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She already has a crown, General, you’d better watch yourself

Mary Worth, 6/18/14

Oh, hey, here’s a real thing that’s happening in Mary Worth: neglected little Olive is, we are told in the words of the omniscient narration box, literally receiving a revelation from a shining angel of the Lord. I mean, sure, we could’ve dismissed the pagan vision of flower fairies as just being a product of an overactive imagination, but this seems pretty straightforward: Olive is the instrument of God on Earth, come to deliver us His message. The main drama of this storyline will thus be Mary’s seething resentment over not being the Chosen One. One assumes that she will eventually take on the role of St. Paul to Olive’s Jesus, doing the work to found an organization and massaging the original message to her liking once the Prophet has been conveniently taken out of the picture.

Beetle Bailey, 6/18/14

On first reading this thoroughly baffling strip, I guessed that “Queen of Hurleyburg” was some kind of archaic idiomatic phrase describing a stuck-up person, like “Queen of Sheba,” that would be familiar to the 70-and-up crowd that makes up Beetle Bailey’s core readership. But “Queen of Hurleyburg” resulted in zero Google hits; instead, it seems (according to this four-year-old Usenet discussion thread) that Hurleyburg is the town that is immediately outside the gates of Camp Swampy, and, though I would have thought it was under the jurisdiction of the United States, it has apparently set itself up as an independent monarchy. General Halftrack is now on foreign soil, and without a status of forces agreement in place between the U.S. and Hurleyburg, he may find himself quickly tried and summarily executed for lèse-majesté.

Apartment 3-G, 6/18/14

Because I read the comics so you don’t have to, I went back and checked: we haven’t seen Tommie since June 6, haven’t seen Margo since May 10, and haven’t seen Lu Ann since April 29. Will any of the inhabitants of the titular Apartment 3-G ever appear again? Will they eventually fade into the strip’s history, making occasional appearances like Barney Google in the strip that still bears his name, while the main drama focuses entirely on Carol, and her love for absent Jack, and her sidekick Freddy who is a … possum? Let’s say possum.

B.C., 6/18/14

Unlike Mary Worth, B.C. does not see employee-employer relationships as mutually beneficial.

211 responses to “She already has a crown, General, you’d better watch yourself”

  1. Droopy Says
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    9 Chinless Lane: Kiss a day-old head wound. Uh-huh. I hope she got a mouthful of pus.

    Spidercan’t: Really, MJ? Call the warden and tell him to hold a place for his old roomie.

    Dick Tracy: Please tell me that Diet Smith hired Marvin the Martian as his technical advisor. Blowing up the earth is the only way to end this goofiness.

    Family Circus: You do that, Billy, in case you ever find yourself in the twenty-first century.

    Funky Stinkerbean: The script doctor will be Frankie, won’t it? And Creepy Les will blame all the movie’s faults on him.

    Flatulence Alley: This story is so pathetic that the wordplay has been reduced to letterplay.

    Jugheaded Parker: What, no confrontation as April unties Franco? I’d say this strip knows how to suck the excitement out of a situation, but it never had any excitement in the first place.

    Mark Trail: Look how far this city is from the wildlife. You need to walk a mile for a camel!

    Mary Mirthless: Next on “Torched By An Angel,” a heavenly chorus sings “Nothin’ says lovin’ like poppin’ Mary in the oven!”

    Phantom: It’s a good thing that none of those soldiers are looking at the building where the president is held hostage. Well, it’s good for Walker, who won’t get shot.

    Pluggers are unduly impressed by their ability to hold spontaneous conversations.

    RM, MD: Hold onto your hat, Mrs. Peirpointless, because Sarah looks even sillier without that beret.

  2. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    MT-”Of all the gin joints in all the world we had to walk into one with Mark Trail in it.”

    MT-They are either in northern Africa or that man and his camel in the second panel just trekked through the Sahara.

    MW-”Don’t eat the food.”

    MW-So Mary is appearing in Olive’s room in the middle of the night as an angel?

    MW-And God has sent an angel to Olive commanding her to kill Mary Worth because God doesn’t like the competition.

    Crankshaft-She must be watching ‘The View’.

    Spiderman-”Who knows what evil scheme Doctor Octopus is planning right now?”

  3. revenge4aldo
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh Noes! There’s been a meth leak at Charterstone.

  4. pugfuggly
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    MW Kill the old one, drink her blood and you shall gain her wisdom…!

    A3G ‘Freddy’ is the Furby-like thing on her lap, right? Oh god, I couldn’t handle another random character…

    BC And that’s how #OccupyOlduvai kicked off!

  5. Missal
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    A3G: WHAT ABOUT THE DEER?

  6. Ken's Orange Overcoat
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    That’s one deluded angel if it thinks Olive can hear through her nose!

  7. Dennis Jimenez
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    MW – Angels in America….

    BB – the Holy Moley Emperess….

    A3G – Ya Know, fuck which ever one of you who said you wanted to see Carol with a teddy….

    BC – What are you when you give your around-the-world time for $20? A truck-stop hooker….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  8. Écureuil Écumant
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    MW: Behold, a virgin shall conceive and bring forth a son. And his name shall be called “Flower Fairy”.

  9. pugfuggly
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Blondie I know that in this context, ‘driver’ is a golf club, but it tickles me to imagine that Herb has a chauffeur with whom Dagwood is going to steal away for a weekend in some sort of revenge plot. ‘Let’s see how he likes being driven around by a heartbroken shell of a man! Oh, I’m going to love him up so good, then drop him like a hot potato….’

    C’shaft ‘Old and the Rest Home’? Congrats, Crankshaft, your jokes have officially sunk to sub-Ziggy levels.

    FW Jesus tap-dancing Christ. You’d think that someone flying you out to Holly wood would be a *positive* sign. Like, maybe an indication that your script wasn’t just tucked in a drawer and forgotten about? If I were to ignore the dialogue and go on the facial expressions alone, I would guess these two were talking about an impending bankruptcy, the death of a loved on, or the passing of an anti-smirking bylaw.

  10. Malaclypse
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Up next: Mary and God go at it for the right to meddle in human affairs. In the end, it will be better to rule in Charterstone than serve in Heaven.

  11. nescio
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    BB: When the General covered up the crown with his word balloon in panel one, I hoped Miss Buxley was inexplicably dressed as Santa Claus.

  12. Écureuil Écumant
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Edge City: Go ahead, have a donut. I hear they can restore proper breast polarity and stop your tits from pointing in opposite directions.

    FC: Don’t forget your batting helmet, son. You’ll be needing it on your subsequent at-bat.

    Funky: Just try not to puke on the clean dishes, OK?

  13. Al, et al.
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    Of course he needs a script doctor. He probably has cancer of the script. Next step: script oncologist.

  14. Little Blue Bicycle`
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    MW: “Safe!”

  15. Al, et al.
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    @Al, et al. (#13): Er, FW, that is.

  16. Écureuil Écumant
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    BB: Queen of Hurleyburg? Is that anything like Mayor of Simpleton ?

  17. Aunt Charlotte
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    BEETLE BAILEY: I figured “Queen of Hurleyburg” was a euphemism for Miss Buxley’s impressive bulimia.

    MARY WORTH: And little Olive gets a starring role in the Charterstone Little Theater production of “Angels in America,” playing a wee Ethel Rosenberg!

  18. Buck Ripsnort
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    MW: And this is on a GOOD day. When Mary tries to intervene, Olive will get visions of Chthulhu rising from the sea with a sword in His tentacles.

  19. Little Blue Bicycle`
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    Since Batiuk is Les, I suppose we should assume that he had a bad real life experience with some proposed FW pilot/movie?

  20. Écureuil Écumant
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Freddie, I told you that if you made that monkey face, it’d freeze in place and you’d look that way forever.”

  21. Voyage of the Oversnark
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    I wonder with what homespun, half-remembered, vaguely victim-blaming, middle-brow platitudes Mary will successfully treat wee Olive’s pediatric schizophrenia. “A stitch in time saves mind,” perhaps, or maybe she’ll riff on her success with Tommy with something about work making you free.

  22. Sean Franco
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    The logistics of General Halftrack’s word balloons just baffle me. The first one is covering Queen Buxley’s crown (to preserve the forthcoming punchline, I’m sure), yet the second word balloon is behind the same crown. This gives a bizarre and oddly three dimensional feel to word balloons that I don’t feel actually belong in this geometry.

