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Escape from the Kompound

Family Circus, 1/24/10

I’m pretty sure that the panels here have been both mislabelled and put in the wrong order. Our story begins in panel two, which is the moment when Mommy realizes that she needs to leave her kiddie-vomit-smeared life behind her, forever. In panel one, she wakes up alone in a single bed in some fleabag hotel, grateful to be forever free of her suffocating family. Among the responsibilities she’s left behind is hygeine, and in panel three her fellow elevator passengers take disapproving note of her noticable body odor. To her, that funk smells like freedom, sweet freedom.

Beetle Bailey, 1/24/10

The reasons why the soldiers of Camp Swampy would want to stand by and cheer as their seargant suffers physical pain should be obvious. But what’s with the rigamarole with his being ordered into the dentist chair? Does it serve any purpose other than to turn the perfectly servicable daily strip represented by the bottom row of panels into a Sunday strip? My guess is that odor of Sarge’s decaying teeth and putrefying gums was becoming so noticeable and distracting that his dental health had to be improved in the interest of maintaining unit cohesion.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/24/10

“Yeah, you kids today and your moral ambiguity! In our days, heroes were heroic, like Speedball, who’s named after an awesome combination of heroin and cocaine!”

Panels from Dennis the Menace, 1/24/10

Sorry, Dennis, the only way these lines might qualify as “menacing” would be if afterwards you headed down to the graveyard to find some well preserved corpse bits to piece together.

Panels from Rex Morgan, M.D., and Judge Parker, 1/24/10

Fun fact that newcomers to the soap opera comic scene might not know: Judge Parker and Rex Morgan have different artists, but are both written by the same guy, Woody Wilson. I’m assuming that his scripts for both strips today included prominent use of the phrase “ass crack.”

310 responses to “Escape from the Kompound”

  1. UncleJeff
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    JP & RMMD: Woody Nelson is today’s MVP!

    MW: “Some things go beyond blood relations” Like, swapping of bodily fluids? OK. Somebody had to say it.

  2. UncleJeff
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Sorry. Woody Wilson. Use preview, dammit.

  3. Pendragon
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Did somebody say Woody?

  4. Numbat
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    JP & RMMD: There’s a song about “big butts” going through my head right now – wonder why? ;)

    Thanks Josh for pointing out that syncronicity – gave me a hellava LOL.

  5. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Well, with JP and RMMD, there is a lack of muffin tops. Wonder what they did to pour themselves into their pants.

  6. wossname
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#5): If we were drawn by Barreto or Nolan, we could all look like that! I’d almost go for it, but then when I think about the dialogue I’d have to utter, and the thought balloons that would be over my head, I’d have to turn it down.

  7. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    MW Nope, no DNA testing here, although Mary does hint that she suspects that Kurt may not be Wilbur’s son.

    Dawn’s not complaining though, about having Kurt around her. Maybe he’s a clean freak, and she’s no longer coming home to sandwich crumbs, dirty plates and the mayo being left out?

  8. Heavy E
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Oh FW you never disappoint me. You picked the one comic book character that accidentally killed a school full of kids and in his ensuing depression had new costume made that stabbed him with spikes every time he moved and renamed himself Penance. Yes, he’ll fit in the FW universe quite well.

  9. WildWill
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    What’s incredibly funny about the Funky Winkerbean strip is that the Marvel Character Speedball (created by Fabien Nicienza who once told me he had no idea what a Speedball really was, he thought it was a super-ball type toy) has now become exactly what Funky was describing. IN the current comics he is the scapegoat for the incident that kicked off the entire Marvel Civil War storyline, and has now transformed himself into a an armored hero named “Penance” for his behavior (an entire town got blasted and a bunch of people died due to his actions).

    The best part though? According to, Penance’s armor has spikes INSIDE that constantly pierce his flesh in some sort of Opus Dei type self-mutilation.

    Nice hunh?

    BTW – long time reader – first time commenter.

  10. mr 12 oz can
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    brooks butt does look nice but the story hasnt been interesting since the indian taxi driver left .
    mary worth – did dawn have to go home and change her clothes just to tell mary the same drival again .wouldnt it be cool if wilber caught that big fish that was in mark trail the other day. utoh here come the parker brothers.
    also thanks to bats enjoyed that all andy strip you did the other day

  11. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Hey, Dawn! Wait until Wilbur’s other Facebook friends show up! All 912 of them!

    Oddly enough, Kurt Evans (the one who’s out fishing) doesn’t seem to have a Facebook page.

  12. Elliegal
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    No wonder Mrs. Keane wants to escape. Judging by the restaurant picture, her husband is at least 3 times the size of her.

  13. TheDiva
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: It’s like The Rivals, only not funny or entertaining in any way.

    FW: Hi, pot. I’d like you to meet kettle. I’m sure you two will have plenty to say to one another.

    MW: Dawn is the only person in this storyline with an ounce of common sense, so of course she must be talked out of it.

  14. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    FC Thelma’s sleeping in a twin bed. Kinda like how Lucy and Ricky Ricardo had twin beds. *headdesk* Of course! It’s a legacy comic strip from the middle of last century!

  15. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    “Ass crack”? That reminds me…I need to update my Flickr feed. Thanks, Josh!

  16. tb4000
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker and Rex Morgan. Where underwear is optional. Unfortunately this also applies to the elderly characters as well.

  17. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#15): Freud would love doing “free association” with you, I’ll bet.

  18. ScienceGiant
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    FW deleted panels:
    “Yeah, and in my day the comic strips were ‘funnies.’ The characters used to be humorous. They may have been a little eccentric, but at least they weren’t deeply disturbed and borderline psychotic.

    Ah, who am I kidding? Calvin and Hobbes was a mini-philosophy class, Peanuts was always pretty fucked up, and even my strip had teen pregnancy and John Darling getting killed off…”

  19. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Can we take JP’s dog Abbey and sic ‘er on today’s MT, just to watch the chaos?

  20. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Whoops, I meant RMMD’s dog Abbey. Not Sam’s wife. Although that would still be interesting.

  21. Bizarro Stormy
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @WildWill (#9):
    You have to admit, a morbidly-depressed superhero fits the karma of the Funkyverse much better than a bright and colorful one.

  22. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    AS – Has Scott Hillburn ever seen breasts in real life? Ever? On anyone?

    Crock – Well, really, it’s a better political cartoon than any given Edison Lee.

    Curtis – “Cruft” has passed into common usage?

    FW – This is really, truly fascinating. I’m not a huge comics buff, but from what I’ve seen I’d kind of have to sympathize with Crazy Harry here: while I don’t have a problem with complex situations and moral ambiguity in comics, it seems like the entire history of the thing has been a few genuinely nuanced works (Watchmen being the classic example) blazing the trail, and a swarm of dimwit copycats following along under the impression that real Writing consists of stripping everybody of every redeeming feature and layering one tragedy after atrocity in hopes of making “serious” comics. The irony of the situation is Tom fucking Batiuk making this complaint in Funky fucking Winkerbean. If he really missed the utter, hilarious hypocrisy in today’s strip, he’s even denser than I thought.

    HTH – I know that’s supposed to be a punchline, but if you gave me an unlimited supply of bread and butter, I’d be a happy camper.

    HOTC – Okay, there’s a lot I like about Mark Tatulli, but…this rerunning old daily strips as Sundays without modification beyond coloring them? That’s pretty lazy. Hell, even legacy strips don’t try to pull that off.

    JP – Every now and again I just have to sit back and say wow, Baretto is really getting good at this coloring thing. Today’s is a particularily good example; dig the shading. That said: NO CEDRIC? I CALL FOUL!

    MT – Oh man. It’s like the first scenes of The Lion King, only without all the namby-pamby ’90s sensibilities covering up the glorious, complex cycle of bloodshed that is Nature. Mark Trail, I love you.

    MW – Dawn bites down on her hand to choke back the vomit. I don’t blame her.

    Momma – Oh please, God, let this be the end of Momma.

    PBS – I have a new hero.

    Phantom – Man, there are just some ladies who can make cold, calculated violence really, really hot. Queen-lady here is no June Morgan, but still.

    PV – Boy, we’re getting a lot of panels in Prince Valiant lately. Not that I’m complaining.

    RMMD – And speaking of cold, calculated violence…

    SF – So what I’m getting from the comics is that Ted Forth is more of a sex machine than Sam Driver. Go figure that one out.

    SM – Yeah, just hide, Spidey. I’m sure there’s no way he could possibly ever lure out a crime-fighter like yourself.

    Edison Lee – What a little shit.

    The Norm – This would be funny if it weren’t so true. Why the hell did we give up on space?

  23. Ukulele Ike
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    wossname (#114y): Hell, why doesn’t Sabretooth just settle down right IN Apartment 3-G? Luanne’s been AWOL for months; he could become the new resident Blonde Ditz.

    And Luanne’s Cousin Neckerchief is looking for a piano player, I hear. I betcha ST can reach over two whole octaves with those claws and all!

  24. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Josh made the Jumble again today!

  25. Rusty
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Can any comic superhero fans confirm that they hang out in fanboy stores attending seminars conducted by the local mailman? The only 3 employers in Westview seem to be the high school, a crappy pizza joint, and a used comics store. Talk about living in the sticks. Plus, the only attorney in town died 12 years ago.

  26. The Ridger
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    MT: Hey – do coyotes (or foxes or whatever) really eat weasels? I thought they were more on the defenseless mice-rabbits-and-such diet. And do lynxes really eat coyotes? Why don’t we see bunnies being eaten here? And Bambi?

  27. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    P.S. Not-Les in today’s FW is wearing a Sonic The Hedgehog shirt, which means he’s either a retrophile, or a member of one of the furry sub-groups that even other furries don’t like to acknowledge.

  28. Rusty
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Bonus FW: A midget sighting! Sorry, a dwarf? Little person? Batiuk should try a cross promotion with TLC, little people are the new reality tv stars.

  29. sully
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    They’ll have to change the names of these butt-obsessed strips to “Rex Morgan, Proctologist”, and “Fudge Packer”.

  30. Ukulele Ike
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    MT: And then we humans shoot the bobcat, and eat it! Mmmmmm, meatballs!

  31. Rusty
    January 24th, 2010 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Also, today’s strip is brought to you by the color “gray”. And the mood “morose.”

  32. Rusty
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Dennis has failed to learn the valuable lessons of this week’s FC: Snowmen are at best, fleeting friends. To love a snowman is to know death.

  33. tbiggs
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    FC – a co-worker actually made a funny along those lines – “Yeah, I’m a father… my drink these days is Juicy Juice and gin.”

  34. Canaduck
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Good lord, is there ANYTHING Funky Winkerbean doesn’t hate?

  35. Digger
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    FC: I would like to see the events that led up to Panel One. I’m guessing Thel went to a bar and started doing tequila shots until she couldn’t see straight. Then she hooked up with a little toy bear, who in one night gave her more satisfaction than Bil has in their whole marriage.

    FW: I like the looks on the faces of the Westview youths, as they try to imagine what someone who isn’t deeply disturbed and borderline psychotic would be like. Clearly, they have never met such a person living in Westview.

  36. Steve S
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Those kids look absolutely stultified by the end of the coot’s rambling in Funky Winkerbean. Maybe they could use a speedball.

  37. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#26): they will if they can. Any carnivore will pretty much take what it thinks it can catch, and that includes smaller predators. It’s fairly well known that you can tell when coyotes have moved into an area when housecats start to disappear, and when mountain lions move in by the dogs disappearing. Just all part of (sing it with me!) Circle of Life!

