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Looming doom

Funky Winkerbean, 11/11/08

Every long-running narrative form drifts towards its own extremes, which explains how Funky Winkerbean went from being an occasionally melancholy strip about high school hijinks to a charnel house. Hopefully today’s near-wordless installment is about to take things to the next level: instead of being struck down by alcoholism or cancer or garden-variety despair, Montoni is going to be devoured by the rampaging Tyrannosaurus Rex that has escaped from a secret underground genetics lab, and is now eating everything in sight. Hopefully, the new accelerated pace of death will kill off all the strip’s characters in short order, opening us up for a new, happier beginning, or at least three blank panels a day in which nobody weeps openly.

Crankshaft, 11/11/08

Meanwhile, over in the “fun” Funkyverse strip, the complex issue of Afghan poppy cultivation — which is the only means that many impoverished Afghan farmers have to make a living, but which fuels terrorism and religious extremism in the region and desperate addiction in the United States — provides the source material for a terrible joke about pastries for Crankshaft to squint angrily at. Crankshaft is irritated by this news report, naturally, because it promises that the smack that makes his life bearable will be more expensive in the coming months.

Apartment 3-G, 11/11/08

The third-stringers continue to stink up the field here in Apartment 3-G, as Gary, completely rattled by a little razzing from Dr. Kelly, flails emotionally at Tommie for no reason. “You two work together. Is he always a little … ODD???? Hey, don’t walk so far away when I’m shouting paranoid nonsense at you!” It’s just as well that Tommie found out that Gary can’t deal with difficult people now, before she took him home to be terrified by Margo.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/11/08

“Seriously, no more! Your heterosexual shenanigans repulse me.”

Marmaduke, 11/11/08

“Guess who’s got rabies! Me, soon enough.”

Pluggers, 11/11/08

OH FOR THE LOVE GOD NO PLUGGERS AND GARAGE CLEANING NOOOOOO

(For you Johnny- and Janey-come-latelies who don’t know what “garage cleaning” is code for, travel back in time.)

206 responses to “Looming doom”

  1. CanuckDownSouth
    November 11th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    oh, man – I’d find the rabies joke funny, if I weren’t on the vaccine series now, following a bat encounter. The “you almost certainly weren’t bitten, but if you’re wrong, it’s a certain and horrible death” attitude of the Public health is a bit sobering.

  2. Dave3544
    November 11th, 2008 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Frankly, I’d be repulsed to hear of the heterosexual shenanigans between Tweeks and Lenore as well.

  3. commodorejohn
    November 11th, 2008 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Not being able to stand the artery-distending suspense, I used my magical scrying abilities to peek at the upcoming days of Funky Winkerbean. No direct tragedy is forthcoming, at least not in the next week, but we do have Funky being a dick (big surprise) and an unintentional innuendo of Rex Morgan proportions.

  4. Muddtallica
    November 11th, 2008 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    OK, with that additional bit of info about “garage cleaning” in mind, today’s Pluggers has suddenly become absolutely, unbearably foul. As in I’m-literally-twisting-in-my-seat-to-numb-the-pain foul. Thanks very much for that.

  5. Aesop
    November 11th, 2008 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    It’s obvious that a meteor is about to kill everyone in the Funkyverse. Well enough, I suppose. At least we won’t have to drag out their long, slow, painful deaths with terminal illnesses.

  6. IdleDandy
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    I had to google “charnel house,” but hee! Totally worth it.

    And seriously, the rabbit (kangaroo?) lady making out with the dog (bear?) man was bad enough before the “garage cleaning” innuendo. I hope it’s not a bear and a rabbit. That could be dangerous, you know, size-wise.

  7. Anonymous
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    Oh boy! That time-travelin’ link explains not only garage cleaning, but Rolly Church of Crete too!

  8. Judo Throw Toy
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    FW – I predict it’s Godzilla and that a large Japanese manga conglomerate has bought all rights to the Funkyverse. Mothra will soon come to the rescue.

  9. Adriana
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    Who says “puzzling exchange” anyway?

    I think the “Is he always a little…ODD?” needs a “Dun dun duuuunnn!!” at the end.

  10. bats :[
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    1.CDS: wow! I’ve heard the vaccination series is “better” than it was years ago, but it still is a series. (Hell, I hate needles such that the once-a-year flu vaccination is a major trial for me.)
    Was this one of those “bat in the house” encounters? At any rate, get well soon! (Or whatever is appropriate to say.)

  11. Cranky
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    #1 Canuck, sorry to hear, but Public Health is right. The shots are nothing compared to the alternative. In recorded history, the total number of survivors from full-blown wild rabies? One. Four years ago. She’s in college in Wisconsin now. The novel treatment used on her may point the way to more in the future, but for now, get your shots.

    Death from rabies is so horrible that I’m surprised Batiuk hasn’t used it in a strip yet. Then again, maybe that’s how the ‘Shaft will go out…

  12. Sandinista
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    I think the last panel of Rex has got the wrong word balloon… I think it’s supposed to say ‘Clean the garage?’

  13. Little Guy
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    FW: OKay, whoever is going to put the coffee on the strip, please use the coaster instead.

  14. Oavis
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    If there’s true justice in the world, Crankshaft will go out like the strongman does in the movie Freaks, except at the hands of the other characters in the comics rather than a band of freaks. Not that you could tell the difference.

    As for Funky Winkerbean, I do have to hand it to Montoni. If I was about to be vaporized by a falling plane or meteor, or a slavering dinosaur’s jaws, I only hope I’d be classy enough to have my last words be “Uh-oh” instead of “OH FU-U-U-U-UCK!!!”

  15. Erik
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    RM: “But Lenore’s coming over tonight and we’re going to…” scrapbook? Seriously, what’s with all these comic strips hinting at sex? I’m getting worried that other strips are sneaking innuendo in there without me even knowing it. Is Spider-Man a sadomasochist? And is that what they’re calling it these days – a “puzzling exchange?”

  16. ESJ
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Real Americans (aka Pluggers) cannot stand by while gay people attempt to spend their lives together. But rabbits and bears marrying, then performing unspeakable acts of sexual depravity under the guise of routine house chores? Totally cool!

  17. Laura c
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    #6 – Could it be Josh’s use of “charnel house” that brings up the dead people (“World’s largest obituary archive”) in the Google ads? Or perhaps just “Funky Winkerbean” is sufficient.

  18. Jamus The Bartender
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Wasn’t that a movie of some kind starring or featuring Alyssa Milano? With little or no clothes on ?

  19. Comics Review Guy
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    I don’t get why Rex is so uninterested in one old gimpy man and another older frail lady boning like it was old times again.

  20. Patrick
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    “I destroyed my boat and lost the race, but at least I get to have old-people sex! I guess it’s a wash!”

  21. CanuckDownSouth
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Bats, Cranky – thanks. Yes, the shot series is much improved. I’m in the followups part, where you get one shot in the arm on certain days, for a total of 5. I had a “bat encounter” at an observatory – we don’t know for sure that it scratched or bit me but you don’t take any margoing chances.

    A guy last year knew he’d touched a bat but never noticed the bite – and died of rabies. Public Health’s official policy is to be more paranoid than Sam Driver and Rex Morgan trying to avoid alone time with their wives – combined.

  22. Satsugai
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    I had no idea pluggers were so kinky, what with their inter-species relationships.

  23. Hugh Manatee
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    I know where I’ve seen Rex Morgan’s nostril perspective before: that’s the exact angle I tilt my head when I’m bobbing in the ocean waves and trying to keep my face above water. Not that this helps me understand WHY it’s drawn that way…

  24. Jacob Singer
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    “Well, I dropped my keel, wrecked my boat, and lost the race! And that was before I even got out of the bathtub!”

  25. Vince M
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    7: I often use ‘Rolly Church of Crete!’ as an exclamation myself, done in the voice of Hermes from ‘Futurama’. And checking the ‘Mary Worth/Hal Rapp’ strips ref’d earlier on I’ll have to use ‘Shades of Bluebeard!’ too.

  26. BigTed
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    “Opus” made such a big deal of how its universe was ending for weeks and weeks — it’s kind of nice to see someone on “Funky” just go, “Oopsy, here comes the Apocalypse!” and have that be it. That seems like exactly the right way for them to go out… not with a bang but a whimper.

  27. Lolsworth
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    It’s the angel of cancer!

  28. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    November 11th, 2008 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    26 — You mean Lisa’s back?

  29. Stroker Ace
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    FW – Montoni is watching attendees of the Westview High 30th reunion throw themselves off the 10 story building across the street. Receiving the group photo sent them over the edge.

  30. Lolsworth
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, over in the “fun” Funkyverse strip

    This description of Crankshaft is the most dispiriting thing I have ever read.

  31. Sani
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps the looming danger in Funky Winkerbean is one of Calvin’s many town-destroying T-Rexes.

  32. Roger
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    The great thing about the Crankshaft commentary is that I can misread “smack” as “snack” and it still totally works.

