The Comics Curmudgeon

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FOOB: Perpetual Victims Unit

For Better Or For Worse, 11/28/06

No, you see Ellie, in the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the strong, handsome, interesting police, who investigate crime; and the witnesses, who mumble testimony through their cinnamon-bun-crumb-laden mustaches and try to avoid mentioning their total contempt for the niceties of fair trials in a common law jurisdiction. This one’s already out of Paul’s hands, I’m afraid.

Seriously, though, this is the worst thing ever. I hate all of you, die, die, die, die.

Apartment 3-G, 11/28/06

Hey, man, who’s that crazy cat with the sideburns and the granny glasses? Is it another one of Alan’s beatnik art friends? Crazy kick, man! Outta site!

Garfield, 11/28/06

Forced to finally confront the concept of human sexuality, Jon Arbuckle has apparently suffered a massive stroke. One can only hope that Garfield will be as skilled a caretaker as Iris is for Jim Patterson, but he’s more likely to lose interest and eventually just eat his hapless patient.

Mark Trail, 11/28/06

What … but … I … just … buh …

[A few more moments of incoherent sputtering ensues.]

NOW LOOK HERE! Just because we all were like, “Oooh, Molly, we love Molly, Molly’s so cute, oh no, what will happen to Molly?” doesn’t mean our appetite for adorable animals in trouble is limitless. We recognize blatant emotional manipulation when we see it, and the Adorable Adolescent Beaver Who Isn’t Quite Ready To Leave The Lodge is just such manipulation wrapped up in smooth brown fur with a big flat tail at one end.

Oh, who am I kidding. Oh my God, what if Molly and the beaver meet and have adorable adventures in the woods together. SO CUTE!!!!

What sort of little boy wears his vintage 1940s Boy Scout uniform, complete with cravat, to dinner? A sad and maladjusted little boy, that’s what kind. Rusty should get together with that other comics misfit, little Sarah Morgan. Except that, what with June off screaming at tweakers and Rex off doing … well, whatever it is he’s doing, probably cruising for anonymous gay sex in the city parks, nobody really seems to be much paying attention to her, and she’s probably starved to death by now.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/28/06

You might think that this is the most horrifying thing you can imagine, but my wife’s been to a baby shower where people microwaved candy bars in diapers so they looked exactly like you’d think melted candy bars in a diaper would look and then passed them around and everyone had to guess what kind of candy bar was in each. So frankly I think the concept of a stripper dressed (for the moment) as Santa Claus giving a lap dance to an extremely pregnant one-armed woman sounds quite charming in comparison. At least all these blatantly randy women aren’t dressed as sexy elves. Let’s cling to that shred of dignity.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 28, 2006 at 10:50 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, For Better or for Worse, Funky Winkerbean, Garfield, Mark Trail.

406 responses to “FOOB: Perpetual Victims Unit”

Eleven
November 28th, 2006 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

MT: “Meanwhile, in nearby stream, a mother beaver is forcing her youngster leave the lodge”…

…to go searching for that damn cat slut who stole her purse only seconds ago.
DemanusFlint
November 28th, 2006 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

Jon’s mouth has always looked so weird to me. I just can’t quite get over it, and the pointiness achieved today just makes it worse. Ew. Oh, and first?
Jackilope
November 28th, 2006 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe Elly — the person responsible for her daughter meeting Mr. Wright — is the one yammering about his not being there.

C’mon Lizardbreath — show ‘em all and leave. Go surprise Paul up North. It is foreshadowed he’s feeling “Chipper — let’s just get all the creepiness done and over with.
Eleven
November 28th, 2006 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

I’m also turned off by the wobble lines on Funky Winkerbean’s obviously phallic jingle bell. And Santa’s apparently going to give other laps a workout for a change. Ick.
Les McClaine
November 28th, 2006 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

I found myself screaming obscenities at the monitor after reading that FBOFW. Bet that woke the neighbors up!
Maughta
November 28th, 2006 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

FOOB: He’s in the freakin’ Great White North where *SHE* freakin’ left him!!!!!!! ‘Scuse me while I scream profanities at the screen. Ohhhhh, foob is the deepest pit in hell. Lynn Johnston needs to boil in shit while demons poke her eyes out with sharp sticks. If there’s any justice in the world, she will. Oh yes, she will. She needs to be forced to read bland, mediocre comics for the rest of her life. She deserves to be in Charterstone.
dan b
November 28th, 2006 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

as a newbie to the FW phenonmenon (although one of my favorite Bloom County lines was when Opus was high on scratch and sniff and screaming about the walls being covered with giant, fanged Funky Winkerbeans), what is it with the half-faced grins going on in EVERY SINGLE STRIP? it’s like every character walks around perpetually high; in all likelihood to mask whatever tragedy is awaiting just around the corner. for pregnant girl, i’m guessing catastrophic injury to her husband(?) and the comic book guy moving in to comfort her. ick.

FOOB: The Quebecois used to be what occasionally made me ashamed of my Canadian heritage. Now, it’s safe to say that Lynn Johnston makes me ashamed of my Canadian heritage. Lynn and the whole damn Patterson family.

It’s a pity Liz is going to sign up for the sexless marriage with Granthony; the mustache rides would have been insane!
captainswift
November 28th, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

That utterly insane segue in Mark Trail has blown my mind completely. Seriously, I can no longer think linearly. No matter what I try to think of, my mind keeps going back to beavers…
Doug Puthoff
November 28th, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

11-28: Kid City: I thought there 50 states.

MW–I thought that guy looked like Mandrake the Magician. Maybe he wants to ask Ms. Ella if his strip has any future, or if he should try out the role of Aunt Fritzi’s steady boyfriend in “Nancy.”

Nancy–Speaking of which, Aunt Fritzi seems to be getting more face time. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was trying to win the strip back from her lame niece who stole it from her man years ago.

FW–Santa Claus as a stripper? What next, Santa Claus as a Friday the 13th-style killer? Oops, it’s already been done.
rachel
November 28th, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

All I can say is that altho FOOB is getting as annoying as is humanly possible, the enormous amount of bitching fodder it provides is bringing me closer to my mom and 2 aunts…thanks for the crappy story, Lynn…it’s the only thing I can say positive about your strip these days.
JonO
November 28th, 2006 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

It’s like a metaphor for the whole strip. We’re the ones who need him: to come in through the front door, mounted, in full dress uniform, hooves blazing, a red glow emanating from his tunic, with a mad glint in his eye. Voice booming, “ELIZABETH!” he’d shout, “You are a stupid stupid girl who mightily abused the good will of the people of Mtigwaki and who needs to grow up! We’ve had your mustachioed lothario under surveillance for months. We have seized the cage device from his basement and the Sous-commissaire has placed him in custody for child endangerment, among other charges. You are going back to court to testify, and The Stache is going away for a long time. I suggest you cooperate.” Then he’d shoot Elly with a taser, lob a tear gas canister into the model train room, and leave, riding off into the sunset. End of strip.

Yes, where is he when we need him?
anti-FOOB
November 28th, 2006 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

FBOFW made me angrier than all the people on the road who can’t drive in snow. And that’s a lot of people in Seattle.
Awfulart
November 28th, 2006 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

What is with the dancers face?? Is that a mask with a beard?? His face off center with a beard?? Something ain’t right…!!!
Bill_S
November 28th, 2006 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

What’s up with the drawing of Elly in FOOB panel 2? Looks more like Granny Clampett…
Black Card
November 28th, 2006 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

How can that mother beaver be so heartless? Doesn’t she know that the minute her young leave, they’ll be mugged, robbed, and probably beaten to death by cat-woman-thing disco prostitutes and Snidely Wiplash’s brother in law, the used car salesman?
Eleven
November 28th, 2006 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

Thanks to MT and SF, I can use the phrase “beaver overlap” without sounding like some bizarre pornography formalist.
yggdrasil
November 28th, 2006 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

The kid is probably going to a Cubs meeting after dinner. Clear as day.
Non-Shannon
November 28th, 2006 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

#16 Eleven (hey…that’s confusing…)

COTW! COTW, I say!
Eric the DiscoBoy.
November 28th, 2006 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

A3G — Is that Jason “Mastermind” Wyngarde from the X-Men’s Hellfire Club, out to corrupt LuAnn and turn her into a Dark Phoenix-type creature? Either that, or it’s just Crispin Glover, mistaking her for Debbie Harry.

Also, do you think that guy behind the counter is going to offer her a nice hamburger sammich with a french-fried potato garnish?

MT — I already chimed in with my two cents on this one. (Check out #263 of the last thread if you’re really that morbidly interested in what I have to say.) But I do have to ask just what lodge Junior is being forced to leave? The VFW? The Elks? The Sacred Order of the Water Buffalo?

FW — Josh, my wife has also been to a baby shower or two with that same candy bar game. Women are insane. That’s why men do their bonding around the quiet dignity of the strip club.
yggdrasil
November 28th, 2006 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

Funky Winkerbeaners always look so damn smug all the time. Look around you, fools! There is no hope for you. You will get cancer, or be thrown up on, or just be slowly crushed by compounded disappointment and failure. Your world is hell!
Eric the DiscoBoy.
November 28th, 2006 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

#19 — Great. As usual, I FOOB’d up the coding to create a link to my comment. At least you all know where to find if you want to see it.
Dan
November 28th, 2006 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

I’ll save you (from a crappy marriage), Liz!

Starring Paul Wright as Dudley Do-Right, Elizabeth Patterson as Nell Fenwick, and Anthony “Good Citizen” Caine as Snidely Whiplash.

Today’s strip has garnered more attention than any other over at the FOOBiverse. And virtually none of it is positive in nature..
Citysqwirl
November 28th, 2006 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

Liz won’t really end up with Anthony, will she? I don’t understand! Why is Elly pushing her — she doesn’t like Anthony! NOBODY LIKES ANTHONY! Even John has a lot more personality — at least he’s a dentist with trains and likes practical jokes! What does Anthony have to recommend him? Grotesque emotional baggage, that’s what!
Ubiq
November 28th, 2006 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

A sane person would write their mother off as being a complete bitch on this issue and ignore all advice on relationships.

A Foobianite will take this as a stern admonishment to reassess their priorities and not take any responsibility for their life choices.

Oh, who am I kidding? Paul’s bound to be cheating on her just so Anthony will seem slightly less loathsome by comparison.
Dan
November 28th, 2006 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

Well, Citysqwirl, Liz’s mommy and daddy like him, and what they want, they usually get. So I think we’re stuck with the Anthony.
johnw
November 28th, 2006 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

“Where is he when you need him?” “Well, ma, he’s got a friggin’ JOB up north being a POLICEMAN which is very IMPORTANT especially when women like me get ATTACKED and TRAUMATIZED.”

The preceding rejoinder will hopefully be featured in panel one of Wednesday’s FOOB. Either that or, “Gee, you’re right ma, I’m gonna marry that Anthony guy right now!”

A3G: The last man who walked the earth looking like the counter jockey at Cup-o-Joe, retired in 1953 and was killed by a hit-and-run driver two months later. Really, what alternate timeline does this strip take place in?
Dean Booth
November 28th, 2006 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

Speaking of beavers, I bet Garfield is feeding Jon a bowl of beaver balls, an aphrodisiac probably powerful enough to allow Jon to think of his girlfriend in a nightie without going catatonic.

People used to think that if you chased a male beaver, he would bite off his testicles and throw them to you so he could escape. Perhaps this illuminated manuscript is actually a panel from a medieval Mark Trail.
Echo
November 28th, 2006 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

Am I the only one disturbed by the implication that Mark Trail is going to be taking a bear into a hospital?
RoboMax
November 28th, 2006 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

7: My theory is that the band director has begun earning money by selling more than just magazines, if you catch my drift.

F00b: I really hope Liz gets wrongly accused of a murdering Granthony, is convicted, then executed. However, she will have a cathartic revelation and revel in the hatred and scorn inflicted upon her, ala The Stranger.

Apartment 3-G: Guest starring Eli Wallach’s character in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!
reader-who-posts
November 28th, 2006 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Elly just wants for Elizabeth what every mother wishes for daughter – a lifetime spent in a boring, orgasm-less marriage while barely scraping by financially. Even better, she’ll now have to raise a hell-spawn of a child, too!
reader-who-posts
November 28th, 2006 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

umm, make that “every mother wishes for HER daughter”.
one sock
November 28th, 2006 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

Taking a brief break from his television set, Peter Parker shakes his fist at the newspaper in impotent rage. “Anybody but Anthony! Lynn Johnston MUST BE STOPPED!”
AhClem
November 28th, 2006 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

In Garfield, Jon is having sex fantasies about Liz, the veterinarian.

In FBOFW, Anthony (who has often been described as a clone of John Patterson) is having sex fantasies about Liz, the queen of Foobville.

Jon and Liz. John and Liz. Coincidence? I think not.
Carrots
November 28th, 2006 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

Forgive me, Curmudgeon. I laughed at Garfeild.
some guy
November 28th, 2006 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

Am I the only one disturbed by the implication that Mark Trail is going to be taking a bear into a hospital? again
Mudman
November 28th, 2006 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Garfield- How does a guy who takes his cat with him lingerie shopping have a girlfriend in the first place?
Eric the DiscoBoy.
November 28th, 2006 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

#28 Echo — Actually, Mark Trail has already done this, just a couple months ago (which would be, like, yesterday in MT-time), so that’s why no one’s particularly distrubed by this. I think we all got it out of our system then.

#32 one sock — If I had a vote for COTW, it just might go to yours. However, in true Richard Daley/Chicagoland fashion, my vote is also available to the highest bidder.
Geezil
November 28th, 2006 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

I’m guessing the guy stalking Luann is Dagwood. The guy who gave the car pool the razzberry the other day stalked him and beat the crap out of him. He’s suffering from a memory loss and went to his lunchtime coffee shop, desperate for a familiar face — or set of breasts. In walks Luann, and . . . well you do the math. Looks like someone’s gettin’ some Bumstead tail.
Mikel
November 29th, 2006 at 12:00 am [Reply]

What with Slylock Fox and Mark Trail (now there’s a crossover!) there seems to be an abundance of beavers in the newspapers these days. I’m eagerly awaiting the next strip that will hop on the beaver bandwagon. Eager, you might say, like a beaver.

As for Mary Worth, the man who is seeing Ella Byrd has said his name to be “Mister Dent”. It’s either Arthur Dent trying to make sense of his life, or Harvey Dent at one of those points when he’s not Two-Face. Or, he’s just some schlub named “Dent”.
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 12:01 am [Reply]

Hmm, I just realized that I’ve never been to a baby shower. And thanks to you, Josh, any potential feelings of deprivation have now been permanently extinguished.

Foob — I find it rather touching that embarrassed Canadian Curmudgeons periodically apologize for Lynn Johnston. But if we Americans were to accept their apologies, we might find ourselves having to apologize for a number of embarrassing Americans for whom I don’t want to be held responsible. I say Lynn must answer for her own misdeeds, and all other Canadians are completely off the hook. Though if any of her staff are lurking here, I’d be interested in how Foobville really works. Like who draws those pictures on the Foobville homepage.
Meggie
November 29th, 2006 at 12:02 am [Reply]

“I’m glad you found Molly before the poachers killled her?”

What kind of sick upbringing is this kid getting? Not only is he clad in his “Vintage 1940s Boy Scout uniform”, but he talks like a 1950s cereal commercial. I kept waiting for him to say something like “Golly gee willergers, Mark, you sure do know a bunch about animals!”.
Heckler123
November 29th, 2006 at 12:04 am [Reply]

Regarding the “beaver shot” in MT – If life at the beaver lodge is anything like it is at my house, the mother is mad at junior for running up $200 in over-the-limit text messages on the cell phone.

I will add here that:
1. Life at my house is not anything like life at a beaver lodge, except for occasional water in the basement.
2. Is “beaver lodge” just a euphemism for bordello?
Squeak
November 29th, 2006 at 12:08 am [Reply]

Oh, man, I wish I’d thought to name a coffee shop “Cup O’ Joe’s 24-7.” That’s, like, CRAZY, man!!!
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
November 29th, 2006 at 12:13 am [Reply]

#29 That band director apparently sold several thousand live turkeys in just one day last week.
Mik Holmes
November 29th, 2006 at 12:13 am [Reply]

Wait wait wait. Why is Jon in that store in the first place? Have Jon and the Vet been going out long enough for him to be buying her sexy clothes? Or is this just some random woman walking into Jon’s house and showing off her stuff. You can’t really tell by the background.
mumbles
November 29th, 2006 at 12:16 am [Reply]

FOOB: You know, after the initial flash of rage faded away, I can’t really blame Lynn for abruptly changing the story line to the adventures of Widdle Wobbin and Mewwy. The jump from Granthony to a wet, poop-covered sock isn’t that large, when you think of it.
Kenny
November 29th, 2006 at 12:21 am [Reply]

Allow me to start with this: I am Canadian and I’ve seen a LOT of beaver in my time (ego-boosting pun/exaggeration intended) … and never have I heard it called a beaver “lodge”. Dear Mr. Elrod, here in Canada we call it a Beaver Dam. ( Apparently, accoring to our money – we have alot beavers here – a whole 5 cents worth.)
Victor Von
November 29th, 2006 at 12:23 am [Reply]

#27: Biting off your own testicles= worst evolutionary strategy ever.

I think the reason that the Foobs are eliciting such a strong reaction on this occasion is that we know this story could be better. Lynn Johnston takes the trouble to develop her characters over time, to slowly age them– she has characters that actually age and die! That’s freaking revolutionary for newspaper comics.

And she feeds Liz to Anthony. I automatically sympathize with nerds, particularly nerd that beat up bullies, and I don’t like Anthony.

I thought I could be dispassionate about this, but I can’t. Add my generic death threat to the pile.
Sjofn
November 29th, 2006 at 12:28 am [Reply]

Seriously, though, this is the worst thing ever. I hate all of you, die, die, die, die.

