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Same suffering, different view

The Lockhorns, 6/18/10

After more than four decades of Lockhorns dinnertime spitefests depicted from a point of view more or less level with the tabletop, today’s panel attempts to play with perspective a bit, showing us what it would be like to cower on the floor about three feet away from Leroy and Loretta as they eat. (Obviously, they’ll ignore you, as their mutual loathing is far more interesting to them just about anything you can name.) In addition to adding a bit of visual flair, this new viewing angle really gives us a good look at their dining room chairs, which they’ve clearly had specially made with incredibly short legs to accommodate their freakishly stumpy frames.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/18/10

I have to say that if, back when Rex and June discovered Brook lurking in their house, you had asked me to predict how this story would turn out, I would have not have considered the possibility that she would end up using her martial arts skills to disarm a knife-wielding thug. In fact, I would not have made this prediction a mere three days ago. But to be fair, I don’t think we’d ever seen Brook’s ripped inner thigh muscles, a result of the long hours she puts in at the dojo keeping herself in peak physical shape.

Judge Parker, 6/18/10

Wow, so Judge Parker is really going to go through with this shoe business, huh? At least today’s strip accurately depicts what would happen if you got a lawyer involved in footwear manufacturing.

Mary Worth, 6/18/10

In a desperate, last-ditch effort to end this conversation with Mary, Jenna’s brain has just triggered a massive stroke.

506 responses to “Same suffering, different view”

  1. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    The Patter Familiar

    It was Father’s Day and Thel wondered what her husband might want to do. She cornered him in the bathroom, sitting on the stool with his newspaper.

    “Hon,” she called him since no one knew his actual name. “Is there anything you’d appreciate for Father’s Day today?”

    He sat there and pondered for a moment. Not, mind you, because he had just shit a turd larger than any cock he had ever taken in college but because no one ever asked him his opinion anymore.

    “Well,” he said, “you could shave your box and let me fuck a hairless pussy for the first time since my stint in Japan in my Navy days.”

    Thel gave him the same stare she normally reserved for Dolly. The “try again” stare.

    “How’bout… how about we drop the kids off at my mother’s house, go to the forest preserve and I fuck you viciously atop a picnic table?”

    Thel just sighed. That would mean gathering the brood together, getting the toys into the car, and dealing with his mother again. Masturbating to the sound of Chris Matthew’s voice would be more pleasant.

    Suddenly, another massive turd passed over his prostate and made its way to the toilet. Daddy Keane arched his back and let out a brief staccato sigh. It was like Rufus was back, with all of his teeth, fucking him on top of that pinball machine in the dive bar ‘cross town from the college. Where was that velour shirt he had loved so well?

    Thel saw the look on his face. “Hon, how about if I lock the kids in the basement with a jar of spiders, put on my liederhosen, and sodomize you repeatedly with a broom while playing Beverly Bremers albums?”

    It was the BEST Father’s Day ever.

  2. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    DtM: Um, why does Dennis have a diving mask?

    BB: Haha! The young enlisted men send each other flowers! That makes it seem as though they’re all—oh, why even bother?

    JP: Sam knows nothing about shoes, but he sure as hell knows about about being sued for incompetent work.

    (And once again, that heel? Not even close to skinny.)

    FC: Back away slowly, Bil, and you might be able to escape before they spot you.

    A3G: I like suspense as much as anyone, but at some point, I’d like to know what the hell these people are talking about.

    MW: Is Mary actually giggling with delight? Mary, I’m sure your meddlegasms make you very happy, but try to contain yourself a little bit.

    I do understand why Jenna is winking[*], though: “Heh heh! Yes, we both are willing to violate our clients’ confidentiality! Say no more, Mary!”

  3. zenvelo
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Mary wants Jenna and Dr. Mike to break every ethical bound of client/patient confidentiality so that they’ll have something to talk about! Never mind it breaks all kinds of laws, in Mary’s universe, Mary makes the laws!

  4. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    With a name like “Bunny” Hoest, I’m surprised Loretta isn’t feeding Leroy rabbit pellets! (I don’t care for this strip, but I like Hoest’s Howard Huge. Go figure!)

  5. zenvelo
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Mary looks like she just threw up a little in her hand….

  6. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#y249): My thought exactly. So why did Billingsly drop a stock “Barry is a dick” strip into the middle of Footgate? Or did he draw something so offensive, so contrary to the laws of a just and moral society, that the editors had to replace today’s strip? Then again, if one of those laws is “purportedly humorous comic strips should be funny,” then he violates them just about every day.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#y255):

    the “Puppet Master” is former Vice President DICK CHENEY?

    My thought exactly, part 2. I was going to follow with a comment about how Cheney will totally kick Spidey’s ass, but then I realized that I’d be damning with faint praise.

  7. tb4000
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    RMMD: And in one strip, Brook has already proven to be more of a hero than Spider-Man ever has.

  8. Perky Bird
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    In panel two, Jenna is clearly suffering the effects of botulism. I bet she now regrets eating those salmon squares that had been sitting out in the hot Santa Royal sun all afternoon.

  9. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Agnes – Man, it’s like this week was written specifically for the inestimable Mr. Fable.

    A3G – Man, Ruby hasn’t gotten to “round up the girls” since before Bobbie showed up. Poor dear.

    Curtis – Just murder him already.


    FW – Ha ha what the hell does that even mean ha ha!

    JP – So Sam’s brilliant idea is to test the shoes? What were they going to do, just slap together bits of material and present it for sale?

    MT – Is that Cherry? Man, Mark would be pissed, if he had any idea why his wife would be living with another man.

    MW – Something about the body language in Mary Worth today makes me want to vomit. It’s like if evil aliens secretly took human form and tried to mimic human behavior in order to go undetected, but they got all their ideas about human behavior from watching the sub-par Jerry Lewis “comic relief” in ’50s B-movies.

    Momma – …?

    MC – Aww.

    PBS – I still prefer Billy Crystal’s speech in City Slickers, but this is pretty great too.

    Phantom – So he walks up in a purple gimp suit, steals the kid’s cell phone, makes a joke that wasn’t funny back when the national telephone network came into being, and then tosses off a nonsensical one-liner? Is the Phantom trying to become a Dada superhero?

    Popeye – …is this strip a calculated exercise in seeing how many times a story can lap itself without bringing any plot resolution, or is it just me?


    SFx – Gina Dove of Provo, Utah has been reading Mark Trail, I see.

    SM – Please tell me this means we’ll get to watch Iron Man beat the stuffing out of Peter.

  10. Mardou Fox
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Didn’t Mary just violate HIPPA? I guess she doesn’t work for the hospital, so she can spill all the confidential information she wants.

  11. Metz77
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    That’s probably the first time I’ve ever chuckled at the Lockhorns. That pun isn’t half bad.

  12. zenvelo
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    A 3-G: Aha! So now we know Gina is the dominatrix that’ll bring Margo under control. And Ruby is overcome with emotion, since Gina used her apartment to leave some of her subs tied up awaiting their punishment.

  13. Krazy Kat
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    I can just picture the Mary Worth artist looking over the dialogue of the last couple of weeks, struggling with the eternal MW dilemma of How The Hell To Make This Tortuous Crap Visually Appealing. “Hands!” he decides. “That’s it! I’ll make them do.. something… with their hands! Humans do things with their hands when they talk, right?”

  14. ks
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Somehow I don’t think the tagline “Supports the weight of an average woman!” is going to sell many shoes.

  15. Hi There
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    FW: Funky felt sad about leaving his dad in a nursing home. However, he wasn’t so sad that he forgot to swipe change from the ‘March of Dimes’ box. There were just enough nickels and dimes to buy a short dog of Thunderbird.

    Sucking on that half-pint, he thought about calling his bookie. That bet on the Celtics just had to come in. If it didn’t, Montoni’s was toast.

  16. Mr. Beautiful
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    “A plate of feces is cold comfort at a time like this, Loretta.”

  17. Ignatz
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I would pay money for a crossover where Brook kicks Spider-Man’s ass, while Mary Jane looks on and applauds.

  18. Luprand
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Who else thinks the knife-wielding maniac in RMMD works in fast food? “You asked for it! So I’m going to give it to you … I guess … with a kinda surly, lackadaisical expression on my face … if I have to …”

  19. Mac
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Stan Lee and the Spider-Man people should be hanging their heads in shame. One strip in Rex Morgan, MD has more heroic action than five years of their strip.

  20. Bizarro Stormy
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#7):

    Forget that; Brook’s proven herself to be an alternate costume for Chun-Li.

  21. Hogan
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    So this is what it feels like to be the Lockhorns’ child. I’m going to stick my head in the oven now.

  22. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker’s Woody Wilson doesn’t explain why Sam would assume Jules knows the average weight of a woman. My own assumption is that even Jules’ “inner woman” wouldn’t know how to respond to Sam’s question.

    Which means Jules must have picked up that specialized knowledge elsewhere. But where? From hanging around an “average” woman like Neddy? Or did he once work as a “weight guesser” on a carnival midway? (The latter would make an interesting backstory for Jules!)

  23. Little Guy
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    RMMD: You may find this spectacular, but how will she get around with her foot stuck in his groin?

    9CL: This many “honorable persons” is making me so stabby, I have to make sure Sunday isn’t St. Patrick’s Day.

  24. Anonymous
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    MW: “At least we already have something in common: no respect for patient/client confidentiality!”

    Also, they already only had one degree of separation, Mary: you. Although both of them desperately wish that wasn’t the case.

  25. Ethan Shuster
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    People were just joking about it, but Sam is totally going to put on those shoes as a “test”. A “test” he’s wanted to try his whole life, but was never comfortable revealing to the world.

  26. Drew Funk
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Act out today’s Mary Worth with a friend. You already know how funny the person playing Jenna will look in Panel 2, so, expecting the hilarity, the person playing Mary will try to keep a straight face while delivering his or her line and end up looking exactly like Mary in Panel 1. What I’m saying is that we have finally found out Mary’s power that makes her a Super Meddler: She can see at least 5 seconds into the future.

  27. Edgy DC
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Wow, sexist me, I had big money on Rex and Toots showing up and saving the day.

    It’s better and sexier action than a year’s worth of Dick Tracy. Dick, however would admire that she doesn’t merely kick the thug in the the nuts, but through the nuts. That’s some brutal disaming. And June Morgan has got to appreciate a front-row seat at an emasculation of any sort.

  28. Drew Funk
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    More disturbing than Jenna’s facial tics is that either the circus has inexplicably pitched their tent at the Charterstone Pool Party, or there is a UFO floating over the heads of the poor attendees who can only look up in horror.

  29. shermy glamrocker
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    RMMD offers the most action-packed panel in a soap strip since Aldo drove off a cliff. I fear now that the pendulum will swing to the dullness side for quite a long time in order to maintain the strip’s median of mediocrity.

  30. Vermillion
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    JP: Interesting factoid about the average woman’s weight. Wonder if it is accurate.

    MW: I guess that is a wink (wink wink nudge nudge), but I agree with the stroke diagnosis. What color will the good doctor’s hair be next?

    LH: Whew, never could stand this couple. What is funny about this train wreck?

  31. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Vermillion (#30): According to the CDC, in 2009, the average adult female weight was 164.7. So I guess Jules is going to need to add some structural support to that heel—flying buttresses, perhaps?

  32. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Wow, so Judge Parker is really going to go through with this shoe business, huh?

    You know what they say-Everybody!-”There’s NO business like…”

  33. boojum
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    JP: Okay, I’m tired of waiting. When do Sam and Jules start singing along with Dr. Horrible?

  34. Aleit
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Vermillion (#30): “Depending on the country” is a nice touch. If we’re talking USA, it’s 140 pounds (while an average model weighs 117 pounds).

  35. MaryAnnTheRest
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Comics Crossover Alert! Sassy from MT makes a cameo by a “guest artist” in Slylock!

  36. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    drat, knew I should have checked for post-jumpage.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#y266): for oversnark and a “win an Internet” contest.

    on the webcomic side of things, today’s Sinfest was “awwwwwwww”-some.

  37. Aleit
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#31): … “lies, damned lies and statistics”, I suppose) My numbers are from 2006, but seriously doubt that the average weight has shifted that much.

  38. Marion Delgado
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    9CWL: But Evie! What if we had a daughter! You couldn’t know, but being an insufferable Nazi tends to run on the female line in my family. Even a grand-daughter could inherit it. And where would she find another cultured, noble, standoffish nerd like me to balance her out? – From “Evie, the Girl Who Loved the Swastika

  39. Buck Ripsnort
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Lackhorns: In an attempt to make themselves even more miserable, the loveless couple bring their lawn furniture to the dining room. This is so successful, it reminds Leroy of their favorite depressing movie, Cold Comfort Farm.

  40. BringTheNoise
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    I do love the look on poor Jules’ face in the last panel of JP – he’s clearly just starting to comprehend how long making each pair of shoes is now going to take. Weight testing is just the beginning…

  41. Marion Delgado
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Dennis, the menace to Society’s heteronormative and age-segregative narratives. Now with cosplay.

  42. DevinT
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    My guess on Mary covering her mouth: she has a little Mary-Worth-head tongue a la the Queen from Aliens. And it’s hungry. For eyes. Hence the “wink” in the second panel. Somehow though, the strip would manage to make that subplot even less interesting than the shopping addiction one.

  43. Rusty's Ghost
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    I got Sassie a job at the Death Cat Nursing Home in Crankshaft! Barney the death cat finds the ones that are on the edge, and Sassie pushes em over!

  44. waitingforlefty
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    MW: Jenna is reacting with the same flinch I would; the doctor shares the name of a boss who had me fired after mouthing drunken obscenities to me at an office party.

  45. caliban
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    I was thinking Jules had to be kind of high with that 150 lb. estimate. According to the CDC, I’ve been wearing rose-colored glasses. Damn, Americans are seriously fat and round for their heights. This is revolting.

  46. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    raccoons and a pair of awesome handshakes.

  47. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Marion Delgado (#38): Nice “Hansi” reference!

  48. gleeb
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    bean: Fat failure Funky envies the soon-to-die.

  49. cindyinmaine
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Drew Funk (#26): Actually, it strikes me that in frame 1, we can’t see Jenna’s right eye, tho Mary can, which means the stroke has probably already occurred, and all we are privy to is Mary’s reaction of hilarity.

  50. Walker of Dog
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#9): A3G: “Round up the girls” = put one’s bra back on?

  51. This Guy
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Marm: So that’s why Hitler always screamed his speeches–to keep the audience awake.

    DtM: This format can’t really convey the almost Lovecraftian horror I felt upon seeing this panel, so I’ll just leave now to search for the necessary equipment to sandblast my brain.

  52. Anonymous
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    This is kkarenb – I am using a library compueter and did not want to embed my user name. I have been following this blog for a few years and have commented sporadically – for the past two months I have been unable to due to computer problems.

    I am using the library computers today because I specifically wanted to comment on Funky Winkerbean. By a horrible coincidence, last Saturday my mother was admitted to a nursing facility. One of her medical issues reached a crisis, and she was hospitalized. She was unable to return to her home so went to the nursing facility after a few days in the hospital. The outlook is not promising.

    I am outraged at the way Batiuk is handling this situation. Of course, what should I expect? He knows as much about nursing care as he knows about identifying soldiers’ remains. I was particularly upset at the way he depicted the arriival. When my mother arrived at the home, family members were there to meet her, and we were encouraged to visit anytime. The social worker at the home took pains to find out from us her likes and pastimes, etc. I have a feeling that this episode with FW is going to be another example of the system putting the screws to the Winkerbeans. IT ISN’T LIKE THAT!! While I recognize that there are homes that are nothing but warehouses, there are also homes that are caring and do a great job. I know that my mother is actually in good spirits, and seems to be doing as well as can be expected.

    I don’t know when I’ll be able to check back with you guys – all I can say is (considering the library computer’s censors) **** you, Batiuk!

  53. Calico
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    #94 YT Baka – That is awesome!
    I felt a little dizzy afterwards, though. Must have been the Potato-ade.

  54. Andy L
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    I gotta tell you. The first thing I do after a first appointment with a financial planner is to invite them to the condo pool party. In my experience financial planners love hanging out with old people and will jump at the opportunity to hang around a pool that no one is swimming in while drinking cheap wine and eating salmon squares.

    Notice however, that the young doctor, despite being Mary’s friend and coworker is not invited. This is because doctors cannot stand Mary worth. In fact, he’s probably already considering a trip to Vietnam.

  55. Rembrandt36
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    9CL: Today we get the shoes view. How appropriate – this storyline makes me want to puke on my shoes.

  56. Brian Steinberg, Comics Examiner
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    I maintain Mary has plucked out Jenna’s eye and is in the midst of eating it in the first panel, rather than take one of the sandwiches that Wilbur might want.

    Oh, and has anyone noticed that the Phantom thinks he’s doing a stand-up bit at the Comedy Shack?

  57. MaryAnnTheRest
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#52): I understand. My husband works at a nursing home, and I can’t imagine ever seeing the place so empty or grim. In fact, we’re going to a car show there tomorrow for Father’s Day. I’m taking my kids.

    I hope the best for your mother, and for your entire family. We don’t have to live in Batuik world. I’m not really sure why we read it. Schadenfraude?

  58. Elektro
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: You know, I almost thought this was the Spider-Man comic at first. Then I remembered that the Spider-Man strip has no action.

    Here that, Marvel? Rex Friggin’ Morgan has more superheroics than your Spider-Man strip.

  59. Calico
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    MW – A classic today, with Mary’s meth binge obvious by her giddy stare, and Jenna’s Alaska Wink ™.

    So Beetle finally got an STD from Sarge. Argh.

    Why does Dennis always bitch and whine about taking a bath, except when Mr. Wilson is involved?

    And finally, go Brook! A banjo with the foot – play that bluegrass!

  60. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary has regressed to the most primal form of meddling. She just up and pimp-slapped her Good Homebody Sense into Jenna. Now that Jenna has aquiesced, she should really find an icepack for that swollen eye.

    JP: “We don’t want a woman to break her leg and sue you. Because then Neddie would want me to defend you, and then I’d have to spend more than an hour per week at the office. Not this boy.”

    Momma: Old soldiers never die. They’re perfectly conscious as their bodies are ground up, stuffed into sausage casings, and sold to quickie lunchers. *shudder*

    C-Shaft: Riveting.

    H&L: Um, what’s the accusation here? Does Ditto think his older brother is having an affair with the schoolbus driver? ‘Cuz Chip needs to save his lovin’ for the teachers who can fail him.

    9CL: Helpful hint: If you ignore the word balloons, these four panels make a fine advertisement for sheer stockings.

    Baldo: What’s the right answer here? “No, that’s just a stereotype. I assure you I am a complete dumbass. It remains to be seen if I can even hold onto this dead-end retail job.”

    Crock: The meeting takes place at cocksucker o’clock next to the fuck? That’s helpful.

    Phantom: Get up and get-get-get down. 9-1-1′s a (corny) joke in your town.

    DtM: If you’re old enough to remember when a joke like this wouldn’t be seen as pederastic innuendo, you’re dead. And a liar.

  61. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Are we suppose to put on our 3D glasses to view the second panel?

  62. Amateur
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Is it normal to respond to this strip with homicidal rage? And if it isn’t, why on earth not? GAH! This one is a compilation of everything I hate most about it: same storyline for the thousandth time, Barry’s baby-talk-combined-with-fainting-Victorian-heroine-melodrama, Diane’s utter gullability, and not even an attempt at a punchline. It’s like “Why I Hate Curtis 101.”

