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Relentlessly grim Friday

Mother Goose and Grimm, 9/22/06

Grimm is about to euthanized.

Slylock Fox, 9/22/06

This adorable bunny is about to collapse from thirst and then be killed by a poisonous snake bite. Afterwards, its corpse will be eaten by vultures.

Mary Worth, 9/22/06

A drunken Aldo Kelrast has gone careening off an extremely ill-placed cliff. His body is about to be shattered, as is his bottle of liquor, which he seems to be desperately trying to protect.

Mark Trail, 9/22/06

Molly the bear and Andy the dog are about to either drown or tumble over a waterfall. Meanwhile, Hoyt demonstrates that he lacks the charisma necessary to hold an angry mob together for very long.

(Of course, we all know that Molly and Andy are going to be fine. It’s interesting to note that, as near as I can tell from people’s comments and my own reactions, Molly has engendered more of an emotional attachment among Mark Trail readers than any human character this strip has ever seen.)

B.C., 9/22/06

Clumsy Carp cannot afford the medicine upon which his life depends. The prehistoric caveman pharmacist looks on smugly.

(And wow, I never thought I’d be saying this about B.C., but: Hey, Pluggers! If you want to make this joke, only actually kind of funny, this is the way to do it.)

260 responses to “Relentlessly grim Friday”

  1. pretend2benormal
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    Cool! That’s funny! Cool! Now repeat!

  2. pretend2benormal
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    BTW, Notice the way the car turns compleatly around? Poor Aldo. Not only is he desprately trying to stop the raging car by desprately slamming the brakes, it seems the road must be covered in ice on that exact spot! Talk about unluncky.

  3. Krazy Kat
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    I’m moving my last comments to this thread where they are more appropriate and because I like them.

    Aldo’s last words:
    “I told you I was hardcore!”

  4. Hippocrass
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    As luck would have it, that cliff is right above a pillow factory with an open sunroof.
    Aldo will will come out of this unharmed short of a killer hangover and the entire Charterstone gang will learn a valuable lesson about acceptance and fellowship.


  5. Harry Paratestes
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    Know what’s going to happen in MW? The rays around the car occur as it transits to another comic dimension, namely Mark Trail. Aldo’s car is going to fly off the cliff and land in the canyon, right on top of Hoyt, who is ready to finish off Molly and Andy. In gratitude for saving Molly and Andy, Mark Trail adopts Aldo and brings him into the Trail home, where Aldo promptly begins sexually harrassing Mark’s family, Cherry and Rusty, causing Mark to throw Aldo into a wood chipper and feed the protein chips to the bear. Nice tie in, end of story for Aldo.

  6. Fred P.
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Maybe if Aldo didn’t drive around with his forearm over his eyes like that he might have seen that cliff coming up.

    (And I don’t imagine there’s much point in protecting that bottle, Aldo ol’ boy. Hard as you been hitting it this past hour there really can’t be all that much sauce left.)

    Our indigent cave man ought to think twice about buying his perscriptions at a drugstore (drugrock?) named “HARMACY”.

  7. intellectualtheft
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Let’s see, Aldo’s car is tipping over on two wheels which indicates sideways motion, but the motion lines behind the front tire are indicative of forward motion, add to that the fact that the entire car seems to be involved in some sort of massive “bobble”. I wonder if this physical impossibilty can be explained by the bright glow that it seems to have acquired. God must be taking Aldo up to his heavenly reward. I’d say he deserves it for having to put up with Mary and her empty platitudes.

  8. Harry Paratestes
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    I can see another Pluggers cartoon: If you are old enough to have personally witnessed the incident in BC, or if you find it funny, you must be some godforsaken Plugger.

  9. Juan Arteaga
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Wow… he is really trying to protect that booze. Maybe it’s really Johnnie Walker Blue Label. I am sorry I doubted your boozehoundednes, Aldo; you big spender you.

  10. Blueline
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    I know that I always calmly say “Oh no…” right before a major incident.

  11. ohyes
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Aldo is so misunderstood. He was out looking for his wife’s real killers. They probably tampered with his car.

  12. Harry Paratestes
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: I think that we’re witnessing a new cartoon called “Phrenologists Gone Wild!” I particularly like the fake eyelids that Dr. Froid had painted on his glasses.
    Luann:Brad just suckered Dad into buying Abe Lincoln’s cabin with a new 2-story outhouse attached.
    RMMD: You know that June is going to get home and find the house burglarized and hubby dead from a gunshot. She forgets the kid in her grief and leaves the brat at the zoo forever. Her grief evaporates when she inherits millions in life insurance and cash stuffed into safe-deposit boxes, so she moves to France and finds a lover half her age and lives happily ever after. Moral of the story: Going to the zoo rocks, baby!

  13. Lost Ox
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Luckily for Aldo’s next of kin, they’ll have a great lawsuit against the city/county for failing to put any guard rails, barricades or warning signs up around that cliff. That is, of course, assuming Aldo didn’t kill them all along with his wife.

  14. AhClem
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who thinks it strange that in the prehistoric days where B.C. is set, there are no doctors, clinics or hospitals, but prescription drugs (expensive ones, at that) are available?

  15. the angry black woman
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    I think Aldo is about to be Roadside.

  16. Harry Paratestes
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Margo is such a talentless egotistical bitch. If I were the secretary and I was confronted by an aggressive, blue haired botox junkie, I’d call security and have them beat her with bullwhips until she’s just a wet spot on the concrete.

  17. Phil
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    The Aldo plot totally reminds me of a “Dallas” cliffhanger (if you will) involving Sue Ellen Ewing.

  18. johnw
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    If Aldo does survive his drunken plunge, he’s gonna get one hell of a civil judgment against the Highway Department. That’s the most unsafe roadway I’ve ever seen! Not only are there no guardrails or shoulders… but the rock face beneath the road has clearly been eroding badly. Can you say… liability?

    Dick Tracy: Is it just me, or does Dr. Froid look like Al Kinda with Groucho glasses on? He’s going to turn our hero into a Manchurian Candidate, programmed to kill upon command.

    And what is it with Slylock Fox? This is a strip meant to appeal to extremely young readers — too young to have developed actual senses of humor, apparently — and yet there’s this persistent thread of casual death, destruction and despair. I know Josh has commented on this before… but can this really be good for children? Isn’t there something better to fill this particular market niche?

  19. janiceonthewall
    September 22nd, 2006 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    That B.C. caveman pharmacist ain’t gonna look so smug when he flips on the evening news and learns that WalMart is rolling out four buck scrips for generics all over Pangea.

  20. Poteet
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Yes, I do care about Molly the bear, and Josh, it means so much to me to know that you care too. Your confidence is reassuring, but I’m still worried about her. Can I hold your hand?

  21. Darth Paradox
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    #8: Why not condense it into a concise piece of metahumor?

    “You might be a Plugger if:… you have ever found a Pluggers comic funny.”

    Meanwhile, Aldo is learning too late why you should always put a seatbelt on your bottle of hooch.

  22. Frank Drackman
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth is funnier if you imagine the Twisted Sister song “Leader of the Pack” playing in the background…esp the part where the guy says…”LOOK OUT LOOK OUT LOOK OUT!!!!” as the car goes flying over the cliff..

  23. ohyes
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Aldo was truly on the road to nowhere. The road in panel one had collapsed, along the edges in the foreground and at least half-gone at right.

  24. Steve S
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    As if Slylock Fox weren’t bad enough, one of the differences between panels is that the sun has ceased to exist.

  25. Binky Betsy
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    #22: You do know that TS was doing a cover version of “Leader of the Pack”, right? Was there a particular reason you chose their version over the Shangri-Las’?

    FBOFW: It was bad enough when they worked backwards from the pun. As much as they had to manipulate the setup, at least it was related to the punchline. But in today’s strip, the final cri de coeur doesn’t match the lament in the rest of the strip. Becky just got done saying how her image is totally manipulated. Then they have her saying she IS perfect, instead of HAVING TO ACT perfect, just so April can cringe in self-righteousness. The Pattersons belong in Pleasantville, I think, with opponents who only appear when they’re needed for the plot.

  26. Clyde
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Resist the temptation to fall for Molly. Mark Trail uses compelling animal characters to draw in unsuspecting readers. You stay because you hope that this time, finally, at long last, Mark Trail will meet his demise. Then the actually interesting animal characters are never heard from again, and Mark Trail goes on to another self righteous adventure. In Mark Trail, like Star Trek, you can tell who will survive by the style of shirt they are wearing. There was a great cat character a couple of years ago, I have never gotten over it.

  27. Disembodied Brain in a Fluid-filled Jar
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    I’m impressed that Aldo has been driving completely blitzed for an entire hour without any mishap.

    Also, am I the only one who finds something about the way characters in Mother Goose and Grim irritating? They always have that same huge, toothy look where you can’t tell what actual expression they’re supposed to be making.

  28. Fred P.
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    18 (johnw)

    When you say Slylock is “meant to appeal” I’m sure you say that with all due disclaimers at the ready.

    Once I might have agreed with you in that very young children can be too young to have a sense of humor, however lately my views have been changing. The way my sister’s baby would grin after leaving a really, really nasty deposit in the diaper, there’s NO WAY the kid didn’t think it the best joke ever to play on Mom!!

  29. Johnny Q
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Aldo’s car will land squarely on Molly, Hoyt and friends will declare him a hero (like the Munchkins with Dorothy), and shoot Mary’s friends for him.

    I looked at those Slylock Fox pictures, but I can’t tell the difference between the left and right vultures. or the left and right snake rattles.

  30. wendyinflight
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers should do a perscription medication joke, but have the caption be “A plugger’s medication comes in bottles or cans.”

    I would laugh.

  31. Harry Paratestes
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    I would laugh if the caption were “A Pluggers medication comes in suppositories or enema bags” .

  32. Tom
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    Attachment to animals combined with indifference (or even hostility) toward humans happens all the time. Any number of mystery writers had their careers ruined, or at least soured, by adding one dead cat to a dozen or more human corpses.

  33. Old Fogeyette
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    With the exception of Bucky, animals are MUCH nicer people than humans. And even Bucky is rarely boring. I certainly can’t say that for most of the characters in Mary Worth.

  34. frippy
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    Aldo’s accident had to happen. No way can you get drunk in the moralistic universe of Mary Worth and not destroy property or person. I knew the second I laid eyes on Aldo behind the wheel with Johnny that he wasn’t going to make it to his naysayer-free destination intact.

