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Foobish train wreck

For Better Or For Worse, 10/13/06

As the Liz-Anthony storyline grinds on to its terrifying and seemingly inevitable conclusion, all of North America can only look on in horror.

I was physically unable to bring myself to comment on yesterday’s foobery, in which Liz, who up until fairly recently had an exciting and adventurous life, declared herself “unaccomplished” compared to Anthony because he had a child and owned property. While clearly parenthood and ownership of a bland suburban box is the height of human achievement in Foobonia, the sad truth is that the house was no doubt purchased largely with the money from Thérèse’s unspecified-but-implied-to-be-high-powered job, and as for the baby, well, if you’re married, for most people it actually takes more planning and effort to not have a baby than it does to have one. I suppose it’s an “accomplishment” that Anthony convinced his wife to have sex with him despite their obvious mutual dislike. Of course, now Thérèse has left both home and baby behind because she’s a totally unrealistic straw-woman character designed to make us feel sorry for Anthony totally evil, nonmaternal, career-focused bitch, leaving Liz an opportunity to get closer to her dream guy, who likes to hang out in his basement office with his caged toddler.

All this aside, though, this morning I had a brainstorm about why the Liz-Anthony pairing is so perfect. See, motherhood is a necessary component to a woman’s life, unless she decides she’d rather not be a parent is a totally evil, nonmaternal, career-focused bitch like Thérèse. If Liz weds Anthony, she’ll get to experience the soul-completing joy of being a mommy without having to have icky sex.

Apartment 3-G, 10/13/06

OK, so this wacky Lu Ann adventure, with the lights turning on and off and the odd instant falling asleep and the sepia-toned dream sequences … it’s really … weird, right? It’s not just me? It’s OK that I’m creeped out by the command in the last panel here? Who’s going to keep her safe, dammit? Who?

Six Chix, 10/13/06

You’re one to talk about addictive behavior, lady. You’re the one who appears to be sitting at a bar in the middle of your house.

Family Circus, 10/13/06

Actually, Jeffy, that’s how we know that Dolly’s sick. Very, very sick.

304 responses to “Foobish train wreck”

  1. ben
    October 13th, 2006 at 3:51 am [Reply]

    Six Chix is what humour would be if nothing could ever be funny and to exist was a boot stamping on a human face forever.

    Blanthony’s going to show Liz his model train any minute now.

  2. Da Scrodfather
    October 13th, 2006 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    Why is Alan having to call LuAnne from a different dream-bubble? They’re in the same dream, right? My GAWD, it’s too early in the morning for this.

  3. Other_Sally
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    I actually like the last panel of Luann’s dream. Nicely drawn, classically melodramatic, very early-1930′s-imitation-of-high-Victorian-ladies’-novels.

    I think Anthony is showing Liz her future home in two ways: not only will she live in his house, but she will be locked into Francois’ playhouse in the basement, where she can properly take care of the kid while Anthony watches them from his office and can make sure neither of them will leave him like Therese did. After Anthony realized he had no hooooome, he decided to take matters into his hands and get as many nested homes as possible.

  4. LB
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:17 am [Reply]

    I think the only conclusive interpretation we can get from the miniature fence in Foob’s last panel is that granthony respects boundaries. “yes remember the guy who tried to rape you he was a bad bad man. me, i respect boundaries; i don’t express any overt sexual desire but it allows me to fantasise about you sucking my face then when i go to bed at night i get all warm and fuzzy.”

    maybe i just dont get the storyline in: where is granthony’s kid? he’s been out gallavanting with Liz all day at some lawyers office, giving depositions and what-not, etc etc. So, shouldn’t we be compelled to think that, horribly, the kid was left all alone in that cage full of small, chokable toys all afternoon? So, necessarily, poor Francie has two evil parents?

  5. Sheilagh
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    Liz’s weirdly foreshortened legs in the last panel are giving me a headache.

    See? Already it’s starting. RUN, Liz, RUN!!!

  6. meep
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:49 am [Reply]

    What? You don’t have a breakfast bar in your house?

    My Dad built one for our house when I was a kid, and my husband built us a bar (now torn down) in out Queens apartment. Breakfast is so much better when you’re sitting on barstools.

  7. ben
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:50 am [Reply]

    Hey, people with opinions on comics, what say ye of “Count Curly Wee and Gussie Goose”? Yes, I know what I said.

    Can I explain? No, I can’t. No-one can.

    Can I quote this Mary Worth reference?

    Oh, righty-ho, indeed. It doesn’t help that the pace of the story makes the progress of “Mary Worth” look like a tale told by a methamphetamine addict.

  8. roydrink
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:54 am [Reply]

    We know now that Granthony is a sick puppy. Not only is he continuously playing pocket pool while Liz is visiting, he has a DOT MATRIX printer!

    Run Liz, RUN!

  9. Brian Schlosser
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:17 am [Reply]

    Lu Ann’s dream reminds me of Rosemary’s dream the night she is impregnated by Old Scratch in “Rosemary’s Baby”.

  10. Marion Delgado
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:28 am [Reply]

    by the way i just did the grand tour of lynn’s site and i was oddly touched. I remembered that this was often an interesting strip. Especially the early strips had a lot of spirit.

    Plus being a rural Alaskan child who rarely traveled to the States but did usually go to Canada every summer, i sort of identify with the Canadians more.

  11. gleeb
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:46 am [Reply]

    I think it’s clear that the apartment itself has kidnapped LuAnn. As an empty apartment, it just wants a tenant to call its own. It’s also a little jealous of Apartment 3-G.

  12. Liam Dillon
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    ‘Sleep, dreamer, I will keep you safe…’

    Wow… I think Luanne’s stumbled into a Sandman crossover…

  13. johnw
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    To me, Granthony’s playpen implies something sinister. He likes his girls caged up, under control, available whenever he needs them. I think he’s built another room off the back of the basement, where people used to put fallout shelters. There’s a big solid steel door, and inside every wall is covered with pictures of Liz.

    Yep, she damn well better run, or she’ll soon be nothing but a photo on a milk carton.

    I know, I know… Lynn will never go there. But while it’s a cruel thought, it’s at least more interesting than Liz’ abdication of her independence. She’s just way too happy with the playpen: “Oh boy, can I live in one of these? I’ll never have to think for myself again!”

    And having defended Lynn Johnston’s body of work in the past, let me say again… she’s done a lot of great work, which is why the current malaise is so disappointing.

  14. yellojkt
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:49 am [Reply]

    I want the record to show that I knew the Granthony tour would include the basement. I was expecting a S&M dungeon, but an infatilism fetish doesn’t seem unchracteristic of The Mustached One either.

  15. Sheilagh
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:52 am [Reply]

    I would so loooooove for Granthony to make a clumsy pass at Liz about now, and have her recoil with a Mary Worth-style “Augh!” Please please please, Lynn, let the poor girl have ONE spontaneous human reaction to this whole situation…

  16. Pinback65
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:58 am [Reply]

    #9–
    My thoughts exactly when I saw LuAnn’s dream. But since it allows me to visualize John Cassavetes as Alan, I’m okay with it.

  17. Von Zeppelin
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:19 am [Reply]

    Dream-Alan is asking “Luann, where are you?” because that is NOT Luann in dream-balloon #2. At least, not most of her. Careful scrutiny will show that it is a desembodied Luann head, supported by an equally unattached Luann hand and wrist. He wants to know where the good parts are. Or perhaps the naughty bits.

  18. JonboyDC
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    A3G is turning into Little Nemo in Slumberland. I expect to see LuAnn and Alan flying on the back of a giant goose while Margo (who will be the villain of the place) chases after them on a giant crow.

  19. Krazy Kat
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:22 am [Reply]

    “Yes, Elizabeth, a fence! Like the one I’ve built around my heart since you have been away!”

    “…And here’s the gate. See the little key with “YKK” on it…open it Liz…open the gate…”

    “Did I show you the bedroom?”

  20. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:28 am [Reply]

    LuAnn’s dream, like most people’s, doesn’t make much sense. Is Alan in the boat? If so, why is he aparently dressed like Jackie O? If it’s LuAnn in the boat, why doesn’t she just pilot it back to shore? And what does ‘I’m all at sea’ mean?

    “I’m, like, all at sea and you’re all on land and I like want you to come back but I am soooo not able to steer this, like, boat or whatever?”

  21. smacky
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:36 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in (DT)GT: Sean just hit the jackpot! He takes control like De Niro in Goodfellas, sending his Joe Pesci buddy to hide the body while he cleans out the car.

    This is the first strip in weeks where something is actually happening in real time. The majority of (DT)GT takes place after something has happened: “Well, we lost that game!” “Hey, I saw someone tearing down posters!” “I dropped out of the race!”

    It’s an interesting creative choice to concentrate solely on the conversations that take place between the rare moments of excitement.

  22. Binky Betsy
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:37 am [Reply]

    #13: THAT’S IT! First Liz moved back down south, but that didn’t satisfy her. Then she moved back into her parents’ house, but she still wasn’t satisified. Now she sees a playpen, and something stirs in her heart. Soon she’ll be wearing Depends and being fed by hand by Granthony.

  23. GotFuzzy
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:37 am [Reply]

    The Washington Post website has FOOB in color (can’t stand reading it on the official website–the blinking freaks me out), and Liz’s shoes are ruby red. I’m hoping that this is all some sort of Wizard of Oz dream sequence and she’ll wake up and realize that Blandthony has no heart, courage or brain.

    In (DT)GT, do you suppose that the wreck that our boys came upon is the guys who were tearing down Sean’s posters because they were still cranky about the loss last season? And Sean will save them and be a hero once again? And be elected VP by acclamation? And jocks will rule supreme and all will be right in (DT)GT-land again?

  24. blacknosugar
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    I’m all at sea!

    All your seas are belong to us!

  25. Karl
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    Know why Barfy’s sick? Because you named him ‘BARFY’! Of COURSE he’s sick, fer chrissakes!!

  26. wsedpo
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    “… it’s really … weird, right? It’s not just me?”

    i was gonna say its not just you, but you appear to have delusions that all of north america is paying attention to foob.

  27. yellojkt
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:04 am [Reply]

    It’s what Dolly does with Barfy and a jar of peanut butter that is really sick.

  28. Archivalist
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    A3G is starting to look a lot like that silly 80s crapfest “Beauty and the Beast.” Or maybe it’s just bad Broadway. LuAnn’s disembodied head in panel 2 is a nice touch tho, and made me spit my tea this morning.

  29. TheMagicMel
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    blacknosugar, I officially love you for the reference.

    I was also going to comment on the awkward grammar of the second panel of A3G. Alan is suddenly a valley girl, “I’m, like, all at sea! Oh my Gawd!!!”

    “I’m at sea” would have been just as surreal, and not so ‘Heathers.’

  30. Interceptorjg
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    I’ve seen a basement like Anthony’s somewhere before…

    “It puts the lotion on it’s body!”

  31. ChefMike
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    So apparently the people in the world of TDIET have never heard of five day forecasts? like if he decides on Tuesday that he’ll have time Friday to put out his yard sale stuff there’s NO WAY for him to get a weather report that will give him at least a vague idea of what might happen Saturday? I understand that weather can be sneaky, but with all the doppler radar advances, and other such high tech gadgetry they’ve come a long way in at least being able to tell you to be prepared for the possibility of rain a couple days out.

  32. Ryan
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    My only hope is that we don’t hear the phrase “Moustache ride” out of Liz or Anthony.

  33. Zack
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Well, it’s comforting to know that Foob is maintaining its “No Jokes/No Plot” policy. I hope in the future we can look forward to strips that end on lines like, “So, I have to get some milk on my way home,” “Grandma’s still dead,” and “I’d marry you, Anthony, but being an actual person, as opposed to a clumsy archetype intended to serve as a stand-in for the writer’s actual children, I have to confess that I find you about as attractive as that footstool you keep showing me in your den.”

    Well, maybe that last one is a bit of a stretch, but fingers crossed, eh?

  34. johnw
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    MT: “Who would take a big bear?” Oh, I don’t know… a fur-lovin’ gay guy? The question I keep asking is, “What kind of naturalist leaves a bear in an open jeep and says ‘Now just stay right there while I run inside’?” I know she’s a trained bear, but on what level is it a good idea to leave an animal on its own out in the open?

    GA: Long way to go for an unfunny joke. Especially since I can’t imagine Slim using the word “wench.”

    Funky Winkerbean: Well, at least nobody’s dying today… but how stupid does a small businessman have to be, to drop pizzas on the neighborhood from a goddam plane?

    DT: For a guy who’s been wearing a TV wristwatch/telephone since the 1940s, it sure doesn’t take much to bedazzle our hero. So far, the good doctor hasn’t shown me a thing.

    9CW: I’ve been reading this strip for over a month now, and I still have no idea what’s going on or who all these characters are.