Yeah, that about sums it up, doesn’t it?
Heckler123
November 29th, 2006 at 12:30 am [Reply]

#47 – Beaver dams stop the flow of streams and the like. The lodges are their not-so-little hidey-holes. (Weird double entendre intended.)

More information on beaver lodges – the G-rated kind – can be found at http://www.geocities.com/bobarnebeck/lodges.html
dramashoes
November 29th, 2006 at 12:32 am [Reply]

When will the Hallmark people wake up and get some keys to the clue locker? A snowglobe of Santa Claus giving a onearmed pregnant lady a lap dance at a baby shower would fly off the shelves at Wal-mart. And all the povertystricken Pluggers could break it open and drink the water out of it when their water gets cut off.
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 12:34 am [Reply]

MT — According to the Internet (of course), all beaver kits are kicked out of their parents’ lodge when they are two years old in order to make room for the new kits. (Pause for some oldest-child Curmudgeons to mutter comments:-).

However, the kicking-out occurs in spring, not autumn. Also, beaver kits become sexually mature at the time they are kicked out, so presumably it’s not long before their fancies lightly turn to thoughts of love. Things being what they are in LoFo, however, this kicked-out beaver may suffer the torments of the damned (so to speak) until somehow rescued by Mark and Andy.
Bill Peschel
November 29th, 2006 at 12:37 am [Reply]

In 3-G, is that a young Harlan Ellison about to hit on Luann?
Blynneda
November 29th, 2006 at 12:38 am [Reply]

Okay, so I’m rather alarmed at the turn Garfield seems to be taking. How long, exactly, has it been since I’ve read the strip–maybe a year? Suddenly, Jon is considering buying lingerie for Liz, who, by all rights should either loathe or pity him–but certainly not interact with him other than to spurn his clumsy advances in a manner profuse with dry wit. Change in comic strips, I’ve decided, contrary to any previous thoughts I held on this topic, is in fact a bad thing.

I think I’ll go back to the good ol’ days of Garfield and Friends. Kicking Odie off the table…classic.
r.,j
November 29th, 2006 at 12:42 am [Reply]

So the bear is going to visit Buck IN THE HOSPITAL? Is this like a service bear? Does the ADA apply to bears? Or to Bucks? WTF?
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 12:44 am [Reply]

#50 — The Internet says that beavers have mostly-exemplary family lives, with parents and kits helping each other and Dad helping Mom to prepare the lodge for new arrivals and guarding her during birth. And they generally mate for life.

I do remember reading somewhere that if the mother beaver is killed, the father and the oldest daughter will sometimes become mates and the family will otherwise continue on as usual. But when I tried Googling “beavers incest” just now to confirm that, I was transported to a list of websites from which I am still recovering, and probably the FBI now has my email address on some list. That will teach me to do wildlife research online.
Dan
November 29th, 2006 at 12:44 am [Reply]

It applies to tame bears who don’t understand why the nurses are so hostile.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
November 29th, 2006 at 12:45 am [Reply]

#52: “beaver kits”? You mean you can, like, build them? So that’s what all those nerdy Popular Mechanics-reading guys are up to…
Big Stu
November 29th, 2006 at 12:47 am [Reply]

Okay, I agree that Granthony is a dull chump. But why does almost everybody on this board love Paul so much? I understand that he serves as a foil, but the guy is a meathead cop. Why this worship of authority figures. He probably administers regular phone book beatings at the stationhouse to Mitigawaki’s hapless local drunks, just to take out his blue balled frustrations on someone. Speaking of which, the fact that he likes Lizardbreath, the ultimate self-righteous cocktease, surely ought to count against him. Face it, Paul is a big, dumb beeotch- monger wilderness fascist. The only real man in FOOB world is Gordo the tycoon.
Eric the DiscoBoy.
November 29th, 2006 at 12:50 am [Reply]

#56 Poteet — Maybe that should teach you that no one respectable has any business using the internet for anything but learning about licorice.

And that’s… one to grow on.
Tj
November 29th, 2006 at 12:51 am [Reply]

Everyone in the Foobverse should be drawn in profile (the women anyway) cuz they seem to look hotter in profile somehow…
The lingerie in garfield is basically the same thing as whatever black thingy the shop assistant is wearing over her shirt… that’s why Jon’s stunned. He didn’t need to imagine…
Cornwhacker
November 29th, 2006 at 1:01 am [Reply]

Now Kenny (47) has me wondering if the beaver in yesterday’s Slylock Fox carried nothing but Canadian nickels in his wallet.

Fantasy Crossovers:
The full current Rex Morgan storyline, summed up in a single Slylock puzzle (presumably, Niki would be renamed “Squalid Starfish” and June would be drawn as a female dog).

Elly Patterson goes to Ohio and persuades Becky to dump her husband (off fighting in Iraq instead of home where he’s needed) for that smart, funny stripper. Comic shop John still SOL.

In Elly’s abscence, Mother Beaver moves into the Patterson household and kicks Liz out for good.
BewaretheCreeper
November 29th, 2006 at 1:02 am [Reply]

JOSH, you have GOT to get the November 19 comic of C’est la Vie on the CC website!!!!! You guys will never BELIEVE the subject matter!! Very European and very ADULT!!!! This comic can be found on goComics.com!!! Check it out!!!
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 1:06 am [Reply]

#58 — Good one, Gadge. Har. If only I’d seen your comment BEFORE I googled…
Dactyl
November 29th, 2006 at 1:10 am [Reply]

Oh My God, I just figured out what’s going on in Mark Trail. I’ve “only” been reading it for a couple of years, but unless there is a history that I don’t know about, I think there may be a very important shift occurring in this strip. We’re moving from stories that are about humans who care about and deal with animals, to stories that sometimes focus on those humans and sometimes just show us the life of the (adorable) animal, to a story that’s just about the adventures of the animal! Trust me, by the end of this story Beaver Jr. will have developed a square jaw, and he’ll be delivering fisticuffs to a wicked seal with lots of facial hair and a mullet.

… and #52/Poteet – you know it will be spring by the time this story ends.
Cafangdra
November 29th, 2006 at 1:13 am [Reply]

11/29’s For Better or For Worse makes me happy for two reasons:

1. Mike’s face in the fourth panel, and

2. If he’s fixing the toitie, he’s not writing about noble Hiberno-Canadian prairie martyrs.

The only thing I hate more than* Liz + Anthony = True Love Forever is the idea that some jerk who writes self-aggrandizing puff-pieces for Portrait magazine landed a magically delicious deal with a legitimate publisher for his first novel–a novel that isn’t even finished yet. I could accept that Michael, Whose Destiny Is To Write, submits a novel and gets a deal and it’s successful blah blah crap. But wtf–I was under the impression that only authors with histories of strong sales (or, at minimum, finished drafts) were able to extract promises of publication from real publishers. (Am I hallucinating or does Mike, in fact, have a “deal” already?)

*By “more than” I mean “substantially less than,” but it still makes me pukey.
FE
November 29th, 2006 at 1:17 am [Reply]

FOOB seems like an amalgamation of Twilight Zone episodes — Liz’s independent spirit is gradually broken down until she moves back home and is forced by her mother to marry a man like her father. How does it end? Maybe like this: Liz, who is wearing her mother’s clothes, brings a cup of coffee to Anthony, who is wearing Jon’s engineer hat as he plays with a model train. “Thanks, Ellie dear,” he says. Then Liz picks up little Francie, saying “What’s that, Elizabeth? You want to see Daddy’s train too?”
treedweller
November 29th, 2006 at 1:23 am [Reply]

I really can’t add anything to the rage or the disappointment that has welled up in an Aldo-like purging of curmudgeonly delights. But I’d like to point out that, not only did Anthony’s “being there” for Liz consist primarily of answering a few questions in court, but also he was legally compelled to be there.

Wow. Get out the shotgun, Dad, and you might just get him to marry her.
Cedar
November 29th, 2006 at 1:30 am [Reply]

http://featurepage.creators.com/washpost.html?name=bc

I. . . don’t get it. I seriously 100% don’t get it. Is he saying dental procedures are expensive (which I totally agree with)? Or is he implying that college (what with its frat boys and its keggers and its sociology class experiments that turn people into rapists) makes women stupid? Should I be angry?
td
November 29th, 2006 at 1:32 am [Reply]

69 I don’t get it either. But BC continues to exist, so, yes. You should be extremely angry.
PseudoChron
November 29th, 2006 at 1:33 am [Reply]

Why is it that whenever someone lists the favorable qualities of another person, funny is always mentioned? Anthony’s “smart, funny and kind”? When has Granthony shown any evidence of a sense of humor?
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 1:42 am [Reply]

#66 — Cafangdra, your feelings are sane and balanced compared to mine. Ever since I read about Childbearing Sheilagh, Noble Wife, I am filled with deep inner rage that this piece of dreck will get published at all. As far as I’m concerned, even vanity presses should run from it, screaming loudly.

Seeing his gormless countenance again has reminded me that I hate Michael most of all. And I say that kid of his should keep flushing clothing down the toilet until his daddy strokes out. Go, Robin, go! Too bad you can’t flush the manuscript and the hard drive!
Mr. barkie
November 29th, 2006 at 1:43 am [Reply]

“Before dawn, Luann slips out…” That sounds kinda sexy.

Hey Blondie, bring yer muffin right ovah heah and set it on my funky winkerbean. (Offer not good in Alabama, Utah or South Carolina.)
Donald The Anarchist
November 29th, 2006 at 1:56 am [Reply]

FW This will never happen, but wouldn’t it be funny if her water broke, right as Santa was giving her the lap dance? Please, Mr. Batiuk, if you’re reading, it’s not too late to make a simple comics reader very, very happy.

A3G Wow, man, since this guy’s like, BEAT, he just might be looking to “hook up” with a really “slick chick” like Luann. It’s OK, Luann. You can HAVE casual sex over the holidays and not get judged. We KNOW what’s it’s like to have the blues; there’s even a crappy song about it.
And did the demon that’s been possessing Margo all these years get excorcised by that kiss? ‘Cause it appears to have taken residence in one June Morgan. “Maybe if you weren’t such a crappy son, your mom wouldn’t turn to illicit drugs and abusive men!” Nasty, nasty, nasty!
Binky Betsy
November 29th, 2006 at 1:59 am [Reply]

#59: There are no hapless drunks in Mtigaki. There’s very little drinking at all. It’s frowned upon.
http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/000995.php

That was another example of LJ’s candy-colored world. I mean, if you don’t want to get into the subject of alcoholism among First Nations people, how about just avoiding it? Instead of this, “Oh, they’re too noble to drink!” BS. Unless it was a matter of, Liz only THOUGHT there was no drinking in Mtig, because people hid their bottles when they heard her on the porch, and beer parties were explained away as Native rituals?
Anonymous
November 29th, 2006 at 2:01 am [Reply]

# 69 (rather odd that this comment is actually not about beavers…)

I think the “joke” in B.C. is that the dad spent all this money to put wisdom into the daughter’s head via college, and now he’s spending all this money to take wisdom (teeth) out of her head. Lame, I know, but it’s B.C. so it might be right. Any other guesses out there?

And in the FOOB strip, where’s the wordplay in the last panel? Practically every time I read it, there’s some sort of pun there! What is it this time?? Also, Papa Foob’s punctuation in the second panel (”I must say, your friend, Anthony, really [sucks]…”) indicates that Anthony is Liz’s only friend. Which, if true, is really sad.
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 2:06 am [Reply]

11/29 –

FW — Even as a new reader, I’ve learned that this strip is no barrel of laughs. But is Santa really headless in the second panel? That’s quite a downer even for FW.

MT — Geez, here we go again. Let’s all say it in unison, folks — the young beaver does not understand his mother’s hostility toward him.

MW — Mr. Dent, I myself have a financial opportunity that seems exactly suited to you! It involves the confidential transfer of a large sum of money from a pious Christian widow in Nigeria…

RMMD — A fate worse than death, har har! Niki’s so horrified that his hair is melting. June, I still say that black leather and a whip would suit you well.
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 2:14 am [Reply]

#75 — Betsy, at one point I remember reading that Lynn planned to touch on the social problems of Mtigwaki in the future. I can’t remember if alcohol was specifically mentioned. But I figured Jesse would be the protagonist if that happened, and that Liz and/or Paul might be called upon to somehow rescue Jesse from a bad situation. Maybe something will happen during her Christmas visit. Better hurry, Lynn — time is running out (gleeful grin).

And now to bed, and while I brush my teeth, I’ll fantasize that Michael’s book is blacklisted by every publisher on the planet because reading the first three pages induces instant nausea.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
November 29th, 2006 at 2:19 am [Reply]

I’m afraid I don’t like the direction GA is taking. It would have been much better to leave the Old Comics Home on a different plane of reality and have Social Security lady stumble over Walt’s still-warm body.
camelama
November 29th, 2006 at 2:20 am [Reply]

Hey, Elly – ever think that perhaps Liz never TOLD Paul what was going on re: going into court?!?!?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. HATE the Granthony. Love the Paul.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
November 29th, 2006 at 2:23 am [Reply]

More product placement! In RMMD.
Binky Betsy
November 29th, 2006 at 2:31 am [Reply]

#80: She did tell him. At least, her latest email has her saying, “This trial is taking forever!”

#78: Well, maybe, but that would be hard to reconcile with the “very little drinking at all” pronouncement.
MyGoodName
November 29th, 2006 at 2:36 am [Reply]

OK, so I know everyone’s still coming down from this latest FOOB fiasco, but I feel I must call your attention to the happenings in Gil Thorp. Chainsaw Accidents! Prognosis Negative! Two cliffhangers in the past three days! Bold text and exclamation points! Thursday we’ll most likely find out Bill Ritter is minus a leg, doesn’t…anyone…care about…

Aw, screw it, I’m with you guys. Let’s invade Canada and stop Johnston before she further ruins the lives of her characters and readers.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
November 29th, 2006 at 2:37 am [Reply]

Slylock Fox–I found “WORDS” in the strip. Also, I say “PISH” to the “RATPRO” and his “TECHS”. And you can take that “TARPIE” and “SHOLVE” it.

Do children really read this? He found underwear in the treasure chest–it must be a CHEST OF DRAWERS!

Oh ho ho, goodness me, I haven’t laughed so much since Buster Brown fell in the rain barrel.
Donald The Anarchist
November 29th, 2006 at 2:42 am [Reply]

OOOPS!! Just realized that my idea about The Evil Margo Spirit leaving her body was mentioned in the previous thread (although there it was referred to as “Dark Margo.” And June Morgan was NOT mentioned.) Oh, well. Great minds think alike?

Oh, and while I’m here. Someone needs to tell Curtis the preferred nomenclature is “hip-hop” nowadays. Maybe that’s why he can’t find any articles about it in them magazines the kids read nowadays. “Hmmm, sez here P-Diddy’s got a new ‘hip-hop’ record out. Guess he’s not makin ‘rap’ any more. I wonder if the kids are gonna start makin any more of that ‘rock and roll’ music I liked so much as a youngster…And what th’ heck is an EMO?!! Dang kids…”
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
November 29th, 2006 at 2:53 am [Reply]

The Phantom: I don’t know much about small jets, but this seems a bit dodgy to me. I have a good mind to request the assistance of Ask the Pilot.
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
November 29th, 2006 at 2:57 am [Reply]

I guess Mark Trail looks back to the 40’s when They Boy Scouts were far more respectable (it got you ready to join the Armed Services) and no one looked on them as if they were kind of like Hitler Youth.

Oh well….
Von Zeppelin
November 29th, 2006 at 3:12 am [Reply]

39 Mikel: It is also possible that 1970s Yankees shortstop Bucky Dent (known to Red Sox fans as “Bucky Fucking Dent”) has grown a mustache in his retirement.
Wimpy III
November 29th, 2006 at 3:16 am [Reply]

Poor Santa has to strip for a room full of smirking frumps
Crankenstank
November 29th, 2006 at 3:19 am [Reply]

Not to get into the dimestore psychology too deeply here, but did Lynn Johnson end up marrying her mustachioed high school sorta sweetheart, ending up living her life vicariously through her minutely more adventuresome comic strip characters, only to realize the horror of lost opportunity of the chance she had to go teach that one time up in the North where she might have met a handsome policeman or at least slept with a helicopter pilot on a few occasions, and thence retreat into a protective shield of rationalization that the mustachioed nebbish was at least always there for her during her dreadfully mundane life?

Or is it just me?
Sheilagh
November 29th, 2006 at 3:52 am [Reply]

Granthony emits negative pheromones. I can smell them from here.
art
November 29th, 2006 at 3:53 am [Reply]

I can’t take it – after what seemed like a record number of comments yesterday on the FBOFW panel-of-infamy, and recuperating, now its published here and I have to look at it again…..! It STILL bothers to no end.

I’m starting to see evidence the Curmudgeon cosmos is drawing all the lines together from between the comics:

Yesterday alot of the comments were also engaged with the “sock on the lampshade” – today, the new panel of FBOFW, Brother and his hallmarkcard-brood stand around a toilet, looking for a sock that his lil’Damien flushed.

Did the Curmudgeon comments upset the delicate balance of comic-universe, are there going to be single socks suddenly appearing in different comic panels now that the Pattersoon brood flushed it down?
Trent
November 29th, 2006 at 3:53 am [Reply]

Just to clarify Donald, its “Margoâ€™s Dark Powerâ„¢”, with “Dark Margo” being only one of several possible manifestations.

But yes, it is comforting to know that I’m not the only one that can see that Margo is possessed by or of some sort of dreadful malign spirit.

That’s no head bobble. That’s evil, my friend. And its trying to get out!
Mibbitmaker
November 29th, 2006 at 3:54 am [Reply]

FOOB:
Ellie: “Liz, you’ve got to hook up with that cop that was stalking you!”

Liz: “But the helicopter – oh, why not?”

