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Someone possibly (but probably not) interesting in Judge Parker!

Judge Parker, 6/21/10

While Sam and Neddy’s French boyfriend (about whom she has expressed ambivalence!) are back home writing elaborate legal disclaimers for fancy shoes, Neddy has slipped off to meet up with … the mysterious Mark! Is this the fellow that Neddy was doing the “tongue thing” with, when she was making her tearful goodbyes before heading off for her semester in France, four and a half years ago? No, that was apparently “Bob,” whose necking session with Neddy was spied upon by pretty much the entire Spencer-Driver household. (Click those links to check out the pre-Barreto Neddy and Abbey — rawr!) Anyway, this Mark fellow seems to just be some dude in an ugly green polo shirt with whom Neddy will apparently not be making out, yawn.

Luann, 6/21/10

I’m assuming that these screams of shock and horror are because Luann has accidentally walked in on Gunther changing and is seeing him in some extremely mild version of undress (i.e., without his omnipresent grid shirt), and this is going to set up another dumb “Tales of Ribaldry”-style sequence. Still, I’d like to imagine (for narrative interest, not sexual thrills, as all of these characters make my libido shrivel and die) that something truly “AHHH!” worthy is going on there: Gunther in a crotchless fursuit, Gunther in a crotchless fursuit humping a Luann-shaped pillow, etc.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/21/10

Well, it looks like Funky has stepped back from the precipice of full-on alcoholic relapse … for now. But what is the significance of our anachronistically attired barkeep’s decision to gulp down the cocktail Funky left behind? Perhaps the pall of gloom that seems to hover over the entire Funkyverse really only afflicts the main characters; the ancillary players live normal, happy lives in the background, until the day they come in contact with Les or Susan or whoever. As soon as Funky entered the bar, the awful aura of death and misery that surrounds him presumably chilled the bartender to his very core, leaving him very much in need of a stiff drink.

Mary Worth, 6/21/10

Dr. Roberts may be reluctant, but Jenna is insanely eager to get this Mary Worth-orchestrated romance off the ground. “Aww, yeah, here we go! I got my bowl of cottage cheese, my tall glass of Metamucil, and my laptop! Let’s get this party started!”

UPDATE: Good lord, i almost missed this:

One Big Happy, 6/21/10

The fellow in the first panel is, of course, wearing a Finger-Quotin’ Margo shirt! You can order your own and wear it with pride, whether or not you choose to sport goofy facial hair.

213 responses to “Someone possibly (but probably not) interesting in Judge Parker!

  1. Cranky
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Show me an alcoholic whose fall-off-the-wagon drink of choice is a screwdriver and I’ll show you a cancer. Cancer.

  2. 150
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’ve never read a hookup email that sounded so much like a Nigerian inheritance scam.

  3. Poteet
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    MW — “Allow me to further introduce myself. I’ve locked my heart, I’ll keep my feelings there. I’ve stocked my heart with icy,frigid air. And I mean to care for no one, because I’m through with love.”

  4. Das Storminator
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    I’m kinda surprised today’s Beetle Bailey has a pun on the word “ass” – how did that slip past the editors?

    And I think we’re supposed to think Luann is walking in on Gunter rubbing one out, but it’ll turn out he’s putting together a party or some nonsense.

  5. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Okay Josh, yout interpretation of today’s Luann was tons better/worse than mine. I bow to the master.

  6. JessTehSkox
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    What’s this? “Email”, in Mary Worth? Really? Does everyone not know by this point that in their universe, any use of the devil’s computer technology whatsoever invariably ends in comical despair for everyone involved??? (Please?)

  7. TheDiva
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#y128): I understand it’s supposed to be the wheel of the plane, in the same way a child’s drawing of a lopsided oval with four sticks poking out of it is supposed to be a cow.

  8. Baka Gaijin
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Check out Friday’s Medium Large. It’s what we’ve all been wanting and it’s clown free!

    @Sequitur (#Y37): “Nick and Nora Charles would barge in on anyone. And Asta too.” I’ve been in the UK too long . I imagined this Asda barging in on, well, whatever is going on.

    Luann: State of undress? I’m thinking bukkake and Luann’s pig head costume.

  9. Perky Bird
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Ah, I was wondering what that fellow from those 7-Up “Un-Cola” commercials has been up to since the 80′s. I see that he’s taken up sculpting. Sculpting and demonic possession of airline passengers.

  10. Girl Reporter
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    “Here we go!”

    Oh Jenna. Mary Worth has let me down so many times with plots that seem promising at first-pool-party-blush, and then melt away into a boring salmon-and-grey pile of blah. But, you go ahead and dream.

  11. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    #8 Baka Gaijin,

    Friday’s was pretty hilarious too.

  12. The Monkey Flunky
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Because Spiderman is so incompetent, he longer has an Arch-Nemesis of his own to fight on a consistent basis, hence the parade of other super heroes and their various villains being brought on to the strip. Even if Spidey somehow manages to save the day, this voodoo spell Ironman has come under provides a unique excuse to nail MJ. “Gosh, sorry that awful bad guy made me get down with your wife while you cried in the corner Peter….”

  13. Poteet
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    JP — Per the waitress, I see we’re starting to include more people who aren’t as good-looking as the main characters. That’s fine with me, but couldn’t Jules have been included as one of the pretty posse? We’re going to see a lot of him, it seems, and if he were easier on the eyes, it would help to compensate for all those *shudder* shoes.

  14. Austria
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Arch: And as this generation (which you are SUPPOSED to be a part of) always says, “Why would I write something when I can type it?” ERRNT. Nice try, AJGLU-3000, but no cigar.

    BB: I applaud “kick his ash”. Obligatory homoerotic subtext at “root out his deadwood”.

    reFOOB: Years later, Momma Lawrence, you can look back on this moment and say “How did I not see it coming?”

    Luann: Gunther is ripped. I’m calling it.

  15. Walker of Dog
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @Mr O’Malley (#Y77): The glass gets fuller in the second panel because it not a tumbler of booze; it’s a urine sample! DESPAIR!

  16. Uncle Lumpy
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    If the bartender doesn’t drain it, the glass would be full. And that’s not allowed in Funky Winkerbean.

  17. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#7): well, it is, after all, Dick Tracy. Several degrees of separation between it and things like art, perspective, and sanity.

  18. Walker of Dog
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#15): Typographical error – MORE DESPAIR!

  19. Sans Sense
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    FW: Now that poor bartender’s going to have to spend the rest of his day trying to get that Funky taste out of his mouth…

  20. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    FW: I think Funky just stiffed the bartender by giving him pizza coupons instead of money.

  21. Robespierre's Torso
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Gotta love some Tommie-style passive aggression. Sadly, this probably prefigures some sort of 3G-girls-gotta-bond storyline.