  23. pugfuggly
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    MT Well it’s official: no-one knows what part of Africa this is. At least none of the white people. Wherever it is, it has rhinos, camels, a poaching problem and a thriving economy in the transport and sale of bales of hay. So, ‘nowhere’, I guess….

    RMMD ‘It makes you look silly’ said the lady wearing a doily on her head covered with a black pillbox hat.

    SM Boy, I guess it doesn’t matter how many times Dock Ock, Electro or the Green Goblin get locked up, because as long as there’s a corrupt system of incompetent nepotistic officials in place, these guys are just going to keep being released! You’d think Petey’d be a bit more upset about that, but he seems kind of amused by the whole thing. ‘Boy, if I wanted to go after the real crooks, I’d have to go up to Albany, ammirite? Ha ha ha….Or vote, I guess…’

  24. Dennis Jimenez
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    @Aunt Charlotte (#17): BB – I know it makes me want to puke….

  25. Dennis Jimenez
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#23): Hey lady, the WWII Germans called from the Atlantic wall – they want their pillbox back….

  26. Horace Broon
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    A3G, meta: I think it’s been made pretty clear that even if the strip focuses entirely on Carol and Freddy, the “main drama” certainly won’t.

    ASM: Peter’s expression suggests less that he’s thinking “Gosh, the cronyism in this city is shocking to behold” and more “Gosh, MJ’s pretty. Did she say something? I’ll say it explains a lot, so she knows I’m listening.”

    FW: The Script is The Script, holy and untouchable.

    Marvin: This may well be the most horrible Marvin strip I’ve ever seen, which is quite an achievement.

    MtM: “All that silly talk about UFOs with Narda.” Mandrake, you just met some aliens, remember? They looked like frogs? There was a whole story about it? Any of this ringing bells?

    RMMD: You’re right, of course, Ms Peirpont, but have you seen what you’re wearing on your head? Glass houses…

  27. gelded wildebeeste
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    MW- Olive: “Oh my God, it’s Clay Aiken! He’s here in my room!”

    Dawn Weston (hearing Olive screaming through the thin wall that seperate their bedrooms): Clay Aiken? Big deal. Wake when you see Sanjay. I’ve been saving a sponge for him for going on ten years now…..”

  28. Mibbitmaker
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    MW: Olive of Arcadia….?

    9CL: The entire male gender called, Brooke. They all say that you’re WAY too obsessed with sex.

    A3G: Cat: “Help me!”

  29. Marc
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Luann- Are we supposed to feel sorry for Quill for having nobody there to take his picture? Because I don’t.

    9CL- Would an allied bombing run be too much to ask? Anything to end this shit.

    Mary Worth- First I thought this would be a story about parents not paying close enough attention to their kid. Then it seemed like it would be a tale of how Mary became a registered sex offender. Now it looks like we’re going to tackle the terrible problem of rampant childhood LSD abuse. I mean Olive is tripping balls here.

  30. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#23): RMMD ‘It makes you look silly’ said the lady wearing a doily on her head covered with a black pillbox hat.

    She meant to wear her brand new leopard-skin pillbox hat, but Juliette from 9CL borrowed it already.

  31. Mibbitmaker
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    FW: Les thinks he’s a Parker-Driver-Spencer-Morgan. Silly, stupid Les.

    RMMD: “Oh, my mistake, child, you look silly anyway…”

  32. Voshkod
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    Josh, not to question your theology, but if Mary becomes Olive’s disciple, I’m pretty sure she’d be shooting for the Judas role.

  33. Mibbitmaker
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    MT: “um……… Hello?……..uh….. Jacob Hillman here……….. hello…….. waiting to be rescued……….. um, those ‘Fists o’ Justice’ I keep hearing about……… uh….. hello?…… hello?………..”

  34. Mibbitmaker
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    MW: The angel’s message to Olive: “You’re battier than a bedbug. Oh, and tell Mary Aldo says ‘hi’.”

  35. Dennis Jimenez
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#33): MT – Oh yes – feel free to urinate where ever you like….

  36. gelded wildebeeste
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    MW- “Greetings, little girl. I am not an angel. I am a fairy! See how I wave! I am the Heroin Fairy and I was on my way to Tommy’s room when I walked into yours by accident! I guess that’s why they say you shouldn’t sample your own sales, huh? Ha-Ha! But seriously little girl, I couldn’t help noticing that you bear a strong resemblance to a tween Rosie O’Donnell. Sturdy with a good constitution! And I hear your going back to New York City soon, So how would you like to be the Heroin Fairy’s special “drug mule”–I mean “helper”. How many balloons do you think you can swallow comfortably?”

  37. McManx
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth — I’m hoping the message is “Kill the old lady…”

    Apt 3-G — I’ll be damned, but that creature (cat, possum, Ewok, whatever) is staring right at me and smiling. It’s just so, so creepy.

    Mark Trail — First they were talking about rhinos, which are more located in southern and eastern Africa. Now we see a Bedouin with a camel — northern Africa?!? Just where in fucking Africa is Mark Trail?

    Mutts — Mooch dreams of Africa?!? Aww, goddammit. Not you too McDonnell. Where in Africa? Specify! Specify!!!!!

  38. TheDiva
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m still not sure who exactly Carol is or why we should care about her, but she’s willing to focus her entire life around the man of the moment, so she fits right in with the increasingly absent regulars.

    MW: Please, like anyone other than Mary is allowed to be the Messiah. Olive is most likely John the Baptist, sent forth by divine edict to make straight the way of the meddle. (Yes, even God Almighty is proclaiming the virtues of Mary now. Close down the churches and temples, and join in the communion of salmon squares and ketchup wine.)

  39. dmsilev
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    In the first panel, the angel is all in white. In the second, half white and half black. Tomorrow, Olive gets dragged down to Hell (aka Mary’s apartment).

  40. Esther Blodgett
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    FW: If they’re bringing in a script doctor, why do they need Les? That’s a bit like bringing in the hooker who gave you crabs as a consulting physician.

  41. dougputhoff
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Alt-FC Caption: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be outside thinking of ways to cheat on drug tests.”

  42. DAS
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#11): I don’t know how inexplicable Miss Buxley being dressed as Santa Claus really would be. I’m too afraid to actually do the Google search, but Rule 34 dictates that there must be a whole genre of Miss Buxley dressed as Santa Claus porn out there. So the hint that Miss Buxley might be dressed as Santa Claus might just be fan service.

  43. Currer Bell
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Jack will never leave Happiness Falls. Except of course for at this moment. Which doesn’t count because he wouldn’t let me go with him.

  44. Écureuil Écumant
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#37) on MT: It may be set in what used to be the old South African homeland of Photoshopothwana.

  45. TheDiva
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    9CL: Sometimes I think Martine’s odd syntax is an indication that she’s not a native English speaker and hasn’t quite mastered all the nuances yet. Then she says something like “That one was a local, therapeutic application” and I remember that no, she talks that way because Brooke thinks humans really speak like that.

    C’shaft: Oh I get it, the decline of the soap opera is meant to reflect the inevitable decay and demise that awaits us all. Much like everything else in this strip.

    FW: “They said some guy named Tom Stoppard is going to work with me. I’m sure he’s just another Hollywood weirdo who knows nothing about real writing.”

    Heathcliff: I wonder how many of those random slogan helmets Heathcliff has. Or maybe it’s just one, and it functions as a kind of head-mounted whiteboard?

    Luann: Having been forgotten once again by the rest of the cast, Quill freezes in place until someone looks at him again. He’s kind of the inverse of a Weeping Angel.

    MT: Every time someone vaguely refers to “Africa” in this strip, I think of this.

    Marvin: It’s funny because at the tender age of six-months-to-two-years, Marvin is already a sadistic sociopath.

    RMMD: Sarah knows nobody is easier to manipulate than kindly old grandmother types. Poor Mrs. Peirpont never stood a chance.

    SM: “They’re also dumber than two bags of hammers.” “That explains even more!”

  46. Steve
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    @Voyage of the Oversnark (#21): I wonder with what homespun, half-remembered, vaguely victim-blaming, middle-brow platitudes Mary will successfully treat wee Olive’s pediatric schizophrenia.

    “A wise philosopher once said, ‘You need to get your daughter Olive treated for schizophrenia. Do it today or I’m calling Child Protective Services.’”

  47. Dan
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    “Oh, I’m sorry. I spoke so loud, I couldn’t hear your crown.”

  48. Master Softheart
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Josh: But “Queen of Hurleyburg” resulted in zero Google hits; instead, it seems (according to this four-year-old Usenet discussion thread) that Hurleyburg is the town that is immediately outside the gates of Camp Swampy [...]

