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Margo cares about you … sort of

Apartment 3-G, 11/25/08

You know, most people would be sick with worry for the safety of their loved ones if said loved ones were off on some mysterious but almost certainly dangerous mission way on the other side of the world. Thankfully for all of us, Margo is not most people, but is rather a gorgeous, tempestuous firecracker of a woman held tight in the grips of cocaine-driven paranoia. “The way I see it, Eric is either at the bottom of a ravine with a Chinese bullet in the back of his head, or whoring his way through every brothel in Lhasa — and he’ll be lucky if its the former.”

Spider-Man, 11/25/08

I’m not sure what’s more hilarious about today’s Spider-Man: that Big-Time’s real name is “Bigelow,” or that his flat-top Spidey-impersonator-for-hire is looking on in undisguised terror as he has a catty conversation with his ex-wife on his circa-1986 cordless phone.

(Bonus question: Is “Bigelow” funnier as a first name, or a last name?)

Blondie, 11/25/08

I’m pretty sure one of these guys has finally gotten up the nerve to make a pass at the other, only to have it fly by completely unnoticed; I’m just not certain which one was the passer and which one was the passee, yet.

Lockhorns and Hi and Lois, 11/25/08

In the new Great Depression, all comics will be about huddling together for warmth in the enormous suburban homes whose mortgages are so expensive that we can no longer afford to heat them.

158 responses to “Margo cares about you … sort of”

  1. Dingo
    November 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I’m glad you said it. I thought the doc and Dag were… a bit friendly.

  2. PeteMoss
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Doc – “Could I get a second opinion?”
    Dag – “Why yes, your hands are nice and warm too. And here’s a third, Doc: You smell good.”

  3. Mr. Nice Guy
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Bigelow Brown, Super Criminal.

    I like the way that rolls out: Bigelow Brown, Suuuuper Criminal.

  4. Ranger
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, on 9CL, the term “waylay” is making a comeback.

  5. UncleJeff
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Higher: Poor Thirsty. In addition to working for a company on the edge of bankruptcy, he no longer is allowed to have his booze to keep him warm.
    Happy Carrie A. Nation’s Birthday, y’all!

  6. temporarilyjaded
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    If Dagwood’s Doc pulls out his sigmoidoscope, I am pretty sure Dagwood would won’t have to pay his co-pay for this visit.

  7. Michael
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Wow, in today’s Judge Parker, a woman has finally found a way to have sex with Sam. Abbey are you paying attention?

  8. PeteMoss
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Hello, Bigelow Goosberrys here. Can I help you?

  9. temporarilyjaded
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    #6-scratch would…preview only works if you can read.

  10. Reepicheep-chan
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Mr. Lockhorn. Leaving the house for a movie is only a temporary solution. Try an art gallery, or maybe just hang out in the grocery store or library. Not that I would know anything about that.

  11. Red Greenback
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Let’s hope he doesn’t get constant comments on his new name.

  12. Rusty
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Leroy has one of those breath clouds puffing out of his mouth even though he is now indoors. How can they trade withering insults while not disturbing the other patrons?

    Blondie: Dagwood has always been suspiciously well-built for a man of about 90. Maybe he gets human growth hormones from the doc.

  13. Marion Delgado
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    “… and in fairness, I suppose LuAnn’s issues with Alan are probably a little distressing.

    But if Eric Mills thinks he can just up and disappear like this ….”

  14. Patrick
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    “At least you can FIND your boyfriend, Tommie! I lost the map of my burial plots, and now I’ll never be able to dig up Eric to kill him all over again! Frustrating!”

  15. Jeremiah
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    I too enjoy that so many of A3G’s “punchlines” involve Margo pretending to have human emotions then screaming “NOT!” and laughing stiltedly at whoever is in frame.

    MT – “You’ve taught me the importance of wetlands.” Really? Could crazy sniper lady please shoot Sue now? I’ll be so happy when the stockholders revolt and oust her from her own company.

    MW – Wow, Mary is so terrified Lynn won’t talk to her that she has resorted to shouting nonsensically. Sun-shirt boy should really watch out. Mary may latch onto him and never let go. “You look troubled. You really want to be an actor but your father is forcing you to go the Harvard to get a business degree. That’s your problem, right? Or maybe you’re homosexual and frightened your family and friends won’t understand. Does your teacher touch you inappropriately? You can tell me; I can help. Be true to yourself! Your parents love you! Take it one day at a time! Only you can let you be a victim!”

    #7 – Your comment made me laugh very loudly.

  16. Dingo
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Bigelow Bigsby Riordan Obelisk!

  17. PeteMoss
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Eugene McDoogan de Medina van Bigelow.
    Rob Lowe Bigelow.
    Bigelow Smalls.
    Bigelow Down.
    Sweet n’ Bigelow.

  18. Marion Delgado
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    By the way, am I the only person distressed to see that Sam and Det. HotLips are doing a way better job on the assassination of Dewey Cheatham N. Howe than the entire Warren Commission did for JFK?

  19. Mac
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    The solution is simple: If your McMansion is too expensive to heat, set it on fire!

  20. Rex Worshipper
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – “Well Lynn, winning gold medals is fine, but can you bake a perfectly bland tuna casserole? Wear clothes this ugly? Look like a man?”

    RMMD – Maybe now we’ll finally get to see cabin boy in action.

  21. Ginger Yellow
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Spidey impersonator (who looks suspiciously like J Jonah Jameson) is terrified because Bigelow’s right arm has become attached to his left shoulder.

  22. Pozzo
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    “At least you can FIND your boyfriend, Tommie!”

    “Yep, top drawer of my nightstand, with an extra set of batteries in the lower drawer!”

  23. Pozzo
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    John Jacob Jingleheimer Bigelow,
    His name is my name, too…

  24. the crock
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns – Judging from the icy breath, the theatre doesn’t seem to be so warm either. They should invest in warm barrels.

  25. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    The thing about reading through the comments is sometimes you have a joke to make and then you find out someone else has made it already.

    PeteMoss@2, I don’t think I could outdo your version. But that’s not to say I won’t keep trying…

  26. ratnerstar
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Haha, Leroy Lockhorn, it’s so funny how you blame your heating woes on your shrewish wife… wait, what? Your wife isn’t involved at all? Congratulations, you’ve dropped the one thing that made your strip at all interesting, namely a particularly rancid form of misogyny. Like poor Andy Capp before you, your journey towards becoming a vaguely decent human being will only result in a case of terminal Bumsteaditis.

  27. CMC
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Would someone nuke Lockhorn-ville already and get rid of those mopes

  28. Donald The Anarchist
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: This is merely an inferior version of a great Scottish joke that ends with the punchline, “If ye think I’m leavin’ th’ heat on for just one person, woman, ye must be touched in the head!” The fact that Leroy takes his wife with him is a disgrace to all neglectful comedy husbands everywhere. Andy Capp would beat you senseless, ye worthless git!

  29. Burl Veneer
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    “Constant comments”! Good one!

    I like how Big-Time is listening to his big phone with his EYE; maybe he thinks it’s one of those “eye-phones”.

  30. Donald The Anarchist
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    #22 Yeah, but Tommie’s vibrator is unusual in that it doesn’t buzz, it snores.

  31. Jack Bishop
    November 25th, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    How far in advance was this Hi and Lois written? Gas prices are the lowest they’ve been since, oh, 2003 or so.

    Also, what’s up with Bigelow’s phone grip? I’m trying to visualize how his wrist is attached to the rest of his body, and yeah, you can hold a phone in that pose, but it’s awfully unnatural.

  32. Esther Blodgett
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    #29 Burl Veneer:
    “I like how Big-Time is listening to his big phone with his EYE; maybe he thinks it’s one of those ‘eye-phones.’”

    Folks, I’m having a pretty crappy day at work, but it’s hard to maintain a good mope-on with lines like that.

  33. gh
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Maria Lopez sez: I only married him for sex. I used to call him my ‘Afterglow Bigelow.’ Then I found out he only wanted me for my money. Yes, he was just a Bigelow. Said he was French aristocracy – ‘Bigelow D’Crap,’ he said his name was. Turned out he was Russian! When I tossed him out it was a Bigelowdov my mind.

