The Comics Curmudgeon

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Josh gets offended at stuff

B.C., 3/16/07

Ha ha! It’s funny because his wife talks a lot, and he’s tired of it, even though he presumably knew she talked a lot when he married her, so he’s got her tied up in the basement with duct tape over her mouth!

Wait, did I say “funny”? Because I meant “horribly offensive.” But see, when he calls her some 19th century term of abuse like “magpie,” it’s all old-timey, so we can just ignore it. Ha ha, that Johnny Hart! That crusty old hateful bastard! Ha!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/16/07

Wait, now hold on just a darn minute. Niki might be pretty good at garage cleaning and such, but there is one — exactly one — person in this neck of the woods who works on fence-related issues. One. And I think we all know who that is:

Hopefully, that’s him at the door right now, to set things straight and present a grossly inflated estimate.

(Baffled Rex-Morgan-readers-come-lately should check out this classic post.)

Apartment 3-G, 3/16/07

You know what offends me about Apartment 3-G? It’s set in New York, right? Now, I don’t live there, but I do love the place. It’s one of those cities in the world that has a really strong sense of place: if you’re there, you know you’re there, and nowhere else. Unless, of course, you’re in Apartment 3-G, which could take place literally anywhere that’s full of tall buildings and white people. The Apartment 3-G girls never take the subway, or a taxi. (Even Neddy and Abbey are taking the Paris Métro, for God’s sake.) They never eat at any of the many famous, recognizable restaurants at their disposal. Starving artist Lu Ann never visits any of the world-class art galleries. And Neil is getting great reviews in the “local press.” I think the world could handle the name of one or more of the major New York papers, people. You can look them up on the Internet even.

Mark Trail, 3/16/07

YEARRRRGGGHH HUGE SOULLESS TERRIFYING EYES SCARY SCARY SCARY NOOOOOOOO

Mary Worth, 3/16/07

YEARRRRGGGHH MARY INQUIRING ABOUT SOMEBODY’S SEX LIFE SCARY SCARY SCARY NOOOOOOOO

This entry was posted on Friday, March 16, 2007 at 04:48 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, B.C., Mark Trail, Mary Worth, Rex Morgan, M.D..

230 responses to “Josh gets offended at stuff”

willethompson
March 16th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

Binng Bonng? Is that the new marijuana-pipe delivery service run by Bing Crosby’s ghost?
Galactic Emperor Chennux
March 16th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

MELKARDAMMIT! PETEMOSS, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THE NEW THREAD WAS STARTING?? YOU’RE FRIED! AND THAT’S NOT A MISSPELLING!! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION!
juggernaut
March 16th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

I was wondering that myself. Maybe someone copyrighted “Ding Dong” when no one was looking?

And DAMN but Sara has a) a freakishly huge head or b) hideously shriveled claws in panel 2. It’s a shame she doesn’t know any doctors.
Trilobite
March 16th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

Jesus, is Mary still on a biddy high or something? Or is Dr. Jeff off bed rest and cleaning her garage just below the panel’s frame?
Josh Millard
March 16th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail, panel two, will go down in the robotic history books as the first salvo in the Great Hypno War: those staring eyes an emblem of the psycho-comic destruction wrought by the Traitor-Prophet Elrod. Just wait till the ArchieBot starts churning out fnords next week.
loudfan
March 16th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

Josh, I need to see some hatin’ on the Foobs. Shannon… is… driving… me… crazy.
Poppinjay
March 16th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth and Ben Frank look alarmingly alike.
The Ray
March 16th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

Mary’s looking a little chubbier there. Maybe because she has a Twinkie(TM) for a telephone.
Dingo
March 16th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

Hey, Ben! Is that an airplane in the background or an amazing floating wondercock? Miss Mary might ask you to give her a pearl necklace (SFW and damned funny). Oh, wait. Damn… she’s got one.
MonkeyHawk
March 16th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

At least we know Josh is safe through the weekend.

We’ve learned Galactic Emperor Chinnux doesn’t work on weekends.

Your tax potatoes “at work.”

Ha!
RoboMax: Agent of C.U.R.M.U.D.G.E.O.N
March 16th, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

MW:Ben frank is basically Mary Worth in a suit, with dyed blond hair.

They’re pulling an Elrod on us!

RM:MD: Sarah’s mouth is a gaping portal into a horrifying, empty abyss! I expect the tendrils of Cthulu to emerge from it soon and devour Abby.
PeteMoss
March 16th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

2. Sure. I gotta swell golden parachute anyway. Ha, ha….Oh, wait. That was fried? Um…Non-Shannon was distracting me. It’s not my fault. Give me a breaAHHHHHHHHHHHGG!!! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! OHHHHHHSSSTTTT!!! IT HURTS!! But kinda in a good way.
MossMoses
March 16th, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

Shannon…is…quite…the…platitude…spewer. She’s…like…Mary…Worth…waxing…platitudinous…
on…the…BumBoat.
PeteMoss
March 16th, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

BC- See, they’re, like, cavemen, right? Maybe Hart is making a statement that such misogynistic statements were only appropriate in a Neolithic time period. Hartâ€™s actually quite progressive, Iâ€™m sure. No one could be that clueless without it being some type of â€œCobert Reportâ€ type of parody, right? Please tell me Iâ€™m right.
Harold
March 16th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

I’ve decided that B.C. would make a lot more sense if it were acted out entirely by stick figures. Why cavemen? What the hell is the context supposed to be for a bunch of Christian cavemen in the days Before Christ? And clearly before Noah’s Flood, based on the number of dinosaurs walking side-by-side with the cavemen.

“Biiing Bonng” is the sound of yet another gun going off in the Morgan’s back yard. This time it’s a spring-loaded ping-pong gun.

I like the “Wilson+Nolan 3-16″ souvenir cereal bowl: “For Wilson so loved the world that he sent his only begotten Nolan…”
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
March 16th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

Re A3G — apologies if this has been pointed out before, but I can’t look at the names “Gina” and “Tommie” together in the same panel and not immediately get Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer” stuck in my head.

And speaking of 80s songs, I’ve been toying off and on for the past couple of days with composing some new lyrics for Madonna’s “Material Girl”, inspired by TDIET. Here’s what I have so far:

Arfo’s tubby, Dragbutt’s chubby
I think that’s just fine
Wearing ties at movies? They will
Do it every time

Portly folks in fifties outfits
Men and women both (you know)
And the kids look like adults
With badly stunted growth. Cause we are

Living in a progeria world
And I am a progeria girl
Yes we are living in a progeria world
And I am a progeria girl
Hawkwoman
March 16th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

RMMD–Wilson Nolan 3-16: For June so loved a clean garage…

Is it just me or were all the comics crap today?
bacon
March 16th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

Mark appears to be playing a little “pocket pool” in panel 3, is he not?

You would too, if you found yourself aroused but denied by a wasp-wasted but fridged woman deliciously and unobtainably named “Cherry”?
Tats
March 16th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

Why would someone who willingly escaped Mary’s destructive clutches actually CALL BACK?

He’d better watch out, or Mary will bludgeon him with the Hindu idol on her sideboard.
Gal Friday
March 16th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

RMMD: I like how June is immediately giving Niki a chore to do literally hours after Elvis tried to kill him.
Hawkwoman
March 16th, 2007 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

Dammit. Harold beat me to it by seconds.
Nice combover on Cherry today, Elrod.
Magnolia
March 16th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

Right on about 3G. I’ve lived in New York* for most of my life so I guess I’m a little sensitive about the girls’ constant attempts to completely eradicate any trace of New York from their lives.

(*Well, Brooklyn. Brooklyn counts, dammit. BROOKLYN COUNTS.)
bunx
March 16th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

Good to see the Morgan family uses the Wilson-Nolan flatware.
jvwalt
March 16th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail, Paragon O’ Sensitivity… “We didn’t get to spend much time with them.” Yeah, because your old friend DROWNED IN YOUR BOTTOMLESS FISHIN’ HOLE!

I know, he didn’t really drown, but Mark still thinks so. And apparently doesn’t find it worth mentioning. Indeed, the entire strip is full of inane comments meant to show Mark and Cherry’s empathy for Sue, but actually reveal them to be utterly shallow, soulless people who’ve spent so much time among the giant animals of Lost Forest that they’ve forgotten how to relate to other human beings.
PeteMoss
March 16th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

MT – I think that last panel is a sweet, sentimental picture. Mark with his arm around Cherry, holding her close as he walks along while playing with himself in front of his dog, Andy, who’s just now recovering from the roofies Dan slipped him.

That second panel, however, will haunt my nightmares.
Blondie
March 16th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

MT: “Maybe some of her relatives will visit with her!”
Oh yeah. maybe some of her relatives will visit her to console her about !!! Just .
Blondie
March 16th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

Woah. That didn’t work.
I meant to say “Maybe some of her relatives will visit her to console her about her husband dying. Just maybe.”
Oops
Blondie
March 16th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

Why are so many of the 9 Chickweed Lane plots about sex?
Blondie
March 16th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

TDIET: Hee hee, the coloring drones made the rain cloud above his head the same color as the backround. Now ir looks like a really ugly windchime
Zikar
March 16th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

I didn’t know that they allowed Vulcan reporters at high schools in this day and age. GT is a paragon of tolerance and diversity, evidently.
Tracer Bullet
March 16th, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

MW: From Zero to meddling in less than 25 words. Mary Worth is a god.
FOOB: No, Shannon, calling you retarded doesn’t mean you’re stupid. Given that you’re a person of mild mental retardation having a mental age of 7- to 12-years-old and generally having communication and social skills enabling some degree of academic or vocational education, I’d say you’re a moron.
GF: Normally we come here not to praise strips, but to bury them. But for the past week or two Get Fuzzy been inspired lunacy. “Lick Yourself Thin” alone justifies the price of my high-speed internet this month.
PLUGGERS: Bank? Shouldn’t a plugger keep his money sealed in jelly jars and buried in his backyard?
PeteMoss
March 16th, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

#7 Poppinjay

At the very least, Mary and Ben have their hair tightened at the same shop. Probably Auto Y Rod’s.
Islamorada Girl
March 16th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

No, Milford is situated on another planet. It’s the only explanation for why it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Death! Death to Gil Thorp!

