The Comics Curmudgeon

Main content:

Comics in which ritual self-abuse would have been less surprising: Funky Winkerbean, Sally Forth, Apartment 3-G (Tommie only)

Gil Thorp, 3/20/07

Some days, when I’m having a busy day, like I did today (I’m guest-blogging at Wonkette all week, by the way, and trying to get Mary Worth restored to the Washington Post in the process), I see dozens of comments come in about a particular strip before I see the strip itself. Sometimes all the build-up is more than a strip can bear, but panel two of today’s Gil Thorp was all I had been led to hope for and more. The sight of Tyler beating himself in the back of the head in some suburban alley — with the baffling motion lines turning the scene into an Escher-esque impossibility, and with the tiny moon floating behind him, making it look like he’s dislodged one of his own eyeballs — well, it’s pretty much the best thing I’ve seen today. I’d like to think that we’re seeing smack number four here.

Mary Worth, 3/20/07

Mary Worth was of course almost as entertaining, with her creepy finger-touching. It’s like she’s measuring Vera to make sure she’ll fit in the apartment. Or, actually, it’s like she’s Judy Davis in a straight-to-Showtime movie called “Suburban Madame,” and she’s checking out the new meat to arrive at her peaceful condo complex/brothel.

Apartment 3-G, 3/20/07

This is why Tommie and Margo need Lu Ann back so badly: it’s her well-meaning idiocy that holds the trio together. Never has the contrast between the two been so apparent as in the last panel: Margo, very, very high, vibrating like a tuning fork and popping out nonsensical questions because she can scarcely be bothered to focus enough to have an actual conversation, and Tommie, collapsing inward into her mopey core, looking like she’d be glad to slit her wrists if the prospect of failing even to do that right wasn’t so embarrassing.

Pluggers, 3/20/07

The plugger’s number two rule: Oh, just buy the semi-rotted fruit. You don’t deserve any better.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 20, 2007 at 09:38 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Gil Thorp, Mary Worth, Pluggers. |

331 responses to “Comics in which ritual self-abuse would have been less surprising: Funky Winkerbean, Sally Forth, Apartment 3-G (Tommie only)”

Kurdt
March 20th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

I’ll have to say that at least the Plugger is buying fruit, don’t they usually just eat fast food?
willethompson
March 20th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

Vera said “rat trap.” Didn’t she mean ’scum-filled hell hole?”
Bobchillingworth
March 20th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

Hark, no other comments? Er, must think of something else to say fast…

ah, free Mary Worth! I miss her already. Stoopid Post.
Gabe
March 20th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

I think the “vibration lines” being emitted by Tommie in the first panel of today’s 3G are simply being “bounced back” to Margo in the third panel, like bats communicating in screeches and sonar. Perhaps they’re dolphins, or better, vampires. (After all, they certainly suck the life out of me…)
stinky pete
March 20th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

The Josh Reads Millenary Moment

I was hoping Josh Reads Post #175 had something, anything, good because I really wanted to use the term terquasquicentennipost (although some prefer septaquintaquinquecentennipost). Alas, post #175 only contains one sentence of moderately snarky insinuendo* about Mark Trail and a plain brown wrapper. Sigh.

This has been the â€œJosh Reads Millenary Moment.â€ 3 more posts till the millennipost!

*According to worldwidewords.org, here I must â€œflag (my) facetious intent, or be assumed (â€¦) ignorant.â€ Consider it flagged.
The Avocado Avenger
March 20th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

So the key to being a Plugger is buying rotten fruit? At 29 cents per pounds, those bananas aren’t even worth using for banana bread.

