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Dullness rising

Crock, 9/2/09

My maternal grandmother grew up on a farm in Oklahoma, and after a brief but exciting (and husband-netting) stint working in Los Angeles during World War II, moved to a very small town in Ohio where she would live for the rest of her life. She was never an early adopter when it came to gadgetry and was in fact pretty technophobic — I’ll always remember when, as a teenager, I tried for the third or fourth time to explain to her what the buttons on her VCR did, and said “It’s just like on a cassette player!” and she admitted that she had never figured out how to work her cassette player either. That said, one futuristic appliance that she did buy before anyone else I knew was a microwave oven. I literally cannot remember a time when her beloved “micro” wasn’t on its little stand next to her kitchen table, which means that she must have bought it by 1982 or so at the latest. And it kept right on working, as near as I can remember, until she passed away in 1998, an awful good run for an appliance (and a marked contrast with my current microwave, which we got as wedding present less than four years ago and which is already flaking out, though that’s a rant for a different time and place, the place presumably being a long, detailed diatribe to be sent registered mail to the Panasonic Corporation). Perhaps one of the reasons that my grandmother, who was born in 1922, was able to easily integrate this modern wonder into her workflow was that all of its features were controlled by knobs, like the conventional oven that she was already familiar with, but unlike, say, every microwave sold anywhere for the last fifteen to twenty years.

In case you’re wondering what the point of all this is, I’m trying to say that the creators of Crock are unfathomably old.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/2/09

Rex Morgan didn’t waste any time taking story elements that should be interesting — the plight of our seniors, a marriage troubled by adulterous yearnings — and making them incredibly boring, so boring that these ladies eating out at some midscale Italian place actually means that things are looking up. I’m sure that I’m going to get dozens of irate letters defending the genius of various Italian grandmothers for this, but alfredo sauce, satisfying as it almost always is, doesn’t really leave tons of room for subtle, secert variations, in my experience. It’s pretty much just cheese, cream, garlic, and butter, right? Still, deceased Yugoslav President for Life Tito’s recipe must have been pretty good to get Berna free restaurant meals out of it; or, alternately, it may have been actively poisonous, which would explain why Berna looks like a deranged serial killer in panel two, and why Becka calls it “wicked.”

Apartment 3-G, 9/2/09

Speaking of rapid descents into boring, it’s taken only 48 hours for the Professor to botch his potentially interesting prescription drug abuse storyline by maundering off into a bunch of snoozeville blah blah about Greek surnames. That knocking at the door is an Apartment 3-G producer, come to tell the Professor that his tryout as a central character is now concluded, and to remove him with an enormous vaudeville-style hook if he doesn’t come quietly.

Dennis the Menace, 9/2/09

Either that or he’s decided to skip “menacing” and head straight on into “troubling paranoia.”

Hi and Lois, 9/2/09

While I don’t condone property destruction to prove a point, it is worth noting that Trixie has been the same height since this strip debuted in 1954. She’s probably not getting any taller, and it’s about time the family recognized that and added some accommodations in their home for her condition.

206 responses to “Dullness rising”

  1. Rusty
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    Crock: Actually, Josh, it is probably just a lazy re-work of a strip from 1982.

  2. mr 12 oz can
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    becca must be high even if the food is free im not eating with that she devil.

  3. AeroSquid
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    trixie has a face in the first panel that is better suited for REDRUM !!!!!

  4. Digger
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Berna’s diabolical expression in panel 2 leads me to believe that the “secret recipe” includes ground-up human body parts, specifically body parts belonging to some guy named Alfredo, who recently vanished under mysterious circumstances.

  5. ratnerstar
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    Fascinating. We all know it only takes your average man a few seconds to “turn” his “microwave knob,” while women usually require a bit more time. But this is the first information I’ve seen on the sexual proclivities of shapeless orange blob-things.

  6. Grandstanding Oddball
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    Ooh, Humpty Dumpty’s lower half is soaked in blood. That’s the first vaguely menacing thing I have seen in a really long time. In that comic, anyway.

  7. High Off Pixels
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    Great, now I can’t read that 1st panel of Rex Morgan without imaging her sounding like the Scout in Team Fortress 2 or some other over the top “Southie” Accent.

    “This Alfredo is wicked pissa awesome!, like Youk beating up that dumb bastahd!”

  8. Sans Sense
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    A3G: No, I was thinking Papa Do Ron Ron. I guess I am all jacked up on sleeping pills.

  9. Sans Sense
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I always thought Phyllis Diller as Berna would somehow be, oh I don’t know, more entertaining than this?

  10. PeteMoss
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I once bought a microwave oven at a garage sale years ago that had only one control – a knob that set the timer and started the “microwavin’.” I had it for years, thought it was the greatest because it required so little thinking! I guess Grossie has one that’s a bit more sophisticated since she mentions it has knobs (plural.) Those Bedouin people of the desert! Always trying to one-up you with the latest gadgets!

  11. Sequitur
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    DtM – That Humpty sure has a menacing smile. Maybe he should take over the strip, “Humpty The Menace” Yeah, that’s the ticket.

  12. JP (not Judge Parker)
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    I was at a Head Start last week that had little doors perfect for 3-5 year-olds right next to the adult doors. Get on it Flagstons!

    BTW in order to make sure I had spelled “Flagston” right (because I’m that anal), I looked on the Wikipedia page and saw that the other kids have actually done *some* aging in the strip – Dot and Ditto were 4 when it began, and Chip was 8. Only poor Trixie has languished in perma-baby land. Although, on the plus side, it ensures there is at least one mildly likable baby on the comics page. I’m still scarred from seeing Marvin’s ass the other day.

  13. Sans Sense
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Interesting selection of strips today, 2 mention knobs while the other 3 just feature them.

  14. Laziestmanonmars
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    Could someone please give me a one sentence thesis on what is going on in Crock? What is the era/people/location? I’ve never seen anything remotely approaching the technology of a microwave. That’s probably because the drawing(and writing) is utter shit. I always thought it was ~1890.

    I believe Dennis the Menace is a re-tread from the 70′s.

  15. commodorejohn
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    (and a marked contrast with my current microwave, which we got as wedding present less than four years ago and which is already flaking out, though that’s a rant for a different time and place,)

    Ah, that would be planned obsolescence for you, Josh. 1982 was back before all the giant multimarket manufacturing corporations figured out that you didn’t have to bother trying to lure in those pesky customers with new features if you just designed everything to be completely inoperable after five years of use. I have a Commodore 128 that’s still going strong fourteen years after its date of manufacture; I also have a laptop I bought in 2004 that started breaking in 2007 and was completely falling apart by the time I finally retired it this spring. ‘Nuff said.

  16. commodorejohn
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    #14 Laziestmanonmars – One-sentence summation of Crock: a strip about nothing definitive in a loosely-defined setting featuring vague characters and written by people who don’t care.

  17. corinthian
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    I imagine for Crock’s time period a knob-based microwave would be pretty advanced. However, by today’s standards it’s very old… Rather than examine the levels of bad, I’m just going to assume that Crock’s characters are stuck in some nightmarish hell-dimension where time flows at random. Seems like a safe bet.

  18. The Ridger
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    The cafeteria at work has two of those one-knob microwaves. Clearly those things were built to last.

  19. Chyron HR
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Papa Smurf + Pythagoras = Papargoras! It all makes sense now!

    (P.S. The reason behind your Panasonic microwave’s poor performance is that what you actually have is a television. HTH. HAND.)

  20. Fashion Police
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    y113, Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division:

    Perhaps there is some room for compromise. Your “world” could remain intact perhaps, and elements of it could be replicated off in a far corner or some alternate universe. However, we are certain that Charterstone and its environs would flourish in a seething cauldron of repression characterized by beautifully formal clothing, elegantly affected manners, carefully prescirbed social customs, and servants.

  21. Aviatrix
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    Oh thank goodness, a talking bird. I was getting worried there. But what kind of bird is it? Under the T: a web-footed woodpecker? Seriously, what has webbed feet and sits in holes in trees? Mark Trail should come with a species identification guide.

  22. Roto13
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    Actually, they still make microwaves with knobs. They’re popular among old people because it’s harder to accidentally microwave a potato for 2 hours before burning down your house if you set the time with a dial.

    There’s your comment of the week.

  23. Lisa
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    My mother has the same microwave that she got back in the early 80s, and it still works. It is a combination micro and convection oven. I don’t think they even make them anymore. She hopes it outlasts her, because the new ones are way too complicated (I agree).

  24. 150
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    If I remember right, the text to “Humpty Dumpty” is all of four lines long. I guess I’m just wondering where Mr. The Menace got a copy the size of a Time-Life coffee-table book.

  25. Ed Dravecky
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    Based on Berna’s look in panel two, Tito’s secret recipe is cheese, cream, the tears of an orphan, butter, and crystal meth. And “bon appetit!” in an Italian restaurant? For shame.

  26. Mr. O'Malley
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    My parents have been using one of those one-knob microwaves since 1973 and it is still working fine.

    Our microwave, which is only two years old, also has just one knob, but the function that the knob controls can be changed to a bewildering variety of different things.

    At least I know how to get to “dinner plate”.

  27. Fungelstein
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I have a microwave that has knobs. I got it four years ago from Best Buy if I remember correctly.

