The Comics Curmudgeon

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The Wizard of ZZZ

Shoe, 1/13/09

Not to wax rhapsodic about the decline of any sense of community in American life beyond the bounds of commerce, but … shouldn’t this cartoon, in which someone ambushes a baffled person behind a desk with a pointless faux koan, be taking place in a library? Isn’t the venerable reference desk the place where corny unanswerable questions are thrown at stereotyped librarians? (In this case, for instance, we could have also gone with “Why do we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway,” or any number of other stupid things that your aunt may have forwarded you from her AOL account.) My first impression was that this little scene was instead playing out at your local Enormous Chain Bookstore, because … I’m not sure why. Maybe because the books have their covers facing out whorishly, practically shouting “Buy me! Buy me!” instead of being demurely tucked spine out onto the shelves like they are in the library stacks, where you can take them out or not, doesn’t matter to us. I see upon further examination that this place-where-books-exists is actually just labelled BOOKS, so it may in fact just be the books ghetto of your local Enormous General-Purpose Chain Store, where remaindered copies of Twilight and The Purpose-Driven Life and Oprah’s Book Club picks from 2006 go to die.

Wherever it’s taking place, it sheds no light on when exactly this wizard’s (whose name in the strip I think is merely “Wizard”) status as a wizard, which was once some kind of metaphor for his prowess in computer-fixing, actually became just, you know, a wizard. Doubtless it’s another random aspect of the Shoe universe, where bird-reporters and wizard-birds fly, or drive, or live in trees, or shop in BOOKS, because whatever, why not, who cares.

Beetle Bailey, 1/13/09

Never mind for the moment that Beetle and Sarge “play for the same team” or that Sarge has a “habit” of pushing Beetle down onto the ground from behind with a hardy (W)HUMP. No, I’m more concerned about the lower half of Beetle’s body … or rather, the lack of a lower half. In panel one, Sarge has squashed everything below about mid-thigh into two-dimensional nothingness; in panel two, it all seems to have just vanished entirely. Normally I’d blame this on the colorists, but given that Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Enterprises LLC has seen fit to only provide two vaguely football-player-like blobs floating in some kind of featureless void to work with, you can hardly blame them for doing thirty seconds of desultory clicking with Photoshop’s Paint Bucket tool and then moving on in disgust.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/13/09

Oh, Bull, you and your “supportiveness” and “fairness” and “hard-working athletes.” Don’t you and your feminazi friends realize that the whole point of high school sports is so that everyone concerned can secretly view the interaction of the boys on the court/field/what have you and the girls cheering on the sidelines as some sort of elaborate mating ritual? (They will view it this way repeatedly in their minds, later, in private.) Get ready for a treatment of teenage gay panic with that extra dash of bleak that only Funky Winkerbean can provide!

Mark Trail, 1/13/09

Jeez, Cherry, I dunno, maybe she left so quickly because she got within good viewing distance of your enormous, terrifying head. I’m sure if I were confronted with the vision in panel three, and then the hairline started talking to me, I’d get the hell out of there with considerably less politeness and aplomb than Patty did.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 13, 2009 at 07:02 pm and is filed under Beetle Bailey, Funky Winkerbean, Mark Trail, Shoe. |

112 responses to “The Wizard of ZZZ”

Lisa
January 13th, 2009 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

Cherry’s eyes are flesh colored. WHAT th’??!!
Innuendo
January 13th, 2009 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

Hey Josh, you’re linked on CNN’s Marquee Blog
Lisa
January 13th, 2009 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

Actually, almost everything in panel two is flesh colored. The walls, the curtains, the pancakes. The picture. Doc’s hair. Their flesh. EWWWW.
Matmaduke
January 13th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

I can’t tell what’s going on in “BOOKS!”, it must exist in a parallel universe as in frame one the window reads SKOOB to denote the wizard being inside and then in frame three it’s BOOKS in the window and I would think even in crazy bird-land you’d want to read the name of the store from the outside…unless they’re pluggers and just too stupid/lazy to know any different.
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 13th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

y186 Bryan,
Yeah, that could be an interesting 2 weeks. I’d also welcome Crumb drawing FBOTW. See what the Patterson family has really been repressing all these years.
Chris the 3rd baseman
January 13th, 2009 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

I was really hoping that Mark was going to get to watch Cherry go down on Patty to cheer her up, and maybe Doc would take pictures.I’ll bet Mark doesn’t notice Cherry changed her hair until she gets naked and he sees she got carried away with the bikini wax.
mojo
January 13th, 2009 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

Another riddle of the cosmos: When you combine wizards and books in the Harry Potter universe, you get a relatively charming best-selling series … but when you combine them in Shoe, you get, uh, a charmless, depressed-looking talking bird using THREE WHOLE PANELS to convey a single dull, stupid one-liner.

Wow.
commodorejohn
January 13th, 2009 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

#2 Lisa – Perhaps the entire Trail homestead is one enormous organism, of which the individual family members are simply different extensions. Patty probably caught on to this fact and decided to get out of there before the house started digesting her.
Esther Blodgett
January 13th, 2009 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

Josh, I don’t think Beetle Bailey’s colorists moved on in disgust after filling in the black-and-gray football uniforms and the just-puked-up-my-Sour-Apple-Laffy-Taffy green background. I think they killed themselves. Those colors are a cry for help.
Spikale
January 13th, 2009 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

Also, if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Mibbitmaker
January 13th, 2009 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

MT: “…do I, Mr. Jones?”