Thank you.
PeteMoss
March 16th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

31 Tracer Bullet

GF – I especially liked Mac’s line while being hugged – “Oop! He’s happy.”
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
March 16th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Unrelated to anything dept. — I’ve recently become aware of a new (to me) online comic that I think is pretty good.

somethinghappens.net
kat
March 16th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

20: And June glammed up and put on her black dom lipstick for the occasion.

Also, there’s something freakish about Sarah’s mouth in panel two. Something freakishly dirty. Like, maybe she…er…cleans the brushes before Niki paints the garage?

Ugh, I just vomited in my mouth a little.
Breakfast
March 16th, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

How come, no matter how cute and innocent little Sara is, she always manages to come across as an old lady with Botox on protein bars?

Seriously, until the name ‘Sara’ was used, I was wondering why a creepy lady was in the Morgan house eating breakfast.
Frank Drackman
March 16th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

I love how Mary’s little Budda statue(maybe purchased during her trip to the Nam’?) is takin a whiz in the corner.
andreavis
March 16th, 2007 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

MT: That’s a great Jackel Rod button Cherry is wearing in panel 2. Is he running for president in ‘08 too? Because an Elrod/Brownback ticket would be unstoppable.
winky
March 16th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

why is there a lumpy futon flying through the airspace behind ben frank’s building? should someone warn ben frank? what the hell sort of name is “ben frank”?
Primate
March 16th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

I’d say the RM:MD merchandising must be going into overdrive, at least in the the artist’s noggin, what with Sarah eating out of her licensed Wilson/Nolan cereal bowl. Ooooh, and check those numebrs below the names…It’s a limited edition!

Also: I don’t like the looks of that milk dribbling down Sarah’s chin. Looks like she’s been cleaning the garage.

(I know, sorry, sorry…)
PeteMoss
March 16th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

39. andreavis

I’m thinking Elrod/LaRouche*. Yeah-h That’s the ticket!

*More information about Lyndon LaRouche can be found you-know-where.
treedweller
March 16th, 2007 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

I am offended by product placement.

I am offended by the stupidity of JJJ

I’m offended by wanton disregard for the environment.

I’m offended by jejune adults in the guise of children.

For some reason, I am more offended by the old-man-cat plugger than the old-man-dog plugger. But mostly offended to realize I have had this conversation, only I was listing all the companies that swallowed one another to become my current telephone provider. [shudder]

speaking of offended . . .
Tukla in Iowa
March 16th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

RMMD: “I didn’t hear anything!” Do the Morgans give their kid rohypnol at bedtime or what?
fizzy logic
March 16th, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

Stinky Pete? Where are you? We need our countdown! How many posts until the millenepost, and a salient post from the Curmudgeon past, please! Hello? Chennux? You don’t have Stinky Pete, do you? GIVE HIM BACK! Um, please, sir, your royal gruesomeness, thankyouverymuch.
Trapper
March 16th, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

MW: You know, that “Apartment A2″ looks like “I used to live in Apartmen TA2″……does that mean he’s trying to get some T&A from Mary??? Let’s hope so! It’ll be the first action Mary’s had in awhile……
Dean Booth
March 16th, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

RMMD: That’s supposed to be Bling Bonng!, foreshadowing that it’s gansta-druggie 8-Ball at the door.
Reedzilla
March 16th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

If aardvarkian autofellatio is your thing, you’d be doing yourself a favor to check out today’s Slylock Fox.
flem snopes
March 16th, 2007 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

Is it just me or is Ben a younger version of Aldo?

I smell a revenge plot.
Key Lime Pie
March 16th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

Looks like Ben got a little too tanked at a Charterstone picnic and Mary looked a little too good at closing time…Too bad for him that Mary’s memory of it is not in keeping with the Sometimers she should be experiencing at her age.
bobbaloo
March 16th, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

What’s with the blow-up sex doll in panel two of RMMD?
jules
March 16th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

Mary got down to the meddlin’ awful fast in today’s strip, didn’t she? Even my husband, who has made it clear that he REALLY doesn’t want to hear any more about Mary Worth THANK YOU HONEY, had a good laugh over how quickly she demanded to know the state of Ben’s love life.

RMMD: How scary is Sarah in panel two? She’s all ready to suck out Niki’s soul like a Dementor! And she has a Wilson & Nolan Brand Cereal Bowl! I want me one a’ them!
Joe
March 16th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

Do people actually laugh at this BC, or others like it? Maybe not, and BC is actually transmitted to this universe from a parallel one where all forms of humor are the opposite of our own. And Johnny Hart Reads The Comics Curmudgeon So You Don’t Have To is getting thousands of hits a day.
Tukla in Iowa
March 16th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

#52: Jules — Yes, I noticed that, too. “Oh, hi, Ben! I haven’t heard from you in ages! So are you gettin’ any?”
Douglas E. Iannucci
March 16th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

B.C.: Wait a minute. A wife’s magpie hasn’t said a word in three weeks? That’s it, isn’t it? “A magpie of a wife” is a wife’s magpie, right? A wife’s pet magpie, right? And this magpie, this wife’s magpie, hasn’t said a word in three weeks. What the holy hell?
Uncle Lumpy
March 16th, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

#55 Douglas -

I betcha that change was done in edit. It even fits, if you crowd the spacing:

“somebody’s”
“amagpieofa”

F’n B.C.
Dick, the doorbell
March 16th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

Grrr! Must Wilson and Nolan make it so irritatingly easy for us – Niki is going to fill in a hole for June.

Now, really!

Just writing the lead-in to a tacky joke has made me feel soiled. I can’t continue. I must wash.
King Folderol
March 16th, 2007 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

BC – Why stop there, Johnny Hart? Why not substitute “running seriously low on duct tape” with “just broke in his new chainsaw”? You are as Christian as I am Martian, you ass! What a waste of DNA he is!

A3G – My theory all along has been that this is the New York we would have had if the pod people had taken over in the 1956 classic “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” Or some weird future where all the Democrats are shipped to Gitmo. Either way, New York City becomes Anytown, there’s an Applebee’s on every corner, and people like Tommie are suddenly interesting enough to be featured in a comic strip.

MW – Maybe Mary’s been slipping some of the tenants Spanish Fly.
Dingo
March 16th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

I’m carryin’ this over from the end of the last thread, when Old Fogeyette and Poteet were down to the cooking sherry.

Queen of Lame
with apologies to Sting and the Police

Thereâ€™s a little black spot of a mouth today
Itâ€™s the same old thing as yesterday
A conductorâ€™s cap in a high tree top
Menopausal ragginâ€™ and she just wonâ€™t stop

I have stood here before, could someone please explain
How For Better or For Worse could induce such pain
I guess Iâ€™m always hoping that youâ€™ll end this reign
But Lynn Johnston has crowned herself the Queen of Lame

Up in Mtigwaki with the Inuit
(Thatâ€™s my Paul up there)
Lizzie learned that her life had slowly turned to shit
(Jesus, hear her prayer)
Deanna and children running down the stairs
(Christmas Eve, beware!)
But Michaelâ€™s precious manuscriptâ€™s for all he cares
(Up your derriere!)

I have stood here before, could someone please explain
How For Better or For Worse could induce such pain
I guess Iâ€™m always hoping that youâ€™ll end this reign
But Lynn Johnston has crowned herself the Queen of Lame

Thereâ€™s a child thatâ€™s trapped in a basement cage
(Pornstar mustache rides)
Saying roadside and FOOB are now the latest rage
(Worlds will soon collide)
Grandpaâ€™s blue-haired wife is stealing prime rib bites
(Whereâ€™s my tater, dear?)
When youâ€™re Patterson thereâ€™s no need for sainthood rites
(Howard Erk should fear)

I have stood here before, could someone please explain
How For Better or For Worse could induce such pain
I guess Iâ€™m always hoping that youâ€™ll end this reign
But Lynn Johnston has crowned herself the Queen of Lame

There are moments I could tear my eyes right out
Just in thinking that, Lynn is never one to redoubt
Sheâ€™s a rich one, money piled over the bed
But she wonâ€™t give up, even though weâ€™re filled with dread

Queen of Lame

Thereâ€™s a fox named Beccah that she ridicules
(Thatâ€™s my roadside skank)
Wait for her demise, theyâ€™ll shout, â€œMore zippers, mule!â€
(Mall tour du jour)
Thereâ€™s a little black spot of a mouth today
Itâ€™s the same old thing as yesterday

I have stood here before, could someone please explain
How For Better or For Worse could induce such pain
I guess Iâ€™m always hoping that youâ€™ll end this reign
But Lynn Johnston has crowned herself the Queen of Lame

Queen of Lame
Queen of Lame
Queen of Lame
Sheâ€™ll always be Queen of Lameâ€¦
Dingo
March 16th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

Now… someone write a ditty to Spanish Eyes featuring Mary Worth and Spanish fly.
teh l4m3
March 16th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

Niki cleans her garage, fills her hole, and presumably WD-40s the creaking back door. At what point does June reward him with a pearl diving expedition, during which she regales him with a flute recital?
Buffalo BC
March 16th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

IT HOLDS ITS LITTLE MAGPIE CHIN

OR ELSE IT GETS THE TAPE AGAIN
Harold
March 16th, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

#46 Trapper: Apartment TA2 would be such a cool strip. It would be like Apartment 3G, but would feature two Russian lesbian schoolgirls who make out with each other all the time.

(Somebody please get the t.A.T.u. reference.)

