: That’s not how it works!

    MT: Maybe this strip is moving away from its simplistic black and white world of villians and flawless heroes. Like the morally ambiguous Game of Thrones, Mark Trail is updating the good/evil take found in “Highlights” magazine with Goofus and Gallant.

    Gallant: Negligent with children, and punches people in acts of vigilante justice.
    Goofus: Unlike Gallant, Goofus always wears safety life vests. But he kidnaps material witnesses to his fraudulent fishing racket.

    Who knows? So hard to tell. Fortunately, a megaladon shark becomes unfrozen from the glacier ice and swallows both of them in a single bite, leaving the divine arbitor to sit in judgement.

  64. cheech wizard
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Luann – Tomorrow, the Easter basket project is disrupted when Anne Eiffel comes by the fire station. Ox saves the day by punching out her horse.

  65. Écureuil Écumant
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    MT x S-M: Spidey to Daredevil — “This isolated spot looks like a good place to catch a couple of big ones.”

  66. Mooncattie
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MW – And so, on that fateful day, a plot was hatched under what Charterstone residents in years to come would call “The Killing Palms”. Mother would have to go.

  67. Holly Folly
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    So, you guys got into your super hero costumes and went jumping around the city, just so you could determine that no superheros were needed, only lawyers? Couldn’t you have just talked about this in a cafe or something? No really I’m serious, Spiderman hasn’t eaten anything in days and I am really worried about him.

  68. Hogenmogen
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#54): Ok, I accept that explanation. The way I originally read it was that Les Jr. had to give Asshat $5. That makes no sense. Asshat has to give Les Jr. $5 makes some sense with your explanation. What either scenario lacks is humor. I may be a hidebound literalist, but I also would prefer that someone with 40 years experience (more if you count double for the Cranshit years) at cartooning would be able to choreograph a “punchline” that wasn’t visually ambiguous, thus ruining it’s meagre point.

  69. NoahSnark
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Nothing says superhero action quite like explaining the plot while staring at another hero’s taint.

  70. Liam
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MT-”Mark, do you know the ‘Hail Mary’? I also like to say a ‘Hail Mary’ as I’m casting my line.”

    MW-Has the concept of homosexuality ever shown up in Mary Worth? I would love it if Mary tried hooking up two people and one of them turns out to be gay.

  71. LP2004
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#61): I don’t know why they’d be surprised. Every other species of wildlife on the planet seems to live within walking distance of Lost Forest, so one would expect the same of the local lakes.

  72. Hogenmogen
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Originally, I thought “Pluggers have the same size pants as ten years ago? Shouldn’t it read that pluggers wear the same pants as ten years ago?” But then I figured out that they have the same size, but their ever expanding torsos mushroom out over the beltline. Their lack of mobility, cholesterol laden diet combined with a constricted abdomen forces the body to deposit fat right up against the heart valves. They weaken and die. Ha ha ha, those crazy pluggers!

  73. Écureuil Écumant
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Crank: And that green blob, let us hope, is a massive school of candiru. INCOMING!!

    Pluggers: I still wear the same size pants I wore 40 years ago … size 32. Just a bit too small for one of your elephantitic legs.

  74. Hogenmogen
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    BC: The ant student writes in the same font as the question? Lazy.

    Shoe: Say what you will about the joke, at least Skyler writes in cursive, wears sneakers and has a backpack. I haven’t seen desks like that outside of a historical building, but they are rendered with enough detail for you to know that they are the wooden kind with the top that lifts up and are screwed to the floor. I can almost feel the discomfort from here.

  75. Little A.
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#13): I nominate your MT comment for Comment of the Week!

  76. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Tina’s Groove: Suzanne attempts to become the female Wilt Chamberlain. And not for her basketball-playing skills.

    @Hogenmogen (#63):

    Ah, yes, I remember Highlights…Gallant was a smug, know-it-all bastard whom I just wanted to shoot. Goofus was a well-meaning but annoying idiot who never seemed to get anything right.

    So, in ‘Mudger terms, Gallant was Les Moore, Goofus was Mopey Pete.

  77. Tophat
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    “That’s where Matt Murdock comes in! We are going to sue the SHIT out of kingpin’s operation, possibly file upwards of three or more cease and desist orders! It is going to be glorious!”
    “If we’re going to handle this as civilians, why the hell are we out here dressed as-”
    “SHUT UP I AM WHIPPING THESE FUCKING BUILDINGS AND THAT IS FINAL.”

  78. Austria
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    FW: I am so confused.

    Shoe: Elementary-school-test cliche aside, I like the angle in the last panel. You don’t see that too often on the comics page.

  79. Hogenmogen
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Matt Mudock: This is how we’re going to take down the Kingpin! First, make a copy of this document.

    Parker: Sure!

    Murdock: That’s the shredder. Can you just file this with the briefs while I reprint the document?

    Parker: Sure!

    Murdock: Why are you stuffing down you pants? Nevermind, my secretary can handle it. You cover the phones.

    Parker: Hello, Daily Bugle- I mean this is Peter Park- er – Daredevil’s office, how may I help you?

    Murdock: Uh… That plant. Water that plant, Parker.

    Parker: It’s fake.

    Murdock: WATER THE FUCKING PLANT, GODDAMMIT!

  80. Hogenmogen
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Josh, what is “effort on his pat”?

  81. bats :[
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Yeah, Josh, all this thinky stuff is hard work! And so unpredictable, too!

  82. Paul1963
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @Justin (#50):

    They did that in the comics about ten years ago. A tabloid outed Matt as Daredevil and even though he sued them (and perjured himself repeatedly during those proceedings) and won, we’ve since been treated to frequent repetition of this exchange:
    MINOR CHARACTER: Hey, Murdock, can you help me with this gang problem?
    MATT: What do you want me to do?
    MINOR CHARACTER: Well, you’re Daredevil. Kick their asses and make them go away!
    MATT: You’re mistaken. I’m not Daredevil. That was just a rumor.
    …or…
    MINOR CHARACTER: You’ll pay for this, Murdock!
    DAREDEVIL: You keep calling me “Murdock.” I’m not Matt Murdock.

    So it’s pretty much an open secret. He keeps up the pretense of a secret ID and everyone knows the score.

  83. NonnyMus
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Yep. Attorney Matt Murdock sure does have fancy schmancy offfices for an Assistant Attorney General! California must have more money than we think!

  84. Francis Hobbs
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#64): Kudos for the Mel Brooks reference (“Blazing Saddles”).

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#22): Nice Steppenwolf reference (“Magic Carpet Ride”).

  85. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#81):

    the ‘diabolous murdocki’ strip is very excellent

  86. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#60): mmm, Cthulhumari!

  87. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    FW Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. Keep moving. No joke here. Please, move along.

    MW Hello? What does Toby know about the Kinleys? Isn’t this the Toby who was too busy to come to Mary’s dinner? And now she’s a specialist of the Kinley family dynamic?
    //Hey, that would have been a good band name for an early 80s electronica-style group: “The Kinley Family Dynamic.”

  88. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#55): If Bull’s last name isn’t “Weevil,” then it should be.

  89. DownInTheValley
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    MT: Wait, those directional bubbles in panel two…Is…is his thought balloon thinking? Are his thoughts having thoughts of their own? Or are they just in such dire terror of being unexpressed that they’re grabbing on to anything–even another thought balloon–for fear they might float away unheard?