  38. Vince M
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#26): From what I’ve seen, lynxes don’t go after coyotes, but Burmese tigers and Acme brand wildcats do. And coyotes don’t so much eat mice as use them as test subjects for superspeed vitamins.

  39. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    And everyone eats the rabbits.

  40. Tlachtga
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Looks like Batiuk’s discovered Alan Moore.

  41. mollificent
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Oh, dear. Rather unfortunate timing there, Billingsley. (That goes for you too, Prince Valiant.)

    JP: Wow…actual Neddy-related plot development AND steamy Rocky ‘n’ Godiva innuendo? Way to bring it on a Sunday! (Edit: And buttcrack into the bargain? Trifecta!)

    MW: Dawn seems to be taking “biting one’s tongue” to an extreme, practically gnawing a finger off to keep herself from shouting, “Oh, just shut up, you dried-up old bitch!”

    MG&G: I’m sure someone else will mention this, but…aren’t onions supposed to be toxic to cats and dogs?

  42. The Ridger
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @queek – but cats and dogs are pretty easy pickings compared to weasels and coyotes. I just think it’s weird that the MT circle of life features only predators.

  43. J
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    All those Family Circus panels are around 39, 40 years old, maybe more. I remember seeing them in a collection published in 1971 titled, aptly, It’s Apparent You’re A Parent. There’s a copy of it laying around somewhere in this house, in fact.

  44. Calico
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    FW – Ah, comics, pre-Ritalin days.

    MT – Did Batuik write Sunday’s strip?

    JP – Well, I learned a new code word for intercourse this AM – “negotiating”
    Sounds like a line from Sally Forth, actually…

  45. Calico
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#41):
    Re: MW – awesome!
    Notice how Mary is almost drooling with meddle-anticipation in panel 5.
    She salivates over Charterstone crises so much, she really is almost completely dried out.

  46. Steve the Pocket
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @J (#43): Well that explains things. I do believe they’ve been rerunning old strips for the last several weeks, in fact, judging from the drawing style. I wonder if anyone responsible actually admits to it or if they’re trying to pull another Quigmans.

  47. Calico
    January 24th, 2010 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    #41 again – and yes, Dogs and cats really shouldn’t eat onions.
    Other toxins, esp. for doggies, are chocolate, grapes and raisins, garlic and garlic powder, and certain nuts, esp. macadamias and (I think) walnuts.

    Tylenol will almost certainly be fatal to a cat, as the feline body changes the drug into a cyanide-based compound.

  48. Sgt Saunders
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    BB: Is it not odd that Sarge is at the dentist when he has only one tooth? Note that the dentist has one foot on the chair and appears to be forcing Sarge into the instrument being applied to the area beside the One Tooth.

  49. Aviatrix
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan is the last strip in my weekend cache, and it’s so adorable today that I can’t summon any snark for anything. They’ve done such a great job with Brook in every register of teendom. The over-the-top stereotype of the lolling on the couch, fast-food-eating, cellphone-talking sullen teenager. Now Sarah is terrifying and I’m not sure what she’s up to, but it’s just so sweet that she finds the chink in Brook’s armour like that.

    I think it will turn out that Brook fell down the stairs in a course of a screaming match with her mother.

  50. skullcrusherjones
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    The Funk: I seem to recall that Speedball was regarded as lame both by his New Warriors teammates (who were amazingly lame themselves) and by himself. His power to bounce around like one of those super bouncy balls from a gumball machine

    Also, Speedball came about in the late 80′s/early 90′s which was filled to the brim with dark anti-heroes like Punisher, Lobo, or all the Punisher/Lobo rip offs (basically every Image character). Both Watchmen AND The Dark Knight Returns came about before Speedball (who I figured was named after the kind of pen).

  51. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#39): some bunnies don’t mind so much, perhaps? ;-)

  52. Kibo
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    The “Family Circus” mom is the reason that the sci-fi con in that hotel has a “no peanut butter” rule for the costume contest.

    And I’m sweetening the offer I made yesterday:

    I will pay Jack Elrod SIX imaginary Internet dollars if he draws a bizarre, one-eared, glowing black deer inviting Mark Trail to lunch on Saturday.

  53. Kibo
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    (By the way, the “no peanut butter rule” is amazingly old by nerd folklore standards — it’s from 1972:)

  54. Roto13
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    “Speedball” is an actual Marvel character. Or he was. He was childish and silly and light hearted and kind of annoying. These days he’s “Penance” and walks around in a permanent S&M suit with a bunch of spikes in that that stab him constantly. Now he’s in forever suffering. So yeah, he’s pretty much a Funky Winkerbean character.

  55. Married Agnostic Woman
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @skullcrusherjones (#50): I thought he was named after the pen, too. “Now, I need a name…Dick Blick…no…Pentel…no, too black….hmm….Ticonderoga!….no, no, no good…how about Speedball…hmmm, fast, masculine…yeah, I like it!”

  56. Joe Blevins
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    JP: Daniel Clowes was brought it just to draw Abbey’s ass? Fancy!

    BB: In the land of the toothless, the one-toothed man is king. And here, then, we see Camp Swampy’s version of the French Revolution.

    FC, panel one: How is Thel going to explain it to Bil when she gives birth to a hideous half-teddy-bear offspring nine months later?

  57. seismic-2
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Actually, today we have a trifecta, since the scripts for JP and RMMD call for an ass crack, and the script for FW calls for an ass, on crack.

  58. KarMann
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    JP: Fashion Police et al. ladies (if FP is a lady): Is it just me, or is there no combination of fabric and pattern that will make a skirt cleave that ass crack the way Abbey’s does, in real life? Pants like Brook’s in RMMD, sure, but a skirt? Not that I’m complaining! Just wondering.
    Also, time to quote Fifth Element again: “Where’d he learn to negotiate like that?”

    @Married Agnostic Woman (#55): My preferred pen is a Parker, speaking of Parkers. But I suppose that name’s already taken, both in superhero comics and daily strips.

    MT: To those questioning the logic of the three-predator chain here, I’d just point out that, by definitions, any chain in the food web can only contain one herbivore. That said, the choices of predators here struck me as a bit unlikely.

  59. Katie
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    I take disturbing comfort in the fact that if Mama Keane were to go near any child with severe nut allergies, she could kill them with her odor.

  60. wossname
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Monday’s JP:
    Narration box: Later, at dinner…
    (Rocky and Godiva walk in, keeping their distance and not making eye contact.)
    Sam: So, did you kids get through your (heh heh) negotiating?
    Rocky: Yup – we got the divorce settlement all figured out.
    Abbey: Divorce???? But we thought —
    Sam: You know, with the guest house and all —
    Readers, yelling thru the 4th wall: What about the damn boots under the bed????
    Rocky: Geez, y’all have dirty minds! I took off my boots while we sat at the conference table, out of frame beyond the bed, to work out the property division.

  61. dreadedcandiru2
    January 24th, 2010 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Monday’s ReFoob:

    Connie’s plan to make a man five years younger than she is into her love slave runs into a complication: REALITY in the form of Phil’s real girlfriend. While she’s spent the last year living in a Penthouse letter, the target of her warped affections has been living his life in the real world. Don’t worry, though; this is all his fault for ‘deceiving’ ‘poor, helpless, innocent’ Connie. Elly will insist on it….mainly because she’s as full of [boxcar] as her friend.

  62. Techie
    January 24th, 2010 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    “They may have been a bit eccentric, but they weren’t deeply disturbed and borderline psychotic”…………. but enough about the history of Funky Winkerbean….

  63. Peanut Gallery
    January 24th, 2010 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Everyone else danced around it, so I guess it’s my turn to take the obvious one:

    FC – (Panel 1) No, that’s when it’s apparent that you’re a furvert.

  64. Married Agnostic Woman
    January 24th, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#58): Hmmm…what other comic book/strip characters are named after art supply brands?

    Good thing ol’ Speedball’s creator didn’t have the pen that I have on my desk: Uni-ball!

  65. Black Drazon
    January 24th, 2010 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    If Scott Meets the Family Circus doesn’t feature that first panel some time soon, I know nothing about comic mockery.

  66. Willis
    January 24th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @everybody regarding Funky Winkerbean.

    It had to be done.

  67. bats :[
    January 24th, 2010 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#26): I feel the need to interpret today’s Mark Trail (not through interpretive dance, thank gawd, but fer real and true), if nothing else as a tribute to Dr. E. Lendell Cockrum from the UA; he passed away 22 November 2009 and was one heck of a guy (I’d post the article about the many aspects of his life, in Kansas, Arizona and Tunisia (and, yes! lots and lots of bats! 200,000+ bats banded!, only the Arizona Daily Star site is evidently averse to printing much in the way of news. Here’s a nice tribute piece. I think Poteet might especially be interested in his work.)

    Panel 1: a fox bringing home a dead bird for its kits.
    Panel 2: not sure.
    Panel 3: bobcat hunting, passing by a hidden fawn.
    Panel 4: a songbird eating a grasshopper, to be killed by a weasel.
    Panel 5: the dead bird being taken away from the weasel by a larger predator (maybe a fox, maybe a coyote, some canid). The local coyote population here regularly dines on housecats and small dogs — a weasel would do for a coyote, and maybe for a fox if it were hungry enough.
    Panel 6: bobcat killing the canid. (A bobcat might not mess with a coyote, but as bobcats cat range up to 45 lbs., a fox would be just fine; in urban Tucson, there have been neighborhoods with the outdoor housecat population preyed on by bobcats.)
    Panel 7: bobcat skull. I particularly like the little mouse, who will likely be gnawing on the skull to keep its incisors in good shape and eating some of the minerals in the bone.
    Whew. Enjoying nature can be daunting.

  68. bats :[
    January 24th, 2010 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Willis (#66): well done! Nice choice of subject matter, too.

  69. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#6): Don’t forget the drawback of being married to Sam or Rex. I think that in my quest for a better bod, I’ll stick to diet and exercise and not make a deal with the devil Barreto.

    @ElkMeadow (#11): I’m planning my trip right now! I’ve had a hankerin’ for a mush n’ hostility meal.

    @Joe Blevins (#56): re: FC—I imagine she’ll explain it the same way she did the hideous half potato-head offspring.

    @KarMann (#58):

    is there no combination of fabric and pattern that will make a skirt cleave that ass crack the way Abbey’s does, in real life?

    Other than some cheap, clingy fabric that Abbey would never wear? Not that I’m aware of (and not that I’ve been searching for any, either)—especially if she’s sitting down, when the fabric would stretch across her butt.

  70. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2010 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

  71. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#70): The Freep (dead tree) had it.

  72. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando (#37):

    It’s the Circle of Life
    And it feeds us all
    Through dinner and lunch
    Through snacks and brunch
    We will hunt them down
    Because we are on top
    Of the Circle
    The Circle of Life

  73. Isaac
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Speedball? SPEEDBALL?! He’s using a comic book character composed of bouncy balls as his good example of a hero? I’m sure he’ll inspire all these teens to go home and make heroes out of carnival prizes [The Whoopie Cushion, Enormous Stuffed Animal Man, Cheap Plastic Kazooer, etc].

  74. Écureuil Écumant
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    FW: I liked his trusty sidekick Stewball better. He never drank water … he only drank wine.

