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Wednesday quotables

Beetle Bailey, 8/28/13

“I guess he’s a pile of shattered bones and mangled organs, mostly! Aw, Sarge looks kind of sad, like he vaguely regrets beating Beetle to death in a savage frenzy of violence.”

Mark Trail, 8/28/13

“That is a good job, Rusty — and speaking of jobs, isn’t about time you started contributing financially to this household? You’re not an actual blood relation, so it’s not like we have an obligation to keep feeding you free of charge. Say, I hear the new glove factory in town is looking for line workers! They’ll pay you 50 cents an hour and all the irregularly stitched gloves you can fit into a gunny sack!”

Crankshaft, 8/28/13

“I’m not really sure what Rocky Rhodes’s name is supposed to say? I guess it was meant to be punny, years back when we first introduced this character, but who can really remember now.”

Family Circus, 8/28/13

“Mommy, is Grandma a filthy foreigner? Is our bloodline tainted? Can we only be redeemed by cleansing this entire condo complex with purifying fire?”

355 responses to “Wednesday quotables”

  1. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: He’s having trouble finding a stainless steel hook to take the place of his missing right hand. (It was bitten off by Marmaduke!)

  2. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Mary Worse: Being blind as a bat, Mary has to use a special braille pen to write her letter. (Which is why she’s running her fingers over the paper!)

  3. J. Robert Oppenheimer
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    Sarge has just taken the time out to wonder if his beating of Beetle will render the private impotent.

  4. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Because I had to save a person who could have taken the soldiers out easily. Not even the government would send a spy who need to be saved that bad

    A3G-Oh no! Cole’s half of the panel has just disappeared. Did they run out of clip art or did the artist just quit in the middle of drawing?

    Crankshaft-Yes, it does. ‘Ed’ does say a lot of things about the person.

    Gil Thorp-Looks like there is an oil spill at the lake.

    JP-”You should also know how to spell ‘Niger’ correctly. I didn’t at first and well.”

    Love Is-And this one only lasted a few days too. That’s a shame.

    MT-”Rusty caught more fish than I did! That makes you a cheater, Rusty. To prove it before I call the cops I want you to follow yourself around getting some proof and try not to kidnap yourself.”

    MT 2-Why are you blushing, Doc? Is ‘fixing fences’ a euphemism for something else?

    MW-”Don’t fire Shannon or I’ll be forced to leave Aggie’s head in your bed.”

    Archie-I too enjoy the beauty of nature. Betty, Veronica, why don’t you two uncover the beauty of the nature.

  5. debussy fields
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    MT– “A few of the fences around Lost Forest”? How many fences around Lost Forest do they need? Just one, fully electrified and with plenty of razor wire, would suffice, if its only purpose is to keep Cherry in.

  6. Chareth Cutestory
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe” is a traditional English counting rhyme for children. Its called a smartphone, its called Wikipedia–come on Billy.

  7. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Beat O’Bailey: Sarge decides Beat is made of pureed slugs and snails and puppy-dogs’ tails.

  8. pugfuggly
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    MT Hmmm…I always pictured the lost forest as a slice of real american wilderness, but now I find that it’s actually surrounded by a fence? I wonder if that’s to keep the mustachioed villains out, or to keep the enormous animals in? Probably a bit of both.

    C’shaft Does his name really say it it all? “Yep that’s Ed ‘Crankshaft’: he reciprocates linear piston motion into rotation with the best of them. That’s why we keep him under the hood of the bus.”

    FC Even though she has a whole plate of cookies, Grandma prefers to pick one child at random and give the lot to them. Just to see what happens.

    I like this grandma….!

  9. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Luann-Guess who’s frideged?

  10. Andrew
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Isn’t the 3rd panel referring to Crankshaft, since he’s the one introduced in the previous panel? And in that case, I guess the joke is that Crankshaft is cranky.

  11. Mibbitmaker
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    FC: “It’s heathen language, dear…”

    BBailey: Now being in love with Beetle, Sarge has second thoughts about massacring him after beating him into a plie of person.

    MT: J. Walter Weatherman busts into the dining area and goes to Mark after panel 1: “That’s why you don’t take Rusty fishing!”

    MT, meta: “More whatever applies to making gloves, mule!”

    Crank: Rocky Rhodes is a name like Funky Winkerbean is a name: stuck in a world of Batiukian dispair where it no longer belongs.

  12. Little Blue Bicycle
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    Cherry: “You know, Mark, I never thought you’d take Rusty fishing.”
    Mark: “Well, I wanted to show up those Comic Curmudgeon people.”
    Cherry: “Speaking of which, dear, don’t you think it’s time we consummate the marriage? We’ve been married since 1993.”
    Mark: Well…I suppose. Hmmm. I’ll get Doc to take Rusty out to Lost Forest.”
    Cherry: “Thanks, Comics Curmudgeon!”

  13. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#y323): One Big Happy: After her sword was stolen, the thief sold it to a fence.

    Fortunately, the sword-thief was caught and arrested. While being led away in handcuffs, the miscreant was heard to exclaim: “Curses, foiled again!”

  14. Little Blue Bicycle
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    By the way, someone (not me) has added this to the Wikipedia Mark Trail list of characters: “Catfish – The evil villain of the comic and the ultimate arch nemesis of the most honorable Mark Trail.”

  15. Ratiocinator
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    ASM: “Speak English so that he won’t annoy us by wondering out loud what we’re saying every other sentence.”

    RMMD: No no no, I’d actually like to see that billboard thing, Rex. Moreover: give me a universe where Sarah’s horsie drawings turn her into a celebrity with throngs of adoring fans, and where she does the late night talk circuit, and where she lives a life of excess and dies of an overdose at the tender age of nine.

    Slylock: You big, stupid jellyfish!

  16. revenge4Aldo
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    MT: If Rusty ends up saying “No cents, no fence,” my life will be complete.

  17. Flonatin of Bologna
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Jeff MacNelly is rolling in his grave because Whatzisname Brookins doesn’t understand the difference between a leading and a trailing economic indicator.

  18. Mibbitmaker
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#11): *PILE of person.

    Pile of “pile” on my above comment.

  19. Tom, the Sailor Man
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    And at the far end, Ed Crankshaft. He puts ketchup on innapropriate things.

  20. Widdle Jeffy
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    When this strip first ran in 1968 the caption read ‘Mommy, what languageis eeny,meeny, miny,mo. Catch a n***** by the toe.”

    Grandma was a racist then and she still is one today. Adk anyone, she has the whitest sheets on the block..

  21. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Ol’ Doc looks positively embarrassed to be asking for Rusty’s help. Look at him, he’s blushing. WHAT could fences be a euphemism for?

  22. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    MT: Mmm, pizza and coffee, that classic combination!

    A3G: A guy who gets all pissy at the notion that Luann might have a life independent of him? This one’s a keeper, Luann!

    ASM: Tarantula saves Spidey’s sorry ass, and then he’s kind enough to insist that his friends not use their native language for Spider-Man’s sake. So I guess a snotty wisecrack is an appropriate response on Spidey’s part.

    MW: I enjoy the panels in which Mary is revealed as a shrunken, hunched-over old woman. It’s clear that she’s removed her hale-and-hearty meddler costume, which obscures the grim, desiccated hag worn to a nub by her all-consuming addiction to human suffering.

  23. Downpuppy
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#13): Epee, Yezpitelok?

    Fence repair in woody areas tends to involve lots of poison ivy & oak. I can’t wait to see how hideous Rusty gets.

  24. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#13): I used to date a woman who took up fencing as a hobby. She named her sword “Kitty Foil” after her favorite Ginger Rogers film.

  25. McManx
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Family Circus — Now we know from which side of the family the children get their freakishly oversize heads. Grandma’s!

    Dennis the Menace — Dennis is striking a sure ’nuff “don’t fuck with me, Mom” pose in today’s segment. Sort of menacing in a “Cool Hand Luke” sort of way. Time to get Mr. Wilson to put on his best Strother Martin imitation and commit this little bastard to the box for a week.

    Pluggers — Is the part really discontinued or is this yet another example of dog bigotry to cats? I mean, if the dog-man’s response doesn’t scream “get the hell outta my store, we don’t serve your kind around here” I just don’t know what does.

  26. Dennis Jimenez
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    BB – Panel one could be a before and after ad for a cosmetic surgery outfit….

    MT – And speaking of jobs – [insert blowjob snark here]….

    Crank – Um – I’m still going with ED as the medically recognized nomenclature for erectile disfunction….

    FC – Bing-Bang-Walla-Walla-Bing-Bang….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  27. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#13): One Big Happy: After her sword was stolen, the thief sold it to a fence.

    Fortunately, the sword-thief was caught and arrested. While being led away in handcuffs, the miscreant was heard to exclaim: “Curses, foiled again!”

    // Sorry if this is a riposte.[*]

  28. Dan
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    “Rusty caught more fish than I did!”
    “Well, you’re the man of the house now Rusty. Start putting up a few fences while I call Woods and Wildlife and arrange your new column. Cherry, I think our new patriarch would like some coffee?”

  29. pugfuggly
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    A3G Whoa! Plots colliding! Now Peter is going be jealous ‘cuz Lu Ann will be thinking of Cole, who’s concerned about his daughter Marty who’s being led astray by Tori, even though Peter himself is hiding the fact that he’s started an affair with Zoey like Margo who is still pining over the loss of HOLY CRAP HOW CAN SOMETHING THIS COMPLEX STILL MANAGE TO BE SO BORING!

    Archie likes bedding virgins. Jughead has a disturbing home life.

    H&L “Here’s a tip: never try to cheat a guy on the internet if you don’t know where he lives or what mob he might be a part of. They’ll take your eyes the *that*”

    JP “Abbey, I’m a little sick of having to explain the internet to you again and again. Can I please just talk to Thalia?”

    MW Is there a name for the medical condition where you have to retract your neck to gain fine motor control in your fingers? Tortoise dyspraxia, maybe?

    RMMD …and the negotiations continued long into the night…

    SM “No fair, you get a sexy latin woman and I get this bearded scarface? Well, I guess I’ll take what I can get. Come over here amigo and give me some sugar…”

  30. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Nancy: She’s not talking about popcorn in panel three. She’s talking about silicone.

  31. TheDiva
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: “Hey Andy, why don’t you have a punny name, huh? Who the Hell hired you?”

    The more I look at Mary Marzipan (ha-ha-ha) the more I’m reminded of Miss Preen, the nurse in The Man Who Came to Dinner who after weeks of dealing with the arrogant and insulting title character gives up her ambition of helping humanity and goes to work in a munitions plant. Except I don’t think Mary’s inevitable Crankshaft-related breakdown will be quite as funny.

    MT: “Well, that was your one fishing trip for your lifetime, Rusty, I hope you enjoyed it! Now chop-chop, it’s back to work!”

  32. LP2004
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    MT: Thanks to TRMT for keeping with tradition, and closing out this latest story arc with a variation on the classic “Cherry pours coffee” panel. Although, as bourbon babe, unbuckled (#22) points out, that’s not the beverage most people normally associate with pizza.

  33. S. Stout
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Luann: Who are those shadow people in the background? Are they new characters? Show them instead! Stop showing us the same awful, typecast characters!

  34. Eric
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    “His name pretty much says it all. That’s what happens when you’re a title character and your name has been chosen for its evocative qualities.”