    Wait, there were still people on Usenet in 2010? Using Tin and command line readers like I did back in 1993 and arguing over whether there needs to be yet another hierarchically distinct group devoted to fanfiction about William Shatner’s hairpiece? Well, I suppose it makes sense that they would be “the 70-and-up crowd that makes up Beetle Bailey’s core readership.”

    Mary Worth: I love how unabashedly, psychotically enthusiastic Olive is about receiving direct contact with a literal agent of the divine. In the the Bible, angels generally preface their appearances with some variant of “Be Not Afraid…”, presumably because a being formed from pure holy radiance is pretty damn scary. But Olive just looks at the inexplicably grandmotherly visage suffused with God’s glory (she imagines the divine in Mary’s image?) with the same expression of generic excitement she directed at the flower fairies, the ripples of the Charterstone pool, and Mary’s unidentifiable contribution to the potluck. What I’m saying is that this we’re actually dealing with a Rex Morgan storyline about the dangers of over-medicating kids.

    9CL: So, French girls are easy, then. Basically just a nation of murderously psychotic nymphomaniacs with a sense of humor that would make Tom Batiuk wince. And they probably could have avoided defeat in 1940 by just bending over and showing their unshaven labia to the advancing Germans, who probably would have offered them cigarettes before dashing off to masturbate in private someplace. Gosh, I’ve learned a lot about France and the Second World War from this plotline.

    FW: I hope that Les decides to take a road trip to California with his wacky imaginary sidekick. His next book, Travels with le Chat Bleu: in Search of America, recounting his descent into nihilistic despair and ending with a suicide on the beach at San Onofre the morning of his script conference, will take America by storm and fund both Keisha and Summer’s college tuition. In a curious irony, of course, the movie based on that book, with Samuel L. Jackson voicing the cat, blows out The Chambers Affair at the 2015 Oscars.

    SF: This may seem like the most laid back and whimsical Stephen King novel ever, but things will change once Nona decides to use her powers to start killing.

  49. Marcus Theory
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    A3G: I vote bushbaby.

  50. Droopy Says
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle` (#19): You may be right. Batiuk is listed in the IMDB:

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6281702/?ref_=tt_cl_t1

    He had a role in a 2007 movie–well, a half-hour video–called “The Cardinal and the Wrath of the Warthog.” He played “The Art Professor.” Here’s a clip, and don’t ask me if he’s in it–I could only stomach the first minute:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVqkh7Pfe8I

    The blurb says it’s based on “America’s longest running Christian superhero comic strip,” Cthulhu save us. Maybe this is where Batiuk gained his knowledge of Hollywood.

  51. Lawyerbob
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    MW: The message being, “If you hold your hands to your mouth like this and blow just right, you can make the most incredible fart noises.”

    A3G: Gremlin, maybe? I’ll go with witch’s familiar. It will take Carol’s words literally, destroying the known universe so that Carol and Jack can live forever in limbo. Hilarity ensues!

  52. Voshkod
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    First Witch: When shall we three meet again / In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

    Second Witch: When the Queen of Hurlyburg’s crowned, / When the battle’s lost and won.

    Third Witch: With the Halftrack in the lead, / We know McBailey will bleed.

    - Excerpt from Shakespeare’s MacBailey. Superstitious theater majors tend to call it The Stupid Play to avoid speaking the name of it aloud.

  53. Kevin on Earth
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    MW: “Behold! I am Hellman’s -the Archangel of Mayonnaise!”
    Olive: “Uh…hey?…I think you have the wrong room. Wilbur’s is -”
    “Believe me, you don’t want to go down there right now…trust me. Wanna play a game of checkers?”

    GT: Gaah! Two headed coach!”

    JP: Flacco seems to be pretty demanding for someone who is a: confronting his armed enemies -unarmed and b: is speaking about taking diamonds FROM the Parker family.

  54. casino LF
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    MW: Nice knock on St. Paul. That guy sucked.

    MW: Burn Charterstone, Olive. BURN IT ALL.

    JP: Man’s man Randy Parker, passed out in a cabana, somewhere, probably.

    FW: Man, Cayla just looks freaking downtrodden. Maybe there’s a Dead St. Lisa video for that …

  55. Uncle Lumpy
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#48):

    Basically just a nation of murderously psychotic nymphomaniacs …

    Off to Travelocity with me, then …

  56. Comrade Dread
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    I fully expect Mary to set this little girl straight by informing her that real angels are incomprehensible six-winged, multi-eyed creatures with the four faces of a lion, eagle, ram, and human, and that her night time visitor has actually been a Angel, a stripper who lives in the adjoining apartment and mistakenly crawled through Olive’s window after a particularly bad bender.

  57. KreatureFeatures
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    “3G” appears to be an abbreviation of “Triple Goofy.”

  58. Jim in Wisc.
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Meddlin’ Mary: Judging from the last week or so of this strip, I’d venture a guess that Karen Moy has been traveling through the deserts of Southwest America … and has, like many before her, discovered the magical properties of that wonderful cactus called peyote.

  59. Voyage of the Oversnark
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Steve (#46): Alas, Santa Royale had but one psychiatrist who, as I recall, had to be treated by Mary to overcome his fear of commitment. As for Santa Royale’s CPS, I believe that too is Mary if the saga of Emily Smith from Goleta is anything to judge by.

  60. seismic-2
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    MW: Olive receives a midnight visitation from the Angel of Death. “Hello, Olive. You’re from New York, aren’t you? A man in New York named Shovey Shovington was supposed to carry out a mission for me, but he let me down. You won’t let me down, will you, Olive? Tomorrow, it will be just you, Mary, and a kitchen full of butcher knives. Remember, the entire reputation of NYC is now resting on your shoulders. Good girl!”

    BB: General Halftrack regularly makes lewd advances towards the woman whom we now learn is the city’s Queen. Does that make him The Man Who Corrupted Hurleyburg?

  61. Pozzo
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Marcus Theory (#49): Can’t believe somebody beat me to “bush baby.” Guess I’ll have to vote potto.

  62. Jim in Wisc.
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#y128): It wouldn’t surprise me if there had been. I was reading some of Tom Batiuk’s Funky Blog this morning (yes, I am a masochist), and let me just say that that is one disturbed man.

  63. Voshkod
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure that the indeterminate animal in Apartment 3-G is an aye-aye. So, the other indeterminate creature (is it Carol? A prematurely aged Lu Ann?) is smuggling wild animals from Madagascar. On the bright side, the aye-aye is considered a harbinger of death by the locals (the locals of Madagascar, probably not the locals of Happiness Falls), so maybe everyone will soon die at the point of the extended middle finger of the aye-aye (which would be but one of the many middle fingers aimed at Apartment 3-G.

  64. Joe Momma
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: “All this amazing spider strength, yet I have to hold up my head in order to speak–and I can barely do it.”

  65. Écureuil Écumant
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#62): I just got an Avast “slimed page” alert when I tried to hit it. Even the electrons are ganging up on him!

  66. Uncle Lumpy
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:32 am [Reply]

  67. Shrug
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#40):

    “FW: If they’re bringing in a script doctor, why do they need Les? That’s a bit like bringing in the hooker who gave you crabs as a consulting physician.”

    COTW contender!

  68. Écureuil Écumant
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#66): Whatever it is, it seems to be savoring the thought of the next tummy-pet which will release the berserker hormones, causing it to unsheath and wield its scimitar-like claws.

  69. Joe Momma
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MW: From the Book of Worthies 2:34-37 “And the Angel of Death came to her in the dark and whispered into her delicate ear: “Lo, you must leave Santa Royale for the Lord is angry and will smite it with a rain of fire and brimstone–particularly on that sanctimonious Mary Worth.” And the room glowed with the goodness that is the lord.

  70. Tim H
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I notice that the angel kind of appears to be Mary, in which case, this verse seems appropriate: “And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.” – 2 Corinthians 11:14 (ESV).

    I can only tell Olive the same thing I yell at every little girl playing in a garden in a Guillermo del Toro trailer: “Oh no, little girl, it’s not safe, you gotta get out of there!”

  71. Ratiocinator
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    ASM: “Unless you want those pictures of us together engaged in ‘college experimentation’ to see the light of day, governor, you’ll pardon this guy!”

    “Oh big deal, it’s 2014! Voters aren’t gonna care what my sexual orientation is.”

    “Maybe not, but do you really want everybody to see how embarrassingly small you are?”

    “…”

    “So Octavius gets pardoned?”

