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Terrible acts of violence edition

Shoe, 6/17/09

The thing that most unsettles me about Shoe is of course its occasional portrayal of “sexy” lady birds, but the “goggle-eyed look of horror reaction shot” is a close second, especially since the punchlines in this strip are generally good-natured jokes about everyday life and not, say, an announcement of existential crisis. For instance, going by today’s text alone, I’d guess that this is supposed to be some wry commentary on how low the resale value is for all those expensive consumer goods we buy, and what’reyagonnado, amiright? But the way that our two characters are looking at each other in undisguised shock in the final panel implies that this sale of the Perfesser’s possessions was a last-ditch effort to raise funds that they desperately needed, and that the bad men will be coming to cut off their thumbs shortly.

Family Circus, 6/17/09

Wow, this week’s “Little Billy, Age 7″ cartoons sure are extra harrowing, aren’t they? I have no idea where Big Daddy Keane’s day job is supposed to be or why Billy is there with him, but the meaning of his display of violence is fairly clear. “See what I did to the machine, when it didn’t give me the bag of Funyuns that I paid for? Well, just think of what I’m going to do to you and your sister and your idiot brother if I don’t get the [kick] God [kick] damned [kick] peace and quiet [kick] I deserve [kick] once in a while!”

Sally Forth, 6/17/09

Ah, a mother’s love! It encourages us to speak in the sweet, comforting voice of LIES. Really, Sally, if Hillary always “do[es] great” on her finals, then why, after 27 years, has she still not advanced to the sixth grade?

Dennis the Menace, 6/17/09

“So I thought you might want to stab him with this, to teach him not to shoot off his big mouth.”

199 responses to “Terrible acts of violence edition”

  1. Phred22
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    MT: (continuing the dialogue) My VP and our waste haulers are all too preoccupied with the “facial hair” contest we’re holding.

  2. commodorejohn
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Really, the grid lines that are perfectly orthogonal to the frame of the panel are far, far more menacing than anything Dennis has done in the past, oh, thirty years.

    …the one time I don’t still have my post in the clipboard, it gets post-jumped. Grargh, oh well.

  3. anty a
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Wow, Billy certainly sees his parents as out-of-control, violent screamers. This is a far cry from the bucolic scenes portrayed when one of the “adults” draws the strip. Billy, as he exists in the strip, is going to grow up thinking that damaging property in a rage is an appropriate way to deal with frustration, and communicating about challenging issues with a spouse is best done via an enormous fight. What really fascinates me is that we are expected to find this amusing.

  4. anty a
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    PS. I can’t wait for tomorrow’s FC. Maybe Billy will draw Grandma shoplifting in Dollar Tree with the caption, “Grandma budgeting her money.”

  5. BigTed
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Wait, stop! Don’t you know that if you kick a vending machine, it could fall over and crush you? Oh, Billy’s there? Never mind.

  6. Elizabeth Helena
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    The theme of this week’s Family Circus is the Keane’s inevitable decline into homelessness. Monday was the revelation of the empty bank account. Tuesday, Daddy is kicking snack machines in order to get free groceries. By Friday, the Keanes will be living in their car, with Jeffy firmly locked in the trunk.

  7. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    In today’s 9CL, the ex-nun speaks with rage against her creator with the kind of intensity one would more expect from a denizen of Funky Cancerbean. Of course, I think her rage is justified against McEldowney. Heck, having him as a creator is a very good reason to leave a religious order. But I think we’re meant to understand this as rage against the bigger god who also made her creator. I’ve heard the term “anti-theist” before, but I didn’t take it seriously. I thought only somebody very religious would come up with the idea of somebody who was against god rather than merely atheist and vocal or obstinate. But it seems the Brooke actually hates God. The irrationality of belief coupled with the irrationality of hate leads to today’s comic. The best explanation of this comic is that he actually believes himself to be some sort of god and suspects that he’s ruled over by somebody equally pompously irritating.

    Also, what the hell does he think is wrong with the state of Nebraska? I spent a week there stuck when my car broke down. It wasn’t so bad.

  8. Master Softheart
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    SF: This was extremely sweet.

    Phantom: Little known fact: the real reason Jungle Patrol didn’t allow women for so long is that they end up sexually harassing the poor Unknown Commander. The 15th Phantom had restraining orders against a sizable fraction of the adventurous women in late 1970′s Bangalla.

    JP: Sophie wonders why some people at her school resent wealthy and privileged people who go through life assuming that no rules apply to them, that no matter what they do or who they shove out of their way, they can always retreat into their limitless wealth to avoid the consequences of their actions. Well, Sophie: observe Exhibit A (Exhibits A-C if we count breasts separately).

    The seething cauldron of exurban class conflict repressed by a Gramscian combination of socialized deference and jaw-dropping bosoms is one of my favorite aspects of the strip.

    FW: Funky Winkerbean offers the kind of multifaceted, diversified self-loathing that appeals to everyone; an easy transition from ludicrous middle-aged self-pity to mockery of a high school softball team that Charlie Brown could probably beat. No matter who you are, this strip can make a clumsy attempt to fit despair into a situation that will resonate with you.

    MT: The fact that there will be a Vice President with facial hair really does let Mark off the hook too easily. I was looking forward to the existential crisis Mark would face in deciding what to do with the CEO of Unidentified Toxic Goo Inc. herself as she offered dismissive, sassy replies to his incoherent accusations of killing his forest friends. Well, okay, I admit that I was really hoping that he would take Josh’s advice and give postindustrial capitalism itself a solid right cross that would leave it crying to the OECD like Hillary Forth ahead of a chemistry final, but I suppose that was never really in the cards.

  9. norbizness
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Billy’s illustrations are starting more and more to resemble surrealistic vistas from the movie Dreamscape.

    As for Dennis the Menace, he should have qualified his statement by adding “… for wearing that fucking hideous Joe Namath ensemble!” at the end.

  10. Chyron HR
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane – “Armpits, the State of Nebraska, my face melting in panel 2…”

    Apartment 3-G – Yeah, yeah, Margo and her estranged father are on their way to India to meet a man who smuggled an imprisoned Lama out of Tibet. But here’s what you really came to see–Tommie and Ruby talking about it!

    Gasoline Alley – Ironically, Upton’s theological comments are still more grounded in the Bible than anything in “Left Behind”.

    Mary Worth – “Speaking of cooking, tonight’s main course is a big bowl of Chex Mix.”

    Pearls Before Swine – Furries. I ain’t reading that.

    Spider-Man – “Get with the program, Doc. There’s $15 million set aside in the Stimulus Bill for Batshit Insane Atomic Tentacle research.”

    Edishit Lee – Don’t eat fast food! Don’t be lazy! Camping sucks! …Wait, what?

  11. BRWombat
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Sally’s heavy hand awkwardly pressing the top of Hillary’s head explains why she hasn’t grown taller in 27 years, either.

  12. Comrade Denny
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    DtM: The constant recycling of this trope forces one to conclude that Henry is a mean-spirited, resentful, two-faced, back-biting asshole.

    DT: I’m tired of this implausible casino-heist plot-line. Let’s get to the maiming and murderizing already so we can move on to more real-world story-arcs about terrorists using remote-controlled cats to steal plutonium to power the mechs they’re going to use to rob a bank to get the cash they need to buy up and then flood the precious metals market so they can buy more precious metals super cheap to trade to North Korea for enriched uranium to build a bomb they’ll use to extort a pardon for their charismatic leader so he can finish the nefarious scheme to get everyone to buy his mind-control underwear which he was working on when he got collared or something.

    S-M: Why do these super-genius villains always use force as a first resort in their heists? Just because you’ve got mechanical adamantium tentacles fused to your spine doesn’t mean you always have to use them! Besides, Doc Ock’s tentacles may be indestructible, but his spine isn’t. His chiropractor bills must be murder.

  13. Shlomo
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    I bet if Jeffy was writing Family Circus this week, Dad would have used Billy as a battering ram to get his yummy treat.

  14. BigTed
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    You have to wonder why the Mitchells keep inviting random weirdos to sit in their living room and visit with their 5-year-old son. It’s not as if they don’t know these adults in circa-1962 dress are peculiar, since they’re always disparaging visitors behind their backs (with statements that Dennis, of course, will inevitably overhear, misunderstand, and repeat back in a humiliating way to the object of their scorn). Maybe they’ve just decided that psychological torture is the best kind of menacing of all.

  15. Dragon of Life
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    The Perfesser might’ve had higher prices if he hadn’t apparently stored every single item at his “garage” sale in his sweater. Or… uh, I really hate to think of the implications if his actual body is that lumpy and misshapen. That won’t be a pretty corpse…

  16. Mac
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    To my eternal shame, I actually kind of like the Billy strips. I think it’s because there’s actual energy and life in them that’s normally missing from FC. This one’s practically an action sequence.

  17. Ranger
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    MW: The way Delilah is stressing here recently separated husband’s name, Mark Trail style, is Mary’s cue for meddle. You can see Mary’s face transform from happy hostess to Mary MegaMeddle in panel 2.

    RMMD: Anyone else getting creeped out by the constant talk about “Little Willy?” I guess everyone except Rex.

    OBH: Not always true. The Mockingbird has similar markings on both male and female. Now get that crap off the bird. We don’t want to bury non biodegradable plastics in the ground. I bet Joe could whack Ruthie with that shovel and then bury her with some of her “Good Art by Ruthie”. Not that I condone such a thing.