  90. bats :[
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

  91. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    FW – As long as there aren’t going to be any recognizable punch lines in this strip (then why do they call it a “comic”?), I’d like to see it employ a technique from the TV show “The Wonder Years”. At the end of every sequence, such as today’s, we get a panel of Les, smirking wearily, while he narrates: “At that point, ____ realised that this wasn’t so much ____ … as it was _____”.

    For example, today would end with : “At that point, Bull realised that this wasn’t so much a bet … as it was a prayer for the sweet release of death!”

    Yesterday could be: “At that point, Mark Twain realised that this wasn’t so much stealing a chair … as it was stealing a lifetime of hopes and dreams”

    This also works as Mad Libs!

  92. bats :[
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#85): aw, shucks. Thanks.

  93. Mike
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    ASM: So he’s going to use the law to take down Kingpin’s legal business and thereby bring down his criminal empire? This is just like when Stringer Bell tried to go legit in the real estate business. Only, not interesting.

  94. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#88): I think Bull’s last name should be “Shit.”

  95. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Rose=Rose — The poor squirrel has a PECKER PROBLEM.

    Watch Your Head — MEXICAN VAMPIRE WRESTLERS? Omar’s origin story gets crazier by the day. (Although Nancy’s Guy Gilchrist could’ve used some Mexican vampire wrestlers in his “Origin of Sluggo Smith”!)

  96. Liam
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    A3G-Wonderful! A project that will distract Margo from her art gallery and her job as a publicist.

  97. Illustrator Steve
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    MT – As guest host for Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom’s series, ‘How to cheat in fishing tournaments’, Mark’s job also includes having to do their insurance commercials, which gave Mark the idea of taking out that $2,000,000.00 life insuranse policy on Rusty. Unfortunately for Mark he didn’t take the optional coverage for, ‘loss of child due to child abandonment’.

  98. Illustrator Steve
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#94): I used to have a Tshirt that had “BULL SHIRT” printed on it.

  99. Derdrom
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Mark trail gaining internal monologue feels like Skynet becoming self-aware.

  100. Alice
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#45): Luann: And I’m sure the seniors who are on carefully regulated diets will appreciate this basket full of refined sugar.

    I know, right? I imagine a typical senior’s reaction being something like this: “Great. Medicaid won’t cover all of my prescriptions. I can’t afford laser eye surgery for my cataracts. The ‘library’ here has nothing but a Bible, a Webster’s College Dictionary and some seventh-grade geography textbooks older than I am, so forget trying to keep my mind active to stave off Alzheimers. But hey, that’s fine, because now I have a fucking basket of marshmallow peeps!

  101. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#98): I’ve seen those TShirts. When you first look at it your mind doesn’t see the “R” in “SHIRT.”

  102. Adam
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Peter ‘Danger’ Parker: Excuse me Matt, you didn’t happen to see… anything at all? Sorry.

  103. Lucha Shrug
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#95):

    GROCHO: Haven’t you ever seen SANTO VS. LAS MUJERES VAMPIRO? It’s great! I think we’ll add a clause to your contract that says every comic origin story from now on has to involve Mexican vampire wrestlers.

    CHICO: Oh no you don’t-a do that. I no believe inna Santo Clause!!

  104. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Alice (#100): What the seniors really would like is someone to visit them. The baskets would be fine if the young people delivered them to each senior and spent some time with them. But I bet (not five dollars) that they’ll just drop them off at the home and let the staff deliver them.

  105. Liam
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    MT-Much to Mark’s dismay Catfish got lost and is waiting on the other side of the lake.

  106. Meddleweight Contender Shrug
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#36):

    “Mary Worth- Tom is single, Beth is single. They both work in some capacity and are neurotic, emotional cripples. They must be together, Toby. It is their destiny as determined by Mary Worth. ”

    Mary used to operate on the “you’ll be perfect as a couple — you have SO much in common; for instance you both have two arms!” theory of match making. But last year she decided she’d been setting the bar too high.

    ////(She still insists on “two, plus or minus a couple” though.)

  107. Liam
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-Anything that’ll keep Spiderman from doing more work than he has to is fine by him.

  108. ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF BEING SHRUG??
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    MT: Rod complains “I’m anxious to get this tournament over with, Trail!”

    So, how does one do that? I was assuming the winner was the person who caught the greatest poundage of bass before time x on day x, and if so the only way Rod can get it “over with” any sooner is to harness a few giant animals into giving the earth a good push to get it rotating faster.

    Are we supposed instead to infer that the winner is the first person to catch arbitrary number x pounds of bass, no matter how many days it takes? But that has problems of its own: (a) Rod apparently doesn’t have a scale on his boat to weight the fish and let him know when he’s close to/over the winning total (not that any contest would let everyone use hir own scale anyway), and (b) if two or more widely seperated fisherfolk come in to shore at about the same time with a winning quantity of fishiness, how would the judges on shore know the exact moments when each, out on the lake, caught the bass that put them over the limit?

    Other possible rules for determining a winner in such a way that Rod could unilaterally affect the remaining length of the contest? I’m stumped.

  109. Hibbleton
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    MT: Drifting too far north in Hudson Bay would explain the ice field and also Mark’s thought bubbles. His mouth is frozen shut.

  110. Gringo
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    In the last panel of today’s Merrily Worthless, Toby seems to be channeling her inner Elinor Kinley.

    Also, after lo these many weeks, a new Hark! A Vagrant was posted today.

  111. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    MT: Where is “Catfish” getting these bass that he’s putting on Rod’s line? If he had to go out and catch them, why not just catch them in the tournament?

    Unless they have some radioactive bass hatching site that produces giant bass. That’s my guess.

  112. bunivasal
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Why didn’t Van Gogh get into art? “Because he didn’t have an ear for music.”

    Wait, but… birds don’t have external ears. What did Bird Van Gogh cut off?

  113. Erich Clapton
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    JP: Yeah, we know, “Blah, blah, blah, I’m rich, blah, blah.” When does the train return to Hooterville?

  114. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#112): Well, I guess you can also not have the heart for music.

  115. The Ghost of Jarrod
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    ASM-

    [SEVEN HOURS AND HUNDREDS OF LEXISNEXIS SEARCHES LATER]

    That would be the most exciting “Amazing Spider Man” I’ve ever seen.

  116. AhClem
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft – If the bus trip to the aquarium shows a still-tied up Rusty “Chum” Trail floating in the shark tank, I will take back every negative thing I have ever said about this strip.

  117. Gringo
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Elinor Kinley, picking a fight in a room where a dinner has been
    Pisses on dreams
    Weighs down her daughter, tearing her down with critiques of how romance is shit
    All men are twits

    All the mopey people
    Where do they all come from
    All the mopey people
    End up at Charterstone

  118. Gringo
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#117): I guess I don’t have an ear for music.

    / Picks up brush, begins to paint

  119. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    S-M — So Kingpin has “businesses that operate legally” and they funnel cash to him. And he uses that cash for, um, being evil for fun? Being evil is his hobby? Or is the legitimate-business cash being used as seed money to invest in various kinds of evil with good rates of return? Does he have an Evil IRA?

  120. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#117): I love it!

  121. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#119): Here’s where Kingpin keeps his money.