Thank goodness Tyler managed to change his jacket while he was laying unconscious after having beat himself senseless with tree bark. He looks more fetching in the white jacket than the black. Always look your best after beating the crap out of yourself, that’s what I say.
Monkey's Paw
March 20th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

“And by ‘ideal for a single person’ I mean I’ll be watching your condo at all hours of the day for any trace of the opposite sex, whereon I’ll make lewd innuendo and have the condo board through you out on your ass. I just know we’ll be great neighbors.”
Crypienerd
March 20th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

Oh, Vera. Little do you know that the wizened finger in the chest is just the start. Over the next few months we will watch helplessly as Mary probes and flays you down to bare your very soul and then pass a harsh judgment. As your car hurtles off the Aldo Memorial cliff you’ll think “that old rat trap apartment really wasn’t so bad”.
briantologist
March 20th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

“The plugger’s number one rule for buying meat: If it’s pink, the price will stink; if it’s gray, it’s all okay!”

Plugging is all about discount meats. And trichinosis.
Rusty
March 20th, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

MW: Is Mary the gatekeeper of Charterstone? Do all must pass her inspection before entering? It’s alsmost as if she has an actual job.

DTGT: My money is on the branchbeater just concocting this ridiculous story to provide cover for Male Pattern Baldness girlfriend. He’s doing it for the gratitude sex.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 20th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: Sometimes a tiny, shriveled banana is just a tiny, shriveled banana.
Tim McDonough
March 20th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

GT: How did Tyler find a surgeon willing to surgically attach someone else’s left arm to his torso backwards?
Random Aussie
March 20th, 2007 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

Re: Pluggers. I like that the shop signage faces INTO the store.

So apparently, a Plugger is someone who needs to be reminded what type of store they are shopping in lest they try to purchase the salesman’s shoes or walk home with the pricing gun.
Harry Worth
March 20th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

Mary is starting to turn into the GILF of my dreams.
Poteet
March 20th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

# 12 — Good lord, Tim, you’re right. I just tried the hitting-myself-on-the-back-of-the-head arm position, and it sure looks to me like Tyler’s arm is bending the wrong way at the elbow. Eewwwwww. Those (DT)GT aliens get careless sometimes.
Trilobite
March 20th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

Let the word go forth to students across the land: all the cool kids are hitting themselves in the heads with sticks! Remember, if you aren’t bleeding, you aren’t doing it right!

Hopefully this trend will catch on, and all the kids in Gil Thorp will end up in the hospital with self-inflicted concussions. It can only improve the story.
King Folderol
March 20th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

GT (DT) – Rare points for realism in Panel One…the guy asking sushi-for-brains what he smacked himself in the back of head with has the look of many a bully I’ve encountered in my life: no matter what the answer, he won’t be satisfied, and he’ll probably beat the crap out of you anyway.

MW – I love how Mary always acts like she has power in a situation, yet she has as little power as the mostly nude homeless guy screaming random snippets of dialogue as you walk by his sewer grate. The problem is that everyone gives Mary this credibility she clearly hasn’t earned and even more clearly doesn’t deserve. Best just to treat her like that homeless guy: ignore the rants and the stench (in his case BO; in her case: old woman), and just slowly and calmly walk away.

A3G – I don’t agree that Tommie is “collapsing inward”. Au contraire; this is the most animated I’ve ever seen Tommie. The look in the last panel is great; even without the lines drawn in, I can see – no hear her head shaking at Margo, as if to tell her what a sad pathetic excuse for a human being she is, and that she needs to get a life more badly than Tommie herself needs to get a working brain.
Tabby Lavalamp
March 20th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

What we can see of the look on the Plugger’s face, the depressed posture, the reflective vest she’s wearing… This is one broken dog-woman. Her soul so destroyed by years of the Plugger lifestyle that all she has to look forward to is feeding the fruit flies that infest her meagre apartment. That, and the inevitable gin and sleeping pill death in her bathtub.
TurtleBoy
March 20th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

(DT)GT is the most awful creature ever unleashed from the depths of comics hell. Its creators are either phenomenally stupid or hilariously insane. That said, that second panel’s gotta be just about the greatest image to ever appear on the comics page.

How does one do that to oneself?
BunnÃ«
March 20th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

Did the folks at Judge Parker do any research before embarking on this Parisian folly? Parisian hookers don’t stand on street corners, they stand next to doorways. There was an opportunity here for some real cross-cultural education on the funnies pages.