  35. ragthetiger
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    #6: Aaay, Queens! (Glendale. You?)

  36. Kirbyoto
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    LuAnn has been playing too much of The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening. I swear, though, that was the first thing I thought of.

  37. Weasel Boy
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    MW: “Some things are better left unsaid.” Oh come on, Mary! I’ll bet everyone at the funeral wants to hear how creepy the dead guy was. And I’ll bet they’ll just love the part about how you and your friends ambushed him and left him so humiliated that he drove off a cliff in a drunken haze. Just think of it as a practice run for when you hit the talk show circuit: “Older women. Younger stalkers. Next Oprah.”

  38. Christopher
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    #12: I was going to say that!

    Say what you will about Blanthony (For example, make fun of his mustache), but he sure builds one hell of a play-house.

    Not only does it have a window-box with what appear to be either real flowers or realistic reastaurant qualitty plastic ones, it has curtains and an actual glass window.

    I’m actually kind of surprised he doesn’t have model trains, with all the work he put into building a tiny house.

  39. D.A. Pennington
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Why do I have this sick feeling that Bill Keene is going to try to compete with Lynn Johnson on the sympathy comic between stroked out grandpa and a very ill (think put down) Barfy.

  40. Pozzo
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    Between Molly and Barfy, there’s been a lot of cross-species making out going on lately, and I for one am excited…er, disgusted.

  41. jules
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    Anthony keeps his child in a cage in the basement. RUN, LIZ. RUN.

  42. Sean-o
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Re: A3G:
    Not to be pedantic (nor, hopefully, to be mistaken for someone defending an idiotic comic strip), but the phrase “all at sea” is pretty common and predates Valley Girl speak by, like, a century. It refers to a general state of being lost, confused, “no direction home.”

    So it is okay to use it, but the strip still blows; no pretty 19th century phrasing will fix that.

    FOOB: I almost can’t bear it anymore. It is the “rubbernecking at a car accident” phenomenon writ large…

  43. Gnarl E.
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    The Six Chix showcases an unfunny formula: The comic as vehicle to mention some “in” cultutral phenomemon with no humorous content. Simply replace “ebay” or “youtube” with “Rubik’s Cube,” “tamagotchi,” “VCR,” “Sudoku,” whatever.

  44. Grundoon
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    Picking up on what Binky Betsy was saying (#22), now I remember that John Waters showed us a vision of Liz’s future with Granthony back in ’72:
    http://www.brightlightsfilm.com/23/23_images/pink_edith.jpg

  45. av8rmike
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    I made this same comment over in the FOOBiverse, but of course Liz is going to tell Blanthony that having a baby is an accomplishment, considering he’s the one that actually had the baby!

  46. Christopher
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Let’s look at Mallard Fillmore!

    Oct 13th: Please stop acting like this strip has characters we could actually care about; I don’t really care about the fact that a disembodied head floating in a formless black void is having trouble with his daughter’s political decisions.

    It might help if he had some kind of personality and wasn’t just an outlet for Tinsley’s hatred of liberals.

    Oct. 12th: There are more then 1 Billion Muslims worldwide. It would be pretty miraculous if you could find any group of 1 Billion people that had absolutely NO outraged members, and I imagine it gets even harder when a signifigant number of those billion people live in war-torn nations where violence is a fact of life and car-bombs can send shrapnel screaming through your head at any moment of the day.

    I guess what I’m saying is “In the world, there are often people who are both angry and muslim” is not a particularly deep or funny observation.

    Oct. 11th: Liberals dislike the term “islamo-fascist” because the term “fascist” implies, among other things, a centralised, top-down organisation, and we feel that this does not acurately describe the nature of Islamic terrorism, and in fact unnecesarily complicates the debate, because techniques tht would work against centralised fascist governments won’t work very well against more decentralised foes.

    Okay, I know it’s a joke and all, but Mallard’s supposed to be an ace reporter. Wouldn’t he have intervied some liberals who wanted to change the terminology, or at least gone to a liberal blog and looked at the comments? Shouldn’t a reporter be well informed about all sides of an issue?

    And, yes, I realise he’s less a “character” and more a “two-dimensional mouthpiece for the author”, but Tinsley’s gone on this whole protracted storyline about the curly-haired liberal guy agonising over his daughter’s conservativism. In order for a storyline like that to work, the characters have to have some semblance of humanity, or even a hint that they inhabit a world that contains more then the clothes they have on their backs.

    On the other hand, Mallard’s not reporting right now. In fact, I’m not sure what he’s doing. I think he might be running for the toilet while reading the paper.

    Incidentally, something’s been bothering me about the “Harvard Admits a Turnip” storyline, and I finally realised what it is: This is a world where a duck can become a well respected reporter, and even convince tailors to make him tiny sports jackets.

    It’s not a huge leap to imagine that the Turnip actualy had a perfect score on its SATs.

  47. Ran
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    The depressing thing about FBoFW is that rather than make her own life she’s cobbling together bits of the lives of others. She appears a failure, going back to her parents house and returning to a failed relationship.

    This is where Foober fails its readers. I don’t read the funnies to see pathetic weak people settling for mediocre lives, I want escapism, fantasy, excitement, humor. Maybe even inspiration. Foober delivers the least of the least.

  48. Krazy Kat
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    I’m still pricaticing my Photoshop skills so the final product isn’t ready but I have a great script for replacing the dialog in FBOFW today–anybody else wanna try while I’m struggling along?

  49. Dennis Jimenez
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Hunky dory, huh. I’d have though peachy keen would have been a more appropriate sarcastic colloquialism for a woman of Phyllis/Crack Ho’s ilk.

  50. Air Forbes
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    FOOB:

    #13
    “Oh boy, can I live in one of these? I’ll never have to think for myself again!”

    Anthony shows Liz her dream house. Not the big one, the little one in the basement.

  51. Gracie287
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    37: That’s it! Anthony isn’t just like Liz’s father, he *is* her father, through some kind of wacky space-time paradox. Liz, you sick bastard!

  52. Justafoob
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    You just know that Liz and Granthony are going to walk down the aisle together while strains of Anne Murry waft through the air.

    It will be really cute too, Gordo the best man…
    April Maid of Honor…

    and

    gush

    Widdle Francoise and Widdle Meredeath stewing flowers all over…. awwwwwwww

    And Widdle Robin causing an uproar when he swallows the ring, but then is saved by Weed who is an expert at emergency rescue…. Everyone will have a muppety laugh when all is well and Robin says something annoyingly cute like “Ring all up!!!!” awwwwwwwwwwww

    And over on the bride’s side will be Gwampa Jim, out of the home for the first time dressed smartly in his dress uniform, medals gleaming (from the drool running down his chin) ewwwwwww

    To include her brother Mike, Liz will have him write the vows that she and Granthony will take to the grave…. icccckkkkkk

    For the first dance, Apwil and the Drecksters will pump out an original song that will keep our toes a tapping… booom boom boom boommm

    And finally, for a true view of what is going on SSSS….. Shhhhh……. Shhhhhaaaaaa….. Shannon…… willlll….. give….. us…….. the ………. noble……… ‘tard’s…… view……… of …………. commitment………

    I am buying a shotgun as we speak.

  53. Doug Puthoff
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    “Pluggers” is getting more depressing every day, especially when it depicts something too close to my pitiful existence. No wonder I’m re-reading Tolkien.

  54. johnw
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Justafoob: Don’t forget the cameo by Lawrence, saying something about love and families coming in all shapes, sizes and colors. Awwwwwww.

  55. Christopher
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Incidentally, am I the only one who thinks Granthony would be signifigantly LESS creepy if he had an S & M dungeon in his basement?

  56. Doug Puthoff
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Zits (10-12): I was rather disappointed with the boys’ poker game. I was hoping it would end in a gold-plated fiasco the way Pierce’s party of a few months ago ended.

    10-13 Mutts: Somebody should’ve said “A ride in the hay.” Would’ve been much funnier.

    RMMD: Look out, I get the feeling that, by the time the story ends, Slut Queen is going to become Mary Worth’s kid sister. She’ll probably stop watching Jerry Springer and start watching Jerry Falwell.

  57. Concerned Citizen
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    It seems like every day I read about someone who keeps his children or someone else’s children locked up in a room or a cage and I always think “Sick, sick, sick.” Of course this is right in line with Granthony’s fantasies during an attempted rape trial. He’s a danger to himself and everyone else in Foobland. Might be time for the Aldo move.

    Speaking of which, I think Mary is starting to feel some remorse. Aldo had that Kangaroo tickler and charming hand rubbing gesture, whereas the pompous windbags she calls friends will probably be cackling over her funeral someday. Aldo would know what to say at a funeral, something like “I can’t swear to it but I think I saw the corpse move during the funeral.” Or maybe it was the letter she got from her boyfriend that announced he was going to be in Southeast Asia a bit longer to open up a pediatric clinic with his partners John Mark Karr and Gary Glitter.

  58. Frank Drackman
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    FC actually is on target today. I’d much rather be licked by a dog or rat eating cat than have any close contact with a child. The overuse of antibiotics has resulted in the remaining flora of todays kids needing the antibiotic eqivalent of nuclear weapons to control. And I know theyre rolled up blue jeans but it still looks like Jeffy is wearing blue leg warmers. It’s my astigmatism, but it still looks like LuAnn is conversing with Alah, not Alan. FOOB reminds me of the basement scene from Pulp Fiction, I’m just waiting for the ether soaked rack and ball gags to come out. Didn’t Liz’s harassment take place in 2005? does it take that long to bring up charges of sexual harassment? Surely Howard Bunt hasn’t been in jail all that time. Doesn’t touchy feely Canada have a bail system? I’m thinkin “3way” with those 2 blondes..the one with glasses looks like she’d be pretty wild with a few drinks in her. At least Frank isn’t looking at porn, with that huge monitor his wife could see it from 50 ft away.

  59. Splinky
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    You would think after testifying for her own rape trial, Liz would be a little gunshy about any guy inviting her into his basement to see his playhouse…

  60. anne
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    54. christopher: no you’re not. Was the play-house intended to make us think that Granthony is this skilled talented hard-working caring father? I THINK it was, but could she really not see how creepy it actually is? I jsut started reading FOOB recently for the train-wreck effect, and I’m fascinated by this whole disconnect between the author and her readers!

    MW: There sure are a lot of people at Aldo’s funeral all of a sudden. They sort of look like they’re at a party, all standing facing different directions, maybe chatting with someone off-camera. But what happened between panels 1 and 2? Everyone sort of changed position, mid-Mary-thought. Ian just disappeared! Must have had to run out and get a smoke. Or he can’t contain his snarky witticisms anymore. Or maybe he just needed a quick nap; he looks sleepy in panel 1… these funerals sure are boring.

  61. Randy
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    MT: Great! Another plot to keep track of. Never mind the unresolved storylines about bear poachers and Kelly lookin’ for love in all the wrong places. We just can’t get enough of Molly, the Bewildered Bruin.

    How are these mullet-tops going to make money with a trained bear, anyway? Take her to a national park and have her steal pick-a-nick baskets?

    Zits: Anyone else notice the store in the background of the first panel is “Bad Breath and Beyond”?

  62. smacky
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    # 31: Oh, the “they” in They”ll Do It Everytime today was “Weathermen”?

    I thought it was God. Some plural form of God (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost?) that either hates yard sales, or picked this puke to be the 21st century Job.

  63. LaughingOnTheInside
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Poor Molly doesn’t understand why Mark Trail keeps referring to her as a “big bear”. Her size varies from one day to the next but I don’t think it’s very flattering to call her “big”. At least it’s more polite than calling her a “stupid old bear” as the bad guys do. Molly doesn’t understand why everyone uses hostile adjectives to describe her.

  64. Ralelen
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    So is this where Anthony tries to rape Liz and Howard saves her?

  65. JohnWadd
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    #58: yes, you WOULD think that. But we’ve already seen how peverse Granthony’s “support” during the trial is manifested in his thoughts, so why not accept that Liz is totally naive?

    Unfortunately with the real-world news being what it is, I can’t help but think about the icky things Granthony does by (with?) himself at his computer while his kid is playing in the cage.

    Ewww. Run Liz, Run!!

  66. tefflan
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: Liz: “Okay Anthony, let’s cut to the chase and knock off all the bullshit. I know what this is leading to, and yes, I will marry you, but only if you agree to the following conditions: 1) you do the laundry; 2) you cook all meals; 3) you keep the house and yard clean; 3) you give me $200 a week allowance; 4) you take care of your little brat without my help, and 5) you never, ever come near me for any reason whatsoever, especially sex.”