    DT: This is your last chance, Dick. If I don’t get me a gratuitous machine gunning, propeller chopping, or straight-up airplain dropping on the villain, I’ll know you’ve really gone soft. Frankly, I don’t see any reason you can’t do all three at once.

    Hi-Lois: Judging by the sickly purple splotch on the upper half of his face, I’d say Hi already has terminal melanoma.

    MW: You can keep your Sacred Heart of Jesus. Give me the Sacred Spoon of Jenna instead.

    Phantom: Little known loophole in the Patriot Act–It’s not terrorism if you wear pink spandex when you do it.

  22. Ed Dravecky
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Funky Winkerbean is actually a teaser trailer for next summer’s blockbuster sequel Outbreak II: Everybody Gets Cancer showing the exact moment Patient Zero infected himself with the deadly Westview Strain.

  23. survivor
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    There was an old Twilight Zone episode entitled, “I am the night – color me black” in which the sky turns black, even at noon. This overwhelming darkness was a result of an epidemic of hatred.

    I clicked on the link of Funky entering the bar. The bar seemed normal – green wallpaper, appropriate lighting conditions, etc.

    But look at the bar after it had been effected by Funky’s presence. Jet black. It’s so black that you can no longer even see the arcade machine.

    I don’t think this is a story of alcoholism as much as it is about Funky going from place to place and physically infecting it with darkness and gloom.

  24. gnome de blog
    June 21st, 2010 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Mark is the son of one of Abbey’s peons, and Neddy’s first boyfriend until she found out she was filthy rich decided the long-distance relationship wouldn’t work. She then replace him with Bob, another poor-but-honest boy, whom she sent off to college in California with a true warrior’s farewell and the promise she would join him, until the lure of a tepid career in Art School and smoking cigarettes in the thrumming expat Canadian demi-monde grew too strong and she went off to Paris. Now after a year in the fashionista fast lane it appears she’s decided there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home. Jules should never have made her that pair of broken-heeled ruby slippers.

  25. Dragon of Life
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    The bartender there has pretty much outed himself as an agent of the Funkyverse’s famed entropic decay, with that angry, purposeful look in the second panel. “Think you’re free, do you? You’ll be back. Your life, your soul, is ours.” Third panel: “Ooooh, alcohol!”

  26. gnome de blog
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Robespierre’s Torso (#21):

    A3G: Gotta love some Tommie-style passive aggression. Sadly, this probably prefigures some sort of 3G-girls-gotta-bond storyline.

    Maybe the Professor will whisk them off to the Isle of Lesbos again.

  27. spike
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @ josh: Re: JP
    I think Mark is the son of Dan, Stable Master/Headman of Spencer Farms. I think Mark wandered off to Harvard (on scholarship, of course) just before Baretto took over as artist.

  28. spike
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#24): Sorry, gnome, You beat me to it.

  29. Charles
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    The SF Chronicle prints the comics in color which added an extra twist on the Luann strip today. The “AAHHH” from, presumably, Gunther, is colored in clown colors. So instead of wacky undressing hijinks I think that it is much more likely that Gunther is dressed like a clown, and killing a little boy John Wayne Gacy-style. After Luann walks in he will kill her and then have to make a daring cross-strip escape to Funky Winkerbean, where he will immediately contract cancer.

  30. laurie
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    MW – “But allow me to further introduce myself…I’m a man of wealth and taste. I’ve been around for a long, long year. Stole many a man’s soul and faith.”

    Hmm, he really sounds more perfect for Mary….

  31. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:07 pm [Reply]


    Fine Doris. I’ll have whatever Ned’s having.

    Is Neddy having a fake orgasm?

  32. Columbina
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    I myself have always assumed Gunther has a cross-dressing habit. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. (Actually I think Gunther is one of the saner people in the Luann universe.)

  33. seismic-2
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    GT: Just what is this that’s happening “later” in the final panel? Has the base runner become bored while standing on second and decided to practice his tap-dancing, or what?

    JP: I am less concerned with the identity of Neddy’s rendezvous partner than I am with the decor of this “restaurant near the high school”. The setting appears to be in fact the interior of some sort of voodoo lounge that adorns its booths with the shrunken heads of the school’s students from the 1950s.

  34. Brian Steinberg, Comics Examiner
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

  35. Edgy DC
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Way to establish this Mark guy’s dickie character in the space of one frame. “Hi, Doris, did you miss m… psyche! I’ll get some fries and a shake.”

    “How you doin’, Neds? Notice how everyone’s a little homelier since Barreto left?”

  36. Digger
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: Who wants to bet that Mike typed that email while Mary held a gun to his head?

  37. blackgoat
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    MW: Jenna appears to be responding to the good doctor’s self-introduction with a gang hand sign; I’m not positive, but I think it’s a “u” for “underground crip,” which is a nice icebreaker for a new relationship.

  38. AndyL
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Notice that Jenna already has a photograph of the man Marry was (incorrectly) imagining when she described him to her. This will not end well.

  39. Calico
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#20):
    Perhaps he threw in a little Canadian Tire “money” too?

  40. Mibbitmaker
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    when not quite post-jumped just
    isn’t good enough

    Phantom: Automatic weapons fire gives that guy jaundice.

    Today’s 9CL: “A joyous romp!” — Tom Batiuk

    Blondie: Blondie sent them, didn’t she?

    ECity: It’s like a BEFORE-AFTER-BEFORE ad for Liz Patterson’s Lips o’ Loveliness.

    MT: Ladiiiiiiiiiiies aaand gentlemen!–

  41. BigTed
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    What the deal with Doris the waitress? Is she supposed to be some kind of “ethnic” lady, counting the days till her Big Fat Greek Wedding? Or is it just that compared to Neddy’s practically nonexistent nose, any woman would appear to have a giant honker?

  42. tbiggs
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    JP: “Mark” is actually a young Sam Waterston. Time-travel? Or just an archaic strip doing its thing?

  43. Calico
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @150 (#2):
    Haha, a 419!
    Looks like Jenna has a really fucking large coke spoon there, with about 3 oz. remaining to pack onto it.
    Mmmmm, cocaine and Tang ™ -breakfast of Santa Royale Financial Planners!

  44. H-Bob
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Gunther’s in a crotchless koala costume “down under” the Aussie exchange student ?

  45. BigTed
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Wasn’t Tiffany using Gunther to make Quill jealous or something? I can only imagine that she accidentally discovered Gunther is hiding some huge equipment under his Sears Toughskins, and Luann just walked in on them doing it like rabid bunnies.

  46. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Tales of the Tome or The Decimal System Left Him Dewey

    It was early in the day but late for Gunther. He had been up since four in the morning, sewing a new costume for Luann. She would be reading The Velveteen Rabbit to the children today and Gunther had decided to make her the skin horse. Thread to needle to fabric and back, Gunther worked as the sun rose. All the while, he kept thinking of her pert, ruby nipples gliding back and forth across the cloth, teasing it, taunting it, making it want to caress and suckle her but knowing it was for naught. Why, Gunther was not unlike that garment, if he just had a bow in his hair and a ribbon gathered at his waist.