    JP: Godiva Danube!=Soccer Mom. Still, God Bless Barreto!

    Luann: No Brad! Push her into the street!

    Marm: Oh no, the little girl is done for. Making a deal with a Hell Hound only leads to eternal damnation, or being eaten.

    GT: This must be set in the future where cell phones have evolved to sentient beings and send out messages so all the other phones can laugh.

    SM: WHY CAN’T YOU ALL JUST LEAVE DOC OC ALONE!

    DT: I’m very confused now. The bad guy is accepting money from someone he doesn’t know that says one eye is dead? Also, Dick identified himself to Big Ace. Finally, they gave Big Ace MORE money than what was supposed to be delivered? Saying criminals in Dick Tracy are dumb doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what this strip has become.

    FC: Wow, Billy sees the world a bit different than Bil. I like this twist. Hopefully we will see daddy Bil go off the deep end.

    Curtis: Its time to start weening those kids off of breast milk Mrs. Nelson. Chutney’s arms look like she is a bit surprised by the pull in, but Curtis looks like he came in willingly. In fact, you can’t even see what is hands are doing.

  18. The Ghost of Jarrod
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in Zits, Jeremy outs himself as a voreaphile.

  19. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Why is flamingo pink being used as a signifier for “female and attractive” on the dogs in MG&G? Should someone be offended by this? Will someone probably be offended by it, even if they shouldn’t? Wouldn’t it be nicer to just draw attractive dogs in traditional dog colors? If we finish the week with “Chastity” and “Hope” panels, will Chastity receive a different color to indicate her presumably less-receptive status? Did the veterinarian make any tasteless jokes when Chastity went for her operation? Approximately how many living beings of any species have actually been named Prudence within, say, the last decade, anyway? These are some of the things I’m currently occupying my brain with in lieu of getting any serious work done this morning. With all due modesty, it is a spectacularly virtuosic display of procrastination.

  20. Larrygnu
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    This week’s Family Circus has greatly disturbed me. On Monday, Daddy Keane is passed out on Billy’s bed. On Tuesday, the parents are engaged in a shouting match in front of at least one child. On Wednesday, Daddy Keane is taking out on rage on an inanimate object. By Saturday, Billy will be drawing his father either burying the body or being taken away by the police.

  21. Mibbitmaker
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    My post on a number of today’s comics is on y-thread #121.

    #2 (commodorejohn): I finally got fed up with being post-jumped and tried to cut-and-paste for the 1st time. I tried by hitting the Back button to my pre-posted comment, then following the directions you gave me a while back. As I did the latter, nothing worked. I believe it was probably my 9-year-old that already doesn’t do tasks that it used to do easily (like its Radio function, and read pdf docs, for example).

    So all I can do is hope it gets read. I wish it helped, somehow, that Josh essentially post-jumped himself (y#120, responding to angry black woman).

    Oil well…..

  22. Calico
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    #6 – It will no longer be The Family Circus, but rather The Family Tent City.

  23. Muffaroo
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    DTracy – So Dick comes back to the King O’ Cards, and King asks how it went. “Oh, okay. I gave him the money, and we chatted a while.”
    “I thought you were going to arrest him or something.”
    Tracy smacks himself on the forehead, “Oh, hell! I knew there was something else!”

  24. Calico
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    #9 – Mmmm, panty hose (on a man)!

  25. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    I believe Josh must understand that even when a new post has been made, all the comments in the old post are still there for people to read.

  26. spookycatlady
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Any idiot knows the best way to liberate snacks from the vending machine is to rock it, not kick it. Sheesh.

    Of course, I wouldn’t do this, as if I had the physical prowess to do such a thing, I would quickly become squishycatlady. Also, the office’s burly youth is on vacation.

    I think Glen/Billy/Bil (whatever the true drawer of this strip is called) is finally getting a chance to tell his tale of childhood horror because the real world Thel passed away. I suspect wire hangers will figure into this feature prominently by Friday.

    I’m off to find a replacement burly youth.

  27. NoahSnark
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    This weeks series of Family Circus strips makes me think the Keane family is trying to get their own reality TV show. I applaud this marketing move, and look forward to their guest appearance on the Osbournes.

  28. Baka Gaijin
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth: I must be the only one to see this: Sally looks like she’s getting ready to pop HIlary’s head off like a giant champagne bottle. Either that or twist her daughter’s head so sharply that she fractures Hilary’s spinal column ala Sean Connery’s James Bond.

    Cathy: The madness continues. Like mother-in-law, like wife.

  29. Amanda M
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know who that guy in Dennis the Menace is, but his suit seems to be from another dimension.

  30. Stroker Ace
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    FC – No Billy, Daddy is fixing the condom dispenser that didn’t work eight years ago.

  31. Sans Sense
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    FC:

    (Call the Police…)

    Billy (7)

  32. Mibbitmaker
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    #21 (me):

    I meant my 9-year old computer!

    I just can’t catch a break today.

  33. Mibbitmaker
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    #25: Yeah, but I’m sure alot of people jump to the new thread once it’s posted, especially if they log onto the CC after the new post is up.

    I know I keep on making the mistake of judging whether my comment gets read by how many comments eventually follow the post-jumped one, however.

  34. Anonymous
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Hm. Gasoline Alley mentions John 2:16. What’s that, what’s that:

    For everything that is in the world-the desire for fleshly gratification, the desire for possessions, and worldly arrogance-is not from the Father but is from the world.

    I… I’m not sure what Gasoline Alley is trying to tell me here. I guess probably that Slim is a horrible person. That’s usually a safe bet.

  35. Mibbitmaker
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Backstabbing Motormouth Henry Mitchell, meet Rageoholic Cartoon Bil Keane.

    FC: ….Bil, Henry…. You guys should get along juuuust fine.

    Shoe: Sort of a Reverse Stimulus Plan.

  36. TheDiva
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Cathy: And now we see why Irving’s parents are reduced to sponging off him.

    FC: I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s comic, “The emergency team lifts the vending machine off Daddy’s crushed pelvis.”

    MW: “I try, Mary, but nobody makes overcooked, sauceless pasta like you do!”

  37. Pozzo
    June 17th, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Boy, Jerry Stiller sure looks pissed in DtM today. Does he hate kids, hate coffee, or just hate the ridiculous suit with the too-short legs that Anne Meara made him wear?

  38. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    June 17th, 2009 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    S4th: In today’s Wild Kingdom of Suburbia, the mother soothes her daughter’s nerves by picking the nits out of her hair. This is a gesture of affection between primates and not at all creepy.

  39. AhClem
    June 17th, 2009 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    FC – After this week of revealing drawings, Family Circus will return to it’s sanitized, lovable form next week, illustrating the wacky and heart-warming adventures of Bil, Thel and the three kids.

    “Billy? Sorry, I don’t know anyone by that name. Wait, we used to have a …umm, dog … called Billy, but he was run over by a garbage truck years ago. He’s buried in the back yard with all the other dead pets.”

  40. Alan's Addiction
    June 17th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    I have a question about “Shoe:” Wasn’t the Perfesser’s house valued at $458?
    Based on both today’s and yesterday’s “Family Circus,” I’m beginning to think that the Keanes have severe anger management and conflict resolution problems. Instead of quietly talking about money problems and debating the possible methods of dealing with them, they scream at one another; instead of calling a maintenance man or looking for a different vending machine, the father expresses his futile rage by attempting to give the machine a “damned good thrashing.” From this, we can only draw two possible conclusions: First, that it’s only a matter of time before Mommy and Daddy’s latent rage in feelings of inadequacy spill over onto the kids, and child protective services makes a visit. The alternative possibility is that the Family Circus writers, beginning to realize that it’s no longer 1957 and their woefully out-of-date strip is beginning to lose readers, are attempting to insert some sort of reality-TV melodrama, possibly in the vein of “John and Kate Plus Eight.” I hope it’s the former, because I dislike reality TV even more than boring children who have an obsession with cute malapropisms.
    There’s something vaguely sinister about Sally Forth’s body language and “facial expression” (such as it is) today. It’s almost as if she’s attempting to calm Hillary down moments before she (Sally) snaps poor Hillary’s neck like a twig. I know that my own mother never put me or my siblings into creepy, pseudo-headlocks like that with an evil smile on her face.
    Holy crap, that guy in Dennis the Menace is wearing Dennis’ horrible, checked jacket! Dennis is apparently no longer the primary menace of the strip, but his horrible, virulent fashion taste is. On the other hand, if he is subtly offering to stab this man with the screwdriver on his father’s behalf, then kudos to you, young menace.

  41. late2theparty
    June 17th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    More menacing: “You might need this. My dad says your wife is a real good screw.”

  42. Comrade Denny
    June 17th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Even more menacing: “I’m gonna need this. My dad says you’re a really good screw.”

  43. It's time to pay the price
    June 17th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    I love how widdle Billy manages to scrawl out a pretty complex copyright in the bottom corner there. Is he afraid someone’s going to steal this piece of shit? Well too late, Daddy’s already broken into your room, swiped it and mailed it in at the last panicked second to keep those deadline people from breaking down his door.

  44. Frozen
    June 17th, 2009 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Where do you guys read the comics from? I’ve been using the Seattle Times but it doesn’t have the soap comics.

