Main content:


Ghosts, MySpace, and bird cleavage

Shoe, 2/23/07

To me, the tropes in Shoe range from the mildly amusing (“the Perfesser has trouble with deadlines”) to the bland (“Skyler doesn’t know the answer to a test question, so he comes up with an ‘amusing’ response”) to the irksome (“Shoe is hounded by his ex-wives for money”). However, there are few I find more more outright distasteful than “the obese older male birds hit on ‘sexy’ fortysomething birds who look like they have been used hard by life.” And few strips in that genre have been as unpleasant as today’s, in which the Perfesser drunkenly attempts to initiate sexual relationship with a barfly, only to be repulsed to discover that she’s even more intoxicated than he is. So, um, congratulations, Shoe, on bringing me to this new level of ick. Don’t feel any obligation to top yourself in the future or anything.

Apartment 3-G, 2/23/07

So the Apartment 3-G creative team had done a decent job depicting Albert Pinkham Ryder’s face, though his ghost is dressed rather nattily for someone who spent the latter part of his live a shut-in. But considering that most of Ryder’s work consisted of dark, moody landscapes that presaged modernism, I question whether he would go through the trouble of coming back from the dead just to help Lu Ann paint her bright, faux-Victorian botanical still lives on white backgrounds. I suppose he doesn’t really get to pick the tastes of the artists he inhabits. Being dead must be even worse than I thought.

Kudzu, 2/23/07

Most of the time, Kudzu’s hateful “modern bible translation” bits involve slang that’s at least five years out of date, which allows me to feel young and scornful. But I had to goggle at today’s strip for a good five minutes before I figured out that “friend” as a verb is probably supposed to mean “to add as a friend on MySpace or Facebook or whatever those social networking hoo-hah sites are that I’m too old and cranky to use.” Sussing out the meaning was made even more difficult because the phrases in the Lord’s Prayer it replaces — “trespasses” and “trespass against” in the King James, “sins” and “sin against” in more modern translations — don’t correspond, like, at all. It’s just an attempt at slapping in a random neologism in place of a word that may be vaguely suitable for replacement because in the King James translation it’s kind of archaic and confusing. So, in conclusion, I hate it, and it should die.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/23/07

I usually look away when Funky Winkerbean hits its high points of horror, but I have to ask: does anyone else think that the black blob between Wally’s outstretched arms in panel three that doesn’t seem to be attached to anything is his head? Take that, Mrs. Wally! You think it’s so damn tough going through life with one arm? How about going through life with zero heads, huh? Game, set, and match!

462 responses to “Ghosts, MySpace, and bird cleavage”

  1. Comics Inquisitor
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s his helmet in FW.

  2. Uncle Lumpy
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    A few weeks ago, somebody suggested a FOOB/FW crossover to clean things up in both strips. Today we mourn the path not taken.

    Sure woulda been nice to see ol’ Wally here cashing his advance check, an’ Mike blown to f’n smithereens.

  3. PeteMoss
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    Gee, I kinda like Ryder’s stuff on that link. It does seem a tad incongruent with bubble-headed Luann and her orchids.

  4. Plinko Commie
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Thank God, I was worried FW was going to be too cheerful this week.

  5. Old Fogeyette
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Just wanta say… I did it again. And now I have to shut down. See y’all in the morning, or Monday, or whenever.

  6. comicsn00b
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    No doubt the cruel Gods of the FW universe can keep his head alive in some kind of mad scientist get-up with tubes and all, so that he can mope about having no body, but still smirk in the last panel.

  7. PeteMoss
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Winkerbean keeps his head after the explosion, but he’s blown on to a landmine.

  8. stinky pete
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    296 last thread, Old Fogeyette, you are good. Were you drinking coffee, perchance?

  9. Plinko Commie
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think I ever proposed a straight crossover, but I do remember wishing the FOOB characters would suffer FW fates. Can someone say uterus cancer?

  10. PeteMoss
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    “My wife is now the band director. My son is starting to crawl. But all I can think about is that I am just a head.”

  11. AeroSquid
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    *sigh* Now we will go through weeks of painful rehabilitation if Wally lives through this. If he dosn’t…well…a summer wedding between comic book guy and the human slot machine.

  12. Anonymous
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    Albert Pinkham Ryder: I’ve come back from the dead to help others color paint-by-numbers pictures of orchids.

    Pablo Picasso: I’ve come back from the dead to inspire more velvet Elvis paintings.

    Michaelangelo: Can I get a gig putting more dogs-playing-poker paintings on the market? Those always crack me up.

  13. AwfulArt
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    In “FW” panel 2 says I.E.D.!! Whatever that means..Kinda dig on panel 3… I can see a tire…

  14. Roy Lichtenstein
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Batuik, you’ll be hearing from my lawyer!

  15. Roy Lichtenstein
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    Er, I mean Mr. Batiuk.

  16. Anonymous
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    My take on finding a barfly drunker than I am:

    Hey, that’s why I go to those places!

  17. stinky pete
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one’s head.
    Vanessa Kensington: No.
    Austin Powers: That’s not the way to get ahead in life.
    Vanessa Kensington: No.
    Austin Powers: It’s a shame he wasn’t more headstrong.
    Vanessa Kensington: Hmm.
    Austin Powers: He’ll never be the head of a major corporation.
    Vanessa Kensington: Okay, that’ll do.
    Austin Powers: Okay

  18. Meander
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    As an obese older male, I take offense at your sugguestion that I can’t hit on drunk cougars.

  19. PeteMoss
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Don’t miss willethompson’s post at #295, last thread.

  20. Hogen Mogen
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    Whoops, #12 and #16 are me. Direct your hate mail to hogen@workingtolearnhowtospellchrysanthemum.org

  21. Chris
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    MW today: crusading Dr. Jeff holding forth on the plane home, with all the rest of the passengers hanging on every one of his impassioned words…good grief, Mary Worth is a pile of crap as big as the ocean.

  22. Roy Lichtenstein
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    The plural of still life is still lifes.
    Not that I would know. My paintings are all about action, baby.

  23. captainswift
    February 23rd, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    I know I’m beating a dead horse with this, but…

    Funky Winkerbean was a favorite strip of mine as a child. It was about comical course catalog entries, and idiotic ploys by a grown man to sell band candy, and dopey guys getting turned down snobby cheerleaders. Y’know, in comical ways.

    I don’t know if they’ve done those course catalog entries in recent years, but I’d certainly hate to see what they look like now.

    “Geometry: Course that uses shapes and dimensions to prove something that is thereafter used to prove something else, to demonstrate that in life solving one problem just leads to a bigger problem. In real life, you’ll use it to determine the trajectory of the mortar shell that will probably end your life anyway.”

  24. pesch
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    I’ve seen tomorrow’s FW, and while I will not spoil it for you all, I do have this to say.

    Batiuk rises to his usual level of incompetence. This is not going to make any [Margo]in’ sense. At. All.

    It makes me want to punch a puppy, is all I’ll say.

  25. PeteMoss
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    Shoe – Gee, I bet that bird-clevage chick smells great. Nothing like Mezcal soaked goose feathers to get a guy’s attention.

  26. Albatross
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    Wally saw how getting his leg blown off in Iraq helped B.D. hook up with Mary Worth and decided getting caught in an explosion was pure comic gold…

  27. fizzy logic
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    3G – So -let me get this straight – he was too drunk to listen to a ghost? So only sober people listen to ghosts? Or, the moral of the story is, if you drink too much, you’ll miss out on a ghost helping you out with your artistic career? Yeah, that makes sense.

  28. cheech wizard
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    FW – That looks like his helmet. The wishbone-shaped object, however, is his pelvis.

    Shoe – Don’t diss sexy forty-somethings ’till you get there, your holiness! Boozy, middle-aged women are one of the great joys of my life. Plus, the put out a lot easier and with fewer hangups than the young ones do.

    Ben Franklin had some things to say on this topic, but I won’t repeat them here.

  29. cyberpersephone
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    FW: My first thought when I read today’s strip was “Oh my god! Wally’s dead!” then I remembered that no one would ever be allowed to just die on FW. First they would have to suffer for a really long time. Silly, cyberpersephone.
    Get Fuzzy: I really think Darby Conley used my cat as the inspiration for the current storyline about the food seeking cat. Just two days ago she managed to suss out and devour a container of chocolate covered marshmallow eggs that were inside my purse wrapped in a plastic bag. I don’t know when Darby became acquainted with Sadie, but I hope he didn’t have to clean up as much cat puke as I did.
    FBOFW: Is the punch line of today’s strip a fart joke or is it just me? If it is then it’s almost funny (emphasis on almost) and that just can’t be.
    Bizarro: On a similar note, is the joke in this weeks strip about sexual favors? If it is then … that’s really not funny. Really, really.

  30. Jamus The Bartender
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: I dunno Josh….I never really gave Shoe much credit, but after weeks of reading FOOB and Mary Worth, Shoe gets cool points for going into Sin City land. I mean, he’s no Dwight, and “Tequila” is no Nancy, but still…

  31. Randy
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    3G–If you ever watched Scooby Doo, you know it’s not really a ghost. The owner of the building is just pretending to be a ghost, so that Margo & Friends will get scared and move out. Then he can rent to a richer comic.

  32. ManRayX
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    #18 Meander. . .a minor point of order here–I believe Ms barflyaholic is a bird of some sort–Egret, perhaps?

    Me thinks thou dost protest too much re: drunken cougars.

    A policy that has served me well through the years is to avoid cougars, drunken or otherwise (Egrets are an entirely different matter).

  33. stinky pete
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    Yes I’m gonna get that car
    And I’m gonna head on down the road – Chuck Berry

    Head on down the road, leaving it all behind – Jim Capaldi

    Was down in town with my head in my hand – Lightnin’ Hopkins

    Don’t lose your head
    Don’t lose your head
    Don’t lose your head
    Don’t lose your head – Queen

    Don’t lose your head
    ’cause I can’t do the time
    Don’t lose your head
    Or can you pay the price – INXS

    and you can lose your head
    you can lose your mind
    and you can lose your brain
    keep your eyes and still be blind
    - Men Without Hats

    Keep your head up
    Don’t you look down for nobody
    Don’t you do it, don’t you do it
    Keep your head
    – Mary J. Blige.

    OK, I’m spent…

  34. MossMoses
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    That ghost has a severe case of dandruff but once you’re dead and can haunt people, you get multiple chances to make first impressions.

  35. Primate
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    “You think it’s so damn tough going through wife with one arm?”

    You know, it actually WOULD BE easier to go through MY wife with only one arm.

    Thank you, I’ll be here all week…

  36. PeteMoss
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    ‘Sexy’ (and sauced) fortysomething birds who look like they have been used hard by life might just be roadside. You know, hands-on. Go ahead, Shoe, buy the gull another drink. You’ll be taking her to the bucket in no time. Chum bucket, that is.

  37. Uncle Lumpy
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    #32 ManRayX -

    A sensible policy, no cougars — nor egrets.

  38. PeteMoss
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    No egrets, no regrets.

  39. Junior
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    #33-
    Hold your Head Up- Argent..
    Just thought I’d help out…

  40. PeteMoss
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    #33. Head games- Foreigner.

  41. Sheilagh
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    Josh, darling, are you drunk? You said “panel 2″ when you meant “panel 3″, and you said “going through wife with only one arm” — yes, “wife”!

    Everything okay?????

    That said, I liked today’s Shoe. Sometimes tequila IS a pheromone — I’ve sure been there, baby ;-)

  42. Proteus
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    FW boy is no way dead. In order to be both morbid and uplifing at the same time, FW requires that he live, but that he lose one or more body parts. Like, say an arm. So he can go home and his wife can smirkingly teach him how to cope.

    Then he gets bone cancer.

    Then the baby’s first word is “Keemo!”

    Then things get worse. Smirkingly.

    I am so glad I only read FW here in Curmudgeonia.

  43. Kate
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Tequila + Kate might indeed arouse obese birds, if the smell of vomit or the sound of sobbing did it for them.

  44. Tukla in Iowa
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    FW: As of Monday, the strip will be renamed “Fraggy Torsobean”. We’ll watch as Fraggy’s torso — all that survived the explosion — spends the next year adjusting to fatherhood in civilian life, only to discover that all the spent uranium he was exposed to has given him colon cancer, requiring an amputation.

  45. Sheilagh
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Now let’s see, about Kudzu… When I used to be forced to go to Sunday School (the experience that made me the atheist I am today), the wording was “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” I’ve been to services in alien churches (other people’s weddings/funerals — I don’t go to church just to go to church!) where they say, “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” This gives it a weird financial spin — as opposed to the “trekking through the woods” spin I grew up on! I have NEVER heard “forgive us our sins as we forgive –” what? “those who sin against us”? Who says that?

    None of these things has squat to do with friendship. Maybe the Kudzu writers don’t know all those hard words like “trespass” and “debtors”?

  46. Kate
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Not to bring anyone down or anything … FW has done that already.

  47. cheech wizard
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    What kind of insurgent leaves an I.E.D. on the front seat of a parked car, like a bag of groceries? Like he had to stop on the way home and run in to pick up a few grenades as well? I think they’re a lot more subtle than that.

    Anyone want to bet that Wally’s injuries are, shall we say, Hemingwayesque? Probably not – these are family newspapers, after all.

  48. jules
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    “Going through wife with one arm”! Har har!

    …oh, that was just a typo? Dang.

    Also, I think that blobby thing silhouetted just above the tire is his liver.

  49. Vex the Sane
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Ah, Funky! What a surprise!

    This strip gives me a serious “I have No Mouth and I Must Scream” vibe. (The FW reboot as a whole, not this submission specifically.) This topical episode would be cutting edge in most nonpolitical strips, but in Funky?

    My only surprise is that it was topical at all. In the Funky-verse, he was just as likely to get maimed by a toaster or have a drunk driver plow through his wall and squash him in bed.

    Has Batiuk created a community of people solely to be tortured? Is anyone ever NOT doomed in FW? EVER!?

  50. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    #39 and #40 “Head Like a Hole”-Nine Inch Nails

  51. Buck Ripsnort
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    As many of your, no doubt, more mature readers have pointed out, we old farts need drunken love too. What’s shocking to the Perfessor is that his olfactory sense has decayed to the point where he can no longer differentiate Obsession from Old Crow.

  52. TheBigSmoke
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    #13 – Awful Art

    I.E.D. is military jargon for “Improvised Explosive Device”
    which applies just a wide range of things. Plus it’s easier to remember than C.A.T.O.T.D.I.A.B.I.A.C. (Cellphone Attached To Olde-Tyme Dynomite In A Bag In A Car).

    As for Wally’s fate, should he awake to find himself trapped in the past, driven by an unknown force to change history for the better, leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong (like Harry Dinkle’s flipping HEARING)… all will be forgiven Mr.Batiuk.

  53. True Fable
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    Even though Batuik telegraphed it days – no weeks – months – ago, it was still a catch of breath to see the IED take out Wally. I know political leanings are frowned upon here and I fully agree with it, but it makes me sad about a lot of things that have nothing to do with a weepy way overly dramatic “comic strip” with smirking characters and depressing, insulting ways to handle subject matter.

    Dropped my snark meter down a click or two. I got it fixed though, so I’ll give Wally one more R.I.P.

    Then I’ll say, Wally’s even more tragic story is that he is probably not dead and will linger painfully while everyone spends weeks talking about how sad it is. Will Batuik go the extra needless step into suicideville? Don’t know, he’s been tasteless before, he just might.

  54. Tukla in Iowa
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    #52: I.E.D. is … easier to remember than C.A.T.O.T.D.I.A.B.I.A.C.

    But not easier than “BOMB!!”

    Also, I applaud all Quantum Leap references.

    P.S. One has to be very careful when typing “Fraggy”.

  55. Meander
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    #32:
    #18 Meander. . .a minor point of order here–I believe Ms barflyaholic is a bird of some sort–Egret, perhaps?

    Me thinks thou dost protest too much re: drunken cougars.

    A policy that has served me well through the years is to avoid cougars, drunken or otherwise (Egrets are an entirely different matter).

    Just so we’re on the same page:

    cougar : An attractive woman in her 30′s or 40′s who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. End state, she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with milfs.

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cougar&page=2

  56. Uncle Lumpy
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Why has Montoni been spared?

  57. King Folderol
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Shoe – At this point, they should just have the two, gross, older birds make awkward, disgusting love and be done with it. That’s the only gross thing left to do here that hasn’t been done yet.

    A3G – Isn’t this just a pyrrhic victory for LuAnn? Isn’t having a ghost cheat for you on your paintings just about as lame as cheating so you can win your third grade spelling bee?

    Kudzu – “I try to connect with our young people…

    …so there’s a brick of hashish under my hat for after the service. Take that, Josh Fruhlinger!

    FW – Really, can’t Bialuk just have a big ol’ comet hit the Earth and be done with all of this pathos already?

  58. Josh
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    #35 Primate — EEps! I fixed.

    Josh

  59. daryljfontaine
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    #13 – It’s a shame #52 already did the real explanation, because I had a small joke lined up starting from “I.E.D.” = “That is, D.” Of course, the joke was very small.

    #42 – … all set to Metallica’s “One,” of course.

    #54 – “Some days, you just can’t get rid of a bomb!” -Batman: The Movie

  60. Josh
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    #41 Sheilagh – ergh, fixed that too. Not drunk, just sloppy!

  61. obviousman
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: maybe the joke’s really on the she-bird: he said “intoxicating” so she thought he was referring to her beverage instead of her perfume.

    A3G: APR also seems rather thoroughly soused, as indicated by the waves of booze-stink emanating from him. Or maybe, even though his spirit lives on, his body continues to reek of putrefication.

    Kudzu: Does nobody associated with this strip realize most MySpacers want to increase their friends count, and wouldn’t feel a need to forgive “friending”?

    FW: I really can’t get any more obvious than that.

  62. ltrftp(not so first time)
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    23
    Cap’n
    Ahoy!
    I loved it as a teenager in the 70′s.
    It sure is a bummer strip now.
    51
    Buck
    I think Josh has a ‘suspension of disbelief’ thing with birds.

  63. daryljfontaine
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: As much as Josh is creeped out by the spectre of besotted August-December avian coupling, it’s still better that Cassatt and Brookins’ original punchline: “Vomit, desperation and shame.”

  64. Squid Countess
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    #10 PeteMoss – I guffawed, and now I feel bad about myself. Hope you’re happy.

    #29 CyberPersephone – See if you can get Sadie to hold up her paw in that “Wait a minute!” way that Foodar does in GF. That would be helpful. And I’m really hoping she didn’t puke in your purse.

    FW – Well finally! Wally got the e-mail with the picture of the kid on Christmas eve. And he’s not blown to bits until Feb 23rd? Batiuk is slowing down.

    Shoe – I’ve been reading Shoe since its inception. The Perfesser is a beer guy all the way. But I guess they can’t have the egret girl say a brand name. “Old Milwaukee” would have been funny, though.