    “Goddamn it, fine, fine, I’ll pardon the psycho with the stupid hair.”

    FW: This is guy who once made out with an hallucination of his dead wife so yes, I would say he does need a doctor.

    MT: “Jacob Hickman? Why, this is an amazing coincidence–we just kidnapped a Jacob Hickman who was interfering with our poaching operation!”

    “Really? You don’t say! Wow, what are the odds?”

    Mutts: And then the lion ate Mooch and he woke up in a cold sweat (or whatever the cat equivalent of a cold sweat is).

    RMMD: Well of course Sarah gets to ditch the beret. God forbid she suffer through the least bit of hardship for any significant amount of time.

  72. David
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Based on the perspective in the second panel, the wise angel in Mary Worth seems to think that human beings hear through their noses.

  73. teenchy
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    I for one look forward to reading Mary Worth in Hell. If it’s anywhere near as funny as Roz Chast’s Pollyanna in Hell it’ll be a hit.

  74. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    In tomorrow’s Mary Worth, a special guest appearance by The Doctor, who tells Olive not to blink.

  75. GeoGreg
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    MT: I’m going to assume that Mark is staging his trip from, say, Marrakesh before continuing on to the Southern Part of the Continent. That might explain the camels and fezzes and whatnot. Or else Mark just has no idea where rhinos live and will spend the next year wandering from country to country in his suit and tie, bemusing and amusing the locals.

  76. Dood
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: The House of Buxley-Grimaldi has long ruled over Hurleyburg.

  77. Dartpaw86
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    A-3G: I honestly hope Freddy is a Ferret. The alliteration gives hope that the comic will spin off into a wacky talking animal cartoon strip and we’ll never see ANY of these people again.

  78. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MW – Well of course she is having visions. Her mother just assigned her to spend the next week with a strange old lady she just met, helping her with her baking. What small child wouldn’t be enraptured by the prospect?

    “Maybe she will let me help her sift the flour! Or, I could just sit there and eat Ribbon Candy from that jar that has been sitting out so long that all the pieces have melted together to form a coagulated mass! And speaking of coagulated masses, I think she might even have some of those leftover chicken salad things in the fridge! Oh, Lord, why hast thou forsaken me!!?”

    “Sorry, sorry I’m late. BIG mess to clean up down in Alabama – don’t ask! Anyway, I may be able to get you out of this. One case of Whooping Cough coming right up!”

  79. Brad
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Are we supposed to read anything into it that the angel has Mary Worth’s face? Or that, come to think of it, so does Olive? In fact, looking back at previous strips, it seems all the female characters have Mary’s face. I guess what I’m reading into this is that Mary Worth’s illustrator has better things to do.

  80. Dartpaw86
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#78):

    With “Chicken Salad Things” that’s giving the artist too much credit. Remove Chicken from that sentence, and salad. There we go!

  81. Alter Ego
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    love is… hosting a naked co-ed children’s cocktail party.

  82. Wool Worth
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m not sure, but I think there’s a happy medium between a storyline about watching someone eat a sandwich all week and the start of a new religious sect.

  83. Wilbur Weston
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Wool Worth (#82):

    … watching someone eat a sandwich all week and the start of a new religious sect.

    Wait, those are different things?

  84. Ratiocinator
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#y128):

    Wasn’t there a high school days flashback panel a few years ago where Les, being menaced by Bull, hid in a closet (NASL) and lost control of his bladder (as signified by under-door leakage)?

    Good times, good times.

    I remember that, and it was a retcon revealing that when Bull went into the closet and it sounded like he was beating the crap out of Les (to the amusement of the other bullies outside), Bull was actually just making sounds like he was hitting Les (possibly by hitting an inanimate object or his hand, I forget exactly) and Les was making sounds like he was in pain, and it was all an act.

    Now to begin with, this struck me as lazy writing. It’s like Batiuk was thinking “Now I’ve got Bull all grown up and teaching at the high school, but people still remember how horrible he used to be to Les–I know, I’ll retcon it so that they were really friends all along and Bull was just pretending to beat him up so other bullies would figure he was already beaten up and not beat him up themselves! Then nobody will hate Bull!”

    Second, wouldn’t the “pretending to piss your pants” thing cause more problems than it solved? Because you just know that the guys outside the door were telling everybody the knew that Les literally pissed himself the next day. Couldn’t have been good for his reputation.

    @Droopy Says (#1):

    Mark Trail: Look how far this city is from the wildlife. You need to walk a mile for a camel!

    Why would they want to build a city near the wildlife? The wildlife is stupid!

    @Mibbitmaker (#31):

    FW: Les thinks he’s a Parker-Driver-Spencer-Morgan. Silly, stupid Les.

    I wonder what would happen if Wilson and Batiuk collaborated on a story, what with the former’s penchant for making things too easy for his protagonists and the latter’s penchant for making things too difficult. Would they cancel out one another’s faults and end up creating an honest-to-goodness decent story? Or would they just incessantly argue over whether to write a story about whether the main character should be declared royalty or suffer a prolonged and agonizing death, find themselves unable to compromise, and never get any work done?

    @Shrug (#67): Seconded.

  85. Baka Gaijin
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Oh please, oh please, oh please let the Angel’s secret message be, “Leave a special gift of thanks for the kindly Mrs. Worth: poop in her purse.” Not quite the Third Secret of Fatima, but what is?

  86. Baka Gaijin
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: That dreamy look on Peter’s face as he imagines college life with a roommate, all those naked pillow fights ending in casual buttsecks.

  87. Illustrator Steve
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MT – It was obvious that by the way Mark is dressed Lori Tompkins assumed he was planning to go on a safari.

  88. Baka Gaijin
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Lori Tompkins, Flirtmaster 3000©.

  89. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#86): all those naked pillow fights ending in casual buttsecks.

    Ah, the joys of having a roommate, you can go right from the nude pillow fight to the buttsecks, without needing to dress up in something more formal first!

    “Almost ready, just let me button up these ruffles, first!”

    “Ok, but take your time and do it right! I don’t need to spend another night with your ascot in my zipper!”

  90. tegrat
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    BB: Is this just some lame attempt to go all “Game of Thrones”?

  91. Dr. Mabuse
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: This angel appears to Olive with a secret message, only for her, so she has to come in the middle of the night: okay, I get that. But then why does she have to whisper it in her ear? And on top of that, why does she have to hold her hand over her mouth, to block anybody trying to read her lips? I only see that pose when someone is telling someone else in public that their fly is undone. Seems to me that the message can either be “Power wears out those who don’t have it” (which that guy in The Godfather Part III whispered to that other guy before stabbing him in the throat with his glasses) or the zenith of anticlimactic messages, “Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.”

  92. Illustrator Steve
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    MT – So let me get this straight… Mark wants to leave the country called Africa and return home to a continent called the United States so he can register for enrollment in remedial geography classes at the LoFo adult ed center?

  93. Joe Blevins
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary Worth is giving us a master class in gaslighting an impressionable child. Step one: rent an angel costume.

    BB: I think — think — the strip is trying to do a “reveal” here by covering up Miss Buxley’s crown with a word balloon. But the end result is that Gen. Halftrack appears to be talking to a wig stand that he’s dressed up as Santa Claus.

  94. Dr. Mabuse
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Oh, right. Like the Queen of Hurleyburg would reign in a little black cocktail dress and heels. That is so unrealistic: everyone knows that get-up is only for a secretary on a military base.

  95. made of wince
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    FC: Billy, soon to be the star of The Littlest Babe Ruth. Sheesh, kid, lay off the Hostess Snowballs!

    BB: Not much of a punchline, here. But I do like the idea of covering a sight gag with a speech balloon. It would be great if all the characters directed their dialogue over Miss Buxley’s midriff during the last few months of an unplanned pregnancy, for example.

    Apt3-G: “I would give this constantly changing hallucinatory world with its hideous people, places, and animals for that Jack Riley. What do you say to that, Freddy?”

    “BLORK BLORK!!!”

  96. Uncle Lumpy
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Judge Moore/Funky Parker: Alan self-publishes The Chambers Affair as a graphic novel, packs his upstairs apartment with skidloads of unsold inventory, and hangs around the back door of Montoni’s for scraps even Funky is too proud to sell. Les settles into life at cushy Spencer Farms, looking sharp in his bus driver’s unifform.

  97. Baka Gaijin
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    EEEEE!!!! [QLUNQ!] Seriously, no one can wonder why Tonopah depopulated to a half a percent of its peak population.