I don’t know which is the more disturbing image of the little girl in RMMD: the one in panel 2 that looks like it was based on an image from a porn site, or the one in panel 1 where her head has swollen to Family Circus proportions.
Dave W
March 16th, 2007 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

MARY WORTH IS BEING DROPPED FROM THE WASHINGTON POST PRINT EDITION. I would advise everyone whom this bothers to email comics@washpost.com and complain. Sorry if this is old news: I’m too lazy to read all the other comments.
JuhFreak
March 16th, 2007 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

I don’t want to whine or nothin’. But if you NEVER enjoy a comic, you should probably stop reading it. It’s kind of depressing. Don’t you do this for fun? Don’t we read this for fun?

Much love, Josh.
Poteet
March 16th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

# 45 — Pssst! Fizzy logic! # 381 under the “It’ll” post! Don’t tell YOU-KNOW-WHO! (Saunters away, whistling casually…)
Anne
March 16th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

1. williethompson! i couldn’t finish the comments because yours made me laugh so much.

(it doesn’t help that i am high.)
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 16th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

Now Josh, it’s not entirely true that A3G never mentions NYC landmarks. After all, it did mention the WORLD-RENOWNED NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY!

Rrowwrr. Kitties!
Gabe
March 16th, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

Me, I’m personally annoyed with New Yorkers you can’t shut up about New York. It’s kind of the Marmaduke of cities. Apt. 3G is nice in this deptartment.
Steve S
March 16th, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

In panel 2 of RMMD, Sarah is doing her spot-on impression of Admiral James Stockdale at the 1992 Vice Presidential debate.
Randy S
March 16th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

Ben Frank… why does that name sound familiar?
Oh wait, it’s short for Ben Franklin.
Should we expect future characters named Tom Jeff, George Wash or Patrick Hen?
Dji
March 16th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

#63. I’ve got your back. And June has the same hair as Viktor Tsoi.

Where can I get one of those “Wilson-Nolan 3:16″ bowls? As that verse says, “Whosoever cleaneth mine garage and filleth my holes shall not perish for lack of hair gel.” Or something like that.
Gabe
March 16th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

I dunno, Ben S. Who the hell shortens last names like that?
Gabe
March 16th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

Ha ha. Randy S., I mean. Dammit.
Dingo
March 16th, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

Somewhere on her nightstand, Mary Worth must have the Diary of Ben Frank.
Baron Von Foobenstein
March 16th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

Apparently Jesus is okay with duct taping your wife’s mouth shut if you don’t want to hear her talk.

BLESS YA JEEZUS! HEEEEEYEAAAHH!!!
Weasel Boy
March 16th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

FW: Wow, a Bruce Springsteen reference. And from “Greetings from Asbury Park,” even. Watch it, Batuik. You’re coming dangerously close to being cool.
Anonymous
March 16th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

#19 – Tats asks the burning question, “Why would someone who willingly escaped Maryâ€™s destructive clutches actually CALL BACK?”

Man, I don’t know. Perhaps he gets off on schadenfreude, and knows that delivering Vera into Mary Worth’s clutches will be good for weeks and weeks of fun.

It does at least explain why Mary looks so psychotically happy in that last panel, though: Jeff’s spirit has been broken, Ella’s managed to escape, and her meddlin’ prospects must’ve been looking pretty dim…and then suddenly a former victim blunders back into her sights. That must be what a starving vulture looks like when it spots a diseased coyote in the middle of Death Valley.
Poteet
March 16th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

# 45 & 65 — Oh jeez. I hardly ever post before catching up, and I swear I’ll never do it again. I just got halfway through the previous thread. Very sorry, fizzy logic. Sorry, gh. I’m going back underground. But fizzy logic, your parody was sheer utter brilliance, and I…ummm….is it getting really hot in here? Arrrgh…
Randy S
March 16th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

Gabe: the same kind of person who rearranges the letters of the word “stalker” to make the last name of a character who happens to be a stalker?
(Shrug)

You know, now that I think of it, I kinda like the name Abe Link for a future character…
Gabe
March 16th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

So, your last name is really S?
Plinko Commie
March 16th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

I don’t think For Better or For Worse has arrived.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 16th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

#31, you’re capitalization of “Zero” made me start thinking about what would happen if Mary met Zero from “Beetle Bailey.” Short answer: think organ harvesting.
Randy S
March 16th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

It would be if I was a cartoon character. ;-/
Uncle Lumpy
March 16th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

#83 Randy S.

Work it like a claw, man — work it like a claw.

You, er, the marryin’ kind?
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 16th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

#43, I thought I was the only one who ever snarked on Sherman’s Lagoon.
elyse
March 16th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

I gotta say that I am a little offended by the portrayal of Shannon in FOOB… and by a little, I mean I am appalled that someone prints these strips like there is nothing wrong with their portrayal of the mentally handicapped.
Poteet
March 16th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

# 2 — Your Imperial Incendiaryness, I have attempted to mollify your righteous wrath on the previous thread. # 311 and # 312. Leaving quickly now, in a rapid zig-zag pattern.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 16th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

Gabe 68: [New York is] kind of the Marmaduke of cities. What, do you mean there’s constant innuendo that it’s actually getting it on with Rhode Island?
Christopher
March 16th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

I read the comics today, oh boy…

Apt. 3-G: God, I hate the way the artist draws mouths in this strip. The way they’re sort of puckered in the middle and closed at the ends makes Tommie and Gina look like fish.

Also, Gina looks like she has female pattern baldness.

Is it really too much to ask that at least SOME of the people in a comic strip about the love lives of three young women be attractive?

B.C. This one almost looks like the setup to that Monty Python Argument Clinic sketch:

“Now see here, I came for a Show Me, and I won’t stand for this claptrap!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, this is the Sexist Jokes rock”

“Oh, well that explains it then”

And then they get to the actual Show Me.

Blondie: For these scenes, the part of Dagwood Bumstead will be played by a Macy’s Men’s department mannequin.

Seriously, what are those poses supposed to even signify?

DtM: Why does Mrs. Wilson let two ~~horrible~~ vaguely annoying children wander through their house even when Mr. Wilson is trying to sleep?

And how much sleep can he be getting, curled up in what looks like an easy chair or at the most a loveseat?

Doonesbury: Eh, this storyline was funnier when Sally Forth did it.

Wow, THERE’S something I never thought I’d type.

FOOB: Oh my GOD shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP shut up!

Is this a comic strip or a freaking public service announcement?

Funky Winkerbean: Okay, I’m no expert, but I have been in a comic shop or two in my time, and I have to ask… How much stock would you really lose to an ankle high flood?

It seems to me that most of the merchandise is stored at a hight where the customers can reach it easily, and all you’d be likely to lose is maybe the bottom shelf of the new releases and graphic novels.

Which I guess would set you back a bit, but it hardly seems apocalyptic.

Judge Parker: Zut Alors! You’ll have to get off at the next stop and catch a train going the other way!

Why is it that all these soap opera strips seem to be written to confirm the fears of shut ins?

“If you travel to another country you’ll become deathly ill and the heathen doctors will never be able to cure you and then you’ll get lost on the subway and mugged by overly formal punks!

Applebee’s is all the exotic culture any sane person ever needs.”

Luann: TJ has the eyes of a killer.

Non Sequitor: Now see here. When Margo-ing Snuffy Smith is using a joke, I think that that’s evidence that it’s incredibly stale, not that you should find different ways to retell it FOR A WHOLE WEEK.

The Phantom: So, I just wanted to point out that Old Man Mozz stole his cloak there from Raven of the Teen Titans.

The moral: Never mess with old men who where the clothes of teenage girls. Which is something that almost goes without saying, but apparently some people have to learn the hard way.

Preteena:

Okay, I’ve added this one to my Chron page, and I really need to know: How come sometimes people have eyes that are just black dots, like on Teena there on our left, and sometimes people have eyes that are white circles with black dots inside, like Jerri there on the right?

Seriously, I’ve been going through the archives, and every theory I’ve come up with has been blown away by a counter-example.

Like, at first I thought it was that some characters had one kind of eye, and some had the other, but generally speaking, Teena has the white circle eyes rather then the dots.

Then I thought maybe it was one for side views, one for front views, but that one didn’t hold water either.

Then I thought maybe the circle eyes were for closeups, and the dot eyes for long shots, and either one would do for medium, which held until I got to this strip at which point I just gave up in frustration.

I dunno, this sort of thing is fine in Gil Thorp, where the artwork is just plain terrible, but Preteena is at what I call The Curtis Point, the exact mid-point between quality strips like Calvin & Hobbes, and strips like BC.

And darn it, I expect more out of these Pluggers of the comic strip ecosystem, tromping along and filling space without particularly offending or delighting us.
fizzy logic
March 16th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

#87 – Poteet – So sorry to have posted without your previous permission and/or knowledge. I do have my signed indemnification agreement accepting all responsibility, but Chennux’s lawyers won’t give me their fax number.

We do have the heroic and selfless act of Non-Shannon going for us, and also the fact that His Rageness doesn’t work weekends. Also his very short attention span. Washington State has a very good potato crop as well.

(*looks around furtively*) I think we may be okay. The fact that you didn’t know about it until now is also a good sign. I was worried about the blind ambush.

I promise, I’ll always get your go-ahead first before I send him into another paroxysm of rage on your behalf.
Gabe
March 16th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

Hey, Gadge noticed I exist!
Some Guy Here
March 16th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

Holy Fuck I forgot that Fencepost Frank was in Rex Morgan! Yeah, you can bet that I as well am hoping that’s him right behind that door.

Also, I like the “Wilson + Nolan 3-16″ on the bowl too (and yes, I know that’s the authors’ sig/date, but it strikes me as a contrived place to put it).
Buck Ripsnort
March 16th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

MEMO TO WHOEVER THE HELL “WRITES” A3G: Your lawyers are lying; New York newspapers will not sue if you mention them in your strip.

