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Foolish girls + bears = hilarity

Mark Trail, 7/31/06

Is there anything more delightful than seeing Kelly Welly repeatedly throw herself in the path of killer grizzlies as part of an ill-conceived plot to advance her career and/or bed a rugged outdoorsman — any rugged outdoorsman? Well, maaybe Mark describin the situation with a sentence that would never spontaneously come out of the mouth of any under the age of 85. We could spend the rest of the summer in a continuous Kelly-does-something-foolish/gets-menaced-by-bears/gets-rescued-by-Mark-and/or-Rick/gets-yelled-at-by-Mark/makes-eyes-at-Rick-and/or-Mark loop and I would still be a happy guy.

Mary Worth, 7/31/06

Speaking of delightful: I don’t have much to say about today’s Mary Worth, except that today’s second panel might be one of the most pleasing Mary Worth panels in many a moon. The only way it could be better would be if she actually hurled her grocery bags into the air, with fruit, cinnamon, and flour flying everywhere — but still, we’ve got Mary shouting “AAUGH!” and radiating panic lines as a bow-tied Aldo Kelrast appears out of nowhere, so let’s not look gift horses in the mouth! In fact, let’s all bathe in the comforting glow of its pleasingness:

Aaaaahhhh.

Luann, 7/31/06

Just FYI, “couples retreat” is code for “swingers convention.”

184 responses to “Foolish girls + bears = hilarity”

  1. treedweller
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    I like the way O Stalker Lad has his arms crossed and that petulant look on his face, as if he’s thinking, “Why didn’t you send a thank you note for the flowers, Mary Worth? I’m going to have to make you pay for that later.”

  2. johnw
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    As Kelly edges carefully toward the bear in a place of concealment, the noble woodsman Mark Trail suddenly SHOUTS. The bear looks up. spots Kelly, and quickly dispatches her. And… Kelly is the foolish one???

    I blame her parents anyway. Sooner or later, anyone named “Kelly Welly” is coming to grief. She sure isn’t gonna be elected President or win a Nobel prize.

  3. D.A. Pennington
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    In the 3rd panel of Mark Trail, why is the bear saying, “Jack Elrod”?

    Yes, she is a foolish girl . . . not for trying to snap a pic of a wild grizzly, but for trying to snap a pic of a rare tourettes grizzly.

  4. bonnach
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    I thought “couples retreat” came just before condo shopping for Mommy. But maybe that’s just my family.

    Kelrast indeed!

  5. Austin
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Don’t forget the awesome head-swivel action in panel two, too!

  6. Uncle Lumpy
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Action! In frickin’ Mary Worth! Thank you, Mr. Kelrast, sir – long, long may you wave.

    AAUGH!

  7. brendan
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of Luann, why is Brad’s hair drawn to look like he’s recovering from brain surgery? No wonder he didn’t get Toni Daytona: he looks like he’s retarded.

    Also, i like the food flying from dad’s mouth in the final panel.

  8. Johnny
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    The sudden appearance of Aldo Kelrast is shocking, sure, but I think Mary’s panic lines were caused by the wall of shrubs that materialized where, mere seconds earlier, there was only a blue truck.

  9. D.A. Pennington
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Noticing panel 2 of Mary Worth.
    See tomorrows MW, as Mary is in a neck brace from self-induced whiplash.

  10. Jeff
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Are you sure that’s Aldo Kelrast? He looks like a young Captain Kangaroo to me (back when he was a carrot top of course).

  11. MossMoses
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t the bear missing his ass arrow? The narrative says “the bear they are looking for”, but it can’t be the same bear since it is missing the ass arrow.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Mark_Trail&date=20060717

  12. Martin
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    treedweller: I don’t think that’s Aldo’s angry- I think that’s his, “Oops my prey say me now I must try to act nonchalant” pose.

    He needs to work on his kelrasting skills.

  13. Moesy
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    I wonder why Mary had her trunk open. At first I thought it was to put the groceries away, but then she closed it and she still has the bag in her arms. I guess the artist just needed to hide Aldo for the big reveal. Perhaps she was supposed to throw the bag in the air from fright, but dude forgot to draw that part…

  14. bupdaddy
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    I used to have a camera just like Mark Trail’s – where the “lens” was just a design painted on a flat face. It’s not a real camera – it’s a squirt gun. That prankster.

  15. wha?
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Why is Mary closing the trunk, but still holding on to her groceries? Did she have a senior moment and forget to put them in, or did she decide the ingredients for her special cake were too special to languish in the trunk?

  16. Lloyd S.
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    It would be more fun if she actually got seriously mauled by the grizz. Just hospitalization/surgical repair mauled, not dead though. Then, after she gets repaiered as well as she can, she could come back as a vengeful ?itch. Better still if Mark and Rick tied the knot in the meanwhile. Why should Dr.’s “Troy” and Rex have all the fun?

  17. Gryph
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    unless mary’s trunk is also her fridge, why WOULDN’T she be taking her groceries out of the trunk? She has to take them inside to put them away/prepare the cake, doesn’t she?

  18. cheech wizard
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Alpo doesn’t care about Mary’s special apple cake – it’s her puddin’ that he wants to dip his spoon into.

  19. MossMoses
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth is closing the car trunk after taking her groceries out in preparation for carrying them inside to her condo. She is parked in the Charterstone parking lot, not the supermarket.

    It is poetic justice that someone is meddling maliciously in her life in much the same way she meddles in other peoples’ lives. Isn’t it a bit pretentious of her to call it “special” apple cake, even to herself? Judging by the amorphous slop she fed the cooing plumpers Lou and Kel in the last episode, the “special” part is the virulent diahrrea you get after eating it.

  20. Pansy
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Who goes on a couple’s retreat for a whole WEEK? No wonder Mister Luann looks disgusted.

    I think Mary Worth is just getting home with her groceries and that’s why she didn’t put them in the trunk. But why is she waiting until she gets back home to double-check her shopping list?

    Kelly would make a more impressive outdoors type if she weren’t wearing a screaming red shirt. I like it how Mark Trail always seems to have that one errant, curly lock on his forehead. No wonder she’s smitten!

  21. migellito
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Apparently she’s just arrived at home, and has actually just extracted her bags from her boot. Thus, the captain has been hiding in Mary’s bush.