  33. Tom the Pirate
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Godzilla? A t-rex? A meteor?

    You people lack insight into the workings of Funky Winkerbean. In a time-saving measure that has all of the heavenly choir slapping backs and singing hosannas, the Allmighty Father has decided to put an end to decades of dillydallying and so, now that all surviving members of Funky’s graduating class as well as all auxiliary cast members who have escaped death to date are in town, God will flatten the landscape with one massive, mega-sized tumor.

  34. Greg G
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Nerdy farmer moment: Opium is taken from the sap of the poppy, not the seeds. .

  35. skullcrusherjones
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers- Is the rabbit the lady or is the bear? Or are they both male? Or both female (explains the flannel)?

    Dammit, Pluggers, my mind isn’t meant to go into the dark corners.

  36. Tom the Pirate
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    The funny thing over in retroFoob is, that really was pee Elly cleaned up in the first three panels. It just wasn’t the puppy’s.

    Meanwhile, having jumpstarted his libido ogling his daughter’s love interest, Luann‘s dad is about to go all caveman on his wife and make sweet, tender love to her all night long.

    And Marmaduke is worried that his Adolf will catch on that they’re still cleaning up after some vigorous dog-on-girl sex play with copious quantities of whipped cream.

    Over in Born Loser, Thornapple shouldn’t worry that his shirt is wrinkled. I’m more concerned by his knees.

    Finally, in today’s Garfield … is that a sex question??

  37. Erik
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    #35, pluck a WHAT?!

  38. Black Drazon
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Ah, Remembrance Day, when The Shaft sits in front of the TV and uses his powers of evil to remind me and my fellow Canadians that the flower of remembrance we associate with today is being grown (in the country where many of our troops currently are) as a politically volatile opiate. Thanks, Crankshaft. Thanks for that.

  39. C. Havoc
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    “OH FOR THE LOVE GOD NO PLUGGERS AND GARAGE CLEANING NOOOOOO”

    Man, I LOVE the superior feeling that comes with understanding an inside joke.

    Seriously, it makes us insufferable at family reunions, but I love it anyway.

  40. Anonymous
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    Between panel two and three of FW may I suggest a panel of Arnold Boecklin’s The Plague?

  41. survivor
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    - Whatever evil stands before Montoni, I’m sure he and green apron-clad brother Luigi can handle it.

    - In the unseen final panel, Crankshaft should stand before the cartoonist that wrote that gag holding a baseball bat a la Pearls Before Swine.

    - Tommie stands before Gary contemplating how to gingerly inform her geeky, frog-faced, teal jacketed, Bill Gates-hairdo friend about the definition of the word “ODD”.

    - Silly-hat-and-tie-wearing “Hitler on the lam” stands before the rabid Marmaduke realizing that his end has arrived in truly bizarre fashion.

    What a great day for comics!

  42. Mr. O'Malley
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    FW: The beads of sweat in the air, the light bulb, even the tiny thunderstorm make sense to me. But what is the origin of the head bobble? Not the whizzy lines that indicate a rapid turn of the head, as in panel 1 of A-3G, but an equal on both sides in-place bobble as featured in the Doom Panel of FW.

    If the bobbler is not from those parts of India where people actually bobble their heads during conversation, I can’t think of any physical movement that corresponds to it.

  43. Bryan
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    FW: An east wind! Mary Poppins is back in town!

  44. Angry Kem
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    #37 Black Drazon: Yes…Crankshaft officially wins today’s Offensive Timing Award. Sadly, Crankshaft himself would probably be pleased if he knew.

  45. Dji
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Drop a keel, wreck a boat, lose the race, clean the garage… now that’s an orgy!

  46. Violet
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    Wow, yeah it really doesn’t take much to unnerve Gary, does it? Granted, Tommie kind of got the ball rolling with her baffling “Surprise! I’m in the place I work at everyday!” but his seeming astonishment, even alarm, at his girlfriend showing up to eat lunch with him at their mutual place of employment leads me to suppose he is so easily disconcerted that the immediate follow-up to this exchange is Gary shrieking “Good God! Is that man eating salad?! With a fork??!!” and running hysterically from the cafeteria.

  47. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    That Plugger dogbear is like five times the circumference of the Plugger kangarabbit, continuing in the proud tradition of the Honeymooners / The Simpsons / King of Queens.

  48. Harry F
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    FW is just following the natural progression of comic strip tragedies. After cancer comes comes the classic cartoon death. Montoni is about to be hit with a falling anvil.

    An early Wile E Coyote cartoon had the protagonist lose Misty E Coyote to cancer and thus cause him to focus on the roadrunner.

  49. Mac
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    Hate to disagree, Josh, but surely someone called “Crank”shaft is a meth man, and things have been rough on the comics page’s meth users ever since Tommy was put away.

  50. fluffy
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me or are those pluggers both dudes?

  51. bats :[
    November 11th, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    33. Greg G: hotcha, you’re right! So we can get BOTH opium AND poppy seed cake! Does this qualify as a win-win situation?

  52. El Santo
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    Serious post about Montoni — I call heart attack.

    Though everyone else’s speculation is much much funnier and way more satisfying.

  53. Mooncattie
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    FW – Ah, the T-Rex would gulp down Mr. Montoni, but then it would end up spitting out his pizza!…because it tastes so awful!…because Funky is still saving money by using crappy ingredients!….and then there’d be even more utter hilarity!
    …but he’s probably just looking up lamely at the first snowflakes of the season, just as he’s finishing up with the leaves…
    I’m willing to settle for a massive coronary, however.

  54. Mac
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Oh, if you want serious speculation, it’s a tornado.

  55. Joe Blevins
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    CS: The ‘shaft is especially angry because is hearing is failing and all he got from that newscast was, “Afghanistan is the number one country in the world.”

    Oh, and kudos to Batiuk for eploiting the full comedic potential of an old man sitting alone in the dark.

  56. Jonathan the Bellboy
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    Let me go out on a limb here. When I was reading the “funnies,” I presumed that the poppy reference in Crankshaft was supposed to be some sort of reference to Veteran’s Day (I think the ‘Shaft fought in WW1 or something full of old crabby guys). Not a good one, or one that works well, but how often are holiday-themed strips funny?

  57. Rusty
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    MW: When does Frank start thinking that inviting Mary out to see him ws the biggest mistake of his life?

  58. Rusty
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    FW: Hopefully it’s a toxic airborne cloud released from a nearby fertilizer factory that is on fire.

    Pluggers: Nice mom jeans on plugger dad there.

  59. kizzle
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    Remember the 24 where they nuke LA? I’m hoping the “uh-oh” is the dim recognition of his doom just a sec before the flash, then the terror, then this strip could end once and for all. Sadly though, they’d probably not only all survive but continue their sad existences in a barren, Waiting for Godot-esque hellscape, though at least then the aesthetics would match their pointless passive-aggresive moping.

  60. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Gah, I have a phobia about rabies.

    When I was a youth, my parents got me a book called “the Power of Believing in Yourself” and it was about how Pasteur formulated the germ theory of disease and was mocked for it. But despite jeers from others, he carried on and formulated shots against rabies and thus saved the life of a boy. It stressed the importance of confidence and everybody lived happily ever after.

    And what I got from the book was a terrified dread about rabies.

    I’m going to go have some tea and think calming thoughts. Man, who would have thought it would be Marmaduke that sent me to dread and fear of death, and not Funky Winkerbean. It’s as weird as the Family Circus touching off a heated political discussion. Next thing you know, Foob will be heart warming and A3G will be action packed . . . wait, A3G did have excitement recently! Augh, it’s apocalypse!

  61. zenvelo
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    did anyone notice today’s Curtis shows a bit of kink needed for him to spank the monkey (or should I say “visit Flyspeck Island”?)

  62. Digger
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    I’m having difficulty figuring out which one the woman is in today’s Pluggers. Actually, I could say the same thing about Apartment 3-G.

  63. YouWho
    November 11th, 2008 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    Cranksters is wincing at the thought of washing down that poppy seed strudel with Lena’s coffee. Aaaugh! I had to look her name up. Toss me in Batiukland, for I have succumbed to such Stygian depths of sad comic geekdom… wait, I already live in Cleveland. Whoooo Whoooo!

  64. Tats
    November 11th, 2008 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    A3-G: As much as I appreciate Tommie’s decision to buck beauty norms imposed by the patriarchy and not wear any make-up, I’m also not sure it’s the best idea for her to wander around a hospital looking like the grim spectre of Death.

    FBoFW: So I see we’re just retconning things so that Elly was never even pretty to begin with? Alright then.

    MW: Man, I can’t even imagine that kind of lifts they had to put in Ice-Dad’s shoes to make him appear taller than the 6’8″ Mary Worth. It’s for naught, though, as Mary’s sense of moral superiority towers over all.

  65. juggernaut
    November 11th, 2008 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    I’m guessing Montoni sees a billboard advertising the grand opening of a monolithic pizza chain, which wll handily destroy what pathetic little business he currently has. I mean, seriously, does anyone actually eat at that place besides the few survivors of Funky’s graduating class, and their offspring?