  34. Hibbleton
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Baldo again shows that it’s only interesting when it features sadsack Joey.

    MF: I wonder if Tinsley would be so smug if you replaced his suburban teen with an inner city youth giving thanks to Allah. …..Just wondering

  35. Kevin Moore
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Big Time got sick of all the lame “Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo” jokes people crack at him. So sick, in fact, that he took as a name a catch-phrase Dick Cheney made famous in response to George Bush’s comment that a New York Times reporter was a major asshole. Then went into a life of crime that gets Jonah Jameson look-a-likes to dress up in Spider-Man costumes to pull of a scam that no one with a real life would care about. So, really, it’s a downward spiral. And yet, he is still far less pathetic than Peter Parker. Good on him!

  36. Jakob the Latter
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    For the longest time, I have wondered whether the lines that appear above Dagwood’s hair are exclamation points without dots, or strands of his hair flying away in shock. Today, after comparing the first and third panels to find a noticeable flesh-colored gap in his sheaves of antennae above his ears, I can walk away satisfied that I have the answer.

  37. Evan
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure Dagwood’s doctor is angling for a threesome.

  38. fishmorgjp
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Maybe the Spidey impersonator is a relative of JJJ… leading to a storyline that will trundle on for a few years. (he couldn’t be JJJ’s son; he’s a werewolf or something.)

  39. Dr. Weird
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    #31 Jack Bishop – I think the lead time in comics is about two months, before we really saw gas prices plunge. I recall touring the San Jose Mercury News years ago and seeing about a month’s worth of comic strips at the paste-up guy’s desk, back when there was actual paste-up.

  40. Dingo
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    Evan #37: Yes, but with whom? Are you talking a Dagwood-Doc-Blondie threesome or a Dagwood-Dithers-Doc menage a trois? Dithers’ manbreasts swinging like fleshy Swords of Damocles above Dagwood’s face would be worth the price of admission.

  41. Professor Fate
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    FW: not funny – not even in the area of funny – not even remotely near funny – not even within the faint gravtational pull of the funny. Light from the funny will take years to reach this strip, say why bother, then turn around and go home.

  42. Mossy
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    Re Blondie: Dagwood and the doctor,
    This article.

  43. Mariko
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Bonus answer: Both.
    “It’s my murderous ex-husband, Bigelow Bigelow!”

  44. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood’s got pretty nice shoulders and arms.

    I’m just sayin’.

  45. Angry Kem
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    Finally, I have uncovered definitive proof that A3G is written by a medieval monk.

    Oh, Dagwood, Dagwood, Dagwood. Everybody knows you shouldn’t go overboard with compliments on the first date.

    Re. today’s Garfield and the Garfield of yesteryear that someone in yesterthread found: Aargh! The copy-and-pasting is out of control! It’s bad enough that every frickin’ strip consists of people and/or animals standing around in the same positions, thinking mildly ironic thoughts; now we have Garfield standing around in the same position and thinking the same mildly ironic thoughts as he did in 2005. Somebody drag this comic out to the back forty and shoot it through the head, please.

  46. PeteMoss
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Wolegib Bigelow, you’ve done it again! Mustard-yellow turtle-neck sweaters will forever be called Bigelows.

  47. 20 Miles From the City
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Ohh, Shoe…I can see why you why you would make that mistake. No, you see, only YOUR relationships end like that.

    Funky:
    Dear Tom Batiuk,
    Could you please spare us the horrifying terrible “parody” of the government bailout of the financial sector? Oh, and the creepy visuals of Dinkle talking to himself around his house and yard?
    Thanks,
    A Disloyal Reader

    Herb & Jamaal: Martin Luther King, Jr., ringing any bells?

  48. Tom the Pirate
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Fred Basset: Humor there was none.

  49. Lettuce
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pluggers hate their kids.

    Dick Tracy: No fair! Buzz Bomb blew up Brute Force right before he was going to say “Fuck!”

    MT: God, so is this thing going to end with Mark putting all the shareholders in some kind of rescuable alligator peril? What about Rabbit? And Sneaky? Huh? And how come today’s episode is begging for a GI Joe “and Knowing is Half the Battle!” rejoinder?’

    Phantom: “We’ve been yanking the chain of Chatu’s family for centuries! It’s HILARIOUS!

    MW: Jesus Mary and Worth — what is wrong with this woman? I mean, I love a good meddle as much as anyone, but the kid is going competing in like 5 minutes? For how relentless a coach the dad is, you’d think he’d notice all the unabashed haranguing…

    And, on an unrelated note, Mary appears to have left her ass back at the house, and instead is sitting her bare pink hip bones directly on the bench.

    Judge Parker: If she knows how to shoot that thing, why is it pointed away from him. Or is that a perspective shot? Either way, someone forgot to paint him eyes.

    Curtis: I think Michelle will be more appalled that Curtis is so quick to cry. Get a grip, man.

    Family Circus: Those aren’t beads, Dolly. They’re human teeth from Thel’s bounty hunter days.

  50. Stroker Ace
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Blondie – Panel 4: Sure, Doc! Just turn your head & cough.

  51. Dingo
    November 25th, 2008 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    According to a quick view of Google, there are MDs named Thomas Austin in: Clearwater, Florida; Taos, NM; and Columbia, SC. Dean Young, the creator of Blondie, lives in Clearwater, FL. This little repartee between Dagwood and his doctor must be a shoutout to Young’s own physician.

  52. gh
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    #51 Dingo –

    FYI — the Thomas Austin here in Columbia, SC, has a sailboat he just re-named “Bigelow.” I’m not . . . should I be concerned?

  53. Little Guy
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    Note to Bigelow: Gabriel Gray laughs at your real name and your villian name.

  54. Black Drazon
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know what Leroy is up to here. Every movie theatre I’ve ever been in blasts the AC year-round like the film will melt at room temperature. Actually, I see this as the usual Lockhorns’ fare re their depressing marriage: obviously one of them will have to pay for less for food once the other is a frozen trollsicle.

  55. PeteMoss
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    MT ….And so their unrequited love finds closure. We’ll always have Paris. Thanks again for saving me from that alligator!

    Elrod really knows how to steam up the funny pages.

  56. Niall
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Josh: yeah, that Blondie looked extremely friendly to me too.

    Speaking of dirty minds: I wonder if I’m bad for thinking rather rude thoughts about the makers of a particular item of clothing I saw today. Christmas merchants are pullulating (I’m so glad this word exists in English) in various office tower lobbies around me right now. One had nightwear for women displayed, and the garment displayed at the front was a long fleece nightgown.

    In big letters across the chest area was “DOGS IN HEAT”. All over were various cutesy images of, well, a brown cartoon mutt in various situations involving high temperatures (roasting in the sun, etc).

    I think a number of men of lower moral fibre might see this and think “hunh hunh, yeah, look at that f** b**!” – or am I overthinking and overly sensitive? I mean, why else put “in heat” and make a play on words that are colloquially referring to intercourse (and indiscriminately at that), only make a play with innocent images? It cannot be funny, and in fact is pointless, unless you know and are thinking of the dirty meaning. Once you have the dirty meaning then lewd sexist derogatory connotations are not far behind.

    I only to gods hope there wasn’t another one with “cats in heat” behind it. I’d buy them both just to tear them to pieces on general principle. …I know they’ll be there tomorrow. I just might verify now.

  57. Nyborg
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    In the safety of doctor-patient confidentiality, Dagwood finds an outlet for the sexual awakening he has suppressed with sandwich abuse for decades

  58. gh
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    #56 Niall –

    You want over thinking? My first thought was: Just how sexy is a fleece nightgown? Isn’t it sort of the opposite of “Take me now”? My second thought was “”Aren’t fleece nightgowns hot?” Like, sweaty hot, so maybe it’s that that kind of heat? My third thought was “dogs across the chest area — sweater puppies?”

    But that’s just me.