I suppose there may be some street walkers standing on corners, but I haven’t seen them… I’ve been to Paris a lot, and I’ve seen a lot of prostitutes. I mean, I haven’t seen them, I’ve seen them… standing there… next to doorways… get your mind out of the gutter!
AAckTTpth
March 20th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

Mary is doing the ol’ Nose Flick prank on poor Vera; it must be a patented method of weeding out the more gullible, urine-soaked hell-hole dwellers (pee-pee-soaked heck-hole dwellers?) out of Charterstone. To be on the board, you need to learn a very complicated handshake. You need to be a freemason to be the president of the board.
macb
March 20th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

A3G- Joshquote: “Margo, very, very high and vibrating like a tuning fork…”

She must have been the charter enrollee in Sen. Belfry’s havoc- and pandemonium-inducing new health care plan and has already swallowed her first fistful of government-approved and -subsidized amphetamines Josh mentioned. I liked it better when the conversation in this blog was about psychedelics, not speed. Oh well.

Anyone familiar with the fire-and-brimstone pamphlets handed out by Christian-fundamentalist fanatics in major cities? Most of them are drawn by a religious kook, er, enthusiast who calls himself Jack Chick. The artwork looks amazingly 1950s, even when Chick is trying to be “hip” and “relevant.” The narrative of every “Chick-tract” is the same: some misguided soul is straying from the one true path of Bibilical-literalist Christianity (as defined by Jack Chick), and is either rescued by a true believer or is consigned to the Lake of Fire (graphically if ludicrously depicted) for all eternity. I bring this up because the artwork of strips like GT, A3G, MT, and RMMD are so evocative of Chick’s inimitable style and, like Chick’s little pamphlets, so surreal and and nonlinear, to put it charitably, in their narrative logic.
Gill
March 20th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

The thing I love about Gil is the fact that he is proud of the fact it only took five or six hits to draw blood. I like to think the unseen continuation is him saying, “Imagine if I hit myself in the head with a steel pole! Heck, I be out there for a good half hour, whacking myself in head, looking like an idiot.”
mnemonica
March 20th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

Goth Mary went kind of heavy on the mascara and black lipstick today, didn’t she?
Derelict
March 20th, 2007 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

So let me see if I have Tommie’s situation correctly: She allowed herself to be kissed by the play producer, whom she has since been told in no uncertain terms is an absolute cad. Yet, so desperate is she for any form of physical affection that she is now head-over-heels in love with him.

Yes, she would be much, much better off just slitting her wrists. At least then she might meet a nice doctor or psychiatrist.
Blade Runner
March 20th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

JP – Prostitutes! In the comics page! Now that’s Entertainment! Great Googeley Moogeley!!
Lammergeier13
March 20th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker: Hey, that Parisian prostitute thinks Whats-her-face and mother are horning in on her territory! Of course, looking at the mom with her crazy 80’s clothes and hair of a shade of red not found in nature, well, I’m honestly not surprised.

foob: Sorry April, it won’t work. Small children are fonts of intense energy, like spider monkeys on crack. Your best bet involves booze, drugs, or physical restraining devices.
Smaug
March 20th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

A3G: I don’t know this strip very well, but Tommie’s profligate use of bold face suggests that she’s an escapee from Mark Trail. Plus, the haircut’s a little Cherry-esque.
AAckTTpth
March 20th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

!!

Jack Chick is great, in a very Curmudgeonly way.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0001/0001_01.asp?wpc=0001_01.asp&wpp=b
Lammergeier13
March 20th, 2007 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

Phantom: Well look who decided to show up, it’s the “Ghost-Who-Drags-Ass-And-Might-Show-Up-Eventually” You know what, Phantom, just turn around and leave, ok? It looks like Steve Urkel Sr. has things well in hand now.