    #45 Sheilagh – We say “sins” in the Lord’s prayer at my church – it’s a United Church of Christ. (We also start with some non-gender specific something – either “Our Father and Mother, who art…” or “Creator God, who art….” Usually my mind has wandered and I don’t realize we’re praying till about three lines in.)

    FW – I didn’t realize that Wally was a Winkerbean till I saw it on his helmet just now. Is he Was he supposed to be Funky’s brother?

  65. cheech wizard
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    You know, we don’t know for sure that’s Wally getting blown up. Pesch’s comment at 24 makes me wonder if that isn’t some red shirt extra who’s being sacrificed to provide grist for Wally’s morose introspections on war, fatherhood and the uncertainty of life.

    In which case, we can look forward to two more weeks of gloomy emails and text messages with Becky. Yay!

  66. Tracer Bullet
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    I’m glad FW is finally providing just what my comics page needed: entrails.

  67. Sheilagh
    February 23rd, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Aw, Josh, obviously you were just typing with one hand while holding your nose because Winkerbean sucks so bad it’s unbearable. We all understand :-)

  68. True Fable
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    JP A certain female friend of mine “got her Sam fix on” today twice, and all I got was a glimpse of the tiny little Abbey figure. I know I shouldn’t complain, I’ve been enjoying Abbey and Neddy sightings for a while but HEY! I had to shudder through Rachel and even worse, read that the butler did it with his candlestick on her decrepit old self in the bedroom, for years. I NEEDED to get my Abbey and/or Neddy fix on. My friend said she needed to get her Sam Driver fix on too since the old butler was nothing but waddles and flaky scalp and not even Cedric Clark Kent helped.

    Thank God we speak the same language.

    DT I went through this before, but I just can’t get over Liz’s resemblance to Michael Jackson – uniform, nose, large eyes and all.

    Opinion Poll: whose artists sucks worst: Gil Thorp or Dick Tracy? I mean, look and compare the so-called artwork in each. Both total Hoovers. Suckity, suck suck.

    FC What Little Dolly really wants to know, Gramma, is she’s a little annoying worm right now, but will she someday grow up to be a potential babe like Thel, or is she going to grow a frightening white beehive and lose her eyes like you? And are Billy and Jeffy fated to become Man-Fayes like Bil? And what about PJ, when’s the kid ever going to get a real name?

  69. ghost-who-snarks
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    #47: What kind of insurgent leaves an I.E.D. on the front seat of a parked car, like a bag of groceries?

    More importantly, what kind of insurgent uses stump-blowing dynamite when the whole country is littered with artillery rounds and mines designed for the job? If there was any cartridge dynamite in Iraq, it must’ve been looted from a museum in 2003.

  70. Adjuster
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    I’m surprised nobody’s mentioned Dan’s transformation into the Incredible Hulk (or maybe it’s Rambo?) in panel two of Mark Trail. Don’t worry, he gets skinny again in panel three.

  71. Reed
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    TDIET: “Is this all? Do y’have anything else?”

    …like maybe something that isn’t an nauseating off-green?

    Oh-h-h-h-h yeah!

  72. Reed
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    errmm…the above should read “isn’t *a* nauseating off-green”. I do it every time, eh Scadudo?

    MT: if only “here, take my clothes!” actually worked in real life. Usually I just get, you know, thrown in jail and stuff.

  73. True Fable
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    #68 – Dolly is AN annoying little worm. I hate it when I do poorly with my grammar.

  74. The Perfesser
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Egrets? I’ve had a few.

  75. yellojkt
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    cyberpersephone (#39),

    You missed my photo-shopping from the last post where I came up with the punchline that Piraro wanted to use in Bizarro.

  76. AppleGirl
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    FW – I think I do not understand what happened. Were there two different devices: one in his hand and one on the car seat? Did he think he was carrying the cell phone, but really it was the IED? Was he trying to place a call and he mistakenly pushed the bomb button on the IED and blew himself up? Because if that’s what happened, that is so funkywinkerbeaning awesome.

  77. True Fable
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    AppleGirl darlin’, I don’t think the cellphone was in his hand. Batuik was using the economy of comics when he put that last panel in yesterday, it was an insurgent with the cellphone to trigger the IED in the car.

    At least that’s my take on it.

    Snuggles.

  78. Gg83
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Possibly the joke in Kudzu is in the last panel–the preacher tries to connect with young people, but he’s failing miserably, because he just sticks random words that he hears young people say into his prayers. But it’s more likely that the strip just sucks.

    It’s kind of sad, too, that all he would need to do would be to change “friendings” and “friend” to “defriendings” and “defriend,” and the strip would…well, “be funny” may be too strong a phrase, but it would at least make sense.

  79. Virginia
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    A3G- “There was one artist truly worthy of my possesing him, were it not for his drinking. You Luann, are my empty-headed silver metal.”

    God, even the dead snark on Luann.

  80. Virginia
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Re: my last comment:

    MEDAL!! I MEANT MEDAL! Now my joy in making fun of the stupid seems so hollow…

  81. True Fable
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    #80 Virginia – oh I don’t know, It was still a good snark, don’t be so hard on yourself.

    Luann wouldn’t know the different anyway. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.

  82. True Fable
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    HA! Difference!

    See? Hunting in a baited field, baby.

  83. Air Forbes
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Poor Albert’s so desperate he’s willing to help LuAnn with her pedestrian floral still-lifes, just to get to paint at all.

  84. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    Mountain Mama, I dug your song from the last thread
    PS: Add me to the no cell Army
    PPS:Apologies to all involved:
    Red red wine parody:

    Eye, eee dee
    Go to my head
    Make my ears bleed, I
    Hope I can still pee

    Standing, up where
    I like to be
    Proud at the urinal
    I hope I can go
    I, hope I can go

    What the fuck?
    Is that mine?
    My kevlar
    Would leave my head
    I was wrong
    And I find
    Ev’rything makes me forget

    Red, red blood
    Stains Baghdad street
    Don`t let me be alone
    It`s tearin` apart
    My fill in the blank

    —I E D Rap Section—

    Eye eee dee you make I fe’ KRI BLAAAAAM!
    I hope me spleen is where it should …Damn!!

    Eye eee dee shit, is that a Firestone???
    I hope don’t hit me, bollocks up me head-bone

    Eye eee dee you make me feel so sad
    Any time I see one blow it makes me feel bad

    Eye eee dee Saturns spin pon me head
    Margo boxcar Mary Worth the sweet dep bled????

    Eye eee dee you give me whole heap of hurt
    Whole heap of hurt mek me hurt hurt hurt hurt

    Eye eee dee can really maim a mon
    Your kind of maiming like a ‘Nux magmacannon

    Eye eee dee I loathe you right from the start
    Right from the start with all of my heart

    Eye eee dee in a Winkerbean style
    Eye eee dee in a improvise style, yeah

    (Chorus)

    Give me little time, help me clear up me guts
    Give me little time, help me clear up me guts
    Give me morphine because it make me feel fine
    Mek me feel mek me ..feel …..f..i…n….n..n..zzzzzzzzzzz

  85. Mogalike
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    FW: I knew it!

  86. Air Forbes
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    FW: Who knew when Les used to get stuck on the rope in gym class that his life was only going to get worse from there? Bet he looks back on it and thinks it was the good ol’ days.

  87. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    (what the flurping shnertz…???)

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! USE LASER TECHNOLOGY TO WELD YOUR SPHINCTERS CLOSED! CHENNUX IS BACK IN GEOSYNCHRONOUS ORBIT AND IS HACKED!

    WILLETHOMPSON, YOU ARE SO (MARGO)ING DOOMED! YOU PRETEND TO BE ME AND THEN PRESUME TO DRAW ME??? CHENNUX HOPES YOU HAVE YOUR KEVLAR UNDERWEAR ON AND ARE SHOD WITH P. F. FLYERS, BECAUSE YOU ARE SPENDING THE NEXT 48 EARTH HOURS RUNNING FROM MAGMACANNON BLASTS! MARGOBOXCARSATURN, THE NEXT AROMA I EXPERIENCE WILL BE THE VAPORS FROM YOUR BURNING EXTRA-CRISPY HIDE! THEY’LL NEED GRANNIX PHLEGM TO STICK WHAT’S LEFT OF YOUR CARCASS BACK TOGETHER!! YOU’LL LOOK LIKE A CHICKEN IN A KFC PETA VIDEO! HAHA!! MELMARDAMMIT!

    FW: I SEE EARTHERS HAVE DISCOVERED THE POWER OF SMURGLAPMITE, THE ONLY EXPLOSIVE THAT GOES KRI-BLAAAAM! CHENNUX WILL ADJUST HIS PLANS ACCORDINGLY! HAHA!

    END TRANSMISSION! AND WARM UP THE MAGMACANNON!

  88. Fred P.
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    Not to be picking nits, Josh, but I’ve noticed in your relentless pursuit of perfection, you have in the past welcomed when readers have pointed out misspellings, etc. So in that spirit, I suggest that “latter part of his live” might possibly be improved upon should an “f” be substituted for the”v”.

  89. Caged Tygre
    February 23rd, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    #49 Vex the Sane, Has Batiuk created a community of people solely to be tortured? Is anyone ever NOT doomed in FW? EVER!?

    You should see what he does to his Sims.

  90. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    With a name like Smuckers (sorry, dont know how to do the strike thang) WINKERBEAN on your brainbucket, you know you’re goin’ down!

  91. Blondie
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    FW: How the hell is that woman going to be band director with one arm?

  92. tychoanomaly
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    What’s that in the road, a head?

  93. Dr. Y. Zowl
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    # 51 – Not Old Crow (which isn’t tequila) but Old Cuervo Gold (the breakfast of skanky, big-butt avian barflies everywhere, as we suave, bar-hopping owls well know).

  94. Heckler123
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    #88, Fred P. – “who spent the latter part of his live a shut-in.” You overlook the possibility that Josh could have meant “liver.” In his latter days, he was holed up with a case of Jose Cuervo. By the time of his death, his little hepatic friend was shrunken to the size of a raisin, and hard as a diamond.

    And by “he” I mean Albert Pinkham Ryder, not Josh.

  95. Rusty
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    I couldn’t wait to read through all the comments before adding this:

    The Perfessor in Shoe for the first time ever is not wearing his trademark ratty tweed sportcoat, he is instead in a stunning 1980′s Member’s Only nylon jacket. Slammin’.

  96. Mogalike
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    cyberpersephone: In FOOB, the punchline is a digestion joke, I guess. Protein (like beans) slows the digestion of complex carbohydrates, blah blah blah. Though chili is notoriously hard on the digestive system for people with sensitive stomachs.

    Also, is it just me or has Liz developed a saintly halo?

  97. Sheilagh
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Funny how Albert Pinkham Ryder has the exact same rhythm as Margo Boxcar Saturn… What are those, trochees? It’s been a damn while…

  98. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    Yay (and by “Yay”, of course I mean “Hail”) Chennux! Anyhoo, I shure hope wille’s got a pair of Air Hardawayâ„¢ P F Flyers.

    BTW, Peg and I thank you SO much for the 55 gloznort tub of Molly MgGhee! It doesn’t even need refigeration!

  99. drewbobw
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Hang down your head, Lt. Wally -Kingston Trio

  100. Squid Countess
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    #90 Red Greenback – Check out this link. It should provide you with all you need to know in order to snark your ass off humorously express yourself. Cheers!

    http://www.pageresource.com/html/textags.htm

  101. Canaduck
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I just need you to know that I laughed so hard about Wally’s missing head that it actually hurt.

    I’m going to blame it on you and NOT the possibility that I’m amused by the idea of headless people.

  102. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    “Elrod” Hover. Sorry! trainwreck of thought….Damn you , Christian Brothersâ„¢!!!

  103. True Fable
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    #96 : Mogalike, I wondered that earlier. I am sure Lynn decided to place Liz’s head where the porch light would be just so she could pass it off to curmudgeons as “that’s just the porch light” but it’s actually a code to her faithful blind followers that this is the Annunciation of the Grand Matchup between Saint Granthony, patron of lost Hoooommmes and Saint Lizardbreath, Patron of Women Who Dare Step Out of Line from Family Values, Because She Will Only Be Snatched Back Into Line By Heartache, And Never Think Independently of Mommy Ever Again. Yeah, we hate singing that one during the Litany of Saints.

  104. Houston Northcutt
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    RMMD:

    Niki: Just tell me what you want tossed!

    June: My salad!

    (Side note: Who would ever say “Sure you want to tackle this now, Niki?” Wouldn’t you say “Sure you want to tackle this now?” Or “Sure you want to tackle this now?” Just askin’.)

  105. True Fable
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    #100 Squid Countess – I love you for this I appreciate the link!

  106. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! FILL YOUR EARS WITH MOLTEN MEDAL! #80 VIRGINIA MAKES CHENNUX LAUGH! HAHA! CHENNUX SPEAKS TO MOLLYKEEPER RED G!

    #98 RED G. – MOLLY MGGHEE! EVEN CHENNUX CANNOT BELIEVE IT’S NOT BUTTER – OR GRANNIX PHLEGM!! HAHA! BUT I WOULD REFIGERATE IT IF I WERE YOU! FAILING THAT, I’D REFIGERATE MOLLY! SHE ENJOYS FIGERATION! LEARN TO SPELL, PUNY EARTHER!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  107. Hysterical Woman
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Be glad they’re forty-something women. He could be hitting on college girls or worse, teenagers with fake IDs.

  108. Canaduck
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    I just can’t believe that Kudzu is so completely stupid that it can’t comprehend that “friend” when used as a verb is a positive thing.

    But I also can’t believe (like Gg83–#76–said already) that we’re SUPPOSED to realize that the preacher is completely out of touch with reality.

  109. willethompson
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    #2 UL – High fives! Complete agreement! Would that it would have been so eKRI-BLAAAAM!

  110. Houston Northcutt
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    Oops. Dopey me. I searched this thread to see if the “my salad” thing had been done already, but didn’t think to search yesterday’s thread till after I posted. I should have know I couldn’t be the first to think of it.

  111. Ubiq
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    FW: The Warden just called; he said “KRI-BLAAAAM!”

    As a side note, “KRI”-BLAAAAM? The hell? Is “Kri” Arabic for “Ka”?

  112. Maybelle
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Last time my I.E.D. malfunctioned, they wuz callin’ me momma nine months later.

  113. John C Fremont
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    # 68 – Mmmmm… Abbey and/or Neddy fix on… Aarrrrrgggg…

    # 87 – Hail, your Great Emperorness-ship-sir. I believed in you all along. With that, though, I always thought that you looked more like Kang and/or Kodos. Or maybe something like Darth Vader, with that John Williams score accompanying you every time you enter the room. Nah – I’m going with Kodos. Or Kang.

  114. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    Your Royal Squidness, Thank you! So, it’s just the “slash” key that seals the deal, right! Now I don’t have to use a wooden chair, now I have a partner.

    CHENNUX, YEAH REFIGERATE! I AM ALL ABOUT GIL TORRP, TOO!….Oh….SHIT!!!!! my neck pubes are standing up with static electricity….Forgive me, Sire!!!

  115. Anonymous
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    #68, TF. IMHO, DT beats GT hands down. DT has style.

  116. Miss Priss
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    I’ve never previously followed Funky Winkerbean, so I have to ask–has anyone ever actually *died* from whatever misfortune has been thrown at them??

  117. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    I know i’m gonna be dodging magmacannon blasts with wille on this one, but Jeez, “MGGHEE?” Keep your talon on the page, Bro.

  118. stinky pete
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    Is this “bitch about typos night,” and I just didn’t get the memo?

  119. Dean Booth
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    #115 is me. Got a new computer today — woohoo!

  120. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    #51, You’ve really managed to sell me on this Shoe, Buck. The more I hear about drunken love and Old Crow, the more it seems like the start of a Tom Waits song. It suggests a whole new direction for the birdcomic. If Loon ends up as an embittered hobo, I’ll be a happy man.

  121. Moon Mullins
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    68, 113: All this talk about getting a fix from Judge Parker’s characters led to this little ditty, sung to the tune of “Route 66″

    Well if you ever plan to get off mate
    Just take my way, that’s the sly way that you’ll skate
    I get my fix with Judge Parker’s chicks

    They’re in dailies from New York to L.A.
    Don’t need no skin mag, listen what I say
    Get your fix with Judge Parker’s chicks

    Work your way up from Blondie,
    cross to Miss Buxley,
    Little little Neddy looks oh so pretty
    You’ll see Abbey and Toni Daytona,
    LuAnn Tommie Margo – there ain’t no embargo,
    Man, June Morgan can rock my organ!

    Would you get hip to this kindly tip
    Take the funnies on your bathroom trip
    Get your fix with Judge Parker’s chicks

  122. SelfCalledNowhere
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    #64–Yeah, Wally is Funky’s older brother, I think.

    …It occurrs to me that I know far too much about these people.

    Characters.

    Something.

  123. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    No, no stinky pete, there was no memo. Sorry about denigrating Hiz Hizzness’ spelling, I’m sure He has His reasons. “Can’t we all just get along?” Huh, HUH?….and also He meant to say “buuter”

  124. stinky pete
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    122 Wally is the younger brother, and in the spirit of 118, it’s occurs, for Rolly Church of Crete!

  125. John C Fremont
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Rolly Church of Crete Nebraska!! Crete is only an hour away from Fremont – What if “Rolly” figures out who I am?! (I’ve been using this nom de plume for a few years now.) It’s a given that he’s a Plugger (unless he’s really a ‘mudge, in which case, all is forgiven – right?) so he MIGHT own a hunting rifle and/or shotgun, just like Plugger “Dick” Cheney.

    Rolly, I was KIDDING earlier, okay? We’re good, right? Right?!

    (Again, cue the crane shot) Noooooo!!!!

    As Johnny LaRue found out, those crane shots are expensive. I probably should stop using them… but then, W.W.J.L.R.D.??

  126. Saxman
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    A3G

    It’s a religious thing with me I guess. I take it as a matter of faith that the lovely Margo can never be wrong. (which is partly why my life is so disfunctional I bet).

    But I firmly believe that her theory is correct, and it is Alan who is with Luanne (artfully disguised at Msr Ryder). Surely he has enough money and access to technocrats to pull off the disappearing orchid trick.

    Margo will doubtlessly extract her revenge on Luanne. I’m hoping the vengeful drak-loving *real* ghost will take out the flower-loving pseudo-ghost.

  127. stinky pete
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    123 Red, hey, if we can get G.E. Chennux focused on our atrocious spelling maybe he’ll forget about his dreams of world conquest. Perhaps he can get a job as an editor at HarperCollins – I hear they’re looking.

  128. Moon Mullins
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    125: Jeez, in just one day, so many obscure comedy references — and now the SCTV Xmas special with J LaR freezing on the sidewalk. There are other people who know these things in the world! I am not insane!

    This site rules.

  129. John C Fremont
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    # 121 – Oh, yeah!! (Rammsteinspeak = Ach, Ja!!) Pretty sure the late Bobby Troup himself would have appreciated that, not to mention that ol’ Doc Brackett hisownself!