  22. Patrick Wynne
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Anyone else scared that Mary was gonna have her own little Art Frahm moment?

  23. Timothy Burke
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    First point. The end panel of that Mary Worth is mad artistic genius. Captain Kelrast’s expression is…perfect.

    Second point. MossMoses is on to something. Suppose Aldo isn’t after Mary’s oh-so-sexy body, but instead is muscling in on her *racket*? He’s not a stalker: he wants to take over as the resident busybody! Seriously, that would be the coolest thing ever, he could be Mary’s Moriarty, the anti-busybody, the player on the other side.

  24. Lazlo
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    There goes my hope that Aldo Kelrast was really an anagram for “Rose-talk Lad.”

  25. Goshen Clown
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    If Mary Worth had checked the FBI crime files, she’d have found that 78% of all serial killers have worn a snappy red bow-tie at some point in their lives.

    And her with only an unbaked apple cake at her defense.

  26. Hippocrass
    July 31st, 2006 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Well, Margo seems to have forgotten all about the “neice party”, or has deluded herself into thinking it was all a clever joke. You know, since mr. Mills is so clearly smiten and all. Margo isn’t just turning into a bat-shit insane stalker. She will not spend the next week trying to grow a spiffy moustache.

  27. jailbird
    July 31st, 2006 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    #13 – she’s just checking on the decomposing body of her boyfriend who’s “in Cambodia”.

  28. DrBear
    July 31st, 2006 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    I have this terrible feeling the bear should have surprised Mary Worth and Kelly should foolishly be chasing Aldo. Or not.

  29. ohgrl
    July 31st, 2006 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Don’t worry, Mark, that bear is too occupied with his new Elrodball to notice Kelly being foolish again.

  30. Vince M.
    July 31st, 2006 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    AAUGH!
    Isn’t that supposed to come after “Here, Mary Worth, I’ll hold the football and you run up and kick it!”?

    With his bowtie, crossed arms, and steely demeanor, I thought Aldo was going after a James Bond impression.

  31. Ennui, WIllie Keeler
    July 31st, 2006 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    From a couple of threads ago,

    But didja ever notice how much Load Stalker looks like Chris Ware’s Rusty Brown?

    Rusty Brown looks like Rusty Jones a bit. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find an image of the bankrupt rustproofer.

  32. GodWithFire
    July 31st, 2006 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Luann: So what does Brad do for a living? I keep seeing him in uniform, along with that hottie (God did I just say that?) he works with, but I’m not sure doing what. Is he a fireman? Security guard? Cop? Bondage fetish gim? (“The Gimp’s asleep.” “So wake him UP.”)

  33. carrots
    July 31st, 2006 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Notice O Stalker Lad’s arms in the second panel? They aren’t comfortably folded. If he were a woman, that would look like a scared, defensive position.

  34. Mike P
    July 31st, 2006 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone else find it delightful that Mary Worth is gaining a rogue’s gallery? First there was Tommy, and now there’s Aldo…

  35. bitsey
    July 31st, 2006 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Who ever draws MW apparently doesn’t know that it is proper drawing technique to have celery sticking out of the top of the bag.

  36. Gar
    July 31st, 2006 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Aldo Kelrast? Is that some sort of code for “Captain Kangaroo”? That’s who he looks like to me. Of course, I think Mary Worth is a waste of ink, anyway…

  37. MossMoses
    July 31st, 2006 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    Yes Mike P., for such a whitebread, waspy gated community, Charterstone sure has an abundance of drug dealers, drunks, stalkers and ne-erdowells. That just gives Mary Worth even more reason to meddle in their dysfunctional lives.

  38. BlueDot
    July 31st, 2006 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    OBVIOUSLY Mary is shocked because Aldo, using a move he saw on “I Dream of Jeannie”, has magically transported her and her car from an open parking lot to a dark forest where he and Mr. Greenjeans plan to have their way with her. Duh!

  39. Von Zeppelin
    July 31st, 2006 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    I believe “Aaugh!” was Charlie Brown’s cry of anguish when Lucy moved the football or when his baseball team lost their 278th consecutive game, or when he failed to muster the courage to talk to the Little Red-Headed Girl at school. In the conventions of present-day movies (as opposed to comic strips) this is the equivalent of a crane shot with the Agonized Person looking upward with fists clenched, shrieking at the heavens, “NOOOOOoooo!!!!!”

    So. . . Mary is oppressed by the cruelty of Fate. Meanwhile, Stalkeraldo is mildly, reflectively, gazing at her, with an understated “Hello.” Actually, he is looking enviously at the trousers Mary is wearing in the previous panel and thinking, “Damn! I was buying this stupid bowtie when they had the sale on those great-looking Sansa-Belt pants.”

  40. bobby jogging
    July 31st, 2006 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Hahahaha Aldo looks like Captain Kangaroo!

  41. catastrophile
    July 31st, 2006 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    Kelly sez: “And it hasn’t seen me yet!

    Implying that she knows full well(y) that it’s only a matter of time until it does see her.

    And comes after her.

    And eats her alive.

    So she decides to . . . take a picture!

    “Mark won’t believe it when he finds my camera near my remains and has the film developed! Ooh, I hope the bear doesn’t accidentally smash it as he’s eviscerating me with his big horrible claws and teeth! The film might get exposed!”

  42. Islamorada Girl
    July 31st, 2006 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    #32—Load Stalkeroo has his arms crossed over his chest to conceal his man-boobs.

    With that bow tie, he looks like a service station attendant from the 50′s.

  43. Meander
    July 31st, 2006 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    Just FYI, “couples retreat” is code for “swingers convention.”

    Exactly what I thought.

  44. Proteus
    July 31st, 2006 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Just hacked into the Mary Worth Mainframe to spare you all from having to slog through the rest of the week’s installments. Here’s the dialog, and guess what? Not much happens.

    Tuesday
    Staldo: Hello again fair lady. Been shopping around?
    Mary: You startled me. That isn’t polite!
    Staldo: Forgive me, but like flowers turn to the sun I turn to you.
    Mary: (Interobang)

    Wednesday
    Mary: You startled me!
    Alpo: Are those apples? I see we share another passion.
    Mary: Well they’re for my Special Apple Cake.
    Alpo: Ahh. My dear wife used to make Special Apple Cake
    Mary: (Compassionate expression) I’ll be sure to bring you a loaf!
    Alpo: How kind of you! (Thought bubble): It isn’t the cake I’ll be looking forward to!