  45. Toff
    June 17th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    FC: I like how it’s teaching kids to do something that might result in them getting crushed.

  46. Frozen
    June 17th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Also, Billy’s dad is the most awkward kicker I’ve ever seen. It looks more like he stood as far away as he could and tapped it with his toes. That’ll show it.

  47. Comcis Fan
    June 17th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    FC: Lest we forget, it wasn’t that long ago that “Daddy” drew Bil sprawled across his bed, a look of great fatigue (despair?) on his face. Could it be that FC really is gloomier than FW?

  48. boojum (formerly Second Officer)
    June 17th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Frozen @ 44: Try the mighty Chron:

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComics.mpl

  49. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Frozen @ 44: Try the Houston Chronicle. Click the “Build Your Own Comics Page” link to set up a page you can bookmark that will show just the comics you want, without having to click back and forth from the index page.

  50. darwiniac
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    Krankschaft: This is actually relatively accurate. One of my EMT instructors mentioned how he’s run numerous calls where a smoker on oxygen via nasal cannula has accidentally lit their hose. It burns really, really fast and leaves a nasty mark, well, from their lips to their ears, though not necessarily to god’s.

    Marfield: Little bastard should stop drinking so much if he doesn’t want to have bad hallucinations.

    S-M: Maybe try selling your inventions and you can get a few million or more the easy way. Get a better haircut and maybe you can get some tail out of the deal too. I guess the premise of Spider-Man is that only losers with no common sense go into the villain or hero business.

  51. Larry McAwful
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know what Henry’s serving his guest. I mean, when I make coffee, it’s frequently hot enough to give off a little steam, but not a drifting vapor stream that’s at least four feet long. What’s in that cup? Dry ice?

  52. Digger
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Finally, little Billy is letting us see the truth about his parents. Tomorrow, “Daddy scares off some noisy kids” as we see Bil on his front porch firing a shotgun.

  53. Comrade Denny
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    #50 darwiniac re S-M:

    Definitely. For all Peter’s griping about being broke, he’d make millions in royalties from all the industrial applications of his high-strength web fluid.

    Still, I think there’s a certain level of emotional damage/stuntedness heroes and villains have undergone to make them put on the tights. I’d think most scientists would, if they were bitten by a radioactive spider and granted an assortment of spider “powers” – would try to understand the biology and chemistry of the phenomena and mine it for medical/live-improving applications. Selfish jerks, on the other hand, would probably keep their powers secret and become pro-athletes rather than criminal masterminds. No, I think something happened to make Peter choose a life crime-whining.

  54. Comrade Denny
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    That was really insensitive of me. I’m really sorry guys.

  55. Steve S
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    This reinforces my view that the Little Billy cartoons are drawn by a drunk Bil in the midst of anger, self-loathing and guilt. Tomorrow, daddy tells Thel she’s sucking the life out of him. Friday, daddy sends an e-mail to an old flame and desperately tries to recall it on Saturday morning.

  56. Professor Fate
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    FC: Tomorrow we see the parent’s angry make up sex though the young eyes of young Billy who then gouges out his eyes with a teaspoon. Friday’s comic is a pitch black circle.

    FW: Because people being inept at sports is always funny.

    9CL: I think it was Charles Fort who asked “If there is a universal mind must it be sane?”

  57. The Mighty Captain E
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus? Usually not much of a draw for me, but I can’t help but think that Billy(7) has a future perhaps illustrating for Gil Thorp or Dick Tracy. I’m liking those hands….keep at it Billy(7)!
    And I am also thinking of referring to myself soley by my first name with my age in parantheses after. That’s cutting edge stuff.

  58. Fletch
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    #34 – Ahem, you quoted 1 John 2:16, not John 2:16. Let’s see what that says:

    “And he told those who sold the pigeons, ‘Take these things away; do not make my Father’s house a house of trade.’”

    If Upton is planning to steal from those who contribute to the church in good faith, he should take these words to heart, or risk the threat of the Lord’s whip.

  59. Renman2000 (correctly spelled version)
    June 17th, 2009 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    When did Sally Forth become ElastiGirl? Either she can stretch those forearms at will or her cheap suits have been hiding her orangutan heritage.

  60. Charterstoned
    June 17th, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    MW – Mary’s bookshelves are interesting–who do you suppose is in the framed picture next to the model of Bucky the Deer? Mary and Frank? Mary and Jeff? Or, is it just the photo that came in the frame when she bought it at the drugstore? I will say, it’s probably a good thing that Mary keeps a bottle of Ipecac handy, two shelves down, for those times when she serves leftover salmon squares.

  61. Ben
    June 17th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Sorry to repost from “yesterthread”, something I’ve never done, but has anyone read “The Funnies” by J. Robert Lennon?

    It’s a great book basically about a fictionalized version of the true story behind the Family Circus, complete with bitter children, the mysterious “missing” kid, and the son having to take over the family business. A family who grew up “famous” and are forever screwed up because of it.

    Fun!

  62. UncleJeff
    June 17th, 2009 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    37 Pozzo: That’s not Jerry Stiller! It’s 1940s leading man Walter Pidgeon, fitted with a new orange hairpiece and wearing a stunning suit which has lines drawn straight up and down regardless of where the suit gets its creases!

  63. Calico
    June 17th, 2009 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    #41, #42 – Tie for comment(s) of the week.

    FC – Billy is not noting his age with the 7, but rather his I.Q.

  64. Amateur
    June 17th, 2009 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    #7 — Les, you’re not familiar with the New Atheists? Hating the God you don’t believe in is very trendy right now.

    (I’m a believer myself, but I’ve read some of their books. Gotta keep up with what the other side’s doing. :-) )

  65. Hogenmogen
    June 17th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Man in bizarre plaid polysester suit takes the tool, bends down to tighten the screw on his chair. “Thanks, son, that rattling was driving me crazy. Crazy? Crrrazzy?? What’s that, mommy? Kill them you say??”

  66. That One Chick
    June 17th, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Why would they be worried about having their thumbs cut off?
    They’re birds.
    As such, they should be able to function thumbless. It may even improve their quality of life since they can become more like real birds.

  67. SF_Reader
    June 17th, 2009 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    MW – Now they’re confusing me. After “ancora imparo”, I assumed Delilah was Italian. But now she’s saying she doesn’t cook as well as Mary! What? Mary Worth, the epitome of church picnic green jello with carrots, can cook better than you? Miss, “Welcome to my home for dinner Jeff, Toby, and Chinbeard! Have some some yellowish brown mush from a casserole dish that I cooked in my own oven” serves food that tastes better than yours? Delilah is an imposter! If she’s Italian then I’m the Prince of France!

  68. Vince M
    June 17th, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Speaking for my father’s side of the family from Chadron, Nebraska, I implore you, Brooke, to bite me.

  69. Down With OPP
    June 17th, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    In this edition of Shoe, the Perfesser seems to have exchanged the shabby, rumpled herringbone sportscoat he usually wears for a shabby, rumpled sweater fashioned from some undetermined fabric. He still looks like shit, but kudos to the strip’s artists for mixing it up a bit!

  70. Gary D
    June 17th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Considering the calf-length suit pants, the black vest, the brown tie and a ribbon of toilet paper flowing from his cup of coffee, I’d say Dennis’ dad is actually right for once.

  71. cj
    June 17th, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Luann:

    Brad has eased comfortably into the life of an invalid, maybe too comfortably. Casually commanding others to perform backbreaking labor while wearing that smug expression that says, “My life is now at its zenith, f- you everyone.”

  72. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 17th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Reliable science informs us that any tape left in a car for more than a fortnight will metamorphose into a Best of Queen album. I’m beginning to wonder if there’s a similar phenomenon where any food left in Mary’s kitchen for more than a few minutes must spontaneously reform itself into either “casserole” or “squares” of some sort.

  73. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 17th, 2009 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    (“Do you like the Filet de Boef en Croûte casserole? I tried a new brand of canned mushroom soup!”)

  74. Chyron HR
    June 17th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace – It seems like Dennis’ parents insult everyone they know behind their backs. Perhaps this is perfectly normal behavior in suburbia, but I hardly feel sorry for them when they get called on their shitty attitudes because of Dennis’ innocent remarks.

  75. Bitter Scribe
    June 17th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    The Dennis the Menace guy should learn that plaid-patterned clothing does not form a perfect, unbroken grid when it’s being worn by someone in the 3D world. Or else he should stop trying to draw plaid suits.

    Or maybe just stop trying to draw, period.

  76. Lawyerbob
    June 17th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    There’s only one possible conclusion to “Seven-year-old Billy continues to fill in with his family observations”, isn’t there? “Daddy shoots Mommy, PJ, Jeffy, Dolly and me and turns the gun on himself.” I look forward to the endearing 7-year-old-like drawing.

  77. Comrade Denny
    June 17th, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @ #73: “And I used Funions instead of French’s french fried onions!”

    A casserole is usually food’s last chance to be food, but in Mary’s case, I’m willing to bet it’s the first time someone considered eating that particular combination of yellow mustard, strawberry quik, and asbestos shingles.

    By the way, this is what Salmon Squares look like. Or this. Neither is quite the crunchy little snack one gobbles by the handful as portrayed in Mary Worth.