    You even get a T-Shirt when you open an account.

  122. sully
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    AS-M: Come to think of it, a long, dry, dragged-out courtroom case involving the Kingpin’s shady business dealings WOULD be vastly more exciting and action-packed than the usual snooze-inducing boredom associated with this strip. And Spider-Nap could watch it on TV.

  123. Jasper
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    MT- I know this is Trailverse, but honestly? Rusty, a mutant boy of no more than 12 is FUCKING MISSING at some remote fishing village in the middle of no where at a location in the northern part of the state. He’s been FUCKING KIDNAPPED! Why haven’t the authorities been notified? Why isn’t Cherry rushing there? Why isn’t Rod Bassey and his sidekick Catfish being held as major suspects and questioned? Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights out? Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon. Why aren’t you stomping Private Pyle’s . . . Oops, that got away from me a bit.

  124. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#111): Your radioactive giant-bass-hatching site is an excellent idea. And by a strange coincidence, that’s where the CRANKSHAFT field trip is headed!

  125. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Yo, Poteet! Are you involved in this?

  126. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#121): BWAHAHA!

  127. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#124): Bwhahaha! I hope they eat the bass.

  128. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#125): Thanks! I hope to get involved in a state version of that soon.

  129. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    How refreshing. I haven’t had a good laugh with Poteet in a while.

  130. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    [SEVEN HOURS AND HUNDREDS OF LEXISNEXIS SEARCHES LATER]

    SPIDER-MAN: “Oh, man, was I ever wrong about this.”

    Josh, this literally made me laugh aloud this morning! I’d had a vague sort of similar reaction – “No, Spider-Man, that’s probably not going to be all that interesting, since reading over the shoulder of someone filing legal suits isn’t very exciting” – but you just nailed how research like that can go.

  131. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#94): You still can’t say “shit” in a mainstream comic, but you can at least show it (last Saturday’s Wizard of Id). Baby steps, Sequitur, baby steps…

  132. wossname
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF BEING SHRUG?? (#108): I suppose Rod could be thinking that the bass that Catfish is going to put on his hook will be so ginormous, so immense, so impressive, that he can just head back to shore and get it weighed and then kick back with a PBR while all the loser fishermen spend the day hooking inferior bass. (Except, oh yeah, there’s that little matter of the mutant kid in the van.)

  133. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#131): Oh, I know that’s not his last name only what I thought his last name should be. In fact, “SHIT” should be the name of the strip.

    But you are right about main stream comics suitable for the family. Maybe they could fool people and use the German and call it “Scheiße.”

  134. Herr Kommissar Denny
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    I do continue to find the “SKOOL” sign funny

    That’s the key to the strip right there. The spelling “skool” common among “free schooling” and “unschooling” proponents seeking to quickly signal their outsider brand of no-teachers, no-classes, no-homework education (which makes sense when you recall that this particular ant is the only child of a monogamous pair of adult ants who apparently rejected the hive-mind, and not one of thousands of drones born of a single queen and put to work right away). That this particular “skool” in question utilizes retro-desks and pop quizzes means that ironic appreciation is one of the skool’s areas of focus.

  135. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Let me guess. Lu Ann will propose a benefit art sale in Margo’s gallery to raise funds for research to find a cure for the tragic problem of excessive flatulence.

  136. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#41): *remembers that jeph has a tumblr and LO! all is right with the world.*

    *hands out virtual peanut butter cookies, as the IRL versions get crumbs in the modem.*

  137. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#90): HELLL-o!

    well done, bats :[.

  138. Dennis Jimenez
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#135): A whine and cut the cheese party as a benefit fundraiser, perhaps….

  139. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#129): Refreshing indeed. Here’s to giant radioactive bass!

  140. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

  141. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#139): Giant Radioactive Bass would be a good name…
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    …for a sign in front of an aquarium to help bring people in.

  142. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Lucha Shrug (#103): I assume “Grocho” is a reference to Gaucho Marx, the cowboy comedian from the Argentine Pampas.

  143. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    “my god, that’s a giant radioactive bass”

    “yup. turn the knob to eleven, the floor vibrates and the drummer starts to glow in the dark”

  144. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#8):

    Just got here, so not going to use my Spider Sense to see if others asked this.

    Since Peter Parker is on the road and not at home, does that mean he goes to the laundry mat and washes his suit? Does he sit there while his suit spin dries? Occasionally fending off odd stares by claiming those are his pajamas? Or does he swing through car washes and air dry by hitching a ride on a tractor trailer? Or by the zoo at cleaning time? Then swinging at the ape house? (and by swinging, I mean swinging, baby. Having a good time and dancing with the primates who all love partying with Spider-Primates! It would be one big dance party, and it would break out into some proving ground where each tries to swing and take on the Alpha Ape, whose proportional strength to man might be greater than a similar enhance spider man’s strength.
    Oh well, gotta go.

    Chew on that for a while

  145. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#134): Playskool has used that spelling ever since it was founded over 100 years ago:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Playskool

  146. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    MT –

    Mark: “Is that Catfish over there?”
    Rod: “That depends. Does he have a huge bass?”
    Mark: “Yes, he does. His bass is so big, if he were to sit down, it would swallow the chair!”
    Rod: “Yep, that’s Catfish alright. Everyone in his family has a huge bass. I don’t know where they get them, but I know I’d love the chance to tap that bass, too.”
    Mark: “Don’t feel bad, Rod. From where I’m sitting, you have a pretty nice bass yourself. Better than anything I’ve had on my rod for a long time!”
    Rod: “Are we still talking about fishing?”
    Mark: “We were talking about fishing?”

  147. Mardou Fox
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Did I miss something? Is there a REASON that Spidey and DD had to have this conversation while swinging around the city for two days? Would it be less conspicuous to discuss it quietly over a cup of coffee somewhere? I”m pretty sure they have places you can sit down and get a quiet cup of coffee in San Francisco.

  148. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#144): Chew on that for a while

    I’d rather not. The nutritional value of a spider-suit is probably negligible. Since Spider-Man is often shown eating while in costume, there are probably clumps of food stuck to it. (Frankly, I’m surprised Peter doesn’t have a problem with flocks of pigeons and seagulls following him around!)

    Unfortunately, science still hasn’t found a reliable way to separate the soup and ketchup stains from the semen and blood stains on Peter’s spider-suit.

  149. Marc
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    I would love to see a storyline where Mark has to cover a story about the plight of the rat, and has to travel to the roughest neighborhood in a nearby city. He of course brings Rusty, who takes pictures of a major drug deal, and is subsequently kidnapped by a violent gang. There are so many reasons I’d love to see that I don’t even know where to begin.

  150. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#147):

    Oh, surely there is some coffee house where a man dressed a piece of pop art and a man dressed as the devil can get a cup of joe. The chances of them being bothered are minimal. In fact, the chances of them being ignored are great.

    What would be hilarious is if they ran into those kids who dress up in costumes and stand on street corners to promote some business or another, you know the ones, the ones who give Ziggy a hard time for looking weird.

  151. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#148):

    All good points.
    //for what it is worth, and you all may know how it goes, sometimes it is tough to just rap off a comment without getting interrupted. I don’t bring that up as an excuse but knowing I’m going to get interrupted breaks the train of thought and eventually derails half of what I write here during the day. The booze wrecks the other half at night. Sigh.