    The morning crept on and, with it, Gunther’s obsession. Once, he had snuck up behind Luann as she was reading and he sniffed her. Her scent was of flopsweat and Skittles. How many times would he run into the Piggly Wiggly, purchase a packet and then run into the alley to take in their aroma while feverishly masturbating into the dumpster of stale lettuce? Twenty-three, he thought.

    The library was still. It was still and it was empty. As empty as his heart. There was still time, he thought. Gunther went over to the historical section and removed his trousers. He removed his boxers, as well, allowing his fleshly manhood to wallow in the unseen breezes. His root became furtive. Oh, Luann! Luann, you manx. If only you were here for me to steel myself inside. To pound, pound, pound your fleshy teenage pudginess against the shelves as my manhood went into you like that spoon into honey. At first you might recoil in horror but within minutes I would have you begging like Tiffany, begging for the sweet juiciness of my flesh devil within you, pushing against your lady bits like a French pig rooting out truffles.

    to be continued

  47. Patrick
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    A few months ago, Wilbur was exchanging e-mail with his faux-son, and held his fingers up in the air much in the same way as Jenna is doing now. I can only conclude that, in the land where Mary Worth takes place, computers work via some elaborate gesturing hand-magic.

  48. commodorejohn
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @BigTed (#41): “Doris” is actually Jimmy Durante in drag. It’s not glorious work, but it’s hard for a person who’s legally dead to get a job outside the service industry.

  49. Anonymous
    June 21st, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Charles (#29): My interpretation of the rainbow letters was that Gunther had finally decided to explore his sexuality, and Luann walked in on him en flagrante with another dude. Isn’t it time for a gay storyline on this strip? Apart from whatever’s going on with TJ, I mean.

  50. Foolkiller
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Obviously dreamboat Quill has finally gotten Gunther to come out of the closet while in the closet. Luann is upset on both accounts.

    MW: It appeared that Dr. Roberts was just short of telling Mary to jam her meddlesomeness up an orifice but then he goes ahead and emails a stranger anyway? I’ve lost all respect for him. And if Jenna can’t get off the laptop to eat breakfast how is she going to meet this guy?

  51. FafMor
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Gunther is watching the porno tape of Curtis’s parents that was a found a few weeks back.

  52. Dude...wait...what?
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    In an effort to compete with other online dating sights, Mary has launched M-Harmony, where you’ll be matched on the only dimension of compatibility that counts, Mary’s unbreakable will.

  53. Dude...wait...what?
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    spelling fail….sites….the world cup has consumed my attention

  54. Thomas B.
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    There is something oddly familiar about this Jenna. She can’t stop snacking long enough to check an email, she blurts out personal details of people’s lives at pool parties, and she touches her face to express dismay. Where have I seen this before? Okay nobody panic. As long as she doesnt say “whoa” when she reads her emails everything will be fine.

  55. Girl Reporter
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @Patrick (#47):

    computers work via some elaborate gesturing hand-magic.

    They have to, as the keyboards seem to be open boxes of Whitman’s Sampler.

  56. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#46): Well, I guess that settles everything.

  57. Krazy Kat
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Hellz yeah! A Mary Worth storyline that begins with email communication! Time to belly up to that computer desk, rock out on your favorite food item, and let the good times roll! This week is going to be AWESOME!! I am SO EXCITED!!!!

  58. Joe the Plugger
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Didn’t we already pass this part of the plot about two months ago? (Or was it three?) To steal a joke from MST3k, this comic is becoming a Möbius strip.

  59. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Luann caught Gunther toweling off after a long cold shower in the staff bathroom. (Gunther takes a lot of cold showers because thinking about the DeGroot girl always makes Li’l Gun feel “funny”). Temporarily subdued by an icy blast of cold water, Gunther’s penis is still pining for the fjord. So what Luann sees is but a shadow of Li’l Gun’s former self! (see also: Constanza, George)

  60. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else know it was boil the frog day?

  61. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#59):

    Gunther’s penis is still pining for the fjord.

    Actually, it’s just nailed to the perch.

  62. Steve S
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Oh, One Big Happy Dad, why must you take Ruthie with you when you go cruising for men in the park?

  63. Farley's Revenge
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Joe the Plugger (#58): Main difference being a Mobius strip is far, far more interesting than this story.

    @Mibbitmaker (#40): Maybe the guy shaved off his ‘stache because he knows Mark’s tendency to punch guys with facial hair*. This way he can collect the reward without needing to duck.

    *Women with facial hair are ignored, as are any other women. Just ask Cherry.

  64. Brian
    June 21st, 2010 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Jenna Thomas is so euphoric in anticipation that the entire room is spinning around her–witness the shelf with a flower visible over her left shoulder in panel 1 whirling into a full-blown bookshelf, complete with photo of a mysterious man in panel 2.

  65. Victoria Dunn
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    There were 489 deaths by lightning in the United States between 1994 and 2005. By comparison, Hurricane Katrina killed 1,464 in Louisiana alone.

    This confirms what I’ve long suspected, Mark Trail doesn’t care about black people.

  66. Shawn S.
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I’m very disturbed that people are hoping to see Gunther naked. That said, this is the best Luann comic ever, and tomorrow will be one of the worst when it lets down everyone.

    MW: While Alice and Bob Jenna and Mike converse, Mary will intercept their conversation at her own computer deep in her cold dungeon. Laughing, always laughing.

  67. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Candorville: Young Lemont reminds me of a character from Homeboys in Outer Space (I’m thinking of the one played by Flex Alexander — is that his name?)

    She-Who-Meddles: I want a talking computer like the talking computer Jenna Thomas has! I want! I want!

  68. Connie
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft – Note to Jeff: When you add that bukkake dvd to the Netflix queue, it is imperative that you beat Pam to the mailbox.

  69. commodorejohn
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Victoria Dunn (#65): Oh, come now. You have to admit that it’s less a case of “not caring about” and more a case of “not knowing they exist.”

  70. Old School Allie Cat
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    Luann – What if this is someone other than Gunther? I’m guessing it’s going to be a very special heartwarming summer story wherein Luann and the gang find a homeless person camping out in the library, and that they spend the summer helping this person reacclimate into society. Sort of “Down and Out in Beverly Hills” – minus the Beverly Hills.

    But deep down, I’d really like to think that Gunther is spanking it in the Rare Books room to an old folio of Bruegel prints. He has a kink for Flemish peasants.

    But then, who doesn’t?