  63. Amateur
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    (Sorry, “gullibility.”)

  64. JonnyT
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Totally unrelated to today’s posts, but noteworthy for the Curmudgeon himself. A video on name-dropped your site while demonstrating software designed to keep you from getting sidetracked from doing work due to…um, well…. visiting your site. Still, kudos! You’re mentioned about 30 seconds in.

  65. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Dilbert: What? Let me read that again. Okay. The therapist did say “BATSPIT”.

  66. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @caliban (#45): Well, remember, it’s more because of a sizeable (har!) chunk of the population (Pluggers and their ilk) skewing the statistics towards that end of the scale (har! I kill me.)

    @Walker of Dog (#50): I suppose so. Which makes my comment kind of the exact opposite of what I intended, but there you go.

    @Calico (#59): “Alaska wink.” I’m going to have to file that one away.

  67. Walker of Dog
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#57): Excellent question. Most days I avoid reading FW, because I resent that a previously enjoyable experience has been turned into an impotent howl against the world, blended with passive-aggressive smirks and puns.

    @kkarenb (#52): I don’t want to tell you your business, and if you feel better venting on FW, then keep it up – your analysis is insightful and on-target. But if you just end up more angry than when you started, you might want to consider giving it up. There are enough stressors in life that we can’t avoid – this one is easy to bypass and may not be worth your time or attention.

    Either way, best wishes to you and your mother.

  68. Spunde
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    One degree of separation. No degrees of freedom. I think we may be looking at Jenna’s first attempt at a Funkysmirk.

  69. Cloudbuster
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane

    As Brooke McEldowney is too thin-skinned and cowardly to allow comments on (Ai! Not everyone was giving me sycophantic approval! The internet is mean!), I guess this is the only place to comment.

    I become daily more agog at how creepy the current Edna/Eva plotline is, and how disturbing is Edna/Eva’s behavior.

    Despite the fact that neither of them could be bothered to try to contact each other for the past decade, Kiesl and Edna/Eva have been carrying torches for each other. OK, fair enough. So she jumps his bones as quick as she can get somewhere private enough to drop her panties. OK, again, fair enough, if a little over-the-top for post-war U.S. morality.

    Then there’s that creepy Colonel who apparently can’t be happy and mind his own darn business now that Edna/Eva has finally seemingly found happiness. No, he has to violate the express wishes of the reclusive brain-damaged nutcase who has deliberately avoided contacting Edna/Eva, just to throw a wrench in Edna/Eva’s happy romance. And act all self-righteous about doing so. If he was going to do this, couldn’t the despicable slimeball have broken his promise to Bill sometime before a decade had passed and Edna/Eva had found someone else?

    But what is worse is that we know Edna/Eva is going to leave Kiesl for the brain-damaged nutjob. Is there a way this will be resolved that won’t be gross and creepy? Not that creepiness has ever been a barrier to 9CWL.

  70. Victor Von
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Wait. The Lockhorns have first names? That’s like finding out that the Four Horsemen are War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death Smith.

  71. Calico
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Spunde (#68):
    “No degrees of freedom” – hahaha! : D
    Richie Havens would be very distressed.
    For there are no degrees of freedom in MW, or FW.

  72. Victor Von
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    I love love love how bored the thug in Rex Morgan looks as he violates panel integrity in order to threaten his own life in the next panel. “Whatever,” he thinks, as his doppleganger is impaled on his outthrust blade.

  73. Calico
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Zits – I’m picturing Slipknot, CSN, and George Winston, respectively.
    Any other playlist suggestions?

  74. The TJ
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Jenna’s not having a stroke, she’s merely trying to shut out the terrifying visage of Mary’s meddling. The problem is that if she shuts both eyes that leaves her wide open to attack. The best compromise is to wink fearfully.

  75. Radar
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Mary looks like she can barely hold down her (probably salmon square) lunch in Panel 1 but the truth is she can’t believe she is doing something wholly nice for someone without first converting them to be her slave, and she barely can speak the words over her dry-heaving. It was a mistake; how will she get out of this situation! Thankfully Jenna spouted a nearly-gibberish “deep thought” in response, which helped Mary find her meddling place again. “Aha,” she thinks to herself in Panel 2, “a platitude is just what is needed here.” Mary accidentally pokes out Jenna’s eye in the process, but Jenna doesn’t seem to mind or even notice and issues forth more nonsense. Mary may have met her match.

  76. Victor Von
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: I’m really impressed that Jules happens to have the weight of the average woman at his fingertips like that. What other factoids will he delight us with?

    “Jules, what’s the average length of a man’s…”
    “You’re the expert here, Sam, not me.”

  77. agony
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    73 Insane Clown Posse

  78. Walker of Dog
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: Seeking help to escape her meddled fate, Jenna is winking a desperate Morse code SOS to the readership. She is unclear on the sequential-panel format of a comic strip. Or maybe she thinks she’s in a flipbook.

    Personally, I hope Jenna decides to go out with Dr. Roberts. They could avoid the usual, awkward first-date conversations and just dish for hours about Bonnie and all of her pathetic, hilarious failings. Smug, white-collar love conquers all, including HIPAA non-disclosure rules.

    Phan: I see Kit is sporting his male-genitalia nose again, terrifying the local urchins. What triggers this grotesque transformation, and are there any internet sites catering to aficionados of this condition? Not that I’m interested.

    FC: Bill, how tall is that toilet you’re sitting on? Looks like another home improvement project gone wrong. Also, please close the door. And stop eavesdropping. And while we’re at it, how about a courtesy flush?

  79. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: Careful Jenna. Now that you’ve agreed to the email sharing the next laugh out of Mary won’t be a tittering giggle, it will be a robust BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!

  80. Perky Bird
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Jenna’s discovered that when she winks at just the right angle and speed, it makes it seem like her eyelashes are crushing Mary’s head. And that makes her smile.

  81. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#65): I did a double-take, too. But of course it makes perfect sense, because “batspit crazy” is what everyone says, and never some other version of the latter half of that word, which would never make it on to the comics pages (“But what about the children?!”).

    (And actually, I’m a little stunned that this made it, since it’s totally clear what Adams really means.)

  82. ElkMeadow
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#10):

    My thoughts exactly.

  83. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#81): Well, Adams has tip-toed around the line several times, maybe more than Pastis. I bet Adams’ editor is a pointy-haired boss who doesn’t get it.

  84. ElkMeadow
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

  85. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#78) re: Phantom: There are. *shudder* There are.

  86. ElkMeadow
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#52):

    My thoughts are with you.

  87. Tophat
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Oh man, Mary’s totally trippin’ balls! What’s she even looking at?

    A side note: Is mary blissed out due to over-meddle, or was Wilbur actually licking a toad earlier this week when we thought he was eating a potato? That might explain why the whole damn town shows up to these pool parties when it looks like no one is actually swimming.

  88. H-Bob
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    The “load-testing” of the shoes reminds me of the BBC movie about the guy who “retools” his English shoe company to make sexy boots for female impersonators ! (I think it was called “Kinky Boots”) There was a little segment where they try to figure out how to strengthen the heel to carry a man’s greater weight !

  89. Ringo Beaumont III
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Amazing. In that entire Mary Worth strip, there’s not a single facial expression or hand gesture that an actual human would use during the course of a conversation.

  90. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Victor Von (#76): You’re talking about a man’s FOOT, right?

  91. Calico
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Comix news from Daily Ink!
    Everything old is new again! Starting Monday, DailyINK will add NINE vintage comics to its ever-growing collection of some of the most read and revered comic strips of the 20th century.

    Big Ben Bolt (1950-51)
    Heart of Juliet Jones (1953-54)
    Radio Patrol (1940-41)
    Barney Google & Snuffy Smith (1936)
    Jacky’s Diary (1959-60)
    Mandrake (1938-39)
    Quicy (1971-72)
    Katzenjammer Kids (1937-39)
    Little Iodine (1949-50)

    Check out our DailyINK Vintage Comics archive to see which classic stories have been added!

    And for all you fans who love adventure? TUNE IN to SyFy on Sunday night, June 20 for the premiere of THE PHANTOM. Reimagined and Reloaded.

    Young urban daredevil Kit Walker finds himself recruited by a secret organization, unveiling a heritage he never could have dreamed possible. Revered as the 21st “ghost who walks,” he must now uphold and honor his ancestors’ creed — to fight crime and injustice throughout the world. But it’s a new world out there, and going up against high-tech savvy criminals will take training and discipline unlike anything bestowed on The Phantom.

    Based on the legendary first masked mystery man of the comics, this exciting Miniseries Event is set in modern-day New York, unlike previous adaptations of the legend.

    THE PHANTOM airs at 7/6c & 9/8c and stars Ryan Carnes (“Desperate Housewives”), Emmy (R) and Golden Globe winner Isabella Rossellini (“Blue Velvet”), Cas Anvar (“Timeline”), Sandrine Holt (“24″) and Cameron Goodman.

  92. Master Softheart
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Phantom‘s off his meds.

    JP: Jules’ a steel-town girl on a Saturday night. And from what we’ve seen so far, he is indeed a maniac.

    MT: I know it’s been said, but Tanta Borgnine is a really sweet lady; I hope things work out for her.

    Once the child endangerment charges against Mark are filed and acted upon, I was thinking that perhaps she could adopt Rusty. Sadly, I suspect that her neighbors and certainly the Health Board would have even stronger objections to that.

    SFth While the actual joke today is good, what really struck me was the fashion and that awesome pose in panel 1. Thanks for showing us that you don’t need to be drawn by Baretto or Nolan to look good, Sal!

  93. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Tophat (#87):

    or is it Potato-ade™

  94. Bill Peschel
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    As soon as I saw Rex Morgan, I had already decided to use “bring it, loser!” into as many conversations as I could at work. And since I was fired, I can use it on the unemployment line!

    Hey kids! Mort Walker was a dirty, dirty old man! (Definitely NSFW, or for anyone, really)

  95. BigTed
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    “Really, Mary, you want me to date my business client’s therapist? That sounds morally and ethically problematic, but at least we’ll have something in common — a depressed woman’s shopping addiction! Ha! Man, am I lonely.”

  96. Baka Gaijin
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Mary Worth, not throught a GAF Viewmaster. Someone had to do it.

    @agony (#77): If there was ever a match between user name and comment. “Agony” and “clown posse.” A match in HELL!!!!

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#1): What else needs to be said?

  97. This Guy
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#69): Did someone on post “Wah wah wah! People aren’t always nice! Poor little terribly korrekt comics hack!”? I hope so, but I’m sure Brooke’s douchebaggery came into full bloom much longer ago than that.

  98. Jumper
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    (Well, batspit probably CAN make you crazy. Rabies.)

    Jenna, probably having spent time in Texas, is all woman, and casually farted right out loud. Mary, being a bit of a prude, hides her chuckle and keeps on talking, not to be rude. Jenna gives Mary a big wink, meaning “I KNOW you heard that, Mary!”

  99. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    #52 kkarenb,
    Don’t worry too much about embedding in th library computer. In my experience libraries delete all the passwords and history at the end of the day.

    Hope you’re not gone too long.

  100. Ned Ryerson
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    FC: Bil Keane shits standing up. He’s been doing it ever since he got back from Vietnam.

    (A former co-worker of mine once over-shared with me that he peed sitting down. He added that he’s done it ever since he got back from Vietnam, which hardly explained why, but I didn’t want to ask. So I added that to my hilarious comment in a tribute to former co-workers who overshare their iconoclastic toileting techniques.)

  101. mollificent
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Back-from-vacation snarkage (hi everyone!) Haven’t read comments in over a week, so apologies in advance for any oversnark. :)

    A3G: “I’m sure Gina’s cracking the whip as we speak.” Aw HELL no. Any attempt to assert dominance over Margo is going to resort in some SERIOUS discipline. Oh, and Gina, don’t forget…the safe word is “naked, ringless fingers.”

    DtM: Um…um…*head asplode*

    RMMD: EPIC. Go Brook!

    Zits: I actually rather like today’s strip.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#60): re: Crock: Thank you SO much. Commence Operation Mopping-Tea-Off-Keyboard.

  102. Calico
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Jumper (#98):
    I recently learned that mascara, which I do not wear, is made from sterilized bat guano. No Sh*t (pun intended).
    This I learned by watching Billy Bretherton on aetv, aka “Billy the Exterminator.”

  103. BRWombat
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s look of horror and her hand flying to her mouth in frame 1 suggests she is choking down bile from her own suggestion of email romance, realizing a split-second too late that she will not be able to overhear and meddle in their written exchanges.

  104. AmazingThor
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: At least we’ll have something to talk about. We can each break every code of ethics our professions hold dear while we discuss just exactly how screwed up Bonnie’s personal life really is!

  105. Push Trot
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: Perhaps Jenna’s winking not because of a meddle-induced stroke (however likely it may be), but rather because she has confused the real Mary with the hired look-alike we saw on monday.
    “That is uncanny!”, Jenna’s thinking, while letting the double know she’s in on the joke (or so she thinks), “She’s nailed the syrupy old busybody spot on!”
    The mistake is of course excusable, since it is impossible to distinguish between a grotesquely caricatured impersonation of Mary Worth and Mary herself.

    MT: Tick tock … tick tock …

    Luann: What the? Whas that supposed to be a real dog all along?

    RMMD: Sigh. I’ve just realized it can only go downwards from here.
    But at least we’ll have had today, Brook. I’ll cherish it always.

    Popeye: but… didn’t you just stop Olive from going, Popeye?

    Phantom: Can’t you call Spider-Man afterwards and tell him to take notes?

    Hagar: Not only is the ‘joke’ lousy, but the characters are horribly off model. Oh, well – zombie labour, you get what you pay for.

  106. ElkMeadow
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    What she should have said-
    “You are separated by only one degree. Me,” Mary said with a smirk.

    Poor Bonnie. By the time Mary is through telling everyone about you, you’re going to have to sneak out of Charterstone with a paper bag over your head in the middle of the night.

  107. Jasper
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    RMMD- Right, like a thug’s going to offer several warnings to get out of the way, even a “last chance” warning and dive right into the throes of a martial artist.

    JP- Wait, the average woman weighs 150 pounds? That’s getting up there on the scale. Are women really that heavy?

    MW- I’ve had about enough of Mary arrogantly waving that pointer finger around over the last few weeks. Someone needs to just snap that feeble arthritic limb. Great, your hooking up with someone and all you have in common is Bonnie and Ernie. Now thats fodder for a lot of conversation, ugh. Did Jenna get something in her eye, because I see absolutely zero need to wink about what she just said, unless she is sending a secret code to someone to get her the hell out of their. “When you see me holding an imaginary tray and winking, rescue me.” Notice how Mary has run out of regulars at Charterstone to meddle with and always gravitates to the newbies.

  108. doug rogers
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm… Once those lawyers get involved in the manufacture of high heeled womens shoes every last one of those will have a label: Warning! Contents may be hot!

  109. Mela
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:30 pm [Reply]


    9CL: Cloudbuster (comment #69) said everything that can, should, and must be said about this strip, this story, and this artiste.

    Baldo: So the artist saying “Yay, stereotyping”? Because dammit, that’s sure how it seems.

    Buckles: “Plus, if I’m a catgirl, I’ll get the otakus chasing me along with the fursuiters and the lolicon lovers.”

    ‘Shaft: Odds of this ending happily – 100,000,002 to 1.

    Drabble: So apparently, this strip is designed to appeal to people who hated MST3k.

    Edge: Talk to someone, like a parent who supposedly is a great therapist and not a self-absorbed nervous wreck & bundle of annoyingness?

    FC: Daddy’s Keane urge to kill himself just got much, MUCH stronger.

    FW: Good writing is not making the focal character of your strip a horrible, self-centered, middle aged pity fetishist who is incapable of feeling empathy for even his closest “loved ones” (none of which he actually loves, due to his own resentment of anyone who has a supposedly better lot in live) as they enter the lowest point of their soon-to-end lives.
    Seeing this almost makes me wish we got a scene where Funky sat by Lisa’s deathbed and talked at length about how much of a burden a sudden spike in the price of cardboard has been and how lucky she is she doesn’t have to put up with such a hardship.

    Luann: The odds of this seguing into a horrifying “let’s bond with Gunther, because he’s such a Nice Guy” storyline have just increased tenfold. Damn you and your creepy little author proxy, Evans.

    MW: Now Jenna and Dr. Mike can violate their patients’ HIPAA agreements and confidentiality contracts together! How cute!

    MC & PBS: These tie for my genuine favorites of the day.

    Pluggers: Is it a sign of the end times when “Pluggers” falls into the same trap as “Six Chix” and thinks that Twitter is automatically comic gold?

    RwO: Close runner-up to the winners of the day.

    Slylock: For some reason, that raccoon in the middle is terrifying. It looks like it’s on something.

    Speed: Xplain, plz.

    Zits: Again with the Boomer superiority. Boomer music automatically equals peace, love, & spirituality, while non-Boomer music is nothing but nihilism & violence, simply because it’s not theirs.

  110. BananaSam
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Doctor Roberts was a consultant on ‘Analyze This’ starring Robert De Niro. De Niro was in ‘Sleepers’ alongside Kevin Bacon!

  111. Walker of Dog
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Tophat (#87): Allowing the rabble of Santa Royale to attend such a refined social event? Perish the thought. (Literally – that what the armed perimeter patrols and landmines are for.)

  112. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Almost every panel of the LOCKHORNS could be written: “I hate you and wish you were dead.”

  113. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Almost every panel of the LOCKHORNS could be written: “I hate you and wish you were dead.” @Robert Whitaker Sirignano (#112):

  114. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Maybe there should be a special sub-category of comic-strip art: the What the Fuck Is Going on Here strip. You know, those strips in which no matter how hard you try, the visuals just make no friggin’ sense. (And yes, clearly, the folks on this site have tried.)

    Today’s Mary Worth, of course, is an exemplar of the type, a consummate WTF(MW).

    @Master Softheart (#92): re: taking in Rusty as a stray: Perhaps some would object, but I for one would applaud the chance to see Rusty penned up behind a cyclone fence, as Nature intended.

    @doug rogers (#108): And if all heels were subject to legal scrutiny for the damage they might cause their wearers—well, no heels would ever get made.

  115. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @BigTed (#95): You know, what kind of pickup-line-by-proxy is “you and he are separated by only one degree,” anyway?

    @Mela (#109): I only followed Baldo for a few months, but “yay stereotyping!” seems to be pretty much the entire message of the strip.

  116. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#109): Speed: Batman’s pissed because Robin is sucking on Superman instead of him.


  117. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#114): I think there’s a lot of people that would like to see Rusty penned up behind a cyclone – and slowly being sucked into it.

  118. Soccerhead
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    OK, so Luann caiis her dog “Pud”?

  119. The Right Duke of Milan
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Tracerian Sonnet LXXIX

    What’s this? What now? There’ll be no submarine-
    Themed manglement? No periscopic splut?
    No sweet song of propeller kissing bone?
    No suspect launch’d from the torpedo’s rut?
    Instead, Dick Tracy flees the villain’s wrath,
    Befitting not a square-jaw’d fascist cop,
    But rather willow-wristed Teddy Forth,
    Mistaking for a Predator a mop.
    Alas, Dick Tracy, how you violate
    My expectations ‘sif they were thine perps.
    Back to the footrace slow as Phoebus’ gait,
    About as welcome as a case of herp’s.
    But still–perhaps you’ll lead him to the stage,
    T’enact a splatt’ring spectacle of rage.