  152. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#149):

    Then the story ends when Rusty’s location is revealed by one of the Chief’s lieutenants, who rats him out in exchange for some cheddar.

  153. TheDiva
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#147): Two guys getting coffee together in San Francisco? We don’t want readers to get the wrong idea. No, better for them to put on tight spandex suits and go swinging all over town, legs spred as wide as they can go.

  154. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Thank God!
    Apt3G
    Just when I was worried that Margo would go the way of the dodo and the way of Luann and disappear from the strip for months on end, the mere mention of her name changes the storyline completely!

    Though, I do have some qualms that merely mentioning Margo’s moniker manages to trigger her manifestation. It is a little to close to Easter for Margo to come back from nowhere like that.

    The only thing that would have made it creepier is if she showed up and said, You rang?, while using her petite pitchfork to stir the pot of coffee.

  155. Peanut Gallery
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#7): But you have to admit, “12,000 Girl Scouts” is a pretty awesome band name.

  156. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Hi&Lois:

    Normally, I’d be jumping for joy because Thirsty is in the strip. But, he is kind of leaving me cold here.

    I’m usure if this is a golf joke or if he’s making a joke about how much pot he is saving up to buy. Hi’s staid silhouette as he walks isn’t confirming which intention Thirsty has.

    If this were Snuffy Smif, we’d know what Thirsty was craving for; there’d be no bones about it. There’s either be people in the background with their tongues lolling and doing golf claps or there would be Bob Marley music and people with their tongues lolling. No ambiguity. No sowing of confusion.
    Oh, Thirtsy! Why must thou forsake me?

  157. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#155):

    Even if only 10,000 are maniacs?

  158. Mardou Fox
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#150): I was even thinking they could discuss it in their street clothes, but I guess that just shows how un-super-hero my mindset is.

    I would love to see Spidey and DD questioned by people who thought they were trying to sell something! “What’re you two dudes hyping, anyway?” Then they would act all secret and nonchalant, you know, to protect their identities. “But seriously, is there a sale on dancewear or something? Where?”

  159. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Blondie:

    Does the mailman have any clue Herb is banging his wife?
    Does Dagwood have a clue that the mailman has no clue?
    Does Daisy the Dog know? Does Trixie know?

    Oh gawsh!
    Does the mailman’s wife know?!?

  160. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#158):

    In all seriousness, I’m in the camp who’s bewildered why they didn’t just stay in Murdock’s office. Then there would have been some chance to show the confused secretary being surprised that Parker was there but they could have gone over the files Murdock had on Kingpin or they could have kicked back and had a strategy session by watching “The Big Lebowski”.

    Street clothes, cocktails, some Chinese food. It all seems much more productive than swinging through the city, aimlessly as if the space several stories up, between buildings is a veritable Cone of Silence; it is not: it is spectacle.

    So, I agree with all who question their choice of a “meeting room”.

  161. Peanut Gallery
    March 26th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @WCjobber (#44): So, we’re entering Cosmic Wars: The Gathering Shadow territory?

  162. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth:
    That blonde woman seems to have bloodlust in her eyes. Meanwhile, Mary is all, like, oh dear, worry, worry and thinking “My meddling is being meddled with! Must Meddle up to prove my meddleworthiness is meddle, meddle.”
    All the while, waddling in circles like a penguin, deep in thought.

  163. Calico
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Damn you, Ant child, now I have an oldie trapped in my head (not a bad song, really)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6woM2H3TQA

    Hagar today was actually rather awesome.

    RM – When Rex gets home from wotk, there will be a pile of candy wrappers, empty pickle jars, syrup containers, and Dorito bags strewn about.

    3G-I know, it all hinges on Margo, every day, every minute, every nanosecond.

    SlyFox – Nature is brutal. *Sigh*

    Snuf – Awwww! Please adopt and spay/neuter. So many animals need Furrever homes.

    Henry – Brokeback Henry!

  164. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Lastly, for now,
    Slylock Freaking Fox’s Broken Fun House Mirror of Legendary Precedents.

    What gets me most about this one is how the other animals are staring at the raccoon like they all know he is going to try to avenge his lost fish.

    My guess is this is the origin story of Bat-Raccoon!

  165. Liam
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#111):

    “Sorry, Rod, but the stores were out of bass and I had to get these Gordon’s fishsticks instead.

  166. Mikey
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#147): But without the homo-erotic flying/taint flashing you’d basically have Judge Parker with a blind lawyer and an idiot.

  167. Calico
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#162):
    Toby doesn’t meddle herself per se, but she loves to hear Mary’s gossip.

  168. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#150): Why stop at coffee? Corky’s Diner over in Gasoline Alley offers a free dessert with lunch (“Gertie’s Ipecac Pie à la Mode”). And there’s always the BOGO dish of “Rainbow Swirl Ice Cream” at Mary’s Diner in Santa Royale.

  169. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#167):

    Yeah but just look at her expression and her high-and-mighty statement. That woman wants to take out that lady’s mom! Ol’ Professor Chinbeard just might moonlight as a fixer or a hitman. We don’t know. Until the bodies surface….

  170. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#169):

    Waitasecond, is she married to Prof. Chinbeard or is he not a professor and is in fact just an amish mime? He has so little personality for a cartoon character.

  171. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#163): I wish I knew how to quit Henry.

    @Calico (#167): Toby Cameron is a meddler enabler.

  172. Calico
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#47):
    Or, in FW, not soon enough.

  173. A New Day
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    I love that Mark Trail think-balloons in exclamations! Yes, I definitely find that charming!

  174. Mark Trail's Thoughts
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF THINKING TOO CHARMINGLY AND LOUDLY???

  175. Liam
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-Spiderman and Daredevil; a couple of swingers.

  176. Liam
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    MT-And what will you do Mark? Will you hit the water with an oar in hopes of hitting Catfish? Will you dive into the water hoping to drown Catfish?

  177. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    I know that once in a while, I set the expectations just a wee bit too high for where the story might go.

    But, man! How could would it be if the reason why Mark is being so patient is because over a hearty pancake breakfast, an hour prior to joining Count Bassy on his fishing exhibition, Mark confabbed with his little buddy Bluegill and the end result is that Bluegill and Catfish will do battle underwater, wearing SCUBA gear?

    The only thing that would make it better is if the fish surrounded the underwater battle and were watching and eating popcorn. The only thing that would top that is if the fight went topside and they suddenly were fighting sopping wet on land in full SCUBA gear.

    Wap! Crack!
    Flap!
    Sqeakle Squeakle!
    Pow! KaPow!
    Wheeze wheeze!

    It would be aaawwwweeesome….
    sigh…
    and it would be too much like an episode of “Jonny Quest”…which Mark Trail, and his Rusty are not even close to being compared to.

  178. bats :[
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#177): (insert Star Trek (original series) battle music here)

  179. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    SPAZED OUT ON CUPCAKES!

    There’s a person in our department who took a promotion to another department. We’re having a going away party and there are, like, a gazillion cupcakes!

    Whoo-hoo!

  180. odinthor
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    #153. TheDiva.

    Two guys getting coffee together in San Francisco? We don’t want readers to get the wrong idea. No, better for them to put on tight spandex suits and go swinging all over town, legs spread as wide as they can go.

