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Friday quickies

Dennis the Menace, 11/21/08

Good start, Dennis, but if you really want to make trouble for your parents, substitute “beat” for “yell at.” If you aren’t willing to go into foster care, you aren’t ready to menace.

Gil Thorp, 11/21/08

Will the entire tedious 6-9 Jeff Ponczak/Matt the Hat medical switcheroo storyline be worth it if it somehow results in Marty Moon being fired from his unwatchable public access television show? Maybe, if he’s fired live and on camera, and he cries.

Judge Parker, 11/21/08

Thrill as Sam picks up a fax! Tingle with excitement as Steve calls Sam to make sure the fax came through properly! Judge Parker: Your ticket to ACTION-PACKED ADVENTURE!!

Archie, 11/21/08

Oh dear! The AJGLU 3000 has forgotten that humans have genders!

318 responses to “Friday quickies”

  1. Gallowglass
    November 21st, 2008 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    Is Dilton Doiley male? I’m getting a geeky androgynous vibe off of him/her/it, kinda like Marcy from Peanuts. Could it be that the AJGLU is simply confused about this particular character, rather than about humanity in general?

  2. willethompson
    November 21st, 2008 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Don’t they threaten to fire Marty Moon every three years or so? This plot twist is kind of like the 17-year cicada: regular, almost interesting but without the molted exoskeletons underfoot.

  3. Andrew Leal
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    Dilton has always been male, never androgynous (though not as well drawn here as elsewhere).

    Actually, I kind of like “If it’s walking with its nose in a book, it must be Dilton Doiley.” Too wordy, but it still has an “If it’s Tuesday, it must Belgium!” quality. Or “If it’s strangely phrased with odd motion lines around the head, it must be an Archie newspaper comic!”

  4. Powers
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    Try it with “he” instead of “it”. It really doesn’t work as well.

  5. Tracer Bullet
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    AG3: Somebody is going to have to pay for those tissues, dammit!

    C’shaft: I do hope we’ll get an entire storyline built around middle-aged creeps who smell like diesel fuel, failure and the sawdust they use to clean up vomit sexually harassing a woman young enough to be their daughter. Nobody knows comedy like Batuik.

    Curtis: This strip desperately needs some black-on-black crime. Check that, this strip IS black-on-black crime.

    FOOB: “I know you love Farley, but you’re loving him too much.” Lynn, you disgusting pervert.

    PBS: Eh. At least Pig’s religion doesn’t feature ritual cannibalism.

    RMMD: JP throws done the gauntlet, Rex Morgan brings the heat. It’s the Ali vs. Foreman of boring comic strips.

  6. nerowolfgal
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    GT – Why oh why do random characters have lines tattooed down their faces? It seems to be the new artists “thing” but it really is strange/annoying.

    I like that the station manager is just now becoming aware that Marty Moon is an irreverent bore whose major motivation and hot news lead is a hate-on for a high school coach. It makes you wonder what the other programs are. The Thimble program! All thimbles, all the time!

  7. Erik
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    With Archie’s art style, can you really blame it?

  8. nerowolfgal
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Oops! I meant “irrelevant”, it would be hard to be “irreverent” about Gil, unless you thought of him as a god.

  9. monsieurjohn
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    This week’s GT will be guest starring Barack Obama, apparently. And not just any Barack Obama, but Barack Obama with a pencil-thin moustache!

  10. gleeb
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Candorville: Who buys groceries every day nowadays? Sure, once upon a time, when there was someone at home all day, you might be able to get out to the market for fresh veg., but nowadays? I know; it’s a gag. But why not just make the line, “you’re the guy who cut in front of me last week”?

    ‘bean: Who could it be? Me, I still say this is a plot development to give Creepy Les more of a chance to be creepy around his teenage daughter.

    Jim Henson’s Tank McNamara Babies: I don’t give a hang about college football. I like old samurai movies. But there’s a further difference between us. I know that not everyone knows or cares who Shintaro Katsu and Toshiro Mifune were.

  11. Seismic-2
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Actually, when I first read it this morning, I thought the third panel of GT meant that the strip had finally become self-aware.

  12. John C Fremont
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    DT – “Say hllo 2 my lttle frnd!” (The fact that I don’t text shows pretty clearly, doesn’t it?)

    GT – I, for one, am glad that Joan Crawford agrees with Larry Fishburne.

    MT – It’s the Blue Heron of Happiness! Put that on your shoulder, pal.

    (I miss Mister Mike.)

  13. yellojkt
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Jokeatron Event Log Item 3,572

    Jokeatrom Humor Analysis Unit has determined that punch line does not involve attempts by Archie-Unit to copulate with either Betty-Unit or Veronica-Unit. Gender of MinorSecondaryCharacter is irrelevant. Initiate ImpersonalPronounRoutine. Does not compute. Does not compute.

    ErrorCode: 1138. Joke makes no sense. Over-ride HumorQualityRating subroutine. Print.

    Send invoice to SyndicateMoneyGrubbingUnit.

  14. Bryan
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Tom Dewey sure isn’t a fan of Marty Moon.

  15. zadig
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Sure, they don’t yell at Dennis when they have guests over. But by the same token, Dennis’s parents can’t have a drunken orgy with their visitors while Dennis is around. So, as you say, foster care may be the best solution for everyone.

  16. Isaac
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    GT: “This whole act is getting tired,” says the female Phantom of the Opera.
    Mark Trail: Okay, so I can understand why Mark is emphasizing YOUR ["YOUR company's development?"] but why does what’s-er-face emphasize it also? “MY company’s development?”

  17. Pozzo
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    “Marty harps on an old one” may be the most obscure euphemism for masturbation since “boat wrestling.”

  18. Lettuce
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    I’m so glad the Archie soap is going in this direction. By “this direction” I mean I’m assuming Archie and Bettie beat up Dilton, as they do every day, until he joins some trenchcoat-wearing clique of outsiders constantly tormented by Riverdale’s jocks.

    The book Dilton’s consumed with? Let’s just say its a munition’s guide that will be of great interest to local and federal investigators down the road….

  19. Beatrice
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Archie appears to have borrowed Moose’s shoulders for Panel 3. And from the look on Betty’s face, his traitorous penis, as well.

  20. Manwich
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Why is Marty Moon turning into a vampire, and why are his brains leaking out his ear?

  21. Patrick
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Dennis’ parents are playing a rousing game of “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” with their young, attractive guests.

    Dennis doesn’t have any idea what happens to the “son” at the end of that game, unfortunately.

  22. The Evil Duck
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    I’m always worried for poor Dilton, sure everyone concedes that he’s smart but they all talk about him while he’s within earshot as if he can’t hear. Today Archie is even yelling it at him (note the exclamation points.) This is why he dragged them to some crappy cafe with nothing but wifi a few weeks (months?) ago. I mean, every Starbucks has good wifi, Dilton just wanted to make them suffer.

    I also love how horrified Betty and Archie look in the last panel, from the looks on their faces you’d think Dilton just made a very un-PC comment. Remove the dialog from his bubble and replace it with the racial slur of your choice!

  23. One-eyed Wolfdog
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Q: Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash?
    A: I have no idea, but it’s probably far more interesting than whatever’s about to transpire in Gasoline Alley.

  24. Brick Bradford
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    JP Okay kids, how many days (weeks) will it take for Sam to get up to his room?

    DT Speaking of slow moving…..

    A3G Not to harp, but this is THE SAME DAY that they found Alan’s body and the cops came to the gallery? Eventful! Long. No wonder the roomies are getting schnockered.

    9CL I may be crazy, but I don’t recall any of the tourons in the balloon having a video recorder, camera phone, or any other means of recording moving pictures. So how’d we get this hot video of Edda & Amos doing the nasty?

  25. Pozzo
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    I have to admit that I often walk the streets of Cincinnati with my nose in a book, but I have very seldom overshot my intended destination, and even more rarely been the victim of gender confusion.

  26. The Evil Duck
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Also, Marty looks vaguely like evil Spock from the Mirror, Mirror episode of the original Star Trek series. He’s actually punishing Gil Thorp with an agonizer off camera. Thorp is paying the price for his mistake (and is hopefully wearing evil Kirk’s golden vest thing.)

  27. Little Guy
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Candorville: “I only have two things.” Yeah, and they’re both shrivelled.

    Now where’s my nekkid coeds in barrels strip?

  28. One-eyed Wolfdog
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:13 am [Reply]


  29. Frank Parsnip
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Sam’s phone rings as BLEEP! BLEEP! because of the swear words that invariable come out of his mouth when he gets a call. As dickish as he already is, I’m surprised he doesn’t roll his eyes more as he tells the guy on the other end that he’s already received the fax he was being called about.

  30. willethompson
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary, you can the continue the meddling later. That ice, like Frank’s conditional love, isn’t getting any colder.

    FC: This is funny only if you imagine the cookies screaming, “For the love of God, Montressor!”

    (WT)DT: Little Buzz Bomb completes the routine:
    30 ARM PROBE
    50 ATTAK NOW

  31. C. Havoc
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Today’s Out-of-Context Third Panel Game:

    RMMD: Imagine a JP crossover.

    Go ahead.

  32. Crankshaft's funky smelling corpse
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @5 & @10: I’m telling you, sexual harrassment arcs in both of these strips. And it has to be the tubby the coach’s daughter piping up there in the background.

    9CL: I don’t understand why the women (in Brussels no less) should be looking at Edda with envy. I mean, it can’t be that Belgian women want to be seen getting banged on a piano by the general public do they?

  33. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    9CL: Everyone’s staring at Edda because she’s the only one who isn’t wearing Zip-a-tone. They resent her inky solidity.

    BB: If golf is inherently funny, and marital strife is inherently funny, then golf + marital strife = COMEDY GOLD, BABY!!! Too bad both initial suppositions are false.

    (WT)DT: Couldn’t Dick and the other cop have run around the other side of a building from that thing by now? Instead, in panel 2 Dick’s just standing there thinking, “I knew it. This guy’s fingers are longer than mine. It’s just not fair. It’s not fair, damn it.

    FC: Look at them, Thel… just look at them… either one would just fit perfectly into that oven… think about it…

    thorps. So, whose head do you think Martin Luther King’s head was pasted over in panel 3?

    H&J: “Very popular with the ladies”? Whitey doesn’t know Jamaal very well, does he?

    Phantom: “Trust me, O-Ghost-Who’s-About-To-Start-Leaking-Fluids-From-Every-Orifice, I won’t be touching your stripey ass!”

    One-Eyed Sailor: This is the same witch who saw nothing wrong with unleashing Thungs on the world, and she’s frightened of Moon Quarks? If I lived in Popeye’s world, I’d have a rule: Take the Sea Hag seriously.

    RMCB: Abbey is clearly terrified at the thought of being on a boat with a crew as incompetent as the Morgans.

    6C: Yet another cartoonist discovers a new technology, and hilarity inevitably ensues.

  34. Chip
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Rex just got the news that Dewey Cheatham’s check bounced. I guess those lawyers got to the bank quicker than he thought!

  35. willethompson
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    #32 Crankshaft’s FSC who said: “I mean, it can’t be that Belgian women want to be seen getting banged on a piano by the general public do they?”

    No, you have to go over to Amsterdam’s Rossebuurt to see a woman getting banged on a piano by the general public. Cover charge is €10.

  36. Kevin Moore
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    The disembodied hand stroking Marty Moon’s beard suggests that Marty is tittering: “Oh my, have I a delicious bon mot in store for Coach Thorp now! Tee hee!” Thereupon Marty fills the hand with much laughter and, inevitably, beer vomit.

  37. Seismic-2
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    #23 One-eyed Wolfdog: Hmmm, so today’s comics page spot-of-high-culture, namely the art of G. Tarantella and the music of G. Rossini, is to be found in… Gasoline Alley???

    Tomorrow, the drama of Euripides and the philosophy of Schopenhauer, in Snuffy Smith.

  38. Calico
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    I don’t know if it was mentioned in yesterthread, but the metal barrel thingys are called hoops.
    A barrelmaker is (or at least used to be) a Cooper.

  39. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Luann – OK there are two possibilities here.

    First, is that the sketch of the dream house was made by a staff artist and not by the author. This would explain how “planetarium” is misspelled in the sketch but not in the dialog. I’ll just assume that the staff artist not only is unaware of the correct spelling but also is unaware of the difference between a planetarium and an observatory, and that a planetarium does not have a TELESCOPE POINTING THROUGH THE ROOF.

    The second possibility, and the “out” for the author, is that the sketch is supposed to have been made by Mr. Rictus Grin himself, and that the moron is unaware of the proper spelling and function of a planetarium.

    None of this compensates for the problem that, the longer these hijinxs go on, the greater the odds are that they will end up building the thing themselves. Remember last year, with the hilarious shenanegans as they built their own Christmas decorations? What will these two wacky, mid-20s, confirmed bachelors come up with next? It’s crazy!!

  40. Sue D. Nymme
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Did Archie once back into a hot waffle iron, thus giving the back of his head a crosshatch scar?

  41. fancycwabs
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure Moon’s vampire fangs are a “Twilight” homage, to appease all the thirteen-year-old girls who read Gil Thorp.

  42. Justice for Reeky!
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Marty Mooooooooon! It’s a vegetarian!

  43. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    GT: Goatee so soft, so silky… must stroke… yeeeeeeees that’s nice.

  44. CanuckDownSouth
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Dang. Calvin’s Cardboard Box already hit all the snark-points about the “planetarium”.

    I predict a boooring two weeks while medical insanity in purple stripes sits around the jungle, musing about whether he’ll get the symptoms – in precisely ten days (where DO the writers get their medical info? 24?!). Not that this would be any significant change in the strip’s entertainment value.

    (Never mind that I learned from a documentary that about 20% of Ebola victims survive with medical care – and I’m not sure if that number isn’t higher if they start treating before symptoms occur. How hard can it be to look these things up? Or just invent a fake disease with the symptoms and prognosis desired.)

  45. indrifan
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    #39 CBB – what bugged me was that the planetarium/observatory is significantly lower than the theater – I had a brief thought a few days ago that it would turn out that TJ is really a genius architect or carpenter or something. Today’s strip pretty much wipes that plotline.

  46. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]


    JP: Tomorrow. Thrill as Sam examines the fax for smudges!

    GT: Marty doesn’t understand. He really thought the new Caesar haircut would save his show.

    DtM; “Hold the phone, Mitchell! You’ve got a kid? That’s it. The wife swap is off. This is getting too weird.”

    Pluggers: Wow. I do not like that comparison. Not at all.

    HtH: “Son, as a very wise man named Eazy-E once said, life ain’t nuthin’ but bitches and money.”

    S4th: Ted’s not like other guys. When the moon is at its height, he’ll turn into a werewolf Michael Jackson.

    SFx: Since male lions don’t hunt, we can tell that this one is dining at an open air restaurant run by vultures. They’re clearly appalled that he neglected to tip.

    M-Dawg: “But honey, we’re sitting on the third floor. And why are his eyes glowing?”

    Popeye: If Quark is going to leave the Earth a desiccated husk, I’m not sure what digging foxholes will accomplish. It is nice to see “Popeye” get back to its Great War roots though.

    FC: The cookies might not be ready, but Thel’s cupcakes are sho nuff fully baked.

    OBH: Azura’s vusit seems to have made Grandpa somewhat frisky. Watch where his hands go next.

    Crock: This one made me laugh when I though Maggot was saying he was “tired of cleaning Crock’s goat penis.” It’s easy enough to see Crock as an evil satyr. With a traitorous penis, natch.

    GA: Okay, show of hands. Who wants to see Slim get an old school hillbilly beatdown? I mean where the next time he takes a dump he counts shards of Joel’s pipe.

    A3G: Concerned about the conservation, perhaps? Every day is Earth Day for Margo. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the tissues had been from recycled paper.

    9CL; Aw c’mon. It’s Europe. Surely some of the women would be smiling at Edda, and licking their lips.

  47. TheCasey
    November 21st, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    #24 Brick Bradford – 9CL – Amos filmed it, of course. He’s just playing dumb so Edda won’t know it was him. The giveaway’s going to be that he keeps looking at the camera, which he foolishly placed inside the room looking out the window. Oops.

  48. Comrade Denny
    November 21st, 2008 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    A3G: Like any capitalist, Margo is bothered more by her employee’s human needs than by a blatant abuse of power, even when it’s directed against her.