Please read yesterthread #199.

Some metaphysical entity must exist that loves to keep on making my comments and Josh’s new posts happen at the same time all the time. It’s really getting old, metaphysical entity!
commodorejohn
January 13th, 2009 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

#11 Mibbitmaker – Protip: copy your posts to the clipboard before hitting the submit button, for easy reposting in the event of a thread-jump.
Mordock999
January 13th, 2009 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

Today’s Luann 01/13/09

“AWW,AWW, AWWWWW, Delta, you AIN’T goin’!!!!”

- Snuffy Smith -

______________________

“An’ DETH ta TJ!!!”
Andrew Leal
January 13th, 2009 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

SHOE: You’re right, Josh, he’s always been a computer wizard. My paper stopped carrying Shoe sometime back, but I’m reasonably certain this is the first time they dropped that aspect. The Shoe inheritors are too apathetic to even try to maintain any of the old conceits. Looking at recent weeks online, they had Madame Zoo Doo (the bird lady fortuneteller and actual mystical type) suddenly show up at Roz’s to ask “if my sixth sense makes me look fat.” Oh, the hilarity! Once again, this comic should have died with Jeff MacNelly.
your father isn't mr. cohen
January 13th, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

MT: I like how Cherry isn’t even pretending to listen to Patty as she shoos her out the door. How else would anyone respond to “We’ll get together later” with “Please do?”

FC: Give peas a chance!
Andrew Leal
January 13th, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

Err, wow. The Seattle Times has a glitch which gives credit for Shoe’s gags to “Francesco Marciuliano”:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/cgi-bin/comics/archive.pl

Josh, you might want to inform Ces about this. I wonder if this could be grounds for a libel suit or at least defamation of character.
Rusty
January 13th, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

BB: Sarge, you can let go anytime now.

FW: Rena’s PTSD is triggered by Bull’s suggestion. Didn’t this kid live through suicide bombers in Afghanistan? At least death claims its victims quickly there, unlike Westview, Ohio.
Talking Squirrel
January 13th, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

“Another chief of [the Scythians], by name Skunkha…”

Considering that the Scythians were the first people documented to inhale the fumes of cannabis (which they did by piling it up in a big stack, lighting it and dancing around it) — Skunkha is the pluperfect name for this dude.

I’m speculating that his headgear represented his culture’s version of the Rasta tam and probably served a similar storage function.

Either that, or else they were all pinheads.
Erik
January 13th, 2009 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

Forget Cherry’s mutant hairline; I’m more concerned about that pile of human scalps that Gramps is taking to the dining table.
Cory
January 13th, 2009 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

Actually the BB colorist who did this one is obviously one of the senior people. You can tell because he correctly colored the jerseys the same color, and therefore obviously read the punchline. Err, “punchline”.
Mister Beautiful
January 13th, 2009 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

If they print Shoe tomorrow, and nobody reads it, does it still produce disgust and loathing?
Lorne
January 13th, 2009 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

“Is there parallel parking in a parallel universe?”

Far from being a profound brain-teaser, the answer to this question is actually quite straightforward:

“Get out of my bookstore, you idiot!”
crazyjerseygirl
January 13th, 2009 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

In a parallel universe people perpendicular park.
Lisa
January 13th, 2009 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

I’m not the Lisa who posted in #1 and #3. I just got here.

Just so everyone knows. (hi, Niall!)
Talking Squirrel
January 13th, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

MT: Those aren’t flesh-colored eyes, they’re Grade IV bilateral pterygia. And because everybody just awakened and nobody’s had time to rustle up any grub, I have to assume that Doc just stepped outside and scavenged up a nice steaming plateful of flesh-colored caribou plops. Well, can’t beat an organic breakfast.

BB: Since this is allegedly a football game, I have to wonder why the fattest and slowest guy is also the only one within ten yards of the runner. And looking at the action, it appears as if they’re trying to put a new twist on the old saying “Don’t matter if you’re pitchin’ or catchin’, you’re still playin’ baseball.” What’s the name of this team anyway — the Swampy Felchers?
BigTed
January 13th, 2009 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

Why do all of Cherry’s word-balloons come out of the part in her hair? When she says, “I’m just speaking off the top of my head,” she must really mean it.
Master Softheart
January 13th, 2009 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

As surreal as it is to say, Fred Basset set the tone for today’s comics.

FB: Initially I focused too much on the sheer meta-level, “bite-me, fourth wall!” quality of today’s comic. Generally, Fred just inspires a kind of vague acknowledgment for not being actively annoying followed by a complete inability to recall its existence – kind of like a bland wafer to clear the bitter aftertaste of Funky Winkerbean from your palette before taking a enjoying a sip of Dilbert. But today was memorable. I mean, there can’t possibly be actual collections of “Fred Basset” comics in actual books purchased by actual people, so it’s not as though Fred’s trying to some distasteful self-promotion scheme. Perhaps there is an actual joke here and Fred’s owners actually just made a scrapbook of their dog and Fred’s behavior is entirely consistent with the internal reality of the strip.
After thinking about this for a while, I decided to just be happy that Fred or his creators have such high self-esteem as to not only characterize their strip’s protagonist as a “hero,” but also to place the chronicle of his ~~adventures~~ random slightly ironic observations on the same shelf as Proust and Twain. Or maybe in the Bassetverse “Proust” and “Tolstoy” are also bland comic strips featuring eponymous heroes. Either way, Fred provoked more than just a brief, glazed blur of acknowledgment today, and for that I honor him.