    It’s catching: Look at today’s Ballard Street

    Spidey and DD look a lot better now, don’t they?

  181. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#175): Spiderman-Spiderman is following in the footsteps of such double-named comic strip characters as Thomas Thomas:

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Zdk8_WFic34/TBQ1hImhjjI/AAAAAAAADRQ/RCm4cZjXWeU/s1600/MW490228.jpg

    I originally posted the link to this February 28, 1949 Mary Worth daily with Nehemiah Scudder in mind. Unfortunately, he seems to have dropped off the face of the earth…

  182. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#177):

    …the fish surrounded the underwater battle and were watching and eating popcorn.

    Eating popcorn? These are Wager Fish! They’re placing bets on the bloodshed and mayhem! The bookie fish are wearing little visors on their heads with a stogie stuck in their mouths.

  183. Jason1981
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Luann:

    “So how many baskets are you making?”

    “I’m not making any. I’ll just stand around being smug and self-righteous, like always.”

  184. Ranger™
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#181):

    Spiderman-Spiderman,
    Does whatever a spider can
    Spins a web, any size,
    Catches thieves just like flies
    Look Out!
    Here comes the Spiderman-Spiderman.

  185. Calico
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#171):
    Yes, yes she is.

  186. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Ranger™ (#184): And with all those radioactive bass about we’re bound to end up with a Spider-Bass.

    Spider-Bass, Spider-Bass
    Does whatever a Spider-Bass does
    Can he swing from a web
    No he can’t, he’s a bass
    Look out. Here comes the Spider-Bass!

    //With apologies to Homer Simpson

  187. Mark Trail\'s Thoughts
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#186): Cool! He would have the proportional ability to leap into the air and catch a bug in his mouth!

  188. KreatureFeatures
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#117): Nicely done.

  189. Tonio
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Josh, what are your thoughts on this? Somehow I’m not surprised that the time Jim Davis spent on actual writing was less than a fourth of what he devoted to promotion and licensing. It’s one thing for a strip to ossify over time, but another for it to originate as a marketing tool.

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/quora/2013/03/26/is_garfield_supposed_to_be_funny.html

  190. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#178):

    “I wager 100 quatloos on the horrible mutant child!”
    “200 quatloos on the fishfaced gentleman with whiskers!”
    “500 quatloos that Captain Kirk has sex with both of them before the battle is over!”

  191. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    MT I guess this doesn’t bear any further analysis, but hasn’t Rusty been missing for a couple of days now? And if it’s only been overnight, being bound and gagged for hours can’t be comfortable, even for a mollusk like Rusty. The Trails must have a live-in therapist to deal with all the kid’s issues.

  192. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#186): Then there’s the E. Nelson Bridwell two-line song parody from DC’s Inferior Five #7:

    Cobweb Kid, Cobweb Kid
    Does whatever a spider did!

  193. Mardou Fox
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#191): Why yes, they do. It’s Andy. In the Trailverse, there is no psychic wound that can’t be healed by the application of some St. Bernard slobber.

  194. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#193): “Slobberknocker” is what happens when Andy gets carried away with Cherry.

  195. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Tonio (#189):

    You, dear person, saved me from linking to that.
    I do find it hard to accept that Aristotle was dragged into that article though.

  196. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#193): And pancakes! In the Trailverse everyone gets mellowed out on pancakes!

  197. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#178):

    Well, if I can’t link to an article on Garfield on “Slate” then Free Star Trek for every fan* also noted on “Slate”.

    *whoever fans of ST are, I guess. Me? I’ve had my fill. I’m moving on to “Gomer Pyle” episodes and the whole Andy Griffith universe!

  198. Alison
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: Tom would appreciate a nice girl like Beth, and could use someone like her in his life? Tom is depressed, Mary. You have said so yourself. The last thing he needs in his life is Beth’s nasty mother insulting him whenever he comes by to see Beth. If Tom is so fragile he is still moping around his apartment two years after the divorce, a comment like “No wonder your marriage didn’t last! Marriage is a waste of time!” from Elinor would probably make him suicidal.

    “Luann”: Must be nice to live in a world where local businesses just throw donations at random teenagers who ask for it because they decided to make charity Easter baskets on the spur of the moment. And *two hundred baskets*’ worth?! In real life, Delta would be lucky to get a couple coupons for 10% off at Denny’s. Hmm. Maybe Delta asked for donations at the same place that could afford to give a local cake maker ten thousand dollars and a free trip to New York.

  199. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#198):

    On “Mary Worth”….this is the way I see it. I make no claims of being Maryworthologist, of course.

    She fancies herself a cakemaker. So, if all the participants in this weird play are all broken eggs then Mary is feeling might assured that she can whip the batter into something which will rise up and prepare itself for a beautiful frosting which…that…which…oh, hell. Let me ditch the tortured metaphor. She just likes meddling with damaged people’s lives.

  200. Mr Frog
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    DT: It’s true; he doesn’t have to unlock the safe. The Jumbler has committed a classic error in assuming that any amount of reinforced steel is sufficient protection against Dick Tracy’s righteous fury.

    Spider-Mope:
    DD: “Kingpin owns a number of legit businesses which he uses to fund his criminal empire! You know that already, right? Wasn’t he your nemesis sometime in the 80′s?”
    SM: “I dunno. Hey, wanna swing by my place? I finally pestered MJ into letting me get a flatscreen!”
    DD: “TiVo changed you, man.”

  201. Shrug S. Shrug (the "S" stands for "Shrug")
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#181):

    I always used to wonder if proper Englishmen Ford Maddox Ford and Jerome K. Jerome knew each other, and if so he knew each other well enough to use their first names, and in any case how they could tell. . .

    /// (Well, neither of them were all *that* proper — JKJ had been on the stage and FMF had an affair or two in his past, as I recall, but for the sake of the joke…)

  202. Chip Whittle
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Tonio (#189):

    It’s one thing for a strip to ossify over time, but another for it to originate as a marketing tool.

    I don’t know. It seems sensible to me that if you want to do something successfully you should look at what there seems to be a demand for. This can produce hilarious mishaps when you’re horribly, horribly wrong (see The Oogieloves or Excessively Muddy CGI Explosion Movie Based On The Name Of Some Fairy Tale) or weird (Monty, which started as a promotional tie-in for the Robot-Man character that never really did anything but the comic strip) but if you call the shot just right, well…

    Read, say, the first year of Garfield. Is that a comic strip that deserved to be on the funny pages? Absolutely. Was it synthesized to be a hit? Sure, but, it was really well-done, and I don’t see that it’s a demerit that it was designed to be so.

  203. Herr Kommissar Denny
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#145): If one assumes that B.C. takes place in a post-nuclear war future, it would explain sentient, individuated ants holding classes in a disused, possible irradiated, Playskool toy.

    Said assumption also explains everything else about the strip. Except its name.

  204. Mr Frog
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    S-M (2): I’d come up with a few reasons why Kingpin would need a legitimate front to support his criminal empire, but then I realised that DD’s comment directly implies that Kingy’s crime ring is unprofitable and thus needs external funding just to keep it going. From this, I infer that either Kingpin is an idiot, Daredevil is an idiot, or — most-likely based on existing data — everyone in this strip is an idiot.