    Crankshaft: The workers plot an illegal job action for the sake of some eye candy.

    DtM: Dennis makes his case for the abolition of the family.

    Garfield: Garfield illustrates the primary stumbling block on the road to the proletarian revolution.

    Gasoline Alley: Economic desperation forces Slim to dig through society’s rotting refuse in an attempt to capitalize on fickle bourgeois tastes.

    Gil Thorp: Marty Moon speaks truth to power, faces backlash.

    Herb & Jamal: Jamal realizes that he has destroyed his body for the profit of sports-media-entertainment complex and didn’t even get any poontang from the deal.

    Marmaduke: A bourgeois couple complains about having to look at the hungry beggar whilst they eat their chicken and steak. Little do they know that Marmaduke is a regular Pol Pot of the neighborhood dogs.

    Mary Worth: Mary’s comes face to face with the fact that in the battle of Money v. Manners, Money wins.

    PBS: Pig realizes his opium is actually cow dung.

  49. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 21st, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    H&J: The obvious joke here is about Jamaal being on his knees, but I won’t go that low. Even if he did.

    S-M: “You’re damn right I can be dangerous. Shit, I once invaded Poland just ‘cuz I felt like it.”

  50. Lithros
    November 21st, 2008 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    I never really understood how I should react to Archie until I saw Betty and Archie’s expressions in this strip. Now I know the appropriate response is mute, slack-jawed horror, followed by 24 hours of blankness until it starts over again.

  51. What?
    November 21st, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    I think fine folks in Brussels are looking at the large, um, instrument that Amos is carrying around.

  52. Bryan
    November 21st, 2008 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    The Mexican sitcom El Chavo was about a little 50-year old homeless boy who lived in a rain barrel in a Mexico City slum. It’s even funnier if you don’t speak a word of Spanish

  53. The Other Commenter
    November 21st, 2008 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Oooh! Is this where we line up to name the people in GT panel 3?

    I call “Neckless Dr. King” and “Princess Di As A Mime”!

  54. Joe
    November 21st, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    TGH What’s up with little Momo? I have seen better suits on a wino.

    RtoG Doesn’t Franks realize that the Clangers have sex and don’t “make love.”

    Gring A cat with a canary! Sometimes a legacy strip manages to hit. A little bit of the old glory days

    ZoT Cucumbers and Pretzels? Yet another slightly racist remark.

  55. Calvin\\\'s Cardboard Box
    November 21st, 2008 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    #24 – 9CL

    Actually, one of the people in the balloon did have a video camera:

    I only started following this strip when TDIET went off-the-air and it filled in automatically on my CHRON page. Is it always this nonsensical? Freaks in a hot air balloon spying on and videotaping people having sex, then distributing the videos for free on the internet? And, apparently, everyone in Brussels is a HUGE fan of the videos, so much so that their victims cannot walk the streets without EVERY SINGLE PERSON knowing who they are and giving judgemental looks.

    Also, the cello case looks too phallic in today’s strip for it to be an accident.

  56. One-eyed Wolfdog
    November 21st, 2008 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    #54 – Joe – I’m surprised you neglected to mention the “artichoke dip” gag in today’s Caldecott. It takes a twisted mind to think up that scenario.

  57. One-eyed Wolfdog
    November 21st, 2008 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: This week’s Marvin gag has been Marvin walking, while saying “Z.” We hope you have enjoyed it in all its many-faceted humorous glory. And once your aching sides recover, we hope you’ll join us again on Monday. We don’t want to spoil anything, but… aw, heck. SPOILER ALERT: It’s a solid (ha!) week of poop jokes.

  58. Dingo
    November 21st, 2008 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Colette wrote that “the best lips to kiss are those that taste of tears.” Fire Marty Moon! Fire him! I’ll be waiting. Warm moist lips and a jar of Elbow Grease. C’mon, Marty, let me console you.

    Just like Mary Worth would.

  59. Chyron HR
    November 21st, 2008 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    #55 – Oh, Cal! Welcome to the wild world of 9 Chickweed Lane! It may help to keep in mind that Edda (the blonde girl) once had a magic unicorn follow her around for months informing her that she’s the most special person in the world. Not a namby-pamby “Everybody’s special in their own way” kind of special, either, but the class of special usually reserved for virgins impregnated by a divine force.

    No, I’m not making this up.

  60. trey le parc
    November 21st, 2008 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: All the weird angles in the world can’t make getting a fax an event worthy of three panels. At least the art is exciting. Speaking of which, that’s, what, three panels without a buxom babe sporting dangerous decolletage? Back to work, guys.

  61. One-eyed Wolfdog
    November 21st, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    #60 – Of course they’re there. The fax Sam just received is nothing but T&A. That’s why he’s holding it gingerly away from his body like it’s a baggie full of lukewarm mucus.

  62. cathymw
    November 21st, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Actually, my first thought was that the woman in GT’s panel 3 looks like Magenta from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

  63. Seismic-2
    November 21st, 2008 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    I’m really hoping that call-worthy FAX is a photo of Dixie Julep at work. Not that Sam would find it in any way interesting, of course, but we might. Elsewhere in eunuchworld today, we see that Sue has her hands all over Mark as they stroll along the beach that she wants to turn into a giant mall for the shopping convenience of those affluent hillbillies who will need someplace else to stage their hound-vs-coon fights after she drains the swamp, but Mark has his hands planted firmly in his pockets rather than taking Sue’s hands in his. I would be inclined to believe that he was trying to disguise a traitorous penis, but since this is just Mark, we know that he’s merely checking to see that he still has his car keys.

  64. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Can somebody explain Ryhmes With Orange? Is this some cultural reference that is lost to me because I’ve been overseas for the last 3 years? Usually, given the lag of comics, I would think I’d be safe for another 2 years before this sort of missed reference would occur. If I start failing to understand what’s going on in Ziggy, then I know it’s time to either come home or renounce my citizenship.

  65. Gunther
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Are the DeGroots (what a terrible last name) seriously considering using T.J. the Toolbox as their contractor? This is the kind of plotline that annoys the hell out of me – the family gets screwed over by shifty T.J. but hey let’s pay him to rebuild.

    Someone needs to give him a swift kick to the nuts – a one panel Sunday special.

    (Kicking Brad in the nuts would be an acceptable substitute)

  66. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Oh, duh, he doesn’t nave vowells in his name. And it’s a Wheel of Fortune joke.

    I’ve got another twenty + years abroad before the comics get too obscure for me.


  67. T. Chicana
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    FW: “You?!” And Creepy Les steps from the shadows dressed in a girls’ basketball uniform and a bald wig.

  68. Chyron HR
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “The bullet hole in the wall”? God, Margo, he may have been bland and just stood around most of the time, but HE HAD A NAME!

    Dick Tracy – Sadly, Buzz Bomb’s targeting software is just a copy of Gorilla.bas. We’re going to be here for awhile.

    Edishit Lee – If people pay big bucks for worn out things, whoever invented the “Oh ho ho these designer jeans are torn and dirty” joke must be a millionaire.

    Herb & that guy who played basketball in that decade with the dance music – “You must have been very popular with the ladies. You know, because black gentlemen like yourself possess enormous sexual organs.”

    Mark Trail – “WHAT’S going on?” Well, you’re about to be savaged by Rodan, I’d say.

    Hi & Mightycolor – Ha ha ha, iPod! Whew, being a syndicated cartoonist is hard work–time to hit the links.

    Edge City – 2.5 grand for a transistor radio? Couldn’t Len have gotten a better deal? You know, jewed him doCONNECTION TO SERVER TERMINATED

  69. fashion police
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Amos wearing a tuxedo during the day is more than enough to warrant disapproving stares. He should be in black lounge.

  70. gnome de blog
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    #31 C. Havoc:

    RMMD-JP crossover?

    Abbey the Wonder Dog.
    Sociology Girl.
    Dread Detective Roberts.
    Skanky Skankington.
    Busty Duncan.

    Bring it on.

  71. blammers66
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: This is a delicious set-up for a week’s worth of bad puns/entendre toward Nick using school bus lingo: flashers, rear emergency exit. stop arm, Kesterman’s mail box …

  72. commodorejohn
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Say, Edda, I admit that it’s been a while since I played piano, but I would think ginormous sleeves like those would only get in the way. I would recommend something less absurd, unless maybe you’re going for the Rick Wakeman look.

    A3G – Oh yes. Margaret Shulock, we love you.

    Crankshaft – Okay, who wants to bet that the response to Nick subbing for Crankshaft will be so overwhelmingly positive that she’ll be asked to take over his route?

    DT – glorious insanity

    FC – Look at this. Jeffy and PJ are almost exactly the same size. The briefly-paused shrinkage of Jeffy has resumed; by next summer he’ll be all of three inches tall.

    FW – Sorry, Batiuk, but if you want to do a cliffhanger, you should A. have it be about something that’s reasonably suspenseful, and B. save it for the end of the week, not the day before.

    GA – “Hi, can I have back the thing I gave you now that it’s worth millions of dollars?” What a douche.

    GT – What I love here is Marty’s scheming grin, like he actually planned this or something.

    JP – What’s really kind of sad here are Baretto’s obvious noir-ey attempts to make this interesting. Save it for Heidi and Dixie, Ed. Sam Driver is a lost cause.

    Lio – Hell yes.

    MT – A return to Sue’s attempted seduction of Mark is pretty much exactly what I was hoping for, and the Eden scene in panel two is all kinds of wonderful. Now if only Rabbit would show up to play the snake, this would be absolutely perfect fodder for Angry Kem.

    MW – Oh, Frank. You knew Mary years ago and you seriously don’t know better than to interrupt her mid-meddle? I almost feel sorry for you, you poor bastard.

    OBH – I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean.

    Pibgorn – Look, Brooke, I know you’re enjoying all the opportunities to draw sexiness and splatter Photoshop all over the page, but would it kill you to take a couple strips and explain things so they make the tiniest bit of sense?

    Popeye – If the last time she was acting like this is any guide, the apocalypse will be brought on by Olive Oyl being a bitch and Popeye feeling obligated to support her. Lovely.

    RMMD – Methinks Graham Nolan is glad to be back with June after weeks of drawing wrinkled, wizened old people.

    Edison Lee – Look, I think pre-distressed clothing is just as stupid as you guys think it is, but for God’s sake, jokes about it stopped being funny like six years ago.

    Ziggy – Not in this strip, that’s for damn sure.

  73. Gal Friday
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    JP: Surely today’s strip is a joke? On us?

  74. Colinski
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Woah! When did Gil Thorp become a horror comic? Marty Moon has a huge scar down his face, vampire fangs, and what appears to be brains running out of his ear! And then panel three, featuring eyeless zombie bride of Frankenstein and the ape man! It almost makes up for the dialogue. Almost.

  75. Jp
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Archie. If only there were some way to differentiate between people other than by superficial aspects of their behaviour. It would be so much simpler if humans had characteristic facial differences and the mental ability by which to identify them. In the meantime – if it’s ineptly copping a feel, it must be Archie.

  76. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Calvin’s Cardboard Box@55
    No, sometimes there are also cat jokes.

    Seriously I find that in the strip more attention is paid to layout and art than to the jokes. The result is frequently gorgeous, sometimes funny, and occasionally makes sense. I read it anyway.

  77. Zaq
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]


    Curtis: NAMES, EVEN COPYRIGHTED ONES, ARE NOT APPROPRIATE USES OF QUOTATION MARKS. I want to buy a copy of Strunk and White and send it to him with the section on quotation marks highlighted. Who’s with me?

    MW: You wouldn’t like her when she’s Discussing.

    Z.I.T.S.: Wow, actually not seething generational hate today. Amazing.

    FW: It’s Masky McDeath! Best locker-room scene ever?

    Shoe: I don’t even want to know what the hell this is supposed to mean, but my brain has latched on to it and refused to let go. She buys things when she is expected to buy them? Is “on time” a riff on “on credit?” If so, what does that mean? She pays for things using “time?” What does THAT mean? I don’t get it.

    S-M: Dude, he assaulted you. Literally. That’s textbook assault and battery. In public, in front of dozens of witnesses. Just because he bought off the maitre’d doesn’t mean he bought off everyone else. You could, y’know, go to the POLICE. Though given the track record of the police in this strip, they’d probably arrest you instead, so maybe you’re not as dumb as we think.

    MC: I applaud you, Ed Power, for this storyline’s role in humanizing (so to speak) Jeff, turning him into a more interesting character than “the annoying, socially awkward dude in the corner.” Well played!

    9CL: You know, while I’m all in favor of sex, it really isn’t as interesting to those not directly involved as Brooke seems to think it is. The problem, I think, is that he seems to think he counts as “directly involved,” and thus the entire strip will revolve around this for the foreseeable future.

    GT: Cully’s had a whole year to think about it… I bet Gil’s request to bump off Marty is still open.

  78. DaveyK
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    It’s entirely believable that our anonymous TV Execs have decided a show devoted to a single High School athletics program is not worthy of airtime. I refuse to believe, however, that they have been aware of its existence all along and are now tired of the format.

  79. Donald The Anarchist
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Archie I think the look of astonishment signifies that both Arch and Betty suddenly realized they have no idea where they are either. One by one, the characters realize they are in Hell.

  80. Sister Sestina
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I’m with the AJGLU 300 on this one. In fact, I really wish we would reconsider the lowly “it” and reconnect it to its historical identity as the neutral pronoun. We blather about how there aren’t gender-neutral pronouns in English and concoct ugly hybrids like “s/he” when ALL ALONG we had one; it’s just that when we dispensed with grammatical gender in early English (and good riddance indeed!) we threw out this baby with the bathwater, and started thinking of “it” as inanimate. And speaking of babies, it wasn’t that awfully long ago when it was perfectly fine to refer to a baby as “it”. Now you have to do some astute guessing and pray you hit the right gender or else be leveled by Mommy eye-lasers.
    Okay, now I’ve walked one of my pet peeves, back to the house.

  81. Bob Weber Jr
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Several readers have asked about acquiring a Slylock Fox original drawing. I’m going to post a few on ebay soon. But if anyone wants a specific strip, you can contact me at

  82. Baka Gaijin
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Damn, Frank’s pushing you around like a punk, Mary. Say “beetlej” “bourbon” three times to summon Margo, the obnoxious “bio-exorcist” to take care of people oblivious to your smug self righteousness.

  83. Tats
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    A3-G: Tommie’s standing there like, “she only cried her way through one box of tissues? Amateur.” In the Thompson majors, anything less than three boxes of Kleenex and a roll of hand towels is strictly bush league.

    FOOB: “I know you love Farley, but you’re loving him too much!” Fortunately, Michael would internalize this lesson and not go on to make the same mistake with his children.

    MW: Ah, religious symbolism in Mary Worth. In panel one, the circular mirror sits over top Mary’s head like a glassy halo. In panel two, Ice-Dad sasses her, and out come the horns.

  84. Tats
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and jumping in to say Bob Weber, Class Act.

  85. commodorejohn
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    #81 Bob Weber Jr. – Spiffy. I’ll be keeping an eye out for that.

  86. Fashion Police
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Fashion Police notes with approval that the Mitchells and their guests still conform to a standard for casual in-home entertaining that has been completely ignored since the Beatles ditched their Cardin suits.

  87. Poteet
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT — Marty Moon looks like he’s watching an especially impressive gyration by an especially well-built pole dancer. That’s just wrong.

  88. Dingo
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Bob Weber, Jr., can you do something involving Cassandra Cat and the phrase “traitorous penis chained to a log?”

  89. Poteet
    November 21st, 2008 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    # 80 Sister Sestina — Right on, Sister! How I hate the moment when I realize I have to rework the entire paragraph, or the entire bleepin’ page, to avoid the he/she problem. If “it” would solve that perennial vexation, I’m all in favor of “it.”

  90. cheech wizard
    November 21st, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – I like Abbey’s blank look of horror as she contemplates her inevitable death by drowning at the hands of these imbeciles.

    I also like June’s shorts and trampy halter top. Maybe they’re going to spend their vacation at Sam and Abby’s?

    A3G – Like the mafia, Margo is recognizing that death has a costly effect on business and is preferably avoided, when possible.

    MT – Since when is Lost Forest next to an ocean? Or has Sue had a change of heart and quit draining the swamp, with the result that the waters are rising and they’re all going to drown?