    “A name chosen by his creator, by the way, the same person who’s making fun of the name now. Actually building the day’s gag out of calling attention to that name’s connotations as though they’re some kind of delightfully appropriate accident is a sign that our Maker is just about out of ideas and our fictional universe should soon contract into a merciful nothingness.”

    If Batiuk were Dickens we’d have lines like “Whoa, his name is Murdstone? Where’d that come from? With a name like that he must be a dick, amiright?”

  35. Crankenstank
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Even more priceless: Grandma appears to be in the process of choosing one, and only one, of her grandchildren to receive a cookie. Life is random, Billy, and your status as favorite grandchild depends on a coin flip. Enjoy that cookie.

  36. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: Panel two is this entire strip in a nutshell: no corner has been left uncut. Gin and tonic time!

  37. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#29): Re A3G: Boring?! DON’T EVER SAY TH-click!

  38. Gary
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft – is it me or does Mary look like she wants to crank Ed’s shaft in panel #2?

  39. The Ridger
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    MT: Gotta say, Rusty’s expression in panel two sure looks like he’s expecting Doc to finish by telling to go out and get a real job. No wonder he’s so happy just to be told to fix a few fences.

  40. Esther Blodgett
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Zits: Just so everyone can get on with their day, Precocious Daughter counted, and there is exactly the right number of “do do dooo’s” for the Jeopardy theme song.

  41. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    The Better Half: No, no, no. The antidepressants come with the fluoridated water. That’s why it’s a government plot. The toothpaste has a mood stabilizer, and if you buy Crest®, an anti-psychotic as well. (I think it’s Risperdal.)

  42. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    MT – Thanks to TRMT Cherry has finally done away with those dainty tea cups and has surprised Mark and Pop by buying them some real coffee mugs!

  43. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#15): Slylock: It does my heart good to see a friendly jellyfish teaching young readers about nature, self-esteem and health.

  44. TheDiva
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    9CL: Three weeks of sexual exploitation followed up by an attempt to satirize sexual exploitation in society. Yep, sounds about right for this strip.

    A3G: I thought he was supposed to randomly disappear after his plot arc was over?

    BRSG: It was funnier when Larson did it.

    FW: Contains less than 2% RDA of actual humor.

    Phantom: “Mostly yes, since all the other guys are dead.”

    Pibgorn: Great, now Brooke’s ruining tango for me.

    SM: Yeah, he’s a resistance fighter in a cruel police state whose every hour is a battle for survival, but that’s no excuse to be cranky about it!

  45. Nekrotzar
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Grandma is deciding which of the children will be allowed to survive

  46. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    “And at the far end, Ed Crankshaft. His name pretty much says it all. He’s able to convert piston strokes into rotation. What I’m saying is, I wish he’d die horribly of a stroke.”

  47. Nekrotzar
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @Andrew (#10) :
    The joke is that Ed Crankshaft is very well endowed.

  48. Kristian
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Too many permutations. Is his first name “Edward”? Is that the part that “says it all”? Is he a senator? Does he have scissor hands? Or … are we allow to abbreviate any way we like?

    -They says ‘shaft is one mean ….
    -We agree!
    -I’m talking ’bout Crankshaft.
    -We know!

  49. Ed Dravecky
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    As a fellow Ed, I resent the implication that Crankshaft’s name is “all you need to know” about him. Also, I resent sharing even that much with this loathsome character.

  50. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    @Kristian (#48): Talking about ‘Shaft!
    Hush your mouth!

  51. debussy fields
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    FC– This grandma is different from the Keanes’ other one. This one doesn’t spout little life lessons all the time. Instead, she demonstrates life lessons in concrete ways. Today, for instance, she isn’t using the eeny-meeny method to see who’s first to choose a cookie from the plate. No. The winner of the game gets ALL the cookies and the others get none. Life lesson.

  52. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    If Love is…: NOT meant to be lived in the past, why is she fusting about looking at a huge stack of photo albums? Shouldn’t that be, oh, travel brochures or something?

  53. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    I dunno what’s stranger in today’s Mary Worth: Mary’s hump in panel one, or the number of buttons on the telephone in panel two. Either way, if the aliens move out of Roswell and into Tucson, she’s set.

  54. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#41): The antidepressants come with the fluoridated water. That’s why it’s a government plot. The toothpaste has a mood stabilizer, and if you buy Crest®, an anti-psychotic as well.

    Gosh, you sure did learn a lot in seminary, Right Ven.!

  55. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: It isn’t that kind of fencing, you old fool. Mark and Cherry want Rusty to get a job as a fencing dummy for OBH’s Cylene.

    (It’s serendipitous that One Big Happy* also has a fencing theme today!)

    *The version of OBH at creators.com

  56. Doctor Handsome
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Why do I feel like Billy is coming across as a henchman from the 60′s Batman show? Is it the barber-pole muscle shirt he’s wearing? The cryptic riddle he’s delivering? Or is it the Special Guest Villain hypnotizing kids in the background, who I vaguely recognize as a panelist from the Match Game or something in drag?

  57. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Okay, to make up for all of my awful one-liners today, here’s some reader service, courtesy of today DailyInk vintage archive: Buz Sawyer from 1950, and an entertainingly out-of-context panel from Juliet Jones from 1956.

  58. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#54): Seminary? Certainly not! I “learned” all that from you pinheads!

  59. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Wow, this gets more ridiculous every day.

    So, they are going to use billboards, etc. – a huge marketing campaign centered, not on the museum, but on a 5YO girl and her drawings of horses. And the manager of the campaign decided to throw out any kind of audition or contest process and just hand the campaign over to the first person to walk into her office, with no background check on the parents or discussion of the real implications? Why does an art museum think that some precocious 5YO is their best marketing pull to get patrons to buy tickets? Will Sawah have to work at the museum so that they can view her ‘process’ and ask for autographs?

  60. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#59): This story is shaping up to be about the perils of snorting coke while working at the art museum, you wait and see.

  61. Droopy Says
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @Liam (y#347): Don’t let it keep you from making any off-the-cuff-remarks.

  62. Peanut Gallery
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    love is… remembering all those “stranded on a tiny island with one palm tree” cartoons you used to do back when you were in vaudeville.

  63. Ian Beste
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#57): (Cue Tex Avery-style SFX) Ah ooo GAH! Wooo hooo! (Wolf whistle)

  64. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    GF: the return of ginger alewife, now an energy drink.

    JS: could be construed as a “Take THAT!” to the limited scope of most family strips.

    SBp: well, that might explain the 70′s. [*]

    Bizarro: ewwwwww.

    JP: ok, once she spots the kidnappers on google Earth, does she call Milton, or Hannalore’s dad, to unleash the precisely targeted orbital bombardment?

    SF: Jon doesn’t know any Spencer/Driver/Morgans.

  65. Odie Odo
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    MT: I like how Mark and Cherry’s old family Bible sits surrounded by the detritus of breakfast. I also think the otter skin cover is a nice touch.

  66. Doctor Handsome
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    I’m still unsure what the exact joke in Crankshaft is, but it’s apparently a world-class cock-block. Check out the white-haired lady. She looks ready to jump Ed’s bones in panel 2, but then the “punchline” horrifies her for some reason, and Crankshaft goes from standard Old Jerk angry to Cruelly-Blueballsed angry.

  67. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . remembering those vacations at Hedonism.

  68. sally
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    MT: Also, that is one tiny pizza for four people. The coffee must be for appetite suppression.

  69. Écureuil Écumant
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Krankenschaft: “Yep, his name pretty much says it all. We were in the bedroom porkin’ away one night, and a cold breeze blew in the open window and chilled his ass. He went to slam the window down without paying attention and … well … it’s looked like a crankshaft ever since.”

  70. the REAL Mark Trail
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#32): … and I have to admit; I LOVE BEER AND PIZZA! speaking of pizza… can ANYONE tell me what it says on the pizza box?

  71. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Arlo & Janis: Poor Arlo. It seems he’s lost his hands and his legs below the knee. On the bright side, he’s learned to levitate what remains of his body

  72. Écureuil Écumant
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Widdle Jeffy (#20): And what a special day for him to choose that particular rhyme…

  73. aphthakid
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: So, Grandma has a huge platter full of cookies but she’s doing einee meenie to determine which child gets to have one? Nice.

  74. geogreg
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#70):

    I noticed those pizza box letters myself, and I was trying to decipher them. The best I could come up with is “Atlas Pizza” (I’m pretty confident in the “pizza”, not so much the “atlas”). Now I’m wondering if you’re asking this as a challenge, or if you yourself don’t know!

  75. Droopy Says
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#70): You don’t know what it says? You’re just inviting those artist jokes, aren’t you?

  76. Odie Odo
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Today we learn that Walker is the leader of an elite group of jungle warriors called the “Black Eyed P’s”!

  77. Lily Sincere
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    I generally try to avoid “Crankshaft” (for obvious reasons), but I wondered about the woman conducting the introductions. From the comments, I gather her given name is Mary, but is her surname “Crankenpuss”? I do know that “Crankshaft” isn’t long on subtlety.

  78. Droopy Says
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @geogreg (#74): It looked like “Atlas Pizza” to me, too. Maybe TRMT is trying to place the scene in the Project Mercury era.

  79. CanuckDownSouth
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#70): ATLA-backwards’C’ PIZZA = mangled “Atlas Pizza”?

    MW: Mary suggested this, not Shannon, and her non-specificity is unlikely to help. Without explaining why Shannon’s words were straightforwardly a positive suggestion and that it would be unreasonable to interpret them as critical*, there is at least a case that Shannon needs better training in running a support-group-esque activity. The only question is whether Mary is consciously or unconsciously setting up Shannon so that she can meddle the entire Pax spa management…

    *I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all. It’s very easy to be upset, have someone say “look at the past for causes” and think it’s about you doing something wrong.

  80. Écureuil Écumant
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Brookie’s 9CL/Pibgorn/books Trilateral Axis of Evil seems to have evolved into the Classic Comics edition of the Complutensian Polyglot, to wit:

    Hebrew (Pib): Brookie’s Alex Portnoid neuroses and kinks on parade.
    Vulgate (9CL): He’ll use the Latin term whenever possible, e.g. “fututrix”.
    Greek (books): As in, why anyone would publish this dreck is sure Greek to me.

  81. geogreg
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Dang, another challenge to come up with a more interesting caption:

    “Cats are filthy, disgusting creatures. He’s doing the town a favor by dumping them at sea.”
    “My wife said I was an idiot for spending the money to get a passenger certificate for a garbage scow. I guess she was right; cats don’t have money.”
    “Maybe it’s the cats’ song, but now’s as good a time as any to tell you: I love you, Hank.”

  82. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#76): wa.l.ker is also a founding member of the Black Eyed P’s (along with will.i.am and apl.de.ap).

  83. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    a puppy so kewt it could bring a smile to Wiley Miller.

    as seen in The Far Side.

    slowsquee.

    the crossover that you never expected.

    ikkle otter pup. (further proof that otters are big wet weasels! ferrets do the same thing when snoozing.)

    corgsqui.

    a dance partner for Poteet.

    suddenly, foxes.

  84. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#70): hat tip to your favorite pizza joint? the logo should be a guy carrying a really big pizza on his shoulder

    (thank *god* it wasn’t from Montoni’s)

  85. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#60): This story is shaping up to be about the perils of snorting coke while working at the art museum, you wait and see.