  205. Mark
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    MT: In the real world, scuba divers leave a conspicuous trail of bubbles breaking on the surface–a minor glitch in the bad guys’ otherwise perfect plan? Maybe Mark thinks the bubbles are from methane deposits on the bottom of the lake.

  206. Mardou Fox
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#202): Way back in the misty reaches of time when Garfield was young, I was too, and I worked for a reference-book company writing short biographies of writers. The loose definition of “writers” included everyone from Tolstoy to romance-novelist hacks (hello, Beth Kinsley) and cartoonists. So, I ended up writing an article about Mr. Davis and being in contact with his office. It was definitely all big business, and Davis was very up-front and cheerful about setting things up to be a moneymaking machine. I’d say he did a good job of accomplishing that goals.

    As a side note, in-house we called these little bios “sketches.” When I sent the finished product to Davis’s office explaining that we would be publishing this “sketch,” somebody in the office freaked out and said no no no and rushed an Official Jim Davis (TM) Sketch of Garfield to me, I guess thinking that I was going to draw my own doodle of Garfield and include it in the article.

  207. Mr Frog
    March 26th, 2013 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Mr Frog (#204):

    Oops, reread the dialogue and it wasn’t quite as clear-cut as I thought. I amend my conclusion to “most of the people in this strip are probably idiots”.

  208. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Mark (#205): Mark probably thinks the bubbles are fish farts.

  209. Jim in Wisc.
    March 26th, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#78):

    FW: I am so confused.

    That’s pretty much how all of us feel in regard to today’s FW. I’ve been trying to figure this one out, and the best I can come up with is it’s Geeky McLongface speaking in P1, but Bathack did a terrible job of layiing out that panel that it looks like Bull is speaking instead.

  210. Mardou Fox
    March 26th, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#209): I think the joke is simply: The teacher is a dick. He throws down the wager, then says the other guy has to pay. Ha, ha.

  211. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 26th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    MW There is something very familiar about panel 1…

    Oh, yes, now I remember!

  212. Jim in Wisc.
    March 26th, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#210): Yeah, that probably makes more sense. Esp. taking into account that Batty is such a talented “writer.”

  213. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 26th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#198):

    “Luann”: Must be nice to live in a world where local businesses just throw donations at random teenagers who ask for it because they decided to make charity Easter baskets on the spur of the moment. And *two hundred baskets*’ worth?! In real life, Delta would be lucky to get a couple coupons for 10% off at Denny’s. Hmm. Maybe Delta asked for donations at the same place that could afford to give a local cake maker ten thousand dollars and a free trip to New York.

    They “gathered” everything they needed at Weenie World. Without Ann Eiffel to manage the place, they talked Ox into just carrying everything out to the EMS vehicle that Toni and Brad were driving. Teens love to do good!

  214. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug S. Shrug (the “S” stands for “Shrug”) (#201): I almost forgot to mention the double (quadruple?)-named “Harvard-Harvard the Monster-Monster” from Bob Hope Comics #92:

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_75ptQuFbEv0/SO5znkCV9TI/AAAAAAAAAZU/7QkTH-F2uWI/s1600-h/bob92p17.jpg

  215. Herr Kommissar Denny
    March 26th, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#211): Say what you want about Marxist-Leninist-Maryism. At least it’s an ethos.

  216. Sequitur
    March 26th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

  217. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 26th, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#215): We’ve been so sure that Mary is quoting Albert Camus, when in fact she is using the little red book, Quotations from Chairman Mao.
    //Well, that is when she’s not quoting from Redbook.

  218. seismic-2
    March 26th, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#181), @Shrug S. Shrug (the “S” stands for “Shrug”) (#201): The December 11, 1957, episode of the prime-time television game show I’ve Got a Secret featured contestants John John, Patrick Patrick, and Thomas Thomas. Their “secret” was that all three lived in Walla Walla.

    Yes, as in swaller dollar cauliflower, alligaroo,

  219. Mikey
    March 26th, 2013 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#215): Also, dude, having an…amphibious.. man-catfish attach giant bass to your lure…that ain’t legal either..

  220. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    This one is for all you fans of Bill Holman’s classic Smokey Stover (“The
    Foo Fighter”) comic strip:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2pljKyCgwc

    WHAT THE COUNTRY NEEDS IS FOO!

  221. Herr Kommissar Denny
    March 26th, 2013 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#219): Tomorrow: “Do you see what happens, Bassy, when you fuck pro-fishing in the ass?”

  222. Dale
    March 26th, 2013 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#191):

    MARK TRAIL

    It’s just overnight. Rusty went snooping at the end of contest day 2. This is the morning of day 3.

    How would someone prove a kidnapping charge? Mark is out fishing with Bassy. Rusty is staying with Bassy’s friend and associate, Catfish.

  223. Alison
    March 26th, 2013 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#213):
    Soggy old hot dogs from a second-rate fast food joint or sugar-shock inducing chicken-shaped candy! What to choose, what to choose.

    As for Delta’s remake about “teens” doing good, I have to say, I don’t think I’ve ever heard an actual teenager use the term “teen”. I’ve only heard adults who think they are being hip use that short form.

    Also, could Bernice look any uglier? No, she could not.

  224. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    If Spider-Man and Ziggy had a child together:

    http://www.rankopedia.com/CandidatePix/137348.gif

    (Cartoon by Glenn McCoy!)

  225. Helen Clark
    March 26th, 2013 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Jesus H. Christ. That poor Mrs. Kinley expresses a few honest opinions, and she’s treated like she’s some kind of she-devil! What would you prefer, Mrs. Worth? That she should act just like ((hic)) you? “Oh, Mrs. Worth, I would love some asparagus, thank you! And my daughter is such a gifted writer, thank you! She’s changing the world with her romance novels, thank you! This is the most delicious and enjoyable dinner I have ever had, thank you! It almost makes me glad that my goddamned husband the goddamned bum walked out on us, thank you!”

    Cripes. I need a martini. Maria, where’s ((hic)) the gin? Thank you!

  226. commodorejohn
    March 26th, 2013 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#215), @Mikey (#219), @Herr Kommissar Denny (#221): “The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. …Mr. Trail, for God’s sake pick yourself up and get your thumb out of your mouth.”

  227. Liam
    March 26th, 2013 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft-And when that tracker starts working that will be the signal for Mark to know that you’ve been cheating. Expect a world of punches coming your way Cranky.

  228. The Ridger
    March 26th, 2013 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    A&J: I can’t decide if we’re supposed to laugh because Arlo doesn’t know the word is “unlike” or because Janis just cogently pointed out that people have always told you what they like, not just the Kids Today®

  229. Buck Ripsnort
    March 26th, 2013 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Be reasonable, Mudges — if Spider-Man and Daredevil weren’t running around striking super-hero-y/porny poses in their underwear, this mess would read like a comic-strip version of a John Grisham novel.

  230. Government Cheese
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Beth’s mom doesn’t like Tom”?? You got mixed up, you bag of bones – Mary doesn’t like YOU. Actually, she doesn’t like anything or anyone for that matter; she’s the female version of that angry looking cat going around the internet.

    Of course, this is MW, so she can’t possible admit that someone wouldn’t like her (and that her dinner wasn’t a success).

  231. Peanut Gallery
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#181), @Shrug S. Shrug (the “S” stands for “Shrug”) (#201), @seismic-2 (#218): Then there’s science fiction writer Thomas T. Thomas. As a friend of mine once said, “Why do I get the feeling his middle name is also Thomas?”