    Thursday
    Mary: I’ll bring a loaf of my Special Apple Cake to you tomorrow.
    Rose Talker: Perhaps I could help you bake it. I’m very handy around the kitchen.
    Mary: I think it would be better if I did it myself!
    Rose Talker: (Pouty/angry face)
    Mary: (Thought bubble) Oh, I’ve hurt his feelings!

    Friday
    Mary, walking up to her front door, AK in background: (Thought bubble) Well really! I should have told him that I don’t appreciate his “attention.”
    Mary: (Compassionate expression) But he looked so hurt when I rejected his offer.
    Mary, in her kitchen putting away groceries: (Stern look) Should I feel angry with him or ashamed of myself for how I reacted?
    Mary, looking up, her finger in the air, two birds visible in the sky seen through the kitchen window: (Wise radiant platitude look) When things aren’t right, there’s blame enough for two!

    Next week? Mostly the same. She talks with her friend about the interaction, her friend warns her that Kelpfast is trouble, Mary points out that gossip isn’t reliable, Krawldo puts on another bow tie thinking about how he will win that beauty over, and Mary is once again surprised when he makes contact. The cake isn’t even baked for another two weeks, our time.

  45. scott s.
    July 31st, 2006 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    I’ve not been reading Luann lately-When did Brad get a real job and become a semi-responsible adult?

  46. jamison
    July 31st, 2006 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    godwithfire asks:

    Luann: So what does Brad do for a living? I keep seeing him in uniform,

    he’s a fireman. and the hottie’s at a different fire station.

  47. Canaduck
    July 31st, 2006 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    #21–I love that you made an Art Frahm reference, but don’t worry–there’s no celery in that bag (see #34) AND ol’ Mary appears to be wearing pants, so we’re probably okay.

  48. Scott Simmons
    July 31st, 2006 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    “Couples retreat” is code for … Wha … ? Crap!! My wife invited me to a “couples retreat”, and I said I wasn’t interested. CrapCrapCrapCrapCrap … Where were you when I needed you, Josh?

  49. RichM
    July 31st, 2006 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    MW: “And the skeeve answered and said unto the woman, Fear not ye: for I know that thou seekest Jeff, which was bum boat endued. He is not here: for he is flown hither, as he said.”
    — Matt. 28:5-6, Moy & Gisella version.

  50. a
    July 31st, 2006 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    “Little Fibbs” was finally funny today..!!

  51. BigJoe
    July 31st, 2006 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    34 – And it also is supposed to also have a loaf of french bread sticking out.

  52. Badly_Computer_Generated_Boy
    July 31st, 2006 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    #18, 19 & 20 – If you’re right, and you might be, Mary’s trip from the grocery store back to Charterstone would probably be the fastest that anything has ever happened in the history of the strip. The usual pacing dictates that it should take about two weeks for Mary to adjust the rear view mirror before putting her car in reverse.
    I think things have been set up for a MW/Phantom crossover. Phantom likes secret apple cake and that puts him and Aldo in conflict.

    Josh – Can you set up some fancy HTML code that results in a shower of balloons and confetti as soon as the one millionth observation that Aldo looks like Captain Kangaroo is posted? Because that would be so…oh, we’ve already passed that milestone? Never mind.

  53. BigJoe
    July 31st, 2006 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    Hey! People are stealing the hilarious (cough) observations I made in the previous thread earlier today before this thread started. The car morphing into a hedge, the sidling Captain, the “I Dream of Jeannie” reference (I’m watching you BlueDot!)

    http://joshreads.com/?p=696#comment-46357

  54. Pendragon
    July 31st, 2006 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Hey, did anyone notice that Aldo looks like a stalker captain? And his last name is an anagram for kangaroo? Um…oh, crap…

  55. treedweller
    July 31st, 2006 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    You know, it occurs to me that we may be overlooking some pretty heavy symbolism here. Apples being the fruit of knowledge and all, one must wonder , is MW Adam, Eve, the snake, or God?

  56. treedweller
    July 31st, 2006 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    God?

  57. Doug Puthoff
    July 31st, 2006 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Aldo has to be the creepiest character in comics EVER. The sad part about it is: I may have to start reading “Mary Worth” regularly.

  58. TDB
    July 31st, 2006 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    He may call himself Aldo, but I’d recognize Captain Kangaroo anywhere.

  59. kostia
    July 31st, 2006 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    I laughed out loud at Mary Worth. I laughed out loud at Mary frigging Worth. It’s probably the first time this calendar year I’ve laughed out loud at a comic strip (if it’s not, it was GF or PBS, and I can’t remember which exact one), and it’s one of the ones that isn’t even supposed to be funny!

    But the more I look at it the more it bugs the pedant in me. If I were shopping to make my special apple cake, I wouldn’t refer to a bag full of freshly bought apples as “fruit.” I’d refer to them as “apples.” Also? Mary Worth has flour and cinnamon in the house already. Mary Worth isn’t the kind of broad who has to buy staples when she decides to make something from a recipe. And lastly? If there’s no sugar or baking soda in that cake, yuck.

  60. hacky
    July 31st, 2006 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    “The only way it could be better would be if she actually hurled her grocery bags into the air, with fruit, cinnamon, and flour flying everywhere…”
    Happy now?

  61. Tom T.
    July 31st, 2006 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    I’m down with comment #4; I totally read “couples retreat” as “couples therapy,” and I was baffled that the family was taking it so casually.

  62. Hokie
    July 31st, 2006 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth has a Conway Twitty hairdo. Can she sing?

  63. Da Scrodfather
    July 31st, 2006 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    I just hope Mark tackles Kelly Welly again. You KNOW she’s only risking her life to get some physical reaction from him, like Lois Lane used to jump from skyscrapers just so Superman would catch her.

  64. Hokie
    July 31st, 2006 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    The flame-heavy content of this post has been moved to this thread over at the Cockpit.

    If you don’t know what the Cockpit is, here’s what it is.

  65. ralelen
    July 31st, 2006 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    Aldo is German.

  66. Pantsman
    July 31st, 2006 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    Gee…that Aldo, he sure reminds me of someone….Hmm, a children’s TV host I think. Mr. Rogers? No, no, that’s not it….If only there was some magical way for me to actually READ previous comments in this thread, or the comments on any other thread featuring Aldo over the last several weeks. But since that’s obviously impossible, I guess I’ll just have to keep wondering.