  67. Lloyd S.
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    How did Josh miss commenting on yesterday’s FOOB. The final panel showed Anthony’s thought balloon which was a rumination on how good it felt to have Elizabeth sitting next to him in the car. The look on her face was one of incredible dismay or annoyance, as if she were as nauseated by A’s thoughts as Josh seems to be by the whole A/E thing

  68. anne
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Also, I like how he has to point out that it’s got a fence around it, while she’s leaning on it. He really wants to emphasize that fence, boy howdy. LIke that’s what he’s most proud of. A fence! A chain-link fence from Home Depot! Jesus H.

    By the way, Liz, you should know that I keep my child in a cage. That fence you’re leaning on? That’s a fence. Around the play-house. See it?

  69. Bombcar
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    A3G reminds me of Procol Harum’s Song for a Dreamer:

    I will meet you on the other side of the moon
    The doctors say they must operate soon
    But there’s no knowing what they’ll find when they open up the wound
    I will meet you on the other side of the moon

    I will meet you at the bottom of the sea
    We will lie inside the ocean and scheme
    Our friend the Arab will guide us while we dream
    I will meet you at the bottom of the sea.

  70. Paul James
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    MT- I want Buck to get out of that hospital bed and go to pick his bear up just so I can hear him say these words….

    “Hey Mark, what are you an freakin idiot, how the hell did you lose a BEAR?”

  71. JB2
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    #57 – Re: Howard’s Trial

    I think mention was made that Liz isn’t the main victim in the pending case but will be giving some kind of corroborative testimony. So Howard must have gone out and raped somebody else in the last few months. it must be nice to be a rapist in Ontario.

  72. Zorba the Geek
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    #34, johnw: regarding Funky Winkerbean, I just assumed it was an homage to or a rip-off of the classic WKRP in Cincinnati episode, “Turkey’s Away,” in which, as a promotion, Mr. Carlson arranges to have live turkeys thrown out of a helicopter. It contained two of the absolute most classic lines in TV history. The first was during Les’s live news report: “The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!” The second, of course, was Mr. Carlson’s: “As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.” I must be older than anyone else here, since I remember this episode.

  73. Ian Cameron, Ph.D.
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    The very last foob strip will be Lizardbreath and a mustacheless Granthony (Lynn’s singular accomodation to her readers) coming home from their wedding with Widdle Francoise who asks Liz if she is her new “step mommy.” Liz will answer; “The only steps in this house are the ones to your playroom in the basement.”

    Everybody can start throwing up now.

  74. Jennifer
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    #67 Lloyd S.
    Yes, I agree, and that’s why — while I’m pretty sure Lynn IS propelling Liz into a doom-filled future of ‘happy marriage’ to Blandthony, I wonder…

    She doesn’t seem to ever respond to him. When he begged her to wait for him, she didn’t answer and next thing we knew was back in Mitwhatever falling for Paul. Anthony thinks things, and she never thinks anything similar. She’s always looking away or bored or polite, never mutual. With all other FOOB romances, there have always been the parallel thought balloons, the glances, the underlining of where the plot is going.

    I don’t want to get my hopes up, but there is true suspense in this for me. Is Lynn REALLY going to do this? Probably… yes… I know… but the art’s heart isn’t in it.

  75. Davey
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    FBOFW — Silence of the Lambs anyone?

    And I’d like to order an “I’m all at sea” t-shirt, posthaste.

  76. Sean-o
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Dear JUSTAFOOB: I hereby nominate you to take over America’s, er, Canada’s, er, Earth’s most shriekingly vile comic strip when LJ pulls the pin. A brilliantly realized, dystopian wedding nightmare…I also appreciate you mentioning Weed, since he also seems to have dropped off the face of the earth (rehab for weed addiction?)

    I guess Grampa Chinballs stroke storyline was not pulling sufficient ratings, so we veer violently again into a more “spicy” plot…when Granthony dons his Geek costumer and leaps out of his very own cage!

  77. Jennifer
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Zorba:

    “Happy…. Thanks…. Giving…. from…. W…. K…. R…. P!”

    BEST Episode EVAR!

    /saw it first-run

  78. Scoopernicus
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    I must be older than anyone else here, since I remember this episode.

    WKRP was one of the very few bright spots of early ’80′s television.

  79. fuzzmaster
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    What’s going to be really scary is when Liz opens up the door of the playhouse and discovers Granthony’s built a scale-model of his fantasy life with her, just like that dollhouse on CSI. Oh, look, Liz, there’s all your flannel nightgowns … oh, no, those are his.

    If memory serves, wasn’t Deanna engaged to someone before she came back into Michael’s life? Is Lynn’s lesson for us supposed to be that you’re always better off with a used car?

    What is it about Granthony’s home office that makes me believe it was carefully traced from some old clip-art?

  80. Juan Arteaga
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Liz, that’s not a playhouse; that’s a GULAG! It’s Barbie Malibu’s little Death camp! RUN! RUN! RUUUUUN!

    Honestly, the nice little house in the middle of Anthony’s make believe Siberian prisoner’s camp makes me thing every time he puts his child in it he just says “Welcome to the Village, Number 6″ and then plays byzantine and nonsensical mind games with the poor toddles for hours.

  81. Scoopernicus
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Wow… I think Luanne’s stumbled into a Sandman crossover…

    Morpheus, where are you?

    Now I have images of Aldo being visted by a tall, cute, goth girl.

  82. Scoopernicus
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    “Welcome to the Village, Number 6″

    Looks like widdle number 6 just did a number 2.

    Who is number 1?

    You are, number 6…

  83. hogenmogen
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Alan: Luann, where are you?!
    Luann: I’m here, Alan, I’m here!
    Alan: No, Luann, I’m “here”! You must be “there”!
    Luann: I don’t get it! I’m usually “here”. Are you sure I’m “there” and not “here”?!
    Alan: You’re a dumb-ass blonde and I love you anyway!
    Luann: Why did you just call me a dumb-ass?!
    Alan: This is your dream! You made me say that!
    Luann: I don’t get it! I must be a dumb-ass blonde!
    Alan: Can we stop shouting now?!
    Luann: No!
    Margo: Hi, Alan! Hi Luann! I’m expanding from event planner to wedding planner and now I’m into dream planners!

  84. Sinig
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    A3G: Is this a dream within a dream? None of this makes any sense, although, given this is A3G, I don’t know why I think it should.

    Why did Lu Ann go up six flights of stairs to Alan’s studio? There is a lift, or at least there was at the party that was held there. That’s where Tommie found Lucy playing ‘tongue twister’ with someone other than her husband. So what happened to the lift? Why did the light in the corridor suddenly come on when her torch was about to go out? Why did the lights suddenly go out when she lay down on the bed? Not to mention, of course, who is keeping Lu Ann safe?

    And that brings me to another question…that bed…was it there the night of the party? If so, who slept in it? Or should I say, how many people slept in it?

    Hey, maybe Lu Ann’s soul, such as it is, is being captured by that painting of her that Alan left. No, that would be too much like excitment for A3G.

  85. yellojkt
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Zorba beat me to the WKRP homage rip-off.

    The best part in the Foobish morality system about Liz hooking up with Granthony, is that she gets to become a mother (which is the only way to prove your goodness) and remain a virgin.

  86. Harry Paratestes
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Eeew, did yousee Tommy Lee’s metamorphosis in panel 2? He looks like Joan Jett with some serious facial stubble.

  87. hogenmogen
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    What bothers me most about the Foobs is not the whole Liz and Granthony prolonged agony, or even the sanctimonious saintliness of the Patterson clan. The punch lines are not only not funny, but they aren’t even delivered with any punch. “It’s even got a fence around it.” What part of that is even an attempt at humor? Usually, the lines are verbal coincidences or miniscule puns on cliched phrases. Today, we are told that Blanthony has built a play house for his kid. When we see the house, he mentions that it even has a fence. If I’d have built it, I’d have pointed out the curtains, the trellis and that funny little design at the peak of the roof. Those wouldn’t be funny, either, but it would call attention to the cutesy detail that chicks go for. And, did anyone else notice the way Granthony is checking out Liz’s biscut buns while she leans over the fence?

  88. Duane Schneider
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    hogenmogen #83

    Thanks.

    Now everyone at work is coming by my cubicle to see what is so damn funny.

  89. yellojkt
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Blanthony has an awful lot of free time for a single parent to do home improvement projects. Where is Little Frenchie while he plays with the power tools? Oh, that’s right. Locked up in her dream house behind the razor wire fence.

  90. hogenmogen
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    #80 – Juan – I am not a number! I am a free man!

  91. Sinig
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    I just realised, looking at FBoFW, that Liz is shrinking as she goes down the stairs. Not only that, but she is becoming more and more childlike. What this means is that Anthony doesn’t have a child and never has had one…he’s found a black magic way of turning Liz into his ‘child’.

    You have to ask yourself what really happened to his wife. The only evidence that she had an affair and left him is Anthony’s own report. She could be down there, right now, in that basement. In that little house with the fence around it. Maybe Anthony wants two children…

  92. Scribbler RN
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    While reading FOOB, once I got to the second panel, all that I could think of was:

    “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.”

    Maybe Granthony’s plan is to cut off Liz’s legs, and make her live in that tiny house with a fence so she can never get away from him again?

  93. Harry Paratestes
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    #79
    Some degrees of usage are better than others, I believe it’s better to have a few miles on a “used vehicle” than a totally untouched one that might well turn out to be a lemon. In all truth, though, I’d chose a “gently used car” rather than a “New York subway train”, for example.

  94. Poteet
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    #72 — Zorba, I’m also old enough to remember that episode. I think there may actually be a fair number of us on this site.

    Josh — Thank you! I’m childless by choice, and the prejudice against women who don’t want children is alive and well, though more subtle than it used to be. Even some of us who keep quiet about why we don’t have kids still encounter it. One reason I hate Foobville now is the creation of Terese. Thanks a lot, Lynn!

  95. Spunde
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    At first I thought Lu Ann was playing Goldilocks. Now I think she might be playing Alice in Wonderland. I shouldn’t have just shrugged off the flashlight saying, “Dim.”

  96. rich
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Yep, they’re setting up Anthony to be just like her dad, emotionally stunted, sitting there in his lonely basement building miniature houses and shit. This will be Lizzie’s refuge after the inevitable “Paul the cop cheated on me” scene.

    Already Liz seems to be thinking “Wonder how Anthony would look in one of those little train conductor hats? Well — a girl can dream, can’t she??”

  97. Mazeville
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    I read the local paper yesterday and did a double-take. The same day Molly goes missing from Mark Trail, this article appears:

    http://www.startribune.com/531/story/737278.html

    The article begins “No one knows how it got there, but a small black bear has been spotted in Eagan, and for its sake, it better move on.”

    Run Molly, run!!

  98. Harry Paratestes
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I’m sure that Liz didn’t see the little plaque hanging above the stairs on the way down that says “Playtime will make you free”. Granthony is a seriously disciplined nerd.

  99. Internet Find
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    I’m all for a t-shirt that says, Run, Liz, Run!

    What’s with the “hunky-dory” and “stupid old bear” from adult criminals? It’s like the profanity-free cursing at the end of On the Waterfront.

  100. Albatross
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Bad news folks! Once again, I have hacked a comicstrip database (they’re dreadfully insecure – the administrator password is always “Snoopy”) and obtained a copy of tomorrow’s strip…. In this case, FBOFW for tomorrow contains a dreadful denoument!

  101. LaughingOnTheInside
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    I wonder if Mary Worth will devolve into a dream sequence where Aldo keeps appearing.

  102. Sinig
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Remove the glasses, make him older and fatter, and Anthony becomes Aldo…and no one ever finds out what happened to Liz…

  103. andreavis
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    MT: Oh, Molly! What are those evil mulleted bastards going to do to you?? I don’t understand Elrod’s hostility towards you!

  104. Richard Onley
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    #1: “Six Chix is what humour would be if nothing could ever be funny and to exist was a boot stamping on a human face forever.

    Just like feminism!

  105. Old Fogeyette
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Zorba–I too remember the original episode and I too thought of the homage when I saw FW. I think there are a lot of decrepit oldies on this forum.

    Justafoob–love your wedding scenario. The sad, sad thing is that it’s probably exactly what will happen!

  106. Gracie287
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Poteet: Hear, hear! Count me as another member of SSCCATAG (I took out the APP part b/c I don’t go quite as far as Lindsay Naegle). I spent most of my 20s in medical school and residency. I’m happily married (not that that’s a prerequisite to happiness, I was happily single up until a few years ago) with a supportive husband, great friends and a career that I love, and if anyone told me that I was “unaccomplished” b/c I’m childless at the ripe old age of 29 (and worse yet, have no plans of having children any time soon), I’d have a hard time resisting the urge to kick them in the teeth. I don’t look down on parents and stay-at-home Moms (my mom stayed home to raise us and I think she did great), but Lynn Johnston makes it clear that she looks down on me.

  107. Ken Begg
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    “That’s it! Anthony isn’t just like Liz’s father, he *is* her father, through some kind of wacky space-time paradox. Liz, you sick bastard!”