E: “Well, now that you left him to rot in Mtigrunpaulrun – er, I mean, now that he’s abandoned you in your time of need, I think you should be with brave, funny, thrifty, clean, and reverent Anthony, who totally blew it as the perfect match years ago. Love him now. Please!”

John: “Yeah.”

L: “But I have a boyfriend already! It’s now illogical for us to be togeth- aw, hell, okay! Lovely Anthony.”

J: “Well, now that that’s settled…”

E: “Hey, Liz, look at that guy over there!…”
Sjofn
November 29th, 2006 at 3:59 am [Reply]

Holy crap, it’s like someone at Foob Headquarters KNEW I would be filled with rage and flirt with the idea that someone besides Michael is the most loathesome of all. And look, there he is! Just SEEING him made me all pissed off about what a twit he is.

Thanks, FBOFW!
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
November 29th, 2006 at 4:02 am [Reply]

I just noticed that Tumbleweeds is incredibly still being published, and is just as bad as it ever was. Is there actually a real newspaper that is printing this dreck? I shudder to think about the huge number of revolting strips that have gone by, thankfully escaping my notice, over the past few decades. In comparison, it makes The Lockhorns look like Dostoevsky. I think even robots would refuse to generate such trash.

Complain if you will about the Foobs, but that’s several circles of Hell higher than where the purveyors of this abomination.

Nature Note: Tumbleweeds are not native to North America. They originated in Russia.
Von Zeppelin
November 29th, 2006 at 4:04 am [Reply]

11/29 TDIET: Scaduto acutally got the panels in reverse order. Caption 1: “Barflow has really had it with Yakeena! Poor guy is just trying to watch the game and she won’t shut up.” Caption 2: “After Barflow throws her down the stairs, he feels pretty guilty, especially when he thinks about the domestic violence charges that are coming. Oh, yeah.”
Uthere
November 29th, 2006 at 4:04 am [Reply]

Didn’t Lynn end up divorced though?

As for baby-brother Patterson writing a novel, sure, just look at his kids and wife. They’re just costumes, disguises being worn by aliens. The truth is, Patterson-boy is the unwitting agent who is actually beingn used for breeding purposes. He is now controlled by the aliens, his wife, the kids, to write a novel that will layout the sinister agenda – it will appear to be a sci-fi novel, but some will claim in the years to come, as the new religion begins, that this was actually a kind of bible.
I mean come on – just look at his Stepford-family. They make John and Elly look wonderfully human in contrast.
Mibbitmaker
November 29th, 2006 at 4:07 am [Reply]

Now, of course, FOOB abruptly shifts to a hint of post-2007 FOOB Hell. We see here the look on Michael’s face that says, “Omigod, I’ve helped create the Family Circus kids!”

More 11/29:

FW: I’ll bet every one of those learing women will complain loudly the next time a man glances their breasts ever.

A3G: Suddenly, every man on the east coast is showing up around LuAnn. She’s now the Liz Patterson of the USA!
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
November 29th, 2006 at 4:08 am [Reply]

Correction: where the purveyors of this abomination should reside.

I got distracted because my wife was watching My Uncle Silas and she kept bursting into laughter.
Audible Sigh
November 29th, 2006 at 4:21 am [Reply]

#92, Mooch did write about his little pink sock.

Socks and beavers and foobs, oh my
Don Iguan
November 29th, 2006 at 4:22 am [Reply]

FW: Did Crankshaft take what humor was left in this strip with him?

BTW, if you haven’t gone to the FBOFW homepage, do so. There’s something sinister going on there; if you try to read up on the main characters, they start eyeballing you, watching your every movement, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. It’s like they’re so starved for excitement and attention from their dull, dull existences, they’re resorted to experimenting with interdimensional travel. No wonder Lynn wants to end the strip now: by the time we forget about them, it will be too late to stop them from taking over the world!
art
November 29th, 2006 at 4:42 am [Reply]

It begins: single sock on lampshade, drying.. single sock flushed down toilet (FBOFW), single pink sock got washed (Mutts)…

Maybe this is all pre-publicity teaser that will culminate in a new comic strip: “Single Sock”
shirky
November 29th, 2006 at 5:17 am [Reply]

is he taking the bear TO THE HOSPITAL for a visit?
Dingo
November 29th, 2006 at 5:41 am [Reply]

#51 Dramashoes: You’re correct in your assessment but for one thing. A snowglobe of a dancing stripper Santa gifting a one-armed expectant mother at a shower would sell quite well at Wal*Mart. A snowglobe of a dancing stripper Santa gifting a one-armed expectant mother at a shower and betwixt the both of them half of a mouth of teeth would sell quite well at Wal*Mart among its employees. Take it from one who knows. I swear I’m the only nightshift employee with a full set of teeth. Natural teeth.
Rarebit Fiend
November 29th, 2006 at 5:49 am [Reply]

90 – Actually, it’s the other way around. After an abusive first marriage, Lynn Johnston decided safe & stable dentists who ride model trains — as geeky as they may be — make better husbands.

Read all about it in this interesting interview from 1993.
Rarebit Fiend
November 29th, 2006 at 5:50 am [Reply]

The link that is not working in post 106
Dingo
November 29th, 2006 at 5:55 am [Reply]

#59 Big Stu: It goes unmentioned within the realm of polite society but we all love Officer Paul because of his enormous genitalia. What man, woman, or wildebeest hasn’t dreamed of being pulled over on a deserted Canadian backwater highway at 3AM by a randy, lonesome officer, told to emerge from the vehicle, and then submitting to mad sweet love while bent over the trunk of their car (or up against the back wiper if driving an SUV)? Answer: we all do! Officer Paul is the creature from the Id. Officer Paul allows for us to imagine jettisoning the wife off to her parents in the Milwaukee suburbs and heading to the Northern Lights for some constable conjugation. Did you see the size of his schnoz? It’s almost as big as Elly’s! And we all know she’s the biggest dick in Foobville.

As far as Anthony goes, just because you can grow a pornstar mustache does not a pornstar make.

I look forward someday to reading the following line in For Better or For Worse:

Liz – Man, April (clickita-clickita-clickita), I feel like I got fucked by a polar bear last night! When I woke up this morning, I realized it was Paul and he just needed a tan.

* – To those who fear clicking on my links, this one is safe. It’s an article about panda porn. Yes, panda porn. Please read it. Wait ’til you get to the last two lines. I almost wet myself.
Dr. Forrester
November 29th, 2006 at 6:31 am [Reply]

GT: It looks like Bill might be joining the list of missing limb comic characters. At least once Wally from FW snuffs it, his widow will have a new beau. Of course the kid is gonna grow up with issues.
Pinback65
November 29th, 2006 at 6:52 am [Reply]

96–Holy crap! Tumbleweeds still exists?!? This strip was almost single-handedly responsible for driving me awy from the funny pages when I was a kid. Back in the seventies, The Des Moines Register published some of the worst comics ever commited to newsprint, but somehow I could tolerate The Better Half, Marmaduke, hell, even Jumble (That Scrambled Word Game)…but Tumbleweeds was such a masterful combo of dull wit and truly ugly artwork, it stood alone. But I thought it had mercifully gone to the Great Round-up In The Sky. But it hasn’t? There is no joy in this world.
Grinderman
November 29th, 2006 at 6:57 am [Reply]

Grandpa scrotumchin can only sit and stare in horror as all of his family and loved ones are replaced by pod-creatures from outer space. Elizabeth and April, too, are as of yet “unconverted,” but they too will succumb to the eternal peace and harmony that is the lot of the pod-zombies.
Other_Sally
November 29th, 2006 at 7:17 am [Reply]

Now, I agree that I don’t get all the “Paul! Police officer! Whooo-hoo, sexy!” going on here. Police are not sexy. They’re people on a power trip who are part of a near-fascist conservative authority force. They beat and kill “suspects” on the slightests provocation, and have trouble with rage and anger management due to the admittedly formidable stress of their jobs. Their motto of “serve and protect” applies mostly only to memebers of society’s ruling classes, and their number one priority is to maintain order, which is quite often not the same thing as keeping individuals safe or acting in the best interests of a crime victim. In the last couple days alone, members of the “sexy police” fired 50 shots into a tipsy bridegroom in NY, killed a suspect in Chicago, and tasered a student for not showing his school ID at UCLA–and that’s not counting the other people they killed this week when wounding-to-disarm them would do. The people I know in big cities who would most need police protection try to avoid them like the plague, as police are actually likeliest to harass them. So yeah, no love for the police.

However, Paul at least seems a sweet, decent, upfront guy who didn’t force his wife to have a baby and then complain about it, or who scapegoated her for a divorce when he was emotionally cheating on her (and would likely have physically cheated if he had the chance) for almost all their marriage, and who used Liz’s vulberable state after her assault to try and worm into her affections–both when it happened and now. So we like Paul.
MsChicken
November 29th, 2006 at 7:19 am [Reply]

Unfortunately, I kept reading the final panel of Mark Trail as “Meanwhile, in a nearby stream, Mother Beather all but forces her youngster to go to the Bucket.”

I blame you, Comics Curmudgeon.

Otherwise, thank you for the shower of hate necessary to slough away the slimy residue of Foob’s tediously telegraphed narrative arc. Totally roadside, man.
smacky
November 29th, 2006 at 7:20 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: Mrs. Ritter is just pissed her “rid myself of my moronic son with a defective chainsaw” plan didn’t go exactly as she had hoped. I’m betting amputated just below the knee, football career over, but still maintains his positive attitude about life.

To think, a few weeks ago his biggest problem was someone tearing down his campaign posters. High school just sucks.
Baby Dâ€™oh
November 29th, 2006 at 7:34 am [Reply]

OK, question. In the alternate-universe last panel of A3G, if Lu Ann had ordered a bespectacled beatnik to go, would that guy have come in and started hitting on the coffee and muffin? I think I can safely say the world wants to know.
Baby Dâ€™oh
November 29th, 2006 at 7:41 am [Reply]

P.S. Mmm…cinnamon-bun-crumb-laden mustache.

And “I hate you all, die, die, die, die” would be a great new name for the strip.
smacky
November 29th, 2006 at 7:53 am [Reply]

Mrs. Beaver in Mark Trail pushes her son away, because she “knows he must learn to seek his own life in the wilderness.”

Contrast that with Elly Foob, who demands that her children all return to her, preferably living under the same roof, where she can micro-manage their sex lives.

The beaver has a more developed understanding of the world, and more respect for her child.
Baby Dâ€™oh
November 29th, 2006 at 7:55 am [Reply]

#117: Also thinner thighs.
Sarah
November 29th, 2006 at 8:05 am [Reply]

From today’s Mary Worth, we know that Ella is a PSYCHIC alien!!!
Pozzo
November 29th, 2006 at 8:14 am [Reply]

FW: Can we assume that this Santa comes more than once a year?
M.B.
November 29th, 2006 at 8:28 am [Reply]

Wait… You mean that you can have a stripper at a baby shower, too?!?
I’ve been doing this all wrong! I thought strippers were only for bridal showers!
AhClem
November 29th, 2006 at 8:30 am [Reply]

Despite it’s usual off-the-wall bizarre humor, today’s “Ballard Street” would make a great T-shirt:

http://www.comics.com/creators/ballardst/archive/ballardst-20061129.html

PBS – Molly doesn’t understand the hostility the crocs have against her.
Squawk
November 29th, 2006 at 8:32 am [Reply]

“Cliched, revolting, and inane” — sounds like Funky Winkerbean is describing itself.
Pozzo
November 29th, 2006 at 8:36 am [Reply]

Uh-oh — just realized that both “Sally Forth” and “Shylock Fox” can be abbreviated to “SF”. We’ll need to find a new shorthand for one of them. I propose that from here on, “Sally Forth” be referred to as “S4″ or “S4th”. What do you all think?
John C Fremont
November 29th, 2006 at 8:39 am [Reply]

Sorry, I didn’t have time to read all today’s posts, so forgive me if I’m repeating someone else’s thoughts;

11/29 MW – Today Mr. Dent starts off as Gale Gordon, then turns into, well, Johnny Depp as Ed Wood turning into a werewolf. Mr. Dent is a shape-shifter! HE’S A SHAPE-SHIFTER!

11/29 MT – What the – but – a beaver family? Really? Uuhh…
Islamorada Girl
November 29th, 2006 at 8:44 am [Reply]

I’d be smirkin’ too if I was at a shower where a hot strpper was about to deliver the full monty. Oh yeah!
athena
November 29th, 2006 at 8:45 am [Reply]

Did the Pattersons shorten their name from “Pattersonstein”? Because all of a sudden Elly and John are acting like stereotypical Jewish parents: “He’s such a nice boy. So steady. So predictable. He will always provide for you. Sure, he has all the charisma of a leftover latke, but does charisma pay the rent?”
ragthetiger
November 29th, 2006 at 8:46 am [Reply]

#67: Perfect.
Captain Insano
November 29th, 2006 at 8:50 am [Reply]

11/29

MT:

A family of beavers? Is this strip gonna trun into a kind of showcase for a spin-off?

MW:

I wonder if Ella is like Syler in Heroes. You know. . . she eats people’s brains. That’s how she knows so much about them.

FOOB:

I’ve got an idea there, Mike. Why not flush your two little bastardly children down the toilet? Then, the Funkenheimers (or whatever their name is downstairs) will have little pieces of Foob children coming up in their kitchen drains.

Sounds sick?

Compared to the mental image of Blanthony and Lizardbreath’s wedding night, my idea is completely G-rated.

:::shiver:::

Blanthony and Lizardbreath. In coitus. Yikes.
Pozzo
November 29th, 2006 at 8:53 am [Reply]

Oh, wait; I know! The guy behind the counter at “Cup O’ Joe’s” — it’s Jeff Daniels in “Pleasantville”!
srah
November 29th, 2006 at 8:55 am [Reply]

Can someone explain today’s BC to me so I know why “wisdom teeth” is in scare quotes and whether I’m supposed to be offended?
TurtleBoy
November 29th, 2006 at 8:56 am [Reply]

I’m liking this new focus in MT. Apparently Elrod’s decided to leave it to beavers, no doubt realizing that MT’s human characters are so stupid as to take a back seat to the coming-of-age rituals of riparian rodents.
Frank Drackman
November 29th, 2006 at 8:59 am [Reply]

# 96 I loved “Tumbleweeds” as a child..Chief-Redeye(who looked like Jackie Gleason), the cowardly son in law..the fat squaw..lots of jokes about firewater, reservations, teepees, peace pipes..I even had a Tubleweeds paperback as a kid..
robin
November 29th, 2006 at 8:59 am [Reply]

what coffee shops are still manned by old white guys in paper hats, anyway? I always get a sullen young person pissed about their minimum wage job.
banana
November 29th, 2006 at 9:01 am [Reply]

#56, Poteet, you owe me a new keyboard

#16 eleven: COTW, I second it!
King Folderol
November 29th, 2006 at 9:09 am [Reply]

FBOFW – At first I thought the parents’s meddling was creepy, but then I notice that Liz is whining in the back seat like a two-year old, so I guess as long as she acts like a child they should treat her like one. Nah, it’s still creepy.

A3G – I’ve noticed in the last few days that Luann looks like she’s about 60 years old when drawn in profile.

Garfield – Since Jon surely spends all day at home looking at hard core porn on the Internet, this little mini-stroke doesn’t ring true. Perhaps he’s picturing the old bitty in panel one and two in this skimpy outfit, thus explaining the waking coma sufficiently.

FW – Given how morbidly depressing this strip is, I’m sure that the stripper will turn out to have only one teste, or a bunch of little kids will walk into the room and have their innocence lost just as permanently as Becky’s arm.

Speaking of depressing, Today’s Baldo (11/29) has all of the potential to turn into a dreary FW. Let’s hope that Baldo doesn’t wind up in a body cast while some overweight nurse gives him sponge bath after horrifying sponge bath.
andreavis
November 29th, 2006 at 9:13 am [Reply]

A3G: today’s beatnik just confirms my theory that Luann stepped into a time machine instead of a coffee shop. Beatinks + soda jerks = 1958, man. This does not explain the gay Australian cowboy in the last panel, though.
treedweller
November 29th, 2006 at 9:18 am [Reply]

96 Mr O’Malley

The last time I checked (within a few months, anyway), Tumbleweeds was still being printed in the Fort Worth Startlegram (uh, Star-Telegram).

As a kid, TW was just one piece of the wondrous magic of reading the comics page. Back then, FWS-T had a morning and an evening edition, with different comics lineups in each, and we got PM with Tumbleweeds; when they combined the editions, some strips got cut, but TW lives on. Sadly, we lost The Ryatts.

I think I began to realize some comics totally suck about the time the lettering inTW began to be produced on a dot-matrix printer. Growing up is hard.
jules
November 29th, 2006 at 9:24 am [Reply]

Haven’t read the comments yet, so I don’t know if my reaction to today’s (DT)GT has already been posted. Please forgive me if this has already been said.

OMGOMGOMG BILL IS LOSING A LEG.

And y’all say there’s no action in GT! What with Bill losing a leg, and last week Liz all but forced Stormy to go to the Bucket (and I’m with Smitty Smedlap on that one), I don’t know if I can take the excitement. I’m switching to decaf.
johnw
November 29th, 2006 at 9:25 am [Reply]

I think BC is supposed to be a wry commentary on the sad state of our liberal-controlled university campuses: Dad wasted his money by sending his little girl to a den of dope fiends and Marxist professors.

FBORFW: The truly sad thing is that all the characters have become cardboard cutouts. It’s been years since Michael actually wrote anything, and Deanna used to be an interesting person before she started spawning. Now they’re just foils for kiddie hijinks. Gordon only shows up when somebody needs a new car. Elly’s “best friend” makes a token appearance once in a while to laugh at Elly’s bad puns while they jog down the street in their baggy track suits. Weed and Lawrence are long gone. As for Liz… Lynn Johnston has used her real-life family as a general template for the strip. I suspect her real-life daughter ran away to Toronto and shacked up with a street mime, and that Lynn is forcing Liz into Anthony’s arms as a sort of public revenge and life-lesson for her wayward offspring.