    But don’t worry, whenever I figure it out, (I’ve hired Slylock Fox to help me…) I’ll be sure to post another comment to announce to everyone who Aldo looks like!

  67. Lazlo
    July 31st, 2006 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    43: That’s quite a talent you’ve got there. If I drew MW, I would just send that to the cartoonist and call it a week.

  68. jailbird
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    Seriously. WTF is the deal with Aldo’s hair? I know it’s been said over and over, but I really want to know what the artist is thinking. It looks like an orange helmet, strategically molded to his head. I’m truly perplexed by this whole thing, I’m starting to obsess about it.

  69. Virginia
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    Canaduck: agree with you on the pants. If we had to see Mary’s Depends fall to the ground as she clutches at her Elderly Spinster style skirt from Sears would be enough to make me vomit from my eye sockets (the actual eyes having melted from the horror).

  70. paddywhack69
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    You know, after 66 comments, there’s very little else I can add to this thread. But there is one issue nobody has touched on… in all seriousness, what the FUCK did Luann’s mom cook for dinner? Luann and her Mom look like they’re munching down plates of dirty hair. And you’d think that dear old Dad would be more enthusiastic about spending a week with different women, considering that his wife appears to have emptied a bed pan on his plate.

  71. dmac
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    He also looks like the Philadelphia Flyers coach… oh, who they say looks like Captain Kangaroo. Erhm.

  72. 2fs
    August 1st, 2006 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    #51: Isn’t it time to revise the posting and discussion policies to prohibit any mention of C*pt**n K*ng*r**? Or perhaps we could have one of those annoying translucent images (like Netflix has when you put a movie in the queue) of the late Mr. K. loom over the page, shaking his finger “no-no-no-no,” every time someone types that name?

    #47: Don’t get too excited: it’s common knowledge that most couples at such events look rather like Mary Worth and Alko D. Telstar here.

  73. Scumbaggioni
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    The flame-heavy content of this post has been moved to this thread over at the Cockpit.

    If you don’t know what the Cockpit is, here’s what it is.

  74. catastrophile
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    jailbird: “Seriously. WTF is the deal with Aldo’s hair?

    I think he’s hoping to join the Army.

  75. Edward
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    Maybe we’re looking at this the wrong way. Maybe it isn’t an anagram. Maybe a ‘kelrast’ is to meddling old biddies as a ‘pederast’ is to young boys.

    Could we add a filter that changes the words ‘Captain Kangaroo’ to ‘my mom’? Because I’d actually find the posts much funnier that way. “Hey! Have you ever noticed that Mary’s stalker looks like my mom?”

  76. Scumbaggioni
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    The flame-heavy content of this post has been moved to this thread over at the Cockpit.

    If you don’t know what the Cockpit is, here’s what it is.

  77. Hank Kimble
    August 1st, 2006 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    How is “AAUGH” pronounced?” I need to know in case I ever run into Charles Osgood or a bear with an arrow in his ass.

  78. Scumbaggioni
    August 1st, 2006 at 5:18 am [Reply]

    The comic itself is funny. But the commentary is hilarious. So much so, I was crying from laughter from the very first line, because those were the exact words going through my mind.

    Seanbaby is BACK! Hooray!

    (Caution: adult language and situations.)

  79. Len
    August 1st, 2006 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    #77 — I’m surprised that Captain Tootsie isn’t about a be-spectacled cross-dressing actress!

    Evil Doctor Narsty has no imagination. There are many other alternative orifices he might have tried to plug up with corks on Captain Tootsie.

  80. jailbird
    August 1st, 2006 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    #73 – Pussycats in orange helmets? Aldo must be the leader of the pussies!

  81. Ennui, WIllie Keeler
    August 1st, 2006 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Aldo also has a Pete Rose thing going on with his hair. Maybe he has gambling problems. I wonder if he golfs with Marty Moon.

  82. GotFuzzy
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    Marty’s got all he can handle with his Ben Franklin-lookin’ sandbagger. How funny will it be when Marty gets fleeced by a guy in a hat that would make Judge Smails laugh?

    Check out today’s (DT)GT to see the Thorp-spawn get heckled by Pauly Shore in a leotard.

  83. J.C. Loophole
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    I look at Mary Worth. I see Aldo, but I hear Kip’s (from Napoleon Dynamite) voice coming in my head.

  84. Dennis Jimenez
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    I’ve only been following JP for about a month, but the script lettering suddenly started looking like crap. The strip looks like a cheap photoshop gag. I don’t know if my strange desire to catch Abbie in some compromising pose will be enough to keep me holding on to this one.

  85. Eric
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    I’ve got something else to say about this Mary Worth: why did she wait to get home before reviewing her purchases? That seems like the kind of thing you’d check before making the drive back to Worth Manor.

  86. hannibal_smitty
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Whoa! In today’s Pluggers, we find that a plugger uses a ziplock bag for a camera case, but a plugger’s camera is digital! I am incredibly shocked that the artist even knows how to draw a digital camera. Now I guess my hopes for a plugger’s photo album being a refrigerator are dashed! I hope the camera only has one MP. That’s my only hope for the strip left.

  87. Justafoob
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    today’s missing last panel of FBOFW

    “Ha Ha Liz. My band is a bunch of animals. Ha Ha Ha. Speaking of animals, are you still fucking like a bunny with every Paul, Warren, or Granthony that cums along? Jeez, Liz, you must be so sore from the action you get.

  88. Big Pinz
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    I haven’t been reading the comments lately, but I assume it’s been pointed out that Kelrast is an anagram for Stalker, right?

  89. michael
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    I’d give anything for a panel immediately after the now inevitable sexual assualt on Mary Worth’s person, where she stares into the “camera” nearly catatonic, her hair askew and her lipstick smudged and says simply “Hells bells. I forgot the eggs.”

  90. Daniel
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Yes, that second Panel of the Mary Worth comic did turn a bad day not so bad for me. I can’t wait until she finds out he peers into her windows at night. :D

  91. TEM
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Somebody may have said this already, so forgive me if I’m repeating. Doesn’t Aldo look just like Captain Kangaroo, only with red hair? The idea of the Captain being a stalker is sick and wrong, but it’s also quite funny so everything balances out.