    So Lynn Johnston is the Robert A. Heinlein of the comic strip world?

  108. Anonymous
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Zorba, you’re not alone – great show, great verbal imagery – the show had terrific writing. Les Nessman rocking out to that disco song was worth the price of admission.

    Scribbler, the quote:
    “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.”
    was what I was trying to think of to encapsulate my deep unease with the sight of that fence – yow.

    Finally – re: #107 – “Where did all you zombies come from?” – God, what a great story!

  109. Dennis Jimenez
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    I’ve always considered Jack Elrod the Phillip K. Dick of the comics world.

  110. kingklash
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    “What do you want?”
    “Cinnamon buns.”
    “You won’t get them!”
    “By hook or by crook, we will.”
    “I am not a moustache, I am a henpecked man!”

  111. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Hi everyone. This might have been more appropriate to post after the recent Dennis the Menace entry, but I’m not sure if people read the comment threads that are older than the current one.

    Josh and others have commented a few times on how Dennis has lost his menace-ness. This reminded me that I’ve always had a vague memory of one of my favourite earlier DtM strips that had more of an “edge” to it — and by “edge”, I mean “creepy Oedipal quality”.

    In the strip in question, Dennis has led one of his friends (probably Joey, but who can remember) into the bathroom where Dennis’s mom is in the tub. She’s embarrassedly covering herself as Dennis proclaims, “This is my mom. Isn’t she pretty?”

    So yeah, anyway, that strip stuck in my mind for whatever reason. Anyway, yesterday I did a Google search on “dennis the menace” “isn’t she pretty” and came up with this article that I’m sure some of you will enjoy.

  112. Anon
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    #66: Good thought, but making a deal like that would require Liz to show some backbone. I think hers is stored in a box in some closet, next to all the other things she hasn’t used since high school.

  113. PseudoChron
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    For some reason I find “I’m all at sea!” to be funny.

  114. Wirrrn
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    I’m assuming the next Apartment 3-G will feature the mysterious figure on the boat in Luann’s dream to be wearing a red and green striped Xmas sweater and have knives for fingers. Freddy will make air-razorglove quotes as he cackles “Did I say keep you “safe”? I mean keep a “safe” on you!” at which point he’ll drop a bank vault on her head and in real life Margo and Tommie will find Luann choked to death by her own golden tresses. …Why yes I did just buy the Special Edition ELM ST dvd, why do you ask?!

  115. treedweller
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Yep, it’s even got a fence around it!
    The crowning glory of a playhouse is a fence? Well, like they say, good fences make good parents. Or something like that.

    CATHY: I’ve hated Cathy for a long time now. Over the years, I also learned to despise her mother, Irving, and even that annoying little dog (and I’m not overly fond of her father, either). But today, more than anything, I found myself wishing to see those sales clerks at the department store die a slow, painful death. And then I realized that that’s just what Guisewhite wants me to think. Today is a day of deep, dark shame for me.

  116. Concerned Citizen
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    #107 – Is she a Fascist, too?
    #109 – You are way too kind, although there is a surreal feel to MT. The fact that everybody looks alike reminds me of The Three Stigmata of Palmer Aldritch. Kelly Welly as Perky Pat!

  117. pelagius
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    The only way that FBOFW can redeem itself now is if Therese returns from her daylong visitation with her daughter, locks eyes with Liz, and they fall madly in sapphic love with each other. They marry (it’s legal in Canada!) and gain full custody of the child, since Blandthony has fallen into a deep alcoholic depression. Liz and Therese move to BC, and Blandthony hangs himself in the playpen. No one finds his body for two years.

  118. Concerned Citizen
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Hey, speaking of Phillip K. Dick, I hope that MW ends up like Ubik!

  119. ISBN
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    You know why I love this site? We’ve got a lot of sick minds that too easily turn to various forms of torture for Liz. For example, my FIRST thought was that after showing Liz the, er, “playpen,” he would say “I’ve done some more work in this room back here?” And lead her under the stairs.

    “Oh?” Liz would say with general foobishness. “Let’s see!”

    At which point he’d lead her into a dungeon and immediately begin slave training.

    I’m glad to see that #14 also feels this way. I’m with you! But I was even more amused to see how many other people immediately turned to torture.

    “Mister! I’ve got Fancie Francie down here! Don’t MAKE me hurt her!”

  120. Edward
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    If A3G were in fin-de-siecle Switzerland, we would say the author has realized that the storyline has been hijacked by his own shadow… Actually, if you placed the whole strip in an Adlerian case study, it would be much more entertaining and much less informative.

  121. Renee J
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    I didn’t read yesterday’s FOOB as saying that the only accomplishments that count are babies and a house. I read it as Liz messed her life up (by always running away), so now she has no accomplishments. And that she’s so pathetic that Anthony looks “amazing.”

  122. Justafoob
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Liz is going to spurn any advances Granthony makes now and go to Mitgawskicheapsmokesandpoker only to find Dudley getting a hummer from his “cousin”.

    This will drive Liz into Granthony’s waiting arms.

    Of course Liz is going to have to pop the question.

    Granthony hasn’t made a tough decision since he was at Tim Horten’s and it was a choice between frosted or unfrosted cinnamon rolls. (btw he chose frosted and has had serious doubts ever since)

  123. King Folderol
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    See, this is why I faithfully go to Josh Reads…because I need to make sure that it’s not just me who thinks that Anthony’s home looks less like a nice suburban home and more like a lair where he traps poor little children in a cage (which Liz seems oddly impressed by and not scared out of her mind by, which I sure would be). I think we can all form a picture in our minds six months from now of Liz locked in that little house, banging a tin cup against the window begging for food and water. Liz also seems amazed that Anthony built a doll house, like he had built a skyscraper in downtown Toronto and not just a crappy IKEA looking dollhouse.

    Thanks also, Josh, for pointing out that Liz’s life was pretty interesting until she decided that suburban drudgery was for her, while helping indigenous kids in the wilderness wasn’t all that “interesting”. I was waiting for someone to say it.

    LuAnn looks like she’s been bit by a vampire and not in the middle of a dream. Given how absolutely insipid this comic is, I’m waiting not for Dracula to show up but Count Chocula, who will go to bite her neck but then be distracted by the delicious cereal in the kitchen.

    FC is just sinking into some even weirder ground here. The father doesn’t even look concerned anymore. The blank look on his face makes me wonder if he’s thinking about going on one of those “business trips” where he chains Billy to a drawing table and makes him draw a week’s worth of comics while daddy does “business” with some tramp in a bar. I’m against adultery, but news that my young daughter was sucking face with the family dog might make me re-think my position.

  124. Chromium
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    When I was a kid, I was sent to a daycare EXACTLY like that where I had to sit in a fenced playpen in a basement for up to 8 hours at a time. It was the most miserable time of my life. I think I actually convinced my parents not to send me there anymore because it was so terrible. Just looking at that second panel is making me claustrophobic again.

    I think Lynn’s problem is that she intended Anthony to be a likeable character, and she JUST CAN’T ACCEPT that no one likes him. I almost wonder if she’s doing this to spite her readers.

  125. rich
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    100: Good strip, Albatross — though I’m surprised that when he said “Like what you see on my laptop?” Elizabeth’s head didn’t turn in the other direction…

  126. jules
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    #72: Zorba, I remember that episode too! “The Pinedale Shopping Mall has just been bombed by live turkeys. Film at 11.”

    To complete my self-revelation as an 80′s geek, I couldn’t help thinking that Mary Worth was channelling Hall and Oates this morning.

  127. Non-Shannon
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Re: #109 Dennis Jimenez

    Please explain.

  128. Harry Mirth
    October 13th, 2006 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    I think that in today’s (10/13) MW, I think that Treebeard, the Ent, is moving forward to say a few words about his friend Alpo.

  129. brendan
    October 13th, 2006 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

  130. Mazeville
    October 13th, 2006 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    I have a toddler, probably about Francie’s age (how old is she anyway?). If he was put in an enclosure like that, he would do precisely one thing: go to the gate and cry inconsolably until he was picked up or let out.

    He does play in our basement, but not in a cage. Good grief. I’m also baffled by how Anthony has all the time to build this stuff.

  131. Dennis Jimenez
    October 13th, 2006 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Both probably insane and living in universes all their own. I think there may be a spate of Mark Trail based movies after Elrod dies.

  132. Mike
    October 13th, 2006 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    a depressingly nitpicky note:

    If you’re going to go as far as to build a fence around the playhouse to childproof your house, maybe you shouldn’t leave your coffee mug and a big box of files on the floor, hm?

  133. sally
    October 13th, 2006 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    So if everyone who remembers Les Nessman is a geezer, what does that make those of us who can channel No. 6?

    I wonder if Anthony has a human-size chessboard in the backyard….

  134. Rob H.
    October 13th, 2006 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    “The Six Chix showcases an unfunny formula: The comic as vehicle to mention some “in” cultutral phenomemon with no humorous content. Simply replace “ebay” or “youtube” with “Rubik’s Cube,” “tamagotchi,” “VCR,” “Sudoku,” whatever. ”

    All I could think of reading that strip was that going from costly addiction like E-bay which contributes to hoarding of useless crap and moving on to a free YouTube addiction is a thing to be celebrated.

  135. Ken Begg
    October 13th, 2006 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    “I think Lynn’s problem is that she intended Anthony to be a likeable character, and she JUST CAN’T ACCEPT that no one likes him. I almost wonder if she’s doing this to spite her readers.

    My mistake. Lynn Johnston isn’t the Robert A. Heinlein of the comic strip world, she’s its George Lucas. And Anthony is her Jar Jar Binks.

  136. rich
    October 13th, 2006 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    I’m betting that in the animated version of this strip, you can see a small trail of liquid seeping out from under the front door of little Francoise’s fenced enclosure.

    Tears…or urine? You make the call.

  137. Ken Begg
    October 13th, 2006 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I’m going with blood myself…

  138. Zorba the Geek
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    sally- oh, yes, I remember The Prisoner, too. Guess that means I’m an Ãœber-Geezer.

  139. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    By Aldo’s boozy ghost, I’m going to use the phrase “caged infant” in conversation today at least once.

  140. Marion Delgado
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    “Boxing Elizabeth” by Lynn Johnston and Jennifer Lynch

    [We're sorry, but due to reader complaints this week's For Better or For Worse will be replaced with the Michael-Deanna Wedding strips from 2001]

  141. ragthetiger
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    #124: Lynn can’t understand our hostility toward Granthony.

  142. Marion Delgado
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    People, people! And ESPECIALLY *YOU*, Josh!

    I am deeply disappointed in all of you!

    For Better or For Worse is not just a Train Wreck …

    It’s a MODEL TRAIN wreck!

  143. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Come back Alan….I’m all at sea!

    So…LuAnn is dreaming of seaman, as it were. (Oh come on, like you weren’t thinking the same thing).

    What’s next? …LuAnn, I’m on a train….there’s a tunnel comming up….LuAnn, I’m an icecream cone….

  144. Rob
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Re: #100 – Albatross you just made me spew coffee all over my desk and keyboard. Oh my God, that was funny!

  145. Juan Arteaga
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    133 – Sally

    In my case, I first saw The Prisoner when I bought it on DVD. So there, HA! I laugh at your colostomy bags, old fogies!

  146. michael
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    re #66: He’ll still say yes so fast it will make her head spin.

  147. Old Fart
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    You know you are a Plugger when you watched the Prisoner on your B&W tv in the rec room.

  148. Merdz
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    So Anthony gets turned on by his ex-girlfriend’s attempted rape, and Liz gets turned on– positively elated– at the thought of putting toddlers in cages.

    Sorry, but I’ve switched teams. Liz and Granthony deserve each other.

  149. But This Bear is Just Right
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    I like how Mark Trail has to emphasize not once, but twice, that Molly is a “Big Bear,” as if he has some feelings of inadequacy, “Sure she looks small now, but you should see her standing up.”

  150. Kimberlyrose
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    #72 Zorba: by coincidence, I had just looked for the WKRP/turkey scene right before I read your post. For those who haven’t seen it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZByndN_ffyw.

  151. Dennis Jimenez
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    You know you’re a plugger if you think of the Prisoner as some sort of new fangled extension of Secret Agent (aka Danger Man).

  152. cheech wizard
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Tomorrow – Liz and Granthony gradually lean in closer to each other, looking into each other’s eyes. Their lips meet — and then Dirk walks into the basement and pounds his ass. Beaten to a bloody pulp, Granthony is unrecognizable until, pausing to allow him to spit out a few bloody teeth, Dirk realizes that Liz isn’t Toni Daytona. “Sorry, wrong house” he mumbles on his way out the door.

  153. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 13th, 2006 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Three things to be happy about today:

    Bucky points

    And talks in Brit.

    And begins each sentence by shouting OI!

    Sigh. Good times.