  75. bats :[
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando (#71): Can you link to it? I’m having a devil of a time navigating around the Freep site. (I think it’s in cahoots with the AZ Daily Star.)

  76. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#75): I’m not having any luck finding a link either. and the e-edition is subscribers only. >.<

  77. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando (#71): Oh. I’m disappointed but it’s not a wang shriveler.

  78. Poteet
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#67): Thank you. You were right. Dr. Cockrum was totally my kind of guy.

  79. Jonn
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    As of a few years back, Speedball is currently a darker and edgier version of himself, a masochist in a suit lined with spikes, under the name “Penance”, constantly punishing himself for his single major mistake.

    So, not unlike Funky Winkerbean, really.

  80. Poteet
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#67): It’s hard to tell from the small version I’m able to see online, but I think the eartips of that cat are tufted, which would make it a lynx. I think the canid is a miniature Dire Wolf, per below, mysteriously transported from the Ice Age:-).

  81. The Ghost of Jarrod
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @Willis (#66):

    And of course, in the remix they’re smiling because hey, at least the old coot won’t be dying of cancer!

  82. Carrie
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    FW: On what planet do teenage comic book nerds NOT already know the history of comic book characters? If this was reality, a “back in the good old days” comment like that would be met with five hours of nitpicking and debate until the old dude just went and shot himself to make the trivia stop.

  83. Poteet
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    9CL — As someone who used to actually be a clerk in a clothing store, I’m guessing that Brooke never was.

  84. Poteet
    January 24th, 2010 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Monday spoilers…

    Luann — In which we see the beginning of a story involving musical theatah. CC parodists, take your stations.

    ReFoob — In which Lynn continues her hilarious set-up of Connie with a hilarious kick to the gut. Ha ha!

  85. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2010 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#83):

    9CL — Realistic or not, it’s nice to see this strip suggest that genuflection isn’t just for men.

  86. Écureuil Écumant
    January 24th, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @84 Poteet said:

    Luann — In which we see the beginning of a story involving musical theatah. CC parodists, take your stations.

    I got first dibs on the Bofors gun.

  87. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 24th, 2010 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#86): I’ve got the 4-round clips ready to load.

  88. Écureuil Écumant
    January 24th, 2010 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#85):

    I thought Sequitur’s link (Friday @99) showed pretty demonstratively that genuflection is typically for men, but by women.

    *ducks crockery and rolling pins*

  89. Rhekarid
    January 24th, 2010 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    It’s apparent you’re a parent when you wake up with a teddy bear, and it’s apparent you’re a Keane when the wife sleeps in a tiny one-person bed to make sure no one touches her awful, sinful body during the night.

  90. Dr. Weird
    January 24th, 2010 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @skullcrusherjones (#50):

    Everyone else beat me to the punch about Speedball becoming Penance and being created in the dark and gritty era… What what Batuik seems to miss is that era is long past as well. You can get pure silver-age fun in the Spider Girl book, Spider-Man’s daughter set in a future Marvel universe for starters, and lots of writers are reconstructing what was deconstructed in that period. Astro City! All-Star Superman! Fantastic Four! Characters who were emblematic of that dark era like Cable and Deadpool have been rehabilitated into nuanced, interesting characters.

    Superman confronted a “grim and gritty, extreme, proactive” superteam with the timeless comment that “Your no-nonsense solutions just don’t hold water in a complex world of jet-powered apes and time travel.”

    Unrelated, from an issue of Damage Control:

    Speedball, jumping in to offer help to She Hulk: “I can help, I’m Speedball!”

    She-Hulk. “I appreciate the offer kid, but drugs aren’t the answer. Just say ‘no.’”

  91. jasperjava
    January 24th, 2010 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Mrs. Keane is leaving her boring huge husband and her brood of melon-headed kids? You mean she’s available???

    I’d tap that, even if she smells like rancid peanut butter and B.O. But the guy holding a grocery bag in the elevator is smiling at her. He has already doffed his fedora in anticipation of introducing himself. Doubtless the very fertile Mrs. Keane, on a desperation rebound, will lavish her primal erotic needs on him.

    The illicit union could bring forth yet another pregnancy. Chastened, Mrs. Keane will return to her husband, secretly bearing another man’s child. When he or she is born, and doesn’t show the genetic melon-head disposition, Mr. Keane may suspect infidelity. The addition of a new baby might breathe new life in the old strip.

    This could be interesting.

  92. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2010 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#88):

    Pesky prepositions!

  93. jasperjava
    January 24th, 2010 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Are the soldiers doing a rendition of the Village People’s “Y-M-C-A”? Isn’t that a violation of DADT?

    It’s outrageous that the Pentagon is wasting money on $500 toilet seats yet not providing the troops with painless dental care. I bet that’s a foot-operated drill.

  94. Crankenstank
    January 24th, 2010 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Dear Sweet Lord — Josh, these are from a whole BOOK of “It’s Apparent You’re A Parent” from *1962* which for reasons I choose not to disclose I have in my collection. The entire book has NONE OF THE KEANE KIDS in it, and includes such classics as “…when you hide the Playboy on the top shelf.” This is some serious recycling. I’ll have to fish this one out of the storage locker and send it to you…these look like they’re recycled but they may just be bad self-plagiarism.

  95. Buck Ripsnort
    January 24th, 2010 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @skullcrusherjones (#50): Maybe my chronology’s off, but I always thought Watchmen’s Rohrshach was Alan Moore’s comment on the “Dark” superheroes like Wolverine and Punisher– “You think that’s psychotic? THIS is a psychotic!”
    And then all the li’l fanboys fell in love w/ the psycho, and Dark’n’Gritty became the rule and horrible death became Deep and thus came The New Batiuk. It’s the Circle of Comics!

  96. Buck Ripsnort
    January 24th, 2010 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    BB: Here we see the dentist trying to make the rest of Sarge’s teeth look like that one exposed tusk. Next week– removing Beetle’s hat and revealing his eyes.

  97. yaoi huntress earth
    January 24th, 2010 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    Sad thing is we all know that the grim and gritty stuff what Batiuk would be writing if he was allowed to do superheroes.

  98. Cyranetta
    January 24th, 2010 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: Somehow Mary’s initial meddle-moves seem to have regressed Dawn back to thumb-sucking.

  99. dale
    January 24th, 2010 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    Prince Valiant
    I thought they were under ground – where there is no light. Not like in the movies where there is always enough to see a little bit. None. Zero. Zilch.
    Unless they brought their own torches, in which case they would need more coins than they could swim with to feed the battery vending machines.

  100. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#88):

    *ducks crockery and rolling pins*

    Oh my dear, if I’m going to go after you in feminist outrage, you’ll have to deal with far worse than old-fashioned kitchen utensils. What, do you think all the chicks on this site are straight out of Hagar or Hi & Lois? Think “Fist of Death” more than “Frying Pan of Bonk.” =-)

  101. Rusty
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @dale (#99):
    Call me a cynic, bu those underground dudes have had enough time to have explored every orifice of Queen Aleta (sic?) and pals while the men are farting around in the stream.

  102. CanuckDownSouth
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    #99-dale : Val and the others have Merlin’s glowing stones tied around their necks for light. Not that it doesn’t make seeing well across gorges ridiculous, nevermind the underworld denizens not noticing PV’s group until they’re practically on top of them (… and where did the ceiling of the cavern go??)

  103. Rusty
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#97): Anyone recall his Cancer Girl comic?

  104. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    Prince Valient Whoa! It’s the infamous alternate ending to the Harry Potter books, wherein Jo Rowling is fed up with having to write ANOTHER book (she’d written six already) and says, “That’s it. Rocks fall. Everyone dies. The end!” And it’s illustrated! Featuring Prince in the place of Harry and Tom (a.k.a. Voldy).

    But I see at the bottom of the PV panel, “The Deepest Tomb”. So maybe this is the next to last Prince Valiant strip?

  105. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    Rats. I had Valiant spelled right the first time–why I change it?

  106. Peter Parker's Remote Control
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Yes, Speedball is now the much edgier Penance. But, when Speedball first came out, he was even cornier than newspaper Spider-Man. His comic only ran for 10 issues and was a complete failure. Only in the Funkyverse would someone wax nostalgic about that fool. Next in Funky Winkerbean, Old Comic Fan reminisces about Nth Man.

  107. dreadedcandiru2
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#84):

    Not that it’s Connie’s ‘fault’, of course; as we all know, Phil is ‘supposed’ to have put his life on hold so he can be ‘there’ for a crazy stalker living in a demented and perverted fantasy worldpoor, helpless woman who’s hurting.

  108. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#105): perhaps you were thinking of Prince Variant, whose stories about plunging into dark depths with various Knights have a slightly *ahem* different tone and substance?

  109. Muffaroo
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#95): Rorschach was Moore’s version of the Ditko superheros to whom everything had to be black and white — greys represented a nuanced point of view which, to Ditko, was compromise with evil. It could be that the character’s violent methods were inspired by the Punisher or his general ilk. My take on it was that Rorschach was given as many repugnant characteristics as possible (blindness to his own inconsistency, misogyny, crackpot political extremism, casual theft and property damage, filth, body odor) by Moore in order to try and keep readers from identifying with him. It didn’t work. I ended up being unable to dislike him as I was supposed to because he was so resourceful and he wouldn’t compromise even with certain death standing bare-assed in front of him, and I found it touching when he apologized and reached out to Dreiberg (and prolonged the handshake just a l i t t l e bit too long).

  110. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean — Y’know, it’s not clear to me why a very successful newspaper comic author and gifted artist (three strips! twenty-eight years! a sure hand with the female buttock!) would long for the adolescent acclaim of the superhero comic world — or, for that matter, the self-righteous satisfactions of writing three-handkerchief “message” stories. But there, alas, it is.

  111. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    I do hope that Baka Gaijan is not watching the various football games this afternoon, and is therefore spared the evil that is the scary clown ad from a certain large retailer of great and dubious reputation.

  112. Mooncattie
    January 24th, 2010 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    PV Spoiler Wannabe – Val and Trollenberg survive the raging waters and the rumbling earthquake, only to encounter….Abe, the Baby Mini-Goat!

  113. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    FW/ On the subject of comics: Speaking of Alan Moore, did anyone read the America’s Best Comics stuff he did from 99 up until a few years ago? Some of it was dark, but most of it was meant to be fun and thought-provoking. Like Tom Strong, who took elements of Tarzan, Superman and Doc Savage and mixed them together; Promethea, who started out as a Kaballah type Wonder Woman, but became….well, a lot more than that, to put it mildly. Top Ten, the superhero police procedural, and best of all, Cobweb, who appeared in Tommorow Stories, and never ONCE wore underwear. Best comic ever.
    Anyway, i’m with the crazy mailman, comics haven’t been as good since Alan Moore went into semi retirement.

  114. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Mooncattie (#112): I don’t want to steal True Fable’s thunder here, but that is one cute—and determined-looking—goat!

  115. Len
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    #106 — Speedball’s super-power was to bounce off walls, floors, and ceilings? I much peferred Chuck Taine, aka “Bouncing Boy,” an obese young Earthling from DC’s Legion of Super-Heroes.

  116. Edgy DC
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, MD, panel two: “That’s the nicest thing anybody has said to me in a long time.”

    Rex Morgan, MD, panel three: “You mean, apart from, ‘You got yourself a mighty sweet ass’?”

  117. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    FC: Oh….can anyone tell me why Buster Bear from Slylock Fox is sleeping with Thel?