  92. BigJoe
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Time for a post counter update:

    MW dude looks like Captain Kangeroo = 207
    MW dude’s name anagrams to Stalker = 89
    Curtis swimming near schlong = 18
    Gil Thorp sucks = 14,202
    Cathy was funny = 1

  93. BigJoe
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    91 – Dang, I can’t keep up. Post #90 occurred while I was typing up #91. So update “MW dude looks like Captain Kangeroo” to 208.

  94. rich
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    43: Proteus, that’s scary good. Karen Moy better watch her back.

    70: Isn’t that what ALL hockey coaches look like? Here’s another: Pat Burns

    71: Ahhh, just let it go…it’s actually gotten kind of humorous how many (seemingly) sincere posters are having that insight. (At least they’re not saying “First!!”) (…or “Frist!!”)

    On a different note, today’s Duplex made me snort out loud.

  95. Harry Worth
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Will you all stop with the Aldo Kelrast looks like Captain Kangaroo!!!!!

    Captain Kangaroo was a fictional character, HE DOES NOT EXIST.

    GET IT!!

    Good. End of rant.

    BTW Aldo Kelrast looks amazingly like Bob Keeshan, don’t you think?

  96. BigJoe
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    93 – I liked that one. How about Monty today, made me chuckle.

  97. BigJoe
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Today’s two contestants for “what the hell?”:

    B.C.: According to the online dictionary, the definition of macadam is “pavement made of layers of compacted broken stone, now usually bound with tar or asphalt.”

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2006/8/1&name=BC

    Id: Maybe an Eglish major can explain the hilarity of today’s strip:

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2006/8/1&name=Wizard_of_Id

  98. dimestore lipstick
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Aldo’s hairstyle is a weird fusion of early Beatles, Julius Caesar, and Moe Howard. Maybe some circa 1976 Dorothy Hamill in there, too.

    Coupled with the ginger coloring and the walrus moustache, I find it deeply disturbing.

  99. BigJoe
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    96 – I’m answering my own question? I think I just got B.C. When he says “it’s all the rage” he’s referring to the pavement material…so referring to “road rage”.

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

  100. treedweller
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    #88 Will this do?

    You owe me $10,000. I take Paypal.

  101. treedweller
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    #96 I’m an English major. I can only guess at the meaning of that “Id.” I think he was one of those pedants who gets worked up over every abuse of the language. He finally heard one too many split infinitives and it made his head explode (i.e., “rent” him “asunder”). Perhaps with the additional notion that something split might have a sharp edge. But I’m just guessing. I think the real answer is, don’t try to make sense out of “Wizard of Id.”

  102. rich
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    98: I think you’ve got it…though why didn’t he just say asphalt, instead of making us dig through our dictionaries? Who the heck says “macadam”?

    (I had a mental block with that joke, as once I read it I couldn’t get Rachel McAdams out of my mind…which happens to be the most pleasure I’ve gotten out of B.C. in a long time.)

  103. MossMoses
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Did other posters notice the missing ass arrow in Grizz Lee? Wasn’t that the whole cause of his rogue behavior? Kelly Welly sure is UNPREDICTABLE!

  104. BigJoe
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    102 – Another item to add to my post counter:

    Number of times the words “pleasure” and “B.C.” occurred in the same sentence = 1.

  105. big_old_geek
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    So we all figured out that Kelrast is an anagram of “Stalker”. What’s with “Aldo”? Is his true unscrambled name “Load Stalker”? “A Old Stalker”? What is it!?

  106. Duane Schneider
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Well, if Margo is planning a birthday party, we all know that the kids are going to be wearing party hats.

  107. Abbey the Wonderdog
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Just when the hell is Abbey the Wonderdog going to show up and save the day?

    BARK! BARK! BARK!

  108. treedweller
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Kelly is like 150 yards away from that bear, and she doesn’t have a telephoto lens. If she thinks she’s getting a great picture, it’s no wonder she never gets the plum assignments.

    But something I’ve been wondering about since Sunday: if Mark has been tracking a bear for the last, oh, three months or so, how did he manage to file a story on crabs?

  109. Joan
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Plugger irony: Putting your camera in a sealed plastic bag is is a very effective method of being able to move a camera from a cooler environment, like air conditioned indoors, to a warmer environment, without fogging the lens (you have to wait until it warms up closer to the outdoor temp before removing from the bag). So, this particular Plugger practice is a reflection of techno savvy.

    B.C.: I thought maybe rock is to macadam as diamond is to cubic zirconium, and the giver was finding hilarious that he’d just given her a crap gift that she seemed to like until he pointed out that it’s crap.

    Proteus: You nailed it. Thank you for your kind service. You are my knight in shining armor. Speaking of which, since when is helping schlep groceries equal to slaying dragons (or, if you insist on reality, killing bunches of Muslims)?

  110. ben
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Turns out Franklin did snooker that lowlife Marty. And, today, we move on to gymnast boys in drag.

  111. Rande
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Has anyone yet discovered that Aldo’s name is also an anagram for “Dollar Steak?”

    Isn’t it more likely that the real plot of Ms. Worth’s current story is that to repay Mary for some kindness, Aldo takes her out to dinner at a restaurant serving sub-par epicurean delights?

    Or perhaps the truth behind the rumor of his past is that Aldo’s wife fell victim not to Mad Cow disease but rather the lesser known Bad Cow disease, leaving Aldo, who frequents the “Yesterday’s Meat” counter at the Safeway, consumed with guilt?

  112. Aldo
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    #111 you may be right, but how bad can it get? I mean, she already frequents a place called the “Bum Boat” . . . will he take her to the Ass Shack? The Hobo Lounge?

  113. Ghastlymess
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    What’s the secret dish for the kids’ birthday party? Do you think it’s a HAT FLAN?

  114. rich
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Doesn’t anyone in Charterstone know how to figure out anagrams? Professor Ian Cameron seems like a Daily Jumble (and Sudoku) kind of guy — I think he’d be all over that one.

    Ian: “He claims his name is Aldo Kelrast? Hm! It’s nothing but a clumsy anagram for ‘Load Stalker’! Which means that you, my dear — are the ‘load’!”

    Mary: “?!