  78. gnome de blog
    June 17th, 2009 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    7, 64: McEldowney puts his God-hatred in the mouth of an ex-nun who left the order because she had the hots for a priest. The only sympathetic characters in his entire oeuvre are a gay man and an authoritarian Mother Superior who is a draconian prude but occasionally shows true Christian charity. He uses his other strip to work out his adolescent sexual fantasies. He is achingly pretentious. He must have had a hard time at the hands of the Jesuits, or something.

  79. Gold-Digging Nanny
    June 17th, 2009 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    DTM — Given the man’s heinous suit, I’m going to have to go with Mr. Mitchell on this one.
    (Only I can pull off plaid pants.)

    Today’s Agnes is the best thing ever.

    SM — Next up: Spider-Man takes on Newt Gingrich in Bank Bailout Ballbuster!

  80. gnome de blog
    June 17th, 2009 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Whatever we say about Tom Batiuk, he’s better at rendering a baseball swing than either Bil/Jef Keane or anyone who ever drew (Death To) Gil Thorp.

  81. Steve L
    June 17th, 2009 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    It seems the economy has gotten to this red-haired man, as he appears to be wearing a suit made of newsprint.

  82. SF_Reader
    June 17th, 2009 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    #77 – Comrade Denny – Plus Mary doesn’t look like the kind of person who washes her hands after peeing.

  83. gnome de blog
    June 17th, 2009 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    Now that I think about it, Tommie didn’t have to go to Denver for A3G to be about an empty apartment.

  84. Brick Bradford
    June 17th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    9CL Brooke’s been insulting my intelligence for several weeks. Now he insults my home! This means War!

  85. Nick
    June 17th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    It seems that the Mitchells talk shit about all their friends.

    Dennis may be a menance, but his parents are just jerks.

  86. Islamorada Girl
    June 17th, 2009 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    You might want to ask yourself where Mary Worth picked up these large chunks of salmon. Or maybe there really are some things so terrible mankind’s puny brain might not be engineered to contemplate them.

  87. John C Fremont
    June 17th, 2009 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    #37 (Pozzo) & #62 (UncleJeff) – Nah, that’s Walter Matthau who, sadly, went on to play Mr. Wilson in that horrid DtM movie. Even sadder, the only line I remember from that stupid, stupid movie was Walter Matthau asking that eternal question, “Where are the GD garden laterns?” Other than a campfire “fart joke” sequence, I have no other memory of that movie. For this I am truly thankful. So thankful that I will take the pidgeons away from my Father’s house, as per Upton O. Goode’s suggestion. (Thanks for the catch, Fletch!)

  88. Citric
    June 17th, 2009 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    Luckily, Buxley replaced herself with a blow up doll to escape the creepy leering in the hospital ward.

  89. Charterstoned
    June 17th, 2009 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    #73 – You hit on the defining ingredient: condensed canned soup! What a blast from the past, trying to get away from the dinner table without eating the “soup du jour” casserole. Fortunately, in our house we had a pipe hole in the floor, directly under our table, that allowed for quick disposal of foods we just couldn’t get down. A “dropped” fork, a quick spit into the napkin, and down to the inky depths beneath the floorboards.

  90. Crunchy Frog
    June 17th, 2009 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    Ouch, today’s Baby Blues is kinda cringe-worthy.
    In Soviet Russia, child makes pornography of you!

    Speaking of inappropriate things to be thinking about cartoon children, I’d say Luann’s Toni has gotten herself some competition for Brad’s affections. After all, he likes a girl who will push him around.

    “I missed your cooking, Mary… every chance I got.”

  91. jp
    June 17th, 2009 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    Hey. I am trying to find a Beetle Bailey strip, where Sarge is saying “Oh Beetle Bailey, you make me so mad, I wanna… I wanna..” or similar. I’m pretty sure I saw it on this site. Does anyone remember what month, or something?

  92. Carbunicle
    June 17th, 2009 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    Y’all are being way too hard on the art in Dennis the Menace. The gag is ancient, but the drawing has merit. The rendering of the rise of the pants legs in particular is pretty accurate. At least the suit has something to look at! And I think the gent’s face has a bit of character. My complaint would be with the strengthless hands, but that’s a quibble.

  93. Unicle Lumpy
    June 17th, 2009 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    #79 Gold-Digging Nanny –

    (Only I can pull off plaid pants.)

    Prepare for a badly-dressed line around the block, girl.

  94. Jnoble
    June 17th, 2009 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke: (insert beastialty-related joke here)

    FC: First it’s the vending machine. Then it’s the dog. Then it’s the wife. That’s how these little fits of rage start.

    Ziggy: Ha Ha! Those darned airlines sure stick it to us in the wallet, don’t they Zig? Ha Ha!

    Love Is: Obsessivly keeping detail of your other half’s every waking moment apparently.

  95. kurt
    June 17th, 2009 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    SF: Despite the innocence shown, Sally’s secretly mind-melding with Hillary to see what Hil’s been up (or not up) to.

  96. The Ridger
    June 17th, 2009 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, we New Atheists don’t hate God.

    Many hate the Church and some number of believers – for some, it’s up to 100% – but you can’t hate something that doesn’t exist…

  97. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    June 17th, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    64: Why bother hating somebody fictional? Although, I can see how “you’re wrong because a fictional being told me so” would become irritating fast.

    78: There are so few gay people in the comics that he probably feels like he can’t make Seth as annoying as he’s made everybody else, especially since he’s already unable to resist gay stereotypes. The mother superior just doesn’t show up often enough to turn awful.

  98. Frozen
    June 17th, 2009 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: “Listen kid, would you just crap in my face already!?”

  99. Rock Ripsnort
    June 17th, 2009 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Mr. Mitchell shouldn’t have served The Man in the Eye-Hurting Suit cofee at full boil. Judging from his expression, he’s going to send Dennis to the hospital 3rd Degree Burn Unit toute suite.

  100. wagmore barkless
    June 17th, 2009 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    A conversation at the Mitchell residence:

    Henry: Honey, let’s invite my boss / coworker / bridge club / new neighbor / mother-in-law over for dinner this weekend.
    Alice: Now, Henry, don’t you remember what happened last time we invited your boss / coworker / bridge club / new neighbor / mother-in-law over?
    Henry: Oh yeah, I’d forgotten. Dennis said the darndest thing, but instead of finding him adorable, as dozens of readers apparently do, we were actually mortified and never able to face that boss / coworker / bridge club / new neighbor / mother-in-law again.
    Alice: And the time before that?
    Henry: You’re right, the same thing. Every weekend, actually, for the past 58 years; the same thing. So what do you think, about next weekend?
    Alice: I’ll send the invitations out now!

  101. David B
    June 17th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    Two thoughts on FC:

    First of all, Big Daddy Keane was obviously a placekicker in high school.

    Second, i disagree with the comments that imply the vending machine is about to collapse atop Daddy and Billy. Rather, Daddy’s about to ram his leg through the glass, catch his foot on one of the coils that feed the snacks into the vending chute, fall toward the machine, and sever his femoral artery. Tomorrow’s FC caption: Daddy takes Billy to visit the emergency room.

  102. Anonymous
    June 17th, 2009 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    #82 – SF_Reader:

    Mary would scandalized to hear you imply that she pees.

  103. GarrisonSkunk
    June 17th, 2009 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    Birds have thumbs?

  104. Donald the Anarchist
    June 17th, 2009 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    Shoe Haw, Haw! He’s bad at commerce!

    FC Haw, haw! He’s bad with machines!

    SF Haw, haw! She’s bad at standardized testing, no matter how good a student she is!
    DTM “Daddy said you needed stabbing. I reckon this’ll do the job.”

  105. Crunchy Frog
    June 17th, 2009 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    96 The Ridger- “Sorry, we New Atheists don’t hate God. Many hate the Church and some number of believers – for some, it’s up to 100% – but you can’t hate something that doesn’t exist…”

    Oh yeah you can. Being fictional is no excuse for being a douchebag. Consider Marvin: he’s a fictional character, but we all still hate him, right?

  106. Belly Stabbs
    June 17th, 2009 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    What the Perfesser isn’t telling Roz is that the “stuff” in question is his anus and that $458 was what his hourly rate when he was doing “research” on hustling during J-school. The economy’s a bear, and Perfesser’s the honey-hole.

  107. Poteet
    June 17th, 2009 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    9CL — I canoed down the Niobrara, I spent time in the Sandhills, I’ve visited Nebraska prairies, I’ve seen the amazing spectacle of thousands of sandhill cranes gathering in Nebraska in March, and I have friends and relatives in Omaha and elsewhere. And for flippantly insulting Nebraska, probably without ever having been there except maybe in an airport, you, Brooke McEldowney, are so incredibly full of hog manure that people can probably smell you coming before they see you.

    Okay, I feel a little better now.

  108. Judo Throw Toy
    June 17th, 2009 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    Shoe – That looks more like the fear of Col. Sanders coming to cut their drumsticks off.

    SF – Hillary needs to worry less about her exams and more about the lice infestation of her hair that Sally is obviously checking out.

  109. Uncle Lumpy
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    #105 Crunchy F. –

    Being fictional is no excuse for being a douchebag. Consider Marvin

    Yeah, and he’s an almighty douchebag, so Q.E. frickin’ D!

  110. Bobdog
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    This installment of Family Circus would be much improved if it showed Daddy Keane squashed underneath the vending machine after attempting to tip it over to get out the snack it denied to him — but then again, what installment of Family Circus wouldn’t be improved by some squashing?