  66. AeroSquid
    November 11th, 2008 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    FW: What could it be now ?
    - Funky’s decapited head lobbed high out of mobster’s caddy.
    - Global warming
    - Hope and Change
    - Lavatory ice
    - Funky’s weekly booze airdrop from Tuscani.
    - Lisa’s irradiated corpse (that flies)
    - Mr. Death (riding Lisa’s irradiated corpse)
    - A Homeland Security UAV
    - Turkeys falling from a helicopter leased by Funky to promote Montoni Turk-O-Roni Family Sized T-Day pizza.

  67. AeroSquid
    November 11th, 2008 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    FW: One more:

    “FREEZE ! DEPARTMENT OF IMMIGRATION ! Step away from your American dream, Montoni…or should I call you MontoNEZ ?

  68. Mel
    November 11th, 2008 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Tweaks and Lenore — That’s were you want the Spider-man sound effects.

    WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
    SNIKKKPT!

  69. UncleJeff
    November 11th, 2008 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    Josh — Thanks for the “cleaning the garage” retrospective but thanks even more for explaing “Rolly Church of Crete”. I always thought it was a religious group that handed out tracts at the airport.

  70. Victor
    November 11th, 2008 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    If you want a summary of everything in Cancer Cancerbean these days, today’s strip tells you everything you need to know.

  71. Zaq
    November 11th, 2008 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday…

    MW: The beatings will continue until morale improves.

    MT: Mark’s got his punchin’ eyebrows on!

    RMMD: To what? Have kinky, kinky nostril-sex? The kind our dear artist evidently loves?

    Popeye: Swee’pea is a lolcat. Duly noted.

    DT: I don’t know what’s worse; that Brt Fors was taken out so easily, or that we’re going to have to see this panel at least four times.

    S-M: NO

    A3G: “Odd? Buddy, I live with Margo Magee, and you’re calling my doctor friend odd? Oh, and an airhead who gets hopped up on meth and screams about South Dakota. Her too. Don’t talk to me about odd.”

    Curtis: Another gold star for no inappropriate quotation marks. Good job! Try to keep it up. For those of you keeping track, this is day three in a row in which Billingsley didn’t abuse his quotation mark privileges! (Yes, the ones on Saturday weren’t bafflingly put around perfectly ordinary, non-quoted words, but he put the comma on the outside, so he lost points anyway. We must be harsh if he is to learn anything!)

    GA: Oh good, they’re BOTH idiots.

    Buckles: I’m impressed! They actually included a season word AND a cutting word! I wonder if it was accidental or if they actually know more about haiku than “five, seven, five.”

    Cathy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

  72. christian
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps, like myself, Crankshaft is just annoyed and angry at the idea of a ‘joke’ because it makes light of his painful, angry existence

    hypothetically

  73. Topliff
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if it was the onset of the rabies or just the foam that caused her to grow a third breast.

  74. Muffaroo [not back yet]
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    FWbean – Montoni sees the deadly cloud of ass gas that ‘shaft cranked out a week or so ago.

    Laura @17 – Very well put. I almost said “stated,” but it’s a question.

  75. Red Greenback
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    The Pluggers pictured are, in fact, a healthy, normal heterosexual couple named Sheila Roo and Andy Bear. What is effed up about the comic is that it’s “garage cleaning” theme was suggested by Gene & Karen Jones who are, in fact, brother and sister.

  76. Spunde
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    “Tommie! What’re you doing here?!”

    “I… I work here.”

    “You do?”

    “Don’t I? Cripes, even I can’t remember my own story lines.”

  77. Moss_Moses
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    The Judge Parker time space continuum is so drawn out that Randy Parker was running for judge long before the primaries and that election has not even taken place yet! Perhaps the election has been postponed while the Martha Mitchellesque Celeste goes to rehab.

    Mark Trail may be running short on evildoer names. Snake is a logical choice but why tarnish the reputation of the entire leporidae family? Evil thy name is Rabbit! That name conjures up images of the evil Bunny Hopper.

  78. Poteet
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Third-stringers stinking up the field is right. Once again we are being kept away from South Dakota. I’m grateful that Lu Ann’s family is reportedly a few sandwiches short of a picnic, because that’s the only hope I can see of ever getting out there. Though maybe by the time we finally do, it will be spring and the prairies won’t be covered with snow.

  79. Johaeli
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    It’s definitive. Cathy’s stress and low-self steem, has reached patological levels. She has now developed bipolarity and multiple personalities…and the ability to asexualy reproduce.

  80. Harry Paratestes
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ so please stop talking; I’ve already heard enough to imagine your aged, wrinkled flesh commingling amidst slaps, moans, and shout-outs to Elvis, Jesus and the Virgin Mary. God, I’ll just go home and have June pour some bleach into my frontal lobes while I down some vintage port!”

    Pluggers: The true Plugger seal of approval is a kiss of apology after the delivery of a black eye to your woman.

  81. Harry Paratestes
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    A3G: In panel 3, Gary looks like he’s wearing some sort of superhero makeup. He’d be kind of superhero whose power involves cutting into the front of the line at a bank on Friday afternoon, or maybe giving criminals a really good dental flossing.

  82. Mel
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    76: Moss_Moses,
    Obviously, you have not seen the horror that is “Night of the Lepus.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Nightoflepus.jpg

    You really have to see this to believe it.

  83. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Digger – I think the woman is the one with the post-coital-bliss/heroine-droop eyelids, while the man is the vast one whose tiny lifeless beady eye is staring, mysteriously, at her shoulder. Or maybe that’s a mole. Can’t help you with A3G.

  84. Brick Bradford
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    I shared some of the more grand guignol speculation about the horror about to strike the funkyverse with Saturn Sadie and asked her opinion. Her response?
    “I thought it was just a sign announcing that a Pizza Hut was opening”.
    Living with non ‘mudges is interesting.

  85. MaggieMarvel
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    The despair-ridden cast of Funky Winkerbean vs Tyrannosaurus would be the awesomest comic ever.

    The only thing that could top it would be the Family Circus people getting attacked by a giant rabid pterodactyl.

  86. abomunist
    November 11th, 2008 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    #39: It’s Böcklin. And: HE’S AMAZING.

  87. Poteet
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    9CL — Post-coital comment least likely to inspire Round Two — “Wow, wait til my mom hears about THIS!”

  88. Mibbitmaker
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    Only read this page (up to #74), so forgive repeats, okee-dokee?

    FW: Uh-oh, looks like our favorite basketball-court-hating Gasoline Alley character is at it agaaaa-aaaain…!

    A3G: Tommie: “What? Him?? Aw, he’s just frumpy from the last time he saw someone talk to me — he’s sooo sick of burying their bodies all the time. After all, it’s gotta be a bitch to use the murder weapon to hide his bloody victims with. Samantha Eggar, he ain’t! ……….Wow, Gary, he’s right: you really don’t have a sense of humor, do you?!”

    S4th: Ted will be celebrating Thanksfornothing Day on the 27th.

    S-M: Tomorrow’s strip:
    P1: “There! Cuffs off!”, Spidey walking away, pleased.
    P2: Same, no dialogue, though.
    P3: Spidey walking, but now there are fully together handcuffs clamping his hands together. He looks at them in shock.
    P4: Spidey, standing in resigned frustration: “Damn!”

    Mutts: Funny, cute play on words.
    FC: Not so much.

  89. Red Greenback
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    FW: It’s the rearing head of PUTIN!
    Marm: Dear Wendy, I get a little excited whenever I see Phil Winslow’s shoes. Is there something wrong with me?

  90. Donkey Hotey
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    #27 Al – You mean Lisa ever left?

    #55 Jonathan – Probably the Civil War.

    …and speaking of FW, was the story line about the kid stealing the money ever resolved, beyond Dad saying it was the LAST time he would cover for him?

  91. Poteet
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    # 89 Donkey Hotey — I’ve been wondering about that kid also. I think the only “resolution” was readers knowing that the kid is both experiencing and causing yet more misery in the Funkyverse. After all, why should the young ‘uns be exempt?

  92. Shmork
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    Do Pluggers approve of marrying outside your species? I mean, somehow I doubt that.

  93. kurt
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    FW: (off screen) “We’re not in Kansas any more, TOTO!”.

  94. Toronto
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft is irritated because poppy seeds get under his dentures.

    But really, picking on poppies on November 11th? Sheesh.

  95. ring around the collar
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    Gary, who evidently thinks that it is completely normal to do his best John Denver impersonation while wearing Captain Kangaroo’s sport-coat, thinks that the mere fact that Dr. Kelly works with someone like Tommie is sufficient to qualify the doctor as “odd”? It does, of course, but I’m surprised that Gary should be perceptive enough to notice that.

  96. Joe Btfsplk
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Funky – It’s the biggest, baddest autumn leaf of them all, swooping down to avenge his kindred, the numberless gutter-swept victims of Montoni’s broom.

    Mark – Has it occurred to anyone that this Rabbit fellow may actually be a rabbit? Sneaky is just a normal-sized, normal-brained raccoon. Animals in the Trailverse are known to grow to gigantic sizes, and are frequently capable of human-like speech, indicating an evolving reasoning ability. And we all know what avaricious, sadistic bastards those rabbits are. It was only a matter of time before something like this happened.

    Fred – They worked out who gets to be Lady and who gets to be Tramp years ago.