    It has two knobs, one for different levels of heat and the other for the timer. Maybe that’s the one the Crock lady has? She just couldn’t decide how badly burned she wanted her food to be.

    I also have my parent’s old toaster, which still sorta works. Whenever you make too much toast with it, it emits a loud screeching sound and refuses to make anymore toast. Yeah, I got a really weird toaster.

  28. Steve S
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Can someone explain the character postures in panel 1 of Apartment 3-G? Is the building tilting, is the professor flubbing an inappropriate advance, or do people just tend to lean that way when they’re whacked out on sleeping pills?

  29. teddytoad
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    How old is Dennis supposed to be? He’s watching “detective shows” — which I’m assuming are police procedurals, or maybe the Rockford Files (?) — but he’s reading Humpty Dumpty? Are we going to go with negligent parenting, or developmental disability here?

  30. Mr. O'Malley
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    23. Lisa. The one that we bought two years ago is a combination microwave and convection oven. And a very convenient appliance it is.

  31. Islamorada Girl
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I hear the Fettucini Aldo is to die for at this place. Perhaps that explains Bern’s expression in panel 2.

  32. Toff
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    Crock: that’s a scandalous display of nasal flesh in the second panel.

  33. Timothy Burke
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    Already been said, but the moment I read it, I thought: “this fettucine alfredo is really A LA SWEENY TODD”. Hence its special, wicked qualities.

  34. Citric
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    Actually some very cheap microwaves have knobs. I know this from when I went microwave shopping, though I eventually got a classy GE floor model for super cheap.

  35. skullcrusherjones
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    Trixie is simply marking her door so that when the angel of death comes, she’ll be spared. I’m just wondering what the Flagstons did to anger God.

  36. Niall
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Y141. Poteet: A gift? Sadly, yes… I’m a federal government admin worker. I have to decode this kind of writing into normal language all the time, and now it’s seeping much too readily into my writing. (And thinking.. another reason I’m dull in person.) I’ve also had to find ways to explain some of my interests in terms others can understand, using examples they’re familiar with, so this was similar.

    Hmm, I seem to be on a lean commenting period right now…

  37. Cromwell's Head
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    That Apartment 3-G comic is seems very disjointed somehow. Probably because the Professor’s original comeback was unspeakably filthy and this was the best the newspaper censors could come up with on short notice.

  38. Married Agnostic Woman
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    The new microwaves at work have knobs. I thought they were trying to foist something on us that was stuffed in the corner of the back room in 1978, but they are in fact brand new.

  39. Sans Sense
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Dennis is mired in the late ’60′s, early 70′s right? That makes his detective shows Quinn Martin productions in turn explaining the dust cover photo of William Conrad.

  40. Joe Blevins
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    DTM: I recently speculated about the subtly tragic nature of Alice Mitchell, and here is the panel that proves it. Alice, goddess, is trying to enjoy an International Coffee moment and at least look at the book she’s balanced on the footstool. And who comes in to spoil the moment? That’s right — her useless, sweater-vest-wearing dweeb of a husband spouting some inane nonsense supposedly said by their equally useless, ill-mannered son. Alice’s dazed, confused expression tells the tale. She literally cannot believe her husband would be so oafish as to bother her with this crap now. Her brain simply cannot cope with this degree of utter stupidity and has simply shut down as a safety precaution.

  41. thatquietkid
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    Looks like there’s a character who’s more pathetic than Marvin. $10 says the fat kid who should be in kindergarten still wears diapers.

  42. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    “I love this place! The fettuccini alfredo is wicked! I eat here frequently enough to both have a preference for a particular dish and comment on the quality generally!”
    “Are you ladies ready to order?”
    “Oh, no, I’m still looking at the menu.”

  43. Perky Bird
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    #29 teddytoad–

    Dennis watches that new series, “Law and Order: Sesame Street.”

  44. buckyswife
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    36 Niall: I can’t believe that you’re “dull in person.” I’ve seen your dancing video your name links to; “dull” isn’t what comes to mind! =-)

  45. The Ridger
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix: Wood ducks nest in trees. You can see photos of the adults in a tree, and the babies jumping out of the nest here

  46. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    # 11 Sequitur — Per the yesterthread evil clown faint, it was my own fault. You did warn us that it was an evil clown. You didn’t mention that it was a naked Norman-Rockwell-icon-destroying evil clown, but anyone who deliberately clicks on an evil clown link should be prepared for any number of possibilities. I’ll remember that.

    And your kindly-provided smelling salt was just absolutely *sniff* adorable.

  47. Joe Blevins
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “The name Papagoras sounds so familiar. Maybe because Daddy used to suffer from the delusion that he was a thousand-pound bull and would run around the house wearing a Viking helmet, trying to run us through with his horns.”

    Meanwhile, in RMMD, the woman (?) in panel 2 kinda looks like Orson Bean. Seriously, if you have some free time, do a YouTube search on Orson Bean. You won’t be disappointed. A diverse guy, to say the least.

  48. CanuckDownSouth
    September 2nd, 2009 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    #27, 34, 38… saw a new (and probably high-end: it was brushed steel) micro with just knobs (for power and time) in living quarters built & furnished for / by German astronomers, so I assume there’s also a lively market in knobbed microwaves over in Europe… and it’s the French foreign legion …

    … nahhh. That’s giving Crock way too much credit

  49. KT
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    Here’s how today’s “Dennis the Menace” should have gone:

    Henry: [reading from the nursery rhyme book] “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.”

    Dennis: “Or maybe…” [puts on sunglasses] “…he was pushed.


  50. Niall
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    44. buckyswife: thank you, but those are special times. :) I admit I should have said “dull when conversing in person” instead. Either I geek out on something, overreact, or have no knowledge about the subject at hand. Does not make for scintillating conversation.

  51. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    # 36 Niall — Sorry, I’ve read too many of your comments. It’s much, much too late to try to persuade me that you are dull. Ha!

  52. buckyswife
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    45 The Ridger—Thanks for that link! I confess that I like the plummeting, bouncing ducklings MUCH better than the very scary death goat in the yesterthread.

  53. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — If that second panel showed Berna saying “Bon appetit!”, it would join Mary Worth on my fridge as a diet aid.

  54. BigTed
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    “The name ‘Smith’ sounds so familiar!” “I don’t think we’ve met, Ms. Merrell, but… it’s a fairly common surname in England.” “Perhaps that’s it. We used to vacation in Europe.” “Yes (sigh)… I’m sure that’s it.”

  55. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    That knocking at the door is an Apartment 3-G producer, come to tell the Professor that his tryout as a central character is now concluded, and to remove him with an enormous vaudeville-style hook if he doesn’t come quietly.

    I’m picturing the cane as being some sort of hydraulic jobbie that extends like Inspector Gadget’s arms. The “producer” is of course Margo, and her finger is getting itchy on the button.

  56. AeroSquid
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    ‘SHAFT ! (can ya diggit’) Ha! HA! It’s funny ‘cuz little Timmy…or Justin…whatever.. refers to himself in multiples of two or more.

  57. Dr Alice
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    Josh, your vision of the hapless Professor being yanked out of the strip with a vaudeville hook gave me my first genuine laugh today. Awesome.

  58. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    # 21 Aviatrix — Wood ducks are also beautiful, per below. Color monkeys, I forgive you, but I don’t know if the wood ducks will.

  59. bats :[
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    27. Fungelstein: I think your toaster belongs to a union.

  60. Farley's Revenge
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    #43Perky Bird says:

    #29 teddytoad–

    Dennis watches that new series, “Law and Order: Sesame Street.”

    Or “CSI: PBS”

    Gotta say, if Mr. Rogers had investigated crime a la Adrian Monk, his neighborhood would have been far more entertaining.

  61. KT
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    BC: Ooo hey look, it’s my character Sefo!

  62. The Ridger
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    #58 Poteet – that’s a drake, of course. The females actually look much like the ones in MT!

  63. Farley's Revenge
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, there are two things that bother me about that “Crock” comic. The first is the way the orange blob’s mouth seems to be sewn to the fabric of her burka. This must be a custom for some country but I have no idea which one.

    The second is the fact that the guy-blob criticizing her cooking is sitting at the dinner table without a shirt on so he can expose his body hair to all the world. Where does he get off complaining about the food when he can’t be bothered to even put on an undershirt before chowing down?

    Seems to me that he should also be wearing a burka, just so we don’t have to look at his hairy self.

  64. sugarpie
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    OK, now they’re just screwing with me. Line work aside, Crock’s color monkeys have come up with a more pleasing palette than whoever puked all over rendered A3G today.

  65. Red Greenback
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    RM,MD: That looks a helluva lot like comedienne Pat Carroll dining with Ellen Barkin. As for “Tito”; maybe it’s just because it is fairly recent news, but I’m visualizing Tito Jackson as the saucemeister.
    A3-G: “Aside from the white hair and beard, you look awfully familiar.”
    “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

  66. AeroSquid
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    FC: “What are you drawing ?

    “NOW you’re interested ? What’s your angle ?”

    “No angle. I’m on the up and up. What is that ? ”

    “Since you SEEM interested, I’ll let you in on it.”

    “I’m all ears. Lay it on me, Jackson.”

    “Well. You know what a Tesla coil is ?”

    “I think so. That thing that goes: BZZZ BZZZ ?”

    “Crude sound effect, but accurate.”

    “Thank you.”

    “Don’t mention it.”