  154. Zikar
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Update to no one in particular: Spidey and Ock, are, you guessed it, still not fighting. I guess they’re being polite until Hitler’s Youth JJ gets his camera.

    Also, I feel sorry for Raju. Not even his “inventory control” prowess will land him a job. That’s ok, though! I can see it now: The Bachelor, India Edition!

  155. Chromium
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Holy Moley! Anyone see today’s Gil Thorp? WHAT IS IT with random car accidents in the comics lately? Also, Sean’s directive makes no sense to me. “You take that guy”? What does that mean, resuscitate him? Drag his corpse off the road??

  156. Chromium
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    OK, cancel that, I can’t even tell if that thing is a car. It might be a spaceship.

  157. Cafangdra
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    # Christopher says:
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:31 am

    Incidentally, am I the only one who thinks Granthony would be signifigantly LESS creepy if he had an S & M dungeon in his basement?

    I’d actually have a newfound respect for him. Oh, and this is the first strip where I’ve seen that, yeah, he does look just like her dad. Ugh.

    Oh, and yesterday? When she said she felt like she wasn’t “accomplished” next to Anthony? I assumed she was just being polite…try to make the poor lug feel better since, you know, his life is shambles and whatnot.
    At least I hope that’s what it was.
    I’d be really said if she’d actually meant it.

  158. Scoopernicus
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Therese returns from her daylong visitation with her daughter, locks eyes with Liz, and they fall madly in sapphic love with each other. They marry (it’s legal in Canada!) and gain full custody of the child, since Blandthony has fallen into a deep alcoholic depression. Liz and Therese move to BC, and Blandthony hangs himself in the playpen. No one finds his body for two years.

    Actually, to make it less depressing, we can have Anthony end up trapped inside the baby’s consciouslness, like Being John Malkovitch.

  159. Tacy
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    #72: Zorba, I remember the show and episode also. For years afterward, I used to make my aunt laugh just by saying “As God is my witness…”.

  160. Krazy Kat
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW
    Liz: “And is that a little doll tied to the bed? Is that…m-m-ME!”

    FW:
    “God as my witness…I thought turkeys could fly!”
    Is this an homage or a ripoff?

  161. Scoopernicus
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    I can’t imagina Plugger watching ‘The Prisoner’ without having their head explode. Especially the last episode.

  162. Albatross
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    #144: Thankyew! My day is not entirely wasted if I have made someone to spew!

    #161: Coincidentally, the last episode of “The Prisoner” will prove to be exactly identical to the eventual last episode of “Lost.”

  163. Mumbles
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: does anyone else think the shading around Granthony’s crotch in the second and third panel is suggestive? I wonder if THAT is what’s animated.

    Also what is a coffee cup doing on the floor?

    And where is beloved Francoise (nice try at Anglicizing her name) while Daddy is at his rape deposition?

    And why is there a portrait with blank people hanging up? Is that Therese and her boyfriend?

    (“Therese – wait – was she a great big fat person?”)

  164. gengen
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    I’M HERE AUNTY EM! I’M HERE!

  165. Dorianne
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Josh, thank you! Thank you for putting your finger on what’s been driving me crazy about life in FoobVille lately! WHY has Lynn Johnston become so intent on stripping the Liz character of all her life and adventuresome spirit, in order to (seemingly, unless there’s a highly unexpected twist in the works) turn her into a little Stepford Toon? AND, at the same time, WHY has she gone to such great lengths to vilify those who might choose NOT to seek out the “little boxes on the hillside” lifestyle that seems to be the pinnacle of “success” in her world?

    All I can do now is pine for some future day when young April fills her arms with tattoos, pierces every available piece of flesh on her body, brings home her new MtF (or FtM, for that matter) lover, and announces that they’re going to Ottawa to lobby for the enshrinement of transgender rights in the Canadian Constitution.

  166. Dorianne
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    P.S. – all I can say about the appearance of “the cage” in Anthony’s basement is….raise your hands everyone who DIDN’T see that coming?

  167. AhClem
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    I know the cartoon “F Minus” doesn’t get a lot of discussion here, but despite the fairly crude artwork, it comes closer than many to achieving a FarSide-esque zeitgeist. Today’s F Minus is one of the better ones.

  168. Gatormom
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    #111 — cool article on Dennis the Menace. How sad that his son’s life turned out so grim.

    I like the original DM, too. Kid had some balls, unlike current Dennis (and ol’ Granthony)

  169. monkeyhawk
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    #167 AhClem –

    I’m not sure why, but when I was setting up my chron.com page I included F-.

    I liked the “sham” joke, too.

    That’s why I only use *real* poo on my hair.

  170. Sinig
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    I suddenly realised…it’s the moon that’s telling Lu Ann that it will keep her safe. Does this mean Lu Ann is a lunatic?

  171. Wisconsin
    October 13th, 2006 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    you know you’re a plugger when your “second home” is a basement playpen.

  172. Justafoob
    October 13th, 2006 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    They’ll do it everytime. . .

    You go and give deposition for the attempted rape you experienced last year and your coroborative witness takes you to his house to show you his “etchings.”

  173. Old Fogeyette
    October 13th, 2006 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Re F Minus:

    It’s no successor to Far Side, because Far Side was almost always funny, bizarre, and true to the skewed side of life. F Minus is OCCASIONALLY funny and skewed, and most of the time just plain obvious or even incomprehensible. I don’t like it and wish my newspaper would put in something funnier, like Mark Trail.

  174. Derelict
    October 13th, 2006 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Remembering back a few weeks, Liz was concerned that she might be sending Anthony “the wrong message.”

    Could she possibly wind up trapped between her saintly impulses? Backed into a loveless marriage because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings?

    Maybe the Mighty Mountie will come to kick Anthony’s nuts up into his chin, thus giving Liz the Electra Tri-fecta: Boneless husband who looks like daddy annd has grandpa’s chin-nuts.

  175. Internet Find
    October 13th, 2006 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    I don’t like Anthony.

    I don’t like the Mountie.

    Bring back the helicopter dude, Mule!

  176. Dingo
    October 13th, 2006 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Lu Ann is caught between the moon and New York City. It isn’t pretty, but it’s true.

  177. dramashoes
    October 13th, 2006 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    “elder neglect department-”
    When Grampa Scrotum Chin had a strokie dokie, Lizardbreath was all worried! Yowzah! But then when some closeted gay man with a seventies porn ‘stache comes a-knocking, look out! Grampa Scrotum who? Howzatt? They’ll do it every time!

  178. Dingo
    October 13th, 2006 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    So, I look at today’s Foobville and can’t help but imagine in the coming months Liz chained naked to a post on the wall and living in Therese’ fenced-in “playpen.” If we’re lucky, her family will visit her at Blandthony’s house and she’ll throw bananas and excrement at them. It’s always the shy, quiet ones who end up tying you to the wall and sodomizing you to Nancy Sinatra albums. Watch out, Liz. His boots are made for walkin’!

  179. AJ
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    #8: Yeah, I was wondering why Granthony always had to walk with his hands in his pockets. Who walks that way, anyhow? Is it more comfortable that way?

  180. Uncle Lumpy
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    #178 Dingo -

    And then they go and spoil it all by sayin’ somethin’ stupid like, “I love you!”

  181. monkeyhawk
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Okay, Dingo, now you’ve gone too far!

    “Nancy Sinatra albums?!”

    Have you, at last, *no* sense of decency?

  182. Mumbles
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    #177: that’s a two-fer and my nominee for COTW.

  183. Stu
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Anthony is all at sea.

  184. Red Greenback
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Alan: “I’m all at sea, I’m a sailor!, I sail !” Then breaking into song, “Oh, give me some time to blow the man down”

  185. ben
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Be it galleon or freighter I’m an expert navigator
    – and he’s also a world-class poof

  186. Ubiq
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    So LuAnn’s mind is in contact with Cthulhu? The poor guy will probably wind up in a sweat shop after being verbally assaulted by Margo.

    “More zippers, Tulu!”

  187. fuzzmaster
    October 13th, 2006 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Y’all are beginning to make me believe that this whole Liz plotline is a grand tease that will end with Liz and the Mountie together … but! Granthony, heartbroken, is run over by a car at the dealership/electrocuted as he drunkenly stumbles into a model train layout/impaled on his basement fantasy fence/slaughtered by that b—- Therese … and Liz ends up adopting the semi-orphaned Francoise.

    Oh, wait, I forgot, this is the foobiverse. Never mind. Granthony proposes, Liz is torn between him and the Call of the Wild, the helicopter boy drifts in … all setting up weeks of heart-to-heart talks with Mom/Dad/Mike’n’Deanna/Lawrence/April/the spirit of dead dogs and grandparents, end result of which Liz is advised to Follow Her Heart, leading to a dramatic Who’s She Gonna Meet at the Altar finale in which she strolls down the aisle past a cavalcade of vaguely familiar and extremely similar faces, stretching over at least two Sunday spreads, with extensive cutaways to a sobbing Mom, a sniffling Dad, and adorable widdle kiddies dwessed up just like big boys and girls, oh yes you are! all as Weed snaps away merrily.

    Plus a fart joke.

  188. Mibbitmaker
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    F-Minus is also near-plagiurism: there was a joke on M*A*S*H in season 4 where BJ reacts to mention of shampoo by saying, (I paraphrase) “I know where you can get some real poo.”

    This and the WKRP rip-off in FW… are the comic strips trying to out-depend-on-TV-shows the movies now? What might be the future tube-borrowed bits of other strips?

    (Btw, I saw that WKRP first-run in 1978 also, but didn’t watch “The Prisoner” back in the day.)

  189. ChefMike
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    for the people who were wishing for Zombie Aldo or some such thing a week or so ago…his restless spirit has left the gravesite and latched on to Granthony. Okay well Lizardbreath is no Mary Worth, but that old Kelrast spirit can be seen in Granthony’s eyes every day in this past week’s trainwreck of a storyline. The major difference is that Lizzie seems to be falling for it, so we won’t get the parallel of three total strangers telling Granthony to “Go Away.” now all we need are some good poetic Granthony tributes, and it could be like Aldomania all over again.
    and of course the potential for a Tshirt to follow, personally I’d buy one showing Granthony = John Patterson with the caption oft repeated in this thread “Run Liz Run!”

  190. Red Greenback
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    On second glance, is that Luann on the boat? Damn, I am as dim as her flashlight. “Blow the man down” is more relevant if that is the case.

  191. Lady Penelope
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    If memory serves me correctly, LuAnn almost married a sailor once. I can’t remember if he died at sea, or if he exploited her feeble mind and took off with another woman.

  192. Mibbitmaker
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Actually, this is how FOOB will end up Liz’s story:

    Former-stalkery Mtiggy cop finally shows up, just in time to find Blanthony and Liz in a compromising position. Of course, it was Blan’ attempting a French(Canadian) kiss before knowing if Liz accepts. Blan’ and Paul argue and start fighting. Just then, Helicopter boy touches down and breaks it up.

    All 3 huffily ask Liz to finally make up her mind and choose, once and for all. She brushes them all off, saying, “Sorry, boys, but I already have the man I’m going to marry and grow old with.” Said man reveals himself. Liz adds, “Fellahs, I’d like you to meet Raju.”

  193. Fred P.
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Don’t choke on that muscatel just yet, Randy! By my reckoning, Neddy’s been going to Paris tomorrow since at least last April. So you’ll have approximately three and a half eons before having to face the bleak prospect of life sans Abbey. Even with your infamously slo-mo mojo, that’ll give you ample time to talk your flame-haired beauty out of that rocking chair and into the … living room, where you two can maybe play Parcheesi or something until the kids come home from the party sometime next Febuary.

  194. ben
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Don’t we have the death of one of the loathsome Michael and Doormat’s loathsome children to look forward to, also? There’s been a lot of sickliness.

    “One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing.” — Oscar Wilde.

  195. Sjofn
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    You know what’s sad? Even after this loathesome week of crap, I still hate Michael more than anyone else in the strip. Anthony is such a loser, he can’t even be more obnoxious and annoying than Michael.

  196. Mibbitmaker
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Another FOOB option:

    Blanthony: “By the way, Elizabeth, have I yold you? In all my marital woe, I found something that helped me alot.”

    Liz: “What’s that?”

    Blan’: “I’ve discovered Scientology, Liz. It’s really-”

    “Run, Liz, Run!” can now merge with “Run, Katie, Run!”. Run as far as you can, ladies!!

  197. Fred P.
    October 13th, 2006 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    #189- Chef Mike:
    Okay well Lizardbreath is no Mary Worth, but that old Kelrast spirit can be seen in Granthony’s eyes every day in this past week’s trainwreck of a storyline. The major difference is that Lizzie seems to be falling for it, so we won’t get the parallel of three total strangers telling Granthony to “Go Away.” now all we need are some good poetic Granthony tributes, and it could be like Aldomania all over again.
    and of course the potential for a Tshirt to follow, personally I’d buy one showing Granthony = John Patterson with the caption oft repeated in this thread “Run Liz Run!”