    Also, apropos of nothing, I work with a guy who pronounces it “liberry” which would be fine, if we didn’t work in a company that creates and sells training – of which, we have a library. And he works the phones and probably gets to say “liberry” no less that 50 times a day. And I cringe every time. And I also cringe when my boss says “mute point”, which happens at least daily. My husband calls me inflexible, which may be – but as it happens, I’m also right.

  71. MaryAnnTheRest
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#70): I understand. My boss uses commas for periods.

    You know, she takes important information and strings it into a huge paragraph long sentence, there don’t need to be any breaks, complex information is so easy to understand in this format, pauses for thinking are to be discouraged, let me know if you have any questions, you won’t though, you’ll know the answer will be formatted like this.

  72. Push Trot
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    S-M: I fear we’re going to see Spider-Man pitted against remote controlled Iron Man. If that happens it can only have two outcomes: Either Spider-Man fails miserably, and Iron Man is saved by pure chance, or Spider-Man, contrary to everything we know about him, will be able to beat Iron Man.
    In other words, the choice is between watching Spider-Man fail again, or watching Spider-Man best a better superhero.

  73. seismic-2
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    If the world were the wonderful place we all wish it were, tomorrow’s episode of Luann would show us that Gunther had been caught in the act of fitting an “Irma la Douce” costume onto Mrs. DeGroot.

  74. bats :[
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Dude…wait…what? (#52): kudos on the concept of mHarmony.

  75. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Victoria Dunn (#65): It’s not so much that he doesn’t care. Mark Trail has no idea there are black people living outside of the Serengetti. It’s a fragile worldview he carreis with him.

  76. Dude...wait...what?
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Push Trot (#72): Even a competent spider man couldn’t beat a rusty Ironman, so I’m looking forward to a weeks worth of panels of Spidey being bounced around the cabin of the airliner like a super ball

  77. Birthmark Hal
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    …Gunther in a crotchless Luann suit humping a furry-shaped pillow, Luann in a furless Gunther suit humping a pillow-shaped crotch…

  78. commodorejohn
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Dude…wait…what? (#76): Pff, ha ha, you actually think Spider-Man is going to fight him? No, this whole thing will be cut short after two weeks of whining when a stewardess accidentally drops a carry-on on Tony’s head while removing it from the overhead compartment.

    @Birthmark Hal (#77): I’m going to go shoot myself now. I hope you’re happy.

  79. mustang
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    MW – Oh oh. Who is that half-man in the picture behind Jenna? The one who broke her heart? I was hoping for some Kurt and Wilbur-type romantic frolicking, but this may not be in the cards. I can’t get enough of that stuff.

  80. Uncle Lumpy
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#78):

    Put me down for two weeks of watching Peter tell Mary Jane what Iron Man is doing.

  81. littlestevie
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#59): I was kinda thinking that Gunther would make Dirk Diggler jealous.

  82. Buck Ripsnort
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Puppet “Master”? He looks more like a Howdy Doody about to stab Buffalo Bob. (Yes, fanboys, I know that’s how he’s supposed to look. It still stands.)

    FW: Since his offer of strychnine was rejected, and seeing how Funky left such a — such a FUNK in the bar, the bartender decides to take the easy way out.

  83. newbie
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Re: Judge Parker, why hasn’t anyone noticed the startling discovery that Neddy’s right breast not only can talk but is apparently capable of being someplace different than the rest of her body?

  84. Poteet
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    S-M — I’ll bet Iron Man will soon lurch out of First Class and inflict mayhem mostly on Economy Class. I see this story as an allegory about the American class system and Spider-Man’s utter incompetence, not necessarily in that order.

  85. Buck Ripsnort
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Push Trot (#72): Notice– Evil Howdy Doody is carving Tony Stark, not Iron Man. To defeat Stark, Peter will only have to outlast him on those eeeensy-weensy airline liquor bottles, until they both get cut off or Stark takes a dump on the refreshments cart.

  86. Vermillion
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    Oh, when I saw Luann and Funky this morning, I couldn’t wait to see what Josh had to say. He does not disappoint! And cool about the Margo shirt in OBH. What a fun and well done strip.

  87. Girl Reporter
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#71): My boss says “in lieu of” when he means “in light of”.

    Mr. Girl Reporter pronounces it “liberry”, which was a hesitation point for me when we first met. But then I realized that he used the word so much because he visited it often and regularly borrowed books and read them. So I ceded the point.

  88. CanuckDownSouth
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#55): Although the inclusion of the built-in mouse is an encouraging improvement in Worthiverse computing, the lack of a space bar is still a hindrance to keyboard users. Clearly motion sensors near the hands take up the slack :)

  89. Baka Gaijin
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#80): “Put me down for two weeks of watching Peter tell Mary Jane what Iron Man is doing.” I hate to disagree, but I’m pretty sure that was last storyline. This is the one where Peter spends 2 weeks flipping channels on the seatback video screen, complaining that nothing’s on. Unlike the previous TV storyline, he’s not in his undershorts and MJ doesn’t come prancing in with her awesome ta-tas in an anti-gravity brasserie brassiere.

    @littlestevie (#81): “I was kinda thinking that Gunther would make Dirk Diggler jealous.” You know, I could have had a full and complete life without thinking about Gunther’s package.

  90. seismic-2
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Since Peter left his store-bought Spidey costume in the trash back in Miami, he will be forced to improvise a disguise before his big battle (yeah, right!!!) with Tony Stark. Since the last time that happened was when the building was burning in Miami and he threw on an angel costume, I predict this time he will burst forth from one of the airplane’s restrooms wearing a stewardess uniform. Stark will be subdued, by laughter.

  91. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#89): Gunther’s Naughty Bits sounds like a snack food one might find in Britain. They might to well with bangers and mash.

  92. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#91): Or even “go well”.

  93. Baka Gaijin
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#90): You know, he may “accidentally” pull someone else’s carry on out of the overhead and end up the leather man from the Village People.[*]

    @Sequitur (#91): Gunther’s Naughty Bits is really just crumbled-up spotted dick. Really.

  94. commodorejohn
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#88): Mary Worth follows an alternate timeline where modern computers evolved from the ZX Spectrum instead of the IBM PC. Hence, there is a space key, but it’s about the size and position of the right shift key on an Earth-1 laptop. The sheer inconvenience of this arrangement is what prompted the high-tech Exaggerated Gestures Input method seen in today’s strip and the Wilbur storyline.

  95. ScienceGiant
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Dragon of Life (#25): Nice to see Lloyd hasn’t lost his touch since the old Overlook Hotel burnt down.

  96. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#89): “You know, I could have had a full and complete life without thinking about Gunther’s package.”

    Quill decided that he couldn’t.

  97. zerowolf
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    FC: Quick mommy, the sun is coming up. It burns, it burns!

  98. zerowolf
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: If it officer Unoff or Linoff. Either way if his first name is Jack….