    “Anyway, as Mommy recited her oblations to the Old Ones the night before, I noted a small, almost undetectable variance in the third realm of Baoht Z’uqqa-Mogg. You worship Baoht Z’uqqa-Mogg….don’t you ?”

    “Yes. Yes I do.”

    “You’re lying. Baoht Z’uqqa-Mogg knows it and I know it.”

    “Okay. You got me. I’m not an adherent. I worship Nug and Yeb.”

    “The Twin Blasphemies ? Ha ! You might as well lay with Shub-Niggurath !”

    “The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young ? Men have died for less for such impolitness !”



    “I’m drawing a pee pee. HAHAHAHAH!”


  67. yellojkt
    September 2nd, 2009 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    The microwave in our office break room has a knob controller. The boss, no spring chicken, prefers analog controls. Someone brought in a modern one last year and the timer display is already broken.

  68. seismic-2
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “I remember it well. Tito was Slaving over a hot stove, working on his latest Croation, and he shouted, ‘Hellfire and Dalmation!, this is great sauce!’ He gave the recipe to the chef here who started Serbing it, and it was a big hit. I haven’t picked up a Czech here since then! Well, let’s order. Yugo first.”

    A3G: The Professor recommends that Ms. Merrill double the dosage of her drugs, so that she will forget seeing his name and face on that “Wanted” poster in Athens, where he is being sought for crimes against the electromagnetic spectrum by wearing that necktie with that jacket.

  69. Talking Squirrel
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    Dennis: You’ll notice, though, that Pops makes a point of being all the way at the bottom of the stairs before he starts mocking Dennis’ sociopathic thought processes.

  70. Laziestmanonmars
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    CommodoreJon (Is that the computer, or the rank?)

    “a strip about nothing definitive in a loosely-defined setting featuring vague characters and written by people who don’t care.”

    You’ll have to be more specific… You just described 90% of the comic page.

  71. NoahSnark
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if the writers of Crock can offer any insight on the correct microwave setting to cook camel. Personally I use Baked Potato, but it always comes out chewier than I like.

  72. rapid turtle
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: There’s actually a typo in that first panel; it should read made by scratch, thus revealing the true secret behind the so-called “wickedness” of this fettuccini Alfredo: it is made by Old Scratch, Gooseberry, the Great Deceiver, Satan himself. The economy’s hard on everyone.

  73. Niall
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    51. Poteet: I did correct myself to say “in person”. You can ask the Toronto Mudges who met me; they all had much more interesting stories and insights than I could give.

    68. Seismic-2: your RMMD snark is worthy of some sort of recognition. Prize, I don’t know, but recognition at the very least… well-done, for that sort of thing. (in other words: I’m envious!!)

  74. bats :[
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    71. NoahSnark: gee whiz! What part of the camel are you microwaving?!

  75. DumbBlone
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @21, 51 -RE: MT: As an amateur bird watcher, I’m a quite jealous of today’s final Mark Trail panel. I love wood ducks. I even put up wood duck houses by the creek. And yet, do the ducks have the simple common courtesy to say “Thank You” much less invite me to see their “old friend at fish and wildlife” like they do that little maniac, Rusty? No. What’s Rusty got that I don’t got? I mean, besides a whole extra heaping spoonful of crazy? (The good news is that, thanks to this website, I now can decode the secret messages that Mary Worth is sending me via the clues to the daily Jumble, so I’m thinking I’m in the running on that count.)

    Meanwhile – Little Swamp Girl amuses herself by sitting up very straight on her tuffet and meditating on the patterns in the wood grain on the side of the TV cabinet. “No, Ma, don’t turn on the TV. I know you and Pa can’t afford the electric on account of Pa not having enough sideburns. Besides, I think better this way.” If she can just concentrate hard enough, maybe she’ll be able to hear the wood ducks speak to her, too.

  76. Sequitur
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    MT – It does look like a wood duck. One thing neat about wood ducks is that they have prehensil feet [not an evil clown link, Poteet] which allow them to perch in trees.

    Cool Facts about Wood Ducks…

    * Natural cavities for nesting are scarce, and the Wood Duck readily uses nest boxes provided for it. If nest boxes are placed too close together, many females lay eggs in the nests of other females. These “dump” nests can have up to 40 eggs.

    * The Wood Duck nests in trees near water, sometimes directly over water, but other times up to 2 km (1.2 mi) away. After hatching, the ducklings jump down from the nest tree and make their way to water. The mother calls them to her, but does not help them in any way. The ducklings may jump from heights of up to 89 m (290 ft) without injury.

    * The Wood Duck is a popular game bird, and is second only to the Mallard in numbers shot each year in the United States.

    * Wood Ducks pair up in January, and most birds arriving at the breeding grounds in the spring are already paired. The Wood Duck is the only North American duck that regularly produces two broods in one year.

    * Wood Ducks often make friends at their local fish and wildlife office and visit them often. They will inform their mates of their intentions to visit the office. When they arrive, a card game such as poker or pinocle will commence. Wood Ducks are notorious cheaters who will hide cards under their wing. Their blank stare also gives them a very good poker face. However, females may often tip off a good hand by laying an egg.

    There. Now you don’t have to read Sunday’s Mark Trail.

  77. AeroSquid
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    76. Sequitur: Even MORE Wood Duck facts:

    * Wood Ducks are made of wood. They float.

    * Wood Ducks borrow money and attempt to repay you in Canadian Loonies.

    * Wood Ducks NEVER refill you gas tank.

    * Wood Ducks drink all the Iced Tea in the fridge and never make any more.

    * Wood Ducks feel they have the superior opinion.

    * Wood Ducks hide in your closet when you and your girlfriend are mating and watch you through the slats.

  78. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    # 62 Ridger — Okay, fair enough. I’ll cut the color monkeys some slack, since they are dealing with such teeny panels. In larger panels, even the female wood duck’s subtle colors deserve better.

    And I confess I was hoping that one of the MT ducks was a drake because I knew about the egg-dumping discussed by Sequitur, and I wanted to think this was a happy wood duck couple, not Sneaky Female waiting for Mommy Female to leave her nest so Sneaky Female could hop in and lose some weight really fast, so to speak. Not that I can’t sympathize with egg-dumping. When you’re a nestless duck, you gotta do what you gotta do.

  79. Nekrotzar
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    For I will pass through the page of the comics this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of comics, both man and beast; and against all the strips of the comic page. I will execute judgment: I am the LORD. And the blood upon the door shall be to you for a token upon the comic strips where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over your comic strip, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you.

    With the exception of Hi & Lois, expect to see a lot of changes in the comics tomorrow. And a lot of unleavened bread.

  80. Sequitur
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    Since we’re on the topic of Chock, here’s a camel story…

    A tourist visiting Egypt is wandering through a town, when he happens upon an Arab washing his camel. He watches the Arab fondle the camel’s testicles as he announces the time to a passerby. In awe, the tourist watches the Arab. Another person stops to ask the Arab the time and
    again he massages and fondles the testicles. After he again tells the time, the tourist is completely flabbergasted. He watches him then for
    an hour as people go up to him for the time and with each one, he fondles the camel’s testicles!

    The tourist finally had to know. He went up to the Arab and said, “Excuse me, sir, but I couldn’t help but notice that you can get the time just by feeling your camel’s testicles! How do you do it?”

    “Quite simple. Bend down.”

    The tourist bends down, as the Arab pushes the testicles out of the way and says, “Do you see that clock over there?”


  81. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    # 73 Niall — It would be discourteous to try to contradict you, and of course I haven’t met you in person. So I’ll just say that what I know of you is not dull, and I’m glad you post here:-).

    # 75 DumbBlone — I put up a wood duck house next to my creek, and the wood ducks ignored it, leaving it to become the home of a wild bee colony. The wood ducks decided to nest waaaay up in a hole in a tree that was some distance from the nearest creek. So the babies would have had quite a march even if a coon hadn’t climbed the tree and eaten them (as near as I could figure out). And the ducks never invited me anywhere.

  82. Toronto
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    Dennis is reading Jasper Fforde – “The Big Over Easy” in particular.

    As to microwaves, I had a combination microwave/toaster oven with knobs but Mrs Toronto never cottoned to it. We replaced it with a ginormous microwave/convection/broiler combo that has dozens of buttons, which despite being a techophobe she loves. I think it’s the “popcorn” button that really sold her on it.

  83. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    # 77 AeroSquid — Bwahaha!

  84. Sequitur
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    79. Nekrotzar
    I like unleavened bread. There’s just something about those Matzos.

  85. mollificent
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    Josh: Hey! My microwave has knobs! Two knobs, to be precise. (Okay, yes, it’s a cheap 600 watt piece of crap I picked up at Freddie’s for $30 about four years ago…but still!)

    Actually, one of the first exciting things I realized when I got my car is, “Hey…I could buy a new microwave and GET IT HOME MYSELF!” I think I need to get out more. ;)

    #49 KT: Dammit! I’m running out of screen cleaning fluid. The next bottle’s on you!
    (True confessions: I’m a closet CSI: Miami addict. I think it’s Adam Rodriguez’s fault…but since it looks like they’re killing him off next season *sob* I guess I’ll be able to master my addiction…)

    #68 seismic-2: Also bringing the serious funny!

