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Also, nobody has an “answering machine” anymore, come on

Momma, 7/2/13

If you somehow encountered this Momma comic in complete isolation, not being familiar with its characters or narrative conventions, you’d probably be pretty confused by it, right? I was pretty confused by it myself, at first. I guess it’s supposed to mean that Momma has been answering the phone, and Ed thinks that Momma is an answering machine, because … he’s a moron? Which I guess means that Marylou lives with Momma? I suppose that I’m one of the very few people in the world who ought to know the living arrangements of the characters in Momma for his job, but I confess that I actually am pretty surprised by this. We all know that Francis lives in a disgustingly filthy apartment and Thomas and his wife live in their own house where they can have sex with each other in private, or so they think. I guess I always just assumed that Marylou had her own place. I think … I think there ought to be more Momma-and-Marylou-drive-each-other-crazy jokes to be gotten out of her still living at home? No, wait, I don’t mean to suggest that Momma do more of any specific kind of joke, or indeed any jokes at all. Forget I said anything.

Better Half, 7/2/13

Hey, everyone, Stanley just read his credit card number aloud, right here in the newspaper/on the Internet, where everyone can see/hear it! Why not try buying things with it? Just change a digit or two! Sure looks like a credit card number to me!

Mark Trail, 7/2/13

Mark Trail … in disguise? Mark Trail in disguise. Mark Trail in disguise you guys OMG OMG

Family Circus, 7/2/13

“But sometimes when you hurt inside it’s because you’re bleeding internally, and then hugging makes it worse. You can tell which is which by the screaming!”

354 responses to “Also, nobody has an “answering machine” anymore, come on”

  1. Mr. Yezpitelok
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    Nancy: If Sluggo is Tarzan, I guess that makes her Jane (“Jancy”?).

    Wizard of Id: Another variation on the old “Wrecked him? It damn near killed him!” joke.

  2. gleeb
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    If Mark Trail wears a false set of whiskers, will he beat himself up?

    Curtis: That’s what you get for having a bronze casket.

    ‘bean: We all know, Tom. Beyond Jungle Jim toppers, you have no real experience or insight in the real world. High schools put on plays with small casts and depending on great dramatic ability rather than splashy musicals. Therapy dogs heal PTSD instantly, without further struggle. “Solo car date”, “crustacean ketchup”, “vendos”, and “let’s eat at Montoni’s” are things real people would say. Mistakes, Tom. All of them mistakes.

    Judge Privileged: There we go. Now the free stuff starts rolling in. Especially pleasing is the fact that he and his crummy screenplay will be dogs-in-the-manger for anyone with real work to do.

    Phantom: “He’s become unstuck in time!”

    Spidey: “Of course,” thinks Our hero. “I’ll scream and plead like a small child!”

    Thorpe: Oh, the pain of having to pretend to care about his players when he’s supposed to be sipping lemonade.

    Luann: The de Groots gets together and turn their backs on the rest of the town, as is their inalienable right. Win-win, really.

    June Morgan, RN: Could it be a big wet slap of reality for little Sarah?

  3. C. Sandy Cyst
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    pleasebedragpleasebedragpleasebedrag

  4. Old Folkie
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    9CL: Clark Gable? Not Brad Pitt or someone else alive today that Edda may actually know?

  5. Perky Bird
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    “That’s exactly right, Dolly. Now, let’s go to the hospital and give Grandma a ‘great big hug’ on her face with a pillow.”

  6. pugfuggly
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    Momma “No Ed, I mean I don’t have an answering machine and there’s no-one else in the house….! Who have you be-….hey, is that Rod Serling over there? Who’s he talking to?”

    MT Will going undercover mean that Mark will, for the first time ever, feel what’s it’s like to wear a mustache? Will the evil power of the facial hair overwhelm him to the point where he doesn’t know who to punch anymore? We can only hope.

  7. sporknpork
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Jesus Christ, does Ed sound like a total dick or what?

  8. gleeb moe howard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#2):

    June Morgan, RN: Could it be a big wet slap of reality for little Sarah?

    Little Sarah is begging for the eye poke of reality!

  9. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    JP – We all know that every protagonist in a Wilson strip is given free stuff everywhere they go. You would think that the characters would take it for granted by now, but Wilson still needs to take entire strips just to drive home the point that “They are getting this for free, from people who need the money much, much more than they do!!!”

    Really, the need to drive home this point is the money shot of a Wilson storyline. Like the money shot, the shower of gifts is thrown right in your face, almost fetishistically, ending with a slow fade-out on the startled reaction of someone who should be used to seeing this by now.

  10. Liam
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    FC-Pass that bit of wisdom off to the crazy people, Dolly.

    Spiderman-And while Junior here is throwing a temper tantrum Peter shall just walk right by security.

    A3G-So Margo is no longer a publicist?

    JP-”No, sir…not for you! You’re Judge Parker you jumped off a building for our sins.”

    MT-That’ll be easy for Mark to do. Everybody in this comic already looks like him.

    MT 2-”Hang on son. I have to check and make sure you don’t have any pieces of toilet paper left on you.”

    MW-I’m sorry, Mary, but you can’t make changes for yourself. You can only make changes for others.

    MW 2-And here’s Mary’s friend to be as much bored by the Beth and Tom saga as we are.

    RMMD-”Why does my finger smell like barbecue? When was the last time I had barbecue?”

  11. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail in disguise you guys OMG OMGMT

    Mark will probably just add a top-hat and monocle to his khaki couture and randomly insert “TOO RIGHT!” into his speech.

  12. ArchieNemesis
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    I have returned to note that Archie has stepped up its game of late, with snazzy art, and actual jokes that are sometimes funny. The AJGLU 3000 is approaching sentience. Soon comes the Singularity.

  13. Chareth Cutestory
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “Hey These Guys are Poachers and I Poached with Them While Secretly Undercover and Look Here’s Proof Oh Wait Am I Criminally Liable Too Now?” a Mark Trail Expose exclusive!

  14. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    MT: Maybe Mark can borrow Bucky Katt’s cognito.

  15. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#y205): That’s pretty cool. In what town does he hold these things? That might be worth checking out.

  16. Illustrator Steve
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    MT – To act as though he’s from out of town maybe Mark should borrow mister Baker’s 1912 hunting outfit.

  17. C. Sandy Cyst
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    Incidentally, Stanley has ordered a total of four quadrillion, seven hundred twenty-four trillion, three hundred seventy billion, ninety-two million, one hundred thirty-six thousand, eight hundred and ninety-five hotel rooms. I’m not sure there are that many in the world, so well done there.

  18. Trouty Mouth
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Momma: It seems pretty obvious to me that she is the one answering the phone and he finds her silly, trite and abrupt with a tinny and annoying sound.

  19. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    MT: Again: Gun-shot victim? Attempted murder? Apparently, poaching is a far worse crime than shooting some old guy and leaving him for dead.

    Possible explanations:
    a) Investigating the shooting doesn’t give Mark the chance to go undercover as a hunter (and sure, he could go undercover to investigate the shooting, but the last time he pretended to be a doctor, it didn’t end well).
    b) Poaching is a more serious crime under the LoFo Code of Fisty Justice.
    c) Nobody really liked Ol’ Eddie anyway.

    JP: An office space with the words “CEO” and “Suite” in its name (offered for free just for a very small group of people by a lovely and eager young woman), which he can use to avoid the annoying presences of his closest family members during one of the happiest times of their lives: Now we know what it takes to wipe the pissy off the judge’s face.

  20. Not Just any Dipstick
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    MT. They will never figure out who Tram Kail is. Never, ever, ever.

  21. pugfuggly
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    ASM “Hey lady, does your little boy want to watch me drink some milk? Kids seem to love that!”

    A3G “From now on I’m playing the field for fun” said Margo as she opened her blouse to flash the window washer

    C’shaft So Cranky has gone all the way to New York, and is going to spend his entire time inside a hotel room that looks so typically boring that it could be anywhere. Batiuk must have been talking to the folks over at A3G.

    FW “I cam sort of pace myself by the number of breaths I take when I inhale.” I’m guessing that’s going to be a pretty consistent ‘one’.

    MW “Leave…? Leave here? And all of us…behind? OH GOD MARY DON’T DO IT WE’LL ALL DIE WITHOUT YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!

  22. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#y208): I’m not sure whether to curse you for the mental image of Elinor and Tom “making the beast with two backs, one of which is mottled, withered, and droopy” or thank you for not showing any of it.

  23. revenge4Aldo
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    FC: “Sometimes when Billy or Jeffy hurts inside, it’s because I went ‘fists o fury’ on them.”

    MW: Mary is just asking for another vodka on the rocks. She knows vodka goes bad if you don’t drink it up after opening the bottle.

  24. Hibbleton
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    A3G: Lu Ann is a real dick, in a passive aggressive way. “Big shot publicist” indeed.

  25. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    The Parker-Drivers’ mastery of wealth has achieved a Zen-like purity, where they no longer need to spend money to acquire things. Meaning the answer is yes to the old koan “If a Parker-Driver ends up in a forest, will someone still be around to give them free stuff?”

  26. Illustrator Steve
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    MT – (Journalist Jason): “Say, Mark, WHY does that framed picture of flying geese have a biblical passage written on it?”

  27. Droopy Says
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Spiderman has found a way to board the plane as Spiderman: put on the costume and say he works at children’s birthday parties. It will work, although one TSA worker will whisper to another that he’d never hire that klutz to entertain a kid, and the kid will demand to see a real superhero.

  28. Illustrator Steve
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    MT – Due to the disappearance of the water tower at his LoFo ranch Mark has chosen to show Jason one of his many other log homes…this one has been drawn for him (er, I mean built for him) high on a nearby hill top.

  29. Hibbleton
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Ha, ha! That Toby is so dumb! Mary just wants her to help ‘change’ her diaper.

  30. AhClem
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    MT – “Hi! My name is Arkmay Ailtray, and I’m here to poach — no, procure — some big game. I am not a professional lawman, and I don’t play one on TV. Really!”

  31. Not Just any Dipstick
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary gets to Meddle herself. Meddle, not diddle. Need…. Brain….Cleaner..

  32. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    @C. Sandy Cyst (#17): According to USA Today there are approximately 13.4 million hotel rooms in the world, meaning that Stanley just booked every hotel room in the world for the next 965,270 years. This is going to spark an investment and construction boom-bust that will make people pine for the days of sub-prime derivatives.

  33. Not Just any Dipstick
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Tinny and annoying. Why that’s what I expect Josh sounds like in person.

  34. Illustrator Steve
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    MT – (Journalist Jason and Andy dog…together in harmony): “Trail! Are you going to just SIT there yapping with that cup of coffee in front of you without offering either of us any or are you finally gonna drink the damn thing, ?!”

  35. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    Momma: “How come you’ve stopped calling me, Ed?”
    “Because a few days ago someone told me that your name is actually ‘Marylou’. Wow, you mean all this time, you’ve actually been a girl??? Who knew!!!!”

    Thanks to all the D.C. area ‘Mudges (plus our Canadian visitor) for a lovely dinner last night of pizza, beer, and Mary Worth!

  36. Her Father, John Darling
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    Speaking of answering machines, does it bother anyone else that one of the prizes on NPR’s “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” is the chance to win Carl Kasell’s voice on your home answering machine? Basically, that means that NPR listeners are actually a bunch of Pluggers!