  118. Rusty
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#117): Because he can.

  119. mr 12 oz can
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    a coyote can really catch and eat a healthy weasal ???

  120. BananaSam
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    you got to admit. as a happy go lucky character who became grim and depressing after he failed to save a schoolbus full of kids, Speedball is a fitting character to reference in the Funkyverse.

  121. wossname
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#69):

    Don’t forget the drawback of being married to Sam or Rex. I think that in my quest for a better bod, I’ll stick to diet and exercise and not make a deal with the devil Barreto.

    I wasn’t really wanting to be Abbey or June. My idea was to still be me, but to be drawn by Barreto. The problem is that everything I say would be written by Woody Wilson and would appear in a balloon above my head.

  122. wossname
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100):
    Suddenly had a flashback to the comics of my childhood, and recalled that the virtuoso (virtuosa?) of the rolling pin as assault weapon was Maggie of Maggie and Jiggs.

  123. Steve the Pocket
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#95) and @Muffaroo (#109): As I understand it, Watchmen in general was Moore basically saying “You’d have to be some kind of nutcase to dress up in a weird outfit and go around fighting crime as a hobby. Especially if you don’t have any powers.” And then the comic book industry went, “You know, you’re right.” and turned their creations into nutcases, accordingly.

    What Harry seems to be unaware of is that the Dark Age he’s referring to is mostly over, at least in the comics themselves (although the movie adaptations are just starting into this territory). But I shouldn’t wonder; he and all of Westview have been locked in a time bubble for fifteen years, after all.

  124. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#121): My fear is that if I ever did achieve Full Barreto, I’d only attract square-jawed eunuchs.

    Then again, that might actually be an improvement over what I’ve been attracting….

  125. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#122): No, this would not be my approach at all!

  126. Buck Ripsnort
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Len (#115): Well, if we’re gonna bring the Legion Of Super-Heroes into this, I see your Bouncing Boy and raise you Matter-Eater Lad. So there.

    And if memory serves, Speedball was created, like Nova the Human Rocket before him, in a desperate attempt “to recapture the magic of Spider-Man” i.e. try to plagerize as many elements from the Lee-Ditko days as possible, and then wonder why people twenty years later didn’t care.

  127. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#123):

    No discussion of superheros and nutcases is complete without a visit from these guys.

  128. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    And most especially these guys.

  129. White Rabbit
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    I learned the purpose of the speedball reading a biography of Chet Baker. Cocaine is a stimulant. Add enough, and you can take a dose of heroin that would normally be lethal.

    January 24th, 2010 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    JUMBLE anyone? Have you all gone out of your way not to see Josh starring in the Jumble today? People, buy a newspaper! I know that the Sunday edition is a much more expensive, but you can’t go on getting all your comics online. It’s bad for business, my business. Josh is Free!

  131. Perky Bird
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    I admit I never read comic books. So tell me, why is the kid in Funky Winkerbean commenting that he needs to get his sunglasses? Did “old-school” comics starring characters who gained their powers from nuclear accidents actually come with authentic radioactive glows, or something?

  132. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty (#103): Please tell me that is not a real thing. Please. I don’t care if it’s true, I just need to hear it.

    @Peter Parker’s Remote Control (#106): I dunno. I’m no expert on this stuff, but I have a hard time seeing how anyone could out-pathetic the friggin’ Prankster.

    @Muffaroo (#109): Absolutely. Rorschach is pretty much the archetypal example of Misaimed Fandom. Probably because, like Heath Ledger’s Joker, he’s just so Crazy Awesome you can’t help but enjoy watching him; while it doesn’t make everything he does laudable, it goes a long way towards blunting the odiousness of his negative characteristics.

  133. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#130):

    A foul slander, sir! Your artistry was given its due above.

  134. doug rogers
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    Bouncing Boy was kind of goofy, but he had to have had something going for him. He was dating Triplicate Girl. Even my twisted little twelve year old mind found the possibilities, well, uhm, uh….

  135. Buck Ripsnort
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#131): Perky, long ago superheroes wore extremely bright, eye-hurting colors; Speedball himself, for instance, or Robin the Boy Wonder, whose main job was to decoy fire from Batman. Thus, the “I need sunglasses!” comment.

  136. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#130): I noticed. Even sent Josh a picture of it.

  137. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#135): or the Golden Age Green Lantern, for a truly eye-hurting example.

  138. The Ridger
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    My paper doesn’t carry the jumble. Sunday Jumble for Kids, yes – not the real one. AND it’s not online, as far as I can tell. Scan it in for us!

  139. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#138): We don’t get Adult Jumble in the WashPost, either (and I get the print version); today’s online electro-Jumble doesn’t feature Josh.

  140. Poteet
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @dreadedcandiru2 (#107): I certainly agree that Phil is not to blame. I just feel somewhat sorry for Connie because she’s being turned into a crazier woman this time around than she was originally, probably to make Saint Elly look better.

    Of course I’m reading ReFoob, which may not speak too well for my own sanity.

  141. Perky Bird
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#135): Ah, thanks for the explanation!

  142. Poteet
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#128): Thanks so much:-). Now I have a vision of wearing a green cape and green boots and calling myself Ecological Restoration Woman. The cape would be handy for collecting ticks, getting caught in multiflora thickets, and catching fire during prescribed burns.

  143. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#142): I would like to be Grammatica, defender of all that is right and graceful in the English language. I’ll wear red boots and Lycra, to symbolize my Fierce Red Pen, and a black cape, and I’ll destroy with vicious cuts of my pen those who would obscure the beauty of English with clutter, clumsiness, and callous disregard for usage. Oh, and on the front of my red bustier: a colon, the coolest form of punctuation!

  144. Anonymous
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#133): Never mind . Carry on.

  145. Dr. Weird
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando (#137):

    Oh, Green Lantern is a model of taste compared with the green suit, purple cloak, orange hat and blue and yellow mask of the Golden Age Sandman

    The best example is Captain Ultra who is actually color blind.

    Perhaps Batuik thinks kids only read about characters like the black-on-black Midnighter.

    Hmmm, I’ll bet this thread will make Fashion Police cry.

  146. seismic-2
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#135): Ah, so Ari Papagoras was a Golden Age superhero. That explains so much.

  147. professor fate
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    FW: Just when was this Tom? The Golden Age of comics back when the Sub Mariner was destorying New York? The 70′s saw Wolverine the poster child of psychotic heroes come along.
    Again that Funky Wikerbean has someone complaining about this kind of thing boggles the mind.

  148. Poteet
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#143): I love it! Great name.

    Could I be your occasional mildly-crazed but loyal sidekick, Asfaras? My name would come from my deep hatred for how those words are increasingly misused. I would wear very dark blue so as not to clash with your red bustier and Fierce Red Pen. And because so many of those who offend me commit their grammatical sins on television, I would carry a small but potent dark blue taser.

  149. Muffaroo
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#123): Yes, Watchmen was, in my opinion, the ultimate deconstruction of the superhero comic. He demonstrated, step by step, how the presence of such characters would warp society in awful ways.

    The reason it happened — him writing the series — is that DC got hold of the Charlton characters, and offered them to Moore to play with. They came to have second thoughts about it and called on him to disguise them so they wouldn’t be useless for future stories. This decision actually made them more broad in their application to other comics, which was fine by me.

    More information on the genesis of the tale can be found at your public library. Just kidding: on the internet.

  150. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#148): I welcome your able assistance! In fact, we could recruit a Fantastic Four Or So, with Asfaras, and BeggingtheQuestion, and Literally, among others.

    But only if you let me play with the taser sometimes….

  151. seismic-2
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#143): Nah, you’ll just get in trouble with the censors, once your character has her first battle with that supervillain who’s clad in ultratight Spandex, namely Dangling Participle.

  152. mollificent
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#84): Eeeeeeeeexcellent. ;)

  153. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#151): Oh, that problem is easily modified.

  154. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#150): Would you object if, from time to time, I assisted you as the Set Theorist, bringing the intersection of justice and vengeance to those who persist in abusively inferring things about people and ideas based on their being in the intersection of completely unrelated sets with unpopular ideas or people? My mighty shield shall be forged in the shape of the classic three-circle Venn diagram.

  155. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#154): Ooh, I like that! We could have a splinter group: Logic Brigade.

    Perhaps instead of “Fantastic Four,” this force for intelligence and clarity should be the “Curmudgeon Crusaders?”

  156. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#155): Of course, I’m now “Hypocrite Woman,” with my punctuation error: “Curmudgeon Crusaders”?

    Or maybe just “Needs to Preview More Carefully Woman.” Or, more likely, “Really Needs to Go to Bed Woman.”

  157. seismic-2
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#154) (or should I say Set Theorist?): I want to be your side-kick, Aleph Naught.

  158. Sheila Sternwell
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Juggs Parker — In the interest of G-rating the strip, the dialogue was changed from the original: “I wonder what position they’re in right now. Hand me the binoculars.”

    A3G — This repeat of the daily strip action is more blatant than usual. I like Ari’s dye job, though. Never knew Just For Men came in Bland Blond.

    Hi and Lois — If I was on my laptop when my husband cut the power to the entire house, my husband would find himself with bruised shins and a divorce subpoena shoved in his mouth within the half hour.

  159. Sheila Sternwell
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#149): What’s a library?

  160. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#114):

    Hey, has anyone seen True Fable lately? He hasn’t been posting at calvinsdad or binky_betsy either.

  161. Poteet
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#150): Sounds good! You get to play with the taser if I get to very occasionally try out your Fierce Red Pen.

    Curmudgeon Crusaders forever! I’m proud to be a sidekick.

  162. Rusty
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#132): Batiiuk did one of his Sunday fake comic book covers with Lisa blasting away metastatizing cancer cells with some sort of raygun. Then he cuts to her in radiation therapy. I swear to Zeus this is real, must have been after her second bout of breast cancer. If FW archives some of his stuff on his website I could look around, I know he thinks the story line is a national treasure.

  163. mollificent
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#102): I’ve been reading this site way too long. My first reaction upon reading “Merlin’s glowing stones” was a very Beavis-and-Butthead-like “uhhuhhuhhuhh hehhehhhehehe.”

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#124): *snerk* *jams hands over mouth*

    Poteet, bourbon babe, commodorejohn: Hmmm…if I was going to make myself into a superhero, it would probably look a little something like this…

  164. Rusty
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    I’m looking through the chron archives, one week at a time. Here’s a cheery reminder of his genius:

  165. 150
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    I had a rant brewing about FW’s assertion that happy-go-lucky bam-pow superheroes were better than the ones that come with the expected emotional baggage of fighting for their lives every few days, but then I realized all the best work in comics these days is in non-superhero works like Bayou, Locke & Key, Chew, (I’ll stretch back in time and say) Y the Last Man, The Goon, even the spectacular nonfiction analysis of Understanding Comics…. So I guess what I’m saying is that Mopey Pete and his nerd army can think whatever they want about the proper archetype for men in tights; I’ll be over here enjoying more evolved uses of the art form.

  166. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty (#162): Oh, now I remember that strip. July 1st, 2007, but I only remember that because I have Dean Booth’s awesome parody saved in my vast hoard of Internet funny stuff. I was just afraid that was an actual comic book.

  167. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#163): You can be the party bard if we ever do a CC D&D group.