  86. AeroSquid
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of Microwaves: Back in Thanksgiving of 1969 (about the time that the first Radar Range models came out), my Aunt thought that her new, very large and dangerous, microwave oven was a ‘Miracle Kitchen Tool’. She cooked a whole frozen turkey in one…….we ordered Chinese.

  87. Nekrotzar
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    #84 Sequitur

    Anyone have a good recipe for Matzoh brei? If you give me one, and I ever someday open a restaurant, you can eat there for free.

  88. commodorejohn
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    #70 Laziestmanonmars – I suppose so. Well, Crock is about…um…some Legion guys…in the desert…and some goat/camel things…and…really, I have no idea.

    (And it’s the computer. I’m an incorrigible retrophile.)

  89. Red Greenback
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    Granted, the Wood Duck is good eatin’, but so is the Mallard. I prefer the Mallard because it’s also more filling. *makes an evasive maneuver*

  90. AeroSquid
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    Microwave Fun Facts:

    The first Raytheon commercial microwave oven was the 1161 Radarange, which was marketed in 1954. Rated at 1600 watts, it was so large and expensive that it was practical only for restaurant and institutional use. Many prisoners and mental patients died.

    In 1967, Amana, a division of Raytheon, introduced its domestic Radarange microwave oven, marking the beginning of the use of microwave ovens in home kitchens. Many housewives died.

  91. Sequitur
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    87. Nekrotzar
    The only Matzo brei I know of is pretty simple. Soak a broken up Matzo in water for a few minutes then pour off the water.
    Mix an egg with salt and cinnamon then add the Matzo. Put a bit of vegetable oil in a pan then fry that sucker up.

    I’m not Jewish but I love the cooking. Well, all except the Gefilte fish. But it is better than Lutefisk. Can’t stand the Lutefisk and I’m partly Norwegian.

  92. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    I like Josh’s maternal grandmother. I identify with Josh’s maternal grandmother. I say it’s possible to live a rich, full, rewarding life in spite of being a technophobe. Increasingly difficult, but possible. Becoming more bleeping difficult every bleeping day, but possible. Okay, so it turns out I may actually try to get, and learn how to use, a cell phone. This won’t be pretty.

  93. AeroSquid
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    So anyway…

    Following a long arduous cattle drive, the cowboy headed for the restaurant for dinner. Taking the only seat left, which was next to a lady about 20 years old (who looked very wealthy and educated), he overheard her place her order:
    “- I’ll have breast of fowl, virgin fowl. Make sure it’s virgin. Catch it yourself. Garnish my plate with onion and bring me a cup of coffee, not too hot, not too cold. And waiter, open a window. I smell a horse, there must be a cowboy in the house.”

    Thoroughly pissed, the cowboy made his order:
    “I’ll have duck, fucked duck. Make sure it’s fucked. Fuck it yourself. Garnish my plate with horseshit. Then bring me a cup of coffee, strong as Texas mule piss, and blow the foam off with a fart. And waiter, knock the whole damn wall down. I smell a c**t, there must be a whore in the house.”


  94. Alan's Addiction
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    So, basically, this woman in “Crock” spends her days cowering in the kitchen, paralyzed in fear at the thought of ever leaving it? That sounds like a rather sexist suggestion, but that’s the implication of today’s punchline – “women do no work and lie about how long it takes!” Which is ironic, given that it takes infinitely more skill and time to run a household than almost any business imaginable.
    I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed that Berna looks like she’s about to go for Becka’s throat. However, almost as disconcerting as Berna’s blood-lust-filled glare is Becka’s detached, calculating look in that final panel, as if she’s internally checking off another item on a list before she steals Berna’s life savings and then leaves her body on the side of a highway.
    We see an ugly bit of “Judge Parker” intruding in today’s A3G with that allusion to expensive summer vacations. Hopefully that pounding noise is Margo, who has realized that the only way to deal with her grief is to slake her hunger for human flesh. That’ll get this storyline moving somewhat faster than pointless anecdotes that even Tommie would consider boring.
    Dennis thinks no such thing about Humpty Dumpty. Hank Mitchell is clearly telling lies to get Dennis prescribed some powerful sedatives that will slow him (Dennis) down long enough for Hank and Mr. Wilson to enjoy some peace and quiet. Either that, or teach Dennis a lesson in what it really means to be menacing.
    What’s really disturbing about Hi and Lois is that, apparently, Trixie is unable to figure out how to use the cat/dog flaps in the doors to get around the house.

  95. queek
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    61: Green Martians are supposed to have tusks, at least according to Burroughs.


  96. Sequitur
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    Top Ten reasons Wood Ducks are better than Mallard Ducks:

    10. Wood Ducks have rhythm. Mallards can’t dance a hoot.
    9. Wood Ducks know all the words. Mallards just hum along.
    8. Wood Ducks usually carry cash. Mallards overextend on credit.
    7. Wood Ducks can speak Latin. Mallards barely manage Spanish and French.
    6. Wood Ducks search the internet. Mallards think a web site is where they put their feet.
    5. Wood Ducks can eat with their fingers. Mallards just gulp everything down.
    4. Wood Ducks watch PBS. Mallards watch that cable access channel that no one else even knew existed.
    3. Wood Ducks can tell time. Mallards just know that time will tell.
    2. Wood Ducks have a fine pension plan. Mallards plan to have a pension…some day.
    1. Wood Ducks know celebrities like Mark Trail. Mallards know celebrities like Mark Trail.

  97. Red Greenback
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    Geez, Crock lady-thing, you think knob-turning takes a long time in your comic strip? Try microwaving a meal in Judge Parker.

  98. AeroSquid
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    96. Sequitur: Bwaaaa! :D

  99. Farley's Revenge
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:42 pm [Reply]


    But it is better than Lutefisk.

    Almost anything would be better than lutefisk. No, strike that. Anything would be better than lutefisk, including toxic waste. Radioactive toxic waste.

    #92Poteet: A few years ago, I acquired a cell phone under protest(long story, which I will not retell here). I refused to get a plan so I went with a pay as you go basic phone. All it did was phone calls and it did those poorly so five times out of seven people couldn’t reach me. That did not bother me.

    Now I have a more updated cell phone. It is still a pay as you go but it takes photos, which I cannot see because there is no way to recover said photos unless I email them to myself.

    I flatly refuse to get one of those phones that allow internet access and texting. It’s bad enough I have the phone, which lulls people into thinking they can reach me 24/7. It doesn’t take long before they learn they are wrong.

  100. Sequitur
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    Time for bed so I leave this earthy thread with this thought…
    How much chuck could a wood duck wood if a wood duck could wood chuck?

  101. commodorejohn
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    #92 Poteet – Fortunately, most cell phones work pretty much like a normal touch-tone phone as far as the whole “being a phone” thing goes. It’s when you let people talk you into trying to use it as a computer (web browsing, email, IM, etc.) that it suffers, since (A) cell providers are evil bastards who make this as hard as possible while charging you as much as they possibly can for the privilege, and (B) A CELL PHONE HAS NO KEYBOARD OR MOUSE. So you’ll be fine as long as you steadfastly refuse to use it as anything other than a phone.

  102. Farley's Revenge
    September 2nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    True camel story: Way back when #1 offspring was but a wee lad, we lived in a land where camels were not an uncommon sight. One day, there were camel rides offered as part of some festive occasion and #1, being an adventurous lad, wanted to ride a camel. We gave the camel driver the money and #1 climbed aboard.

    All went well for about two minutes. Then the camel apparently decided it had had enough of strange people climbing all over it and it was Miller Time. Off it loped across the field, #1 clinging to the hump for all he was worth, and the camel driver in hot pursuit, screaming for the camel to stop. We weren’t far behind the camel driver but we didn’t scream for the camel to stop since we didn’t speak the camel’s preferred language.

    Eventually the camel stopped. The camel driver caught up with it. We caught up with the camel driver as he was berating the camel. #1 decided it would be safer if he walked back. We fully supported that decision.

    The irony is that wasn’t the first time #1 had been on a runaway camel although he hasn’t been on a camel since.

  103. seismic-2
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    #96 Sequitur – I am now trying to imagine Yakov Smirnoff as a Wood Duck. It is surprisingly easy, actually.

  104. Red Greenback
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    You mean Quack Aahhh Smirnoff?

  105. True Fable
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    #102 Farleys Revenge – I love any tale that begins, “True camel story”. It makes you yearn to measure it against whatever False camel story they might have on tap.

  106. bats :[
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    A few Thursday observations:

    MW: two days in a row with the finger o’ examination. Mary and Jeff really want to point out and ram home the fact that September is Prostrate Cancer Awareness Month!

    Well, okay, only one observation…

  107. Josh
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    If we’re sharing zany camel stories, I’ll mention that, when my wife visited Egypt when she was in college, the camel she rode on near the pyramids farted loudly and often, after each instance of which the camel driver cheerfully proclaimed “Egyptian camel music!”

    Oh, and the camel’s name was “Michael Jackson.” This would have been 1991 or thereabouts; I’m not sure if that makes it more or less bizarre.


  108. Farley's Revenge
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    #105True Fable: I have been told that only we have stories that involve runaway camels. Given camels’ snotty natures, surely we can’t be unique.

    Came across this photo on Facebook and promptly thought of you:

    Not sure if you’ll be able to see the photo or not. Hope so.