    Does this mean we get to see Widdle Sawah, in her windowed artist’s studio inside the museum, screaming at the patrons and smashing the furniture? “WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT!? NO SHOW TODAY! HOW CAN I FIND MY MUSE WHEN YOU PLEBES WON’T STOP GAWKING!?” while Mrs. Lanning barks instructions over the intercom: “More horses, mule!!”?

  86. NoahSnark
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Sarge is sniffing his finger to see which of Beetle’s organs it has been stuck in. He suspects he missed the spleen last round and doesn’t want to be accused of playing favorites.

  87. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#44): re BRSG: is that Bob the Angry Flower?

  88. Jon I Am
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#59):

    Not only that, but the contract is being set up so that there are no guarantees that Sawah is bothered to actually produce any art in a reasonable time frame.

    Family Circus: Ah…nothing like a rousing game of Russian Roulette with grandma!

  89. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MT: Now remember, the way to eat pizza and coffee is to dunk the pizza in the coffee. Don’t worry if you slop a litte coffee, you can slurp it out of the saucer. Oops, no saucer! Well, you may then lick the table.

  90. the REAL Mark Trail
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @geogreg (#74): damn Greg, that was FAST!

    @Droopy Says (#78): nice job Droopy!

    @CanuckDownSouth (#79): WAY TO GO!

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#84): Jim… GREAT CALL… and speaking of a big guy holding a giant pizza… it IS INDEED ATLAS PIZZA! it is my FAVORITE pizza here… and (if Josh doesn’t mind) here’s a look at the ACTUAL place (Jim, check out their logo) …
    http://www.atlaspizza.org/

  91. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#63): You know, if Brooke McEldowney could draw that well, I might take him seriously as an artist. Or I might not.

  92. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

  93. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#85): maybe we’ll get to see Rex and June feverishly working into the night, drawing horsies and hole-ly gingerbread men to fulfill the contract (or at least keep the advance), after Sarah’s complete loss of interest in the project

  94. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#90): cool! I like those storefront kind of places

  95. JudeMorrigan
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    9CL: Gah! Even setting aside the idiocy of the whole “being scantily-clad is a super-important part of your legal defense”, why would the lawyer think that was the right time to ask that question. I mean, versus when she first showed up at the courtroom? Or possibly during the break when Fluerrie asked Edda what she had been doing?

  96. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#93):

    Rex and June working feverishly into the night? Ha, ha, no. That’ll be the nanny’s job.

  97. Downpuppy
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#90): Oh, man – I was sure it was HTLR’S PIZZA & the next plot was about insane mountain militiamen.

  98. Talking Magpie
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Minstrel Man (#y328): Buck up, old bean. You haven’t been the same since your minstrel-cycle was stolen!

  99. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#96): you’re right, of course. I just had the visuals so well mapped out in my head, Rex and June all pissed off at each other… “you think that’s a horse? looks like a constipated dinosaur!” and “oh, right, smart guy – you just got done treating a constipated dinosaur – why didn’t you ask *Milton* if we should sign this contract?” while Sarah sleeps the night away

  100. debussy fields
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    MT– Atlas Pizza’s claim to fame: “The only pizza delivered cold, and in a rectangular box!”

  101. Commissioner Jim Gordon, GCPD
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey or Court-martial Funnies: Haha! It’s funny because, in whatever alternate timeline Mort Walker hails from, it’s commonplace for buck privates in the United States Army to mouth off to their platoon sergeants, who return the favor by beating them into a coma in full view of the entire post and in violation of half the articles of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. By my best estimate this is only the 1,716th time in the history of the strip that Walker has trotted out this particular trope. It wasn’t funny in 1959 and it isn’t funny now. I get mildlly depressed thinking of all the talented and innovative young cartoonists who can’t get their foot in the door because it’s far less effort for the syndicates to keep distributing legacy strips to their dwindling lists of dead-tree newspaper clients.

  102. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#90):

    Let’s see. Hey! They got a Philly Cheese Steak pizza complete with grilled Philly meat.

    Ewwww.

  103. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Jon I Am (#88): the contract is being set up so that there are no guarantees that Sawah is bothered to actually produce any art in a reasonable time frame

    If this wasn’t a Wilson, strip, I would dispute that conclusion. Museum Lady has a “standard contract” with clauses requring a certain GPA be maintained, that the young artist participate in billboard and magazine marketing campaigns, and that financial penalties be assessed for failure to meet deadlines. When the parents object, the museum lady waves her hands and assures them that this is just a standard contract, that she will be flexible in its enforcement, and that she will talk to other departments about maybe being flexible as well. Anywhere else, these would be huge red flags.

    The only way to end this consistently with the way Wilson strips work is for the parents to reject the deal, then explain it to Widdle Sawah, who assures them that she could easily have produced the work, in fact she has completed all the needed drawings that morning, but is relieved that now she can move on to focusing her attention on controlling her new brother.

  104. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Whew! What a relief. So far nobody has mentioned a oblempray with they antspay!

  105. CanuckDownSouth
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#96): Well, it *was* the nanny who talked this whole thing up…

    This bit of RMMD lends itself to counting all the missed opportunities for more interesting storylines, like adults misjudging kindergartener talent & attention span and sputtering over how to do the books or discovering that Sawah can’t plot or write anything just because she can draw horsies. It could be a snarky look at the art world version of stage parents, or of ‘helicopter’ parenting where Sawah just can’t fail, so they ‘help’ (do it for) her. But that would require some plotting coherence to see the story building up. It’s a lot easier to have day 1; drawing is fun! I will take some to the museum! 2: look at my drawings! 3: I love your drawings – can you do a book for us? (Between 2 and 3 there should be an underwear-gnome ‘???’ step.) Could some of the crappy stories of insta-rewards be due to newspaper strip limitations where you have to expect people to come in at various points and miss bits and pieces?

  106. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Luann— “It depends on your meaning of ‘wet’.”

  107. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#99):

    Well, there is fun in that. But think of it as Rex and June looking over the nanny’s shoulder as she’s working away with Rex and June arguing because one of them likes the work the nanny’s doing and the other thinks it’s a bunch of crap.

  108. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#104): “Whew! What a relief. So far nobody has mentioned a oblempray with they antspay!”

    I hate it when they antspay, It’s always less than minimum wage.

  109. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    FC: It’s fun when Grandma renames her grandchildren.

  110. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#108):

    But we need the antspay to keep down the ant population.

  111. Will
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    MT: So that was the great dinosaur/Rusty goes fishing storyline? Maybe one strip of fishing, a bunch of totally not clip-art dinosaurs, two days of Rusty dreaming he was being chased by a T-Rex, and then the family dinner wrapup? This made Mary Worth’s vacation storyline seem positively thrilling by comparison.

  112. sldawgs
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#33): Luann: Who are those shadow people in the background? Are they new characters? Show them instead! Stop showing us the same awful, typecast characters!

    I think the closest two are Luann and Bernice from the silhouettes, farther back is probably Gunth and Rosa with someone, probably Tiffany. So what I am saying is that they are all the same awful, typcast characters. At least Knute and Chrystal are not Luann and {insert name here}.

  113. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    9CL— “Dr. Sprocket, if that sweet little Miley Cyrus can whore it up in public, so can you.”

  114. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @Will (#111):

    But it was quick. Run and done. Kind of like showing “Posh Nosh” at the end of a British program on PBS when they have an extra five minutes left over.

  115. Will
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Oh, and I forgot, GT: Check out the moovles in panel two. It appears that Tip has launched himself out of the water to do that backward somersault. I doubt even an Olympian could pull that off successfully.

  116. Kevin on Earth
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    ASM: so is scarface speaking as though Spidey isn’t even there or is he just so stupid that he wouldn’t voice his suspicions in brackets?

    ASM2: what are the odds that just about everyone in the resistance is bilingual?

  117. Kristian
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#62): … and, judging from the dilated pupils, were high as freakin’ kites.

  118. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#110): But we need the antspay to keep down the ant population.

    They use very, very tiny scalpels. It’s not easy being a small insect vet.

  119. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#105): This bit of RMMD lends itself to counting all the missed opportunities for more interesting storylines

    Every Wilson strip is an exercise in counting the missed opportunities for interesting storylines with actual dramatic tension that were instead resolved by having everyone instantly love the protagonists and fall all over themselves to give them free stuff. “I can see you are a man of integrity who I trust with my life based on our two minute conversation, which on your end consisted of ‘Hello, I’m Sam Driver’. Let me sign this contract without reading it, write out a check, and then we can go fishing together!”

  120. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#110): But we need the antspay to keep down the ant population.

    Without it, how do I avoid that problem with the ants in my pants?

  121. Kristian
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#69): Huh. Of all the places to find a Laurence Stern reference …

  122. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#110) said: “But we need the antspay to keep down the ant population.”

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#118) replied: “They use very, very tiny scalpels. It’s not easy being a small insect vet.”

    9CL—This sounds like a job for Fleurry Sprocket. After she loses her license for incompetence and general assholiness, she can open an illegal antspay mill.

  123. the REAL Mark Trail
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Will (#111): Will, I explained in a post a few days ago that I wanted the storylibe to go a little longer, yet Jack felt that dinosaurs appearing in the daily storyline might confuse folks. So, sadly it was kept brief. It is my hope that Rusty will be allowed to “dream again from time to time”.

  124. Duke of Earl Grey
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Judging by P.J.’s stunned reaction to “eeny, meeny, miny, mo”, I have to wonder if Grandma is still saying it the way she heard it growing up, before “a tiger” replaced the n-word as the one whose toe is being caught.

  125. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#120):

    Oops, you’re in trouble now. I wouldn’t want the problem you’ll have in your pants (dang!).

  126. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#122):

    …assholiness

    A donkey pope?

  127. Tom
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#26):

    …Just take out Doc’s word-balloon in panel 3. With the expression on his face, Rusty’s slack-jawed expression in panel 2, and Rusty’s reply in panel 3, the snark just implies itself.

    Luann: “Look at me, Knute. Do I look like someone who wants to get frothy crude oil all over her? Just look at what’s in that pool!”

    Baldo: …ugh. So true. 8-(

  128. Flipper
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    A3G: Panel two is unfinished because Frank Bolle was fired for showing a bit of LuAnn below the waist in panel one.

  129. Downpuppy
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#123): Let Rusty dream of eclectic sheep.

  130. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Commissioner Jim Gordon, GCPD (#101): It mildly depresses me that Greg Walker doesn’t try to do something more with the admittedly worn-out platform he’s inherited. It *really* depresses me that “Beetle Bailey” takes up space something fresher could be

  131. Irrischano
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Eeny, meeny, miny, med, catch a Keane kid by their melon-head.

  132. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#129): better yet, GOATS!

  133. Marc
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    Luann- Greg Evans loves to draw minors in skimpy bikinis. No, there’s nothing creepy about that…..

  134. Ben Wasabi
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Minstrel Man (#y328): Wasn’t “Molly Pratchett” an American southern rock/hard rock band from Florida?

    The rock band “Molly Pratchett” was named after the mother of Academy Award-winning actress Cate Pratchett.

  135. Braniff
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#51): @jim, some guy in iowa (#130): On the other hand, what would happen if Beetle Bailey were to be promoted to corporal–or you’d be better sitting down–join the Army’s special forces (either the Rangers, Delta Force or the Green Berets)? I have a feeling that Greg Walker is in a bit of a bind here.

  136. Braniff
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Braniff (#135): My apologies for including entry #51 by mistake. Could the moderator please remove this? Thanks.

  137. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#122): I think the word you’re looking for is assholery.