Thorp: Now, why the hell don’t we have more comic strip characters viciously beating themselves over the head? Can somebody please answer me that?
andreavis
March 20th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

Plugger dog-woman sure looks like she’s buying an empty banana peel. This is probably a profound metaphor for Pluggerism, but it’s too late in the day to unpack it without a shot of Cuervo as a study aide.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 20th, 2007 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

And on Channel 32: Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener Gadge comments, “So is this the long-awaited (DT)GT/Fight Club crossover?” (Repeat)
deeeeeeeeelightful
March 20th, 2007 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

Perhaps if pluggers got most of their vitamins instead of eating rotten fruit, they wouldn’t be anthropomorphic manbeasts, forced to live in the badlands of society where they are unable to put toilet paper on the role
blastoff
March 20th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

Clearly, Vera has never been to the women’s shelter or to the peace village. Mary will have to show her what she’s been missing out on.

Funky Winkerbean is based in Ohio. Ohio went smoke free after the November voting. That pizza shop needs to get with it before the state shuts them down (oh wait, that would make a great depressing storyline. It’ll happen.)
Peaches
March 20th, 2007 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

It’s not just Mary’s finger that’s fantastic in pannel two, it’s the look on her face as she jams it into Vera’s chest with condemnation, blending perfectly with the exclaimation point after “single person”. Ms. Worth is for once holding her tongue on what she’s realy thinking: “I think it’s ideal for an unmarried trollop!”
Pansy
March 20th, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

Geez, Louise — how bad does it have to be in Pluggerville to MARK DOWN the bananas?
Rhekarid
March 20th, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

MW: “The apartment is small, but I think ideal for a single person! And by the way, I just hit a pressure point in your chest. If you even think to defy me your heart will explode.”
Steve S
March 20th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

Given what bananas would do to the digestive tract of a dog, no wonder the store has to price them so low. I hope they have the newspapers down at the Plugger household.
Allie Cat
March 20th, 2007 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

#9 – Briantologist. Wait a minute – I buy the reduced meat… Back in January, I found packs of ground turkey – 1 pound for 99 cents. I loaded up the cart, took it home and loaded up the freezer.

We’ve been eating Turkey Chili or Turkey Spaghetti once a week since. And we’re almost out of turkey.

Does this make me a Plugger, or merely a health-conscious bargain shopper?
Cornwhacker
March 20th, 2007 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

Must…not…snark…about…Mark…Trail…three…days…in…a…
“A little screw on the bottom!”

Sigh. So close.
Mooselet
March 20th, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

FBOFW: We are one step closer to the Granthony apocalypse, and me gouging my eyes out with a spoon, after today’s strip in which determine Warren is a pig by having impure thoughts about the photos of models – who must model in some Bizarro World where potato noses are sexy – when Saint Liz is on his arm. I predict Granthony macking by the end of the week.

Dear Lynn, I hate you. Love Mooselet.
BJ DuVall
March 20th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

i have heard “every comic is someone’s first comic” numerous times… and I sometimes think of that when reading strips such as today’s GT. Why the @#$% is that kid braining himself in an alley? if that was your first ever comic strip, would you ever have reason to read another one?
Harold
March 20th, 2007 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

Mary appears to be jamming her finger into Vera’s tracheotomy hole. And Vera seems to have accepted that this is her lot in life.

Tommie had an irksome day at work…Margo had an exhilarating day of coke-bingeing, answering the phone in a sing-song voice and failing to write down messages, and ritual self-abuse (the OTHER kind of ritual self-abuse, the one which is practiced in virtually EVERY comic strip, though usually off-panel)…and LuAnn is still passed out in an airtight studio, hopelessly brain-damaged from breathing paint and thinner fumes for several days.

#13 Random Aussie, American supermarkets usually contain Produce sections, and it would not be unusual for the signage to be posted on the wall. Most American supermarkets carry every sort of food item – produce, meat, dairy, cereals, baked goods, candy, coffee, tea, beverages – and even lots of non-food items, like furniture. (I bought two rockers at a supermarket today.) Actually, I have a friend who’s a check-out clerk for a supermarket near Lismore, and I kinda thought Aussie supermarkets were designed alonng the same lines.