    My theories as to the mysterious road are: there were warning signs a couple miles back, but Aldo looked at them and decided that no naysaying signs were going to tell him what he wants is wrong and he stepped on the gas. Or, he’s so drunk that’s he not actually driving on a road anymore.

    On the bright side, he’ll burn up quickly with all that alcohol on him.

    On the dark side, Aldo will survive this crash and… I don’t even need to say it. We all know what’s next.

  35. Monkey's Paw
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Aldo is going back to the future! Tomorrow we’ll be treated to the burning tire tracks that his glowing Honda left on ground.

  36. jenga
    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    Drunken road peek-a-boo rarely ends well. . .

  37. MrP
    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    “Yeah, we’ve got other things to do!”
    Bear hunting’s apparently too damn boring for the angry bear-hunting mob. Hoyt needs to be more of an entertainer if he’s going to get some proper followers!

  38. Nehdeen
    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    #18: For some reason, I keep thinking of Dr. Froid as an ineptly drawn and bearded version of Dr. Strangelove, but that’s just me.

  39. Baron Von Foobenstein
    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Anybody else notice that that they use only elderly animals in this strip? It’s always “that old bear” or “that old horse” or “that old dog.” How do the characters even KNOW the age of the animals? Just curious.

    BC: What can I say, but MORE of the kind of hard hitting, take-no-prisoners sort of sociopoliticaleconomic commentary that comic genius Johnny Hart has been delivering for most of his 94 years.

  40. Wes Rand
    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    What about “Wizard of Id”? Actually, maybe that’s not so grim. Dying after indulging in 100 years of drinking, philandering and crooning doesn’t sound so grim … er, grimm.

  41. ComicsFan
    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    #22 Frank Drackman, that’s awesome.

    Josh, I would bet that your band of curmudgeonite hangers-on has boosted the readership of the MW strip through the roof over the past couple of months. I’ve followed you for a couple of years, and MW always had some interest thanks to its general inanity and the hopelessly bad drawing, but the number of comments related to that daily piece of tripe have multiplied lately. And no one seems to say “curse you for making me care about Mary Worth!” anymore. There’s genuine joy amongst the MW-reading masses.

    But I’ll say it–”Curse you for starting me on reading Mary Worth!”

  42. dramashoes
    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    I couldn’t help but notice that the second panel of Mary Worth looks an awful lot like one of those comic book style gospel tracts put out by Jack Chick and pals. You know, the ones you sometimes find in public restrooms. I fully expect to see a naked Aldo burning in Hell while a crudely drawn devil taunts him with cries of “haw haw haw!” and “Don’t worry, Aldo, that harlot neighbor of yours will be down here soon- because even though Mary Worth meddled in the lives of others, she never accepted Christ!” No, seriously, there was a Chick tract where some guy drove off a huge cliff and went to Hell because he borrowed money from a Christian and refused to pay him back.

  43. ComicsFan
    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    By the way, the angry mob in MT has “other things to do” because they’ve realized that they are wearing magic blue caps that appear and disappear randomly between panels, and they want to be sure to cash in on the phenomenon with Lorene down at the truck stop (“Hey, watch what my hat can do, baby!”) before the effect wears off.

  44. Frank Drackman
    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Yeah I knew that Twisted Sister version was a remake..but didn’t know who did the original..

  45. Von Zeppelin
    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Aldo will be pried out of the twisted wreck of his 1976 Dodge Aries with the jaws of life. Rushed to the ER of Santa Royale General, he will survive, but face a long recovery in the hospital.

    Mary, the dedicated volunteer, will be racked with guilt about being talked into that stupid “intervention” that drove Aldo to Wines Liquors and that bottle of Johnnie Walker Yellow. She will visit him every day, reading cheerful stories from the Reader’s Digest, bringing him stuffed animals, and clipping “They’ll Do It Every Time” from the newspaper for him.

    Aldo, through a haze of morphine, will think, “Shit!! Here comes that old bat again! Why in the hell did I ever think she was worth stalking? Maybe if I pretend I’m dead she’ll go away.”

    22 and 25–maybe our sound track here should be Jan and Dean’s “Dead Man’s Curve.”

  46. Fred P.
    September 22nd, 2006 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    41- (cfan)

    It’s true that I’ve only become acquainted with the joys of Mary Worth due to this website. But I’ve read A3G since I was, like, 13 or so, because its portrayal of hot cartoon womanhood spoke deeply to something in my pubescent psyche. At least, the portrayals of LuAnn did. Especially in the full-color Sunday extravaganzas! Yow! I wasn’t so concerned about the quality (or lack thereof!) of the dialogue in those days.

    And I’ve followed The Phantom for years and years now, but I’d prefer not to discuss my motivations for doing so in such a public forum.

  47. Von Zeppelin
    September 22nd, 2006 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    46 Fred P: Since you have followed A3G for some time (although I don’t know, of course, how long a go you were 13), maybe you can clarify something for me. I read the strip years ago, and recently rediscovered it through the medium of Curmudgeonism. Here is my question: When did Margo become such a bitch?

    I seem to recall that long ago, when she was the executive secretary to a certain Mr. Frost, (circa 1964) she was a kindly, caring person, who worried about her boss and her roommates.

  48. The G-Man
    September 22nd, 2006 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    JP: Dude! Raju’s become Spider-Man! Check out the mad SpiderSense lines emanating from his face! This is going to be the best comic cross over ever! Raju becomes Spider-Man, Doc Ock goes after Raju, Spider-Raju explains to Doc Ock how inventory contol works, and Parker has a tense moment at some insurance agent’s office or something when he hears about it on the radio! All the awesome lameness of both comics at once! Given the pacing of these two comics, I’d say they’ve got material for a good year or so, at least. I can’t wait.

  49. jenga
    September 22nd, 2006 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    After being let down by “Hat Man” after “Hat Man,” Margo became much more cynical.

  50. stevedogg
    September 22nd, 2006 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    #33 – you’re forgetting garfield, who is both mean AND boring.

    also, i’d like to think aldo is listening to grandmaster flash’s “the message.”

    why, mary, did you have to push me, when i was so close to the edge?

  51. Fluteplayersaregangsta
    September 22nd, 2006 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    I’m writing this from a 8 year old laptop, with AOL dial-up, from the emergency shelter/temporary apartment in Eastern Colorado that I have been living in for the past three weeks. The internet feed is wired in with a 50 yard long chain of cables. I just thought I’d let you know how dedicated I am to Mary Worth. I’m going to go catch my dinner now.

  52. jonnya
    September 22nd, 2006 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    I just want to know where was Aldo’s intended destination? Was he really just taking a meandering hour long drive solely for the purpose of drinking a bottle of scotch? Geez. That’s hardcore. Even the most grizzled of drinkers don’t drink and drive as an end to itself. Usually they are going to or coming from some place and the “driving” part of the DUI is an unfortunate result of neccessary transport. I gotta try drinking alone in my car while I’m driving sometime. Who needs to go to a bar to down a couple of pops when I got a ’79 Volvo DL500 with Am/Fm?

  53. TB Tabby
    September 22nd, 2006 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    “Yellow Dog is about to die!”

  54. treedweller
    September 22nd, 2006 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    Everyone seems to be overlooking the correct interprtation of Aldo’s plunge, as noted by FE in yesterday’s post. Aldo has accepted that Mary Worth is out of his league; there is nothing left to live for. This is no accident.

    Also, Today’s FC is a TDIET

  55. Cody
    September 22nd, 2006 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    I see Slylock Fox at the Washington Post site often, and there are plenty of days of cutesy kid fare. I look forward to the “darker strips” that have been popping up here. So Bob Weber, keep going. Let’s see more of those picked-clean ribcages by the watering hole, and death-just-over-the-shoulder food chain strips.

  56. Fred P.
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    -46 Von–

    One of the sweet but sad joys of life is that your first crushes are so timeless, yet so fleeting! So unattainable! Luann is still that self-same sweet, water-color painting ingenue, perpetually … what? 23?..??… whereas I have moved on… I stare middle age to a draw, only my memories of the ephemeral joys of youth stopping me from going all Aldo Kelrast on the world… Luann (and, to be honest, She-Tara of the ThunderCats, she had it _goin’ on_!!) connect me to a time and place when the world was so much more innocent, when a young lad’s dreams could come true every Sunday….

    So your question about Margo?

    Fuck if I know. I was all about the blondes, dude.

  57. Vince M.
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    52: I’m quite bugged Aldo’s road trip is coming to such a quick end – I was hoping he’d carry on a bender into a few bars, maybe talking a cocktail waitress into wearing a pastel pantsuit and wearing her hair in a bun.

  58. Iggy
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    I consider myself a drinker, but if I was driving around chugging whiskey from the bottle (and brokenhearted and disillusioned to boot) I’da been over that cliff in thirty minutes tops! Aldo lasted an hour! Wotta man!!!!

  59. Zen Doggies
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    To #44: Leader of the Pack was originally done by the Shangri-las. And please, do not ask me who they were, I have absolutely no idea. Itunes takes me only so far.


  60. Anonymous
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    The G-Man – A JP/Spider-Man crossover? I like. Just to spread the plot out a few more years: Peter Parker, relieved of his superhero duties, will run against Randy. Which one will be the new Judge Parker?

  61. Lisa
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    I think Aldo’s going to die and his ghost is going to haunt Mary and company. So this time instead of an intervention, they’ll have to do an exorcism!!

  62. AhClem
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    More information about the Shangri-Las can be found on the internet … here, for example.

    I grew up listening to them, and they always seemed a bit slutty somehow. Did wonders for my prepubescent libido.

  63. Proteus
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    Gosh darn it where IS Mark Trail? Everyone else has had plenty of time to run amok all over the lost “forest.’ Did he accidently nailgun his feet to the floor of the cabin? Everytime we see him it looks like he’s leaning forward, straining to move and wondering out loud if something bad is happening.

    BTW looks like Molly lost her pretty red collar during the fall to the river. Now she will look like any other bear. Just, well, cuter.

  64. Poteet
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    #56 — Fred, you have just made an argument for what I deeply feel, which is that Luann should be allowed to graduate from high school and go to college. She can take the whole gang with her if Evans wants. She now acts and looks more college than high school, as you pointed out. And why should Brad be allowed to mature (using that word extremely loosely in his case) and Luann not? C’mon, Evans, be fair. And she could stay in college for a couple of decades. Nowadays, that’s realism.