  168. captainswift
    January 24th, 2010 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    Several people have mentioned how Speedball is hardly the light and frivolous character he used to be. However, I don’t think it’s been said, that he’s not anymore “Old School” than the angst spoken about in the same breath. Speedball is a frivolous character created in the late 80s, right in the danged middle of all the grim & gritty era.

  169. Toronto
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#143):

    Secret Lair location: Conjunction Junction. (Shhh – it’s a secret.)

  170. bats :[
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#141): Or, why Wolverine’s keen yellow-and-navy outfit in the comics suddenly became the same ol’ same ol’ Xavier Academy black latex like everyone else in the X-Men movies.

  171. Buck Ripsnort
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    @captainswift (#168): Cap, like I pointed out at #126, Speedball was cynically designed to be a throwback to the fun, Lee-Ditko era, specifically counter to the GrimnGritty stuff fashionable in the late 80′s. Of course, the fans stayed away in droves and it tanked.

  172. addictedtomeddle
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    FC: These three panels give me a “Brazil” vibe (which would be a merciful death for Mrs. Keane). And the name Thel always makes me think of William Blake’s trippy cosmology.

  173. bats :[
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#149): no, actually, you’re right about the library. In its continuing quest to empty shelves, the Friends of the Library for Pima Co. is getting a number of Watchmen collection discards.
    Hey, all comics, collections, manga, and the like sell VERY well at our sales, so if the Library is going to be dumb, they can still sorta kinda benefit from the sales of their “discards”…

  174. bats :[
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#151): although he is a most excellent writer, I’d like to nominate Dingo (playing against type, I suppose) for the role of Dangling Participle.

  175. bats :[
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#174): @ElkMeadow (#160): he’s been writing and even reading at his public library (some literacy-promotion gig, I think).

  176. mollificent
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#167): Thanks! (Gosh, I almost wish I hadn’t remembered/posted that. Now I really, really want that outfit. ;))

  177. Anonymous
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    #13 TheDiva

    FW: Hi, pot. I’d like you to meet kettle. I’m sure you two will have plenty to say to one another.

    Word. Also, Marvel forgot about Speedball when artist Steve Ditko left them (again) and later brought him back as a self-cutter. So, maybe not the best example of that thesis.

    FC: The Keane’s give a big ol’ tip of the Falcons cap to Jeff Foxworthy.

  178. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    Dern. #177 is me. Forgot I had cleaned all the porn cookies out of my computer.

  179. bats :[
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    A few early Monday observations:

    EC, BF: I have GOT to stop reading these pieces o’ trash.

    MW: it seems not only the pike were wall-eyed at the lake today (when Dawn is the best drawn…); Wilbur’s got a real Percy Dovetonsils thing going on in Panel 1.

  180. dreadedcandiru2
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#140):

    You ain’t just whistling Dixie about Connie looking like a crazier idiot this time around; when she gets to his place, she acts like she’s either in middle school or she escaped from a home for the feeble-minded. Worse, the realization that Phil isn’t all that in to her pretty much makes her wet herself in horror and despair.

  181. Poteet
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:35 am [Reply]


    A3G — Hmm, another musical theater story. One more and I’ll see a trend.

    MW — “Yep, Kurt and I really bonded! We’re very close now, close as only a father and his possible son can be. But don’t worry, hon — I still care about you too. Now get busy and clean this fish.”

    SF — Hey, don’t get an innocent cat mixed up in this.

    Stone Soup — If you’re smart, Gramma, you’ll stay away another year and renegotiate your contract.

  182. True Fable
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    Sam Driver’s Pretty People Posse! I’m just going to wait and count the number of mudgeons who discuss how very, very interested Sam is in Neddy’s guest; how ‘young’ is ‘young’ and how ‘talented’ he is. Because I’m not. No siree. Nope. Not gonna go there. Uh uh.

    IFHZ I think the larger question should be, “why do Mom’s breasts seem to defy gravity so much, they are pointing upward?”

    Apartment of DOOM And this would be different HOW, scarf-boy?

  183. Poteet
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    @dreadedcandiru2 (#180): @dreadedcandiru2 (#180): Let’s hope that in spite of her nervous breakdown, she remembers to return the pipe.

  184. Poteet
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#183): Wow, how did I manage that? Time for bed.

  185. Mibbitmaker
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    the 25th:

    MW: …Except for ON the level.

    A3G: …like Bill Rechin.

    MT, p.2: “By the way, Mark, do you mind if I refer to you as Punchy the Bodyguard on our trip?”

    FW: Uh…… Firesign Theater beat you to it, Les… and they did it cleverly and vastly better, too!

    Cranky: I’m sure the phone message isn’t too pleased to be talking to you, either, Ed.

    RMMD: Suddenly, Sarah’s face turned grim. “So don’t even entertain any ideas of escape — GOT it, Blondie?”

  186. Baka Gaijin
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    @queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando (#111): queek, thanks for the warning but I don’t have a TV. Now you know why.

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#130): You’re not in my deadwood paper. Wait a minute, maybe you are. I’ll check later today.

    Curmudgeon Crusaders? My superpower would be useful only in deux ex machina: the ability to run away from evilscaryclowns in hyperspeed. When in distress, call me then stand between me and the bad guy. Hold up a picture of one of THOSE and plow him down trying to get away from IT.

  187. mumbles
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    FOOB: ‘Allo – is that Therese from Granthony fame? Seriously, what problem does Lynn have with Quebecoises?

    MT: At long last, a glimpse of what constitutes as foreplay at the Thorps’.

    JP: “…and by ‘talented’, I mean gay.” Come on, how about another shot of Elvira and Mr. Elvira knockin’ boots, literally?

  188. ElkMeadow
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    Aw, crap, Kurt is NOT Dawn’s guest, but she has to cook for him too? I don’t care what the slop is, she shouldn’t have to be slaving over the stove.

  189. Jason1981
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    Garfield (1/24): John was asking for it. (I think Garfield went a little too easy on him, though)


    Luann: An Aussie as a tough New Yorker? Sorry, Quill, but Crocodile Dundee you ain’t.

    S-M: Yeah, Spidey, because that works so well against other supervillans. Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does everything a dumbass can…

    reFOOB: And yet, Connie still looks 200% smarter than smElly did yesterday.

    Curtis: Curtis, just beat the crap out of him already.

  190. Mibbitmaker
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    Archie: Betty’s a stalker?

    Blondie: Well, whaddayaknow — the Alive Parrot Sketch!

    ReFOOB: Oh, right, I forgot — ALL men are Rod cheaters! Sorry, Lynn (rolleyes).

    GA: KSCH!

    OBH: Hey, he’d be perfect for Leno (that’s not a compliment).

    Phantom: Not a pirate. It’s the Phantom! Can’t she see him with her own three eyes??

  191. Filthy Assistant
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:51 am [Reply]

    Also, Speedball was the one mostly responsible for the nuking of Stamford, kicking off Civil War. That led him to become the emo character of Penance, who wears a suit with spikes on the inside to punish himself, which is the only way he can release his powers now.

    What a great role model!

  192. jamoche
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#135): long ago superheroes wore extremely bright, eye-hurting colors;

    Yep, but we see the cover that has these kids calling for sunglasses, and, well, if dingy blue is bright and eye-hurting in the FWverse, it explains a lot.

  193. mordock999
    January 25th, 2010 at 4:08 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann 01/25/10

    West Side Story?

    Gunther -

    “Here comes the ‘Gunth’
    Like a Bat outta HELL
    Quill just GOT in My Way
    NOW I don’t FEEL so Well!
    When You’re a WUSS
    Da Da DA DA DAAAAAAA!!!!”
    DEATH to TJ!!!

  194. Taquelli
    January 25th, 2010 at 4:52 am [Reply]

    Does Mr. Batiuk have absolutely no sense of irony? He’s got the basic trappings of it, sure, but time and time again he pulls out something (such as this Speedball incident, with Speedball becoming Penance in a move towards darker and edgier that mirrors Funky Winkerbean in a perfect fashion) that seems to indicate that he’s aware irony may be something that exists, but he absolutely refuses to acknowledge it. Either he has the most wicked sense of humor ever, or he is the saddest man in the world.

    Also, like this little seminar session has never heard of the Civil War. These are the lamest (and thus, the least lame) comic book fans I’ve ever seen.

  195. KarMann
    January 25th, 2010 at 4:52 am [Reply]

    @True Fable (#182): IFHZ: See, it made more sense before the syndicate censors made him substitute “hyper” for “perky”.

  196. KarMann
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:02 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#195): Zits: While we’re at it, be glad they made him insert the “a lack of” line, and adjust the artwork accordingly.

  197. K. Ivan Ruppert
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:16 am [Reply]

    Wait, what parent says “Din Din” to their kids? Does this mean that the Keane parents place their children on the level of cats? And is that STILL giving the little yard-apes too much credit?

  198. Farley's Revenge
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:18 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#143):

    Alas, the colon’s true function has been usurped and its meaning is now less grammatical and more emoticon. People would wonder why you decided you were the Winking Woman and you would spend more time stabbing them with your red pencil than you would correcting their grammar.

    MT: The senator feels safe with Mark? Is this the same Mark who went running about the countryside in search of an antique bumper jack while his malformed urchin faced drowning? Senator, listen to me. Don’t go anywhere near the wilderness with that moron unless you have at least one aide with sideburns and/or facial foliage to keep Mark’s Fist O’Justice warmed up and at the ready.

  199. dreadedcandiru2
    January 25th, 2010 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    @mumbles (#187):
    What do you think Husband Number One cheated on her with?

  200. Lucky
    January 25th, 2010 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean – You could easily add that panel to the end of every Batiuk strip.

    Pluggers – I can only imagine how the colouring gnomes must have groaned at this strip, that is if they gave a damn in the first place and didn’t just colour the car red or something without reading the text.

    Spider-Man – Cue a few weeks of Peter watching television, doing the laundry, cleaning the toilet, arguing with his girlfriend, watching some more television…

  201. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 25th, 2010 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#143): as a note, probably better a colon than an ellipses.

    Doonesbury, introducing the Applegeeks x-over storyline!

    LaCuc: *snerk*

    A&J: I know that feeling.

    Mutts: I know that feeling^2.

    MC: oooooo, planning ahead! well played, sir!

    NS: Mel Brooks did that joke better.

    OBH: “take my wife. please!”

    PBS: win. win, with T-shirt potential.

    Lio: man, I love this strip!

    SFx: Mr. Weber Jr, I must congratulate you on an excellent puzzle for kids today. *applause*

  202. 8th Man Fan
    January 25th, 2010 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Sunday FW: Don’t know about psychotic, but couldn’t someone prancing around in a bright blue unitard, balls out to the world, be considered at least a little disturbed?

    Today’s Zits: Maybe Connie’s using a Jane Russell bra.

  203. Écureuil Écumant
    January 25th, 2010 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    @202 8th Man Fan said:

    Sunday FW: Don’t know about psychotic, but couldn’t someone prancing around in a bright blue unitard, balls out to the world, be considered at least a little disturbed?

    Oh, he seems harmless enough. Just another devotee of Merlin’s glowing stones.

  204. Mela
    January 25th, 2010 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s FW has the stink of John Byrne complaining about Marvel again to Batiuk. I know those two work together – and that says volumes about both of them.

    Now, Monday’s stuff:

    Archie: Betty’s little Archie doll is beyond disturbing.

    ReFOOB: Ah, she’s well-dressed and a Francophone, so she’s gotta be the villain of this piece. Good to see the inexplicable hatred of Quebec’s womenfolk is still around in the “retro” strips.