MT: Despite the tears, the Saint Bernard is the only one who looks genuinely solemn at Dan’s passing.
Rusty
March 16th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

89: I’ve been reading Preteena lately because of someone’s link to the Chronicle. It’s decent, i like the overall tone and feel of the strip, but you’re right on the eyes. The artist is mailing it in on every other panel. That would also explain the reliance on little background, standing characters, etc. Too bad, it could be so much better.
Anne
March 16th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

60 dingo, that absolutely was so awesome.

62, that about killed me too. actually most of the comments are tonight. killing me, that is.
Poteet
March 16th, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

# 90 — fizzy logic, you’re not melted! Yay! But your work of art would have been worth it anyway. No need to consult me in future. It would be cosmic injustice if such brilliant snarkiness were held back because of petty concerns about potential fiery death for the entire planet:-). I guess maybe I’ll just resume (wary) normal activity, and I share your gratitude toward Non-Shannon.
Uncle Mike
March 16th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

Maybe by “the local press” she means the 3rd floor newsletter that comes out every month (which is a much friendlier periodical than the rag those bitches on the 2nd floor circulate).
wasoe
March 16th, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

Until I read Rex Morgan today, I thought Wilson and Nolan were just cartoonists, but today’s strip has revealed to the world in panel two that they are also the makers of Wilson & Nolan (TM) quality cereal bowls!

It’s a shame how blatant their product placement is.
macb
March 16th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

Dingo- good parody. “Spanish Eyes”? You mean that old chestnut by Herb Alpert and The Tijuana Gold, er Brass?
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 16th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

[Interior, Galactic Imperial Palace. As the five suns of GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX's home planet rise in the north, south, east, west, and north-by-northwest, the camera pans about the enormous room. We see, variously, a huge, bulbous, weapony looking thing, sort of a cross between a praying mantis, high-tech dental equipment, and an obscure marital aid; a vast golden bathing chamber filled with a luminous golden-maple fluid and with a bra or two hanging off its edges; and several enormous vats, stenciled MAYONNAISE and KAOPECTATE alternatingly, lining one wall. Enter CHENNUX, a huge, scaly, lizardlike creature of enormous dignity. Looking around the palace, he at first seems slightly confused, then, raising himself to his full height of fourteen feet, he speaks:]

MELKAR DAMMIT, WHERE’D EVERYONE GO? POTEET? PIXELGIRL? NON-SHANNON? ANONYMOUS CURMINIONS? [under his breath] CRAP, THEY’RE PROBABLY ALL READING “FUNKY WINKERBEAN.”

He seats himself wearily in a comfortably outfitted chair in front of the aforementioned mantis/dental equipment/sex toy thingy (it is, in fact, a MAGMACANNON). On the arm of the chair, a computer monitor. CHENNUX begins to sing (an adaptation of Skeeter Davis’s 1960s hit):

WHY DOES THE SUN GO ON SHINING?
[CHENNUX fiddles with a few buttons; we hear a large POOF!; light levels diminish by 20%]
WHY DOES THE SEA RUSH TO SHORE?
[the Magmacannon is swiveled about and another button is pushed, and we hear a distant sizzling sound]
DON’T THEY KNOW IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD
‘CAUSE YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE

WHY DO THE BZXIRIDS GO ON SINGING?
[several honking sounds, followed by machine gun firing]
WHY DO THE STARS GLOW ABOVE?
[Note: the "stars" are actually painted on a cheesy "skylight" ceiling thingy, as CHENNUX tears them down one by one, popping them into his mouth between phrases]
DON’T THEY KNOW IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD
IT ENDED WHEN I LOST YOUR LOVE

[picking up a pair of mayo-stained panties, sniffing them]
I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND I WONDER
WHY EVERYTHING’S THE SAME AS IT WAS
[a hideously malformed human-like being, possibly male, with a great square head and distorted, ill-placed features, enters - startled, he averts his eyes at CHENNUX's potent green nudity and scampers away]
[CHENNUX sotto voce:] AH DON’T WORRY GIL – MY SKRXCRITORT’S ONLY FOUR-DIMENSIONAL RIGHT NOW
[back to singing]
I CAN’T UNDERSTAND, NO, I CAN’T UNDERSTAND
HOW LIFE GOES ON THE WAY IT DOES

[spoken, in the manner of William Shatner]
WHY DO MY THREE HEARTS GO ON BEATING?
WHY DO THESE EYES OF MINE CRY?
DON’T THEY KNOW IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD
IT ENDED WHEN YOU SAID GOODBYE…

[Instrumental interlude, with tap-dancing by DINGO, FIZZY LOGIC, GADGE CUBIC, RED GREENBACK, TRUE FABLE, WILLETHOMPSON, and several enormously fat rhinos and bears in overalls and gimmie-caps]

DON’T THEY KNOW IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD
[Magmacannon aimed directly at camera]
IT ENDED WHEN YOU SAID…
[Magmacannon fired; screen goes white, almost immediately fades to black]
GOODBYE…
[credits scroll, END...followed by TRANSMISSION!]
Francis
March 16th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

Yes, Sally would be so much less upset about her dead husband if only she’d had some children that she could now turn to for comfort! Because THEY WOULDN’T BE UPSET AT ALL ABOUT THEIR DEAD FATHER. How very astute of you, Cherry!
Poteet
March 16th, 2007 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

# 100 — Gadge, I. Am. In. Awe. My jaw is on the floor. My eyes are big as saucers. You have SO outdone yourself this time. I back away, making obeisance.
fizzy logic
March 16th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

#100 – Gadge – That was BRILLIANT! BRAVO! (*Stands*Applauds*) I have a tear in my eye – well, sort of. Who needs to go out on Friday nights when you have this kind of entertainment? I don’t think Chennux could even be angry about that. You guys keep raising the bar – which ensures that I will never do another parody again. It’s a win-win! Woo!
Red Greenback
March 16th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

Gadge, I like what I’m hearing here! …Listen, babe, have your people call my people…I can line up Lorenzo Lamas and Bonnie Franklin in a New York second. Gadge, Honey Baby, stay with me on this now…OK, I see Ron Perlman as the Big Guy…hold on on for a sec… (muffled)”Marge, is Perlman still alive?”…I think we got gold here, Gadge. I’m gonna conference call the kids at Lifetime and CMT toot sweet…Keep the faith…Peace, Aloha.
Dactyl
March 16th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

I need an 8-piece set of that Wilson*Nolan 3-16 china pattern, and I need it now.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 16th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

This is what’s terrifying: so last night I’m diddling around on the internet reading this & that, and for some reason, even though that Skeeter Davis song wasn’t playing or anything, it popped into my head. A little later, as I’m drifting off to sleep, I find myself thinking, what if Galactic Emperor Chennux sang that song? And started visualizing a few bits – the underclothing strewn about, the casual destruction, etc.

You see what you people have done to me? You’ve got me composing fake movie-musicals starring fictitious emperors in my sleep!

(And how the emperor got in my sleep I’ll never know.)
fizzy logic
March 16th, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

#104 – Red, I know it’s just a bit part, but can you get Sandra Bullock to play me? Uh, no? Hmmm, how about Kate Walsh? That’s no good either? What’s that – Valerie Bertinelli? I suppose that would be okay – sure, whatever works, I’m good. ….Okay, I’ll say it – You da man!
Poteet
March 16th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

Your Imperial Impetuousity, I hope your mighty wrath has been appeased by your starring role in both an excellent snarky movie song parody AND an actual fabulous movie scene that includes a classic, upgraded-to-fit-you classic song. Truly, these are huge Earth honors.

And if you are unappeased, I have a confession to make. I’m actually Karen Moy. Fizzy logic is Karen Moy, as is gh. Gadge Cubic is also Karen Moy, as are a number of other Cumudgeons. So if you want to efficiently fry us all, the correct human body to aim at is that of the person responsible for Mary Worth, to whit, Karen Moy. Aim your magmacannons at her and fire at will!

(Hey, it’s worth a shot. So to speak.)
Poteet
March 16th, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

# 108 — Sorry about the two “classics.” Oy. But really, Your Imperial Excellence, I just wanted to emphasize the classic nature of these two classic posts that honor your classicness.

# 104 — Red, you can have anyone play me, because I don’t care. Honest. “Anyone” meaning Scarlett Johansson.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 16th, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

Once again, I present: a comment on Josh’s OTHER work, at Wonkette – since, as far as I can tell, they’ve totally slammed the door on even allowing anyone who hasn’t already shown up for the party to make comments. All this login this, password that, with nary a word on how to actually get such a thing. Hrmph. Elitist snobs. (PS to Chennux: need a target for your magmacannon?) Anyway, about the last cartoon in this week’s Comic Violence:

She’s got a huge ASS because she’s a DEMOCRAT – uh-and the lovingly rendered, puckered pant-fabric cleaving to the fleshy folds of that ass represent the Democrats being beholden to special interests, and the curiously disconnected but enormous and collagen-enhanced lips represent the party’s disconnection from the concerns of real Americans and Hollywood elitism and general butt-kissing…but why does she look like a chicken?
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 16th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

Poteet 109: I shall play myself, then – just as soon as I write a steamy love scene between the “Gadge Cubic” character and the “Poteet” character played by Ms. Johansson. (I just hope they don’t get things mixed up and have “Poteet” played by David Johansen.)
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 16th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

Pre-emptive memo to anonymous snarker: No I did not forget to type the word “with” before “myself” in my previous post. Hrrmph again.
Nate Bush, Pirate PhD
March 16th, 2007 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

Wooo, no PSP… an actual computer :)

MW: As soon as I read Mary Worth today, I thought about calling Josh non stop till I could tell him to avoid it at all costs…. I wanted to stop him from experiencing the migraine I had from such a horrible sight… Oh… the pain caused by picturing Mary Worth getting all ‘hot and bothered’…

It still hurts… I’m wearing sunglasses.
Red Greenback
March 16th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

Fizzy…Heres the deal, sweetie…Cynthia Rothrock is on tenterhooks to get in on this project. If you would like to be portrayed by her, Done and done!…Unless you would like to hold out while the Julie Strain negotiations work themselves out, this is also a good shot, IMHO. Longshot here, but the buzz is Goldie Hawn and Priscilla Presley have shown some interest.
Poteet
March 16th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

Since most sane Curmudgeons are going to bed, this may be a good time to quietly admit that Caniff loyalist though I am, yeah, STEVE CANYON is indeed going through a slightly odd period this week, as in “mildly batshit crazy,” but the artwork is still quite impressive and it’s a dead cert that the plotting will improve, and the strip always provides interesting insights into the time period in which it was produced. Which is more than can be said of most other mildly-batshit-crazy strips.
Nate Bush, Pirate PhD
March 16th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

#115
I am just starting… damn my fucked up sleep cycle to a early, and well deserved grave….