  59. Lesser Whark
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    #18 Marion Delgado,
    I’m not sold on the competence of Sam’s investigation. It could easily have reached a dead end if Dixie hadn’t turned up threatening to kill him. (Dixie, out of your entire arsenal, why did just bring the revolver? You could easily have hidden an assault rifle and grenade launcher under those Jedi Knight robes…)

  60. sistercoyote
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Bigelow is just fine as a first name.

    As long as your last name is “Tea.”

  61. Dingo
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    PeteMoss #55, I keep thinking that phrase — saved her from an alligator — is a euphemism for Charlie’s penis. A penis and an alligator are similarly shaped. One grabs your snatch while the other snatches your grab. Both can cause great harm. Mark Trail… sexless, married Mark Trail… is not a threat to Sue. Charlie Business, on the other hand, has facial hair, business acumen, and a desire to burrow himself between her nest of titties and sing The Whiffenpoof Song.

  62. Tim
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does Bigelow’s Spidey-costumed friend look like the son of a certain J. Jonah Jameson?

  63. Fess
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    Why am I sure Big Time’s real name is Bigelow Timelow?

  64. Jamus The Bartender
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Amos has learned that the term “blowjob” doesn’t necessarily mean it gets blowed on.
    Silly Amos.
    Luann: Go with the pumpernickel. The darker a bread is, the better it helps you in the can. Remember kids, Learning Is Half The Battle.
    My Cage: Hey, listen Maureen. It isn’t like we didn’t try to give it a shot. And, as I recall, you had no complaints as to how Your Humble Narrator took care of a certain lady when Cassandra was out of town. But, it was like you said, you didn’t ” want your daughter raised by a brokey-broke bartender who has a great sex swing but no car.” So….que sera sera. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of adolescence, you left your Sailor Moon print panties at my place. If you want them back, let me know…
    FC: Bad Dolly. That necklace belonged to Martha Wayne. Now she’s dead. How’s little Bruce gonna make the dramatic transition from innocent boy to insanely driven vigilante in a leather cape without those pearls? Goddammit, Dolly….
    Oh…and I know it was yesterday, but….Happy 90th Anniversary, Gasoline Alley. While other kids were hiding porno mags from their parents, your humble bartender , believe it or not, would peruse reprint comics from a collection called the Chicago Tribune archives or something. Also New Teen Titans. In there were reprints of Little Orphan Annie, DT, The Gumps, Terry and the Pirates…..and among the favorites were Gasoline Alley. In my mind, they represented a more decent, wholesome, innocent time, filled with the simple wonder of a sunset, brilliantly rendered by Frank King. Growing up with Skeezix. A small rural …or slightly urban…community that could be mine, or yours. A time that didn’t involve cat girlfriends that stole furniture for cocaine or fox girlfriends who leave their underwear at your place, then tell you not to call them at work about it.
    Here’s to ninety more.

  65. xy
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    Bigelow Timely aka Big Time, super(?) criminal, with the ability to switch his arms from one side to the other

  66. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    November 25th, 2008 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Mr. Mills”? Is Eric Margo’s secret dom?

  67. mon-ma-tron
    November 25th, 2008 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Bigelow Kelrast?

  68. prospero
    November 25th, 2008 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    The Morgans, MD are moving along from the Knife in the Water homage sans knife, lust and homicidal jealousy to embark on a reverent remake of Ship of Fools. Poseidon Adventure? No such luck. Otherwise why is Linda Hunt there diguised as a pedantic child to reprise Michael Dunn’s mordant dwarf character?

  69. Annon
    November 25th, 2008 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    FC Thel: I don’t know, dear. But that’s how many years it will be before you see sunlight again.

  70. Madame Incognita
    November 25th, 2008 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Prediction # 1: The newest Rex Morgan plotline will involve someone falling overboard, probably either from the deck or the Morgans’ porthole. At the very least sinister masked hooligans will pick someone up and attempt to throw them overboard. Pray it will be June.

  71. Muffaroo
    November 25th, 2008 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    9CL – The comb only helps if it’ll get that Joker-venom victim expression off his pan. I’m sure others have commented on the fact that Edda only needs to refresh her lipstick, so I’ll just express the hope that hiccups were the only way Amos was able to keep his rhythm straight, and that his playing in the final and most important round will, pardon the expression, suck.

    Blondie – I used to think these human guests in the strip were friends of the artist, but I’m now convinced they are people who have paid money to be included in the wacky shenanigans. Today’s strip is brought to you by Thomas Austin, M.D. When you think of colonoscopies, think of Thomas Austin, M.D.!

    DTracy – Tomorrow: Two robots smoking cigarettes.

    FCircus – “Mommy, I slipped the beads off the string one by one and flipped them at the sea gulls. They made little splashes in the water and the seagulls rose and swooped at the splashes.”

    FBasset1125 DAYS WITHOUT A RECOGNIZABLE PUNCH LINE

    H&Jamaal – Roll out the barrels, because the “history repeats itself” gag is repeating itself! Hey, maybe this time I’ll learn something from it.

    JParker – “No macho stuff”? From Sam?? She might as well ask him not to tap dance the Gettysburg Address in Morse code while juggling chainsaws. It would be more convincing if she pulled the gun on him and ordered him to do some macho stuff.

    MFmore – Ha ha he’s being oppressed because he can only pray silently instead of over a microphone. Looks like those spoilsport secular humanists at the school board want him to pray in a closet, in secret, instead of standing in the corner of the street that he may be seen of men. Verily.

    Marfield – Ha ha kids these days you can’t live with ‘em and you can’t kill ‘em.

    MWorth – “I’m strapping on the TNT now…”

  72. Muffaroo
    November 25th, 2008 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    Mutts – Lord help me, I can’t resist it.

    PBS – “These follies are within you, and shine through you like the
    water in an urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a physician to comment on your malady.” — Two Gentlemen of Verona

    Pluggers – A park is like a plugger motel: the pluggers go in, but they don’t come out!

    S-Man – Per Josh’s query, I suppose Bigelow is his first name and his last name is “Timex” or “Timeowski” or maybe “Tempowitz.” And he got the cell phone number from his evil friend, Selma Phonebone, who is waiting for Big Time to be completely finished with his rampage before she starts hers.

    Note: written before reading comments 63 on… usually I edit these things, but it would require too much rewriting. Also, I’m a, uh, disabled veteran or something. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

    Zits – Clearly, we didn’t learn from yesterday’s strip, because we’re repeating it. With both barrels.

  73. Niall
    November 25th, 2008 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    58. gh: more like sweating puppies.

    I found an image of a sleepshirt version. Can’t get it bigger though.

  74. Seismic-2
    November 25th, 2008 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone else here read Pooch Cafe’? It’s a “talking pet” strip, and sometimes it is funnier, or at least more insightful, than Get Fuzzy (IMHO). Today’s strip was such an instance.

  75. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    November 25th, 2008 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    I like “Pooch Cafe” more than “Get Fuzzy”, TBH.

  76. Ukulele Ike
    November 25th, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Okay, people, it’s time to get this straight! My reading:

    1) Edda cures Amos’ hiccoughs with one dynamite blowjob.

    2) Amos pays Edda back “in kind” (cunnilingus) whilst rampant upon the Bosendorfer. Belgian filming ensues.

    3) Just before the competition, Edda cures Amos’ hiccoughs once again with some $200 head (another blowjob).

    4) Once they get married, Amos will never again get another blowjob.

    Comment. Argue. Discuss.

    – Uke Ike, veteran of teenage years with midwestern Catholic girls, who don’t do the loss-of-virginity thing but are carefree with the blowjobs

  77. mister beautiful
    November 25th, 2008 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    Leroy Lockhorn complains about heating costs in the only way he knows how.

  78. hero120499
    November 25th, 2008 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    Josh Said: (Bonus question: Is “Bigelow” funnier as a first name, or a last name?)

    Now, I don’t know about that … all I know is that we’re damn lucky Bigelow-Bigtime is in Spider-Man.

    If it were Dick Tracy, we’d be subjected to the inane hijinks of Bigelow Tyme only to have it end in police brutality, a shooting and a vicious Spider-Man impersonator chowing down on his luckless master.