  130. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    Nice goin’, Moon! I love it!- Hey, can one of you Mudges parody “C C Rider”? I’m just too damn lazy to do it, but it’s some low hanging fruit if you ask me.Here’s the Elvis Presley version:

    Attack with extreme prejudice!

    I said C., C. C. Rider
    Oh see, what you have done
    (Yea yea yea)

    I said C. (C. C. Rider) C. C. Rider (C. C. Rider)
    Oh see, (C. C. Rider) what you have done
    (Yea yea yea)

    Oh girl, you made me love you
    Now, now, now, you love me, your loving man has gone
    (C. C. Rider) Girl what’d I say (C. C. Rider)

    Well, I’m going away, baby
    And I won’t be back ’til fall
    (Yea, yea, yea)
    And I’m going away baby
    And I won’t be back ’til fall
    (Yea, yea, yea)
    If I find me a good girl
    I won’t, I won’t, I won’t be back at all
    Girl what’d I say, I said C., (C. C. Rider)
    C. C. Rider (C. C. Rider)
    Oh see (C. C. Rider) what you have done
    Yea, yea, yea
    I said C. (C. C. Rider) C. C. Rider (C. C. Rider)
    Oh see, (C. C. Rider) what you have done
    (Yea yea yea)
    Oh girl, you made me love you
    Now, now, now, you love me, your loving man has gone

    Play it JB, (C. C. Rider) (C. C. Rider)

    (Yea yea yea)

    (Yea yea yea)

    Whoo, hear what I say
    I said C. (C. C. Rider) C. C. Rider (C. C. Rider)
    I-Oh see, (C. C. Rider) what you have done (Yea yea yea)
    I said C. (C. C. Rider) C. C. Rider (C. C. Rider)
    Oh see, (C. C. Rider) what you have done (Yea yea yea)
    Oh girl, you made me love you
    Now, now, now, you love me, your loving man has gone
    Well what I say
    Now I said C., (C. C. Rider) C. C. Rider (C. C. Rider)
    I said C., (C. C. Rider) C. C. Rider (C. C. Rider)
    I said C., (C. C. Rider) C. C. Rider (C. C. Rider)
    I said C., (C. C. Rider) C. C. Rider (C. C. Rider)
    I said C., (C. C. Rider) C. C. Rider (C. C. Rider)
    I said C. (C. C. Rider)

  131. Johnny Q
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    FUNKY WINKERBEAN brings to mind the fortune cookie message cited in an irreverent SALON Table Talk thread:

    “You will be saddened by the fact you have no shoes, until you meet a man who has no feet. Later, you will give comfort to a man who has no hat.”

  132. John C Fremont
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, Red, but once you said Elvis, all I got is “Porcelain Monkey” runnin’ through my head. But pretty much every other day, that’s all I got runnin’ through my head, so…

  133. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    127 stinky pete: Better still, if THE ROAMING EMPEROR would hook up with Judith Regan in a boutique publishing house….Hey, MAGIC TIME!… am I right?

  134. stinky pete
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    133 Red, THE SXKCRITORT PRESS, WASHINGTON DC (THE BOOKS ARE ALL IN CAPITALS)

  135. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    J.C.F.: Whoa!, I hadda do the googâ„¢ on “Porcelain Monkey” and again. Whoa! “regicidal”! Man, I forget how much I miss W,Z.

  136. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    #134- Is it just meâ„¢, or does THE SXKCRITORT PRESS sound extremely painful.

  137. Jack Parsons
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]


    RMMD:
    Argh! He’s not Elvis, he’s Iggy Pop!

  138. John C Fremont
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    # 135 – … and he had me at “regal sobriquet.” Requiescat in pace!

  139. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    Here are the next few days of FW: Saturday: Wally wakes in a heap to find his left arm’s been blown off by the IED. He rises – only to be hit by a hail of machine-gun fire. Monday: Medics tend to Wally, and reveal to him that the machine guns have severed his other arm. Tuesday: Wally is escorted back to his unit, and a bomb goes off, blowing his body north and both his legs south. Wednesday: Wally’s being wheeled to a Medevac chopper by a drunken private who trips on a rock – Wally topples from his wheelchair right on top of a landmine, which blows his head clear off his body. Last panel: Wally’s head, in mid-air, thought-balloons: “Damn but I’m having a bad day.”

  140. John C Fremont
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    # 137 – No, ’cause as I was reminded in the late 70′s, “Iggy Pop Is God!!” And this Elvis is no god, and I doubt if he could even walk on his audience.

    Hey, maybe Iggy Pop really IS God… Wow, man!

  141. Fried Froid w/ Squid
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I did! I posted exactly 10 hours before you mentioned the head in FW… http://joshreads.com/?p=961#comment-182462

    Does that give me Comment of the Day?

  142. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    Pant, pant, catching up…

    # 5 — Old Fogeyette, I’m starting to take your thread gift for granted, but don’t think I’m not impressed. And I agree that you can be Dorothy Parker, and more power to you for being qualified. I’ve loved Benchley for years, but don’t feel like him. So I’ll be one of the servers keeping your table supplied with drinks and food and more drinks while listening in on the incredibly witty conversation and raking in monetary and philosophical tips.

    # 87 — Wille, I hope you are hiding somewhere safe under deep cover. And Your Glorious Impulsiveness, please spare wille. He has promised never ever to do it again, and he really is more amusing alive than fried to a black crisp.

    # 100 — Squid Countess, I laughed like a drain all the way through your wonderful long comment on the previous thread. I’ll confine my response to saying that I’m certain my house looks as bad or worse than yours, and I have no excuse except that’s the kind of house I keep. I’ve decided that in a former life, I was an unhappy untidy wife in a Puritan colony who was constantly being put in the stocks under a sign that said “Disobedient Godless Slattern.” As karmic compensation, I can now be as messy as I want. Har.

  143. John C Fremont
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    # 139 – I like how you left out Sunday’s “lite-hearted” strip where – I dunno, there’s a snowball fight, or the dog does something “humorous,” or somebody goes to court to press rape charges or…

  144. Tattis
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Funky Winkerbean, what will you make me laugh inappropriately at next?

  145. mcmc
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    Is it just my deteriorating mental condition or are the people in Mary Worth starting to look like caterpillars in human-masks? I think that’s happening to Gil Thorp too.

  146. Jack Parsons
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    John C. Fremont@125 with his SCTV riff: Rolly, I was KIDDING earlier, okay? We’re good, right? Right?!

    (Again, cue the crane shot) Noooooo!!!!

    As Johnny LaRue found out, those crane shots are expensive. I probably should stop using them… but then, W.W.J.L.R.D.??

    My current email sig is:

    Forget it, Jake – it’s AmnesiaTown

  147. AppleGirl
    February 23rd, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    77 – True Fable, thank you for explaining the FW scenario to me. As you could tell, I don’t follow war technology very much. And I totally missed that that was the enemy holding the detonator device yesterday. A Judge Parker “meanwhile” banner could have helped my understanding a lot.

    Comics are hard! Math is easier!

  148. Red Greenback
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    OK, I admit, I’ve been boozin’ it up a little bit with Peg tonight. Alright, question: FOOB; OK, is it proper to refer to someone as a “BOOF” as a term of endearment? …You know, like when Joanie was all hot on Potsie and was saying he was a “dren”?

  149. Red Greenback
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    #119 Dean Booth-
    Me: “Do you have a light Mac?”
    Dean: No, but I do have a dark brown overcoat!”
    ….Oooohhh!

  150. BennyH
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Kudzu: The words “friending” and “friend” are written in a different hand than the rest of the lettering so this strip has been edited. I’m guessing the original words were “screw-ups” and “screw”. The f-words chosen for replacement are supposed to remind you of other f-words similar to the original dialog.

  151. bobbaloo
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    “blown up again?”….Funky Winkerbean’s new motto.
    FC–Dolly is what, 7? 8? and she doesn’t know what ants are?
    RMMD–I just realized that Nikki never did get his broken jaw taken care of. Apparently the thought of doing June (not my idea of a MILF, but oh well) is enough to make him forget his pain.

  152. Mazement
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Apparently opening windows causes ghosts to dissipate. Margo’s coming over to see if Luann is with Eric, so I assume that Albert is not much longer for this world. “A little fresh air…”

  153. John C Fremont
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    # 146 – Yes, it’s just Amnesiatown – I just hope that ROLLY CHURCH OF CRETE FREAKIN’ NEBRASKA remembers that – except that it’s AMNESIATOWN, fer cryin’ out loud, so he won’t!!

    Oh, Rolly is SO [margoing] going to kill me!! Help me, Jebus!!

  154. hans
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    I can SXKCRITORT PRESS 220 pounds. Oh, Yeah!

  155. ltrftp(not so first time)
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    On the Doogie Howser pilot the dad called someone a ‘renob’.

  156. Anonymous
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Please, please, someone, please make a t-shirt graphic that says “In a few hours I will go out and do my thing. . . ”

    Please.

    And maybe on the back see how many times you can use the word “planned” in a sentence.

  157. Prouser
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Check out the look of sheer boredom on Mary Worth’s face as Jeff recounts his Peace Village experience to her on the plane in Saturday’s strip. I swear she appears to be rolling her eyes.

  158. MonkeyHawk
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    I’m considering converting to the Rolly Church of Crete.

    That sets me up as a potential heretic, as it would entail renouncing my current faith in Galactic Emperer Chennux.

  159. Red Greenback
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    ..D’ja ever notice…Chennux looks like Klondike Ike!…Thank you, tip waitress, all week. veal. good! The Dingo ate my baby, Thank you!!

  160. godwithfire
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    FW: Ah. So it was all a dream. Just like “Dallas.” Or maybe it was all in the mind of an autistic child, like “St. Elsewhere.” No, no, it was all a video game. A very, very graphic video game, far beyond, say COD3, and one that allows you to use modern weapons and face modern threats! Dang, I gotta get me a 360…

  161. godwithfire
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    #76 Cell phones (or other transmitting devices) are sometimes used to detonate IEDs. It’s really not that hard, simply wire the leads from the speaker to the detonator, then call that number. Boom. They also use garage door openers a lot as well.

    Sgt. Winkerbean’s game goes into some pretty hefty detail, even showing the enemy’s hand as he/she dials the exploding number… now that’s VR!

  162. rich
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    When do the Saturday comics go online? The Washington Post is up, but alas, no Funky Wankerbean on their site.

    I don’t think Wally’s lost his head — there appears to be a nose pointing up from that blob atop his shoulders. However, that does appear to be a spare foot floating ominously above the tire at the left of the panel. And a curiously footless right ankle…

    But, c’mon, Batiuk, a mere foot amputation? You can do better…besides, that material’s already been thoroughly mined* by Curtis, this very week!

    (* — sorry –)

    PS, to clarify: Wally is Winky’s cousin, not his big or little brother (so sez the King Features “FW” page).

    (Oh, and I liked how King Folderol called him Bialuk …heh! No, that was “Blossom”…and the movie “Beaches” — while we’re on the subject of horror stories…)

  163. Poteet
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    2/24 –

    Foob — Sorry to repeat what’s been so often said before, but to quote one eloquent Curmudgeon, I loathe you, Lynn, with the white-hot heat of ten thousand suns.

    And it’s another thousand suns for YOU, Batiuk.

  164. rich
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    Okay, I just saw Saturday’s strip…

    LAME!!!*

    (* — sorry again –)

    But I wonder if that scene of the cellphone detonation was “real” — in Sunday’s strip will their barracks suddenly will be blown up?

  165. Gg83
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    A3G–”I promise. But why?”
    “Because if you do, all the paint thinner fumes will dissipate, and your hallucinations will end!”

  166. Jym Dyer
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    {24-Feb-2007 Comics}

    =161= FW: Speaking of detail, was he (a) wearing the helmet while playing the game, then doffed it after yelling I.E.D., or (b) customized the sim in the game to have his name and face?

    =163= Foob: Poteet, I’m with you. I’ve had all I can stands and I can’t stands no more.

    =165= A3G: Just as I predicted. So what do I win?

  167. jnik
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    #64, Squid Countess:
    Wally is Funky’s NEPHEW! How do I know? I’ve been a reader of the strip from the beginning, when people thought it was funny!
    That means Wally would call him “Uncle Funky”, but that was never done.
    I just saw the Saturday FW! Is Batiuk reading the Curmudgeon and making amends, or toying with us?

  168. Trilobite
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    #157 – No, see, I don’t think Mary Worth looks bored when Jeff’s telling his little story about how he was a total failure when it came to helping poor little Cam in Peace Village: she’s positively glowing with ghoulish delight. She’s not rolling her eyes at how tedious it is, she’s casting her eyes heavenward in glorious ecstasy.

    If there’s one thing we should all know by now, it’s that Mary Worth positively revels in all forms of human misery. Here she hits the trifecta: she can chortle gleefully at the thought of a helpless foreign child horribly deformed by Agent Orange AND enjoy how painful it is for Jeff to relive this memory AND know that with every passing moment the plane is taking Jeff further and further away from Peace Village…back to walk around poolside at Charterstone, doing nothing of any value to anyone, anywhere, until the mind-rotting tedium of it all drives him to put a bullet in his own brain.

    She’s a horrible monster, and she’s loving every minute of it.

  169. Obélix
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    JP: Arrgggh! The first rule of using a foreign language in a strip is to get the words right. Was the French of the art school administrative gatekeeper generated by Babelfish? “Vous êtes prochain,” has lousy grammar, incorrect gender, and misplaced vocabulary. If she wants to tell Neddy that she is next, something like, “Vous êtes la suivante,” might work.

  170. Obélix
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    Better still might have been, “Neddy Spencer, c’est a vous!”

  171. Obélix
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    …er, make that “c’est à vous!” or “c’est votre tour.”

  172. apostate
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:04 am [Reply]

    43 – Kate:

    “The sound of a girl crying always turns me on. It reminds me of my first time.”

    If anyone can identify the reference, I’d be very grateful. No luck finding it on Google, so I’m probably butchering the syntax.

  173. Angry Beaver
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:51 am [Reply]

    Is it just me or is A3G starting to become like ‘Phantom of the Opera’?

    “Your hands and my paint brush
    in one combined; The Phhhhhaaaa
    aaaaatom of the Studio Apartment is there’
    Inside your mind”

    (With not much apology to Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber)

  174. Lynngineering
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:14 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: AND THEY’RE OFF! The story-horses have rounded the first circle. After they left the rape trial the first time, Mom and Pa Kettle bugged Liz right away in the car drive home, and that started what was one LONG C.C. round.
    Now here we are again they’ve left the rape trial again, only this time it’s Liz back in her childhood-reversion bed scenario, worn down, and good ol’ Dad coming in to tuck her in, and then – boom: back to square one – What about ANTHONY? Huh? Anthony is nice? Huh? What about Anthony? huh Liz?? Anthony is nice? Hey I know you’re in bed, and this is probably awkward talking to you like I am tucking in a five year old but…hey WHAT ABOUT ANTHONY??!! Liz, did I mention to you I know nothing about relationships, but anyway, WHAT ABOUT ANTHONY? Liz – what about ANTHONY?

    Surely this is Michael’s dream, because he’s such a bad author, he just free-associated: he recalls the last scenario, and put her back in it – only WORSE.

  175. The Avocado Avenger
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:16 am [Reply]

    MW: Kill me now.

    FW: No, really, please. Stop this stupid storyline or kill me.

    FOOB: I’m beggin’ you, here, man. You gotta kill me. I can’t take one more strip.

  176. AppleGirl
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:45 am [Reply]

    MW – I’m actually feeling sorry for Mary Worth. She’s been listening to Dr. Jeff’s Agent Orange rant for EIGHT DAYS now. I hate when I sit next to someone who wants to TALK during a long flight. He must have been kinda goofy-loud, too, because at one point all the passengers on the plane were staring at him.

    Be careful what you wish for, Mary Worth!

    Right about now she’s sorry she ever meddled in Vietnam. Plus she’s dreading all those damned fundraisers she volunteered to organize. She’s realizing that the Summer of Dr. Jeff sure won’t be as fun as the Summer of Aldo was.

  177. AppleGirl
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:00 am [Reply]

    MW – “Ummm, not to interrupt you, Dr. Jeff, but did I tell you about the man I killed last summer? Oh, but the plane’s about to land… I’ll tell you about that later. It’s not important.”

  178. Jack Parsons
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:32 am [Reply]

    According to the news that beaver in the river in NY is “several feet long”. That tears it: it really is a Mark Trail beaver. Mark my words, soon it will talk out of its patootie, and have a Jackal Rod brand.

    I’ve only seen on in the Madrid Zoo. I had to go to Europe to see a North Murrican animal: it’s against international law to zoo an animal from your continent.

  179. Christopher
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    So, Funky Winkerbean:

    Well, BOO!, obviously.

    But more then that, what kind of video game is he playing? I mean, I admit that I haven’t played any games more recent then Metal Gear Solid, but how fun, really, is a game where random objects could blow you up and kill your character at any time without warning?

    Or, is, like, the guy with a cellphone a boss, and he tries to blow you up? But you never really see him, so that doesn’t really seem fair.

    And really, if he was a boss, you could just, you know, not walk next to any cars.

    Seriously, what the hell kind of lame ass game is this? An IED defusing simulator?

  180. Red Greenback
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    TDIET: Al, you the man! Thanks for all the great names today. I’ll forgive you for leaving out Art Holeflaffer and Bunny Crumbhunger, ’cause you gave props to Clubman Schnookly. Oh, Yeah-h-h…

  181. Red Greenback
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    #178- Hi Jack! (wow, good thing we aren’t on a plane, innit?)- Anyhoo, shouldn’t your third sentence start with ” Mark my trails”

  182. willethompson
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

    #175 Avocado (cough) ifyou…want…death (hack), jussst piss…off (sizzle) Chennux…. urk

    need…Bactine….and (flashpop) vodka…and…carnation instant…skin grafts…aaaaargh…

  183. Luna
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    FOOB:

    Unfortunately, ya gotta give Lizardbreath some credit in panel #3. That face is the perfect reaction to any mention of the name “Anthony.”

    Then again, she may be trying to block out the view of ol’ dad jerking off whilst discussing the peg o’ his heart. I mean, just look at his face.

  184. ohio teach
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    FW’s been having you all on this week I think. I forget, now, is FW awful because its characters do sometimes suffer or because they don’t?

    Personally, I think there’s something amusing in Batiuk’s pointing out the cultural dissociation between real and game violence that has allowed us as a nation to send kids to their meaningless deaths while some of our leaders pretend we’re winning this game. The military men and women in my classroom (many of whom are either going to or back from Iraq) love virtual war games.

  185. willethompson
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    #121 Moon – …get your…kicks… on the Emporer’s critort-skx (that’s Zyvexian pig latin)….hurts…(kaffkaffkaff) to…type…

  186. gleeb
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    HA! Batiuk fooled us all. Until Sgt. W steps outside and gets hit by a truck, of course.

  187. TB Tabby
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    179: According to the Wednesday strip, they’re playing America’s Army. Which is a real game, by the way.