I like the idea of mildly-batshit-crazy… It would have been very helpful to know that phrase earlier in my life… I could have disarmed alot of arguments by conceeding that I am mildly-batshit-insane…
Poteet
March 16th, 2007 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

# 111 — Sounds good, Gadge! I’ll look forward to that scene.

Actually, given the general tenor of Red’s latest comments, I suppose I’d better hope that Mollie Sugden is available. But for your sake and mine, I hope Scarlett is in the mood to do a little slumming.
alamo
March 16th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

i ben frank
you ben frank
he/she/it ben frank

we ben frank
you ben frank
they ben frank.

is ben frank the son of fencepost frank?

then there is
http://www.readfrank.com/browse/index.php
Red Greenback
March 16th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

Rula Lenska really wants to play Chennux’s former first lady. Here’s the scenario: Whenever Chennux is up to his galactic shenanigans, Rula inexplicably shows up to take His Highness down a few notches. Perfect comedic foil, IMHO.
fizzy logic
March 16th, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

#114 – Red – Well you see, um, I was trying for the “age appropriate” casting thing, and even Valerie has about six years on me, and um, I’m about the same age as LisaMarie, so I think Priscilla might be a little old… And Goldie, well, I love the “kookie” thing and all, but I just don’t think there is enough Botox in the world, although I do admit that both of them probably look better in a bikini that I do even now – oh, what the hell, sure, why not! I never was the ingenue type anyway.
Poteet
March 16th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

# 116 — Sympathies on the sleep thing, Nate. I am trying to discipline my irresponsible sleep cycle with stern warnings and threats, and I think I am going to try to haul it up to bed now. But I bet you’ll have company here if you want it.
fizzy logic
March 17th, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

#114 – Red – My word, Julie Strain is ….

tall.
Poteet
March 17th, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

# 114 — Red, it really sounds as if Scarlett should play fizzy logic if she’s available. As for me, hmmm…might Harvey Fierstein be available? Just a thought.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
March 17th, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

115. Poteet, I can only remember Steve Canyon from his “President Nixon must be obeyed” years. So it’s very interesting to see him as a rule-breaking soldier of fortune. Having a former military pilot get a plane and go into business was an up-to-date topic for the time.

We still have a few years to go before the McCarthy era forced Steve back into uniform.
Poway
March 17th, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

April is so getting laid
Red Greenback
March 17th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

Yo, fizz…I don’t wanna get your hopes up too high, but the word on the street is Reese Witherspoon dropped out of “Bunny Lake Is Missing” because it was taking too much of a toll on her personal life. My man in the field, let’s just call him “Huggy Bear” tells me Reese is willing to take on more “declasse” projects. And make a few extra bucks. I love Reese!
ChefMike
March 17th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

MT Mark has got to be the densest ranger in history if he still hasn’t figured out that he’s being played. he still thinks this is all about fishing?? I wonder what illegal activities ol’ Dan is really up to
MW: I figure that the artist for Mary Worth only has about three facial templates, because I’ve noticed that many of Charterstone’s residents look just like Mary Worth in some way.
FOOB: April’s gonna go Roadside!
TDIET: if you follow the directions properly, and make a left after the second light just like the man says, you’ll be on the right road. Whether there’s a sign to mark it or not, Ohhhhh yeahhhh!
Curtis: I think it’d be a tad more believable to have said that curtis was expelled for the harmful pranks he pulled on Derrick and “Onion.” It doesn’t even look like this donkey nonsense has anything to do with him.
Bombcar
March 17th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Holy crap! Crankshaft’s school must have a 1-900-H8-CRANK or something! $4.95 for a @#%#@% PHONE CALL!?!?!!

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070317&name=Crankshaft
Red Greenback
March 17th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Poteet, Just got off the Blackberry with Mr.Fierstein’s agent, my compadre Fiervey Harvstein…we have a go!
Red Greenback
March 17th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

TDIET: …”CURB PETS, VOTE FOR GOOCH”…
rich
March 17th, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

Now that everyone’s in bed, I can admit, coward that I am… that I actually didn’t mind Friday’s FBOW. Keep it under your hats.
rich
March 17th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

…whereas, this week’s Garfields filled me with rage. And Funky Winkerbean: Comic Book Guy, you do keep your comic books sealed in plastic bags, right? And the boxes weren’t sitting on the floor, I presume? Wouldn’t that prevent most of the water damage?

Oh and Mary Worth: “Well I dunno, how the hell’s your love life, you nosy pest?”
Kurdt
March 17th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

BC – Show me an unfunny newspaper cartoon that gives Christians a bad name….
Dingo
March 17th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

FOOB: I can see it already, there’s no need to wait.
It’s a slow-motion trainwreck to anticipate!
Elly and John come in soaking wet,
To discover a blonde hovering o’er their nymphette.
Instead of the ‘Tard Woman with movies she’d herald
Their daughter is naked with her boyfriend, Gerald!
With voices all shouting, a curfew’d be set,
Yellow pubic hair glistenin’ like honey on baguette.
They’d both show contempt; April’s no longer a virgin
But the sight of young schwanz would give Elly an urgin’.
That night, later on, at the bedside would she
Ask John to unsex her and he’ll do it with glee!
So passion will come to the Patterson house
Too bad those two young’ns must kiss with no mouths!
skulking on the outskirts
March 17th, 2007 at 1:14 am [Reply]

Hey, I finally made it!……………..awww, crap, where’d everybody go??
I have so got to try getting to the thread parties on time. Guess I’ll just take my Jack Daniels and go home. (pouts and leaves).
Dingo
March 17th, 2007 at 1:18 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: I fear for dear Emily. No heterosexual man has ever uttered the phrase “Everything’s glorious!” Not now nor ever. It’s going to be a sham marriage with lots of “out of town meetings” and “fishing trips” and such.

Also, where is the location of the store that sells matching bracelets and lamps? My mother is looking for a pair, herself.
Dingo
March 17th, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

#135 skulking: Bring the bottle over here! I’ve got Poteet’s yearbook and some aerosol cans of cheese. Sit with me.
ohamsie
March 17th, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

One thing I will say in favor of B.C. is that it is the only comic strip to use the period as a punctuation mark in today’s strips. Does every statement really need to end in an exclamation mark?

“I FEEL SO SORRY FOR SALLY, SHE’S SUCH A NICE LADY!”

“WE DIDN’T GET TO SPEND MUCH TIME WITH THEM!”
Dingo
March 17th, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

RMMD: Three words: breast-clutching grip.
AppleGirl
March 17th, 2007 at 1:28 am [Reply]

Greetings from the Sixth Dimension! At first, I was a little miffed that PeteMoss sent me up here as an offering to Emperor Chennux, but it’s turning out to be a wonderful weekend, and “everything’s glorious!”

The Sixth Dimension is not unlike Irvine, California, except that here the sunscreen is +4,000SPF. And I think many of you misunderstand the Emperor Chennux. He is simply adorable and sweet in every way.

Nitey-nite!
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
March 17th, 2007 at 1:28 am [Reply]

134. Honey on baguette?

OK, but it’s JP that’s happening in Paris. FOOB just does translations of airport signs.
Christopher
March 17th, 2007 at 1:42 am [Reply]

131. rich: Well, look, I know from personal experience that the people who screw with people and call them retards tend not to be exactly Mensa material themselves, but SURELY there must be a more elegant, less preachy way to get the point across.

I like the point being made just fine, and really, would love to see it made in a different way, but it’s done here by having the story grind to a halt while the characters vomit up Hallmark card platitudes.

Which is never a good thing, but Foob has been doing it almost as much as Family Circus these days, which does not help calm me down.

Oh, and it also comes at the end of a string of people telling April that her problems are petty, when, really, they are pretty acceptable things for a young teenager to complain about.
AppleGirl
March 17th, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

DINGO – Your movie “The Conversation” is hilarious! Wow, a gallon in a weekend, really?
AppleGirl
March 17th, 2007 at 1:58 am [Reply]

DINGO – Also, I am laughing out loud at Ella at the end of “Mary, Mary…” You must have posted a link to that earlier, but I missed a lot this week. Your movies are great!
Mibbitmaker
March 17th, 2007 at 2:06 am [Reply]

3/17 (Three seventeen in Irish green!):

MT: Each one of them has a brain; it’s a shame they never got to use it!

Curtis: Aha, so they expelled Curtis for involuntary manslaughter! A kangaroo court over a donkey incident? It’s like an especially dopey Slylock Fox.

MW: Ben Frank(lin) (#70, I basically did that joke first in the last thread) asks Mare for a favor. She then puts cotton in her cheeks as the lights dim at her place and she requests that he do her a return favor. “…an offer you can’t refu–” Ben: “Mary, on the phone, you kinda sound like… Marlon Brando??…”

MG&G: I’m not sure what’s more peculiar, the giant more-zippers-mule, or the talking penis with a face (??).

FOOB: I think Michael’s party is going to be one-upped by April and Gerald’s party!