    GT – “I agree with you – this whole act is getting tired. Unfortunately, since this is community television and he’s putting on his own show, there’s nothing we can do about it unless he starts swearing profusely or rips off his clothes and waggles his dick at the camera. Now get back to work.”

  91. Poteet
    November 21st, 2008 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    # 81 — Thank you, Bob Weber Jr.

  92. Livvy
    November 21st, 2008 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    I’m new posting to this site and I’m also a new reader to A3G but I feel that two questions must be asked. The first is what the heck is up with all of the bows in Ruby’s hair? The second, and more important question, how in the world has someone not dropped a house on Margo by now? If anyone was an archetype for the Wicked Witch of A3G it would be her.

  93. Uncle Lumpy
    November 21st, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    #92 Livvy –

    Shhh! She’ll hear you!!!

  94. Tim O'Shenko
    November 21st, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Silly Josh, machines can’t forget. It’s obvious that Dilton Doily doesn’t have a gender. The logic is undeniable.

  95. AsleepOrDead
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    9CL: All the women are glaring at Edda because they’re obviously jealous. I mean, who wouldn’t want to tap that geeky cellist ass?

    Yesterday’s DT: I have never laughed so hard at the stupidity of this strip as I did when I saw that Little-Engine-That-Could-like tank crawl out of TRZR’s ass.

    A3G: “Yes, Alan being shot to death was awful, but I had to deal with people! I win.”

  96. boojum
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    39. Calvin’s Cardboard Box: To be fair, TJ can spell ‘planetarium’ when’s he’s speaking — just not when he’s writing. I can kind of relate, actually.

    And if you think Amos’s cello case looks phallic on the streets, go back and check it out standing proudly by the overhead-mirrored bed in the honeymoon suite of their hotel. (McEldowney was thoughtful enough to render only the head and, uh, neck that time.) Yowza!

  97. CanuckDownSouth
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    89-Poteet I agree it’s a headache. I once wrote up short answer problems for a test which had to do with so-and-so observes such-and-such, and alternated between “he” and “she” on different questions. A male student scratched out the male pronouns and replaced them with female ones. I’m all for *not* making one of the sexes invisible, but that includes using guys as examples, too.

    Now every question says “you” observe such-and-such.

    (I’ve posted quite a bit of my FOOBery this week, including a double today.)

  98. boojum
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    “when’s” being a case in point…..

    Except here it would need the apostrophe-s, because it’s modifying the gerund. Let me see: “when’s”‘s ?? Something not right there. Or could I pass this off as an ablative absolute? Unless it is one, of course. You could make a case for either.

    Oh dear. I think I better quit while I’m slightly less behind than I would be if I were to go farther too far.

    I’ll be in my room lying down.

  99. boojum
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    or further.

    Help me, Jesus!

  100. Mysterious Shirtless Stranger
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Three weeks after Halloween, Gil is still wearing his Frankenstein monster getup. But it’s so well done, you can hardly blame him. And it’s a great way to get service at The Bucket!

  101. grapesaresour
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    I rarely post here, as everyone else is far wittier than anything I can come up with. HOWEVER, I thought you would all like to know that there are leggings featuring Rex Morgan MD in the world. This link goes to Go Fug Yourself, and if you scroll down a bit you’ll see them.
    That is all.

  102. True Fable
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Bob Weber Jr.!! You magnificent bastard! You read my mind!

    Any one who draws fish skeletons for a living has to be a cool guy. It just so happens Bob Jr. arrived at this state of grace naturally, and fish bones were a bonus at that point.

    Hey! will one of those drawings include a goat?

  103. Anonymous
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Re: the third person singular pronoun-
    It doesn’t always fit, but I do tend to substitute the word “one” from time to time. But like I said…it isn’t always the grammatically correct solution to the problem :)

  104. Deena in OR
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Argh….anonymous there was me. The problem with using “Distrust” at work is that it clears your cookies.

  105. Esther Blodgett
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    I spent four hours yesterday reading the last six months’ worth of this blog, in egregious violation of my company’s policy on personal use of the Internet. Now I’m hooked. Damn you all. Thank you.

  106. dofnup
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    The lady guest in the Dennis the Menace strip looks a LOT like the Miniature Killer from CSI: Las Vegas … creepy! o_O

  107. kalki
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    9CL: So they didn’t blur their faces on tv? Sounds like Edda and Amos have a lawsuit ready to go. Also, why aren’t any of the women smiling? No lesbians in Belgium?

    Archie: Dil-Do? His parents must have hated him and/or didn’t expect that in the future people would do stupid things with their first and last names and A-Rod and J-Lo.

    Crank: Dudes…they have these things called prostitutes now. And it probably wouldn’t cost you a day’s pay to use a cheap one.

    DTM: “Or beat me with a rubber hose whenever CPS visits.”

    FamCirc: “You know, from this angle, mom, your tits look huge.”

    FW: What, did Sheryl Swoopes go back to high school or something?

    GA: Like I said…break out the tire irons and be wery wery quiet…we’re hunting wufuses. ehehhheheh

    Luann: “Why is the word ‘movie’ written across the faint outline of the word ‘porno’ and the telescope is pointed at Toni’s bathroom window? And what’s with this ‘gloryhole’ thing near the garage?”

  108. Zaq
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    101 grapesaresour: Wow. I think I need to acquire a pair of those… though I don’t know what I could do with them. I can’t get away with wearing leggings (my Halloween costume included them, and I have reason to believe my life may be in jeopardy if I ever try it again), and I don’t know anyone who both 1) wears leggings and 2) would understand the sublime glory of them. Maybe I should just hang them on the wall. Hell of a conversation piece, don’t you think?

    “Why do you have leggings on your wall, Zaq? That’s… beyond creepy.”
    “No, they’re cool! Look, they have Rex Morgan on them! How awesome is that?”
    “…I don’t think I should talk to you anymore. Ever.”

  109. Angry Kem
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Hagar is being all medieval about women again.

    I’m with the people who aren’t sure exactly why and how everyone in Brussels seems to have seen the very same pornographic video. Are there places even in America (or Canada, where the show was the most popular on TV for quite some time…no, really) where everyone watches America’s Funniest Home Videos every time it’s on? If so, let me know, and I’ll avoid this place religiously for the rest of my natural life.

    Marvin, I hate you. I hate you so much.

    I’m too tired to snark any more, and I need to eat an orange. It’s urgent.

  110. Bob Weber Jr
    November 21st, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    True Fable –
    Goat in Slylock? You bet!

  111. bats :[
    November 21st, 2008 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    108. Zaq: you could always cut them apart and wear them on your arms with a t-shirt, kind of like the “fake tattoo” arms I’ve seen.

  112. Dingo
    November 21st, 2008 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    #105 Esther: I’m gonna spraypaint your name in the stairwell!

    (Kristofferson/Streisand version reference)

  113. Deena in OR
    November 21st, 2008 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    I have a great variation on the Traitorous P theme, but will have to wait until I get home to type it in. Probably not the kind of text you want your boss to find on the work PC.

  114. willethompson
    November 21st, 2008 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    #105 Esther Blodgett: Egregious violation of company policy on personal use of the Internet is what this blog is all about.

    Hell, it’s what the whole frickin’ internet is about.

  115. Jana C.H.
    November 21st, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    The Star Wars of Penzance continues at:

    Jana C.H.
    Saith WSG: Nothing is so conductive to toleration as the knowledge that one’s bread

  116. Perky Bird
    November 21st, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    And today, Mark Trail reminds us that it’s Wading Bird Awareness Day, when, if you really, really believe, the Great Blue Heron will rise from the most sincere mangrove patch in the wetlands and distribute talking potatoes and jackelrod balls to all the good little conservationist boys and girls!

  117. britbike
    November 21st, 2008 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Edge City Puzzle–
    1. You develop an interest in old radios.
    2. You meet a Friendly Stranger who says he also collects radios, and identifies a particular one as the Holy Grail of Old Radios. You had never heard of it before.
    3. The Holy Grail appears on eBay!
    4. You spend an insane amount of money for it.

    What are the odds Friendly Stranger just ripped you off? Discuss.

  118. odinthor
    November 21st, 2008 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    #105. Esther.

    I spent four hours yesterday reading the last six months’ worth of this blog, in egregious violation of my company’s policy on personal use of the Internet. Now I’m hooked. Damn you all. Thank you.

    “But boss, refreshing my mind this way between projects keeps me energized, nimble, and able to address the challenging problems coming to my desk with success, originality, and verve!”

    “Well . . . what’s this ‘traitorous penis’ stuff?”

    “Oh, that’s company code for amortizations related to the corporation’s liabilities from lower-level investments in foreign agricultural consortia, so our competitors don’t get wise. That is what the last code revision had, isn’t it?”

    “Er, yes . . . yes, I think so, of course, heh. Keep up the good work, Finkler! The company needs more men like you.”

    “I’m a woman, sir.”

    “Well, yes . . . yes . . . er, code, you know! Um, I’ve got a meeting…”

  119. Esther Blodgett
    November 21st, 2008 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    118 – Mmmmmmmmmm, painful. Now say, “Hi, I’m Mr. Driver in 248.” Oh, God, that’s IT! That’s soooo BAD.

    Words hurt so good sometimes.

  120. Stroker Ace
    November 21st, 2008 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    GT – Laurence Fishburne is a coiled spring in panel 3. May mayhem ensue. Mary Worth needs a dose of Samuel L. Jackson action.

  121. Dingo
    November 21st, 2008 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    #120 Stroker Ace: Dios mio! I’m trying to fathom Mary Worth enjoying pleasures of the flesh with Samuel L. Jackson and it reads like a bad porn version of Driving Miss Daisy.

    “Oh, Hoke. Hoooooke! You’re mah best friend.”

    I can see Mary chaining that traitorous penis to a log. Yes. Yes, indeed.

  122. Michael
    November 21st, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    I believe Woody Wilson is trying to drive Eduardo Barreto insane. Imagine how Evil Woody laughs madly as he sends his non-action scripts to the helpless artist. Usually the artist triumphs over the evil writer’s plans, but today was a rare loss for the talented artist. Mr. Barreto failed to use a visual device common to today’s television shows. Where is the big breasted woman in a bikini walking by to keep us readers awake while Sam reads the fax?

  123. Dingo
    November 21st, 2008 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Damn. I should have said, “Mary Worth and Samuel L. Jackson rampant on a Bensendorfer.”

  124. m1ngle
    November 21st, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    DtM: No drinks, no food, the guests sitting across the room from the hosts, the men sitting in suits and ties, for God’s sake. It seems the Mitchells host the world’s squarest, least interesting, dinner party. However, on closer inspection Mr. Mitchell and his guest have clearly switched suit jackets…or pants. Perhaps in their haste to redress they each simply grabbed whatever clothing was nearest.

  125. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    I now know that at least one other person in my office reads CC. We’ve got a runaway process on one of our servers right now, and some manager said “We know what it is — how do we kill it?” Someone (not me) replied “We could chain it to a log.” I was on a ladder at the time, and damn near fell off laughing.

    I’m pretty sure that the manager is not a ‘mudge.

  126. cheech wizard
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    GT – So who is the teutonic baroness with the dueling scar down the side of her face? No doubt she vill crush Moon like a bug, jah? Zen she vill go to Coach Thorpe and offer to gif zis team vhat it really needs – discipline. Zey may not vin any more games zis year, but at least zey vill find ze losing far more satisfying.

  127. PeteMoss
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    D the M -
    That may, in fact, be CPS investigators interviewing the Mitchells regarding reports of child abuse. Nice timing, Dennis, you traitorous penis!

  128. McPerson
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    That hood, it’s so familiar! The mystery killer is… Moon Knight!

  129. PeteMoss
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp(e)

    Regarding panel 3: This is a disturbing scene. The gentleman appears to be thinking, “Shut up or I’ll cut you again, woman!” After a closer inspection, I believe that the gentleman’s head (Appears to be Chutu from Phatom) has been Photoshoped on to another actor’s body. This might have been a last minute substitution as the orginal actor playing TV Executive Guy took a better paying job on Apartment 3G playing a North Dakotan Blaze-type Guy. By next week, Chutu will be completely incoporated into GT storyline, and will not only fire Marty Moon, but inject him with Ebola Virus. This is a much smoother transition than, say, the change in Darins on “Bewitched” or the change in drummers on “The Partridge Family.”

  130. Corby
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Wow, do Dennis’ parents look worried, or what? Blank stare… hand covering mouth in horror that the truth might come out. Maybe they do have something to hide, eh?

  131. PeteMoss
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    “By the way, Sam, who do I bill my time to for this? Will we just keep bilking Old Man Parker?”

  132. GG
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    In panel 3 of Gil Thorp, Marty Moon’s act has gotten so tired that even Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. is turning his head away from the tv in disgust. Apparently he rose from the dead to see how Milford was doing. Unfortunately, rising from the dead seems to have made his head twice as large as it should be and made his neck disappear.

  133. Jamus The Bartender
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    My Cage: I gotta admit, pretty poignant stuff here. I always dug My Cage for Ashley, Maureen, the Cassandra crossover, and the really weird “Man Duck” superhero thing, but today really hit home. Marry the dung beetle, shark guy. In a time of economic turmoil and environmental uncertainty, you gotta grab happiness wherever you can, making happiness scream for more, even when she can’t take it anymore. What have you possibly got to lose?
    FOOB rerun: “If lovin’ Farley too much is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.”
    Sally Forth: Sally Forth got really meta during the week of the election, didn’t it? I must have missed that. When something similar happened in Animal Man at DC Comics, all of Buddy Baker’s family members wound up dead on the kitchen floor. Then they got better. Just sayin’…
    Family Circus: I know i’ve said some awful things about the family Keane at times, but I gotta admit, I like the way Jeffy and PJ think.

  134. Carly
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    Once again, Dennis does something I’ve already seen from the somewhat more menacing Calvin.

  135. One-eyed Wolfdog
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    If “Mary the Dung Beetle” replaced Mary Worth in my local rag, I would view it as a welcome and interesting development.

  136. Annon
    November 21st, 2008 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    #77 Zaq: I’m with you on Strunk & White. And while we’re on Curtis: Curtis and Barry frequently look like they have facial hair. I mean–look at panel 2…is that a mustache?

  137. Piper Grey
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3G: Margo has issues about tissues!

    Funky Winkerbean: At a guess, I would say that it’s his daughter, who, as with the softball team in the summer, has been signed up for basketball by her mother. Yes, I know it doesn’t work that way, but this is Funky Winkerbean and nothing ever works that way in this strip.

    Mary Worth: Interrupted in mid-seduction, Mary turns threatening. Watch out, Frank! She’s probably armed with her special apple cake. Or, heaven forbid, her tuna casserole.

    Rex Morgan: Cruises, a sailboat, sailing lessons…just a few examples from the long list of reasons why the Morgans have filed for bankruptcy.

    Mark Trail: She is about to tell him that she has lost all interest in developing the land. She now wants to develop him. He still won’t understand, of course. He’ll shout ‘What’s going on?’ even as she casts off her clothes and throws herself at him.

  138. cheech wizard
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    136/Anon, 77/Zaq – Re: Strunk and White: You think a guy whose fevered brain came up with Flyspeck Island will submit to the authority of a guy who wrote a book about a talking pig? I don’t think so…

  139. cheech wizard
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    MT – So why is this whoo’r laying her hands on Mark’s lawfully wedded flesh? I can see where this is going -

    Mark: “So why did you change your mind about draining and developing the swamp?”

    Sue: (reclining on the sand) “Because I realized that I and the swamp have a lot in common, Mark. We’re both lying here among the cypress trees, waiting for you – warm and moist – and hoping you’ll rescue us from evil citydwellers.” (She unzips her jeans)

    Mark: “Looks like both of you are also populated by lots of little critters.”

  140. PeteMoss
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    cheech wizard @139.
    “Looks like both of you are also populated by lots of little critters.”

    Honestly, though, she is a shameless hussy, pawing all over him in front of the Jackelrod ball, the blue heron, God and all! Well, I hope She enjoys the pleasure of YOUR company, Mark, once you chain it to a log.

  141. Mibbitmaker
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    JP: “Y’know, since you do have me on the phone anyway, why not just tell me what’s in the fax — didn’t really need a fax at all, actually…” “I hate you, Sam Driver!”