    FW: No, Les, you’ve just driven half the class to suicide with the thought that THAT passes for humor in your universe.

    GA: … Comedy?

    Luann: Greg Evans continues his goal of offending everyone on the planet, now targeting Hispanics and lovers of musical theater.

    My Cage: That one’s going on the cube wall.

    Zits: Holy crap, it’s my mother. Is that some sort of genetic thing that kicks in after you have kids that you can never, ever relax?

  205. Écureuil Écumant
    January 25th, 2010 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    RMMRSA: Here’s some of what the oracle has to say about Brittany spaniels:

    The breed was originally bred as a hunting dog and noted for being easy to train and sweet-natured …The dogs are active and require frequent exercise and room to run, and a fenced yard is essential. The breed sometimes gets a reputation for being crazy or uncontrollable, but these problems are almost invariably due to lack of exercise and training, and are not commonly seen in well cared-for dogs … If not given sufficient exercise, love, and socialization, Brittanys can become destructive or develop compulsive or neurotic behaviors.

    Sounds like the perfect pet for a six-year-old that lives in an apartment, goes on three-month cruises and can’t even wheedle mom into picking up her doggie from the kennel when they return, eh? And things could only improve when it’s trained as an “attack dog”.

    In the name of all that’s decent, they should sell Abby to a hunter and get Sawah a more appropriate breed. Say, a Presa Canario.

  206. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 25th, 2010 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    MT: Wow, that senator is using some powerful, quick-acting Rogaine there!

    SM: Well, Spidey, that might make sense, if Sabretooth were looking for you and not Wolverine. Then again, given the general idiocy level of this strip, Sabretooth will spend all his time in NYC looking for Spidey so he can try to find Wolverine.

    FC: I gotta give Billy props for that evil, taunting smile: way to work your lazy-ass kid brother, Billy!

    MW: I’m not sure what form of canned pet food Dawn is whipping up there, but she’s splattered its oily, inky blackness all over her purple shirt.

  207. Écureuil Écumant
    January 25th, 2010 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    ReFOOB: I have to agree with @187 mumbles and @204 Mela on this one. And there are a couple of interesting details here.

    First, there’s no “Rue des Fèves” anywhere in Montréal, but one common translation would be “Fava Bean Street”. If I were Phil, and Connie pulled out a bottle of Chianti, I’d be a bit concerned. Second, what’s up with the giant pyramid in the background of panels 1 and 2? Is this a thematically-linked reference to Imsety, son of Horus? At least I’m not seeing any canopic jars. Yet.

    Also, it seems that dowdy, frumpy women there are instantly recognized as Anglophones without even speaking a word. (I almost wrote “without even opening their mouths”, but that clearly doesn’t apply here.) Apparently that’s news to Connie.

  208. Chip Whittle
    January 25th, 2010 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    By the way, guess who fails to make the cut of The Onion AV Club’s Inventory list this week, “That’s cancertainment! 25 great songs, books, films, albums, and TV shows in which cancer plays a major role.” I mean other than Cathy.

  209. Sequitur
    January 25th, 2010 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Lucky (#200): re: Pluggers – BINGO!

  210. Muffaroo
    January 25th, 2010 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @Sheila Sternwell (#159): I’m pretty sure that information is on Wikipedia somewhere.

    @Farley’s Revenge (#198): ‘Winking’ implies a semicolon (which is the punctuation mark that goes best with port wine, a brier pipe, and a sweater with leather patches on the elbows).

    @Sequitur (#209): When Pluggers is in color, it’s not nearly depressing enough.

  211. Muffaroo
    January 25th, 2010 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    A3G“If I cancel, I’ll look like a fool and an amateur.”
    “You can do that by wearing those clothes to the audition.”

    Close2 – “Don’t worry, Mrs. Gimler. We’re all drawn so badly nobody even notices you.”

    Family – “Mommy, Billy says if I hit him with a snowball, he’ll nail me to a tree.”

    Gil – If this boring coach talk is their idea of foreplay*, I’m glad I’m not around for their, you know, touchdowns.

    *a tip of the Hatlo hat to mumbles @187

    Luann – “Get real, Luann! Community productions of West Side Story always cast a white bread chick as Maria. And it’ll be good practice for next year, when we do Flower Drum Song.”

  212. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 25th, 2010 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    BC: Hon, you will never look that good. Don’t even bother.

    (Is it just me, or do they seem to be having fun writing the wolf strips? There’s been some good cartooning there lately, and I’m pretty sure I’m not just saying that because they’re targeting my special interest group.)

  213. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 25th, 2010 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    FW: This strip has a bad habit of – pardon me, let me start over – among this strip’s many bad habits is this annoying business of trying to make a joke out of the absence of a joke. There’s no snicker because it’s not funny. That does not, in some magical meta way, make the entire situation funny. Now that I’ve spelled that out carefully, I’m sure the message will be taken and understood and we will see improvement in the future. While I’m at it, Wall, how about moving a few inches to the left?

  214. blammers66
    January 25th, 2010 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    FunkWink: Dear Les; The reason you don’t get a reaction is because – based on your own definition – you demonstrated “repetition” rather than “redundancy,” and your students know this. Which means that they now have proof that they are smarter than you – which is hardly worth even a snicker.

  215. Sequitur
    January 25th, 2010 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    I’m in too good a mood today to feel snarky (no, I’m not drunk). This may change as the work day goes forward.
    However, for those of you who enjoy fun with a chocolate base, call the Nestlé hotline, 1-800-295-0051. This is a “chocolate” Poteet can do!

  216. TheDiva
    January 25th, 2010 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Cranky actually craves human contact? Then again, there’s no point to being a miserable old coot unless you have someone to be miserable to…

    DT: “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, sir, I’m sure those cases in your hands really do contain instruments and aren’t being used to smuggle in weapons like in so many gangster movies. You’ve just earned yourself a full cavity search, dumbass.”

    FW: Les will, of course, blame his joke bombing on The Kids These Days being absolute morons who don’t know a thing, rather than his own inability to be funny.

    reFOOB: Speaking of misplaced blame…despite Connie dumping her kid on her neighbor (and this is the only time you will ever hear me say Elly is dumped on) and traveling across the country on the thinnest of pretexts to meet a guy who’s shown only a passing interest in her, this will somehow turn out to be all Phil’s fault.

    Luann: No, the avant-garde play…OF COURSE THE MUSICAL YOU DAFT BINT!!!

    MW: Dawn’s Stepford Chaterstone programming has kicked in, and she’s now thrilled to be making dinner for her lord father and his son and heir. Either that or the can contains rat poison.

    PBS: Is there anything cuter than a kitty with a deadly weapon?

  217. Hibbleton
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    MW: Looks like the bubbles from Dawn’s cauldron of hate have stuck to her blouse.

    JP: I admit that I don’t read JP as much as I look at the pretty pictures but come on: “He’s very good.” “How good?” “He’s very, very good” “Very, very good?” “Yeah, really, very good and young.” “Young did you say?” “How young?” etc, etc.

  218. Ribinin
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#162):

    Lisa blasting away metastatizing cancer cells with some sort of raygun

    That’s a visualization that cancer patients use. I have a video with two versions of cancer fighting information, one for the right brain and one for the left brain. Don’t know if it really helps but it gets you to think about zapping cancer cells instead of thinking about dieing.

  219. Chip Whittle
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: I for one am interested in why the embassy’s Guess List consists entirely of partially melted wax figures, plus Lily Tomlin as superhero Apache Chief.

    I think Herb and Jamaal has crossed the line separating “vague comic strip” from “advanced reading comprehension test”. The first panel can be used as a diagnostic tool.

    Well played, Lockhorns, congratulations. Now I have no choice but to melt my eyeballs with concentrated streams of pure bleach.

    Well, played, Pluggers, congratulations. I hadn’t thought you could get sadder and yet you pulled it off somehow.

  220. Mibbitmaker
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Brittany Spaniels. Not to be confused with Britney Spaniels, a breed known for shaving its fur all off and going nuts. These are also a breed that never gets made fun of by Scottish-American talk show hosts.

    I know!

  221. mojo
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Ahh, NOW I see why Dawn’s such a whiner. Can’t say I entirely blame her. Luckily for Dawn the fish appear to be shrinking panel by panel, so if she waits long enough she can just wash the resulting little minnows down the disposal, and Wilbur and Kurt will be forced to endure some sort of mushy canned crap instead.

  222. Bootsy
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Curmudgeons Courageous, make that Curmudgeon Crusaders: erm, I’ll cheer you guys on, though I do not think I’d be a good superhero (I’m too cranky). Anyway, may I respectfully request that y’all smite those who use I instead of me because it makes them think they sound smart? It doesn’t! If He gave it to me is correct, then by extension, He gave it to Steve and me is also correct. Few things piss me off more that someone (in a meeting, fer chrissakes!) saying He gave it to Steve and I to complete.

    But this morning, I’m letting the little things go because the Saints are going to the Superbowl!

  223. Ed Dravecky
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Luann: I never thought I’d say this, but I miss Knute. His rare appearance a few weeks back only reminded me how little I now care about the main cast of this strip.

  224. Sequitur
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    MW:Bad Example Safety Tip – Never open a can a leave part of the lid sticking up. Take the lid off all the way.
    When my sister was about 2 years old my mother had opened a can that way, emptied the can, pushed the lid part down and threw it in the trash. My sister got in the trash, pulled out the can to play with it and nearly lost her finger. I was about nine at the time, discovered why my sister was crying, called my mom (who was hanging clothes on the line – yeah, people used to actually do that) and a quick trip to the doctor saved the finger.
    This strip seems to have one safety faux pas after another. (Remember Josh pointing out the pots and oven). Maybe it should be banned by OSHA.

  225. wossname
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    MT: “I’m going to need a lot of information about the area. That’s why I’m consulting the guy who just got here and had never heard of Paradise Lake until yesterday.”

    MW, panel 3: “Uh, Dad — are you drunk? Because your glasses seem to be all askew on your doughy little face. Or did they get knocked off while you were ‘connecting’?”

    RMMD: After all the interesting directions this strip could have taken, I’m starting to fear that where we’re going is (a) Sawah gets through to Brooke in a way the putative adults couldn’t; (b) Brooke learns responsibility and gets a career training dogs to help disabled people. zzzzzzzzzzzz

    Sly: Personally, I think Shady Shrew is displaying a marvelous fashion sense.

  226. Mibbitmaker
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Sunday FW: Having read some of the comments on this, I can imagine a typical piece of dialogue from Speedball/Penance: “Hey — OUCH! — how — OUCH! — are you — OOCH! — doing — OUCH!! — these days — OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! — there, –OWOWOUCH! — Mi — OUCH! — Mi — OUCH! — Mi- — OUCH!!Aw, skip it! — YYYYYIKES!!!….”

    All in all, makes me glad to be an indy reader (and humor comic reader as a kid) all over again.

  227. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    bourbon babe, unbuckled, seismic-2, and bats: If I were a superhero, I always saw myself as The Grammarian. I’d be adorned in a gray business suit with a bright red tie and matching pocketsquare with a small black mask covering my eyes, hidden beneath a fedora. I’d enter the room and explain the difference between “who” and “whom” and when to use an apostrophe (take THAT, Mo’nique!). I’m not so sure that I’d want to be the Dangling Participle. The only part of me that dangles is one that I don’t show to the general public. You’ll either have to purchase dinner for me or find my video for sale in India (long story).