  120. Marthas Rolling Pin
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Re yesterthread’s speculations on how much influence the ‘Mudgeons have had on comics content, I would offer todays SFx as evidence. Not convincing proof, mind you, but what are the chances that Mr. Bob Weber Jr, prior to his fortuitous association with our merry band, would have chosen to pair instruction on how to draw a raccoon with a picture of Sassy? Or that he would have recognized that said picture was Sassy?

  121. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Duke of Milan (#119): Yeah. What he said.

  122. Adjuster
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#57): It can’t be schadenfreude that causes people to read FW, because schadenfreude is joy in the harm of others. There is no joy in FW, just shame. And failure. And death. I propose the Germans create a new word for it. Schamversagentod?

  123. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Duke of Milan (#119): Wow. I bow to your poetic brilliance.

  124. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Soccerhead (#118): Short for “Puddles”.

  125. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 18th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    repost from 9:46 am, ten minutes before this post went up:

    Crock – I like to think he’s saying “About ASSHOLE o’clock next to the FUCK YOU.”

    Dennis – “Dennis! Where’s your snorkel? You don’t want to have to keep coming up for air!”

    Dick! No! Don’t “escalate” the situation! Locher doesn’t have more than two weak ceiling puns. Three, “tops”!

    FamilyThe shock of spending an entire holiday with the melonhead brood has Bil so agitated he’s gone into his defensive “Aunt Fritzi” pose. [*]

    Fred – An unusual, yet utterly humorless, example of high-speed static inaction in action.

    Herb – Hey, Reverend Ethicalapse, hiring somebody else to lie for you is still lying.

    Hi – This is particularly cutting, as Ditto is on Crankshaft’s route.

    Judge – Yeah, here it comes. “Oh, and Jules? I happen to weigh 155 pounds, and that looks like my size shoe…”

  126. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    repost from yesterthread, 9:46 am, concluded:

    Luann – If Puddles had evolved with the rest of the characters, he’d look like Sassy by now.

    Marfield – Next week’s hi-larious sequence of largely similar panels will be “Chapter 2: What Your Baby’s Nauseating Stenches Really Mean.” Hint: See chapter number.

    Mary – “He’s Bonnie’s therapist? So you’re trying to match me with a professional failure. Oh, excuse my involuntary wince there. For a moment, I was just choking helplessly on my own bile!”

    Momma – Stay tuned for more hilarity with the same joke applied to former US Supreme Court Justice Felix Frankfurter!

    My Cage – Actually, he’s probably picturing her lying next to a superhero costume.

    Non Seq – Don’t go look in the window or anything. Got to keep your ignorance pure and undefiled by any sort of evidence.

    Slylock – Multiple threads are brought together today, with a raccoon… preceding a drawing of Sassy… in Slylock Fox… by Gina!

    Ziggy – With today’s guest writer, the scripter of Fred Basset. Bringing his noncomedy stylings to the single panel genre with well-nigh foreordained results.

    ps – There were actually a lot of funny and entertaining strips today. Though, of course, not 9CL. Drip, drip, drip.

  127. ElkMeadow
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Cul-de-Sac has the right of it.

    That’s how the last day of school always seemed to me, but it also had fleeing hordes of screaming people streaming into the distance.

  128. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#109): re Speed Bump: esplaind.

    Pluggers is. . . . a blow job.

    @mollificent (#101): (((mollificent))) missed you.

  129. Soccerhead
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#109):Baldo and Curtis have the most “Yay,stereotyping”.
    My favorite Curtis character was Andy, the summer school math whiz from 2008.

  130. Ed Dravecky
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: I’m so happy that Wilson & Nolan took this week off and turned over scripting and art duties to the Ghost Of The Late Jack Kirby.

    Spider-Man: The only person in the Marvel universe who would sculpt the head of Ben Griimm out of clay is his blind girlfriend, Alicia Masters… whose stepfather is the Puppet Master! Oh my God, 30+ years of obsessive Fantastic Four geekery has finally paid off with a minor insight on a possible upcoming plotline in the newspaper Spider-Man comic! This is not as satisfying as I had hoped.

  131. Larry Fine
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    MW — “Gee, Mary, maybe your doctor friend can help me with this drooping eyelid.”

  132. Digger
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    I have noticed the Lockhorns’ tiny furniture many times. It is my belief that they shop at Munchkin-Land Ikea.

  133. Anonymous
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    “In addition to adding a bit of visual flair, this new viewing angle really gives us a good look at their dining room chairs, which they’ve clearly had specially made with incredibly short legs to accommodate their freakishly stumpy frames.”

    Actually, it’s been rumored for years that the Lockhorns are based (at least originally) on Charles and Ray Eames.

    No, not really.

  134. Mela
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#116): Speed: Batman’s pissed because Robin is sucking on Superman instead of him.

    That’s what I suspected. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t the only one with mind firmly lodged in the gutter.

  135. This Guy
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Soccerhead (#118): So if she’s walking the dog, and the dog becomes recalcitrant, she can yank on the leash and say with exasperation, “I don’t have time to stand around pulling my Pud all day!” (I admit that was kind of a reach.)

    On another note: Is there a site somewhere in this vast and trackless Internet of ours where I can read various comics from different syndicates and actually have them fucking show up in Firefox? The Houston Chronicle has seemingly decided to withhold every King Features feature from me forevermore unless I switch to a shittier browser.

  136. Rachel211
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker has waited years and years to find a valid reason to parade around in 4 inch pumps. And now his day has come…. for professional legal reasons, of course.

  137. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Soccerhead (#118): Yeah, she calls him “Pud” after the kid from Dubble Bubble funnies — Luann’s favorite brand of bubble gum, natch. (Or is “Pud” short for “Puddles”? I forget which!)

  138. Ed Dravecky
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy: No, Tom Wilson, the phone being solar-powered does not explain why Ziggy is pantsless and on his tippy-toes in an empty field. Seriously.

    Momma: Happy belated 65th birthday to retired US Army general Tommy Franks! Why Lazarus made this awkward shout-out a day late is only one of dozens of questions raised by this out-of-character strip. Are Franks’ generous Army pension, the royalties from a #1 New York Times best-seller, and his position on the board of directors of Chuck E. Cheese’s not enough for him to enjoy a peaceful retirement? Can a retired officer wear their uniform while shilling hot dogs on the streets of The City? Why is Franks confronting the Ghost Of Douglas MacArthur (who died before Franks even joined the Army) about territory since MacArthur isn’t pushing his own punnishly-named food cart? (Suggestions: “Doug’s Dogs” or “Pie Shall Return!”) Why oh why am I this bothered by a Momma strip? No, really, why? Oh, and is anybody else craving a hot dog right now? Mmm… hot dogs.

  139. dreadedcandiru2
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#69):

    Sadly, there’s no way to end this sequence that isn’t going to make our skins crawl; the Brainy Smurf-wannabe writing this daily horror isn’t like you or me. He’s the Batiuk of objectivism.

  140. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#135): What version of Firefox are you using? I’m having no troubles accessing it from either 1.5 or 3.6. Do you have an adblock extension or firewall software that somehow got set to block

  141. This Guy
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#140): The only add-on it can really be is NoScript. All I get for the King Features comics is an XSS warning and a message from (presumably) the syndicate saying “Content Currently Unavailable / No Referrer.” And at the moment, I’ll be damned if I have any idea what site needs permission.

  142. Bootsy
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#52):

    Hey, kkarenb, hope things go well for you, your mom, and your family. Difficult choices made more difficult by the unsufferable Batiuk.

  143. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Nancy: Either Sluggo is trying for a new world record… or he wants to be a spokesman for a major brewery. You decide!

    Soup to Nutz: Royboy makes pillow talk about fairies.

  144. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#141): I think the KFS comics are from – is that blocked?

  145. bats :[
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#46): oh, what a sad raccoon!

    52. kkarenb: good to hear from you again! Warm thoughts that things are on an even keel with you and your family.

    @Ringo Beaumont III (#89): that pretty much sums things up. I was just going to comment “creepy creepy creepy”…

    @Sequitur (#93):
    “You say Potato-Ade
    I say Potato-Aid”

  146. Marthas Rolling Pin
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#91):
    Big Ben Bolt! A truly cherished memory from my childhood. (Not the years that DailyInk is republishing, but pretty close) I’m a DailyInk subscriber, but hadn’t seen that notice yet. Looking forward to seeing those. Thanks for sharing! Now if they could just pick up the Major…

  147. Ned Ryerson
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: This kinda thing is going on all the time among physicians and counsellors of all types. Say you want some pretext to talk to that comely young social worker you’ve seen around the hospital. You just scan through the records of your patients and see if any of them have notes entered by your target. Zing! Now you’ve got something in common! “Say, I couldn’t help but notice that you advised Mrs. Fonebone on some troubling personal matters. I just conducted a follow-up on her persistent psoriasis. Would you like to get some coffee?”

  148. Emerson Nice Shoes
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    JP: I never really thought this story arc would result in a partnership between Sam and Jules, holed up together in the tack barn, fashioning women’s shoes. I guess Abby and Neddy are back at the house watching baseball, drinking beer and farting.

    RMMD: In a strip where the only types are stereotypes, Brook is the most complex and nuanced incidental character to burgle the Morgan home so far. Which isn’t saying much.

    MW: Clearly the artist forgot to include the panel where the flower on Mary’s dress, actually a squirt gun attached to Mary’s catheter, drenched poor Jenna just as she was preparing to violate another confidence.

  149. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    COL. KLINK and SGT. SCHULTZ (“Hogan’s Heroes”) make an appearance in the 6-18 Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! (Ripley’s still has a large following, so why don’t I ever see it mentioned here?)

  150. Weaselboy
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    DtM: I’d like to think that this scenario was originally submitted to Pluggers, i.e., “you’re a plugger if your baths are constantly interrupted by young boys in scuba masks”, but was rejected for being too creepy. The folks over at Ketcham Enterprises, however, had no problem with it.

  151. Brick Bradford
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    RMMD So, why didn’t Brook kick June’s ass when she was being so mean?

  152. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#52): I’m sorry you’re going through this. When my mom passed away recently, one of the kindest things we heard from her friends in town was that they thought the board-and-care home where she’d lived for the past year was a wonderful place and that we’d made a great choice in picking it. Although I’d chosen the home and had full confidence in it, I still felt some relief and gratitude hearing that from others. So I understand how fraught these situations can be.

    My thoughts are with you.

  153. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#145): I worked out Thursday’s F Minus for you (Y #201). May I please have my cookie now?

  154. Marthas Rolling Pin
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#149): It isn’t funny, doesn’t try to be, is reasonably well-drawn, and therefore isn’t snarkworthy.

  155. agony
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Any guesses about wtf is going on in today’s Argyle Sweater? They aren’t mockingbirds – look at that big hooked beak. They aren’t parrots – again, totally wrong beak, and a recognizable parrot is easy to draw.

  156. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#145): And I say, drink up and let tomorrow take care of itself!

  157. Marthas Rolling Pin
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Emerson Nice Shoes (#148): re JP: coffee-spew and COTW material for sure!

  158. Some Guy
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Jenna, may I give a friend of mine your e-mail address? He’s a Nigerian businessman who needs help transferring ten million dollars out of the country.”

  159. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#155): The trouble is this strip’s drawn so poorly that the very well could be parrots and nobody can tell. If they are suppose to be parrots they should have named the kid “Polly” or made reference to wanting a cracker or something.

  160. bats :[
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Brick Bradford (#151): because deep in her heart, Brook knew June was right.

  161. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#159): I’d correct my fouled up syntax but we’re talking Argyle Sweater here. It just ain’t worth it.

  162. Ignatz
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    If you MUST write the most depressing strip in the known universe, shouldn’t it have a name with a little more gravity than “Funky Winkerbean”?

  163. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Peschel (#94): …


    *head asplode*

  164. Comcis Fan
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Dennis, you don’t want to be diving there, nor engaging in gas bubble contests with Mr. Wilson. This is the moment that Wilson decides it’s time to call the authorities to report the Mitchells’ neglect.

  165. Baka Gaijin
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Emerson Nice Shoes (#148) on Judge Parker: Get your waving hand ready, you’re on the COTW float!

  166. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#154): Well, I happen to think Ripley’s John Graziano deserves the same “love and respect” we give to Jack Elrod and so many others!

  167. Mibbitmaker
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    9CL: “Honor”, “morality”, and purportedly steamy sex. A Brooke McEldowney triple play.

    A3G: But it’s Margo’s whip!

    Blondie: The anti-Blanthony/Gunther/Les! (hearty applause!)

    MT: She‘s more angry at poor ol’ Sally than he is. Maybe she should wear the mustache instead.

    Marm: Well, it loses its effectiveness without the German language shouting and perverted idea of charisma…

    Popeye: Mary Worth?


    MW: Mary giggling like a little school girl: YECCH! Meanwhile, Jenna’s dialogue is so bad, she’s twitching at the thought of the whole furshlugginer thing.

    Kit The Wry Vigilante: That boy looks disturbed now!

  168. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#146): Major… Hoople? Are you a fan of Our Boarding House?

  169. Black Drazon
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    In an effort to further distance themselves from the actual Judge Parker, JP the strip will now be removing judging from their content as well, with the exception of the judging at Paris fashion shows.

  170. Karen
    June 18th, 2010 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Good thing Mary isn’t bound by therapist-client confidentiality, so she can broadcast the news about her “friend’s” therapy to the entire enclave of Cornerstone.

    Boy, is it going to be awkward when Jenna and Dr. Mike try to have a conversation about the “one thing” they have in common.

    Jenna: So, you’re Bonnie’s therapist! I’m her financial advisor.
    Dr Mike: I can’t discuss my patients.

    Jenna: Hoo boy, is Bonnie messed up or what?!
    Dr. Mike: I can’t discuss my patients, you stupid cow.

  171. Marthas Rolling Pin
    June 18th, 2010 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#168): See my nom de snark.

  172. bats :[
    June 18th, 2010 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Karen (#170):
    Jenna: I’m going to tell Mary that you’re talking mean to me.
    Dr. Roberts: damn, that Bonnie is a real train-wreck.

  173. Ruth
    June 18th, 2010 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Karen (#170):

    This is Santa Royale, remember? It’s a separate entity and newfangled ideas like confidentiality, HIPPA, and good taste haven’t yet caught on here.

  174. Marthas Rolling Pin
    June 18th, 2010 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#168): And you are evidently either almost as old a fart as me, or you have an awesome collection of old Boys’ Life magazines.

  175. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 18th, 2010 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Brooke, in that pose, showing off her ankles and those pert breasteses, is totally turning me on.

  176. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

  177. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#174): I’m a “senior” who has a lot of good (mostly) childhood memories. And some of those memories include Rocky Stoneaxe, The Tracy Twins and Pee Wee Harris from Boy’s Life!

  178. bartcow
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    “It’s around 150 pounds, depending on the country! I mean, if we’re talking about the fatties in Papua New Guinea or Albania, then I’d up it a bit. Those stick figures from Belgium are gonna throw off your data a bit, though.”

    Seriously, I look to Judge Parker for culturally insensitive plot lines. You let me down this time, JP. You let me down.

  179. bats :[
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#176): no, you don’t hate yourself — Baka Gaijin hates you.

  180. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#179): Maybe I’ll send him some Potato-Aid-Ade™. A whole vat.

  181. Yort
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who expected Brook’s attacker in panel two to be yelling “Avada Kedavra?”

  182. The Right Duke of Milan
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#177): I’m no oldster, but I recall all that stuff from Boy’s Life. I don’t think it’s the most cutting-edge of publications. BTW, my favorite were the “Pool of Fire” comics.

  183. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Yort (#181): That idiot would get mixed up and yell “Colloportus” and all the doors would lock.

  184. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

  185. cj
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    I got it! The strip must be a cautionary peyotl-induced vision showing Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito that being hopelessly single because no one else would have them is still preferable to decades of enmity and ennui.

    “Blackbelt Brook Breaks Black-Haired Beach Bum in Byway Beatdown”

    “Sure, feel free to hand out my sensitive contact information to any stranger you feel like.”

  186. Austria
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Adjuster (#122): I’m totally calling it Funky Schamversagentod from now on. Actually, that’s quite the mouthful….maybe I’ll shorten it to Schamtod. Funky Totenhosen?

    MW: It’s not a seizure, it’s just more anime. Anime characters like to wink randomly. Trust me on this.

    RMMD: Bimbo Karate is all well and awesome, but is anyone else craving some J. Elhew Bisbee Karate? C’mon, I can’t be the only one.

  187. Austria
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:33 pm [Reply]


  188. Baka Gaijin
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#180): That vat of Potato-Aid/Ade is what proof? I hope at least 80 so I can flambe those free-range clowns. Fwoosh, AIEEEEE! sizzle sizzle sizzle.

    PS: @bats :[ (#179), you’re right.

  189. Pucacodog
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    Gawker is intruding on your turf. Get Judge Parker on the case pronto.

  190. Écureuil Écumant
    June 18th, 2010 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    JP: May I suggest the best way to test that anorexic shoe heel is to remove the right rear wheel of Neddie’s Sophie’s ride and see if the shoe will support the weight of an average American woman’s car’s hindquarters.

  191. Islamorada Girl
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    According to some stat I read somewhere, the average American woman is a size 14 and wears a size 10 shoe. Marilyn Monroe was a size 16.

    I’ve been in the hospital for two weeks, recovering from pneumonia, so maybe I dreamed this under the influence of drugs I probably would have loved in the 60′s, but I’m pretty sure it’s true.

  192. Écureuil Écumant
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @28 Drew Funk said:

    More disturbing than Jenna’s facial tics is that either the circus has inexplicably pitched their tent at the Charterstone Pool Party, or there is a UFO floating over the heads of the poor attendees who can only look up in horror.

    I’m going with B, because I don’t think anyone has evah pitched a tent in “Mary Worth” and I can’t see any reason why they’d break such a historic streak.

  193. dale
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker

    When strength is a consideration, you don’t design for the average.
    The starting point (or “first step” – insert Mad Magazine Hoo! Hah! here) is the worst case. Then include a large safety factor.

    I read somewhere that elevator manufacturers test to 3 times the rating and build to 10 times the rating. (BP joke goes here)

    OTOH, maybe this ad campaign would work: Our product should be purchased only by ladies who are attractive and of slender build.

  194. zerowolf
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    MW: Did Sarah Palin mistake the Charterstone Pool Party for a Tea Party?

  195. zerowolf
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: If think her shoelaces just came out his mouth.

  196. zerowolf
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Does the scene at Ruby’s place involve, Blaze, a sling, three underage male prostitutes, and a banana? If not, there is no way it will top the coming bloodbath at 3G.

  197. zerowolf
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    FC: Silly Billy, Father’s Day means that Father Pete O’Phile gets to play with you all day.

  198. monsieurjohn
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Mary looks just like Gollum in panel one. “May I have… the precious? The email address? THE PRECIOUS!”

  199. zerowolf
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    GT: Memo to the Jefferson coach: Get a firstbase player that uses her glove to catch the ball….

  200. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#197): rofl, and a response.

  201. giraffe-o
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    Shouldn’t Brook’s battle cry be “Hai-YAAA!”, and leave the “AIIEEEEE!” to Spider-Man?

  202. The Ridger
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    So now, I’m only wondering two things.

    One: How did Brook lose that money in the first place? Can she only perform kung-fu marvels when she’s being watched? Or is only when she’s being watched by June?

    And two: Has the Phantom always had that schnozz? It’s Durante-esque!

  203. littlestevie
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I know June is thinking that Brook has much to learn. Brook can only castrate men if she kicks them in the oompa-loomps, while June can castrate with only her icy glare.

    MW: I thought Jenna was channeling her inner Helen Clark in P3. A little too much potato-ade perhaps?