    Dick – Huh?! This can’t be the end of the robot fight. It doesn’t seem like Locher to close a plotline without some outburst of inventive mayhem. Brute Force is apparently still active, but malfunctioning, so maybe all hope is not yet lost for us.

  97. Red Greenback
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    A3G: “No, I don’t find Dr. Kelly odd, this guy is odd.”

  98. Anonymous
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    FW: Tom Bautik and JJ Abrams present: WINKERFIELD

  99. Lithros
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    Of course Marmaduke is a vicious killer, but did you know he’s also an amateur roboticist? Granted, his paws make it difficult to fix the melty rubber faces properly onto his replacement-owner-bots, but the little scamp does his best.

  100. Pirate Feller
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    3-G: Tommy’s reaction to Gary in panel three just seems to say “back away…slowly”. No wonder. Gary’s acting like he just got caught masturbating.

  101. Toronto
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    I’ve seen several comments about the Pluggerroo being a guy. It’s not.

    It’s Ellen.

    Still strange, mind you.

  102. Toronto
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Poteet@86 – CotW!

  103. ms. docweasel
    November 12th, 2008 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    ugh. Pluggers is veering toward morbidly obese furry yiff.

  104. Red Greenback
    November 12th, 2008 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    FC: Don’t eat with yor hands, Dolly, use your entrenching tool!

  105. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 12th, 2008 at 3:34 am [Reply]

    Wednesday stuff

    9CL— And the Kreutzer Sonata plays on… The ever-observant judges are amused, but are they impressed?

    Here is McEldowney’s inspiration (via Prinet, Tolstoy, and Beethoven):
    http://www.artnet.com/Artists/LotDetailPage.aspx?lot_id=810CEA47E82042B6

  106. Red Greenback
    November 12th, 2008 at 4:20 am [Reply]

    MT: Find the 6 differences!

  107. late2theparty
    November 12th, 2008 at 5:13 am [Reply]

    Left on the “Crankshaft” cutting-room floor:

    In order to combat the dire shortage of water in developing countries around the world, the government is encouraging citizens to write more rain checks.

    In an effort to help end the brutal civil war unfolding in the Congo, the government is encouraging everyone to dance the conga.

    In a new measure to reverse the melting of the polar ice caps, the government is distributing ice cream to encourage the development of brain freeze.

  108. Hat
    November 12th, 2008 at 5:40 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Funny thing about Afghanistan . . . it’s the world’s leading producer of heroin and yet not one decent rock band.

  109. True Fable
    November 12th, 2008 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    MW “Mary…let’s take a walk” …off a very short pier, bitch!
    RMMW June’s gobsmacked pucker is one of the many reasons I love this strip. It’s like she’s saying “omg nooo, the Becky Sue! To hell with the garage, I can have my sloop slip cleaned!”

  110. Saluki
    November 12th, 2008 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    Tracy: I was in a band once called Laser Tongue.

  111. True Fable
    November 12th, 2008 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    SFx GOAT! Goat harassing painter!
    Canadian Zombie The Ultimate Comic Zombie once again graces us with Unbearably Cute Puppy Poses while Lynn continues to try to re-write history by implying that Elly used to be much more understanding and good-natured than she really was.

  112. Saluki
    November 12th, 2008 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    Duke: Of course it’s a ride. A ride straight in to the gates of Hell! Bwa ha ha ha.

  113. True Fable
    November 12th, 2008 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    Leggo my goat! And please, don’t stare at her udders. Give her some dignity.

  114. Little Guy
    November 12th, 2008 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Funky: Montini just avoids a visit from Doonesbury’s “W”.

  115. Mibbitmaker
    November 12th, 2008 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    When’s Day:

    DT: Oh, ye of little ‘Mudgeon faith! — The robot fight fights on! Although TrazeMeBro’s dialogue in the last panel should be coming from a Spider-Man robot.

    And TrazeMeBro becomes “LazeMeBro”!

    9CL: Okay, that’s incredibly creepy…!

    Agnes: Step into the “No Whirl Zone”, ladies…

    A3G: Yeah, that doctor was a nice guy the way Frasier’s mom was being nice to Diane Chambers!

    Arch: Yeah, Juggy should’ve been cooking a Bunsenburger on that instead.

    BBailey: Word processors think they’re the entire internet!

    Curtis: Barry, having just spurred on his older brother’s dangerous stalker persona, goes on to quote a punchline 800 times older than he is.

    DtM: ‘Dennis’s Mom the Menace’. –And possibly Stereotype. Or, how ’bout: ‘Denis’s Mom the Loretta Lockhorn Clone’…?

    ReFOOB: Puppy Farley was just like a Looney Tunes beaver/termite.

    FW: That’s it? Really??
    “Funky Winkerbean’s Foreshadowing to Nowhere”, in this week’s FW!

    Garfield: As opposed to whom — nobody? Back off, Mr. Arbuckle!

    GF: Bucky just came up with the name of the Get Fuzzy collection this strip will appear in. Good work, Katt!

    GT: …And the last panel comments on the first two. You’re just an allegory, Deonte Baines! …Shame to waste a perfectly wacky name on an empty gimmick character, though.

    JP: “A collector of men”?? It must be hell getting them all into those mylar bags! ….And why is the Monkees’ “Star Collector” stuck in my head right now?

    Big Furshlugginer Dog: “No, I call it ‘Prelude to a Kill’!”

    MW: “…Those goddam extras think they’re the audience now! Lemme yell at the director this time, Mary…”

    OBH: If this were Mary Worth, the old guy would be an extra.

    Ghost-Who-Is-Freakin’-Doomed: I dunno… I wouldn’t be so quick to accept a diagnosis from a highly stereotypical witchdoctor, myself…

    RMMP (Rex Morgan, Middle Panel): Lenore is angling to be a Chuck Jones character, c. late ’50s-early ’60s.

  116. Mibbitmaker
    November 12th, 2008 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    …And Traze-R becomes “Laze-R”!

  117. Balto
    November 12th, 2008 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    OK, the ‘Pluggers’ lady has too long a muzzle to be a rabbit. Plus, size-wise, she makes more sense being a kangaroo, so I’m going with kangaroo. There! Damn it, I can finally sleep tonight!

  118. Mordock999
    November 12th, 2008 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann – 11/12/08

    And it AMAZES me that Brad’s

    Hypocritical,

    Overbearing,

    Narrow-Minded,

    COCK-BLOCKING parents,

    would have the BALLS to make disparenging
    remarks about HIM…,

    ______________________

    DEATH to TJ!

  119. mayzshon
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    FW- Oh no! Frozen Carcinogens are falling from the sky!

  120. Calico
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    #1 – What happened with the bat? Did you try to rescue an ailing one?
    There has been a problem recently with a white fungus that grows on their little noses-a girl in VT was bitten earlier this year when she tried to pick up a sick bat in a parking lot.
    Good luck and get all your shots!

  121. Brick Bradford
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    JP Yeah, it’s too bad the local cops are too incompetent (or too busy picking out leather ensembles to seduce visiting lawyers) to run a background check on a major person of interest in a murder case.

    FW Well, that was a bit of a letdown, wasn’t it?

    MT The Right Fist O’ Justice is beginning to vibrate as it’s Evil Facial Hair Sense kicks into action.

  122. Calico
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    #96 – OMG – it’s Gary Busey on meth!

  123. Calico
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Foaming Hand Soap? Marm is obviously a raver.
    Bubbles!
    (Cue horrible tech “music”)

  124. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    9CL: Aw c’mon, guys, drive down to Amsterdam and you can see better stuff than that, closer up. And for a price you can participate, too.

    A3G: Gary’s calling off the lunch date because he and Dr. Joe are going to have a romantic tete-a-tete. It’s about time the popular media portrayed a real love triangle, in which each of the people involved is interested in both the others.

    Archie: HA HA HA HA OH THAT JUGHEAD ALWAYS CONSUMING CARBON BASED NUTRITIVE SUBSTANCES WHAT A RIOT HA HA HA HA HA THAT WILL NEVER GET OLD

    C’Shaft: And it’s “Puns That Would Make Frank And Ernest Cringe” week here in Crankshaft.

    DtM: Yet another good reason not to park next to a fire hydrant.

    (WT)DT: Unnecessarily dramatic exposition… check. Arms that bend the way no arms should… check. Tiny, tiny fingerless hands… check. Yep, TRAZE-R is based on Dick, all right.

    FC: Mmmm, coal tar. Builds strong bodies zero ways… which explains a lot about this strip.

    JP: By all means, run a check on Dixie Julep. I’m sure that THE POLICE INVESTIGATING THE MURDERS OF TWO MEN SHE WAS INVOLVED WITH didn’t think of that.

    MT: The dogs are anxious? Chickenshit dogs. They better be anxious. That’s Sneaky we’re talking about. He’ll whip out that pocketknife he took from Mark’s pocket and cut them dogs a new bark hole.

    SFth: Was Aria that hot before? It’s a subtle difference, but I think there is a difference.

    SFx: The pig is the only one with cloven hooves.
    The dog is the only one wearing clothing.
    The pig is the only omnivore.
    The beaver is the only one who builds his dwelling.
    The cow is the only one not fully in the room.
    This is easy!