    Chef Mike-

    Well, I don’t know you personally, so I reckon that technically makes us strangers. We -only- need one more to give the three part stranger harmony to “You Better Don’t!” I’m sure we can find us a third! Although the T-shirt I’d buy doesn’t say “Run, Liz, Run”, but “Die, Liz, Die”. And has a picture of Liz’s face with one of those red “circle-slash” thingies, like they put on No-Smoking or Do-Not-Litter signs.

    Bonus observation: I disagree that Anthomoron is in any way comparable to Aldo. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to see him meet his end driving off a cliff.

    (by the way, that sentiment extends to every single member of the FBOFW cast, incidental extras included)

  198. MossMoses
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    Will ol’ Chin Nutz pull through?

    Grandpa, Grandpa – you think he’s done in?
    Not by the balls on his chinny-chin-chin!

    Where did those miscreant neerdowell pet bear nappers pick up that van? Is there a dealership in Lost Forest specializing in Warsaw Pact military vehicles? It looks nothing like any vehcile I’ve ever seen in North America or Asia but Molly does fit nicely in the back seat.

  199. Fred P.
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    I hate For Better or For Worse. As far as I’m concerned, it ought to be titled For Worse or for Even Worse Yet.

  200. roydrink
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Thnk about this:

    As someone who in a previous life lived near Buffalo, NY, there isn’t much to do outside for fun except shovel snow about 8 months of the year. I’ll admit it, I was a model railroader for years. Being in a warm basement with a tiny sunny world where there are no snow drifts is a great escape.

    (Later I moved to warmer climates and gave it up.)

    Where ever Foobville is in Canada, the season of white is even longer. No wonder Liz’s dad has that extensive layout (he’s also a dentist and can afford it). Granthony’s woodworking is another basement hobby that kills an endless winter

  201. roydrink
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    re #44:
    Grundoon says:

    “Picking up on what Binky Betsy was saying (#22), now I remember that John Waters showed us a vision of Liz’s future with Granthony back in ‘72:”

    http://www.brightlightsfilm.com/23/23_images/pink_edith.jpg

    sick obscure cultural reference from years ago…

    “EGGS, I want my eggs!”

  202. gg
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    I’m aware that virtually every FOOB strip has a pun or “joke” of some sort in the last panel. After reading it a few times and reading various comments about it, something clicked–I think I know what the joke was supposed to be. When people talk about real houses, they might comment that it looked nice and had, for instance, a porch and a lovely picket fence. Anthony is commenting proudly on the inclusion of a fence, like a real house has, except that it’s a playpen fence instead. Ha ha!

    …Ha?

  203. roydrink
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    Oooohhhh! Today’s Luann!

    I can see Bluto jumping up and yelling,

    “FOODFIGHT!!!”

    (Animal House reference)

  204. Summerhouse
    October 13th, 2006 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    #193 – Fred P – Are you sure that’s Randy talking to Abby? I thought that was Sam, and he and Abby are the parents of Neddy and , er, the little blond one, who are presently at a party with Raju, who was 19 but is now 45.

    /And now, more music and less Nessman!

  205. Dingo
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    No one has commented on the fact that Lu Ann’s dream might just be her finally admitting – through fantasy – how much she loves seamen. Can Alan give her a load of seamen to satisfy her? Tune in Sunday to find out!

  206. coyote
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Methinks Blanthony is, umm, excessively anal. Not just the detailing on the playhouse, but the way the stuff is arranged in his workspace.

  207. Summerhouse
    October 13th, 2006 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    If Anthony is planning kinky basement weirdness with Liz, the *only* possible soundtrack is, “You don’t have to say you love me, just be close at hand….” Oooh! It creeps me out just thinking about it. I love that Dusty Springfield song; it’s especially great to sing in the car; but a more co-dependent, crazy, why-did-you-make-me-cut-off-your-foot-so-you-wouldn’t-run, can’t you see I LOVE YOU song there never was.

    Liz awakens from a drug-induced stupor. She’s naked, in the tiny house. She sees Anthony outside the fence, in a hooded robe. Holding a knife. The music swells. Dusty sings, “When I said, I needed you, you said you would always stay; it wasn’t me that changed, but you….” Liz begins to sob. Anthony throws off his robe! Liz screams and screams and screams! The horror! His…his pubic hair is an exact duplicate of his mustache! So then Liz goes for the knife and kills herself. She can’t live after that.

  208. andreavis
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    Didya notice Granthony’s 28 empty coffee cups strewn all over the basement office? He’s not penning Francoise in a baby Gitmo– he’s trying to keep her from getting a caffiene buzz.

  209. Fred P.
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Summerhouse, that you may IN FACT be correct. I will be the first to admit that I am nothing if not inept when it comes to identifying the various Judge Parker characters. My excuse- and I think its a good one- is that I really don’t give a damn who they are.

    In conclusion, (DT)FBOFW

    Ps. I believe the blonde JP kid is called “Sophie”. Why she is called that, well, that’s anybody’s guess.

  210. Geezil
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, we have only Granthony’s word that Thérèse up and left.

    Maybe Mr. Handyman had to build the new porch to cover up a freshly-dug grave?

    I’m just sayin’.

  211. reader-who-posts
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman: This is going to be the fight of the century? I’m expecting the Luann/Tiff showdown to be more action/packed.

  212. lascauxcaveman
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    Man you people with your sick fantasies about a pervy Anthony make me crazy. He’s just a pathetic, boring putz.

    Mark my words, soon he’ll be boring Lizardbreath about how he keeps his cuckholded ol’ self entertained by cooking and sewing and being a whiz in the local chess club. Or maybe astronmers club.

    Ha! What a zeke.

  213. Islamorada Girl
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    Good God! Granthony is Ned Flanders! Will Liz become Rod and Todd’s new mommy? Yaaaay!

  214. lascauxcaveman
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    How dare you insult Ned Flanders in that manner. Ned Flanders is a total dork, but he’s at least loveable.

    But Blandthony? Ewww.

  215. Dingo
    October 13th, 2006 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    I’m waiting for the three panels where Blandthony shows Liz the cute shapes (rabbit, crocodile, Margaret Thatcher) he can make with his foreskin. It’s Canada, after all! Eh?

  216. Uncle Lumpy
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    Alas, Dingo – Anthony has only a threeskin.

  217. Techinin
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been reading the threads on this site for a few weeks now and snickering wildly at many of the posts. I started reading FBOFW and 9CL for the artwork and quickly developed a deep and sustained hatred for all the characters. Someone here described the Pattersons as sanctimonious and they hit the nail on the head. The pompous and asinine characters in 9CL make me routinely nauseous but thanks to this site I have learned a whole new way of appreciating and enjoying the comics. You guys make it so much more fun. I look forward to hating MW and MT.

  218. dramashoes
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Techinin #217:
    I also lurked about this site for a while before I ever posted. I don’t think there’s enough 9CL hating going on here though. As far as I can tell, the characters are all completely arrogant and condescending. Of course, it could be that I am just not sophisticated enough to get the humor and that makes me sad. I’m too urbane and witty for Pluggers, not quite literate enough for 9CL. I’ll always have Mark Trail.

  219. Techinin
    October 13th, 2006 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    There’s something about the posts on this site that made me a liitle anxious about joining in… and what does “roadside” mean, and what the heck is a “plugger” exactly? I don’t usually get the humor on 9CL: especially lately with Thorax pontificating ad nauseam. Speaking of nausea, Edda and her mother get on my last nerve by constantly fitting into each other’s sexy and tiny clothing. It makes me seethe!!!!!!

  220. Heckler123
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, I think I’m really glad you’re not making daily comics for major news syndicates.

  221. Bill Peschel
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    lascauxcaveman: You’re either incredibly psychic, one of Lynn’s writers, or you read Saturday’s strip. Which is it?

    Techinin: The correct phrase is “going roadside” and it refers to an old FBOFW strip in which the April and the gang were using slang expressions that (it turns out, after long deliberation and an e-mail sent to Lynn’s Minions) was completely made up.

    “Going roadside” means “being a slut”

    A “plugger” is answered by reading the comic strip of the same name. Pluggers are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know . . .

    And, yes, 9CL has gone downhill with the introduction of Thorax. We were attracted to it when it was Edda prancing around in her tights. There was one sequence with her boyfriend/not boyfriend that was particularly erotic. Seek it out in the archives and you’ll see what it once was.

  222. mumbles
    October 13th, 2006 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Yes, as annoying as Flanders can be, he’s also cheerful, with a marriage that worked (when Maude was alive), and started his own store and has cool beatnik parents. Blandthony is a cuckolded sad-sack who cooks cinnamon buns at Karl Rove’s car dealership who asked his old girlfriend to “WAIT FOR [HIM]!” while, I may add, he was still married.

    I do agree however that the physical resemblance is there.

  223. Richard Onley
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    #181: “Okay, Dingo, now you’ve gone too far!

    ‘Nancy Sinatra albums?!’

    Have you, at last, *no* sense of decency?

    Some velvet morning when I’m straight . . . I’m going to tell you ’bout Phaedra!

  224. Miss Alexandra.
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    today’s garfield

    I’m sorry, but…

    “More information on dogs can be found on the internet.”

    (someone had to say it!)

  225. blase
    October 13th, 2006 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Closure”? If this leads to where I think it’s going… I don’t know whether that’s a good thing (I called it!) or bad (I understand hamfisted plot writing too well!)

  226. Summerhouse
    October 14th, 2006 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    Maybe if Anthony shaved, stood upright, burned his sweaters, started building houses for Habitat for Humanity and volunteering at his kid’s daycare and otherwise became a positive force in the world and not a sad sack of self-obsessed crap, I could like him. ‘Course then he’d be way too good for Liz.

  227. edgeways
    October 14th, 2006 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    Thorax is like cyanide, a little adds zest to your life, too much and it is deadly. I was pretty turned off during the last Thorax meditations where there seemed to be a tacit approvial of the war mixed in with varrious other things.

  228. Dactyl
    October 14th, 2006 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    What the crap?

    Mary is going to leave flowers on his grave, say 12 cliches using flower imagery, and then we’ll never hear of him again?

    There is no justice.

  229. Dorianne
    October 14th, 2006 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    If there’s going to be a t-shirt, my vote’s in for “Run, Lizardbreath, Run!”

  230. traveller
    October 14th, 2006 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    I used to find Anthony mildly annoying. Now I hope Howard gets loose during the trial and murders him in the middle of the courtroom.

  231. Cold Eels, Distant Thoughts
    October 14th, 2006 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    Heh, Bella Abzug tapes…..ziiiiing!

  232. Dingo
    October 14th, 2006 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    All joking (joshing) aside, I find today’s Mary Worth and Foobville to verge somewhere between irritating and nauseating. Blanthony is a completely *whipped man and somehow that makes him perfect for Liz. Oh, and they both love telescopes! What would Dr. Freud tell us about that? Then you have the Charterstone Gang of Four. Toeby hasn’t achieved closure yet. What? You taunt a man, lead to his death, and that isn’t enough? Do you need for his cousin to thank you for his demise? And Mary… Mary, Mary, where are you going to? Do you plan to take one of the bouquets from the casket and stomp on it with your cloven hoof? Aldo brought you flowers and now you plan to steal some from his casket??? I ask you, have you no decency? No shame? Will you braid the stems into a crucifix to run over your breasts and with each jab of a thorn utter, “Oh! Aldo!”?

    Loathsome creatures, you should be banished to a Hell of your own doing. I’m putting each of you in next season’s cast of Dancing with the Stars.

  233. Marion Delgado
    October 14th, 2006 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    i dunno re feminism. sylvia was atrociously drawn, arch, stereotyped and precious.

    but it could also be very cynical and funny and original.

    and it was all about the feminism.

  234. Marion Delgado
    October 14th, 2006 at 3:54 am [Reply]

    edgeways, thorax was channeling christopher hitchens.

    which is FAIR!

    They’re both fat and phucking nuts. and they’re both from outer space. and they both think they talk to God personally.

  235. Marion Delgado
    October 14th, 2006 at 4:03 am [Reply]

    In fact, throw in Kevin Spacey in Kapok (or whatever it was) and you have half a six pack. of whatever these are.

  236. Harry Mirth
    October 14th, 2006 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    You can just hear Alpo screaming from beyond the grave, thanks for the flowers, sport. All I wanted was a little understanding and a little human kindness. A one simple kiss.

    Now I am dead and you are tossing some roses on my grave to get rid of YOUR guilt.

    Thanks loads, Mare. The worms down here and I thank you.

  237. AeroSquid
    October 14th, 2006 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    ‘I’m all at sea’ ? I’ve spent 22 years in the Navy and I’ve never had to say ‘I’m all at sea’ to anyone !