  204. The Ridger
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @H-Bob (#88): It was Kinky Boots, and I was thinking that exact thing: I was imagining Sam swishing down the catwalk in Milan just as in that movie!

  205. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

  206. Écureuil Écumant
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#202): The Phantom’s phiz is, indeed, surpassingly strange today. Looking at that bloated nose and flattened cranial vault, I’m wondering if his fontanels never closed and that tight luchador mask is squeezing his CSF down into his schnoz.

  207. The Ridger
    June 18th, 2010 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @H-Bob (#88): Although, was that a BBC movie? Because I saw it in the theater here. Hilarious, by the way.

  208. The Ridger
    June 18th, 2010 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    Guys, what’s with the hate for 150-lb women? The Army lets 5’2″ women be 140 (or did when I was in). Ease up on the media-fed obsession with tiny, skinny people!

  209. The Ridger
    June 18th, 2010 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#135): I read at the Chron, and King Feautres comics show up just fine.

  210. This Guy
    June 18th, 2010 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#155): It’s doubly perplexing since I know for a fact that Gary Larson drew some parrots this guy could have traced.

    @Austria (#186): RE: MW: Except that the average anime is fucking photorealistic compared to this shitfest, and I’m including Leiji Matsumoto in that calculation. Ooh, ooh! Theory No. 3: Giella is an American sympathizer with the Japanese “Superflat” art movement, and his aim is to ruthlessly deconstruct the traditional tropes of anime design and the moe aesthetic by applying them to his Godawful, hideous Stepford characters.

    (Was that too inside?)

  211. This Guy
    June 18th, 2010 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#209): Yeah, it’s a bit of a poser. I’m not sure my sleep-deprived brain is up to arriving at a solution today. At least I managed to read the one KFS comic that I look to for unironic enjoyment.

  212. Baby-Sat\'s Revenge
    June 18th, 2010 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Look at Mary’s eyes in panel one–she’s obviously “scanning” Jenna. What we’re seeing in panel two is not a stroke; it’s the involuntary muscle movements that happened right before Jenna’s head exploded.

  213. Fashion Police
    June 18th, 2010 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    We are not as well-versed as we should be, perhaps, in the details of proper shoe construction. However, we were under the impression even the skinniest stiletto had a metal rod embedded in the center for strength. One would think that a designer as talented as M. Jules is purported to be might have educated himself a little more thoroughly in production techniques before he committed himself to dispalying his wares in Milan. Especially as he has not appeared to bother honing his skills in, say, Ljubljana. That is not unlike going to Broadway without seeing if it plays in Peoria.

    While the signs do point to Mr. Driver indulging a long-held fantasy by emulating Mr. McEldowney’s exercise in shoe fetishism, the prospect of his jamming his size 44 foot into a 36 seems somewhat implausible, as does M. Jules crafting his prototypes in a size Mr. Driver could handle.

  214. Comcis Fan
    June 18th, 2010 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Ruth (#173):

    HIPAA doesn’t apply here. Mary, despite her delusions of grandeur, isn’t a professional, and there is not yet a Meddling Information Portability and Privacy Act.

  215. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    150 lbs? That’s how much I weighed when I got married and I’m six feet no inches tall. My wife was 102 lbs at the time and she’s five foot three inches.

    Ah, yes. Those were the days.

  216. archikvetch
    June 18th, 2010 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Jules trembles a bit; he can now safely realize his dream to strut around in those leather pumps. Just to test them, right? Now of course he wishes he had added those kicky straps…

  217. ElkMeadow
    June 18th, 2010 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#154):

    It isn’t funny, doesn’t try to be, is reasonably well-drawn, and therefore isn’t snarkworthy.

    So could the same be said of Little Orphan Annie? (RIP-arf!)

  218. bunivasal
    June 18th, 2010 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    I gotta tell you, kid, we should weight test these things. Because if someone sues you, as your lawyer I gotta tell you, we won’t have a leg to stand on. Just like your clients, after she breaks her legs wearing your awful shoes.

  219. Duke of Earl Grey
    June 18th, 2010 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    I haven’t been keeping up with this Rex Morgan storyline. Could someone please tell me why John Kerry is holding Brook at knifepoint?

  220. UncleJeff
    June 18th, 2010 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    Love Is…: “The special pain of living on, alone.” WTF?
    How many Little Naked Guys have died in this panel strip?
    We’ve seen several gravesites and other panels like this one that have had everything but the ol’ Death Cat rubbing up against LTG’s nether region.
    And how are they leaving this mortal coil?

  221. Citric
    June 18th, 2010 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#164): Mr. Wilson is deciding to do something this moment, but I’m pretty sure he wants the authorities nowhere near.

  222. curlyfries
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#191): Get better soon – you’ve been missed! Now for the bad news:

    The average American women is a size 14, but the “average” shoe size is a 7-8 (10 is the average in men’s shoes). Your Marilyn data is off, due to a few factors. The concept of “designer” labels and sizing has skewed things, so todays size 10 is much smaller than the ’50′s version of a size 10. MGM claimed she was 5’5″ and 118 lbs, 36D bra size, 37-23-36. (*) While this might have been true early on when she made Niagara (1953), her weight was a barometer of her emotional and physical health. She’s pretty zaftig in The Prince and The Showgirl four yeals later- no way is there a mere 118 lbs poured into that dress (and girdle). Take a look at Some Like It Hot, two years after that – she’d just had a miscarriage and is much bigger. Two years later in The Misfits (1961) she’s much slimmer. (*)

    At her height, I’d say, by today’s standards, she was probably an 8 earlier and about a 10 (12, tops) later on.

    @The Ridger (#208): Yay for Christia Hendricks! And you should see all the approval for Padma Lakshmi’s very ripe post-baby form on Top Chef D.C.

  223. MWDG
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    MW…if there was a way on this godforsaken planet to send a comic strip character to some sort of horrific concentration camp…I vote to send that ultraBITCH Mary Worth. She looks absolutely demented in the first panel of this strip…She cannot wait to violate HIPPA (probably the most important law in the US.) Although bloated Bonnie and her closet case huband Ernie are probably the laughingstock of Charterstone…this does not give Mary and her puppeteer, Karen Moy, the right to violate medical law.
    Mary knows nothing about Dr. Roberts and perhaps he is some sort of serial murderer or cannibal. Given Jenna’s “fashion” choices she appears to be moderatly to severly retarded..I would not be surprized if this adult woman often walks around in severly soiled underwear. Karen Moy…I beg you to bring back sophisticated plotlines like Toby’s DVD fisaco …solved by Terry Bryson!

  224. MrP
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Regarding the Rex Morgan action scene: “Oof”? “Oof” is not the word you utter when some martial arts chick kicks you in the family jewels. No, “Oof” is… a brilliant understatement. It’s good to see that even knife-wielding druggies can keep their sense of irony going even when experiencing extreme pain.

  225. tb4000
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    Off-topic, but I caught Toy Story 3 earlier, and while excellent as it is, I could swear Batiuk wrote some of the script. If you’ve seen it, you know what I mean.

  226. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Duke of Milan (#182): Sorry, I don’t remember Pool of Fire unless it was the strip with Incan(?) Indians. Do you remember a sci-fi strip in BL called Space Conquerors?

  227. curlyfries
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#213): Thank you, Voice Of Reason.

    M. Jules should be crafting his own heels if he’s even halfway serious about showing in Milan, rather than buying a commercial pre-molded heel and attempting to grind it down to get a workable prototype – after they’re already attached to the shoe!! Seriously, is he planning to do this with every pair that’s ordered? You’re quite right, there is a metal tube in the center of a stiletto heel to take care of the load-bearing factor, (which these thick, clunky numbers are most decidedly not) and it’s usually embedded in wood for the prototype, because wood can be easily shaped to meet the planned specs, WHICH ARE PRECISE AND DESIGNED ON PAPER BEFORE YOU START MAKING THE SHOE IN THE FIRST PLACE JUST SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO BACK AND GUESS AT RETROFITTING EVERYTHING 27 TIMES! When you get to the actual manufacturing phase, the heels are generally made of dense styrene plastic, which is molded around the tube.

    And don’t let Sam near a grinding wheel – so far all he’s done is grind down the height of the heel, which is not really the desired objective here. He needs a course in tool use, and Jules needs 5 years of apprenticeship to a decent cobbler before he attempts to design anything more in a field he knows not a damn thing about. Andy Warhol “designed” shoes, too, but even he knew his limits.

  228. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#184): Is she a comic character? I know “Millicent” is supposed to be Barbie (the doll) Robert’s middle name, but she’s the only Millicent I can recall offhand.

  229. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#191): Welcome back to Snarkcom! We saved you a place at the table!

  230. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#208): Amen to this. So many people today seem to obsess over one specific “ideal” and deride anything outside of it. Hell, a lot of guys today can’t seem to tell the difference between a woman with a stocky build and one with actual weight problems. Gah.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#228): Well, there’s Millicent Mehitabel Mudd of the late lamented Ozy & Millie, but that’s quite a bit newer, so I doubt that’s what’s being discussed…

  231. sugarpie
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace “Okay Mr. Wilson, drop the soap and spread ‘em. We both know that ol’ prostate ain’t gonna palpate itself, don’t we?”

    Due to a horrifying series of work emergencies and domestic catastrophies I’ve been away from the CC for some months. I’ve barely had time to look at any comics, and without the CC even those few lacked much flavor.

  232. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#137): Blast Luann for showing up and calling Puddles “Pud”. I’ve been calling Rusty “Pud” because it’s the name of the Dubble Bubble kid -and- a slang term for the male genitilia. So of course Luann has to show up and confuse the issue talking to that cartoon afterbirth she calls a dog.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#228): I mentioned Millicent a few days ago, in a comment to you. She was an elephant in single-panel gags in the joke page at the back of each issue of Boy’s Life.

  233. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#228): Millicent the Elephant. The only comic on the “jokes” page in Boy’s Life. At least back in the late 50′s and early 60′s when I read it. When I got a copy of Boy’s Life life the “joke” page was the first thing I read. And there was Millicent giving the latest one-panel comic of the month usually something about peanuts. I remember thinking it was strange to have a comic about a female elephant in a boy’s magazine.

    Oddly enough, I could find only a couple of obscure references to Millicent and Boy’s Life on the web. Even the Boy’s Life web site was silent on the subject. I did find a picture of a plush toy of the dear elephant. Poteet will be happy to know the elephant now resides in Iowa.

  234. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#126): We were discussing the ultra-kinkiness of Wonder Woman creator WILLIAM MOULTON MARSTON in an earlier thread, and I just picked up another book on Marston at my local library. It’s called The Lie Detectors by Ken Alder, and yes, it’s a history of the lie detector, the device used to measure a person’s guilt or innocence. Before Moulton created WW, he was instrumental (pun intended!) in the development of the polygraph. Recommended!

    (Did you know there was a Wonder Woman COMIC STRIP published during WWII?)

  235. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#232): I should have read your post before writing Rocky about Millicent the Elephant.

    Luann has been calling “Puddles” “Pud” for many years.

  236. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#233): Back in the 70s, National Lampoon did “Boy’s Real Life,” a hilariously sordid parody on you-know-what, complete with ads for BB guns (guaranteed to put an eye out) and airplane glue, with the comics section and the “Think and Grin” page (here called “Lad’s Laff”) and a parody of Millicent called Mildred, showing a couple of zoo guards discussing her as she sits on the toilet: “Sure she’s mad. You’d be mad too if you had to wipe with your nose.”

    For a while during the time I subscribed to it, they dispensed with Millicent and ran comics submitted by readers. Some of them were, in fact, pretty good.

  237. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#235): Yes, but she’s also been ignoring the little troglodyte most of the time, too. As well she should. His design is totally out of sync with the rest of the strip now. He’s like a cartoon in a semi-cartoon world.

  238. EctoBiologist
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    I just love how the thug manages to stab so hard he hits himself in the future.

  239. Sequitur
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#237): This is true. When Greg Evens revamped his drawing style of Luann several years ago he changed everyone except Puddles.
    “Pud” looks like he should be in Beetle Bailey as Otto’s love slave.

  240. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 18th, 2010 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#233): It’s strange, but I don’t remember Millicent the Elephant. Especially since I loved the joke page! I read every issue cover-to-cover, including a nature/arts/crafts feature by Hank Chapman. The art on the latter reminded me a bit of Ed Dodd’s work on Mark Trail. Did you know Dik Browne did the art on Pee Wee Harris and the Tracy Twins? I heard Browne had to give them up when Hagar the Horrible became a big success!

  241. commodorejohn
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#237): Puddles looks like someone’s grotesque caricature of “funny animal” character design. Everything about him is an off-putting hodgepodge of shapes that only vaguely suggest the body parts they’re intended to represent. I’ve said the same about Farleyedgar in FOOB before, but Puddles is orders of magnitude worse.

  242. Toby Bartels
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    Ah, no, they’re separated by two degrees: What’s-her-name to Bonnie, then Bonnie to what’s-his-name. (Or, as several have pointed out, what’s-her-name to Mary, then Mary to what’s-his-name.) When they finally meet and know each other, then they’ll be separated by only one degree.

    I’m sorry, I’m a math teacher and school’s out, so I have to get in my daily dose of numerical pedantry somewhere.

  243. Anonymous
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    @Jasper (#107): Well, I’m certainly not among the heaviest of women, and I’m 160. Height has a lot to do with it.

  244. Anonymous
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#208): You go girl!

  245. DaveyK
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Rex Morgan made me realize that before I started reading Comics Curmudgeon, if you had asked me whether Spider-Man or Rex Morgan was more adept at depicting the kinetics of a fight and making it an exciting visual experience, I would have unhesitatingly answered “Must be Spider-Man, of course.” That was before I started to read Spider-Man on a regular basis and realize that the correct answer is “Rex Morgan of course.”

  246. Poteet
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#233): Thanks for the news! I’ll keep my eye out for her.

  247. Poteet
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    JP — The TALE OF TWO CITIES shoemaking scene was much more upbeat and interesting, even though the guy making the shoes was temporarily insane.

    RMMD — “Ooof!” is oddly understated, considering he’s just had his nuts crushed.

  248. Poteet
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:10 am [Reply]


    FW — Is Funky an alcoholic who shouldn’t drink? Or do I have him mixed up with another FW character who shouldn’t drink and did? And why do I even want to know?

    MT — Putting aside the question of how the hell a lost dog rates a news story, I’d be interested in how it reads. “Trail reported that the dog was hit by a vehicle shortly after Trail and his son let the dog run loose without a collar near a highway so it could chase a rabbit through the wildlife refuge. ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time!’ Trail remarked cheerfully.”

  249. Comcis Fan
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    FW: Really? This is where he’s going again? Yawn.

    MW: Mary pretends to grin cheshirely to cover that she’s actually picking pool-party sandwich greens from her teeth. And speaking of sandwiches, in the background, Wilbur appears to be mesmerized by the towering presence of a fellow partygoer.

  250. Comcis Fan
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    FW: Actually, having Funky go on a self-destructive alcoholic bender would lift the tone of the strip. Which reminds me, where is Wally?

  251. Comcis Fan
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Dagwood channels Mary Ann from “Gilligan’s Island.”

  252. Sister Sestina
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    I can’t decide whether Mary Worth is cackling with maniacal glee or about to vomit. I know all too well which option is MY reaction.

  253. This Guy
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#250): Off working at Hideous Despair Pizza and NOT going on a killing spree.

  254. curlyfries
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#250): My guess is that Wally’s in the wings, waitiing to take his turn on the stage of Funky’s Blame Game All-Star Revue.

    So far Funky’s blamed his mentor, Tony Montoni, for holding him back; “greedy amoral morons” for the failure for his underfunded/overexpanded stale cardboard ‘n’ grease pizza franchises; Cory’s teachers for his son’s delinquency and amorality; his DNA for not letting him drink socially; and life in general for specifically fucking him up the ass while letting everyone else have what they want. So I figure having to put his dad in a home and feeling guilty and despondent enough to hit the bottle will be Wally’s fault, simply because everyone else but Les has already had their turn in the barrel. If Wally weren’t such a crappy nephew to his dad he’d help more, especially since he no longer has a wife and children to occupy his busy PTSD breakdowning time. And if Funky wasn’t employing him so he could keep an eye on him and delay the inevitable cancer meltdown he’d be able to devote more time to his dad. So now, because dad has choices, Funky will be double-damned if he’ll be denied something the old man has. Line ‘em up, barkeep.

  255. Citric
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean’s slow descent into alcoholism. Can’t wait until the cirrhosis of the liver storyline!

  256. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Back at the alley, Brook and June stand around and talk about Brook’s college days while Thug gets rearmed. Or disarmed, as fortunately Bud isn’t all that interested in how Brook spent her time between classes.

    I’d say something about how stupid the Mary Worth strip is, but I just got done going through Sue Lowden’s chickens-for-health care stuff at Youtube. Once again, real life trumps anything that fiction dreams up; not even 9CWL could come up with something so flooring.

    I know another doctor who works at the hospital emergency room. Oh, yeah, guy’s cut an artery on his arm, and she’s not going to see him until he agrees to change the oil on her car and paint her garage. Woman having a baby and needs a C-section? Gee, how many times can that garage get painted? I don’t want to know what a transplant would cost. (An arm and a leg. Duh.) Unfortunately, I can see the Tea Party embrace her as one of their own. And it’s Nevada’s call. For all I know, their are residents of Battle Mountain, Elko and Winnemucca who have for their doctors those who served good old-fashioned apprenticeships instead of wasting time at med school and who would gladly send a “message” to Washington D.C. and the nation.

    I call that this Lowden idea is so stupid, even Duke at Doonesbury won’t touch it.

  257. Farley's Revenge
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#73): How about Rammstein, Doobie Brothers, and Yanni?

  258. CanuckDownSouth
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    In my wildest dreams, I envision the Meddled Worth overly-gleeful financial advisor meeting the oddly-upfront-about -his-love-life doctor, each leaving even further confirmed and strengthened in the view that love* is not for them, to go on happily with their lives.

    Mary’s would have an aneurysm.

    * or at least Charterstone’s strange view of romance

  259. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#191):

    the average American woman is a size 14 and wears a size 10 shoe

    And yet try to find a size 10 shoe. Most shoe lines stop at size 9, very rarely can you find size 10, especially at fashion shoe stores. Larger sizes are the most hideous things at Pay Less shoe stores and Wal-Mart.

    And as for clothing, going by the sizes of 00, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16. Above 16 and you’ve got to trot over to “Women’s” with it’s limited collection of circus tents (none which fit me, and I’m not going to have breast reduction surgery just to fit the “norm”).

  260. curlyfries
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    9CWL: If I carry my old sorority pin around in my purse for auld lang syne, does that mean I can’t ever join any new organizations as long as I live?

    A3G: If that “whole gang” of Tommie’s friends includes more than two people, one of whom is the guy who just delivered the Chinese takeout, we’ll be the ones who’ll be surprised.

    MT: How, by all that is holy, can we be living in a world where Sassy has only been missing for a day, yet her picture and reward are in an insta-published newpaper – but women under the age of 75 are named “Mildred”?

    RMMD: I forget who mentioned (was it yesterthread?) that if Brook’s such a badass tackle, karate student, and hand stomper, how the hell did this yutz mug her in the first place, but I really love you for that. Not enough to clean out your garage or anything, but you know what I mean.

  261. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#258):

    love* is not for them, to go on happily with their lives.

    Oh, but they’re not happy being single. Mary Worth knows so.

  262. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#256):

    Correction: …there are residents….