    Speaking as a gay male, I really don’t want to experience a superhero called The Colon. I realize you mean it in the grammatical sense but… I can already here the bad puns.

  228. wossname
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Curmudgeon crusaders, huh? Maybe I’ll be Editrix, part of bourbon babe’s Legion of Punctuation Avengers. Before I decide about my costume, I need to know if Barreto is going to draw me.

  229. Old Goat
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Sgt Saunders (#48): Dental problems are showstoppers for deploying troops and commanders are held responsible if their soldiers aren’t worldwide qualified if appointments are missed. These orders are real and failure to appear can be unfun. Sarge would not be qualified for duty with a single tooth — he needs two opposing teeth to rip open the powder cartridge to load his blunderbuss.

  230. wossname
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#130): I don’t think the Sunday paper-and-ink Atlanta paper has the Jumble. But today is recycling day, so I’ll have to wait until next week to be sure. Meanwhile, has anybody figured out a way to scan it so we can all see it?

  231. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 25th, 2010 at 11:52 am [Reply]


    FW: Maybe they’re not laughing because they know that repetition for emphasis ? redundancy, genius.

    C-Shaft: Truly, a punchline worthy of Fred Basset.

    Lockhorns: The world does not need anymore Girls Gone Wild gags. Certainly not involving men who are wearing a wetsuit under their sweaters.

    A3G: A fool and an amateur? That’s just wrong. Blaze is a professional fool.

    Archie: Betty, stop stalking. Veronica, leave the nipple-revealing fetish gear for after school.

    MT: Hmm. Senator Hatcher doesn’t have any visible facial hair. Yet I’m pretty sure I saw him ask Timmy if he’d ever seen a grown man naked, so I can’t quite bring myself to trust him.

    MW: Seeing Wilbur beam about how many levels he and Kurt connected on–while Kurt was “going to get cleaned up” yet–was so appalling it took me a full minute to notice Dawn was dressed as a bottle of grape soda.

    SFx: As a career criminal, Shady needs to take a serious second look at his business model.

    Phantom: Sawarna the blonde Indian has gone grey since we last saw her. Piracy will do that, I guess.

    Marvin: Jeff looks to have been standing there watching his son desecrate the wall for about half an hour. He’s long past caring about the house or anything else.

    Luann: And it turns out that yes, it is possible for Maria to be less Puerto Rican than Natalie Wood.

    GT: Steve Luhm is gonna be all over this when he finds out that Cassie already has a thing for dodgy twentysomething guys. Gee, Coach Thorps, what could possibly go wrong?

    Mary Jane: Peter, why are you spending all day watching talk shows in my bathrobe?
    Peter: Most heroic thing Spider-Man can do for the city, hon.

  232. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Hmm… a couple of posts and no one takes me to task for “here” instead of “hear.” It’s a slow day at the news stand.

    Luann: Can’t wait for Luann to find out “How do you solve a problem like Maria?” isn’t part of West Side Story. I love bad high school plays. Relish them. Things like an all-white high school putting on A Raisin in the Sun or The Wiz.

  233. wossname
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#232):

    Hmm… a couple of posts and no one takes me to task for “here” instead of “hear.” It’s a slow day at the news stand.

    The grammar/punctuation avengers see all. We were just being polite because of your literary prowess.

  234. TheDiva
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#232): What about Fiddler on the Roof? In our junior year production, Anatevka was the blondest Jewish settlement in all of Russia…

  235. Red Greenback
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#233): Here, here.

  236. Sequitur
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s been established that I have blonde hair and blue eyes. I once played Chief Sitting Bull in a production of Annie Get Your Gun. But I’m an actor, dammit.

    January 25th, 2010 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

  238. wossname
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#237): You sure that’s Josh, Fejf? It looks like Steve Luhm to me.
    (Although since you drew it, I guess you would know.)

  239. dreadedcandiru2
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#216):

    ReFoob: Of course it’s Phil’s fault; it’s Phil’s fault he hasn’t spent his free time sitting next to the phone moaning “Why won’t Connie call?”, it’s his fault she got cut off in traffic and it’s even his fault that Elly gave Connie the wrong address. Phil doesn’t live at 114 Rue de Feves, you see; he lives at 271 Rue de Feves; that means it’s his fault that Connie barged in on a complete stranger.

  240. mollificent
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: “I have often stalked/On the street where you live…”

    Luann: Uh oh. Actor’s Equity is NOT going to be happy about this. (Then again, I suspect, neither are we.)

    MW: Dawn looks like she’s about to hurl into that tin can. Is it the smell of the fish, or the thinly veiled sexual innuendo Wilbur just dropped? *shudder*

    xkcd: LOL! Randall, you bastard. ;)

  241. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#163): All superheroes need theme music; you’d be essential!

    @Farley’s Revenge (#198):

    you would spend more time stabbing them with your red pencil

    I don’t really have a problem with that; it would still involve more action than the average Spider-Man strip.

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#227): Ah, Dingo, I hope you don’t do other things as hastily as you read! I wouldn’t be “The Colon”; I’d be Grammatica, and the colon would be on the front of my bustier.

    @wossname (#228): Well, since I’m unlikely to be wearing red Lycra tights and bustier (at least in public) any time soon, I’ll go ahead and claim that with the right support garments, I can pull off the look even without Barretofication! =-)

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#237): It IS Josh!

  242. bats :[
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#222): I am hardly a master of the English language (at least the grammar part — I never quite figured out all the fuss about tenses until I took Latin and realized that the Romans had the decency to put different endings on words to indicate tense, rather than having to guess about such things), but I think we can still be part of the Curmudgeon Crusaders, Language Division.

    I was toying with the alter-ego of Interrobang (catch-phrase, “Wait! What?”), but I figure someone else can use that. I’m more like Ellipsis, as my train of thought often just meanders off

  243. gleeb
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#131):I’m guessing Insane Henry spits a lot when he talks.

  244. Flipper
    January 25th, 2010 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Poor Connie. When faced with the choice of either mailing the pipe to Phil or strapping on a diaper and driving non-stop across Canada, she chose unwisely.

  245. bats :[
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    “West Side Story…The musical?”
    “No, the little-known novel by D.H. Lawrence.”

  246. Thomas B.
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    1/25 Spiderman

    You know, one more head and he can change his name from Sabretooth to Cerberus.


    You know I normally don’t use MT as fodder for jokes about homosexual romps in the wilderness, but the dialouge in panels 1 and 2 are really testing my resolve.

  247. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Thomas B. (#246): Well, Mark already announced last week that he’d like to have the senator—and that was before he’d even met him! Now that he can get a good look at those Andy Rooney-esque eyebrows and those droopy lower lids, he can hardly wait to get his “safe hands” on him. Tim wants to get in on the action, too; he’s already disrobing in panel 2.

  248. Écureuil Écumant
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @232 Dingo and @233 wossname:

    Moreover, this thread has been up for more than 24 hours and we completely ignored Josh’s “hygeine”, “noticable”, “seargant” and “servicable” (he did nail “ass crack”, though).

    Rigorous we may be, but we’re also charitable. For one thing, we’re too busy admiring our new costumes. And after all, none among us is pearfect.

  249. Écureuil Écumant
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Prick(ly) City: Winslow has absolutely no clue what he’s lusting after, but he knows one thing: He just can’t wait to get his paws on that new Dingodong.

  250. MaryAnnTheRest
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#228):

    Ha! Can I be sidekick “Random Lee?” Every time someone misuses the word “randomly,” I want to roundhouse kick them in the side of the head and yell, “It’s not random unless you used a twelve-sided die!”

    And in Mary Worth, Dawn doesn’t yell “Get that smelly fish out of my kitchen”? Really? You’d think with all the time she spends in the kitchen fattening up Daddy, she’d be more possessive about it.

  251. ElkMeadow
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#237): Thanks! Saved me a trip to the downtown library! Good likeness.

  252. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#248): “Rigor” and “Charity” should be on our coat of arms.

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#250): Yes!–along with “that’s so random,” which all the kids are saying these days—right before I yell at them to get off my damned lawn.

  253. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#241): Tsk tsk. Tsk tsk, fair lady. The colon should never be on the front of the bustier. The colon should be on the back and placed low. In that way, when you come upon a wayward swain stuttering his way through an encounter, you can move him into a dark alley and whisper, “Let me show you how I use my colon.” The madcap, backdoor action can be imagined by showing howling cats terrified upon a fence, the swain’s initial grimace, and then the sheer state of pleasure that overcomes his face as he releases his briny love inside of you and your costume.

    Since Josh is the builder of this site, I think I’d give him the name The Erection or Erector. Introduce him to Tommie Thompson at a Chelsea backwater.

  254. bats :[
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#248): with all this talk about superheroes, shiny, new costumes and the like, I’m lovin’ this hall-costume. I have no idea who the fellow is (aside from Peter Parker), only that it was taken at Dragon-Con 2009, and it comes complete with Spidey-sense, too!

  255. commodorejohn
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    A3G – So which do you think is going to be less terrible: Apartment 3-G‘s musical storyline, or Luann‘s? Ha ha, stupid question; there’s no way anything short of Love Is… or FOOB could be more appalling than the typical Luann storyline.

    DTM – No, no, no, Dennis. Now it’s da Carbs that everybody is deathly afraid of.

    DT – I kind of wonder if Dick Tracy isn’t what you’d get if you asked a space alien to draw what it thought humans looked like.

    GT – Oh God. Tell me Steve Luhm isn’t going to pull an Anthony. Please, please, please do not let that happen.

    Luann – And naturally, Gunther will be stuck making the costumes, and sulking as loudly as possible about how Luann isn’t throwing herself naked at him because he’s so damn nice to her. Joy.

    MT – “I thought you two should meet before you canoe into the wilderness together?” That has to be about the most awkward way to introduce a plot that I’ve ever seen.

    MW – You know, Wilbur, there’s these things called buckets that you may want to look into.

    Phantom – Oh. Baby.

    PC – Wait, is it just me, or did Stantis’s scribbles become more coherent over the break?

    RMMD – Speaking of meth labs, what is up with Brooke’s expression?

    SM – Ooh! Ooh! I figured out Sabretooth’s secret identity! He’s really Janus!

    Edison Lee – “And now, back to ‘Jeopardy.’ Because God knows one week wasn’t enough.”

  256. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#250): *sniff* some love for the neglected 12-sider!

  257. Debidawg
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#230): Yes, it’s in the AJC – it’s in the Living section, usually towards the back, snuggled in between the NY times and the LA crossword puzzles. I don’t know which ‘mudgeon posted it yesterday, but as soon as I saw it, I grabbed the Living section and worked the first Sunday jumble I’ve worked in a long time – I’ve gotten addicted to the online version, so never look for it in the paper.

  258. Debidawg
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    And speaking of which, since it’s my lunch hour – off I go to U-Click!

  259. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Today’s JUMBLE

    ERTAYT [__] [__] [__] [__] [__] __
    LYKISC [__] __ __ [__] __ __
    VRCENA __ [__] [__] [__] [__] [__]
    PEIRV __ [__] __ [__] __

    If your erection lasts longer than four hours, you should do this:
    __ __ __ __ || __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __

  260. Fashion Police
    January 25th, 2010 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    We are quite taken with Mr. Weston’s hat. Its very commonness trumpets mediocrity.

    Aside to Dingo: You are short a couple of brackets, sir.