  125. Lake Eerie Log Chains
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    121 Calico
    I think it’s actually Gary Busey OFF meth

  126. Randall
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Don’t get all excited, Montoni’s just realized his colostomy bag is leaking.

  127. gleeb
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Brenda: “Well, Ma’am, I was born in Liverpool…”

    9CL: Why do I think the dialog tomorrow is going to include the phrase, “good dismount”?

    ‘shaft: Crankshaftism, or as it is usually known, Malapropism, begins to spread. Soon waves off mass suicides will result from people disgusted by what they have been saying.

    FC: Dolly’s grandma must be an Iron Chef fan, what with the use of squid ink in her soup.

    ‘bean: Uh-oh, an asterisk. A steroid-tainted baseball record-holder is coming to town!

  128. dyslexic dog
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    “Thank you for sexing up my soup.”

  129. queek
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    110: a goat AND a fish skeleton. This strip is proof that Bob Weber Jr exists, and wants us to be happy. (with apologies to Ben Franklin.)

  130. AmazingThor
    November 12th, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    BC: Is our seagull friend refering to the myth that alka seltzer tabs will make a bird explode?

    9CL: These people got to see more than just hands…

    Bizarro: Why is there a piece of blueberry pie on the ground? And what’s up with the eyeball in the bottom right corner?

    Crank: “Seeded”? Get it? Cause she’s preggers!

    DT: Maybe you’d get a better visual if you pulled your fist out of your eyes

    FC: The color version has Dolly eating some kind of foul black sludge. Tar perhaps?

    FW: Of course we get a horrible let down today. But now I’m wondering what that smug little look means in the last panel. Is it because he knows that no matter how far away Manotoni moves he’ll never out run the Cancer Cloud of Doom?

    Garfield: After all those years alone, Jon has become the master of “plucking” his chicken.

    H&J: Am I alone in thinking that Herb’s mother-in-law is really just Jamaal in drag?

    MW: Don’t get her alone, Frank, it’s a trap! That’s just what she wants you to do!

    PBS: Peanuts and Pearls line up nicely today. I smell a conspiracy!

    RMMD: The Mrs. shows us that Rex ain’t the only one to ridiculously overact to common situations. Either that or she had an anuerysm while trying to whistle.

    Sfox: Yuck! Too much inappropriate animal touching!

    S-M: Yes, in the three seconds between yesterday’s strip and today’s, the engineer stopped the train, ran to a phone, called the police, and they drove all the way to the train yard…or it could just be the police who have been chasing you all the way from the museum. Stop blaming your troubles on some poor engineer!

    Zits: I don’t get it. Did her brakes go out and she had to stop the car with her feet?

  131. Lake Eerie Log Chains
    November 12th, 2008 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    And now, some juvenile musings

    9CL – Interesting architectural & decorating choices they have in Brussels. No curtains? Voyeur cages? I’m talking to my wife tonight about a vacation.
    A3G – Yes, Gary, give Dr. Kelly a shot before settling on Tommie – why eliminate your options?
    Cathy – Perhaps we we should switch over to the alternate universe of Cathy’s reflection, where she’s happy with who she is and she can STFU already (or become Sally Forth sans daughter)
    Crank – Batiuk can’t even do this lazy crap correctly. Hey, Bats, if you’re going to phone in the jokes, just use the same artwork over & over again.
    Crock – Balls?
    DTM – Ha ha! Women can’t drive! Oh, and nice fuck-me pumps, Alice! (Lake Eerie Amalgmated Comics Snarking would like to apologize for the perceived misogyny in the preceding statements, though we did warn you of juvenile musings)
    DT – Ow! U sht a frckn lzr bm out uv yr mth! U dck!
    FC – Good Lord, why don’t you people correct her once in a while? Do you even care how she’ll be treated in school? Oh, and Dolly dear? I don’t think that’s soup – Grandma’s gone and fed you black coffee again.
    F-Minus – It’s funny now, but substitute Brad DeGroot? GOLD.
    FW – Go ahead, laugh at the old man, but that lake effect snow is a bitch.
    GT – “But what if I give up the hat?” Anyhoo, let’s try some writing/artwork agreement – running into a roadblock doesn’t jive with getting tackled from behind.
    JP – Don’t want to burst your bubble there, Steve-O, but that wasn’t a lady. But hey man, if it feels right right, go with it.
    Luann – “Heroic” firefighter calendar? Unbuttoning your shirt is heroic?
    MT – Mark has a lot of summabitches to punch.
    M’Duke – “No, I call it playing with one’s food.” At least the kid’s trying to turn a profit from his dog’s reign of terror.
    MW – And Frank was never seen nor heard from again.
    RM – Hey, isn’t that June’s “Niki” face?
    SF – Is it too much to ask that Aria be invited for Thanksgiving dinner [Prays to Ces]
    SM – OK, wake me up when he accidentally defeats Big-Time and clears his name in mid-February

  132. Angry Kem
    November 12th, 2008 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    The Beast returns to the Middle Ages in today’s Marmaduke.

    Archie: Why is Archie’s head so tiny? I mean…that’s a really tiny head. Jughead’s is about twice the size. I feel as if someone should just reach out, recite, “Johnny had a baby, and his head popped off!”, and nip Archie’s mini-head right off his neck.

    9CL: What’s the big deal? They’re kissing. I can see people sucking face every day just by walking through campus for a bit. You people don’t get out much, do you? Or is it the piano that excites you?

    S4th: Ted, I double-dog-dare you to invite Aria over for Thanksgiving dinner. With Sally’s mom and sister also present, that would make for, like, the best family dinner ever. The resulting fear, loathing, and hostility would probably destroy the neighbourhood. It would be awesome.

  133. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 12th, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    #129 AmazingThor Re: Zits— She was a passenger in a car driven by her son. She was stomping on the phantom passenger-side brake pedal that is well-known to all parents who ride with teenage drivers.

  134. Doug Puthoff
    November 12th, 2008 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    GT–The strip posted at the Tribune’s Gil Thorp Page is actually Thurday’s (11-13). The ironic thing is that it took me a minute to realize it. I just thought Rubin was having one of his WTF moments. And gocomic.com hasn’t upadated the strip since this past Saturday. Are the only people who give a fark about Gil Thorp his readers?!

    I need some words of comfort from Linus Van Pelt.

  135. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 12th, 2008 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    11/12

    FW: Ah, phew! It’s just the first snowflake. Good news everybody. It’s just snowing. And the snow isn’t laced with arsenic or anything. Right?

    9CL: In a sure sign of economic distress, American tourists in Belgium are too broke to attend the live sex shows. Luckily, some other American tourists are willing to give them a freebie.

    A3G: Gary cancels all his dates with Tommie after a snippy conversation with a doctor. Underneath that wimpy exterior hides a completely craven exterior.

    DtM: A classic woman driver joke. “Classic” means “hackneyed and embarassing”, right?

    S-M: Our hero’s pride will really be hurt if he finds out that the police are just responding to a report of public urination twenty yards up the track.

    JP: In keeping with the sister strip, Steve’s heterosexual shenanigans repulse Sam.

    MT: The dog-raccoon melee is outdoors during the daytime? Why is it not in the waterlogged basement of a dive bar? Where are the cheap cigars and vomit-stained floors? Does tradition mean nothing to these people?

    Garfield: You need a pretty srong constitution to read beyond Jon saying, “Dad, I asked my girlfriend, and though she’s never tried it…”

    DT: I’m grateful for the helpful “laser” caption, because I initially thought Brut For Men was hocking some kind of robot loogie.

    Big Dog: Oh, it’s a ride all right, boy. It’s the last ride you’ll ever take.

    OBH: Well he might if he were being written by Garth Ennis.

    Luann: You know, I always thought that running into burning buildings and saving people was the heroic part of being a firefighter. Turns out that I was wrong, and the heroic part is looking good with your chest oiled up. Thank you for the education.

  136. Lake Eerie Log Chains
    November 12th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    133 DP
    Ahem, I’ll try to speak for Linus.
    “Of all the Doug Puthoffs in the world, you’re the Doug Puthoffest.”
    Oh, words of COMFORT – sorry

  137. Dingo
    November 12th, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    In my mind, I want to imagine Sneaky with a horrible 1940s Hollywood movie version of a Mexican accent. As the dogs approach the log, Sneaky whips out a switchblade and shouts, “Ju jant a piez ah me? Yeah? Ju want it ju cum gat it!” and then he laughs a maniacal laugh that sends all of the dogs scampering off into the forest whimpering.

    Over in Lake Tranquil, Frank Griffin is about to give Miss Mary the heave ho. Any man who can turn a brown sweater in panel one into a brown jacket in panel two must have mind powers beyond imagination.

    Frank’s grabbed Mary’s arm and told her they’re “taking a walk.” In the best Tommie Thompson world, tomorrow morning her body will either be found in the skating rink dumpster or at the bottom of a ravine, clad in purple rayon and condescension.

  138. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 12th, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    #130 Lake Eerie Log Chains Re: RMMD— I think that’s June’s “Mr. Bill” face. After years with Rex, she’s hoping for an encounter with “Mr. Hands”, or possibly with that macho “Mr. Sluggo.”