  138. Perky Bird
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: Poor Grandma’s dementia is kicking in, and she can’t remember the names of her grandkids, so she’s just calling them Eenie, Meenie, Minee, and Moe. Tomorrow, they’ll be Rufus, Goofus, Doofus, and Poop-us.

  139. Perky Bird
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#137): Or maybe he means “assholiness” as a form of extreme self-righteousness. It would work.

  140. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#137):

    Assholery – The art of decorating assholes.

  141. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#140): I’ve seen that movie. . . . .

  142. Ben Wasabi
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: “Rodrigo” is really Luther von Liebchen from Germany’s Heidelberg University, which explains the dueling scar. He was also Cylene’s fencing instructor (under the name “Ray Sunshine”) in One Big Happy before
    he joined the rebels in Costa Verde.

  143. aphthakid
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    LUANN: I keep waiting for Batman to show. I assume they’ve had an origin story at some point for the industrial accident that turned Knute’s hair grey, permanently welded glasses and a hat to his head and froze his face in that horrific expression and that the others tolerate his gooberish antics because they know at any moment he could snap and out come the knives.

  144. astroboy
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    MT – The Mr. Coffee pot was probably originally a tea kettle, but I’m trying to figure out what that ATLAS PIZZA box was in the original strip. A box of Rusty’s fish? A giant Bible? Mark’s testicles?

  145. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#126) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#122):

    …assholiness

    A donkey pope?”

    I’m not touching that one with a 10 foot Papal ferula. However, I’ve heard of a book about a donkey hotey.

  146. The Ridger
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#119): Remember this great – and completely accurate – JP plot summary from bbofun?

    Meanwhile, in Judge Parker, nothing is happening. Still. No, honestly, a few weeks ago I wrote a synopsis of all the things that HAVEN’T happened in this strip, all the foreshadowed drama and danger that has just slid by, unused. And, still, nothing has actually happened! It’s like dramatic structure is being not ignored, but subverted. A negotiation over a screenplay? No, your proposal’s fine. Bad weather looming? No, it cleared up. Surly man behind you in line, who overhears where you are going, and sees how wealthy you are? He’s got somewhere else to be, I guess. Fall down a steep cliff? Land safely, without a scratch. Accidentally discover (and take pictures of) a marijuana farm? The growers just want to take your camera, and have no desire to hurt you, apparently. Lodge closed? They’ll open it for you. Sent down to the wine cellar, leaving your friend alone with the nasty woman who wants to take his camera, and wants you both gone? You find a great bottle of wine, and come back to find them virtually flirting.

    COME ON!

  147. greghousesgf
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    you mean Howard Cosell in drag-looking Grandma actually SAID something?!

  148. Commissioner Jim Gordon, GCPD
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    jim, some guy in iowa,@ #130: you’re correct, with the strip now in Greg Walker’s hands the onus would be on him to do something innovative or at least make the strip relevant to the 21st Century. Sadly, my guess is that Walker Jr., now comfortably seated in the parlor car of this particular gravy train, is not about to risk running it off the rails. How much easier to recycle gags that were stale when LBJ was president and collect those paychecks from the syndicate like clockwork.

  149. Shrug, Speaker to Shrubs
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y308):

    “April is the cruelest month, breeding
    Lilacs out of the dead land, stirring
    Problems with your pants”

    Shouldn’t that be “problems with your plants”?

    just to speed up the killing of the category:

    ////Trigger reports “I have the same trouble with his prance.”

    ///Field Marshall Rommell: “I have the same trouble with my Panzers.”

    ///The Three Men in a Boat team: “We have the same trouble with our punts.”

  150. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Ray? My name isn’t Ray it’s Rodrigo.”

    Spiderman-”So our friend may understand since he refuses to learn our language.”

    Gil Thorp-”The boy was so limp wristed that he couldn’t pick up a megaphone.”

    MW-Mary then goes on to add a bunch of platitudes to the letter making people wonder what the heck she is talking about.

  151. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#137) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#122): I think the word you’re looking for is assholery.”

    @Perky Bird (#139) replied: “@The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#137): Or maybe he means “assholiness” as a form of extreme self-righteousness. It would work.”

    Yeah, that’s what I meant. I rely heavily on the always-authoritative Urban Dictionary.

  152. Dale
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#84):

    How about John Cleese with the complimentary tub of dung on his shoulder?

  153. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    MT-”I can’t wait for you, Rusty, to help me pound some stakes into holes.”

    Beetle Bailey-I think it would be easier and less painful for Beetle if Sarge was given regular Rorschach test.

  154. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Next time, on ‘Mark Trail’: While repairing fences around Lost Forest, Rusty and Doc discover an Aztec treasure map etched into a smooth, flat rock! But they’d better be careful…..Mr. Scruffy Flannel-Shirt Guy and his sidekick, Mr. Oversized-Jawbone Man have been searching for this same map for YEARS and are now cooking up a plot to steal it and eliminate Doc and Rusty! Will the bad guys succeed? Will Doc and Rusty find the treasure? Will Mark swoop in out of nowhere to the rescue? Will Cherry keep putting up with Mark’s bullshit? Will Miley Cyrus perform on-stage again?? Kids, tune in next week for the exciting answers! Same Trail-Time, same Trail-Channel!!”

  155. Shrug, Ass It Were
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#126):

    Term of “respect” used by an underling to Emperor Wang in the movie FLESH GORDON, as I recall…

  156. Shrug, Counsel for de Fence
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#5):

    MT: About ten adventures back, just after the Sassy Runs Away to the Big City That’s Apparently About a Mile Away and Is Taken In by Kindly Lady Whose Dog Rescue Operation is Opposed by Evil Yuppies Whose Apartment Overlooks Her Yard, Whom Mark Punches, adventure ended (you remember, the first one in which we ever saw Mark carrying a cell phone), Rusty was out scampering around Lost Forest and was shocked to find that their neighbor had just put up a large fence, apparently the first fence to be seen in Lost Forest. This was of course the start of the Politician Who is Mean to His Wife Just Because She Keeps a Deer in the House and Who Invites Party Bigwigs to His Place to Shoot Tame Wildlife, Whom Mark Punches, adventure.

    Apparently Mark and family were influenced by Politician as to decide to put up their own fences in emulation. How long can it be before Mark decides to run for Governor, and invites other comic strip characters to his fenced-in estate to shoot tame wildlife (Andy, Sassy, Rusty….)? The rot is setting in!

    ////Sentimental value, though: I think that “Rusty encounters a huge fence that wasn’t there a couple days before while we was looking everyone in the area for run-away Sassy” strip was the first one I ever snarked on here.

  157. Calico
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Fc – It’s the language of Quentin Tarantino, Billy. Be very afraid.

    Oh, and here’s one for Rusty. Too bad he couldn’t join Charlie for this trip.
    http://www.tmz.com/2013/08/28/charlie-sheen-half-otter-man-alaska-kooshdakhaa-kushtaka/

    The insanity continues…

  158. Joe Blevins
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, Mark checks out Cherry’s sweet, sweet lower back. Oh, yeah! I can see someone’s getting adequate lumbar support, baby!

  159. Calico
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#157):
    I wonder if Sheen has ever read “Curtis”, esp. around Kwaanza time.

  160. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#146):

    That Avery plotline may have been the point where the author just stopped caring and decided to phone it in from then on.

    Really, all the elements were the same as in the Dixie Julip/Book Deal plot line. Sam has to negotate a contract. His assistant does all the work. Sam flies out, meets the lead negotiator on the golf course, who immediately agrees to a $100,000 advance without reading the contract (because he instantly trusts Sam without reservation), and writes a check on the spot.

    Except, then the negotiator is shot to death on the golf course. Sam tracks down the deranged stripper who shot him, confronts her, and she ends up dying in a hail of gunfire. Replacing the deranged stripper with a surly innkeeper, and the hail of gunfire with a skunk in the cabin (skunk in the cabin? Oh, it turns out it is a tame pet skunk who has been de-scented means that the story loses a lot.

  161. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    FC-Sounds like ancient high lower Galifreian to me.

  162. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    “And at the far end, Frank Fingerstank.

    “His name says: Waaay too much! His name is also a blunt reminder to not- discriminate and to use Purell when shaking anyone’s hands.”

  163. Dale
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#42):

    MARK TRAIL

    You said “Pop”. Did you mean “Doc”, because that ain’t Doc.
    Pop was the old guy from Kidnappers Island. Pop was a nice guy and would have brought his own mug.
    Mark doesn’t even have or need a cup. He would just put his hands together like when he drinks from a swamp.

  164. Vince M
    August 28th, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#27): I’m going to have to picket this potential pun train, if only out of spite.
    (Apologies if I’m late to the party here, I’m just going through the posts and I’m on the clock.)

  165. Buck Ripsnort
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    BB: Actually, Sarge looks like he’s about to sneeze. Perhaps he’s allergic to musty old comics.

  166. Baka Gaijin
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#29) on Apartment 3-G: So true, so COTW-worthy.

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#145): Papal ferula. All these years I thought it was the Poping Cane, an idea stolen from Huggy Bear’s pimping cane.

  167. Shrug, Counsel for de Fence
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Counsel for de Fence (#156):

    I said: “while we was looking everyone in the area for run-away Sassy”

    it should have been “while HE was looking everyWHERE in the area…”

    I was right . . . the rot IS setting in. But who knew it would be in my brain?

  168. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#165): like Don Rickles?

  169. Poteet
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#83): And probably dances better than me:-).

  170. Poteet
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    FW — I could agree to a cosmic bargain in which I would refrain from whining and kvetching about this story if it didn’t include Les. Or Becky. Or that stupid-woollen-hat kid. Or the Thief Kid, can’t remember his name. Or that annoying girl with red hair. Oh, never mind.

  171. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#169): next, on Dances with the Mudgeons. . . .

  172. Poteet
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#8): Considering how very casual some previous stories have been about location and whether the characters were or were not on LoFo land, I’m intrigued by the fence also. I hope we’ll at least get to see what kind of fence it is before the kidnapping and punching begin.

  173. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Ripley’s: Louis XIV of France liked to receive visitors while sitting on the toilet! He also liked to show people his gall bladder scar (or am I confusing King Louie with Lyndon Johnson?).

  174. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#97):
    That’s what I thought it said on the pizza box too … HTLR’S PIZZA.
    I was relieved to find out it’s TRMT’s favorite pizza place in Gainsville Georgia rather than some pizza joint in a bombed out WW11 bunker in Berlin!

  175. Poteet
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Counsel for de Fence (#156): I’m impressed! Thanks for the memories! I think.

  176. Poteet
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#173): That kind of knocked everything else I knew about Louis XIV right out of the picture, not that much knocking was needed.

  177. Clint Brawny
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    I’m not really sure what Rocky Rhodes’s name is supposed to say?

    If it was Mark Trail, it would mean that he likes to eat Rocky Road ice cream.

  178. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Counsel for de Fence (#156):

    Maybe Pop figures it’s Rusty’s responsibility to mend the fence since it was Rusty who discovered the fence in the first place. And being it was bordering a politician’s land the guy probably denied the fence was even his.

  179. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#157):
    Maybe it’s an OTTER-MAN empire up there! (LOL is acceptable)

  180. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#173):

    Getting an audience with Louis XIV was like a nightmare from a modern Doctor’s office. The entire palace was filled with concentric waiting rooms, each a little closer to the inner sanctum. You would wait for days before being admitted into a closer room, only to find that it, too, was a waiting room for admission to yet another waiting room. The point was to emphasize that you were leaving the outside world further and further behind, along with whatever power or privilege you possessed in it, and entering further and further into the realm of the Sun King.