Spider-Man: This strip may have reached a new low today when Peter Parker actually said “Run, MJ, while the guard handles Ock!” Okay, so a movie-studio security guy with a fake uniform and a rusty revolver is going to “handle” a super-villain????? I think it’s time for these characters to move to the Old Comics’ Home, where Spidey and Ock can do epic battle over the cafeteria’s famous green-bean casserole.

DT: Wow, Dr. Froid has invented Alzheimer’s Disease!
AhClem
November 29th, 2006 at 9:27 am [Reply]

I liked “Tumbleweeds” in the 1970s. The artwork looked like it was cut-and-paste from a selection of stock poses, but the writing was sharp and funny. I still have a couple of scrapbooks with a few years’ worth of T’Weeds strips that I put together back then.

Is it still being drawn by Tom Ryan? I haven’t seen it in 20-25 years.
Von Zeppelin
November 29th, 2006 at 9:34 am [Reply]

136 King Folderol: If I may add my voice to the other Latin precisionists on this site, the singular of “testes” is “testis.” Still, you present a scenario in keeping with the generally depressing/depressed nature of this strip. Heh heh, “strip.”
Hannibal Smitty
November 29th, 2006 at 9:45 am [Reply]

(DT)GT- It’s about time Gil Thorpe jumped on the completely depressing storylines like Funky Winkerbean and Foob. Heck, it’s just great to see Gil Thorpe with a storyline.
Snicker
November 29th, 2006 at 9:45 am [Reply]

I have to admit, Garfield is a little chuckle-worthy.

As for Mark Trail, it’s clear what’s happening. Elrod has been trying to gradually turn this into an animal-only strip for a while now – all the humans start to look alike, animals say half the lines, and of course Molly. But he’s apparently realized subtlety is lost on the octogenarians reading the strip and just decided to transition over to a beaver.
Scurvy
November 29th, 2006 at 9:50 am [Reply]

Foob- Proof that John is secretly disgusted by his family and wants them dead:

He is driving like a maniac! In the first panel he’s catching air, and no one is doing a
God
Damned
THING
about it!! Slow down dad!

MT- Mother beaver is kicking young beaver out for littering up the stream with Jack Elrod balls. Can’t make a dam out of those.
bob3
November 29th, 2006 at 9:52 am [Reply]

haven’t posted before (I think) but the absolute wankery of FBOFW can not go without comment. God what a rotten stip – I find my self hoping that there is some kind of time/space warp and when the turn the corner they run smack into Aldo’s car and THEY ALL DIE – then after the funeral Anthony gets good and drunk and violently confronts Paul blaming her for the Liz’s death and Paul is forced to shoot him in self defense.

Then the youngest daughter is abducted by Aliens and then the brother is also run down by Aldo who has become unstuck in time al la Billy Pilgrim and is drunkenly wandering the comics in his car coming to a horrible end after horrible end and yet somehow finding himself still drunk, still driving and this time heading towards the Funky Winkerbean Baby Shower at high speed

as you said so well “DIE DIE DIE!!!”
True Fable
November 29th, 2006 at 9:57 am [Reply]

I once drew a serial strip, purely for my own amusement. I am so glad it was never picked up by a comics syndicate. I have the uneasy feeling it would turn me into a pinhead who idolizes creepy nebbish auto shop managers and think it’s clever for a bag of flab like Elly and a doofus nerd to the tenth power like John to tell Liz to choose him over a studly policeman with a life.

Huh uh! My characters chew up people like the Pattersons and spit them out in Mary Worth’s azalea bushs.

And just where do the ideas for FW come from? Do you imagine there’s a row of bowls next to the drawing board, with “Situation” “Infirmity” “Wacky personality flaw” and “Weird shit to toss in randomly” ?

But my hat is off to Mark Trail. To hell with segues; let’s jump from bear to beaver, it’s alphabetical so that makes it okay!

I’ve always hated Garfield, so…. there. Not much I can add to that except that Jon Arbuckle is never going to get any. Not now, not ever; Davis is just slinging him down the primrose dead end path. Jon has no dick, you see. Oh yes, it’s true. He attended the same Weak, Lame and Pervish Academy as Anthonerd from FBOFW.
michael
November 29th, 2006 at 10:04 am [Reply]

Maybe someone has pointed this out already and I missed it, but today’s (11/29) FBOW is much funnier if you pretend there is no dialogue.
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 10:07 am [Reply]

(DT)GT – The appendage Bill lost is not his leg. Fortunately, the ensuing cosmetic surgery will allow him and Stormy to share the kind of deep, meaningful relationship they have always yearned for.
td
November 29th, 2006 at 10:08 am [Reply]

Lio just has to be gunning for FOOB soon. Please!
Blissful Ignoramus
November 29th, 2006 at 10:14 am [Reply]

29Nov2006 Mary Worth: Ella’s upcoming advice to Mr. Dent:

“You can avoid heartbreak and loss…Please listen to me! Instead of using aluminum, build your giant seaplane out of wood! Joan Fontaine will never marry you. Store your urine in jars for safe-keeping, and Kleenex boxes make for perfectly suitable footwear when you’re in a pinch!
juggernaut
November 29th, 2006 at 10:24 am [Reply]

Kudos to Mark Trail, who has single-handedly figured out how to save the modern comic strip from its current cesspool of crapitude – LOTS OF YOUNG BEAVER!!!!

No matter how you slice it, that’s just good eatin’.
Victor Von
November 29th, 2006 at 10:31 am [Reply]

53: I have heard terrible, terrible first-hand stories about Harlan Ellison, dating back a good 20 years.

So yes, that is him hitting on Luann.

67: You realize that not only is your ending to the current FBOFW story the creepiest thing ever, it’s also downright plausible?

Dang it, I liked FBOFW before I started reading this blog. I thought it fell down on the job sometimes, but I liked it. In fairness, I think this storyline’s manipulation of time and space combined with bizarre anti-logic would have pissed me off regardless.
rich
November 29th, 2006 at 10:32 am [Reply]

Today’s FOOB: It’s fun to imagine what torrent of expletives Mike is letting fly in that second panel. As for panel 3, didja ever notice that when she draws characters in profile, Lynn can’t resist giving them wildly inappropriate dramatic expressions? With such a display of hysteria you’d think Mike would be saying “Where did Mommy go after she loaded the rifle??” or “How many of those pills did you swallow, Robin???”, not “Why did you flush my sock down the toilet?”
punchmonkey
November 29th, 2006 at 10:34 am [Reply]

In GT, I think you all have it wrong. The “NOOO” comes from the doctor after he realized that Mrs. Ritter has no facial features and absolutely no nose.
Christopher
November 29th, 2006 at 10:38 am [Reply]

139. Jules: Who the hell says Gil Thorpe has no action?

Compared to the other soap strips, it moves along like a bullet train.

Rex Morgan, MD spent a WEEK of real time on June standing in line at the DMV. I think the last few months have been, like, three days in Rex time.

Meanwhile, Gil Thorpe Stormy’s rise to fame, culminating in him recieving an award from the Mayor, took THREE PANELS.

Gil may be many things, but slow-paced isn’t one of them.
Laura
November 29th, 2006 at 10:39 am [Reply]

#137: “This does not explain the gay Australian cowboy in the last panel, though.”

Ha! I don’t know how you came to the conclusion that he’s Australian, but now I can’t not hear him say his line in an Australian accent.

Actually, my first thought was “OMG it’s Paul Montague from The Way We Live Now!!!!”

Anyone? Anyone?
DoubleJeopardy
November 29th, 2006 at 10:39 am [Reply]

I love to hate Funky Winkerbean as much as the next person, but I totally shimmy at the drugged delight of the girls glamming onto Santa’s pole. I mean, c’mon people! They’ve totally forgotten that they are there to celebrate the birth of a baby to a one-armed future war widow, and are instead totally transfixed by the engorged yule log that Saint Chip has brought.

Can you just imagine what kind of shower gifts she’ll get?
srah
November 29th, 2006 at 10:40 am [Reply]

#136: Maybe Baldo will lose a limb after he gets hit by this car. Socks and beavers and lost limbs, oh my!
Ian Cameron, Ph.D.
November 29th, 2006 at 10:44 am [Reply]

I bet if June Morgan were running the Mike Patterson household there wouldn’t be any socks thrown down the crapper.
michael
November 29th, 2006 at 10:48 am [Reply]

re #47. I too, have been around quite a bit of beaver, having grown up in rural Western PA. There is always a dam AND a lodge. They do not live in the dam, that is just to stop up the water. They live in the lodge.

If my good Canadian friend wishes to research further, more information on beaver can be found in the Internet. I promise.
Abbey the Wonderdog
November 29th, 2006 at 10:49 am [Reply]

Too bad June can’t clean her own house or feed her own child. I guess she is too busy saving the world from meth heads.

BARK! BARK! BARK!
scuppers
November 29th, 2006 at 10:49 am [Reply]

#28, 35, 37 — what I find astonishing is that no one else is interested in Molly’s trip to the hospital to see Buck. Apparently it happens all the time in MT. Well, I want more. I want Molly to jump right up in that adjustable bed and I want Molly to give Buck the best BJ he’s ever had and I want all Buck’s monitors to go off and the nurses should come running in and when they see what’s happening I hope they get into a big fight over who gets the next lickin’

lots of beavers that’s what I’m talkin about
HBGlord
November 29th, 2006 at 10:50 am [Reply]

“A bear — in the hospital?!” will soon reach “Aldo = Captain Kangaroo” or “Why are the Foobs blinking at me?” status. C’mon, people — keep up! Don’t tell me you’re not stopping your otherwise productive workdays to read every single post (and even delving into the archives). No, i mean it. Please don’t tell me that. It can’t be just me. [sob, sigh]

And the way i view it, it’s Molly bringing Mark to the hospital. That lovable bearlet has got the carte blanche as far as i’m concerned.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2006 at 10:51 am [Reply]

“What sort of little boy wears his vintage 1940s Boy Scout uniform, complete with cravat, to dinner?”

I mentioned on the Amazing Spider-Blog today this weird, sporatic but often charming tendency towards anachronism in comic strips, almost as if since the comic strip itself is antiquated, the realities they portray should be. (My thought was triggered by a cop in the Spider-Man strip shown carrying a revolver, which police departments generally stopped issuing decades a go.)

I think that would be a good subject for an article.
Paul James
November 29th, 2006 at 10:51 am [Reply]

Funky- The pregnant girl has only ONE ARM???? I had not even noticed this before. As an only occasional reader of the strip can someone clue me in on how she came to lose said limb?
Mazeville
November 29th, 2006 at 10:55 am [Reply]

I don’t think I have the mental/emotional capacity to deal with FBOFW right now, so I’m focusing on GT.

I have been reading up on chainsaw safety since viewing this: http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/departments/espm/extension/CHAINSAW.HTM

What Bill needed was not a buddy. Apparently, he needed chainsaw chaps. More information about chainsaw chaps can be found…never mind.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
November 29th, 2006 at 10:58 am [Reply]

#99 Mibbitmaker (and where does one purchase mibbits?) – To be fair, Randy Claus here is being paid to be ogled. So you’re probably right that the leering women would be offended if someone’s staring at their breasts…unless one of them is in a profession that involves being paid to be ogled, etc. Which, in FW these days, would no doubt also involve drug dependency, a brutally violent club manager, and a roomful of tragic customers suffering from various invariably fatal diseases and/or missing appendages.
Mazeville
November 29th, 2006 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Wow. That bizarre formatting was unintentional. But for some reason, I kind of like it.
Archivalist
November 29th, 2006 at 11:01 am [Reply]

Except for Lefty — whom I suppose just arrived — every single woman at the shower is completely baked. Even Jacko, in a fetching purple Mao jacket.

Christmas greenery indeed.
Archivalist
November 29th, 2006 at 11:18 am [Reply]

Ha ha! I guess I should read prior comments before posting… (see above)

Here we go again:
Today’s MT brought to you by James Dobson and Focus on the Family.

Foob — Is that Michael’s daughter? The one who looks exactly like Liz? Ick.

A3G — Who knew that ‘Alan’ would turn out to be Alan Quartermain?
man behind the curtain
November 29th, 2006 at 11:19 am [Reply]

FBOW — After the latest close-ups of Liz and Deanna I can see that while there may be waiting lists for MRIs and hip replacements, collagen-injected lips get priority.

MW- So Ella, if you’re going to peer into the future how about some lotto numbers. Maybe it’s time for Mary to leave the residents of Charterstone in the good hands of Ella Byrd and hit the road. She could be part of a new UN international organization of advice-givers spreading her advanced, highly skilled advice to people in the third world who must rely on backward advice drawn from tea leaves and reptile organs. First stop: Cambodia.
Mr. Doob
November 29th, 2006 at 11:20 am [Reply]

I’m sure this has been observed before, but why the hell do everyone in Funky Winkerbean look like they’re stoned?
Chris Gruber
November 29th, 2006 at 11:23 am [Reply]

1. “Back to normal”? Maybe I missed something there, but WASN’T THERE A VIOLENT CRIME OF SOME SORT? Seems it would disrupt things a bit, and not just in a legal sense.

2. I suppose, in the Winkerbeaniverse, sleepy eyes indicate horniness. If so, that dancer is getting jumped.
Chris Gruber
November 29th, 2006 at 11:26 am [Reply]

@168: GADGE CUBIC?! That’s an obscure Firesign reference there. Awesome.
joeyjoejoe
November 29th, 2006 at 11:28 am [Reply]

I, too, was upset at the abrupt dropping of the Liz-Granthony storyline for more inane “cuteness” with Michael’s hellspawn, until I realized what was really going on in this latest strip. Lynn has once again pushed the boundaries of what issues can be dealt with in comic form. Prepare yourselves for a month of strips about Michael learning to cope with his young son’s habitual masturbation, and his agnonizing over what it means that Wittle Wobin uses daddy’s sock to clean up when he’s finished.

Expect lots of come/cum puns in the next few weeks:
“Boy, when adolescence comes, it comes HARD!”

or

“Robin, it’s dinner time!” “I’m coming, Dad.” “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Way to push the evelope, Lynn.
Emily W
November 29th, 2006 at 11:30 am [Reply]

re: FOOB – anyone want to start a letter writing campaign?

FBorFW.com
P.O. Box 100
Corbeil, ON
Canada
P0H 1K0
hogenmogen
November 29th, 2006 at 11:36 am [Reply]

I just don’t get today’s TDIET. So Barflow is concerned when his wife has apparently been injured and can’t speak except in vague stars and related symbols of confusion and incoherence. Then, later, assured of his wife’s good health, he sits himself down by the TV and she begins to talk. Understandably, he’s annoyed. I don’t see what the two incidents have to do with each other. It sure isn’t Yakeena’s use of profanity, because she just sort of yaps, whereas Barflow is clearly the bellower of sacreligious, disgusting and profane language. Just defies logic.

FW: Someone is having a good time. Therefore someone else must become critically sick or die in order to maintain the average level of morose ambiance that hangs above Funky like a pale cloud that makes up for a moment of the sun shining through with an equal portion of rain and cold.
Brian J.
November 29th, 2006 at 11:38 am [Reply]

Reposted from the forum becuase I need the validation from strangers:

And from this riveting paean to Granthony as the uncrowned King of Tapioca, we get a hard right turn in the form of Robin flushing Daddy’s socks down the crapper.

Now let’s for a moment set aside the prospect that Michael only has the one pair of socks, likely forcing him to wear a pair of Deanna’s stockings and continuing the rapid descent into Patterson asexuality. Is it just me, or should Meredith be much taller than Robin? In the last panel with Robin bending over (get used to that as a male in the Patterson family, kiddo!), he looks almost as tall as Meredith, which given their ages and the early development advantage girls have, seems not right.

Also not right: Meredith in panel three has an almost adult face, one reminiscent of one of the fringe players in this ship of foobs. That face, combined with her shortness in the last panel, leads me to the obvious conclusion that she’s actually an abducted dwarf, stolen under cloak of night from some dwarf dormitory in Manitoba. The baby Deanna actually had? Once she realized that even Michael’s not dumb enough to believe that a Mexican child would be his, she had him quietly adopted while Ellie distracted everyone with a hot flash dance.
Meanwhile
November 29th, 2006 at 11:40 am [Reply]

FW: Of course we all know that “clichÃ©” is already the participle form of the word, so adding that extra ‘d’ at the end is just silly.

Did you ever notice that the initials for Funky Winkerbean are the same as the last two initials of For Better or For Worse … in other words, FW can simply stand for “For Worse,” which is actually a far more appropriate title for this strip.
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 11:40 am [Reply]

175 – It is? Which Firesign album – one of the later ones?
art7
November 29th, 2006 at 11:46 am [Reply]

FBOFW: As if it isn’t clear enough that the Patterson male spawn get progressively weaker over generations, he allowed his son to be named “Robin” ?
Old Fogeyette
November 29th, 2006 at 11:51 am [Reply]

Poteet:

First, your comment on researching wildlife on the Internet literally made me LOL. And spew coffee. Definitely COTW material, and not just runner up this time. (You listening, Josh?)

Second, the idea that Liz might encounter the social problems in Mtigigigiggle made me think maybe Jesse’s parents are alcoholics and they abandon him and LIZ ADOPTS him with her new husband, who I hope isn’t Anthony.
anonny
November 29th, 2006 at 11:53 am [Reply]

FW — Why are all of the women heavily sedated?
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
November 29th, 2006 at 11:54 am [Reply]

#175, 181: You’ve caught me out. Anyway: it’s from the Dear Friends compilation of their radio programs…nowhere near as sharp as their regular albums (it was mostly improvised) but still with some good moments. The “mole preener” thing is from one of their bits where they’re free-associating “what’s on TV.” There’s no other context.