  37. Elk Meadow
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Is Mark Trail going to have a beard?

  38. Her Father, John Darling
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#37): You mean, Cherry, right?

  39. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Family Circus:
    ‘Sometimes when Barfy hurts inside it’s because he’’s become rabid, and then hugging makes it worse…for the hugger. You can tell what’s going on by the screaming, the foaming at the mouth and the sorrow the whole family feels because when all is said and done, the survivors will all hurt inside!’

    Mark Trail:

    Okay. Let me get this straight. Mark Trail is a globe-trotting wildlife journalist who makes his home that neck of the woods. Buck Trophy runs the Buck Trophy Shoot Em Up which charges thousands of dollars to shoot wildlife that has been modified with duct tape and papier mâché to look like something you’d hang on a wall after finding a forlorn, prize find at a garage sale which is an item once made the seller’s life brighter and happier until their spouse could stand no more and threatened to leave because that monster’s head was hanging on the wall overlooking every dinner they shared for three decades. (Strangely enough, she never complained about the stuffed and mounted waltzing penguins which “danced” romantically while being suspended from their bedroom ceiling with strings chili pepper Christmas lights.)

    Oh yeah. Where was I…Mark Trail Needs a disguise and it will involve facial hair, a mullet wig and side burns. He will still give him self away as he punches ever mirror he walks by.

  40. Illustrator Steve
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    MT – “Um, excuse me for inturupting, Mark, but while you’ve been rambling on your dog has been patiently waiting for you to throw that Jackelrod ball across the room again for him to fetch!”

  41. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    FC: Bill beams with Joy, knowing that all those hours of religious indoctrination have paid off, and now Dolly knows that she must reject all that modern so-called “medicine” given out by those quack “doctors” and instead always pray for healing by welcoming the tight, tight embrace of Lord Cthulhu.

  42. Illustrator Steve
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#39): “stuffed and mounted waltzing penguins which “danced” romantically while being suspended from their bedroom ceiling with strings of chili pepper Christmas lights.”

    /// Now THAT will make a good story!

  43. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#6):

    Aaawwwwwwww, nuts! I did a page search for ‘facial’ (fearing the worst, of course). It turns out that:

    You done beat me to making some keen insight about what kind of disguise Mark might wear.

    Oh well, maybe he’ll do a 180 and psyche everybody out by donning a blonde wig, sporting a tan from can, smiling incessantly and using the Nom de cool, Ken Doll.

    Make it so, Elrodball! Daddy needs a new pair of dice!

    (shakey shake. throw! Rooooooooooolll! Stop!)

    (Awwwwwww! How can it possibly be Giant Snake Eyes?! That’s impossible!)

  44. Inkwell
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    I interpreted Momma differently. I thought Marylou was answering her own phone, saying something “cute” and obnoxious and getting hung up on. I wondered why her question was just “why have you stopped calling” instead of “why are such a friggin jackass”.

  45. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#44): See, I think the most logical explanation is that Marylou’s shacked up with a robot but is too ashamed to admit it.

  46. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#43):

    Oh no!
    That wasn’t an Elrod Ball!
    That was an autographed snake egg!

    I’m going to:
    Exit.

    Stage

    (baby snake bite!)

    (ker Thunk!)

  47. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#42):

    Hey. What can I say?
    Just as Barry Manilow writes songs that make the whole world tell the whole world to shut up because thy can’t hold a note, I write to make visual people see the visual gags!

  48. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MT: Oh, great. Now we’ll have to see Mark Trail in drag.

  49. jim, some guy in iowa
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    MT: I had thought “Baker”, with his glasses, buttoned-up shirt and inability to bag his game was going to turn out to be undercover Mark. So I won’t predict his disguise makes him resemble Harry Dean Stanton or David Lee Roth, because I’d probably be wrong about that too

  50. Lenoxus
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    For the record, Stanley’s credit card number is not valid. Which I guess means he’ll be off the hook for reserving more rooms than the number of pennies in the world GDP. (I’m reminded of one of my favorite thought experiments, Hilbert’s Grand Hotel.)

    Meanwhile, I think the Momma joke is that the annoying, tinny voice is Marylou’s. (Of course, this makes even less sense because Ed should know that people sound more tinny on the phone, but y’know.)

    Is it really true that people don’t have answering machines anymore? Does everyone’s home phone use voicemail instead, or is it that there simply aren’t home phones anymore, just mobile ones? I need to know precisely how behind the tomes I am.

  51. Dood
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    No one will suspect that Check Pathway is really Mark Trail.

  52. Not Just any Dipstick
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#39): Why would the seller’s wife be suspended from the ceiling?

  53. Lawyerbob
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    MT: Mark wants to “learn what it takes to leave there with a trophy buck?” Could this be any more obviously a setup in a gay porn movie? All you need is the “boom chicka chicka wow wow” soundtrack.

  54. TheDiva
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    BH: Yeah, I know it’s a joke and all, but there’s still a part of my mind that wonders how that’s possible, unless Stanley just bought out the entire Vegas strip.

    MT: Everyone assumes Mark’s disguise will consist of a fake mustache (forcing him to punch himself out), but I think that’s too sophisticated for him. We’ll be lucky if he dons a pair of Groucho glasses.

    Momma: I never thought I’d say this in any situation, but we need to sic Mary Worth on Momma now.

  55. Lumaca Morente
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Phantom: What is aeronaut-boy talking into? Is he recording on an Edison wax disc, or using a very early crystal radio set?

  56. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#48):

    Oh, great. Now we’ll have to see Mark Trail in drag.

    And unfortunately, Mark’s idea of drag is momjeans and a pony tail. Like, an actual pony’s tail.

  57. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#4): Say, whose fantasy is this, anyway? Certainly not Edda’s. That would imply that she has a life and thoughts and interests of her own, rather than being a sex object. And that, my suspiciously-patchouli-scented friend, is a ridiculous assertion.

  58. cg
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#37): Uh, Mark Trail already HAS a beard.

  59. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#51): I’m voting for Blaze Byway, star of such wilderness-themed adult films as Blaze Byway Mounts A Trophy, Blaze Byway and the Fur Filchers.

  60. TheDiva
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    9CL: Today’s McEldowney-to-Human translation:
    Amos: When you stand all sexy, I can’t think. It’s not fair to use your sexy lady stuff like that.
    Edda: All right, in an attempt to curb this strip’s rampant misogyny, you can use some sexy guy stuff on me.
    (beat)
    Edda: That’s it? A headshot of an actor who’s been dead for over fifty years?
    Amos: The author thinks random classic film references make him look sophisticated. I have to work with what I’ve got.

    A3G: “Shut up, Luann, I’m trying to justify dumping him so I can date other people guilt-free.”

    C’shaft: The city of New York thanks you, cable television.

    FW: We realized that years ago, Tom Les.

    MT: Do they even have overnight summer camps for toddlers? If nothing else, I would think the sheer amount of diaper changing would render the idea unfeasible…

    MW: If Mary moved out, wouldn’t Charterstone collapse in on itself?

    SM: Sure, Peter, use the distraction to sneak past security. There’s no way that could possibly go wrong, ever.

  61. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    BH: Four quadrillion hotel rooms? Looks like Stanley stole one of Judge Parker’s backup credit cards.

  62. terrapin
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    MT: I can see it now… “Hi! I’m Mark Trailer! I’m a writer for Woods and Wild-things Magazine. I live with my wife, Strawberry, our son, Dingy and my father-in-law, Medic! This is my dog, Andrew!”

  63. Drewbear
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @C. Sandy Cyst (#17): My quick-and-rough mental calculations indicate that Stanley just reserved enough hotel rooms to give roughly 550,000 rooms to each and every individual on the planet. In other words, he’s single-handedly guaranteed the success of the hospitality industry until the Sun burns out and engulfs the Earth. Now that’s a job creator, my friends!

  64. Mardou Fox
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @cg (#58): *snicker* yeah, poor Cherry! OMG I simply cannot wait to see Mark acting like he is a from out of town! Will he put on a Continental accent!!?

  65. Pozzo
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    If Mark Trail ends up punching off his own facial hair, all is forgiven.

  66. Ned Ryerson
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

  67. Inkwell
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#45): It wouldn’t be the creepiest relationship in this feature.

  68. Ed Dravecky
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    I was going to file a class-action suit against Momma on behalf of all my fellow Eds damaged by today’s strip but my legal team advises me that so few people actually read it that I may be the only Ed. You win this round, Mell Lazarus!

  69. Mr. Yezpitelok
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#56): And unfortunately, Mark’s idea of drag is momjeans and a pony tail. Like, an actual pony’s tail.

    The folks at BronyCon will not be happy:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BronyCon

    It’s in Baltimore, so expect to see Josh doing stand-up comedy there!

  70. Danonymous
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    When Stanley says he put his credit card number in the wrong spot, he means he put it into every spot, right? Dude really loves his credit card number, its just so fun to type and to say.

  71. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: Umm, Margo? Doing James Bond for as long as he’s interested in you is playing the field for fun.[*] But you should also be playing the field for profit, as long as your client is still interested in you. Worst. Publicist. Ever.

    Arlo and Janis: Money. Jefferson was talking about money, and the occasional kinky-hot fun.

    Bizarro: You see what happens when judicial activists destroy the sanctity of marriage? This is what happens!

    9 Chickweed Lane: Q: What is your only comfort in life and in death? A: That this strip has a limited audience, and that its creator is too much of an arrogant prick to allow someone else to take it over. Q: Will the strip have life after death? A: By the grace and mercy of almighty God, there will be no Zombie 9 Chickweed Lane.[*]

    Cul de Sac: “Queens of Democracy” sounds like a 90′s grunge band playing a Pride festival. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    Judge Parker: “No sir, no charge for you…You’re comped for everything!” Ah, we’re getting back to normal in JP Land. Though, given the size of her mammary glands, we need to keep an eye on this functionary. I wouldn’t bet against her being in on some sort of conspiracy.

    Krazy Kat: A pun you want? A pun you get. Gaze upon it and despair for the state of comics today. Despair!

    Mark Trail: Uh, not to poke holes in what promises to be a very amusing developing storyline, but didn’t Dude Who Got Shot tell them pretty much exactly what it takes to leave the lodge with a trophy buck?

    Pluggers: What, we ran out of 8-track jokes? (Prepares for flood of ‘mudge jokes and memories about 8-track cassette players.)

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Is there such a thing as artist’s block, she says, in front of the blank white background.

    Sinfest: Would it be too much to ask to have Lil-E and the Bamf girl saved by a Mark Trail in drag? I’m afraid it would be.

  72. Digger
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Today’s Better Half is brought to you by Visa, the card of unhappily married schlubs everywhere.

  73. Stev0
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Today we learned Stanley whatever his last name is lives in Australia (Source).

  74. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    9CL – Part of growing older is the need to monitor and maintain your cultural references. For example, ‘Seinfeld’ has been off the air for almost 15 years now (yes!), so not everybody is going to understand “these pretzels are making me thirsty!” or “yadda, yadda, yadda”. It’s always a sad moment when you see the blank faces around you and realize that ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ is no longer that awesome coming-of-age film that every teenager knows by heart.

    Carey Grant died in 1986, which was several years before 23-year-old Edda was born. Charade, which was one of his last significant films, was released in 1963 – 50 years ago. To Amos and Edda, Carey Grant might as well be Fatty Arbuckle. Someone who was dead before they were born, whose movies are mostly still in black-and-white, and who would be one of the last touchstones for Amos to look to in emulating masculinity (of which he has none of his own).