    On an unrelated note, is today’s Frazz a reference to the censored Get Fuzzy story about Bucky running for president?

  188. Sheilagh
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    pan·der (păn’dÉ™r)
    intr.v., -dered, -der·ing, -ders.
    To act as a go-between or liaison in sexual intrigues; function as a procurer.
    To cater to the lower tastes and desires of others or exploit their weaknesses: “He refused to pander to nostalgia and escapism” (New York Times).
    [Middle English Pandare, Pandarus, from Old Italian Pandaro, from Latin Pandarus, from Greek Pandaros.]

    Hey, Pop Foob, I’m talking to YOU! How much is Pornstache paying you, to whisper his name by your daughter’s pillow as she drifts off to sleep? Faugh!!! Have you no shame, sir?

    What I wouldn’t give to see Lizardbreath pull out a Luger and shoot him dead.

  189. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    FBoFW Y’all, there is something deeply disturbing about John Patterson’s “little talk” with Liz. We all talk about Michael’s incredible oversized ego and Elly’s smothering, but I think John is the one to take the prize today.

    Well, my sweetheart, now that Howard’s been sentenced, you can get on with your life…move forward! Yeah, she put her life on hold for Howard, a jerk of the first order, but Johnny boy, he was never on her List of MEN TO SNAG. He was a crapazoid; leave him out of the equation. Duh..Remember he tried to rape her? She wasn’t a contender, she’s been out playing the field with the other contenders, haven’t you noticed?

    Or…do you have to get over Paul first? Well, SNAP Johnny boy! Oh yeah, you just forgot momentarily about the man who’s been calling every night and on her mind for most of the past 6 months, who surprised her by breaking up as only your marionetteer Lynn could do! Of course she has to get over her biggest love loss so far, are you freakin’ Paul Revere with this news flash? Since when did you give a damn about Liz’s love life, where the hell have YOU been with the sympathy and advice? Playing with your caboose?

    But now there’s WARREN! Nice looking chap, well spoken, good manners… all you need to add is be Articulate and he could run for office. As long as he APPEARS nice and doesn’t have a harsh name like Kelpforth or Glutton, he could be a serial arsonist and it’d be okay with you as long as he keeps up appearances, right? Calls you up a lot, doesn’t he? Just like that guy I forgot, old Paul, so Warren is bound to stomp your aorta too, sweetheart.

    Oh, but if I were a gambler, I’d put my money on Anthony! Why? Because Anthony is John Patterson’s clone, that’s why! You are so convinced you are the Greatest Dad in the World, the Bestest Husband, and a Grandfather who actually picked up his grandchild once, why, the competition can go to hell, Anthony is the obvious choice. He’s boring like you, he’s timid like you, he looks like you, he’s a FUCKING ASSHAT LIKE YOU!

    For the first time, I almost feel sorry for Liz. Look kiddo, just gather your things, pack them in your car, and drive. The Toronto area is not the only place that needs teachers and you need to get away from your self-righteous, self-loving family. [/rant]

  190. Randy S
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Having read a few of Saturday’s strips, a few comments:
    A3G: The ghost artist just asked Luann to promise never to open the window. (In fact, he seemed to be very shook up at the very prospect). Luann asks him why, but I think it’s obvious. If she opens the window the paint fumes will clear out and no more hallucination.
    MT: I think I figured out his sinister plot, and it has little to do with Mark himself. Basically, he’s gonna fake his own death for the insurance money. Why he chose to do it there instead of somewhere else is anyone’s guess, but part of the reason is that he needs a reliable witness to his fake death in order to corroborate it.

  191. Squawk
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    In the spirit of this week’s A3G, Tolstoy comes back from the dead to help Michael Patterson write his next novel.

  192. John C Fremont
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    # 173 – Don’t ever apologize to Andrew Lloyd Webber (that evile little troll).

    MW – Mary and Jeff are in coach?! No way are those coach seats!

    FW – Oh, crap. I hate this strip. Seriously. And you, Batiuk. And your little dog, too.

  193. John C Fremont
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    MT – Wacka-cha-wacka, etc.

    Oh, and, Ewww!

  194. Frank Drackman
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    #172 that sounds like a quote from the late Rodney Dangerfield…

  195. Calico
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    #189 – It grosses me out to see a grown man standing at the foot of his grown daughter’s bed at night, ranting about to whom she should offer her precious foobian flower. Yuck-o-rama.

    Batuik – you got us, and good…this time. Carry on sir.

  196. stinky pete
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    9CL: Normally the alien guy playing Ambrose Bierce annoys me (more drawings of hot babes in leopard prints, mule!) but today I laughed out loud.

    FW: So, so lame, I couldn’t even get annoyed at it. I propose a 24 hour moratorium on discussing just how lame it is so that all our Curmudgeonly venom can be directed at FOOB, or world hunger, or something.

  197. Old Fogeyette
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    My new day’s resolution is to try to be much nastier and unpleasant so I can be Dorothy. (And thanks, Poteet!) Unfortunately, there are some things in today’s comics that appeal to my better nature. Starting with:

    Funky: BWAHAHAHAHA! I know the rest of you are pissed off by this, and justifiably so, as this is a classic cheat that no good writer should ever do. Back when I wrote children’s thrillers, we called this sort of thing (a cliffhanger that seems to lead to something dreadful, but is really innocuous) a “cheap thrill.” But I for one am relieved that Wally lives to suffer another day, and I am wondering now if this was a shoutout to CC, since everyone has been expecting a hideous fate to befall him. And by the way, Wally is Funky’s COUSIN. And also by the way, 187 ohio teach: YES!

    #190 Randy S: YES! again! I believe you are right about the MT plot. Thanks! Now can you tell me what he taped to the bottom of Mark’s boat?

    A3G: I loathe this story line with every fiber of my being. Although today’s episode makes me think that it really is the landlord guy rather than a real ghost. There is NO reason that a ghost would need to have the window closed. I’m guessing Mr. Landlord needs it shut to complete the circuit for his holograph projector. In any case, it’s unutterably boring.

    JP: WTF with Neddy’s hair? I could understand if it had fallen down OVER her forehead. But how could it fall UP from the side? And how long will this boring drivel go on?

    MW: Although it is perhaps admirable for a comic strip to inform the public of a lingering problem in Vietnam, this story line now reminds me, in its tedium, its repetition, and its pretentiousness, of Elly’s Mtigqwkti lecture some months ago.

    And speaking of Elly…. FOOB today sucks rocks.

    Guess I’ve got my snark on after all. And I haven’t even had coffee yet, as Mr. Fogeyette is still in bed.

  198. Calico
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    #196 – or Peace Village? ; ) Damn us all! Dr. Jeff’s guilt-rant can be heard on the Space Station, for God’s sake.

    DtM – I think he’s getting back on track slowly. If he can piss off the old man at 9 AM, he’s sort of getting somewhere.
    BTW, does Dennis attend school? Do his friends? Every time I see them they’re slumming or eating.

  199. commodorejohn
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    A3G – As stupid as this ghost storyline is, I like the way APR is subtly telling Luann that she was his last choice.

    FW – The simple altering of eye positions and use of a punchline render today’s Funky Winkerbean much improved.

  200. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    DtM Well played, Dennis my boy. +5 points. more days like this might drag your butt out of the deficit with MenaceWatch2007.
    DT Dick Nixon guest star is starting to get old. Get rid of him, shoot him or something.
    JP Dammit, I want to see some action! When is the mystery woman going to kidnap Neddy? When is Cedric going to show that he’s…whatever he is… some kind of secret service bodyguard someone’s assigned to Abbey and Neddy? Where is Celeste’s Denial??
    RMMD Maybe June needs to get into bed first, that’s all she’s got on her ;mind. And what’s Rex doing all this time? sitting at the table going “doot doot de doot”?
    TDIET omg. Names like Dan Dangler and Anson Pants, and Harv Buttly! Did he get those names on loan from the Evil Person List over in FOOBville?

  201. David V. Matthews (the tsar of Jack Ass Acres)
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Wikipedia has decreed that the Comics Curmudgeon entry “does not satisfy the notability guideline” and may face “deletion.” Can we save this entry?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comics_Curmudgeon

  202. Frank Drackman
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MW pisses me off so much!!!!!!:( I want to personally enter the comic strip and b**** slap Mary senseless..I know the type…the 2 hrs a week she spends at the hospital is the most work shes ever done in her life..she pays her illegal migrant housekeeper with dollar coins and rolled up pennies(carefully checked to insure no valuable ones are included). Shes one of the few who actually gets a decent check from social security since her late husband was a multimillionaire..the rest of her income is probably from tax exempt bonds. And she spends 1 1/2 of those 2 hours in the hospital gossiping and drinking free coffee. I take that back about the dollar coins..she actually pays them with a check and issues them a form 1099 so the IRS has a record of them..What a c*** I hope she gets stung by killer bees.

  203. Editrix
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    And here I thought that the Rev. Will B. Dunn was hatin’ on Quakers.

  204. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    I’m going to draw my own comic strip. Then I will snark it myself. Since it’s taken Gasoline Alley FOUR DAYS to say the same thing, drawn out to see what is written on the paper (damn tease!) then just making some goofy looking joe decide to get off the couch and get a beer ought to break me into one of the comic syndicates easy!

  205. David V. Matthews (the tsar of Jack Ass Acres)
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Today’s TDIET:

    SIXTEEN funny names, including Bo Barfo, Harv Buttly, and (ahem) Dan Dangler! Is Scaduto a Reno 911! fan, or does he just like testicles?

    Also, today’s TDIET features a hearty “Oh, yeah-h-h”!

    Oh, yeah-h-h!

  206. AwfulArt
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    I cannot describe my contempt & disgust with today’s “FW”…!!!
    Totally Fucking Sucks…!!!

  207. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    #201 – the question is, HOW do we save the entry, what can we do?

  208. Weasel Boy
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    MW: Hey Dr. Jeff, could you elaborate a little on this agent orange thingy? Was it a good thing or a bad thing?

  209. Plinko Commie
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    188: The last time a Luger and an Elizabeth were together, Elizabeth died of a drug overdose.

    At least Kept Dad gave figuaritve lip service to Warren before moving on to literal lip service to Granthony. Yeah, never bet against the guy the pit boss says is gonna win. I’ve been to small-town carnivals where the games weren’t this rigged.

    Oh, and I’d a day late and a loon short (I’m not Canadian, I just like their money) on FW, but to quote early 2000′s superband Basemet Jaxx:

    WHERE’S YOUR HEAD AT?
    WHERE’S YOUR HEAD AT? WHERE’S YOUR HEAD AT?
    WHERE’S YOUR HEAD AT?
    WHERE’S YOUR HEAD AT? WHERE’S YOUR HEAD AT?

  210. dreadedcandiru2
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Foob: Jesus Fucking Christ, what is WITH the Pattersaints? Why the loving fuck do they think Elizabeth is so hard up they gotta pimp her out to the nearest ididot they can find? Don’t they realize their reafusal to step the fuck off is WHY she’s so messed up in the first place? The only happy ending here is her and April going on a killing spree.

  211. BuckNaked
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    To be honest though, if you really do want to be in the wikipedia, you have to take what they mention with some consideration. In that respect the entry doesn’t really feel very wiki, in a good way, nor encyclopedia-oriented, but more fan club. If everyone with a forum tried to go on the wiki, it wouldn’t make sense either. Try to figure out more clearly what distinguishes it, some context that makes it more than some fans, and do a credible rewrite. I enjoy this site as much as everyone else, but if I read that entry on the wiki, it’s mostly insider-fan stuff.

  212. Tukla in Iowa
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MW: Okay, Karen Moy! We get the effin’ picture already! Damn!

  213. Tukla in Iowa
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    #176: She’s been listening to Dr. Jeff’s Agent Orange rant for EIGHT DAYS now.

    The true horror is that they’re on a JetBlue flight, and they haven’t even taken off yet.

  214. Drewbob
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    FW: WHY! What did I do to deserve this kind of vile torture! My whole weekend is ruined, possibly March as well. There is no god. Seriously.

    MW: Did the dialog just lap itself? Could have sworn I’ve heard this before…….

    SF: Glad to see we’re introducing our children to capitalistic greed as early as possible.

  215. smh
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    I swear, I read the FOOB on the Houston Chronicle online, and I immediately thought it was one of those re-written strips, perhaps those done by one of those Something Awful folks.

    Couldn’t possibly be real.

    Lynn! Lynnions! Take the time to do it right! You seem to be rushing through the various plot points now, to get everything completed before the end of the year. Push the current strip format out a year, or so – just as long as you need – and take the time to work it out the way it *used* to be, when the plot made more sense. Please? I used to love this strip, and now I read it just to see what awful things are happening to the plot, and characters aren’t the well written people they were before, they’re just pushed around to advance the hasty plot line.

  216. Susie Derkins
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Can we get OFF THE FREAKIN’ PLANE ALREADY?! This is turning into a badly written version of “No Exit.” After all…”Hell is…other people!”

  217. Qwerty
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    MW: I think it’s funny how all the other passengers are listening with rapt attention as Dr. Jeff describes hideously mutated children but as soon as Mary mentions collecting money they all look away with “la la la I can’t hear you” faces.

    And is it just me, or do they keep switching back and forth from the left to the right side of the plane. The guy behind Mary is sitting on the aisle in the first panel and suddenly has a window seat in the second.

  218. Oracle Steven
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean has upset me again. They ought to run it at the top of the obituaries, just to set the mood before you read about all the real-life deaths.

  219. willethompson
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    JP: Has Neddy been sucking a 21 mm socket wrench? Based on the shape of her lips and the wideness of her eyes, I’d say she’s been over-torqued.

    RMMD: In the real world, Niki would be dead by now. Game over. Elvis, in the garage, with the hogleg. But, this being REX, any of the following could occur (Glantz Culver Line® odds in parens…)

    Abby the Wonder Dog (where HAS she been after those warning barks?) dashes into a phone booth, puts on her cape and flies into Elvis like a cruise missile with teeth… (5 – 2)

    “Doctor” Troy Gaines, who has been living in the Morgan garage and living on the crusts of Entmann’s pies, challenges Elvis to a golf game where he cons him into turning the burnt-out meth lab into a geriatric clinic… (9 – 2)

    June changes into her leather bustier, disarms Elvis with a practiced snap of her well worn bullwhip and then puts his eyes out with her pointy breasts… (8 – 1)

    The disturbing caterpillar-being on Sarah’s bed is actually a trans-dimensional parasite from planet Fromlaxx and it leaps out the window and uses its mandibles to slash Elvis’s neck and drink his sweet, sweet spinal fluids… (14 – 1)

    FW: Ha ha ha. Shame on me. Thinking that the name Winkerbean on the helmet might actually be meant as the character. But that’s not the disturbing part… When Space Invaders first came out, we used to kid that it was really a secret method for training the warriors needed to fight the Galactic Emperor Chen… uh, you know, some space overlord attacking the earth. But America’s Army seems to be a U.S. Army officially-sanctioned simulation game? Do you really get randomly blown up by IEDs? This is relaxing – how?

  220. Timothy Burke
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    You guys all think that today’s FW is just a lazy, bogus twist from Batiuk. But wait till you see Monday’s strip: the laptop ignites because it has an old Sony battery in it and blows small fragments of monitor screen into Wally’s face, blinding and burning him. Screaming in pain, he runs out of the base, falls into the Tigris River, is washed downstream to the Persian Gulf, where he is picked up by a passing dhow and brought to Abu Dhabi. Blind and scarred, he is made into a eunuch servant for a wealthy oil minister who eventually takes pity on Wally and sends him home to the United States. Unfortunately, by that time, his one-armed wife has married the comic-book shop owner, who has since lost his store due to substantial changes in the comic-book marketplace, whereupon he committed suicide.

  221. Plinko Commie
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    221: You mean her ass

  222. MonkeyHawk
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    #220 — Timothy Burke (shouldn’t that be “Burk?”):

    Yeah, that’s the way to bet.

  223. Anonymous
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    #221 Dingo?

  224. andreavis
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    FW: Ever notice how Funky Winkerbean begins with a big ole FU? I really noticed that, especially today.

    FOOB: OK, I’m not going to mention the horror of John lecturing Liz on her love life. While she’s in her bed [shudder]. I’m more annoyed by the notion that he can’t seem to tell that his advice is unwelcome. Liz’s expression in panel 3 makes it clear he needs to STFU already, but he plows on, oblivious. Eww, on many levels.

  225. willethompson
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Hey, JOSH! Couldn’t help but notice that you chose two Tar Heel-related cartoons for pilloring above and I must rush to their defense.

    Shoe, when penned by the late, lamented Jeff MacNelly, was based on Jim Shumaker, a journalism professor at UNC who was as crusty as Shoe, the editor bird. It also used to have political bite and a much more acid sense of humor. The new team is so…so…Duke.

    Kudzu is penned by another UNC grad (Doug Marlette) who used to be the editrial cartoonist in the Charlotte Observer before skipping to Newsday. Bypass, SC used to be funnier as well, although Will B. Dunn’s ‘modern translations’ and ‘spiritual weather reports’ reek of deadline panic.

    But then, as Pope of the CC, you probably knew this…

    and the skin grafts are taking nicely, thenk yew veddy much.

  226. Happy Happenstance
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    #175 — Everybody hang around. We’ll be having some guacamole soon.

    #224 — How many people looked at today’s post #221, particularly the final link, and immediately thought of Dingo.

    “Lamont Cranston”? Hmmmmm?

  227. commodorejohn
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Panel one is making me think that people’s predictions a few months ago were right, and Meth Momma is going to get it from Eightball (“Who’s the cat that takes her out/When there’s doctors all about?” Eightball!) while Elvis gets taken down one way or another, and Nikki’s going to move right in. And he and Sarah will sit on the couch and watch Weeds together every day.

  228. Plasma
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Oh! I just realized Shoe’s a pun today. “Intoxicating”, alcohol! A pun!

    Still sucks.

  229. treedweller
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Hey, FW may be onto something. Perhaps we’ll be lucky enough that, right after Liz says “I do” to Anthony, we’ll find out she just lost “The Dating Game,” PS3 version.

    Lame as it is in FW, it would be a remarkable improvement in FOOB.

  230. willethompson
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    #227 HH – In the past, following a Dingo link has always borne the implicit warning Caveat Oculum (Let your eyes beware!) but reticence is not one of his character traits, so I think your ‘Dingo didn’t get its baby,’ metaphorically speaking. When he returns, he’ll be Dingo.

    Meanwhile, re: FOOB, an homage – STB! STB! STB!

  231. Financial Panther
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Mallard Fillmore–It should be noted that the object of Mr. Tinsley’s poisoned pen today is Dennis Hopper, one of the only actors currently in Hollywood to have given Pres. Bush a big “thumbs up” for most of his policies over the last 7 years. Way to cut down one of the President’s Own ™, Brucie! Please go after Bruce Willis next: he hasn’t done anything in a while, and he was married to a Democrat once!