#173: Clearly, you’re unfamiliar with the slang term “funky winkerbean”: it’s what they’ve all been chewing on, and it’s made them all like totally funked. I wish.
MossMoses
November 29th, 2006 at 11:58 am [Reply]

The young beaver can’t understand mommy’s hostility towards him.

I’m sensing a recurring “lack of hostility comprehension” theme in Mark Trail. Why kick him out and hurt his feelings? Just chain Junior up to attract other beavers then harvest their parts for organ transplants in China.
Goshen Clown
November 29th, 2006 at 11:59 am [Reply]

I must take issue with the stated opinion that the Mark Trail mother beaver is acting badly toward her offspring.

She’d be acting badly if she forced her offspring out of the lodge and into a relationship with a wimpy, personality like cold oatmeal beaver with cinnamon bun crumbs stuck in it’s whiskers. For that she’d deserve to be trapped, skinned, and spend the rest of eternity as a hat.
traveller
November 29th, 2006 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

RMMD: You know, there’s nothing better for a broken jaw than a little light janitorial work.
Mountain Mama
November 29th, 2006 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

I think of all the disturbing things I’ve seen and read in the comics and on this blog today, nothing matches the disgust I feel about the baby shower “game” Josh described.

That is just about the most horrifying thing I’ve ever heard of. I thank God for all the other stupid shower games I’ve played, if He was sparing me that one.
AirForbes
November 29th, 2006 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

my wifeâ€™s been to a baby shower where people microwaved candy bars in diapers

This is exactly why I stay far, far away from wedding and baby showers. The women who organize those do NOT know how to party.
rich
November 29th, 2006 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

Gasoline Alley: But — wait — she’s — she’s actually going to take this woman into the Old Comics Home?! Where they’ll encounter Felix the Cat, and Doc Yak, the talking goat, and Walt and Jiggs playing cards while suspended on a girder?? But that’ll break the fourth wall, destroy the realism that is this strip’s very trademark! Characters age and die in GA! Bears perform CPR! Oh — right…

Knock yourself out, Scancarelli.
Antelope Freeway
November 29th, 2006 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

No. 179: a hot flash dance? or a hot Flashdance?
VoVat
November 29th, 2006 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

#22 – But who’s playing the horse?
Lawrence of Molvania
November 29th, 2006 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

What does it mean when taking a bear to visit a patient in the hospital is the LEAST remarkable element of a strip? Say what you want about Jack Elrod’s sanity, but he’s sure not phoning it in.
jules
November 29th, 2006 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

#156 Christopher – okay, I put that wrong. Gil Thorp has action, but it’s always off-frame. We don’t actually get to see Bill chainsawing off his leg (or whatever part it was – thanks, Cheech Wizard!). We weren’t even treated to the frantic drive to the hospital – we don’t know if that drive involved an ambulance, or even if he was driven – maybe he was carried to the hospital! Now that would have been interesting to see! But no…off-frame, it was. You are absolutely right that Gil an’ friends move pretty quickly compared to the slugs over in Rex Morgan Land, but I sure would love to see them ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING, as opposed to reacting to things that have already happened.

Or maybe I think about the comix too much! :)
Ribinin
November 29th, 2006 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

Pluggers buy all their socks the same so when they flush one down the toilet, they simply pull another out of the drawer.
smacky
November 29th, 2006 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

I just realized that on Sunday, Peter Parker thinks to himself that if Dr. Octopus hurts Mary Jane, he’ll “trash him — even if the whole world learns Peter Parker is the web-spinner!”

Today Peter allows Dr. Octopus to crush the skull of the security guard rather than reveal his secret identity.

Peter’s really selective about who he chooses to save. Hey Pete: The definition of “superhero” isn’t “bodyguard for my wife.” Look it up.
Concerned Citizen
November 29th, 2006 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

185 Gadge Cubic – However, like most Firesign records, it provided me with expressions that are indelibly etched in my brain. To this day I usually start off conversations about my kids with, “If you have children, like I know I do,…”
MossMoses
November 29th, 2006 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

188. Traveler, actually the best thing for little Sideshow Bob’s broken jaw is ice cream, a full regiment of antibiotics and a swim in Lake Ponchartrain.
Kate
November 29th, 2006 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

Granthony is loathsome!

Mark Trail’s taking a bear to the hospital?

Has anyone noticed that Aldo Kelrast looked like Captain Kangaroo?
Squawk
November 29th, 2006 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

Today’s FOOB: You gotta admit that “Ka Floompa-Gush” is great onomatopoeia.
smacky
November 29th, 2006 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

#195: The best thing about Gil Thorp is that it allows you to fill in the blanks any way you want. It’s like a logic question on the SATs, but with no right or wrong answer.

Example: The first panel of today’s strip: Based on the fact that the voice behind the door says “Liz,” we know it’s probably Stormy talking. But where is he and what is he doing? His conversation with Liz is taking place before the doc tells Bill’s folks the news, so it’s unlikely Stormy and Liz are in Bill’s room discussing what a dumb-ass he was while the doctor saws off the rest of the leg. I imagine he’s in a janitor’s closet, where Liz Ritter all but forces Stormy Hicks to go to The Bucket. Stormy is committing sodomy while still covered in the blood of his best friend.

See how that works?
Gattamelata
November 29th, 2006 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean: That stripper is psyched. Look at the expression on his face. This is not an everyday gig he has, here. He has seen the sly, intention-laden looks on the faces of the women in this room. He knows pent-up lust when he sees it, and this place is about to become a veritable Chernobyl of abandoned inhibitions. Plus, he gets to check off two fetishes at once: maiesiophilia and acrotomophilia.

Today’s For Better or For Worse: My god, look at the proportions on that little girl in the last panel! Start from her feet and eyeball up to her knees. Now picture where her upper legs end, keeping in mind that they’re the same length as her lower legs. She has legs up to her armpits! It’s a good thing the boy didn’t flush one of her socks.
anonymous
November 29th, 2006 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

I am a regular commenter (commentor? How is that spelled?) but posting anonymously because I am ashamed to admit that I googled Funky Winkerbean. Anyway, I found this:

http://www.angelfire.com/va/funkyw/history.html

All to tell #166 Paul James that Becky lost her arm in a car crash just before she was supposed to leave for Juilliard. No word on what her particular talent was supposed to be.

Oh my God! Aldo DOES look like Captain Kangaroo!
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

185 – Dear Friends! I should have guessed. Not their best, as you said, but still full of choice little moments. Freezing Mr. Foster, Giant Toad Supermarket and the rest.

Re: Gasoline Alley, I get the sneaking suspicion the strip is headed toward a Pirates of the Carribean moment, i.e.:

S.S. Lady: “You’re trying to tell me that Mr. Walt is a comic strip character?”

C.R.C.L.* “Why not? You are!!”

(*Creepily Realistic Caretaker Lady)
HBGlord
November 29th, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

#185, 198, et al.: I’ve enjoyed Dear Friends ever since i borrowed it from my friendly neighborhood public library ages ago (and never subsequently “unborrowed” it, to my undying semi-shame). It’s sorta nice finding folks unlike my friend and my wife, who are accustomed to giving me that quizzical look when i patrol the supermarket aisles looking for “Ma Rainey’s Moleskin Cookies.”

Sorry, no Actual Comics Content.
HBGlord
November 29th, 2006 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

I meant “friends” — like all of you, and unlike Lizardbreath (see #76).
Da Scrodfather
November 29th, 2006 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

If bears habitually know CPR, then it only makes sense to bring one to a hospital.
Alan Vanneman
November 29th, 2006 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

That’s not a Boy Scout “cravat” knotted around Rusty’s neck! It’s a cashmere sweater! Because he’s totally gay! Wake up and smell the coffee!
AhClem
November 29th, 2006 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

#185, 205
I’m embarrassed that I didn’t recognize the name. Like worms out of a hot cheese log.

Somewhere, I have a few complete “Dear Friends” programs that I recorded off the air when they were broadcast in the early 1970s.

“I’ve got an idea! I’ll paint the scenery!”
Wally LimpingBean
November 29th, 2006 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

in re #204

She played the trombone.

After the accident, she went down a horrible slide and could never play again.
Allie Cat
November 29th, 2006 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

#204 – Becky played either Clarinet or Flute – either way, you’d need both arms.
AirForbes
November 29th, 2006 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

(DT)GT: Man, I knew the second those chainsaws first appeared – what, months ago? – that somebody was going to be maimed in a Funky Winkerbean-style story line. Good thing they don’t print this strip in color.
Leslee
November 29th, 2006 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

She’s just been schooled on the skinflute, it seems.

(hey, was that Cap’n Kangaroo I just saw?)
Ned Ryerson
November 29th, 2006 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

From the way Widdle Wobin is staring intently into the crapper in FBOFW, I’m predicting that this fascination with plumbing and drains is going to end in a horrible, disfiguring garbage disposal accident (with a possibility of amputation!!!)

The Kelpfroth’s downstairs will complain about all the noise. Shut that kid up! We’re trying to run a meth lab down here.

Speaking of staring intently into the crapper, there’s going to be some serious Ka Floompa-Gushing in a future Judge Parker. I think Celeste Brown is going to give Mr. Creosote a run for his money.
Ned Ryerson
November 29th, 2006 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

Kelpfroths with no apostrophe!!!

MARGO, I hate when I do that.
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

#79 — Mr. O’Malley, I agree with you. But let’s hope for the best.

#108 — Dingo, after what happened to me per #56, I’ll never complain about your links again.

#183 — Thanks, Fogeyette! I’ve recovered, but I’ll never again do online beaver research:-). And maybe Lynn has changed her mind about the social problems. She’s only got until September to cram everything in, and there’s probably a wedding to plan (groan).

#200 — Kate, you forgot “How did the pregnant woman lose her arm?”
poppinjay
November 29th, 2006 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

Aldo Kelrast does NOT look like Captain Kangaroo.

He looks like Bob Keesham.
wendyinflight
November 29th, 2006 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I realize its been said before, but killing Liz’s personality should be a punishable crime. She was the ONLY Patterson to actually have some sort of actual buck-the-trend goal, and now this?

Puh-leaze.

Perhaps this is Lynn Johnson’s version of Canadian-comics film noir. She was a smart and sassy lass, but time and the horror of being a Patterson eventually wore here down…. to being Granthony’s perfect girl.
Junior Tracy
November 29th, 2006 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

“Funky Winkerbean” remains resolutely un-funky, but I think this strip may have pushed it over the line into winkerbeanitude.
Some Guy Here
November 29th, 2006 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

That is the funniest Garfield ever, if only because of your commentary. Also, wtf is up with women and these weird-ass baby showers?
Chris Gruber
November 29th, 2006 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

Somewhere, I have a few complete â€œDear Friendsâ€ programs that I recorded off the air when they were broadcast in the early 1970s.

I’ve got all of those myself. Some of my favorite stuff, too, and I only acquired those a couple of years ago.

Speaking of comedy references, my first Online Handle was Gern Blansden.
RoboMax
November 29th, 2006 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

#44: “That band director apparently sold several thousand live turkeys in just one day last week.”

Yeah, most things are pretty easy to get rid off when you feed them condoms filled with coke.
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

As a purportedly Canadian strip, FOOB is totally unrealistic. For example:

- The characters do not drink beer, nor are their walls plastered with Labatt or Molson decorative mirrors
- None of these people seem to play or watch hockey
- Canadian punctuation is lacking from the word balloons; i.e., all sentences should end with “eh?”
-There are no snooty Quebecois running around making life difficult for everyone.
Matthew
November 29th, 2006 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Ooh, pleasepleaseplease let that little beaver kid be named Franklin.

“What Franklin didn’t know is that bears and woodchucks are natural enemies.”

- Franklin, Franklin the Friendly Woodchuck (Animaniacs)

Yes, I know, beavers are not the same as woodchucks. Close enough for me, though!
Forthillrox
November 29th, 2006 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

“- The characters do not drink beer, nor are their walls plastered with Labatt or Molson decorative mirrors”

My bet is that sooner or later April will stumble home in a drunken stupor, crawl into bed with Ellie and John and throw up on them. Alternatively, Michael will take up heavy drinking to improve his lame-ass writing skills. Oh wait, these are the St. Pattersons, they can do no wrong..

“- None of these people seem to play or watch hockey”

Oh, there’ll be hockey playing. Just wait until April comes out of the closet.

“- Canadian punctuation is lacking from the word balloons; i.e., all sentences should end with â€œeh?â€”

I seem to recall the grandfather explaining to April once that the “eh” is something that makes Canadians Canadian.

“-There are no snooty Quebecois running around making life difficult for everyone.”

I’m guessing that ThÃ©rÃ©sÃ© is Quebecois, hence the uber-accented name. She sure made everyone’s life difficult by dumping Anthony’s sorry ass.. I have yet to decide is she was snooty or brilliant though.
Wally LimpingBean
November 29th, 2006 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

You know, if you wait until the baby is born to have a baby shower, you can charge money to have people hold the baby.

At least if you live in Canada.
Audible Sigh
November 29th, 2006 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

Apt.3G: Is the whole week going to consist of different men coming up behind Luann and attempting to make a clever remark only to have their full identity realized the next day when they will put a lame move on her only to be interrupted by the next man arriving on the scene till by the end of the week Luann is surrounded by would be suitors and one disgruntled coffee server while back in the apartment, Tommie, as always, is desperately alone?
Luna
November 29th, 2006 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

Garfield 11/28 — supports my theory that goody-two-shoes cartoonists use the faces of their characters as outlets for the kinky thoughts we all know run rampant in their twisted minds—-Jon’s upper lip is clearly having an erection. Rather than feed it, Garfield should be stroking it.

#46 mumbles — “The jump from Granthony to a wet, poop-covered sock isnâ€™t that large, when you think of it.”

You made me blow diet coke out of my nose with that one.
Foobaphobe
November 29th, 2006 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

Since everyone else is handling the Foob bashing very well, let me address myself to Mary Worth, which has seemingly slipped under the radar. Isn’t anyone concerned that Mary has relinquished the role of chief advice-giver so willingly, even spinelessly, to the sinister Ella? That woman is evil to the core. Had Aldo not died tragically, he would, with his superior sensitivity, have sniffed her out right away, and warned the others. She is in league with occult forces, and the growing fanclub she atrracks may well be the vanguard of Satan in the new millenium. Please, do not take this sitting down! Perhaps I’m just down because Aunt Fritzi hasn’t been around for a couple of days. Gosh, I miss her!
Pamster
November 29th, 2006 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

Yes, Mark Trail is taking Molly to the hospital. Given that she was waist high to him when she was chained and now she’s barely knee high at the shoulder, at this rate of shrinkage by the time they get to the hospital Mark will be able to tuck her under his arm and pass her off as a stuffed toy for his friend. “Be good and stay quiet, Molly, and we’ll stop for some salmon on the way home.”
MossMoses
November 29th, 2006 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

229. Foobaphobe, knowing Aldo Kelrast, he probably would have stalked the new biddy.

Has “Miller’s Junkyard” appeared before in Curtis? The Dept of Redundancy Dept must be notified. As for Mutts, the author has been dialing in treacly sap for the past month. After that “if you only have one thank you prayer today” crap, this Mooch diary routine seems creative by comparison…Li’l pink sock….L’il pink sock
LittleGuy
November 29th, 2006 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

â€œKa Floompa-Gushâ€:

The sound made by millions of fed-up FOOB readers trying to flush the Tuesday strip from their memories.
Pozzo
November 29th, 2006 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

Okay, the young’s beaver’s sex isn’t specified, but if we’re going to spend the next couple of months following his (her?) adventures, we should take it upon ourselves to name him (her?). “Bucky” is overused, so I propose “Randy”. It works for both sexes, and I like the sound of “Randy Beaver.” (Notice how I avoided suggesting “Harry”.)
MonkeyHawk
November 29th, 2006 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

I thought Ka Floompa-Gush was the name of that little town up north where LizardBreath taught.
Messy
November 29th, 2006 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

shakespere is over and is getting back to her regular job as a fairy hooker. Thorax is going to get laid at last.

I wish I still had Lynn Johnston’s phone number…
Dennis Jimenez
November 29th, 2006 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

RE: 234 – I’s suggest Ginormous.
Cornwhacker
November 29th, 2006 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

107- Rarebit Fiend, thanks for linking to that interview.

For those of you planning to write letters of protest to Lynn Johnston, I’ll isolate this quote, just so you know who you’re dealing with:

Years ago, one person wrote to me and accused me of being an amateur psychologist… And I wrote to her, â€œAs an amateur psychologist, I wonder what is upsetting you so much that you would be angered by a comic strip? What else in your life is upsetting you?â€ Iâ€™m sure she was miffed by that.

Also, this one, just ’cause:

Cathy Guisewite is someone else who writes very quotable quotes. Why arenâ€™t they in Bartlettâ€™s Frigginâ€™ Quotations? Theyâ€™ve got all these things by Aristotle that no one ever heard of before.
MossMoses
November 29th, 2006 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

How about Bucky Zacariah, a.k.a. B.Z. Beaver?
Douglas E. Iannucci
November 29th, 2006 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

LOCKHORNS UPDATE: Today’s panel has Loretta standing in a doorway, and there is a bit of baseboard visible as well. This is a departure from the usual void in which the characters and the props usually float, and so is inconsistent with the usual minimalist style in which The Lockhorns is drawn. A bit unusual, perhaps? Leroy stands barefoot at a chest of drawers and appears to have been looking into one of the top drawers, but we see him looking toward Loretta with a bored expression on his face—this much is obvious even though he is in profile. Loretta looks just as bored, as she stands with one hand on her hip and says,

“I moved your socks from the top drawer to the bottom to give you more exercise.”