    Bedtime for Babs.

  263. This Guy
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    DT: This had better be leading up to an Homeric punchline: “Ms. Hagface, to what do you attribute the failure of your play?” “Nothing!”

    FW: A vodka and orange? Did Funky liquidate all the remaining assets of Montoni’s and fly to England to get hammered? I remember watching the “Waldorf Salad” episode of Fawlty Towers for the first time and not really knowing why Basil thought the American guests wanted tools.

    H&J: Every piece of art that Bentley has used this week has looked damned familiar, but since his jokes are all so generic, I have no idea whether these are reruns or just clip-art with “new” dialogue.

    ReFOOB: Another feeble attempt to wrangle humor from the everyday misunderstandings of children, or another of Lynn’s digs at working mothers? You make the call!

    TAS: Back to tracing old Far Side cartoons. NEXT!

    H&L: Not pictured: Trixie thought-ballooning “I wish I could hate you to death.”

    RWO: I would have thought that any strip combining a Star Trek reference with a Muppets reference would be instant win, but… not so much.

    6C: I’m not sure this new “Badly Drawn Excerpts from Edwardian Theatre” format is going to take off.

    Marm: That ain’t water.

    Crock: Those ain’t sand crabs.

    DtM: “Well, if we don’t have any steaks, ask that Mr. Dahmer next door if he’ll give you some from that big freezer of his.”

    Dilbert: As Crowley said to the Contracts Department, “Learn, guys.”

    (KFS comics are back for me. Damned if I know why, since I didn’t really do anything.)

  264. Marion Delgado
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    June: Rex, can you take Art-school Boy out golfing – for about a month? I think I’ve found my garage cleaner! *swoon*

    ASB: But I already cleaned and painted the garage! And I don’t like golfing!

    Rex: I thought they taught subtext in art school!

  265. Jason1981
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    RMMD: First the mugger experienced the strength of Bimbo Karate. Now, he’ll feel the wrath of Hobo-jutsu! Is this fallen thug finished? Or will the trio have to resort to the deadly force of June Morgan Muay Thai? Find out, next strip, on Dumpster Rangers…er, Rex Morgan M.D. !

    Popeye: ….Anyone else think this plan is going to backfire?

    Phantom: “And don’t record me with that thing. I look horrible on camera! Even the new costume in my SyFy tv series doesn’t help! ”

    S-M: “Jealous? That’s silly. I mean, just because he has a sh*load of money, and because Jameson doesn’t trash him in the Bugle, and because he’s better at being a hero than me, and has you making comments about how wonderful he is, that doesn’t mean I’m jealous!”

  266. curlyfries
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#259): Seriously, have you tried Zappos? Size 16 dress pumps available, no lie. OK, they’re probably for transsexual men, but still. Paris Hilton wears an 11, and she has to shop somewhere, right?

    Anyway, the lack of size 10s in the stores is because 7 (and now 8) is the average size – size 10 is the average size for men, not women. Stores generally stock one pair of size 10′s for every 5 or more of those sizes in each style, which is why you don’t see a huge selection of remaindered size 10s at the end of a season.

  267. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#266):

    You lost me at Zappos. I’ve never heard of it before. Thanks. *Goes to Google.*

    I do know that when the local Big Boxe Stores puts out their newest women’s tee-shirts that the largest sizes (sizes 26 or 28) are gone within a day, if not hours, and the rest of the season the shelves are over-stocked with smalls and mediums. Unless they’re the hideous froo-froos that one wouldn’t be caught dead in at a dog fight, then it’s the other way around. Hideous looks cute on the anorexic.

  268. Farley's Revenge
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I’m surprised Stabby McKnife is able to move at all, let alone go for his shiv, after Brook shoved his nuts into his throat.

    “You just don’t learn, do you, boy?” would look great on a T-shirt.

    MW: In the last panel, I’d say Mary is daintily popping the last of Jenna’s soul into her mouth. Now she’s off to find some fava beans and Chianti for the next part of her plan.

  269. Farley's Revenge
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#267): I recently ordered a pair of running shoes for the elder offspring from Zappos. He wears a size 10DDDD, which tends to be tough to find off the rack.

  270. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#266):

    I went ahead and looked at the Zappos. My shopping there is going to have to wait until After The Recession. I did go ahead and checked out employment, etc., including their Don’t Ever Click Here site. Sheesh, you think I’d learn.

  271. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#114):

    And if all heels were subject to legal scrutiny for the damage they might cause their wearers

    Forget the wearers–think about the damages they do to hardwood floors!

  272. Push Trot
    June 19th, 2010 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#260): RMMD: Well, you know the old saying: Mug me once, shame on you; mug me twice, eat asphalt, bitch!

  273. Ed Dravecky
    June 19th, 2010 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#270): Only my deep admiration for the obvious craftsmanship of that work and my unreasoning affection for the character involved is keeping me from calling in a Predator drone strike on your location.

  274. curlyfries
    June 19th, 2010 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    @Farley’s Revenge (#269): 10DDDD? Are you Jeremy from Zits‘s mom?

    @ElkMeadow (#270): Free shipping AND returns up to a year, so suck it, Macy’s, with your crappy 6 months limit. My mom has a very narrow foot and a lot of stores don’t carry so much as a AA width, so that’s how I know this site. Their stuff does go on sale, so I suppose you could buy early to get your size and either get an adjustment or just rebuy if they stil have it in stock when the sale rolls around. The merch is good quality – unfortunately, if you have a hard to fit foot, you do have to pay more to get what you want.

  275. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#274):

    Thanks. I’ll definitely bookmark this as size 9 womens is the tinest size in this family.

    @Ed Dravecky (#273):

    *checks for car bombs*

  276. Push Trot
    June 19th, 2010 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    Filthy banner ads! – oh, it’s just the first panel of Luann. “I M sooo bored! Are you loooking for a good time? Klick me!”

    Archie: Meet Jughead, the world’s least generous lover.

    Curtis: And why do his parents think he beats Barry?

    DtM: Well, metaphorically castrating your father while he’s trying some male bonding with you is a bit menacing, I guess.

    Gasoline Alley Really? ‘Cause I’ve wanted to call Ghostbusters since I was about eight years old. Dudaluda duda – Ghostbusters!

    GT: And now we know: Helen Clark started out as an unsuccessful softball coach.

    H&J: So yesterday it was accountants, today it’s lawyers. Ha ha, what imagination!

    MT: Tick tock …
    Hey, wait a minute! Evil McStache hasn’t left the comfy chair in all of this, how is he supposed to recognize a grainy picture of a puppy he’s never seen?

    MW: Again with the oddly stiff finger. What gives? Is it too much to hope for an incident involving Marvolo Gaunt’s ring?[*]

    Pluggers: A Plugger knows the modern world has left him far behind when his childhood idols are on CNN in a live police chase down the interstate.

    Popeye: It’s been confirmed. Popeye in a dress is still more sexy than Olive Oyl.

    I suspect Rex Morgan and Judge Parker are in the middle of a strip-based discussion of the improvement of female nature.
    “Women are beautiful creatures,” Judge Parker’s saying, “and by accentuating their beauty we are making the world a better place.”
    “Hogwash!” Rex Morgan fires back, “the essence of women can’t be improved by wrapping them in fashionable clothes and trinkets. If we ‘shoe’ the woman, as you suggest, are we not instead removing a part of her nature? No, let their beauty shine through the fiery passion of their hearts, not by accesories designed by men, and instead of forcing upon them the uncorfortable and restraining high heels, let them wear the more comfortable sneakers, giving them freedom of movement, and granting them the power to overthrow their oppressors.”
    Sure, they’re both objectifying women, but even the female cartoonists do that.

  277. BarFly!
    June 19th, 2010 at 3:43 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#259): hear ya, on that point….try being petite and woman’s and pretty much, a tent is all they’ll give ya…till I got that fancy sewing machine thingy. Now things are less tent shaped, and more woman shaped. But sewing is part math, and that’s always been my hobby….

    And right now, in the middle of probably is what a million observations/ruminations on 9CL:

    To whomever linked that unicorn story: Fuck you/Thank you. It was horrible and stupid, except for the “real job” part. As a professional Barfly, I’ve known non-traditional people who work in non-traditional jobs. And that whole “So what’s your real job” thing always grated on me. They play in a band…do they need anything more? That takes commitment and practice! As a professional drunk, who plays a very dedicated insurance salesperson during the day, I do not profess to think I know someone else’s duties during any 24 hour period. People who answer “I dance ballet” get as much respect as “I manage 28 employees at a law firm”. But that’s why I’m the Barfly, and they’re not — all answers to “what do you do” are met with equal respect. I can sing worth a damn but I can also go into the finer points of the insurance policy, because people are not cookie cutters.

  278. athena
    June 19th, 2010 at 3:46 am [Reply]

    3G: Tommie has a roomful of friends! Who knew?

    FW: Financial woes, dementia, and falling off the wagon, all in one week. Yup, they’re called “the funnies” for a reason…

  279. curlyfries
    June 19th, 2010 at 4:00 am [Reply]

    @BarFly! (#277): 9CWL Unicorn link, that was me, fuck you very much heeheehee. You read McEldowney’s pretentious maunderings very much at your peril, as the Surgeon General obstinately refuses to put a dislaimer on them that they’re hazardous to your health.

    I wholeheartedly agree with you about the rest, but I think the “real job” concept mostly comes from disbelief – and envy – that some people get to achieve the Robert Frost ideal of having their vocation and their avocation in one…uh… fardel. Unfortunately Brooke immediately undoes the “work” part of the concept by showing Kiesl with unlimited time on his hands until he deigns to stroll by the Met to grace the public with his operatic stylings at about 8-ish. Or maybe 9.

  280. BarFly!
    June 19th, 2010 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    And speaking of cookie cutters(because I’m on a drunken rant), for the (same, I think) person who linked to the archive of 9CL’s terrible plot – same thing. You know, if Brook had pegged his characters down a notch or two, that would be okay. “Oh, I was engaged to Bill, but he left me for some cushy job” or “I love you, but I love my country, and I will take the country’s honor over yours”…in that, they weren’t dead to each other, but broke up over fundamental differences, Brooke could still run the same fucking story, however improbable it is. I cannot believe for those ten years, NO ONE told her where he was or why. That’s needlessly cruel and inhumane.

    And as for the eternal virgin, that’s a stretch. Especially during the after-war years. She couldn’t have met and broken up with a thousand more suitors afterwords? Really? It would have made for a far more compelling story had she known he was alive, and had, for whatever reason, rejected her. The whole “ten years later, she fucked a Nazi” would have made far, far more sense and been far more interesting than where she ended up. In fact, it would have made it far more sensible! But apparently, we have to pretentious and shit, and make up a fairy tale Nazi story that rivals the original Grimm brothers for sheer horror; how dare her slippers are glass, they’re also broken shards, and Cinderella has to dance too. I’m not buying it. I’m not buying it because real life didn’t work that way.

    Oh, and just to make sure that the horrible ending of the horrible unicorn plot was over, I read a few panels more, and I never felt like punching someone like I did right then. Has Brooke been to college in last 15 years? I was in college from 2000-2006, and we addressed professors/TAs how they wanted to be addressed. Ms. So-and-So? Fine. Professor So-and-so? Fine. Firstname? Fine. We didn’t care. He’s writing from a time period that only existed in fevered minds, addressing concerns that have faded with time….

  281. BarFly!
    June 19th, 2010 at 4:17 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#279): I know it was at my peril, and I was at boring work, but still…one can be pretentious without being an asshole. I’ve known many of those. I’ve also known “I’m a deep asshole”, wherein I want to ask, “So if you’re sooooo deeeep, do you reach to the duodenum or just above it?”

  282. Just some guy
    June 19th, 2010 at 4:50 am [Reply]

    If that doesn’t work out, she can always date Kevin Bacon.
    Only 6 degrees at most.

  283. curlyfries
    June 19th, 2010 at 5:20 am [Reply]

    @BarFly! (#280): That was probably me as well. Even if it was the 40′s, the one thing anyone in a war theater will tell you is that you seized opportunity. Countless soldiers went to their deaths in the Great War without even seeing a woman naked, let alone having had sex. So when the second one came around, a great many women realized that chaste makes waste, and they weren’t going to make the same mistake their mothers did.

    This whole mess is basically a reworking of Casablanca, but with more virginity, purity and innocence, and without Claude Rains, which I think is a really sucky tradeoff. Brooke dearly loves smirky, yet wide-eyed, virginal innocence – only a virgin can tame a unicorn, after all. And it is an extremely valued commodity in this story. No one in paternal authority was going to tell Edie the truth that her preux chevalier still lived, simply because she wasn’t in any danger of giving Bill O’Malley’s promised, but yet unclaimed, prize away to anyone. Only when the prize is snatched (*) away is anyone stirred to action, and my bet is that Bill will make her miserable the rest of her life over it.

    But as for it being a “stretch” in the postwar years….you have to realize that was a pretty reactionary time when it came to societal attitudes towards women. Women who’d riveted together bombers and ships, and parked their kids in the factory daycare facility during the war, were now told their place was in the home cooking elaborate meals, having lots o’ kids, and caring for their families. Daycare so mommy can work? Never existed, and what’s more, you’re an unfit mother for even thinking about it. So even with the cold war spectre of Russia’s having the bomb and the idea that we could all die tomorrow, Good Girls were still supposed to Save It For Marriage. If the bomb worried you, you got married right away. And while a lot of men prided themselves on being sexually experienced, most of ‘em wanted (and thought they were getting) a virgin on their wedding night. Faced with math skills like that, I’d say that the bomb wasn’t the only postwar problem facing America.

    @BarFly! (#281): Esophagus is my guess. It’s not acid reflux, Mr. McEldowney, your head is crowning.

  284. Baka Gaijin
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:05 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Strips:

    Slylock Fox: Those are the wackiest looking nipples I’ve ever seen.

    Mary Worth: Looks like they had a bitchin’ sale at

    Buckles: What kind of cosplay is this leading up to? On second thought, don’t tell me.

    Spiderpoutychildman: MJ, give him his juice box and a baggie of Goldfish.

    Dilbert: Dilbert must work at Best Buy.

    The Better Half: It’s crazy. Today it’s exactly opposite of “The Lockhorns.”

  285. The Ridger
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:13 am [Reply]

    @Toby Bartels (#242): Hee hee – did you ever see a show called Evening Shade with Burt Reynolds as the football coach at a school in Arkansas, with the late and sorely missed Michael Jeeter as his best friend, who taught at the school too? There was an episode where two of the best football players failed their algebra test and were (gasp!) put on academic probation and forbidden to play in the game where the school might be able to actually win. Burt managed to get the principal to agree to letting them take a make-up test, so he and some other teachers joined forces to teach the kids math. At some point the quarterback rebelled, shutting his book and uttering the familiar plea: “Why do we have to learn this anyway? We’ll never use it!” Michael Jeeter, in his inimitable style, proclaimed: “I use algebra every day of my life!!!” Everybody turned and stared and he added, “Well, I am a math teacher.”

  286. The Ridger
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#259): Not to mention (as Ces Marcuiliano pointed out years ago in Sally Forth) unlike the men in America, all the women have the same size neck and arms!

  287. The Ridger
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#266): Indeed, ElkMeadow (#259), Zappo’s is wonderful. And they deliver really, really fast.

  288. The Ridger
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:41 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Blondie: If it’s chilly enough that Herb’s in a jackert, couldn’t Dagwood have worn one? No, the truth is, he wants to wear that scrimmage-style shirt. He must be getting desperate for Herb to acknowledge the truth of their relationship…

  289. The Ridger
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:41 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Blondie: If it’s chilly enough that Herb’s in a jacket, couldn’t Dagwood have worn one? No, the truth is, he wants to wear that scrimmage-style shirt. He must be getting desperate for Herb to acknowledge the truth of their relationship…

  290. Sgt Saunders
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    The comics world is spilling over into the natural world as Gawker has picked up on the most disturbing single panel DtM probably like in forever, OK? The bathtub sexytime episode where Dennis busts in on Mr. Wilson in the bath, asking if there is “room” for him. The single most jarring element to the panel is not a naked Mr. Wilson in the tub but rather the dive mask that Dennis is wearing. The element of foreshadowing has hardly been more ghastly than this. Our imaginations are left to conjure the horror of what Dennis will see beneath the surface of the dingy Wilson bath. My fingers refuse to type any further sordid details of the most disgusting encounter since LuAnn’s, well, since LuAnn.

  291. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 19th, 2010 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#270): Zappo? Wasn’t he one of the Marx Brothers? (ducks)

  292. CanuckDownSouth
    June 19th, 2010 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#261):

    Oh, my wildest dreams include MW having enough psychological variation that it would be possible to have characters who are happy when single. I know this will never happen :-)

  293. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile in 3-H… Ari and Ruby continue to blather on about “a whole gang of Tommie’s friends” lying in wait for her at Ruby’s apartment. First of all, you just know Ruby is exaggerating the number of friends (Tommie has friends?) and second, Ruby’s “apartment” is actually a janitor’s closet on the third floor. (Which would explain why Ruby is always cleaning!)

    But what I’d really like to see is Frank Bolle doing a visual homage to the stateroom scene in the Marx Brothers’ A Night at the Opera. As soon as Tommie/Groucho opens the door to Ruby’s domicile — BOOM! — the whole cast of Apartment 3-G comes tumbling out!

  294. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    MC: meta, well played.

    For bats :[.

    other than that, I got nuttin’.

  295. KarMann
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#291): Duck Soup?

    @Sgt Saunders (#290): LuAnn is one of the lovely ladies of Apartment 3-G, but in this context, I think you meant the title character of Luann, right?

  296. NeveronaSunday
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#191): @ElkMeadow (#259): You haven’t been shopping in the right places/Internet/catalogues. There are all styles and sizes in a wide variety of fashionable shoes out there, like at Coward’s. ‘Plus size clothing’ has also evolved – moreso for women than men, actually. Roman’s, Lane Bryant, and the Avenue ain’t what they used to be. There are catalogues devoted especially to active, athletic women, larger-sized women, and not just an 18, but all the way along the size chart (one example is a catalogue called Junonia). There are ‘women’s sections’ in fashion-forward stores like Nordstrom. Top designers are seeing dollar signs in the market – large size folk’s money is just as good as smaller folk’s. It’s no longer a polyester bullet proof pants and circus tent world. I think the problem is one of self esteem and literal fashion training in this ‘larger people descrimination is the last accaptable prejudice’ world. (Sometimes comments on this board reflect a cruel attitude toward larger people OUTSIDE of the comic strip snarking. It’s obvious, and it hurts.) If thin women and men don’t feel they are good enough to dress nicely, or don’t know how to dress nicely, or where to shop for nice things (or have the budget to do so) they can look like small circus tents, too. People just don’t often say that out loud… to their faces… in hurtful ways… condemning the whole of thinner humanity as being anorexic nutjobs who have no control.

  297. dreadedcandiru2
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#52): What really irritates me is not just that Batiuk has no idea how things work, it’s that his characters handle the super-crazy no way tragedies that befall them in the stupidest manner possible. Just as Funky is about to down a “I can’t call it a screwdriver because people might think it’s a swear” because his dad wound up in the same home as Abe Simpson, Les isn’t handling being without Lisa well at all; he still thinks that she was serious about waiting 20 or 30 years to remarry and is living his life accordingly. Watch him get a heart attack when he sees the tape that has her say “I was joking, idiot!”