  75. damanoid
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    “You don’t have an answering machine? Then whose voice is it that I keep hearing, telling me to kill you and turn you into furniture? I mean, that’s a pretty trite message, don’t you think? I hear the exact same thing every day from the toaster.”

  76. Stev0
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    The rest of the conversation:

    “I have voicemail, like everyone else in 2013.”

    “Well, THAT is silly, trite, and abrupt with a tinny and annoying sound.”

    (Francis calls self, listens to voicemail message) “Hey, you’re RIGHT!”

  77. Peanut Gallery
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Her Father, John Darling (#36), @Lenoxus (#50):

    Is it really true that people don’t have answering machines anymore? Does everyone’s home phone use voicemail instead, or is it that there simply aren’t home phones anymore, just mobile ones? I need to know precisely how behind the tomes I am.

    Heh. “Behind the Tomes” is an NPR show where they interview authors of weighty books. Judge Parker is incensed that he’s never been invited.

    I too am puzzled by the implication about “answering machines” (both from Josh and from Wait, Wait). I suppose if your only phone is a cellular one, your only option for taking messages is your service provider’s voicemail. But lots of people still have land lines. You can get voicemail on that from the phone company, but the price is exorbitant, whereas it’s cheap and easy to get a phone with messaging capability. Sure, it’s digital now instead of a cassette tape, and it’s built into the phone instead of being a separate unit, but I still call it the “answering machine.”

  78. Odie Odo
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#69): I’m okay with Josh appearing at BronyCon as long as he doesn’t do any bar jokes.

    “Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie walk into a bar…”

  79. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#66): Or possibly Tag Track…

  80. Cloudbuster
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#4): Only beefwits are excited by Hollywood sex symbols who got their start after color films became popular.

  81. pugfuggly
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#43):

    Oh well, maybe he’ll do a 180 and psyche everybody out by donning a blonde wig, sporting a tan from can, smiling incessantly and using the Nom de cool, Ken Doll.

    The only way that this would be better would be if he kept the wig and the tan but added a strapless dress, a padded bra and a pair of high heels.

    “Hello fellows, my name is Marcia Path and I’m just a fun-loving city girl looking for love and adventure in the woods this weekend! Can you big, strong men teach me how to ‘hunt’? I want to get a bi-i-i-g one! “

  82. Cloudbuster
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    MT: Given the way Mr. Baker dresses, we’ve already established that it’s a costume-themed phony hunting lodge. Here’s hoping for Mark in a deerstalker — full-on Sherlock Holmes look.

  83. Mibbitmaker
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    BH: “Yes, I’ve been a victim of identity theft. Yes, it was a comic panel that…. stop laughing! It was inadvertent! No, really, a small number of readers are buying stuff in my name! …Yeah, a lawsuit is an excell– HEY! I was being serious!…..”

    MT: “Quick! Warn the others and hide yourself, son! Mark Trail has turned on us! He’s hunting, again! Hurry!….”

    FC: Mary Worth, Junior.

  84. Cloudbuster
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#13): Silly, Mark has Famous Outdoors Writer Prosecutorial Immunity as established in the landmark case, U.S. vs. Trail, 1946.

  85. jim, some guy in iowa
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#74): If memory serves whatsisname that draws 9CL is 60-ish. So Gable doesn’t even make sense for *him*, really – Clint Eastwood or Paul Newman or Robert Redford, yes. So I think it’s just sort of an homage to someone who, in a lot of ways, *has* been forgotten – like when Batiuk does those 50s comic covers.

    & on the other subject going around: landline and cell phone here. the farm is in a valley and cell signal is atrociously variable around the house & buildings – so yeah, answering machine too

  86. Liam
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MW-Poor Mary. She can’t self meddle.

  87. Cloudbuster
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    ASM: The horrible sound bores into his brain. For a moment, time stands still. There, only four places in front of him in line, Peter Parker sees what he knows will become his new nemesis. The Whiner. “Good lord, look what he’s doing to his mother! This will be my greatest challenge.”

  88. AhClem
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MT – If Mark disguises himself to look like Inspector Clouseau, complete with fake French accent, I will take back every bad thing I have ever said about this strip.

  89. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Lio: I hope that Dennis is taking notes.

    SBp: ok, I smiled.

    Bizarro: UNSPEAKABLE FILTH!!!! (*goes off to scrub the Naylor images out of brain*)

    DT: heh. saw that one coming, but still well done.

    JUMBLE: is that Leroy and Loretta?

    PMP: /facepalm. (I smiled, but still a groaner!)

    RwO: yes, yes it is! *pets the Lab*

    rMC: yay Bridgit returns! (poor pathetic Norm.)

  90. Reuben the Tadpole
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    BH: He typed his credit card number in the wrong place and still managed to reserve hotel rooms? I don’t think he was actually using Priceline’s website. Didn’t he see the pi symbol at the bottom of the screen?

  91. pugfuggly
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Dang it, looks like Sequitur already beat me to the ‘Mark in Drag’ idea, but here’s a few more identities I think Mark should consider for his undercover operation:

    Hans Forrestlüver: a german industrialist with his sites set on bringing home a hunting trophy to his native Bavaria. Dresses in formal lederhosen at all times and is heard to exclaim “Ach du Lieber! at the sight of anything extraordinary.

    Vincent Pastel: a New York socialite and artist looking for inspiration after a recent bout with ‘Artists Block’. Wears a beret and smokes thin black cigarettes. Favourite colour: mauve.

    Rutherford J Skinflint: Elderly millionaire, known for his frugality, seeking a buck for a trophy and also as a cheap source of sausage meat. Wears a long white beard and a block coat. Catchphrase: “In my day, a penny could get you….”

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .when she supplies the heedless hubba-hubba wongbonga ding-dong rapturama.

  93. Currer Bell
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Josh’s excitement over Mark Trail wearing a disguise is exactly why I am still a faithful reader of this site after many years.

  94. debussy fields
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MW– “The Johnson Place”? Aren’t you putting a lot of pressure on Tom, honey?

  95. Paul1963
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Damn it, every permutation of the “Mark Trail in disguise” joke I was going to make is already listed here.

  96. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#91):

    Actually, @C. Sandy Cyst (#3): beat us both to the drag line but I didn’t see it at the time.

  97. Steve the Pocket
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Of all the comics that would turn out to be relatable this week, I would not have put money on Better Half. It’s never happened with my credit card number, but I have managed to type my password into the wrong field before. Usually because the site was programmed to forcibly move the cursor into the username field a good five seconds after the page has loaded.

  98. Red Ruffensor
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MT: Hoo boy, I hope his disguise includes a big handlebar moustache. That wouls be awesome.

  99. Red Ruffensor
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

  100. pugfuggly
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#96):

    For some reason I assumed that was ‘please bed rag’. That makes much more sense.

  101. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#80): Said it before, say it again: at least Bill Griffith has the decency to understand he’s out-of-step when he longs for a good Barbara Stanwyck movie…

  102. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Not Just any Dipstick (#52):

    I’m not Mark Twain, man.

    I was deep in the trenches wit the sentence so just adding a parenthesis to make an additional joke was like treacherous. I knew that going in and that stands as proof now.

    Obviously, I meant the trophy of the dancing penguin pair is suspended by chili pepper shaped Christmas light and the whole hot mess hangs from the ceiling.

  103. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

  104. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#85): Re: 9CL I think it’s just sort of an homage to someone who, in a lot of ways, *has* been forgotten

    I think it isn’t so much an homage as it is the author’s need to have his characters be pseudo-intellectuals. If Amos whips out a picture of Brad Pitt or Robert Pattinson, that would be far too normal a thing. And if we start considering Amos or Edda by standards that we apply to normal people, we will find them revolting – superficial, smug, narcissistic twits with an unearned contempt for everyone who doesn’t live like a little bird in a cage.

    So we go back to the standards of the author’s day, which as you note would run more toward Redford and Newman and Eastwood. But, to Brooke, these aren’t demi-gods of the past, these are also just beefwitted Movie Stars. So we need to reach back further into the past, to people who were long retired before anyone alive today was an adult, and who thus can safely ascend to the heavens as representatives of Pure Art. worthy of Amos’ reverence.

  105. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#103): You don’t know how much I need both those sentiments this week.

  106. Écureuil Écumant
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    I’d suggest Mark disguise himself as a giant squirrel. That’d legitimize Elrod’s love of talking animals, and maybe force him to expand his repertoire to, say, talking toadstools. I suspect he has some familiarity with those already.

  107. Écureuil Écumant
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Slightly belated but heartfelt thanks to bb,u for organizing a great evening for five of us ‘Mudges! There’s never a conversational lacuna when Mudges sit down for a dinner toast’n’roast.

  108. the REAL Mark Trail
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Okay, since I only assisted on this one… uhh, well, don’t take “disguise” too seriously. :(

  109. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Perhaps Mark will choose to disguise himself as a large buck. After all, he does have a track record of not thinking these things through very clearly.

  110. Écureuil Écumant
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#11): So he’s gonna pass as Mr. Peanut? Oh, that’s right … he is from the southern part of the state.

  111. Uncle Lumpy
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @Stev0 (#73):

    … Stanley whatever his last name is …

    The Better Half‘s Stanley’s last name is Parker. He’s Judge Pissyface’s no-account half-brother, and nobody — least of all Harriet — ever gave him anything for free.

  112. Perun
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, someone with a credit card number of “1″ is getting a ridiculously high bill this month.

  113. Mibbitmaker
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#77): They do say “voicemail” now on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me for Carl Kassel’s voice to be left on. If he ever gets well again, that is.

  114. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Phan – “Captain, there’s something you need to know about that aeronaut. Just before he took off, he spoke to me in some foreign language. I fear he may be a German spy.”

    MT – Instead of going to all the trouble of donning a disguise and infilitrating the poachers, why doesn’t Mark simply suggest to Kelly Welly that it would be a good target for some investigative reporting, then step back and watch the whole operation implode?

  115. DownInTheValley
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    MT: Yellow chintz curtains, beige walls, black and white framed photos, poop-brown tablecloth…you can’t say Mark Trail doesn’t live in style…well, you can, but it would probably go right over his head.

  116. Mibbitmaker
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Currer Bell (#93): But we should all be prepared to be disappointed when disguised Mark Trail just looks like regular Mark Trail, right down to the clothing, and identifies himself to the baddies as “Rick Johnson” or some-such bland name.

  117. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#116): “Hiking Trail, no relation!”

  118. SurrealKangaroo
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    I thought the “joke” in today’s Momma was that Ed has been calling the wrong house the whole time. I guess your interpretation makes more sense.

  119. Mibbitmaker
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#108): So I was right. Damn.
    Actually, just plain MT as a disguise will be funny in its own unintended way.

  120. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#15): Tucson, Arizona. (I think that account’s for Earl’s steer-skull bolo tie.) @Elk Meadow (#37): who knows? I’m sure it will be clever and frightening, all at once. Convincing? Well, the early opinions are mixed…

  121. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#48): well, it IS a traditional method to dupe hunters.

  122. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#121):

    Ha! My office filter wouldn’t let me see that. It seems Bugs-Bunny-In-Drag is considered “adult” content.

  123. Mibbitmaker
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Glibporn: They’re apparently going to have sex, so…

    Worse for who?
    a) him
    b) her
    c) us
    d) b and c

    The answer is d.