  238. Von Zeppelin
    October 14th, 2006 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    231 Dingo–I don’t think Mary is stealing flowers from Aldo’s casket. It appears to me that Franklin Pangborn in the blue jacket and cap is an enterprising florist who has laid out several bouquets of his wares on a convenient tomb.

    Notice the convenient retractable sleeves on Toby’s jacket. They’re down! They’re up! Change your fashion statement instantly.

    Wilbur needs to have that self-satisfied smirk slapped off of his stupid face.

  239. Islamorada Girl
    October 14th, 2006 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Mea Culpea. Mea maxima culpea. Forgive me for dissing Ned Flanders. Comparing him to Granthony was an unfortunate choice. I am going to confess I have an addiction to The Simpsons and enter rehab immediately.

    (Something something something
    Geese love ganders
    Everyone else loves Ned Flanders!)

  240. Fred P.
    October 14th, 2006 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Oh, poor Barfwell. And don’cha know – heh heh- puke-green plaid suits are all the rage this season.

    Oh, and Mark? Molly is NOT an “it”. Molly is a “she”, you callous rapscallion. You may think you’re the lead character in this strip, but I got news for you, chump. The day is not far off when, like Barney Google or Judge Parker, you’ll sit watching from the sidelines, while the world -enraptured and starstruck- watches the antics of Molly the Cuddly Diminuative Bear.

    I should mention that, as a general rule, I’m opposed to child abuse. But after reading today’s Family Circus, I’m willing to make an exception.

  241. Von Zeppelin
    October 14th, 2006 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail 10/14–Why are MT and the “wildlife man” leaning forward at a 45-degree angle and shaking hands at arms length in the last panel? Perhaps it is a ritual conducted before the miniature statue of the sheriff in the same panel. Any 32nd Degree Mason Curmudgeonites out there who can enlighten us?

    And again, I turn to those wise in the ways of 9CL. Can you explain to me why Dr. Burber is about to murder the veterinarian with a pitchfork? Is it because she was such a lousy student in her bio class years ago?

  242. ChristianPinko
    October 14th, 2006 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    #239 – “Hens love roosters,” Islamorada Girl.

    #227 – YES. I stopped reading 9CL because of that. If I want old fat guys advocating an immoral and indefensible war, I’ll watch Dick Cheney. I especially can’t stand how Brooke clearly thinks how he can make his case by larding the strip with wannabe Churchillian words like “appease,” “quail,” “resolve,” “quaver,” and “steadfast” — bleeding-heart liberalism is powerless against an SSAT-level vocabulary!

  243. Techinin
    October 14th, 2006 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Bill P – thanks for the explanations!

  244. some guy
    October 14th, 2006 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Islamorada Girl — Ned Flanders is the voice I put to Granthony, thank you for identifying it.

    Toeby needs to spit on Aldo’s grave, then she’ll have her closure.

  245. Anonymous
    October 14th, 2006 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Anthony is going about this the wrong way. There was a story in the Globe and Mail a few weeks ago about what Canadian women want. This quote is from a doctoral student in Canadian politics who studies women in public life:

    It is part of a Canadian woman’s genetic disposition to be sexually attracted to good skaters and hockey players, part of our Darwinian struggle. Nothing sets my ovaries humming like the spray of ice from a hockey stop. It’s grace, strength, hockey-coach-for-your-kids, the measure of a Canadian man. I was never a puck bunny, but I get it.

    Wrong move, Anthony.

  246. Dennis Jimenez
    October 14th, 2006 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    I’d like to see a confrontation between Blanthony and RCMP Paul, dubbed with Flander’s and Dudley Do-Right’s voices. Liz would be dubbed by Emo Phelps.

  247. Canuckguy
    October 14th, 2006 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    #13, I agree. I’ll actually say that I do still read, and enjoy, FBOFW. However, when I get the comics (in non-Internet form), it’s only the Sunday version (my paper is probably the only one in N. America that actually runs the full colour comics section a day early, the Sunday funnies are in Saturday’s paper, so I get a bit of a sneak preview at Sunday’s comics), so i’ve only seen bits and pieces of FBOFW. I knew nothing of the running plots that have been going on until I got to this blog. Not that Liz was assaulted (last “edgy” storyline I knew of was the “Mike’s gay friend” controversy, and even that I’d heard about only) and not that Anthony had a thing for her, etc. Now that I see the full picture, Lynn has indeed fallen down on the job.

    I’ve taken to heart, though, that the strip has about a year left (anyone know what month it ends?) and it can be put out of its misery.

    The comics pages is ort of like TV. YOu have the “hit shows” like Calvin & Hobbes that are your Cheers and Friends that go on a long time, develop widespread popularity, and don’t overstay their welcome. Then, you have most shows, which si where FOOB falls in, exits the scene years after it should have.

  248. Allie Cat
    October 14th, 2006 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    I’ve been sick with the flu for two days, and while bedridden, I kept thinking, “I need to get up enough strength to get upstairs to the computer and check the funnies.”

    If that doesn’t tell you I have problems, I don’t know what does.

    But enough about me. Today’s Rhymes With Orange worries me – I’ll rarely say anything against Hillary Price or her cartoon – I think they’re usually the best thing on the comics page, but today’s RWO is perilously close to a TDIET. Shudder.

    Also – when is Lynn’s last day in Foobland? How long does she have to wrap up this sloppy trainwreck?

  249. fuzzmaster
    October 14th, 2006 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Did someone call for a song?

    Granthony works in the new auto place
    countin’ the pennies for Gordon
    Seeing an old friend puts the moon in his face,
    she said “Hey, I’ve moved back from the country”
    Lovin’ in vain can give you a broken heart
    You ought to know by now
    Who needs an old stack of stellar charts?
    Is that what you get with your money?
    It seems such a waste of time
    If that’s what it’s all about
    If Canada’s foobin’ then I’m movin’ south.

    Constable Paulie is walkin’ the beat
    While beating his — eh! — going roadside
    You can get out to Mtigwaki up in Ontario
    By chopper, cop car or a boat ride
    But you won’t find your Lizzie, just some native tart
    You ought to know by now
    And if he can’t snog with a frozen heart
    At least he can check out where love died.
    It seems such a waste of time
    If that’s what it’s all about
    If Canada’s foobin’ then I’m movin’ south.

    You should never try to read the Johnston strip
    You ought to know by now
    That the Pattersons’ writer has lost all her grip
    It’s time for old Lynn to join Farley
    It seems such a waste of time
    If that’s what it’s all about
    If Canada’s foobin’ then I’m movin’ south.

  250. Dingo
    October 14th, 2006 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    #245 Annon the Moose:

    I like that term: “puck bunny.” From now on, when I’m trying to find another term other than camel Toeby I think I’ll refer to Mrs. Cameron as Puck Bunny. It looks like Ian shot and hit the goal.

  251. mumbles
    October 14th, 2006 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    You know, it occurred to me that maybe Granthony is playing a long con on all of us. Maybe this emasculated sad-sack thing is all an act. This time next year maybe we’ll be all treated to a strip where he comes in, kicks the cat, and orders a barefoot Elizabeth to “fix me a pot-pie, bitch, I had me a hard day at the cinnamon bun place.”

  252. treedweller
    October 14th, 2006 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    MT: “It was in my jeep and I’m afraid someone may have taken it!”

    What do you suppose may be the alternate explanation, Mark? I mean, we all have wondered if she just shrank into oblivion, but I’m pretty sure MT never gets this meta.

    MW: Someone really needs to do something about that tree before it kills someone. Wilbur won’t always be there to stand it back upright when it leans dangerously to one side or another.

  253. treedweller
    October 14th, 2006 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Also, re: closure

    I think for Toeby “closure” may be the feeling she gets when her polyester pants are tight enough to form a camel toe. In her funeral-dress baby blues, she just feels like she’s hanging out there in the breeze.

    OMG, you don’t suppose she’s really a transvestite, do you?

  254. Dingo
    October 14th, 2006 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    treedweller, no self-respecting trasvestite would ever attend a funeral in light blue. They’d have more decency than that puck bunny (see?).

  255. Summerhouse
    October 14th, 2006 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    #249 fuzzmaster – Very Impressive! I sang the whole thing through twice. Excellent.

    Some other thoughts:

    1) Willy in Willy -n- Ethel is a year younger than I am! Shoot me now.

    2) What was the suggestion sent to TDIET today? “You know when you buy a new wardrobe and then your doctor tells you you’re fat, and you had NO IDEA you were fat? That’s funny.”

    3) I can’t believe Mark Trail called Molly “it.” “It?!” Listen, Mark, Molly is a BAUP : Brown Ursa-American Princess. You better check yourself before you wreck yourself, because pretty soon the strip is going to be called “Molly and Mark” and then just “Molly.” We’ll see who’s an “it” then.

  256. treedweller
    October 14th, 2006 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    #249 fuzzmaster – Very Impressive! I sang the whole thing through twice. Excellent.

    Summerhouse, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you live alone.

  257. fillmoreeast
    October 14th, 2006 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Foob today: How many more days is it going to be before Blandthony shows Liz the jar where he keeps his testicles now? He cooks, he sews, he’s the president of the local astronomy club … wow. Hold on there, Mr. Excitement. Didja paint those grapes on the vent of your stove, too?

    Also: can someone explain why he’s wearing an oven mitt in Panel 1, but takes it off in Panel 2 before handling the pot on the (hot?) stovetop? Did a puppet show happen between Friday and Saturday’s strips? If so, my soul is glad we didn’t get to see it.

    I’m still hoping this plotline culminates in the search party finding Liz’s torso somewhere out in the woods next to a weeping, peanut-butter-smeared Anthony, but it’s looking less and less likely, dang it.

    Spidey: UNGNNNN. The “fight of the century,” ladies and gentlemen. Peter Parker has the ability to be cold-cocked because of his own sheer stupidity … of a spider!

    MF: Ah, yes, that evil, evil Bella Abzug. Tinz spared us an anti-Semitic caricature of her, at least.

    TDIET: Are there really tailors out there who make suits out of tablecloths from bad Italian restaurants? Didja howza whazza heh-heh oh yeah.

    GF: I love that Bucky isn’t just dinging that triangle. Cat’s wailing on it. Not as good as him using “Bangers!” as an interjection yesterday, but the dementia’s appreciated.

    Pluggers: It’s weird, because judging by the alarmingly high Mullet Quotient at Six Flags the last I went, Pluggers can still afford normal thrill rides.

    MW: I haven’t been to a cemetery lately. Are there random guys hawking flowers in them now? Because that seems a little crass.

  258. reader-who-posts
    October 14th, 2006 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think Mary is going to make a pass at the flower guy. That will put a nice final touch to this “we all hate Aldo” crapfest of a funeral.

    PBS: In the Houston Chronicle (paper version), Pearls Before Swine is directly to the right of Hi and Lois, which did increase my enjoyment of it.

    Spiderman: Yesterday I pointed out that I expected the Luann/Tiff fight to have more action than the “fight of the century” in Spiderman. It appears that I was correct.

  259. Citric
    October 14th, 2006 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Granthony is either a recovering serial killer, child molester, or alcoholic. The constant carpentry is designed to prevent the urge to kill/molest/drink.

  260. Jackilope
    October 14th, 2006 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    #228
    Here’s the scene we all want to see.
    Mary gives Aldo his “last rose” … and as she’s placing it by his headstone a big, strong, zombie-fisted Aldo breaks through the earth and grabs her calcium deficient wrist. Revenge, at last, will be Aldo’s.

    (A nod – or basically stolen – from Steven King’s “Carrie”)

  261. willowbarcelona
    October 14th, 2006 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    #180 Uncle Lumpy:

    #178 Dingo -

    And then they go and spoil it all by sayin’ somethin’ stupid like, “I love you!”

    This is beyond brilliant. Made my weekend in fact.

  262. Poteet
    October 14th, 2006 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    #95 — Sjofn, I laughed hard at your wonderful comment, and yesterday I agreed with it wholeheartedly. But the last panel in today’s Foob has changed my mind. Michael and Granthony are now equally loathsome to me. Michael’s November letter may tip the scale again, but Granthony has caught up for now.

    #230 — Traveller, thank you. I’d tape the pistol under the Erk’s chair myself.

    #249 — Fuzzmaster, wonderful.

    And I’d like to defend amateur astronomers. I know the prez of the local club here, and he is good-looking, witty, a reasonably good dresser, has a good job, and is generally well over on this side of normal. He, and other AAs like him, are not Granthony. Thank you, and I’m done now.

  263. Jennifer
    October 14th, 2006 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    The more Anthony burbles on at Liz, the more I realize what a truly unsung heroine — possessed of patience and strength beyond that of we mere mortals — Therese must have been to have prevented herself from brutally clubbing him to death with his telescope before she left.