#17 King Folderol – I don’t think Pudgy (or whatever the hell that guy’s name is, why do characters even have names in the freakshow that is Gil Thorp?) is likely a bully. The bully-ish look on his face appears to be midway between an adrenaline burst and a a collapse into a diabetic coma brought on by one too many Ring Dings.
commodorejohn
March 20th, 2007 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

#22 – Gil Thorp in particular has always reminded me of the Chick tracts – the art is quite similar, heavily inked drawings with lots of little detail lines and unusually square heads (though GT definitely has the market cornered on terrifying alien drone-people, at least since Fletcher Hanks died,) and the highly unnatural writing and dialogue is not dissimilar either.
Elizabeth J. Anderson
March 20th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

“With a stick, stupid. How else?

NEW T-SHIRT!!!!
Ten Day Dinosaur
March 20th, 2007 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Apperantly, the more depressed those around Margo become, the happier she gets. In the Funkyverse, she’d explode with joy.
Randy S
March 20th, 2007 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

A3G: It occurs to me that perhaps Gina is intended to be Luann’s eventual replacement. After thet discover her dead from paint fume inhalation, that is. (Whenever they actually get around to check up on her)

29: This Was the Your Life is the classic Chick tract. I personally love the panel where he’s hiding in a doorway ogling a girl walking by. (Is this supposed to be sinful or pathetic? You be the judge)
Chromium
March 21st, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

Regarding Gil Thorp, I can’t decide if it’s less realistic to ask how something happened instead of why, or to announce that the only possible way to smack yourself in the back of the head is with a stick. It’s as if Rick and Tyler are competing to see who can say the least logical thing ever uttered by a human being.

Also, only in MT world does a character say, “This is the boat Dan was using,” only to have the next person respond, “This is an old wooden boat!” I hope Rusty continues to speak in exposition in tomorrow’s strip, like “We are cleaning a boat!” or “There is a giant woodland animal in the foreground of this panel!”
Plinko Commie
March 21st, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

FOOB: It’s party time, and we’re at the art studio! And Warren saw the potraits of the models and thought “get him to bad me a couple of those!” whole morphing into an asexual being! STOP THE INSANITY!

Seriously, anyone who didn’t see this coming is in grave need of help.
treedweller
March 21st, 2007 at 12:20 am [Reply]

I like to imagine that the ~~scar~~ shading on Stickhead’s face is actually a big, salty tear flying into the foreground from his sad, sad cheek.
treeedweller
March 21st, 2007 at 12:24 am [Reply]

If Crankshaft hates the world so much and never stops to pick up kids who are late, why would he prolong the misery by driving out of his way and arriving late to school.

I think the Alzheimer’s is kicking in . . . .
Poteet
March 21st, 2007 at 12:24 am [Reply]

I’m glad it’s not me who has to pick COTW and the runners-up, because I’ve seen enough great candidates this week to fill at least two pages and it’s only Wednesday morning. All hail, Pope Josh.

Foob — “Any party in honor of Michael Patterson cannot be too short.” My sister’s excellent comment.
Cornwhacker
March 21st, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

47: We totally need a mashup beween that panel and Warren in today’s Foob. “Ummmm nice!”
traveller
March 21st, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

GT: Why is Tyler blurting out his entire evil plan to boy and girl reporter? He seems to have concussed himself into thinking he’s Ernst Blofeld: “Before I kill you, Mr. Bond…”
Poteet
March 21st, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

Foob — Yep, this confirms it. Any man who can even momentarily think of another woman when the glorious and inimitable Lizardbreath is on his arm is clearly unworthy of her. Warren, I dunno if you’re going to go down in copter flames, suffer cardiac arrest from a hidden heart defect, suddenly find another femme, or what, but you have definitely blown it. Prepare to make way for Pornstache, future winner of The Divine Ms. Liz! (Gag, retch).