  98. Downpuppy, Brotherhood of Evil
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#97): If you’d ever been to Tonopah, chased by near feral hounds down the wretched streets of that dusty dump, you’d want to wear baggy pants.

  99. greghousesgf
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Family Circus—Normally I would object to the idea of anybody playing baseball with shorts on but I’m all for Billy cutting the crap out of his legs.

  100. Congo Bill Bailey
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Oh, Brother! We’re never told what Bud did to get his sheet wet. On second thought, I don’t want to know!

  101. Aunt Bertha
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    MW: So little Olive is looking forward to spending the next day baking with Mary, but receives a visitation from an angel that night. Doesn’t the baking-angels-dreams connection immediately suggest Genesis 40:16-19? If the three-day schedule of Joseph’s dream interpretation holds in this case, Sunday’s strip should involve Mary’s being hanged from a tree and eaten by birds. Looking forward to the make-lemonade platitudes…

  102. Baka Gaijin
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy, Brotherhood of Evil (#98): Sorry, that whole stretch of Nevada is off limits to me. I’m not sure what would explode first were I somehow teleported into that town. Maybe a brain outburst like the guy in Scanners or possibly a general body blast like Mr. Creosote.

  103. debussy fields
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    MT– Last Saturday: “Are you Mr. Trail? Mr. MARK TRAIL?”

    “Why, yes, I am!”

    Today: “Excuse me, but aren’t you Mark Trail, the writer and wildlife photographer?”

    “Why, yes, I am!”

    Clip dialog balloons!

    Next, the waiter appears saying, “Are you the fella who ordered the baked rhino testicles in Hollandaise sauce?”

    “Why, yes, I am!”

  104. aphthakid
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    MT: Hey! That guy just stole Mark’s coffee!

    LUANN: I wonder how long it’ll be before anyone notices that Quill has slipped into another dimension?

    SLY: 5) Beavers will straight up try to murder you if you camp near them.

    MW: And, LO!, the Angel whispered, “You have a brain tumor that’s causing you to wildly halucinate. You should seek immediate medical attention.”

    JP: I’m 20 minutes out, or about four to six weeks of comics.

  105. hogenmogen
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    SM: So the warden calls up his old college room mate, the Governor, and asks for a favor after 30 years. The Governor agrees on the condition that first the warden returns the Culture Club cassette that was borrowed and never returned. “Did you really want to hurt me,” asks the Gov. “Did you really want to make me cry?”

  106. Dennis Jimenez
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    MW – Hey, I know the secret message! Five – Five Dollar – Five Dollar Foot Long – It’s Going Strong….

  107. Anonymous
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    MW – Normally, angels appear to deliver messages of great importance to the world. But since this is Mary Worth, I’m betting it’s just telling Olive to substitute apple sauce for some of the butter in the brownies tomorrow to make a tasty, low-fat alternative.

  108. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @aphthakid (#104): Luann – If Quill had another dimension, he wouldn’t be standing alone taking selfies to send himself.

    Unfortunately for him, he has just as much personality as being the nominal boyfriend of the most shallow girl in the school requires him to have.

  109. cheech wizard
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#107): Damn browser! That was me.

  110. seismic-2
    June 18th, 2014 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I hate small towns and their gossip, gossip, gossip. All the rumors floating around about mysterious lights in the sky, crop circles in the corn fields, and strangers with shape-shifting faces. All the snoopy neighbors probing around, trying to catch a glimpse of you when you’re not wearing your human flesh-suit, especially these ridiculous faces that fit so poorly to our skulls. Jack loves Happiness Falls and will never leave. But you and I, Freddy, we’ll be leaving soon. The mother ship will be returning, and we can take the Tommie and Lilly specimens back home to Znargh with us, where they will provide sufficient fodder for many years of intensive analysis in the lab. Won’t you be happy to be back with other members of your species, Freddy? I know I will be!”

  111. hogenmogen
    June 18th, 2014 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    MW: And the Angel of the LORD thusly spoke:

    Tell Mrs. Worth that Aldo says “Hi.”

  112. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    A3G-Do we really need to see Carol sitting there petting her pussy?

    MW-”You shall go back to New York and spread the message of our Lord Mary Worth.”

    MW-And the next morning Olive awoke to find herself pregnant but could not explain why.

    FW-”I don’t know but I am starting to feel sick.” Please let him be sick with cancer.

  113. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    MT-Mark has got to stop hooking up with people he meets on the Internet.

  114. cheech wizard
    June 18th, 2014 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    MT – This is obviously an African hotel that caters to a very exclusive clientele – Americans who hate to travel – given that they’ve gone to the expense of modeling it after a 1950s EconoLodge. People like Mark will shell out big bucks for the illusion they never left home or, for that matter, the Eisenhower era. I’m sure you can get chicken fried steak and the eye-opener special with two eggs, two pancakes and two strips of bacon as well.

  115. Chip Whittle
    June 18th, 2014 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Is Mark Trail reading a book at the table, or does the restaurant have one of those menus that’s like forty pages long and somehow it’s all omelets and burgers?

  116. Marc
    June 18th, 2014 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#112): A woman siting there petting her pussy seems like more of a Brooke McEldowney thing.

  117. Shrug
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: “An angel gives Olive a message.”

    And whispers it, because s/he is too selfish to share the message with just anyone who may be listening in (the NSA, the Curmudgeons, Mary who has tapped all of the rooms in Charterstone, etc.). Possible messages:

    “Spark Plug in the third race tomorrow at Hialeah.”
    “I know you are but what am I?”
    “Before I say anything else, can you tell me where the Little Angels’ Room is?”
    “Little Orphan Annie is now with the Candlestick Maker of Belgrade.”
    “Pink is NOT your color.”
    “It was his childhood sled.”
    “Plastics!”

  118. the good ship thetis
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#97): I have been to Tonopah and I have stayed at the motel. (It’s right next to the town cemetery, incidentally, which is worth a stroll if you have a thing for Old West cemeteries.) However the scariest thing that happened to me at the motel was in the lobby. For some reason there were old newspapers scattered about…not stacks and stacks of them, but just a few old newspapers casually on shelves here and there among the knickknacks. I happened to look at one. It was from 1948 and the headline (about the Israeli war of independence) read something like “Jews drive Arabs back 40 miles.” It was so disorienting to see a headline that I didn’t have a context for that for a few seconds I had a complete time-warp moment…didn’t know who I was or where I was. It added to the feeling that in many ways Tonopah, like a lot of the rural West, is a town that time forgot.

  119. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    MT-Mark, be honest with them and tell them that you are there to help a Nigerian prince get some money out of the country.

  120. Poteet
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    MW: To me, this angel looks less like Mary Worth than most other characters in MW during the past ten years, male and female. Maybe that’s progress. Or something.

    Anyway, what intrigues me most is Olive’s very happy face, indicating that the angel is delivering (into Olive’s nose) a very cheery message. This seems unusual. From what little I remember of angels in certain holy books, their messages usually range from mysterious to unnerving to terrifying. This angel seems to be telling Olive how to eat whatever she wants without ever becoming fat, a secret heretofore reserved for Mary Worth and Dagwood.

  121. Shrug
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Brad (#79):

    Brian Aldiss once wrote an sf story called “Let’s Be Frank” in which, thanks to some sort of infinite regression reincarnation loop or somesuch, everybody in the world eventually became copies of the same person.

    But even Aldiss did not dare write one in which that same preson was Mary Worth. Not even Clive Barker, Joe Lansbury and Thomas Liggotti collaborating could bear to produce a vision that disgustingly, disturbingly, depressingly despairing.

  122. Baka Gaijin
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @the good ship thetis (#118): EEEEE!!!! [QLUNQ!] by proxy!

  123. Poteet
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#97): I don’t have your special problem with clowns, but in this case, I’m with you entirely, and by “with you entirely,” I mean “I’d sleep on the floor of a gas station restroom before I’d stay at that motel.”

  124. Poteet
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#45): If I had a float, that Weeping Angel comment would ride.

  125. Crankenstank
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Um, I think that’s actually Mary in her angel costume and a little make-up. Who does she know in Santa Royale who’s retired from the special effects industry…? Today, little Olive, you will believe a meddler can fly.

  126. Joe Blevins
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Wait, did I say Jack Riley? I mean Jack Daniels.”

    BB: There almost needs to be a third panel in which Miss Buxley casually replies, “Nope!” and goes on with her work, leaving a befuddled and impotent Gen. Halftrack contemplating why his secretary is wearing a crown and robe to work.