    Come to think of it, if it were DT, at least it’d be interesting, in a train-wreck-kind-of-a-way.

  79. Joe Blevins
    November 25th, 2008 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    LOCKHORNS: Leroy is not merely a bad husband. He is an awful, awful human being who constantly reminds his wife of her utter worthlessness. Here we see him taking Loretta out to a movie — a rare “fun” event in their dull, monotonous marriage — and just as he’s about to buy the tickets he turns around, looks his wife dead in the eyes, and essentially tells her, “I want you to know that we are doing this specifically because it is cheap and not because I want to show you a good time. It is money, not your company — and certainly not you — that I value. I don’t care whether you enjoy yourself or not.” This moment is all the more cruel for its casualness. Leroy says this with no expression whatsoever on his face. That little puff of smoke emerging from his mouth serves as a visual reminder of how cold this man truly is. Ironically, the Lockhorn marriage will undoubtedly end in some kind of Burning Bed scenario.

    Sorry to be so morose, but this Lockhorns struck me as especially mean-spirited and cruel, which for this feature is really saying something. Leroy Lockhorn is a monster. Be strong, Loretta! Don’t show weakness even for a second. Never let this hemmorhoid of a man see you cry. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

  80. Aging Hipster
    November 25th, 2008 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    Shouldn’t Big-Time have a clock-shaped phone?

  81. Cap'ette Crunch
    November 25th, 2008 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    Are you a 90 lb weakling getting sand in your face as you’re kicked to the ground? Do you want to be a man in just seven days? Then join me, Dagwood Bumstead, in my patent-pending non-Charles-Atlas exercise regimen. Make corned beef smoothies! Nap on your keyboard! Beat your incompetent, chemically-stained wife for burning your precious deli meats!

    Disclaimer: Smoothies may contain tapeworms.

  82. buckyswife
    November 25th, 2008 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    #15–Isn’t “you’ve taught me the importance of wetlands” just another one of those Mark Trail lines that’s so much better if one considers it a double entendre?

  83. Ukulele Ike
    November 25th, 2008 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    #82: But isn’t “Thank you for saving me from that alligator” even better?

  84. Zaq
    November 25th, 2008 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    Meh. Feeling kinda blah today… let’s hope it doesn’t show through in my snark. Let’s see.

    C’shaft: This might be less unfunny if panel 2 really, you know, meant anything. If it’d help what? How is C’shaft supposed to “use her name,” and if he does so, what is it supposed to help? It’s a clear example of punchline-first thinking. Not that I’m saying anything new or profound here.

    9CL: This is a goddamn cry for help. There is no healthy way to interpret the last month or so of this strip. It’s not even fun to snark on anymore, it’s just sad and uncomfortable.

    Zombie: Is this retconned, or was it always predetermined that St. Michael and Dee were Meant For Each Other? I dread the introduction of Anthony. DREAD it. Also? Part of me hopes, perversely, that Lynn lives to be well over 100 and continues churning out the dreck up until the end, so that she eventually laps herself and we have two complete Foobs. Can you IMAGINE how much worse some of the later strips would be, given her aggressive retconning and subliminal puppet-shows? The story was terrible enough the first time around; can you imagine it with all the groundwork laid like this? “Trainwreck” doesn’t cut it.

    JP: Place your bets on how many strips it’ll be from now until when Detective Sultry McSexington comes by to see Sam as promised and saves him in the process.

    MT: It goes without saying, of course, that Mark Trail is always improved by having the dialogue come from whomever or whatever the talk balloon indicates, rather than what would make narrative sense. Today’s strip is a rare example of how this phenomenon applies equally well to animals and humans, with Mark fretting in panel 2 that his stockholders won’t let him cancel the project.

    MC: See, THIS is funny. Great example of how having multiple punchlines is more or less hands down the way to go. I wish I had something snarky or funny to say, but laudatory will have to do.

    Z.I.T.S.: Okay, Scott and Borgman. Listen to me. We’ve gathered by now that you harbor a deep-seated hatred of teenagers. Individually, each strip is just tone-deaf and stupid; collectively, it’s downright scary how much irrational anger and hate is spewed at your target group every day. The thing is, though, shift your gaze upwards a few strips, and take a look at Mallard Fillmore. You see that? You see how painful it is to read his daily hate-filled rantings? This is the track you’re on. If you keep using your strip to harp on an irrational message of hatred against one group, you’ll end up like the drunken duck. Do you want that, Scott, Borgman? Do you? Do you want to be dismissed with the single sentence “Zits is a comic strip dedicated wholly to frothing hatred of teenagers, regardless of circumstance,” the way that we just say “Mallard Fillmore is a comic strip dedicated wholly to frothing hatred of people to the political left of Richard Nixon, regardless of circumstance?” That’s your future! You will end up like Mallard fucking Fillmore! I can’t even imagine the deep, passionate ire you must both constantly nurse that makes you want to turn every strip you print into a 1984-style Two Minutes Hate with teenagers filling the role of Goldstein, but it’s not healthy, guys. Every day, when you think up your newest invective to passive-aggressively hurl at your hated demographic, pause for a second, look at Mallard, and ask yourself, “Do I really want to end up like that?”

    MW: Mary’s on scattershot mode now. Look at her, spraying platitudes in as wide an arc as she can, hoping desperately that one will find the mark. Hilarious, really.

    GT: Blah blah football blah Marty Moon blah blah. Get to the crazy! I want self-inflicted injury, be it with a chainsaw or a barky stick! I want logical leaps that make Dick Tracy seem to follow a consistent and logical plot! I want non-Euclidean sports action that makes me boggle! I want characters at least as crazy as Gail Martin or Clambake or even Frankencully! At least show Marty as a crazed alcoholic, rather than just a boring small-time radio/talk show host with a weird fixation on Gil.

  85. Islamorada Girl
    November 25th, 2008 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    Madam Incognito #70: A most excellent prediction!

    I am hoping the No Love Boat will be attacked by Somolian pirates.
    Hilarity and missile launchers ensue.

  86. Angry Kem
    November 25th, 2008 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    #84 Zaq: I have a couple of early Foob collections. In the second one, little Michael does indeed seem to have a crush on little Deanna. He demonstrates his feelings by teasing the life out of her.

    It’s probably best to think of the strip as having progressed several years over the course of the last three months. Michael seems to have gone from about five to about eight very quickly. Liz, on the other hand, has aged maybe a year. No, I don’t understand it either.

  87. Talking Squirrel
    November 25th, 2008 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Spidey: Looks as though JJJ’sson is aghast at Big Time’s fashion sense. (Like HE’s in any position to judge.) Or perhaps Big’s bathrobe has fallen open, revealing the piquant pendulosity of his pendulum and bobs which gained him his moniker. Yowzah!

    Frankly, though, I do find it a bit tacky that they indicate that the current locale is San Francisco by painting the skyscrapers pink.

  88. Uncle Lumpy
    November 25th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    #84 Zaq –

    Reading zombie Foob is like watching paint redry.

  89. Donkey Hotey
    November 25th, 2008 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    #81 Cap’ette Crunch -

    Dan Aykroyd: “Here’s how it works: Drop the corned beef into the Super Bass-o-Matic ’76. Now, adjust the control dial so that the corned beef is blended just the way you like it. Yes, it’s that simple!”

    Laraine Newman: [taking a drink] “Wow, that’s terrific corned beef!”

  90. Lettuce
    November 25th, 2008 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Uncle Lumpy, here it is only Tuesday and yet nothing will be funnier this week than: “Reading zombie Foob is like watching paint redry.”

    And yes, Zaq, I too am waiting for toddler Liz to be dropped into a retconned playpen with toddler Anthony and they’ll be so perfect for each other that Lynn Johnston will retcon every other strip with a toddler to make those toddlers cheat on Liz with some other toddler to prove their relative toddler unworthyness.