    #131 Angry Kem Re: 9CL— Those people are probably piano-bench-sex fetishists.

  139. minor flood
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Montoni sees nothing more or less than the eraser of Tom Batiuk.

  140. pccmdoc
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Maybe Montoni’s demise will be a la the end in the Last Battle, the final book of the Narnia series, where once the chosen ones who believe in Aslan, or firmly have faith in the other evil Jabberwocky type diety are admitted to ‘heaven’ which is just a more glorious version of the world they live in, then they keep moving through that world into an even more glorious version of the world they left.

    Oh wait, this is Funky Winkerbean. It’d be more like purgatory because no matter how many times you made the FW universe more ‘glorious’ it would still suck.

  141. AmazingThor
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @ 132 – Alfred E. Neuman
    Okay I get it. But I prefer to picture her driving down the hghway with the front door open and her foot stomping down on the pavement. Kind like how Indiana Jones stops the mine cart in Temple of Doom

    @130 – Lake Eerie Log Chains
    Luann: Don’t you see Toni’s boobs on the front of that calendar? Pretty damn heroic, IMHO

  142. Amateur
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    SF & MT: Wow, two “Dun dun DUN!” moments in one morning. I’m not sure I can stand all this excitement.

    Curtis: Where has Barry been all these years? Letting a stupid girl rock his boat is Curtis’s raison d’etre.

  143. CanuckDownSouth
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    119-Calico No, I was closing the rolltop roof and a bat got trapped inside. In the dark, I felt something touch me, then saw the bat swooping around me. The bat got out on its own, but there was a tiny scratch on my hand – which could easily have had another cause from earlier in the day.

    [psa] Since bat bites are very subtle, I was told I should get the vaccine, even though the likelihood that I was actually bitten/scratched was a long shot. The policy is: any credible reason to think it is possible you had a bat exposure, even without any evidence of bite marks, and you should get the vaccine. [/publicservice]

  144. CanuckDownSouth
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    and Phantom is confusing its PSAs today. NO – it’s RABIES where you have no chance after symptoms appear. About 20% of Ebola victims survive! [mutter]Boxcarred-up comics “research”[/mutter]

  145. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    I remember some discussion the other day about the “Adam @ Home” strip in which he stares, stunned, at his new computer, apparently having forgotten that he has purchased it, while a family member makes an “it doesn’t byte” pun.

    At least that was a recognizable comics trope (older folks, they just don’t understand technology) and a recognizable pun (albeit one that was old back in the 1980s). Which is above average for this horrid strip.

    Today’s strip, where Adam presses a button and the computer turns into a huge set of jaws because, as his kid tells him, it is the “I’m in command” button, just plain makes no sense in this or any alternate universe of which I am aware. Is the computer going to eat him? Or is he in command, as the button name would imply?

    I likes my comics simple and predictable, like:

    Zombie-FOOB – Teething puppies like to chew objects they find around the house. Lesson learned! (At least by me, though apparently not by Elly)

    Marmaduke – Marm captures neighborhood children and drags them off to his lair to devour them. The neighborhood has decided to accept this and to go about their lives as best they can. Eventually, the screaming will subside, and another set of thighbones will be added to the bloody pile at the entrance to his “doghouse”.

  146. Tyler
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    RM- “If nearly drowning didn’t kill me, whatever Lenore’s got planned for me tonight surely will”

  147. Journeyman Softheart
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    FW: Actually, this is that rarest of jokes in the Winkerbean universe where the smugness is kind and indulgent. Of course, the symbolism of the single snowflake representing winter offers us with a visual reminder of mortality stalking the elderly, overweight Montoni, and his reaction of raw terror and flight to the artificial, Disneyland world of Florida expresses clearly how our modern lives allow us to use technology and escapism to superficially deny the ultimate reality of death. We worship youth and marshal plastic surgery, make-up, and retouched photos to blot out any reminder of the decay and oblivion even as the weight of our own impending decay and oblivion stalks our subconscious and poisons our lives as we grow older.

    But still, it was a pretty harmless and indulgent comic, for Funky Winkerbean.

    RMMD: The only time I’ve ever seen an expression like that, the woman had just received something very different from “The Becky Sue.” Actually, maybe that is just what the kids are calling cunnilingus these days.

    JP: I still resent the fact that boy toy Randy Parker has been tossed aside to become the new titular “Judge Parker” and assume the status of the strip’s absentee landlord – I really liked watching him try to awkwardly put the moves on a legal secretary by sharing his love of Tom Clancy novels while on the rebound from the deranged cult leader. That said, Steve is starting to grow on me. His background as a war criminal and his mysterious past with dangerous women in San Francisco suggest a level of depth that could add a lot to the strip.

    SF: If a foreign spy service had trained a secret agent to seduce and manipulate Ted Forth based on careful research, they would have produced Aria…

    …actually, that would make an awesome plotline.

  148. Amateur
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    #144 — That’s very Twilight Zone. I wonder if ending up as a pile of bloody bones outside Marmaduke’s doghouse is better or worse than being wished into the cornfield.

    Or maybe the townspeople even hold a Shirley Jackson-style lottery to decide which kid is next!

  149. Calico
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    #142 – I agree – I would get the shots too. At least they aren’t in the gut anymore, but they still must not be a picnic. Owwie. Best to you.

    Angry Kem – I’m liking your medieval blog more and more – and learning something, too. So, thanks.

    FC – Mmmm good, Asphalt Chowdah. Stick-to-your-ribs stuff.

    MW – “Let’s just take a little ride in the car, Mary…there’s a picturesque bridge nearby that I want to show you! C’mon!”

  150. Calico
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    #144 – Elly’s just pissed because those are the things she usually chews on.

  151. Dingo
    November 12th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    I must disagree with you, Journeyman Softheart.

    If a foreign spy service had trained a secret agent to seduce and manipulate Ted Forth based on careful research, they would have produced Clay Aiken. A science fiction loving Clay Aiken. In jodphurs.

  152. commodorejohn
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Protip: when making out in a building across from an institution for the terminally voyeuristic, drop the blinds.

    AS – If they’re down pillows, why is he missing all his other feathers? That dude should sue for false advertising.

    BB – Dude, you’re the resident geek in this strip. If a word processor is too sophisticated, use a damn text editor.

    BS – Unlike the Great Canadian Authoress, whoever draws Brenda Starr actually bothered to find out what a horse’s eye looks like. Bravo!

    DT – And here I was thinking to myself, “you know what could make this Dick Tracy storyline even better? Some gratuitous labelling!” Other artists might employ some visual cues to indicate a laser beam, like lighting cues or stylized lines. Locher just draws two parallel lines and slaps a label on it to make sure we know exactly what it is. It’s like the anti-Herb & Jamaal. Bonus points for TRAZ-R referring to a video camera as a “TV.”

    FC – No. Messrs. Keane, this is not acceptable. Shape up or retire, you hacks.

    FW – Yep, total letdown. However, feel free to speculate wildly about Crazy’s wish-I-could-quit-you expression in the final panel.

    Garfield – “Pluck a chicken,” eh? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    GA – “You won’t starve! I’ll kill you for meat!”

    GT – Ooh, Gil Thorp borrows some of Mary Worth‘s disco-dancing!

    JP – You know what’s even awesomer than seeing Dixie Julep? Seeing boring lawyers talking about Dixie Julep! And by “even awesomer” I mean “God why can’t this strip ever live up to its potential.”

    Luann – Sweet Jesus, Mrs. deGroot is possessed by Pazuzu.

    MT – Let the punching commence.

    MW – Hoo boy, she’s going to get pushed off a bridge. Also, the couple shrinking away from the meddlery in panel one is a nice touch.

    MC – I find this highly amusing.

    NAOQV – You know, if I were doing a comic strip featuring historical political figures, and I wanted to address modern politics in a semi-serious fashion, I would take the time to research their actual positions on those issues instead of just using them as a mouthpiece for my own views.

    NS – A message from Non Sequitur: don’t let yourselves be fooled, our unending national misery will continue.

    Popeye – ENOUGH WITH THE GODDAMN E.T. REENACTMENT GET ON WITH THE PLOT ALREADY

    RMMD – Wow! June has a sailboat! Does this mean the Morgan family is going on a round-the-world sea cruise for their vacation? Will they have countless fascinating adventures all across the globe? Oh wait, this is Rex Morgan, no they won’t.

    Edison Lee – Quit stealing shots from Calvin & Hobbes, you little bastard.

  153. commodorejohn
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    P.S. on Queen Victoria: for God’s sake, if you have Oscar fucking Wilde as a character in your strip, why do you have Victoria as the one talking about Prop 8?

  154. Saluki
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    JP: Is “run a check on Dixie Julep” code for check out this chick’s porno site?

  155. Bryan
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, MD: Does the wrapping up of this interminable story line mean that we’re finally going to get to see June Morgan, RN in a tiny, Dixie Julep-style bikini?

    Mark Trail: I don’t usually get emotionally involved in Mark Trail story lines (hey, Mark himself doesn’t, why should I?) but I’m really looking forward to seeing him punch the shit out of these bastards.