  99. Josh
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#87): I will cop to saying “nucyuler,” and in fact was never really cognizant that there was another way to say it until people starting making fun of Dubya for pronouncing it that way. It’s still my instinct to say it this way, and I’ve pretty much given up on retraining myself.

    I went to an Ivy League school and everything.


  100. zerowolf
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    ReFried Foob: Another foreshadowing of Lawrence’s teenage years.

  101. Uncle Lumpy
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and regarding last night’s SyFy Phantom: runner-up for the year’s most shameful waste of talent in a comics-page adaptation goes to Isabella Rosselini as Rosa Klebb Dr. Bella Lithia.

    So, Mr. William H. Macy as Phil Hitler, your crown is secure.

  102. zerowolf
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Clues for the clueless coloring monkeys: Cold day = blue skin Hot sunny day = red skin.

  103. Old School Allie Cat
    June 21st, 2010 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#87):

    My sticking point with Mr. Cat is that he pronounces scenario with the -nar- rhyming with car. I say it with -nar- rhyming with air. I auto-correct him in my head, which is insane, because they’re both correct. But if that’s the worst I can come up with…

    The one that gets me these days is that a lot of the young ones at the office say that they’re going to “conversate” with someone rather than have a conversation or converse.

    Of course, these are the same people who we go out to dinner with, and rather than “conversate” with people at the table, they’ve got their smart phones out texting (to?) someone else entirely.

    Kids today, amirite?

    And what’s with those jeans that look like a hobo wore them and they’re $100 off the rack?

  104. Walker of Dog
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#87): I had an Economics professor who said ‘ceribus paribus’ instead of ‘ceteris paribus’ – it sounded like a magician’s patter. In response, we students pronounced his Ph.D. as “phd”.

    @littlestevie (#81):

    I was kinda thinking that Gunther would make Dirk Diggler jealous.

    AND@Sequitur (#91):

    Gunther’s Naughty Bits sounds like a snack food one might find in Britain.

    Hold still for a minute… (rummaging) Now where did I put that internet taser…

  105. Bizarro Stormy
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    All this talk about Luann seems to ignore the fact that she’s walking into a library. On the other hand, if Gunther is in a crotchless fursuit humping a Luann-shaped pillow in the library…now that is AHHHHHH-worthy.

  106. The Ridger
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#70): You might be right but you’ll be a lot happier if you can learn to let go of your prejudices about pronunciation. In the grand scheme of things, it’s really unimportant. Saying “liberry” says nothing whatsoever about anyone’s education or morals or intelligence; it’s only an accent – which is something adults find very hard to break. As you’ll learn if someone starts cringing at one of your regional quirks…

    It just distresses me when people let such tiny, tiny things make them so unhappy. A regional accent here, a misspelling there, a nonce word someplace else… so much to get upset over and none of it anything worth the angst.

  107. Mr. O'Malley
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    But it’s unusual to hear anyone pronounce February as “February” rather than “Febuary”. In the US, at any rate.

  108. commodorejohn
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#107): I’ve always pronounced it “Febrry,” more or less, and a lot of people I know do, to. I wonder if that’s a regional thing?

  109. Jennifer
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    One Big Happy is clearly fishing for some more Comics Curmudgeon love, and I say they deserve it. It’s definitely my favorite strip in the paper today. Cute, well-drawn, family-friendly without being Family Circus and, dare I say it, funny.

  110. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    @Bizarro Stormy (#105): I don’t remember THAT version of CLUE. . . . .

  111. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    It’s pronounced “Febyary” isn’t it?

  112. Mr. O'Malley
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Another one you hear a lot in the US is “Artic” and “Antartic” for Arctic and Antarctic. And there’s a big area of the country where L in front of a consonant is always silent, so “wolf” comes out “woof”, etc.

    Almost all Americans don’t pronounce the H in “herb”, although they don’t do this for any other word starting with H. They also pronounce “been” as “bin”, but they don’t do this with “seen”, “keen”, etc.

    Everyone has an accent and a collection of odd pronunciations.

  113. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    I’m from the Midwest, it’s the rest of you folks that talk funny. ;-)

    (note to Virginia, “fire” doesn’t rhyme with “car”.)

  114. Mr. O'Malley
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#108): That sounds like a regionalism to me. I bet you do it consistently in words of a similar nature. I’m sure that linguists have a term to describe it.

    Most people here say “Febuary” with four syllables. The American Heritage Dictionary even specifies that as an alternative pronunciation, without so much as a Usage Note.

  115. Black Drazon
    June 21st, 2010 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    As a barkeep in the Funkyverse, the man in today’s strip is probably just trying to entertain himself in the only way his universe allows him to: his hobby of collecting saliva-transferred diseases. This could be #53! Good luck!

  116. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    MW: Oh, cool. Let’s watch as Jenna and Dr. Roberts expand their online relationship into Second Life. Eventually, after they’re married, they can enjoy evenings sitting on the couch with their laptops, watching their avatars have carnal relationships (sometimes with each other).

    I wonder which is the furry?

  117. Poteet
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#89): Or Peter could even spend some time trying to figure out how that seatback video screen works, while cursing softly to himself. I spent one flight watching GHOSTBUSTERS II in Japanese, being unable to figure out how to change the language. It was interesting to hear Bill Murray as a bass and Sigourney Weaver as a soprano. My favorite line, repeated a few times, was “SLIME-DAH!”

  118. Citric
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    Is Mike a 419 scammer? “Allow me to introduce myself. I am not just a doctor, but a Nigerian prince. Unfortunately, I cannot access my bank account which contains $1 million US dollars. If you would be my partner I would reward you with $100,000 US dollars for your bank account. Also, sex, because that is what our mutual friend Mary Worth is asking us to do. Please let us enter this business and possible sex arrangement.”

  119. Rusty
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Too lazy to read 100 posts, so I’ll take a shot here.

    JP: Dude, Ned’s having a neurotic French shoe designer every night, so you may want to re-think that request.

  120. Poteet
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#106): Is it okay, if the language mistake is amusing, to chortle to myself? If I ever get on TV and pronounce the word “heifer” to rhyme with “fifer,” like a local newscaster did last week, I give advance permission for viewers to chuckle.

  121. True Fable
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#46):
    Summer isn’t summer without a Dingo narrative!

  122. cydu
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    See, I always called them SOUP patches.

  123. ElkMeadow
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Where did I get the idea that One Big Happy Family was in reruns? Is it or isn’t it?

  124. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#87): I always thought saying “liberry” instead of “library” was a regional thing — like saying “liburrty” instead of “liberty”!

  125. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#91): You forgot “Gunther’s Spotted Dick”!