JP: Having an unhealthy fixation on blondes – especially gorgeously shapely ones pretending a heavy-lidded, sultry innocence to cover up their murderous psychosis…. um, where was I? Oh, anyway, I admit that I’ve been been almost as gratified with following Dixie Julep’s appearance in Judge Parker as by the mysterious 80’s geek fantasy that is Aria in Sally Forth. And I further admit that, as stunning as Barreto’s characters always are, even the provocative “painting in cutoffs while stoned” storyline didn’t really lead me to appreciate the fire engine redhead Abbey (admit it, the only reasonable way to classify JP storylines is by sexy secondary characters or memorable cheesecake shots of the regulars). The last panel of today’s strip changed all that. While Sam’s been away, Barreto decided to give her a serious tune-up (seriously, look at the archives some time at what he had to work with from the LeDoux era), and I offer my thanks. It would take a man with Sam Driver’s bland indifference to life not to lose himself completely in those eyes.
Sadly, Sophie seems to have decided that the look she wants is “extra from Mark Trail.” Oh well, puberty can have strange effects.

Phantom: R’lyeh needs men!

RMMD: Something has gone horribly – and I mean Gil Thorp level horribly – wrong with Rex’s cheekbones. Maybe the random facial deformities suffered by little Sarah actually do have a genetic origin.

DtM: I was wondering where the bland observational non-humor from Fred Basset went today – apparently it was time-shared by Dennis and Family Circus.

Pluggers: In this economy, the hope of real retirement for most blue-collar Americans is a fading dream. But I suppose if you’re a Plugger you just hunker down and give thanks that you can scrape together enough money to buy new tires if you spread the expense over several months. And besides, with the morbid obesity, sedentary lifestyle consisting of work and watching television (with the occasional strenuous round of bass fishing), and the diet of processed or fast foods, you probably won’t last much past 65 anyway.
And I thought Funky Winkerbean was depressing.

Garfield: “Edgier than a normal day for Fred Basset” really isn’t a distinction that Jim Davis should be proud of achieving. On the other hand, the comic does depict the world outside of the featureless void and table of the Arbuckle household, so I won’t complain.
Isaac
January 13th, 2009 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

This problem with Beetle may be more pervasive than we thought. Sarge’s feet are not attached to his legs in panel 1.
OKStan
January 13th, 2009 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

I thought Mark had his own zombie butler bringing out the pancakes.
By the way, what color is that drape? Pinkish flesh colored drapes SCREAM batchelor…or serial killer with a penchant for skinning his victims for lampshades, pancakes, drapes, etc.
PeteMoss
January 13th, 2009 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

What upsets Cherry’s hairline the most is that Mark still hasn’t said a word about the new ‘do!
Steve Dore
January 13th, 2009 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

COMICS CURMUDGEON FOR THE WIN!!

Looks like polls have closed, and Josh came in #1.

Also, Medium Large got third place, and Bilerico got second.

Which is understandable, since Towelroad is more porn-y, although designed in a worse way imo.
BigTed
January 13th, 2009 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

I have some other questions, Mr. Wizard: Can a bird park in a dog park? Can a hawk drive a Ford Falcon? Can a flock of birds go to a car dealership and get fleet prices? If you crossed a robin with a sparrow, would it drive a hybrid? And if you’re a member of Audubon, can you drive on the Autobahn? (Of course, the bird-bookstore clerk won’t know the answer to any of these… but just the fact that he can work the cash register seems pretty amazing.)
Mac
January 13th, 2009 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

Speaking as a librarian, if you want to ask your inane questions to the guy at the checkout desk at Barnes & Noble, fine by me.
Digger
January 13th, 2009 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

I’m confused as to whether Rana has some moral objection to cheering for the girls’ team or if she’s just lazy and doesn’t want to cheer at two games in the same night.
teddytoad
January 13th, 2009 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

I can tell you exactly where BOOKS is located: within three blocks of College & Ashby Ave., Berkeley, CA. Having lived there myself, I can testify it’s the only place in the world to find obese people dressed in moons-and-stars robes poking at the book stacks and quietly muttering to themselves things like, “Because I’m a wizard, people think I have the answers to all the riddles of the cosmos…”

Also, Josh, you really think Walker-Browne uses Photoshop? Today’s strip screams ~~‘”Bachelor”~~ “Microsoft Paint” to me.
migellito
January 13th, 2009 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

The human skin draperies had been one step too far, and Patty had recognised him. Klaus Barbie and his daughter Cherry would soon be moving their experiments away from Lost Forest.
PeteMoss
January 13th, 2009 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

BB – Comic strip characters should not be whumping in a family newspaper, dang it. This should be done discreetly off-panel, and should be dipicted in an atmosphere of love and trust. (Hand jive is optional) I choose to believe Sam & Abbey as well as Rex & June engage in warm, loving relations in the unseen panel, and not at all like the kind of whumping Margo does with her ~~prey~~ boyfriends, like Eric.
Muddtallica
January 13th, 2009 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

#27 Master Softheart – “I mean, there can’t possibly be actual collections of “Fred Basset” comics in actual books purchased by actual people, so it’s not as though Fred’s trying to some distasteful self-promotion scheme.”