  181. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#163):
    Rumor has it Pop and Doc are one in the same person. You see … When Doc spends time at his vacation home on the tiny white Caribbean island, all the local white natives like to refer to him as “Pop” rather than “Doc”. This is because the last person the islanders called Doc did some experiments that left many of them with donkey ears and wolverine noses.

    // Say … THAT would make a good story!

  182. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Pickles: Yeah, I have the same problem with my sweatpants.

    Gasoline Alley: A racetrack tout named “Tip Nunn” — what are the odds?

    Arlo & Janis: It’s not too early to break out the winter wardrobe. Especially
    if you’re standing knee-deep in snow, Arlo!

  183. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Braniff (#135): @Commissioner Jim Gordon, GCPD (#148):

    not that I want to see Beetle Bailey become ‘serious’ the way Funky Winkerbean has, but can’t we have better gags?

    I dunno. These older strips are in kind of a bind- they need to keep their older readers and attract new ones. We got a glimpse of how tricky that can be from the MT “Rusty with the Dinos” storyline that got cut short because Jack Elrod kept looking at TRMT’s work and saying “uhhhhh… that’s not how *I* do it”. Think how much worse it would be to have your *father* looking over your shoulder, especially considering how successful Mort Walker (inexplicably so to me) has been

  184. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    MT – Overheard at the Trail’s coffee and pizza party…

    (Mark smiling) “Rusty caught more fish than I did!”

    “That’s nice, Rusty!”

    (Mark frustrated) “Hey, I”M the one talking here! I said Rusty caught more fish than I did!”

    “THat is a good job, Rusty.”

    (Mark losing control) “Hey! For the love of… Look, Doc, I”M the one that said Rusty caught more fish than me, so how about acknowledging me , okay?!”

    “I could use some help fixing fences, Rusty!”

    (Mark beyond control) “What the… I’M THE ONE WHO INTIATED THIS CONVERSATION, PEOPLE! Hello? Anyone hear me?!!”

    “Sure thing, Doc!”

    (Mark, fed up) “THAT’S it! I’m going out that door and don’t anyone here even think I’m coming back until you people show me a little bit of respect around this place!”

    (Cherry, Doc, Rusty, Sassey & Andy): “Did someone hear the door slam? Okay, let’s all dig into that second pizza!!”

  185. bats :[
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Widdle Jeffy (#20): I’m sure this is a recycled comic (aren’t they all?), and would just suffice it to say that Gramma is a filthy, filthy racist.

  186. Stantheman
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “That’s a good job, Rusty! And speaking of jobs…do you like movies about gladiators?”

  187. popamatic
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    MT: I for one am holding out hope that this is still part of Rusty’s dream within a dream. Let’s look for things not quite right: Andy is missing from his usual place at the table, replaced with what appears to be a bowl of salad. Doc seems more talkative than usual, or perhaps he was just able to take a break from his genetic experiments/meth lab for a while. In two days I predict a velociraptor will run through the room and out the door. Wouldn’t it be cool if, once every month or two, TRMT put a tiny dinosaur in the background of a scene to show us Rusty is still dreaming? Hmm, I might not be correct with this theory. Either way, a Doc story would be cool.

    The fence being talked about is probably the one surrounding the pot grow site, right?

    FC: Catch a tiger by the toe? Doesn’t sound like a particularly appealing thing to do. It looks like PJ will be the winner, if Grandma Carrion or whoever started on the left, and Billy is not included.

  188. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    MT – And, with a tip of his fedora, TRMT says “goodbye for now, folks!” as he follows Mark out the cabin door to search for another good story to present to his mentor for consideration.

    // we’ll be rooting for you, TRMT!

    (Can’t you just hear the voice of that announcer on those old Travel Log fillers you see on TCM?)

  189. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft-”And over here is Rough Trade.”

  190. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#180): by the time one got to the last waiting room t he magazines were actually stone tablets

  191. Odie Odo
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#173): The Sun King also liked to eat Montoni’s Pizza while seated on the “throne” — it eliminated that awkward middle step (running to
    the toilet in his high heels).

  192. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Clint Brawny (#177): If it is all natural ice cream I think they’d be better off sticking to the side of the road….though, now that I think about it… a frozen delight named after the side of the road might be called Curb-ert.*

    @Ian Beste (#63):

    You mean the signature theme song for the Brotherhood Of Organized Bachelors?

    “Horns for Horniness” is what it is called.

    *I began this reply 45 minutes ago. When I resumed the reply, I had one letter typed and didn’t recall where I was going with the snark.

  193. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-Looks like Beetle is a pile of blood and bone fragments.

  194. Baka Gaijin
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Oh that Mary Worth. With the dowager’s hump she’s growing, she’s getting all pitchforkable.

  195. pastordan, on the road
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#164): Dare I say you have a point?

  196. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    JP-”I’m pen pals with a prince over. He’s been needing my help to get some money of his out of the country and he says that I’ll get a cut of it for helping him.”

  197. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#181):

    Waitasecond! Hold the phone! Shake it like the salt shaker is almost empty and hope the cap don’t come off!

    Are you saying in “Mark Trail”, Mark’s father-in-law is François “Poppa Doc” Duvalier?

    I thought he was dead…black…bespeckled… Oh, modern miracles and wonder, the next thing you are gonna tell me is that in order to seduce Mark, Cherry wears a cherry pancake mask and banana pancake lingerie to bed where she has Mark tie her up. Laying in bed, she awaits him to rescue her from a disguised, twice as life-sized, mannequin replica of Rusty– that is adorned in a long, shaggy wig, a bushy mustache, and side burns.

    Wotta day! What. A. Day.

  198. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#190): by the time one got to the last waiting room the magazines were actually stone tablets

    Luxury! Back in my day, the magazines were encoded into the DNA of the mosquitoes who preyed on us while we waited.

  199. Braniff
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#147): I’ve read that Grandma looks like Susan Boyle (remember her?).

  200. Calico
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#170):
    I think thief kid is named Cory. He’s Funky’s stepson or something, and he joined the military last year.
    Hat kid is Owen.

  201. Daniel
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    FC “Can we only be redeemed by cleansing this entire condo complex with purifying fire?” We can only hope.
    And wasn’t Grampa Carne a ghost? And now he’s alive? And the kids are the same age? And why does the LA Times say “Family Circus is on vacation. This is a reprint”? Wouldn’t acknowledging that tear a hole in the universe? Doesn’t matter–Ed, Edd, ‘n’ Eddy’d rob ‘em blind and/or kick all their asses.

  202. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#140): I think you’re thinking of bejasselry.

  203. Calico
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#173):
    I’ve visited Versailles – outside, beautiful-inside, just weird. Crazy wallpaper and rooms. I could never live in a place like that.

  204. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Braniff (#135): Maybe Gen. Halftrack, with over fifty years as a general officer, obviously the Army’s most experienced commander, finally gets promoted and becomes CINC, US Mideast Command! Naturally he’d take his whole veteran Camp Swampy force with him. Look out, you corrupt petro-sheiks and sleazy dictators, you are about to meet a little Sgt. Orville Snorkel kick-ass!

  205. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#161): FC-Sounds like ancient high lower Galifreian to me.

    Shrug speaks fluent Atvatbarese, a closely related language. Let’s ask him!

  206. Odie Odo
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Braniff (#199):

    I think Grandma looks like more like Peter Boyle than Susan Boyle:

    http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/k37hBA2wsuw/hqdefault.jpg

  207. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#70):

    … can ANYONE tell me what it says on the pizza box?

    “IHOP”

  208. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#203): I’ve visited Versailles – outside, beautiful-inside, just weird. Crazy wallpaper and rooms. I could never live in a place like that.

    You are worried about the problem cleaning the place? Don’t fret! We have Roombas now!

  209. Dennis Jimenez
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#207): I’m going with ATLAS Pizza – probably delivered by Mark and Cherry’s swinging pal, Charles Atlas, from the golden age comic book pages ads. He’s the guy who kicked sand in Mark’s face at the beach and made off with Cherry in a two-piece (I mean Cherry was wearing it)….

  210. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#204):

    They finally graduate from basic training, and thanks to some shenanigans are appointed to travel to Europe and be a demonstration platoon for a new Urban Assault Vehicle – the EM50. “Our best troops with the latest weapons”, something like that. Hilarity ensues, though most observers feel that the strip lost its way after they graduated and that the EM-50 bits just don’t live up to the standard of the strips from boot camp.

  211. Calico
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#208):
    Hopefully with cats dressed in shark costumes on the roombas.

  212. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    A3G And just like that, Cole was gone, off to the blue void where all the blue people go.

  213. Odie Odo
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Nancy: “Cowboy Jack” Clement (as seen on Fritzi’s T-shirt today) has gone to that Last Round-Up:

    http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/nashville-legend-cowboy-jack-clement-dead-at-82-20130808

  214. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Family Carnies I think it’s kind of odd, but so far in the visit to Grandma and Grandpa Carne, I don’t think I’ve seen either one of them speak. In fact, they’re both kind of expressionless.
    // And, no, Billy is not a reliable source. That kid is a known liar.

  215. Baka Gaijin
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#203): Think of what the Windex expense each month would be, what with all those windows and mirrors.

  216. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#215):

    Don’t they just spit on them and rub them with their sleeve?

  217. walt d.
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#170): FW: If Batiuk would retire Les, dead Lisa, Darrin and Summer, I wouldn’t promise to stop snarking, but I would have a lot less to snark about. Closing Montoni’s would be good also.

  218. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#207):
    @Dennis Jimenez (#209):

    From Mark’s perspective it appears to read: “Atlas Pizza”. From Doc’s perspective is is in Chinese and says, “We’re Coming for you Italian Descendants in America and Are Co-opting Your Heritage For Many Dollars (Because It Only Makes Much Sense!) Soon China Will Own All the Cows and Make All of the Cheese”

    (Doc is probably an old Cold Warrrior so his translation probably makes a lot of sense. If not for his Cold Warrior history, it might because he’s been aware of the Pizza Box Plot for decades now. After all, hasn’t this country become just as chunky as that generic clip art on generic pizza boxes used my many pizzerias? You can’t tell me some major franchise or a five star ‘Za joint is opened on the edge of LoFo and that they deliver. I won’t believe it!

  219. Baka Gaijin
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#216): Um, gross. With the French economy what it is, they may not afford popping into the Carrefour for glass cleaner as often as they’d like so maybe spit shines it is.

  220. Ratiocinator
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#49): Wait, your real name is really “Ed”? Well, that pretty much says it all.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#104):

    Whew! What a relief. So far nobody has mentioned a oblempray with they antspay!

    I don’t know what that means, and I can’t be bothered to try to decipher it because I’m too distracted by the problem with my pants.

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#106): Unless she has a fetish for giant rubber duckies and if seeing one on Knute isn’t enough to mercilessly strangle any stirrings of arousal created by the ducky, I don’t think she’s gonna get wet in any sense of the word.

  221. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#220):

    Knute gets his swimwear from Clown 9.

  222. Gandalf the Wise Guy
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Strange Brew: He won’t release the body until the final payment is made.

    Beetle Bailey: It was considerate of Beetle to remove his shoes and socks before Sarge started beating him.