  115. mere cog in the machine
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    I find it extremely ironic that April in todays Foob claims that she loves animals and could be around them all the time considering that she FUCKING KILLED FARLEY! In fairness, maybe she’s only talking about dead ones.

  116. Bootsybooks
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Good thing Mark left the Jack Elrod pancake for the bear to eat! Ought to distract him from Kelly and her FOOLISHNESS!

  117. Bootsybooks
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    mere cog – surprising that there are no taxidermists in the Foob universe, considering how lifeless and stuffed shirt-like all the characters are already.

  118. NotThatGuy
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    #115, maybe she loves to kill them.

  119. D.A. Pennington
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    April Patterson: I like to kill deer

    /With a nod to Howard Stern.

  120. Perry
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Anybody else notice that Zits is running the “new jeans that look like trash” gag from TDIET and Pluggers?

    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/comics/Zits.dtl.

  121. Pelagius
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    I hit one of the milestones in a “Flowers for Algernon” style mental deterioration today – I laughed out loud at Garfield.

    I had a chuckle at Mark Trail, knowing that this site had so perfectly predicted the story arc. Is her name really “Kelly Welly”? I thought Josh made that up…

  122. Anonymous
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    More running gags, mule!

  123. Milwaukee
    August 1st, 2006 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    #44 by Proteus: You deserve a special apple cake-loaf for your work!!

  124. mere cog in the machine
    August 1st, 2006 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    #120: I notice that Jeremy’s mom is still suffering from acute “baloney tits” syndrome.

  125. Dennis Jimenez
    August 1st, 2006 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Re: 114 – I thought it was Stalker Load and Mary was the recepticle.

    Mary: “!?!”

  126. cheech wizard
    August 1st, 2006 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone else noticed how profoundly disturbing April looks in today’s FOOB, esp. the third panel? The vacant eyes, gaping mouth, bulbous nose – she really looks like a carving of some northwoods Mittigitcheegoomie stone deity. Or maybe that’s just how she appears to Liz, who’s been nibbling at the secret stash of psilocybin she brought back with her. We’ll know tomorrow if Liz tries to appease her with ritual gifts of tobacco and jerky, and buys her a pack of Marlboros and some Slim Jims from the counter.

  127. anonymous
    August 1st, 2006 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Baldo: Now this is interesting. Baldo’s grandpa or whoever has looked at Baldo’s text messages on his cell, and, gasp, they are (probably) R-rated, about girls he would like to (use your imagination to fill in the blank)! Baldo is a cute boy, heck, he’s kind of a hot cute boy! Pity he’s stuck in a G-rated comic strip, until today…

  128. MossMoses
    August 1st, 2006 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    “I really love animals”. Yes, that explains why April is starring in that online video, horsegag.avi. She’s going to be doing some serious horsing around with all the equestrian events on the farm, if you know what I mean.

  129. mere cog in the machine
    August 1st, 2006 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    #128: Moss you dirty bastard. I was thinking along the same lines, but I am much to fastidious to even consider posting such stuff. hehheh.

  130. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    August 1st, 2006 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    #121 – Maybe you’re not the only one deteriorating; I think that’s pretty damn funny too.

  131. philip
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Hats off to Mr. Kelrast for shocking Mary out of her sexagenarian self-righteousness, if only for a moment. I predict increased attention, mild panic, a ball gag, and the return of Dr. Whatshisface to save Mary’s hash. Of course this will take six weeks to transpire.

  132. Aerin
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    I, too, laughed at Garfield. Well, not so much a laugh, more like a short, strong exhalation, almost like a cough. It’s still more reaction than I’ve gotten out of that strip since I was twelve.

  133. philip
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Oh, by the way;

    Best. Mary Worth. Ever.

  134. Dennis Jimenez
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Re: 133:

    It’s got potential, but I’m still sticking with the Boozin’ Rita Beglar story line for now.

  135. MaryAnnTheRest
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Another English major takes a stab at interpreting today’s Wizard of Id: I think the humor consists of the fact that the dead English professor has mad amounts of tally marks on his tombstone. I’m terrified, personally, thinking about what these hash marks represent.

  136. 2fs
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    In today’s spam folder: more than the usual references to Rolex. In today’s comics: more than the usual references to Rolex (Rhymes with Orange, Sylvia). Coincidence? I think not. After all, “Comics Curmudgeon” is an anagram for, uh, “mud surgeon C. McCoi.” Oh never mind.

  137. Harry Worth
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Ahhhh, lovely Rita.

    Maybe she could come back and become Alpo’s love slave.

  138. catastrophile
    August 1st, 2006 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    BC — I just knew that macadam line was going to go over like a lead balloon. I only got it because Elvis Costello once used “black tar macadam” to force a rhyme.

    Garfield — Since Arbuckle’s declaration last week that he “got a life” for his birthday, he’s:
    – Asked redundant questions;
    – Randomly become covered in unexplained caraway seeds; and
    Taken up needlepoint!?!

    MW — I’ve come to the conclusion that Aldo’s middle name is going to change the nature of his anagram completely. Oh, and “Aldo Kelrast” is an anagram of “Tall Sea Dork” — and I think we all know what that means.

    In related news, Baby Blues offers an explanation as to wtf is going on with Stalkeroo’s hair.

  139. Scumbaggioni
    August 1st, 2006 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    April Patterson = I splatter apron.
    She’s a butcher.

  140. catastrophile
    August 1st, 2006 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    And “The Comics Curmudgeon” is an anagram of “Comedic Rum Chute Song” — ’nuff said.

  141. Justafoob
    August 1st, 2006 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Well, I still have no life, and the August Foob letters are up.

    http://www.fbofw.com

    The only interesting tidbit I got was that the Beckster is on the “road” (April’s quotes not mine). I guess she left the side business and is ploughing her way to the top, one couch at a time.

  142. rich
    August 1st, 2006 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    The FBOW monthly letters are out, here’s the gist:

    Mike’s letters are always a pompous delight: “I know what it’s like to be a writer, now.” “I have a duty to the characters who’ve chosen me to tell their story.” He reminisces about the good old days of “sipping noodles through a straw” — uhh, some Canadian thing? — and in the middle of a breezy rumination on yard sales, tosses in this mood killer: Whenever Mom had yard sales when he was a kid, “I’d head for the hills — or Gordon’s place, if his Dad was sober.” Wow! I don’t know who’s on his email list for these monthly letters, but I’m guessing not Gordon!