  124. The FAKE Mark Trail
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    I’m not me!

  125. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    “That there is Blaze d’Portage. She’s a well-traveled route, if you get my drift.”

  126. Brick Bradford
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    MT Who better to go undercover at a hunting lodge than THE WORLD’S MOST RENOWNED OUTDOOR WRITER? They’ll never wise up to that!

    JP You’d think these people wouldn’t even bother to ask the cost anymore, wouldn’t you?

    SM It’s a shame that Peter didn’t have another way to transport his costume to Santa Whatevertheheckitis, like, oh, I don’t know, a bag-like object in which you can place clothing and other articles and then close it and either carry it on or check it. Hey, there’s a million dollar idea for somebody!

  127. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    FW: > I can sort of pace myself by the number of breaths I take when I inhale.

    I suspect we’re all pretty much rooting for that to be “zero”.

  128. Mibbitmaker
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    FW: And he’s a published writer.

    H&L: Calvin begs to differ.

    JP: The “Acapulco Group” consists exclusively of Parkers, Drivers, Spencers, Morgans and, for some reason, John McLaughlin.

    MW: “No, not that. It’s….. Dr. Jeff bores me. He’s out.”

    RMMD: Well, first you have to actually be an artist….

  129. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#7): If it walks like a dick and acts like a dick, it probably sounds like Crankshaft.

    @Liam (#10) on Apartment 3-G: Have we ever seen Margo publicize anything other than disdain for whomever is nearby?

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#14): Hee hee.

    @Hibbleton (#29): I knew someone would beat me to it.

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#71) on Apartment 3-G: Hey, Margo’s twice as good a publicist as she was a party planner.

    @Liam (#86): Mary’s more limber than you think; she CAN self-meddle. DeviantArt has a special wing for that kind of pr0n.

  130. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#42): pictures, please, or it didn’t happen.

    @Currer Bell (#93): true fact.

    Meanwhile, in a childcare facility…

  131. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#122): Bugs Bunny in drag. It’s not just for Garth anymore.

  132. Braniff
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    FC: “Sometimes when you hurt, the only medicine that will help you is some good intercourse between you and me, Daddy.”

  133. Amos Snarkadder
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    MW: “Seeing whozit makes me think about me. Maybe I could use something. Anything.”
    It’s always about you, isn’t it, Mary?”

    CS: Seriously, if your father was Crankshaft, would you want to take him anywhere?
    Chris is getting off easy.

    A3G: Is Margo talking about her career or her love life? Does it matter?

    MT: I guess Mark ruled out disguising himself as a trophy buck. That would have been my choice. Well, that, or an otter.

  134. Chip Whittle
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#108):

    Okay, since I only assisted on this one… uhh, well, don’t take “disguise” too seriously. :(

    I may just get a DeviantArt account so I can draw Mark Trail dressed up as the frolicking otter we all imagine him to be.

    Also I’ll have to learn to draw.

  135. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#107): You’re welcome! And yes, it was great fun to see you all! (And eat pizza. And “tater tots”! And “doughnuts”!)

    (Hmmm…. Why is 2/3 of the dinner in ironiquotes?)

  136. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    MT: I know. Mark will take a cue from Superman and disguise himself by wearing a pair of glasses.

  137. Amos Snarkadder
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @ Chip Whittle, #134
    As I recall, Mark’s too smooth to be an otter.

  138. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @The FAKE Mark Trail (#124): In that case, can I interest you in a hunting package? For a thousand bucks, we’ll shine Rusty for you. I mean, “that weird red-headed kid that nobody likes and you oh so obviously don’t know.”

  139. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#134): wonder if Donna Lewis does commissions?

  140. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#136):

    Or… he’ll wear a monocle and béret and call himself Marc La’Trail.

    @Amos Snarkadder (#137):

    Too smooth? Could he be a naked mole rat?

  141. Odie Odo
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#111): Well, I know of at least four male Parkers in the comics:

    Peter Parker
    Judge Parker (both of ‘em)
    Stanley Parker

    Have I left anybody out?

  142. Shrug, as Written by Max Shea
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#y164):

    ““It’s true, no man is an island. But if you tie a bunch of dead guys together, they make a pretty good raft.”
    – Bug-eyed Earl”

    That’s what the guy in TALES OF THE BLACK FREIGHTER thought. It all ended badly for him.

    ///On the hand, if he’d tied the bodies together to make an island rather than a raft, things would have come out better. Except he was already on an island, and didn’t need another one. And it seemed a shame to waste the dead bodies.

    //////And he needed a hobby.

  143. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth can use a change. It’s time for new shelf paper in the kitchen!

  144. Amos Snarkadder
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @ Sequitur, #140
    Ewww

  145. CanuckDownSouth
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Brick Bradford (#126): Went to check SM because it can’t be *that* stupid – of but it is. Worse, he actually dismisses the idea of putting the costume in his bag. When of course anyone could explain a costume (party, convention, old family joke…) but wearing one under his clothes *would* be suspicious. Never mind caught on the RF or gamma imaging systems they’re increasingly using at airports.

  146. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    The mini-meetup evidence.

    (And I hope I chose the right URL to link to this time!)

  147. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#141):

    There’s also May Parker, Peter’s aunt.

  148. Chip Whittle
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#137):

    As I recall, Mark’s too smooth to be an otter.

    And yet the Smooth Otter is found from southern Pakistan through parts of India and Southeast Asia, with a separate population in the marshes of Iraq!

    Also, isn’t your world better now that you know there’s something called a “Smooth Otter” in it?

  149. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#146): Correct link. Looking at that photo, I no longer wonder why I’ve never seen Josh F. and Skullturf Q. Beavispants in the same place at the same time.

  150. Shrug, Acting Trail Boss
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#6):

    “MT Will going undercover mean that Mark will, for the first time ever, feel what’s it’s like to wear a mustache?”

    I was think more along the lines of Mark in a dress and makeup, but I suppose there’s no reason he couldn’t add a mustache to the ensemble too.

  151. yaoi huntress earth
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#71): I could see Brooke’s daughter taking over. She’s just as artsy (though it’s with puppets), egotistical and pretentious as her dad. Though the tone of the series could change; maybe making Edda more of a Mary-Sue (since she’s based off of her.)

  152. Uncle Lumpy
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#148):

    You are one Smooth Otter Rater!

  153. Uncle Lumpy
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#151):

    Puppet version of 9 Chickweed Lane please please please. And let it start out like the puppet version of Abelard and Heloise from Being John Malkovich and end up like the orgy in Team America: World Police. Please? Thank you!

  154. Shrug, Deciding He Needs Coffee Soon
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @C. Sandy Cyst (#17):

    On the other hand, if each of the four quadrillion, seven hundred twenty-four trillion, three hundred seventy billion, ninety-two million, one hundred thirty-six thousand, eight hundred and ninety-five hotel rooms comes with a complimentary packet of instant coffee, he’ll never have to buy coffee again for his own lifetime, or that of many future reincarnations. So there’s that.

    ////Let’s hope he doesn’t scald himself with too-hot coffee and have to open four quadrillion, seven hundred twenty-four trillion, three hundred seventy billion, ninety-two million, one hundred thirty-six thousand, eight hundred and ninety-five lawsuits against those hotels, because that will just encourage more people to go to law school.

  155. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#94): great minds. Or at least Toby’s…

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#135): I’m guessing that “tater tots” is code for fermented Potato-Aid.

  156. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#146): *swoon*

    that much snark and booze in one spot.

    *swoons again*

  157. Walker of Dog
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Margo: “From now on, I’m playing the field for fun – you know, to add to my testicle collection.”

    FC: Dolly: “And other times when you hurt inside, the medicine itself may be the problem because you’re dealing with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. That’s a bitch…
    ISN’T IT, DADDY.”

    FW: So Les is on Team Kazakhstan? Sure, OK.

  158. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#146): OHTHATISSOCOOLIAMSOJEALOUS!

  159. SPG
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Next week: Prepare to see Mark Trail don a blue shirt and introduce himself as “Clark Hail, botany journalist.”

  160. "My name is Shrug and I'm a Plugger." "Hi, Shrug!"
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#50):

    “Is it really true that people don’t have answering machines anymore?”

    Casa des Shrugs has an answering machine. We also have a couple of working audiocassette players, a working VCR player (admittedly one that also plays DVDs), hundreds of vinyl albums, and thousands of real books (but no e-book reader). And we write a lot of checks.

    ///And we’re not ashamed. Well, I’m not anyway, and I don’t think Mrs. Shrug is. But the cats might be.

  161. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#146): So where was this?

  162. walt d.
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Momma: The last I knew (and believe me the only thing I know about this strip is what I see here) the girl character was living in the woods, having sex with the wildlife. Seemed a good place to leave her.

    Momma: “Why did you stop calling me?” “How much time do you have?”

    MT: So is he going to put on a different color shirt, or is he going to go whole hog and get a Groucho mask?

    OBH: I think this would be more effective if Kendall’s gender was less vague. Of course Joe doesn’t want to play with “dolls” (as opposed to action figures), but he probably wouldn’t be enthusiastic about playing with two girls either. Kendall does remind me of the early Dennis cartoon: “This is ____. We played together all morning before I realized she was a girl”

    B.C.: The anachronisms have really been stacking up in this strip. The dinosaur driving the bus, which would be fueled by dead dinosaurs, was probably at the extreme edge.

  163. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    I just got an ad on this site for Cougarlife.com
    “They’re all grown up”

    I’d really like to know what algorhythms are doing this.

  164. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#163):

    I’m getting an ad for retro home furnishings a la mid 20th century. I guess they’re trying to take my warm childhood memories and furnish my house with them.

    //Ain’t gonna happen.

  165. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#161): cheech, we need to figure out where a mid-Michigan mudgemeet could be. Not sure who besides the two of us, but there’s got to be more.

  166. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Her Father, John Darling (#36):
    Carl does a little elevator cameo in this awesome video – funny
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wm63LibDiFk

  167. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#164):
    Maybe because of Mr. Wilson’s sad attic visit yesterday?

  168. Walker of Dog
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    JP: Julie the Cruise Director: “And as a special treat on Taco Night the members of the Tijuana group will be ground up and fed to you Acapulco group members!”
    Judge: “Is there a-“
    Julie: “No charge!”

    MT: In the second panel, Mark gets distracted with a scenario for some gay porn he could make while in disguise. Stark Pale in: “So Many Mustaches!”

    MW: Mary: “Not ‘moving’ exactly, Toby, but I have been meaning to try that new sugar-free Metamucil. Hey – that can count as my ‘thing I changed about my life in 2013!’”

  169. Shrug, Being Demographically Targeted
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#164):

    And I’m getting asked to invest in gold for an IRA.

    ////I’m more into plastics, actually.

    //////Yukon Gold potatoes are nice, though. I can afford them.

  170. Chareth Cutestory
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#84): Oh I’m sorry, in my narrow interpretation I thought that case only set forth the an immunity to allow for Mark Trail to face punch any other human being.

  171. Trail LaTrash
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m a deer huntin’ good ole boy, from the southrern part of the state! Let’s load up a few jugs of ‘shine on the back of this here pickup with Rusty’s camera mounted on the dash, and let’s us go shoot some of them thar whitetails! Ya-hoo!!!!

  172. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#168):
    I was kinda hoping Mary was going to go all Chaz Bono on us.