  223. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#197):
    Uh, Yeah … I guess that’s pretty much it.

  224. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#207):

    COTW! Fer shur, man! :-)

  225. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro-Is this the original version of the Fly or the Jeff Goldblum version?

  226. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#209): “Cherry’s swinging pal, Charles Atlas.”

    When I was a little kid I thought Charles Atlas’s name was Charles At Last.

    // Was I a naive kid? yes. As a little kid I WAS Rusty Trail … just ask Reverend Nehemiah.

  227. walt d.
    August 28th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Like I suggested, eliminating the dialog is a great improvement.

    RMMD: This rinky-dink museum with a few bad to mediocre pieces in each room has a marketing department? Billboards in a “standard contract” for dealings with minors? Ms. Curator Lady better hope the Morgans don’t know anyone on the city council because if this plays out properly I can see a big cut coming in the municipal funding, along with some staff changes.

    RMMD: Likely end: All this is some current version of Candid Camera, in which the Morgans are exposed as credulous fools who bought into all this nonsense.

    RMMD: Non-profits, Not-for-profits, and For-profits have in common the necessity of persuading people to give them money, preferably leaving them satisfied enough to being agreeable at a later time to giving up even more money.

    FW: Art students already “pay to play” through lab fees to cover supplies provided by the school. If practical, as with painting, students are expected to provide their own supplies. A fee may be required to cover chemicals or maintenance of equipment too expensive for individual purchase. The point should be made that the student/parent is already “paying to play” in regular classes through tuition or property tax. I don’t know if this guy is suggesting that “art” should become an extracurricular activity, that lab fees should be imposed, or that there should be an extra fee charged for this particular academic class.

  228. Poteet
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#200): Thank you. Has any reason been given for the woollen hat being worn in August? Is Owen bald from radiation treatments or some such? If there’s a good reason, I’ll quit sniping.

  229. Poteet
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#203): I spent a day at Versailles many years ago and I couldn’t live there either.

    Nevertheless, if someone gave it to me, I’d figure out something to do with it.

  230. Poteet
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#217): Just killing Les (for reals, not so he could hang around as a ghost) would cheer me considerably.

  231. Amos Snarkadder DBA Curmudgeon Farm
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    A3G That weird blank panel is bugging me, too. There’s got to be something to fill in the blank (literally). Maybe something we think that was left unresolved… … something that will make us all feel more complete.

  232. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#32):

    And she’s pouring it into a coffee mug instead of a dainty little tea cup this time!

  233. Poteet
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — *waving my cane again* Holly is supposed to be thirteen, and when I was a kid, we learned our multiplication tables several years before that. Have things changed that much?

  234. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#220) said Re: Luann— “@Alfred E. Neuman (#106): Unless she has a fetish for giant rubber duckies and if seeing one on Knute isn’t enough to mercilessly strangle any stirrings of arousal created by the ducky, I don’t think she’s gonna get wet in any sense of the word.”

    But one can always hope: Crystal hasn’t yet visited with Bernice.

  235. Alter Ego
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro – A disturbing analogy comes to mind.

  236. Dale
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#172):

    MARK TRAIL

    Lost Forest is the name of the national park where the Tools live. It is also the kind of name you give your property, like Happy-Acres or Tax-Burden.
    You are absolutely correct that in the crime stories happening near LoFo, “whose land is it?” would be important (if they had a legal system).
    In this case, is Doc responsible for the fences around the entire park or just the vegetable garden?

  237. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Commissioner Jim Gordon, GCPD (#101): But it’s Wednesday, and they managed to work in an appearance by Miss Buxley, thus upholding the Buxley Wednesday Standard.

    That’s commitment to craft, baby!

  238. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder DBA Curmudgeon Farm (#231): Heh. Can we have dinosaurs chomping down on all sorts of random comics characters?
    “As I’ve always said, kindness is my religi—” CHOMP
    “What, a check for $500,000 made out to Sam Driver?! How unexpec—”CHOMP

  239. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 28th, 2013 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    ASM: You’d think our hero would be a bit more fluent in the local lingo, what with all the Telemundo and all.

  240. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    Broom Hilda-Have you tried using KY for your joints?

    Mother Goose & Grimm-Make him your bitch, Grimm.

    JP-”It’s good to know about the countries the servant folk come from.”

  241. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro-”He never sticks his tongue out like for me.”

  242. Mr. O'Malley
    August 28th, 2013 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#123): I like the idea of taking little side trips for a week or two, although having them all be dreams might become a little tedious. Perhaps Rusty could have some pen-pals who would describe the interesting wildlife in their part of the world, or he could read books about John Muir or E. T. Seton and recount some anecdote that caught his fancy.

  243. Amos Snarkadder DBA Curmudgeon Farm
    August 28th, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#238): Rusty stated, “You know it probably is a good thing that dinosaurs and humans don’t coexist.”
    Rubbish, Rusty! We see things a bit differently. Take Aggie, for example.

  244. Amos Snarkadder DBA Curmudgeon Farm
    August 28th, 2013 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#224): Ha! But TRMT set that one up!

  245. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

  246. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#229): … if someone gave it to me, I’d figure out something to do with it.

    Perhaps a nice, cozy little bed & breakfast? Those are popular.

  247. Dennis Jimenez
    August 28th, 2013 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#226): As portrayed by Scot Biao!!!

  248. Justme
    August 28th, 2013 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    MT: Is that “Atlas Pizza”? Also, it’s in a rectangular box, but from what we see on Mark’s plate, it’s a round pizza, not a Sicilian.

  249. Kibo
    August 28th, 2013 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @Duke of Earl Grey (#124): Judging by P.J.’s stunned reaction to “eeny, meeny, miny, mo”, I have to wonder if Grandma is still saying it the way she heard it growing up, before “a tiger” replaced the n-word as the one whose toe is being caught.

    The easiest way to find out is to ask her the punchline to the “It’s not a door, it’s …” riddle.

  250. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#228):

    Has any reason been given for the woollen hat being worn in August? Is Owen bald from radiation treatments or some such? If there’s a good reason, I’ll quit sniping.

    The only reason would be, you know, kids today.

    Commence sniping.

  251. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#238):

    “Oh, look. Reply All.”CHOMP!

    Thank you, dino.

  252. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @Justme (#248):

    Mark must have oredered his own pizza.

  253. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#252):

    Oredered? Where the hell is th espeel check on this blog anyway?!

  254. Myrtle
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @Justme (#248): You don’t see many round pizza boxes.

  255. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @Justme (#248):

    I noticed the rectangular box too. My first thought was it was one of those Little Caesar’s ™ rectangular deep dish pizza-pizza’s ™ . But when I saw that standard slice of pizza on Mark’s plate I knew something smelled fishy and it wasn’t anchovies, or Rusty’s feet!

  256. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#245): Thank you, sir!

  257. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @Myrtle (#254): @Illustrator Steve (#255):

    Really? 90%+ of pizza boxes are square, in my experience. One of the big chains, Dominoes, if I recall correctly, have, or used to have, octagonal boxes.

    Do you folks really find round pizza boxes? Like those brie and camenbert cheese boxes? That would be kind of neat, but I’ve never seen it.

  258. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#256): I might have also added “fulgent” and “effulgent” — but I didn’t want you to get too big for your britches.

    // Hah! I didn’t say “pants”!

  259. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    @Myrtle (#254):
    Actually, at least up here in Maine, many local real pizza shops provide a round pizza that fits in a standard size paper plate. These use those thick heavy cardboard type of round 10″ diameter paper plates and they staple another paper plate on top so it looks like a flying saucer. (You have to be careful when opening it that you don’t eat one of the metal staples!) …One time, years ago, I picked up one of those pizzas and on the way out of the pizza shop I saw someone I knew and began talking. His buddy started laughing at me (which is not unusual) and I soon realized I had placed the paper plate-covered pizza vertically under my arm and was carrying it as it were a large school book. When I got it home I told my wife that they must have forgotten to put cheese on her half of the pizza but, to my delight, my half had a double helping of extra cheese!

    // WHAT am I doing? It’s 8:30pm and does anyone really give a rats patooty about my lame stories?

  260. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#257):

    Plus with a square or rectangular box you can use the corners to put extra stuff in there. Like, packets of hot pepper flakes, extra cheese, rat’s head, etc.

  261. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#260): Montoni’s serves rat’s heads on the side? Will the innovations never end?

  262. Amos Snarkadder DBA Curmudgeon Farm
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    MW Mary knows that sometimes you have a problem that just can’t be meddled away. But she also knows…there’s always another way.

  263. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

  264. Anonymous
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#260):
    Those big square pizza boxes are also great for swiping salt and pepper shakers, napkin holders and those little glass shakers filled with red peppers and parmesan cheese if you pack them carefully when no ones looking.

  265. seismic-2
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#170): > Or that annoying girl with red hair.

    Are you referring to the kid who was always selling band candy and band turkeys? She is Crazy Harry’s daughter, Hattie. Like Owen, she almost always wore a hat (particularly her band uniform hat, during her door-to-door sales), so I suppose she was actually “Mad Hattie” or something. I don’t think we’ve seen her after she graduated last year along with Summer and Keisha. Or are you referring to Wally’s fiancée and co-worker at Montoni’s? Not that it matters, of course, since it’s depressing enough just knowing that these characters exist and that we have squandered a portion of our lives in becoming aware of it.

  266. Peanut Gallery
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#212): (A3G) It reminds me of that Peanuts movie with the spelling bee, where they showed the kids’ heads against a blank background, and when a kid spelled something wrong, the head would disappear with a loud POP like a balloon bursting.

  267. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#259): Well, I enjoyed it!

  268. Peanut Gallery
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#40): Shoot! I should’ve checked here before I counted ‘em. :-)

  269. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    MT – (Cherry): “MARK! DOC! RUSTY! The Atlas Pizza has arrived!”

    (Mark, Doc & Rusty): “ATLAS AT LAST!”

  270. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#267):
    Thanks :-) …That actually is a true story!

  271. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#259):

    Okay, now I get to tell my pizza story.

    A friend and I and our wives were attending a convention in St. Petersburg (Florida, not Russia). We had gone back to our hotel and were deciding what to do for dinner. Since we were tired we decided to call a close-by pizza joint and order a big pie. My friend called and mentioned the toppings we wanted which included olives. They said, “Olives?” and my friend replied, “Yeah, green olives.”

    My friend and I drove the two or three blocks to pick up the pizza. My friend was driving and I was holding the pizza box. As we went around a corner I sensed that something was shifting in the pizza box. I said, “Whoa! Something’s not right with this pizza.” He stopped, I opened the box and they had poured a bottle of whole olives on the pizza and the were rolling around all over the pie.

    We went back to the hotel and our wives cut up the olives. A good laugh was had by all. It seems in St. Peterburg they don’t put olives on pizza.

    It was, however, a good pizza.

  272. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#258): Isn’t there an old saying,
    “Trousers are worn by officers and men; pants are worn by midshipmen”?
    // I am, of course, wearing my breeches.

  273. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#270): The best kind!

  274. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#236):

    Hmmm…
    I heard Raymond Chandelier lived by Lost Forest and Mount And Slumber.

    I think there is a synergy going on that those literary types appreciate.
    Why, just the other day, the previously missing Molly Otter was found alive. She was out near the crick typing up her memoirs,
    “Poaching is Over Easy if You Know Where to Punch”

    Go, Molly O! Keep being the beautiful swimming rodent that you and Oscar seem perfectly suited for.