The only other objects visible are on top of the dresser. They are: an aerosol can, a bottle of what may be perceived to be Old Spice, and an orange rectangle which, most likely, represents a box of Kleenex. It is best if you draw your own conclusions.
Magnolia
November 29th, 2006 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

Paul cheats on Liz: odds 3-1
Paul says he doesn’t want children or some shit like that: odds 5-1
Paul hits Liz: 10-1
Paul commits the worst sin in the FOOBiverse- politely asking that the Pattersons slightly adjust their lifestyle for the sake of his comfort and/or privacy: 15-1
Paul hits Liz when she finds out he cheated on her with a career-minded woman from Quebec; then he screams that he thinks family values are retarded, punches Shannon in the face, and finally- worst of all- politely requests a slight adjustment in Liz’s lifestyle for the sake of his comfort and/or privacy: 30-1

The vilifying of Paul is goin’ down eventually- the only question left is how. Place your bets.
mattt
November 29th, 2006 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

#230 Not a lot of mystery as to how Mary will deal with the interloper. She’ll just schedule another “intervention.” Of course, Ella will see it coming, which could prove tricky.
gh
November 29th, 2006 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

re Dear Friends: And here I was singing “Toad Away” in the shower the other day. True story.
Bryce
November 29th, 2006 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

I went to a baby shower with my wife earlier this year and they did the candy bars in diapers thing. It was weird. They also did the annoying game where the mom brings out a platter of knick knacks, and then she leaves the room and you’re supposed to write down what she was wearing, not what was on the platter. I’m dumb and I always fall for it.
Albatross
November 29th, 2006 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

Re: #240: Tomorrow’s Lockhorns:

Leroy: “And I moved all your clothing up to the top drawer so you’ll never bend over and expose your cooter again.”
SmartPeopleOnIce
November 29th, 2006 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

Hey gang, did you know there is a Beaver Song? Of course you did!

Beaver one and beaver two, show us what your beavers do

Beaver three and beaver four, open up your beaver door

Beaver five and beaver six, show us all your beaver tricks

Beaver six and beaver seven, let’s all go to beaver heaven

Beaver eight and beaver nine, Stop! It’s beaver time!

The camping website I found this on indicates that each verse is to be followed by “beaver sounds.” Man, haven’t seen this many double entendres since the hot dog eating contest in Rex Morgan.
lamonkeygirl
November 29th, 2006 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

11/29 A3G: Thank God! She’s been saved from the advances of Maynard G. Krebbs by the timely appearance of Joe Buck!
Groddeck
November 29th, 2006 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

#107 – I tried to get through the Lynn Johnson interview (Thanks, Rarebit Fiend) but a fear of weakening my tenuous grip on mental health kept me from the whole thing. This line stood out though:

“My grandfather had been a philatelist for King George V.”

Finally, I have a new conversation stopper.
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

241- I’ll wager on: Paul arrives on his motorcycle to visit Liz; Grandpa Foob, recovering motor skills but still in delerium, thinks he’s back on the frontier with Teddy Roosevelt and they’re being overrun by Injuns; shoots him off his “horse” with his rusty old Model 92; Paul departs for the Happy Beaver-Hunting Ground, but not before vouchsafing to Liz his dying vision of her future, a barren windswept plain broken only by a pale brown bush whose branches are cluttered with donut crumbs. 4-1 odds.
arlo
November 29th, 2006 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

The soggy toilet-sodden sock from FBOFW is going right onto a lampshade, I’ll warrant. Cartoonishly squalid!
rich
November 29th, 2006 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

Sorry if this is old news, but I just happened upon one of our local Sunday comics pages — Lucky Cow had an amusing bunch of parodies on Sunday. I especially liked the “Love Is…” one (if you can read it).
Uthere
November 29th, 2006 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

238 – thanks for the quotes. They are truly illuminating.

This woman shouldn’t be working on a cartoon, oh no, she is indeed in education. I mean, who else would have called attention to all those friggin Aristotle quotes, hoggin up the space that could go to quoting Cathy Guisewite.

But what came to my mind is Peggy Hill from “King of the Hill”, imagine if she spoke that second quote, and all its “quotable quotes” hallmark card wisdom. Wow. Now an animated mash-up between “King of the Hill” and FBOFW, could have been something…
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

246 – I learned the Beaver Song at a co-ed camp I attended, but only because we could hear all the counselors singing it out in the woods after lights out.
man behind the curtain
November 29th, 2006 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

FW– For a change of pace, Santa gets to sit on someone else’s lap. But he still has to bring a package.
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

253 — …and followed by lots of beaver sounds
vanya
November 29th, 2006 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

As far as the vilification of Paul, I think Lynn will take the easy “victimless” approcach and Paul will suddenly realize he’s gay. Then he’ll marry the helicopter pilot, and Lynn will treat us to days of sanctimonious preaching on “tolerance” and “diversity” in a very smug, very self-satisfied Anglo-Canadian manner as the Pattersons all pitch in to help with the wedding.

Vive le QuÃ©bec libre!
Dennis Jimenez
November 29th, 2006 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

Re: 243 – By Order of PD!
Kate
November 29th, 2006 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

#217 — Poteet, I actually don’t know how the pregnant lady lost her arm, and I’m afraid if I research it, my will to live will be leached out through my fingertips. That Funky Winkerbean is some existentialist shit right there.

Love the name. Steve Roper. That was Steve Roper, right?
MossMoses
November 29th, 2006 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

I’m voting on the Suds-Bubbles hookup. Their relationship is already ass grabbingly intimate, while Lizardbreath can only manage the occasional dirty dance and Hummer hummer. The one factor working against that scenario is that Saint Elly hand-picked Doo Wright. That makes it 2-1 odds.
Allie Cat
November 29th, 2006 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

I’ve asked before, and I’ll put it out there again. Is there any chance that Lynn Foobston is messing with all of us – putting the Anthony worship out there as a red herring, and that maybe Liz will end up with Paul apres tout?

Also – didn’t Liz move home to spend more time with the preciousness that is her niece and nephew?

In the words of Scaduto – Howcum Auntie Liz isn’t hanging out at Mike’s place to watch the kiddies?

J’ever notice that Liz’s mouth writes checks her arse can’t cash? Oh yeah!
art
November 29th, 2006 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

Granthony is upsetting because we know he is the future, the “way it will always be”, the dread that has made itself known, hollowed out the eyes of any adult character who had a potential life, who now harbor manga-like stares which then started to be – tellingly- “animated” on the website. (The interview of Lynn didn’t help any either.) It’s like noticing the title: “For Better or Worse”, and understanding that someone is desperate now, taking that really way over to the edge, a very dark, shrill side set to volume “ten”, like..”I am WARNING you, its for better or WORSE. ANY QUESTIONS!”

But as for odds on the endings:
If Lynn isnt too lazy to reawaken some of the side characters who have dissappeared:

The obvious tie-in: Liz’s Northern student, whats his name, and Granthony’s daughter, whats her name, become brother and sister.

Second possibility, Liz marries Paul, adopts same child, and in the inevitable reunion strip, we see that the now-21 year old child is now married to the daughter of Granthony. When those two kids have their kids, all will remain stable in the FBOFW universe, because in some way, Liz and Granthony fashioned a kind of procreation.
Kate
November 29th, 2006 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

Liz will not end up with Paul, because the stricken look on Liz’s face means “Mom and Dad, youre right! Paul ISN’T there when I need him!”

If Liz had rolled her eyes or had a little grouchy smoke cloud coming out of her forehead, it would have meant “Mom and Dad are wrong.”

And anyway, Michael joked a few weeks ago about how Liz and Paul were doomed because “Absence makes the heart go wander.” So Paul will eventually return his First-Nations cooties to within the tribe and free Liz up to be white. You know. They’re fun and exotic to date, but marry your own.
HBGlord
November 29th, 2006 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

#246: SPOI — speaking of camping, thanks for recovering a repressed memory for me. Namely that back when i was a Boy Scout, i was a member of the Beaver Patrol. Correction: I was the patrol leader of the Beaver Patrol!

I recall once seeing a T-shirt at the local head shop that had “Beaver Patrol” and a much cheerier version of Slylock Fox’s favorite patsy on it front-and-center. My 11-year-old Boy Scout self thought, “I oughta ask my mom to get that for me.” By age 12, even though i never got the shirt, i did “get” the shirt, thanks to the other Scouts allowing me “library” privileges.
MonkeyHawk
November 29th, 2006 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

I’m not sure, but I suspect Lefty in FW used to be a nurse and lost her arm in a mauling when someone brought a bear into the hospital.
The Great Ka Floopa-Gush
November 29th, 2006 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

I’m holding out in hopes that Liz will give in and kiss Granthony just as Paul walks in to surprise her with the news that his transfer went through. Then we’ll have a couple of weeks of him berating her for running off, convincing him to give up his life in Mitiwherever and then cheating on him. All while John and Ellie smugly support her actions.
Allie Cat
November 29th, 2006 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

#234 – There’s an insurance agent in Atlanta named Randy Beavers.

No, really. I wish I still lived there and I’d take picture of the sign on his office!
Ian Jay
November 29th, 2006 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

In reply to the two “sweater twinsies” from Funky Winkerbean (one of whom seems to have ruined the “twin” effect by running her wool cardigan through the wash and shrinking it to Baby-Gap-esque proportions): How is hiring a male stripper dressed as a beloved children’s icon to dance with a severely pregnant woman not cliched, revolting and inane? …Also, what d’you think is inside that box that he’s holding?
Bobdog
November 29th, 2006 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

A3G – Beatniks? 50s era diner cooks? COWBOYS? The strip is starting to look like an order to Central Casting that went horribly awry. That, or Margo being happy has caused a rift in the fabric of cartoon space time that’s broken down the barriers between comic universes.
Uthere
November 29th, 2006 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

that stricken look of Liz is just one of doomed realisation she should have never returned.

She is thinking to herself: I am a RESPECTED grade school teacher, I survived teaching up NORTH for gods sake! and it was even my idea! What the hell am I doing back here, sitting in the back seat of my parent’s car, listening to them talking to me about relationships, the old fools.. How did… this happen…
MossMoses
November 29th, 2006 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

266. Allie Cat, are you familiar with the Fairfax County gynecologist, Harry C. Beaver?

http://www.hcbmdbom.medem.com/
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

243- gh: I don’t often break into “Toad Away,” but I do sometimes find myself humming “We’re Bringing the War Back Home” while doing yard work. Though that’s a different album.
Allie Cat
November 29th, 2006 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

#268 – Not “intimately” familiar, but I recognize the name.

There used to be a shade of hair dye called “Pretty Beaver” – I used to own a bottle.
gh
November 29th, 2006 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

271 –cheech wizard

Don’t recall “Bringing the War, etc.” offhand. Anything like “Marching, Marching to Shibboleth”?
Ribinin
November 29th, 2006 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Randy and Shirley Beaver got a divorce and she got the business. He got the bills.
MonkeyHawk
November 29th, 2006 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

We’re bringing the war back home!
Where it ought to have been before!
We’ll kill all the bees and spiders and flies
And we won play in iceboxes lying on their sides!

We wash our hands after we wee-wee!
And if we’re a girl, before!
We’l march march march, et cetera!
‘Til we don’t have to march no more!
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

273- You mean the “Rough-As-A-Cob March”? Sorta – “Bringing the War” was from How Can You Be In Two Places At Once… and was a Kate Smith/WWII patriotic anthem-type parody, with overtones of 1950s health and safety education films.
Ianscot
November 29th, 2006 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

Mark’s taking Rusty to the hospital to see Buck.

Meanwhile the mother beaver, in a bizarre take on beaver family economics, is forcing its offspring out into the world to fend for itself.

Does anyone else sense the foreshadowing, here? Rusty, you might want to tuck in especially well tonight. It’s cold out in the woods.
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Ah,yes, thank you, Monkeyhawk.

“The pretty donut girl on the corner,
Will be smiling with a wringer, wringer, wringer in her hair!”
Ianscot
November 29th, 2006 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

Anyone else wondering why Rex Morgan went out of its way to include an incredibly obvious McDonalds product placement today, 11/29?

Our Katrina fugitives live like pigs, in an apartment lit only by the glowing logo of their favorite fast food emporium.
gh
November 29th, 2006 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

#275 MonkeyHawk

Ah! That war. The only musical reference to urination I recall is from “Back to the Shadows Again.”
Pope Buck I
November 29th, 2006 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

Oil from Canada,
gold from Mexico,
geese from the neighbor’s back yard,
boom BOOM!

Corn from the Indians
Tobacco from the Indians
New York from the Indians
New Jersey from the Indians
New Hampshire from the Indians
New Delhi from the Indians…

(Indonesia for the Indonesians!)
UncleJeff
November 29th, 2006 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

A small town bar near where I live featured strippers on weekends. They decided to do Saturday and Sunday morning performances for the shift workers at a nearby factory. They called it “Beaver and Eggs” and were selling an appropriately designed t-shirt to commemorate the special performances. Man, I wish I had purchased one of those shirts.
PS: It was pretty great. Hungover bleary-eyed strippers performing at 6 am for guys getting their party on for the weekend.
gh
November 29th, 2006 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

#276

It was part of the TV evangelist spiel that included the “gathering of revolutionary forces” bit and rummaging through a fridge and finding naught much but Laughing Cow cheese. Sorry. I tossed all my FT albums in the great materialist purge of ‘81. Working strictly from memory here. Don’t even recall which of the Big Four albums (Waiting, Pliers, Two Places, Bozos) it came from. Dear Friends went with the others, and Giant Rats didn’t even make it that long.
Dennis Jimenez
November 29th, 2006 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

The Whisperin’ Squash[singing]:

Back from the Shadows again !
Out where an In-jun’s your friend!
Where the veg’tables are green,
And you can pee into the stream!
Yes, we’re back from the Shadows again!

Reprise (Whisperin’ with others):
We’re goin’ back to the Shadows again !
Out where an Indian’s your friend!
Where the vegetables are green,
And you can pee right into the stream!
(And that’s important!)
We’re back from the Shadows again!
efab
November 29th, 2006 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

Des Moines has a street named Beaver Ave. and in the early 90s there existed a small martinizing business called “Beaver Cleaners.” They’ve since added “Avenue” between Beaver and Cleaners. Argh!
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
November 29th, 2006 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

More information about Firesign Theatre can be found on the US PLUS OmniWEB. US PLUS: We own the idea of the idea of America.
gh
November 29th, 2006 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

#284

That one I know by heart, including the all important parenthetical. That and Georgie [Porgie?] Tyrebiter’s theme song. But who wouldn’t?
Andrea
November 29th, 2006 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

Oh, I don’t know. I sort of like Anthony in FBOFW. Liz is at the very least conflicted over Anthony too. I don’t think she’d have moved back home if some voice at the back of her mind wasn’t saying, “Anthony’s free. Let’s see what happens.” And Paul the cop is probably banging his old girlfriend as we speak
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
November 29th, 2006 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

#285: Was that business located next to Beecher Meats? Anyway: there’s actually a urologist in town here named “Slocum”…

(Note: my humor is not sophomoric. It has accumulated enough credits so that it is now eligible for junior-level coursework. Of course, I wouldn’t have passed a few of those courses if I hadn’t, uh, compromised my integrity a bit…but a credit’s a credit.)
AhClem
November 29th, 2006 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

Margo’s happiness has opened a rift in the space/time continuum to the Firesign universe! And to think all we had to do was to put the balls on the other side!

#283 gh –
I believe that was from “Don’t Crush that Dwarf, Hand me the Pliers.”

Shoes for Industry, compadres.
gh
November 29th, 2006 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

#289

I believe the owner was Hugh G. Rection.
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

283 – It was from Don’t Crush that Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliars. I still have all mine, though I haven’t played them in years and last I checked, they were pretty scratched up.

One of the interesting things about FT is that once one person quotes them, others seem compelled to chime in until you’ve got a flood of FT-isms. But I guess we should probably get back to the comics here.

But first, I’d like to sing ya’ll a li’l song that I learned when I was upstream in prison once:

This land is made of mountains,
This land is made of mud,
This land has lots of everything
For me and Elmer Fudd.
This land has lots of trousers,
This land has lots of lousers,
And pussy cats to eat them when the sun…goes…down.
gh
November 29th, 2006 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

#292

I’d forgotten that one. Thanks. I actually teared up. Mainly from biting my lower lip to maintain my professional demeanor in the presence of others. They think I’m writing comments to the WSJ.
Bobdog
November 29th, 2006 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

288 – That small voice would be her Mom’s.
Raznor
November 29th, 2006 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

Yeah, Liz, how dare Paul, who just managed to get transferred to Mtigwaka or wherever so he could be there for you and then you moved back home, not then immediately transfer again. And it’s not like suddenly transferring creates difficulties that make travel south difficult.

Seriously, what the hell is up with FBOFW?
MossMoses
November 29th, 2006 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

288. Andrea, since you say you like Anthony, could you expound on his redeeming characteristics? You didn’t mention any and I’m trying to keep an open mind.
gh
November 29th, 2006 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

Anyway if we must get back to the comics, when I saw the dark-haired gentleman knocking on the door in MW (yesterday?), I actually thought it was Mary’s door and Ella had advised him [read: gigilo] that they’d make a good match. Ah, the possibilities! The outrage! The intervention!!
Messy
November 29th, 2006 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

292: It’s this land is full of Mousers, not Lousers.

I spent too much time stoned listening to that ^&* record.
Andrea
November 29th, 2006 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

The redeeming characteristics of Anthony:

1. Good father. He’s raising little Francie on his own and turned his basement into a playroom for her. She loves him and ran to him squealing “Daddy, Daddy.” A guy whose child loves him can’t be all bad.

2. Gainfully employed, a college graduate, a home owner, etc. His lifestyle shows stability.

3. Saved Elizabeth from a rapist. Big plus there.

4. Made a mistake in marrying Therese the witch and begging Elizabeth to wait for him, but he apparently got his act together and divorced the wife, got custody of the kid, left Elizabeth alone for a year.