  173. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#172):
    Or, she’s taken the CEO “position” at Cougartown.com

  174. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#165): That’s for damn sure. With summer possibly arriving later this week, the courtyard at Dominick’s in Ann Arbor might suggest itself, though it depends on how people are dispersed in these parts.

  175. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    My name is Poteet and I have an answering machine. It’s blackish and it squats on my dresser and someday I’m going to re-record my own message instead of just relying on the teensy-weensy baritone inside the machine who yells “Hello! Please leave a message after the tone!” I suppose it’s too soon to think about taking it to ANTIQUES ROADSHOW.

  176. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#175):
    Hi Poteet!

  177. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Mark needs to avoid looking into a mustache, because he’ll find that sometimes the mustache looks into you.

  178. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#174): wonder if we could get Jeff Mallet or Dave Coverly to show up. They both live in the A-squared area. How fun would it be to get Neil Rubin, writer of GT, all liquored up?

    *dreams*

  179. Walker of Dog
    July 2nd, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#173): Baby steps. First get the engine tuned up, then start planning the exotic roadtrip.

    @Poteet (#175): Yours squats on your dresser? I knew I should have gotten the Mr. Potato Head model.

  180. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#178): We’ll have to see who else is in the area and might be able to attend. I’ve met both Neal and Dave through friends on social occasions, so it might be possible to get one or both to attend a gathering, depending on how they feel about CC.

  181. CanuckDownSouth
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#174): I’m in A^2 now though December…

  182. walt d.
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#163): I get a lot of “mature women looking for faithful man” ads on FB They almost always look about 30. Once I got an ad with a “mature woman” who looked exactly like my college girl friend back in the ’60s. I posted on my site that I thought these “targeted ads” were getting a little too damn targeted.

  183. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#165): How about the original Meijer store in Grand Rapids?

    @Poteet (#175): I’m Baka Gaijin and I haven’t had a land line phone in decades. Harder for the EVILSCARYCLOWNS to track me down.

  184. Alex Blaze
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Stanley’s booking a room at the Hilbert Hotel because, with countably infinite guests, he has a small chance of finding someone cheat on his wife with.

  185. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @”My name is Shrug and I’m a Plugger.” “Hi, Shrug!” (#160): Yes, and you are, by your own admission….a plugger.

  186. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#106):

    One, work sucks. It is bad enough when I prattle on here before work, not being fully awake and rushing every sentence. But, gee whiz it! I missed out on a bunch of folks discussing full costume suggestions for Mark Trail, undercover curiosity seeker.

    Two, I like the idea that Mark dresses up as a giant squirrel. He could be standing right next to someone and they’d think he is far off on the horizon line.

    “I don’t know why but there’s something screwy about that squirrel out there!”
    “Out where?”
    “Waaaay over there, standing between that tree and that boulder.”
    “Oh yeah. I see it now. He’s definitely looking at us. Something’s up.”
    “Let’s go get him!”

    At this point, underneath his squirrel head mask, Mark smiles because he is standing two feet in front of the guys. Suddenly, the second guy holds back the first and sez:

    “We could “go get him”. However, ain’t traversing great distances with the intent to kill the entire reason we are carrying guns?”
    “Point well made, my friend. After we off that little nut cracker, will you join me in a spot of tea, please?”
    “Oh, kind sir. I will do more than join you in a spot of tea, I will take a dunk with you in as much tea as we can muster.”
    “Then what are we waiting for? Let’s kill that squirrel!”

    By then Mark had scampered off to the pancake bar.

    “Dangit! We missed a prime shot!”
    “Fret not, my wayward pally wally! We’ll always have tea for two!”

  187. Odie Odo
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#147):

    Aunt May doesn’t belong on a list of MALE Parkers — or does she?

  188. Walker of Dog
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Two birds, one stone: Mark disguises himself as Spider-Man.

  189. JJJ, publisher
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#188): by trading costumes with Peter Parker, who can now pretend to be a real photojournalist!

  190. The good ship thetis
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#122): When I was teaching middle school I had a supervisor who would not let me show Shrek because it was PG but did approve of me showing old cartoons. As it happened, the cartoon I showed was the one where Bugs goes to the moon and ends up dressing up in drag and smooching with Elmer Fudd. The kids thought it was hysterical.

    I get ads for J—y J–n’s. Order one freaking subwich and get haunted for the rest of your life.

  191. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#110): Well, yeah. The fake hunting lodge caters to wealthy gentlemen of means. I can see it now…

    “MY NAME IS MISTER PEANUT! I HAVE COME FROM THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE AND WANT TO PROCURE A GAME TROPHY AT ANY COST!” Marks says moments before a bullet creases his skull (“OH!” he exclaims), sending him into a fugue state, causing him to imprint on a black bear wearing momjeans after the poachers leave him for dead in the woods.

  192. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Now today’s Baldo is a bit, well, ribald?
    Well played. *snerk*

  193. Mr. Yezpitelok
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#141): The only other Parker that I can think of at the moment wasn’t in the comics (although he did have a one-shot comic BOOK):

    “Life with Snarky Parker” (1950), a children’s television show starring puppets, aired on CBS for eight months in 1950. “Parker” is notable because the director was a 29-year-old Yul Brynner.

    Frankly, I’m surprised no one named “Snarky Parker” has ever posted here.

  194. Liam
    July 2nd, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-The Situation? The guy from Jersey Shore? He has a son? And someone is willing to admit they are his son?

  195. Snarky Parker
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#193): Yul Brynner before he got glammed up for Hollywood:

    http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/IlH-QC148-0/hqdefault.jpg

  196. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#161): Rustico (known for its pizza and its vast beer selection, which was well sampled) in Alexandria, VA.

  197. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @JJJ, publisher (#189):
    I think I am developing a serious crush on you!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpAx0qyPRMw

    You make Joe Bastianich look like cotton candy. Just sayin’.

  198. tegrat
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    MT: I don’t know about you but Mark Trail could basically tell me who he was and I still wouldn’t be able to figure out who he is.

  199. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#197):
    And here’s Joe, speaking in Italian and English. *sigh*
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7ZIunxhBPg

  200. Pinewood Tom
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#y212): The Situation’s SON? I didn’t know the Jersey Shore’s Michael Paul Sorrentino even had a son!

    @Liam (#194): The Situation? The guy from Jersey Shore? He has a son? And someone is willing to admit they are his son?

    Youse guys must be “Jersey Shore” fans.

  201. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#193): Fess Parker too was the star of various comic books

  202. Mr. Yezpitelok
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

  203. sporknpork
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#129): I wasn’t even thinking of Crankshaft. I guess that’s because his awfulness is on another plane of reality.

  204. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Every few months, I end up defending goddamn Brooke. I hate doing it, because I’m defending Brooke, and because the idea that I understand his thinking makes me uncomfortable and ashamed. However, Clark Gable is seen by some as the symbol of unapologetic masculinity, before men were supposed to be sensitive, men who took what they wanted, when they wanted it, etc. etc. When men were men. Not that it isn’t demeaning to every possible sex, but I think that’s why Brooke chose Gable.

  205. Dan
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Dolly, your father lost his arm at the elbow. That’s gotta hurt bad enough for anyone, let alone a professional cartoonist, without you rubbing in that he can never hug his children again.

  206. Dartpaw86
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    She doesn’t live with Momma. Momma is always watching, always knowing when the call will me made. She is everywhere. You cannot escape from Momma. Mother knows best Mary Lou, you will be hers forever… >:D

  207. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Not all Parkers are obscenely wealthy. Some merely serve obscene wealth.

  208. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#192): Of course, it really would have been ribald if he had lying down in a position rotated about 90 degrees away.

  209. Dartpaw86
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Edit typo: She doesn’t live with Momma. Momma is always watching, always knowing when the call will be made. She is everywhere. You cannot escape from Momma. Mother knows best Mary Lou, you will be her’s forever…

  210. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#193):

    As is “Snarky Parker” makes me think of Dorothy Parker.
    I guess “Snarky” is somehow better than Snarker Parker. sounds like he’d be some weirdo who barks at people. And by “weirdo”, I do mean delightfully eccentric (the barking mad loon!)

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#202):

    Any chance of Judgey and the Pissy Cats?

  211. Mr. Yezpitelok
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#207): I forgot about Aloysius “Nosey” Parker — I feel like such a dummy!

  212. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#202): It’s telling that both the witness and the guy standing before the bar are having trouble staying awake. But that was before JP became the hooterfest we all know and love.

  213. Majicou
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Stanley’s credit card number is just stealth product placement for Visa.

  214. Alison
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    “Rex Morgan”: My first thought was, “Damn, people, she’s five, who cares if she doesn’t feel like painting?” but then I remembered that Widdle Sarah has a book deal now and money is involved, which means she has to paint, or else a Morgan will lose out on some cash. This would cause the universe to explode. So, tomorrow June will probably get a whip and start cracking it at Sarah, yelling, “Paint, you little snot! PAINT!”

    “Mary Worth”: I’m guessing Toby asked that question feeling very hopeful. “You aren’t moving, are you, Mary? The rest of us Charterstone residents couldn’t be so lucky, could we?”

  215. KreatureFeatures
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    I disagree that Mark would ever don facial hair. I believe he will hide in plain sight behind some puffy pants and a jaunty hat.

  216. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#214): Wait, Sarah’s an actual little girl and not a child impersonator hired to play mustache to June’s beard for Rex?

  217. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    MW: All this talk of marrige has gotten Mary to thinking. She will accept marriage with Dr. Cory. They’ll buy the Bum Boat and take over the management. Mary can do table to table meddling while it will be great having a doctor right there to treat the salmon square samonella outbreaks.

  218. Pinewood Tom
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

  219. Dagger
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if, in donning an evil beard disguise, Mark will fall too far into character and live a completely opposite lifestyle from his norm. Once he’s clean-shaven, he’ll realize with horror that he’s had sex with Cherry and taken Rusty fishing.

  220. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#202): Is Dick Grayson the prosecutor or the defense attorney? And why is he giving that old lady such a rough time on the witness stand? Is she really the Penguin in disguise?

  221. Jim in Wisc.
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#214):

    So, tomorrow June will probably get a whip and start cracking it at Sarah, yelling, “Paint, you little snot! PAINT!”

    LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

    She’ll then turn it on Rex, screaming, “Make me waffles and fried clams, you little eunuch! Waffles and fried clams!”

  222. The FAKE Mark Trail's Answering Machine
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    So do I talk now?

    Hello. This is the FAKE Mark Trail. I’m not home right now because I am off chasing a really good story. If you are a long-lost acquaintance looking for wilderness related assistance, please leave a detailed message and I will return your call moments after I return. If you are not a long-lost acquaintance looking for wilderness related assistance, please leave a detailed message anyway, in which you pretend to be a long-lost acquaintance looking for wilderness related assistance which will make it impossible for me to stay here and go fishing with Rusty.

    Thank you. Now does it just stop on its own? Do I need to change the memory card? Are the pancakes ready yet?

  223. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#202): Looks like someone finally got Mrs. Worth on an “indecent meddling” charge.

  224. Cloudbuster
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    MT: You know, Big Mike Morrison’s Phony Big Game Hunting Lodge would be a heckuva Trail spin-off strip. It would be kind of like the Sopranos or Sons of Anarchy of the Southern part of the state. Criminal clan leader Big Mike’s thick, dirty fingers stretch into every part of the seedy LoFo underworld. Watch them scheme, feud, poach, kidnap Rusty and try to outwit Mark Trail daily! The side plot of the forbidden love between Cherry and Big Mike will be a huge crowd-pleaser.