  65. Poteet
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    #63 — Note to self — target Lost Forest for future illegal logging, poaching, trash-dumping, spraying, OHV muddin’, and general ecological mayhem. But get Molly out of there — she deserves better.

  66. Summerhouse
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    Once, after a week of rain here in East Tennesee, I went around a mountain curve to find my lane had fallen off the mountain. The double yellow line was now the broken edge of the road. Surprise! My response was much more lively than Aldo’s, but then I didn’t have the relaxing benefit of being drunk. Anyway, I recognize those driving conditions, is all I’m saying. Godspeed, Aldo.

  67. Ed Minchau
    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    #46: There’s a reason that the women in A3G were always so hot… they were based on actual hot women. LuAnn was modelled after Tuesday Weld, Margo was modelled after Joan Collins, and Tommie was modelled after (I shit you not) Lucille Ball.

  68. andreavis
    September 22nd, 2006 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    As much as I’m loving Aldo’s date with destiny, I have to say I’m disappointed in his final words– “Oh, no,” just seems so lame and anticlimactic. If he’d really been liquoring up for a full hour, he’d have been in the middle of a rambling diatribe on the wrongs he’s suffered. “…an’ I’m gonna pay those JERKs back! …aaaannn’ they’re gonna knoooww it was ME!” etc. etc. until he slumped over the wheel into sweet oblivion.

  69. Marc
    September 22nd, 2006 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Seeing Aldo plunge off of a cliff is a great way to ring in the Jewish New Year!

    L’shana Tova, Aldo.

    But soon, I fear, L’chaim, would be ironic.

  70. Mibbitmaker
    September 22nd, 2006 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    The reason for the relentlessly grim Friday: today’s comic strips are (literally!) being ghost-written by fmr. SNL scribe Michael O’Donoghue.

    (Forgive me if the next snark is already as common in the comments as Aldo resembling u-know-who; my internet time has been dominated by Television Without Pity this week)

    MW, yesterday: Mary Worth out of your league, Aldo? Hey, Aldo – you don’t HAVE a “league”. You NEVER had a league! And you know what else? MARY doesn’t have a league EITHER! So, NO LEAGUES to be out of, GOT that? Good!

    MW, today: Aldo’s having a one-man “Thelma & Louise” ending. The bottle is subbing for the 2nd cliff-jumper. And the cliff is on loan from Wile E. Coyote.

  71. zeeba
    September 22nd, 2006 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    #64 um, Fred was talking about Lu Ann in Apt. 3G, not Greg Evans’ Luann. Geez, he should’ve named that teenager something different, so we wouldn’t get our comics girls all mixed up!

  72. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    September 22nd, 2006 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    Seeing Aldo’s reaction to driving off the cliff reminded me of one of my all time favorite Bugs Bunny cartoons; the one where they’re trying to build the highway and Bugs won’t get out of the way. At one point, Bugs tricks the lone construction worker on the project into standing in a certain spot in the middle of the site. When the poor sap realizes that a massive steel beam is about to smash him in the head, he gazes mournfully at the camera and moans sadly, “Oh no”. Massive head trauma preceded by a brief moment of self-awareness cracks me up every time.

  73. Albatross
    September 22nd, 2006 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does Hoyt look like the Mark Trail from the alternate Star Trek universe where Evil Spock has the Evil Goatee?

  74. Foolster41
    September 22nd, 2006 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think Aldo rolled a 20 on his contentration checks, even with being drunk which would give him something like a -5. I know, I’m a nerd.

    Speaking of pluggers, I sent in a couple of ideas my bro and I came up with. We’ll just have to see if they accept it… *Crosses Fingers*

    Fox: The snake’s rattle is a little longer. I couldn’t tell with the vulture or the rat’s tail.

  75. Lupin the 3rd
    September 22nd, 2006 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    I’m completely disappointed Racer X didn’t show up just in time to save Aldo. He always does for Speed… but then again, Aldo forgot to bring the chimp along with him. The chimp will always save you.

    “Don’t cover your eyes, Aldo! Use the “B” button on the steering wheel for Pop’s special grip tires!”

  76. shnubby
    September 22nd, 2006 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    I like the way Killrast’s car grill narrows (with concern? anger? determination?) as it makes like a lemming….

  77. Prehumous
    September 22nd, 2006 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    So, uh, is this how they’re going to resolve the Aldo Kelrast storyline?

  78. Harry Paratestes
    September 22nd, 2006 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    You know what would be great? Aldo crashes the car and manages to drag himself out of it and lie nearby as it burns. He is found by Ian, Toby, and Mary worth, who have followed him. He begs for help from them. Much to his surprise, they pull out the ‘Jaws of Death’ and stuff his broken body back into the flaming car, then toast marshmallows over the flames and congratulate themselves on their ruthlessness.

  79. Dub Not Dubya
    September 22nd, 2006 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I remembered someone else who says “Oh no!” when going over a cliff in a car. Watch to the end to see it.

  80. Poteet
    September 22nd, 2006 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    #71 — Zeeba, thank you for pointing out my error in such a kind and tactful way, and #56, Fred, I apologize. I will depart to catch up on sleep and (I hope) brain function.

    Before departing, and please pardon for repeating a forum comment, I will add to the oh-no list. P.D. James, in one of her mysteries, had a loathsome murderer whisper “oh no…” just before leaping off a cliff to his death.

  81. the angry black woman
    September 22nd, 2006 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    jesus, Aldo lies dead at the bottom of a cliff and we get Toby spouting bumper sticker plaitudes!? Not cool! Aldo, you had better crawl out of that wreckage, mister!

  82. Aldos Huxley
    September 22nd, 2006 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    If Captain Kangaroo stole the Batmobile and went on a drunken roadtrip, this is how it would end. Except there would be a Moose and a Bunny Rabbit in the car with him.

  83. Occam
    September 22nd, 2006 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    29 Johnny Q and 74 Foolster41:

    There are two flying vultures in the left picture and only one in the right. The rat’s tail in the left picture curves around the skull’s horn; in the right picture the tail curves behind the horn.

  84. blase
    September 23rd, 2006 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    With all the kidnapping, blackmail and robbery going on over at Rex Morgan M.D., he seems to have overlooked Sarah’s advancing case of megacephalitis…

    Did she pick up a virus after playing with the Peanuts gang? (It seems to be a common condition affecting certain comic strip children.)

  85. Raznor
    September 23rd, 2006 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    All I can say about Mary Worth is – worst city planners ever. “Hey, you know what this quaint residential district needs? A big ass gaping chasm.”

  86. Swimmy
    September 23rd, 2006 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    I love how Aldo doesn’t crash into another car because alcohol has retarded his reflexes. Rather, in serial drama land, he drives off a cliff because alcohol has made him blind. For a world so indelibly lame that a dangerous stalker is dissuaded from his efforts by an intervention of all things, having him thereafter drink until he’s blind and drive off a freaking cliff is pretty edgy.

    Of course, he’ll probably only break his pinkie finger. Edginess can’t last long in serial drama land.

  87. AppleGirl
    September 23rd, 2006 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    Wow, that was one wordy bumper sticker Toby saw. How did they fit all that type on a teeny-tiny bumper sticker? She must have been following closely. Toby is a Tailgatin’ Bitch.

  88. Swimmy
    September 23rd, 2006 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    I should also say that I had a dream just last night about careening off of a rickety wood road into an enormous chasm. Coincidence? Is Mary Worth jacking into my brain but laming it up? That’s an unsettling thought. . .

  89. traveller
    September 23rd, 2006 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Poor Aldo, his epitaph is a bumper sticker…

  90. NotThatGuy
    September 23rd, 2006 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    Hey, I discovered if you relax your eyes and view “Slylock Fox” as if it’s one of those magic eye books, the images merge and the changed details kind of flash.

    Okay, back to your regular Aldo channel.

  91. Mibbitmaker
    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    MW: Chinbeard sez: “Probably another feeble attempt at ingenuity for the masses.” Hey, you elitist windbag, isn’t that JUST WHAT *YOU* GUYS DO? And, indeed, Aldo ends with a platitudinal bumper sticker.

    “Aldo, the stalker who can drive a car”[/Toonces]

  92. Mibbitmaker
    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    #90: “Elitist windbag” meaning the professor, of course. Plus, after I just put the post through, I missed an opportunity to refer to him as “Professor Pretentious”.

  93. Foolster41
    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    “All you stalkers out there, listen up. stalking is not good. It makes people feel uncomfortible. Also, you might end up a flaming wreck like Aldo Kadrast. And know you know.”
    (Together): “And Knowing is half the battle!”

  94. JustAsking
    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    Can anyone explain why the hell Sara Morgan’s head is so GODDAMN HUGE?

  95. rich
    September 23rd, 2006 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    Ooh, a glimpse into the private love shack of Ian Cameron and Toby! I’m fascinated! Watching her comb those long blonde locks over and over…Professor C grading homework assignments under a bright blue bedspread…

    Wow — their life is so much more fabulous than mine!

  96. Octal
    September 23rd, 2006 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    #15 – AAAAAAA!

    Thank you for the mental image of prostitute!Aldo.

  97. Dub Not Dubya
    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:25 am [Reply]

    I went through the dumpster outside King Features and found the rejected versions of the text that Toby saw on the bumper sticker:

    If anyone else has ideas, here’s a blank for you to download to work your Photoshopping magic:

  98. Daniel
    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    I love how today’s comics are filled with impending death! ^_^

  99. Ooten Aboot
    September 23rd, 2006 at 4:22 am [Reply]

    #14 Ah Clem: I didn’t figure this out myself, but when someone pointed out that B.C. is not prehistoric but posthistoric, it started to make a weird sort of sense. The battle of Armageddon has been “fit” and we see the survivors, left behind along with clams that got legs, talking ants and, last but not least, the snake in the grass that started us all down the path of destruction from which only Johnny “Sacred” Hart can save us.

  100. Doug Puthoff
    September 23rd, 2006 at 6:05 am [Reply]

    Chinbeard will probably vote for Hillary in ’08.
    Freaking Commie.

  101. Doug Puthoff
    September 23rd, 2006 at 6:35 am [Reply]


    If you were going to kill yourself, you should’ve had the decency to take Chinbeard and his smug wife with you.