You are, I’m afraid, affording the wretched hound too much credit. A quick search on Amazon yielded 145 tomes’ worth of noxious canine drudgery to peddle, spanning over 40 years; an utterly horrifying thought for an avowed anti-Bassetstablishmentarianist such as myself, and more than enough to prove Fred’s mercenary designs. So let us not give credit where it isn’t due; beneath Basset’s offensively bland exterior beats the cold, black heart of a snake oil capitalist, and today’s strip suggests he doesn’t even care who knows it. If the self-satisfied little beast understood the concept of dignity, he should hang his head in shame.
PeteMoss
January 13th, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

FW – My high school had a mixed cheerleading squad, so to speak The males could toss the females into the air, or carry them around on their sholders and let them do flips to the ground or whatever. I would assume Rana would object to this type of “co-education” as well. Besides, wouldn’t Title 7 mandate that both basketball teams get cheered?

Texas A&M has a “Yell-squad” made up of burly corp members that look more like drill sergeants at boot camp. “Cheer, maggot!!!”
messybessy
January 13th, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

Oh yummy, Mark gets a big stack of cow pies for breakfast!
Scott
January 13th, 2009 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

I am a really big fan of this blog. It’s one of the best on the net!

I think you would appreciate my sense of humor. If I link to your blog on my blog is there any way you could return the favor? I think we could both get more exposure!

Check it out: Http://scottstipoftheday.blogspot.com

Thanks so much
Warofthebees
January 13th, 2009 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

So…Funky Winkerbean’s latest tragedy will involve Bull’s ham-handed attempts to push the cheerleaders into their first fledgling steps of sapphic faux-lesbianism?

I salute you, Sir Batiuk. From my…well, I just salute you.
Uncle Lumpy
January 13th, 2009 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

I was sure the Wizard was headed for “the secrets of the Cosmos”, meaning Cosmo Fishhawk, Shoe’s “Perfesser.”

Shoe has out-lamed my expectations for it. No mean feat, trust me.
commodorejohn
January 13th, 2009 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

#38 Muddtallica – One hundred and forty-five books!? God, that makes Garfield look reserved.
monsieurjohn
January 13th, 2009 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

congrats on winning, josh!
browns fan
January 13th, 2009 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

The copies of Purpose Driven Life are on the back shelves with the extra copies of Sam Harris’s books.
Red Greenback
January 13th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

It also appears that in the parallel universe of the “BOOKS/SKOOB” store, the men’s restroom is under the book counter. Nice touch, Brookins!
Kiesha
January 13th, 2009 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

As I have come to learn in the past four and a half years, baffled booksellers at Enormous Chain Bookstore also get unanswerable, cheesy questions.

The best being:
“Where’s your non-fiction section?”
“How do I get back downstairs?”
and
“Do you have that book on fathers? You know, fathers. It’s that one where people wrote stories about fathers and then sent them in? You know. Fathers. By that famous newsman!”
Red Greenback
January 13th, 2009 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

#48- Kiesha: Geez, I’d hate to be the bookseller in Herb & Jamaal.
commodorejohn
January 13th, 2009 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

Okay, what triggered the AsianEuro.com ad?
P. Unicorn
January 13th, 2009 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

Re: Shoe:
I go to a small liberal arts college in southern Maryland that is very much lin the middle of nowhere. We do not have a branch of any Big Chain Bookstore, nor even a small local and independant one. We do, however, have a store called BOOKS. It is the local porn store.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
January 13th, 2009 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

In panel 2, the part of Beetle Bailey appears to be played by Baltimore’s own Johnny Eck.
Lisa
January 13th, 2009 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

Fred Bassett has been around for 40 years?!?
Lisa
January 13th, 2009 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

I looked. 1969 to 2009. Wow…..

I noticed that one book had the citation, Illustrations by someone Graham, drawings by someone else…..

What is the difference between and illustration and a drawing? And there is no writer??
Comrade Denny
January 13th, 2009 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

#18 – Talking Squirrel: Huh. I didn’t know that (the burning bales of cannabis) about the Scythians. And I thought I was some sort of Scythian groupie. Well, not really, since they used to poke out the eyes of their groupies. I think they were called slaves back then.

A3G: Woah. More sexy hair-down Margo please, Mr. Bolle. Maybe Patty’ll pay her an early morning visit, since there’s no chance of Eric showing up to vag-block her, what with him being sodomized with a cattle-prod in a Chinese prison, or something.

BS: Who lettered today’s strip? William Shatner?

FC: Billy, don’t question God’s wisdom. Now get in the box.

Lockhorns: Yet further evidence that Leroy is really Henry Miller if he’d stayed with Beatrice.

MW: How long have these two been stuck in this room now? Who penned this storyline? Sarte? Hell is Mary Worth.

Pluggers: A Plugger wears out his tires faster because he’s so obese.

S-M: Hasn’t NYPD or even Homeland Security ever wondered how Peter Parker always gets these exclusive, impossibly angled panoramic photos of a wanted, masked, mutated vigilante?