    Also, as a metaphor, “showing Liz the basement” turned out to be much less scary/rude/sexy than I hoped.

  264. Summerhouse
    October 14th, 2006 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    #256 treedweller – I most certainly do not live alone. I have a cat, and am looking in to obtaining a pet bear.

  265. Prince of Darkness
    October 14th, 2006 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    I still own Bruce Tinsley’s soul.

  266. Poteet
    October 14th, 2006 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    #265 — I hope you keep it in a room that has plenty of air freshener.

  267. Mazement
    October 14th, 2006 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    Upcoming FBOFW: “Granthony, can I look through your telescope? … Wow, I can see my bedroom window from here!”

    Still two hours to go before the new Mary Worth goes on-line. I see three possible ways the story can go.

    1 – Mary forgets that the whole business with Aldo started when she gave him a flower. By placing another flower on his grave, she implicitly gives him permission to come back as a vampire.

    2 – Mary remembers that the whole business with Aldo started when she gave him a flower. She steals a flower from his grave and says, “There, now we’re even!” She gives Toby a second flower so that she can have closure.

    3 – As above, but Mary and Toby put the flowers between their teeth and dance a flamenco on Aldo’s grave.

  268. jenga!
    October 14th, 2006 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    How can anyone equate walking the dog with living life with an “EXCLAMATION POINT?” I don’t think that anybody was ever that lame even in the Dennis the Menace world of the fifties.

    Also, for a little while I just sort of accepted that TDIET liked to, for whatever reason, incorporate the word “barf,” or “to vomit” (as though this were some vast part of the human condition) into many of its characters names. But its really starting to get to me. Can anybody help me here? I mean, what the fuck. . .

  269. jenga!
    October 14th, 2006 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail also proves that Molly has almost hit rock bottom of her bearhood. Its also a dark note for supposed master tracker Mark Trail when he has to wander around different offices asking people where she went. If someones mullet doesn’t get mauled before this whole things over I’m never reading Mark Trail again.

  270. Poteet
    October 14th, 2006 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    JP — Pardon if this has been brought up before, but are we to believe that Randy is just kicking off his campaign in mid-October even though election day is November 7th? Wow, that is some calm, laid-back political scene. I think I want to move.

  271. Talia
    October 14th, 2006 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    I was saying the other day to someone, I really hope this FBOFW storyline with Liz and Anthony does not go the way it REALLY seems to be going, and that Lynn Johnston will show a bit of wit. My suggestion was the the Howard guy (was that his name? The one who tried to rape Liz) should murder Anthony to prevent him from testifying at the trial. Then Anthony can leave his house to Liz and all will be happy and well.
    Otherwise, there was an idea discussed on this very site, that maybe Francoise didn’t LEAVE Anthony, *cough cough*. A good rainstorm comes, and neightest thou knowest, Mr. Wright has to come to rescue Liz from being the next victim of the porn-’stache killer.

  272. Talia
    October 14th, 2006 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    I mean Therese, not Francoise. God, there are too many characters to keep up with in FBOFW!

  273. Albatross
    October 14th, 2006 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    #267: Mazement: “Granthony, can I look through your telescope? … Wow, I can see my bedroom window from here!”

    BwahAhAHaHahA!

  274. Albatross
    October 14th, 2006 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    #249 Fuzzmaster (yes, I’m reading backwards, so sue me): Bravo! Bravo!! Hahahaha…

  275. Poteet
    October 14th, 2006 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    As long as we’re beating on Granthony, here’s my sister’s comment. I suppose that keeping widdle Fwancie caged when she’s home would help his productivity, especially if just a wee bit of Seconol was mixed in her food as well.

    ***

    Wait a minute here. “I cook, I sew, I go to meetings at the daycare center.” Oh, DO you, Anthony? Pray tell, HOW do you do all that AND hold down a full-time job too? AND find time to do all that amazing carpentry? AND take care of your kid? Somebody should tell Lynn Johnston that THIS DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL! How come a man can do all this stuff with such ease, and most women have a hell of a time trying to do it (let alone the carpentry!)? I mean,we’re talking about caring for a TWO-YEAR-OLD HERE!!!!

    I am FURIOUS! Where is the Lynn Johnston from years ago, whose comics about being a mother to small children I used to laugh at because they were right on the mark? None of the mothers she portrayed in the early years–Elly, Annie, Connie, were such superwomen, such gods!! How come ANTHONY gets this god-status? This cartoonist has REALLY lost touch with reality…gggrrrrrr!!!

    ***

  276. Jennifer
    October 14th, 2006 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    #275
    Yeah… when was the last time we saw Francoise, anyway? Therese isn’t the only one who’s disappeared.

  277. Dingo
    October 14th, 2006 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    Poteet, you must’ve missed those wrinkle lines drawn onto Blanthony’s crotch. Baby, he’s got it ALL. The pornstache is just what Lynn can show in a family newspaper. That boy is Moses. Just wait ’til he parts Liz’ Red Sea.

  278. skulking on the outskirts
    October 15th, 2006 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    # 265, Prince of Darkness-So are you putting it up for bid, or what? I still say you need to jam it up Bush’s butt, with him dressed in a frilly French maid’s uniform. I’d pay to watch.

  279. Poteet
    October 15th, 2006 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    Dingo — A very interesting observation, to which I can only respond — EWWWW!

  280. rich
    October 15th, 2006 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    I don’t know, maybe it’s the gin, but these comments have been hilarious today. Especially liked:
    177 Dramashoes
    226 Summerhouse
    232 Dingo (you’ve been on a roll today)
    275 Poteet’s sister — great take on Anthony!

    …and 238 Von Zeppelin — I appreciated the Franklin Pangborn reference.

  281. rich
    October 15th, 2006 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    I agree with the condemnation of Mark Trail for referring to Molly the Bear as “it.” Though at least he wasn’t asked “Did the thieves take your jeep too?”

    “No, thank goodness — she was right where I left ‘er!”

  282. AppleGirl
    October 15th, 2006 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    Skullturf Q. Beavispants, I loved that article on DtM. Amazing that they quoted the exact same comic that you remembered from years ago.

  283. AppleGirl
    October 15th, 2006 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    FBOFW – Now I’m starting to like Anthony. I think all toddlers should be kept in cages in the basement, too.

  284. Craig Shergold
    October 15th, 2006 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    My opinion of amateur astronomers increased when I found out that some of them fly kites with glowsticks at outdoor view-a-thons.

  285. rich
    October 15th, 2006 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    It looks like every time Elizabeth makes some innocent remark, that dirty-minded Anthony will twist it into something “romantic” to feed his desperate fantasies. For instance,

    Elizabeth: “I don’t look forward to having to have to face Howard again, when he goes on trial for trying to rape me! … uh, why are you looking at me like that?”

    Anthony, dreamy-eyed, silently to himself: “Your face, my crotch … how ‘ard I would be!!”

  286. mullett
    October 15th, 2006 at 2:42 am [Reply]

    10/15 MT: This week’s environmental lesson for Sunday is: KILL ALL THE DAMN DEER! THERE’S TOO DAMN MANY OF THEM!

    Bambi doesn’t understand Mark’s hostility toward him.

  287. rich
    October 15th, 2006 at 3:27 am [Reply]

    Sunday:

    Funky W: Credit where credit is due: FW’s first decent strip in a long, long while.

    JP: Eww, horsefaced Horace has twins with that ponytailed blonde! (Is she wearing skull earrings?) And he’ll be “right along!” Double eww! That smirking blowhard combines the worst traits of Prof. Chinbeard and Grampa Scrotum Chin.

  288. AppleGirl
    October 15th, 2006 at 3:28 am [Reply]

    280 – Yes, yes, yes, and yes. What Rich said.

    And I heart filmoreeast’s imagery here:

    257 – “I’m still hoping this plotline culminates in the search party finding Liz’s torso somewhere out in the woods next to a weeping, peanut-butter-smeared Anthony, but it’s looking less and less likely, dang it.”

    Dingo – Puck Bunny and Nancy Sinatra, oh YEAH!

  289. Sjofn
    October 15th, 2006 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    Poteet (at 262):

    Thanks! Don’t mistake me, Anthony is the only real threat Michael has for the “Most Loathesome to Sjofn” title. I think the thing holding Anthony back is, indeed, those monthly letters. I know in the back of my head that sure, Anthony looks annoying and creepy now, but Michael gets to write an entire letter of annoying crap and dump it on us all at once, and it’s really hard to beat.

    Dare to dream, though, Anthony! You can do it!

  290. NightRaven
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Hey, hey, guys, anyone read Mallard Fillmore today ?
    Wha-wha-hoppend ?!
    Has he gone ummm…. LIBERAL on us ?
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20061015&name=Mallard_Fillmore

    I mean, a strip comparing fat, rich Americans with poor hungry foreigners (they even look like his dreaded “islamo-fascists”) and poiniting out the hypocrisy of complaining about eating too much when other people don’t have enough food to eat?
    Did Tinsley have a hearth-attack or something else that made him change his look on life ?

  291. Len
    October 15th, 2006 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Hey! In Sunday’s “Lio,” there’s a cross-over visit from Ask Wendy, Chinbeard, Toeby, and Apple Mary!

    http://www.gocomics.com/lio/2006/10/15/

    There goes the neighborhood!

  292. Richard Onley
    October 15th, 2006 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    #270: “JP — Pardon if this has been brought up before, but are we to believe that Randy is just kicking off his campaign in mid-October even though election day is November 7th? Wow, that is some calm, laid-back political scene. I think I want to move.

    Keep in mind that Neddy just ended the shopping trip she began last summer for the purpose of assembling a wardrobe for the coming school semester. By the time we see any actual voting, we’ll probably be making up our minds which state to re-register in to most effectively keep Clinton out of the White House. . . . (It’s either that, or Anthony will be appointed to the new cabinet position of Secretary of Male Behavior!)

  293. Mibbitmaker
    October 15th, 2006 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    290: Look at the newspaper headline again; Tinsley’s saying that, unlike the svelt, not-greedy-at-all wealthy in America, our impoverished are fat porkers who, it’s implied, don’t need any of that social program gov’t spending that they steal from hardworking citizens. And while starving 3rd world people envy such avarice.

    Still sounds pretty reactionary to me.

  294. Poteet
    October 15th, 2006 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    #289 — Sjofn — Good point! Michael has a built-in advantage. I have a bad feeling that his letters will get even more nauseating from now til The End. I suppose someone could set up an ongoing Loathe-A-Thon poll in the forums, in which we could all vote for the Foobian we hate most at any given moment. But probably for most of us, just reading the strips is ordeal enough.

  295. Vince M.
    October 15th, 2006 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    As the Mary Worth storyline drags itself to an end, I have to say it really reminds me of that Bob Newhart Show episode where a therapy group member everybody hates unexpectedly dies, and the group laments as if an angel had been plucked from their midst.

    Jackilope, I’m with you on this – there’s still time for a ‘Carrie’ ending where Mary wakes up repeatedly screaming. “AUGH! AUGH! AUGH!”

  296. Poteet
    October 15th, 2006 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    #292 — Thanks for the reminder, Richard. Come to think of it, the slow, majestic pace of JP probably allows the characters to get plenty of sleep, smell the roses, meet their deadlines, etc. Now I want to move even more.

  297. Poteet
    October 15th, 2006 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    #286 — Mullet, I suppose you’re right and Bambi can’t understand Elrod’s hostility. But about ecological damage caused by deer overpopulation, Jack is 100% correct. I like Elrod’s Sunday strips, for the most part — they may be the only nature education some people get these days. Now if he would just get Molly The Bear out of peril and back to some safe place, and then focus on another animal, like Kelly-Welly.

  298. Mibbitmaker
    October 15th, 2006 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    #295: (Adressed to Mary)

    Chinbeard: “You’ve helped us all in every way”
    Toeby: “You got inside our head”
    Wilbur: “And that is why we’d like to say”
    Policeman: “Mr. Aldo Kelrast’s dead!”

  299. Robert Fiore
    October 15th, 2006 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    My theory is hat Therese is the daughter of the nasty couple who live in the apartment above Michael and Deanna. (Of course, they have to live in a crappy apartmet because Therese wouldn’t give them a cent.)

  300. AppleGirl
    October 15th, 2006 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    MW – Sunday, last panel: that Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil statue looks like Wilbur!

  301. weiser
    October 15th, 2006 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    I thought for sure the statue was Martin Luther

  302. Mary-Helen
    October 15th, 2006 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Anthony is creepy. I hope Liz flees far, far away from him.

    The childhood sweethearts reconnecting story has been done in this strip with Mike & Dee, can we give Liz something for herself instead of her creepy ex who leers @ her?

  303. wolf
    October 15th, 2006 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    you’re amazing.

  304. Carly
    November 21st, 2007 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Anthony supposedly has this kid, but I’ve never seen it.

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