  102. Pinback65
    September 23rd, 2006 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    That’s an awfully narrow bed Ian and Toby share…or do they share? Do they have one of those creepy Paul and Mary Bland marriages? That would explain their apparent aversion to human desires…

  103. yellojkt
    September 23rd, 2006 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    abw (#15) sez:

    I think Aldo is about to be Roadside.

    I think Aldo just became Roadkill.

  104. dryman
    September 23rd, 2006 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    There must be some way to make a bumper sticker with Toby’s long, inane parable on it. I refuse to believe my bumper wants to be alone!

    I wonder if “history” is foreshadowing an actual Kelrast corpse? Even better if he comes back from the dead to torment naysayers.

  105. Von Zeppelin
    September 23rd, 2006 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    In Mary Worthland, even the bumper stickers are dull and verbose. The political ones must be fascinating: “Considering all factors, although I continue to have certain reservations about aspects of his domestic and foreign policies, and after weighing the arguments advanced by his opponent, the junior senator from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I urge you to vote for President George W. Bush in his campaign for re-election in 2004. Thank you for your kind attention.”

  106. Von Zeppelin
    September 23rd, 2006 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy–concerning Bucky’s baker’s dozen from Blighty: we must never forget the immortal words, “It’s crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide.”

    I’d like to see that on a bumper sticker.

  107. Marc
    September 23rd, 2006 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    I bet you Aldo isn’t even dead, because in Mary Worth, there is always a happy ending…sigh….why cant MW be like Funky Winkerbean more?

    And shouldnt there have been guide rails along the “big ass chasm?”

  108. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    September 23rd, 2006 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Aldo’s car is pretty bad ass!!

    Err, was.

  109. Frank Drackman
    September 23rd, 2006 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    I finally figured out Toby’s attraction to Ian..that bump under the blanket isn’t from his knees if you know what I mean.

  110. Iggy
    September 23rd, 2006 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Aldo is now Alpo.

  111. Turandot
    September 23rd, 2006 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    #34 –

    Aldo will be horrifically injured. Luckily, someone frolicking down whatever godforsaken meadow his car just plunged into will see the whole thing, call 911 and thus save him.

    He’ll end up in intensive care in MW’s hospital, where he’ll be lectured about alcoholism (and the evil ways of men’s shelters, let’s not forget!) non stop. At which point he will wish he had died, or have had the foresight to instead drug MW and her neighbors, and put them in a car crashing down a cliff.

    Poor Aldo.

  112. the angry black woman
    September 23rd, 2006 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    #100 – I agree. I thought he was out to drive his car into their condo. *that* would have been some Aldomania right there.

  113. Harry Paratestes
    September 23rd, 2006 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    I’m impressed by Toby’s expression in the last panel of MW; she’s ready to break into a fierce grin of delight at Aldo’s death and scream “Mary’s mine again! All mine!”

  114. stevedogg
    September 23rd, 2006 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    and the aldo has landed!

  115. Elise Kelrast - RIP
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Walk, er, stagger toward the light Aldo!

  116. Da Scrodfather
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    #110- Turandot, remember that guy w/ a cell phone when Aldo walked into Wine Liquor? He was obviously calling 911–”Hey, Captain Kangaroo’s gonna drive off a cliff!”

    And that auto didn’t go off a cliff, it ran through a car-crusher, looks like.

  117. april
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Aldo’s trip over the cliff was definitely on purpose. Just look how he was gripping that bottle of Johnny Walker – it was the Thelma to his Louise.

    How sad…a perfectly good bottle of hooch down the drain. R.I.P. Johnny, R.I.P…

  118. Albatross
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Hmm… I was browsing the Internets and found the next year’s Worth of Mary dialog on an FTP site somewhere. It’s surprisingly short for a whole year…

    –File: MaryW2007.txt–

    *beep* *beep* *beep*….

    What news doctor?

    Well Mrs. Worth…

    Ms. Worth..

    Whatever. Ms. Worth…

    Call me Mary.

    Oookay, look, do you want the news on Aldo’s condition or not?

    What news Doctor?

    Now I’m getting confused. Look, lady, we managed to save his life, but he… he was drinking when he was driving. He’s been horribly burned… He’ll be disfigured for life.

    You mean?

    Yes. There was liquor in his Captain Kangaroo moustache. It caught fire. We couldn’t save it.

    Oh no!! *weeps*

    On the other hand, he should be able to grow a beard on his chin, normally. Like an Amish man.

    Aldo… Aldo Kelrast…. another CHINBEARD! *weeps even harder*

    Now Mary Ms. Worth… possibly if I made a hamfisted attempt to come on to you, it might ease your pain?

    Oh, Doctor!

    Hold it right there!

    Who are you?

    We’re Mary’s friends, here for an INTERVENTION!

    No, no, it’s alright! I want him to put the moves on me.

    Mary, you’re out of your mind with grief. Leave this to us.

    Look you, leave Mary alone!

    Listen, chinbeard, nobody tells me what to do! I’m a DOCTOR!

    Oh yeah? Well I’m an armed doctor! *Blam*

    We’ve save you Mary! Another successful intervention.

    You sonofabitch, I was going to get it on with a doctor!

    Hey, what’s all the noise out there, can’t a guy with a bowl haircut get some rest?

    Give me that! *Blam* That’s for your stupid chinbeard!

    Mary, no!

    *BLAM* And that’s for your stupid bowl haircut!

    Mary! No! I’ve always loved you!

    *BLAM* And that’s for your stupid smug attitude!

    And this one… this one’s fer mama. Ah, the sweet release of death…


    –End of file–

    I gotta say, I saw that ending coming.

  119. Dingo
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    To Sheila in a previous page:

    “Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast,
    to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak.”
    — William Congreve

  120. Da Scrodfather
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Looking at today’s Piranha Club, never have I wished so fervently that Frank Cho drew this strip.

  121. Richard Onley
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    #80: “jesus, Aldo lies dead at the bottom of a cliff and we get Toby spouting bumper sticker plaitudes!?”

    And what bumper sticker platitudes! By the time the driver behind you finishes reading that whole philippic, you’ve been rear-ended.
    Bumper-sticker slogans should be brief. Like:


  122. Poteet
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    What a wonderful Aldo series — this site just keeps getting better.

    And over in the Lost Forest, Elrod has found yet another way to torture Molly the Tame Bear. I’m waiting for the narrator to announce, “And because some careless hiker left a magnifying glass over a few dead leaves, a fire is now starting just beneath Molly’s vulnerable trapped ass…”

  123. Ohyes
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Toby had plenty of time to read wordy bumper stickers, when she was bent over the hood of a car in the parking lot behind the hardware store, enjoying the vigor of a male friend.

    She gets a private thrill, daring to draw on those memories of a short time again, while talking to her fat, old husband. She strokes her hair again and again to avoid touching herself more intimately – and to delay joining her husband and his boring papers in their narrow bed.

    That the car on which she sprawled forward was dusty explains all the smudges on her breasts too.

    Beside their narrow bed, they have an antique alarm clock with little cymbals above the clock. I think that’s the alarm clock that The Three Stooges had.

  124. Poteet
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    FBOFW — How likely is it that someone with the level of fame and media attention described by Beckers would return to Dullville to go bumping along to public school in a regulation bus? I guess Canada really IS different.

  125. David C
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    78 – After linking that, we can’t possibly forget the best driving-off-a-cliff movies ever!

  126. jonnya
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    What time is it now in Fake Southern California? It’s still daylight and the Ninny and the Professor are getting ready for bed? Let’s see -say Mary gets off at work at 5:00. Add a half hour for commute time and She and Aldo getting through the glass door, Charterstone lobby and her Apartment door. Better make that 45 min. The intervention was pretty one note all in all and couldn’t have been more than 45 mins. This brings us to 6:30. Another 10 minutes for Aldo to go to the packey and then an hour-long drive before Aldo’s alcoholic’s jihad version of paradise is fulfilled. 7:40 and that’s generous because in late September it gets dark around 7:00.

    Who goes to bed at 7:40? Obviously not a passion play as he’s rifiling through very important looking blank sheets of paper whilst speaking of feeble attempts (projection!) and she’s making bumper sticker related small talk. What a life. What time do they arise? “..better set the alarm for 4:45 AM”
    “Harumph! make it 4:00 AM as I have to shave my upper lip area whilst gloating in the mirror over our successful intervention…”

  127. David C
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    BTW, don’t blame Molly the Bear for cluelessly getting her collar stuck in a log. That log did a 180 degree turn between panels! That’d confound any animal, wild or tame!

    Were an unseen Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny using it?

  128. Rose
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    I forgive you “Josh”! Mary Worth is BADASS cool.

  129. Ohyes
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Toby said she saw something interesting, and without seeing it, Ian said that it was probably feeble.

    Uh-oh. Someday a marriage counsellor will hear about this.

    There’s clearly no room for Toby in that bed, except in coitus-related program activities. Maybe otherwise there are blankets for her on the floor, at the foot of the mighty paper-reader’s bed. That’s the place for those who think feeble attempts are interesting.

    In his condescension and disdain, the professor refers unconsciously to what’s actually on his mind. He’s consumed with his own feeble attempts at interesting Toby’s voluptuous masses in coitus.

  130. Tony
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    If Apartment 3-G is supposed to take place in such a big city, why does it look like every male character (except Prof. Papadopolous or whatever his name is) goes to the same barber?

    And why is Dick Tracy having a more interesting adventure in Gasoline Alley than he is in his own strip?

  131. MossMoses
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Molly is to bears what Kelly Welly is to homo sapiens, a needy, helpless mammal who keeps getting fellow mammals in trouble by her foolish “unpredictable” behavior. How she managed to hook her collar on a branch seems to defy the lawys of physics but those laws don’t apply in LoFo anyway. Being a pet bear, Molly is confused in this strange environment and just can’t understand why that branch is so hostile towards her. I predict a snarling Air Andy leaping towards the evil Hoyt Evans before Mark Trail mercifully ends this episode by punching him out. At least it’s better than the lame Sam Hill episode anyway…

  132. doug rogers
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    #66 Reasonable enough explanation as to why the road is neatly paved to the very edge.

  133. ChristianPinko
    September 23rd, 2006 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    This is somewhat late, but in re 9/22 MW: I can’t believe no one referenced the greatest pre-death “oh no” of all: Joe Pesci’s in GoodFellas.