  111. mollificent
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    #72 Wolfdog: Refresh my memory, because it’s fuzzy…is the “Best of Queen” reference from Douglas Adams or from Terry Pratchett? I’m ashamed to admit I can’t remember.

    I’m leaning toward Pratchett, because I’m pretty sure he used the same gag in a short story once.

  112. Poteet
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    GA — It wouldn’t surprise me if Upton’s har-de-har-har antics are so very entertaining that we have to wait a few weeks to find out what happened to the real Peacegood, by which time we’ll care even less about him than we do now, though we may well hate Slim even more.

  113. ceramicatheist
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    #111 mollificent: it’s from Good Omens, so it was either Pratchett or Gaiman. Even they’re not sure which.

  114. mollificent
    June 17th, 2009 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    Hah! I knew it! I first typed “Douglas Adams or Pratchett/Gaiman’s ‘Good Omens’” and then decided I probably shouldn’t be too specific, given my already fuzzy memory. ;)

    I heart Good Omens. (And anything Pratchett-related in general.)

  115. Poteet
    June 18th, 2009 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    6/18

    MW — Real people do not talk like this. Real people do not talk like this. Real people do not talk like this.

    RMMD — And you’re doing good things for that bikini, June.

    MT — Wow. I wonder what it takes to get the feds involved in an illegal chemical dumping on private land. Unless there was evidence of the chemicals having been transported from one state to another, I would think local or state enforcement would be more likely. Not that I’m complaining, but when a truckload of junk was dumped on my land, a sheriff’s deputy was the best I could do.

  116. True Fable
    June 18th, 2009 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    Fist O Justice Theater I suppose it’s just a flaw of mine – one of many – that, every time Mark says ‘lady’, I hear the whole thing in a Jerry Lewis voice. “Hey LAAAAYYYDEEEE, have a good day!”
    Apartment Whosis Oh goodie, now all the dull plotlines have been heard from. Can we get back to The High Road to China?
    Rex Morgan, Man Whore Hel-looooo nurse!
    Sam Driver, Chick Magnet Good Lord, half the town is going to be at the tryouts. Yeah, Sophie is going to go from underdog to The Rich Bitch With Everything Going For Her That We Gotta Take Down.
    Spider-Drag I knew the momentum from Sunday couldn’t last. We’re already taking shortcuts in the action so Spidey can save bystanders & Doc can get away. Zzzzzt.
    Dont Ask Dont Tell What the fuck?
    Flukey Wagglefinger For the first time in months, there is believable dialog in FW.
    Dennis the Mench I didn’t know Mrs. Wilson was a schoolteacher. *highhat rimshot*
    Children of the Circle Payback’s a bitch, Bil.

  117. bats :[
    June 18th, 2009 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    107. Poteet: sure, Poteet, you might’ve seen all that, but Brooke has seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulders of Orion. He watched C-Beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

    Oh, wait. That was Roy Batty, the replicant.

    Yeah. Brooke’s just a putz.

  118. Citric
    June 18th, 2009 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    #107 Poteet: I think it becomes obvious that Brooke McEldowney is full of more shit than a diaper van nine months after the fertility drugs seeped into the water supply pretty much every time he writes pretty much anything.

  119. Toronto
    June 18th, 2009 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    mollificent@111: It’s from “Good Omens” isn’t it? That was a co-written book by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. (Apparently communicating by snail-mailed floppy disks.)

    Although there were a lot of cassette tape references in Adam’s “Dirk Gently” novels, too.

  120. bats :[
    June 18th, 2009 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    Not much to say about the early Thursday strips (aside from the general dry heaves)…
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3637935908/

  121. Parmalat Loire
    June 18th, 2009 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    OBH – I think that Ruthie needs the potty chair from Marvin. Or at the very least, shock therapy.

  122. Charlene
    June 18th, 2009 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    #115, isn’t the Lost Forest federal land? I mean, since it’s policed by Officer Steve MacQueen of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Forest Rangers?

  123. Mr. O'Malley
    June 18th, 2009 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    MW: “These French fries are too thick, soggy and not salty enough!”

    True Fable—goat drama!

  124. Steve the Pocket
    June 18th, 2009 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    @#34: Wow. Surprisingly apropos for this new character. I wonder if that was planned or not. Considering this is a writer who had an oil magnate offering to buy exclusive rights to a gas-saving device, with the intent to actually put it into production, I’d say probably not.

    Today’s Curtis: Hey, we haven’t eradicated it yet. There’s always next year.

    Today’s Winkerbean: Ah, schadenfreude. One thing I can still count on Batiuk to deliver that I actually find funny.

    Today’s Zits: They just keep upping the ante on this week’s nightmare fuel theme, don’t they.

  125. Chromium
    June 18th, 2009 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    Big Ted: “Maybe they’ve just decided that psychological torture is the best kind of menacing of all.”

    Interesting theory, but I think the real implication is the Mitchells’ have no say in who gets to enter their home, and these people are simply forcing their way in like in “Funny Games.”

    FC- It’s like Jeff Keane’s bringing back the Dysfunctional Family Circus.

  126. boojum
    June 18th, 2009 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    JP: Okay, I have to admit it. They had me — what, eights weeks ago? twelve? — at the very mention of “Godiva Danube.” I was in!! I was on the edge of my frickin’ seat.

    But this storyline just keeps on giving. This guy is SO hooking up Our Lady of the Ta-Tas with a full police escort. On the way to the cheerleader tryouts, they’ll run into, consecutively, teen heartthrob Frankie Avalon; ace reporter Moira Morris of EyeWitness News; the remaining partners of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe; and the entire cast of High School Musical IV: Orgy at the Prom. Each will, in turn, join the convoy of vehicles pouring into the parking lot of The High School Where Some Cheerleading Moms Are Being Mean to Sophie. It’ll be like a remake of It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, but with more of the zany. And more leopard-print. And I will be a happy, happy boojum.

  127. Mibbitmaker
    June 18th, 2009 at 3:35 am [Reply]

    Nyoo 1s:

    Zits: Hey, strip, what’s wrong with you?!

    666CL: I’m with her first balloon in p.1, and, in that spirit — GO, EX-PRIEST!!! (Oh, great, now Sophie Driver’s competing against me!)

    A3G: LuAnn’s back. It’s like… the first time Chevy Chase hosted SNL — except that moment was actually cool, more darkly interesting behind the scenes, and Chevy’s personality is way more like Margo’s than LuAnn’s.

    BBlues: Of course, once again the comics are filled with uncomfortable Oedipal moments of the mother/son variety. The funny pages — produced by Mitch Hurwitz.

    BBailey: Or else stay at home and wait for Osama’s boys to blow things up where we live. I’ll just pretend this one was written c. 1965-75, or during the Reagan era.

    Curtis: …or that this one was written in 1976…. oh, wait……

    DT: MST3K-style:
    Crow: “I just noticed! — his nose is like a club on a card deck! AAAAAUUGHH!!”
    Tom Servo: “Nooooo! NOT ‘Tray ‘C’!’ NONONONONOOOO…!!!
    (both sob comedically)

    ReFOOB: No, it would be scary and bizarre — because dogs DON’T TALK! Moron.

    FW: “No fun and games”, and a gross, violent threat. Oh, goody, up till now this week’s been a (mild) throwback to the ’70s-’80s hayday.

    GT: Oh, great, now those pro-Sarah Palin thugs (not even her sort-of accepting Dave’s apology stops them) will start protesting this strip, too.

    HotC: Uh-oh! Heart is in training to be… CATHY! RUN, Dean, RUN!!! Don’t even look back!

    MT: There was a misprint on those drums. It actually read “NCC” — Nepotism Chemical Company.

    Big Honkin’ Mutt: “…And where did you get this stolen, non-specific newspaper, Marm?”

    S-M: Hey, Doc Yock, leave Don Knotts and his girlfriend alone! (… or is it Orville Reddenbocker?)

    MW: It just wouldn’t be Mary Worth without ridiculous overacting by the guest cast.

    OBH: First, Calvin & Hobbes did this scenario in a moving fashion. Then, C&H did it again, but with philosophic beauty. Now, One Big Happy does it batshit insane. All 3 are A+ in my book.

    Popeye: Oop, there goes Olive, head chomped off and bleeding to death — but, hey, great, they’re on course!

    R&R: “No Fair! How come Shake and Frylock and Brak and Space Ghost and Zorak and Harvey Birdman and all them guys get to go into the water and I don’t??”

    SFx: Behind the Scenes at This Week’s Family Circus.

  128. gleeb
    June 18th, 2009 at 6:33 am [Reply]

    10 (Chyron): Hey, that’s my shtick.

    Jump Start: This week of teaching his son to “be a man” is silly, yet ten times as good as all the Lisa Seldon videotapes in Funky Winkerbean. Let’s hope he doesn’t forget to tell his son how to abuse police powers to get his hands on baked goods.

    A&J: “You might say our family is feeding, parasitically, off your family.”

    Brenda: The tub would be faster than being cleaned entirely by granny’s spit on a hanky.

    ‘shaft: Is this just dementia, or is it a brain tumor? I mean, this behavior is just not normal. It’s not funny, either.

    Doonesbury: You’d have thought a guy who was blown up wouldn’t want music that goes “Boomm! Aieeea!”. Anyway, I guess the “Boomm! Aieeea” sound will be what Jimmy Thudpucker gets into the next time Trudeau hits a dry creative patch.