  127. Shrug
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#121):

    LansDALE. LansDALE. I do know better, but my fingers took over, and apparently they did not — frankly.

  128. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    MW-”He knows it was you, Olive. You broke His heart. You broke His heart.”

  129. Red Greenback
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    I hope that thing (it looks like a juvenile mister peepers, IMHO) in Apt 3-G is properly diapered… Actually, no, I don’t. Fling away, Freddy!

  130. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    MW-And even later that night a woman dressed as an angel was arrested for sneaking into the bedrooms of children.

  131. Little Sparkle Farkle
    June 18th, 2014 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    The Widow Worth

    Ka – CHING!!

    Notes to self – nail down the Widow b4 lawyers up (franchise? Royalties? Commission? ); Sid – Fax Olive contract boilerplate ASAP; Charterstone Pilgrimage Package: Carnival? AMR? Priceline? – bottling deal: poolside holy water plant: (KO? DP Snapple?) Wheelchair concession – Lourdes/Medline co-brand? Holy cards, commemorative plates, medallions- M S Omnimedia?

    Sid – RFQ Pope, Supreme Ayatollah, Chf. Rabbinate; Gr. Mufti, Gr. Imam? SBC? Pat Robvertson?

    Parking . . .

    Bobble heads . . .

    “true bedpost” relics . . .

  132. TheDiva
    June 18th, 2014 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: “Look, sir, here comes the lady towards your cell…Except she’s clearly moving away from us, so it makes no sense to say ‘here comes’ instead of ‘there goes.’ And with that very short skirt and peekaboo garter, she can hardly be called a lady. And she’s likely going away from your cell rather than towards it, since we just left it ourselves. Only the cell appears to have mysteriously vanished, leaving us standing in a vague blurry greenspace. But I am looking at Juliet, and inviting you to look at her as well, so two words in my short and relatively simple statement are accurate. That counts for something, right?”

    In other news, Brooke attempts to recreate the poster for The Graduate with a fourteen year old girl.

  133. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 18th, 2014 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    FW— “It can’t be that bad, Les. After all, they’ve already signed that famous director, Alan Smithee.”

  134. Avoiding the Madding Crowd
    June 18th, 2014 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury: Another in a string of non-funny, non-topical, uninteresting repeats. I don’t know why this daily strip is still being carried. Saint Garry of Trudeau is living off his reputation, a reputation maybe deserved forty years or so ago. Now, not so much. He jumped the shark so long ago that the shark is now a Plugger.

  135. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 18th, 2014 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Something about that combination of Buxley’s long queenly mantle and rolling chair really worries me, like she’s in danger of meeting an Isadora Duncan-like demise in very slow motion.

  136. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Avoiding the Madding Crowd (#134):

    What’s even bad about these repeats is that GoComics has the entire thing of Doonesbury and these repeats are jumping all around.

  137. Poteet
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Freddy is better-looking than Lily, but only barely.

  138. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury-”We had to adopt Kim so she could eventually marry Michael Doonesbury.”

  139. Poteet
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    BB: Looking at that second panel, I think someone just really, really wanted to draw a crown.

  140. Poteet
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#129): Ah, memories. MISTER PEEPERS was a Fifties sitcom, and my grandparents’ pet bird was named after the Wally Cox character. I don’t remember the show, but I do remember Mister Peepers the nice little parakeet.

  141. Poteet
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#132): Your post persuaded me to look at Pibgorn for the first time in more than a year. Yup, I see what you mean. And that’s it until 2015, maybe.

  142. Poteet
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    MW: Plunk a big black pointed hat on Olive and make her the color of her name and that second panel could be the official image for WICKED. Oh, how I wish I hadn’t thought of that.

  143. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    A3G— What we are seeing is this strip’s transition from an urban saga about three single women, to a rural saga about a veterinarian/cult leader, his clients/victims, and his self-appointed girlfriend/sister/mother. But fear not, A3G fans. Despite the change of cast, the strip’s direction will be the same. With Tommie as an example, Jack and Carol will continue the traditions of A3G by creating the world’s dullest cult. However, in recognition of Jack using his farm to indoctrinate cult members, the name of the strip will change from “Apartment 3-G” to “Club 4-H”.

  144. Poteet
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT: The ancient joke about THE IMMATURE AND THE HORNY was very slightly amusing when it was new. This, not at all.

  145. Anonymous
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#120): The angel isn’t delivering a message to Olive. The angel was summoned to Olive’s room by the flower fairies, who were in the process of being mutilated after being lured into the room by Olive. However, the angel was too late to save them, and could only stare at their remains, a look of horror on her face, her hands covering her mouth. Olive’s glee is evident in both panels. That girl is one sick puppy. This strip, having exhausted all its soap opera story lines, is heading into Stephen King territory.

  146. Alison
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    “Rex Morgan”: Of course Sarah doesn’t have to do anything an employee wants her to do if it makes her uncomfortable. When she’s a teenager working at McDonald’s she’ll totally whine to the manager, “I don’t like making fries! I get grease on me!” and of course he’ll say, sympathetically and without any sarcasm, “Then by all means don’t make any more fries! We’ll just give all the customers their burgers without fries.” (Disclaimer: I know Sarah would never really have to work at McDonald’s. The Morgans just pull up to the drive-thru and McDonald’s automatically gives them free food.)

    “Mary Worth”: This strip has gone completely bonkers since the introduction of Olive and I’m really digging it. I especially like that the narration box informs us, straight up, that an angel came to Olive, rather than saying Olive dreamed it or imagined it.

  147. Avoiding the Madding Crowd
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#145):That was me, for better or worse.

  148. Little Sparkle Farkle
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    If Trudeau’s only going to do Sunday strips I can do without the daily stuff running now. I will say though that today’s was interesting, about how Kim, Mike’s second wife, came to the US as a Vietnam refugee war baby. I remember that story arc from the 70s but didn’t make the Mike/Kim connection until today.

    Yeah, I remember. I’m old but I ain’t no Plugger (I don’t plug, I just whine).

  149. Red Greenback
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#140): “Outside I might look like Wally Cox, but inside, I feel like Tyrone Power”

    MW: “There WAS a 2nd gunman on the Grassy Knoll?!.. I knew it!!”

  150. Peanut Gallery
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “I’m sorry, I can’t draw things that start with the letter ‘B’.”
    “‘C’?”
    “Yes, that’s right. It’s all due to a trauma I suffered when I was a schoolboy. I was attacked by a bat.”
    “A cat?”
    “No, a bat.”

  151. Peanut Gallery
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#37):

    Just where in fucking Africa is Mark Trail?

    When his editor told him to go to Africa, Mark said, “I’m all over it!”

  152. gelded wildebeeste
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Apt:3-G: Carol’s moony reverie over the horse doctor always feels like a particularly bad spoken word intro that allows her to suddenly burst into the song, “Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man” from “Showboat”.

  153. kanomi
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: If newspaper comics undergo a phase transition from surly cultural resentment to straight up proselytism, let them. Margo, for example, would thrive under the harsh regime of Scientology:

    “Engrams from your reactive mind are making you a suppressive person Tommie. Let go of that deer and listen to me, an operating Thetan. Don’t you want to be Clear?”

  154. Oregonian
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    It won’t be “the titular Apartment 3-G” until it gets an artist like the one at Judge Parker. And, frankly, that day can’t come soon enough.

  155. hogenmogen
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Little Sparkle Farkle (#148): Seriously? Mike Doonesbury was in college in ’67. He married someone born in the ’70s? That’s a bit too Woody Allen for my tastes.

  156. Peanut Gallery
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#120):

    how to eat whatever she wants without ever becoming fat, a secret heretofore reserved for Mary Worth…

    To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln (or maybe it was Camus), “If I could eat anything I want, would I be eating these orange globs?”

  157. Daniel
    June 18th, 2014 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    MW Wouldn’t an angel look like Proginoskes? Or Bill Cipher? Deer teeth!

  158. Perky Bird
    June 18th, 2014 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Little Olive isn’t important enough to receive a herald angel who announces her arrival with a melodious golden trumpet. Instead, she gets an angel who uses her hands and mouth to make primitive “doot-doot-a-dooooot” noises.

  159. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    June 18th, 2014 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Luann: ALRIGHT. WE GET IT. THEY HAVE GRADUATED. ENOUGH ALREADY.

    Marvin: Oh, that is just so fucking WRONG.

    MW: ….??????????????????? ……Is that Mary???????? DEAD????????? ………We can only hope.