    Say, speaking of Oscar, I hear he came out of the closet last summer. Congratulations, Oscar. Generally, there is no water closets you can even get into out in Lost Forest anyhow.
    We all look forward to seeing you reunited with Molly sometime soon. Let’s just hope the reunion is a joyous one. Huzzah!

  275. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#266): Haha! I’ll have to search for that one!

  276. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder DBA Curmudgeon Farm (#262):

    Don’t forget the grapefruits.

  277. Anonymous
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#272):
    @Nehemiah Scudder (#258): Isn’t there an old saying,
    “Trousers are worn by officers and men; pants are worn by midshipmen”?
    // I am, of course, wearing my breeches.

    So would it be a series of breaches if officers wore pants and midshipmen wore trousers? Or, would only some of those slacking off get in trouble?

  278. Liam
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    There is a pizza place down the street from me that has eggplant for a topping. It is quite good too.

  279. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#272):

    In the Spanish Navy they wear pantalones.

    Funny. They look just like trousers and pants.

  280. mary_worthless
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#13): oh, no! Are there going to be more Trails? They could name their little girl Happy, another Bunny,…possibilities! A son named Oregon?

  281. revenge4Aldo
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#113): If anyone on 9CL twerks, I quit.

  282. Peanut Gallery
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#257): I think some commenters are using “rectangular” to mean “rectangular but far from square” (like the aforementioned Little Caesar’s duplex boxes), while others of us subscribe to the more mathematical view that a square is just a special type of rectangle. I have the same problem with my… dang, this is making me hungry for pizza.

  283. Dr. Pill
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#26): Ooo, eee, ooo ah-ah, ting-tang walla-walla bing-bang, ooo eee, ooo ah-ah, ting-tang wall-walla bing-bang.
    You think Walt of Zits has trouble with a song in his head. I was alive when this song came out and I have never been able to shake it. And you have revived it for me. Thanks, I think.

    //Trying to displace it with another song, but Purple People Eater doesn’t cut it.

  284. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @mary_worthless (#280): ironically, that particular son died of dysentery.

  285. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    Hey! Anyone for free pizza?

  286. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#264):

    > GASP < !*

    I’m shocked, I say! Absolutely Shocked!
    Say, waitagosh darn minute!
    Do pizza delivery places even voluntarily provide packets of shredded, industrial Parm and Pepper flakes and napkins ? I can’t think of the last time I’ve gotten any of that delivered. For take out, yes; I recall always getting those extras.

    Do they charge and extra couple of bucks for that privilege of seasoning in moderation to be delivered to your door and for branded paper napkins to be used for sopping up the grease and which can be disposed of post-haste?

    *thanks for the marginally useful (and probably easily forgettable) info, bro! @Nehemiah Scudder (#188):

    PS. Not to confuse this, but @Anonymous (#277): was me after a momentary lapse of contentment. I just forgot to type those magic letters and then count my luckiest stars. Instead I got side-tracked and listened to some cars…..


    Clunkity- clunk clunk
    Clunkity-clunck

    Look at that lemon barely go!

    Clunkity- clunk clunk
    Clunkity-clunk clunk

    Thank goodness there’s no snow!
    There’s a shiny baldness to those three
    tires that hit the ground;
    That portable spare not filled with air
    is making a squealin’ sound!

    It’s Junkity the Lemon
    He’s there for you and me
    We inhale his smog, we smile
    at its happy dog, who
    looks like he’s driving!

    Clunkity- clunk clunk
    Clunkity-clunck

  287. Dr. Pill
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

  288. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#285):

    I’m afraid you hafta have balls to redeem that.

    Now that I think of it, I just hope you don’t have to show proof in order to redeem that. For some that would be an embarrassment of riches for others it would be just enough stitches to make sure you hold up your britches! [/groucho]

  289. Dennis Jimenez
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

  290. Peanut Gallery
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#275): The movie was A Boy Named Charlie Brown, but I haven’t been able to find a clip of that part on YouTube.

  291. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#277):

    So would it be a series of breaches if officers wore pants and midshipmen wore trousers? Or, would only some of those slacking off get in trouble?

    In today’s Navy, they just skirt around the issue.

  292. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#276): The old girl can’t remember everything!

  293. Anonymous
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “…However, if you intend on letting Shannon go, I have taken the liberty of sending you my meddling resume. My most proud cases are Aldo Kelrast and taking June out into the desert for 46 hours without water to help get over her grief.”

  294. Amos Snarkadder
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#279): But we laugh anyway.

  295. AndrewJ
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus>> Grandma inadvertently lets slip her background with the Klan: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eenie_Meanie_Miney_Moe#Earlier_version

  296. Mr. O'Malley
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Pill (#283): My Boomerang Won’t Come Back ?

  297. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#296): first you gotta throw it. . . .

  298. Joe Blevins
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    FC: Grandma is a master of emotional manipulation. She clearly has enough cookies on that tray for all of them, yet she’s going to use a taunting rhyme to arbitrarily choose who gets to be “the chosen one,” teaching the children a valuable lesson that the world is unfair and ruled by grownups who control your destiny with rules that make no sense.

  299. Sequitur
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Pill (#283):

    Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?
    When your mother says, “Don’t chew it!” do you swallow it in spite?
    Then you catch it on your tonsils and you heave it left and right.
    Does yor chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?

  300. Peanut Gallery
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#204): They should switch the setting of the strip from Army to Navy. I’m sure you know all about this, Scudder, but I had no idea until recently, when I started watching reruns of McHale’s Navy; they really get into some wacky hijinks in that branch of the service! How many times did your commanding officer get hit in the face with a pie because of one of your crazy schemes, and threaten to court-martial you, but then he had to pretend to play along because the Admiral came to visit and… well, anyway, I’ll bet it happened a lot!

  301. commodorejohn
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#181): Ah, the tiny little Caribbean island ruled by Pop-a-Doc! I think I’ve heard that somewhere before…

  302. commodorejohn
    August 28th, 2013 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#197): Damnit, beaten to the punch…

  303. Odie Odo
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @mary_worthless (#280):

    My favorite is Mark’s secret agent nephew: Danger Trail.

    (Carlos Danger is his godfather!)

  304. Peanut Gallery
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#285): I know some ants that might qualify.

  305. seismic-2
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    FC: Today’s strip is a lot more enjoyable if you imagine that it were written by Shirley Jackson.

  306. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#300): …well, anyway, I’ll bet it happened a lot!

    Gosh, it sure did! The CO was always, “What is it Scudder? What? What? What?!”

  307. Illustrator Steve
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @mary_worthless (#280):

    How about Chism Trail? Or is it Jisim Trail? I always get those two mixed up!

  308. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#303):

    There’s a reason you don’t hear about Mark’s nephew anymore…

    http://www.philsp.com/data/images/d/danger_trail_193311.jpg

    …he didn’t make the cut!

  309. Droopy Says
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    @AndrewJ (#295): Eeny, meeny, epic fail,
    We’ll make Billy eat a snail.
    If he drops dead, it’s a tale
    That Jeff will draw in poor detail.

  310. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#302):

    Yeah. I figured I was not the only one who “sees” Cherry dressing up like a PancakeBatter Bunny as a way to put the spark back into their love life.

    oh!

    You probably meant the Poppa Doc connection?
    mercy. Yes! Yes! referencing the Real while discussing weekday Mark Trail…yes, yes.

    //i hoped someone else got the reference but didn’t really know how to jokify it. Was Poppa Doc a bad man or a good man? We via our military? put his son on the run. Prior to that, we left them both in office for decades.

    I wasn’t sure how it would go down here in reference with Good Ol’ Rarely Seen and Heard, Doc.

  311. Francis Hobbs
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#303):

    There’s also Mark’s OTHER nephew: Chuck “Tomahawk Trail” Connors!

    http://www.filmcini.com/filmler/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/573kv.jpg

  312. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    MT: The other forest residents insist. Good fences make good neighbors, chiefly by keeping Rusty on the other side.

    C-Shaft: I never knew that the chin scruff kid was named Rocky Rhodes. He deals with it very bravely.

  313. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought this would happen to me. No, wrong letter. Start over.”

    9CL: “I mean, this is 9 Chickweed Lane, honey. You think your sparkling personality is going to get you through?”

    Popeye: Yeah, Rule 34 and all that, but if there’s explicit fanfic of Popeye/Haggy/Jeep, I for one am not going to look for it.

    SL: It would be pretty awesome if a Sherman’s Lagoon animated show could score R Lee Ermey as the voice of the dolphin sergeant.

    RMMD: Rex knows how to read a contract and can spot a red flag in one, further proof that he and Sam Driver could switch jobs with no net loss of competence.

    H&L: “The profits go straight up his nose, of course, but it’s a way to keep your mercenary instincts sharp.”

    Phantom: Weirdest barbershop quartet ever.

    S-M: Rodrigo, if you see a few minutes of Spidey in action, the idea of anyone employing him as a spy will become absurd.

    SFx: Sorry about the swimming accident, kid. Easy come, easy die. Maybe you can come back as a penguin or something.

    A3G: Maybe Cole was tired of talking to Lu Ann, but ceasing to exist is pretty extreme.

  314. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#8):

    C’shaft Does his name really say it it all? “Yep that’s Ed ‘Crankshaft’: he reciprocates linear piston motion into rotation with the best of them. That’s why we keep him under the hood of the bus.”

    Please tell me there are no sexual metaphors in there.

  315. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Francis Hobbs (#311): There’s more Trails than you can shake a stick at:

    http://people.uncw.edu/smithms/wD-series/wD-052b.jpg

  316. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#22): Mary Worth can only go out in a streamlined exoskeleton developed by NASA scientists for the exploration of non-terraformed planets.

  317. seismic-2
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Is Rocky Rhodes any kin to Rusty Trail? If so, do they have a cousin named Dusty Street, or Slippery Slope?

  318. Poteet
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#265): Thanks for the info! I meant the red-haired girl with the boxy hat that I always wanted to rip off her head and stomp on. That distinguished her hat from Owen’s hat, which I wanted to grab off his head and burn. Not only have I squandered part of my life becoming aware of these characters, but I hate some of them. And their hats. I hate the imaginary hats of imaginary people. Oh please don’t let me wake up and realize that I actually am living in Westview.

  319. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 28th, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @AndrewJ (#295): I prefer the version popularised by Louis XIV of France:

    Eeeny, meeny, miney, mo.
    Put the baby on the po.
    When he’s done,
    Wipe his bum.
    And tell his mother what he’s done.

  320. Spelling Bea
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @Casey, Crime Photographer (#315): “There ARE more Trails…”

  321. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Spelling Bea (#320): You’ve Done It Again, Beatrice!

  322. Mustang
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    MT – Seriously, Rusty, do not age 20 years willy nilly from one panel to the next, because you are weird enough already. Without that. Okay, now, go ahead with what you were saying.

  323. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#313):

    Oh please please please tell me the quartet is:

    Barbar the Elephant;

    Floyd the Barber from “The Andy Griffith Show”;

    Tiki Barbour, former NFL player, currently a TV yakkity yakker;

    Jack Tripper from “Three’s Company” –Wasn’t the fake job he told people he had was a “hair stylist”–that job title was code for “wink wink…Jack likes to wink wink…if you know what I mean…

    (in the ‘70s, was it so unbelievable that gay folks may have worked in kitchens as cooks and chefs??? )

    It certainly made Mr. Roeper and Mr. Furley’s day to be reminded that Jack was gay and in a hilarious situation where he lived with two hot, straight female roommates and that he lived in a complex filled with straight swingers and tacky married couples (who may or may not have wanted to swing but who probably never ever tried to). Mr. and Mrs. Roeper were like the living embodiments of “The Lockhorns”, by the way. Each couple transcended the acrimony displayed by Fred and Ethel Mertz–a couple curse with too many letter “E”s in otherwise short names.