JP: They’re baaaaaaaaaack…

RMMD: I dunno about that plane, but the strip just crashed headlong into a new plotline.
Mibbitmaker
March 17th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

Non Sequitur: More proof that Paris Hilton is the nexus of all that’s wrong with the universe!
t.a.m.s.y.
March 17th, 2007 at 2:18 am [Reply]

You might think the point of Mark Trail is to teach kids to be better connected with nature, but don’t be so naive. The obsessive cataloging of animal-related factoids is just one facet of its central theme, a devastating portrayal of Asberger’s Syndrome.
t.a.m.s.y.
March 17th, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

Er, Asperger’s.
Christopher
March 17th, 2007 at 2:24 am [Reply]

138. Yes, yes it does. Let me quote you here from the official Mark Trail Style Guide:

Full Stops

We here at Mark Trail Industries… Inc! strive to maintain a tone that conveys good moral character as well as non-stop action!

In keeping with these goals… the full stop, more vulgarly known as the “period” will not be used!

Instead… writers will use the more forceful “exclamation point” as a way to “punch up” the dialogue!

Incorrect: I’ll do the dishes after the game.
Correct: I’ll do the dishes after the game!

In this manner, we can do to sentences what Mark Trail does to poachers and pet thieves!

Commas

The comma… or “partial stop” should be used sparingly… it’s likely to remind readers of comas… and those are certainly not action packed!

Instead… use the ellipses! This will add excitement to your sentences, as in such famous examples as “What the…” and “It’s…”

Incorrect: Huh, I wonder what Bob is doing to that antelope!

Correct: Huh… I wonder what Bob is doing to that antelope!

However, while the use of an ellipsis may serve to curtail reader confusion, it also takes up three times as much space as a comma… if using the ellipsis would take up too much space, a comma may be used!

IncorrectWhile I concur most heartily with his floccinaucinhilipilification of pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism… I can not concur with his attempts to infecticate the honorificabilitudinitatibus humuhumu-nukunuku-a-puaâ€˜a with Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism… nor can I agree with his constant usage of sesquipedalian words absent of any understanding of their meanification!

Correct:While I concur most heartily with his floccinaucinhilipilification of pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism, I can not concur with his attempts to infecticate the honorificabilitudinitatibus humuhumu-nukunuku-a-puaâ€˜a with Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism, nor can I agree with his constant usage of sesquipedalian words absent of any understanding of their meanification!

We hope this has aided you… the Mark Trail Writer, in your attempts to write stories set in the action packed world of nature writing and photography!

Happy trails!
Adjuster
March 17th, 2007 at 2:49 am [Reply]

… and we’re off! Rex and June are going to have to dump May and NIki in the same warehouse they store Sarah, because Milton’s plane is missing and Heather has blue gel leaking from her eyeballs…
Don
March 17th, 2007 at 4:34 am [Reply]

Saturday’s (well I guess Sunday’s in the U.S.) Marmaduke features not just the awesome sight of a glassy eyed Marmaduke scattering half empty pill bottles everwhere ala Nicole Richie, but also owner man popping some of the aforementioned pills and freaking out. I think this comic really provides some unintended insights into the Marmaduke creation process. Not to be missed.

Also, Denis may hit a new menacing low in the throwaway panels to Sunday’s strip, when he calls Joey handsome
The Avocado Avenger
March 17th, 2007 at 4:36 am [Reply]

Alert! Today’s “Get Fuzzy” answers the question about what Shakespug has been wearing for pants. Hint: it doesn’t make any more sense than our previous theories.

#149 – The former English major in me is horrified and appalled. The rest of me is amused. Good show.
dreadedcandiru2
March 17th, 2007 at 4:41 am [Reply]

Foob: After two weeks of watching the last sympathetic main character’s valid concerns get trivialized, we’re obviously about to see her credibility take yet another hit! You are NOT telling me that John and Elly would take the lamest attempt at heavy petting on April’s part with anything other than shocked disappointment. It’s the ’spoiled Martian’, after all.
dreadedcandiru2
March 17th, 2007 at 4:47 am [Reply]

LuAnn: Oh, GREAT!!! It figures the [Margo]-up Fairy had an ulterior motive for not following his usual pattern of skedaddling on Brad after hoodwinking him into a screw-up. It’s bad enough this guy drifts in and out to make the poor mook’s life a living, breathing hell; now he wants to devote his days to non-stop interfrence. Brad, you have friends in law enforcement; have them plant meth on this goof and get him the hell outta your face.
t.a.m.s.y.
March 17th, 2007 at 5:06 am [Reply]

BREAKING: Is Curtis a cold-blooded killing machine? The answer may surprise you!

Oh Onion. We hardly knew ye.
Marion Delgado
March 17th, 2007 at 5:52 am [Reply]

When Nikki saw Sarah’s authentic 6th century bowl-cut “Prince Val” he realized he had arrived at last. But could June manage a “New Orleans Starfish”? Only time would tell. Meanwhile, there were garages to clean. And “Weeds” was on.
Elizabeth
March 17th, 2007 at 6:18 am [Reply]

Saturday’s Judge Parker: “Ils regardent la carte!/Oui . . . I think they are lost!”

I only took two weeks of French out of a book, but Mohawked French Punk apparently took less, because it ought to be, “Elles regardent la carte!” Unless there’s something Neddy isn’t telling us.
Islamorada Girl
March 17th, 2007 at 6:52 am [Reply]

Please tell me that Saturday’s Shylock Fox doesn’t feature a cow farting so hard that her explosion of methane isn’t propelling her into the air. Please tell me this isn’t happening.
Oh.
It is?
Never mind.
willethompson
March 17th, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

#100 Mole Preener – BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!I literally woke the family up with my laughing when I read your Chennus/End of the World take. You’ve taken song parody to another dimension, probably the 6th, where AppleGirl is doing her shopping with His Massive Touchiness’s GalacticMasterCard. I cannot applaud enough.
yellojkt
March 17th, 2007 at 7:02 am [Reply]

Gadge,
You beat me to the WORLD-RENOWNED NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY shout-out. The one with the lions and everything. They must be afraid of dating themselves by showing anything that might get blown up by terrorists.

I’ve been a Wonkette commenter for months now and I got based and wit and persistance (or it was just my lucky day). I didn’t even name drop that I was close personal friend of the Comics Curmudgeon.

Dingo,
I don’t think Lynn ever dreamed people would ever right sonnets about her offensive stereotype of a special needs student.
Team MP
March 17th, 2007 at 7:08 am [Reply]

3/17/07

JP- They probably are lost. Who the hell designed the Metro in Paris anyway? As Shannon would say: Worst…. Subway… System…. Ever….

MW- Ben needs help from Mary b/c his friend staged an intervention to try to get him to cut his big blonde Mary Worth-style afro in panel 2. Mary will tell him to stay strong and that no one should be intervention-ing without her knowledge. Our only hope is that Mary can out-meddle the meddler b/c big blonde afros an endangered species.
pumafan
March 17th, 2007 at 7:09 am [Reply]

#72 Actually my dad’s first and middle names were Ben Frank and that’s what everyone called him. This makes me even more depressed now that my Post has cancelled MW. It was kinda cool to see that. Even in MW.
Pinback65
March 17th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

Beetle Bailey–Most depressing strip ever.

BC–Okay, I realize trying to figure out a Johnny Hart punchline is a sucker’s game, but, um…Does his TV carry nothing but badly-dubbed foreign films or, uh…Forget it.

Stone Soup–Nobody here spends much time hatin’ on this strip, but it richly deserves it. When writing worthy of a “relevant” seventies sitcom meets craptastic artwork from an eighties comic strip, you get the biggest waste of ink and paper since Cathy.
Goose overhead (HS Edition)
March 17th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

Not only is Judge Parker promoting French illiteracy.

Darby Conley has a tail on his visiting Manx cat. Manx cat! Manx cat! What part of that is hard to understand? The tail part?
Colorado
March 17th, 2007 at 8:16 am [Reply]

Who’s the old man sitting at the table in today’s Mark Trail? Is it a ghost or just some random old dude havin’ coffee at MT’s house?
Team MP
March 17th, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

3/17/07

BB- Everyone is missing the joke. The General is not talking about a gun, rather he wants his favorite 4-0.
Old Fogeyette
March 17th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

#100 Gadge: BWAHAHAHAHA! Great one! (I hope His Ultimapotentiariness lets you live.)

#108 Poteet: DOUBLE BWAHAHAHA!

#149 Christopher: Well done! And much needed!!!!!……

You boys and girls were certainly busy while I slept! I think it’s time to make large amounts of coffee now. (Large yawn, scratching sounds)
Christopher
March 17th, 2007 at 8:46 am [Reply]

163 Pinback:

I believe, after some reflection, that Cave Answer Man is talking about audio channels, like the SAP function your television probably has.

Since SAP is used for things like transmitting things like Spanish language versions of the news, it would be the audio channel where the dialogue DOESN’T match the lips of the actors.

It’s a bit technical for a joke that basically consists of a terrible, terrible pun, which made me realise something:

I no longer groan at BC punchlines the way I do at other clunky jokes… I just sort of shake my head in sadness.

158. Islamorada Girl: My interpretation is that todays Slylock Fox actually shows an affectless, probably sociopathic cow hurling itself into the air in an attempt to crush a terrified rabbit, presumably just so that the cow can know what it feels like to kill another being.

So, a comforting return to form, in other words.
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
March 17th, 2007 at 8:50 am [Reply]

Johnny Hart looks back to those days that recall the 1950’s, when men and women were of (reported) different species, and views. Women worked at home and were carping, hateful creatures, and it was a man’s duty to shut them up. Amazing that his mind is still there, at the time the strip was launched and hasn’t ever moved forward in that respect.