  91. Joe Blevins
    November 25th, 2008 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Peter Parker’s only saving grace is that his enemies are inevitably even more pathetic than he is. After such hapless losers as The Shocker and The Vulture, we have perhaps the most pitiful of all — Big Time, who has to work overtime to keep his contrived persona going: constantly reminding people of his self-imposed nickname, carefully hanging clocks around his sad little lair, planning boring clock-related crimes. And speaking of his clock decorating motif, those are clearly cheap clocks purchased legally from the local drug store, the kind you buy as gifts for people you don’t like. Dig that unreadable, clothes-hanger-shaped one below the word balloon in panel 2.

    I feel sorry for Big Time. I just hope he lucks out and gets to die at the end of his storyline instead of going to prison, thus depriving Peter Parker the opportunity to make some lame-ass comment about how BT will be “doing time” or how he’ll have “plenty of time to think about his mistakes… while he’s being shivved in the weight room by skinheads.” Oh, wait, even if BT dies, Parker will be able to say that he’s “run out of time.” Sorry, Biggie, you’re screwed either way.

  92. dougrogers
    November 25th, 2008 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Margo, Margo, Margo! Eric is in Tibet liberating the Dalai Lama from a Chinese prison cell and smuggling him across mountain passes so high you can’t breathe. Whip out a cel phone and it would freeze to your face – if you could get a signal. Sheeesh, honey you are so self-centred.

  93. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 25th, 2008 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    #76 ukulele ike,
    Ah, but it’s Amos’ hair that’s mussed up. Which means one of two things.
    1) He went diving in the pink tidal pool again
    2) She scissored up and kicked him in the head while giving him head, just to prove she could.

  94. Uncle Lumpy
    November 25th, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    #91 Joe –

    . . . being shivved in the weight room by skinheads.

    Uh-oh – looks like his time is up!

  95. Sister Sestina
    November 25th, 2008 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    Damn, Big&Low’s phone is the SPITTING IMAGE of my mother’s cordless phone, down to those things on the bottom that contact with the recharger! If only Spider-Man plotlines could be so truthfully drawn…

  96. Farley's Revenge
    November 26th, 2008 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    9CL: Hey, Edda! If your music/dancing thing doesn’t work out, you could have a real future in prostitution. You’ve got the timing down already.

  97. Poteet
    November 26th, 2008 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    # 91 Joe Blevins — BWAHAHAHA!

    Now I feel inspired to create my own really pathetic Spider-Man villainess. I see her as Prairie Poteet, who breaks into forestry-supply warehouses and steals controlled-burn equipment. She wears bright yellow Nomex coveralls and a yellow hardhat. When cornered, she injures people by hurling needlegrass seeds at them, and taunts them by imitating the cry of the red-tailed hawk. Her sad little lair is decorated with dried prairie plants and photos of meadowlarks and dickcissels.

    I’d claim that Prairie Poteet would be the most pathetic Spider-Man villain of all time, but I just remembered The Vulture’s costume.

  98. Shlomo
    November 26th, 2008 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Are those lines under Dagwood’s neck supposed to be chest hair, or are they the hot wax the doctor dripped on Dagwood’s “Body of Evidence”?

    What kind of sign is that behind Hi and Thirsty? Is there some sort of copyright on stop signs that make it illegal to show what they say without copyright infringement problems?

  99. Ptycho
    November 26th, 2008 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    Doc: “Can I get a second opinion?”
    Dagwood: *looks down at his pants.* There’s one right there!

  100. True Fable
    November 26th, 2008 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    # 84 Zaq – I must commend you on your excellent Zits rant. Well played! Rant on!

  101. david youse
    November 26th, 2008 at 12:51 am [Reply]

  102. True Fable
    November 26th, 2008 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    # 97 Poteet, my queen!

    I AM a Spider-Man villain. In my asbestos tee shirt with the Fist O’ Justice design on the front, black overalls, red Tony Lama boots (nuthin’ but th’ best!) and a wide-brimmed black hat as is required of villains, The Roopville Kid is notorious for Ranting, Raising General Hell and launching assaults on Corbeil, Ontario with my team of ninja goats and a fully charged AquaNet55 flamethrower.

    Come with me, my queen Prairie Poteet, and together we will take over the world one wildflower acre at a time! We will use the Ultimate Weapon against Spiderman – a remote control and unlimited access to satellite TV around the world. Bwahaha, I’m fuckin’ Eeeeevil.

  103. Farley's Revenge
    November 26th, 2008 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    Re: Zits: Oh ha-ha! Jeremy is a self-centered teen!

    Good God. We get it already. We got it last week. We got it last year. In fact, we so got it that there is no further need to do any more comics about Jeremy, the annoyingly self-centered Zit(for whom the strip is named, apparently) so it’s Miller time for the cartoonists.

    Unless, of course, they have Jeremy take a vow of hermithood, whereupon he takes his tacky little Vee-Dub van off to the hills where he can annoy all the woodland creatures and is eventually eaten by an irate bear who has had it up to his little round ears with that biped’s whining demands.

  104. Lithros
    November 26th, 2008 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    Bigelow neatly dodged the question of exactly how he obtained Maria’s number (presumably in violation of a restraining order). His minion’s awed stare leads me to conclude that yes, Bigelow did spend six days cold-calling random numbers and, astoundingly, it actually worked. Most villains don’t have that kind of time to throw away, but this is Spider-Man, and it takes our hero at least a week to fall off a building.

  105. Poteet
    November 26th, 2008 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    # 102 — Sir Fable MTK, you mad genius, you! Your Ultimate Weapon is diabolical! Yes, let’s rant-and-flamethrow forth together! We’ll send the S-Man straight to…um…his couch.

    I suppose the most painful part of being a Spider-Man villain is having to contemplate the life of Spider-Man. Oog. I’m quickly thinking of some goats as an antidote.

  106. Poteet
    November 26th, 2008 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    11/26 FC — I really really hope I’m hallucinating this panel.

  107. True Fable
    November 26th, 2008 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    # 105 Poteet, my queen! Your wish is my command. Doesn’t this guy look like our Pope Josh? If Pope Josh was French and was to wear a jaunty beret, that is.

  108. True Fable
    November 26th, 2008 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    Canadian Zombie It normally takes 4 quarts of dumbshit to make up a gallon of stupid, but in Millborough it is all condensed, which is where we get the measurement known as a Metric Fuckton of Glurge.

  109. Jana C.H.
    November 26th, 2008 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    The pattersong is up at the Flying Sasquatch. See Obi-wan Stanley describe his vast knowledge of science fiction. http://jana-ch.livejournal.com/

    Jana C.H.
    Seattle
    Saith Messers Strunk and White: Do not be tempted by a twenty-dollar word when there is a ten-center handy, ready and able.

  110. cheech wizard
    November 26th, 2008 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    last-minute Tuesday comments -

    MT – Thanks to the international financial crisis, Sue’s problem is solved! Instead of returning to find a room of angry investors, she’ll find a bunch of bored movers with hand trucks, carting off the furniture from her newly insolvent business. Then she can move into the swamp with Mark’s friends and spend her days cavorting with Sneaky and laughing at his antics. Only now, if he tries to steal a bit of food, they’ll going to flat-out brain him.

    A3G- Good thing they didn’t have cell phones and Margo back in WWII – “I have no idea what Mr. Mills is up to! His last call kept breaking up and all I could make out was some babbling about “Corregidor” and “Bataan,” followed by some incoherent gurgling. I wish he could walk a mile in my shoes for a change!”

    9CL – So Amos has been replaced by a hastily reanimated corpse. Isn’t that against the rules of this competition?

    Big Dog – Being familiar with Alfred Hitchcock, Marmaduke realizes he soon will relinquish his title as top predator in the quest for human flesh.

    FOOB – I thought it was Lawrence who didn’t like girls? Lynn, make up your mind! And save Deanne while you’re at it, ok?

  111. Charles J
    November 26th, 2008 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    Hi & Lois must be written well in advance, because I just paid $1.69 for a gallon. That figures; a comic strip tries to be topical, and then, it isn’t.