  134. Vince M.
    September 23rd, 2006 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    This is where Aldo’s story goes – no shocks or surprises, just a smug platitude from Toby? Deep down I always knew it – this is how Aldo ends, not with an interrobang but with a simper.

  135. audient
    September 23rd, 2006 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    I’m mad that I’ve followed the Mary Worth storyline only to get a little pseudo-bumptersticker wisdom about drinking ruining your life. That is lame, lame, LAME.

  136. Bill James
    September 23rd, 2006 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    What went through my mind when seeing Aldo’s car go over the cliff:

    “Hail to thee, blithe Aldo,
    Bird thou never wert.”

    RIP (we hope)

  137. Ray
    September 23rd, 2006 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    okay….I have a 130 iq but I just can’t figure out today’s ziggy for the life of me…..someone care to explain

  138. Poteet
    September 23rd, 2006 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    #66 — On one hand, great story. On the other hand, material for another nightmare, and today’s MW was material enough.

  139. Marc
    September 23rd, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Sunday’s Mary Worth is absolutely hilarious! I really don’t want to give it away!

    But, I have come to the conclusion that Charterstone is really a rehab clinic (Tommy’s stuff, Rita’s binging, Lou and Kel’s obesity, Wilbur’s depression, etc).

  140. Jorge
    September 23rd, 2006 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    “Mr. Kelrast . . . he dead.”

  141. dmac
    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Saturday’s Mary Worth is amazing. Is that a real bumper sticker?

  142. Chromium
    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    WORST BUMPER STICKER EVER! What does that even mean? “You can’t tell what people’s private thoughts are, and drinking can kill you.” WHAT THE HELL. Toby seems just like the type of bland, humorless witch to remember something like that, too.

    Also, Baldo is using a joke that’s like 84 years old, but the artist doesn’t even appear to get the joke!! There is no way that is a “2 to 8 years” puzzle.

  143. jamison
    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    that would have to be a big ass bumper to fit that bumper sticker on it.

    he can’t be history! he just can’t!

  144. Sheila
    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    To Sheila in a previous page

    Is that like To Althea From Prison?

    Thanks, Dingo, I was too lazy to look that up!

    Meanwhile, in RMMD, it’s not that Pwecious Sawah’s head is too big, is that she has a tiny little wizened emaciated body. And I loooove that dialogue —

    “Don’t worry about picking Sarah up… I’ll bring her home!”

    “Are you SURE?”

    Nah, I plan to molest her and leave her for dead in a gutter — but you run along! WTF, “are you sure”???

    Re Drabble, who’s betting on a MALE nude model? Either that or it’s Wendy (pretty edgy for this strip!), but it’s probably going to be, oh, Dad Drabble or someone.

    Get Fuzzy — “china plate” is “mate” of course, but I confess I’m scratching my head over “gormy”. Is it short for “gormless”? That would make sense, but I’ve never come across it before — so far the Brit kit’s slang has been middle-of-the-road (though perhaps dated?).

    And finally, FOOB — c’mon, April, what are you waiting for? Haul off and deck her already.

  145. Anonymous
    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Hard to imagine that Aldo only made his glorious sun-dappled appearance on July 5th.

    Alas, Aldo, you were too beautiful for this world. I believe it was Jesus who said: the light that burns twice as bright burns half as long. No, wait a minute, that was Eldon Tyrell.

    Yes, give me my Aldo, and when he dies I will cut him into little pieces and something something and people will pay no heed to the garish sun (sorry, the once superb sword of my brain has been beaten into a ploughshare by beer).

    In other news: AH COME ON!

    After all this, Molly snags her Mauling Merit Badge on a sapling? What’s next, she steps on a rake and gets smacked in the face? Maybe she gets a paper cut and falls into a bucket of lemon juice. Sheesh.

    Molly can’t understand Jack Elrod’s hostility towards her…

    - spoi

  146. Dji
    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    I saw that bumper sticker in real life, but that wasn’t the whole message. It went on to say, “If you’ve been reading this instead of driving, prepare for impact.”

    If Kelrast is dead, what’s the message? Can the entire MW crew descend into a pit of guilt over their part in his demise? (Except Mary, who will console herself with the fact that she feebly tried to stop him from boo hooing out the door.) God, I hope so. It can and should continue.

    Aldomania from beyond the grave!

    (On the other hand, he could just come back as a zombie. That would also work.)

  147. Frank Drackman
    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Ok,,who thinks Aldo is dead??I think he’s gonna pull a Ted Kennedy and show up wet and panting on the shore..something about being blind drunk that gives you an advantage in surviving car crashes…

  148. Uncle Lumpy
    September 23rd, 2006 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    He can’t be dead! He just c-c-c-c-can’t.

    Please say he’s not dead.

  149. Goshen Clown
    September 23rd, 2006 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    If an Aldo gots “splat” in the forest, and nobody is there to hear it, does he make a sound?

    My guess is yes, but due to Mary’s never-ending sermonizing, nobody can hear it.

  150. GotFuzzy
    September 23rd, 2006 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    I love the dumsquizzled look on poor Molly’s face in the final MT panel. If the strip had a soundtrack, you’d hear the “wah wah wah” horn bleat.

  151. Ohyes
    September 23rd, 2006 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Poor Aldo. This did not have to happen, if Mary had only given him the spanking he craved – and deserved.

  152. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    September 23rd, 2006 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Maybe there’s a crossover in the works. Molly, confused and hungry, continues to wander the woods and FINALLY encounters another human being who isn’t trying to hurt her: the dead-but-delicious Aldo Kelrast.

  153. Anonymous
    September 23rd, 2006 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    #19 (janice) Bonus points for the “pangea” reference!

    #41 (comicsfan) …band of curmudgeonite hangers-on …

    I prefer to think of us as “curmudgeonite legions of the undead.”

    # 68 (andreavis) “Oh, no,” just seems so lame and anticlimactic.

    Hey, contest idea! Come up with your own version of Aldo’s caput morde (if I’m remembering my Latin correctly, which I’m probably not):

    How about: Dammit, the guy at Avis said I could get Stern on this thing…

    Also, although the make and model of Aldo’s ride seems to be up for debate (cf: #35, #45), I liked the poster (sorry, can’t remember) who called it a 2006 Asymmetrica.

    - spoi

  154. mattt
    September 23rd, 2006 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Curse you for starting me on reading Mary Worth! Well, this forum and those videos. Every time I read Mary Worth now, I imagine each panel as a scene from one of those videos. And I laugh even harder.

    #98 B.C. as really A.A.D.? Wow, that’s freaky deep. It does remove a whole lotta stupid, though. Hm…

  155. Summerhouse
    September 23rd, 2006 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    OK, people, just for future reference – it’s big-ass, not big ass. Well, in reference to *me*, it’s big ass, but in reference to things mentioned above, big-ass bumper, big-ass head, etc, you need the hyphen. Also, to whomever posted about Molly, the current swept bear, I think you meant current-swept bear. Unless you were referring to her being presently vacuumed. Which in the Lost Forest, who knows?

    #96 – “My other car is a kangaroo”! Too hilarious!

    Re: Get Fuzzy: I’m not laughing until the cockney cat says “I saved 15% on my car insurance.”

  156. Weasel Boy
    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    It would have much cooler if Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis had been in the car with Aldo.

  157. Dennis Jimenez
    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Gee, in Mary Worth’s world, even the car bumpers spout platitudes.

    Adios Aldo. Santa Royale was just not ready for one so beautiful as you.

  158. Laura Brown
    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

  159. AhClem
    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    In today’s MF, Tinsley rails against stores that already have their Christmas decorations out. My god, where does he find this wellspring of fresh, new ideas for his strip?

  160. lesles
    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    i was in a prang with a bunch of friends once, and one of only two comments just before impact was a very quiet and calm “oh no, not again” from the back seat. we all thought that was totally brilliant. the other comment was from the driver, and that came out as a very mildly surprised “oh, shit”, like he’d dropped his toast, or something.

  161. Summerhouse
    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    SmartPeopleOnIce – Molly the bear cannot possibly have a merit badge in mauling; as we have learned repeatedly, she has no familiarity with hostility. It’s probably not a badge for First Aid,either, as she “didn’t know what to do” for Buck (Naked) Jones after the crash. It sure as hell isn’t for wilderness survival. I’m going to say it’s actually a medic alert tag saying she’s allergic to fallen logs.

  162. ChefMike
    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    FW: So Tony and Funky are placing all their hope in Crazy to win them this Food Network pizza acrobat challenge? Given that he’s obviously paying more attention to flipping that pizza disc than to the road, how many days will we be into next week before the tragic accident? I’m currently accepting bets. Cause you know this storyline is going to end up where all the rest of em do, right in the hospital. Oh Yeah!

  163. lesles
    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    GF: that katt is obviously an imposter. he’s supposedly a mancunian, but he’s rabbiting on like a cut-and -paste londoner … via los angeles. it’s almost as painful as faux assie.

  164. lesles
    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    ummm, that should have been “faux aussie”. the other would be far worse.

  165. Frank Drackman
    September 23rd, 2006 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Aldo’s holding up his hands like little kids do on the roller coaster..I wish Mary would have bitch slapped him at their little intervention…by the way…how does a “bitch” slap differ from a run of the mill slap??

  166. Sheila
    September 23rd, 2006 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone ever figure out how you diddle a brolly?

  167. Richard Onley
    September 23rd, 2006 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    #144: “I believe it was Jesus who said: the light that burns twice as bright burns half as long. No, wait a minute, that was Eldon Tyrell.”

    But in Aldo’s case, Edna St. Vincent Millay is probably more appropriate:

    My candle burns at both ends;
    It will not last the night;
    But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends–
    It gives a lovely light!

  168. lesles
    September 23rd, 2006 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    #165: Did anyone ever figure out how you diddle a brolly?

    i’m assuming he means it was nicked. if not, then someone’s taken a leak in it, or had unnatural congress with it.

  169. Hysterical Woman
    September 23rd, 2006 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    How come Attila can read and Grimm can’t? Only cats can read or something?

  170. Christopher
    September 23rd, 2006 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    165: The term “bitch-slap” is rather nebulous, and, according to wikipedia, can refer to several different things.

    In my experience, “bitch-slap” refers to a slap delivered with the back of the hand (Rather then the palm) and delivered with signifigant force, rather then playfully.