  109. curlyfries
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Wow – the pasta is “made from scratch”? Nice to know these purists passed on the “Instant Pasta Mix” (found in your local supermarket, right next to Potato-Ade Crystals) and went for the real thing. And only someone who’s used to eating at Gussie’s in “Crock” or in a prison cafeteria would be impressed that the restaurant didn’t use Alfredo sauce out of a packet.

  110. True Fable
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Fist O justice Theater Goat mention! Well, in the nickname sense. *sigh* It’s a pretty damn sad day when the only way I can hope to see a goat in Mark Trail is to have someone CALL him that.
    Sam Driver, Pretty Person Holy FUCK, that is one long upper-lipped sumbitch. He’s Melting..! Melting….! o what a world, what a world!
    Mary, Bringer of Meddle Don’t go there, Jeff! I’m warning you; I’ve got an index finger and I know how to point it!!
    Apartment of Doom Head shrinking? Sssh, don’t give Margo any ideas. Meanwhile, the Oglers Club is now in session.

    #108 Farley’s Revenge – GOAT!! Goat discount shopper! Thanks, FR!!

  111. Farley's Revenge
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Yay! You saw it!

    I will admit to much curiosity of why someone would have a goat at Wal-Mart but hey. It’s Wal-Mart. That may be all that needs to be said.

  112. Poteet
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    # 99 Revenge & # 101 commodorejohn — Thanks for the useful warnings and tips. They are appreciated.

    As I stand waiting in Cell Phone Store where I never wanted to be, I’ll at least be able to tell myself that it’s better than trying to ride a camel.

  113. ChattyGenes
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    #112 Poteet. Hey! Are you really gonna get one?

  114. Farley's Revenge
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:39 am [Reply]


    As I stand waiting in Cell Phone Store where I never wanted to be, I’ll at least be able to tell myself that it’s better than trying to ride a camel.

    Or eating lutefisk.

  115. bats :[
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Or being chained to a log.

  116. Poteet
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:43 am [Reply]


    MT — As I figured, this FWS person doesn’t look like the three FWS people I know best. The three I know best are attractive women.

    MW — The strain of coming up with such subtle foreshadowing has caused Jeff’s face to morph yet again. If that really is Jeff.

    S-M — The penalty of being an S-M villain is that you get to do most of the stupidest heavy lifting when it comes to exposition. I bet Ock will really need a drink by the time this is over.

    A3G — Promising that a week of mild sleeping pills will cure insomnia, making pleasant chat, and unprofessionally introducing patients to each other. I might be able to do this job myself.

    JP — Ouch. I knew this guy was the Queen of Hearts’ brother, but now he’s her much uglier brother, and she’s not much of a looker herself.

  117. DumbBlone
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    @Wood duck riffers (Sequitur, Aerosquid, Poteet, Red Greenback, seismic-2, sorry if I missed anyone – y’all made my night after a particularly long day): I have learned so much about wood ducks today, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I swear that I will NEVER let those ducks walk all over me again.

    And to think, after building them that cute little house, I was going to lend them 50K to help out their sister in DC. Well, no more. No sir. If they want to snub me, then those little bee-loving, egg-pushing, latin-speaking b*st*rds are going to have to find some mallard to do their dirty work from now on.

    @Camel riffers: I also learned a lot about camels today. I”m going to have to spend quite a bit of time trying to forget the image of M.J. the a-farting & a-kidnapping camel racing off into the distance with testicles-a danglin’ that y’all put in my head. Erm. But thanks for the warning about avoiding camel rides. Truly valuable advice.

    @Josh. As you can see from today’s posts, your website truly is a valuable public service. Perhaps you’ll win the Mark Trail’s annual “TRAILIE” (TM) award for the promotion of human-wildlife understanding & co-operation. Or maybe just some tips in the ol’ tip jar.

  118. Poteet
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    # 113 Chatty — Probably. But it will take a while. First I have to do the preliminary whining and kvetching. Don’t worry, I won’t inflict it on CC anymore, or on you.

  119. True Fable
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    #111 farley’s revenge – S/He had a harness on, so maybe s/he was a Seeing Eye Goat. Goats are very intelligent creatures and very personable, but I am unsure whether they are perhaps too hardheaded and endlessly curious to handle such a post.
    Then again, s/he might have been wearing one of those dog harnesses designed to take pressure off an animal’s neck and place it along the ribcage, which I am again uncertain if that is any better.

    Then again… maybe s/he came looking for Kibble at a low, low price.

  120. Poteet
    September 3rd, 2009 at 1:10 am [Reply]


    PBS — That was so worth being up late for.

    Luann — That so wasn’t.

    ReFoob — Deanna, you poor doomed sod.

    GA — Gack.

  121. True Fable
    September 3rd, 2009 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    IFHZ I think Jeremy needs to hear MORE comments like the one in the final panel. Not that it would likely teach him anything; the boy’s impervious to learning any more than his medulla oblongata can hold.
    And Jeremy would likely think “medulla oblongata” is a grunge band from the Coast, anyway.
    Scenes from Suburban Hell The acid from Lois’s saliva will no doubt kill off any germ that dares happen upon his hand, topped off by whatever’s in the box with the black cross on it.
    Red Cross, founded by Clara Barton
    Black Cross, founded by Margo Magee

  122. ChattyGenes
    September 3rd, 2009 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    Is anyone else finding that all the color comics on the Chron are down?

  123. Ed Dravecky
    September 3rd, 2009 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    seismic-2 @68: in re RMMD: Thanks, my brain just exploded. Very well done.

  124. Uncle Lumpy
    September 3rd, 2009 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Here’s the Albany Times-Union comics page:

  125. True Fable
    September 3rd, 2009 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    WTF GT This season’s lesson looks to be Kids, Don’t Drink And Do Stuff.
    That Comic About The Generic Thing EWWW. And the smug way they look as if they have PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE of each other’s date and timestamp on their underroos is particularly interesting, in a Snorkle/Bailey way.
    Yesterday’s Jumble Clue Its a deeply religious experience to fry up the stocky Keane kids and gobble them up.
    Sweet and Shallow She wants you, Luann. Surrender to the curls. Quick, before you get any more nauseating.

  126. ChattyGenes
    September 3rd, 2009 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    #124 Uncle Lumpy. Thanks!

  127. 8th Man Fan
    September 3rd, 2009 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    DtM: Apparently, to Dennis, size matters. (I don’t like going there, but how else can you interpret this scene? What the heck is he doing in that room?)

    Bizarro: As horrifying as this guy is meant to look, in a swimsuit competition with Cathy and Grossie, he’d still come out ahead.

    A3G: “I’ve looked on a lot of women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. This is something that God recognizes I will do–and I have done it–and God forgives me for it. So deal with it, Ruby.” (Are Ruby and the Professor still an item? It’s been so long since they were shown hooking up, I don’t remember)

  128. pleinedepoisson
    September 3rd, 2009 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Every time, in recent memory, I have been unfortunate enough to see Hi and Lois in color, their carpet has been black. I no longer perceive this as a mistake on the part of the coloring crew; I truly believe their lives are filled with so much inky blackness that it has seeped into the very fibers of their carpet, reflecting the horrible nature of their endlessly hate-filled lives for all to see.

  129. Ed Dravecky
    September 3rd, 2009 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    9/3 Spider-Man: The hentai wall art on Mad Men this season was bad enough but Doc Ock’s “My tentacle will get him from behind!” thought balloon will fuel my nightmares for weeks to come.

    Oh, and the mighty Chron’s color comics are working now.

  130. MolyBendum
    September 3rd, 2009 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    #93 Aero – I’m stealing your joke, I hadn’t heard that one.

    #68 seismic-2 Re: Rex MMD – If I could proffer my vote-that-has-no-voice for COTW, that would be it so far.

    Re: Camels – First time I was here (Iraq) in ’03 it was a little more…..loosely restricted….and there were a few camels that didn’t make the first couple months of the war. (Well, that still happens occasionally, but it’s verboten now.) Somewhere SE of Karbala waiting for the word to move up and take Baghdad, we set up in the middle of absolute nowhere and made a giant fire in the middle of our perimeter. A camel had been, er, mortally wounded, and instead of wasting it (although it was suggested we gut it and climb inside like Luke Skywalker did, but that’s hard to bring yourself to try when you don’t have a shower), we cooked it. Camel, cooked on a weapon cleaning rod over an open fire, tastes OK, don’t let anyone tell you any different. I’d put it up against Tito’s Soylent Alfredo any day.

    P.S. – I don’t condone, have never allowed anyone directly under me to and have personally never shot a camel. Even tho they have a bad attitude and they stink.

  131. Sheila Sternwell
    September 3rd, 2009 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    Since I have nothing to say about Wood Ducks, I’d just like to mention that my parents’ microwave was purchased in 1982, was 3 feet wide and 2 feet tall, weighed 9000 lbs, and worked until mom died in 2005 and we sold it at the auction. I figure someone somewhere is collecting all the old microwaves and all the 1950s glow-in-the-dark alarm clocks and using their scary radioactive parts for heinous, unspeakable evil.

    P.S. I like pepper in my alfredo sauce.

  132. curlyfries
    September 3rd, 2009 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    Stinky Weeniesack: OK, is it so very wrong of me to want Bull to revert to his High School persona and strap Les to the driver’s ed car for a hood ornament?

    Mark FAIL: GAAH! It finally happened! The comment bubbles in panel 1 have broken free of their random body parts/squirrel asses and are mating on top of Cliff’s head!