And during my admittedly-limited exposure to professional journalism, it was my observation that journalists never dressed formally when casual/scruffy would do. Apparently the Canadian magazine game is different.
Dean Booth
March 21st, 2007 at 12:37 am [Reply]

Speaking of ritual abuse, here is what Mary is really thinking. It certainly would explain her facial expression.
Jamus The Bartender
March 21st, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

FOOB: “Warren’s….cheating on me….Warren’s …cheating on me.”
Now it happens.
Liz is gonna snap like a dry twig tonight. How is it Liz is such a loser magnet, Ossifer Paul of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police notwithstanding?
Firstly, it seems like Warren went to a lot of trouble to get into Lizzie’s pants, helicopter fuel being no inexpensive thing. Now…NOW…he wants Weed to pimp out his models? Warren, you are a miserable son of a bitch. Liz is stupider than the stupidest person in stupidtown, but you are a filthy son of a bitch. If this doesn’t drive Princess Liz into the arms ….and basement cage…of Anthony Caine, nothing will.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
March 21st, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

JP: It took them long enough to get to Paris, but things are really hopping now they’ve arrived! Baretto is doing a grand job. Just look at those artistic backgrounds!

MT: Either “Scrub the bottom well, Rusty” or “Scrub the bottom, good Rusty” (for a more Elizabethan vibe).

Slylock Eggplant: Incorrect. Sound waves can travel through various media, including the lunar surface.

TDIET: I guess a lot of kids like The Shattering Racket. One of those “death metal” bands, aren’t they?

Pluggers: That’s an Elvis song he’s singing, isn’t it?

FOOB: Is that Wombo’s band playing?
kippetje2000
March 21st, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

Must..stop..Dean..Booth…my heart pills, where did I put my heart pills
Mibbitmaker
March 21st, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

3/21 FOOB:

Not only does Liz have 300 boyfriends (thus pissing off the gov’t of Iran for some reason) a week, but they all cheat on her.

I could go all “But Bill Clinton does that, and the marriage still holds!”, (except Hillary actually has ambition, so…), but instead I’ll just say that, for making certain she ends up with that hairy-lipped idiot, Warren will deserve the beating he’ll get, which’ll be much worse than Eric’s. And I’ll refuse to condemn it this time!

How we get from this to 3/31 is beyond human comprehension… even more than GT!
Randy S
March 21st, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

58: Good catch on the sound waves thing
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 1:37 am [Reply]

Well, now I await the job news in a slow agonizing death march like Liz’s eventual pairing with Anthony.

So, Liz and Warren are at the party and Warren has – GASP! – a thought balloon to imply that he’s: 1) male; 2) heterosexually male; and 3) horny enough to plow Patterson puntang precariously penile. This will not do. Gads, Lynn just makes me want to throttle her good. Oh, yeah!
Mibbitmaker
March 21st, 2007 at 1:38 am [Reply]

3/21:

Zits: In my paper, this is right above FOOB, so I’d like to think Momma Zits is reacting to Warren in the last FOOB panel.

FC: Grandma just calmly walks all the way up to Dolly and, as the little dorkette is on her 15th robin, the old lady just rams Dolly’s overfilled noggin right into the now-shattering glass. As Dolly hangs over the window pane, bleeding on the grass below, Grandma walks calmly away, sighing, “Well, my work here is done.”

S-M: Flattop Hitler, you’ve been served!

FW: Not “joke”; The non-smoking sections are a wretched pun.

A3G: Margo reads the name she jotted down from the phone call: “Warren. Also said he flies a helicopter…”

GT (I’m withholding the “DT”): “I can’t believe a guy who clubbed his own head open just called me stupid!” BEST LINE OF DIALOGUE EVER! Get Cafe Press at once!
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 1:39 am [Reply]

If a “clerk typist” can earn enough money to afford a swank Charterstone abode, I’m in the wrong profession. And who the Hell refers to themself as a clerk typist? Honey, you’re in advertising; sell it! Two words out of your mouth and Miss Mary is filing her nails before stabbing them into your tiny, shriveled, dry heart.
Moon Mullins
March 21st, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

I have this really bizarre idea that the 3/31 foob strip that “accidentally” got posted was instead a red herring, intentionally put up. Perhaps with all the attention, the multiple websites and internet chatter going on, LJ thought it would be really funny to make us all think that Warren would make it through this party unscathed.