    More information about Bitch-slaps can be found on the internet (Seriously, Wikipedia has, like, six different definitions, and Urban Dictionary has an impressive dissertation on the distinction betwen the bitch-slap and its cousin, the pimp slap (Which is actually apparently the more proper name for what I described above, although the idea of slang terms being more or less grammatically correct makes my head hurt)).

  171. Flealick
    September 23rd, 2006 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    #136 — I think Ziggy just goes from the assumption that every dog derives his or her self-worth from the role-model of Scooby-Doo, and that every parrot would naturally resent this and try to cast aspersions. As for the “either” in Ziggy’s dialogue, I guess it could be related to some sort of “am too/am not” back and forth (“Is also”/”Isn’t either”), or maybe Wilson is just inserting random words in an attempt to poach some of the TDIET readership (I have to assume there’s some overlap between these two groups).

    Can someone then explain Saturday’s Dinette Set to me? Is the fat man with the sleazy smiley face on his t-shirt mentally parsing the IMs he received from the 15-year-old “girl” (actually Dateline NBC’s Chris Hansen) he’s visiting via Amtrak? Did the conductor shout B-R-B before plummeting off the train to his death, his suicide acronym an ironic reflection on how technological gains make the train conducter less and less relevant? Or is there a mundane explanation I’m missing? Is Amtrak just a red herring?

  172. Air Forbes
    September 23rd, 2006 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    She met him in the parking lot
    She turned around and shouted “Augh!”
    You get the picture?
    (Yes we see)
    That’s when she fell for…
    Aldo Kel-RAST!

    (Vroom, vroom)

    Toby was always putting him down
    Rumors about about his dead wife goin’ ’round
    (Watcha mean when you say that there were rumors goin’ around?)
    They told her he was bad
    But she knew he was sad
    That’s when she fell for…
    Aldo Kel-RAST!

    (Vroom, vroom)

    He wanted to be Mary’s new man
    Then toby said that she had a plan
    (Watcha mean when you say she had a plan?)
    Mary stopped and asked him in
    But it was an intervention
    Toby, Wendy, Chinbeard
    Aldo Kel-RAST!

    (Vroom, vroom)

    You know he looked like Captain Kangaroo
    His shirt stripes kept disappearing too
    He bought a bottle of Johnny Walker Red
    Drank and drove, now he’s dead
    Whether they’ll find he, we don’t know

    Aldo Kelrast – now he’s gone…

  173. Grinderman
    September 23rd, 2006 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Ian Cameron is actually the Max Von Sydow character from “Hannah and her Sisters,” who, broken-hearted after being dumped by the Barbara Hershey character, left New York City for the bucolic precincts of Santa Royale, without, however, leaving behind his penchant for snobbery and overbearing condescension..

  174. Islamorada Girl
    September 23rd, 2006 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    I am not worthy to follow Air Frobes work of genius.
    If you’ve ever seen the scary skanks who made up girl group the Shangri-las. this poem will be especially piquant. Yes, I am that old. And they were all named Mary. Sort of atavistic Spice Girls.

    “Chinbeard will probably vote for Hillary in ‘08.
    Freaking Commie.”

    If Perfesser Chinbeardwag doesn’t teach at Pepperdine and consult for the Cato Institute, I’ll- – – I’ll eat a comic strip.

    Of course, the prospect of him dancing aroun naked at Bohemia Grove with Henry Kissinger, Bush the Elder and Warren Buffet is just too delicious not to imagine.

  175. Dadzilla
    September 23rd, 2006 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    The guy on the right is rudely staring at the cpu screen. the other diner typed BRB so he could deal with it, I guess…..actually, most Dinette Set strips remind me of my ex’s family.

  176. Dadzilla
    September 23rd, 2006 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    # 170….I’m an old retired guy and one thing seen in the movies has always puzzled me. You see two guys fighting and one clasps both hands together and smites the other dude in a clubbing motion. I retired after 20 years in a max security prison and I’ve seen a thousand fights and have never once seen a ‘bitch slap’ or the two handed club. Most fights in a prison start with a shank to the torso (from behind), or a fist to the side of the head, also, often from behind. Honor in a fight in prison? Not so much.

  177. MossMoses
    September 23rd, 2006 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    Professor Ian Cameron teaches at University of California, Santa Royale (UCSR) not to be confused with UCCC (University of California, Cap City). He has no redeeming characteristics whatsoever besides his steady paycheck but that’s all a nosy, airhead bimbo like Toby really needs anyway.

    News of Aldo’s demise is premature. He’s injured but Mary Worth will make him well again and is about to embark on a splatitudinous orgy of sermonizing about drinking and drinking and driving.

    Molly has all the instinct and intellect of a domestic turkey. Turkeys have been known to panic and crowd into a corner, causing mass suffocation. Molly’s would do the same if she could just unsnag her collar.

  178. Dadzilla
    September 23rd, 2006 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think that’s a bumper sticker. Remember the old Burma Shave signs? Seems more like one of those. Here is one I remember

    “Round the curve
    lickety split
    beautiful car
    wasn’t it?”

  179. Kate
    September 23rd, 2006 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    Huh huh. You said “lickety split.” Huh huh huh huh huh. Huh huh.

  180. aldos
    September 23rd, 2006 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I know I can’t be the only one who’s noticed the recent cliff theme in the comics page. We had:
    1) Molly tries to french-kiss Buck Jones. He drives off a cliff.
    2) Hugo the Evil Butler “forgets the camera was here” while fleeing an unconscious Spider-man. He trips, and falls off a cliff.
    3) Molly and Andy are being chased by Hoyt’s angry mob. They escape by jumping off a cliff.
    4) Aldo Kelrast drives drunk. He meets his inevitable demise by… driving off a cliff.

    Seriously, did all the authors have some sort of secret meeting, and decide that September would be Cliff Month? What other manner of cliff-related ridiculousness will we see in the near future? Judge Parker? Apt. 3G? FBOFW? Who knows?!

  181. td
    September 23rd, 2006 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    #171 BRB=be right back. My guess as to the meaning here is either:
    A. the guy is IM’ing someone who has just left the room. Burl has been eavesdropping and now the guy is faced with admitting he no longer has an excuse not to converse with the rube next to him.

    B. The guy knows Burl is eavesdropping and has told the other person he will BRB so he won’t be revealing his conversation to the rube sitting next to him.

    Neither is a very compelling explanation, and certainly neither is funny, but that’s all I’ve got. You might want to watch this site for more ideas, but since he’s on vacation it might not pan out for you. Good luck.

  182. Heckler123
    September 23rd, 2006 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    Ode to Aldo

    There once was a Mary Worth stalker
    Who failed at being a smooth talker
    And so after a tiff
    He drove off of a cliff
    His last words were, “Curse you, Johnny Walker!”

  183. Doug Puthoff
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    #159–I thought Conservatives like Tinsley supported big business. Christmas is the high time of the retail year. He should be celebrating it.

  184. iburl
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Aldo, in his drunken, bloody, crushed, state will emerge from the wreckage, and stumble to an old, abandoned tanner’s cabin. In the morning he looks into a shattered mirror and sees his now horribly disfigured visage. Vowing revenge, he fashions a leather mask from the old animal hides in the cabin. Behind the cabin he finds an old chainsaw, in remarkably fine working order. BZZZZZZZZZZZOWW! “YAH-HAH-HAH-HA-HA! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU’D RATHER BE WHOLE!” No wordy bumper sticker slogans can save you now Toby and Ian! Then he can finally make Mary his bride. I know you can make it, Aldo!

  185. AwfulArt
    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    The third panel in “OOTGP” is different in N.Y. News.. Says: Dear Mr. Big,
    A diamond is
    Not that anyone gives a rats patooie..!!

  186. Deckard Canine
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    182 — Pretty funny, but an actual ode would refer to Aldo in the second person.

    180 — I don’t have the time to think up good uses of cliffs, but it wouldn’t be hard to put one in “Slylock Fox.” Maybe someone in JP will get frustrated enough by inventories to make a jump. The month ends in a week, so they’d better hurry.

    169 — I think Attila’s just a bit smarter than Grimm. At least he doesn’t get in trouble as often.

    142 — I’m more concerned that Tia Carmen takes a year to finish a puzzle meant for ages 2 to 8 and doesn’t realize what the “2 to 8 years” really means. Culture clash is no excuse. Gracie is clearly the black sheep in a family of morons.

    130 — I’ll give the GA guy some credit for doing better with Tracy, but that’s not hard. It’s also weird. I recently saw some old GA episodes, and offhand I’d say it’s a Superman among comics — in that it jumped not just the shark but ten blue whales and a zombified diplodocus.

    Speaking of zombies: “Mary, your words may say no, but your eyes say yes. Now give me your braiiiiins….”

  187. LittleGuy
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Two Words: Zombie Aldo

  188. Marc
    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    186 – Let’s see, we have Tia Carmen who is the idiotic eccentric aunt, a father who only talks about how he cna’t afford paying off the bills. and Baldo, who had a week long discussion with shampoo bottles.

    I agree.

  189. Maggot
    September 23rd, 2006 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    Josh, so many people have cursed you for getting them hooked on Mary worth. I for one would like to say thanks — my only regret is that I missed it for so many years — and to note that judging from the shout-outs, the people who draw their paychecks from the publication of Mary Worth are also saying thanks. We curmudgeons have a wonderfully symbiotic relationship with the creative side of the MW team. Now if only LJ would listen to us…

  190. Heckler123
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    #186 – I’m not sure if an ode has to be in second person, but you may be right. I do know that an ode is supposed to be dignified and have a somewhat complex structure. My poem admittedly meets neither of the criteria.

    This gives me two obvious choices: Rewrite the poem, or just call it a limerick. Slacker that I am, I’m going with the second choice.

  191. skulking on the outskirts
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    I have a terrible confession to make. I read through MF’s last three strips…..and……*I AGREED WITH TINSLEY*. (sob!) May God have mercy on my soul.

  192. Don
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    Anyone have any guess who the nude model is going to be in Drabble? The odds-on favourites would have to be either Wendy (the girl Norman loves) or his mall-cop dad. What else could shock Norman like that? Having his mom as the nude model would be too much for Drabble, I think.

    There aren’t really a lot of characters to choose from

  193. Cornwhacker
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    180, 186: in JP, Raju will have to go over the cliff. He will require extensive reconstructive surgery. Neddy just happens to have a plastic surgeon friend who gives him a new, un-nerdy face.