It’s the view The LOCKHORNS have. I assume those two creatures are Catholic, unwilling to release themselves from marriage, and wishing one another was dead.
Calico
March 17th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

#50 Adventures of a Round-Heeled Woman starring Mary Worth – heh.
As Josh said, scary!

#165 – That is the local animal patcher-upper, Doc, who is Cherry’s Dad. He saved Lucky/Theodore the Beaver by treating his poor little trap-cut paw.
Weird ol’Doc wasn’t around to notice Andy on downers. May be he was helping Dan with his escape for a cut of the Insurance.

But, it’s suspension of judgement to a point that gives us the opportunity to snark, so I won’t bitch about the continuity flaws too much.
Until tomorrow.

FOOB – you go, April the rockin’ liberated 15-year old. Are the condoms ribbed, nubbed, or multi-colored?
Here comes the Hose-O-Phonium, part deux.

FC – I got news for you, Billy – you are the ONLY ONE who sees that little green thing with a pipe on the TV screen. The only one.
Galactic Emperor Chennux
March 17th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

checking the post from Zynex, eating some potato salad...

…what the frurpin’ SNERTZ!?! MONKEYHAWK!! MOLE PREENER!!!! AAARRRRGH!!!!!!!
mnemonica
March 17th, 2007 at 9:13 am [Reply]

170 Calico: “That is the local animal patcher-upper, Doc, who is Cherryâ€™s Dad.”

Whew; thanks. I thought it was another example of a freakishly grown-up-looking Rusty.
Plinko Commie
March 17th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

Lockhorns: I assume we’re to assume that the reason Leroy’s wearing the hot water bottle on his head, combined with Loretta’s comment about being the number one “download” on Youtube (cq), means that he went on a world-class bender and some alert partygoer taped and uploaded it. Hilarity ensues. Except my mind doesn’t work quite like that, and so my first thought was that Leroy engaged in auto-sadistic behavior, with Loretta taping it (and whipping occasionally). Hilarty, NOT ensuing.

FOOB: Is it too much to ask for Gerald to cheat on April with Shan … non?

Also, April says she’d rather “earn some green” than go to St. Michael’s deification ceremony. This makes sense … if you’re an American. But a stop at Wikipedia informs me that the only green currency in Canada is the $20 bill. Her usage of “some” indicates plural. And I have a hard time believing that The First Couple of Canuckistan is shelling out a mininum of $40 for a family member to watch the progeny. And I REALLY have a hard time believing they’d pay her in actual (read: American) money.

But what IS green is grass. Therefore, Michael’s paying April in weed. Assumably the lower case weed. I’d hope.
Old Fogeyette
March 17th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

Are any of you Curminions old enough to remember Zork? Well, I’m developing a theory about Mark Trail, inspired by Cherry’s statement in panel one: “When I was cleaning the room Sally and Dan were in, I found this map!” I always thought Mark and Cherry lived in a rustic cabin in the woods, in which case there wouldn’t be more than one or two other rooms. So she should naturally say, “When I was cleaning the guest room,” or “the second bedroom,” or “the other room.” But no, she refers to “the room they were in,” meaning that there are many, many other rooms. How many? That’s where Zork comes in.

For those who don’t know, Zork was a text-based adventure game, in which the object was… actually, I don’t know what the object was, because I could never achieve it, but the idea was to enter this small, rustic cabin in the woods, and then wander through an ever-expanding elaborate maze that contained treasures and dangers. It was very fun. I think now that this is where Mark and Cherry are living, and that Dan and Sally stayed in one of the rooms in the vast underground world of Zork. Finding the map fits right in, because that is one of the things you would be looking for. She even did the right thing: TAKE MAP.

Now, to find out where Dan is and what he’s been up to, all Mark needs to do is follow more clues through the labyrinth, always taking care not to be eaten by a ginormous grue.
commodorejohn
March 17th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

I’m not the first person to mention it, but the next item in the shop really needs to be the “WILSON+NOLAN” cereal bowl. I don’t care if someone has to go over to CafePress and personally “convince” them to carry bowls, IT MUST BE DONE.
commodorejohn
March 17th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

#174 – If MT does turn out to be an elaborate Zork adaptation, I will be the happiest man alive. If it doesn’t, someone should do a fan comic where it does.
shan...non
March 17th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

Quit…making…fun…of..the…way…I…talk…ass…hats.
Calico
March 17th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

#175 – I hope there will be a pack of Wilson – Nolan Playing Cards in the near future too – check out the clover today for St. Pats. Wonder what it will be for Easter.

That bowl is a real hoot – I collect a few odd / different ceramic pieces here and there, so I think I’d buy one so I can slurp my milk and cereal and be just as clueless as Sarah and family.
Anonymous
March 17th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

122: “6′1″ and worth the climb”
queek
March 17th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

bother. that was me at 179.
Lambchop
March 17th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

“Biiing Bong!” Please let it be the pizza delivery guy: “Did somebody order sausage?” Because, really, I think it is time for Rex Morgan to give up the pretense of being the plot from a Lifetime late night softcore and follow its heart; all of the necessary elements are there – the nurse, the hot horny housewife, the MILF, there’s even the meth-head for all you druggie fetishists out there. I smell the Spice channel. At least all of the mindless and unfulfilling screwing would be more interesting than the plots they’ve had to offer so far.
Pizza Delivery Guy
March 17th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

Pizza for…Lambchop….with extra sausage…(cue bad jazz quartet..)
Uncle Lumpy
March 17th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

#174 O.F.

Zork – Ah, that takes me back. I wasted the entire summer of 1980 playing that game on a PDP-11 in the Vision Labs at Northwestern. Finished it, too – including the endgame, although we cheated there by dumping the source code and piecing together the texty bits.

I actually made an obscure reference to it the other day in a reply to gh. Flood Control Dam Number Three, keeping the candles lit for the exorcism, stopping the Round Room, running the rainbow – takes me back, O.F.

Much, much more information about Zork can be found well, you know. Apparently, there are plenty of versions playable on todays machines and networks. A word to the wise, though, “Abandon Hope, Ye Who Enter Here.”
Buck Ripsnort
March 17th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

MT3/17: O Mark, I’d say Dan had a chance to use that map, all right– he researched it deeply! O Y e a a a h h!
Uncle Lumpy
March 17th, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

The Zork parser let players abbreviate long words like “screwdriver” — for the LoFo version, I highly recommend that Mark and Cherry follow my favorite Zork command and “get screwd.”
fuzzmaster
March 17th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

#183 Uncle Lumpy: NU? Small world. Graduated in the spring of ‘80. Doritos and Mr. Pibb in Vogelback, playing on the few terminals while we waited for our batches of punchcards to get stuffed into the mailslots.

Anywho:

Today’s Crankshaft: $4+ to call the PTA auction? What, is this district outsourcing its bus drivers from Bangalore? Is that a curry on the kitchen table?

Beetle Bailey: So, the waiter offers “a champagne” — from the six-pack, apparently — and the general asks for a sidearm to finish himself off instead? Harsh.
Dean Booth
March 17th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: In panel 3, Brynna appears to be re-enacting her birth.

It might not be a bad idea to take a baseball bat to the heads of all the GT characters — a few well-placed hits could round out the corners.
fuzzmaster
March 17th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

ohhhh. late, late, late with the Beetle Bailey comments. sorry about that. As you were. Got overly excited by NU link, failed to check ALL of past comments thoroughly.
Buck Ripsnort
March 17th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

Slylock Fox 3/17: OK, lions I understand, but now rabbits are being chased by margoing COWS? The Circle of Life has gone berserk!
TB Tabby
March 17th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

Pluggers: Aww, isn’t that a cute little slice of Americana that I have never seen anywhere outside of movies and TV?
april glaspie
March 17th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Gil Thorpe: I know it’s Weird Hair Valley, but is Brynna supposed to be a Teletubby? Insectival? Alien? Bizarro Gina?

Mary: Speaking of hair, don’t Ben and the Biddy have identical stylings in different colors? Sort of a modified Susan Powter. (Holy Crap! Life imitates comics pages art.)

Rex the Wonder MD: Planes haven’t gone missing in the North Atlantic since Glen Miller went down. (I know, that was the English Channel, but, close enough.). So RMMD is both radar-free and 24/7 crisis TV news-free.
Poteet
March 17th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

# 130 — Oooh, Red, thanks! I’m excited!

# 138 — Nice versification, Dingo! And per my yearbook, pay no attention to that “thanks for the roadside!” on the inside back page. Ron and Dave and Bill and Jerry were just being funny. I swear.

# 141 — AppleGirl, what a cheerful generous reaction to being offered as a sacrifice! I think the Emperor is very lucky to have you for a weekend. I’d ask if it’s true what they say about his skrxcritort, but I’m skating on thin ice as it is. And if the Emperor is as charmed with you as I bet he is, could you maybe put in a good word for Gadge? Thanks!
Trotzenbonnie
March 17th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

What the hell? It’s St. Patrick’s Day, for the love of Stinky Pete! Why aren’t you all out drinking green beer?
Uncle Lumpy
March 17th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

OMG: Play Zork online

Move the rug. The bird is useless. I can’t see the Gnome of Zurich anywhere. OK, I’ll shut up now.
fizzy logic
March 17th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

#124 – Poteet – (It looks as though we’re on the same posting schedule this weekend). It was very kind of you to offer Scarlett on my behalf, although, after further thought, David Johansen might be closer to accuracy. So, Red, can you see if he’s available – it can be an all-male drag revue – except for the “pants” parts.

#141 – AppleGirl – for some reason, after reading your post, I was picturing you with the GEC’s charge cards at the space galleria, happily shopping away with your grande half-caff-vanilla nonfat latte. Oh (looking back) I guess that was Wille’s suggestion at #160 – I hope you’re having a great time.

#150 – Christopher – You said it! Funny guy!