    (Disappointingly, it’s not.)

  232. Uncle Lumpy
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#47):

    It’s funny because Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear to impress a whore.

    He should’ve just shown her how fast he can type!

  233. mary_worthless
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#20): Red head? You’re gonna slip Tommie in before Kelly Ripa?? Or Kathy Gifford??

  234. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 26th, 2013 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#232): *snurk*

    well played, Uncle Smoothy, well played.

  235. Mikey
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#221): @Herr Kommissar Denny (#221):

    Cue Mark eating an ‘In N Out’ burger with the wind in his hair. “Wonder what ever happened to Rusty?”….
    Bassy: Fuck it dude….
    Catfish: These are good burgers Bassy…
    Bassy: Who’s got a million fuckin dollars in the back of our van????

  236. Major Major Major Major
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#231): Then there’s science fiction writer Thomas T. Thomas.

    Big deal.

  237. Dale
    March 26th, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    How would Mark KNOW that that spot has a steep drop-off?

  238. Señor Senor Senior
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

  239. Uncle Lumpy
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#237):

    In fairness to Mark Trail (!), they got that right — it’s next to a cliff, and the expectation would be for the cliff to continue below the waterline.

  240. Har Har Hardy Har Har
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

  241. Sgt. Stoned
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Super-powerwise, what exactly is the difference between Spider-Man and Daredevil other than that S-M has a device for shooting out webbing for swinging from building to building while Daredevil has some sort of gun that shoots out cable for doing the same thing?

    MW: Mary is certain that Beth Kinley is the right girl for Tom Harpman even though she’s known Beth for all of one day and Tom for all of two.

    Lockhorns: I have never pictured Leroy Lockhorn as the sort of fellow who plays handball.

    MT: As soon as Mark is sure Catfish is underwater, he slugs Rod with a left hook.

  242. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#241): But, but, but… Daredevil is BLIND!

  243. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#242):

    Other than enhanced senses, he’s was trained as a boxer, right? How the acrobatic, daredevil stuff fits in is beyond me but I was under the impression he isn’t super anything accept for being aware of non-visual sensations.

    //yeeesh!

  244. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    FW — Gawd, I hate that stupid hat.

  245. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark is apparently mind-controlling Rod Bassy. “The blind leading the blind” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

    SM: “Wow, this I gotta see… on one of the thousands of TV cop shows that edit it down into something interesting.”

    Ziggy: “Ziggy at a bondage-themed restaurant” is not a scenario I can imagine a lot of people asking for.

    C-Shaft: Catfish has left Rod Bassy’s employ and now he’s working with Crankshaft. This way he gets to endanger a bunch of children all at once.

    9CL: Ladies, is this something you actually do? Sit on the couch and fantasize about the hot sex your friend is having on her date? And specifically, is this a popular mother-daughter activity? Because I’m having trouble squaring all this with what I know about human behavior.

    RMMD: “Speaking of cravings I seem to be a junkie on the nod all of a sudden. What’s that all about?”

    DT: “Mr. Finley” my foot! I know a moonlighting Count Morgu when I see him.

    Blondie: Cue Whitney’s version of “I Will Always Love You.”

    Phantom: The elder just said all outsiders are evil. If he doesn’t hastily add “present company excepted,” Big Purple’s feelings will be hurt.

    Luann: Knute must be pretty low on blood sugar. I’ve never found peeps appetizing no matter how much ganj I’ve smoked.

    M-Dawg: What are they mad about? Aren’t swans supposed to have yellow beaks?

    A3G: Coffee first and then tell Margo who you want her to eviscerate. I mean, you are going to let her use her skill set, aren’t you?

  246. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 26th, 2013 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#241):

    MT: As soon as Mark is sure Catfish is underwater, he slugs Rod with a left hook.

    A left fishhook. It’s not pretty.

  247. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @NonnyMus (#83): Matt Murdock is a private attorney, of course. Which didn’t stop him from prosecuting a rapist in the movie. I guess whoever’s writing the newspaper strip decided that bigfooting into the DA’s job was his other superpower.

  248. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#245):

    Ziggy: “Ziggy at a bondage-themed restaurant” is not a scenario I can imagine a lot of people asking for.

    Damn, you, Ziggy!
    Why must you haunt us all from beyond the grave?!?
    It wasn’t our fault! It was Life that did you wrong!

  249. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry. I apologize.

    It’s just that little knob-headed hobgoblin just sets me off sometimes.

  250. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smif:

    In all due respect, that was a good gag. You have to think about it. And, keep in mind it is made funnier if you insert the beau’s dialogue:

    “Get Lost and I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth!”

    Okay. Maybe that wasn’t spelled out but it is Hootin’ Holler. I don’t know if spelling is allowed there.

    //btw, I joke about Ziggy a lot but I don’t bother reading the strip unless it is in front of my face. If someone brings him up then I make the jokes. I don’t really care one way or the other.

  251. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#249): Understood.

  252. bbofun
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#241): *Puts on comic-book-nerd glasses*- Spider-man has the strength, speed, and agility of a spider- in the comic books, it’s been stated he can lift 10 tons, he has an extremely acute sense of balance (allowing him to balance himself on a single finger, for example) and has reflexes that are quite a bit faster than a regular humans. He can also stick to walls, and has a “spider-sense”, which warns him of impending danger (although it rarely seems to work in the comic strip). He also heal faster than a normal human.

    Daredevil, on the other hand, has no abilities in term of strength, speed, or agility other than those of a highly-trained acrobat/athlete. He does have super-humanly acute senses (other than sight), plus his “radar sense”, which allows him to sense the shape and location of objects around him. he uses those senses to help him be extremely precise in his acrobatics and fighting.

    Basically, in a fight (or a race), Spider-man should mop the floor with Daredevil. Of course, in the comic strip, Spider-man’s considerably less impressive.*takes glasses off*

    Oh, and for everyone who has attempted to explain the Funky ‘joke”- I still say that’s not the coach saying the line in the last panel- unless the coloring monkeys got the hair wrong (and there seems to be a lot more than Bull has), it’s another student. And even if it is Bull, the line makes no sense- the kid in glasses owes kid with hat $5? Why? Even assuming that the bet was made by the kid with glasses (which would mean the speech balloon, and, in fact, the entire panel layout in panel one was horribly off), why would it be any sort of joke for someone to point out that glasses lost the bet?

    Oh, well, it’s okay- turns out this was just a one-off and Wednesday has nothing to do with this, so there will NEVER be an answer.

  253. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — It’s funny because Crankshaft is an obnoxious clueless asshole who can’t read a map or drive a bus competently even though he’s being paid to do it.

  254. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#251):

    Despite my mea culpa don’t think that go on a zig-zag jag of Ziggy jokes again. I will. It is like twiddling thumbs; it’s easy, calming and relaxing….

    zzz…stutter…zzzz…stammer…zing?….ZiggGeeeeeeeeeee!

    //haha. oh, Sound FX, how I love to write you.

  255. Droopy Says
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Spiderbore: Yeah, like this strip can accomplish anything in one week.

    Creepy Les: It’s good to see Creepy Les annoyed by something, even if it means looking at Creepy Les.