    In A3G, Lu Ann will take a trip to the country, searching for botanical specimens for her paintings. She runs over to a perfect flower at the edge of a cliff and falls Margo pushes her.

  194. Cornwhacker
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    (contd. from 193) Whoops, I forgot to do a FBoFW scenario: Constable Paul is never mentioned in the strip again. Eventually, in the letters section of, Liz mentions in passing that he fell off a cliff and died.

  195. Flealick
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    #181–Thanks, I missed the whole being-nosey-about-a-neighbor’s-laptop aspect of the comic, and was very confused, now I get it.

  196. Dingo
    September 24th, 2006 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    If the sad case of Aldo Kelrast has taught the minions of the world a lesson, it should be thus: never trust your heart to a woman in a blood-red jogging suit.

  197. Craig Shergold
    September 24th, 2006 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    A memorial haiku or tu

    O my Stalker Lad
    We hoped you would never leave
    But you left too soon

    Cherry autos fall
    down a river of coffins
    bad art über alles

  198. Dingo
    September 24th, 2006 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    Ah! Sweet mystery!
    White-haired woman leads to doom
    Johnny! Johnny! AUGHHHHHHHH!

  199. Craig Shergold
    September 24th, 2006 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    Mallard Foulbeak: So, doesn’t an efflourescence of Xmas decor indicate that the War On Christmas failed?

    And, why is it named after the worst President in US history?

  200. april
    September 24th, 2006 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    #194 – LMAO!

    I’ve just read today’s (Sunday’s) Mary Worth…

    “There’s been an accident! It’s Aldo! He’s…He’s….Oh, Toby!”

    What is with all the fake weeping Mary? Methinks you are acting very upset over your stalker plunging to his death over a cliff…hmmm a bit too upset perhaps? I’m guessing in the police investigation they will find the brakes were cut and a certain old ladies fingerprints all over toolbox…

    Oooooh, I think I smell a Mary serving jail time story arc. Let’s see how she gets along with all the broads down in cell block B. It could go two ways – either they write her as winning them all over and changing their lives with her pious preaching and clean living, or they have her become the victim of some hardcore prison gang of she-men who kick the crap out of her and make her wish for the days that good old Aldo was around.

    I’m thinking they’ll go for the second one.

  201. rsf
    September 24th, 2006 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    180 also, GA has Slim’s pickup going over a cliff.

  202. coyote
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    #200 – I think Toby is the one worried about her legal exposure, criminal and civil. Look at her expression in the last panel.

  203. angry black woman
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    #180, yeah, I noticed. And I think the next strip to succumb to this will be Apt. 3-G. Margo is heading off to “breakfast” with Eric Mills, but he seems too smooth and unaffected by her anger. I think he’s planning to push her off a cliff.

    #189 – shoutouts? wherewhere?? Do you mean the Bombay gin thing?

    LJ listens to no one. I’m trying to decide how much I hate LJ Abuse right now.

    #202 – Toby has some badly drawn faces in this particular installment. Just look at panel one! her long, luxurious hair looks like it’s been chopped off for the ponytail and her face is all bloated.

  204. fillmoreeast
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    199: Nah, we godless liberals don’t declare war on Christmas until at least late November. We’re too busy conducting our guerrilla campaign against Thanksgiving before then.

    I can’t believe no one has commented on Sunday’s Rhymes With Orange yet. Because … well, wow. Bring the dark, Hilary B. Price. Bring the dark!

  205. Frank Drackman
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    What an opportunity for a crossover!…Aldo meets SGT Snorkle holding on for dear life on to a vine on the side of the cliff, some how the 2 survive and go out for a night of real drinking…and old Sarge introduces Aldo to the pleasures of a cheap hooker and beer.

  206. Binky Betsy
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Forget Toby’s face: check out her camel toe in panel 3!

  207. BabyMomma
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:25 am [Reply]


    We can only hope and dream of a Mary-in-jail storyline. But do you think she’d beat someone up, or become someone’s bitch?

    My guess is for the latter.

  208. Maureen
    September 24th, 2006 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Wow, this is the first time I ever realized that Dagwood is Jughead’s father.

  209. Sheila
    September 24th, 2006 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Now, wait a second. Aldo just croaked in a one-car accident, right? So the cops come, and there’s the corpse, and I suppose they can identify him from his driver’s license or whatever. But how in the hell would they know to pester ol’ Mary Worth?

    Aldo lived alone — no roommate or wife to tell anyone his movements. He doesn’t seem to have had friends.

    The Charterstone confrontation did not garner newspaper publicity or anything.

    Do the local cops make a habit of phoning up meddling old biddies to see if they know anything about sudden deaths? Did Aldo take the time to write a suicide note fingering Mary? Or what, did the cops find his bedside stalker diary with her name and address and what he planned to do to her?

    This plot is THIN, I’m telling you!

    On the bright side, it looks like he really HAS croaked, which should be a lesson to Meddlin’ Mary. Except it won’t be.

  210. benro
    September 24th, 2006 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    I wouldn’t count Aldo as dead until Mary actually utters the “D” word, which could take at least a week.

    But yes, the plot is thin. The only thing I can think of is that the Charterstone community is such a network of busybodies that most of them were looking in the window at the intervention, and the story got back to the Santa Royale police as soon as the accident was discovered.

  211. the angry black woman
    September 24th, 2006 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Do the local cops make a habit of phoning up meddling old biddies to see if they know anything about sudden deaths?

    bwahahahahahahahahahahaha Sheila! I bet they do in Santa Royale.

    “Chief, there’s been an accident! Some guy drove his car off the cliff on I-10.”

    “Damnit, I *knew* we should have talked to the Mayor about installng guard rails. Have you IDed him?”

    “Oh yeah, a one Load Stalker. Also, we found a Charterstone parking pass on the review.”

    “CHARTERSTONE!? Why didn’t you say so at first, rookie? That damn Mary Worth is behind all this, I just know it. Call the SWAT team, I’m going to have a little chat with that platitude-spouting biddy.”

    But seriously, I bet Aldo is alive and asking for Mary at the hospital, which is why they called her.

  212. Derelict
    September 24th, 2006 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    189–I would not be reading MW if it weren’t for this site. And if the Curmudgeon Community vanished tomorrow, I’d stop reading MW. I read it now not so much for what it is but to get understand the amazing comments it generates here.

    209, 210–My guess is the cops found Aldo injured, drunk, and babbling “Mary Worth did this to me!” as they took his tuckus to the hospital.

    Or else Mary is so well known for her meddling ways that whener anything happens to anyone even peripherally associated with Charterstone, Mary is at the top of the call list for the gendarmes.

  213. dryman
    September 24th, 2006 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Oh, it’s going to take more than a week.

    Monday: “Mary, what’s happened? Is Aldo…”
    Tues: “Oh, Toby.. He’s.. he’s..”
    Wed: “No.. It can’t be… Mary, tell me he isn’t..”
    Thurs: “Just hold me, Toby!” (SOB). Head bobble lines radiating.
    next Fri: “He’s.. he’s.. broken both wrists.. they say he’ll never hold a bottle the same again(SOB)..”

    Toby’s head bobbles violently, sustaining severe whiplash that they talk about for the next month.

  214. Richard Onley
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    #194: “(contd. from 193) Whoops, I forgot to do a FBoFW scenario: Constable Paul is never mentioned in the strip again. Eventually, in the letters section of, Liz mentions in passing that he fell off a cliff and died.”

    Had you seen Sunday’s strip when you posted that–or are you clairvoyant?

  215. AwfulArt
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Vapid, Obscure, Mundane, Insipid, Tripe….

    Aptly describes todays “FOOB”… And spells out what occurs after reading it…!!!

  216. Anonymous
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    I’m trying to figure out the layout of Mary Worth’s kitchen. Take a look at these two strips:

  217. David C
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Aldo might very well have had a bunch of “stalker material” in the car – notes, loving telephoto-lens photos of Mary taken from a distance, etc.

  218. monkeyhawk
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:55 am [Reply]


    Has anybody noticed that AwfulArt’s comment on Mary Worth — “Vapid, Obscure, Mundane, Insipid, Tripe” can be made into an acronym for Captain Kangaroo?

    “Oh, Toby. Aldo Kelrast. He’s… He’s… He’s…
    He’s had his identity stolen by a Bob Keeshan impersonator!”

    Molly doen’t understand the animosity of the plunging blue car from the perfectly-paved cliff so, attempting to French kiss it, she cushions Aldo’s fall. Sgt. Snorkle is shot by vigilantes looking for that old bear (late with arrow in his ass) and immediately pummels the over-the-cliff-pushed-by-Lizzard-breath Paul, who denounces his C*n*di*n citizenship and signs up for a lifetime hitch at Camp Swampy.

    At Basic Training, Paul gets a haircut in the chair next to Dagwood, who’ll not have to wear a hairnet anymore in his franchised shops.

    Meanwhile, Mary Worth’s prison job will be printing oversized bumper stickers that upset Krapworth as he cruises in his undersized 1950s-vintage convertable seeking a parking space in the TDIET-MART (currenly putting up Mother’s Day decorations, although it’s still October) parking lot because they reveal the secrets of Archie and the Moldavian Orthodox Coptic Church, albeit long-windedly. (Hey! This paragraph could be a bumper sticker!)

    Aldo will survive his injuries so long as Rex Morgan gets to the Trauma Center in time to administer some ice cream.

    Ask your doctor if Bombay Gin is right for you.

  219. fillmoreeast
    September 24th, 2006 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    I like how, in today’s Foob, Lizard has gone so far as to babble about the Rich Glories of Nature to a guy who’s part-Native. I just want one more panel, with the following:

    Paul: You know what, Elizabeth? Fuck you. My people are more impoverished, die younger, and have higher incidences of alcholism and unemployment than yours. And I’m a rural cop without much of a paycheck, and it looks like I’m going to have to break the lease on my apartment in order to move down and be with you, only to find out that you fell in love with the Moustache Who Slouches Like a Man at the trial of the guy who tried you rape you, meaning I either end up underpaid in an unfamiliar part of the country without this degree of natural beauty, or I’ll slink back north with my tail with my tail between my legs to Chipper or whatever her damn name is. So here’s what I think about how “rich” we are.

    And, in keeping with Cliff Month, he shoves her into the ravine for the wolverines to eat.