    RMMD (a.k.a. Sarah Morgan’s Book Deal, B.S.): The only reason Mrs. Pierpont is so rich is because she’s been wearing the same damn clothes since 1952.

    Love is…: Yeah, once I had book about magic and I tried to do this by casting a spell. It didn’t work.

  160. Alter Ego
    June 18th, 2014 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#159): I remember now that you read Love Is on the loveiscomix site, not the daily newspaper strip. But for a while there I was thinking, “He tried to cast a spell to teleport himself into a nude children’s cocktail party?”

  161. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 18th, 2014 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    MW— Olive is having traumatic hallucinations caused by an errant Rolls-Royce crashing into her room, with the grille stopping inches from her face. In her confusion, she has mistaken The Spirit of Ecstasy for an angel. Though not an actual angel, The Spirit does give some advice to Olive: “Stay away from that biddy, or you’ll never have any ecstasy in your life, ever! And never drink and drive.” While Olive survives the crash, the driver, a Mr. Kelrast, does not.

  162. Gabacho
    June 18th, 2014 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Karen Moy is trying out a new plotline to sell “American Horror Story: Charterstone”.

  163. gelded wildebeeste
    June 18th, 2014 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Little Sparkle Farkle (148):
    Here’s why I want the recycled Doonesbury strips to stay:
    In one strip, when Uncle Duke was Governor of Samoa, he asked his Samoan Chief Of Staff MacArthur how he got that rather unusual name. MacArthur answered that when General MacArthur helped the Samoans during the war, people named their babies after him. Duke remarked that it didn’t seem so bad (or something close to that, I’m paraphrasing). MacArthur replied, “Try telling that to my sister Doug.”

    Flash forward to just a few years ago, exactly when I am not sure, but the wannabe-Political strip PRICKLY CITY had a conversation between the coyote character and an alien named “Opie”. The coyote asked about the name, and Opie explained that, on his planet, everyone worshipped reruns of Andy Griiffith television shows. The coyote said it didn’t seem too bad (paraphrasing again) and Opie replied, “Try telling that to my sister Matlock.”
    So keep the old Doonesbury in the papers and the next time Prickly City decides to lift one, itNll be fresh in everyone’s mind and we can nail Scott Stantis’ hide to the barn door.

  164. casino LF
    June 18th, 2014 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

  165. blah
    June 18th, 2014 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    An angel giving Olive a message, or John Larroquette playing the harmonica? We may never know….

  166. cheech wizard
    June 18th, 2014 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    MW – And tomorrow, they’ll find little Olive’s body surrounded by the burnt-out matches she kept striking so the vision of the angel wouldn’t disappear. Of course, she wouldn’t freeze to death in southern California, so they’ll just assume she was smoking in bed. Did I forget to mention “charred” up there?

  167. made of wince
    June 18th, 2014 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    BC: Allow me to present the logical conclusion of this discussion.

    “What are you when others give their time to you?”

    “A businessman.”

    “So, uh, is a baby being cared for by his mom a businessman? She’s always giving her time to him, right?”

    “Oh, blow it out your ass.”

  168. Gary
    June 18th, 2014 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    My question is more basic. Why does the angel need to whisper? If the answer is that she’s avoiding the microphones that Mary has secretly planted throughout Charterstone and that eventually we’ll be treated to a panel of a frazzled Mary, drab skinned, undernourished, wearing earphones, sitting at a table in a darkened room and a reel to reel player next to her, as she listens in to all that’s happening throughout the complex every night, then this will indeed be the best Mary Worth storyline ever.

  169. Chip Whittle
    June 18th, 2014 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#155):

    Seriously? Mike Doonesbury was in college in ’67. He married someone born in the ’70s? That’s a bit too Woody Allen for my tastes.

    Yeahbut (and trying not to think about the Marion Zimmer Bradley horror being revealed this week), Mike Doonesbury and the rest of the cast was in that weird time-frozen state normal to comic strips before the big early-80s hiatus. After that he (and characters in general) started aging more or less normally.

    If we take his graduation in 1983 (per the Broadway musical) as setting his real, time-progressing age as about 22 or so, that puts Mike as born in the early 60s, and Kim’s backstory as The Last Orphan Out as putting her born in the early-to-mid 70s, then we have a id-30s guy marrying a young-to-mid-20s woman. That’s maybe eyebrow-raising but it isn’t skeevy.

    (Granting that dates can’t really be given precisely because of the time-free nature of the strip before the Big Hiatus and that some stuff is clearly importantly linked to particular years while other stuff isn’t.)

  170. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Marvin-Between Marvin’s anal fixation and his budding Oedipal complex he is going to make a future psychologist a lot of money.

    Blondie-Dagwood, the woman said you could pet the dog not finger it.

    Luann-Quill’s future is going to be full of selfies.

  171. Northernlurker
    June 18th, 2014 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @Gary (#168): I was wondering the same thing. I also wonder why the angel looks more like Mary than Rona Downey. And finally, WTH?

  172. rbmalpha
    June 18th, 2014 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: This kid’s secretly dieing of a brain tumor or something, right? ‘Cause that’s the only way you see a vision Mary Worth as an angel rather than a slick, meddlesome devil in a well tailored suit.

    Beetle Bailey: I see Beetle Bailey has opted to go the way of Heathcliff with the surreal whimsy, because I honesty have trouble thinking of something to say about this.

    Apartment 3-G: In addition to having a creepy, unattractive face, Carol also has a furry woodland creature of indeterminate origin that she thinks is a cat. So, we can safely add “poor eyesight” to her list of “qualities”.

    B.C:“When you give money to people and causes you believe in… you’re a ‘philanthropist’.” “What are you when others give their money to you?” “A member of the Parker-Spencer-Driver clan.”

  173. Majicou
    June 18th, 2014 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#169):
    and trying not to think about the Marion Zimmer Bradley horror being revealed this week
    Wait, what? Is this something other than that she married that pedophile guy?

  174. BKBaroo
    June 18th, 2014 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    “The flower fairies sent me,” whispered the angel, “to take Mary Worth.” “Excellent,” replied Olive.

  175. seismic-2
    June 18th, 2014 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think we’ve seen this angel before, except then it was smaller and pink.

  176. demoncat_4
    June 18th, 2014 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    rmmd take off that stupid hat sarah and wear one like mine. as sarah and mrs. p begin a new friendship. due to art and hats. mary worth oh no first faires and now angels. a warning that olive could be a new name on marys list of people she whacked.

  177. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 18th, 2014 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    FC— Keep working on your “bat flip”, Billy, and some day you will be able to flip your bat furiously.

  178. Chip Whittle
    June 18th, 2014 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#173):

    Wait, what? Is this something other than that she married that pedophile guy?

    It’s all pretty awful news. Moira Greyland (Bradley and Breen’s daughter) came forward last week with some horrible assertions about her mother. (I’m being circumspect because I don’t want to ruin the mood around here, but it all links to a long history of people doing horrible things and being protected by their friends in the science fiction and SCA fandoms.)

  179. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    JP-The diamonds are in a very safe place. April has kept them rather close to her the entire time. You might want to wash them first though.

    FC-”If anybody needs me I’ll be outside collecting money that’s owed to me.”

    FC-”If anybody needs me I’ll be outside showing that Dennis Mitchell wimp how to be a real menace.”

    RMMD-And you, Mrs. Pierpoint, don’t look silly at all in that stereotypical early 20th Century old lady outfit.

  180. Majicou
    June 18th, 2014 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#178): Hooooooooly shit.

  181. seismic-2
    June 18th, 2014 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    MW: At least Olive was spared a visitation by this angel.

  182. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 18th, 2014 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    MW: Give Karen Moy credit for pushing the story into a new area. Mary Worth is almost not the most improbable creature in her own strip now. Credit also to Joe Giella for making Olive’s angel look angelic, if somewhat Bible-comics stiff. Sad to say he still can’t draw a childlike child.

    BB: Well that’s random. I would have guessed she was auditioning to be the first Burger Queen.

    A3G: If you really want your secrets to be kept, tell them to a cat who’s been taxidermied for a couple of years.

  183. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#181):

    Please tell me he was wearing underwear.

  184. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 18th, 2014 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    MT: Meanwhile the guy in panel two is asking everybody he sees for directions. “Hey, I got separated from my two buddies. We were all going to pay tribute to the baby Jesus. Ring a bell?”

    FW: “I don’t know… but I am starting to feel sick.” Write that line down, Les. I’m sure it will be perfect for the movie.