Wizard of Id: Ha! They’re going to have to use peltasts! That’s so 3rd century BC.

Ziggy: Okay, I know the running gag is that Ziggy doesn’t wear pants, but if that’s true, what’s up with those flipper feet? As anyone else noticed this before?
Aitherion
January 13th, 2009 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

MT: “Patty left before she could tell me why she came…”

No better excuse for leaving a building than needing a change of pants.
Dr. Weird
January 13th, 2009 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

My brother worked in a mall chain bookstore and assured me that if they organized books based on the requests they got, the two largest sections would be “book sorted by color” and “books mentioned on the radio.

To make a bookseller’s day, go up to one and say “I’m looking for a book. It’s got a red cover and they talked about it on the radio.” Be sure to have an actual book request though, with an ISBN, or else there might be blood.
commodorejohn
January 13th, 2009 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

#54 Lisa – Why would they need a writer for Fred Basset? The whole comic can be summed up as “Here is an observation. This one thing has this property. This other thing also has the same property!” A computer could write it. Even a 1969 computer.
Comrade Denny
January 13th, 2009 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

#51 – P. Unicorn: St. Mary’s baby! Tip the “girls” at Rosie’s a little extra for me, will ya?
sugarpie
January 13th, 2009 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

Sall4th- Did I miss something? I must have. Saturday everyone in Forthiverse was in a frenzy of passive/aggression stemming from the Sally/Ted/Aria much ado about nothing. Then today…nothing. Ralph and Sally in a workplace todo.

In FW world, I know (of course) that’s what a real artist calls writing. In the Forthiverse it just seems perverse. Anyone know what’s up?
Lanfranc
January 13th, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

BG&SS: Wait, if they all enjoyed the food, why would they need to read a cookbook? Wouldn’t it make more sense if they didn’t enjoy – oh, nevermind.

MT: Wow, that’s some plot development going on there. We now know that forgot-what-her-name-is-and-I-can’t-be-arsed-to-scroll-up-and-check has a problem. Maybe in another month or so, we’ll even find out what it is! Thrilling!

MW: ZZZZZZzzzzzz……

Pluggers: Not related to today’s comic, but if pluggers are supposed to be so “hardworking”, why are they all so fat? Shouldn’t they be burning off a lot of calories? And why don’t we see them do actual work more often?
crazyjerseygirl
January 13th, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

#55 Oh thanks Comrade Denny, now all my comics sound like Captian Kirk!
sheesh as if I weren’t enough of a nerd already.
Hm, actually Mark Trail is kinda fun in Shatner-speak…this could catch on.
burnunit
January 13th, 2009 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

Maybe he’s a wizard as in the old Usenet alt.sex.wizards. That would explain the line from his skill with computers and his title, I suppose. It would also explain the horrified look on the cashier’s face as she ponders the subject matter of his purchase. No doubt a tome on advanced simulacrum building.
Poteet
January 13th, 2009 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

MT — For crying out loud, so Patty is going to come back and we’ll have to go through all that again?? The only way I’ll forgive this idiocy is if it turns out she found a hidden cave and made friends with Puff the Magic Dragon.
JP (not Judge Parker)
January 13th, 2009 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

57 (and all other bookselling comments): Too true. I’ve done both bookstore and library work. I’d have to say I got stranger questions at the library, but I think that is in part because my library job was about a decade ago when it was a lot less common for people to have the Internet at home to answer ridiculous questions for them. One of the best calls I ever got was from a man who wanted to know how much a bushel weighed. I tried to explain to him that it’s a unit of volume and not weight, and actually got a list of how much bushels of certain things weighed out of the farmer’s almanac, but apparently he wasn’t fond of that answer because he argued with me and eventually hung up.

That guy is tied with:
Girl: Do you have a poetry section?
Me: Umm…yeah.
Girl: Ok. Can you put some aside for me?
Pinky
January 14th, 2009 at 12:02 am [Reply]

Heck, I’m no wizard and I can answer the riddle of the Cosmos. Mix 2 parts lemon vodka to one part Cointreau combined with one part cranberry and the juice of half a lime. Seems easy enough to me.
nerowolfgal
January 14th, 2009 at 12:08 am [Reply]

Hi Big Ted!

You wrote: Why do all of Cherry’s word-balloons come out of the part in her hair?”

You’re forgetting the wonderful time her crotch was chatting to Mark and Rusty. Neither seemed to think it was unusual.
Comrade Denny
January 14th, 2009 at 12:11 am [Reply]

#66 – Pinky:

Not to mention that the epidemically alcoholic birds of Shoeniverse oughta know that recipe by heart.
Paperback Rifler
January 14th, 2009 at 12:17 am [Reply]

9 Chickweed Lane: Well, even though I’ve given up on reading this strip, (and Pibgorn, too! I can’t believe how I’m no longer angry after reading the comics each day!) the comments today intrigued me enough to check it out. Only to find that the Concours Forrest-Whatever is still going. Oy! And now there are nuns providing commentary on Edda and Amos’ intercoursing. Feh!

So have there been any mash-ups yet? Well, here are mine, for which I apologize in advance:

1. So we all know that the syndicate made Brooke tone down his original concept, which more than likely looked like this.