  112. True Fable
    November 26th, 2008 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    FC Just how and why would Billy know what the ‘perfect’ measurements are for pre-pubescent girls? This comic troubles me with an extra eepie-creepy vibe.
    Canadian Zombie I don’t recall even knowing about cooties in the first grade. Maybe Mike Patterson and friends were held back for a few years so as eight and nine year olds, they are afraid of catching girl cooties and Mike is old enought to be lovestruck over the little red-haired girl Deanna Sobinski.
    WTF GT Jeff wields his mighty Pinchers.
    JP Looks like Sam is going to have to do whatever she wants in order to keep from getting ventilated. Go on, Dixie – demand away! Do it for Abbey!
    MT Well now isn’t this chauvinistic! Apparently attractive women can’t possibly head companies that can get around laws and EPA regulations in the swamplands or in Lost Forest. Well, what was I expecting from the unimaginitive Mark Tofu, anyway.
    Marmadick Assaulting guests is but one of the many treats we offer on our Tour of Homes!
    MW Ah HA! Time to rachet up the Meddle!
    MC Ed Powers, even if you do nothing else for the rest of the year, the comment from the Goth Girl in the last panel is satisfaction enough for me. :)
    RMMW Whoa, how old is Sarah again?
    RwO GOAT! Goat leaning on the Mr. Ed door!
    S4th Hey, whoever called a threeway yesterthread got it right, according to Sally in the last panel.
    S-M Spock’s wife is not too happy in panel one.
    Zits Dear Ms. Duncan – for the love of God please take Jeremy’s cell phone and shove it where the sun will never find it on him, and never get him another one.

  113. Poteet
    November 26th, 2008 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    # 107 SFMTK — Awwww…even for goats, that’s extra adorable.

  114. True Fable
    November 26th, 2008 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    Oh but my liege, there’s more! It’s time to play the Goat game!

    Which one is Edda and which one is Seth?

    And you thought I was kidding about ninja goats.

    What Truman Fable counts to fall asleep

    Let’s see if Margo has the good taste to use this in Mills Gallery.

    Brought to you by Glamour Shots!

  115. True Fable
    November 26th, 2008 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    This is just Awesome.

  116. Steve the Pocket
    November 26th, 2008 at 3:18 am [Reply]

    Curtis: This is an old joke. I know I’ve heard it before. Which is a shame, because it’s a pretty good joke.

    FOOB: And… it starts. A moment of silence, please, for our fallen comrade Canon.

    Funky: *groan*

  117. Mr. O'Malley
    November 26th, 2008 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    JP: It seems like an obvious point, but in most murder mysteries interest is sustained by having more than one plausible culprit. Means and motive can also be points of investigation. But since we got all those questions out of the way quickly, that leaves only the expected rescue by the leather pants lady to complete this story and get back to the exciting subject of applying for solar panel tax credits.

  118. Mibbitmaker
    November 26th, 2008 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    Thanksgivingeve:

    JP: Oh, no, not another one! This must be Misandry Month in the comics.

    MT: Trail didn’t get the memo — it’s not Mild Misogyny Month. (A tip o’ the mibbit hat to True Fable #112)

    DT: Obviously, Dick and the villains were paying attention to other strips during all the wacky action yesterday.

    A3G: Margo’s going to end it all by yanking her own eyeball out in anger.

    DtM: That’s not a kiddie book, Mrs. Mitchell — it’s a vegetarian propaganda tome!

    ReFOOB: Deanna! I’m from the future! 2008! RUN! Run far, far away and NEVER LOOK BACK! Trust me on this!

    FW: Batty’s lost his absurdist mojo. Sad.

    Garfield: …and the Jimmy Carter lookalike contest.

    GT: Moon: “Hey, kid! C’mon! You’re ruining my ‘Your mamma’ insults! How can I trash-talk ya if you keep doing that?! MAN!”

    MF: “Liberal soft-hearted naivite drives one to cannibalism” is par for the course for Tinsley.

    MW: A photo of a little boy! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! (Which is a good idea when Mare’s meddlin’, anyway!)

    NS: Suddenly, for some reason, I’m flashing on the finale of the 1978 3rd season Robert Klein eppy of SNL. Uh… there isn’t an atomic facility nearby, is there? (A tip o’ the mibbit hat to Michael O’Donoghue and Tom Davis)

    6C: Now I’m flashing on the “Got Your Nose Guard” sketch with Joe Piscopo and Julia Louis-Dreyfus from the show with multiple hosts. Thanks, one chick, for leaving out the geyser of blood. I wish SNL was as humane.

    S-M: Exposition by Cosmo Kramer-Don Knotts with a mustache in a Spidey suit. (He works cheap)

  119. Mr. O'Malley
    November 26th, 2008 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    90. Bringing in toddler Warren with his toy helicopter at this point would be a positive development.

    I’m reminded of the song Think I Care by the 1960s Canadian group The Paupers, with the line “I met my baby at nursery school, in the middle of musical chairs”.

    Jan and Dean’s Baby Talk would be almost as good a soundtrack.

  120. Saluki
    November 26th, 2008 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    J.P.: Hey! Watch where you point that thing! And that gun is pretty dangerous too!

  121. dyslexic dog
    November 26th, 2008 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    Calvin and Hobbes has always been right at the top of my connoisseur reading list. But if today’s repeat gave anyone any sort of ideas, well, I shudder to think what Dick Tracy might have inspired.

  122. Little Guy
    November 26th, 2008 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    9CL: Okay, I laughed. This does beg for a mashup.

    JP: Fortunately, he’s not a man.

    Look, we know the reason a female PI was introduced was so that she could punch out the female villian, thus preserving the Conservation of Same-Sex Violence. Just have her show up so that they can both fall into the conveniently-placed vat of Clothes-Dissolving Jello.

  123. John C Fremont
    November 26th, 2008 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    MT – “… because when Wally Gator talks, khaki-clad people listen.”

    RMMD – It’s good to see that Sarah took time out from her busy “shrinking” schedule to become Suzanne Pleshette in the second panel. What a trouper!

  124. notToby?
    November 26th, 2008 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    MW-Whomever had “Lynn is gay” in the pool just won. That picture is surely a girl…isn’t it?

  125. Muddtallica
    November 26th, 2008 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    My Cage: Alright, Power, that hurt. I mean, that really hurt. I’m a huge fan of The Nightmare Before Christmas – it’s a wonderful little children’s film with fantastic animation, unique style and a heart of gold – and for years, I’ve watched in despair as the Goth community have attempted to appropriate this sweet-natured bit of holiday fun as a symbol of brooding counterculture, wearing Jack Skellington as a goth chic ornament right alongside their metal studs, ironic crucifixes and mass-produced Emily the Strange tat.

    It is NOT. The Nightmare Before Christmas is and should be a treasured family institution, enshrined next to Pinocchio, Toy Story and Dr Seuss; to see My Cage, a strip which I normally hold as a bastion of rationality in the insane asylum of the daily strips, essentially cast the film away as the mock-worthy domain of pale, needy teenagers, feels like a white flag of surrender for all the right-thinking people of this world. And I’m not accepting it. They will scream and cry and self-harm in their efforts to claim it for their own, but The Nightmare Before Christmas is NOT their film, and each and every one of us should be prepared to battle unceasingly until we have wrested this sweet-natured, innocent fairy tale from their clammy, black-nail-varnish-coated fingers.

    Power, hang your head in shame. >:(

  126. Brick Bradford
    November 26th, 2008 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    RMMD Well, THAT set up the plot pretty clearly, didn’t it? LOST BRAT ON BOAT! To hell with this noise, let’s get to June in a bikini.

    JP “And by annoy, I mean fail to satisfy my every sexual whim”. Looks like Sam is a dead man.

    SM I think Hathair McHenchman is going to turn on Big Time, well, big time. And yes, he does look like Jonah’s young, dumb, failed kid brother.

  127. Angry Kem
    November 26th, 2008 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    I have banished that appalling Family Circus panel to the Middle Ages.

    reFoob: To be fair, LJ always did have Michael and Deanna crushing it up as infants. Perhaps, however, this was an aspect of the strip she could have bloody well left out the second time around. She’s changing everything else, after all.