  261. AhClem
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#248):
    Hey, I resemble that remark! Just because I … oh, wait. You said “pearfect”, not “pear-shaped.”

    Never mind.

  262. H-Bob
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#56):
    “How is Thel going to explain it to Bil when she gives birth to a hideous half-teddy-bear offspring nine months later?” …. I thought Bill was cool with Barfy !

  263. Sequitur
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Just in case you want to read a story when Dennis the Menace was actually menacing.

  264. Joe Blevins
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    I believe “We’ll order our DIN-DIN now” has been misfiled. It belongs under “It’s Apparent You’re Aphasic.”

  265. Calico
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    *Waaaan wannn wannnn….* (Sitcom-style sound of trumpets emulating sound of Connie’s heart failing permanently)

  266. odinthor
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    FW. — But “redundancy” is unnecessary repetition. (At least, if it’s necessary, people don’t call it “redundant.”) And with a four-syllable word, and students numbed by your droning on, no amount of repetition could be considered unnecessary.

    GT. — OK, if we have to watch two comics characters getting their freak on, better Gil and Mimi than Snuffy and Loweezy. Hold it, you two—lemme get my cam.

    Luann. — Quill, my lad, when an attractive young girl a girl to whom you’re attracted says that she dances only in her bedroom, the correct answer is, “Can I see?”.

    MW. — Too easy. Just like Kurt.

    Love Is . . . — Working a well-paying streetcorner.

  267. Calico
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#263): Looks like either an Excedrin, or a heroin moment, for Alice.

  268. wossname
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Debidawg (#257): Thanks, Debidawg – now that you mention it, I have seen it there. I would have been searching in the color comics section (if it hadn’t gone out in the recycle bin this morning).

  269. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    #255 commodorejohn

    GT – Oh God. Tell me Steve Luhm isn’t going to pull an Anthony. Please, please, please do not let that happen.

    I hadn’t thought of that repulsive possibility. The only upside to the scenario happening in Thorp would be that it would be harder to make out.

    HOTC: Mr. Tatulli, please please PLEASE tell me you’re not going to keep up the “Dean finds Heart’s discarted clothing” plotline all week, because I’m really not comfortable with that.

  270. Debidawg
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#268): You know, I never look at the color comic page on Sunday. The AJC got so lame, dropping a lot of my favorites, I just started reading them all online. The only reason we still take it on the weekend is my husband is addicted to all the coupons!

  271. bats :[
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#259): huh. Neither “Call Dingo” nor “Thank God” fits in the final answer…

  272. wossname
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#250): Of course! We need a Random Lee. But I should point out that Poteet (Ecological Restoration Woman) started this way back @ 142, rapidly followed by bourbon babe @ 143 declaring herself Grammatica, commodorejohn @ 154 as the Set Theorist, seismic-2 @ 157 as Aleph Naught, and a host of others. I only got on the bandwagon this morning.

  273. wossname
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#271): Psssst, bats :[ — Fashion Police pointed out to Dingo that he’s short a few brackets. (I don’t think that’s anything like a few bricks shy of a load, but who knows?) So until he rectifies the situation, I can quit trying to figure out if “yatter” is a word.

  274. Darkefang
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Your name is Blaze and you dress like Fred from Scooby-Doo, and you’re just now worried about looking foolish?

    GT: There’s something deeply unsettling about Gil and Mimi performing this weird touchy-touchy foreplay ritual while they discuss their underage students.

    MW: By “connected on many levels,” Wilbur means that they spent a few hours talking about what a whore Kurt’s mom was.

  275. wossname
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#269): What, you guys don’t want to see fisticuffs between Steve Luhm and Ray the 22-year-old pizza chef, fighting for Cassie’s hand or some other body part?

  276. bats :[
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    Thinking of the two-faced Saberetooth, I have an illustration from a comic (maybe Hellboy?) of a scruffy white cat with two faces. (I found it a few years ago when I was looking up real two-faced cat mutations.) Dang, I should’ve been a little clearer when titling it.

  277. commodorejohn
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – I don’t normally keep up with reFOOB, but man oh man, does Lynn have it in for the French-Canadians, or what? First Thérèse, and now…wait, holy shit, THAT IS THÉRÈSE! I guess that once the original strips were finished, with no more heinous crimes to commit in the 2000s, she pulled a Carmen Sandiego and turned to time travel to further her nefarious misdeeds.

  278. Rusty's Ghost
    January 25th, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    They laughed when Tommie sat down to play the piano. Well, Margo did. And said “at least Luann and I only lost our boyfriends — we kept our dignity.”

  279. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#260): Fashion Police is correct. It’s the price I pay for having to minimize the window when a coworker stopped by. I left out a word.

    Today’s JUMBLE

    ERTAYT [__] [__] [__] [__] [__] __
    LYKISC [__] __ __ [__] __ __
    VRCENA __ [__] [__] [__] [__] [__]
    PEIRV __ [__] __ [__] __
    SROPNE __ __ __ [__] [__] __

    If your erection lasts longer than four hours, you should do this:
    __ __ __ __ || __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __

  280. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#273): You must be related to my mother’s family. “Yatter” is a combination of “yesterday” and “matter.”

    Hey, Sophie. I saw Wilbur with a pissload o’ fish. What’s the yatter? Didja cook ‘em up good?

  281. mustang
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    That lady next to Thel in the elevator seems to be thinking “I may have gotten dressed in 1964, and my feet may be attached to the wrong legs, but that black stench comin’ off your head ain’t peanut butter, Honey.”

  282. T. Chicana
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#222): Bootsy, I am right there with you! I cannot stand that. People really think they sound smarter. It drives ME nuts!!

  283. Peanut Gallery
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#237): Josh works for J. Jonah Jameson?

    I can see it now. Josh is bitten by a radioactive cricket and acquires the super-ability to chirp really, really loud.

    [Curmudgeon Crusaders butt in and say, "you mean loudly!"]

  284. wossname
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @T. Chicana (#282): It drives I nuts too!!! Oh wait…

  285. Numbat
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#276):

    You might be thinking of Spider Jerusalem’s cat from the comic Transmetropolitan

  286. bman
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Now that Sarge is having his last tooth removed, Beetle should be allowed to wear it as a souvenir. After 60 years of abuse, I think he’s earned it.

  287. Jamus The Bartender
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#190): Yeah, Betty’s a stalker…you’re just now finding this out??

    January 25th, 2010 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#279): This interview is not going very well Dingo. But I love your enthusiasm.
    @Peanut Gallery (#283): Have you ever seen Josh and Spiderman together? I’m just saying.

  289. Jamus The Bartender
    January 25th, 2010 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: So….Phil is sleeping with Therese’s mom, huh? Yeah, i’m suprised, I expected to see two or three early twenties female music students in their undies. Also some of the other guys. And a donkey. It really could have been so much worse.

  290. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 25th, 2010 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#253): …….. Is it warm in here, or is it just me?……

    @Darkefang (#274):

    By “connected on many levels,” Wilbur means that they spent a few hours talking about what a whore Kurt’s mom was.

    That could encompass “many levels,” couldn’t it? She was a whore in how she dressed, for example, or a whore in the vast number of men she slept with. And, of course, she was a whore in the way she fucked men for money.

  291. trey le parc
    January 25th, 2010 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    RMMD & JP: Late as usual…I, for one, applaud this recent emphasis on the walking away look. The poor artist can only draw majestic breasts in a finite number of gravity-defying positions before a rest is needed.

  292. MBrown
    January 25th, 2010 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    Speedball was created by Steve Ditko & Tom deFalco, not Fabian Nicieza. Nicieza only deal with Speedball once he became part of the New Warriors group.

    Speedball was the only survivor of the incident that started the ‘marvel civil war’ and was blamed for it (and accepted the blame), but think its clear it wasn’t his fault. That is the supervillian Nitro.

    As noted, his power changed such that pain triggers his powers.

  293. commodorejohn
    January 25th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @trey le parc (#291): Quite true. Variety, as they say, is the spice of lust. Er, was that how it went…?

  294. Baka Gaijin
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    Wait a minute. Has Josh been pressed into service in the pressroom at the Sun? Hasn’t he usually posted his Monday Missive by now?

  295. Farley's Revenge
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    As I am not the most grammatical of people, I think I would serve the Curmudgeon Crusader Corps best in the capacity of sharpened red-pencil supply. When one’s quiver of sharpened editorial pencils has been depleted due to fierce battles with the evil ones who insist on littering their conversations with “YuhknowwhatImean” or turning in essay papers written in text-speak, I will be there with a backup supply, all nicely sharpened for further impalement.

    I refuse to wear Spandex, however. I’m more of a denim and cotton tee shirt type.

  296. Fashion Police
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Frankly, we think “snippy” is an excellent look for Mr. Forth.

  297. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Farley’s Revenge (#295): Don’t worry about the clothing choices; we certainly wouldn’t want to overstep our authority and encroach on Fashion Police’s territory. I mean, who do we think we are? Sam Driver, authority expert know-it-all in law, police investigations, insurance, and marriage counseling?

  298. Baka Gaijin
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#296): Ha ha HA! “Snippy” goes well with the extremely dainty forearm, wrist, and fingers he’s rocking in panel 2.

  299. Carly
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    If you sleep with a teddy bear, you must be a parent, and not a kid or someone like me that just likes something soft to cuddle. Uh-huh.

    FW: “Kids today are so cynical, amirite? Look at the depth of character in these comics! What’s up with that?” I suppose cranky old man character there would enjoy Dick Tracy.

  300. Ribinin
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#228): I want to be in Bourbon Babe’s Legion of Punctuation Avengers too. I could be the whacky sidekick who makes amusing punctuation mistakes. We all have a good laugh at the end of the episode.

  301. Sequitur
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

  302. bats :[
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Numbat (#285): he’s (they’re?) the one! Thanks.

  303. Dangerous Danny Dumbutt
    January 25th, 2010 at 5:56 pm [Reply]


    Wait a minute … when was the last time I saw a bunch of young people in a comic book shop? Oh, right … 1987!

  304. Salmo
    January 25th, 2010 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    When I read today’s Beetle, I got the unsettling feeling that I was reading the throwaway panels, even though I know my paper doesn’t use them.

  305. Jym
    January 25th, 2010 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    =v= RMMD/JP epic ass crack mashup: Brooke’s butt prompted some classy feedback on Craigslist in Pittsburgh:

    Todays comics (sunday paper)
    Date: 2010-01-24, 8:19PM EST

    Did anyone read rex morgan today? Holy shit, did you see that ass? Wow, that is one hot bitch!!

    * Location: sunday paper

  306. Crunchy Frog
    January 25th, 2010 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Huh. To me, “Speedball” means calligraphy pens and nothing more. I took the name in the FW strip to be some kind of attempt at an inside joke for artists, on Batiuk’s part.

  307. Pak-Man
    January 26th, 2010 at 4:18 am [Reply]

    OK. Speedball came out in the late ’80s. It’s bad enough your own characters are aware of their ever-more-dwindling mortality, Funky Winkerbeen. You didn’t have to drag me into the picture.

  308. Dave
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    “But what’s with the rigamarole with his being ordered into the dentist chair?”

    I know that in the USAF going to the dentist is an official order. You get a notice when to show up, and if you don’t, you might get severe reprimands for failing to follow an official order.

  309. Melissa @ hulk wall stickers
    April 14th, 2011 at 4:03 am [Reply]

    Ohhh cool thread!! :) very entertaining!! :)

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