    Gil: Time and Newsweek, eh? Curiously, those where the sources Dr Pearl used to get her doctorate from Diego Garcia Online University.

    Godiva Danube, Intermodal Passenger!: Will the pilots laugh this away, or will the power of breasts garner their help? Well, this is Judge Parker, so we all know the answer to that.

    Mark: Ah, a brother. Now we find out who wears the whiskers in this family.

    Mary: Just look at the strength in that thumb, holding that large casserole one-handed like that.

    Spidey: No! If those citizens return the cash, they’ll get the reward, not me!

  129. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 18th, 2009 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Three million, three quarters of a million, whatever. I do my accounting 3-adically, so it’s only off by 11¢.”

    (Is any strip worse with the day-to-day continuity breaks than DT is? The name changes are the most jarring, but there’s tons of stuff like this, too. I’ve reconciled myself to the idea that the artwork is what it is deliberately, and it does have a sort of certain something, but I can’t see the point in the random fact mutations. Also, it’s spelled ‘trey’ when it refers to a card. Finally, please consider a henchman named ‘Deuce’ Bagg. Who would ultimately get ‘wrapped up’ by Dick. TIA.)

  130. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 18th, 2009 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    Shoe: “Nitrates of sodium and potassium make smoked bird flesh especially tasty.”

  131. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 18th, 2009 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    Later, Brad gets Shannon to eat her pot of yogurt by telling her it’s yummy unicorn jizz.

  132. Vince M
    June 18th, 2009 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    JP: And Captain Ernest Borgnine joins the fight!

  133. tuesy
    June 18th, 2009 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    MW: I don’t blame Delilah for being upset. What with Mary serving up a big bowl of mealworms for supper and all.

  134. Ben the Cartoon
    June 18th, 2009 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    Wow, you Nebraskans can sure dish out the snark, but not take a little back. Seriously, that wasn’t worth at least a chuckle?

  135. Hogenmogen
    June 18th, 2009 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    DT: How did “double three quarters of a million” turn in to “double 3 million” so quickly? That’s a pretty decent ROI for the 30 seconds that they were talking.

  136. Amateur
    June 18th, 2009 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    #128 — You beat me to it. I was just going to say, how is she still holding that bowl up? With the grip she’s got on it, it should have gone crashing to the table immediately.

  137. Hogenmogen
    June 18th, 2009 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    H & J pulls off a good one. I thought that it would have sunk into the usual pabulum of rhetorical crap for which they are famous, but hey, a zinger! And instead of your generic morning paper, Herb is pilfering EWS, the print version of Erotic Wanking Service that he signed his neighbor up for so that no one would know about his deviant sexual perversions.

    Gil: Ah, finally revealed is the source of this up-to-date technical based story line! There were articles in Time and Newsweek (printed copies, found in a dentist’s office somewhere). So the Thorps will obviously refuse to get involved with teens doing teen things on their own time with their own cell phones off of school property. Ha! No! They meddle for the medal! Go for gold, Gil!

    MW: Meanwhile, Meddler Extrordinaire has meddled Delilah to the virge of puking into her giant dog dish.

    Spidey: The sack of loot used to say the name of the bank. Now it just says “$”. Just couldn’t hold off the cliche for a full week. Why not just have Doc Oc dress up in black & white stripes like the Hamburgler, too?

    But let’s examine what’s going on. Doc Oc doesn’t just escape with the cash, he throws it at people knowing that Spidey will go to rescue the people, and thus be closer to the cash than Doc is. See, Spidey can just web up the cash, and then what has Doc got? Or, the terrified couple simply walks two steps to the side and bingo, they won the lottery. “You’re going to fight me while holding that money sack?” “Uh, yeah. I do have three other mechanical arms, you know.”

    The world’s least competent superhero has been paired with the world’s lamest villian. Why do I bother?

  138. Hogenmogen
    June 18th, 2009 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    JP: The pilots will escort Godiva to the cheerleader mom standoff, no doubt. Along the way they will attract dozens of other unrelated people in various modes of life until the entire town comes out to rally in support of some rich, blonde teen over-achiever that they don’t know – but mostly because they hate cheerleader moms, which would explain why they brought torches and pitchforks.

    FC: Not as gratifying as yesterday, but I do like the thought of Bil breaking his ass and letting loose a string of profanity that would make a sailor blush.

  139. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 18th, 2009 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    On the third or fourth time looking at Fred Basset, I got the pun. Sheesh. I feel a little slow, but it’s probably just the human equivalent of a hardware glitch — to protect us from sensory overload, our low-level perceptive systems have evolved to simply reject, or filter out, strongly unexpected and improbable data, such as moonwalking bears, or jokes in Fred Basset.

  140. Hogenmogen
    June 18th, 2009 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Tray – C? That’s the best you can do? Not Clubb Black, Sam Spade or Deuce Bigalow or anything? I’m sorry, we don’t do business with non-card game pun named people. And if you were from Houston, you could later pun that you’re going to play some Texas hold ‘em, but Touscon? What have ya got?

  141. Hogenmogen
    June 18th, 2009 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Fred is humping a wooden fence. Don’t get splinters, now.

  142. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2009 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    A3G – Lu Ann, dear, that’s a pocket calculator. From 1976.

    BBlue – Did this strip borrow a script from Luann or something?

    DTM – There’s something unsettlingly morbid about today’s Dennis The Menace. Maybe it’s just the thought of an old man being forced out of his own home by an intolerable guest, but I think there’s more to it than that, though I’m not sure what.

    FC – Ah, and now Billy is exacting meta-fictional revenge on his tormentor. A psychologist would have a field day with this bunch.

    GA – Nothing good will come of this, where “good” is defined as “entertaining or enjoyable.”

    GT – Oh God, here we go. I wonder what line of reasoning Gil will use to force his entire team into physical exhaustion on account of unrelated events this time? Or, God help us…will they all wind up in soft-drink carton bikinis?

    JP – As insanely stupid as this storyline is, I have to say that I love the treatment Baretto’s giving it. That pose in panel one does more to sell the storyline than any of the dialogue.

    Luann – In any other strip, this would be moderately amusing and not horrifying at all. Well, any other strip except Momma, probably.

    MT – What is this, a Moderately Upsetting Warning O’ Justice?

    MW – Yeah, Mary’s batter-fried earthhworms will do that to a person.

    Phantom – “Look! Under this doily! A forgotten postage stamp! A sure sign of the Unknown Commander’s presence!”

    Pluggers – “Pluggerville?” Seriously? I’m picturing a half-dozen obese old animal-people sitting around a card table, squinting painfully at cheap carbon-copies of the minutes from last month under the flickering yellow light of the one fluorescent bulb that hasn’t quite died yet, with a solitary can of beer in front of one of the members. The caption: “Plugger representative democracy.”

    Popeye – I find it kind of odd that a man could watch his girlfriend’s life be threatened by a ravenous sea beast and remain cheerful, but I really can’t get that worked up about Olive, either.

    RMMD – Bless you, Graham Nolan.

    SF – This wins.

    SM – “NO! It might damage the TVs in that shop!”

  143. mordock999
    June 18th, 2009 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann 06/18/09

    Okay, this MADNESS had gone on LONG enough.

    Look:

    He’s grown UP.
    He’s gotten in SHAPE.
    He’s gotten a steady JOB.
    He’s SAVED multiple lives.
    And Today, He’s PROVEN he’s GOOD with Kids.

    So WHY hasn’t Brad gotten LAID, yet, Evans???
    We don’t CARE if he IS your ‘Intellectual Friggin’ Property’…,

    _________________________

    “DEATH to TJ!

  144. Jason1981
    June 18th, 2009 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Luann – Toni looks slightly amused –and slightly impressed — with Brad’s way of getting She-Devil, er, I mean, Shannon, to kinda-sorta-almost behave herself.

    See, Luann? Your brother being a disgusting slob actually has it’s advantages!

  145. These Strange Worlds
    June 18th, 2009 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    RM & BC

    It’s been a great week for bikinis in Rex Morgan, but if I had to guess which other strip would feature a biniki clad regular character, BC would have been way way down on my list.

    And as an aside, JUdge Parker’s anti-cheerleader mom crusade grows with every panel. Looks like the movement is about to get close air support.

  146. Bootsy
    June 18th, 2009 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    142, commodorejohn, that’s a diet soft drink carton bikini! Diet, I say! Get it right!

    Ahem.

  147. TheDiva
    June 18th, 2009 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    BaBl: Out of all the reasons not to leave your toddler unattended while you shower, I would think this would be a ways down on the list.

    HotC: I’d just like to know where Heart’s struggling single mother got all the money to buy those suits.

    Luann: It was funnier when Calvin’s dad did it.

    MW: Delilah’s mind-melding with the penne. The results are probably far more intriguing than her conversation with Mary.

  148. Old School Allie Cat
    June 18th, 2009 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    GT – Really? We’re going to go the sexting route here? I honestly didn’t think they’d go there. Aside from which, she’s wearing cardboard. And plenty of it. Where is Clambake to sort these shenanigans out when you need him? I see girls at the local Walgreens showing more skin. By the way, is it just me, or do you often think of the John Updike short story – “A&P” at this time of year?