    And what’s up with that two-fisted secret Freemason handshake? Is the Cliff really the Grand Master? Does he have special powers that allow him to grow two feet taller in panel 2, or was he just crouching down to avoid getting comment bubble spunk on his head?

    Mary Worthless: If you point that finger at me, bitch, it better be loaded.

  133. Sheila Sternwell
    September 3rd, 2009 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: The other day on D*talounge, there was a lengthy thread where everyone insisted that “handsome woman” was an insult, that you only called ugly women “handsome”. So Dr Papagoras and Bill (played by guest star John Fiedler) calling the insomniac chick handsome made me giggle in a way that A3G usually never does.

    #99 Farley’s Revenge: People also think I should be always available since I have a cell phone. People think wrong. Also, since my provider has often forgotten to send voice mails for days, I have a handy built-in excuse if I want to avoid a message for a while.

  134. True Fable
    September 3rd, 2009 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    To me, camels have that big long-lashed look and large puffy lips like a starlet with a limitless credit card. They are not very attractive because their eyes or mouth either one, is large than their entire cranium.

    Yet behold the mighty goat in all its virtuous faced little glory! I mean, it no contest.

    But who gets more comics time? yeah. the damn camel.

  135. curlyfries
    September 3rd, 2009 at 3:10 am [Reply]

    #133 Sheila, how odd. You don’t have to be a tranny or have a face like a bus smash to be “handsome”. It’s not a diss, any striking or strong featured (but not conventionally pretty) woman fits the bill – Diane von Furstenberg springs to mind.

    It’s not the same as the French jolie-laide – a woman who’s so fascinatingly homely she’s actually beautiful. (Hey, it’s French and they don’t expliquer easily. I’d sooner try to explain why cheese that tastes like vomit is a favorite salad dressing.)

  136. Aviatrix
    September 3rd, 2009 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    Thanks everyone. Now that I see the full coloured picture I do recognize the wood duck. I just never knew that they lived in trees. I knew that they bounced though, because for something the size, texture and density of a duckling, the terminal velocity is just not great enough to kill it. You could probably drop one out of a (non-parked) airplane and it would walk away.

    My favourite comment on the thread is the makes no sense without the context contribution:

    “Since I have nothing to say about Wood Ducks, I’d just like to mention that my parents’ microwave was purchased in 1982.”

  137. Charlene
    September 3rd, 2009 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    #109, I suspect that by “from scratch” they mean making the pasta from flour and eggs like most good restaurants do, and not just dumping a box of Catelli into the water like the cheap places.

  138. Mibbitmaker
    September 3rd, 2009 at 3:30 am [Reply]


    A3G: Why is Strangers in Paradise‘s and Echo‘s Terry Moore in this strip? And why is he “Bill” now?

    Arch: There, Betty, you just threw Archie into the arms of Veronica to get married in the future! Idiot. I no longer feel sorry for future you now.

    BBailey: Now, THAT‘s torture!

    ReFOOB: DANGER, Will Robinson! DANGER, Will Robinson!…

    Doomsbury: This series of strips will conclude with “Well, after all, 9/11 wasn’t so bad, right? They’ll get used to it in the States after a while, I’m sure….” Now we know why he’s called “Havoc”.

    GT: Oh, goody, another Joe Piscopo and Carrot Top.

    OBH: Today: batshit sexist. Batshit insane will likely resume on Friday….

    Ghost-Who-Whatever: By the way, that was Havoc’s idea.

    MW: Uh-oh, Jeff is being the sensible one again! Mare will NOT tolerate THAT.

    MG&G: Even Kricfalusi didn’t go THAT far! (I agree with the strip on the issue, though)

    NS: Danae, now you know how Darren Stevens, Maj. Nelson, Maj. Healy, early ’60s Bill Bixby, and Mystery Snuffy Era Big Bird feel.

  139. Mibbitmaker
    September 3rd, 2009 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    #138 (me) re: NS: Oh, and I left out “Mr. Ed”‘s Wilbur. Him, too, Danae.

    (damn computer “re-configuring”! New computer and broadband or no new computer and broadband, the more things change…..)
    (At least, due to random CC updating ruining a two-week run of easy CC-to-Chron back-&-forth, I now jot down snark word sketches from viewing Chron before typing stuff in here, making things kinda easier, notwithstanding filling up memo pads faster now.)

  140. Ace
    September 3rd, 2009 at 3:56 am [Reply]

    “So, uh, what is the secret recipe anyway?”
    “Have you ever seen Soylent Green?”
    “No, why.”
    “No reason.”

  141. Corwin
    September 3rd, 2009 at 4:06 am [Reply]

    For what it’s worth, Papagoras is actually a fairly uncommon surname in Greece.

  142. MolyBendum
    September 3rd, 2009 at 4:16 am [Reply]

    Archie – What, do these people yell everything they say to each other? “JUGHEAD!!! LET’S TALK ABOUT BETTY LOUDLY HERE IN THIS RESTAURANT!!!! OH SHIT HERE SHE IS NOW AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT I THINK SHE OVERHEARD US!!!!!”

    Cathy – Yes! Finally a Cathy strip that truly voices my feeling that men are short-sighted, obstinate, reactionary and would follow each other off a cliff if not for the guiding hand of Womyn. Thank you, Cathy, thank you.

    FC – Dolly saw Kitty sleeping and instantly her fist balled. ‘Damn that cat for being lazy,’ she thought. ‘I’ll teach it to sleep on the couch when I want to lay down and take a nap!’ And she punched and punched and punched poor, defenseless Kitty until she crawled, bleeding and broken, into a corner to die a short time later.

    Fuzzy – Lemurs are funnier than monkeys. Stick with lemurs.

    Pearls – I thought it said “Meat-packing mama, and now she’s got a package for you”. I had a mental image of Pastis getting ass-pounded by a cherubic transexual. It was disturbingly arousing.

    Ziggy – Haha! Zig can’t even “maybe” win something! What a maroon!

    Zits - “–You dumbass monkey fucking retard….What’s that? Errr….OK, how do I hang up again?”

  143. MolyBendum
    September 3rd, 2009 at 5:09 am [Reply]

    A3G – Not in the second panel there she’s not a handsome woman. Not even a handsome man. Disfigured, asexual crone, maybe.

    Diiiiiiiiiiiiick – Tracy hasn’t opened his eyes in three days, even he can’t stand the pace of this excruciating story-telling. I think Ringo is supposed to be looking shifty there, but he continues to look frightfully constipated. I want Dick to start panel one tomorrow with: “Ringo! Spit it out in three short sentences or I’ll uncork your turd-retaining bowels all over the floor!”
    Wiiiiiith……a herring!!

    Mary – I wonder if Mary neck-wiggles and zags that finger when she says “Huhn-uhn, don’t go there, Jeff!” I wish she would. It turns me on when old, white chicks get all ghetto.

    Mark – So the Fish & Wildlife guy is going to help Mark–Outdoorsman Extraordinaire and Long Time Dweller In These Parts–to find a camping place. And between these two genii, they are going to pick an alligator-infested, swamp-side location. Completely brilliant. I still hope Sassy gets eaten.
    Oh! Oh! Oh! And I hope the Sunday strip goes panel by panel showing how Sassy is dragged into the water to drown, and even though she’s small, the alligator does a death roll anyway to tear the little dog in half so it can savor the sweet, sweet meat that much longer. How Alligators Eat – Fun for the Whole Family!

  144. LP2004
    September 3rd, 2009 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    96 (and earlier) Sequitur: I’m truly impressed by your thorough knowledge of Wood Ducks. Reading this thread has been an educational experience unmatched since I first heard ‘Little Known Facts’ from ‘You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown’.

  145. Pozzo
    September 3rd, 2009 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    In DTM, I read “pushed” as “flushed,” which adds another level of psychological misalignment to Dennis’ personality. If this is the direction the strip is going to pursue, I applaud it, as the whole “Menace” angle doesn’t seem to be working out.

  146. buckyswife
    September 3rd, 2009 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    SM: “My tentacle will get him from behind”? I’m not sure this is the best time to initiate one of your sex fantasies, Doc.

    A3G: This IS a handsome woman—”handsome” in exactly the same way that Gary was handsome, or Alan was handsome, or Eric…

    MT: Today we meet the multiple-personality-disorder Fish n Wildlife ranger, one of whose selves is named “Cliff.” But at least, as we see from panel 2, he shoots straight from the hip.

    MW: Apparently, Charterstone no longer permits sharp utensils for its inmates; Mary looks to be consuming her dinner with a Q-tip.

    And where is Jeff not supposed to go? To the place where he legitimately might worry about his daughter having a relationship with someone whose job involves the possibility of being killed? “Don’t go there, Jeff—don’t you worry your pretty head about those kinds of things. Eat your salmon nibbles, and after you’ve serviced me, I’ll do some worrying for you.”

  147. Little Guy
    September 3rd, 2009 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    JP – Baretto does Puck, the Magazine.

  148. buckyswife
    September 3rd, 2009 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    JP: In a different, non-beautiful-people narrative, Photogs 1 and 1a might have to worry about the good ol’ boy sheriff takin’ them out to the woods and doin’ nasty things to them. But these guys are lucky: they’re ugly. (I don’t think anyone’s going to be saying to Short n Dumpy Photog, “You gotta purty mouth.”)