    9CL: Don’t be fooled by these two being fully clothed. WWII is still being presented as a hyperverbose Hedonism II cruise where you sometimes get to pick off Nazis.

    RMMD: Lady, if you want to improve how Sarah looks, forget about her taking off the beret. You just take off your glasses.

    HtH: Hagar is so hung over he can barely tie up his adversaries and burn them alive.

    FC: If anyone wants Billy, he’ll be sprawled supine on the lawn, knocked unconscious by his own bat.

    S-M: Thinking back to the roommates I had in college, there are maybe one or two I’d piss on if they were on fire. There are none on whose word I’d pardon a dangerous criminal.

    H&J: Herb, on the other hand, lies every day, when he follows recipes from the cookbooks of Mary Worth and Loretta Lockhorn and markets the results as “soul food.”

    Marvin: If I ever want to read about a baby wishing he had caused more pain to his mother’s vagina… I have no idea how to finish that sentence.

  185. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#4):

    MW Kill the old one, drink her blood and you shall gain her wisdom…!

    Sounds like a long way to go to become a playground meddler. Not that I’m not up for seeing it.

  186. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#40): That sounds like the kind of comparison you’d think they’d understand in Hollywood. Live and don’t learn, I guess.

  187. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#86): … the recurring dream where student housing assigns him Matt Murdock as a roommate.

  188. Dr. Pill
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Mark, Mark, Mark, what the hell are you doing? You are a journalist, are you not? Perhaps a “nature writer,” but a journalist still. A guy trying to save some rhinos gets kidnapped, possibly tortured, possibly killed, and there you sit bemoaning your boredom. Get up off your duff and get out there and find out what’s going on. Save that man’s life, for crying out loud! Maybe it’ll be more risky than facing a pissed-off bear without a shirt, but it’s the morally correct thing to do. Damnit, man!

    Now, look, I’m a peaceful being, I’m not bloodthirsty or anything, but I want someone to get shot in Judge Parker. Perhaps when the diamonds come out to be divided up, one of the F boys will try to take them all, resulting in a shooting or two. That would be fine, but to have this thing end with handshakes and vague verbal promises after watching these people slink around at night with night-vision goggles, sniper rifles and automatic weapons and knives will be one of the dumbest endings ever written. And that’s saying something, given the plots in some of the other so-called “story” strips.

  189. Liam
    June 18th, 2014 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    BC-”What are you when others give their time to you?” “A god.”

  190. Ebenezer Wasabi
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#86):

    Spiderman: That dreamy look on Peter’s face as he imagines college life with a roommate, all those naked pillow fights ending in casual buttsecks.

    Sicko that he is, Peter Parker waxes nostalgic to his wife about all the times he was tentacle-raped by Doctor Otto Octavius.

  191. cheech wizard
    June 18th, 2014 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    MW – The angel is whispering to Olive that she’s come to take her “home,” from whatever extremely rare childhood affliction can be dredged up to explain this. Olive is overjoyed, because she gets to bail now instead of being part of this story for the next eight months like she’d assumed.

  192. Myrtle
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G: You are all wrong about Freddy – he is indeed a cat. In fact, he looks remarkably similar to the flat-faced cats I used to draw in first grade. (although I did the ears better) Too late, I realize that I could have had a career as an illustrator/cartoonist, if only some museum had discovered me.

  193. Dale
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Africa is a very small country. There are only two ways in and out.
    1) Rent a camel. They take credit cards.
    2) Wait for enough people to fill the plane. Then track down the guy wearing a leather helmet.

  194. Uncle Lumpy
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Can you imagine an arcade game based on 9 Chickweed Lane? I’m thinking something like Whac-A-Mole, but with penises.

  195. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    June 18th, 2014 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    MW: On the left, we have a disheveled, neglected child; on the right, we have a majestic angel shining with divine radiance; on both, we have the same horrible haircut.

  196. Lenoxus
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    Presumably Miss Buxley won a pageant. So is the BB joke that no Queen of Hurleyburg should be expected to do drudgery on the day of her crowning, and Halftrack was characteristically thoughtless in asking her? (But she’s still in the office anyway!) Or that the errand in question involves her being in public, which would be embarrasing in that outfit (even though she’s apparently chosen to wear it at work, even before the ceremony)? Or, perhaps most plausibly but least humorously: The General’s request conflicts with her schedule. Ba-dum tsssh!

  197. Vulcan With a Mullet
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: All I can say is, that (first panel) is some shrewd/insane use of the speech balloon in service of the gag. I don’t know whether to praise it, or just roll my eyes in service of the Dark Lord of Chaos who oversees newspaper strips.

    Ah, forget it, I choose to serve my Lord without question. All hail the great Bushmiller! HE knew that the gag is ALL.

  198. Girl Reporter
    June 18th, 2014 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    As God is my witness, I vow to work “Who died and crowned you Queen of Hurleyburg” into a drinking game/embroidered throw pillow/childrearing philosophy until I draw my last breath.

  199. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 18th, 2014 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    3G – She hates gossip, knows Jack, and utters self-sacrificing platitudes while slowly stroking her monkey-human hybrid. It’s like she’s the Platonic opposite of a Bond villain!

    Curtis – “Yes, Curtis, you pass. You have been promoted and will be in my class again next year oh god I hate my life.”

    Mary – It’s like all those syrupy, sentimental Victorian ballads about dying kids have come to life on my comics page. Good call. The Erl King would have been way too edgy.

  200. kris
    June 18th, 2014 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    i think mary worths little friend is having psychotic episodes and will eventually try to kill people.

  201. Poteet
    June 18th, 2014 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    MW: That angel was a guy??! First yesterday panel — okay, maybe. Second yesterday panel — nyuh-uh.

  202. Poteet
    June 18th, 2014 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    MT: I predicted yesterday that Khaki Chris would turn out to be part of the poaching operation. I repeat that prediction now. EVERYONE wants to hang around with Mark. Not wanting to hang around with Mark is a clear sign that you are not what you ought to be.

  203. Poteet
    June 19th, 2014 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    MW: “The angel told me I’m supposed to lead an army against the English to help the Dauphin be crowned the King of France! Cool, huh?”

  204. Poteet
    June 19th, 2014 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    FW: “No need to assure you that I’d never sleep with anyone else because I love you, and no need to point out that I’m far from physically irresistable, period, let alone irresistable to starlets. Instead, I’ll just make a lame remark to remind you that I’m both a writer and a martyr. Oh poor, gloriously-talented me!”

  205. thleen
    June 19th, 2014 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Josh, if you don’t see that angel is Mary, i don’t know what to tell you. Now, my theories about this are twofold: either A, Mary Worth is in fact an angel of the Lord, come down to Earth to do His will, and has disguised herself as a regular human being so as not to overwhelm us with her majesty. OR– Mary Worth has taken advantage of this poor child’s hallucinations, dressed up in a sheet and let down her hair, put some fans on to make her robes billow, and is finally living out her fantasy of actually being on par with an angel in someone’s mind.

    Either way, it’s gonna be a hell of a story arc, am I right?

  206. Dale
    June 19th, 2014 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Mark doesn’t care WHO these people are, WHERE and WHY they’re going, and WHETHER Editor Bill Ellis wants him to go.

  207. Wanion
    June 19th, 2014 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever seen Mrs. Pierpont from Rex Morgan in the same room with Carol’s “possum” from Apartment 3-G?

  208. made of wince
    June 19th, 2014 at 5:57 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail has taken a trip to Africa, and he says it’s been cancelled? But Mark, you’re on that trip right now! That’s like taking a shower and declaring “I chose not to take a shower! And now, to soap up my pits during this shower which has been cancelled!”

  209. WordboyDave
    June 19th, 2014 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    BEETLE BAILEY:

    I think the most disconcerting part of today’s strip is that, as you can see from the camera flip between panels one and two, it’s actually consistent: General Halftrack’s voice balloons are always behind Buxley’s head. Which suggests that these balloons are real physical things that actually exist in the Baileyverse, and we’re only just noticing it now.

    Also, it looks like she got crowned YESTERDAY, right? Because of the crown?

  210. WordboyDave
    June 19th, 2014 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Oh, whoops! Just noticed Josh’s title for this post. Glad I’m not the only one who thought that.

  211. Cliff
    June 20th, 2014 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    I’m fascinated by A3G lately. Not because of the storyline, God no. But because while the writer is going on about deer or veterinarians or whatever, the artist seems to be illustrating a storyboard for “Invasion of the Potato People,” or a sequel to Trash Humpers.

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