2. And we all know that if he thought he could get away with it, Brooke would have run with something like this. (And whereas he would be unapologetic about it, I’ll apologize for it freely. Sorry, everybody!)

3. I’d like to believe that Sister Steven, like us, couldn’t take any more of this Cello Sex Competition and just snapped, leading to this. It’s tragic, yes; but between Belgium and the unicorn, it was almost inevitable.
Black Drazon
January 14th, 2009 at 12:18 am [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean’s determination to crush its characters souls is reassuring: the moment the aforementioned “gay panic” is cleared up and everyone has realized that (there’s nothing gay about it / homophobia is bad / Rana is bi) and that no one else cares, Rana will still be able to sit down, start to relax and then realize that she’s being forced to do double the cheering with absolutely no additional benefits.
Poteet
January 14th, 2009 at 12:32 am [Reply]

Sir Fable MTK, wherever you are, I regret to report that a goat is being blamed here in Iowa for starting a house fire. It was on the TV news. I personally think that putting a space heater in the goat enclosure wasn’t a bright idea, being as how even I know that goats can kick pretty hard. So it’s not surprising that the space heater got kicked over. And in another twist, it was the family cat who woke the owners and enabled them to escape. I think the house is a total loss, but as far as I know, the goat, cat, and people are fine.
Foolkiller
January 14th, 2009 at 12:48 am [Reply]

Mark Trail: Shouldn’t somebody have told grandpa that the company left? Who is going to eat all those pancakes?
Canaduck
January 14th, 2009 at 12:59 am [Reply]

I too received tons of those awful “park in a driveway/if barbie is so popular/freaky 9-11 coincidence!!!” forwards from my aunt. My mother (her sister-in-law) eventually asked her to stop sending so many, causing a rift in the family that I’m not totally sure has ever been repaired.
Dr. Shrinker
January 14th, 2009 at 1:12 am [Reply]

“If a parsley farmer falls behind on his taxes do they garnish his wages?”
commodorejohn
January 14th, 2009 at 1:15 am [Reply]

#73 Canaduck – The funny thing is that even intelligent people are susceptible to this behavior. My aunt and uncle are perfectly normal, sane people in person, but on the Internet, they forward like Lutheran dial-up grandmas. It boggles the mind; I’m just thankful they only have my parents’ email and not mine.
Poteet
January 14th, 2009 at 1:16 am [Reply]

1/14 MW — I do believe that first-panel view of Lynn is the weirdest ever. Which is saying something.

A3G — Oh joy! We’re in South Dakota again with Lu Ann!

Except what the heck is Cody wearing? Even further south in Iowa, we don’t make social calls in January dressed like that unless we’re trying to commit suicide by frostbite.
Pete DuKane
January 14th, 2009 at 1:19 am [Reply]

Mark Trail: Save your breath Cherry, all Mark’s thinkin’ is, “Oh boy! FLAPJACKS!!!!!”
Poteet
January 14th, 2009 at 1:20 am [Reply]

# 75 commodorejohn — I know what you mean. I have a few normal, sane friends and relatives who inexplicably forward everything that is ever sent to them. I wonder if it’s a genetic predisposition that only had the chance to express itself when the Internet came into existence.
Pete DuKane
January 14th, 2009 at 1:24 am [Reply]

Mark Trail: Also in panel 2, she has a monobrow.
Deena in OR
January 14th, 2009 at 1:34 am [Reply]

Poteet-where do you go to get comics early? The Chron won’t let me see them until 10:00 my time…which is 28 minutes from the time I post this.
Deena in OR
January 14th, 2009 at 1:35 am [Reply]

…or 26 minutes, I guess.
ChattyGenes
January 14th, 2009 at 1:51 am [Reply]

#71 Poteet. You reminded me of this…

“Late last night when we were all in bed
Mrs. O’Leary left the lantern in the shed
And when the cow kicked it over, she winked her eye and said,
“There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight!” (fire, fire, fire!)

(If there’s any truth to that story/song about what started the famous Chicago fire, it’s proof that people now are no smarter than they were then, whether they kept goats OR cows.)
Bobdog of the Jungle Patrol, Not an Elephant
January 14th, 2009 at 1:53 am [Reply]

Every line of dialog in today’s Mark Trail is a lie.

“We’ll get together later, Cherry” is polite just feigned interest in further social interaction

“Please do Patty, I would like to help if I can” == “please stop bothering me”

“Patty left before she could tell me why she came” — no Patty left so she didn’t HAVE to tell you why she came

“She’s upset about something, but I don’t know what it is” — in actual fact Cherry does know, but would prefer not to
Bobdog of the Jungle Patrol, Not an Elephant
January 14th, 2009 at 2:05 am [Reply]

Shoe: Whatever, you do, man-bird behind the counter, do not answer the wizard bird’s question — because then he will know all the answers to all of life’s riddles — you are our last line of defense against this fiend acquiring this keystone of information that will make him all knowing — and therefore all powerful — in short, he will become a GOD — a wrathful, angry, escaped-mental-patient GOD. Save us — withhold all you’re knowledge of trans-dimensional automobile related ordinances!
ChattyGenes
January 14th, 2009 at 2:28 am [Reply]

Wednesday MARK TRAIL. Okay, I’m not buying this. Mr. ChattyGenes NEVER notices when I get a haircut. And when I get a perm, I always have to play a sort of guessing game with him when I come home from the beauty shop, a la “Do you notice anything DIFFERENT about me?” Only when prompted thus does he (sometimes) get it.