    9CL: There’s something about other women looking at her with vicious envy that makes Edda go into her Dick Nixon mode.

    Hmmm… Gary Hallgren makes it to our little monthly cartoonist get-togethers for the 1st time in a while… then, days later, Bob Weber, Jr., comes here to offer SFx originals — and promises True Fable a SFx goat, to boot. Some SFx kismet going on here…….

  142. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    I’m more concerned about Archie’s increasing size than I am about genderless Dilton. Especially since his head doesn’t grow.

  143. PeteMoss
    November 21st, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    I like to imagine Sam Driver downloaded his cell phone ringtone from Warner Brothers Classics and got the “Mel Blanc’s Road Runner #4.”


  144. Mibbitmaker
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    (Only a few at a time, since a whole list of comics snark got wiped out a couple days ago and I’m not trusting the computer lately…)

    A3G: Margo: “…That was MY box of tissues, dammit!”

    Cleats: I feel your pain, Mondo…

    DT: Man! Those two robots are almost funnier than Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo!

    …..I…..I’l go do some pennance now……..

  145. PeteMoss
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    Archie picked out that shirt because it matched his head so well.

    By the way, just what the hell is happening to my sweet, little Betty’s nose?!? It’s like that whole, weird Michael Jackson nose-problem. Ahhhhh! Make. It. Stop!

  146. Frank Parsnip
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    GT: The station management has finally caught wind that Marty’s show consists primarily of him issuing caustic remarks, then closing with a bellowed: “MILFORD PREVAILS!” When finally fired, he’ll just move to England and start over.

    Archie: “If puts book to nose skin, or else it gets the hose again!” The Jame Gumb subroutine must have kicked in again.

  147. Frank Parsnip
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    Oops… Typo there — “It puts book to nose skin or else it gets the hose again.”

  148. Mibbitmaker
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    #144: That is, I’ll…. Add spelling pennance to the MST3K sacrilege pennance….

    Garfield: This would either make the worst “Garfield without Garfield”… or the best!

    H symbol-that-connects-two-words/innitials-together J: No, Jamaal! NOT THE TOM BATIUK SMIRK! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Luann: TJ stands for “Tool Jerk”.

    MF: Is the duck… alright? He missed out on the perfect set-up for a tiresome right-wing anti-government/bureaucracy comment. He must not be feeling well…

  149. Mibbitmaker
    November 21st, 2008 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    #145 (PeteMoss): Oddly enough, in all the Archie comic books I’ve read over time, that’s how female noses are usually drawn. And by the good Archie artists, too. Weeeeeeeird!

    MT: Even that white “Jack Elrod” beachball is shocked at the news — it’s stopped in mid-bounce!

    MW: Oop! … And they burried Frank in the plot right next to Aldo. Mary gets away with it by bribing Sam Driver at the murder investigation scene. In shadows.

    PBS: At least Pig didn’t start to worship the “Great Pumpkin”…… did he?

    S-M: The “he” in Petey’s concluding thought balloon could mean either one, really.

    The Unoriginal Mind of Edison Lee: The Joke That Would Never Die! MUA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!

    ZtP: He goes around and around…. and he comes out here! “Here” meaning “nowhere”.

  150. Mooncattie
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    DtM – And, once again, a young couple departs the Mitchell residence agreeing to triple-bag the Trojans for the rest of their lives.

    GT – “If only we had a replacement available…someone with even a hint of experience in sports journalism…perhaps somebody who has just left a sportswriting job…ideally, someone with a hat!!

  151. True Fable
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    See? I told you guys it was bound to happen. Universal Goat Adoration is coming, I’m tellin’ ya!

  152. mumbles
    November 21st, 2008 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    GT: Marty Moon storylines NEVER fail to entertain. His victimization a few summers ago by a Ben Franklin doppleganger golf grifter, resulting in Marty living in his car, was pure gold.

    I’m betting Marty falls victim to some weird Milford variation on the Fairness Doctrine, where he gets paired with another “evil Spock”-lookalike loser who likes Gil Thorp.

  153. Deena in OR
    November 21st, 2008 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    Brad’s Lament
    (with apologies to Frankie Avalon….)

    Your story sad to tell,
    A fumbling ne’er do well,
    Most mixed up non-performer on the block!
    Your future’s so unclear now,
    What’s left of your career now?
    Can’t even get a trade in on your smile!

    Angels: (La lalala lalala lalala…)

    Traitorous penis,
    No circumcision day for you.
    Traitorous penis,
    Toni is much too good for you!
    Well at least you could have taken time, to wash and clean
    your hose up,
    After spending all that dough to have the doctor fix your nose

    Baby get moving (Baby get movin),
    What keeps your feeble hopes alive?
    What are you proving (What are you provin)?
    You’ve got the dream but not the drive.

    If you go for your Cialis, you could join the dating pool.
    Getting a woody now could make you look so cool!

    Traitorous penis (Traitorous penis),
    Hanging around the corner store.
    Traitorous penis (Traitorous penis),
    It’s about time that you would score.

    Well they couldn’t teach you anything,
    You even failed at snooker,
    But since you can’t seem to get it up, perhaps you need a hooker!

    Baby don’t sweat it (Don’t sweat it),
    You’re not cut out to hold a knob.
    Better forget it (Forget it),
    You need some help from Smilin’ Bob!

    If you go for your Viagra, maybe the world won’t be so cruel.
    Wipe that grin off your face, ‘cuz TJ is a tool!

    What if you blow it,
    P’rhaps that closet is to blame.
    Baby you know it,
    Even our Abby’d say the same!

    Now I’ve called the shot, get off the block, I really gotta
    Gotta be going to that smut shop, in the sky!

    Traitorous penis (Traitorous penis)
    TJ is a tool
    Traitorous penis (Traitorous penis)
    TJ is a tool
    Traitorous penis (Traitorous penis)
    TJ is a tool

  154. Katie
    November 21st, 2008 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    That male public-access exec in GT looks a whole lot like Jon Stewart’s hunched-over imitation of our president (not Obama but the man who’s really still the prez). “heh heh.”

  155. Eats Shoots And Leaves
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorpe:

    In a moment of self-awareness, a comic character expresses her feelings about the strip.

  156. Anonymous
    November 22nd, 2008 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    Why don’t the Mitchells put Lil’D to bed and get it on with the neighbors?

  157. Angry Kem
    November 22nd, 2008 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    Early thoughts on two Saturday comics:

    FC: Unspeakable filth.

    S4th: Slowly, inevitably, alliances begin to form. The geek and the well-meaning control freak put aside their differences to turn on the spaz. After that, it is only a matter of time.

  158. Trilobite
    November 22nd, 2008 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s comics are all about what’s in a man’s pants, I guess:

    A3G: That’s right, Margo, get your arm up and ready to protect yourself…because when Tommie finally decides that she’s done trying to make it work with men, you’ll go right back to being her one and only. She’s already drunk enough to wave one spindly fist at nearly shoulder-height, who knows how wild she could get?

    Archie: It would’ve been nice if the bone in the first panel had been properly re-drawn in the second panel. Of course, it would have also been nice if Jughead’s dogsuit-wearing “pet” never ever said anything about chewing his bone ever again. EVER.

    Family Circus: Okay, I’ve checked it twice…there’s definitely a space between “pen” and “is” in today’s caption. Whew! I got nervous when we couldn’t see below Billy’s waist.

  159. papa zita
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:18 am [Reply]

    Suggested Crankshaft comic: 1) Face of ‘shaft with eyes slightly bugged, pressing on glasses, 2) Same face, eyes bugged almost out of head, glasses fall off. 3) Same face, eyes totally out of head, hanging by nerve endings. 4) Doctor taking rubber glove off, telling ‘shaft he passed his prostate exam for the year. A weak, tiny “thank you” from ‘shaft. At least it’s better than the direction it’s going now. If you’re gonna do old man humor, do old man humor.

  160. Mibbitmaker
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:31 am [Reply]


    Zits: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! (I really didn’t need a lead-in to that one)

    A3G, N-S: Pop culture, including comics, require misandry to survive, like a vampire who sucks the blood from a victim who was just minding his own business JUST BEING HALF THE &#$!?+@!! HUMAN RACE!!! (Not sure about BC, though…)

    BC: ???????????…..? –!!

    DtM: You know who else needs a night off once in a while? Michael Jackson! Now go pull up that furshlugginer flap up, already, willya, Dennis??

    DT: The tank, mimmicking a running gag in Tex Avery MGM cartoons: “Wull… I’ve been sick.”

  161. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:33 am [Reply]

    Saturday stuff

    9CL— Five minutes! Just enough time for a hiccup-curing blow job.

    DT— It’s the oldest trick in the book. Ltl Buzz Bomb is going bring down Brute Force by letting the air out of his tires.

  162. Mibbitmaker
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:42 am [Reply]


    Dick Tracy and Garfield on Saturday: Absurdist masterpeices! C’mon, Locher, fess up — no WAY that wasn’t supposed to be bizarrely funny!

    GT—- Marty Moon: The male, bearded, sports-oriented Ann Coulter.

    JP, Comment 1: A Patterson?? She really IS a bad seed!

    JP, Comment 2: (Make your own Sarah Palin joke here)

    MW: Okay, Mary’s going to torture Frank before she kills him.

  163. Mibbitmaker
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:54 am [Reply]

    22/11 (…I mean….):

    MC: Hey, compared to Danae and Tommie today, she’s a certified angel!

    RMMD: …And the most deformed.

    Honestly, the artist is really good — why is he so bad with kids?

    ZtP: We all know the real Zippy question is, and will always be, “WTF???”

  164. Johaely
    November 22nd, 2008 at 4:20 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m expecting the next comic to be around a lesbian orgy to Tommie coming out of the closet. Oh also this is how those three used to look, i suppose in the 50′s

    Cathy: She just hates her mother. i can look toward to the next strip being about her mother crying about “the fat and inconsideration bitch her daughter is.”

    Zits: Jeremy, drugs are bad. Get off the Dope, OK, is just because we care.

    Mallard Fillmore: Mallard has suddenly become clouduck and also has decided to attack lil’Rush for betraying the neocon ideology. Run kid, Run.

    9CL: woo,hoo more sex. Wait, Edda’s cleavage disapeared. Damn you syndicate, Damn You!!!!!

    Luann: when i first saw TJ with the tool belt, YMCA just came to my head. Now I’m juts looking foward to someone looking for Mexicans to build the house.

    Family Circus:…taken out of context is too dirty. It would have been more was it Dolly.

    Heart of the City: Common Heart, think a little bit better, videos of stupid people doing stupid things are a dime a dozen in Youtube. You should be thinking about kickstarting your pornstar career so that you’ll get hired by age 18.

    One Big Happy: A day after the Rock of love finalist left the house, grampa has started to give up on the stupidity of those around him.

    Marmaduke: They gave up years ago. what’s the point of arguing with a giant maneating dog with the intelligence of Bush.

    Funky Winkerbean: A black girl, possibly from the city joins the team…guaranteed trophy.

    Crankshaft: Poom chika wow wow…

    Dick Tracy: So then now everything coming out of a machine is going to be in freakin’ L33t?
    f\/(k y4||.
    Brute force is about to shoot something out of his ass. not very promising.

  165. Jack Parsons
    November 22nd, 2008 at 5:45 am [Reply]

    “Banged on a piano in Belgium”

    Years and years ago an exotic dancer was banged on a piano by th in San Francisco, CA. (In the Condor Club, home of Carol Doda.) It was a hydraulic lift piano + stool. The lever somehow got turned on. They went all the way up to the ceiling.They were squished together. He was crushed and died of asphyxiation. His body saved her from being crushed as well.

    They were alone in the club. She was stuck with his dead body smushed between her and the ceiling until the next morning when someone came to open up.

    Her name? Theresa Hill
    The poor man’s name? “Unlucky Pierre”.

  166. MrsIrB
    November 22nd, 2008 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    9cl: Just five minutes? Oh, Edda, you poor thing. This is why we let some other girl break in the virgin, then take him over when he has some endurance.

  167. kanomi
    November 22nd, 2008 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    Marty harps on an Old One.

    ‘Yes Gil, yes. Foolishly build your religion around one Savior, then pay the price to Cthulhu.”

  168. Talking Penis
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    #3 Andrew Leal says: “If it’s strangely phrased with odd motion lines around the head, it must be an Archie newspaper comic!”

    If I’m not mistaken, those “odd motion lines” are the first visible illustration of gaydar in a newspaper comix strip.

  169. And The
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    “Our” plan, Ghost-Who-Shouts-In-Sentence-Fragments? Geez, Guran just made it painfully clear he completely disapproves of your actions and now you’re just out and out dictating what he thinks? Guran, you’re got to get out of this abusive relationship…..

  170. boojum
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    A3G, third panel:

    And as Tommie finally realizes that maleness is what irritates her about men — even the men in A3G — Dame Margo slooowwly starts to unbutton her blouse. We kid about her, but under that flesh-eating exterior, she’s really such a giver!

    And in tribute to Rex Morgan, Married Doctor, I vow to use the phrase “the smartest boat on the water” in conversation at least once a day this week.

    “How’s that new guy in accounting working out?”
    “Well, he’s not the smartest boat on the water, if you know what I mean.”

    “I didn’t catch the final score last night. Which team was the smartest boat on the water?”

    “Should I get the veal or the chicken?”
    “Well, just ask yourself: Which one is the smartest boat on the water?”

    Try it with me!

  171. Muddtallica
    November 22nd, 2008 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Wow…assuming that Saturday’s strip is intended to be interpreted literally, I do believe that we’re in for the most awesome week of Sally Forth ever.

  172. boojum
    November 22nd, 2008 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Oh, and my prediction for 9CL: Turns out five minutes isn’t quiiite enough. And as the curtain slowly rises…..

    It’s, like, the bestest Forrestier finals, ever!

  173. boojum
    November 22nd, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Well, that was odd.

  174. boojum
    November 22nd, 2008 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Time of the Harmonic Convergence: November 22nd, 2008 at 10:03 am.

  175. Tracer Bullet
    November 22nd, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    AJGU30000: Hotdog will eventually give up on this existential conundrum and just spend the rest of the day licking his asshole.

    C’shaft: Titties!

    Curtis: Curtis has an awful case of Bitch Dependency Syndrom.

    JP: So now Dixie is a stripper/sniper. If she’s also a bisexual gourmet chief/masseuse who’s into comic books and porn, then she’s the ideal woman.

    RMMD: Rex doesn’t care about the boat, but the cabin boy auditions will be fierce.

    Lagoon: Well, it’s still more insightful than WIP.

  176. John C Fremont
    November 22nd, 2008 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    A3G – Right on, Tommie! Right on! Fight the power!

    MT – November 22, 2008. The day that Mark Trail almost showed some sort of emotion.

    RMMD – I see Sarah is still shrinking.

    FC – It’s better with Margo finger-quotes; My “pen” is stuck in your “pencil sharpener.” At least, I guess that’s what the kids are calling it these days.

    9CL – Five minutes should be more than enough time for Amos to stick his “pen” in Edda’s “pencil sharpener.” Knowing Amos, he’ll even have enough time for a cigarette after. Hic, indeed.

  177. commodorejohn
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    9CL – Well, since all of Belgium has apparently already seen them getting it on…

    A3G – Jawohl!

    AS – Hillburn, you realize that every single word could have been removed and the joke would have worked remained intact, right? Geez, it’s like the guy’s been given a twenty-word minimum by his teacher editor.

    BS – *hums the Man From Snowy River theme*

    BR – Protip: when making a joke about a reflection in the window, take the time to draw a reflection in the window.

    DT – Wait, is Ltl Buzz Bomb going to go kamikaze? That’s kind of gruesome even by Dick Tracy standards.

    FW – Christ, what an asshole.

    GA – Christ, what an asshole.

    GT – Where can I get an orbital death laser for my place of employment?

    JP – Oof. Yeah, if I were a member of the Patterson family, I’d run away and join the Marines, too.

    Love Is… – showing her where the free porn is.

    MT – “I didn’t know anything about the importance of wetlands until you told me, but now I know all about ‘wet lands!’ But…they need draining…”

    MW – Oh, Lynn, you do not pull out mid-meddle. Mary is going to be pissed.

    MC – I don’t care how allegedly heartless she is, I love her.

    NS – And, to sum up the past week of Non Sequitur: Christ, what an asshole.