  220. Islamorada Girl
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Being eaten by wolverines would be a merciful death compared to the bloody endinng Foobville deserves. It’si on life support as it is. Kill it now and we can all go on with our lives.

  221. Papa
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Ignoring the possibility that our laws of logic may not apply in the MaryWorthiverse, does anyone else find it suspicious that Toby’s attention was drawn to a bumber sticker that was so apropos to Aldo’s fate when she shouldn’t have had any knowledge of his drunken flight into oblivion? Is it possible the Camerons had another intervention before the one we witnessed, an intervention with Aldo’s break lines?!

    Also, am I the only one who thinks Santa (Spanish) Royale (French) is an extremely implausible name for a city anywhere, much less in California? Unless the town is just a big subdivision that was given its lame name by the developer’s ad agency.

  222. Cornwhacker
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Richard Onley says:

    Had you seen Sunday’s strip when you posted that–or are you clairvoyant?

    I didn’t even bother to look at it today until I read the comments here. Whoa. Happy Cliff Month, Paul! Say hi to Aldo, Molly, Sarge, etc. on the way down!

  223. Poteet
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    #219 & 220 — Yes! Yes!! KILL IT NOW! Why should the Pattersons still be alive when Aldo is dead? Stuff all the Foobians into a church hall for the wedding reception of Granthony and Lizardbreath, drop a large bomb from Warren’s helicopter, and END IT!

    Okay, that was going too far. I shouldn’t say Aldo is dead. There’s still a little hope…

  224. Anonymous
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    #172 (AirForbes) That made my day!

    - spoi

  225. Minivet
    September 24th, 2006 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    What I loved most in Sunday MW was Toby’s last-panel expression. “She’s sorry for him?! Focus, biddy, focus! WWJD? Not go and forgive the fucking sinner, I can tell you that much!”

  226. Sherm
    September 24th, 2006 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    165 and 170-Traditionally, the bitch slap is delivered open-handed, palm-forward, administered by someone who is too weak/inexperienced/limp-wristed to fight in a way that will actually do some damage. Like Spider-man. Hence the “Bitch” modifier, which actually discribes the striker, rather than, as is commonly assumed, the strikee. A pimp-slap, on the other hand, is a speedy backhand administered with locked elbow by a gentleman in ostentatious clothes. It’s principle benefit is the dispensation of punishment without the threat of seriously damaging the merchandise. As long as he takes his rings off, anyway.

    And Mom said a BA in Pimpology would be worthless.

  227. Hysterical Woman
    September 24th, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Sherm should get CotW.

  228. J Easy
    September 24th, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Man, how inept are the cops in Santa Royale? Aldo was weaving through traffic, swilling a bottle of johnny in a car w/o tinted windows for AN HOUR before the inveitable cliff dive? I guess we know why Mary opted for the Chinbeard Intervention Task Force instead of just filing a police report.

  229. BethThe#20Fan
    September 24th, 2006 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know if anyone has said it because I’m too lazy to look but did anyone notice the clock in the kitchen? It’s 10:10 which means a happy face. Is it happy because Aldo is dead or because they can move onto the next awesome storyline?

  230. coyote
    September 24th, 2006 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    I’m hoping that, in about three or four weeks, a young woman will move into Charterstone. She’ll be nosy, asking awkward questions about recent Charterstone history. Her secret motivation: she seeks her father, who never knew she existed. When she finds out that her father – Aldo himself – was killed by the cruel “intervention,” her thoughts turn to revenge.

  231. AppleGirl
    September 24th, 2006 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Aldo lives. No way did they kill him off.

  232. Iggy
    September 24th, 2006 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Has anybody here seen my old friend Aldo? Can you tell me where he’s gone?

  233. Sheila
    September 24th, 2006 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Aldo listed Mary as his “next of kin” on that card in his wallet…

  234. Frank Donation
    September 24th, 2006 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    #202: Clearly, you don’t live in the Sun Belt. About 80% of the population down here lives in big subdivisions that were given their lame names by the developers’ ad agencies.

  235. Frank Donation
    September 24th, 2006 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Oops, my bad. #221

  236. Papa
    September 24th, 2006 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    #234-5: I remember them from childhood, which is why I posited the alternative explanation. I just wanted to point out that no matter how you slice it, ‘Santa Royale’ is a lame name. Actually, here in Japan, names are even lamer because on top of the cheese-addiction common to ad men all over the world we have the cachet of translating the cheesy names into broken English. “Luminous Nose” apartments?

  237. Derelict
    September 24th, 2006 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    “Luminous Nose” apartments?

    Ask about our pick of the week!

  238. BethThe#20Fan
    September 24th, 2006 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    This is going to be an extremely weird question, but does anyone know what type of font is used in Foobville? Is it a common font that I’ve overlooked? I’d like to use it. Oh God, what have I became?

  239. Lisa
    September 24th, 2006 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    #180 – have you noticed in today’s FBOFW, Liz and DudleyDoYaWannaDoWright are sitting on the edge of a cliff? I’m sure that Granthony’s hiding behind a tree, just biding his time…

  240. Gracie287
    September 24th, 2006 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    I’m surprised no one’s commented on today’s JP: So Alison’s a “professional”? I’ll bet “she knows what to do” with a naked Raju! (shudder… the horror… the horror!)

    Also, has anyone noticed that despite her claims that they’re “incredibly rich,” Lizardbreath hardly smiles at all in today’s FOOB? She’s mostly frowning her flat-mouthed frown. Wishing she was there with Granthony? (I repeat, the horror… the horror!!)

  241. Rex Morgan, FOOB
    September 24th, 2006 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    If Granthony saw the mountie mounting Lizzie from behind in panel 5, he probably flung himself moustache-first off the cliff.

  242. Mibbitmaker
    September 24th, 2006 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    What the next Beatle Bailey will be like:

    Beatle (seeing Sarge hanging on the familiar treebranch off the side of a cliff): “Sarge! What Happened?!”

    Sarge: “After I’d been here for a while, I saw some big clumsy butler, a truck with a man and his BEAR in it, an old guy in a pick-up, some drunk driver who looked like Capt. Kangaroo, and, again, that bear! And they all fell off this cliff! Damnedest thing I ever saw!”

  243. Marc
    September 24th, 2006 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Apparently Santa Royale felt that their money would be best spent on Charterstone’s upkeeping, instead of putting guardrails along “big ass chasms”

  244. april
    September 24th, 2006 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    #207 – Oh, Mary’d be someone’s bitch. And that would be just about the best storyline ever. Someone could make t-shirts that said “mary’s my bitch” and we could all wear them and drink Johnny Walker and laugh and laugh.

    #219 – naw, he ain’t gonna say that because he is back up north bonking the girl who was Lizardbreath’s replacement and he will be feeling too quilty to do anything other than smile and agree with her sanctimonious condescending crap.

    Honestly if Paul does end up with that girl and if Lizardbreath does end up with Blanthony then I hope the entire population of foobville just falls off the face of the earth in a Buffy the Vampire style finale.

  245. AwfulArt
    September 24th, 2006 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Monkeyhawk #218.. I was bashing “FOOB” not Mary..Been reading Mary for close to 50 years..She was old then. Now I’m older.. Getting old sucks. So do my Giants todayt…

  246. Hippocrass
    September 24th, 2006 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Monday on Mary Worth:

    Panel 1
    Toby: “What is it Mary?”
    Mary: “Aldo! He’s.. He’s..”

    Panel 2
    Mary: “Oh, Toby!”

    Panel 3
    Mary: “This is the happiest day of my life!”

  247. monkeyhawk
    September 24th, 2006 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, AwfulArt. My error. So much vapidity, so little vomit.

    (Can me and the kids play on your lawn?)

  248. Anonymous
    September 24th, 2006 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    #238 Try Comic Sans MS. I don’t think it’s an exact match, but it’s close.

  249. Heckler123
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Am I the only person that thinks little Sarah’s head is disproportionately large? In the Saturday comic, where June is kissing her good-bye, this is particularly obvious. If her head and body continue to grow at such disparate rates, I predict that by the time she reaches the age of 12, her neck will no longer be able to lift such a heavy load. Her parents are both in the medical profession – shouldn’t they be seeking some kind of proactive treatment for Sarah?

    And in today’s comic, why has June briefly turned into the Incredible Hulk?

  250. 2fs
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    #199: “And, why is [Bruce Tinsley's strip] named after the worst President in US history?” Wait – Tinsley renamed the strip “George W. Bush”?

    Also, re today’s MW: Toby’s face in the last panel is positively frightening. My theory: she’s a shape-shifting demon – in fact, she’s responsible for all the stalking. The real Aldo was a mild-mannered stamp collector who never bothered anyone…and it was Demon Toby who forced him to drink a bottle of Johnnie Walker and drive off a cliff. The stunning, shocking denouement to this story promised by MW’s authors? Monday: Toby’s true face is revealed as she sinks her enormous fangs into Mary’s brains.

  251. 2fs
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Oops – forgot a link. Here’s today’s MW. (Note also how mannish Ann Coulter’s Toby’s face appears in the last panel…)

  252. Sjofn
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    #232 made me cackle. Bless your heart.

  253. No Updates
    September 24th, 2006 at 6:49 pm [Reply]


  254. Sheila
    September 24th, 2006 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    “Luminous Nose” apartments? I believe it — didn’t Brenda Starr live in the Lovely Arms apartments?

    What ever happened to Brenda Starr, anyway? I haven’t seen her in YEARS.

  255. Junior Tracy
    September 25th, 2006 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    “Prehistoric Caveman Pharmacists” would be a great name for a band.

  256. keith
    September 27th, 2006 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Hey – Aldo found the edge of the world!

  257. Stan
    July 21st, 2007 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    This is EXTREMELY late, and apropos of nothing, but:
    Aldo was driving a Hyundai Azure, right? That’s what it looks like.

  258. Carly
    November 20th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    MT – I think I saw this plot in a movie. Maybe it was Fox and Hound. There was definitely a movie where the crazy guy swore he was gonna kill some person/animal himself and met a violent end, wasn’t there?

  259. Russian Visa
    August 9th, 2008 at 8:46 am [Reply]

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  260. Roger M. Wilcox
    January 15th, 2014 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does EVERY “Find the six differences between these pictures” installment of Slylock Fox always include a flower with a yellow center in one picture and no center in the other?

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