  225. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#224):
    Maybe with a little “Breaking Bad” thrown in – now start writing the pilot, dammit! : )

  226. Jasper
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Red Ruffensor (#98):
    Time to trim up the old dust muffin Cherry, I need a fake mustache.

  227. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#202):
    What an awesome find!
    He looked pissy/Grumpycat even back then.
    However, why is Li’l Abner dressed in Collegiate garb and making Mary Worth look like she wants to burst into tears?

    Fanfic, anyone?
    (Still missing Dingo very much)

  228. Calico
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @lasacochehomme (#226):
    That is absolutely correct.

  229. Odie Odo
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#220): The old lady slumped in the chair is Mary Worth. And the boychik is Mary’s grandson “Denny” (before he got retconned out of existence).

    Even Mary Worth wouldn’t have dared cross Judge Pissyface when he was sitting on the bench.

  230. Cloudbuster
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#227): Mary’s crying because she’s going down in the big Charterstone civil rights law suit. They have an unbroken record of only renting to white people.

  231. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#202):

    Not seen: The judge is not wearing pants.

  232. Buck Ripsnort
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    FC: And sometimes when you “hug” someone around the neck reeeeeeeaaal tight, you can make all that hurting inside go away completely, right Dolly? BTW, where’s Jeffy?

  233. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#224): I’d read that strip. Mark could be reinvented as a sort of Raylan Givens character who always punches true and straight, but finds himself making uneasy alliances with Big Mike for the greater good of LoFo.

  234. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    MT: “I will act as I am from out of town. Should I add ‘y’all’ or ‘eh’ to the ends of all my sentences?”

    FC: Once Dolly discovers thinkexist.com, her transformation into Mary Worth will be complete.

  235. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    C-Shaft: This is a good thing. Chris only has to wait a half hour or so before Crankshaft dozes off and the rest of her evening is her own.

    9CL: That’s why a photo of an actor who’s been dead since 1960 is getting a raging migraine.

    BC: “Because the Roman Republic is still several millennia from being founded, and you don’t want to buy food from witches.”

  236. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    JP: The judge was just checking to see if the universe was in its proper order, with himself at the center.

    RMMD: June involuntarily makes a mustache over her lip, perhaps fearing that her daughter may turn out like history’s most infamous failed painter.

    GA: Walt Wallet will never die, but maybe Scancarelli will treat us to the sight of Slim starving to death.

    GT: I’m not surprised that irritating musclehead from “Jersey Shore” has a son or five, but it’s unpleasant to find them sneaking into my funnies.

  237. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    SSmith: There is crying in poker, after the other guy catches you cheating and beats you within an inch of your life.

    H-Cliff: I’m not sure that’s a joke so much as an unused Frank Zappa song title.

    H&J: Gene Simmons could probably lick the back of his head. Not sure why he’d want to.

    A3G: That’s Margo all right. She spends thirty seconds crying over her boyfriend, then decides to go out and pull a train.

  238. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#2): Re FW: But you, you think you’re an intellectual, don’t you, ape?

  239. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#237):

    You can pull a train, you can train a pull but you can’t train a pull’s train.

    Oh, gak. I’m speaking Les-speak.

  240. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#234): He should play it safe and tack “T’ank you veddy much” to ends of his sentences.

  241. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#202): wow, that’s a pretty grim cover. Sorta makes the idea of it originating from the “comics” somewhat ironic.

  242. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#202) & @bats :[ (#241): So, did Judge Parker smack the witness in the mouth personally, or did he have the prosecutor do it?

  243. exapno
    July 2nd, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    “My poor father…he um somehow fell onto the tracks after his baseball cap fell down there. – that’s it he fell.. And he also somehow touched the third rail just before the train hit him..Did I say he fell?”

  244. MySpoonIsTooBig
    July 2nd, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    9CL- I admit that in another time, another place, another reference point, this strip could have been funny. (I suggest Ryan Gosling). And I say this even as a fan of outdated references!

    Also, am I the only one who thinks Clark Gable is kinda doofy looking? Or am I just a beefwit? Or am I just chronically unable to appreciate manly-men as evidenced by my bafflement at the appeal of Channing Tatum?

    Momma- Isn’t Marylou supposed to be a teenager, and thus lives at home?

  245. Odie Odo
    July 2nd, 2013 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#237): I figured Stephen Bentley was having him use a euphemism. Because who wants to picture Jamaal licking his balls? (Yeah, I went there!)

  246. Miss Othmar
    July 2nd, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#149): Looking at that photo, I no longer wonder why I’ve never seen Josh F. and Skullturf Q. Beavispants in the same place at the same time.

    I also did a doubletake when I saw him, thought that Josh had decided on a surprise visitation! A good time was had by all — excellent food, which included *orange glop* (but edible!) and Scottish-style beer. And Virginia-style beer. And Chocolate-style beer….

  247. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#221): Alison, I’d missed your comment, so let me add to Jim’s:

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

  248. Basically Lazy and/or Grossed-Out Shrug
    July 2nd, 2013 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#237):

    “H&J: Gene Simmons could probably lick the back of his head. Not sure why he’d want to.”

    Well, that back of head is not going to lick itself, and I’M not about to do it for him.

    ///I also can pick my friends and I can pick my nose, but I don’t pick my friends’ noses. (Not that they ask me, as I recall.)

  249. Catondan
    July 2nd, 2013 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Did I miss Tom and Beth’s wedding? Are they shacking up in the new place with momma listening at the bedroom keyhole and critiquing them on their technique over breakfast? Or are they all in separate rooms?

  250. Odie Odo
    July 2nd, 2013 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#69): I expect to see a late July-early August Metapost mentioning Josh’s appearance at BronyCon.

  251. Mr K Martin
    July 2nd, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    FLABBY CIRCUS: Sometimes when you hurt inside the only medicine that will help is a big hug. – Oh, wait. Maybe I could try Tums.

  252. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#246):

    Were you able to get bourbon babe to drink any of that beer?

  253. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#247):

    Are you singing that like the LO LO LO LO LO LO LO guy?

  254. Miss Othmar
    July 2nd, 2013 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#252): Were you able to get bourbon babe to drink any of that beer?

    No, but we had a lengthy conversation about different styles of beer and what style she *might* like if she were to try it. “Malty” rather than “hoppy” was the verdict.

  255. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#254):

    Yup. That’s our bourbon babe.

  256. Odie Odo
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb moe howard (#8):

    I can’t condone violence against a little girl. However, I don’t have a problem employing the Eye Poke of Reality against the 40-year-old midget who plays the part of Sarah.

  257. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#223): well, *someone’s* indecent. I guess.

  258. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#231): of course not! Under that Robe o’ Justice is a Hawaiian shirt and a pair of Bermudas….uh, cut-offs…uh…tighty whities…a lovely, LONG Hawaiian shirt.

  259. Liam
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    MT-Time for Mark to use his obviously bad Cockney British accent.

    MW-Not the old Johnson place! That’s where those sexy teens were violently killed.

  260. Cloudbuster
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#233): Holy crap, I did pretty much regurgitate the Justified series concept, didn’t I?

  261. Mr. Yezpitelok
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Snarky Parker (#195):

    “Yul” looks like Fred Mertz after he and Ricky spent the night in a brothel.

  262. Droopy Says
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#55): The communications gear in Phantom looks like the sort of headset and mouthpiece that an operator would have used at a telephone switchboard. Nobody would have used that gear in a balloon. When balloonists used telephones, the phones had the same kind of handset on an antique telephone: speaker and earpiece at the ends of the unit.

    There were airborne voice radios during WW I, and they were used for artillery spotting, but they were only carried by two-seater airplanes.

  263. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#257):

    There is no comic anywhere that can’t be improved with a bats :[ treatment!

  264. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#114): As far as I can recall, Mark has never sought out Ms Welly. It’s always been the other way around. Her perfume must make him break out in hives. Or something.

  265. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#245): You know, rule 34 and all, so there’s probably porn of it somewhere out there. I’m not going to go look just now.

  266. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#204): Think of it as explaining Brooke, rather than defending him. Maybe that’ll help. Or not.

    I think your analysis is correct. And the faint whirring sound in the distance is poor Gable doing you-know-what.

  267. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#176): Hi Calico! Way down in the basement, I have an old answering machine, so old that I think it contains a little cassette tape. My name is Poteet and I have throwing-away issues.

  268. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#254):

    I don’t mind malty but isn’t it hard to find good beer that is not hoppy?

  269. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 2nd, 2013 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#255): The idea of “chocolate beer” tempted me for a moment, but then, you know, beer, yuck.

    To my credit (or something), I really will drink just about anything except beer.

    @bats :[ (#257): Brilliant.

  270. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

  271. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#257): *does brief interpretive dance entitled “Veneration”*

  272. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#268): Yes, which is why we were discussing “Scottish style” ales, which are light on the hops (since it grows only poorly at those latitudes) and heavy on the malt (which Scotland has in abundance, a fact for which whisky drinkers are certainly thankful). Another suggestion was the German Doppelbock beers, which the monks brewed to drink during their Lenten fasting, since it was considered to be almost “liquid bread”. So there are some malt bombs out there, but you have to know where to look, to find them amidst the supermarket shelves full of IPAs.

  273. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#269):

    The idea of chocolate beer makes me cringe. However, a few months ago I purchased a bottle of chocolate red wine. It’s called “Chocolate Shop” and it says it’s The Chocolate Lover’s Wine. I haven’t opened it yet but I think that Mrs. Sequitur and I will break it out on our anniversary this Friday.

  274. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#231):
    Ha!
    You’re reminding me of that joke.

    Apparently a choir is singing Christmas songs and the hit on a song where they have to pause and hand it to a soloist to sing a line.

    So, this Christmas choir is singing:

    Tis the season to be jolly
    fa la la l la la la la la
    Don we all our gay apparel…

    It is at that point they hand off the solo to none other than:
    Ziggy, who from all appearances is only wearing a smock underneath his choir robe.
    The key word being seems.

    On cue, and keeping with the tradition of Ziggy not saying much, he lifts his robe and his smock, turns around and bends over. This is when it is obvious that Ziggy is wearing assless chaps.

    With each of his meaty paw hands, he grabs a corresponding cheek and begins to do a bit of holiday puppetry.

    FA LA LA LA LAAA
    LA LA
    LAAAAAA
    LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    Ding Dong Diiiiiiiiiiing!

    Thus ended the concert with an unexpected and practically literal cover of “Sounds of Silence”. After that Christmas, hearing the chirping of crickets brought back powerful memories to many who attended that concert.

    Suffice it to say as punishment for his misdeeds, Ziggy was held in the dungeon of the church until Easter time when they just outright went cheap on the actor who played Jesus. They hired a guy for voiceover and nailed old Ziggy to the cross.

  275. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#274):

    Oh, yeah. I think I read that joke in Boy’s Life.

  276. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#273): my recommendation would be to get good chocolate, a good red wine, and share them together. Chocolate goes amazingly well with a big red, and I’d hate to ruin either of them by combining them into one item.

  277. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#276):

    Well, I already have the bottle so we’re going to try it. We’ve been looking at it for several months now with question marks over our heads. But don’t worry, we’ve got plenty of real red wine and real chocolate around for backup.