    PBS – Win.

    Popeye – Join us next week, when the Sea Hag once again proves to be the smartest character in the whole damn strip and Popeye refuses to prevent the apocalypse.

    RMMD – Wait, where are they going?

    SF – *grabs popcorn*


  178. True Fable
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    A3G “What’s wrong with men, why are they all so…male?!?” Geez, Tommie…how is it you never get any?
    BF We have now reached a conclusion to a storyline that was far more interesting and informational than the past two years of For Better or For Worse. But then, even Hagar the Horrible trumps FBoFW in terms of personality development.
    Cathy Must Die It’s a wonder she ever allowed her daughter out of her womb.
    C’haft Oh sure, Ed’s all nice about helping Nick get sub days, but just wait until all the people on the bus route start clamoring to have her replace him permanently. He’ll be digging a suspiciously deep flower bed in the back yard and Nick will mysteriously disappear.
    DtM Button up the backflap and stop talking to your father about God taking the night off. It reads like you’re giving your old man the All Clear and that’s just creepy.
    (wt)DT RoboCrook is about to get served a metallic enema.
    FC “And I’m trying, but I just can’t seem to pull it out!” Well! That’s what he looks like he’s trying to do!
    Canadian Zombie NOTE: this is the woman who can’t understand why she can’t lose weight while finishing her kids’ leftovers at the same time. This is the woman who doesn’t like the dog hanging around the kitchen. This is the woman who goes ballistic when the dog farts and poos all over the place. This is the woman who feeds her kids big platters of glop.
    Lynnie Baby,
    Honey pie, I hoped these new-runs would somehow improve your thought processes and develop new insight into your characters by infusing the wisdom you know now with the characters you had then. So much for optimism; you obviously haven’t learned anything.
    Oh my dear little Zombie artiste, I know you have pined for this red hot Fable endlessly and have done your best to wave your virtual hankie in front of me, but sugardrop, I cannot dine from the tablescraps of your life. Your new-runs suck, precious. I would say “bite me” but you might see that as an invitation.
    Truman A. Fable
    Art and Food Critic

    JP So, because her father was in the Marine Corps, they assume he taught her to shoot? Well, my father was in the Army and all he taught me was how to talk my way out of trouble with MPs. Well, okay; I learned how to do that on my own, through his mistakes. Anyway…
    Luann TJ discovers the clothes in Brad’s closet aren’t just Luann’s extra clothes after all.
    MT So, this ruthless high-powered land-hungry businesswoman was shown the error of her ways in ONE afternoon with the fabulously persuasive Mark Fucking Trail, but she cannot change her evil ways because of concern for her investors? Oh honey; if it was anyone else you were talking to I’d say that was a bullshit line going nowhere, but since it’s Mark, it just might work.
    MW It’s hard to take a character seriously when all I can see is the faucet handle coming out of the back of her head.
    RMMW When did they replace Sarah with one of the bigheaded Keene kids?

  179. Paella strainer
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    I tried to come up with a snark, but I’m not the smartest boat on the water

  180. migellito
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    MW – Well, what I still don’t see resolved here is this new relationship between Vera and Von. I agree with Mary that they should go back to tennis; neither of them is cut out for pro skating, clearly. However, when is Mary going to address this twisted new relationship they’ve carved out for themselves? Why is Vera content to keep pretending she’s Von’s daughter? Is Mary just buying into this whole chain of denial they seem to be perpetuating? I would have thought Mary would jump head-first at the chance to fix this horrible web of lies!

  181. Dingo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Okay, this is a comment aimed for the women on this site (the real women). Have any of you, at any time, had a hairstyle like Lynn in Mary Worth? It’s not really a pony tail. It’s more of a bobbed pony tail that went horribly awry. The closest I’ve ever seen to this before was the pharaoh’s son in The Ten Commandments. Is the reason she has this hairstyle that she has no female friends to pull her out of it?

    A3G: Ah, Tommie. You’re just a bottle of patchoulie oil away from performing at Mountain Moving Coffeehouse in Chicago. Down with men and their traitorous penises! You can get an orgasm in the laundromat by putting tennis shoes in the washer and rubbing against it during the spin cycle.

    Mark Trail: I’m lovin’ this. If it were a 1960s movie starring Linda Evans (“Sugar Kane!”) this would be the moment for her to burst into song. She knows right from wrong. Her heart wants to do good. But her head has been filled with Ayn Rand notions and the only way to get rid of them is for a man to fuck the bejeezus out of her and she’s filled with bejeezus to the brim and – Oh, Mark – won’t you do it for her? She’ll have to settle for Charlie on that one but I think he’d rampant her Bensendorfer better’n Trail anyway.

  182. Calico
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    #181 – Next year Tommie will show up at the Michigan Womyn’s Festival for sure, with a new haircut and pent-up rage against all of Those Bad Bad Men.
    She’s so pissed, it even scares Margo a little, which has to be the Aberration of the New Millenium.

  183. Calico
    November 22nd, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    #177 – Yes, Mary is going to have the biggest case of Meddling Blueballs we’ve ever seen. Not a good thing.

  184. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    November 22nd, 2008 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

  185. lovetoykilljoy
    November 22nd, 2008 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Given the expressions of shock in Dennis the Menace it should read, “Are you two and my parents going to get naked play hide the burrito like the couple who was over here last night?”

  186. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    # 181 Dingo — You are not alone in your musing. I am fixated on that ponytail, and judging from previous snarks, so are some others. I previously speculated that it was hacked off as Lynn was fleeing from an ax-wielding serial killer, but I’m sure there are better and more creative explanations out there.

    And to answer your question, in my youth, I did try wearing a ponytail, but it made me look like a dork. Plus it wasn’t comfortable. I decided to look like a dork in more comfortable hairstyles.

    I wonder if anyone feels up to the Photoshop mission of giving Lynn a few new hairstyles to choose from. Besides Mary’s ghastly trademark style, I mean:-).

  187. odinthor
    November 22nd, 2008 at 12:34 pm [Reply]


    “I need someone to pull my rabbit.”

    Otherwise, Mr. Rabbit, or whatever your name is, your fun is over!

  188. queek
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    116: *applause*

    Frazz: win! I really hate winter, due to the short days. Perhaps the main reason to celebrate MidWinter’s Eve, the days start getting longer afterwards.

    MG&G: if it weren’t for my Top Chef addiction, I would SO agree with todays strip.

    Garfield. I laughed. I’m so sorry, but I did.

    A&J: I have an aunt like that. Never met a garage sale that she didn’t stop at.

  189. queek
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    181, 186: see the current Order of the Stick for a possible pony-tail solution?

  190. Seismic-2
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Tommie’s complaining about Gary’s “maleness” makes about as much sense as would Sally Forth’s making a similar complaint about Ted.

    JP: It’s so assuring to see that the Sam Driver law firm has access to all that background information about murder suspects that the police haven’t been able to learn yet. At least I assume that they haven’t learned it, since Hot Detective Heidi has been revealing everything else about the investigation to Sam, who certainly deserves to know everything that the police have learned, since after all he was the last person to see the victim alive. They should therefore put him in charge of the investigation, I would think. After he solves this case, maybe he can help OJ Simpson “find the real killer”.

  191. Islamorada Girl
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    MW and that ponytail. Even though I was a wee tiny I-Girl in the 50′s, I recall the teenage girls wearing those middle-of-the back-of-the-head ponytails. So, the style is only like, 60 years out of fashion.

  192. The Sparrow
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: My first thought upon reading this was, “the kids leave leftovers??” Man, when I was little, and if I had ever left any food on my plate, my parents could only conclude that I was sick. I was normally a voracious child who would eat everything, including salt or pepper stolen straight from the shaker. X) And who eats their kids’ leftovers, anyway? Elly might want to invest in that newfangled kitchen device that keeps nourishment cold until such time you wish to consume it later, that everyone is talking about.

    Dingo #181: Nope, I can honestly say I’ve never worn my hair that way (that’s not to say I haven’t worn ponytails; my hair just happens to be long). For that matter, none of my female friends/acquaintances have, either. I personally think Lynn was the victim of her father’s attempt to style her hair for a competition, and resorted the bobbed pony tail (bobtail?) to conceal the horror. But Poteet’s ax-murderer idea is funnier.

  193. Seismic-2
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Lynn’s punytail is the result of her attempting to commit suicide by decapitating herself by falling backwards onto an upturned ice skate. Call it an act of hairy-kiri.

  194. dyslexic dog
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Warning! Stay clear! Hoary chestnut ahead, submitted to illustrate today’s FC lunacy.

    “Hi honey, how was your day at the cucumber factory?”
    “Not so good, I got caught putting my willie in the pickle slicer.”
    “My god, what happened?”
    “I got fired.”
    “No, I mean what happened to the pickle slicer?”
    “She got fired too.”

  195. Angry Kem
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    The only way–the only way–for Lynn to have got her ponytail looking like that would have been for her to have someone chop it off while it was tied back. Poteet’s theory is viable…or perhaps Lynn slashed off her own hair in the mistaken belief that it symbolically stood in for her father. When it is down out of the ponytail, it must look even more hideous than it does now; the hair around her face has got to be at least shoulder-length and the hair at the back maybe three inches long.

  196. Dingo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Poteet and Angry Kem, I keep thinking that when her hair is out of the ponytail, she must look like the Little Dutch Boy or Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men.

  197. dyslexic dog
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    #196 — Dingo:
    …or Fabio.

  198. Angry Kem
    November 22nd, 2008 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    #196 Dingo: Actually, the Little Dutch Boy would have an uneven, layered ponytail. His hair is freakish, but his ponytail would simply be short, not bizarrely flat at the bottom. It’s pretty clear that the MW artist has never had or, in fact, seen a ponytail.

    Also relevant is the fact that if Lynn’s hair had any body at all, a ponytail that short would be sticking out from the back of her head in fluffy wisps, not hanging limply. I guess it’s kind of like a traitorous p–

    Not going to say it. If I did, you would be justified in chaining me to a l–

    Not going to say it! I may as well just stick my pen in your p–


  199. Joolz
    November 22nd, 2008 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: Can the hinge on Lynn’s minibar be moved to the left? That’d be more convenient when she wants to roll over and make herself a vodka gimlet at 3 a.m.

  200. Jamus The Bartender
    November 22nd, 2008 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Saturday’s Comics
    FC: Wasn’t this a blues song by Robert Johnson, written about a lady of the night he met in Amarillo, Texas?
    H and J: Aw. Mother-in-law jokes. That NEVER gets old.
    Sally Forth: Preachin’ to the choir, Sally, preachin’ to the choir…* gets hit by cartoon frying pan* ..oww…
    Rose Is Rose: I wonder how sunny this strip will get when Dad loses his job at the plant or wherever it is he goes all day…” Pasquale wants a HUG…” ” Bring Daddy his whiskey, son…”

  201. Jamus The Bartender
    November 22nd, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL: That was the third thing Amos was missing from the states, besides baseball and hot dogs….Time to play the skin flute, Edda.

  202. Calico
    November 22nd, 2008 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    #184 –
    Little Billy has gone missing…

  203. Baka Gaijin
    November 22nd, 2008 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    #183 Calico:

    #177 – Yes, Mary is going to have the biggest case of Meddling Blueballs we’ve ever seen. Not a good thing.

    Comment of the New Century!

  204. willethompson
    November 22nd, 2008 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    I just want to have a ‘tip of the hat’ to recent poster Angry Kem, who has gone from lurker to active, funny and old school (“BOXCAR!”) poster in a remarkably short time. I can’t help but ask if AK’s regular presence is sublimating her work toward that nasty old thesis? If so, join the crowd.

  205. bats :[
    November 22nd, 2008 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Late to the party and merely capitalizing on what many folks have already observed:

    Two words:
    Traitorous penis.
    Separate vacations.

  206. Joe Blevins
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    GT: In choosing to talk and act like a 1980s cartoon villain, Marty Moon is actually channeling Mum-Ra from Thundercats here. He could have gone in a more obvious direction, I suppose — Skeletor, Cobra Commander, Gargamel — but he made a more subtle, eclectic choice as an actor and for that I salute him. Meanwhile, Gil has replaced himself with a motionless plywood cutout and is halfway to Mexico by this point, desperately bailing on another disastrous season.

    ARCHIE: Until this strip, I never knew Archie’s checkerboard pattern extended to the back of his head as well. Now I do. This new information has undoubtedly dislodged some old information from my brain, probably something arcane I learned in school like state capitals or algebra.

  207. Dingo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Angry Kem, I believe my new stage name will be Apple Melt. After all, I’m a self-saucing pudding-cake.

  208. Angry Kem
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Tommie made a medieval pun! No, she really did.

    willethompson: I’ve actually had my doctorate for a year now. Instead, I am procrastinating on job applications and marking.

    I still want to know why everybody in Belgium watches the Belgian equivalent of American’s Funniest Home Videos. Is Belgium really that boring? Are Belgians so desperate for entertainment that they must live vicariously through American musicians who are in town for a few days? Should Spider-Man move to Belgium? He would find it easy to assimilate into the TV-centric culture.

  209. Paul1963
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Dennis, having done something menacing:

  210. Calico
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Lynn really needs an Amy Winehouse ‘do.

    Or perhaps something Band of Gypsies-ish.

    Both would prevent her from getting a concussion if she falls on her head on the ice.

  211. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Either Etta is flat-chested, in which case we should be seeing her nipples between those widely-spaced halter straps in panel 3, or she isn’t, in which case we ought to be seeing some cleavage, at least on the bottom. Instead, her chest is a featureless, gaping void. I think Amos gets hiccups when he’s confronted with existential terror.

    A3G: Y’know, there’s a cure for your little dilemma, Tommie. Let me direct you to some educational Web sites.

    BF: No matter how I try, I just can’t unscramble CRVAWC to make a word. Anyone have the answer?

    C’Shaft: I know you’re just making smalltalk while hoping she bends over or something, but there are only three bus drivers in the whole flippin’ school district, and you two are both there. Compliment her on her sweater or something, maybe she’ll let you touch it.


    (WT)DT: Doesn’t “TARGT IN SIGHT” and “TARGT AQUIRRD” mean the same thing? Keep it up and next you’ll be saying “TARGT ALRTED BY UNNCSARY VOCLIZATNS! STUPD STUPD STUPD!!!”

    JP: How can he read a fax printed on black paper?

    Big Dog: “And remind me again why we give a flying rat’s ass about the self-esteem of a FUCKING DOG?!?”

    MW: I’ve seen more realistic hairdos in anime.

    6C: In the interests of political harmony, I will NOT make a Sarah Palin joke here. I will, however, point out the stupidity of turning a wild turkey loose in the city and thinking you’re doing it a kindness.

    WoI: No, fatty, your fat ass makes your butt look big. (I’ve always wanted to say that!)

  212. Amateur
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: I move that “the turkeyish you ever tasted” be named today’s “easier to chain to a log.”

  213. Motorposus
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    I’m joining in way too late, but here’s a sorrowful tune:

    Now you say you’re sorry
    For being so untrue.
    Well you’re a traitorous penis,
    Traitorous penis,
    I cried a river over you.

  214. Dingo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Angry Kem, I began writing a very long message which I thought best to delete. You’ve had your doctorate for a year but haven’t found employment? Is that economy in Canada worse than here in the States? Or is it that your field is so narrow?

    I wanted to work on my doctorate but the nearest school to where I’m living is Northwestern. My grades and such would give me an easy in to the program but I called them and doctoral students have to consider it a full-time position. Well, in August I landed a job — making training videos on slot machines! — at a fantastic company with a salary and benefits that wouldn’t be matched by a university unless I was hired at full professor. Add up four years of extra education against what I would earn in that time and it’s a down payment on a nice suburban home with a poolboy named Raul who would peel Poteet a grape or refreshen bats :[ mimosa on a moment’s notice. Alas, it does not pay enough though for me to keep Gadge Cubic locked up in a cage in the basement (though part of me thinks he’d like that).

    I know there are quite a few persons on here with Ph.D.s tickling their wazoos. Did you have to pursue it full-time or are there any universities where you can work on a doctorate at your leisure? Could I make Mary Worth part of my dissertation?

  215. your father isn't mr. cohen
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    GA: Slim is an asshole.

    Dog: In which Marmaduke displays his genitals to best advantage.