    Family Circus: Come on, Dowwy, you know that the Easter Bunny leaves eggs. Tiny, green little eggs that you can pick off the ground.

    Jugs Parker, Big Spender: Are you sure you can afford to pick up the tab? You don’t need to impress a mere waiter! Just wait five minutes and someone will give the restaurant to the judge, sparing you the need to foot the bill.

    Markzilla: See what happens when you fish near Oto Island? One minute everything’s calm and lovely, and then a giant prehistoric monster rises from the deeps, sinks your ship and swims off to stomp Tokyo!

    Phantom: Better speed it up, Ghost-Who-Jabs-and-Roofies. The lionness looks like she remembers your blind date last year.

    Pluggers: What’s sad, more than usual, is that the Plugger is reading aloud.

    Phantom: The lion tries to decide if she gnaw the entrails of the relatively small boar, or rip out the larger, juicier innards of the man. Yes, she’s torn between two livers . . .

  256. tallyHO
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    BTW, I don’t read Crankshaft either (mainly because it seems like such the anti-Shaft…I know, I know. Shut my mouth!)

    But, isn’t the ensuing storyline supposed to involve him crashing a bus into a giant aquarium?

    Where’s the popcorn?!?

  257. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    MT — Theoretically, at least, Mark might notice that the bass is distinctly unenthused when it’s hauled to the surface, having been caught awhile back. And is Catfish being paid for this gig, or is he doing it specially for Rod because he’s feeling the love that in MT probably still has no name?

  258. DaveyK
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    Spider-man, convinced that Matt Murdock is a TV lawyer, is thrilled by the prospect that, for once, his super-heroic powers of TV watching will come in handy against a criminal mastermind.

  259. Poteet
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    MW — So is Tom the first eligible man Beth has met in the past twenty years? Did Elinor keep her locked in the basement of wherever they used to live?

  260. Dale
    March 26th, 2013 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#239):

    Nice try, but: next to a cliff it’s a continuation. A drop-off is when the bottom goes out relatively flatly and then takes a dive or dump or whatever.

    The fishing line goes out to viewer’s left, and then makes a 90 deg. turn back.
    The lure has two or three treble hooks. Catfish is going to grab it with his bare hand. I’m careful just pulling one out of a tackle box.

  261. Poteet
    March 27th, 2013 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    S-M — Hey, wait a minute. Just yesterday we were informed that these businesses were “operating legally” and making money. So can a legally-operating business that is making money be a “phony business”? Or is Matt the Flying Lawyer making up the rules as he goes along?

  262. J.R. Clark
    March 27th, 2013 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    @Ranger (#2): I had a 19th Century European history class in college. The professor discussed the Dreyfuss Affair and asked us, “Who was Dreyfuss?” I replied, “Well, he was chief inspector with the Surete’, he hated Clouseau and wanted him dead, shot his own nose off with an automatic pistol he thought was a cigarette lighter, and ended up in a padded cell in an insane asylum.” Yeah, it went over about as well as you might have guessed it did.

  263. Victory Garden
    March 27th, 2013 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#245): All of these for COTW.

  264. Poteet
    March 27th, 2013 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    S-M — Could you carry on a normal conversation while sailing through the air like that? Or would you kind of have to yell at each other?

  265. Poteet
    March 27th, 2013 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#245): I’m sure I speak for many other ladies when I say that I often travel to other states to eat cookies, steal cattle, discuss with close female relatives how I sexually enslave my men, and play superb classical piano in my spare time. It’s just what many of us do when we have double-x chromosomes and no chins. Brooke’s understanding of us borders on the divine, as he himself has pointed out.

  266. Droopy Says
    March 27th, 2013 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @J.R. Clark (#262): That’s sad. I had a Greek history class where the teacher (a fiendish, mustachioed man) was saddled with an incompetent student. When the student came to class with a leg in a cast, the teacher promptly named him Figowitz. Sadly, I was the only one who got it. (He also described the Athenian fleet’s envelopment of the Persian navy as “a Salamis sandwich.”)

  267. Baka Gaijin
    March 27th, 2013 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    Wednesday’s Comments

    I yearn for the strip when Beth finally cracks and gives her mother a super atomic wedgie. The old sourpuss earned it.

    Note to Peter Parker: Next time you make a super suit, include a ventilated crotch to reduce the need for splay-legged swinging.

    OMG! The weasel returns to Get Fuzzy. Fun will ensue. I hope.

    Ha ha! Pluggers are too stupid to buy reading glasses. Or “too cheap” to buy reading glasses. Maybe it’s “too fat” to buy reading glasses?

    Just what the old folks need: Easter cards that Brad deGroot coughed all over. Thanks for starting a geriatric tuberculosis epidemic, Delta.

  268. seismic-2
    March 27th, 2013 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#266): Sadly, I was the only one who got it.

    “Sadly”, because no one else was familiar with the characters in Crock, or because you were?

  269. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 27th, 2013 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#245): 9CL: Ladies, is this something you actually do? Sit on the couch and fantasize about the hot sex your friend is having on her date? And specifically, is this a popular mother-daughter activity? Because I’m having trouble squaring all this with what I know about human behavior.

    I think that it makes as much sense as the fantasy of having sex with twins. Because that’s only sexy if you don’t think of it in terms of having sex with your sister.

    In other words, it may be a male (or perhaps just a McE) wank fantasy, but no, I cannot imagine doing this with my mother, nor can I imagine any of my female friends doing it with their mothers. Ew. I mean, EW.

  270. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 27th, 2013 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#265):

    spent some of last night reading through 9cl from eight to twelve years ago, and was kind of amazed how much more realistic his characters were

    now it seems he either believes his own publicity… or else he’s just deliberately trying to wind up readers on sites like this

  271. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 27th, 2013 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#270): “likeable” instead of “realistic”

  272. Droopy Says
    March 27th, 2013 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#268): Well, the teacher was familiar with Crock (who he considered a bit of a sissy), so it didn’t hurt that I got the joke. And that I didn’t have a broken leg that quarter.

  273. Dr. Weird
    March 27th, 2013 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#202):

    Robotman did have a line of plush dolls and an animated TV special in the 80s, with robot girlfriend and dog… which didn’t resemble the snarky pop-culture parody of the strip at all.

  274. gleeb
    March 27th, 2013 at 5:54 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: I guess when Ed learned to read, maps weren’t on the curriculum.

    ‘bean: Oh, good. Creepy Les is being a dick. The world is familiar again.

    Curtis: Forget it, Curtis is in sandwich-land now. Wait til he returns to explain.

    Spidey: Are these phony businesses the same ones you said were legitimate yesterday?

  275. Old Folkie
    March 27th, 2013 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#231): There was a professional bowler in the 60s named Joseph Joseph Joseph. But he legally changed his middle name to George.

  276. parcheesi
    March 27th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    For some reason Shoe looks like it’s being seen through the eyes of an adult lying on the floor, who then stands up.

  277. Mark
    March 27th, 2013 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    MT: Didn’t Rod say to Catfish, “We’ll figure out what to do with the kid later.” Like…all they need is some time to think about the problem and they’ll come up with a good idea. Ha Ha. The options are kind of limited, aren’t they? Maybe they can sell Rusty into white slavery. Then Mark and Andy can spend the next year looking for him.

    Too bad Andy isn’t there. He would have told Mark to call the police.

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