  126. Black Drazon
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    It occurs to me that this Mary Worth storyline is going too smoothly. “I found a young man you might like to meet!”… “I found a young woman you might like to meet!”… “Hi, so you’re the one Mary was talking about!”… “That was such a pleasant evening, we should do it again some time!”… Pithy quote, storyline swap. Where’s the conflict! At this rate, the storyline has only covered half its alloted five months! One of these two better be already married or I am going to continue to read this strip on a regular basis in a slightly more disgruntled than usual fashion!

  127. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#93): You were first! I’ll resubmit as either “Gunther’s Nutty Bites” or “Gunther’s Itty Bits” (the latter is probably closer to the truth)!

  128. commodorejohn
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#123): It’s a bit complicated. The dailies as seen on the Chron and goComics are new-run strips; however, the syndicate doesn’t offer the new-run Sundays online (to my knowledge,) so Sundays on goComics are reruns from “One Big Happy Classics,” which some other sites run daily instead of the new strips. Confusing, no?

  129. Old School Allie Cat
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#106):

    If only everything were as fluid as language! I could go around telling people that 3+5=12 and it would be considered quirky.

    I don’t think my co-worker or my boss are stupid, because I know them. And my father says “ATM Machines” and “athaletes” and he’s brilliant.

    But the only reason I cringe at my boss and co-worker is that we’re in Tennessee, and I don’t want our customers outside the South to assume we’re stupid.

  130. Aviatrix
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Jenna is not expressing delight in anticipation of a love life. She is giddy with anticipation at her über-meddle. We’ve already seen how exactly like Mary she is. Now watch as she leaves Mary in the dust, meddling her and her doctor friend into snivelling heaps.

  131. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#117): ROFL!

    wonderful story. :-)

  132. chauceriangirl
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    I keep picturing Gunther in a Carmen Miranda get-up, complete with the basket of fruit on his head. tico-tico, tick, tico-tico tock, oh tico-tico he’s the cuckoo in my cock (freudian slip, but oh so apropros)

  133. KarMann
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#112): The funny thing about “herb”, though, is that most will pronounce the ‘h’ in the proper name “Herb”, usually short for “Herbert”.

    @ElkMeadow (#123): I’m a bit confused about OBH myself, but at least part of the confusion is explained by there being two different OBHs running in parallel.
    At commodorejohn’s goComics minus goComics (and presumably at goComics itself), today’s is marked as being 6-16, and I think the year is 2006, but it might be 2008.
    At the Chron site, today’s is marked as 6-21, and the copyright says 2010.
    Why it’s running this way, I have no idea.

  134. Lawyerbob
    June 21st, 2010 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    “Here we go!” was preceded by “That witch is going through with it! There’s no escaping her meddling! The only way out is the sweet embrace of death! A heaping spoonful of rat poison, and . . . “

  135. KarMann
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#133): Or, you know, you could just listen to what commodorejohn had to say on the subject himself, while I was busy researching URLs and examining too-small copyright info.

  136. Poteet
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#131): Thank you. I’m glad I could provide a laugh in return for all your wonderful squee.

  137. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    The bartender in Funky Witherloin resembles actor BOB HASTINGS who played the owner of Kelsey’s Bar on All in the Family. Probably not a coincidence!

  138. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#136): any laughter is merely icing on the cake of your witty repartee and general love for the Prince of Thule. *blows kisses*

  139. Emily K [Riff Chick]
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Congrats on the comics page shout-out, Josh! huzzah! That shirt is finger-quotin’ good, btw. long live margo!

    FW: And Tommy, dear, you are not, were not ever, and will never be, a sequential artist. Gag strip cartoonist, maybe. Think 70′s – early 90′s era FW strips. And I know you so so badly want to cross over into “dramedic” territory in order to gain “legitimacy.” But it’s not happening. Instead, it’s just… awkward. And not in a charming way, a la “The Office.”

  140. Emily K [Riff Chick]
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Judging by the last panel in today’s Judge Parker, Ned just finished faking an earth-shattering orgasm within Mark’s earshot.

  141. This Guy
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#107): I always pronounce it “February.” People are constantly complaining that the second month is difficult to spell. My response is that it’d be easy to spell if people would pronounce it correctly.
    A few years ago, I was in the manga section of Borders, and I met a man who was also browsing the shelves. He pronounced it “magna.” I pointed out as politely as possible that it was “manga,” and he said “To-may-to, to-mah-to.” The conversation didn’t continue much past that. Vowels are one thing, but transposing letters is another.

  142. The Ridger
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#120): Sure, I do myself. So does everybody, I bet.

    For that matter it’s okay if you snarl/rant/weep. I just think that investing so much anger or outrage is a waste of some perfectly useful emotions, and can lead to becoming a sad or ridiculous figure, like the folks at the Queen’s English Society, or even major legal problems, like those guys who vandalized a piece of our national heritage so they could correct a misplaced apostrophe.

    English is a tough old bird. It’s not in danger.

  143. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#127): Then there’s Gunther’s Noshy Yum-Yums.


  144. cheech wizard
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    Neddy and Mark seem to have a more than passing resemblance to Pumpkin and Honeybunny. Not only that, the waitress looks like John Travolta. This could be about to get interesting, though I seriously doubt it.

  145. dale
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth

    This reminds me of when I was 10 or 11 years old and trying to compose my first pen pal letter to a guy in Northern Rhodesia.

    Don’t these people have telephones? More in keeping with the MW personality, why doesn’t she make them come to her place and meet in person?

  146. The Ridger
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#129): I wish people would stop arguing that math and language are in any way identical.

    We don’t say “holp” any more, we say “helped”. We don’t (most of us) say “aks” we say “ask” – though back when Chaucer was writing “ask” was the norm. We don’t say “eowic” or “ye” – no, we say “you” for all cases except possessive. It’s a fact: language IS fluid. Language does change; And all we object to is the change we notice.

    The math analogy is flawed.

    And I’m in danger of riding my hobby horse into the ground, so I’ll quit.

  147. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    Alley Oop: A new caveman character called “Goob” has joined the cast. (I wonder if “Goob” is short for “Goober” — he does look a bit like Goober Pyle/George Lindsey.)

    Scary Gary: The Wolfman puts on his best poker face.

  148. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#143): I’ll raise you one “Gunther’s Candied Yams”!

  149. Crankenstank
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    I suppose spontaneous mutual orgasm as an explanation for Luann today is completely out, eh?

  150. Girl Reporter
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#106): But, but…then how will I get to feel all smug and superior?! And I wouldn’t have any opportunities to make that involuntary scoffing noise in the back of my nose?! Life won’t be worth living!

  151. cheech wizard
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    Luann – So Evans won’t give us any hot Brad ‘n Toni sex, but he will portray Gunther whacking off in the library to a National Geographic? Say what you will about the guy, but you can’t accuse him of sucking up to his audience.

  152. commodorejohn
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#151): Um, I think the words “hot,” “Brad,” and “sex” in the same sentence caused my brain to logic-bomb. I’m going to go attempt a reboot with repeatedly inserting a railroad spike into my head.