    Phantom: “When distracted by the Python’s erection, it is difficult to speak in anything but sentence fragments.”*
    *Old jungle saying

    MW: I think that Lynn chopped her ponytail one day in a fit of pique to passive-agressively wound her father. Or maybe in the Worthverse, having terrible hair is equivalent to cutting.

    MT: Is Lost Forest near the ocean? Does Mark live in the Everglades? What’s going on?

    FW: Big Walnut Tech? Please tell me that doesn’t exist.

    FC: That is absolutely disgusting.

    A3G: Aroused, as she is by any displlay of fury, Margo begins unbuttoning her blouse.

  216. Dingo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Motorposus, my favorite version of that is the old Ukrainian folk song: Crimea River.

  217. Angry Kem
    November 22nd, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    #214 Dingo: It is not unusual for people with Ph.D.s to subsist on contract work for a few (or even several) years after they graduate. I’m in a fairly narrow field, and I’m further holding myself back by refusing to work in the States (I like Canada; I want a job in Canada. Is that so wrong?). I’m also not hugely ambitious compared to some of my contemporaries. I have no desire to spend my whole life never doing anything creative ever again.

  218. John C Fremont
    November 22nd, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    # 208 Angry Kem – I had never before heard that the word “male” can also mean “evil” so I had to look it up and, by golly, you’re right! (Not that I didn’t believe you. I just had to see for myself.) But now I feel so, uh – so evil. Tommie must hate me.

    I love it when I learn something new here. Well, new to me.

    # 213 Motorposus – And I’m sure that if Julie London sang that, it’d sound classy. And you’d know she really meant it.

  219. Dingo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    John C Fremont, I’d like to hear Diana Krall’s version but, being married to Elvis Costello, I doubt she’d ever encounter a traitorous one. Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett. Diana Krall and Elvis Costello. Condileeza Rice and George Bush. Edda the Rampant Bensendorfer and the Cellist. What is it about beautiful women and Dilton Dooley men?

  220. bats :[
    November 22nd, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    215. your father isn’t mr. cohen, re MW: considering Lynn’s very likely sequestered life, she probably thought that hacking off her ponytail was cutting….

  221. Muffaroo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    9 Quickie Lane – If there’s a camera in the Green Room, they could win this contest without playing a note.

    A3G – Pair this one with the classic Peanuts “You– you– you GIRL you!”

    Archie“(Decisions, decisions! Do I chew my bone today or chew my toy?”) For most male dogs I’ve known, this is not so much a choice between activities as it is a choice between euphemisms for the same activity.

    Cshaft – One can only hope she’s replacing Ed in every other aspect of his life and comic strip as well. Sure, a conscientious, nice-tempered female isn’t a guaranteed laugh mine, but then all she has to be is better than wretched to excel in this context.

    Garfield- Cute.

    GAlley – You don’t have to worry about losing respect from any of us, “Slim.”

    HtHorrible – Kee-reist, he even sleeps with those stupid horns on.

    MFmore – It’s shaped like a comic, it tells a recognizable and possibly slightly humorous joke, and the art is tolerable. Has Tinsley joined some kind of cartoonist humor cult?

    Mduke – Looks like he found the ‘massage’ setting. Too bad it doesn’t have a “wood chipper” setting that might dispose of this unnatural spawn of Hell once and for all.

    PCity – Unless he’s broken radically with his party, everything bad between 2000 and 2006 was the fault of the party out of power anyway.

    R=Rose – This strip is soon going to lose its vestigial skeleton and relapse to a simple state of saccharine protoplasm as a smiley puddle of black, tarry goo with little hearts and rainbows and twittering birds and crap oozing out around the edges.

  222. Motorposus
    November 22nd, 2008 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of Julie London, I’ve been watching Emergency! reruns on some odd cable channel recently, and am very impressed with her in the role of Dixie “Julep” McCall, RN. Those eyelashes! That big updo! That firm bedside manner!

  223. Muffaroo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Andrew Leal @3 – I remember an Archie strip from some time during the endless Al Hartley regime where Dilton scored on the rest of the gang by pretty much calling them a bunch of trend-following sheep. Betty seemed to be the only one who half-way got it, which becomes a little ironic when you consider another strip around the same time where all the kids were into a disguised form of Transcendental Meditation which involved walking around in a sort of trancelike stupor, and she was one of the first to try it.

    Harriet Thimble – Yesterthread. The article pointed to, where the cartoonist of this awful wedding of bad art and sententious little typeset sayings was looking confidently forward to a brilliant future for her ugly creation, reminds me of the Marshmallow Martians. Back in the late 90s, somebody at my office had a subscription to The Licensing Book, a periodical about licensed properties. In the ad section at the back, there would always be an ad and a lame drawing of the MMs, and a hopeful note that they were available for licensing possibilities. Oh, the sky was the limit to these ungaingly would be merchandising stars, and they displayed their optimisim in the face of an uncaring universe in every issue. Bringing it up to the present, I did a search on their name (you can too!) and found that they seem to have added characters over the years, but the drawing is still at the same level, and they are still cheerfully anticipating the fact that any day now, they’ll break through to public acceptance and be the next Teletubbies or My Little Pony or Harry Potter and start raking in the big bucks. Or maybe they’re really a trap set by unscrupulous aliens to catch extremely gullible financiers, who possibly taste good with carrots.

    Calico @38 – Tech tip: to find out if a word or words were mentioned in a given thread, use the “find” function in your browser. Usually [primary function key] + F will do the trick, or look under the “Edit” menu.

    Sue D. Nymme @40Did Archie once back into a hot waffle iron, thus giving the back of his head a crosshatch scar? No, that would have produced a bunch of evenly spaced squares. The real reason is that in the heat of passion, Betty scratches vertically. Veronica scratches horizontally. Seems like a small price to pay, actually.

  224. Seismic-2
    November 22nd, 2008 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    #218 John C. Fremont – Oh God yes, Julie London singing the “Traitorous Penis” tune!!! She certainly would mean it, and she’s demonstrated that by her seductive crooning of the “Mickey Mouse Club” them song, which you can hear here. She sang that version live at a Congrssional hearing, to make the point that song interpreters, as well as songwriters, deserve royalty rights. She left the “members” of Congress rampant on their Bosendorfers.

  225. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 22nd, 2008 at 5:10 pm [Reply]


    9CL: Five minutes. Time enough for a quick handjob, provided you bring wet-naps? Seriously, it may be time to move on.

    JP: As a lawyer, I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase “assuming facts not in evidence.” No? Never even heard it on Law & Order? My bad.

    HtH: Hagar could give the mattress more of a check-up if Helga hopped in to help him out. And I’m sure there is literally at least one person who wants to see that.

    GA: Slim is quickly becoming the most loathsome character on the comics page, so do what you gotta, Rufus.

    FW: Well Summer, how to put this? Sometimes grown-ups are lying assholes.

    S-M: Robbie: I keep telling you, Jameson, I don’t know anyone at Death Row Records. Stop making assumptions, and you don’t want those guys anyway.

    MT: The pelican of vengeance stands by, waiting…

    GT: Thorp Enterprises is pleased to introduce Jonathan Frakes in the role of soon to be unemployed Marty Moon.

    DT: Dick Tracy, dullard in disguise. Dick Tracy, much less than meets the eye.

    DtM: Gotta say, if that’s menacing, it’s a really apathetic kind of menacing.

    C-Shaft: Nick is subbing for Crankshaft, but don’t worry. She’ll work her way up to dom in no time.

    A3G: Did Tommie just out herself? And if so, did anyone else in the room notice?

    Lockhorns: Walking home with Leroy and Loretta, after they’ve gone and whacked a guy.

  226. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 22nd, 2008 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    #215 your father isn’t…
    Mark took a trip down south, I think to Louisiana. Don’t feel too bad. The local flavor isn’t real strong.

  227. Hank
    November 22nd, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    RE: 162, Mibbitmaker, Dick Tracy. Thank you. I’ve been saying for nearly a year now that it was obvious that Locher, a skilled political cartoonist, was now doing this strip as a “Sledge Hammer”-style over the top parody.

  228. Dingo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    Seismic-2: Wow! I won’t be able to think of that song the same after hearing Julie London’s version. I’d love for her to release an album of traitorous penis songs.

  229. whatever
    November 22nd, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    # 215 – Re: FW – that’s “Big Walnuts” Tech.
    Around here, you lose a year of eligibility if you transfer. I think you can transfer at will in Funky World. I heard that Big Walnuts just got a new 6’9″ transfer student just in time for the football playoffs.

    GT : The bad news is – Sarah is shrinking; she has progeria, and won’t be with us much longer.
    The good news is – Sarah won’t be with us much longer.

  230. your father isn\'t mr. cohen
    November 22nd, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    #226: AFKAB, thank you. I had totally forgotten that he was visiting his friend and not just out of the house ignoring Cherry for an extended period. I think I should just generally default to assuming he’s not in Lost Forest, as it’s so rare these days that I don’t really remember what Rusty looks like…

  231. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 22nd, 2008 at 5:54 pm [Reply]


    as it’s so rare these days that I don’t really remember what Rusty looks like…

    You lucky bastard.

  232. Master Softheart, Ph.D.
    November 22nd, 2008 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, job prospects and the nature of the jobs available after finishing your Ph.D. depend heavily on your field and the program you finish in. Getting a doctorate in any field except a very few of the applied sciences is virtually never a good choice from a financial perspective, though. As an example, I offer my girlfriend. She and I both entered PhD programs at top departments in the same field at roughly the same time. She decided after three years to take the terminal MA (the consolation degree offered by every humane department to students who realize that the academy is not for them and want something to show for having spent years realizing that fact) and go to Harvard Law School instead. By the time I finished my dissertation and defended, she was making about a third of a million dollars a year and working shorter hours than I was.

    I advise my undergraduates (softheartedly) to only consider doctoral programs if they are convinced that they could not be happy unless they were doing research and teaching in their chosen field. In addition to the poor job prospects at completion, the process of dissertation writing itself is often very psychologically damaging.

    In fact, some people on here (such as our host) who have either been in graduate school or thought of going might find this amusing:

    On the off chance that you never played Zork, Enchanter, or Seastalker when you were a kid (my Apple IIe saw me through all of them), first go here to learn how to play (it is unbelievably simple – you will master it in about a minute):

    Given the constraints of the medium, the game is hilariously frustrating and frustratingly hilarious. The basic idea of the game is absurd and it would be a decent diversion just based on its structure and the amusing insights into graduate school and writing a dissertation, but the literary conceit of “Violet” herself makes it immersive and effective at an emotional level.

    To your other question, in the social sciences there are a number of lower ranked programs that expect/allow doctoral students to work on their degrees part time. There are also very good programs in the hard and applied sciences that allow research work toward a dissertation to be carried on in cooperation with industrial labs when work and research complement one another (this is a bit more common in Europe for various reasons, but it happens in the US as well). Generally speaking, top programs expect students in doctoral programs to work full time on their dissertation research, interrupting it only to act as teaching assistants to the regular faculty (an under-paid, zero-prestige ‘job’ that at many universities operates as something akin to a slave labor system). Part of the reason for this is that the time to completion and placement of their graduates are important for the departmental rankings, and being unwilling or unable to commit to full time work signals that a student will not perform well on these indicators.

    And Angry Kem, please accept my sympathy; as someone losing my own adjunct position next year and faced with almost no opportunities, I wish you well.

  233. whatever
    November 22nd, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    correction to my post # 299: not Gil Thorp, you fool, REX MORGAN.

  234. Crankshaft\'s funky smelling corpse
    November 22nd, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    Dingo: Forget school. Just enlist.

  235. Zaq
    November 22nd, 2008 at 8:09 pm [Reply]


    A3G: Tommie showing emotion other than mechanical weeping or gobsmacked stunned-ness? Is there precedent for this?

    MW: Oh snap. Now Lynn’s in Mary’s sights too. She just clicked her Meddleray up from “Drew Corey” to “Aldo.”

    9CL: Don’t care don’t care don’t care DON’T CARE.


    Phantom: Stripeybutt, my friend, a couple words of advice. 1) Exclamation points are not the same thing as commas. 2) Even if they were, commas do not work that way!

    MC: Wow. The word “vixen” in this context is… huh. Now I’ve got it rattling around in my brain. Do the citizens of the Cageiverse think of “vixen” the same way we do? For that matter, is it acceptable in the Cageiverse to draw attention to someone’s, um, species like that? “You… you vixen!” could be really offensive, it would seem to me, if you use it as a pejorative term, especially when there are people who are actual literal vixens there. Huh.

    BF: And the Very Special Episode of Between Friends comes to an end. (Hmm, actually, I kind of feel like an asshole for saying that, because it was actually kind of entertaining in a slightly mawkish way, and it actually is an important topic. I’ve just been conditioned to look on any Serious Issues in the comics with a jaundiced eye. Case in point: Funky Winkerbean, Gil Thorp, Foob.)

    RMMD: In honor of Zelda Day* tomorrow, June has adopted aspects of the Link-Flip into her hair. Look at that! Look at how it goes up a good inch and a half before falling down! Total Link-Flip. Granted, the original Link-Flip is symmetrical, but June is her own woman, and is merely paying homage, not slavishly imitating the original. I approve! (*For those of you who may have forgotten, tomorrow, 11/23/2008, is the tenth anniversary of the American release of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time! I plan to spend a good chunk of the day playing through it. Damn, I love that game. For those of you who missed out, or who no longer have your N64s, you can download it on the Wii’s Virtual Console for ten bucks. Well worth it, in my eyes. This episode of Zaq Loves His Video Games has been brought to you by Zelda.)

    Momma: Okay, let’s go through this. 1) Momma is the mother of three children who range, conservatively, from their late twenties to early forties. 2) Momma is not 96, but would enjoy being called 96, thus indicating that she is in fact older than 96. This is, of course, using the stereotype that women enjoy being referred to or thought of as younger than they are rather than the reverse, but this is Momma, so if you’re expecting anyone involved to BREAK any stereotypes, I can’t help you. 3) We will, for the sake of argument, then, assume that Momma is a minimum of 97 years old. Let us be generous with Thomas’s age and call him 42. That would mean that Momma was 55 when she gave birth to him… difficult, rare, but not impossible. However, Momma also has two other children. I don’t have any idea how old Mary-Lou is supposed to be, but I know that she is older than Francis. (I actually don’t know this.) Francis, on the other hand, I have a very hard time calling older than 32 at the very oldest, meaning that Momma was a minimum (remember that we are working with simply a lower bound of 97, not a true age) of 65 when she had him. DAMN IT, LAZARUS, I DON’T WANT TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS.

    Popeye: Does the Quark yet qualify for bee-grinding? It’s hard to compare it to, say, Judge Parker, but at least in JP we get to look at Dixie Julep and Abby Driver.

    Which of these do you think is most likely to happen first, fellow ‘Mudges?
    A) Someone in Judge Parker ends a sentence with a period.
    B) Family Circus actually attempts and succeeds at making a genuinely funny joke.
    C) Zombie Foob shows Elly not being a self-sacrificing saint or RodJohn not being a dickhead.
    D) The people in Curtis learn how to use quotation marks correctly.
    E) Z.I.T.S. moves away from rabid hatred of teenagers and all they stand for.
    F) Amos, of 9 Chickweed Lane, either becomes interesting or becomes replaced with someone who is.

  236. Violet
    November 22nd, 2008 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    160 Mibbitmaker: Please don’t take this the wrong way, as I have no wish to be combative, but merely to point out that women actually do also occasionally encounter some adversity in this world. I know, right? Shocking. Granted, neither in the U.S. or Canada nor anywhere else in the world does it reach the level of victimization of mild to moderate exasperation from Tommie Thompson, but their are a few minor drawbacks, in spite of the iron fist with which we appear to rule the world.

  237. lylebot, Ph.D.
    November 22nd, 2008 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    In the sciences, getting a Ph.D. is a job: you get a salary and benefits (for being a teaching or research assistant), tuition is covered, and while you could theoretically have a “real” job at the same time, it would seriously distract from your responsibilities.

    Though the regular-year salary is low, thanks to summer internships I was making $45-50k per year for most of grad school (in computer science).

  238. willethompson
    November 22nd, 2008 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    “Traitorous penis” and “chained to a log” have now been used in almost every form of rhyme… except one:

    “I want nothing to come in between us!”
    Whispered Mark at Sue’s delta of venus,
    But as happened too oft’
    What was hard went then soft
    ‘Twas the curse of the traitorous penis.