And since for me, going from “needing a perm” to “having had a perm” is something like going from Ramona Quimby to Richard Simmons, I think it’s safe to say that I undergo a more drastic appearance-change than Cherry Trail. Even I can’t tell that she “changed her hair!”
Steve the Pocket
January 14th, 2009 at 2:41 am [Reply]

Luann: Luann proposes that they whore out the hot chick to make up the extra cash.

…What? Oh, come on, don’t tell me you weren’t all thinking it.

- – - – - – - – - – - -

@#47: I looked all over the comic for what I assumed was a men’s-restroom symbol on a book cover, or something.

Then I finally saw what you were referring to.

As they say on 4chan, bricks were shat.

I also noticed a third signature on the panel, one “Susie MacNelly.” I don’t remember that being there before. Could it be the heiress of ol’ Jeff got disgusted with the new writers’ failure to adhere to Jeff’s Orignal Vision for the strip, and stepped in to act as Quality Control?

I’ll let the punchline to that one write itself.
Angry Kem
January 14th, 2009 at 2:41 am [Reply]

Really tired. Here are some Japes. There are probably typos. I am too tired to care. Go, Spidey, go! Ms. Yuan, why don’t you hit Amos? Sigh…
Aitherion
January 14th, 2009 at 2:56 am [Reply]

Luann: Also, is this really how they do this kind of thing in schools? It seems to me like if Delta contributed money to the damned fund to go to DC she should get to go, unlike Tiffany and her not even knowing what DC is.
Mibbitmaker
January 14th, 2009 at 3:10 am [Reply]

1/14:

BBailey: Oh, for the love of — Be rude, Buxley! Telemarketers are the spawn of Satan!

DT: Aw, this is too damned wacky! (Odd, that’s funnier when I say it…)

ReFOOB: HE ADMITS IT! HE ADMITS IT!

JP: Well, now we know what the evil look at the end of FW was about, at least.

OBH: Grampa’s other answer for the last panel: “Yeah…yeah, Ruthie, you’re bright because of car insurance ads on TV!”

Zits: Good work there, Mr. D. We need to nip their turning into Crankshaft in the bud early!

ZtP: Hey, Griffy! Are you calling us comics snarkers pinheads?! Dem’s fightin’ woids!
Trekkie
January 14th, 2009 at 3:16 am [Reply]

88 Aitherion – No this is definitely not how it’s done. Not even close. Either they raise the money, ask students to kick in some expense on their own, or they use some other method to single someone out (such as denying permission to a student due to low grades and/or behavior issues).

This…Delta could, in one phone call, have the entire school board staring down the barrel of one hell of a public relations nightmare.
Sheila Sternwell
January 14th, 2009 at 5:11 am [Reply]

I don’t get “Funky Winkerbean”. Well, obviously. What I’m specifically not getting is this cheerleading-gay-panic story line. In the 80s I was stuck in a tiny Kansas high school of 300 kids and not a single person thought the female cheerleaders at a girls’ basketball game had the gay. And this was a school where one could be accused of having the gay and perhaps even the AIDS at any moment.
Jesse C
January 14th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

Josh, this was your best post in a while.
fishmorgjp
January 14th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

Shoe: The old Wizard takes three panels to use an old bumper sticker/ SIG line for a joke. IT’S TOO FUNNY!
Suebear
January 14th, 2009 at 11:11 am [Reply]

Longtime reader, first time poster.

Moved to comment because I recognized Cherry’s expression in the last panel — it’s exactly the same art from the now-infamous strip where the potato was talking. (Also memorialized in the Jack Elrod Automatic Speech Balloon Positioning Device.) Her hair has been redone, although frankly, it looked better before…

Squirrels aren’t the only items in Jackelrod’s cut-n-paste library.
Poteet
January 14th, 2009 at 11:14 am [Reply]

# 81 Deena (in case you check back) — I can’t get access to all comics early, but by switching the date at the top of this site, kindly provided by a legendary Mudge named (I think) Dean (apologies to all if I got that wrong), I can get some of them. Otherwise, I can’t get access until midnight, my time.

http://yo-god.com/comics/sundaycomics.htm?20080831
Poteet
January 14th, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

# 82 Chatty — Yes, I thought of that too! The goat in this case was appealing and brown and posed well for the TV camera — SFMTK would have loved it:-).
ar_d
January 14th, 2009 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

Hooray! Giant pancakes! Oh wait, those aren’t on the table, they’re in the foreground :\

I know it’s been said before, but darn the failed attempts at perspective and depth in Mark Trail. This strip would be so much better if it did involve Godzilla-sized animals looming over miniature cabins and Flintstones-sized proportions of breakfast foods, but I always end up disappointed.
Redwood
January 14th, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

Now, I realize that I’m a bit new at this (first time posting here), and that I have virtually no experience with Funky Winkerbean, but the look on the coaches face in the second and third panel…

Should it look so creeper?
un malpaso
January 14th, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

FW: Ha, “dash of bleak” is a great way to describe Funky Winkerbean.
I think everyone could use a dash of bleak from time to time; it stiffens the spine and fortifies the humors. But I prefer to get my daily dash of bleak from the trials of everyday life. It tastes less processed that way.
texas buddha
January 14th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

At least we know from the Shoe cartoon that these nondescript books are in fact “new”, which rules out used book stores.