  278. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#272): IPAs are everywhere is the impression I keep getting. I like German and Bavarian Pilsners and I guess the Dopplebocks fit into that area. I have had a triple bock once, too. But, if you are saying you didn’t find a large selection which featured, full-bodied, smooth beers that are not peppery, yeesh! That’s a bit too much.

    I know a guy who runs a brewery and his Pilsner –made in small batches–isn’t at all like some of that monk made beer (the names of which I may have never known.) Night and day is what his brews are to what some good imports are.

    @Sequitur (#270): Ha! Time for Shiner!

    I like a good pale ale. I can accept hoppy with them but it depends on the weather, ya know?

    Summer is fine for drinking hoppy beers. Though I should say, I’ve only had one of the first brews Shiner makes. So I haven’t tasted their expanded offerings. (There’s a Shiner Bock, too, right?)
    I am curious what you and your wacky Texans have been up to with your beer making and swilling.

  279. Rinaldo
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#44): I agree with Inkwell. The obvious interpretation to me is that the tinny trite voice is Marylou’s own. I don’t think she lives with her mother.

    And I do in fact have an answering machine, for whatever dreadful thing that may say about me.

  280. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#275):

    It seals the deal on why Christmas is the Alpha and why Easter is the Alpha rest.

    It is all about going full circle in life. And, as proof, to this day, Ziggy is…ahem…Ziggy is still with us. He didn’t bother ascending because he Heavenly Elevator was out of order that day.

    Now he pretty much splits his time pretending to be St. Francis of Assisi and just really weirdo, the real weirdo each and everyone of us knows to avoid if we see him on the streets.

  281. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#273): Actually, it’s pretty good stuff, although I just can’t get behind the idea of drinking it from a can, which is how it was served at Rustico’s, as the group photo attests. Chocolate stout, like other milk stouts, makes for a fine dessert beer – sort of the beer version of a post-dinner sherry. Young’s Double Chocolate Stout (which is what was served) is pretty much the standard, but perhaps the best of breed is Cowbell Imperial Oatmeal Milk Stout by the Voodoo Brewery of Meadville, PA. More Cowbell!!!!

  282. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#276):

    With wine, perhaps you are right.
    With beer, I’ve drank a lot of chocolate stouts and stouts with a chocolately flavoring to them. I’ve liked most that I’ve tried. But, maybe wine just has a flavoring (from the barrels or something) that is subtle enough to not seem like a bad idea. Don’t know for sure.

    That said, Sequitor, drink it anyway and have a great day/night whether it is a good wine or not.

  283. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#278):

    If one is wanting to try the Shiner family of brews they have a 12-pack called “Shiner Family Reunion.” It consists of six different brews with two bottles each. Besides the Bock and the Wild Hare ale it also has a Black Lager, Shiner Premium (which tastes much like Budwiser), Kosmos Reserve (a robust, aromatic dry-hopped lager that is every bit as unique as the man himself) and Brewer’s Pride.

    While they’re all good, I prefer the Wild Hare and the Black Lager. The one I liked the least was the Premium because it tasted like a regular commercial beer.

  284. Miriam
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#204): I think you’re partially correct. Edda and her mother are always using 30s and 40s movie stars as examples of true feminine beauty, rather than anyone born in the last 80 years or so. In the strips where Edda became a model there were a few “jokes” about how today’s models aren’t sexy. It is very evident that Brooke idolizes Hollywood’s golden years, so obviously his characters must too. I have to admit I like the 40s hair and dress styles, but there’s something so dreadfully pretentious and old fart-y about the “Everything sucks nowadays!” attitude.

  285. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#281): & @tallyHO (#282):

    Looks like I’ve got to try the chocolate beer product. Chances are I’ll like it.

  286. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#285):

    By the way, I cringed at the thought of eating a fish taco but I tried it anyway and really liked it.

  287. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#273): chocolate wines are NEAT! I will willingly drink those.

  288. Droopy Says
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @Miriam (#284): I was going to ask why McEldowney doesn’t invoke silent-era actresses like Louise Brooks, Clara Bow and Brigitte Helm, but the walls of text answered that question for me.

  289. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#287):

    That’s great. But the question is, would the Driver/Spencer group try it?

  290. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#273): A couple of friends gave me a bottle of chocolate wine a while ago. I found it quite enjoyable. Sort of sherry-ish, but the chocolate gave it an extra dimension.

  291. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#290):

    So, I guess they’re still your friends?

  292. TheDiva
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @MySpoonIsTooBig (#244): No, you’re not alone. I mean, I can definitely see the charisma there, but at the same time I can’t look at him without thinking of his Looney Tunes caricature, all big head and ears. (Then again I also look at Channing Tatum and think “yeah, so?”, so maybe I’m not the most reliable authority on this subject.)

  293. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#286): Fish tacos are the best type of tacos. Some guacamole, some pico de gallo—-mmmmmm…….

  294. Sgt. Stoned
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark Trail in disguise means changing from the khaki shirt with button pockets to the neon-fuschia shirt with button pockets.

    MW: “Moving? No, dear. But I am thinking of dumping Dr. Jeff for Charley Smith.”

  295. Buck Ripsnort
    July 2nd, 2013 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    My bartender introduced me to Thirsty Dog Siberian Night beer, a Russian Imperial stoudt w/ a smooth, rich flavor. Now, I’ve gone too far. I can’t drink cheap mass-market beers anymore.

  296. Joe Blevins
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: This won’t require much acting on Mark’s part. Everywhere he goes that’s not his kitchen, he’s “out of town.” But he’s still doing research for the part — first by imitating the one-crooked-arm-on-the-chair-back posture from Ed in Momma.

  297. Peanut Gallery
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    @Not Just any Dipstick (#33): Tiny and annoying. That’s what I sound like in person!

  298. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    Re: craft beer, my introduction to the subject was an Atlantic article years ago by William Least Heat Moon, who went with a companion to sample the brews of the then-nascent microbrew revolution of the Pacific Northwest. He ended the piece by describing how, after several weeks of sampling full-flavored brews, he and his buddy stopped in to a regular bar and ordered a couple of BudMillCoors. His buddy took a sip, then asked “Did I miss my mouth?”

    I’ve always found that the perfect summary of standard American beer. That, and “Sex in a Canoe.” (aka Hiawatha Love Song Lager)

  299. Huckleberry Fink
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#276):

    “Two great tastes that taste great together.”

  300. Huckleberry Fink
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @Miriam (#284): I was going to say your name reminds me of one of my favorite actresses: Miriam Hopkins. But on second thought, I’d better keep that particular nugget to myself.

  301. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#289): depends on how expensive it is…Pricey? Bring it on, Abbey!

  302. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#300): who was born one year after Clark Gable. Will Edda don a Miriam Hopkins photo as a mask? (I vote for anything that will help hide that mouthful of T.Rex teeth.)

  303. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#301): What do they care? They won’t end up paying for it. Then again, they’d probably turn their noses up at free beer or wine that is not sufficiently pricey to keep them from feeling dissed. Even redneck pot farmers and hardscrabble fishing lodge operators bring out the good stuff for ParkerDrive, inc.

  304. Huckleberry Fink
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

  305. tallyHO
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#285):

    Someone please correct me if this isn’t a good reference point:

    Guinness has that chocolatey taste I referred to. The fresher it is, the more you taste it.

    Also, @seismic-2 (#281): mentioned an oatmeal stout. One thing about stouts is they are rich iron. I heard someone say a hospital gave his wife a Guinness after she gave birth to help her iron levels.

    But, there’s the ones which have the taste of chocolate and there are some beers like Samuel Adams Chocolate Stout which intentional are brewed to taste like chocolate. Without looking it up, they use chocolate malts? Something like that.

    As it goes, I don’t drink much beer these days. I’ve turned into a light weight drinker. But, for worthwhile taste, there’s lots of good brews.

  306. Huckleberry Fink
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#141):

    @Uncle Lumpy (#111): Well, I know of at least four male Parkers in the comics:

    Peter Parker
    Judge Parker (both of ‘em)
    Stanley Parker

    Have I left anybody out?

    There are actually TWO Peter Parkers in the comics. There’s Peter “Spider-Man” Parker and there’s Peter Parker, the landlord in Dude and Dude.

  307. Sequitur
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#305):

    Let’s go nuts with the weird beers!

  308. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @The FAKE Mark Trail’s Answering Machine (#222):

    Very funny!

    Now fess up…..what’s your usual ‘Mudge ID?

    // Seriously, for those of us from the answering machine era, that was funny!

  309. Rusty
    July 2nd, 2013 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#104): Brooke reminds me of the type of people who used to loudly proclaim they didn’t watch television, except for old movies. Basically anything made after 1958 or so was crass commercial nonsense, everything before was high art. He yearns to live in a world resembling that of the Thin Man movies. And of course, this makes him better than you.

  310. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#260): Hey man, there’s worse things to regurgitate than Elmore Leonard. The guy’s done books, movies, tee-vee — maybe it’s time he ventured into the comics page. I think Jack Ryan, Process Server would make a pretty good daily — and the Sunday strips could even have a “Skiptracers Textbook” feature.

  311. cheech wizard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#307): Listen young man – there’s nothing weird about oyster stout. That’s a beer with a long and very well respected pedigree.

    Now cock ale, per Charlie Papazian’s New Compete Joy of Home Brewing? That is a truly weird beer, made with a dead chicken no less, its bones broken up via pounding in a stone mortar. And it didn’t even make your list.

    The weirdest (and worst) beer I ever tried was a charcoal filtered version of Lone Star that someone brought north when I was in college. An attempt to cash in on Jack Daniel’s marketing, only for beer, that shit was gray – and tasted just as good as it sounds. I shit you not.

  312. Vince M
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#214): RM: I think Sarah is puzzled at the prospect of actually having to do something to get truckloads of cash dropped at her feet – that is not the way of the Morgan.

  313. Vince M
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#257): Bravo! That’s true art…of a sort.

  314. jim, some guy in iowa
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty (#309): Mc E “yearns to live in a world resembling that of t he Thin Man movies”

    I hope he doesn’t kid himself he’d be anything other than an Amos compared to William Powell or Dashiell Hammett

  315. gleeb moe howard
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#311): Hey, how come MY brew didn’t make your list? You some kind of beer elitist, mister?

    http://www.posters57.com/images/categories/THREE-STOOGES-BEER-POSTER%281%29.jpg

  316. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#305): Because stouts are brewed from malt that is (at least to some extent) roasted, they tend to taste coffee-like, or more accurately, espresso-like. Some stouts taste almost “burnt”, but they can be made to taste sweeter and/or smoother by adding other ingredients (just as sugar and/or cream is often added to coffee). This, you have the milk or chocolate stouts and the oatmeal stouts, which still have the robust roast flavor but tempered to varying degrees of sweetness and smoothness. American versions tend to be heavier on the hops than the European versions do, for the most part, but they are still more malty and less hoppy than most other types of beers.

  317. Marzipan
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail is busting a … deer poaching ring? I don’t…I’m not…Why would…who is…Okay, I am in the environmental field and allow me to inform you that literally no one is worried about deer over-poaching.

  318. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty (#309), @jim, some guy in iowa (#314): Note how often Pibgorn does in fact fashion itself as a noir-style 1940s detective story, featuring Jeff (is that his name? Ain’t no way I’m going to go back and look, no sirree) in the Humphrey Bogart or Robert Mitchum role, with Pibby as the ingenue, and of course with Drusilla as the Femme Fatale.