    And the Hopper commercial he’s “riffing” on is several months old at this point. Reminds me of comedian Bill Hicks once having a line in his act about having “a hump of hate” like a camel, where he would store up his dislikes and peeves, and slowly digest them in times of (hate) drought.

    How far back does the foul ichor in your hump go, Bruce? As far back as Ronald Reagan being a Democrat, and a union leader to boot?

  232. Albatross
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Shorter today’s FOOB: “Honey you’re a slut.”

  233. Fried Froid w/ Squid
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Dear Mr. Cranston:

    When you run into Dingo (I shutter to think where), please tell him all is forgiven and come back to Curmodgeonhood.

    Sincerely yours,
    The Curmodgeons

  234. Trotzenbonnie
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    Is #221 really Dingo?
    Only The Shadow knows.

  235. Fried Froid w/ Squid
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    I don’t have a way to modify comics, but today’s FOOB would be…

    “Get on with your life
    …move forward,
    Move ahead
    Try to detect it
    Its not too late
    To whip it
    Whip it good

    When a good time turns around
    You must whip it
    You will never live it down
    Unless you whip it
    No one gets away
    Until they whip it

    I say whip it
    Whip it good
    I say whip it
    Whip it good

    Crack that whip
    Give the past the slip
    Step on a crack
    Break your mommas back…

    …please!

    (Devo, Whip it)

  236. mumbles
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    John Patterfoob must have taken lessons at the “Jessica Simpson’s Father’s School of Icky Parenting.” Cripes, what else do you talk about with your daughter? That “not-so-fresh” feeling?

  237. Fried Froid w/ Squid
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    #236…

    “Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Dingo knows!”

    (sorry, couldn’t let that pun go by)

  238. Trotzenbonnie
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    #239
    Fried…
    Me neither. (see #235)

  239. moe99
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    FOOB:
    The local Seattle tv stations are posting a drawing of a suspect in a child rape case and it looks just like Granthony!!! Amaaazing

  240. Ten Day Dinosaur
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Lovely. The Shadow has blinded me. Geeze, I thought it was just Dingo’s links that caused blindness and nausea.

  241. queek
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winker-PSYCH!

    FOOB: just ewwwww

    Zits: FOOB with a different dentist

    PBS: Pastis has the Foxtrot style down pat. Drunken Quincy for the win!

    I love Frazz. *looks at hands*

  242. queek
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    o, and is it my imagination, or was Beetle Bailey close to topical today?

  243. Blondie
    February 24th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    “In a few hours I will go out and do my thing…”
    Aside from the complete lack of contractions Jack Elrod seems to have observed a normal english sentence in today’s Mark Trail.

  244. ohyes
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    MT: Ohhh, of course… Mark’s friend Dan will fall into the lake, swim away underwater using the hidden equipment, surface maybe thirty yards away, behind some foliage, tramp silently through the woods to wherever, and be presumed dead. Although a body is never found in this not-really-so-big lake without much in currents, Dan will be presumed dead because Mark saw him fall in the water. Brilliant! Dan’s mistake? He didn’t buy life insurance.

  245. Blondie
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    R.M.M.D:
    “I like Niki, mommy… maybe I need a brother!”
    Or how about a new daddy Sarah? Would you like that?

  246. ohyes
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Mark’s friend Dan has based his plan on what he learned serving with Mark in the Army: Mark Trail is a total doofus.

  247. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    In today’s funny pages, we have not one, but TWO guest appearances by well-known comedic actresses with one black parent and one white parent. In today’s Lockhorns, we see once again that Loretta is friends with Maya Rudolph, and then in today’s F Minus, we see that The Office’s Rashida Jones puts in an appearance.

    Also, the “joke” in the Lockhorns isn’t very funny. I prefer the one Al Gore told when he hosted SNL circa 2001: “You know, people say one reason I lost my home state of Tennessee in the 2000 election is that I was perceived as being stiff and patronizing. To be ‘patronizing’, of course, means to talk down to people or to assume that they know less than they do.”

  248. Mr. O’Malley
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    MW: In todays strip we are reminded that there are no direct flights from Hanoi to the US. The Vietnamese scenery below shows that Mary and Jeff are just on the connecting flight to Ho Chi Minh City. The trans-Pacific part of the journey hasn’t even started yet.

    That would explain the rearranging seats. They are in a converted 40-year old Soviet bomber that’s been refitted with old American office chairs.

    Who knows whether the scintillating dialog is going continue in proportional time for the rest of the trip?

    The last time Mary crossed the Pacific, she spent most of her time asleep having prophetic dreams, to the great relief of her fellow passengers and the readers.

  249. MossMoses
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Doc Jeff is quite the loquatious windbag himself. How long has he been sermonizing? The other passengers are ready to gouge their eyeballs out.

    I mentioned my Mark Trail like encounter with beavers who build a dam blocking the hiking path on my camping trip last weekend in a previous post . Here’s the url to pictures from the trip. I never actually saw the beavers…

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/99605468@N00/sets/72157594552220791/

    By the way, if you insert a valid url in the “URL” field with an “@” symbol, WordPress will delete the character and people will get a bad link when the click on it. I mentioned this to Josh.

  250. Gatormom
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Uh, Lamont Cranston? Could you warn us when you’re linking to porn crap?

    That was totally nauseating. And if there are any teens checking out this site, you should be really ashamed.

    Josh, delete that link. And Lamont Cranston, knock it off.

  251. willethompson
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    #251 Moss – where was that trip? Those look like rhododendron yet the clime is definitely northern…

  252. Susie Derkins
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    #252–The general tone here is quite adult, and there have been links in the past to material that is as or more disturbing (anyone else check out “The Family Zoo?”). People should be able to post without constantly thinking about children, as this site clearly isn’t designed for them in the first place. (Case in point: Josh’s most recent, very blunt RMMD commentary.) All the same, I agree that there should have been a warning provided, though I don’t write off something as “crap” just because it is graphic and disturbing.

  253. Lynngineering
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    MW + SteveCanyon : In this parallel histories of comics, and if I get the geography to some degree (and it is vague in some ways with both) both of the airplanes could in the next hours really be flying right past each other. So possibly Jeff would take a look into the window of the next airplane and see Steve, Copper and just think where HE is…

  254. Ribinin
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Yes, Lamont, a nice NSFW would be appreciated.

  255. Ed Minchau
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    I can handle the whole “birds as thinking, speaking creatures that wear clothing and have jobs” thing in Shoe. My suspension of disbelief is stretched to the max though, when it comes to bird cleavage. Doesn’t one need to be a mammal in order to have mammaries?
    ————————————————————–
    A baby ate my dingo.

  256. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    #257 – Well, Chickens have breasts; I guess they were going for the supposititon that all birds have breasts. Just because they don’t nurse doesn’t mean they don’t have the musculature.

    omg… I just defended Shoe. My snarkometer is on the fritz again!

  257. meathook
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    i agree with # 252 i was not prepared for that sick link not what i expect from this site.

  258. AppleGirl
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    I wasn’t offended at all by Lamont Cranston’s link. It was well-drawn artwork. And yes, it is so much like the disturbing FOOB scene. And yes, it made me think of Dingo. (Did we do something to make Dingo upset?)

    FW – I went to all that trouble to have that IED sequence explained to me, and it’s just a video game. That’s kinda funny! But please, let’s not discuss it too much here. I don’t think we should encourage more of these type of plot devices in future comics.

  259. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    After reading Marmaduke, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t like dogs. Mainly I don’t like insufferable, badly trained and overly indulged giant dogs and little noisy rat-looking creatures. I just don’t have what it takes to tolerate them I guess. I’m the kind who would take Cathy’s(Must Die) dogs by the leash and drag them away from the tree and pull them down the block until they get the idea that there are more things to explore in the world than their usual pee tree.
    Garfield and Heathcliff already made me realize there are certain cats in the world I don’t like. Namely Garfield and Heathcliff.
    And I’m patiently waiting for Shiimsha to scratch Elly’s eyes out once and for all.

  260. bucknaked
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    #259 – “agree with # 252 i was not prepared for that sick link not what i expect from this site. ”

    and that from forum name: Meathook…

    relax everyone, this is no children’s site.

  261. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Ward, I’m getting worried about the Beaver.

    It’s close to Deep Concern time here, over the whereabouts of our good friend Dingo. He’s missed so much snarking opportunities that we all know he’d dive headlong into!

    The trouble with online is that one of us could loose this mortal coil in real life and none of the rest of us would know, we’d just be standing around scratching our butts and saying, “Whatever happened to….” And Angry Black Woman showed up briefly but now she’s gone again as well.

    Hopefully Dingo is just taking a nice long vacation. I’d hate to think that he’s gone roadside, or knows who runs a meth lab and is currenly cleaning a garage, or ran into an IED or got locked in someone’s basement with nothing but a dollhouse surrounded by a chain length fence to stay in.
    Well he might like that last one but you know what I mean.

  262. dreadedcandiru2
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    260 – FW – Was it just me or did you expect to see Phil Ken Sebben show up and yell ‘Foreshadowing – HA!!!’

  263. Trotzenbonnie
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Gatormom must have totally missed the saga of Theodore and Castoria. There was no warning from Jackel Rod that Mark Trail was going beaver for beaver with Larry Flint. Yet we all survived.

  264. Luna
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Lamont Cranston’s baby meathook ate my Dingo while my teenager was watching!

    *sniff* I lurk more than post here, but I miss the Dingo. : (

  265. AppleGirl
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    263 – True Fable, I do think Dingo is being held captive in Granthony’s basement. Let’s hope it’s in a GOOD way.

    264 – dreadedcandiru2 – Yes, totally, totally, totally,

  266. Trotzenbonnie
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    True Fable – Maybe Dingo is rolling on a gurney through the Old Curmudgeons Home.

  267. Josh
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Everyone, play nice. Y’all are mature enough to express disagreement without personally attacking each other.

    I’m not about to start censoring links, but I would request that people indicate if something’s a link to something that others might reasonably find objectionable.

    Don’t make me come in there. I don’t have the time or patience today.

    Josh

  268. bucknaked
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    I think that Apt3G imagery is reasonably objective…

  269. Luna
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Maybe we should summon Emperor Chex Mix to come in here and babysit.

  270. bucknaked
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Just look out for Grandpa Chin nuts

  271. Lynngineering
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Is this how the end of a thread feels?

  272. Luna
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    #274 Not until Old Fogeyette shows up.

  273. MonkeyHawk
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    WHAT ABOUT THE FLUFFY KITTIES?!?!

    Think of all the fluffy kitties who might be surfing the web and be exposed to snarking about Garfield?!

    We all know fluffy kitties are looking for web sites that can improve and enhance their lives. What if a fluffy kitty might come across a link through this forum that reveals that Bucky is not always cute and cuddly?!

    Josh, I demand you remove any and all references to that might turn out to be upsetting to fluffy kitties.

    It’s all your fault, after all.

  274. Air Forbes
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Wha-? What just a durned minute here! You mean to tell me that all this time Wally’s been playing Counter-Strike? He’s supposed to be dead or maimed, damnit! That’s what I expect from Funky Winkerbean!

  275. Air Forbes
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    A3G: What happens if Luann opens the window? Does Albert leak out or something?

  276. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Behold, Beetle and Killer (who’s returned to being white) look back to see an angry black cloud of exhaust in the shape of Sgt Snorkel’s head. Surely, the end times are upon us.

  277. Jym Dyer
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    =187= Frazz: I had the same thought about today’s Frazz. Jef Mallett is brilliant. Sorry, it’s really hard to be a ‘mudge about such a great strip!

    =192= Another good thing about Nebraska: nothing written by Andrew Lloyd Webber gets performed there for years on end.

    =195= Foob: When I was Liz’s age, it was awfully pleasant to drift off to sleep with inamoratas in mind. I’m sure glad I didn’t have a parental unit drop by to kill the mood by pimping for Foobina, that’s who my money is on, yessirree! At night, the ice weasels come.

    =251= Just use %40 instead of @. Works for URLs, though somehow #[Margo]*[Saturn]%40[Boxcar]!! doesn’t really sing.

  278. Tukla in Iowa
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    #251: Doc Jeff is quite the loquatious windbag himself.

    Jeff makes Chinbeard look like the strong, silent type.

  279. Kate
    February 24th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    At least Lamont Cranston’s link had competent artwork and genuine character motivation. Unlike FOOB.

  280. Poteet
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    # 168 — Trilobite, I agree, and don’t forget Mary and Jeff are also torturing all the passengers within hearing. AND they are torturing the readers. So for us, it’s a, umm, fivefecta. (That can’t be right.)

    # 182 — Chennux, a.k.a. Your Incomprehensible Amazingness, listen up! I know you’re out there! If you don’t stop torturing wille, some of us who have previously expressed the view that you are kind of adorable-looking are going to change our minds! I’m serious!

    # 189 — True Fable, another good rant. This situation can be looked at from another angle, however. Lynn’s deepest goal, roiling around in her conflicted subconscious, is to make sure we totally loathe every single Foobian by September. And today’s strip really helps our loathing of John. What Lynn is doing is kind of like stirring the charcoal briquets in a grill. It’s John’s turn to be red-hot and mind-bendingly obnoxious today, but even if Liz is cooling off a bit, that won’t last long.

    Meanwhile, Lynn’s conscious mind, disconnected from her subconscious, thinks that what John is doing is what any normal loving father might do. And that’s what’s really creepy.

    # 191 — Squawk, I think even Edward George Bulwer-Lytton would be embarrassed to help with Michael’s prose. But the idea of Tolstoy being forced to help, possibly prodded by a ghostly gun held at his head by the ghost of Josef Stalin, is interesting. Talk about a new definition of Hell.

    # 238 — BWAHAHA! Thanks, Mumbles.

    # 254 — Susie, I agree with you. Adult links are fine, but they need warnings. Meanwhile, I am freaked out by close-up injections and medical procedures on the TV news, but they’ll never accommodate wussies like me with warnings, and I don’t blame them.

    And Dingo did provide warnings re his links. I miss him and his snarkiness.

  281. rich
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    All of you who were so sick of the Saintly Mike storyline and ready to go back to Liz and Anthony, what d’ ya say now? Could a comic strip BE more creepy and disgusting? It almost reads like someone hacked into the syndicate’s website and substituted a prank strip.

    “Well, my sweetheart…
    …a nice looking chap…
    …ahh, but I’d put my money on Anthony…”

    Though, prank or not, I have to take issue with the final line. Why is Liz condemning “MEN!” for Dad’s creepy intrusiveness? I think in the real world her last line would be more to the tune of “Jeez…why is my dad such a disgusting freak?!”

    (Also, re 249: Yes, total Rashida Jones — I thought the same thing when I saw it!)

  282. stinky pete
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    280 JD, ooh, a Life In Hell reference! …or a Nietzsche reference…

  283. Sheilagh
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    That link was kind of icky, but what really bothers me is, now there are cookies out there (and in here!) indicating that I look at gay incest porn. Um, goodie.

    I’ll defend Lamont’s right to post the durn thing — we’re all grownups! But a warning would certainly be nice.

  284. Sheilagh
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    BTW, it’s the “incest” part that was icky, the “gay” part was fine!

  285. Old Fogeyette
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    I’m posting as a public service, but I don’t think I can make threads end if Josh is too busy….

    I do need more coffee, though. Off to brew some.

  286. Frank Drackman
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Don’t get me started on Dr. Jeff..Dr. Holier than Thou probably claimed conscientious objector status so he could sit home and drop acid instead of Kill Commies like a True patriot would..Then instead of going into a specialty thats really vital he becomes an Otorhinologist curing the world of big ugly noses and ear infections while making rock star $$$. Now some 40 yrs later he’s prattlin on like an old woman and collapses like a sissy. I hope Killer Bees sting his microscopic penis so that it swells and drains all the blood from his bleeding heart..Die you hippy liberal scum

  287. stinky pete
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    my, but we’re feeling curmudgeonly today, 289 frank! perhaps old fogeyette can make you some coffee too.

  288. Anonymous
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else look at the second panel of today’s MW and think that the plane was going to begin spraying new batches of Agent Orange onto the fields and houses below? Either that, or that it was going to open fire on the fields below with “Ride of the Valkyries” blaring in the background like in that scene from Apocolypse Now. And then in the next panel, you’d see Mary sitting in the cockpit smiling down at all the destruction. Meanwhile, Dr. Jeff will be blathering on and on about all the new affected children that he won’t be able to help ever again except through bake sales.

  289. macb
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    #189 and #195. I couldn’t have said it better. Any time I start putting on the pounds thoughtlessly, I’ll just look at this FOOB strip again and lose my appetite. Any other situation, or strip, we’d all wonder why a man in late middle age is hovering over his twenty-something daughter’s bed, bloviating about her love life, and having the word INCEST flashing in red letters inside our brains, but in LynnJohnstonWorld, such thoughts are impossible because we’re talking about St. John Patterson and St. Elizabeth Patterson. Yuck. I think I’ll skip dinner tonight.

  290. Jym Dyer
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    =284= Foob: Pornstachioed Anthony looks just like the kind of guy that a closeted dad might put his money on, if you catch my drift.

    =285= LiH: Glad someone got the reference. :-)

  291. Ribinin
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    I wish Old Fogeyette would get the coffee made so the thread could end.

  292. willethompson
    February 24th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    OK, I’ve got to set this up, so bear with me.

    I am a social liberal. I campaigned for McGovern fer cryin’ out loud. I have gay friends. A gay couple was my wife’s maid and matron of honor at our straight wedding. I have shot pool in gay bars. Once, during a family emergency, I left my six-year-old son in the hands of my ‘bear’ neighbor as opposed to my other neighbor, the Episcopal priest with the dysfunctional family, because the bear was the one I trusted. And to finish the cliché, I’ve done my share of musical theatre.

    So I think I can say without prejudice that Lamont was over the line with his link. The reason? Lack of wit.

    Wit is the essence of this community. I discovered this blog about three months ago and what I appreciated most was the wit, the snark, the Algonquin-round-table quality of the banter, both on topic and with the person across the way. While the FOOB references alone have covered rape, bondage, S&M, child molestation, incest, sodomy, bestiality and more, they were done with a payoff, a punchline. The wit was rough and R to X-rated, but it was witty. A Dingo link was always approached with caution, but I don’t recall one that wasn’t somehow funny (the S&M singing telegram comes to mind) and germane to the topic. Another example: while f-bombs are sometimes tossed about, the use of ‘margo’ says the same thing with more wit.

    If Lamont’s link were to a father/daughter ‘cartoon’ with the same text, it would have been no less sans wit. Sorry, but it wasn’t the right thing to post, OSHA warning or not.

    OK, I’m getting off the soapbox. Love you all. See you on the next thread.

    Old Fogeyette, now do your voodoo that yooou do so well…

  293. Old Fogeyette
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    I’m trying, I’m trying, but I have to get off now till sometime tomorrow, and I didn’t have time to make coffee….

  294. stinky pete
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    295 wille, I completely agree, but you’ll have to shorten that up to fit it on a t-shirt.