Sure the storyline is emotionally manipulative, but those are the facts as presented. Anthony’s not that bad a guy. Like may call to like, too. Paul’s real best match is probably the new teacher, a girl he was friends with in high school, someone who shares his cultural background and memories of childhood in a small town. The same is probably true of Liz. I think Anthony is probably the guy a real Liz would have the best chance of making a good marriage with. Paul would be the guy she’d divorce after a few years because they’re too different.
gh
November 29th, 2006 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

#299

True. All true. Stand-up guy true. Though, I think Therese divorced him and left him with the kid (a fine distinction, but still). Unfortunately, the whole thing puts the “ick” in “comic.” Application denied. Try the Hallmark Hall of Fame channel across the hall.
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

299 – Ok, that would make more sense – though after looking it up online, I think it’s spelled “mausers,” i.e., the German firearm. Which would make more sense.

That’s the great thing about FT – you can still be finding new jokes in their stuff after 30 years.
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

oops, that should have been for 298
Uthere
November 29th, 2006 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

You know, just to be devil’s advocate, maybe Paul was/is at this moment bangin his old highschool friend anyway – but that at least is believable, and a result of Liz’s own doing, and no one would feel bad if she found out, had some issues but started to think a bit. I’m sure she’s still a virgin on top of everything else (oh wait, she had the two-timer boyfriend, but anyway, she still behaves like the virgin) and being conflicted isn’t just about Granthony but about why she isn’t dealing with life herself, yet claiming to teach kids about the world they will grow up in.
As for Granthony, nah…he set himself up over and over due to his weakness, not his strength, and its just FBOFW morality that makes him do what he does, not a sense of pride, inner strength, ethics or anything near sexy. I mean, he of all the characters, is really just a tool. Does Liz deserve him. Yeah, ok, like with like. But it didn’t have to go that way, not if you look a few years ago at the comic.
Uthere1
November 29th, 2006 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

You know,maybe Paul was/is at this moment bangin his old highschool friend anyway – but that at least is believable, and a result of Liz’s own doing, making him move and thinking only of herself because she “misses the family” – the same ones who are rambling on to her in the car. No one would feel bad if she found out, had some issues but started to think a bit. Maybe it was good for both of them – stuff happens. She is conflicted about Granthony but really about why she isn’t dealing with life herself, suitable only to teach kids about the world they will grow up in.

As for Granthony, nah…he set himself up over and over due to his weakness, not his strength, and its just FBOFW morality that makes him do what he does, not a sense of pride, inner strength, ethics or anything near exciting. I mean, he of all the characters, is really just a tool. Does Liz deserve him. Yeah, ok, like with like. But it didn’t have to go that way, not if you look a few years ago at the comic.
The Great Ka Floopa-Gush
November 29th, 2006 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

4. Made a mistake in marrying Therese the witch and begging Elizabeth to wait for him, but he apparently got his act together and divorced the wife, got custody of the kid, left Elizabeth alone for a year.

As I recall, the only evidence of Therese’s witchiness we’ve seen has been her justified jealousy of the way Gran kept running after Liz before and after their wedding. Other than that we just have Gran’s word for it. Plus, she divorced him and gave him custody of the child that she didn’t want. The child she only had because he begged her despite knowing she didn’t want a child. The child he complained about her not wanting to spend time with when she made it clear before she ever even conceived that she didn’t want and expected him to care for.

All the other things you mentioned are actually sterling qualities, but they are far outweighed by the passive, whiny way he behaved during his marriage and the fact that he was emotionally unfaithful and insensitive to Therese’s feelings before and during their marriage.
dramashoes
November 29th, 2006 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

#105 dingo: Thanks for the insider view. I’m not ashamed to admit that I scroll down the comments thread looking for people who’ve given me a shoutout. In other comic news, I’d like to go on record as saying that Jack Elrod is FUCKING with us. The beaver reference? The talking moose butts? No way is Elrod as out of touch and fuddy-duddy as we’ve made him out to be. He probably googles his name every few days like any web-savvy comic strip writer. By the way, Jack Elrod, if you’re reading this, please read my blog. Thanks so much.
Kate
November 29th, 2006 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

Well, Therese did participate in a baby shower where they asked for money and charged people to hold the baby. However, one could say “She wasn’t running the shower. She was helpless to prevent it.”

And the brilliantly named Ka-Floopa-Gush says: “The child she only had because he begged her despite knowing she didnâ€™t want a child.” Well, that makes her a total dickbrain. Therese and Anthony BOTH are big big losers for having a child that they didn’t agree on. Anthony is a manipulative, whining, begging asshole for nagging Therese about it till she gave in; Therese is a spineless, resentful-after-the-fact asshole for giving in.

… Um, clearly I need a hobby.
Islamorada Girl
November 29th, 2006 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

The redeeming characteristics of Paul:

We all like Paul.
He’s hot.
He’s interesting.
He’s not a doormat
He’s not Granthony.
Paul is too good for whiny, codependent Liz.

Lynn has opted for the easy way out and sacrificed any integrity her work may once have had. She’s become the Canadian version of Precious Moments.

Oh, how I have come to hate FOOB with the white hot intensity of the interior of the sun. Die, die, die Indeed.
mav
November 29th, 2006 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

And I can’t see saving Liz from a rapist as a big plus. Attempting to intercede rather than sitting back and watching a close friend (or anyone, for that matter) get raped demonstrates at best that he’s a mildly decent human being.
Audible Sigh
November 29th, 2006 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

#299
re: #3. Saved Elizabeth from a rapist. Big plus there.

Don’t forget, though, that he than proceeded to dump his emotional baggage on Elizabeth shortly thereafter and asked her to wait for him while he was still married, basically telling her to put her life on hold for him on the same day she was assaulted.
And as others have said, he should have restrained Howard until the cops arrived or at the very least called the cops that day. Who knows how many of Howard’s victims came after the assault on Liz.

All right, all right I know it is just a comic, but every time I think of Anthony I shudder, and yeah Therese was equally stupid in the whole baby affair, but she had a reason to be unhappy, as Anthony’s character was never shown to be emotionally supportive of her.
Also, I’m sure there are kids who run up to their father shouting “Daddy, daddy,” on family visitation day at the prison.

I’m sorry, if I came across too meanly. I guess it’s shoddy storytelling and poor character development I should be angry at, not the poor pathetic characters themselves.
Geezil
November 29th, 2006 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

299 and 303: I still say that the only evidence we have for Therese’s disappearance is Granthony’s word. Her vanishing and all that new construction adds up to a shallow grave for the witch to me.
cheech wizard
November 29th, 2006 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

Ok, with all the Firesign Theatre and FOOB comments today, it’s time to bring the two threads together:

(whistling, clapping sounds)

Here you are boys, that pasty piece of pastie* youâ€™ve all been waiting for, Ms. Elly LaFoob!

(piano)

Weâ€™re bringing the whore back home,
Where she ought to have been before,
Weâ€™ll ditch all the cops and pilots and slimes,
And we wonâ€™t teach in house trailers hidden â€˜mongst the pines!

Weâ€™ll wash our hands of the mountie,
Make the readers hurl, get sore!
Then weâ€™ll nag, nag, nag, et cetera,
Till sheâ€™s never gonna leave no more!!

(all together now, boys!)

Weâ€™re bringing the whore back home
Where she ought to have been before
The lumpy donut boy with the porn stash,
Will be smiling with a boner, boner, boner in his pants!

Weâ€™ll wash our hands of the mountie,
Make the readers hurl, get sore
Then weâ€™ll nag, nag, nag, et cetera,
Till sheâ€™s never gonna leave no more!!

(*meat pie popular in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, which is generally indistinguishable from Canada)
Zenit
November 29th, 2006 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

I’m surprised you didn’t mention today’s Frazz. It’s the closest I’ve ever seen Mallett come to admitting he’s modeling Frazz after Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes.
Sjofn
November 29th, 2006 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

I’m glad 308 pointed out the absolutely unforgivable (to me) act of Anthony whining immediately after Liz was assaulted that his homelife sucks and OMG LIZ WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEE. That is so unbelievably selfish, I don’t know how anyone could turn a blind eye to that and pretend Anthony is anything more than a self-centered, whiney brat that takes every opportunity given to him to whine people into submission (he whined his wife into having a baby, too, after all).
Sjofn
November 29th, 2006 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

SHIT do I hate Anthony!
Bill James
November 29th, 2006 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

Cheech Wizard (310): A nice melding of the two threads. It’s interesting to note the converging harmonicas of FT and CC.
AppleGirl
November 29th, 2006 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

46 – mumbles says:
FOOB: You know, after the initial flash of rage faded away, I canâ€™t really blame Lynn for abruptly changing the story line to the adventures of Widdle Wobbin and Mewwy. The jump from Granthony to a wet, poop-covered sock isnâ€™t that large, when you think of it.

hahaha!

Mumbles, your comment is exceptionally funny!
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
November 29th, 2006 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

298 I believe it’s “Mausers”, not “mousers”. As in firearms. And I have a copy of the script to check, if my memory is incorrect.

299 Didn’t he also get Dad a good deal on a car or something like that a while back? I bet Dad’s main motivation is “I’d rather have guaranteed lifetime free auto care than unlimited helicopter rides.”
Jejune
November 29th, 2006 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

It’s worrisome that Luann seems to have wandered onto the set of Sullivan’s Travels, but I won’t complain if she goes off to learn about the plight of Real People with Beaty O’Kerouacginsbergferlinghetti. These sparse panels have so much potential. Before he’s even said more than, “Hey, Blondie!” I’m seeing the credits roll as Luann realizes that Beaty’s gritty, artsy wisdom and humor are just what she needed in her life after all. I’m sure we’d need a car chase before she could learn that, and that would be awesome. This being Apartment 3-G, though, the likelihood is much higher that Beaty’s wisdom will fall on deaf ears, and Luann will learn only to mope for a three week long day on Alan’s indifference to her.
SmartPeopleOnIce
November 29th, 2006 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

Wow, 300+ posts, yesterday as well as today. FOOB doth really bring out the faithful. And, alas, it is beyond me, because I simply refuse to wade through 20 years of FOOB to understand the context (hell, it took me 6 months of reading this blog just to figure out who “Kelly Welly” is).

Not meant as a complaint, mind you. It’s like watching some beautiful alien ballet or listening to the couple next door going at it in Armenian, or watching big sweaty guys battling a plutonium fire behind protective glass using those robot-arm thingys. Impenetrable as death, yet somehow strangely compelling. Like those weird-ass what-the-margo Aeon Flux episodes where she gets snuffed at the end. Like a flaming chiuaua in a strobelight. Alone and confused, forever an outsider, yet well aware that something dreadful is afoot.

Maybe more like the chiuaua.
Plunk Your magic Twanger
November 29th, 2006 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

MT: Is there someplace I could obtain more information about “young beavers”?
Summerhouse
November 29th, 2006 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

Molly is a prescription-strength Emotional-Assistance Bear. Ask your doctor if a pet bear is right for you.
Dadzilla
November 29th, 2006 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

In keeping with the ‘beaver theme,’ tonight on the Animal Planet network at 7 PM mountain time you can see “Leave it to the real beavers.” “A family of beavers is observed blocking a stream with sticks, called a lodge, and making a pond.” Talented little buggers, aren’t they?
Marion Delgado
November 29th, 2006 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

“One can only hope that Garfield will be as skilled a caretaker as Iris is for Jim Patterson, but heâ€™s more likely to lose interest and eventually just eat his hapless patient.”

Josh is either seriously underestimating Garfield or seriously overestimating Iris.

Grandpa Foob – Its what’s for dinner!

brought to you by the National Long Pig Association.
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

Anthony. Bleah.

To me, Anthony is the Monday morning wasted in an unnecessary three-and-a-half-hour meeting featuring a droning boss and a tableful of people trying to stay awake. He’s the temp job that required me to go through old musty incomprehensible files and dump most of them.

He’s the wilting leftover salad that I ate because it shouldn’t be thrown out. He’s the time when I was ten that my parents visited their friends and their friends’ kids turned out to have almost nothing in common with me and my sibs, and we all still had to spend the day together.

He’s the stale tea that I forgot about in the microwave. He’s the third load of laundry. He’s the email message that I don’t want to have to answer. He’s the solidified slush on the windshield that I don’t want to have to chisel off.

Anthony’s one redeeming feature is that he doesn’t exist. Were he a real person, I would feel obliged to show a little basic human decency and try to conceal my feelings. But because he’s fictional, I’m free to hate him. I’m free to have FUN hating him. I’m free to join and converse with others who ALSO hate him. I don’t have to keep it to myself.

ANTHONY, BLEAH!!!! HAHAHA!!!
dimestore lipstick
November 29th, 2006 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

I hope that when Grandpa Jim kicks it, he leaves Elly a boot to the head. (And one for Lizzie and the Wimp!)
Marion Delgado
November 29th, 2006 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

poteet, you did not try hard enough.

Try “two-year-old”, “father-daughter incest”, beavers, mature, and sexually.
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

#258 — Kate, you owe me a keyboard. And thanks. It was Steve Canyon, actually, but you have the right idea. Testosterone, fearlessness, disciplined hair.

#320 — SPOI, thank you. Beautifully put. That’s exactly how I used to feel about the A3G comments. Now I’m trying to follow the strip, but that deep, complex relationship with Margo still eludes me.

#321 — Plunk, you might want to check my comment #56:-).
queek
November 29th, 2006 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

313: The guy that does Frazz stated in an interview awhile back that he considers there to be two types of cartoonists these days: Those who disguise their inspiration from Calvin & Hobbes, and those who admit it. He considers himself to be in the second group.

Frazz is one of my favorites in the daily paper, along with PBS and Lio.
Marion Delgado
November 29th, 2006 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

more information on “XXX hardcore” mark trail, prince valiant and family circus can be found on the internet:

http://www.mitchclem.com/nothingnice/comics/20030113.gif

http://www.mitchclem.com/nothingnice/comics/20020315.jpg
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

#327 — Marion, it actually took me a few moments to figure out that you weren’t serious. Obviously slow learners like me should stay off the information highway and stick to the gravel roads.
Jackilope
November 29th, 2006 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

Perhaps the FOOB storyline is an act of compassion to all the loyal readers throughout the years. Make us all HATE the characters and the storyline so much that there won’t be any sorrow when the strip ends …..

I have a deeper empathy for stroke victim, Grandpa Jim. We’re atching the storyline evolve slowly like a really bad train wreck about to happen and powerless to do anything.

“TA!”
Marion Delgado
November 29th, 2006 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

BTW for those of you who weren’t in the “scene” the meaning of X (XX, XXX) hardcore is, hardcore punk, sraight-edge

one x for vegetarian/vegans, one for no drugs, one for no drinking, or one for no drinking/drugs, one to show you’re against racism.

And you have them tattooed on your knuckles

so XXX Hardcore is very straight edge, very hard.

actually, all the Xs can mean a variety of things but that’s a common translation.
Red Greenback
November 29th, 2006 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

Is Niki the starfish boy EVER going to get his jaw tended to? June Morgan is a cold-hearted bee-yotch!
Wayward
November 29th, 2006 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

Ugh. Despite having only started reading FBoFW again after the whole ‘going after’ bit to see it get slammed, even I’m fed up with the awfulness.

Yo, Lynn, about Anthony – when are we going to find out he’s really the lost elven princess of Sparklipoo with colour-changing eyes and an amazing singing voice? Because he’s setting my Mary-Sue radar screaming. It was the ‘president of the astronomy club’ bit that shoved it over the edge for me.

I’m just going to imagine steamy Paul/Warren slash until my soul heals.
queek
November 29th, 2006 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

ok, I finally figured out why the Santa-dancer in FW looks familiar. With that grin, it can only be Rayne from the webcomic Least I Could Do.
Marion Delgado
November 29th, 2006 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

334 June is very sweet and motherly. I think Nikki NEEDED her “pain is fear leaving the body, you little cocksucking maggot” speech.

June’s a tough-love goddess. She eats Nancy Grace, Laura Schlessinger and Judge Judy for canape snacks.
brendan
November 29th, 2006 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

everybody is furious about the 11/28 foob. So uncalled for.

The whole Paul-Lizzie-Anthony triangle has gone on for so long, and the storyline is offensive as it is, with the good guy cop getting undermined by the weasel manipulator, to the seeming approval of the narrator.

But to have one of the strip’s stand-ins for the narrator actually throw the one sort of interesting character under the bus was just cheap.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
November 29th, 2006 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

#312: “meat pie popular in Michiganâ€™s Upper Peninsula, which is generally indistinguishable from Canada”: Damn those Michiganders must be hungry, to eat meat pie that they can barely tell apart from Canada. I imagine Canada must taste like a combination of damp leaves, hard rubber, maple syrup, and Labatt’s.

Oh wait: I misread you.

You’re saying Michigan tastes just like Canada? That should be the state’s new ad campaign: “Tastes just like Canada, but without those funny beaver coins!”
Red Greenback
November 29th, 2006 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

337: OK, maybe, but still… Forcing one to do housework while one is hurting is kinda Gulag style.
J.P. Patches
November 29th, 2006 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

Man, I don’t have time to read almost 350 posts — can someone please condense the entire thread of comments down to a couple of sentences? Thanks a bunch!
nancy
November 29th, 2006 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

I agree with #40. I refuse to be responsible for Bushit and Cheneyhead and therefore Canadians don’t have to apologize for LJ. On the vast scale of things they are not nearly equal although sometimes it might be pretty to think so.
Audible Sigh
November 29th, 2006 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

#358 Beavers abound in the comics, Firesign brings back memories, and FBOFW incites hatred?