    Luann – I actually like the way Brad and Shannon interact – it’s going to be adorable when Toni finally lets on that Shannon isn’t so much her cousin as she is her illegitimate daughter from a tryst with Dirk.

  149. Non-Shannon
    June 18th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Someone has probably already said this, but…

    Luann: Is it just me, or does Shannon look like she could be the unfortunate offspring of Toni and Brad who just happens to look a lot more like Brad (kinda like Alexa Joel)?

  150. Non-Shannon
    June 18th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Re: #147 TheDiva

    Depending on just how poor you are, you can buy as much clothing as you want if it all comes from thrift stores. That’s what my single, struggling mother did for me. Of course, the idea of thrift store bathing suits is a bit icky…

  151. Brick Bradford
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MW: Delilah looks like she’s about to Ralph in whatever the hell Mary is serving for dinner. It will probably be an improvement.

    Archie: Ronnie you skank.

    A3G: Are we going to find out the dramatic purpose of Luann going to South Dakota, or did this subplot just sort of fizzle out?

    Popeye: Another reason the sea monster is good news is that it’s about to eat Olive.

    Phantom: Boom chick a waw waw!

    Note to Ben the Cartoonist: We Nebraskans joke about ourselves all the time (and my post was more joking than not). It’s just the smug dismissive attitude of the comic strip I disliked. And for the record Poteet is an Iowan.

  152. boojum
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Every once in a while, a sentence here strikes me as hilarious in a completely unintentional way, when I imagine using it outside its context and the puzzled responses that would result. Today, I pledge myself to answer one client’s objections (and there will be some) with the phrase, “And for the record, Poteet is an iowan.”

  153. tb4000
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    9CL: Oh, Nebraska….you poor whipping boy.

  154. Binder's Butter Beans
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    DtM: No, what that guy needs is to give Gomez Addams his suit back.

  155. Edgy DC
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Henry Mitchell has little choice but to go on the offensive here. “Hey, I’m sorry I said that to my kid, but seriously — now that it’s out in the open, look at your hair. You’re a sixty-year-old man with that dye job. Honestly, get a fuckin’ clue. Alice is in the kitchen trying to stop laughing right now. I tell you this because I love you.”

  156. anty a
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    FC did not disappoint today! Now we’ve got injury, perhaps even a broken hip. Oh the hilarity.

  157. TheDiva
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    150 Non-Shannon: Point taken–although for my money (pun not intended) swimsuits rank right next to underwear on the list of “Clothing Items That Should NEVER Be Bought Secondhand.”

  158. Chyron HR
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G – “What? Margo? India? I’m talking about Liz breaking up with Eric in For Better or For worse!”

    Baby Blues – How is Eddipus complax formed?

    Doonesbury – “BOOOMM BOOM! AIEEEEEEEEEEA!” Move over, Lynn Johnston, somebody else has his finger on the pulse of the youth music scene now.

    Edge City – “Not unless he’s heard me worrying about the economy, bread products, rubrics…”

    Gil Thorp – “Obama being the Antichrist is a serious problem. It’s been in Newsweek.” (True.)

    Judge Parker – “That’s right, we’re Godiva Danube… and we need a limo!”

    Mark Trail – “I already said those aren’t our drums, you moron.” “Oh, yeah, lady? Well, I’m going to tell the FBI that you’re a big doody-head!”

    Rex Morgan – And that’s how Willie and Sarah got married.

    Rose is Rose – “Whose footprints are these?”

    Spider-Man – He let the bag fly, the bystanders saying as they died, “You done us wrong!” It’s the same old song, forever. (2 minute Mellotron solo)

  159. Muffaroo
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    9CL – Ha ha God’s a wimp and anybody can threaten Him I mean him.

    DTracy – Stubby little fingers fondle stubby little bills, fitting one another perfectly, just as the drawing is perfectly fitted to the writing in this strip.

    GThorp“‘Sexting’ is a serious problem. It’s been in TIME and NEWSWEEK.” Well, that settles it.

    MWorth“Nor did I ever expect to feel as I do now…” It’s nice to see that no amount of personal turmoil can shock Delilah into speaking like a normal human being.

    R=R – So this is a strip about what happens if Bugs Bunny never stops dressing in drag? And somehow acquires a family who never suspects?

    Shoe – Wow. I haven’t seen a telegram joke since Western Union stopped delivering them.

    SSmifFinger-quotin’ Elviney!

    Zits – Oooh, somebody’s going to have to clean up all this barf.

  160. Muffaroo
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Comrade Denny @77 – Just to clear up the confusion, here is Mary’s recipe for Salmon Squares: “Cut salmon into squares. Serve.”

    mollificent @111 – This ties in with an idea I had years ago (and was repeating yesterday on Usenet) that if I had a car CD player with a removable faceplate, I’d want to put a fake 8-track over it with (seemingly) a copy of “Foghat’s Greatest Hits” sticking out.

    In John Kessel’s book Good News from Outer Space, there’s a great throwaway line about how the protagonist finds out that Dadaist punks have broken into his car and installed an expensive stereo system.

    Mr. O’Malley @123 – I learned that to make potato chips at home, you slice the spuds thin with a slaw cutter and keep them in cold water for an hour before frying. I also learned that I actually like the chips better when they aren’t really crispy, so I dispensed with that step. If you get a nice piece of breaded cod and start it cooking in the oven, you have just the right amount of time to make your chips (UK usage) on the stove top and have them come out together.

    Ben the Cartoon @134 – I’m not from Nebraska, though I grew up in Colorado, denigrating Nebraska (“Ha ha! You have a unicameral legislature!”) whenever I had the chance. It is theoretically possible to do a joke like that and make it funny, but McE didn’t even try; just seemed to think all he had to do was sneer and accept the plaudits of a grateful people.

    commodorejohn @142 – My guess for Gasoline Alley is that Gertie and Earl will find each other and decide to get married, and guess who will be called on to perform the ceremony? with the misquoting? and the made-up verses? and the hey-hey-hey?

  161. the good ship thetis
    June 18th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    JP: I started feeling sorry for those cheerleader moms about two weeks ago. They’re such spunky little underdogs.
    GT: Gil Thorp, ripped from the headlines…of Time and Newsweek.

  162. Poteet
    June 18th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    # 117 bats:[ — BWAHAHA!

    # 118 Citric — Your observation is certainly based on a manureload of evidence.

    # 151 Brick — Yes, thanks for saying it. I joke about Iowa too. But there’s a difference between a joke that’s funny because it’s based on some aspect of reality, and a smug cheap shot. Growf.

    # 152 Former Officer Boojum — HAR! Poteet will be honored to serve in that capacity.

  163. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 18th, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    6/18

    Big wins today for My Cage, Agnes, One Big Happy, and Pearls Before Swine. (Hope to see footage from that Streisand concert.) In other news:

    BC: Oh, you’ve done it now, Curls. Clumsy will build himself up using dynamic tension, then he’ll be the one kicking sand in your stupid face!

    GT: I had no idea that Minnie Pearl was A) still alive and B) an assistant vice principal. She looks different without the hat, and “sexting” must sound weird in that Tennessee twang of hers.

    RMMD: Not that I object to fanservice, but what the hell is June’s robe made out of? Melted-down Glad bags? It looks like it would provide slightly less UV protection than would air.

    MW: “Nor did I expect to feel as I do now. That is, gassy as all Hell. What in God’s name do you cook with, anyway?”

    6C: Another Six Chix cartoonist who’s ready to write Margo Magee.

    Baldo: Of course Tia Carmen just had a massive heart attack, so in an hour or two she’ll be feeling cold, oh so cold.

    Popeye: On the minus side, a dragon is eating the one girl dumb enough to give you her real phone number after you fuck her. But easy come, easy go, right?

    SFx: The boy’s produced “Portrait of My Father as an Evil Smirking Bastard.” No wonder the cat is hiding.

    BB: Since I don’t remember them being sent to a war zone, the boys of Camp Swampy must have snapped and started demolishing the nearest town.

    H&J: He’s filched a copy of “News”, where the top headlines are “Politician makes speech” and “Stuff happens overseas.”

  164. Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
    June 18th, 2009 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Way back when I used to drive my neighbor out to “The Mouse Factory” to work – I got to meet the talented animating granddaughter of Ward Kimball who looked like a living breathing version of a “Kimballette.” Imagine my horror when I saw an actual gang of kids who looked like the melonheads … I thought I was hallucinating … I hope I was …
    9CL: The software that keeps delivering this is scheduled to fail because of some hassle with one of the comic syndicates. I actually like the ex-nun and ex-priest yet Monty and Thorax are ALWAYS worth shunning. I’m not impressed by this arc, or the last one, or the previous one.
    Dick: The King was a patsy with a gun? Where’s the story here?
    Annie: I’m holding my breath. I expect another cliff hanger even though Daddy and Annie have connected.
    A3G: Passivity? Get out the tasers!

  165. mollificent
    June 18th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Muffaroo @ 160: Genius! :)

  166. Steve the Pocket
    June 18th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    “‘Sexting’ is a serious problem. It’s been in TIME and NEWSWEEK.”

    Apparent translation: “LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE are doing it. Therefore it MUST BE BAD.”

    But then, looking at Muffaroo’s link, that often seems to be Time’s message: any current trend is a bad one. I mean… Pokemon? Seriously?

  167. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 18th, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    OBH — Drop the last panel, and its comedy gold!