    Young Sue, mad with bliss unattained,
    Had the khaki-clad puncher restrained
    By his unfaithful hog
    tightly chained to a log.
    “No one dares leave MY wetlands undrained!”

  239. Dingo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Master Softheart, Ph.D. and lylebot, Ph.D., thanks for your answers. In many ways, I know that I already have had my answer sitting in front of me. This past week at work, I’ve been putting together a video on a new machine we’re debuting and this will help train our technicians in the field. I’ve had the chance to use Photoshop, Illustrator, After Effects, Audition, and 3D Studio Max in addition to the edit in Premiere. I’ve been, shall we say, in my element. The Adobe Suite for me is as addictive as cocaine to a Bush or illegal prescription drugs to Rush Limbaugh but without the circumspect derision toward others. During grad school, I had to run seminars for my professors on how to use the software in their classrooms. Gracious, at my first adjunct professorship this past spring, I ended up teaching seminars on PowerPoint to my fellow instructors! It was a very Margo Magee existence without the benefits of ego, sex or good bourbon. I’ve got a paper in me on the aesthetics of failure as it relates to Nick Broomfield, Woody Allen, and the YouTube generation that I’ve been itching to write but maybe, just maybe, it’s not meant to be. I’m much happier creating. Should’ve gotten the MFA instead of the MA.

    Back to the traitorous penises! Back to being rampant on a Bensendorfer! Back to good bourbon and bad women! Back to being chained to a log!

    Carpe laborum! Face laborum! Carpe pecunium!

  240. queek
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    carpe feetum!

    (seize the socks!)

    it’s a ferret thing.

  241. willethompson
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    #239 Dingo: Sounds like you’re up on CS3. I just installed Final Cut and am working with that (a bit of ramp-up from iMovie 8). I’ve folowed your travails for 18 months now, and am happy you’ve found your element. Well done. Carpe pecunium, indeed.

    PS – You’re still on the hook for brats at Starved Rock. I can’t count how many times I cleared my cookies to vote for that.

  242. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    # 217 Angry Kem — I have a strange intense desire to visit your medieval monastery and its weirdly-innocent inhabitants, though I realize that I’d have to disguise myself as a very odd-looking monk. This is not my usual reaction to a blog.

    What I’m saying is that your creativity deserves the time and energy you give it.

  243. Joe Blevins
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    GT: Check it out. They’re clearly watching Clerks: The Animated Series in the background of panel 3. Or ignoring it, I guess.

  244. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    # 238 willethompson — BWAHAHA!

    # 239 Dingo — As a computer idjit, I bow deeply in your direction, marvel at your multifaceted skills, and hope the world will reward them appropriately in the decades to come.

  245. Dingo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    Hey, willethompson, the brats offer still stands. John and I spent a lot of weekends at Starved Rock this past summer. It’s my little slice of heaven and very few people seem to realize it’s there. It took the ‘mudges to make it one of Illinois’ Seven Wonders. Eagle Weekend in January is always nice. At that time of year, there are between 30 and 45 bald eagles on the island in the Illinois River just below the dam. Plus, it’s only 90 miles southwest of Chicago. You can see all of the spots where Obama walked that are now considered hallowed ground.

    On a side note, if you’re a ‘mudge and in north-central Illinois, my parents’ annual Festival of Lights parade will be held next Friday night in Ottawa at 6PM. I’m always the walker with the clipboard at the back left of Santa’s float. Been my job for 21 years now. Feel free to shout out my name and say hello. We have a little party afterward back at the shop. No celebrated authors like Wille but a nice time.

    Poteet #242: You made me think of the heroine of Sex Takes a Holiday from You Can’t Take It With You.

  246. Mister Beautiful
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    The AJGLU 3000 merely transcribed the joke about “well, if it looks like dogshit . . . ” .

  247. Mister Beautiful
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    Marty Moon’s on-camera firing would cause the biggest sensation since Arthur Godfrey fired Julius La Rosa on the air.

  248. Joe the Plugger
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Nothing says class like a white skin-tight tee-shirt under your evening gown…

  249. P
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    Don’t forget what happened OTD 45 years ago.

  250. Harold
    November 22nd, 2008 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    Saturday’s (11/22/08) Family Circus originally read “Daddy, my traitorous penis stuck in your pencil sharpener.” I believe that spacing error in the first line (corrected by Skullturf Q. Beavispants in #184) was introduced when they made the edit.

    That half-opened backflap on Dennis as he renounces God’s omnipotence…suddenly his dad seems like the menacing one.

  251. Sinblossom
    November 22nd, 2008 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe nobody else was as thrilled as I was by today’s A3G! Tommie not only displaying emotion but shaking her tiny fists for it! Margo shocked, however temporarily, into a submissive posture! General man-hatin’! Of course, this guarantees that we’ll be back to LuAnn and The Boy Back Home first thing Monday morning.

  252. Lardella
    November 22nd, 2008 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Saturday: This weekend’s Outrageously Gigantic Head contest is on, and it’s neck and neck (ha!): MW’s Lynn versus RMMD’s Sarah. Tune in Sunday to see who wins (by a nose?)

  253. Harold
    November 22nd, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    I forgot to add:

    I think that I shall never see-nis
    a poem as treacherous as a penis.

  254. Mibbitmaker
    November 22nd, 2008 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    @223 (Muffaroo), re: Archie — Your mention of an Archie story where Betty was the 1st to try ersatz TM reminded me to look at the “Best of the Sixties, vol. 2″, which includes a story from 1961 where Betty’s becoming a beatnik inspires the others, one by one, to join in once convincing her out of it fails. Seems like the latter behavior you mentioned has precedent with Ms. Cooper.

  255. Mibbitmaker
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    #254: I meant “#223″. Though I suppose the @ version makes some sense, too. Or maybe I’m just not the smartest boat on the water tonight.

  256. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    PV 11/23 — “Sea of weed.” Heh. Heh.

  257. Dingo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    P #249, here’s my take on that (and, yes, I’m a gay man for those who might be offended by this):

    I believe that JFK was shot by Yves St. Laurent. Why? Jackie Kennedy and Oleg Cassini. That damned pink pillbox hat. Jackie became celebrated throughout the world for her style and glamour. I believe that certain designers became jealous and wanted to chain Cassini to a log. It didn’t matter that JFK had a traitorous penis. Nay! They were out for Jackie. A cabal of fashion designers stood on the grassy knoll and waited for the car to round Dealey Plaza. Yves St. Laurent raised his gun and fired. However, being somewhat limp in the wrist, his aim wasn’t straight (among other things) and he missed the First Lady and shot the president, instead. How do I know this is true? After that day, you never saw Jackie wear a pillbox hat. Not once. She knew.

    LBJ may not have been the smartest boat in the water but Onassis had a fleet of ‘em.

    That’s the true Hollywood story of the death of JFK, no matter what Oliver Stone says.

  258. Mibbitmaker
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    #136 (Violet): I never denied women have met adversity, I just don’t like when it takes male-bashing form (all over the Danae-like pop culture), and I was trying to find a marginally more witty way of saying it. Hell, I’ve spend a bit of time recently decrying the fact that President and Vice President still seem to be unattainable for the female gender.

    Using that old saw: just reverse the genders in Tommie’s comment (coming from, say, Dr. Beardopolus), and see how quickly it looks like a Dave Sim screed.

  259. Mibbitmaker
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    #258: Should read “#236″. I’m not having a good night!

  260. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    # 258 Mibbitmaker — I saw Tommie’s wail as a sad commentary on Tommie, as if she needed another one. Any time I see/hear a member of one sex declare that all the members of the other sex are some kind of losers, I roll my eyes and the word “PATHETIC” scrolls across my brain. I also roll my eyes when virtues and special abilities are ascribed to entire sexes. This means my eyeballs get painful frequent workouts, but that’s the way it goes.

  261. Dingo
    November 22nd, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Poteet, let Raul peel you a grape.

  262. bats :[
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    261. Dingo: does that mean Raul is pouring mimosas, too. Eh, I can wait until tomorrow when we’re in Las Vegas to start lapping up the booze.
    (Has your work sent you out to Sin City yet? (Not that any city where you hang your hat doesn’t qualify for that moniker… ;))

  263. Poteet
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    # 261 Dingo — Thankee, don’t mind if I do!

  264. Dingo
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    bats :[ #261: Not yet. I swear that everyone in my department was at G2E this past week but me. I was left back in the Midwest to make the video of a new machine. In time, I’m hoping that I’ll get to travel also but I have to prove my mettle first.

  265. Dingo
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Oh! Oh, and yes! Raul is peeling grapes and pouring mimosas for those with hunger and thirst. Later, we’ll chain him to a log and make him wrestle with his thong.

  266. Joe Btfsplk
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    I made one of my very infrequent efforts to read Annie today, and am torn between a) thinking that maybe I should do so somewhat more often, and b) the knowledge that these isolated glimpses are probably funnier without knowing what the hell is going on.

  267. Joe Btfsplk
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    “Very infrequently,” by the way, means maybe once or twice a year.

  268. Joe Btfsplk
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    Phantom – How long are they going to leave this guy lying unconscious under a blanket on the bare ground in the African jungle? Whether the Ebola gets him or not won’t matter much, I think. By the time they pull that blanket off of him, his entire body below his armpits will have been devoured by ants.

  269. Anonymous
    November 23rd, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Using that old saw: just reverse the genders in Tommie’s comment (coming from, say, Dr. Beardopolus), and see how quickly it looks like a Dave Sim screed.

    Blah. I just tried picturing that scenario in my head and I’m seeing neither Sim nor screed. What I’m seeing is Hagar the Horrible.

  270. P
    November 23rd, 2008 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    FC: Bil Keane must not have listened to the umpteen million safety recalls on that noose PJ’s in.

    And isn’t ironic that 48 years earlier, they were thankful for an electronic dishwasher?

  271. Dingo
    November 23rd, 2008 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    I had another look at the Six Chix and the barrel. Perhaps we’re all wrong. Perhaps Edwina and Tiffany fell asleep in history class and the professor (Angry Kem?) became so enraged that they weren’t paying attention that she had the other students strip them of their clothes. When the awakened, they were completely naked save for the merkins. Luckily, there was a rain barrel just outside of the building and a Dollar Tree across the street with a pickle barrel. Edwina and Tiffany grabbed the barrels and made their way to Advanced Heuristics. As they got to the door, they vowed never to fall asleep in history class again. There.

  272. commodorejohn
    November 23rd, 2008 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    #238 willethompson – Comment. Of. The. Year.

    In re: anti-male sentiment in the comics, I’m willing to let Tommie’s remark slide, because A. I’m too busy laughing at it and B. booze, privacy, and frustration inspire a lot of people to say things they shouldn’t, but Danae is just pissing me off.

    I’m not entirely sure why it bothers me as much as it does. Part of it is probably that it’s my sex that’s being attacked, I admit, but at least when Calvin was making fun of girls, Suzie was portrayed in a mostly positive light, and Watterson’s sympathies were clearly with her. I can’t really tell what Wiley thinks of things, but I do note that the only representative for small boys in the strip, while portrayed as intelligent, comes off like Anthony minus the child-molester vibe.

    And with Calvin & Hobbes, it was once in a while (the sexist trash-talking, that is, not merely Calvin versus Suzie.) In Non Sequitur, it comes up again and again and again, and the only reaction anybody else has to it is a damn Winkersmirk or a straight line for Danae to further expound upon her bitchiness. Just once I’d like to see her get called on it or something.

    I generally like Non Sequitur fairly well, but Danae’s Steinem rants sour me on it even more than Wiley’s political preaching.

  273. Violet
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    258 Mibbitmaker: My objection had nothing to do with your discomfort with casual misandry in popular culture. Frankly, I find that just as objectionable and counterproductive as the casual misogyny therein. Honestly, I do. Your comment just seemed a bit, well, I don’t want to say naive, but I can only imagine many years from now as a very elderly lady, I will still be dreaming of a world in which women have such a position in society that we have the luxury of being that pissed off about something that trivial.

  274. Deena in OR
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:33 am [Reply]


    The grapes and mimosas are lovely…but Raoul’s thong is a bit lost on me :) D’you think you could get Dixie to stop by?

  275. Poteet
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    # 266 Joe — Thanks for that quick opportunity to check on ANNIE, which I don’t think I’ve done for twenty years. Apparently the current storyline features a violent Miss Havisham who’s mad as hell and is not going to take it any more. Eek. I shall tiptoe gently away.

  276. Spotted HØrse, Swamp Hoss
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:42 am [Reply]


    Any time I see/hear a member of one sex declare that all the members of the other sex are some kind of losers, I roll my eyes and the word “PATHETIC” scrolls across my brain. I also roll my eyes when virtues and special abilities are ascribed to entire sexes.

    Know whatcha mean, Jelly Bean! My entire skill set magically flipped after I transitioned!

    #266 Joe Btfsplk: Heh! Is that Daddy Warbucks being skilletted? I always wanted to harm him in some way. Skilleting has, how you say, a spirited, insouciant air about it. Class conscious. Takes him down a peg. I like it.

  277. Deena in OR
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    Ooops….That’d be Raul, not Raoul.

  278. Mibbitmaker
    November 23rd, 2008 at 3:21 am [Reply]

    #260 (Poteet): Exactly! Sums it up perfectly.

    #273 (Violet): The 1st 2/3 sentences in your #273 represents all I intended previously. I wasn’t addressing a entire history of gender issues in detail. I just prefer equality (i.e. “Lynn Johnston and Tom Batiuk are equally annoying these days!”)

    And I’m 1000% with commodorejohn about Danae and Wiley (And C&H).

  279. Trilobite
    November 23rd, 2008 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    Awwww, yiss….some mothafuckin Sunday comics:

    A3G: The Sunday A3G is usually just a regurgitated lump of whatever happened at the end of the week, but sometimes they take the opportunity to re-draw the art to correct a mistake. For example, last time we saw Tommie enraged at heterosexuality, she was terrifying Margo by furiously waving her tiny fist in the air. But on Sunday, she’s just wiggling her empty glass while Ruby and Margo display nothing but bored indifference…a panel which fits better into the A3G canon. See, folks, Tommie’s not angry. That’d be like saying that your refrigerator is angry, or a rock is angry. Tommie can’t be angry, any more than she can be interesting, or useful, or entertaining…although if a waiter takes her hint and comes over with another round of drinks, we might have to reconsider Tommie’s usefulness.

    Judge Parker: Man, I hope that all this amateur profiling that Sam and Steve are doing is as utterly unfounded and bogus as it sounds, because I really think that there could be room for a spinoff here. “She’s a former exotic dancer who has a problem with men; he’s a hunky lawyer who is immune to feminine charms! Together, they fight crime! Dixie and The Golem, coming this Spring!”

    Mary Worth: A recurring theme in Mary Worth is that keeping your problems a secret is always a bad idea and it will eventually destroy you. Usually this is presented as a universal truth with no further explanation, but I like this storyline because it’s pulling back the curtain to show WHY secrets will destroy you: because Mary Worth will gut you like a flounder to get at the precious, precious miseries hidden deep inside you.

  280. Mibbitmaker
    November 23rd, 2008 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    Okay, now on to more important things…. Sunday Funnies:

    MW: Actually, Mary’s going to kill Frank AND Lynn the skater!

    FW: Not only is this strip not funny, but the characters find the not-funny hysterically funny.

    FC: And they’re all thankful to be having Thanksgiving 4 days before they have Thanksgiving.

    Cranky: Look who’s talking, Batiuk! That means Cranky won’t read a Batiuk comic strip. And stop using unnecessarily big words with your contrived malajustedprops! See?! — you’ve got ME doing it!

    RMMD: Well, Sarah’s got normal proportions once again, but now she’s got big jowls! Edda’s not the only one in comics this week going for the Nixon look, I guess.

    S-M: A person could go broke underestimating the stupidity of J. Jonah Jameson. Or the unmitigated gall.

    JP: Looks like Lynn from MW — not to mention Tommie and Danae — got some commmmpanyyyyyyyyyy.