  295. Jamus The Bartender
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: That hadn’t occured to me Cranston, but…yeah, I know what you mean. That last panel was CREEEEEPY…
    Having said that, my only thought was …well, John and Liz can explain it better than I can…
    John: Well Liz, rapist-guy Howard is off to jail, and Paul is sleeping with another woman, Mike’s got a new book, he’ll be moving out soon…say, what say you get married?
    Liz: DAAAAAAAADDDYYYYYYY…
    John: I know, I know, it’s a little sudden, you don’t have to decide right away, my money’s on Anthony as you know, that boy knows how to build a fence, and as i’ve always said, a husband who can’t build a fence can’t….well i’m not sure…but anyway, Warren’s pretty nice too…
    Liz: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY….
    John: Reason I bring this up is because my trains are crowding out the rec room and I ordered a new set for St Patricks Day, please don’t tell your mother, anyway, the sooner you can decide on a man, the sooner we can make wedding reservations…
    Liz: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY…..
    John: So you’ll think about it then?

  296. Jamus The Bartender
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    MW: Thank you Anonymous for pointing that out. I am TOTALLY off my game here. Mary should be drinking coffee, turning up the psych-op music to full.
    “Shall we dance?”

  297. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    On the whole Lamont Cranston linky blahooie: I’m pretty sure we can all agree a simple NSFW would be a good idea. That said, I find it curious that anyone, having clicked on the link, would not immediately be able to tell – without scrolling any further than what appears on the first screen, which has the words “gay cartoon,” a hunky dude, and a visible penis – that the link is pretty NSFW and, if you’re easily offended, something you don’t want to investigate further. So unless North Dakota Housesitter or whatever name that was above is offended by the mere idea of a “gay cartoon” (indicated right at the top of the page), I’m not sure how, exactly, she could talk about it’s being “sick” and wrong – unless she more or less wanted to look at something she suspected would offend her.

    You know, like the story about Samuel Johnson and his dictionary, and the meddling biddies who thanked him for not including any dirty words. “So you looked them up then,” he’s alleged to have replied…

  298. meathook
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    well it was kinda like a car crash or a coiled snake you see it but you just can’t look away

  299. Red Greenback
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    …Speaking of Funky Winkerbean:

    Military Wisdom…

    “A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least
    expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your
    unit.”
    - Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance.
    ————————————————————————
    “Aim towards the Enemy.”
    - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
    ————————————————————————
    “When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
    - U.S. Marine Corps
    ————————————————————————
    “Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are
    guaranteed to always hit the ground.”
    - USAF Ammo Troop
    ————————————————————————
    “If the enemy is in range, so are you.” – Infantry Journal
    ————————————————————————
    “It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
    bombed.”
    - U.S. Air Force Manual
    ————————————————————————
    “Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.”
    - Infantry Journal
    ————————————————————————
    “You, you, and you … Panic. The rest of you, come with me.”
    - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
    ————————————————————————
    “Tracers work both ways.”
    - U.S. Army Ordnance
    ————————————————————————
    “Five second fuses only last three seconds.”
    - Infantry Journal

  300. willethompson
    February 24th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    #302 anon – Exactly! Nice palate cleanser. Like vodka. And Carnation Instant Breakfast©™®$#!†

  301. Loppie Scaduto
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    TDIET, Feb 24: Scaduto-name-a-palooza!!! Ohhh yeahhhh…

  302. M
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    He should’ve said “defriendings” — that would’ve made way more sense, as defriending someone is sometimes taken as an insulting gesture.

  303. meathook
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    i have learned something today! not all cartoon penises are bad ,some are just drawn that way .

  304. Red Greenback
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    “Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn’it, ay? Beautiful cleavage!”

  305. Pendragon
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    I have pretty good luck closing threads — I’ll just add this to the Fogeyette mojo.

    I’m not worried about Dingo just yet. When last we heard from him, he was deeply in love and things were going generally well in his life and I hope that is still the case. It’s hard to snark under those circumstances. I miss him too, though.

    Oh, and Lynn, as someone who loved your strip and admired you for many years: Give up. Now.

  306. willethompson
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    #308 Red G – “The cleavage is not the point! This is a sex…parrot!”

  307. meathook
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    so anonymous? lamont cranston? how ’bout i buy ya’ll a drink over at the leather bar now? come on lamont i bet you have poppers . lets be friends

  308. Red Greenback
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    willethompson: I think “Sex Parrot” is a good name for a Spinal Tap cover band!

  309. Quäsenbo Pan
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    I, for one, am thankful to Lamont Cranston. You gave me something to look forward to, after I’d exhausted the CC posts. And I agree with #300 — fer chrissakes, if you scrolled down, you got what you were asking for. It’s no worse than the double-entendres between Niki and Rex that we’ll all be subjected to after Mrs. Morgan loses her nerve.

    Is it just me, or is Mary & Jeff’s jumbo, transmogrifying plane flying alarmingly low — wherever they are on the Great Circle from Hanoi to Charterstone? If we’re lucky, this entire guilt-fest will be consigned to the oily flames of Vietnam Airlines Flight to Nowhere. Mary, of course, will survive, thanks to the Teflon implants.

  310. Frank Drackman
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    I love Gay Porn..its especially fun to set it up as wallpaper for some schlub who forgets to log off his computer, expecially if theyre a gay loving left wing pinko commie. It works just as good if theyre a right wing fascist also…

  311. zeeba
    February 24th, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    [margos] to Tom Batiuk and John Patterson for just….just being!!!

    After that mess, I’m going under the table to have a drink with Quincy.

  312. stinky pete
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    Excerpts from Waiting for Dingot, a new play by Samuel Beckett:

    ESTROGEN: Charming blog. Inspiring prospects. Let’s go.
    VLADIMIR: We can’t.
    ESTROGEN: Why not?
    VLADIMIR: We’re waiting for Dingot.
    ESTROGEN: Ah! You’re sure it was here?
    VLADIMIR: What?
    ESTROGEN: That we were to wait.
    VLADIMIR: He said by the tree. Do you see any others?
    ESTROGEN: What is it?
    VLADIMIR: I don’t know. A wille.
    ESTROGEN: Where are the leaves?
    VLADIMIR: It must be dead.
    ESTROGEN: No more weeping.
    VLADIMIR: Or perhaps it’s not the season.
    ESTROGEN: Looks to me more like a bush.
    VLADIMIR: A shrub.
    ESTROGEN: A bush.
    VLADIMIR: A—. What are you insinuating? That we’ve come to the wrong place?
    ESTROGEN: He should be here.
    VLADIMIR: He didn’t say for sure he’d post.
    ESTROGEN: And if he doesn’t post?
    VLADIMIR: We’ll come back tomorrow.
    ESTROGEN: And then the day after tomorrow.
    VLADIMIR: Possibly.
    ESTROGEN: And so on.
    VLADIMIR: The point is—
    ESTROGEN: Until he comes.
    VLADIMIR: You’re merciless.
    ESTROGEN: We posted yesterday.
    VLADIMIR: Ah no, there you’re mistaken.
    ESTROGEN: What did we do yesterday?
    VLADIMIR: What did we do yesterday?
    ESTROGEN: Yes.
    VLADIMIR: Why . . . (Angrily.) Nothing is certain when you’re about.
    ESTROGEN: In my opinion we posted here.
    VLADIMIR: (looking round). You recognize the place?
    ESTROGEN: I didn’t say that.
    VLADIMIR: Well?
    ESTROGEN: That makes no difference.
    VLADIMIR: All the same . . . that FW . . . that FOOB . . .
    ESTROGEN: You’re sure it was this evening?
    VLADIMIR: What?
    ESTROGEN: That we were to wait.
    VLADIMIR: He said Saturday. (Pause.) I think.
    ESTROGEN: You think.
    VLADIMIR: I must have made a note of it. (He fumbles in his pockets, bursting with miscellaneous rubbish.)
    ESTROGEN: (very insidious). But what Saturday? And is it Saturday? Is it not rather Sunday? (Pause.) Or Monday? (Pause.) Or Friday?
    VLADIMIR: (looking wildly about him, as though the date was inscribed in the landscape). It’s not possible!
    ESTROGEN: Or Thursday?
    VLADIMIR: What’ll we do?
    ESTROGEN: If he posted yesterday and we weren’t here you may be sure he won’t post again today.

  313. AwfulArt
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    # 211 The link to that fag site was some pretty sick shit… This blog deserves better that that kind of demented filth…!!!

  314. Fag
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    #318 — Oh, yea-a-h, baby. This site must never sink below beaver jokes and MILF innuendoes.

  315. Fried Froid w/ Squid
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Speaking about being tawdry, why does the bird bimbo in Shoe remind me of Aunt Fritzi today?

    http://www.comics.com/comics/nancy/archive/images/nancy2007026109124.gif

  316. Anonymous
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Homophobia: the last of the acceptable prejudices. You who complained about LC’s link should be so proud.

    Notwithstanding, I agree it would have been nice to get a NSFW.

  317. MossMoses
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    253. Willie Thompson, the camping trip was to Otter Creek, West Virginia. It is an amazing ecosystem. There’s rhododendrun and arctic tundra together. The guy with the massive eyebrows is a fellow curmudgeon, Axel Fusco. It was surreal discussing Mary Worth with him at 4 below zero, although considering what a frigid biddy she is, perhaps that’s the most appropriate climate to discuss her. Axel has totally sworn off FOOB now so that topic didn’t come up. Mark Trail was totally apropo, with the nuisance beavers being an issue there.

  318. Fried Froid w/ Squid
    February 24th, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    I hate to comment on Mary Worth. And I’ve never been to Asia. But if it took her two days to get to Vietnam, and two weeks coming back, then that International Date Line’s a real Margo!

    And if no one has explained, if Dr. Jeff went to Cambodia to help kids, how’d he end up in Hanoi?

  319. Chromium
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    I don’t care how creepy today’s FOOB is, it’ll never be as bad as the time John smeared honey all over his butt and mooned his wife.

    I’m not making that up, either. Crawl through the archives if you like.

  320. John C Fremont
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    I’ll not comment on the whole linkage issue – I’m just impressed that someone posted under the name of Lamont Cranston. Of course, I was thinking about the band, so…

    I, too, have had a measure of success in ending threads by adding mildly amusing (at best) comments way too late in the game. Here, I’ll give it a try.

  321. Randy S
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    197: (Old Fogeyette) I’m sorry if I’m a little late, but… I honestly can’t say for sure what the specifics of his plan are, but my first guess would be some sort of explosive device. (Shrug)
    Either way, it came to me when I saw Saturday’s second panel. He clearly wants Mark to be a witness of “something” — and the most obvious reason would be if he’s faking his own death.

    Incidentally, I happened to be scrolling through some of the past strips, (after I posted the above) and it turns out that Dan told Mark earlier that he was in the insurance business.

  322. Poteet
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    # 325 — I too have sometimes succeeded in being the last hair on the end of the tail of the dog, so here’s my effort as well. And an admittedly-biased observation.

    STEVE CANYON is fun to read because Caniff, even when he isn’t at the top of his game, still plays well enough to hold the attention of spectators. And he’s hitting the ball hard most of the time. (And of course I shouldn’t be using the present tense, but what the heck.)

    Lynn, on the other hand, seems to have reached the point where she’s bouncing the ball in a corner and talking to herself. I just had a flashback to when I liked her strip, and what’s happening now is painful.

  323. Jamus The Bartender
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Who’s this Dingo fellow everyone’s so worried about?

  324. Randy S
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    246: Your theory might be better than mine. (Particularly the “Mark Trail is a doofus” angle.)

  325. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t it ironic how the words “incest” and “nicest” are so similar?

  326. Uncle Lumpy
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    Behold the works of Dingo!

    Link safe for work; second-order links at your own risk.

  327. Mr. O’Malley
    February 24th, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    283. Poteet, by a strange coincidence I was just leafing through the collected works of Edward George Bulwer-Lytton a few minutes ago, and I would have to say I would much rather spend my time reading The Last Days of Pompeii than Grotty Little Soddy or whatever we decided to call it.

  328. Prehumous
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    Did someone from here delete the comics curmudgeon Wikipedia article?

  329. pesch
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Skullturft, that line is Foob-worthy. And Chromium, I will never, ever, look up that strip.

    I’ll just pretend it never existed.

  330. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    Prehumous, I kind of doubt that one of us did it. The last time I saw it, there was a tag questioning its notability. I never saw an artlcles for deletion entry for it, so the article seems to have been speedied.

    That’s a mistake, I think. Not only is this a popular site, but Josh has that whole Wonkette gig goin’ on, and has written commentary for a daily newspaper.

    But I’m starting to have a lot of problems with Wikipedia. I used to make, like, 20 edits a day, but now I rarely bother with it. It kind of seems like the most humorless and narrowminded of the members have taken over.

    (By the way, I doubt this will be the last post of the thread either. Just a hunch.)

  331. Pendragon
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    I hope somebody saved the Wikipedia entry. It would be a great start for the long-discussed FAQ.

  332. Hopeful Thread Ender
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Today I looked up Ali MacGraw on Wikipedia, and someone had written the following:

    “She likes to [margo] horses.”

    Nobody talks about Jenny that way. I deleted it.

  333. MossMoses
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    338. Are they confusing Ali McGraw with Neddy Spencer?

  334. PeteMoss
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    TDIET- Love that list of names. Personal favorites: Alf Scrambola, Ebbo Nerdy, Harv Buttly. And my fave: Anson Pantz. Ok. That says a lot about what makes me laugh. Kinda sad.

  335. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    Come on, Old Fogeyette, you and I will dance a little and bring an end to the thread!

    In the meantime, let’s go snarkin’!

    A3G Luann is going on a little trip, man. Seriously, where’s the strip going with this? The dangers of paint fumes? Huffing at the easel? What the [margo] is Margo going to do about it?!
    Popeye Thought I’d check in on this one. Oh, so Olive is President now.
    … *yawn!* so what.
    OBH Check out Toothy McHappy! I thought only Cyndi Lauper and the late Anna Nichol could effectively pull off the Square Smile, but Avis does it pretty well.

  336. Raznor
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    Ok, thoughts on FW:

    a) Winkerbean seems to be the only soldier in the area when the bomb goes off. Very effective.

    b) Where did that car come from? Is it the bomber’s car and he just was waiting for hours next to it hoping Winkerbean would show up and be a sploded.

    c) If not, is that the Humvee? No wonder we’re losing if this is the level of security. “Hey shouldn’t we have someone stick by the Humvee in case someone tries to a splode it?” “Funky, you gotta learn to be more trusting.”

  337. Plinko Commie
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    I saw Popeye for the first time in six dozen blue moons today. And I thought FW went into weird directions. Did Olive and Popeye get over their Sweet Pea anger, or did they discover the joys of the post-uteral abortion? Why in hell did Olive want to be president of Goon Island? Don’t Goons hate Popeye and his merry band of buttholes?

    Now if Brutus were to be cold-cocked by Bluto, punk’d from a parallel universe, then we’d be cooking.

  338. Randy S
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

  339. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Why do I like Mutts?

    Is it because of the way the cat talks? Is it the blank but perpetually hopeful look on the dog’s face (so much like the look on my own)? Maybe it’s the squirrelly randomness of the bird that just charms me out of my pants, I don’t know. I just like this little comic strip.

    The most heartbreaking and best strip was a Sunday comic a few years ago, about a dog that was chained up, and it spoke about the little girl who came every day and petted it and made it feel so grand. The next to the last panel he says he feels “FREE!” and leaps into the air without chains. Then the last panel, he’s chained again and on the ground with a sigh.

    Yes, Mutts gets preachy sometimes. Comic strip artists are big on preaching, and some celebrate daily masses and others are the equivalent of Church Two-Timers (people who come to church only twice a year, Christmas and Easter) But for the most part it’s funny, and unexpected, and terribly, terribly Winsome and that forgives a lot, in my book.

    Don’t know why I did this, I just wanted to say something supportive about a strip for a change. The truth is, I’m waiting to sink my snark in on a couple of juicy Sunday panels.
    [/anti-rant]

  340. Ukulele Ike
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    The Fatty Snax Deli always makes me hungry.

  341. Jack Parsons
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    237: I once heard “Whip It” as elevator music. This makes sense, because Muzak is based in Seattle and many former employees became Seattle Grunge.

    337: The writing of a FAQ means that the blog has lost its reason to exist. It’s like being on the cover of Time Magazine: it’s all downhill from there.

    322: A friend has a bet that Furries will be mainstream in the next few years. At that point all q*r-haters will see the tops of their headz spin off and lift lazily into the sky, never to be seen again. Furries are safe for work because nobody knows about them; they’re just not safe for the mind.

  342. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    wait wait wait… I overlooked this juicy little morsel from Saturday:

    MW Mary likes to think of herself as up to date, thoroughly hip and modern, since unlike her bucolic cousin Mark Trail and his talking ubiquitous ducks, Mary has Talking Generic Airliners!

  343. Happy Happenstance
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    #318 — stinky pete — Brilliant!

    #345 — I love Mutts, too. I clipped one out of the newspaper a few years ago. Ozzie was looking down at Earl and imaging him with angel-wings. He asked himself, “I wonder what Earl sees when he looks at me.” The next panel is Earl looking up at Ozzie and Earl is wearing imaginary angel-wings. That reminded me of my husband and our dog. Mutual admiration.

    Just in general…what is a “bear?” Is it a gay person whose kind of big in the middle and somewhat hairy? Just wondering.

  344. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    #343, yeah, Popeye has gone off on some weird tangents recently. I half-expect a reveal that the whole thing has been happening in Sea Hag’s dusty uterus. (Okay, maybe the paint fumes are getting to me to.)

  345. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    #349 I was also mystified by the ‘bear’ reference, Happy. I assumed it was a gay person who was very hairy but chose not to wax.

    There are probably some things better left to the imagination…wait, that’s worse.

    I don’t know.

  346. Harry Paratestes
    February 24th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    N Korea ‘invites UN nuclear head’
    Dirtiest. BBC. Headline. Ever.

  347. mnemonica
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    If you google

    comics curmudgeon wikipedia

    you can find a cached link to the article. I’m new here, but someone with a greater connection to this site might want to save that.

  348. Squid Countess
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    There are evangelicals in Texas trying to breed a calf of a specific shade of clay-red so that when a certain temple is rebuilt in Jerusalem and that calf is present and it’s a Wednesday in a month that ends with “y”, or whatever else the Bible says, Jesus has to return and God has to end the world. I always picture God busy creating stars or something, and He gets the message:

    “Uh, Sir? They’ve done it. The calf’s the right shade and everything.”
    “I don’t care; I’m busy! And I’m God!”
    “Right. But I think you are contractually obligated…. ”
    “Christ!”
    “Did somebody call me?”

    I always think of this when you guys start saying, “I will make this thread end.” The thread isn’t going to end until Josh makes a new post. And you can’t force the hand of Josh to make a new post no matter how much coffee you drink, how funny your remarks are or how long you stand on one foot while holding a circus peanut in one hand and a glass of white wine in the other. You only seem like a thread killer. None of us can force the hand of Josh.