  156. rich
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Frazz, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.

    In the few weeks that it’s been in the Boston Globe (one of 3 strips which – yay! – replaced Mallard Fillmore, amid the paper’s redesign) I have yet to laugh once. I considered that perhaps the strip wasn’t meant to be funny, just thoughtful — but interminable sequences like trying to guess Caulfield’s Halloween costume were apparently aimed at an audience considerably more invested than myself in the nuances of this cast of boring, one-note characters.

    As for the art style and its blatant Bill Watterson homage/ripoff, I thought it was, well, wrong, but undeniably cute in a surface sort of way. I mean, I miss C&H as much as the next guy, and it can be a pleasing style if done correctly – but Jef Mallett doesn’t even get that right. (By the way, I don’t buy the suggestion that Frazz is what Calvin would someday grow up to be. God help us all if that’s true.) (And with a name like “Jef,” shouldn’t he be ripping off Bil Keane’s drawing style?)

    Witness Tuesday’s strip. What’s with the hand gesture in panel 2? Is he dribbling a ball? And why are they looking right at us? And in panel 3 – Frazz appears to be surfing. Who stands like that? And why is Little Blonde Kid reaching out for a hug?

    With time Mallett may learn to draw bodies in motion with one tenth the ability of his idol, but Watterson’s storytelling, humor and anarchy are clearly beyond his reach.

  157. Saluki
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    155 rich:

    Give it a little more time. It is one of the strips that I really enjoy. You have to learn the characters a bit more.

  158. GROAN..
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Plugger Hubby is clearly dissociating- witness the blank eye, expressionless mouth, and limp acquiescence to being kissed on the lips, and having his hands (paws?) held…
    His tiny, beer-soaked mind is busy recoiling in numb horror at the inevitable prospect of further “gratitude” from his heavy-lidded (and Xanax-addicted) Plugger Wife.

  159. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    59 — Les — I had the same margoing book, and have the same fear as a result!

  160. Poteet
    November 12th, 2008 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    # 101 Toronto — Aww, thanks! *scuffs shoe*

  161. Poteet
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    MT — Okay, I surrender. Punch now. Punch immediately. Do not wait. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

  162. Poteet
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    # 131 Angry Kem — Re 9CL, thanks for saying it so I don’t have to.

  163. will
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    134: FW: Maybe it’s fallout! Nuclear Winter. All the cancer and meaningless death Batiuk could ever ask for!

  164. Dingo
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean has been reset in 1940s Warsaw and Montoni is a Jew who’s been “passing” for the last two decades. That flake is ash from a crematoria and he’s just now finally realizing that his offer from a cousin in America should have been taken. He’ll dash away under the cloak of night and head toward the Baltic countries and on to Finland. In three months, Batiuk will move the strip forward ten years and Montoni will be working in the garment district with a kid at home in Brooklyn who loves her hula hoop.

  165. dyslexic dog
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Only Batiuk could manage to locate the final remnants of 9-11 residuum. That ash has been following Tony around for over seven years, and how has him in its sights. Run, Tony, run!

  166. lovetoykilljoy
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Montoni is shocked by the return of the aliens which will return the world back to the misery of normal as opposed to the relative joyfest that Funky has become. In conclusion Les, unlike Jimmy Stewart will conclude that it is actually a horrible life and kill himself.

  167. js
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Actually, an increase in the supply of poppy-seed strudel would decrease the price. Crankshaft’s irked because he always knew that people who enjoyed poppy-seed strudel were weak addicts. He only eats apple strudel, like a goddamned American.

  168. Hogenmogen
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff is giving human laws the finger. Ha ha ha!

    Sam the Dick:
    Steve: It reminds me of a lady I once knew in..
    Sam the dick: But enough about your ill fated affair with a street hooker, Steve. Untuck your tie and do some research on this Dixie Julep.
    Steve: I’m sending some Facebook photos to your phone now.
    Sam the dick: The cops never would have shown me this stuff. Hubba hubba!

  169. commodorejohn
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    #166 js – No, Crankshaft is pissed because strudel is for the goddamn Swiss, and Americans should be eating poppyseed muffins.

  170. Poteet
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    FW — Snowflake? Ash? Leaf? Much too lame. I prefer to think that Montoni was staring up at a giant redneck named Rabbit who wants to trap him and chain him to a log. Run, Montoni, run!

  171. Poteet
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    # 169 — And to clarify, what I meant is that whatever Batiuk had in mind re the snowflake/ash/leaf is much too lame. The alternative snowflake/ash/leaf theories propounded by various Mudges have been wonderful.

  172. dyslexic dog
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    #169 — Poteet:
    …while Belgians watch…

  173. Hogenmogen
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Finky Wunkerbum: Tony is the only smart one. Run for your lives! Stuck in Winkerbeantown for the winter guarantees that your life will be turned in to a six month suckfest of unbearable misery. Tony didn’t have to look into a crystal ball to find out what listening to Les moan about hisdead wife for the 112th time in a week would mean. Either Tony would shove the broomstick up Les’s ass or make some smirky comment that would be the final straw that sends Les to the drawer where they keep the big cutlery. “Yes, Lisa, you always loved this pizza cutter. So shiny. So sharp!

  174. gh
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    SlyFox

    Which one is different? Can’t be the beaver, because neither beavers nor fish skeletons are domesticated animals. It’s the fish skeleton for being the only one to display the slightest sense of decorum. Probably embarrassed to be in the same room as these yahoos.

  175. queek
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Overboard: ewww! Saw it coming, but ewww!

    F-: I laughed, but only because I thought it was Brad’s firehouse.

    FW: Montoni shares a “thing” about winter with the big hairy pirate guy from Overboard. With any luck, they also share a condo in the off-season.

    Zits: I know that feeling, from driving with a friend with a lead foot.

  176. Hogenmogen
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Some commenters have mentioned that the two people listening in on Frank and Mary’s heated yet boring argument are “extras”. I think the young chick is the rival who ousted Lynn in the competition. Are they watching in amusement at these two idiots making a public spectacle? Trying to eavesdrop for future advantage? Lost and can’t find the meddle-free zone of the locker area? Establishing an alabi for when Lynn is clubbed in the changing area? Maybe. Tune in tomorrow.

  177. Ces
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Re: #146–Congrats, Journeyman Softheart, you made the top of my blog today.

  178. kalki
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    9CL: This is starting to get pretty blatant. What’s a sicker image? Amos and Edda fully clothed with him penetrating her on his piano keys (amongst another thing) or the sickos watching this with binoculars and a camera/recorder? Obviously, there will be a sex tape. Who would buy it though?

    Baby Blues: Yay! Let’s suffocate the baby!

    Archie: Of course, he means a teacher named Mrs. Bunsen and the hot dog was in his pants.

    Blondie: The rodent fecal matter taste will always be there for you, Dagwood.

    DTM: “You know, like how the mailman comes by everyday to give you a ‘special delivery’?”

    FamCirc: So Grandma is lighting off her farts again, eh?

    FW: That’s it??? Radioactive fallout? That explains how sickly everybody in town looks and all of the cancer. So Westview must be near Chernobyl.

    Hi/Lois: Nope, mom is just wondering why she didn’t take that morning after pill a few years back.

    GA: And be able to see your penis again without using a mirror.

    Monty: Anal probe, ahoy!

    Luann: Hey, she is just practicing for a career on her back at the Mustang Ranch.

  179. Piper Grey
    November 12th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Just how do lawyers run a check on people? Do they, perhaps, contact the police to run a check? OK, so they might contact local police, but they’ll just probably contact the police at the scene…the very ones who are or should be running the check anyway.

    Apartment 3-G: If Gary dumps Tommie because Dr Kelly said something ‘a bit odd’ to him, then this is even a worse reason for breaking up than the reason Alan gave LuAnn when he dumped her. On the other hand, Gary may be demonstrating uncommon good taste here by refusing to be seen in public with Tommie. I wonder where their ‘dates’ have been taking place…

    Funky Winkerbean: Today’s strip just demonstrates that all the characters have died and gone to purgatory. Held forever in limbo, they await some resolution of their situation: heaven or hell. This puts a new gloss on Lisa’s story: she didn’t die, as all of them are already dead, but finally managed to escape from limbo. Of course, knowing Batiuk, she ended up in hell, but at least she knows where she stands now. I think this is what they call closure.

  180. Amateur
    November 12th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    #177 — “Who would buy it though?”

    Victor Borge?

  181. Donkey Hotey
    November 12th, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    #129 Amazing Thor – The eyeball and the pie are just a couple of the symbols Piraro throws into the comic regularly. You can read about all of his recurring symbols at http://www.bizarro.com/symbols/index.htm.

  182. Cranky
    November 12th, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail. It’s Saw for raccoons.

  183. Bootsy
    November 12th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp question: Who is the bigger idiot? Matt the Hatt, or self-clubbing Tyler? Or chain-sawed-his-own-leg-off-guy-whose-name-I-can’t-remember-but-then-he-was-a-boxer-too?