    Elizabeth is all Paul, Paul, Paul. Never mentions Anthony! The nerve of her! Ellie does, though: “Elizabeth seemed rattled by her encounter with Granthony.” (See, even she calls him Granthony! Okay, I’m making that part up.) Anyway, that’s the only editorial comment anyone makes on Antony’s desperate move, though Ellie does add that “John has always had a real personal interest in both Anthony and Gordon.” Hmm.

    John is planning to unload his dental practice on “Everett.” April plugs Ikea and coins a new Foobism, apparently:

    Oh, and Becky? She’s “on the road.”

    Yes, she puts it in quotation marks. So we can guess what that refers to.

    [I read the monthly Foob letters so you don't have to]

  143. Scumbaggioni
    August 1st, 2006 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Holy God, people race here to summarize the FOOB letters. Madness! Madness!

    #140: :D

  144. Dave
    August 1st, 2006 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    “Aldo you startled me” = “A DAD ME RYE LOOT SLUT”

  145. Gracie287
    August 1st, 2006 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    In her monthly FOOB letter, Lizardbreath mentions she’s packing to go visit Paul up North. Anyone else think Lynn’s going to use this opportunity to have Liz walk in on Chipper and Suds, only to run back to the loving arms of Granthony? [shudders]

  146. philip
    August 1st, 2006 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Because, why not? “The Comics Curmudgeon” can also be rearranged into:

    Demonic rectums cough
    Crud! Homogenetic scum
    and/or
    scum document rich ego

    Don’t know what any of it means except I’m loafing and I have “Anagram Genius” on my computer.

  147. ez_E
    August 1st, 2006 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    two scary anagrams of mary worth and aldo pederast

    STALK MARY, A OTHERWORLD
    MARTYR HOW? DOLLAR STEAK! (fits in nicely with the whole food theme)

    and captain kangaroo
    RAINCOAT PAGAN OK
    Aldo looks like raincoater…

  148. Ginger
    August 1st, 2006 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    #120, Perry — yep. But what’s with his Mom and her black “I give up” balloon? Why no crack about a hobo gathering?

  149. MossMoses
    August 1st, 2006 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    I read every comic every day in the Post but I’m really forcing myself to read Judge Parker lately. Something about the new superheroesque Sam and Randy sickens me. I wish Sam Driver and Randy Parker were drawn more like caucasian Rajus. I do like the new Neddy, though.

  150. Hank Kimble
    August 1st, 2006 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    was is an anagram of saw

  151. D.A. Pennington
    August 1st, 2006 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    At this point I’d like to file a discrimination suit against Lynn Johnson for only hiring women in her studio.

    http://www.fborfw.com/behind_the_scenes/studio/

    I saw not one man working in a productive capacity for FBOFW. This is just plain bias and Lynn will be hearing from my Cannuck lawyers in the morning eh.

  152. D.A. Pennington
    August 1st, 2006 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    Yipes, and there was an animated series!
    http://www.fborfw.com/behind_the_scenes/animated_show.php

    Last thing I want to see is Granthony leaving a slimy trail across my televison screen.

    *Shudder*

  153. Perky Jalopy
    August 1st, 2006 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else notice how much that new guy in Mary Worth looks like Captain Kangaroo?

    I think he’s up to something bad.

    Bwa-ha-ha!

  154. Carrots
    August 1st, 2006 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    #68: Mr. Kelrast is really a playmobile figure!

  155. Dennis Jimenez
    August 1st, 2006 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    “Dog god” is a palindrome.

  156. Gracie287
    August 1st, 2006 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    In the 2nd screen capture from the animated series (where Ellie is in a polka-dotted swim top holding baby April), Ellie’s ta-tas look ginormous!

  157. MossMoses
    August 1st, 2006 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    156. Astute observation, Gracie287. Lynn Johnston herself does not necessarily appear to be registered with the Middle Canada Milk Marketing Association. In fact she may not have gotten the full Canadian Endowment for the Arts grant either. Perhaps this contributes to the dull “flatness” of the plots in her comic.

  158. cheech wizard
    August 1st, 2006 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    151 – You mean “The ‘Poon Team” ? Relax – how many guys do you think would really want to work on this endless rivulet of estrogen-laced sugarwater? And just how many chicks does it take to crank out a four-panel cartoon each day anyhow? It’s obvious they’ve got so much idle time on their hands that they’re fighting boredom with crap like making characters blink.

  159. Mibbitmaker
    August 1st, 2006 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    #30: The James Bond observation for Kelrast’s pose makes sense, since he proves here that he likes his women “shaken, not stirred”.

    #60: Cool, but I’d’ve loved to see such an image as drawn by Bill Watterson.

    By the way, I just noticed that Aldo Kelrast looks like an anagram, and his name is a Capt. Kangaroo stalker!

  160. Frank Drackman
    August 1st, 2006 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Sic Cum Neocrudg

  161. Mibbitmaker
    August 1st, 2006 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    #151: What, and have to work with one of those – COWBOYS?!

    Today’s strips:

    Garfield: …aaaand Jon Gets A Life joins Chuck Cunningham in the great nowhereland, making all their nowhere plans for nobody.

    Non Sequitur: Once again, Danae and Lucy are trotted out just to be another thin allegory for “Wiley hates Bush”, now making the once-fun characters as useful as a right-wing duck.

    A3G: Bait-and-switch ping-pongs by/for Margo today. Confusing? It won’t be after this episode of (a) Soap (opera strip).

    (DT)GT: Uh, Hayley, I don’t think someone cocks her fist to “cry to Coach Emma again”. But, since the Thorp kid’s not Mark Trail… yeah, she’s gonna cry to her coach.

    Spiderman: OMG! The suspence! I’m hanging on the edge of my cage!

    FW: Yeah, it’s gonna be food poisoning.

    FC: Gee, does this make my newspaper an aircraft carrier carrier carrier?

    FOOB: And now another episode of Mibbitmaker’s “He’ll Make Classic Mad References Every Time” (HMCMRET)…

    Foob strip changed to read:

    April: “I could be with animals all the time.”
    Liz: “That reminds me… How’s your mom, Ed?”

    Actually, it makes sense for April to want to be around animals. After all, we can just hear it now: “IT’S APRIL! And she’s being FOOLISH AGAIN!”