  349. Plinko Commie
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    The two GoogleAds on this page are a Christian comic and franchising for Dagwood’s Sandwich Shoppes. Gotta love this place.

  350. stinky pete
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    …(puts foot down, drops circus peanut, walks away dejectedly, but drinks white wine…..)

  351. Harry Paratestes
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    The thread ain’t over ’till the skinny guy types!

  352. True Fable
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    we’uz just havin’ some fun, SquidCountess. :( sorry.

  353. stinky pete
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    If 700 monkeys with 700 typewriters type for 700 years, one of them will eventually end the thread. Or produce the upcoming FOOB storyline. Nah, that’s an insult to the monkeys. Sorry.

  354. Poteet
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    # 348 — Squid Countess, you are trying to use rationality to end a tradition as old as the human species. Good luck:-). Meanwhile, I may keep standing on one foot, just in case.

  355. Ribinin
    February 25th, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    I have the text of the comics curmudgeon wikipedia saved.

  356. Happy Happenstance
    February 25th, 2007 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    #343 — I screwed up my story. I’m sorry. I’m sure you figured out that first Ozzie saw Earl with wings and then Earl saw Ozzie with wings.

    I feel so foobish.

  357. John C Fremont
    February 25th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    No, no, no, no! Old Fogeyette HAS the power to end this thread whenever she wants. She has just chosen not to at this time. When she really MEANS it, she will comment (for real!) and Pope Josh will start the new thread. Since Josh is the Pope, it is actually he who wills it, but – no, wait, if he’s the Pope, then God is…

    Oh, Chennux, thou art – no, that just doesn’t feel right.

    Oh, Dingo – no, NO, no…

    Angry Black Woman, where art thou??!!

    Yeah, that seems right. Oh, Angry Black Woman, Thou art, etc., etc…

    ABW, you and Aldo are why I went from lurker to poster. I, or rather WE, need you. More than occasionally. Okay, and Dingo. Kinda.

    Wille, sorry I freaked back there, man. That Chennux guy, man – he does strange things to us. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. Things you shouldn’t understand. I’m a loner, Dottie (I mean, Wille,) I’m a rebel. What’s the significance? I DON’T KNOW!!

  358. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 25th, 2007 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    This is a metapost: I’ve noticed that sometimes the comment-numbering system goes kablooey – a comment will apparently be #297 at one point, and then something happens and it’s 292 or something. This happened tonight (see above) and, given the brouhaha (“brouhaha?”) over Lamont Cranston, I thought maybe Josh had had to move some comments over to the (all too aptly named) Cockpit. But no – we’ve been so good, nothing’s there since November. So presumably, comments were deleted – were they spam, or what? Anyway, I’m wondering if there’s some way to preserve the numbering system so we don’t get all confloopy trying to find earlier comments. I mean, trying to figure out gender in (DT)GT is enough confusion for any human…

  359. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Did Stinky Pete parody Beckett? Rolly Church of Crete, that’s freakin’ brilliant. Ha ha ha. People. That’s brilliant. Oh, it’s at #312, I think. Gotta go to bed. MsPeteMoss awaitin’.

  360. Len
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    #250, etc. — What bothers me about Lamont Cranston’s post was not the pornography (although a note that it was Not Suitable for Work woulda been nice). The artwork was well-drawn, and some of the scenes were very erotic. My problem is, in these days of STDs, Hep D, E. Coli, AIDS, and other scary alphabet soups, the fantasy boinking going on makes no allusion to the fact that a nice layer of latex (or other means of “safer” sex) is imperative.

    The old motto, “On me, not In me” keeps coming to mind.

  361. rich
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    358: I know that sometimes comments get caught up in Josh’s filtering tubes (thanks, Ted Stevens), although that would push the posting numbers forward, not backward. (Here is Josh’s comment on that phenomenon — can’t believe I tracked this down so quickly):

    http://joshreads.com/?p=692#comment-46045

    In today’s case, the numbers are shrinking (my 284 became 281), which means posts are being deleted, yet you say they’re not in Cockpit. I notice the notorious Lamont Cranston at 221 is gone now — what else?

    At any rate, it makes catching up on an old thread really hard! It’s wordier to do it this way, but I usually try to say the person’s name along with their comment number when referencing an old posting, for that very reason.

  362. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    360 or so Rich: Wow, you’re right: the LC comment and link is gone – funny because Josh said he wasn’t going to delete it. Curious. And I just checked : not in the pit of cock either.

    359ish Len: Gotta disagree: a fantasy is a fantasy – and unless your fantasy actually involves safe sex, it probably isn’t going to include a socially responsible moment of condom-applying. I mean, that’d be like a horror movie pausing to remind the audience that, hey, dismembering people is against the law. Of course, my sexual fantasies all involve very strict-looking military officers interrupting horror films to remind viewers of the most basic points of law, all while suggestively caressing a condom package. Oh wait – that was a Monty Python skit with Graham Chapman in it. And by “fantasy” I meant, uh, the last bit on that Python DVD that I watched. Yep, that’s exactly what I meant.

    (Warning: Spending your Saturday evenings typing at websites significantly diminishes your social life.)

  363. The Porridge Bird
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    I don’t follow Apartment 3-G apart from this blog, so is Luann just tired, or is she more blasted than the Shoe egret?

  364. rich
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    326, Uncle L: Cool Dingo link…does anyone know when Dingo made his last posting?

    It’s always weird when names drop out of sight — did they find it too daunting to keep up (as I nearly did after Aldomania, when the comments began routinely surpassing 300), were there hurt feelings, did real-life events take them over, what?

    One person I’d been wondering about is jonnya, who gave us all those great animations last year.

    There have been a few correspondents who decided to sign off for good when the comments here got too nasty — retreating to the relative safety of the discussion forums, Cardinals’ Lounge, etc. (the navigation of which I find pretty daunting). I still miss good old lor, who gave me a much-appreciated “LOL” on my first-ever post…

  365. Trotzenbonnie
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    Luann is being used by the evil landlord in a scheme to produce counterfeit paintings that will be passed off as original Albert Pinkham Ryders. These clever forgeries will be hailed as the discovery of long lost masterpieces. The plan will be foiled when Margo and Eric succumb to their lust in paroxysms of passion, duck into a nearby closet to do the deed and stumble on the hologram machine. Mark my words.

  366. Uncle Lumpy
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    c. 364 rich -

    Looks like we last heard from Dingo February 11.

  367. Poteet
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    2/25 –

    MW — Just look at Jeff’s face in that last panel. (Shudder.) Maybe Aldo was the lucky one.

    JP — If I can understand it, it’s not “serious Francais.”

    RMMD — Every so often, some panel reminds me that Rex is even prettier than June. You’d think their kid would be more attractive.

  368. Trotzenbonnie
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    #367 – Poteet
    What I want to know is how did Dr. Jeff lose his gray hair? You can’t just whip out the Grecian Formula during an international flight, can you?

  369. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    368 Trotzenbonnie: “You can’t just whip out the Grecian Formula during an international flight, can you?” I must say that “whipping out the Grecian Formula during an international flight” is a rather cumbersome euphemism. Is it anything like “do you like gladiator movies?”

  370. Poteet
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    # 368 — Wow, Trotzenbonnie, I hadn’t even noticed that. You’re right. Ordinarily I’d think Grecian Formula would be out of the question, but this plane seems like the kind of plane where a little green gremlin could suddenly show up on the wing, if you know what I mean. The comfy seats and shifting aisles make it clear that the usual rules don’t apply, so for all we know, at some point during the last interminable week, passengers were given pedicures and hair makeovers. Except for Mary, whose hair is immovable except in times of major emotional stress.

  371. Squid Countess
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    #370 – I once whipped out the grecian formula on a flight to London.

  372. Squid Countess
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    Actually, my comment, which at the moment is #371, was in response to Gadge, who is at the moment #369.

  373. Mr. O’Malley
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    349. If anything should have warning stickers, it’s that “Christian comic”. I don’t know about the sandwich—it may be OK.

    I see that “projectwonderful” is back to taking several minutes to load. Can’t anyone see to this problem? It only seems to happen on the weekend.

  374. Mr. O’Malley
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    Pluggers now have TVs with remote controls and no rabbit ears?

    It seems like just a couple of weeks ago we were being told that Pluggers used old coat hangers for TV antennas.

    Is technology really advancing that fast?

  375. rich
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    211: The Curmudgeon Wikipedia entry (cached here, for now) may be more fan club than “wiki”, but I found it pretty cool — it really hits all the major points of concern. This material could easily serve as the site’s “FAQ” section.

  376. Boshek
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    I think the first (throwaway) panel of Mary Worth on Sunday tried to steal my soul. Mary’s eyes. Man, she’s a demon. The way Jeff kisses up to her is odd, too. He’s either heavily drugged or Mary Worth is lost in a Mike-style coma-dream. (Any thoughts on this, Lyngineering? You are, after all the coma theory’s parent and best explainer!)

  377. Happy Happenstance
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    MW — Considering the look on Mary’s face in that first panel, I’d say Dr. Jeff definitely whipped out the grecian formula. And Mary’s sitting on it.

  378. Happy Happenstance
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    Or else Mary’s finally passed all that gas that builds up during long flights.

  379. Mr. O’Malley
    February 25th, 2007 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Yesterday Mary and Jeff were still on the Air Vietnam flight from Hanoi to Ho Chi Minh City. As you can see from the external view, this is one of the few airlines that has the first class seats in the rear of the plane. Or if my surmise back in post 248 was correct, perhaps the plane went into a holding pattern and the sudden climb caused all the office chairs to roll back into the tail.

    Thankfully we have been spared the long trans-Pacific flight and here we are about to land at LAX. But what is up with the Sunday strip?

    I know the first two Sunday panels are the “throwaway panels”, and in this case they really deserve to be thrown away. In panel 1 Jeff is talking, but Mary is totally ignoring him. She looks as though she has been sampling the last remaining product from Elvis and Eightball. Then Jeff nods off in panel 2 (I thought that ’ludes went out of fashion in the 80s) while Mary suddenly becomes aware of his presence and gapes in astonishment.

    In panel 3, Mary’s head shrinks down to half its normal size when Jeff returns to consciousness. It then returns to normal size until the last panel, when it suddenly shrinks again.

    Evidently they decided to polish off the rest of Jeff’s stash of Asian drugs rather than run the risk of taking them through customs.

    I haven’t seen anything like this in the comics since Uncle Duke gave up psychedelics.

  380. reader-who-posts
    February 25th, 2007 at 3:59 am [Reply]

    FW: I’ve been out on vacation since Thursday morning, and I’ve been waiting to say this since that morning…DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  381. True Fable
    February 25th, 2007 at 5:14 am [Reply]

    380 R-W-P: LOL, I feel the same way.

    Sunday snarkin’ in the park:

    DtM Let us study the machinations of Mrs. Wilson once again. Earlier I pointed out her tendancy to place Mr. Wilson in manacing’s way by allowing Dennis in when she knows her husband is sleeping, or busy, or tyring to avoid the little bastard. She’s got a big insurance policy on the old man and she aims to be in sunny Barbados by winter. Alone, but surrounded by coyote cabano boys.
    Now today she appears to undermine the discipline and parenting rules of every family in the neighborhood, starting with Young Lucifer and his little repressed gay sidekick. She KNOWS it’s almost dinnertime; she’s been around and knows the neighborhood and when feeding time is nigh. Yet here she is, pulling out the cookies and hot chocolate like the Norman Rockwell version of the Hansel and Gretel witch.
    This, then, is where Menacing classes are being held. I see.
    Carry on, Agent Wilson. MenaceWatch2007 has a bonus put aside for you, but you’ll have to take out the old man by your own means.
    FC June Morgan affects many people. Bil, too, has plans to lure young men into his ‘garage’ for ‘cleaning’, but Billy will have to be gone first.
    JP Ah HA! So Cedric the Mysterious and Lurking Woman know each other! The plot thickens, bwahaha! About damn time too. I want action! I want drama! I want Abbey I want something to [margo]ing HAPPEN already.
    MW “…but we still won’t have sex!”
    “Thank God for that, Mary! I mean, er… Here we are!”
    RMMD Hold on, Rex. She’s not finished leading up to something. Tomorrow we might hear June admit, “I always wanted a threesome with two brothers.” Yeah baby… and Elvis hasn’t left the building yet.

  382. True Fable
    February 25th, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    FW Given Batuik’s tendancy to make everything life-threatening, I wonder if Les is summoning forth the powers of Doom by wishing for a pandemic to hit Winkertown. Misery and suffering abounding, but what Les doesn’t seem to know is that the 1918 pandemic saw perfectly healthy people at 6 a.m. die in horrific suffering by 8 p.m. that same day. That would not fit in with suffering in perpetuity that is a FW requirement.

  383. True Fable
    February 25th, 2007 at 5:32 am [Reply]

    BB WHAAAT? Since when did the Army allow soldiers to answer for absent soldiers during roll call?

    Does the current purveyor of this strip know anything about Army life, has he/she/shit ever been in the Army, or interviewed soldiers, or even bothered to watch old reruns of Rat Patrol or Sargent Bilko? Even Private Benjamin did a better job than this crap-o-rama.
    But wait…I remember who our commander in cheif is. Carry on, Private Bailey, damn your non-existent eyes.

  384. skulking on the outskirts
    February 25th, 2007 at 6:22 am [Reply]

    Hey, Josh–what did you do with that naughty link from Mr. Lamont? Some of us didn’t get to see it and be properly scandalized. I feel deprived.

  385. True Fable
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    It was (pardon the phrase) hard-core porn, but it was well drawn I must admit. It was as if Dingo was back with us for a moment.

    But it wasn’t worth showing again, and unless you’ve never seen naked men before and don’t know what the human body is capable of doing, you wouldn’t be all that scandalized really. It just needed a NFSW warning, that’s all.

  386. willethompson
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    True Fable, I obviously need to set the alarm if I’m to get the EXACT SAME WORDS YOU WRITE posted ahead of you. Was that you with the DT brain sucker lurking next to the porcelain at 4 am?

    RMMD: I’m still betting on Abby the Wonder Dog to treat Elvis’s gun hand as a chew toy, but those Rexville police don’t miss a trick. “APB! Be on the lookout for Elvis, no last name, driving a Nissan with tag E L V I S, festooned with sequins, novelty horn that plays ‘All Shook Up” and a large jelly donut pasted to the grill. And sunglasses for a windshield. He may have already left the building!” I’m betting that they found the car’s location penciled on a Graceland tour map.

    FOOB: WTF? Was there a paradigm shift last night? Did quantum theory burp and shake the puzzle box that is the universe? It actually didn’t…suck.

    Margo! Boxcar! Saturn!: For those of you waiting for MargoBoxcarSaturn merchandise, Jost has OKayed it but has been busy with his ‘life’ – yes, I know that’s a foreign term. Expect a formal announcement later this week. He intimated that he was going to be scarce this weekend, so this post could get to be 500 in length – assuming he doesn’t start delet

  387. Tukla in Iowa
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    MW: In today’s last panel, the part of Dr. Jeff Cory will be played by Bill Pullman.

  388. Calico
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    #379 – like when Mr. Mackey’s head inflates and deflates according to how tight his necktie is.
    Indeed, Mary really looks, well, just plain stoned in panel one, while Jeff looks like the ‘cid has just kicked in. What exactly do they serve on Air Worth?
    FC – ah, more garage talk! I’d love to read a group analysis on this one…

  389. ohio teach
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    312, was renaming the character after a hormone part of the parody? Or did you misremeber Estragon? Inquiring minds want to know.

  390. True Fable
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    #386 By porcelin, I trust you mean the sink and not the loo, wille. I’ve often been told I think with my posterior region, but I like to think your musings have a loftier and nobler origin.

    I usually come in at the tail end of a thread so all my lines are buried and I am reluctant to repeat them on the next thread.

  391. Calico
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    #386 – I agree, not bad – April is showing she is the only sane, empathic member of the family. While Elly is busy flapping and flatulating, Mike is basking in his own ego, Deanna is having a breakdown, Liz in bed depressed still, and John is playing either with his trains or Anthony, Lil’ sis takes the high road and visits Jim – with his dog no less!
    Too bad Lynn won’t be rerouting the strip through April’s perspective, but I guess she’ll just be too darn young in order to do so, (according to the Ontario Morals Police).

  392. stinky pete
    February 25th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    389; I cut, pasted & replaced words from the Beckett website (I’m way too lazy to do all that typing).

  393. Fried Froid w/ Squid
    February 25th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Poteet wrote in #370

    ” but this plane seems like the kind of plane where a little green gremlin could suddenly show up on the wing, if you know what I mean”

    Yeah, I was trying to work in the Twilight Zone episode “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” with William Shatner in a post, but Mary isn’t green.

  394. Sheilagh
    February 25th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Of course EVERYONE engaged in illegal activities (drug dealing, meth labs) has a vanity license plate WITH THEIR NAME ON IT. Makes it so much easier for their customers to find them, yes? Oh, the cops, too? Well, dag!

    Meanwhile, today’s Dilbert will be clipped and sent to a crony at a job I just left. YES — that is EXACTLY what happened on the project I “managed” there. Thank heavens I managed to extricate myself and get a new and different and better job! Hooray!

  395. Uncle Lumpy
    February 25th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Judge Parker. Mystery dark-faced woman has a smoke in a grocery store, and nobody calls the morals police or goes after her with a fire extinguisher.

    Gotta love Paris.

  396. Ukulele Ike
    February 25th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    JP: Well, thank god Cedric and Angela are being tied together; if we had to follow TWO DIFFERENT sub-plots, this particular storyline would go on into the next decade. Angela still has no face. I bet Cedric cooked and ate it in a previous encounter.

    FW & the Crank: No punchline in either of these strips today, I see.

    9CL: Dumped the alien and back to cheesecake, thank god.

    MW: There’s a lot of close analysis of today’s strip going on, but is everyone missing that Mare is PROPOSING in the final panel?

  397. Old Fogeyette
    February 25th, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Stinky Pete, I loved “Waiting for Dingot,” whatever number it was.

    239 True Fable YES! to your Mutts comments.

    Squid Countess: you’d be surprised how long I can stand on one foot.

    This may be my only visit today, and I have no time to read the comics. Coffee is brewing. So this may be some sort of ultimate test. But I agree with a previous comment: Josh has hinted that he is very busy this weekend, so I don’t really expect a new post till tomorrow’s Metapost on C’s OTW.

  398. Klipper
    February 25th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    #377 – I am under the impression that Mary soiled her depends in that first panel and she’s hoping the smell of decomposing Vietnamese children still lingers in Jeff’s nostrils to mask the awful stench.

  399. Len
    February 25th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    #389 (ohio teach) — In acting class (college, 1970*) when I chose to do a scene from “Godot” with a female classmate, we considered calling her “Estrogen.” Ain’t nothing new under the sun.
    _________
    * Yes, I am older than dirt. Why do you ask?