    GAH! Why am I asking? Why do I care? I’ll tell you why. I don’t give a rodent’s ass about Sneaky. I had my heart strings tugged by Molly the Bear, what with her French kissing, misunderstanding hostility cute li’l ways. But Sneaky does nothing for me. I don’t care about him or that freakishly large headed kid. I just don’t.

    Also, I haven’t seen the Phantom’s awesome stripey ass in a while. That makes me sad.

  184. Bryan
    November 12th, 2008 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    177, Kaki: Obviously, there will be a sex tape. Who would buy it though?

    Planet of the Apes fetishists, maybe? Hey, that Zira had it going on!

  185. roshi
    November 12th, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    It might not have been ‘looming doom’. Montoni might’ve just trusted the wrong fart…

  186. odinthor
    November 12th, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    9CL. — Tonight on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom . . . From their carefully camouflaged blind on an inconspicuous side-street in Brussels, Marlin Perkins and his assistants observe the strange nuptial rituals of a newly-discovered species of simian hominid. “We maintain a safe distance,” said Marlin, “to avoid hearing the inevitable dissonance arising from the mating-platform, often known to us humans as a piano. It seems dissonance to us humans; but, in the Wild Kingdom, such sounds often serve as an aphrodisiac!” Assistant Jim Fowler quickly added, “Local groups of the rare White Rhinoceros in South Africa have been observed to mate on the keyboards of 18th century harpsichords, producing sounds closely matching passages in certain of the sonatas of Domenico Scarlatti. Isn’t that so, Marlin?” “Yes, Jim; and there are field reports of species of Lemur mating to ‘Lady of Spain’ on an accordian; but I should add that these reports have not yet been substantiated. Let’s return to observing this rare sight.”

  187. lesles
    November 12th, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    FW: three possibilities i can envisage that might elicit such a response in this strip:

    1. the spaghetti monster

    2. lisa’s original misdiagnosis wasn’t a mistake, but a deliberate delaying tactic to enable the cultivating of a cancer thoroughly imbued with the funkiverse’s particularly enervating and lethal form of weltschmerz as part of a sinister government covert plan to create a giant cancer-warrior. said warrior creature has now escaped and returned to funkytown to try and find out why it just can’t seem to enjoy killing.

    3. the sun

  188. captainswift
    November 12th, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Frankly, with Doonesbury-verse’s George W. coming to visit, who can blame Montoni for running?

  189. Old School Allie Cat
    November 12th, 2008 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Mr. & Mrs. DeGroot – do you think that your total lack of faith in your son may have contributed to his sense of aimless worthlessness?

    No?

    Oh, well… carry on then.

  190. Paul1963
    November 12th, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    FW: And so, prodded into action by the appearance of a snowflake (on a day warm enough for him nobody to bother with a winter coat), Tony rushes back to his apartment to pack his bags for Florida, where he will be struck and killed by a 1978 Lincoln Town Car driven by what appears at first glance to be a cloth cap and a set of hairy knuckles, but which is in fact an 87-year-old man rushing to the 3:00 PM dinner special at the nearby family restaurant.

  191. Paul1963
    November 12th, 2008 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Damn, forgot to delete “him” from that parenthetical aside.
    The Preview button is our friend.

  192. Dr. Weird
    November 12th, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    FW: Tying in with Paul1963′s comment, I’d be worried about snow starting to fall on a day where no one has a jacket and the sky is perfectly clear and blue.

    Clearly, all natural laws are breaking down at once!

  193. Donkey Hotey
    November 12th, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    #187 lesles – Of course! The Flying Spaghetti Monster!

  194. Niall
    November 12th, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    On my Chron page, I have Dick Tracy followed by Dilbert, both of which feature laser-wielding robots. I don’t know if Adams knew of the robots in Tracy, but he must have thought, like the rest of us: “Bah, mine’s running in two months, they’ll have moved on from robots by then”. Foolish him, foolish us.

  195. Zaq
    November 12th, 2008 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    Buxley day observations:

    DT: Stop trying to think, and enjoy the insanity. Ahhhhh.

    Cathy: This is a goddamn cry for help.

    Zombie: I can’t believe I’m complimenting FOOB, but I approve of the onomatopoeia “grunch.” Now, the onomatopoeia in previous panels were clearly written by someone who has never seen a dog gnawing on something in their life, but oh well.

    SlyFo: The dog is the only one wearing clothing, which will make it easier to chain to a log.

    RMMD: “See, in a rare display of medical practice, your husband also mentioned to me that I’ve got maybe three months to live, so I’m gonna go for a double suicide when Tweaks is banging me tonight. Don’t tell Tweaks, though… he doesn’t know it yet.” Seriously though, if he gave you your life back (which I don’t understand how he did), why are you giving his wife (not him, mind you, his wife) the boat around which you base your life? I’d say it’s because Lenore is going to be using Tweaks’s boat from now on, now that they’re best fwends again, but if you don’t recall, Tweaks’s boat was destroyed and capsized. Oh well. That final panel makes up for a lot.

    S-M: Okay, in the past three weeks, we’ve had a clock-shaped gun (which does sonic damage and reduces Reflex saves and/or AC), the fake-spidey henchman webbed up but mysteriously spirited away, the Clocksucker simply not caring to unmask Spidey, cops who believe that someone handcuffed and on the ground (without any loot, of course) is the one responsible for stealing shit, magical disappearing and reappearing nutty handcuffs that can be broken either by a train or by a door but not by spider-strength, a live camera-crew coming to investigate a robbery by coming to the front door after-hours, one of the most egregious DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY moments in recent memory in which Spidey uses a “whooo-whoooo”ing train to shatter his nutty handcuffs like glass without even touching him, and an engineer insta-calling the police to report Spidey breaking the laws of physics, to which the police respond faster than Peter Parker can change channels. Remember how we used to complain about Spidey feebly lying around, watching TV, and generally bitching? I can’t decide which is worse.

    GT: And yet, I’m perfectly happy to accept the wacky, nonsensical hijinks going on in Milford. Actually, panels 1 and 2 make a lot of sense… I don’t blame Stacie for dumping the bastard. Hatt, a little advice. No matter how obnoxious it is when that Youtube link isn’t what you thought it was, Rick’s onto something when he promises never to “tell a lie and hurt you.” Maybe you should listen to him! Anyway, in the final panel… we have a beefy guy lunging at an impossible angle into another beefy guy’s ass, and the second beefy guy really doesn’t seem to notice or care that much. Cool.

    Curtis: That’s four days in a row without getting quotation marks utterly wrong. Good job, Billingsley! Keep it up! (Yeah, the joke’s terrible, the dialogue’s even worse, but baby steps, baby steps.)

    MW: There’s a shortage of tenterhooks around, because I’m on so many of them. What’s Mary going to do to this guy? Send him off a cliff? Ship him off to Southeast Asia? Steal his identity? Chain him to a log? Kill his mother? Dump Jeff for him? Smash his crystal swans? Tenterhooks!

    SS: I reject the notion that these people can A) count backwards or B) be aware of the concept of zero.

    FC: I like to think that Grandma “hotted up” the soup by dropping lit charcoal briquettes into it, thus explaining the color.

    HotC: I hear “fembot,” I think “Austin Powers.” Anyone with me?

    Ghost-Who-Incubates: And judging from the fact that Python there isn’t lying in a puddle of blood oozed from every orifice he has, the symptoms haven’t started yet.

  196. T. Chicana
    November 12th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    157: COTW.

  197. T. Chicana
    November 12th, 2008 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    Umm, I meant 158! Whoops a daisy.

  198. justauy2
    November 12th, 2008 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft is funny only if you mistakenly believe heroin is made from poppy seeds. Next they’ll be making jokes about how Autumn is the time when stoners harvest marijuana seeds to smoke.
    I used to excuse this type of ignorance on lack of resources, but c’mon people, Wikipedia, for gods sake.

  199. Marion Delgado
    November 13th, 2008 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    All of you had this coming. You scoffed at the miscegenation fears of our president as he discussed the horrors of “human-animal hybrids.” Disneyworld-dulled sensibilities only come awake when we get into the intimate details of a bear-man’s delicate lovemaking with a rabbit-woman, eh? Well, too little, too late, villagers. Dr. Pluggerstein has already thrown the switch, and discovered secrets best known only to God and Nature!!!

  200. Down with OPP
    November 13th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers can’t abide race-mixin’

  201. rich
    November 13th, 2008 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    157, Saluki: Thanks — I’ll see if it grows on me.

  202. ms docweasel
    November 14th, 2008 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    What gets me is that the guy seems incredulous that a raccoon with a collar could be a pet.

  203. Elliegal
    November 15th, 2008 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Apt 3-G I think Gary just realizes how he and Tommie’s hair clashes.

  204. policeauction0399
    October 25th, 2010 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    You certainly deserve a round of applause for your post and more specifically, your blog in general. Very high quality material

    http://www.bizview.net/forum/topics/government-car-auction-dekalb

  205. Loabbire
    November 19th, 2010 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been visiting your blog for a while now and I always find a gem in your new posts. Thanks for sharing.

  206. repocars8553
    November 20th, 2010 at 5:14 am [Reply]

    I’ve been visiting your blog for a while now and I always find a gem in your new posts. Thanks for sharing.

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