  153. cheech wizard
    June 21st, 2010 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#152): You do that. I hear My Cage is looking for understudies.

  154. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    GA: Gertie is actually quite crazy.

  155. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#148): As long as Potato-Ade™ doesn’t use them for their new Yam-Ade™.

    Thanks bats :[

  156. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    I turned out to be so completely, entirely wrong about my last girlfriend (something which has just come to an abrupt end), that I actually found myself kind of envious of Mary Worth’s latest victims. A pre-meddled date is a at least vetted. Although, in Mary’s case, that probably just means petty suburbanites with appalling fashion sense, so maybe I’m better on my own.

    . . . as in single. *sigh*

  157. Joe, Upper-Evergreen Guy
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    Bradann: Maybe Gunter is pounding his own ass with a candlestick.

  158. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#154): SLAM! stands for “Scancarelli Loves Auntie Mame!” (his favorite book/play/movie). Would I lie to you?

  159. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, Upper-Evergreen Guy (#157): As long as he doesn’t dip his wick… or burn it at both ends!

  160. cheech wizard
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    Actually, what do you bet Gunther’s having problems at home and is secretly living in the library? That would be a plausible scenario for Luann, but far less likely than whacking off in the stacks would be in real life.

  161. cheech wizard
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#158): Rocky Stoneaxe – wasn’t he the little cave man kid in Boy’s Life? Wedged in between Pee Wee Harris and the Tracey Twins?

  162. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @Les of the Jungle Patrol (#156): Sorry to hear about your recent bad experience, Les. Don’t give up, though — your next girlfriend could be “the one”!

  163. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#158):

    SCANCARELLI (to the tune of “Mame”)

    Who coaxs the dull out of the insane, Scancarelli!
    Whose plots can really cause you some pain, Scancaretti!
    Who won’t kill off his characters even if they’re over one-ten?
    He really makes you wonder if he should draw another one again.

    Who shows with every panel he’s nuts, Scancarelli!
    Whose plots are much more boring then
    Mutts, Scancarelli!
    He’ll keep on drawing them every day because knows nothing else.
    GA is getting crazier,
    Scancaretti’s getting lazier,
    I’m getting nausea-tier.

  164. mr 12 oz can
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    maryworth- wow jenna ive had a beer for breakfest before but its when im on vacation and not with cereal either .HER WE GO
    mark trail- dam i thought it was cherry back from the hairdresser nope just money seeking mildred and slight mustacheman

  165. seismic-2
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    I refuse to believe that, after listening to Funky’s tale of misery yesterday, the bartender is gulping down the screwdriver that Funky had ordered. After hearing Funky tell the story of his life, surely the bartender would chug an entire bottle of George T. Stagg 140-proof bourbon. With a Drano chaser. After that, then he might gulp down a screwdriver. And several boxes of screws.

  166. The Poster with No Name
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    re: One Big Happy: One could wish that Soul Patch Pete were wearing the “Psycho Ruthie” shirt instead; but I guess that would be a little TOO meta.

  167. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#161): Right on all counts! Rocky Stoneaxe was created in 1953 by cartoonist MAL EATON, who retooled it from a 1930s/40s syndicated comic strip called Peter Piltdown. (My turn to ask a question: Are you a fan of Vaughn Bode’s Cheech Wizard from National Lampoon?)

  168. Walker of Dog
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#90): Inspired by the in-flight screening of Airport, Peter will decide to save the day by flinging open the exterior cabin door, tapping the power of sudden depressurization. But while Puppet Tony, already in his Iron Man outfit, will be too heavy to be sucked out, several unsecured passengers and cabin crew won’t be so fortunate. Peter, of course, will have tethered himself to an overhead bin using his web spinners (which I guess he got past security, even though he didn’t bring them to Miami, even though we saw him use them).

  169. Anonymous
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#160): Because that would actually be interesting.

  170. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#163): That was Mad-magazine worthy. Mayhap you should consider joining the “usual gang of idiots”!

  171. Sequitur
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#170): That’s me. An idiot in search of a gang.

  172. cheech wizard
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#167): I thought so! I’d forgotten all about him until I saw your sig. And yes, I was a huge fan of Vaughn, Bode broads and National Lampoon in general.

    Speaking of NL and Boy’s Life, did you ever see the parody they did? Particularly the comics section? The Tracey Twins parody damn near made me pee my pants.

  173. Farley's Revenge
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#149): Good Lord, I hope so.

  174. Farley's Revenge
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#121): Very true!

  175. zerowolf
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#129): 3+5=12 is true in base 6

  176. Rana
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#99): Yup. I pronounce it that way too, as does my father. And we iz both PhDs!

  177. Flying Manatee
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    MOTHER GOOSE & GRIMM: Spuds Mackenzie humor?? I guess all the good Max Headroom gags have been used. Way to keep it relevant.

  178. Écureuil Écumant
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    JP: It’s the chicken-beaked waitress from Pluggers!

  179. Loki
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    So, when are you going to start selling the Luann-shaped sex pillow, the ultimate aid for abstinence? The Religious Right alone would make you rich.

  180. Baron Von Hammer
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    Luann: This being Luann, Gunther is certain to be doing something predictably PG rated. He’s probably fitting his Real Doll with some kicky summer outfits he just dashed off.

  181. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#172): Thanks for the heads up! I never saw the NatLamp Boy’s Life parody issue, but I’ll be sure to look for a copy on eBay!

  182. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Les of the Jungle Patrol (#156): Oh dear—I’m sorry. That’s rough, really—but please step away from the altar of Our Lady of Meddle. Yes, she’s a temptress at times like this: that utter confidence that She knows best; the pretty pretty platitudes; the stern admonitions to do as She says. But allowing her into your life can only end in a fern-lined path in one of two directions: lustless, joyless, sexless mandated coupling with some simpering wench with oil-slick blue hair, or a raucous, spectacular, whiskey-fueled plunge off Aldo Point in your ridiculously large sedan.

    No, better to nurse your (very real) wounds and let Fate, a far kinder mistress, albeit one with fewer pool parties, lead the right person into your life.

  183. seismic-2
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    I loved that NatLamp parody of Boy’s Life, especially the Torture of the Indians comic. But then I say “ketchup” instead of “catsup”, so what do I know, anyway.

  184. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#178): I was thinking Roz from Shoe. Chicken McNugget Lady doesn’t work in an eatery, does she?

  185. cheech wizard
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#181): October 1974, Vol. 1, No. 55 – “Pubescence” Issue

  186. CrashTestDummy
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Something must be going on between the father of Ruthie and his special “friend”, because I’m pretty sure the only reason to grow a soul patch is to give one big happy ending.

  187. Aviatrix
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    Josh, you need a sidebar link to a post that you edit to keep updated with links and descriptions of the various CC shoutouts.