  400. Frank Drackman
    February 25th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    #383…actually that did happen a few times when I was in the Marines in the early 90′s..it was usually big formations with several 100 marines…their was actually a case where a Marine got lost in the desert during training in California and noone noticed for several days because of that practice. But overrall youre right..”beatle bailey” makes gomer pyle look like “Full Metal Jacket”

  401. willethompson
    February 25th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    #312 Stinky Pete – So, now instead of song parodies, you’ve raised the bar to scenes from plays and literature – even scenes from movies? Wow. What brave new world is this, that has such people in it? Mudgers in media…

    Kate on a Hot Tin Roof
    Squid Countess of Monte Cristo
    I Was a Preen-age Molewolf
    An Inconvenient True Fable
    The Three Lyngineers
    The Old Fogeyette and the Sea (of Coffee)
    SmartPeopleOnIce On Ice! (it’s the Disney version)
    Stinkus Petedronicus
    Kingh Lear (unlike the real gh, this one is silent)
    How Red Greenback was My Valley
    Trots and Bonnie (yes, I KNOW)
    Uncle Vanya (‘vanya’ is Russian for ‘not very smooth mashed potatoes’)
    The Galactic Emperor Jones
    Poteet Me in Saint Louis
    FunnyAppleGirl
    SheiLaghBoheme
    ShannonGoldenPond

  402. stinky pete
    February 25th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    In the second to last panel of today’s A3G, is Eric greeting Margo, or is he completing her sentence? Try it both ways!!

    Also, note Margo’s fist-bobble-o’-death. Scary!

  403. Calico
    February 25th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    #398 – shouldn’t that be Dependsâ„¢?
    Good one. Apparently Mary thinks so too.

  404. Pendragon
    February 25th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    I’m hope I’m not the last on the bus to realize that making the cover of TIME is a sign that said phenomenon is over. I noticed it is definitely true when rock groups and musicians are the subjects.

    Maybe I should have said “glossary” instead of FAQ, but after a few dozen revelations that there are animated elements in the strips on the FBOFW website or that Aldo looked like Captain Kangaroo, a basic reading list might be helpful if only to keep people like me from embarrassing myself. Too much.

  405. stinky pete
    February 25th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    401 wille, as usual, your talent for parody makes the rest of us look, well, absurd. SmartPeopleOnIce on Ice! make me laugh out loud.

  406. stinky pete
    February 25th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    401, and so as not to leave you out, how about Free Wille, or Death of a T-Shirt Salesman (all about Wille Loman).

  407. monkey.dave
    February 25th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    391: I agree about April — she’s showing actual human decency by visiting shut-ins, which sets her apart from the rest of the FOOBs, who like to imagine themselves as being wonderful without actually having to do anything.

    April’s visit to Grandpa Jim constrasts nicely with Michael’s — he dropped around only to preen about his implausible book contract and proceeded to treat Jim like a mental invalid. Michael must die.

  408. AhClem
    February 25th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    MW – “It was brilliant of you to point out that by fund-raising, I can continue to help Agent Orange victims in Vietnam while recovering here!”

    Holy biddyville, does anybody really talk like that?

    “Thank you, officer! By brilliantly pointing out that I should watch my speedometer, you helped me to avoid expensive speeding tickets in the future!”

    “Wonderful, sir! You have correctly assessed the fact that I come into work late and surf porn sites all day. By bringing this to my attention, I can make sure I do my work and become a model employee that you will be proud to supervise. I commend you for your genius!”

    Good God, whatever drugs they’re pumping into the air system of that generic Vietnamese airliner, I want some!

  409. Luna
    February 25th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MW — In panel 5, Mary looks kind of Conjoined Fetus Lady-ish.

  410. Plinko Commie
    February 25th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Sunday FOOBs usually read better than the daily strips because there’s much less dialogue, therefore much less opportunity for the idiots to expose themselves for who they are. A nice strip today that almost got ruined by the only words spoken — predictably, Iris’ sappy finisher. I guess she had to say something, but that was a little corny for my tastes.

    Still, it’s FOOB, let’s just be thankful one of them gets to act like a decent human being.

  411. queek
    February 25th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Sunday non-snark: I was very interested in a sort of interconnected trio of strips today. First off, Candorville and Doonesbury covering the same Shrubby territory. The interesting part of Candorville was the headlines in the other guy’s paper, easy to miss if you were just skimming. That leads into Get Fuzzy, which is just LOADED with detail. Conley put a lot more effort into that joke than he needed to. “litterchur” is funny enough, but the “No Pup” on the side of the box? Gold!
    I will have “Fight the Bowser” running through my head all day, I fear.

    Fight the Bowser!
    Fight the Bowser!
    Fight the Bowser that be!

    Mutts was a Dick Tracy shout out, Frazz was just wonderfully sweet, and Zits? Well, Scott&Borgman remember was being 16 and male was like. :-)

  412. nancy
    February 25th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    It’s my birthday and Doonesbury came through for me as always. I’m pleased that the helmut continues to molt. Is that how you spell the word for the thing he wears on his head that’s not a hat?
    However, it’s Mary Worth who delivers my real present. After days of dealing with a true tragedy, sadly predicting the lengthy aftermath of the latest US adventure in hegemony-spreading, we get back to real snarkable stuff. Jeff has missed Mary’s wise advice, not her companionship or her naughty bits. Now we can get off this doing good stuff and get back to “oh, when will Jeff realize he really needs me/ does he only want me for my advice…..”
    And then, there was Elvis’s car, neatly labelled ‘Elvis” on the license plate so that the wonderful police men can find him just in time. Ah, what could be better? Well, maybe a Wegmans’ best chocolate cake ever, but in the comics, this day rocks for me.

  413. MossMoses
    February 25th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    NEWS FLASH – MARY WORTH ADMITS SHE’S SELFISH, DETAILS AT 11:00.

  414. MossMoses
    February 25th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Elvis vanity plate is yet more proof that pride comes before the fall.

  415. fizzy logic
    February 25th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Everyone keeps saying that “Josh has hinted that he’s going to be busy this weekend”.

    Does that mean that he’s going to the Oscars?

  416. Red Greenback
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    WT(M)?…This thread is still up? Anyway, I’d like to thank you folks for vividly elucidating the MW goings on. I won’t even have to look at it! I’m sure the actual strip pales in comparison.

  417. Virginia
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    True Fable and GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX-Thank you, Thank you, for the compliments! As I rea them my fingers involuntarily went into Nixon-esque “V”‘s and my roommate shook his head at the sight. Poor guy, he is a stranger to the world of Comics Curmudgeoning.

    Saturdays MT was getting pretty sexy, what with Army Buddy/Evil Mustachioed Man dripping water of his muscular naked chest while his girlfriend paws at him with delight. Is Jack Elrod trying to appeal to the ladies?

  418. Ukulele Ike
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Sunday’s Candorville: What DO the headlines say, 411? I have to check it out on the Chron-site, and they’re too small for me to read.

    Saturday’s Candorville: I love it when Susana’s business-suit skirt creeps like that.

  419. True Fable
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    RMMD Time to bring in Cousin Oliver, Chachi, and Scrappy Doo! When June suggests Rex might consider being Niki’s Big Brother, that means only one thing:

    Rex Morgan M.D. is about to appeal to Today’s Youth!

    Oh, what a groovy time we will have, seeing Relevance and Hard-Hitting Stories Off The Front Page! Of course, we of the Curmudgeon Community know full well that all stories take at least a year to budge three days (except ol’ Speed Demon Mary Worth, who does she think SHE is) so the Front Page thing might be downplayed to “you’ll recognize this era, it was before the Millinium!”

  420. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Post #420!

  421. Steve
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    #369 – What’s a “grecian formula”? I know of Greek Fire, but I doubt that’s what Dr. Jeff was using (though we can dream).

  422. Uncle Lumpy
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    #415 fizzy logic -

    In fact, Josh is up for three awards:

    1. Best Sound Direction in Mary Worth — for “‘AAUGH!’ ‘Hello!’”.

    2. Best Actress – for Finger-Quotin’ Margo Magee.

    3. Best Adaptation of a Kiddie Strip, Lifetime Achievement — for his baffling determination to uncover dark themes in Slylock Fox and Doodles by Mac and Sack.

    Me, I’ll be glued to the set to watch Amber light up the red carpet.

  423. Uncle Lumpy
    February 25th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    #421 Steve -

    Grecian Formula.

  424. Trotzenbonnie
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    What’s a grecian urn?

  425. Uncle Lumpy
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    #424 Trotzenbonnie -

    Aw, youse guys is just messin’ wit’ me: Grecian Urn.

  426. willethompson
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    #421 Steve – “Grecian Formula” is a mixture of olive oil, retsina and ouzo that Dr. Cory is massaging onto Mary’s thighs (note the missing hand) to make Mary smile so in the title panel.

    Ummmm – you were kidding about not knowing about Grecian Formula, right? Because if you weren’t, it’s a chemical used to de-grey men’s hair.

  427. Jym Dyer
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    =337= Popeye: Swee’ Pea was an adopted child. Popeye and Wimpy have long had charms to win over Goons.

    =341= Devo itself has incarnations that play muzak and lounge music versions of Devo songs.

  428. willethompson
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    “Grecian Formula” is also how to calculate the taxes on a Grecian’s income after you ask, “What’s a Grecian urn?” It’s normally ‘Income x 28%,’ but there are deductions – example: if on Line 51b, if you answered the question, “How do you separate the men from the boys in Greece?” with “A crowbar,” the Grecian Formula is “Income x 28%/2.”

  429. DarkHorse02GT
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    A better question than “Why did Albert Pinkham Ryder choose LuAnn?” would have to be “Why the hell did the A3G people choose Albert Pinkham Ryder?”

  430. MossMoses
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    I doubt the ancient Greeks obsessed over grey hair and devised some magical formula that works gradually, causing fellow greeks to comment, “are you working out?”, “did you lose weight”, unaware that is actually the Grecian Formula causing the illusion. Weren’t most of them bald anyway?

    Speaking of miracle substances, “Retsin” is right up there with the “Pennzoil molecule”. “A miracle drop of retsin is nothing more than vegetable oil.

  431. Pendragon
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    #424 – About $1.25 an hour. Ba-dum-bump. Thank you, I’ll be here all week…tip your waitress

    What, you guys do the set up for an old joke, what do you expect me to do?

    Oh, it looks like the headlines in Candorville are (on the guy’s paper on the left) “Hillary immoral sez Limbaugh’s dealer” and “Obama wet bed as child, covered it up”, and (on the guy’s paper on the right) “Thank God for culture clash”.

  432. Trotzenbonnie
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    You guys sure know how to make a girl laugh!
    I feel just like Pam Dawber!

  433. MonkeyHawk
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    #431 — Pendragon:

    What, you guys do the set up for an old joke, what do you expect me to do?

    You’re just asking for someone to give you a henway.

    What’s a henway?

    Two, maybe three pounds.

    Yeah? Well, one day I shot a dingo in my pajamas…

    Stop me before I kill!

  434. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    In today’s FC, Billy boldly avers that when he grows up, he’ll keep his garage tidy. That’s it, lad! Aim high!

  435. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    I’ll bet Josh and Amber are hosting a huge Oscar party this weekend, and that’s why we’re all still here snarking away at three days ago’s comics, and -

    Wait.

    That means no one here is invited?

    Ouch. That’s cold.

    Anyway: I agree that except for the last panel, today’s FOOB is actually pretty decent. What I’m puzzled about is today’s “F Minus”: Qu’est-ce que fuque? Can anyone help me out here?

  436. stinky pete
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    435-ish Gadge, I see 2 possibilities; 1) they put the banana peel there and are annoyed that he failed to slip & fall on it. 2) The banana peel is stuck to his heel a la toilet paper when leaving the john (on his “break”). That wouldn’t explain the apparently angry reaction of the co-workers, however.

    Either way, not particularly funny. But, I did enjoy the rest of last week’s F-minuses, so maybe we can forgive an off day.

  437. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    MW- That first, throw-away-panel is hilarious! From Mary’s head a voice says, “Folks, we’ll be landing in a few minutes,” yet the look on her face says Mary might take a little longer to land. Ah, you know, I bet Dr. Jeff really does miss her advise.

  438. Anonymous
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    C(MD): Ok, my pasta-making skills might be a little foggy but is Cathy eating raw noodles in the fourth panel? I know they’re in a colander but considering that they’re in the pot in the next panel, I think they’re uncooked. And if so, Cathy needs help even more than she ever has before.

    JP: Well, it looks like the dreaded Parisian face-eating virus of ’07 (also known as facial chiaroscuroitis) has claimed another victim. I swear, if this continues, they might have to quarantine the city.

  439. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of Dingo, I have many good friends who are undomesticated canines. Most of them, like Dingo, have a very keen wit, for pack animals. Still, with my Christian upbringing, I can’t get past the devouring of infants. But, ya know, I don’t believe the undomesticated canines are all responsible. I believe Meryl Streep is behind many of the baby snatchings, although they’ve kept it out of the press. It’s fairly common knowledge in Hollywood circles that she’s bat-shit insane. And a cannibal. Damn Hollywood liberals and their baby-eatin, moral relativism.

  440. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Somewhere in this thread I read a ‘Josh’ post that cracked me up. He’s yellin’ at us kids to behave and saying he doesn’t have time to police us and all. I love it when he gets all paternal and tough.

    Truth is, folks, he brought us into this world and he can just as easily take us out. We better watch our peas and cues, capiche?(capice?)(kapish?)(Margo, I can’t spell worth a [saturn.])

  441. stinky pete
    February 25th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    435 Gadge, upon further review, today’s F-minus is funnier (or subtler, anyway) than I gave it credit for in 436. Since the beginning of time (yes, all the way back to the Big Bang, or the first gleam in an intelligent designer’s eye, depending on which way you swing) banana peels serve one and only one function in comedy – someone must slip on them. I think the three guys in the office are aware that they are in a comic strip, and therefore they are aware that, when the goofy guy comes in the room, gravity (or “intelligent falling*”) has to take over and the guy must fall. They are upset because he apparently does not realize he’s in a comic strip and has spoiled the gag by not falling.

    It’s as if Curly was carrying a ladder on his shoulder, and when Moe says “Hey puddin’head,” Curly just asks “What, Moe?” instead of whirling around and clobbering Larry.

    Of course, I may be over-analyzing this.

    *apologies to The Onion.

  442. Boshek
    February 25th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    If you want to know how to spell capisce, the only person you need to ask is Mary Worth! Aldomania! Of course, I know about Aldomania because I read the archives. Though I was chuckling over Mary in the funnies at that point, I didn’t join this site until about the days of Thomas Dewey dancing and yelling at an old psychic woman.

  443. willethompson
    February 25th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    #442 Boshek – I think we have the same number on our Mudger party cards.

  444. Happy Happenstance
    February 25th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    #440 PeteMoss — I LOVE peas and cues. Especially when they’re creamed and mixed with little onions.

    #412 Nancy — Happy birthday! Mine’s tomorrow. What a co-ink-i-dinky.

  445. Anonymous
    February 25th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Crikey, you’d think Wally would know better than to write “Winkerbean” on his helmet. It’s just askin’ for it. He should scratch that out and write in something less provocative. You know, something like “Allah blows goats.”

  446. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    I was lurking these parts before the beginning of Aldomania 2006. There were some incredibly funny movies made by cc’ers about that time, honoring this most beloved of storylines. Prior to that, I pretty much only read Josh’s posts.

  447. Boshek
    February 25th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    The YouTube videos were pretty special. The Agent Orange storyline is way too dull for videos. Unless, of course, the plane is hijacked by the not-really-dead Aldo! Then Ella uses her psychic powers to fly to them with Toeby and Chinbeard in tow and the battle begins. Meanwhile, Doctor Jeff has not noticed anything and is still telling Mary how glad he is that he stopped saving sick children to home to Santa Blanca.

  448. Boshek
    February 25th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    * I mean “To GO home to Santa Royale.” Called Blanca for obvious reasons.

  449. PeteMoss
    February 25th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Charterstone. An exclusive pure racist A selective community for discriminating adults with an active lifestyle. Models availble in the low $500,000. Mention this ad and receive one free meddling or psychic reading.

  450. Thats The Spirit
    February 25th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Make with the comics mocking, panel monkey!

  451. Boshek
    February 25th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Mule. Mule is the accepted term. Panel mule if you push it. And be careful what you wish for, Spirit. I notice that you are a comics author yourself… anyone and everyone is fair game around this forum!

  452. Ribinin
    February 25th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Only about 2 hours until red carpet time starts. Since Josh is only a minor star, at least in Hollywood, he will likely be interviewed early. I will be glued to the set until then, or until Meryl Streep is on, whichever comes first.

  453. cheech wizard
    February 25th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Doesn’t anyone else find it a bit creepy that Daddy Foob is coming to sit on the edge of his adult daughter’s bed to discuss her men problems? You do this with 14-year-olds, not fully sexually mature women. Did the strip suddenly change venues from Toronto to Newfoundland? Looks like there may be a new dark horse candidate in the Lizafornica 2007 competition.

  454. Virginia
    February 25th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    #429 willie thompson-were that true, I’d hate to be a nearby passenger. Just the thought of these septugenarians molesting each other makes me want to have a therapist on speed-dial, let alone witnessing it.

  455. True Fable
    February 25th, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    I ripped up FBoFW a couple hundred posts ago, or maybe it was last thread. It’s hard for me to remember stuff like that.

  456. Len
    February 26th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    #440 (PeteMoss) — You forgot to include the gay incest fantasy! (Oh, Dad! You’re just dripping with pre-snark!)

    Pete Moss… Are you still friends with Clark Kent? Does he still wear the blue undershirt neath his button-down?

  457. petunia pig
    February 26th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Hey, all us 40-something females can’t be as hot as the 69 year old Mary Worth! Give us some time…we’ll get there!

  458. free sex dating sites
    August 30th, 2013 at 4:47 am [Reply]

    This web page can be a walk-through for the entire information you needed about this and didn?t know who
    to ask. Glimpse right here, and also you?ll undoubtedly discover it.

  459. dating websites
    September 9th, 2013 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Whats up this is somewhat of off topic but I was wanting to know if
    blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
    I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding skills so
    I wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  460. http://dot-bit.org/Dating_Sites_Related_Articles
    January 13th, 2014 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting
    my own weblog and was wondering what all is needed to get setup?
    I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?
    I’m not very internet savvy so I’m not 100% positive.
    Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

  461. ???
    January 14th, 2014 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    Oh my goodness! Awesome article dude! Thank you so much, However I am encountering difficulties
    with your RSS. I don’t know why I am unable to subscribe to it.

    Is there anyone else getting similar RSS issues? Anybody who knows
    the answer will you kindly respond? Thanks!!

  462. ???
    January 14th, 2014 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    Oh my goodness! Awesome article dude! Thank you so much, However I am encountering
    difficulties with your RSS. I don’t know why I am unable to subscribe to it.
    Is there anyone else getting similar RSS issues? Anybody
    who knows the answer will you kindly respond? Thanks!!

Comments are closed for this post.