    DtM: Dennis, I’m not sure Mr. Wilson appreciates you commenting on his man-boobs. Although I suppose that “insult comedy” is a little menacing.

  149. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 3rd, 2009 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Breathe deep
    The gathering gloom
    Watch life fade in every room
    Once-funny people look back and lament
    A decade is gone, their humor is spent.

    Supposed lovers sit there and mope
    Soldier returns to no wife and no hope
    Fat guy makes pizza and acts like a dope
    Deafened band leader mulls: pistol or rope?

    Cold-hearted Tom who writes this strip,
    Shut off this pestilential drip
    It’s not funky, it’s not hip
    Release poor Westview from your grip
    And give up your delusion.

  150. Topliff
    September 3rd, 2009 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    A3G – Bill has certainly come to the right place. With all the witchcraft that has gone on in Apt. 3G over the years, Dr. Papagoras ought to be able to shrink that head faster than Ruby can tie her bandana.

  151. Whippersnapper
    September 3rd, 2009 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    MW: Please let this be the closest we ever get to seeing Mary say, “Talk to the hand.”

  152. Gabacho
    September 3rd, 2009 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Mary’s increasingly bored facial expressions, her complete failure to meddle Delilah who apparently solved her problems on her own, and now her telling Jeff “don’t go there.” instead of jumping in and utterly berating him leave me wondering.

    Do you suppose she’s dying?

  153. Mela
    September 3rd, 2009 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    #149 Spectacular Spider-Brick: I’ve got a lighter out for you right now. Brilliant.

    A3G – Of course she’s a handsome woman – her wardrobe is manlier than Dr. Greekname.

  154. Vince M
    September 3rd, 2009 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    MT – Well, this was inevitable – now it’s the word balloons doing the talking.

  155. hogenmogen
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Yesterday Crock: Here’s how a real tech joke should have been done:
    Panel 1
    Maggot: You don’t spend any time in the kitchen.
    Grossie: Wrong!
    Panel 2
    Grossie: uh… Twitter!

    reFoob: PUKE! This is supposed to be sweet or something, but it’s treacley as hell and it’s making me sick.

    H&J: Jamaal thinks it’s funny because he hasn’t worn underwear since the Carter administration.

    Gil Thorp narrator: Homecoming for Duncan Daley!
    Duncan: Hey, Robb! Hey, Brock!
    Robb: I heard you were hanging out with Rick Mason!
    Duncan: Yeah, Rick and Joe Mullaney and I are back!
    Brock: I just got a call from Don Wooton!
    Robb: Don “Butch” Wooton?
    Brock: No, that’s Don “Butch” Williams. I spoke with Don “Woo-Woo” Wooton.
    Duncan: Invite him over. I’m meeting Jeff Hill later!
    Brock: We can all get together at Dennis Elder’s house!
    Robb: Derrick Hatfield said that his folks were out. Let’s party like it’s 1959!

    9CL: Wh-what is this? There appears to be words and pictures that depict a conversation in chronological sequence. From whence comes this deviltry? It must be eradicated immediately!

  156. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    9CL: Oh, fuck, the dialogue’s back.

    A3G: “Indeed. But I saw her first, so back off, baldy.”

    BB: I knew Sarge was the power bottom in his relationship, but… damn. Bitch is hardcore.

    Crock: WTF is a “verbal device”? Rechins, it’s best to base your puns on something people have actually heard of before.

    (WT)DT: Looks like Jim Brozman’s cartooning lessons with Jack Elrod are paying off.

    H&J: All it takes is Herb mentioning the topic of Jamaal’s underwear for Jamaal to start presenting like a mandrill.

    JP: Speaking of apes, any second now, those two are going to start flinging their crap at the deputy.

    Marvin: How, exactly, is Marvin holding a thought-bubble conversation with that kid?

    Zits: Bucyrus? OH NO! He’s in Ohio! Quick, Jeremy, get out of that state or you’ll end up crashing, losing an arm, going deaf, getting captured by the Taliban, and dying of cancer!

  157. hogenmogen
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    #149 – Brick – what do you call it? “Knights in White Suffering”?

  158. AeroSquid
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    BB: So. Two anonymous majors just grab Sarge to ‘test interrogation techniques’. Are you sure this wasn’t in response to Sarge’s Craiglist ad ?

    Curtis: Yes, Curtis….look at that pile o’ mail. Ooooh. Is that a fat envelope you see ? Fat with your poorly concealed sins ?

    DtM: A preteen boy hanging out in the bedroom with a half naked, full figured man. I fail to see anything legal in this situation.

    FW: “Geez, Les ! Don’t get all shattered windshield on me. She’ll do just gasoline tank explosion, Okay ? Just remember: Head on semi truck in the rain. Anything else I can rollover with ?”

    MT: “Rusty ! You old goat ! Sassy ! You old goat !”

    PBS: She Glocked the Crock ! Where was it hidden ?

  159. hogenmogen
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Dennis: What’s with Dennis hanging around while Mr. W gets his clothes back on? If I were forced to do dirty, shameful things with the old perv next door, I’d be running out that door as soon as he got his filthy, buggering hands off of me – and straight to the police department.

  160. Balto
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    More microwave fun facts!
    If I recall, that 1954 Radarange you mentioned boasted that it could cook a ten pound turkey in just fifteen minutes! Of course, none of the original chefs are still living to ask about it…
    The properties of microwaves were discovered by accident when a radar technician walked past some equipment, and a chocolate bar in his pocket melted…I assume that he never had children…?

  161. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @41 – thatquietkid

    Looks like you owe Armstrong $10!

  162. hogenmogen
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    106- Bats[: There was once an interesting exchange on NYPD Blue between Andy Scipowitz and Gay John about “prostrate” vs. “prostate”. It concluded when Gay John left a dictionary on Andy’s desk with the page marked. “Great,” says Scipowitz, “If I’m ever on Jeopardy and the answer is ‘Prostrate’, I now will answer (picks up dictionary) ‘What is to cast oneself face down on the ground in humility, submission, or adoration’ instead of embarrassing myself by saying ‘The gland behind the ‘nads.”

  163. hogenmogen
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    #160 – Balto: Another microwave fun fact – In the movie Airplane!, they checked the radar range – and the turkey still needed another few minutes.

  164. Sequitur
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    One last thought on microwave ovens.
    I’m a tinkerer. Years ago when my first microwave stoped working, I opened up the back of it and found that a fuse had blown. For less then a buck I had my microwave back and didn’t have to shell out mucho dinero for a new one. That’s the dirty little secret microwave manufactures don’t want you to know.

  165. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    149 Spectacular Spider Brick When I first started reading your post, I heard it in the voice and the original words of the Moody Blues at the end of Days of Future Past. Then I realised what I was really reading. Well done, sir.

    I saw the Moody Blues in concert last Friday and they are still in top form.

    20 Fashion Police Okay, a parallel universe far, far, far, far (did I say far?) away. Mary Worth makes the worst penny dreadful look like the Brontes by comparison. Click on my name and see my probably warped Victorian world. Newer paintings are posted on my blog/what’s new page. I don’t sell enough of them to quit my day job.

  166. Tracer Bullet
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    MW: “Adrian’s a grown-up” Ahahaha. Hahahahaha. BAHAHAHAHAHA!

  167. AeroSquid
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    FW: Lemme try that again: “Whoa, Les ! Hit the brakes there buddy. If you want I can rollover the details of my class with you. Let’s head on over to the teacher’s lounge. I have a left over T-bone in the fridge. Don’t worry about our past. It’s all water under the bridge.”

  168. Lauren
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]


  169. Mibbitmaker
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    (In spite of #157, I’m going with my idea after reading #149. Great minds, etc)

    #149 (SS-B): Ah, the poem from “Slights in Blight Suffering” by the Really Really Moody Blues (and I DO mean “Blues”!), from the album Days of Past Waaaaaaay Passed

  170. Niall
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Thursday Snark, short but hopefully potent

    Dennis: Various cries of “Moobs” will be, for once, entirely appropriate. Look, the artists brought it up first.

    Dick Tracy: Disjointed dialogue, all periods when some exclamations would be appropriate, random closeup of an animal in one panel. Today, Dick Tracy tries to be the Poor Man’s Mark Trail.

    Judge Parker: good god. There’s ugly, but panel 3 is outright simian. The PPP strikes again.

    My Cage: Equal dose of Aww and Damn it! Still could go any way, because Norm is shooting his foot so much.

    Pearls: A naked female packing heat. I know of one such (NSFW) drawing, but I’ll spare the mudgeons. Let’s say that if it had been her, Burt would have a biiig smile on that mounted head.

    Pluggers: I present for your mind’s eyes Rhino Man in a lacy teddy-bustier ensemble, reclined on an expensive couch, receiving obscene phone calls for $3.99/minute. *invests in brain bleach companies and makes a mint*

  171. acsenray
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    The brand-new microwaves at our office are all knob-controlled. I’ve seen many knobbed microwave ovens that are meant for common use. As has been said before, the ones with knobs are less likely to be set for inappropriately long times.

  172. Brian
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    More to the point, a lower door knob would be ideal for Trixie receiving her shipments from El Salvador.

  173. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:16 am [Reply]


    MW: Today we are gathered to bid a fond farewell to “don’t go there.” You’ve had a good run, “don’t go there.” But now that Mary Worth has used you in conversation, you are well and truly dead slang.