  188. Paddy
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    I think Funky only changed his mind because he realized that he was about to pay six bucks for a shotglass of orange juice and vodka. He clearly has decided it will be much cheaper and more effective to simply tip the bartender two dollars and go buy some store brand orange juice and Popov vodka and get fucked up in the alley behind Montoni’s.

  189. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#185): Thanks for narrowing it down to 10/74!

    June 21st, 2010 at 10:52 pm [Reply]


    can't a creature polish their nuts in peace

  191. Poteet
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#138): To the Prince of Thule, the Mudges of the Midwest, and Cuteness! *hoists glass*

  192. bats :[
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#181): I think I have that copy just because it had plans to make a “Leda and the Swan” wind-catcher. I always wanted to make that (if it were indeed possible) and put it out in our front yard.

  193. Poteet
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @Les of the Jungle Patrol (#156): Sympathies. Truly. I hope that coming here helps a little.

  194. bats :[
    June 21st, 2010 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @Paddy (#188): more like Sunny D and the store-brand vodka (the stuff that comes in the 1.75-liter plastic bottles).

  195. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 21st, 2010 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#192): Really? There is such a thing? That’s one of my favorite poems ever. I could have a nice little collection: Leda and the Swan over here, Prufrock daring to eat a peach over there, the rough beast slouching towards Bethlehem in the corner, the ball-turret gunner…. well, the less said about him, the better.

  196. cheech wizard
    June 21st, 2010 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#192): I liked the parody of the greeting card sales ad, which always listed all the cool stuff you could supposedly get for selling x number of boxes of greeting cards – “Hey, kids – look at all this neat stuff I got just for breaking into a house!”

  197. bats :[
    June 21st, 2010 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#195): well, the plans (hard to tell — I’m trying to remember because I’m not quite sure where my copy is) *looked* plausible. I keep trying (not very hard) to find a “how-to” book on making wind-toys that I saw years ago at a craft store and was an idiot not to pick up. I figure even the Nat. Lampoon bogus idea could be retrofitted enough to scare/offend the neighbors…

  198. Poteet
    June 21st, 2010 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @BigTed (#41): I bet just about any ‘do would look better on Doris than a giant bun. I seem to recall that Neddy did a fashion makeover on a geeky Indian student several years ago — it may be time for another.

  199. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#190): Understandable though regrettable. Luann is used to Pud’s nonexistent huevos!

  200. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 21st, 2010 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    @Paddy (#188): Did Funky leave a couple of bills on the bar? Or did he put them back in his wallet? It looked like the latter to me.

  201. texas buddha
    June 21st, 2010 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    After a very long break I’ve finally squeezed out a new blog entry.

    In today’s New World Order Family Circus we learn what comes of following Glenn Beck’s investment advice.

  202. Sister Sestina
    June 21st, 2010 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Wait, is “One Big Happy” insinuating that someone who’d wear a Finger-Quotin’ Margo shirt might not “have enough soul”?


  203. ElkMeadow
    June 22nd, 2010 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#128):

    So did this all happen before or after Lynn Johnston did the time warp?

  204. KarMann
    June 22nd, 2010 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#203): Damn you! Now I’ve got the vision of Ellie in Rocky Horror attire stuck in my brain! Can’t un-see!

  205. Poteet
    June 22nd, 2010 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#195): Huh. I like all those poems, even including the ball-turret gunner. He does remind me that we could think about a list of possible cheery FW wind-catchers. Besides the ball-turret gunner, I nominate the Dylan child who died by fire in London.

  206. Yr Obt Servt
    June 22nd, 2010 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Doris, in today’s panel 3 of JP reminded me of something…what was it…what…?

    Then I remembered. Phantom, June 18, also panel 3.

    The operant word to establish similarity between these images is “schnozz.”

  207. Poteet
    June 22nd, 2010 at 12:30 am [Reply]


    A3G — “There’s nothing I love better than a big night backstage!” Translation; “I screwed six stagehands, three musicians, and the guy who designed the lighting!”

    MW — Interesting. Per the earlier discussion about bad English, here we have a classic example.

    S-M — Yep. I once saw a passenger act pretty much like that about using the restroom before landing.

  208. Oregonian
    June 22nd, 2010 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    Okay, I can hardly believe that I just did this, but I actually got up out of bed a few minutes ago, climbed the ladder to the loft, turned on the computer, and got on the web solely for the sole and exclusive purpose of getting an early sneak preview of the Tuesday Luann. God help me.

  209. Hairhead
    June 22nd, 2010 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    LUANN – Okay everybody, get ready for a full week of excruciatingly squick-inducing Gunther’s-dick jokes. Luann, being a wonderful, sensitive human being, will share her experience with everyone she knows, eliciting the following reactions:

    BERNICE : Are you sure you even know what one looks like?
    LUANN : Having a friend like you I should know what a cunt looks like!

    DELTA : I’ve seen bigger.
    LUANN : You mean–
    DELTA : On my little brother.
    LUANN : It’s like–
    DELTA : Yeah, yeah, a baby’s arm with an apple in its fist.

    L’IL ELVIS : Have I told you that short guys are all cock?

    QUILL : Describe it to me, in detail . .
    LUANN : Why do you have your hands down your pants?

    LUANN’S MOM : As long as it wasn’t Brad’s, I don’t care. Did you see Brad’s? If have, I’ll have to kill you, you slut!

    LUANN’S DAD : Describe it to me; I need a reminder of what I used to have before I married your mother . . .

  210. MWDG
    June 22nd, 2010 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    MW: All joking aside… Jenna appears to be wearing some sort of cheap wig… This poor woman must be as bald as a billard ball! It would be interesting if Dr. Mike took Jenna to an amusement part and Jenna’s cheap wig flew off on the roller coaster.

    The man in the picture behind Jenna is one of the following:
    A. That councilman Mary was trying to hook up with a few years ago
    B. Terry Bryson at her HS prom
    C. A photoshopped wedding picture of Jenna and Mike

    Who would use an financial planner that lives in a log cabin filled with partical board furniture?

    Forgive me for this but that glass is not full of tang it is a glass of Dr. Corey’s urine

  211. Lloyd S.
    June 22nd, 2010 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Wow! I’m impressed. These CC references and inside jokes are showing up all over the comics pages. Though if I were Josh, I’d consider getting out of the business when my face shows up in Pluggers…

  212. Rick Caron
    June 22nd, 2010 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    If you thought the final panel of Monday’s Luann was a shocker, better not check out the Tuesday strip. It’s…most unsettling…queasiness kicking in…unnnggghhhh

  213. Instarabbit
    July 18th, 2010 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Based on the confused look on Mike’s face, we’re about to get an arc on learning disabilities, and the good doctor is wondering why some crazy lady named “Myra” is stalking him.

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