Alas, alack, I had little knowledge of Firesign until today.
Red Greenback
November 29th, 2006 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

341: Almost 350 without any comments about Pluggers or TDIET or the (DT)Thorpster.
Cornwhacker
November 29th, 2006 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

â€œTastes just like Canada, but without those funny beaver coins!â€

Ah, but if you’re traveling up to Pasty-Land on I-75, be sure to make a detour at exit 69, aka Big Beaver Road:

http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=%22big+beaver%22+exit+69&m=text
Red Greenback
November 29th, 2006 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

June, aren’t you being hard on the Beaver?
Islamorada Girl
November 29th, 2006 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

Granthony: he’s cold oatmeal.
Worse. he’s a classic passive aggressive. Not just any old TDIET passive aggressive; he’s the kind of passive aggressive who drives you to murder him. And then, the jury, hearing your tale of slowly being driven mad by his industrial strength passive aggression, votes you not guilty by reason of insanity. It was self-defense.
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

#343 — Deftly done, Audible.
Granthony
November 29th, 2006 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

I don’t understand all the hostility towards me.
andreavis
November 29th, 2006 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

#341– Beavers rule, FOOBs drool. Next topic!
JB2
November 29th, 2006 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

FOOB

Lynn, if you are reading this, we complain, because we care.

One year ago, Liz was living in a First Nation village in the beautiful north woods. Fullfilling job; her students and neighbors all loved her; she had a stud boyfriend. Best of all, she was separated by several hundred miles from her jerkoff family.

Now she’s just another loser-teacher, living in the Toronto suburbs (as wretched and ugly as any suburbs anywhere) with said family, apparently doomed to marry her chinless, divorced-with-kid, car-salesman, high-school-sweetheart, clone of her dad.

Who could be happy about this? I mean, besides Dentist P. and his wife? It’s like, Elizabeth Bennett refusing Darcy so she can stay at home with her dad.
Talia
November 29th, 2006 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

“Of one so young, so rich in nature’s store,
Who could not say, ’tis pity she’s a whore?”

This is kind of how I feel about the FBOFW matter. Really — Liz wants to marry a guy just like her dad? Her dad whom she is paying money to leave her alone? (It says right on the official site that one of her aspirations is “to marry a guy like Dad!”)

Incestuous implications aside, I actually wrote to the syndicate today asking they get Lynn Johnston to set Liz up with some guy who HASN’T been stalking her. Jeez, I mean I don’t need to go into detail on Anthony, but remember how Paul saw only a photograph of her and then got her mother to tell him where she lived, and then drove 70 miles to find her after checking first that she wasn’t engaged to marry anyone else? I was saying over at FOOBiverse, this notion that people are fair game until they’re actually engaged explains a lot about how the writers think here.
Jackilope
November 29th, 2006 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

You won’t find this tip from Martha Stewart or Rachael Ray … but here goes:
“Green Diaper of Death”. It’s basically quacamole served in a clean, unused diaper — but first line it with plastic wrap so the dip doesn’t absorb into the diaper. Bowl of chips on the side and viola – appetizer.

It was a hit at my last “Tacky and Disgusting” party — though no one really was brave enough to eat the dip.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
November 29th, 2006 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

Guacamole is also a useful ingredient should you make the “Alien Autopsy” casserole.
macb
November 29th, 2006 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

#305 GKFG: Thank you thank you.It’s about time somebody took Therese’s side. I understand that in the FOOBiverse the Pattersons must have cardboard cutout, one-dimensional villains to feel victimized by/sanctimoniously superior than (Therese, “Beckers,” that two-timer Lizardbreath dated in college, etc., ad nauseam), but in the real world most people are way more complex.

Andrea- you can like Blecchthony all you want, that’s your right. Don’t forget this is a comic strip, whose characters, plots, and situations are totally contrived, and for most of us contrived in a way that insults our intelligence and goes against the grain of common sense so egregiously that we have to bottle up our anger and remind ourselves “it’s only a comic strip.” Paul not there for Liz! He transferred to Far North Bum[Marge] for her for Chrissake! Now he has the gall not to be in the courtroom when she testifies? How dare he go out and do his job as a cop and put his life on the line!
weiser
November 29th, 2006 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

I thought is was Ward who was “hard on the Beav” not June.
weiser
November 29th, 2006 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

I swear we had this same beaver-based-thread-theme several months ago…

…some topics never fail to entertain
Tomcat
November 29th, 2006 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

Basing on the subject of the latest Brad subplot, Iâ€™m curious about something. Did Brad already know Dirk before he found out he was Toniâ€™s boyfriend? After he told Luann about Dirk, it seemed as though they both knew him before. Was there a grudge between them in high school in past strips or something? Iâ€™d like to know.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2006 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

346,356: We must be talking about June Morgan, who is hard on everyone and everything.

355: “Marge”? Is that a euphemism, like “fudge”?
Jennifer
November 29th, 2006 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

#299

*blrg* I just threw up in my mouth a little.

FOOB sings the praises of safe and unchallenging open-mindedness (”some of my best friends are gay!”), self-righteous conformity, and Home, Sweet Home as something stitched on a pillow and something you never, ever stray far from (*gasp*can’t*breathe!*)

Why does everyone in Foobville seem destined to marry their childhood sweethearts? Because they all stopped changing and growing when they were 14 years old.

Bored. Now.
sephohnek
November 29th, 2006 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

Considering how much attention is perenially devoted to FOOB in the comment section, I’m not too surprised that nobody’s really reacted to how much the lingerie saleswoman in Garfield looks like Liz, Jon Arbuckle’s girlfriend. It really shouldn’t be too much of a shock because Jim Davis only draws three characters, and none of them are female. Carry on with your lavish FOOB fantasies.
Big Stu
November 29th, 2006 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

To hell with Granthony, Lizardbreath, Paul Paul and the whole damn FOOB crew. So many cliches– the struggling, talented writer, the emasculated suburban dad, the noble savage, the bitch mother-in-law, the special needs student who talks in ellipses, the sensitive gay florist, the flopdicked cuckold… all of them! Line the rodent’s cage. Clean up the urine on the floor with these “funny” pages. Just don’t read them, because your intelligence will be insulted. Damn it! I am shouting anarchy!
AhClem
November 29th, 2006 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

#312 cheech wizard,

That was absolutely [Margo]ing brilliant! Wasn’t that from the film “Foobs in Khaki”?
Jackilope
November 29th, 2006 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

#354 Gadge Cubic — oh do share. In likelihood of T&D Party IV, I’d love to know how to make â€œAlien Autopsyâ€ casserole!
Red Greenback
November 29th, 2006 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

Ward is not around in MT-land. June is the mother of the Beaver. She IS being hard on the Beav. If I saw a real live 3-d June Morgan, well… I would probably probably be “hard” myself.
anti-FOOB
November 29th, 2006 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

#352: yeah…it pretty much says that only a ring counts for anything.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2006 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

#362, Big Stu – So, if I get your drift, you’re hoping to find a comic strip with a successful, untalented artist; an estrogen-charged rural mother; a back-stabbing urban cowboy; a kind and sensitive father-in-law; a super-intellectual teacher who talks in run-on sentences; a surly, insensitive straight zoologist; and the steel-erectioned husband of a faithful wife.

Sounds like some indie film that hits the art houses and then crawls into the dusty corner of Blockbuster Video where it dies from neglect, leaving only the faint, acrid smell of failure to sting our twitching nostrils.
Poteet
November 29th, 2006 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

Here’s one more tip of the hat to the brilliant Curmudgeon who gave us that ever-so-handy verb “Margo.” You must feel so good inside. Comments come and go, but your contribution keeps on going and going and going…

And Angry Black Woman, I’m another Curmudgeon who misses you.
Red Greenback
November 29th, 2006 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

…Speaking of Pluggers, does anyone else hear a faint, jangly banjo sound when reading the strip?
Jennifer
November 29th, 2006 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

#369

well, I do NOW!

…dueling banjos…
anti-FOOB
November 29th, 2006 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

#369: Yep, and they’re dueling. And it’s creepy.
Red Greenback
November 29th, 2006 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

Sorry about posting again, but I have also been wondering for quite a while…where are you The Angry Black Woman?
Len
November 30th, 2006 at 12:11 am [Reply]

My fantasy is that Lizardbreath leaves both Paul and Anthony unwed, as she realizes the true love of her life is Li’l Tard-girl Shannon!
AppleGirl
November 30th, 2006 at 12:27 am [Reply]

372 – I miss the uber-creative Miss The Angry Black Woman, too.

And holy crap: 372 posts!?!?!? I’ve had this site up all day, and still haven’t been able to read them all.
James Kabala
November 30th, 2006 at 12:28 am [Reply]

This strip would not have been so stupid if we had seen earlier hints of today’s “punchline” – e.g., a strip in which Elizabeth begged Paul to attend the trial and he said rudely that he would be unable to do so. Instead, all of a sudden we’re being told that his failure to attend the trial was a character flaw with no buildup or explanation of why he was unable to attend. We don’t know (unless there’s a strip I missed) if Elizabeth EVER wished Paul had come to the trial before her parents put that idea in her head. Poor Paul is not a three-dimensional character; he’s just being used by Johnson as a plot device.
James Kabala
November 30th, 2006 at 12:30 am [Reply]

Was Michael at the trial? Surely his emotional support should have been just as needed as Paul’s, but I don’t recall his ever being shown to be there.
AppleGirl
November 30th, 2006 at 12:33 am [Reply]

MT – The day we waited for is here! Molly visits the hospital! So festive and adorable! And someone even sent over a Jack Elrod balloon to cheer Buck Jones during his recuperation!

MT – Meanwhile, now we all will be worried about Young Beaver, who cannot understand that he is being stalked by a 7-foot cougar.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
November 30th, 2006 at 12:37 am [Reply]

#364: Alas, I have no actual recipe…just a concept. And truth to tell, it was originally Alien Autopsy cake – but the mention of guacamole made me realize its aptness to the concept…but even I wouldn’t put guac in cake, so…casserole. You’ll have to make up the rest yourself. Coming up with gray-green food is, uh, a challenge. (Actually, it’s not – but preserving its edibility is.)

Is Josh on vacation again? Oh wait – it’s been only a day.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
November 30th, 2006 at 12:37 am [Reply]

Oopsy. That’s better.
Josh (not THE Josh)
November 30th, 2006 at 12:41 am [Reply]

Do you know what I want? I want PT Anderson to direct a film called The Foob. It’ll star Steve Buscemi as Granthony, Parker Posey as Liz, Daniel Day-Lewis as Paul, Tom Skerritt and Kathy Baker as the Patterson Parents (Ã la Picket Fences), a heavily-medicated Michael J. Fox as Michael, a euthanized Dakota Fanning as April, Pam Grier as Rebekah, and Philip Seymour Hoffman as Howard Funt. The whole movie will be told through Funt’s eyes, and you’ll be led, convincingly, to believe that he assaulted Liz because THE WHOLE FAMILY was asking for it.
Anonymous
November 30th, 2006 at 12:45 am [Reply]

A3G: Yes! The beatnik’s nsame is Maynard. Awesomeness.
winky
November 30th, 2006 at 12:46 am [Reply]

what’s with the name of the coffee shop in Apt. 3G… “Cup o’ Joe’s”? since a cup of coffee cannot own a business, i can only assume that the proprietor’s name is “Cup o’ Joe”. unless it refers to multiple cups of coffee, but that would be “Cups o’ Joe”. not sure why, but it intrigues… and irritates…
Red Greenback
November 30th, 2006 at 12:48 am [Reply]

-1 medium size space alien (grey if available) gutted, diced & de-cartilaged-2-3 lb.
-bring 9 qt. spring water to boil in 16 qt. saucepan
-add diced e.t. meat
-simmer 2-3 hours-stirring occasionaly
-after 1 half hour add cilantro, onion, bay leaf, 1/2 cup diced jalepeno and 2 tbsp. ground cayenne pepper
-drain, let cool 1/2 hour at room temp
-add juice of 3-4 limes and salt to taste
-in blender, frappe until smooth-pour into large decative bowl-refrigerate at least 1 hour
-serve with blue corn tortillas
Audible Sigh
November 30th, 2006 at 12:51 am [Reply]

I meant #341 not #358 way back there. I’m unfortunately not psychic like Ella.
Red Greenback
November 30th, 2006 at 1:15 am [Reply]

Sorry, it’s me again. There was a thread last year (or maybe earlier this year) that went over 666 posts (where SATAN posted, and Abbey the Wonder Dog was BARK.BARK.BARKIN’ backwards).
Does anyone know when that occured? I gotta bookmark that bad boy!…Classic CC!
Different Dan
November 30th, 2006 at 1:41 am [Reply]

#385: RG, I did some Googling and this came up. I haven’t checked it too thoroughly, but is this the one you’re after? http://joshreads.com/?p=410
Red Greenback
November 30th, 2006 at 1:50 am [Reply]

Not the one, but probably a record as far as it’s GINORMOUSITY! Thanks DD.
Mibbitmaker
November 30th, 2006 at 1:51 am [Reply]

Blanthony’s no fun, he fell right over!

Once, early on, he and Lizard made sense, until FOOB pulled a love-complication contrivance, the kind “Friends”non-fans complain about, and it just got worse, until Lizthony didn’t make sense anymore… but it still does to Lynn, Ellie, and John!

Worse still? This now-awful strip is NEVER GONNA END! DON’T YOU GUYS REMEMBER? IT’S GOING INTO A POST-2007 CIRCLE OF HELL!!! OLD STRIPS AND MICHAEL’s LITTLE FAMILY CIRCUS!! AFTER WE WERE PROMISED AN END 6 YEARS AGO! IT’s NEVER GOIng to end (sob! sob!) It’s never going to e-e-end……..

….and, scene!
Poteet
November 30th, 2006 at 2:20 am [Reply]

New metapost up, folks.

#388 — I like your scene, Mibbitmaker. I am so traumatized to learn that Foobville will continue that I may need therapy.
Katie
November 30th, 2006 at 9:02 am [Reply]

If I wasn’t so lazy I’d submit the following to TDIET:

“Didya ever notice how back in high school, when you were dating Anthony, you mom hated him?”

Mom: You’re too young to date, you deserve better, blah blah blah.

“But now that you’re an adult and have a new boyfriend . . .”

Mom: You know, I saw that nice young Anthony at the grocvery store the other day, you should really give him a call, blah blah blah.
cheech wizard
November 30th, 2006 at 9:44 am [Reply]

363- Thanks, AhClem – FOOBs in Khaki it is!
SmartPeopleOnIce
November 30th, 2006 at 10:32 am [Reply]

#385 (RG) There was a thread last year (or maybe earlier this year) that went over 666 posts (where SATAN posted, and Abbey the Wonder Dog was BARK.BARK.BARKINâ€™ backwards). Does anyone know when that occured? I gotta bookmark that bad boy!â€¦Classic CC!

Ta daaa!

Some sort of bizarre planetary alignment is all I can figger…
SmartPeopleOnIce
November 30th, 2006 at 10:38 am [Reply]

Oh, I should have warned: clicking on above link will cause you to do nothing productive for about 6 hours (I learned that the hard way).
Dr. Shrinker
November 30th, 2006 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

#390
You forgot “Oh Yeah-h-h-h-h”
Bill
November 30th, 2006 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

I’m pretty sure that Boy Scout thingy is called a neck-ker-chief.

But I don’t know how it is spelled…:(
Buzz Sawyer
November 30th, 2006 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

It’s a neckerchief. It’s sacred to us 1940’s Boy Scouts.
mike
December 1st, 2006 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

what is the deal with the lecherous smile of the santa stripper… did they hire a sex offender? wtf…
JOE
December 1st, 2006 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

I was in Palm Springs recently and walked by an art gallery that had Garfield paintings, large and expensive at that. They were by Jim Davis. So I guess all the cash from the merch wasn’t enough, now he wants to be an ‘artist’. Revolting.
Sixpence
December 2nd, 2006 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

When I read about the one-armed pregnant woman, I thought the Curmudgeon was just making a typical joke about the illustrator’s competence. Imagine my surprise when I read #204.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
December 4th, 2006 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

Just wanted to de-lurk re: “It’s…. NED!!”
Are there any amongst you as cynical as me, those who find Prodigal Ned’s fecal reemergence rather conveniently timed to correspond with the holiday shopping season?

I bring this up because, well, rightfully embarrassed about this, I investigated the Ned Tanner doll and seriously considered purchasing one for my sister. Obviously, I have the gift shopping acumen of Papa Patterson, and I hate my sister.

I like how even after Ned spent a year submerged in the Pattersons’ dooky, Weed finds Ned as desirable as ever. Weed REALLY wants to be a Patterson.
chris a.
December 16th, 2006 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

All of you losers who want Liz to hook up with Paul instead of Anthony make me sick!
First off Elly did NOT set up her daughter with “Dudly Dildo”, she showed him a picture of her when she spent the night at the police station and decided that he wanted to have her. Second, you say Anthony tried to worm his way back into Liz’s life, yet that is exactly what Paulie Prick tried to do to introduce himself to Liz, by worming his way into her life.
#308, your reasons why Paul is better over Anthony are the most shallow, inane excuses I have ever heard of. Is your life that sad that you want to live Liz’s life vicariously with that talking manniquin? You problably blow all your spare money on those worthless gossip rags lined up at the supermarket that follow the latest dirt on “TomKat” or “Brangelina”. Come to think of it, you all problably do that.
Bottom line: FBOFW is Lynn Johnson’s baby, NOT YOURS!!! It is her strip to express her ideas and emotions to the world. If you don’t like what she does, DON’T READ IT!!! Then, shut the hell up, you pathetic weasels!
Uncle Lumpy
December 16th, 2006 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

#401 Chris -

Hee, hee, hee.

Foob.
Blondie
February 23rd, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

FBFW: Fuck no! I want Warren back in the picture, dammit! When’s Lynn Johnston going to get her act together and actually surprise me for once.
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May 14th, 2009 at 7:31 am [Reply]

leaping?owed tilled millionaires authentically reclassification – Tons of interesdting stuff!!!

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