  298. dreadedcandiru2
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#254): I’m surprised that he hasn’t blamed Holly for “trapping” him in marriage with another man’s son yet; he probably wants to blame the collapse of Montoni’s New York on Cindy’s not thinking that his one-stoplight, stain-on-the-map hellhole hometown was good enough. The weird thing is that I don’t remember the kid he used to be so ready to blame other people for his own stupidity, malice and greed.

  299. Hi There
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Funky had a little spring in his step: he had finally ditched his horrible father. Locked up in a retirement home, Old Man Winkerbean would no longer terrorize Funky’s dreams. To celebrate this moment, Funky decided to class things up. Tonight, he wouldn’t drink fortified wine in a abandoned lot behind the local K-Mart. Instead, he would go to the Lounge and have screwdrivers until he crapped his pants.

    “Make it Smirnoff,” Funky told his favorite bartender Sneaky Pete. “I don’t want any of that Absolut crap. And don’t short me either.”

    “Yessir,” said Sneaky Pete. “But you know our rules.”

    “Yeah, yeah,” sighed Funky as he removed his watch. “This is a Timex. It’s worth at least $20.”

    Sneaky Pete looked at it carefully. “Alright, you’re on — $20 tab for the Funkmeister.”

    “Finest kind,” mumbled Funky, gulping down his drink.

    Secretly, he wished for some Mad Dog.

  300. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Deleted Dialogue in DtM: “…Dad says to look for ‘em under the dead hooker’s body!” (We know what you did last summer, Henry!)

  301. Brick Bradford
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    9CL: “Nothing has changed. I’m still stealing money out of your purse while I grope you”.

    A3G: “My apartment is full of Tommie’s friends”.
    “Her dolls don’t count, you know”.

    MW: Okay, this is just getting crazy now. Stop it!

  302. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Blue Funk: Off the wagon. Again. (Having a “Tab” isn’t such a bad idea, Funky. Or do they still make that particular beverage?)

    Family Circumcision: Dolly… you know as well as I do that your family lives in a monochromatic world. So put away the Crayolas, already!

  303. gleeb
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Fat failure Funky decides to slip off the wagon, so what does he order? A summer classic, like gin and tonic? Straight whiskey, for a man who wants to be face-down fast? Nope, he orders the kind of thing underaged girls drink because they “don’t like to taste alcohol”.

    Gil: Molly’s pitching would improve if she didn’t have a broken arm.

    H&L: Creepy appearance of an angry Trixie in the second panel, pissed because they didn’t consult her wishes.

  304. Crankshafts Funky Smelling Corpse
    June 19th, 2010 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @dreadedcandiru2 (#298): The whole strip is just such a train wreck at this point. How more awful could it possibly get? I’m sure we’re going to find out.

  305. TheDiva
    June 19th, 2010 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    DT: ….What do you mean maybe?

    FW: Is this an Ohio thing? Everyone I’ve ever met calls it a screwdriver. Whatever it is, how lame is it that it’s Funky’s choice for falling off the wagon? He even fails at being an alcoholic.

    MW: “Whether they like it or not!”

  306. The Ridger
    June 19th, 2010 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    I was going through some stuff and found an old FW I’d clipped out to save. It featured Funky and that kid he used to hang out with – what happened to him? Did he die? oh, wait: he turned into Les; worse than dying – at a baseball game. Funky decided to impress the pretty girls behind him by explaining the game, so he asked them if they wanted to know why the pitcher walked the bases full. And they lucidly explained the concepts of forced outs and increased probabilities of double plays. He told Les he couldn’t wait for football. it was funny – and yet, there were the seeds of a character who hates women who know more than he does and can’t manage a relationship of equals… was Batiuk was always planning this? And why did he have to suck all the funny out of it?

  307. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 19th, 2010 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Mother Goose & Grimm: Uh oh, Tinkerbell has a “going” problem! Does that make her a TINKLE BELLE? (ducks)

    Blondie: Dag and Herb are having their own private “tee” party — and no one else is invited. (Another golf joke? You’re “tee”ing me off, Young!)

  308. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#283):

    only a virgin can tame a unicorn, after all.

    Which gives us hope that we’ll never, ever see the beast again.

  309. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#306):

    My daughter is at college and some guy tried to hit on her at a gym by mentioning some current political event. She found herself describing how a bill becomes law to a political science guy who realized somewhere between the House and the Senate that he had a place he needed to be at.

  310. Thomas B.
    June 19th, 2010 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Yes Mary we all noticed that the end Jenna’s pony tail is the same color as her shirt, but it’s still very impolite to laugh about.


    Mary looks like she is having trouble keep hering Charterstone pool party crackers down; I guess Wilbur wore shorts afterall.

  311. John C Fremont
    June 19th, 2010 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    MW – I really wish Mary would put that thing away before she puts out another eye.

    PBS – Hey, Rat’s been hanging out at that Charterstone Pool Party!

  312. Thomas B.
    June 19th, 2010 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Perhaps the entire series of events in the Lochorns is viewed from the perspective of their 9 year old child Leon. Every strip is just a memory of poor Leon who had to bear quiet witness to the low grade hostility, binge drinking, womanizing, incompetent driving, ruined meals, and insults to comprise the relationship of his parents. What happens to a child with this sort of upbringing? Well he grows up memorizing the average weight of women in various countries and create the perfect high heel, so very unlike the kind his mother wore.

  313. Tom Allen
    June 19th, 2010 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns = “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolfe” / “Family Circus”.

  314. Amateur
    June 19th, 2010 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    MW: Wouldn’t it be hilarious if Jenna and the doctor loathed each other on sight?

  315. The Ridger
    June 19th, 2010 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Amateur (#314): Even funnier if their mutual torrid, painful, and litigious past was the reason they both know that love is not for them.

  316. UncleJeff
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Weren’t you really hoping that the guy pushing the wheelchair would flashback to the days when Beanball Bushka would sic the KKK on his ass…and just dump the old man, oxygen tank and all, in front of home plate?

    Stripey: And thanks for the help, kid. Now, you’re an accessory to a whole string of felonies that’s gonna keep you busy in court for the next several years.

    Funky: Hard life’s got ya down, Bunky? Forget that wimpy “vodka and orange.” Try Booze brand booze. Endorsed by Aldo Kelrast.

  317. John C Fremont
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    MT – I’m sure that Moustache Guy and Mildred do much, much more than read the paper and peek out the window all day, right? I mean, that can’t be all that they do, day after boring day. Right?

    Thank goodness we get our weekly nature lesson tomorrow. I can’t take this tension much longer.

    Also, Pluggers don’t quite understand how to flip off the television.

  318. Will
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Batiuk just can’t do subtle can he? His “heartwarming” stuff, like the oldtimers game in CS, is so cloyingly sweet as to put you in a diabetic coma. On the other hand, the “dramatic” stuff, like the FW storyline, is so hamfistedly grim it makes “Old Yeller” look like a lighthearted romp.

  319. Anonymous
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    MT: Apparently a VERY slow news day at Lost Forest. Half a page devoted to a reward for a LOST DOG? “His family is hoping for his safe return”, said Andy, a friend of the missing pooch.

  320. Rembrandt36
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    9CL: I kind of like today’s strip. Maybe it’s just me, but it feels like Keisl just pulled an “Oh Snap!” moment on the bitch.

  321. Islamorada Girl
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#259):

    Elk, Hi. This is totally off topic, but you can find fashionable, well- made, plus- size clothing in natural fabrics in catalogues like Land’s End, J.Jill and at dept. stores like Nordstrom’s. Yes, clothing that doesn’t look like it was made by Omar the Tentmaker is out there. Trust me. I’m a 16-18, I love clothes and I think I clean up pretty well. Since my best friend is 6′ and wears a size 12 shoe, I notice sizes, and most women’s shoes go to a 10 or even an 11. You just need to look around.

    Sorry. We now return you to your regularly scheduled snark.

  322. Filthy McNasty
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Either Dagwood is very secure in his masculinity or he has a very diferent idea in mind when he wants to play ‘Skins’ with Herb. Either way, Dagwood’s crop top is too disturbing for the comics page.

  323. Ronin08
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I’ve trained under three different Martial Arts schools, but I’ve never seen one that taught the simultaneous “block and destroy manlihood” technique.

  324. Islamorada Girl
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @NeveronaSunday (#296):

    What he/he said.

  325. Baka Gaijin
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#317) on Mark Trail: “I’m sure that Moustache Guy and Mildred do much, much more than read the paper and peek out the window all day, right? I mean, that can’t be all that they do, day after boring day. Right?” It got Gladys and Abner Kravitz through at least 6 years on Morning Glory Circle.

  326. odinthor
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Crank. — It’s called patronizing.

    GA. — Naw, it’s Elly from FBoFW.

    GT. — Oh noes! What a tragedy!—I mean that a school coach doesn’t seem to understand the concept of “It’s only a game.”

    JP. — I don’t recall Jules retaining Sam as his attorney. Sigh, they always leave out the action panels.

    Spidey. — Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, I love Frosty Dinner Dates™! Packed in beautiful ecologically-produced 16 oz. tubs in our modern plant in Fresno, they’ll have your guests stopping as they leave and saying, “Frances, you’re such a good hostess! I’m always going to serve Frosty Dinner Dates™ at my orgies dinner parties!”

  327. Écureuil Écumant
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @233 Sequitur said:

    I remember thinking it was strange to have a comic about a female elephant in a boy’s magazine.

    If you ever had inexplicable dreams in your boyhood about oofing a female elephant while in a pup tent, you wouldn’t find it so peculiar at all.

  328. Carly
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    I love that Mary thinks she knows the two people she just met well enough to hook them up. It’s okay, guys, you haven’t known each other that long but you can go ahead and get married, even. Mary knows what she’s doing!

  329. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: Hammy, is that you?

    Mary Worth: Charterstone’s Queen of Meddle wets her finger and tests for rain. (“My tried-and-true methods still work better than all that newfangled science!”)

  330. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    9CL – And he knows right where to dig for the pithy visual symbol. Nothing has changed: we’re still on the same script; page one billion and one.

    Dick – Crazy? Crazy? Yeah, crazy like a fox! A really stupid, ugly fox with teeny tiny little hands.

    Fred – Quit looking back at me like I’m sharing some kind of moment with me, dog. I’m not.

    Judge – So of course, Jules’s improvised safety precautions will be hailed as a dramatic new look, and signal a huge upsurge for the ailing orthopedic shoe industry. Supermodels will be wearing lumpy metal braces.

  331. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Mary – “Finger tag, Mary! You’re It!”
    “I choose… ME! No, I’m already It. I choose… GOD!”

    Non Seq – “Look in the window,” I said. “There’s windows on both sides. You could at least look inside.” But No-o-o-o-o.

    Pluggers – A plugger’s favorite action movie star was Wilford Brimley.

    R=R – My god, look how Rose towers over that puny wishing well. Is it shrinking? She’s head and shoulders above it. I hate to sound like a worry wart, but it’s not a tall well.

  332. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Spidey – Be ready for post-TV intimacy tonight, MJ, and try not to be upset if in the throes of passion, Pete yells out “Ooh! Ahh! Oh, NAMEless BIMbo-o-o!”

    Zippy – Wrong. He wrote, “Here Lies W.C. Fields: I would rather be living in Philadelphia” as an inscription for a gag headstone in Vanity Fair in 1925. That’s unless the article was written by an editor, but I choose to provisionally believe the bylines in the piece until proof is forthcoming

    @curlyfries (#266): Zappos are where I can get Vans in size 11-1/2. Just got my new pair this week.

  333. Écureuil Écumant
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    MT: I just knew Cue’s dad would show up one of these days. Grind, gears, grind.

    FW: I’m a bit surprised the bartender at Industrial Plumbing Supply & Lounge would even consider asking any of his clients whether they want to run a tab. The town oncologist certainly doesn’t bother.

  334. curlyfries
    June 19th, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#308): From your keyboard to God’s ear. Or eye. Whichever.

  335. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    JP: Jules is a shmigeggy.

    I am not sure futher imformation on shmigeggy can be found on the internet, although you can read about plenty of shmigeggies on the internet.

    If you don’t know from shmigeggies, ask me already.

  336. Baka Gaijin
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#331) on Rose is Rose: Ha ha. Great pun.

  337. commodorejohn
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Could any of Tommie’s “friends” be considered a “good surprise?”

    A.D. – It’s good to see that even three years after the Hart era, B.C. continues the tradition of baffling and vaguely unsettling jokoids.

    BB – I will never look at Beetle Bailey the same way again, not after yesterday.

    Crankshaft – I’d object to spending a whole damn week on what seems to be about two plays, but considering that the alternative is a week of regular Crankshaft strips, I’m actually kind of grateful.

    Crock – Okay, Crock is just fucking with us now, right?

    DT – I defy any reader unfamiliar with the Locher-Brozman Dick Tracy to make sense of this. Hell, even readers familiar with the strip have trouble with it.

    FW – HA HA!

    Liō – Okay, Tatulli, have you been reading The Perry Bible Fellowship?

    Luann – If you can’t keep yourself entertained for five measly days, you’re a very boring person. At the very least you could’ve dissected Puddles to see whether his organs are as bafflingly vague and oversimplified as the rest of him.

    MT – You know what I love about Mark Trail? I love way it treats the newspaper industry. One paper wants to run a story on a little girl who’s in the hospital with depression of the puppylessness, another thinks that a forest ranger offering a reward for his son…thing’s lost dog…thing is work a full article with a large picture. I love it, I do.

    MW – Have you ever had one of those experiences where you wish someone would just come right out and admit to what they think or believe, and then they do, and it’s infinitely worse than you could have imagined? Yeah.

    Pluggers – Pluggers disdain the young people who fear the approach of middle age, but don’t you dare try to tell the Pluggers that they’re getting older.

    Popeye – Well. I won’t be sleeping for another week or hundred.

    RMMD – Oh hell yeah. Can Brooke get her own strip now?

    SM – Gee, what tipped you off, MJ? Was it his excessive petulance, or his exaggerated pout?

  338. Mibbitmaker
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    possible actual spoilers hidden by [*]

    Cranky: A week with technophobia as the punchline.

    FW: Two false alarms. The “fooled ya, didn’t we?” strips are Monday (slightly Sunday), and Friday. And Batiuk earns the hatred of millions once again.

    JP: Neddy, updating some backstory, I guess. [*]

    MT: I don’t know what’s funnier — next week’s strips, or the potential hilarity for the following week! (all unintentionally, of course)

    MW: Help! Drowning….. in….. saccharine!!!

    Phantom: Just remember these words (from next Friday): “Kinda dumb”.

  339. Calico
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#338):
    Is FW going to be something like “Cheers”, when Sam loses his lucky bottle cap, and we all thought he was going to start drinking booze again?
    That scene was done very nicely-I can’t say the outcome for FW will be that way – perhaps Well-Done like an overcooked steak, rather than done well.

  340. dale
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Toby Bartels (#242):

    Degrees of Separation – To clarify / reinforce what I think you just said:
    The number of degrees is the number of links (in the shortest path), not the number of intervening nodes.
    So if A knows B, that’s one degree, not zero.

  341. Doug Puthoff
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    FW–There is no God in the Funkyverse–well there is, Tom Batiuk. But the FW cast would be much better off without him. Alo I’m beginning to thing Batiuk is really Satan and the Funkyverse is really Dante’s Inferno. Abandon all hope, ye who read here.

  342. dale
    June 19th, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]


    Not everyone calls it a screwdriver. But I question the wisdom of saying “orange” instead of “orangejuice”. Could end up with some kind of orange soda. Now that I think about it, that might be a lot easier on the stomach.

  343. Mibbitmaker
    June 19th, 2010 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#339): Well…. somewhere in the Cheers/Murphy Brown realm, kinda, maybe. Monday’s mildly amusing, actually.

  344. spike
    June 19th, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#330): Re: 9CL

    One has to wonder why Edie didn’t put Bill’s dog tags away for good after accepting Kiesl’s marriage proposal.

    @TheDiva (#305): No, it’s a Batiuk Thing. Here in NE Ohio they’re called “screwdrivers” as well.

    @curlyfries (#254): Actually, Wally will be having a relationship of some sort with Rachel, the waitress at Montoni’s later this year.

  345. Miss Othmar
    June 19th, 2010 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#343): Would you please re-post the link to the site that shows the next week’s worth of strips? I’m going out of town and know that I won’t have consistent access to computers or newspapers. Thanks!

  346. Andy L
    June 19th, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Oh boy! We’re finally going to get a Tommie story!
    I can’t wait for it to end in heartbreak for her, because she can never be happy.

  347. Mibbitmaker
    June 19th, 2010 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

  348. Ed Dravecky
    June 19th, 2010 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#345): You’re looking for this site.

  349. bats :[
    June 19th, 2010 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Mmmmm….I smell punch (and it ain’t made from Potato-Ade, either!)!

  350. Mibbitmaker
    June 19th, 2010 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

  351. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 19th, 2010 at 3:59 pm [Reply]


    MW: “You know. Resistance is futile. They will both be assimilated. So what’s new with you, Toby.”

    Phantom: So when did New York deputize Al Sharpton? Sometime post-Giuliani, I’m guessing.

    SSmith: Y’all need to be patient with the Pastor’s nephew. After all, he’s still a young man of sixty-five.

    MC: Oh man. Ed, do you really want to open that can of worms?

    H&L: Where the hell did Trixie come from? Can she just leap onto a windsill at will? Methinks Lois had an affair with a housecat in the recent past.

    BSt: Ballard Street tries its hand at Larsonesque animal humor, with scarring results.

    RMMD: Those next-door karate lessons must have been loud, or the walls were really thin. Next question: Where did Brook learn to talk like a Southern sheriff?

    GT: Gil teaches Mimi the fine art of drowning your sorrows, a necessary survival skill for Milford coaches.

    FW: And speaking of, Funky is falling off the weekend. In related news, meteorologists are predicting that the sun will rise in the East tomorrow.

    Luann: Gregs Evans brings us the most blatant fanservice of the day, as Luann’s breasts become lead characters in their own right. Puddles isn’t interested, though. As we can see, knees aren’t the only joints he’s missing.

    SFx: So maybe didn’t pass on all his jungle survival skills to Boy. Still, the kid almost made it to twenty.

    Baldo: Hey Hector Cantú, you know that stereotype you wanted to tweak? It’s tweaking you. Abort.

  352. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 19th, 2010 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    jason1981 @265,
    Re:Popeye’s plan backfiring, I’m pretty sure it will. No one’s asked themselves whether King Blozo might have a fetish for monster chins ‘n shins.

  353. jnoble
    June 19th, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Luann: would it be wrong to suggest that in a less morally/sexually restrictive universe that this would be a great time for the title character to discover the joys of a large dildo-vibrator? Just sayin’….

  354. commodorejohn
    June 19th, 2010 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @jnoble (#353): Feh, by Luann‘s extremely unsettling psychosexual standards, that’s positively wholesome. But even on the G-rated side of things, how boring do you have to be to not even be able to kill five days in an age where cheap video rentals and ubiquitous broadband Internet make it harder to not be distracted?

  355. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 19th, 2010 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @jnoble (#353): The Very Special Luann story arc, “A Free Week and Mom’s Hitachi Magic Wand”

  356. Chyron HR
    June 19th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#354): Don’t be silly. DVDs and the internet didn’t exist when Greg Evans was a teenager (1960-1967), so they’re just stupid fads that nobody cares about.

  357. curlyfries
    June 19th, 2010 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @spike (#344): Re FW: “You have more issues than my car“? WTF, now? Everything Batiuk does is just ever so Crankshafty…off. “Vodka and orange” ain’t the only miss here. I expect to be reading “put an egg in your shoe and pound it” and “make like a tree and scram” sometime soon.