    A3G: How odd. I thought Margo’s statement yesterday was a transparent transitional phrase that would transport us immediately to Eric. Instead, we’ve ended up back at the gallery, wherein Marc–er, that other woman is calmly, gently freaking out. All in all, I think I’m quite pleased.

    S-M: My Noticing-the-Blindingly-Obvious Sense is tingling: I predict that Pseudo-Spidey will betray Big-Time. No, really. I know it’s a wild and crazy theory based only on instinct, but trust me on this one.

    It is a grey, grey day, and I am about to commit to doing far too much work next term. Will Japes survive? No idea. We shall see…

  128. captain bee
    November 26th, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    wed
    Mary Worth: So lynns big secret is that she wants to be a boy?

  129. Sciencegiant
    November 26th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Dagwood: Well, I think after a man has had his finger up my butthole, we can be a little intimate! Even if it was just for the prostate exam!

  130. Amateur
    November 26th, 2008 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    MW: Dun dun DUN! Lynn’s in love with a boy that she can’t have because they’re both competing for the same title . . . oh, wait. That doesn’t work. I guess she’s just in love with a boy (I THINK it’s a boy?) and she likes to be melodramatic about it.

  131. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 26th, 2008 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    True Fable @ 114 asked:

    Which one is Edda and which one is Seth?

    Neither… both are females, and the one facing us has a chin. On to the comics!

    BH: If Clint Howard is too obscure to reference by name, maybe you ought not to base your punchline on him.

    FC: Alternate caption: Billy: “By the laws of Paradise Island, you’re now powerless and gotta do whatever I say, Wonder Woman! Now take off your drawers.”

    thorps. I want a t-shirt that says “MILF” on it! It would look great under a suit coat.

    JP: “What’s the gun for”? Dixie, the only thing Sam’s brain has gathered so far is dust.

    MT: “I hear an old gator bellowing… guess I better go toss an investor into the swamp! Hey, it worked once!”

    Big Dog: I think, this time, it’s Marm that needs the warning. It doesn’t look like that woman lets too much comes between her and her cake.

    MW: Finish Lynn’s thought! “Oh no! My picture of ______!”
    1) …dreamy ‘Twilight’ star Robert Pattinson!
    2) …Taylor Hanson before puberty ruined him!
    3) …that cute Dorothy Hammill haircut I wanted!
    4) …k.d. lang!
    5) …liberal radio and TV commenter Rachel Maddow!
    6) …my alter ego ‘Len’!

    Pluggers: Yeah, the dog lady’s got one of those, too. The front cover says “TO SERVE CHICKENS.”

    PC: These two were just running for President and Vice-President a few weeks ago, and lost. So why is the coyote suddenly a jubilant Democrat?

    RMCB: I’m suddenly getting a Future Dixie Julep vibe off Sarah in panel 2. Maybe it’s the hair flip or the June-worthy eyes, but she’s looking inappropriately sultry.

  132. Sequitur
    November 26th, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Soooo… when does Dixie Julip move into Apartment 3G?

  133. Perky Bird
    November 26th, 2008 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    The little boy in the picture is actually Lynn! This Mary Worth plotline is going for the Crying Game angle.

  134. C. Havoc
    November 26th, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    GT: Note to Jeff: Wearing a “MILF” T-Shirt while Moon questions you about your mother is just creepy.

  135. soundman
    November 26th, 2008 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    S-M: At last they’ve come up with the greatest concept evar for a Superhero Movie Sequel: Spiderman IV: Deuce Bigelow, Supervillain Gigolo!

  136. tom
    November 26th, 2008 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    The Lockhorns and Hi and Lois are a little late to the High Cost of Fuel Party. Oil is around $50.00 a barrel and I can get gas for my car at $1.57 a gallon and home heating oil costs 13% lower than last year. How far in advance are these comics written?

  137. Anonymously
    November 26th, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I’m going with “mysterious illness breaking out among the passengers”. Rex to the rescue.

  138. Dingo
    November 26th, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Is that a photo of Michelle Shocked that fell out of Lynn’s pocket?

    Sally Forth: Without exception, having the Forth females with their arms around each other and the phrase “Why don’t we all go to bed?” is not something I care to ponder.

  139. dimestore historian
    November 26th, 2008 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Rusty and the crock–
    re: Leroy’s breath cloud
    Once upon a time, the ticket booths at movie houses were located outside the building–little kiosks that stood in front of the doors.
    Here’s an example.

    Since the Lockhorn’s world is largely modeled on the way things looked no later than 1973, Leroy and Loretta are obviously at such a theater.

  140. commodorejohn
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    A3G – Geez, girl, are you somehow incapable of displaying paintings that aren’t in the computer? Just label them as Alan’s “last works.” Criminy.

    A.D. – Actually, chickens would likely be just as gamey, seeing as they have not been domesticated yet. But, you know, details. (To Mason’s credit, at least he’s been drawing a believable wild turkey and not the stereotypical enormously fat kind.)

    DTM – “No, dear. And for even suggesting such a thing…you will tear out a chunk of its still-living flesh with your teeth, you will savor the blood as it trickles down your throat. You will eat turkey, and you will like it.”

    FC – “Congratulations, you’re shaped like a cylinder.”

    FW – AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH

    GA – Christ, what an asshole.

    GT – Marty, that’s not a mike. That’s a pencil.

    JP – Is it wrong that I find this totally hot?

    Love Is… – plushie threesomes.

    MT – Okay, for the first time in all of ever, I seriously have no idea where Mark Trail is going. Rabbit is being hired by Charlie to…discourage Mark somehow or other, Sue is going to try and stop the draining of wetlands but doesn’t think she can, and most strangely, Mark has apparently resigned himself to simply minimizing the damage caused. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?

    MW – Oh, what a nice picture. I wonder who she is?

    Monty – An entirely appropriate response to anybody who pollutes good Jell-O with fruit.

    MC – Today’s My Cage is just bursting with win.

    PBS – Pearls Before Swine is great today, but it looks a little different than usual. Is this a rerun?

    Pibgorn – OW.

    Popeye – And once again, Popeye is going to refuse to prevent the apocalypse.

    RMMD – Whoa! Sarah just jumped up an age category or two.

    Zits – This is going to be the first school shooting perpetrated by a parent.

  141. spike
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    JP: Sam will have one of his lapses and call Dixie “Kathleen” or “Kathy”.

  142. kalki
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    9CL: I can’t tell if Edda is just embarrassed or trying to wipe some of Amos’ residue off her face?

    Archie: Funny thing…that look he has on the couch in the last panel is also his “Baby, I’m ready to launch the rocket” look.

    Beetle: Nice pearl necklace, Ms. Buxley.

    Blondie: Oh, I hope Dagwood is talking about Gasoline Alley, Crankshaft or Funky.

    Crank: I’m convinced that Crankers isn’t wearing anything from the waist down in this strip.

    DTM: Nice move, Dennis. Way to hide the erection from mom.

    CircleJerk: And now…for the creepiest strip moment of the year. (applause) oooo so close. The kids’ measuring each others’ private parts and the look of arousal on Dolly’s face came so close to beating out the incestuous moment earlier this year between Luann and her brother Brad when she was admiring his unclothed body in the firefighter calendar.

    Hi/Lois: Uhhhhh

    GA: What a stupid fight. I expected it to be a real bloodbath. (directed by Martin Scorsese) Slim charges Rufus for the painting. Rufus flings his trained attack cat into Slim’s face. Slim takes a raking from the cat’s claws before he snaps the kitten’s neck. Angered, Slim continues his charge. He swings wildly, Rufus ducks and draws a switchblade from his back pocket. While Slim is trying to turn back from his missed haymaker, Rufus snaps open the blade and eviserates Slim from his bellybutton to his chest. Slim shrieks in horror and grabs at his midsection. Rufus draws back, sees the opening and jams his blade into Slim’s left eye socket. The six inch blade stabs deep and Slim dies before his entrails emerge from his abdomen and his carcass hits the floor. Rufus licks his enemy’s blood from his blade as he surveys the carnage before him. *sigh* maybe it could still happen tomorrow?

    Luann: Yes. Mom’s do rule with an iron fist, don’t they?