#153 – Avacado Avenger – Yes, now we know what Shakespug is wearing on his bottom half, and for the first time can kind of see the extra fingers on the glove. For some reason, his choice of attire makes me feel kind of ooky – it must be very uncomfortable for him to say the least. It makes me think of Amanda and her rubber dress on “Ugly Betty” this past week, but you probably don’t watch that. It does explain the upside down XL very well, though.

FOOB – well, now we know when the big party’s going to be. DUM-Dum-DUM! Oh, and DUMB! Practicing? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Moon Mullins
March 17th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

Family Circus once hawked for a roadside hamburger chain!

http://www.freewebs.com/burgerchef/newfamilycircus.htm
fizzy logic
March 17th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

Where is Stinky Pete???

STTTIIIINNNKKKYYY PEEEETTTEEEE??

WHERE ARE YOU?
Moon Mullins
March 17th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

p.s. scroll all the way down on the Family Circus link on 197 to see the buttons they were giving away.

I would kill for a set of those.
willethompson
March 17th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

What, is everybody here? Trotz, I AM having a beer (non-green), but that’s how I always celebrate The Cleanin’ O’ The Floors… but later tonight, Laphroiag and a roaring fire, as I am Scotch-Irish! Begorrah!
Calico
March 17th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

#194 – ’cause we’re either helping John mop his basement, or helping June clean the garage.

Who is Milton?

Why is Dag’s neighbor spying on him? That isn’t funny – that’s downright creeeeeepy. It’s also sick that the postman knows about it too, and is a willing intermediary.
Nothing like having a voyeur or three in the neighborhood to spice things up a little.
Tedlick
March 17th, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

Two quick items–

Josh: If you remove “Mary” from your reaction to Mary Worth, it’s interchangeable with your reaction to Mark Trail. I think both are more entertainingly disturbing with the switch.

All: I had an epiphany today:

“You are a plugger if you read the comics each day to learn what you will Do Every Time.”
Moon Mullins
March 17th, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

187, 183:

NU alum here as well. Med School ‘86. My wife was CAS ‘89.
Old Fogeyette
March 17th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

#184 Uncle Lumpy: Zork had an EXORCISM in it? Really? That’s beyond awesome and makes me sorry I didn’t spend a few more months trying to finish it. There is actually a version of Zork out for the Palm, but I haven’t yet been able to make it work on mine.

It’s nice to know other ex-Zorkies are here too. And I want to add to my previous post that I think Cherry is actually a grue. It would explain her eyes.
not chennux
March 17th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

#103 — med school, eh moon?

not for me, mind you, but could you call in a viagra ’script to my neighborhood slorkgrreen’s pharmacy? Three or four hundred tabs should do it. You know, the standard dosage for a 14-foot-tall lizzardly creature undergoing an embarrasing weekend of skrxcritort dysfunction. not for me, mind you. it’s for a friend. yeah, that’s it. a friend.

~~END TRANSMISSION~~

uh, i mean, “thank you”

nc
Uncle Lumpy
March 17th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

#204 O.F. -

Yeah, you had to have the Bell, Book, and Candelabra to make it work, and a breeze kept blowing the candles out, so you had to have the matches, too. Try to light the candles with the torch, and you just got a big waxy mess.

Then when you said, “EXORCISE”, the demons stopped jeering and you could enter the gates of Hades (above which were inscribed, “Abandon hope, etc., etc.).

What a great game that was, and presumably still is.
Old Fogeyette
March 17th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, HELP! I’m in the online version of Zork and I can’t figure out how to create a new account. Login says to create a name and password, but doesn’t say how, and everything I try fails.
Strangerâ€¦
March 17th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Blondie – If you had a telescope to see into Blondie and Dagwood’s house, would you watch their TV? Blondie is hot no matter how old she is…

Get Fuzzy – And is it a tad bit more disturbing to know what Shakespug is actually wearing? Maybe it’s used as a moisture collection suit like in Dune?
Dingo
March 17th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

Three FOOBs in a Basement
to the tune of ‘Three Coins in a Fountain’

Three FOOBs in a basement
Each one seeking happiness
Thrown together due to fire
Which one’s life’s the biggest mess?

Three FOOBs in a basement
One plus two who’ve returned home
Future’s in encasement
Lucky Michael has his tome

Which one will fortune bless
Which Maria? Or baroness?

Three FOOBs in a basement
How their nipples now grow cold
Each love found replacement
Patterson’s alone grow old

STB! STB! STB!
fizzy logic
March 17th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

#207 – Old Fogeyette – You can just start playing without logging in – do you have to be logged in to do special stuff? I’ve never played before, so I didn’t get past the obvious “open mailbox”. I figured small victory, move along. Hope you figure it out – have fun!
Financial Panther
March 17th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

MW–My father once told me to “never trust a man with two first names.” Ben Frank, Sean John, and Johnny Hart, if one uses Hart for a first name. Hey, it worked for Hart Crane.
Old Fogeyette
March 17th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

#210 fizzy logic–you have to be logged in to save the game, and trust me, you wouldn’t want to repeat all your steps every time you decided to play.

Help? Anyone?
fizzy logic
March 17th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

#212- Old Fogeyette – Just….call…me…Shan…non…of course you would have to be logged in to save! I hope one of our resident computer geniuses comes along to help you out. My only thought is to go back to Uncle Lumpy’s original Wikipedia page link to see if there are other links out there that might be more enlightening. Good luck and happy (eventual) Zorking!
Randy S
March 17th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

MW: Ok, apparently (according to Saturday’s strip) Ben Frank is engaged to someone named Emily, which suggests to me that the future storyline will either be about Vera as the new tenant, OR about Ben, and that the other party will simply fade out of the picture.
In which case, this means that either Vera or Ben is being used as yet another red herring.

Personally, this strip is looking more and more like one long string of red herrings, at least since the Aldo story. Ella was a red herring. Gary Dent was a red herring. Greta Weber was definitely a red herring. Even Dr. Jeff was a red herring. (Notice we’ve seen nothing about fund-raising for the Vietnamese kids since they got back)
fizzy logic
March 17th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

#212 -OF – I went and tried to login – I’m really annoyingly, stupidly persistent sometimes – and it seemed to accept my login. First I typed “save”, and it told me I needed to be logged in to save. Would I like to create a login? Then I think I typed Login Fizzy Password, just like that, and it said Welcome Fizzy. Of course, I didn’t know how to log back out, so I’m still gumming up their system, but…huh? Dumb luck? Or maybe it was just playing with me, cuz it knew I was stupid?
Old Fogeyette
March 17th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

215 fizzy logic, don’t ever denigrate your intelligence again. You are a genius! I did what you said and it accepted me! I’ll probably never figure out how to log off, but what the hey. As soon as I finish my column that is due, I’m off for the great underground kingdom of Zork!
Randy S
March 17th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

Does that sign say “Rooster Museum” in today’s TDIET?
fizzy logic
March 17th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

#216 – Woo! You Go Girl! (Actually, I’m trying to work on a Saturday, too, so I’m working a little, checking in here, working a little more. But I’m at home, not at work, so it’s good. Plus it’s raining – typical weekend.) Have a great time exploring!
kippetje2000
March 17th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Is Alicia Siverstone guest starring as Heather today? Someone needs to tell her she forgot to wipe off her Batgirl make-up.
There’s writing on that map, Mark Trail . Could it read “Plans for faking Death” perhaps?
My word, The Freakin Family Circus has gone 21st century and bought a flatscreen TV. Beatle Bailey is like looking at the last moments of Robert Blake’s dinner with his ex. Maybe when Gina at Apt. 3G talks about the local papers she’s referring to Streetwise.
stinky pete
March 17th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

The Josh Reads Millenary Moment

Josh Reads post #3 calls Peanuts â€œone of the grimmest strips in comic history,â€ a rare instance of an â€œown goalâ€ by Josh, as reputable scholars are nearly unanimous in agreeing that the top five spots on the â€œgrimmest comic stripâ€ list all belong to Funky Winkerbean.

This has been the â€œJosh Reads Millenary Moment.â€ 9 more posts till the millennipost!
fizzy logic
March 17th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

#220 – SP – There you are! I was starting to get worried! Welcome back!
Johnny Q
March 17th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

MARY WORTH: Remember that commercial from about 40 years ago for toothpaste or something with the catchphrase ÃˆHowÃ¨s your love lifeÃ‰Ãˆ
Johnny Q
March 17th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

MARY WORTH: Remember that commercial from about 40 years ago for toothpaste or something (Ultra Brite?) with the catchphrase “How’s your love life?”
Poteet
March 17th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

# 196 — Fizzy logic, hi! Good to see we’re both here and whole — I hope you-know-who is having a great time with AppleGirl and is plenty distracted. And a drag review sounds like fun. I suppose it could even go all-out and feature Angelica Huston as Chennux.
andreavis
March 17th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

#’s 184, 187, 203 : Hooray, fellow Wildcats! I was Speech ‘90, myself. Go U, NU!

RMMD: June is freaking me out with her look of shock and awe in panel 3. At least we know where Sara gets her freaky facial expressions.
april glaspie
March 18th, 2007 at 5:58 am [Reply]

So Chickweed. He’s like any other male and he’d stick it wherever. Big guy won’t plant you, no matter how hard you try? Amos is seriously short shrift.. A wuss. What do you do? What do you do?
Colorado
March 18th, 2007 at 8:07 am [Reply]

Thanks Calico, I haven’t been reading Mark Trail that long to know all the characters yet….
Laurie Ann
March 18th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

Ben Frank’s was a diner on the Sunset Strip in Los Angeles, which is now the site of Mel’s Diner. It’s where all the groovy kids hung out (and the rock stars) in the late 60’s / early 70’s. Maybe MW’s creator was a hipster back then and is reliving the good old days.
No pence no cents
March 18th, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

Frank needs to be on a T-shirt…
Xavier Sheriff
October 7th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

Hey Joshua,

Did you know you are a Googlewhack, which by the way is very very cool.

Xav and Rich

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