  358. KarMann
    June 19th, 2010 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#351) on RMMD: Actually, I think the shoe & pants match the character standing in the background in the first panel, and rather near Lars. So, it’s probably Bud who speaks Southern sheriff?

  359. Jason1981
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Ronin08 (#323):

    I’m pretty sure I saw a “block and destroy manhood” technique in the Kajukenbo episode of “Fight Quest” lol (that show was awesome)

  360. Écureuil Écumant
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @342 dale said re FW:

    Not everyone calls it a screwdriver. But I question the wisdom of saying “orange” instead of “orangejuice”. Could end up with some kind of orange soda.

    Vodka and Orange Crush would be appropriate — for this soul-crushing strip.

  361. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @spike (#344):

    One has to wonder why Edie didn’t put Bill’s dog tags away for good after accepting Kiesl’s marriage proposal.

    I wonder why in ten years, she never bothered to find the family members that they rightly belonged to.

  362. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#354):

    Luann works at a library, for cryin’ out loud, and she doesn’t have the brains or the curiosity to crack open a book. And a tree died for this.

  363. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#358): Hm. Not as funny that way, but you’re probably right. Actually I take back the first part. Bud’s timing on when to get involved with the fight is hilarious.

  364. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    June 19th, 2010 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#364):

  366. Calico
    June 19th, 2010 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @Andy L (#346):
    Maybe she should get to know Funky and Les, then!

    June 19th, 2010 at 7:07 pm [Reply]


    you may return to the snark of your choice

  368. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 19th, 2010 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#365): Au contraire, Hammy… Karen Clark sounds like a very nice person who takes care of orphan squirrels the same way Sally takes care of stray dogs in Mark Trail. I’m sure she wants nothing but the best for you and your kind.

    (HELEN CLARK… is the Squirrel Lady one of your relatives?)

    June 19th, 2010 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#368):

    shaken not stirred

  370. bats :[
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    I know how much you value your freedom, HAMMY, but those squirrels who learn a trade (i.e., mixology) — aren’t they pretty much guaranteed a life-time supply of peanuts?

  371. Keef
    June 19th, 2010 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#367): I dunno, mate; I’m pretty sure we threw a quick B7 somewhere in that whole “an’ I tried” bit. I might be telling you wrong though; after all, I am on my seventh rum-and-coke of the evening.

    Anyhow, gold rings on ya, squirrel; and I hope you keep your nuts warm.

    June 19th, 2010 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#370):

    hold it did you say peanuts?

    June 19th, 2010 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Keef (#371):

    thank you i keep my nuts very warm

  374. commodorejohn
    June 19th, 2010 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#373): Hey, it’s your own business if you play with your vuvuzela, but I don’t really need to hear about it.

  375. curlyfries
    June 19th, 2010 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#374): Funny, that’s exactly what everyone at World Cup with a migraine is saying right about now.

  376. Peanut Gallery
    June 19th, 2010 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#325): This would make a great spinoff strip! Day after day of Moustache Guy and Mildred At Window. The only changeable elements in this static composition are the dialog, the order of the panels, and the story in the newspaper. The paradox: Their tiny universe is hermetically sealed, yet through the clever use of newspaper and window, every imaginable topic and setting can be introduced, thus rendering all limitations of time and space meaningless.

  377. Farley's Revenge
    June 19th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#274): Well, the offspring’s name is Jeremy…Nah. My name isn’t Connie and the spouse isn’t a dentist.

    Offspring #2 wears a 13 1/2 D. I’m not sure if that makes his brother’s feet seem smaller or narrower. All I know is keeping those two in shoes over the years was an expensive undertaking.

  378. ElkMeadow
    June 19th, 2010 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#266): @Farley’s Revenge (#269): @The Ridger (#287): Before yesterday, I had never heard of Zappo’s. And today I noticed a news video about the company at msnbc’s front page

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#291): Smacks yo’.

    @Islamorada Girl (#321): I’m about a size 24 or 26. I’m working on returning to my college days of sizes 14 to 16. Thanks for the tips.

    @Ed Dravecky (#273): Your day of vengeance arrived this morning via earworm when I woke up with the stupid song in my brain.

  379. bats :[
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    Not too much Sunday snark, but OH, poor Andy!

  380. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    Help! I’m flummoxed by the abundance of long-haired blondes in Saturday’s Gil Thorp! To wit:

    Is Mimi Thorp calling herself “Molly Kinsella” now? Does that mean her win-at-any-cost husband forced Mimi to play as a ringer? Or worse, is Gil Thorp a perv putting the moves on one of his star players? While the comely young(?) blonde in panel #3 gets wasted on wine, a leering Thorp begins to grope his victim… damn your eyes, old man!

    (Hey, Rubin and Whigham, I smell another Marty Moon expose!)

  381. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    I’m quite a bit late today. Oh well, here’s my thread-killing contribution:

    JP— “As your attorney…”
    Now Sam’s true motivation becomes evident. It’s not about helping Neddy’s boyfriend. It’s about billable hours. From the moment Jules set foot on Spencer Farms, the clock has been running. By the time Jules heads off to Italy, he will have accumulated a legal bill the size of the national debt of a small third world country. It all works out perfectly. Sam gets a ton of money from Jules’ parents, a shoe company to give to Neddy, and he gets rid of a neurotic potential son-in-law. That Sam is one sly attorney. One might call him a slyster.

  382. Farley's Revenge
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#381): We could call Sam many, many things. “Competent” would not be one of those things.

  383. Comcis Fan
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary’s whiplash move in panel 2 reminds me of a horror movie in which the alien/monster senses the victim/protagonist’s presence and turns to stare before pouncing. Dr. Mike apparently feels the same way, which means, annoyingly, that he and Jenna probably are soulmates, considering they both reacted to Mary’s match-making with similarly miserable expressions of distaste and unseen thought balloons that said, “This. Woman. Is. Insufferable!” Eh, then again, maybe not soulmates. Any normal, healthy person would be aghast at Mary Worth’s downright rude interference.

    S4th: Do you mean “Dad should be a single man?” Yes, yes, I think you may be on to something there.

  384. curlyfries
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#381): Or a heel? *ow*

    @bats :[ (#379): No kidding, poor Andy. But very inaccurate, in that lightning can strike as much as 15 miles away from the actual storm. I’ve also never seen ducks flying during an electrical storm – they’re way smarter than that.

  385. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#380): Not only what you said, but what’s with Molly’s right hand in panel 1? Normally when pitching, the fingers extend inward, not outward. She must have been experimenting with that rarest of pitches, the backhand rising fastball. Maybe that’s why her pitch got creamed. Now it’s looking like she or her coach (I can’t tell, either) will also get creamed.

  386. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:58 am [Reply]

  387. Aviatrix
    June 20th, 2010 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#319): It’s an ad. Noted wildlife writer Mark Trail took out a half-column ad with a colour picture in an attempt to find his ward’s lost dog. Or he paid for a standard classified, but he’s so famous they made into a story.

    @Keef (#371): Seven? I only had two and I can hardly type. Also “woooooo!!” (There’s some rule about having to yell that when you’re drunk, right?)

  388. Farley's Revenge
    June 20th, 2010 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary has apparently been hunting for the soon-to-be meddled doc. She tracked his spoor to the doc’s lounge and he is now in her sights. All that’s left is a quiet-voiced voiceover announcer relating the doc’s final moments of sanity before Mary shafts him though the heart: “This one’s a fine specimen. He’ll be a fine addition to Mary’s Meddle Wall. Oh! Look, he’s making a break for it. No, no, Mary’s still got a bead on him and he’s down!”

    RMMD: Brook hai-karated Toots in the oompa-loompas? Boy. I can see the next sequel/remake of “The Karate Kid”: “Karate Kid Gets His Nails Done”, with Brook in the role of Ms. Miyagi, who holds a black belt in French Manicures.

    MT: Andy had the Jackelrod ball zapped right out of him. That had to hurt.

  389. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    6/20 PV — Three cheers for Aleta. I’d like to know how it happened, what with the bare shoulder and reclining position and dropped rose and all. As for the late unlamented Horridus — Jules in JP, take note of his footwear. Zowie.

  390. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    @The Right Duke of Milan (#119): Ooh! Ooh! Do that again with another comic!

  391. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 2:38 am [Reply]


    FC — Brook, I’d pay you serious money to do to Billy what you did to Mugger Guy.

    FW — And a very happy Father’s Day to you,, Batiuk. Jeebuz.

    S-M — Oh my God. The horror of it. The Puppet Master is going to force Tony Stark to *shudder* take a seat in the coach section!

  392. Baka Gaijin
    June 20th, 2010 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Strips

    Sally Forth: Sally could have made this a life’s lesson moment: “Hil, this is what a male orgasm looks like. Usually a woman is involved, but you know your father.”

    Spiderman: “Panel 1 is what a female orgasm looks like. Usually a man is involved, but you know Peter Parker.”

    Mary Worth: At “Our Lady of La Quinta Inn Hotel” hospital, Mary “runs into” someone as casually as a bloodhound on a manhunt “runs into” an escaped convict.

    Dilbert: I’ve had bosses who aspired to be talking colons, or even semicolons.

    Apartment 3-G: Gina. How does she pronounce her name? “Gina” like “mangina” or “Gina” like “teena?”

    Curtis: Um, a DMV worker working on a Sunday? Is that more or less believable than, whatever. My brain lost interest about halfway through this comment.

    Marvin: It was worth all those panels to get to the payoff in the last panel.

  393. Old Goat
    June 20th, 2010 at 4:09 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#392): A3G: Or the western Ohio pronunciation “Gin-a”

  394. Push Trot
    June 20th, 2010 at 4:47 am [Reply]

    MW: As much as I like Dr. Roberts, he makes it far too easy for Mary to spot him standing right next to that sign. Hey Mike, if you want to attract more suitable women out there, may I suggest standing next to another sign?

    Sadly for Dr. Roberts, the Family Circus Island doesn’t have a Rodney Dangerfield, where he would’ve been able to hook up with tons of fun-loving women, and it would be party-time, all the time.

    Blondie: It’s nice to see that the Bumstead’s sexual life isn’t dead even after all these years. I don’t know what the text means exactly, but it’s clear Dagwood can’t believe his luck.

    Luann: No, I think it’s Dagwood Bumstead who’s going to have a happy F-day.*

    SFx: Cassandra just came back from her holiday and already you’re busting in to ogle her? Not cool, Sly.

  395. Mr. O'Malley
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:08 am [Reply]

    I have to say … I went to Dean’s Comic Booth for the Sundays … but his Cheshire Cat Mary Worth is awesome. His Truman Trail is pretty good too.

    9CL: Yes, he can draw cats nicely. I have a cat sleeping on the couch next to me right now. I see cats all the time. Yet I hesitate to complain about needing a bit more action because at least he avoided doing the Batiuk Father’s Day thing. It could be worse.

    FW: It’s a depressing Father’s Day for Funky. I hope he’s going to tip that bartender plenty for making him listen to his boring reminiscences. We put my father in a nursing home this past year, but he didn’t make it through to Father’s Day. Still I don’t have the urge to inflict his bad jokes on total strangers.

    Lockhorns: “Leroy personally killed disco” would make an awesome T-shirt.

    MT: So it looks like Andy is smart enough to find safe shelter during a thunderstorm, while dumb Sassy is right there out on top of the hill.

    MW: “Oh”. Such a rich utterance, so many meanings could be read into it.

    RMMD: She kicked Toots in the balls? No wonder he could be talked into hiding out in the basement. In fact, I’m wondering a bit about why he travelled cross-country for more of the same.

    SlyFo: I won’t be able to read the tiny print until tomorrow’s paper comes, but it’s Cassandra!

    OBH: I like this.

    PV: She poisoned his goblet of wine? Strangled him with her bare hands? I guess we will have to wait to find out.

  396. Push Trot
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:18 am [Reply]

    I just read the last couple of weeks worth of Pibgorn. I’ve never read it before, but I was interested because of the discussion a while back about the name of the strip.

    It is very, very, very, very creepy.

    The sun is shining and the birds are singing outside, but I’m cold. So cold.

  397. Push Trot
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:43 am [Reply]

    RMMD: By the way, does everyone get an add at the top of the site with the text:
    “MARTIAL ARTS WARNING -martial arts could get you or your child put in prison (or even killed) if used in real self defense situations.”?
    I guess Brook has been monished.

  398. Baka Gaijin
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#395) on Slylock Fox: Spoiler ahead: The answer is…[*] There’s also some editorializing in there, too.

  399. gleeb
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    Barney & Clyde: Hey, a strip that didn’t solely focus on providing the information that our main character is a miserable, soulless capitalist. And it only took two weeks!

    Slylock: The black bunny of death is stalking Max.

    The Raging Torrent of Brook: The third-to-last panel shows us that she and June are related.

    Trails, Man: There is no safe place outside during a thunderstorm. Which is why Mark is walking around in one in the previous panel.

    ‘bean: “Hey, Tubby! You still gotta pay for that drink!”

    H&J: Croom? The Rev. is a blood relative? This is a dimension I had not previously suspected.

  400. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    posting without reading the overnighters, so apologies for any oversnark. On to the Sunday funnies!

    PV: Action Girl Aleta, GO! Somewhere west of me, Poteet is grinning like a Cheshire Cat in a catnip patch.

    Wait, what? Lio is dark and depressing, and CRANKSHAFT is happy and awwww?!?

    RwO: Fathers Day and/or golf jokes are usually lame. This one, not so much.

    NS: Wiley, die in a fire. Take Batuik with you.

    SFx: Cassie, rockin’ the post-kitten look like Padma!

    FxT: GLOMP! anime version cuter.

    9Cl: least, annoying, McEldowney strip, EVER!

    RMMD: he made one of the classic blunders. Never go up against a bimbo, when bucks are on the line!

    kudos to A&J and Mutts for the MidSummers refs.

    Bizarro: /facepalm.

  401. zerowolf
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: From the look on Margo’s face, you’d better call an ambulance.

  402. zerowolf
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    FC: Clint Eastwood is in the west and Lee Westwood is in the east. I take it the “special” here is Special Ed?

  403. zerowolf
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    FW: Putting Dad in a nursing home, celebrating Father’s Day the Batiuk way.

  404. Comcis Fan
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    You know you’re a Plugger when you need the zoom feature to read the text in “Blondie,” and even with that you think that Alexander promised Dagwood a Luann mowing job.

    RMMD: I have one hyphenated word regarding Brook: spin-off. The comics page needs a balls-kicking, crime-fighting babe. OK, that was more than one word.

  405. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    a business of bebeh furrits. More squee than most people can handle! *dooks*

  406. The Ridger
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    MT: Wait. Do cars provide “NO protection at all!” or “some added protection”?

    FC: What zerowolf (#402) said. Plus, a “moor” is not a pond. Or swamp. Or whatever he drew there.

  407. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Ketchup’s Dickhead the Menace: Some of you older ‘mudgeons probably recall when each individual newspaper daily ran with a title above the actual strip. This Sunday comic is entitled “Dennis the Menace: The Subs” — but really, it coulda/shoulda been called “DtM: The Dicks”! I find the premise both sad AND infuriating: Poor childless (by choice?) Mr. Wilson has to spend Father’s Day watching a dog and cat while a carefree — and uncaring — Dennis heads off to a ballgame.

    Why do Henry and Alice enable the little troglodyte, anyway? Neither parent has a problem dumping Dennis or his beasts on George as both have demonstrated again and again over the years. Indeed, a smirking Henry seems to actually relish the idea of putting yet another one over on Good Ol’ Mr. Wilson. (That’s quite a smirk, Mitchell. Why don’t you grow a scraggly goatee, so you look even more like TomBat’s Les Moore?)

    Alice is evidently sleeping off another bender, so she’s not accompanying her menfolk to the ballgame. Or maybe she wasn’t invited to go by Hen/Den — in Ketchup’s monochromatic world it isn’t always clear what motivates these “comic” characters to behave as they do. Frankly, I hope Mr. Wilson uses his “petsitting” time to find Ruff and Hot Dog a NEW home with a loving, caring family (unlike the Mitchells!). Or maybe Mark Trail’s Sally could take them in…

    (Okay, rant over. We now resume our regular progamming. Oh, and a Happy Dad’s Day to all you fathers in the audience!)

  408. John C Fremont
    June 20th, 2010 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#395): Looking at Brook in that fifth panel, I have no trouble imagining why Toots would follow her across country knowing that another ball-kicking could happen at any moment. Hey, I’d follow her. I’d be Ratnose to her Terry Tsurugi. Except, you know, with sex. Sex with Brook, not Sonny Chiba. Okay, I’ve said too much.

    You’re a Plugger if the custom license on your Rambler make no sense. In fairness, though, DIGRIOCH might be an anagram of STALKER. Or CAPTAIN KANGAROO. Or SONNY CHIBA. Okay, I’ve said too much.

    Phantom – It’s official. I can no longer tell the Sunday strip from the dailies, and I have absolutely no idea what’s going on anymore. I am so lost.

    Oh, boy! It’s storming outside! I think I’ll go stand under a tree or near a metal object.

  409. Vince
    June 20th, 2010 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#364): Oh yeah! She was the one really funny part of the movie “Rat Race”!


  410. True Fable
    June 20th, 2010 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Pretty People Posse While Sam and Jules play with shoes, someone made Neddy come. Dammit, all the good stuff happens off panel.

  411. True Fable
    June 20th, 2010 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    C’haft He’s smiling. Someone get the spackle, his face will surely crack.

  412. Anonymous
    June 20th, 2010 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Anyone else find it really sad that a manicurist, registered nurse and homeless guy have fought more crime in a week of Rex Morgan than Spiderman fights in an entire year?

  413. True Fable
    June 20th, 2010 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Luannadana Oh come on; really? Is Luann SO shallow, SO insincere, SO self-centered, SO stupid that she’s going to just toss a phrase around a doorframe and run? Bullshit. I knew Evans likes to think that teens are all empty-headed and self-absorbed but this really takes the cake. The teens my kids grew up with were raised in such fashion that they WANT to treat their parents with more respect than Luann. God knows the Fable kids treat me better than poor ol’ Papa DeGroot got today.

    Come visit Greater Metropolitan Roopville, Greg. Father’s Day around here is pretty damn nice.

  414. True Fable
    June 20th, 2010 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Fist O Justice Theater Sunday matinee Holy shit, Jackelrod just electrocuted Andy! Where are the Fists O Justice when you need them?!

  415. TheDiva
    June 20th, 2010 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    DT: Even the science museum building thinks this has gone on for way too long.

    FW: “Well, it’s Father’s Day, I suppose I’d better get home and see what my wife’s brat Cody or Cameron or whatever has for me. He doesn’t know how good he’s got it…”

    Luann: Ah, the traditional Father’s Day “The Kids These Days” rant.

    MW: The deep chagrin that can only come from realizing your personal life is being meddled in by an elderly lady who says things like “I think you’d like each other socially!” in all seriousness.

    BRSG: Finally, a Father’s Day comic that isn’t embittered or depressed.

  416. Kyledude
    June 20th, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    RM, MD: I always thought “AIEEEEE” was used as a negative connotation, you know, like someone that just got their butts whooped. “Hi-Yah” would have been much more appropriate in this situation.

  417. zerowolf
    June 20th, 2010 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#406): Cars provide some protection because electricity flows around the outside of metal. In theory a car would create a Faraday Cage. I say in theory because:

    1: Modern car bodies now contain more composites than metal
    2: What do you think will happen when 100-250 million volts of electricity traveling just under the speed of light hits a Toyota Corrola?