  162. Jambonay
    August 1st, 2006 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    #141 reading monthly Patterson letters makes my brain sad.

  163. D.A. Pennington
    August 1st, 2006 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    FOOB Newsletter:

    Here’s Robin’s newsletter.

    Momma?

    *Hack* *Weeze* *Puke* *Cough*

  164. MossMoses
    August 1st, 2006 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    163 – The *Puke* *Cough* *Gag* could be animal lover April’s newsletter about the making of horsegag.avi.

  165. Braniff
    August 1st, 2006 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    95–and a few others: THE Captain Kangaroo was played by Bob Keeshan. After he was forced out, another fellow played him, but he just wasn’t as good. No one played The Captain the way Keeshan did.

  166. catastrophile
    August 1st, 2006 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    I felt so bad for Stalkeroo that I wrote him this, which I promise contains no Captain Kangaroo references or anagrams.

  167. rich
    August 1st, 2006 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    I was hoping nobody at work would walk by and mistake the apple-tossing, leg-swinging Elizabeth Patterson on my computer screen for an animated porn site. Or realize that I was looking at The Official For Better Or Worse Website. (Which would be worse?)

  168. S.Pickrell
    August 1st, 2006 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace — Friday (I think) he was asking his Mom if Dad really was her first choice. Today, he’s glaring at his Dad, saying, “Sorry, Dad. I almost fell asleep there.” Major Oedipal struggle ongoing.

    FOOB — I can’t see Lynn Johnston having Anthony or Elizabeth going off into the sunset, unmarried. If they don’t get married, then Liz and Paul get together. Who’s left, really, for Anthony to hook up with? One of Liz’s friends to make a sudden re-apparance? I couldn’t see Candace or Dawn with Anthony …

  169. Sarah
    August 1st, 2006 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    I’m just catching up… Margo said “smitten” two days in a row!

  170. JG
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    So has anyone–by which I mean you, Josh–ever investigated who, exactly, Jack Elrod is or was? And wasn’t there another name (Dodd, I believe it was) on the strip for some years? Are these guys a thousand years old? Did Dodd/Elrod or both ever go to art school, even the one on the matchbook cover? Do newspapers actually pay for the “privilege” of publishing this affront to the idea of story and art? If so, how much? These are the things we, your faithful readers, expect you to investigate and report on! Please! I’m not going to do it, because it’d be creepy and obsessive. But that shouldn’t stop you!

  171. Tom Ames
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    #166: that was brilliant.

  172. bup
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    #165 what the hell are you talking about? Nobody else ever played Captain Kangaroo.

    #170 – Jack Elrod was Ed Dodd’s assistant for about twenty years, and he took over the strip when Dodd died. Normally I’d be embarrassed to say (but in this crowd I don’t know) I once wrote to Jack Elrod to tell him how much I enjoy Mark Trail, and how I was going through severe withdrawal when I moved away from Washington DC in 1995 (before Mark Trail was available electronically). Anyway, I have a nice letter and a SIGNED MARK TRAIL ORIGINAL from Mr. Elrod, of Georgia.

  173. Ianscot
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    BigJoe,

    The split infinitive thing bothers me. The infinitive form of a word looks like:

    “to go”
    “to bless”
    “to suffer”

    “Splitting” that construction involves sticking another word in there:

    “to delightfully go”
    “to churlishly bless”
    “to contentedly suffer”

    and, important point here, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT SORT OF PHRASING IN ENGLISH. If we were speaking Latin, it’d be wrong to split an infinitive. English has no formal rule against doing so.

    (In Iddish, though? Apparently it’s a crime punishable by death. Not surprising in a totalitarian state written up by brain dead cartoonists.)

  174. cowman16
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    Looks like Captain Stalkeroo is approaching the lofty standards set by Mary Worth “villians” such as Woody “Bike Beater” Pines and Tommy “The Stuff”. Ah, the good old days, how I miss them.

  175. Treadwell
    August 2nd, 2006 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    The Kangaroo Saga:

    Keeshan wasn’t “forced out” in any sense other than the show being cancelled as far as new production was concerned. It ran as reruns for about ten more years, then was off the air entirely for several more.

    Then a producer got the rights somehow and made a new show for syndication with a new actor. It bombed.

    More information on Captain Kangaroo can be found on the internet.

  176. rich
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Most of these images are of the Jack Elrod we know and love. Elrod was born in 1924, is 82.

  177. Bill
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does it seem that Mary Worth is being stalked by the late Bob Keeshan, a.k.a. “Captain Kangaroo.” I realize he’s hard to spot without his sailor’s garb, but how many grown men would even attempt that…”hairstyle?”

  178. compass rose
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    #166 – You are amazing! The song is terrific, but to illustrate it with the many faces of Stalkeroo, all of them wistful – It beautifully accompanies the poignant longing of the song. Sniff! I’m still wiping away the tears….Thank you!

  179. pelagius
    August 2nd, 2006 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Any photoshop wizards out there? What we desperately need is a mash-up of the Blade Runner movie poster with Aldo and Mary, et.al., titled “Load Stalker”

    “It’s too bad she won’t live! But then again, who does?”

  180. michael
    August 3rd, 2006 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    treedweller, whoever you are, I adore you. Thanks!

  181. Hogenmogen
    August 9th, 2006 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    #173 – I read in some document from the early 20th century that those who are adamant against split infinitives are “bogey haunted creatures.”

  182. Sleestak
    August 9th, 2006 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

  183. Marion Delgado
    August 26th, 2006 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    from the mary worth story:

    Mary was ‘about 60′ when the comic debuted in 1938, which would make her at least 128 now. But thanks to the artist’s forgiving pen, she doesn’t look a day over 59.

    128!! And you people just thought she was a PSYCHIC vampire! Aldo is going to learn the “prey” lesson, not the dark secret Jeff learned.

    Class: Notice the contrasting approaches. Jeff goes to Cambodia where the law is thin on the ground and disappearances are easy. Mary, his sire, chooses to go after the unloved. When Aldo disappears, they’ll assume vigilantes did it. They certainly won’t think of Mary, who publicly rebuked him repeatedly, and just wanted to be left alone.

  184. Dave
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    She’s just startled because she thought the ghost of Captain Kangaroo was standing before her. That or she is afraid of fat people. Either or.

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