    Zits — eww! (But I’ll admit that I had the same problem when I first started dating my wife.)

  168. Tracer Bullet
    June 18th, 2009 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker is secretly conducting an experiment to find out which will take longer and hurt more: This storyline or the Bataan Death March.

  169. Perky Bird
    June 18th, 2009 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man does not care one bit for the “redistribution of wealth” !

  170. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 18th, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    My feeling about the Nebraska joke is that Nebraska, by itself, is not so intrinsically humorous that you can wield its mere mention like a +5 Battleaxe of Devastating Mirth. You have to sort of do something with it. Like, OK, Brooke, imagine you’re a real comic artist — like Tom Armstrong. You don’t just say “Nebraska! Ha ha!” and move on; you get down to business and start a 93-part series depicting a toddler shitting on each individual Nebraska county in turn. Learn a little something.

  171. Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
    June 18th, 2009 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @170 – I think Armstrong would have one of his characters write a blog called “Nebraska Notes”. Then, for the next two weeks the strip would consist of two panels. The first would be a drawing of the character at a computer, waving their fingers over a keyboard with the setup “Western expansion has produced some strange new states. You know you are in Nebraska when…”. The second would be the gag. “The landscape is flatter than your bank balance” , “The largest city in the state is Cornhusker stadium on game day”, “There are only two seasons: Football Season and Spring Football Season”, etc. etc.

  172. bats :[
    June 18th, 2009 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Has Milford EVER won a game? Aside from out-and-out drubbings, all I’ve ever seen are just missed by a run/foul shot/field goal losses…

  173. Hogenmogen
    June 18th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy: They really stick it to ya with those bank fees, eh? Ha ha! That’s so true! Ha ha! Just like those airline fees joke done yesterday. Or those nutty customer service reps, joke done 6/13/09. Or those crazy auto mechanics, joke done 6/12/09. Or those zany health insurance companies, joke done 6/11/09. Ha ha! Ziggy is just a shitacular carnival of crap bowl full of hilarity!

  174. vanya
    June 18th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    SF_Reader@67

    MW isn’t implying that Delilah is Italian, just that she’s a pretentious art history major. No one in MW has ever even met a foreigner as far as I can tell. “Ancora imparo” is a famous quote from Michelangelo. But this display of erudition is a little frightening – is MW going to take on Brooke “beyond cavil” McEldowney ? And are there more than 3 people in the world who care?

  175. Hogenmogen
    June 18th, 2009 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    172 – Bats – They win a little over half the time. Milford has a good chance of making the playdowns this season.

  176. Fashion Police
    June 18th, 2009 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    We would like to propose an end to further criticism of Mr. Brooke McEldowney. Like the smirking adolescent he is, Mr. McEldowney is clearly in love with his own wit and in awe of his own profundity. The opprobrium heaped on him here merely fuels his sense of supercilious smugness. Better to ignore him.

    We shall forthwith restrict commentary to what he does well. He draws lovely dresses – occasionally trashy, though considering Mr. McEldowney’s puerile but active imagination that is not unexpected. The occupants of Apartment 3-G, for example, would be well-served by outfitting themselves chez McEldowney instead of the bargain basement.

  177. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    #176 Fashion Police – The occupants of Apartment 3-G would be well-served by nicking a wardrobe from just about anywhere except Mary Worth.

  178. lovetoykilljoy
    June 18th, 2009 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    18 Dollars doesn’t get you what it used to in abortions. I guess that means we’ll have to go coat hanger again.

  179. Fashion Police
    June 18th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    #177, commodorejohn said:

    The occupants of Apartment 3-G would be well-served by nicking a wardrobe from just about anywhere except Mary Worth.

    Well, Funky Winkerbean, For Better or Worse, and Get Fuzzy come to mind as less than desirable. The real tragedy of Apartment 3-G is that all they really need to do is “nick the wardrobes” as you put it from their own past.

  180. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2009 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    #179 Fashion Police – I dunno, I’ll grant you FOOB, which is almost Pluggers-like in its utter contempt for anything that doesn’t induce egotistic self-loathing, but while the clothes in Get Fuzzy and the Winkerverse aren’t really stylish by any stretch of the imagination, they’re at least not rendered in the horrifying wedding-caterer after-dinner-mint pastels that the A3G denizens seem to find not-appalling.

  181. boojum
    June 18th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Dear Fashion Police:

    I love you to death. But if you can, please refrain from mentioning the past glories of A3G fashion. This only reminds me of the past glories of A3G artwork. And A3G story lines. And A3G writing in general. And then I get sad, and the quiet little voices return.

    We are all enamored of Margo and her bloodlust. But if 1960′s Margo suddenly appeared on the comics page today, she would sweep through our dry, brittle psyches like the Empress Jadis of Charn.

  182. Amateur
    June 18th, 2009 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Baby Blues: Okay, I distinctly remember that yesterday, the baby was pointing the camera downwards. I remember because I was thinking, “If she’s taking naughty pictures, why is she aiming at the floor? If she’s just taking pictures of the floor, what’s the point?”

    So apparently the kid’s got some mad photography skillz.

  183. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    #181 boojum – Hear, hear. (And I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels that way about Jadis…)

  184. Gold-Digging Nanny
    June 18th, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Today’s My Cage and One Big Happy just made my day.

    By the way, Mudges, I have been Twittering as @AuDiggingNanny. Given my name (and corresponding avatar) I’ve decided to comment on Rex Morgan.

  185. mojo
    June 18th, 2009 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Gadzooks, is Mary Worth so used to eating her meals at the Bum Boat that she has no concept of portion control when it comes to cooking for two people? Or are they just leftover salmon squares from the Charterstone pool party? Talk about your terrible acts of violence….

  186. Little Guy
    June 18th, 2009 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Baby Blues: Gil Thorp is going to make Wren run the bases in the hot sun for that.

    Spidey-Wha?: With all his technical prowess, Doc Ock can’t hack into the bank’s system to wire money offshore?

    GT: About the only kid that *won’t* get punished in this arc is Unicorn Kid, and he’s just a witness and lackey to two adults employed by the school who enforced physical punishment with dangerous medical repurcussions. Makes me want to believe in Monty.

    9CL: Yeah, yeah, Brooke. You want to piss all over the Sky Bully. S/he says “Fuck you” to you, too.

  187. UncleJeff
    June 18th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Brad is actually pretty clever!
    Arlo & Janis: if you’ve been following this storyline, Janis has been a bit of a bitch regarding her son’s relationship with a single mother. Here, she gets a subtle shot in the chops from the mom’s father. I’ve liked the way they’ve handled this storyline.

  188. Little Guy
    June 18th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Er, repercussions

    MC: I swear….. I thought she said “So, I kissed my ex-husband’s girlfriend last night.” I *am* tired.

    JP: This is going to be the Selma of all anti-Mean Girls counter-demonstrations.

  189. UncleJeff
    June 18th, 2009 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    186 Little Guy: I was thinking the same thing about Baby Blues. I did like the way the artist “straightened” the little boy’s hair when he got a gander of his (presumably) naked Mom.
    (No, Dingo. He didn’t do anything with the little boy’s pants).

  190. Poteet
    June 18th, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    A3G — I don’t wish to cause further pain to boojum, but back in the Sixties, did A3G stories move along any faster? A3G certainly isn’t the worst current offender, but one side effect of reading STEVE CANYON online is noticing that while Milt’s stories roll along at a very brisk pace, most current soap strips just sort of amble, stopping frequently to sniff the flowers and occasionally take a nap.

  191. the good ship thetis
    June 18th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    #174 Vanya
    Two years ago Mary went to Vietnam. I’m not sure it counts as “meeting” however, since the only natives she saw were through the window of a bus.

  192. dale
    June 18th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey
    The way I heard it was:

    Travel to exotic places. Meet interesting people.
    And kill them.

  193. bats :[
    June 18th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    190. Poteet: thanks to contributor LarryMac over at WaPo’s morning line, http://voices.washingtonpost.com/comic-riffs/2008/07/the_morning_line_judge_parker.html

    you are indeed correct about the leisurely pace:

    Of course there is no better commentary on the glacial pace of story strips than the classic bit from Golden Girls –

    Dorothy: Wow, I haven’t read Apartment 3-G in twenty years.

    Blanche: Oh, well let me catch you up! It is later that same day… …

  194. Anonymous
    June 18th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    172: back in the day, Milford tended to win a title at least once a year, in various sports. They seem to have lost that “big school in a small conference” domination in the past decade or so.

  195. queek
    June 18th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    *sigh* 194 was me, sans cookies

  196. dale
    June 18th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    queek -

    The last few days of Zits would cause anyone to lose their cookies.

  197. gnome de blog
    June 18th, 2009 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    181 boojum said: “But if 1960’s Margo suddenly appeared on the comics page today, she would sweep through our dry, brittle psyches like the Empress Jadis of Charn.”

    Imagine what 1960s Tommie, who regularly put Margo down with a casual backhanded jibe, would do. Gary wouldn’t even have the nerve to ask if she would go to Denver.

  198. Lemmy
    June 18th, 2009 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m telling you, the secret behind Shoe’s goggle-eyed final panel is that, to punctuate the dismal little rejoinder, the character delivering the punchline rips a loud crackler right as they finish speaking.

  199. The Ultimate Jerk
    June 21st, 2009 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    Yo, Dennis ain’t shit and that suit is terrible.

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