  319. Huckleberry Fink
    July 2nd, 2013 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

  320. jim, some guy in iowa
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#318): I understand there’s more to Pibgorn than golden penis-headed genies wearing old man style half-glasses and slinky women skewered, sliced and diced but I have yet to see it

  321. Huckleberry Fink
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    FW: Today Mr. Batiuk has assigned Les and the ‘bean to bathroom doodie.
    I don’t know — and don’t want to know — what she used to clean herself.

  322. seismic-2
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#320): Oh, there is much, much more. And it’s all equally incomprehensible. And it’s all equally not worth the effort of comprehending in the first place, really.

  323. jim, some guy in iowa
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    FW: dunno how likely this is, but it’s kinda funny, esp. the closeup of Les & Funky looking semi-tough

    Judge Pissyface has a fan! O how coincidental! Will she offer to write his biography? Hint: “All In with — ” has been done

    Rex, MD: bats :[ will be able to make use of the last panel, I think

  324. Droopy Says
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Here it is, the Parker-Parker crossover, where Peter Parker meets Judge Parker’s overprivileged nephew.

    Funky Pissybean: Because the local groundwater isn’t polluted enough.

    Family Circus: Bil dreads the day that Billy realizes cartoonists work at home, yet he is saddened to know that day may never come.

    Mark Trail: As a lifelong LoFo resident, Mark should have foreseen the danger in disguising himself as a field mouse.

    Phantom: “Not a chance . . . because I’m Infantry and he’s Signal Corps! Take it up with his CO, Walker, and don’t bug me when I focus my binoculars on the trench wall!”

    Pluggers think of diuretics as a great way to avoid work.

  325. Baka Gaijin
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#257): Oh God, that’s great. I’d love to watch those judicial proceedings.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#264): True. Ms. Welly shows up rather unexpectedly and at inconvenient times, much like a cold sore right before school photo day.

    @Sequitur (#286): If Dingo were here he’d have a great and NSFW comment on your comment.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#293): Ditto.

  326. Droopy Says
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    FW: It’s too bad Batiuk left out the dialog in panel two: “What’s that I feel on my back?” — “It’s rain.” — “Thanks for telling me.”

  327. Huckleberry Fink
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Young Wilmer Valderrama’s mother stops his kvetching with
    a well-placed noogie. No wonder Luke Cage, Hero for Hire looks so shocked.

  328. Huckleberry Fink
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: Each foot is nearly as big as her head. And I assume that’s a rhetorical question since neither Trixie nor Dawg can talk.

  329. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#320): His stuff from before about 2005 is fine – well drawn, reasonably coherent, occasionally witty, even. It’s the later stuff that got weird. I know he dumped his editor sometime around then, and it’s hard not to surmise that some sort of emotional breakdown perhaps happened as well. It’s been weirder and more defensive ever since.

  330. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2013 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#308): As another denizen of The Answering Machine Era, I agree with you.

  331. Oopsie Poopsie
    July 3rd, 2013 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#321): I don’t know — and don’t want to know — what she used to clean herself.

    “Hey, Funky, why are your pants pulled down in the back? And what’s that brown stuff on your underwear?”

  332. walt d.
    July 3rd, 2013 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    FW: Monday had just enough content to make fun of, and thus was successful by TB standards. Tues. and Wed. have me thinking that editors on such days should just post a little advisory in the space where the cartoon normally resides, saying “Management could not justify the ink to reproduce today’s comic.”

  333. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2013 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    MT — How large an area is “this area”? (And why isn’t the area being named? Is it LoFo or not?) It’s true that otter pelt prices have been going up, thanks largely to China, which has become a giant hideous black hole for the disposal of illegal wildlife products, both common and endangered. But even so, there aren’t that many otters per waterway mile, and otter pelts are running around a hundred dollars apiece, not a thousand. Unless there are lots of black bears or perhaps some very stray rhinos, I think “Big”‘s business plan may be kinda optimistic.

  334. Cloudbuster
    July 3rd, 2013 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    GT: Hairy Hercules? There must be a back story for that. But I’m not sure I want to know.

  335. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 3rd, 2013 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Well, that was unexpected.

  336. Cloudbuster
    July 3rd, 2013 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: I’m not really sure why I’m not finding this funny, because accordions are naturally hilarious. I think it’s just too jarring for the usual tone of the strip. One expects the surrealism, the eroticism, the fetishism, the violence, the arrogance, but then he hits you with a broad conceptual gag straight out of a Money Python sketch (“Now, suffer while I recite Arab folk tales to interpretive accordion music! Muahahahaha!” “Noooooo!”) and it’s just so out of left field. A couple weeks ago this troll/sultan was avenging himself on her in the most violent, horrible manner imaginable, bloodily and graphically depicted, and now … accordion? Yeah, OK? I guess? Ha ha ha, badly played accordion sure is awful, amirite? She sure looks grim about it.

    I still haven’t quite figured out why Dru saved him from the others in the first place.

  337. Cloudbuster
    July 3rd, 2013 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    FW: O_o

  338. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2013 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    FW — It’s not the peeing, it’s the guys’ expressions. Brain bleach! Stat!

  339. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 3rd, 2013 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    FW: Good lord. …I… just… wow.

  340. Cloudbuster
    July 3rd, 2013 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#336): Monty Python. Must proofread when posting near 2 a.m.

  341. tallyHO
    July 3rd, 2013 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth:

    My suggestion, offered free of charge, is for you to get a sex change operation, Marvin! Dr. Jeff(ay) will get used to you making the change in you. He might not be too crazy about the bills. But, as far as we know he could be getting a cut of the plastic surgery money. He can nip and tuck that right into his Acting Straight for Close Friends Support Group Fund for cookies and kool-aid.
    (Surprise the fellow members of your group, Dr. Jeff. One week, instead of the usual refreshments, bring some Ginger Men and Vodka tonics.)

    Funky Winkerbean:

    One of two possibilities. They both are enjoying acting as smug and aware as secret service agents or they are straining to hear the sound of trickling water. The most likely explanation for the look and the pose of those two dorks is they want her to play their look out and guard the bushes while they push each other around.

    Okay. Who am I trying to kid. This lady either knows them or does not know them. She trusts them implicitly. They are truly being smug about that responsibility to cover for her. And, one final grain of truth: They were looking for any reason to stop jogging for a bit.

    And, don’t tell me you haven’t stood guard for a woman who needed to pee outside. If you haven’t then I guess you don’t go to outdoor public events where beer, wine and booze flows freely and the port-a-potties are either way busy or way messy. All we guys have to do is turn our backs and find a corner or an alley to relieve ourselves(or just not care at all what people think, whip Mr. Whipple out and count how long you are standing there.)

    Aw geez. I’ve stood guard more times than I remembered. Each time is a precious memory. Typing cessation begins now.

  342. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 3rd, 2013 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#341): Well, I’ve peed behind many a bush in my lifetime, and I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone stand guard over it, let alone two smirky strangers.

  343. Droopy Says
    July 3rd, 2013 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#341): Two schlubs, stopped in a park by a strange woman who asks them to keep an eye open while she commits a personal act? It looks like the vice squad wants to entrap Creepy and Fat Failure. Or the start of a Very Special Story about the need for unisex restrooms in neighborhood parks.

  344. comcis fan
    July 3rd, 2013 at 3:41 am [Reply]

    MW: This probably means Mary will go on a singles cruise or artists’ retreat, where the scenery will change but she’ll meddle as usual. One can always hope, however, that she’ll fall in with a gang of irreverent skateboarders or that Wilbur will give her a profile on http://www.oldbiddiesidliketo“friend”.com.

  345. comcis fan
    July 3rd, 2013 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    FW: This is really a hip-hop music video. Look at the pose.

    “Yo! Joggin’ in the park, just my homey and me
    Saw a cute chick, she was a hah-hah-hottie
    Thought she wanted to be my mate
    But she just wanted help so she could urinate”

    “Yo YO! (scratcha-scratcha-scratcha-scratch-scratch-scratch)
    Yo YO! (scratcha-scratcha-scratcha-scratch-scratch-scratch)”

    Darin is helping Les produce the video to raise money for Lisa’s Lavatory.

  346. tymime
    July 3rd, 2013 at 5:07 am [Reply]

    Maybe Ed is so stupid he thinks the dial tone is her voice. It sounds weird, but that was my first thought.

  347. gleeb
    July 3rd, 2013 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#238): Apes don’t read Funky Winkerbean. Lucky bastards.

  348. gleeb
    July 3rd, 2013 at 5:52 am [Reply]

    3-G: Lu Ann doesn’t want to be thrown into prison for angering Peter Russo. What kind of horrible regime rules cartoon New York?

    ‘bean: It’s a piss joke. And the best think Batiuk’s done in several months.

    Judge Privileged: So, who do you trust? An academic who has made a lifetime’s study of literature, or someone whose reading consists of airport novels discarded by cruise ship passengers?

    Mark: These guys need to pick a racket and stick with it. Try to be poachers and scam flatlanders out of trophy fees, and you’ll do neither well.

    Dick: No, Not-Moon Maid! Don’t go to Wisconsin! With those horns, they’ll mistake you for a cow!

    Non Seq: Seeing as they’re all on the same color, checkers would have been much better. Wiley trips over the details again.

  349. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 3rd, 2013 at 6:02 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#308):

    T’was my message. The concept proved much easier than the execution, I had to leave out clichés such as “please leave a message at the beep!” Or “Hi this is Mark Trail” “And this is “Cherry Trail” “(together) and we’re not home right now!”.

    If George Costanza used the theme from “Last American Hero”, what would Mark Trail use?

  350. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 3rd, 2013 at 6:03 am [Reply]

    “Greatest American Hero”, we can’t be sure he is the last one, yet.

  351. J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective
    July 3rd, 2013 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#209): No, you were right the first time. Hers. Not her’s. Sorry.

  352. Dartpaw86
    July 4th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

  353. Niko
    July 6th, 2013 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    “Sometimes when you hurt inside, the only medicine that’ll help is a great big hug.”

    I totally agree with this. Especially if comes from your mom, it comforts you a lot.

  354. StrawGirl
    July 8th, 2013 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    I hate to do this (especially a few days late), but here goes:

    I decided to stop reading 9CL today. And in my annoyance with the strip, I thought I’d see what other people have been saying about it lately so I’ll know I’m not alone in my frustration. I noticed that a lot of people are commenting on the Clark Gable thing, so I though I’d fill you guys in. However, it requires a bit of back story, so please hang with me for a minute.

    I accidentally stumbled upon 9CL back when Comics.com was still a thing. It looked interesting, so I did an archive dive. I found it fascinating and added it to my daily strips. During said archive dive, I found that Clark Gable is pretty much revered by Edda (and I think her mother, as well). He typically has the same effect on Edda that Edda has on Amos.

    So it was a call-back to a recurring thing in the strip… but it wasn’t even done properly since Edda didn’t react as she normally does to anything dealing with Clark Gable.

    I have no idea why my brain decided to remember this, but I figured I’d share it to shed a bit of light on the situation. As I said, I know I’m a few days late, but if anyone happens to stop by the comments in their curiosity about it, then I hope this helps clear things up at least a little bit.

    I’m just glad I’m finally letting myself stop reading this train-wreck of a strip. I haven’t felt this free in so long!

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