    A3G: Well, well, well… looks like Trusiani’s got a thing for Tommie’s little “joke” there, hasn’t she?[/Church Lady (Dana Carvey)]

  281. Baka Gaijin
    November 23rd, 2008 at 4:45 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Strips

    Mary Worth: OMG! Last time we saw that face someone ended up meddled into a ravine!

    Mary Worth, take 2: Mary’s pre-meddlegasm face.

    Mary Worth, take 3: Missing last panel: Last Sunday’s last panel.

    Lio: Even more full of win than usual. On my screen I could see the first two panels, which were good, then scrolled down to see the win.

    Bizarro: Dan, do you have Fisher-Price’s R&D labs bugged?

    Sally Forth: Admit it, Ces, you’ve been reading Dick Tracy recently. Buttlebots?

    Garfield: At first I thought Jon put downer in your water dish…

  282. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 23rd, 2008 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    It’s halfass crossover Sunday:

    FW/MT— Batiuk attempts to emulate Mark Trail and succeeds, although today’s strip is not nearly as funny as Mark Trail.

    JP/South Park— While Sam may appear to be in danger, so is Dixie/Kathleen. Otherwise, why would Barreto dress her like Kenny McCormick?

    SF/DT— Pre-snarked by Baka Gaijin (#281).

    Zits/FC— All that’s missing is a dotted line.

    In halfass non-crossover action:

    MW— Lynn’s ponytail is worse than ever today. It looks like she’s tied either a whisk broom or her high school graduation tassel to the back of her head.

  283. Baka Gaijin
    November 23rd, 2008 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Brevity: Minor nitpick: They don’t use yen in China, nor would they use katakana (Japanese) to write the first 2 lines of the invoice, then switch to Korean on the third line.

  284. Vince M
    November 23rd, 2008 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    When blanket condemnation of an entire gender comes up I tend to quote Paul Newman to Patricia Neal in ‘Hud’ – “Don’t shoot all the dogs just ’cause some of’ em got fleas!”

  285. bats :[
    November 23rd, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    274. Deena, based on Sunday’s JP: I don’t *think* you want Dixie to drop by…

    A few fast Sunday comments:

    MT: looks like Mr. Elrod got the week off a little early — the last two panels are just color-monkey work (with a turkey instead of a ham). I recognize that Andy pose!

    MW: okaaayyyy. Mary, I hate to tell you, but that tire-iron intended for Lynn’s rival’s knees is being redirected at your knees….or hip…

    JP: ruh roh!
    Okay, bets are open as to how this resolves itself:
    1. Sam manages a slug-out, a la smack the lady terrorist from a few months ago.
    2. Heidi’s “detective sense” started tingling, so she tailed Sam and will punch out Dixie.
    3. Abbey will show up unexpectedly for the Scottsdale Arabian Horse Show (after all, it’s in October, and I think Sam left for Phoenix in August or so) and will punch out Dixie.
    4. Mark Trail’s “cougar sense” has been activated and he’ll punch out Dixie (providing that she’s still hooded and he’s under the impression he’s punching a bearded man).

    Phantom: maybe it’s just me, but I’m a little creeped out by how ripped Kit’s kids are…geez, Guran’s peddling jungle steroids?

    RMMD: oh, crap. Now I have to like Sarah because she likes to read…
    Then again, one of the highlights going to our going to Vegas is hitting all the used bookstores there. Sigh.

    Anyway, be good, folks! Have fun! Snark snark snark!

  286. gleeb
    November 23rd, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Slylock: M. le Comte’s idea is a bad one not because of light pollution, but because the slack-jawed yokels who visit Las Vegas think astronomy is some kind of fortune-telling.

    Crankshaft: OK, I chuckled at “Hospital Corners”.

    Pluggers: …are those guys in the passing lane, you know the ones I mean.

    Real Life Adventures: The gag’s just so-so, but I like that the cornerstone of the bank was laid in 1929.

  287. John C Fremont
    November 23rd, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    # 280 Mibbitmaker – Every time someone says “unmitigated gall” my mind immediately flashes back to the old promo for “Marcus Welby, MD.” I just point that out in order to show what a sad life I live. I face a day full of Marcus Welby quotes and cigarette commercial jingles.

    A3G – It’s deja vu all over again. But where’s Tommie’s tiny fist?

    (Hey, I just discovered first hand that it’s hard to make with the funny when the cat’s throwing up 3 feet away. And I hope she enjoys her time of banishment in the back porch. Oh, lordy, I’m becoming Rob Wilco. N-o-o-o-o!!!!)

    MT – Who’s that “woman” who is very clearly not Cherry? And who’s that almost human-looking boy that’s clearly not Rusty? And why isn’t Mark wearing khaki? And why is Doc still among the living? Or is he? One thing’s for sure, though. They sure seem to be enjoying their Mary Worth style yellow glop. Happy Thanksging, indeed.

    MW – Uh-oh.

    Mutts – It’s as if Mary Worth died and came back as a crow.

    RMMD – Wow, that was fast. They just took off yesterday, and landed today. I thought we were going to get at least a week’s worth of Rex getting the back of his seat kicked by some kid, or some wacky antics involving a mix-up with the meal. Let’s just hope something zany happens when Rex is told to put his shoes through the x-ray machine.

    DT – The Crimestoppers Textbook guy feels Tommie’s frustration. “Why do ATMs have to be so – so machine-like?

    No matter how many times I see it, I still get creeped out watching Traze-r’s “Litl Buzz Bomb” emerge from what I presume to be his fly.

  288. Mrs. Fremont
    November 23rd, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    # 287 – That’s “Thanksgiving,” dear. You can’t blame the cat for that one.

  289. tuesy
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: Lynn, Lynn, Lynn. Don’t you know better than to put Mary’s meddle in a corner?

  290. Seismic-2
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    I think people are missing the point about Tommie’s rant against the male half of the human race. What is noteworthy about her diatribe is that she was provoked into it by the (in)actions of Gary. Condemning men on the basis of Gary is like condemning the diplomatic actions of the world’s superpowers on the basis of the foreign policy of Liechtenstein.

  291. Dingo
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Angry Kem, my mother called and asked for me to thank you on behalf of her and my father. I copied and pasted your Apple Melt recipe into an email to her and she made it this morning. She loves it!

    I’ll be attempting it this afternoon.

  292. Batman Beatles
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    MW – Mary is getting scary.

  293. John C Fremont
    November 23rd, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Dingo/Angry Kem – Apple melt recipe? Dang it, I missed it! Where can I find it? I found some recipes on the nets, but I want the authentic Angry Kem recipe, stat! (As Dixie McCall might say.)

  294. odinthor
    November 23rd, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    SFx — Ah, Slylock—mustn’t make the first mistake mere tyros fall prey to: When dealing with criminals, the insane, and exes, it’s necessary in assessing the situation to listen to what they say, not what you think they mean, as then your own thoughts create a barrier to accurate comprehension. Now:

    Weirdly says tourists will flock to the star-gazing attraction, and he and investors will make a bundle of money.

    Be the stars bright or be they dim, Weirdly is correct, particularly if the observatory is placed in such a way that the customers are well boozed up by the time that they get to the telescope, and most particularly if he and his investors skedaddle with the proceeds before the customers’ buzz wears off. The other consideration is that the Count appears to be showing his prospectus on the Pike at the 1904 St. Louis World’s Fair, leaving us in doubt as to whether the supposed Las Vegas location derives from Slylock or some external evidence not yet produced in this court. In any case, your honor, should this indeed be 1904, my client requests that this case be dismissed due to the workings of the Statute of Limitations so that he can focus on preparing his suit against vexatious litigant Fox and hardened accomplice Mouse for harassment and malicious prosecution. My client and I thank the court for its attention.

  295. your father isn't mr. cohen
    November 23rd, 2008 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    I’ve always thought of children in comics railing against the opposite gender as a harmless, meant-to-be-amusing-but-really-isn’t kind of thing. Like all those tree houses in movies, TV shows, etc. with “No girlz alowed!” scrawled on them. It’s supposed to remind us of our childhoods when we did similar things, I guess. Even though I never recall anybody acting like that when I was a kid.

    I think it’s in a completely different category than adults ranting against the opposite sex. That just generally means that the ranter has little experience with the opposite sex, so the person who hurt them is representative in their mind of all men/women. It’s also not meant very seriously, I don’t think.

  296. buckyswife
    November 23rd, 2008 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone noticed how much coffee the Mark Trail Compound consumes? Okay, coffee with Thanksgiving pie, I can see–but with the turkey? Given Mark’s usual lack of affect, I shudder to think what he’d be like without Cherry’s constant coffee-pot presence by his side. Maybe he injects coffee directly into his veins in order to get into punching mode?

  297. Angry Kem
    November 23rd, 2008 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    #291 Dingo: Okay, the first time you referred to the Apple Melt recipe, I thought you were making a cryptic comment that I simply didn’t understand. Now I’m thoroughly confused. What Apple Melt recipe? Where? I don’t even like cooked apples! Am I posting Apple Melt recipes in my sleep?

    Heeeeellllllllllp meeeeeeeeeeee…

  298. Red Greenback
    November 23rd, 2008 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    MT/NY’erCC Mashup Madness!

  299. Calico
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Mmmmm…Apple Melt…just please, nobody tell Elly P. or Sarge – it will be gone before you have a chance to try it.
    Strudel…’tis the season to cook with Les Pommes.

  300. Deena in OR
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    re: bats :[ at 285-

    Gulp! Maybe Detective Heidi’s not busy…. :)

  301. Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: If some random old lady started hounding on me about all my problems I’d be getting a LOT more pissed than Lynn is. The only thing this storyline is missing is Jeff being there to tell Mary to slow down and stop being so nosy, and eventually being reduced to a groveling mass, yet again.

  302. Mibbitmaker
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Tom Batiuk: “What’s wrong with comic strips? Why are they all so… so comical?!” (Tommie Boy’s not the smartest boat on the water)

  303. Red Greenback
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Johnny Carson: “I once had an Apple melt. Unfortunately, it wasn’t covered in the AppleCare Protection Plan.”
    Ed McMahon: “HI-YO!”

  304. dreadedcandiru2
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    ReFoob: My god, what a poor unfortunate martyr Elly is. She suffers so much and asks for so little — like a son whose fingers can turn things when they get wet.

  305. Angry Kem
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    The Overboard pirates are still languishing in Dante’s Hell.

    I continue to be confused about the Apple Melt. Who did post the recipe?

    9CL: I think somebody was tired a few weeks ago and didn’t feel like drawing very much at all…

    What’s with all the golf strips today?

  306. Trilobite
    November 23rd, 2008 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    In #290, Seismic-2 wrote:
    Condemning men on the basis of Gary is like condemning the diplomatic actions of the world’s superpowers on the basis of the foreign policy of Liechtenstein.

    Then again, in Apartment 3G, it makes sense for Tommie to castigate all men on the basis of Gary, because all the men there really ARE Gary, just typically without the glasses. Oh, some of them wear blue suits (okay, most of them wear blue suits), some of them have different hair colors, some of them answer to different names or take drugs or date Margo…I think one of them even had a mustache. But they’re like mannequins in a department store: no matter how you dress ‘em up, underneath it they’re identical. And made of plastic.

    And notably free of any genitalia.

  307. Mibbitmaker
    November 23rd, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: Maybe Dr. Jeff should talk to Lynn the skater instead, keeping Mary out of it.*

    Then it can be the Jeff, Lynn Storyline:

    That Evil Woman Mary will Turn To Stone while Jeff tells Lynn that her Strange Magic on the ice can’t be hurried by her dad’s Hold-On-Tight-to-his-daughter attitude. “But I Can’t Get It Out Of My Head!”, she’d reply. He counters with, “Do Ya want Turn To Stone under his pressure? It’ll separate you two so bad that there won’t be a Telephone Line between you anymore.”

    “Lynn, you’re a Sweet Talkin’ Woman. You don’t need your dad’s Fire On High! You’ll be on the Last Train To London, never seeing your father again. The Twilight of your relationship. Resist the Confusion!” Lightened by the pep talk, she says, “I’m Alive! Thanks, doctor!” He became her Mr. Blue Sky, and she could see more clearly now. She was a Livin’ Thing again, thanks to Jeff, who did Shine A Little Love between the father and daughter.

    Mary, seeing this, minus her input, just went on chanting satanic slogans backwards for a while in spite.

  308. Mibbitmaker
    November 23rd, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    #307 unfinished business: “Storyline” wasn’t supposed to be boldened.


    *(Aw, who’m I kidding? Mary will just kill Frank, Lynn, AND Dr. Jeff!)

  309. Poteet
    November 23rd, 2008 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    However the fabled Apple Melt recipe came to Dingo’s attention, I want it too. Apple Melt! Give us Apple Melt!

    DT — Dick, I hereby nominate you for Worst Comic Exposition Of The Month for your classic comment in Panel Three.

    Actually, having just read it again, I’ll make that nomination for Worst Comic Exposition Of The Year.

  310. John C Fremont
    November 23rd, 2008 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    # 307 – Hey, man, Don’t Bring Me Down! Well, I guess it’s time to Face The Music, because you’re about to set a New World Record – in comedic pop references!

    (I tried, but I just couldn’t work “10538 Overture” or “Rockaria!” into it.)

  311. Joe Btfsplk
    November 23rd, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    #303 Red Greenback – I do miss that man so.

    #305 Angry Kem – “Today?”

    Dick Tracy – Knowing how literally robots take everything you say to them, I keep expecting “Buzz Bomb” to head off on a beeline for London.

  312. John C Fremont
    November 23rd, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Well, I found an Apple Melt recipe with fresh apples, cheddar and chutney on an English muffin, one that was basically a grilled cheese sandwich with apple and ham, and several with apple pie filling and cheddar on slices of pound cake. Oh, and an apple-curry-tuna melt recipe. I plan to try them all.

  313. MeganKoumori
    November 23rd, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Har har har. I’ve walked with my nose in a book before and I’ve never forgotten which street I’m on. I have, however, walked into a fence. Yes, I am a dork.

  314. commodorejohn
    November 23rd, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Usually, Sunday soap-strips are just a recap to keep people up to speed. This one’s like a greatest-hits collection.

    BS – Well, after that implied toplessness with Brenda a few weeks ago, it’s only fair that there be a little something for the ladies.

    DTM – Turkey The Menace.

    DT – For once, I’m downright thankful for Dick Tracy‘s abstract approach to coloring. I don’t think I could handle the birth of LTL BUZZ BOMB in anything close to real color.

    FC – PJ is thankful for the Bear, who visits when noone else is around. Some day, he will be able to follow its Orders.

    FG – If this is the last we see of Sexy Werewolf Chick, I swear I’m going to hunt down Jim Keefe and beat him savagely.

    FW – If nothing else, that’s a very nice alligator drawing. But this being Funky, it’ll probably horribly mangle someone’s limb in the next day or two.

    GA – Yeah, pat yourselves on the back some more, whydontcha.

    JP – Is it wrong that Dixie makes assault with a deadly weapon sound totally hot?

    MT – Mark Trail: teaching children about the wonders of Nature…on the dinner table. Remember, kids, there’s no creature so majestic and awe-inspiring that it can’t be killed and eaten!

    MW – “No, Mary! Let it go.” Oh, Lynn, you really have no idea who you’re dealing with, do you? Look how imperious Mary is in the penultimate panel. She is not letting it go. Not a chance in Hell.

    NAOQV – Do they still do these ads? I think I might be feeling old here.

    Pluggers – Pluggers have connections in the police department.

    PV – “NEXT: GAWAIN’S EGG?” I have this terrible sinking feeling that we’re about to rehash the last couple months of Popeye.

    RMMD – Oh. My. God. Is that Zack’s Alligator she’s reading? Sweet.

    SM – It’s a little difficult to read the signature box, but there’s a new artist drawing Spider-Man, apparently. Lots of dramatic shots and strange angles and little details today. Place your bets on how many times Peter will have to plunk down in front of the TV before the poor guy gives in and stops trying to pretend this is interesting.

    Edison Lee – Preach it, teacher.

  315. Muffaroo
    November 23rd, 2008 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    Seismic-2 @224 – Major thanks for the Julie London link. I’ll be putting that on my iPod within 24 hours. (Note: done.)

  316. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 23rd, 2008 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    Not much late Sunday snark, but here’s what I got:

    C’Shaft: I bet Cranky doesn’t even know what “lachrymose” means. But whatever it is, there’s a good chance he’s intolerant of it.

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