  418. mollificent
    June 20th, 2010 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#415) re: MW: True confession: when I first read that speech balloon, I swear to God I read it as “I think you’d like each other SEXUALLY!”

    This site is now causing me to pre-snark the comics. Then again, it’s Mary Worth. That can only be a good thing. ;)

  419. wossname
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    S-M – I’m curious how this Tony Stark puppet is going to work. Is it going to remain the size of a Barbie doll? How the Puppet Master going to get it on the plane? Or is it going to be like a voodoo doll and remain in the PM’s lair “somewhere else,” but magically influence the actions of the real Tony Stark?

  420. Push Trot
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Kyledude (#416): Ah, but did not someone just get their butt whooped?

  421. JD
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Thank you, Spiderman! I’ve always wondered what Chris Rock would look like as a supervillain.

  422. The Ridger
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#419): That’s the way it worked classically: he uses his puppets (made of magic, errrr radioactive clay to manipulate the people they resemble.

  423. ElkMeadow
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#413):

    Happy Father’s Day, Country Boy!

  424. ElkMeadow
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#415):

    MW: The deep chagrin that can only come from realizing your personal life is being meddled in by an elderly lady who says things like “I think you’d like each other socially!” in all seriousness.

    If Jenna was smart, the email she’d hand Mary would be one, better two letters off. Then she’d never have to worry about meeting the new guy unless he whined to Mary that the e-mail didn’t work and Mary came back again.

  425. CanuckDownSouth
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Luann: My dad would reel in revulsion at the “desired’ monologue of gratitude, although he would like attention rather than the “bye, now” offered. We of course have learned to show our love by competing to find the snarkiest cards possible (and gifts he likes).

    as for lightning, yup, partial protection in cars – you’re not fully enclosed by metal, but the metal channels most of the electricity through the “skin” (outer layer of the metal); this can kill your wiring while saving you – pull off the road, put your hands in your lap, and watch out for arcing More information, etc, etc

  426. The Ridger
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Yes, yes: but MT said first they were “NO protection at all” and THEN that they offered “additional protection” ! It was the contradiction I was noting, not implying that cars were total protection.

  427. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#400): Right you are, per #389. My best guess is that Horridus understandably fell under Aleta’s potent spell and offered her a rose to forget about Val for a couple of hours. Bad idea, Horridus.

  428. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#427): Aleta doesn’t peddle her petal, in other words.

  429. Doug Puthoff
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    6-20 FW–, Funky is going back into self-pity mode again. Why doesn’t he try to do something about his problems instead of whining all of the time? I’m hoping he gets cirrhosis and dies.

  430. ElkMeadow
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Looks like the best Father’s Day strips are Brewstir Rocket, Stone Soup and FOOB.

    Happy Father’s Day!!!!

    (Please check all emotional baggage and issues at the door. You may take them with you when you leave.)

  431. ElkMeadow
    June 20th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#428):

    I missed a few strips. So did Toast indeed become toast?

  432. gnome de blog
    June 20th, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    So. Neddy’s a two-timing bat-weasel, and Droopy Bob is back. Or is it the stable-boy who went off to Harvard? Boy, Sam’s gonna be pissed when he finds out he went out of his way to make friends with shoe-boy only to have Neddy dump him. Get ready for some fine French whine.

  433. Écureuil Écumant
    June 20th, 2010 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#425): It’s not just while in cars during thunderstorms. When putting one’s hands in one’s lap, one should always watch out for arcing.

  434. commodorejohn
    June 20th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Actually, Gina, if you’re taking Margo, I think the appropriate vehicle would be something along the lines of a WWII-era tank.

    BBlue – Oh, quit your bitching, Darryl. That is an awesome Father’s Day card and any man should be proud to receive it.

    BB – My God, I’m never going to be able to view Beetle Bailey the same way again, am I? Not even through the bizarre lense of alternate-interpretation and subtext-finding that we have around here. From now on I’m always going to be thinking about exactly what the strip was like before the editor was through with it.

    BrS – I don’t care if she is evil; I’d still hit that.

    Crankshaft – …the hell? A Crankshaft that’s actually sweet and not morbid or nihilist at all? What planet did I wake up on this morning?

    DT – My God, the Blank is actually Rorschach! I’m surprised; I would’ve thought Tracy was right in line with his ideals. Maybe he thinks Dick’s too soft.

    FC – Watch out, Billy, you’re going to get thrashed but good for mentioning a filthy heathen like Mel Brooks.

    FW – You know, I once wrote a short, nonsensical noir parody comic with a hobo walking down a street in the middle of a blizzard during an economic and societal collapse. On lined notepaper, with a pencil, when I was but a young fellow. I mention this because it was a less ridiculous example of “bleak” writing than this.

    JP – Neddy and her ever-evolving hair. I actually like this look.


    MT – CRACK! Andy’s going to need a few mojitos after the comic.

    MW – Note how she says “socially,” not “romantically” or “sexually” or anything else a human being might ever associate with a relationship. Is she even trying to pass for human?

    Momma – This might carry more weight if Momma and her friend-troll didn’t spend their time wishing angry condemnation on everybody.

    PBS – I love this strip.

    PV – Guys? Best. Strip. EVER.

    RMMD – Okay, seriously, can Brook and J. Elhew “Bud” Bisbee get their own spinoff strip? Because they are both incredibly badass.

    SF – Oh, Ted. You warm our hearts, you do.

    SM – Actually, envy becomes him quite well, at least in terms of fitting the rest of his personality.

    Edison Lee – So…I haven’t actually bought a computer at a retail outlet since 2004. Is it actually anything like this, or is Edison Lee just talking out of its ass?

  435. Ed Dravecky
    June 20th, 2010 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Yes, the Puppet Master! I called it! And now I’ll wait patiently until 2030-something for my arcane knowledge of Fantastic Four villains to once again provide me some moment of satisfaction.

  436. curlyfries
    June 20th, 2010 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#426): Basically, there’s no “safe” place to be had if you’re outside during a thunderstorm. A car provides a little more protection than nothing at all just because, as Canuck said @ #425, the electrical charge will dissipate along the metal framework of the car, but you have to be damn careful you’re not touching anything metal while you wait it out. (And take off anything metal while you do that – rings, watches, Iron Man armor, what have you.) Also, if there are power lines down in the area, you’ll be safe inside the car, whereas if you were in contact with the wet ground, you could get a shock. My mother’s cousin was struck by lightning and killed before I was born – their family had a beach house on Cape Cod and he went outside after the storm had passed. Except that it hadn’t, and he was, unfortunately, the tallest thing on the beach right then.

  437. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#428): HAR! But at least Horridus presumably got to see her bare shoulder before he expired.

  438. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#437): now he’s got the cold shoulder. . .

    *puts on sunglasses*

    *cue The Who*

  439. The Ridger
    June 20th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Okay okay okay. No more lightning lectures.

    Somebody just explain how “NO PROTECTION AT ALL” can offer “SOME ADDITIONAL PROTECTION” or else stop with “the lightning is dangerous” which I actually already knew having grown up where we average a couple of t-storms a week in the summer.

    Sheesh. I’m sorry I ever mentioned it.

  440. carbunicle
    June 20th, 2010 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Kyledude (#416): Indeed. I assumed she pulled something painful.

  441. Comcis Fan
    June 20th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#434):

    Re RMMD: Perhaps J. Elhew could be Charlie to Brook’s Farrah/Jill.

  442. commodorejohn
    June 20th, 2010 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#441): I would watch the hell out of that. But who would the other two Angels be?

  443. Connie
    June 20th, 2010 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    FW: Father’s Day FAIL

  444. Comcis Fan
    June 20th, 2010 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    MW: I find it unacceptably absurd that this character is presented as a heroine. In real life, Mary Worth is the type of person from whom neighbors, coworkers and acquaintances would run at full speed, and about whom they’d write teeth-gnashing letters to Carolyn Hax. People leave condo developments because of people like this. What other missions will she undertake, or has she already?

    – Mary alerts Wilbur to his fatness, to the medical and social problems associated with fatness, and directs him to a lovely, single librarian who helps him find books on nutrition and healthy recipes. Mary pokes Wilbur’s Pillsbury Dough belly, asks him how he can walk around with it, says she had a tough childhood too and didn’t use food to soothe herself, and assures Wilbur he’s a good person who deserves better than to have a beer gut. Mary cooks him a “healthy and delicious” meal of dried salmon squares and potatoes with low-fat margarine. Wilbur beams, 50 pounds lighter after visiting Mary’s nutritionist friend and finding diet buddies on a web site that Mary recommended. He thanks Mary for her help and offers her a whole wheat sandwich with low-fat turkey.

    – Mary approaches random teenagers and informs them that tattoos, piercings and purple hair are unattractive, indicate low self-esteem and will make it difficult for them to find employment and mates. They terrorize Mary by carrying her back to Charterstone on their skateboards, whereupon they use the association’s steps and railings to perform stunts as Mary sits on a bench, slack-jawed, speechless and maniacally pointing her finger.

  445. Comcis Fan
    June 20th, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#442):

    Hmm, tough one.

    June Morgan or Sally Forth as Kate Jackson/Sabrina?

    Miss Buxley or Toni as Cheryl/Kris?

    The Zits or Rose is Rose moms or a Baldo fantasy girl or Mark Trail’s wife as Jaclyn/Kelly? Not too many flowing brunette beauties on the funny pages.

    There could be a new character, though. I am sure Cayla is ready to kick some balls.

  446. curlyfries
    June 20th, 2010 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#439): Oh, don’t misunderstand, I totally agree with you that it’s contradictory and poorly written, good catch on your part. I suppose, “you have a good chance of dying if you’re outside and within 15 miles of a storm” was deemed too frightening when coupled with the visual of Andy getting the “jackelrod ball zapped out of him” (LOLZ to Farley’s Revenge -priceless!) so they tried for the less dire, less truthful approach. They had to pretty up the whole thing by having a bunch of ducks flying around – presumably because they couldn’t show Mark punching out a bolt of lightning. (*)

  447. bats :[
    June 20th, 2010 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#395): re 9CL: in the case of this strip’s evolution, any of them which feature Solange just meadering about, minus walls of text, is the personification (or catification) or Shakespeare’s “Silence is the perfectest herald of joy.”

    And I loved Sherman’s Lagoon today — even better than the little cheesy biscuits you get at Red Lobster!

  448. Ed Dravecky
    June 20th, 2010 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#444): The teens will be surprised to discover that Mary Worth is the Mr. Miyagi to Brook’s Karate Kid, mostly by having her punch off their genitals and then meddling them into accepting life as a eunuch. Hey, it’s working for Wilbur, ain’t it?

  449. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    MW — I’m looking forward to the start of a new thread so I don’t have to see Jenna’s twitching eye on this one anymore. I watched ALIENS last night, and her eye is creepier.

  450. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#447): I like Solange almost all the time, and I like today’s strip. I’d rather watch two months of Solange than two days of the sort of bizarre 9CL dreck we endured last week. If only that were a choice.

    And I am grateful every day for Sherman’s Lagoon and Cul de Sac. All hail and thank you, Jim Toomey and Richard Thompson.

  451. Baka Gaijin
    June 20th, 2010 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Is Josh waiting for us to hit 500?

  452. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#451): well in that case, this may be a True Fablean way to get there.

  453. mustang
    June 20th, 2010 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Connie (#443): I’ll drink to that!

  454. littlestevie
    June 20th, 2010 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#445): How about the always lovely widow Divito in the Kris role?

  455. curlyfries
    June 20th, 2010 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#447): @Poteet (#450): Unfortunately, Brooke’s adoration is off by a day.

  456. Ed Dravecky
    June 20th, 2010 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#451): In the immortal words of Jose Jimenez, “Oh, I hope not.”

  457. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#455): This would cover both, would it not?

    (o, Brooke, not Brook. my bad.)

  458. Jason1981
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Push Trot (#397):

    Nope, I don’t get that warning . Although I think it should read: “CRAPPY martial arts training could get you killed. Good training might actually save your ass when you’re attacked.” lol

  459. carbunicle
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Prince Valiant: She fucked Horridus to death, Val knows and approves.

  460. Calico
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#426):
    I just hope Jack Elrod never gives any sex education lectures.

  461. carbunicle
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#446): No facial hair? Zeus begs to differ. The “Mark Trail topples Olympus” story just hasn’t been drawn yet.

  462. curlyfries
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#457): By “both” do you mean 9CWL and Brook – no “e” in RMMD? Cuz that’s one ass-kickin’ pussy there. And there is this to consider…

  463. carbunicle
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

  464. Calico
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#410):
    Yeah, screw the test with free weights, Sam – just try the damn shoes on.

  465. Calico
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#402):
    Either that, or “Special Needs.”

  466. bats :[
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#449): maybe this’ll help (or at least kill the thread).

  467. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#462): yeah, fuzzy logic hit, and I realized after I’d set up the link that you were talking about a different Brooke than the Brook that I was thinking of. [*]

    Besides, the kool kids have moved on to Vladurday.

  468. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    TomBat’s Blue Funk: The bartender can’t count on cheapskate Funky to leave a tip either — which explains why he’s giving him the evil eye!

    Family Circumcision: It’s extremely unlikely that Billy knows who all these people are. Methinks he has been thumbing thru Thel’s National Enquirer stash again!

  469. Push Trot
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Jason1981 (#458):
    Well, the add looks like this.
    I’ve just realized it doesn’t specify whose martial arts skills are going to get whom imprisoned or killed. It could just be a warning not to mess with cosmetologists.

  470. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 20th, 2010 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: Cut the “bro/yo” crap, white boys — even Curtis is embarrassed for you. (Is that a portrait of DIK BROWNE in the last panel?)

    Mark Trail: I actually live in the Thunderstorm Capital of the World (Tampa Bay), so Elrod’s PSA is much appreciated!

  471. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Push Trot (#469): any reputable instructor covers the legal issues right off the bat, even for white belts. Self-defense is one thing, assault is another. ;-)

  472. The Ridger
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#468): Well, since Funky didn’t drink it, he can just pour it back into the bottle… oh, wait. There’s oj in it. Damn you, Winkerbean! Just because you didn’t drink it you still have to pay for it! Hey! Get back here – that’s the last tab you ever get, buster!

  473. ElkMeadow
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#470):

    Hi & Lois: Cut the “bro/yo” crap, white boys — even Curtis is embarrassed for you.

    Can you imagine what Boondocks would have done with this? Remember, in that strip, the only white person who “could” wear an Afro taught landscape painting on PBS.

  474. ElkMeadow
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    Which brings up to the topic of “why is Hi and Lois still around, and Boondocks isn’t?”

  475. Rana
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#439): I read the Mark Trail as saying that rubber soles or rubber tires offer no particular protection… but simply being in the car (regardless of the sort of tires it has) can offer a little.

    Yeah, it’s worded badly.

  476. wossname
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#447): That sent me in search of Sherman’s Lagoon, because very few things are better than the little cheesy biscuits at Red Lobster. But where do you find it? It doesn’t seem to be on Chron (at least it’s not on Dean’s Time Tunnel), it’s not on Go Comics without Go Comics by our own commodorejohn. Where to turn?

  477. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#473): McGruder had a sense of shame about putting out sub-standard product. (also, burn-out due to putting so much effort into the animated series.)

    @wossname (#476): Sherman’s Lagoon is on the Chron’s main page. It’s also availabe on the Times Union site.

  478. curlyfries
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

  479. commodorejohn
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#476): Odd that it’s not on the Time Tunnel, but you can see it via the Comics Kingdom viewer.

  480. The Ridger
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

  481. The Ridger
    June 20th, 2010 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#480): err, Post

  482. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#480): either Stoat or Poot would be appropriate for a DC paper. . . .

    *ducks and runs*

  483. bats :[
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the SL links — I only read it on Sunday in my city newspaper.

    And just so you know, there *are* more dangerous things than lightning

  484. KarMann
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    While we’re waiting for new thread, all you “fans” of Marvin should check out Friday’s Medium Large.

  485. The Ridger
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

  486. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#455): Awwww…*sniff*

  487. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#466): BWAHAHA! That definitely helped!

  488. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Okay, here’s my attempt to kill the thread.

    MONDAY SPOILERS — LUANN and ReFoob share a common theme today of Possible Sexual Kinkiness. This may be a first.

  489. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    I’ll just note in passing that we’re only a dozen posts from hitting 500. Wow.

  490. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:48 pm [Reply]


    Momma: Dogbeating scum is lucky he’s in Momma instead of Lio. Instead of fingerwagging he’d be fed to retriever puppies, as he so richly deserves.

    SFx: I could easily be oversnarking here, but there’s not much of a winter in Australia. Global weather forecasts put highs for tomorrow in Sydney in the low sixties. A little nippy for the beach, but if you like to get out there on Memorial Day, it’s not outrageous.

    Cathy: Cathy gleefully watches as her father drags Irving off and prepares to sodomize him. Happy Father’s Day to all!

    HtH: Yeah, those damned advertising tapestries are everywhere these days in the Middle Ages.

  491. The Ridger
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#434): Since we’re killing time here, I’ll just note that while Momma and her friends are censorious harpies, they haven’t been observed to beat dogs.

  492. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    MW — I hardly ever read Stephen King after what IT did to me, but I came across a short story of his not long ago in which a guy who died abruptly finds himself in a kind of gloomy decrepit movie-set deserted version of Grand Central Station, with only a broken candy machine for food and apparently no drinking fountains. His only companions are the other bewildered people who died in the same plane crash.

    Now I’m really hoping there’s no chance that I’ll end up for all eternity at a Charterstone pool party.

  493. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#492): no Dumbledore to provide exposition?

  494. Écureuil Écumant
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: Disappointing today on two counts:

    1) Elrod missed the opportunity to portray the Jackelrod ball as ball lightning, and discuss whether or not it actually exists.

    2) Andy is outside running around without his collar. This is the reason for all the lightning bolts — Jove doesn’t suffer fools gladly, but alas, hasn’t managed to nail Trail.

  495. Black Drazon
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#492): Don’t worry, Poteet. Anyone that talks to Mary Worth in the Charterstone of Eternity only has to stay there until they talk to Mary Worth and become the focal point of the plot. Then, those who are found worthy will marry a stranger/win the gold medal/clean up their crippling glue sniffing addiction and then disappear into the ether. You probably don’t go to heaven or anything, but it’s better than being the damned, like Wilbur, who will continue to be trapped in the cycle for the rest of eternity.

  496. wossname
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#483): OK, bats :[, now you’ve got me guffawing again. Andy on the bicycle most of all.
    Thanks for all the links to Sherman’s Lagoon. One of these days I’ve just got to organize my comics links.

  497. Poteet
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#495): Well, that’s comforting. Thank you. As long as she doesn’t make me drive off the edge of a cliff.

  498. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    Predicted JP shoe result.

  499. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    are we there yet?

  500. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! (6-20): In case you were wondering what the word “petard” has to do with FARTING… (I always thought Sassy was a petard, so I guess I’ll have to find a different word to describe the little so-and-so. Any suggestions?

  501. TheDiva
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#495): So what you’re saying is, Charterstone is essentially a form of purgatory like in Lost, only instead of a gorgeous smooth-talking Scotsman helping you move on, there’s a grey-haired platitude-spouting biddy.

  502. Red Greenback
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    Leroy’s head is really flat.

  503. Ed
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    The look of abject, unadulterated bliss on Mary’s face in this comic is horrifying. It’s like she found something… pure, and is now consuming it will all the fervor and intent of a demon who just stumbled into a convent full of puppies.

  504. bats :[
    June 20th, 2010 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh…new thread!

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