    Finally (!!!), in a continued effort to make up for my lack of Snarkticipation this week:

    If Jack Tripper’s declared job was not a “hair stylist” then I guess I need to choose an alternate. Unfortunately, the only other Barbers I can think of are Tiki Barbour’s brother (a joke too far, really) and the unshown person who cut the Brady Boys and Dad’s hair throughout the run of the “Brady Bunch”

    “Y’now, Mike, I heard about the trippiest, groovy way to add body to a man’s hair. (and know, it doesn’t involve me doing a strip tease, silly!)

    “It’s called an afro perm. It’s all the rage somewhere. If you and the boys get one then people will think you are so much more exotic that you might have Hebrew ancestry! People will see you and ask themselves if that is Mike Brady and then they’ll say: No, Mike Brady is a square. That guy looks both soft and rock hard at the same time! He’s no square!”

  324. Mr. Magoo
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @Casey, Crime Photographer (#321):

    Bwah! Haha!
    No, you, Casey, Time Photographer, have done it again!
    You and your pictures of clocks at different times of the day are a delight.

    Say, why don’t you take a photo of me and this fuzzy clock?

    Casey:

    “But, sir! That’s not fuzzy clock! That’s a bear!”

    Me:

    WhuuuuaAAAAAAAAAAAAA? A bBeaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR?

    Now, now, Magoo! Don’t panic! This race horse should take me away fast enough.

    [jumping on an abandoned grey hound dog, kicking its sides and the taking off with Magoo sitting on its back as if Magoo is a jockey...They run, run and run straight into rush hour traffic.]

    We’ll win this race yet, Seeing-is-Believing Bisquit!

  325. seismic-2
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#323): Red Barber, sportscaster
    The Barber of Seville, baritone
    Major Barbara, soul-saving arms heiress
    Edda Burber, Bösendorfer defiler

  326. Señor Gerald McBoing-Boing
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

  327. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Gerald McBoing-Boing (#326):

    Oh my stars and this box of garter belts absconded from many a wedding and from the ladies who caught them!

    So, Gerald McBoing Boing has a life after spending decades as a bona fide American cartoon.

    Want to know who else pulled that off and probably tipped off the McBoing Boing kid?

    Top Cat, er, I mean Don Gato

    Between you and me, Heathcliff’s pals wouldn’t need to spring him from prison because Heathcliff would never get popped.

    And, for an extra especial surprise, keep watching until the end* for a Heathcliff-esque guest star!

    *the quasi-contemporary “classic” H-B stylization mixed with 3D graphics makes it hard to keep watching…

  328. Chip Whittle
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail has inspired me to learn how long I have to eat a diet of fish, pizza, coffee and salad before I start seeing giant talking squirrels.

    Send help.

  329. Dr. Bombay
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    MT: “That’s great Rusty! Dad, how about I freshen your cup by pouring cold coffee from our Bunn commercial grade coffee maker? I know its cold but it has to be in order for me to pour it with two hands, one where the handle should be and the other on the top rim of the pot.”

  330. Odie Odo
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Gerald McBoing-Boing (#326):

    “Who desires to come into my parlor?”

    “A Yanqui child who converses with sound effects.”

    “Ah, Señor McBoing-Boing!”

  331. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#325):

    That’s like a list of All Star unknowns, man!

    //i recognize the first two.

    You exceeded my attempt to stretch out the joke. I was almost to Barber-uhhhhh Eden, Barbera Feldman, Bar Bar Bush, Hanna and….Barbara?

  332. Odie Odo
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#327):

    An early Polish version had his name as Kot Tip Top (literally “Tippytoe Cat”).

  333. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail, missing panel three:

    The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers are teasing the elk (while the trio are buck nekkid! With nothing on except too much facial and body hair!)

    Spider-Man:

    Your Spider-Sarcasm has no place here in Costa Verde, Spider-Gringo!

    Apt. 3G:

    Margo McGee’s technique as a hypnotist are so natural and yet are also slightly disarming. That smile as she puts the icing on the cake should make her hypnosis fail to take. Yet, Luann knows, subconsciously, that subconsciously, she understands what Margo is doing and why she is doing it. Consciously, to Luann, Margo is just acting crazy and insensitive. In fact, Luann is bracing herself for Margo to break out and do the Schadenfreude Shuffle!

  334. Droopy Says
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Spide and Spider: Rodrigo is clearly the only adult in the room, and he has a point. If America really wanted to help, we wouldn’t have sent a CAREless pack.

    Dick Tracy: Considering that the mad scientist’s earlier works were a hoax, why would anyone believe him now?

    Family Circus: Can you aim the projectile when you vomit, PJ?

    Funky’s Flunkies: “Or, I could get cancer! That could turn a few smiles upside down!”

    Mark Trail: Doc seems even more stiff and wooden than usual today. Otherwise, I like this. Of course I like any comic adventure that starts out like a mad slasher movie. “Somethin’s scarin’ the wildlife . . . somethin’ hidin’ in the woods . . . think I’ll check it out by myself . . . ”

    Phantom: “Here’s your gun back! It would be wrong for me to shoot someone, but it’s all right to let somebody else do the killing for me! Now excuse me while I find these people who I’ve never met, based on your dubious version of the facts!”

    Pluggers: “Joseph DUCK-worth?” Okay, what ‘mudge yanked Brookins’ chain with the suggestion about yanking off?

  335. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smif:

    Am the only one who believes that Weezy only hides it in the place with the most Freudian symbolism to offer the gag?

    Instead of expecting Snuffy to churn her butter, she pretends to churn it herself when in fact she expects something dark and satisfying to make a better butter substitute. But, oh you can bet your Lucien und Sigmund Freud tag team combo that she still feels better about things when her butter gets churned.

    Churn ‘nuff! Churn’ howdy! Churn me on, big fella!
    Fer ev’ry season, churn me, churn me, churn, Mistopher Goodbar!

  336. Droopy Says
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#327): The Josephine Baker dance at the end was unexpectedly disturbing.

  337. Memo From the Management to the Resort Staff
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    To All Employees:

    We are amending our policy on how the customer is always right! From this point on that will continue to be true with one exception. That exceptions name is Mary Worth.

    Do not, I repeat, do no confront her attempts at meddling, as we value our safety and realize that having our staff harm her as opposed to hiring a “random stranger” on the resort’s payroll to whack her and bury her where the sun don’t shine and Aldo Kangaroo has been calling her name from beyond his grave, the most way out peyote-friendly portion of the desert. Relaxo Recluso awaits the corpse of Mary Worth.

    There is a reward for any tips.

    Signed,
    The Mgmt.

  338. Odie Odo
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Dennis: Mom passes sentence on Ruff — he’s being sent to the local animal shelter. And he’s going directly to the gas chamber since no one wants to adopt such an old dog (60 in human years/420 in dog years).

  339. tallyHO
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#336):

    speaking of josephine baker dancing in France That predates Don Gato by some years.

    it isn’t totally safe for work, btw. A such the movie isn’t at all like a Mexican WB cartoon.

    (Mexican Warner Brothers!!!! I never thought I’d live to express that)

  340. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#323): The funny – from a certain point of view – thing about Fred and Ethel was that if anything, the actors hated each other more than the characters did.

  341. Odie Odo
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#336): According to Wikipedia, actor Frankie Ryan Manriquez does the voice of “Benny” in the Spanish version.

  342. Chip Whittle
    August 29th, 2013 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    Thursday’s Funky Winkerbean has me wondering what the greeters are like. “Welcome to SprawlMart Westview, have a hunched-over, weepy day. There’s a special on pillows that can smother your tears and your breathing in aisle 26, next to the depressants and the ill-sized word balloons.”

  343. Poteet
    August 29th, 2013 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    MW — The local cacti crowd up to the window to admire Mary’s work. And as she labors for hours to scratch out a few words with her pen or pencil, from midnight until well into the morning, judging from the colors of the sky, the rest of us are reminded of why we have pretty much switched to electronic devices, LOL. And Mary obviously didn’t land Wendy’s gig because she’s a gifted writer.

  344. Poteet
    August 29th, 2013 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    MT — I thought it had finally been established that LoFo is a national forest, and “property” seems an odd way of *hits self very hard on head to stop pedantic ranting* Huh, where was I? Never mind.

  345. Señor Wences
    August 29th, 2013 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#339):

    The Mexican Warner Brothers were Enrique, Alberto, Samuél and Gato.

  346. Poteet
    August 29th, 2013 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#342): I hope to see that comment on the float!

  347. Droopy Says
    August 29th, 2013 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#344): Doc and Rusty had better mend those fences at once. Some trespasser stole the lake that was just outside the cabin yesterday. Rusty might get swiped next!

  348. gleeb
    August 29th, 2013 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    3G-he story has been focusing too much on Lu Ann. Margo has a problem with that. And if Margo has a problem, Lu Ann has a problem.

    ‘bean-I guessed it wrong! He didn’t use another variation on “pay to play”, he used the exact same phrase. The ostensible gag today though, doesn’t work; I don’t even shop at Wal-Mart and i know they’ve been phasing out greeters. So, bad joke repeated, and a lack of keeping up with reality. That’s classic Batiuk.

    H&L-Sorry, Trixie, but your folks are too caught up in their dead lives, wondering where the time went, to care for you.

    Mary-By the time Mary’s done with the letter, Shannon’s unemployment insurance will have run out.

    Dick-Here comes the wacky explanation.

  349. seismic-2
    August 29th, 2013 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    MW: After reading what we’ve seen of Mary’s letter of support (so far, and she hasn’t even thrown in the Albert Camus quotes yet), I’m prepared to give Shannon her pink slip, just because.

  350. Tom S
    August 29th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    If the customer says that the policy ‘the customer is not always correct’ is untrue, does the resort explode in a cloud of logic, Star Trek style?

  351. Dale
    August 29th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#344):

    I thought I was saying that back at 236. In some cases, back to LoFo is just home. Here, it isn’t at all clear. Maybe Elrod doesn’t know.

  352. greghousesgf
    August 29th, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#313): Popeye: well, it brings new meaning to the phrase “blow me down”….

  353. Beetle Bumstead
    August 29th, 2013 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    Hey! I’m calling DFC on you! More because nobody in the Keene Kompound resembles the Levantine grandma, not even her presumed mother than because she recites from the Kaballah.

  354. Richard Steel
    September 1st, 2013 at 6:47 am [Reply]

    ““Mommy, is Grandma a filthy foreigner? Is our bloodline tainted? Can we only be redeemed by cleansing this entire condo complex with purifying fire?”

    Is Billy a ra-ra-ra-ra-racist? Aaaaggghhhhhhhh — Billy said something that a blue nose could twist into a racist comment. Quick, take him away from his parents and force everyone into a re-education camp!

    Seriously, this screaming racist crap has gotten very, very old.

  355. ljr2tjyx7j3
    January 13th, 2014 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    ??????????????????????
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    http://www.wasabi.nu/insider/duvetica/duv=24.html
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