Judging from the philosophical question the Wizard seems to be pondering, I hope he is buying a title on Alzhiemer’s Disease or some other tome dealing with dementia.
Joe Blevins
January 14th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

I’m trying to reconstruct the creative process behind this Shoe, and I think it went something like this: “Hmmm… the phrases ‘parallel parking’ and ‘parallel universe’ both start with the word ‘parallel.’ That’s something, right? Maybe not the strongest premise, but I’ve gotta crank out 365 of these things a year. It’ll do. Okay, now how do I convey that weak, semi-joke in the most convoluted, roundabout way possible? And is there some way to involve an anthropomorphic bird wizard pondering the unanswerable mysteries of life itself while loitering at a Borders? The end result should read something like a collaboration between J.R.R. Tolkien and Andy Rooney, if at all possible.”
Art Vandelay
January 14th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

Funny Papers Non-Sequitur Dialogue That No One On Earth Ever Has Said, part ten million: “We’ll get together later. Please do!”
Unnameable Books
January 14th, 2009 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

hey, actually: i own a bookstore that just says “BOOKS” in the window. and i read this blog every day. so stop making fun of me!

This strip is actually a very accurate representation of daily life at the store: being accosted by strange, lonely men with cliched “jokes” that they think are really clever for some reason.

by the way, it’s the same bookstore that was on the cover of the New Yorker summer fiction issue: Adrian Tomine used to live next door.
Spunky N. Tadpole
January 14th, 2009 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

#60 – sugarpie:

Strange as it may seem, no: you haven’t missed anything in Sally Forth: the whole Aria/Ted/Sally brouhaha seems to have just slewed off after 1/10/09 into just another workplace wry-fest (I know, I had to re-view last week’s strips too just to be sure something hadn’t been deleted).

Too bad, because the combination of Ted’s cluelessness and Sally’s jealous bitchiness was shaping up to be one of the rare glimpses of real human nature/interesting plotline we’ve seen in SF. As well as a rich source of snark for we ‘Mudgeons. Oh well…
Chance
January 14th, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

That Shoe…. That Beetle Bailey….

I realize there are more important things in the world to get exercised about, but man, the dinosaur strips are just ugly stupid monsters cutting off the head of Creativity and pissing down its bloody neckstump, aren’t they?

They’re sitting on a big pile of cash money, and they’re going to sit there drooling and growing more complacent and dumber until one day for whatever reason their great-great-great-grandsons refuse to scrawl their characters in under an ancient unrelated joke one more time. And no one else can get in the door because they’ve blocked it up with the desecrated corpses of Humor and Art.

I mean, in any given panel of Ozy & Millie, or Out There, or Starslip Crisis, or Questionable Content, or Order of the Stick, or even Player vs. Player, there is more care and consideration and humor than legacy strips like Ziggy put in over a decade.

Oooh! I just… Grr! Ooh!
sugarpie
January 14th, 2009 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

#104 Spunky. Thanks! I’m baffled, and I’m sort of pissed off too.

Since he had a good story working, it seems like he’d stick with it . Lord knows you can’t get the excrutiating, mind numbingly boring strips (and you know who you are MW) to abandon anything (well, I guess RM,DB has abandoned any pretentions of caring where his ~~beard~~ wife and ugly daughter have gone). Perverse, perverse, perverse.
PapaFrita
January 15th, 2009 at 3:38 am [Reply]

I think Josh just subtly called someone in each comic a whore. Well, except Mark Trail, but you could argue that he didn’t need to.
Healthy Breakfast
January 15th, 2009 at 3:45 am [Reply]

If this Beetle Bailey merely suggests hot Army buggery, try to imagine the pan-and-scan version of panel two, which makes it much more explicit: You can’t tell that Beetle is holding a football (he could be holding onto anything–a bedstead, for instance) and Sarge’s look of glassy-eyed determination still makes perfect sense, as do the helmets, in a role-playing-night sort of way.
PeggyGee
January 15th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

I am an aunt several times over and I occasionally forward dumb stuff and I certainly get embarrassed when someone replies to my dumb stuff with “Check out Snopes.com.” Oops But they can take away my AOL email account when they can pry my cold dead fingers off my keyboard. I’ve had the same email account since 1995 back when all the cool kids had AOL accounts. Since then I’ve lived in seven different houses in six different states. Now that it’s considered very un-cool to have AOL (I hear those snickers around the office when “You’ve Got Mail” sounds from my desktop) I’m feeling peer pressure to change email accounts – even from Josh! But I won’t I tell you. It’s the only consistant address I’ve had most of my adult life! I’ll stay on AOL and await the day when it’s cool again to say with pride “@aol.com.”
Gallowglass
January 15th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

I’m diggin’ the gray uniforms in BB. Very Confederate States of America.
In Light Syrup
January 16th, 2009 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

I haven’t read your blog in a little while… OH MY GOD, I loved your shoe/books rant, above. You have once again made my day.

Thank you.
Christian Counseling
January 19th, 2009 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

People thing that cartoon can easily made but the truth is that cartoons are hard to make than other ordinary things.

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The Wizard of ZZZ

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