    9CL: Being a (somewhat dormant) heterosexual male, I’m probably not the first person to ask about the close friendships between women and gay men. I imagine, though, that there is an appreciable difference between “gay roommate” and “contented slave.”

    DT: Ringo the ringmaster is apparently new to the circus. Can we assume that it was his idea to display a sickly tabby cat?

    GT: I see the Sonic Youth T-shirt, but I’m not hearing Sonic Youth. No, when Robb says, “It sure looks like you found time to work out,” all I hear is seventies porn music.

    Luann: “Suck it up Bernice. You knew I was a Mary Sue when you fell in with me.”

    Bailey: Words fucking fail.

    Marvin: If Ms Landers hasn’t noticed a hefty six-year-old shambling around her daycare, I think we can assume she’s passed out in the cloakroom.

    FB: In an upset victory, Fred beats out Mary Worth and Herb & Jamaal for the coveted “Most Awkwardly Shoehorned Literary Quote” award.

    Lockhorns: “On the upside, porn storage has become a lot more efficient.”

    A3G: Yes, there is such a thing as being too corny for Apartment 3G. And yes, it is apparently a recognized psychological disorder.

    DtM: Mr. Wilson is standing in front of an eight-year-old with his pants off? That’s gotta violate the terms of his parole.

  174. Sequitur
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Maw of the day. Danae or the Troublemint Twins.
    You decide. (One consideration. Do two small maws equal one big maw?)

  175. Sequitur
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Today is Mort Walker’s birthday. He is 86. Now we know that the General was suppose to be planning Mort’s birthday party in yesterday’s Beetle Bailey.

    What a bunch of ineps.

  176. hogenmogen
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Spiderman the Useless Super Idiot: Here’s my plan: Telepathically give Wolverine the idea to pretend to knock me out and throw me so that I can get close to Doc Ock and grab his human hands which aren’t doing anything particularly threatening. What’s that Wolv? I shoulda used my webbing? I didn’t have to get close to throw webs? Is that true? Oh, and aside from his natural arms, he has others? So that’s why they call him “Octopus”! I thought it was an odd nickname! Man, I’m learning so much from you, Logan!

  177. Oofie Niblick
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    You all got funny names! Are they for real?
    Ha ha haaaaa.

  178. Calico
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Y #161 – Hahahaa!
    Yes, everyone is so white-bread Protestant in Mary’s World she’d probably get freaked out if Scott was Buddhist as well.

  179. Calico
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    #177 – Don’t go there! : D

  180. tb4000
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Luann: I have to ask…what in the FUCK makes Luann so attractive to these guys in this strip? She’s the most irritating, selfish bitch, and….never mind.

  181. Mibbitmaker
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    #177: Yep, we’re all named Barack Obama.

  182. Anonymous
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    121. And Jeremy wouldn’t be all that wrong.

  183. Mibbitmaker
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Hey, Gil Thorp makers, #177 is asking you guys something…

  184. Uncle Lumpy
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    OK so wood ducks are the Chosen Ones and mallards are basically pluggers.

  185. Sequitur
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Hey! They offed Yogi Bear!
    I guess he won’t be making any more Boo Boos.

    {~ducks and runs~}

  186. Talking Squirrel
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    MT: That wildlife officer must’ve been born in a barn. The nerve of him, not to shake Sassy’s paw too. And has anyone seen Sassy actually move recently? It looks to me like he’s been taxidermied with sawdust, to give him attributes almost as wooden as every other character in this strip.

    Also, 119 True Fable — it seems to me that ol’ Bob ought to go into the goat kibble business instead of poaching. A skilled chef who can munge up the tin cans and old shoes to just the proper size and proportions ought to be able to find work anywhere.

    128 pleinedepoisson: “Every time I have been unfortunate enough to see Hi and Lois in color, their carpet has been black… I truly believe their lives are filled with so much inky blackness that it has seeped into the very fibers of their carpet”

    Or perhaps they simply never remember to towel off after a dip in the fuel-oil bunker they call a swimming pool.

    91 Sequitur, 99 Farley’s Revenge: “Almost anything would be better than lutefisk. No, strike that. Anything would be better than lutefisk, including toxic waste. Radioactive toxic waste.”

    I’ll see yer lutefisk and raise ya a nuoc mam, a harm ha and a bagoong. Being part Swedish, Chinese and Pilipino (among others) I have experience in all these. After sniffing all of them, you’d be hard pressed to say which smelt the worst, and trying to rank the rankest of the rank would leave you floundering.

  187. Sequitur
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    184. Uncle Lumpy
    Yeah. That’s basicly it.

    By the way. Did you notice that today’s Pluggers is nothing but a PUN! (Yeah, like I should be talking.)

  188. Sequitur
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    If they animated Mark Trail, would it look like Clutch Cargo?

  189. Talking Squirrel
    September 3rd, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    188 Sequitur says: “If they animated Mark Trail, would it look like Clutch Cargo?”

    Jeebus! Now I know where the MW color monkeys apprenticed, anyway.

  190. Jilliterate
    September 3rd, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Regarding alfredo’s wickedness: I guess it’s a bit late to weigh in on it, but in Newfoundland, we frequently use “wicked” as a positive adjective. I’ve noticed that I’ll get puzzled looks when I use it in the presence of non-Newfoundlanders. How our bizarre language use has begun sneaking into the comics pages, however, is beyond me…

  191. Tofino
    September 3rd, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    You want to put a pinch of nutmeg in alfredo sauce as well. It’s one of those ingredients that you don’t taste as nutmeggy when you eat it, but you know it’s there and it makes it better. I add a tiny amount of nutmeg to pretty much everything I cook with cheese in.

  192. bats :[
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    162. hogenmogen: damn, I screwed that up, didn’t I? I usually am ultra-careful about that, too.
    Maybe because I was intrigued by Doc Ock (he’s not a urologist, is he?) and his comment about his tentacle coming from behind…

  193. Astroboy
    September 3rd, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    We purchased a microwave in 1990 (!) that still works perfectly.

    Funniest part is that it’s not even a good brand…just some Sam’s Club special that went out of biz years and years ago.

    As for the funnies, why the hell does Rusty carry that dog around like a loaf of bread?

  194. Mr. Wifty
    September 3rd, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    I recall “Humpty Dumpty was pushed” was an entry in a conspiracy theory contest in Omni magazine back in the ’80s. As for Hi and Lois …

  195. curlyfries
    September 3rd, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    #190 Jilliterate, “wicked,” “wicked good” and other variations have been used in New England (Boston, specificially) since the ’80′s. Pretty sure it’s been used in some AffleckorDamon produced films like “Gone, Baby, Gone,” too. Of course, now that RMMD has its grubby little paws all over it, it’s retahhhded and I’ll have to stop using it.

  196. Corby Ziesman
    September 3rd, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Alfredo sauce, like any sauce, leaves room for creativity since you can pretty much liquefy anything in a blender and add it, at least in small doses.

    As a vegetarian, I was horrified when I found out that the alfredo sauce at Macaroni Grill contains chicken stock, after I had already eaten some. I mean who the hell puts chicken stock in alfredo sauce, anyway? Some stupid chef decided to add his own little “gourmet touches” here and there and ended up ruining it and pissing me off. It doesn’t need chicken stock. It adds nothing to the sauce. Leave it out.

  197. Alison
    September 3rd, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    I hate when someone who draws a tame comic strip comes up with a joke about something that’s not “family-friendly” but insists on using it anyway. It’s so out of place, it just makes me roll my eyes, because there’s no way a child in this stuck-in-the-1950s strip would ever be allowed to watch violent television, ever. Please, “Dennis the Menace” people, just stick to your usual punchlines about Mr. Wilson being grumpy. I’m sure it’s not that hard to come up with another joke of that sort; you’ve already done it thousands of times.

  198. Jilliterate
    September 3rd, 2009 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    #195 curlyfries: Probably not a coincidence, then, considering the high Irish population in both areas. :)

  199. curlyfries
    September 3rd, 2009 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    #198 Jilliterate, that would also explain why there’s a town in Newfoundland named Dildo. ;D

  200. \
    September 3rd, 2009 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    Ya got that right, Becka!

  201. krazy kat
    September 3rd, 2009 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    Ah, the Panasonic corporation and their excellent product. From the same people who gave us Pearl Harbor.

  202. Carly
    September 4th, 2009 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    Based on Berna’s expression, the secret recipe calls for human flesh.

  203. Carly
    September 4th, 2009 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    and I totally forgot to add that my explanation when people give my Kindle weird looks and then ask what it is, is that it’s an iPod for books. This did not, however, work on my grandmother (who did, also, appreciate a good microwave).

  204. acsenray
    September 4th, 2009 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    196: Sez you it adds nothing to the sauce. It says a lot that you were happy to eat it until you “found out.”

  205. Robert Synnott
    September 4th, 2009 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    There was a brief vogue for microwaves with knobs a while back; I think because they’re easy to use for really technophobic people. My apartment has one.

  206. THC
    September 5th, 2009 at 6:26 am [Reply]

    Just wanted to point out that Alfredo Sauce is butter, Parmesan cheese, cream, garlic, pepper, and sometimes nutmeg. There was no need to acquire poor Tito’s secret recipe. So whatever conniving was involved was a waste of effort.

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