  143. kalki
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    oops I meant “eviscerates”…can’t spell so early.

  144. dyslexic dog
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MW: Judging by the facial bone structure as well as the limpid stare, that is obviously a picture of Lynn, pre-reassignment surgery.

  145. dyslexic dog
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Oh, hi, Perky Bird (#133), sorry for the great minds thinking alike, but one of them considerably late thing.

  146. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    11/26

    MF: So… Tinz is willing to smear the Pilgrims, so long as he can get a blanket condemnation of diplomacy out of it.

    MT: “Mark? Mark? What are you doing? We were just having a nice little chat. Why are you sixty feet away all of a sudden.

    MW: I’d like to imagine that this is Lynn’s lesbian amour from the wrong side of the tracks. I’ll probably be disappointed, though.

    S-M: “Bigelow, are you tilting your head forward and giving the readers a cheesy leer Because that’s what it sounds like you’re doing.”

    FC: If, theoretically, Dolly were to ever hit puberty, she’d likely have an impressive set of knockers. Look at her mother. In any case, should that happen, what Billy is doing would be kind of creepy and incestuous. Now it’s just stupid.

    DtM: Not unless you learn to say it right.

    Shoe: The line “I’ll have what he’s having,” makes me think of Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, and my mind really doesn’t want to go there where the Perfesser is concerned.

    Archie: “You know, dad, we could be in publication another century and I’ll never age.”
    “I hate you, son.”

    H&L: The waitress is thinking, “Gee but Danny Devito has funny handwriting.”

    GT: When the ‘Czak agreed to go on Marty’s show, no one warned him about the alien claw trying to pinch his cheeks.

    PBS: Wow. First I see them killing a guy on last night’s “Fringe”, now one just stole RAt’s iPod. It’s a big week for delinquent butterflies.

    JP: Sam must be rusty at stalling for time if he thinks “Nice gun. What does it do?” is a good way to go about it.

    M-Dawg: Hoho! Marm is going to eat him some chocolate cake. Then he’s going to bone him a BBW. She can’t keep her knees together forever.

    A3G: Cue Margo at Alan’s grave site, shouting, “Your dead ass is so fired!”

  147. Niall
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    A quick word to Angry Kem that WOB is a winner today. :)

    (Others: click the link in Angry Kem’s name. It’s even funny out of context!)

  148. migellito
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    A3G – Doris? Who is Doris? When were we first introduced to Doris? Is this the first appearance of Doris?

    My curiosity is piqued because under that odd Colonel Sanders / dickie thing she’s wearing, it seems she has the largest chest of any of the women depicted in the strip.

    I’ve just revealed a bit too much about myself, I think.

    Hopefully they’ll reveal a little more of Doris.

    If you know what I mean.

  149. Hawkeye
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    I chuckled when I saw this A3G because I was amused that Margo was drinking booze out of a coffee mug. Then I realized it was the morning after the girls’ drinking night. Then I realized I was probably still right.

  150. Esther Blodgett
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    JP: “I don’t get it…What’s the gun for?” “Well, Sam, I thought it was for silencing you before you could pin Dewey’s murder on me, but clearly it will have an ancillary benefit of purging the gene pool.”

    FC: There seems to be an awful lot of misogynistic hostility and rage centered around Dolly this week. Did someone’s red-haired pony-tailed girlfriend say “no” to the ceiling-mounted trapeze in the boudoir again?

    B.C.: It’s funny because turkeys are stupid and deserve to die.

    SF: It’s funny because the women hate each other.

    Love Is…: What kind of sick, twisted carnvial came is Coconut Shy–? What could possibly complete that cut-off sign that doesn’t imply deadly assault on a lawyer with a hard-shelled tropical fruit? OK, that might actually be kind of fun to play.

    Get Fuzzy: “Even Nero could play the violin” shall henceforth be my standard response to displays of intellectual mediocrity in my midst. Thanks, Darb!

    Happy Day Before Thanksgiving, all!

  151. Seismic-2
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    FC: I like the look of shock/disappointment on PJ’s face as he realizes that his older brother will grow up to be a dress designer.

    GT: I thought that Marty Moon’s High School Sports Report was the nadir of public access television, but that was before I saw Marty Moon’s High School Sports Physical Exams Report.

    9CL: I wish Amos had spread his legs apart and started stroking, before he realized that he left his cello backstage.

    Of all the Thanksgiving-themed story arcs running in strips this week, the one that’s the most fun is definitely the Giant Reanimated Dead Turkey on a Killing Rampage story arc in Brewster Rockit. I so wish there would be a cross-over with the disfunctional family reunion in Sally Forth. Make it so, Ted and Aria.

  152. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 26th, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    #125 Muddtallica,
    I’d cut the goth community some slack on this one. A lot of them were in the core child demographic when TNBC came out, which I don’t know about you but it makes me feel old. My point is just because someone wears grey lipstick and a painfully cliche duster, that doesn’t mean they’re incapable of appreciating the movie for what it is.

  153. Niall
    November 26th, 2008 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    F- is either amazingly stupid or brilliant today. Or both at the same time. I actually can’t make up my mind.

    FC without the caption is seriously, seriously disturbing. …okay, I just read the caption, and it’s just as disturbing with it as without. The Keanes must be stopped.

    GT: Did Marty just insult Saock06’9″‘s mom? Yeah, the kid gloves are off, and Moon is about to be Sackoed! Insult and ignominy for MirrorSpock! Back to the bottle with you! (Not that I’d wish actual people to succumb to an addiction; the Gil Thorp Universe however has nothing to do with reality.)

    H&L: ..the hell just happened?? Then again, being mind-boggingly baffling is still several steps up for this strip from the usual soul-crushing despair.

    MT: Elrodball, pretty little elrodball, please stop trying to be sarcastic. The image of a hungry alligator while talking about investors is more than a little heavy-handed and transparent. Sarcasm works best when being subtle… wait, WTF am I doing talking about subtlety in Mark Trail?? Carry on. Of course, then you really mess with our mind by finally acknowledging the middle panel wildlife illustration in context! Did the elrodball just lampshade us, or itself?

    MC: …okay, I think I’ll just get a mop to wipe out the drool under a few of the posters’ desks around here. Move your feet, queek… don’t mind me, one-eyed wolfdog… :) :) :) All kidding aside, Ed Power: nice to see a strip not get mired in status quo. What will Bridget’s next career move be? What tensions will it bring in the relationship? Will it tear it further apart, since we’ve seen subtle examples of strain already? You’ve shown that anything can happen. Sure, the strip started somewhere, but it’s not necessarily going to stay there…

    SF: Oh Ces. You will break so many brains with that third panel. And receive so many therapy bills.

  154. Mossy
    November 26th, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    #72, Seismic-2, yes, me! Big Pooch Café fan; the more I read it the more I love it. Participate on the Pooch Café forum, and signed up to host Plush Poncho and take him on a tour of my city. Bore my family to death telling them of Poncho’s latest antics nearly every day. He has a clever mix of true canine and cynical human qualities. I’m always comparing my real dog with Poncho & vice versa.

  155. Elizabeth
    November 28th, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Huh, I always thought of the movie theater as being the coldest place on earth, even in the dead of winter (as “dead of winter” as it gets here).

  156. UncleJeff
    November 28th, 2008 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    Love Is…..hooking up with a guy with a foot fetish.
    GT: Well, it looks like we’re finally getting some indication that Marty Moon’s program is on a real live broadcast tee-vee station. I wonder if it’s actually in Milford or a neighboring community which uses Marty Moon to carry on its owner’s own peculiar grudge against Gil and the Mudlarks.

  157. Muster Mark
    November 30th, 2008 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    I’m late to the party here, but I think it’s worth noting that the Complete Newgate Calendar, which told stories of London crime in the 17th and 18th centuries, lists a Thomas Austin. He is said to be a “Highwayman, guilty of unparalleled Butchery. He murdered his Aunt, Wife and Seven Children.”

    Which is to say, watch out, Dagwood!

  158. ProfessorKeebartem
    September 16th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    An Introduction to Your Online Education
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