If you think about it, putting a false strip up for an hour or so — given how people jump on the new strips as soon as they are out — was bound to get noticed by all the snarkers. Then LJ could have her jollies watching everyone go ballistic trying to connect the dots, freeing her to continue on to the Lovepocalypse.

She wouldn’t really be so diabolical, would she? Does she even know or care about the folks on the internet? I would have said no to both before today, when she sent rich the email about Liz riding a horse named Buster Hyman. Now I just don’t know.
moe99
March 21st, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

FOOB: Warren’s impure thoughts are the death of that relationship. Waiting for the eventual Lizardbreath/Granthony pair up is like fingers on the chalkboard ALL THE TIME. Can I get my money back on all those subscription fees I paid to the Seattle Times just so I could read this pos cartoon???
Mibbitmaker
March 21st, 2007 at 1:58 am [Reply]

More 3/21:

JP: Instead of a Paris hooker (Am I the only one who just thought “Paris Hilton”?) beating the Parker girls up, looks like she wants to have sex with them instead. Even Better! An aside: in that last panel’s pose, you can tell Barreto drew for superhero comic books. But I like his drawing anyway.

MT: MASSIVE DUCK! EVEN BIGGER THAN USUAL! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! (Yelling; forgive the Chennux lettering. Transmission — oh, nevermind!) On to the bad clip-art people… “There’s a screw on the bottom! What’s it for?” “A screw?” …tomorrow… Mark: “Oh, what those kids come up with! The scamp!” Rubs Rusty’s hair all akimbo. More ignoring the Danscam on Friday.

MW: …And then, Vera met a new co-worker named Jim Halpert, and things were never the same. (Ever wonder how Mary’d screw up the Dunder-Miflin gang if she were on “The Office”?)
ben
March 21st, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

“Five or six smacks and it opened up real nice.” Awwww, yeaah. Giggedy.
kat
March 21st, 2007 at 2:00 am [Reply]

Oh, Vera. Living in the hole they found Saddam in a few years ago is better than living in Charterstone.

Lynn clearly has no understanding of the idea that almost all men, looking at photographs of models, will want to have sex with those models. I am not a man and understand this. Primarily because most normal women (NORMAL, Lynn) will often look at an attractive guy and say to themselves “…I’d tap it.” Anthony, being an asexual plant, clearly has never wanted to tap anything but Liz, and HATE. Just, HATE.
Randy S
March 21st, 2007 at 2:01 am [Reply]

I think Crankshaft has finally flipped and he’s abducting a busload of kids to some remote mountainous area, for who knows what sick purposes.
Emily
March 21st, 2007 at 2:10 am [Reply]

Wait–my only knowledge of Gil Thorp comes via this webpage.
WHY ON EARTH IS THIS YOUNG MAN STRIKING HIMSELF WITH A STICK?
I assume it’s some sort of fake-heroism “the mysterious mugger was ME all along! with a stick!” routine, but then why’s he reccounting it so glibly?
Seriously, can anyone tell me why this is happening?

Also, 3-G: We totally understand that Tommie has two prosepects, and that this is dual, and that there are two of them, etcetera. Seriously. This does not need to be illustrated again. In fact, instead of the strip illustrating states of affairs, it would be nice if ACTUAL EVENTS OCCURED IN IT. But I realize that’s asking a lot.
Joshtradamus predicts
March 21st, 2007 at 2:12 am [Reply]

In the new Millennium Year of CC1K00! The Comics Curmudgeon Schism, or Big Crack, will divide readers and posters, when it is revealed that the Josh universe was not created on p=01 (scripture:w10132004/9:40) but was actually brought into being on p=5 (scripture: su07112004/10:16). Pope Josh will continue to hold authority over the two churches until CC2K when followers will again divide and Josh will call on GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX to help oversee the six dimensions of web pages created by the new numerology. Bloodshed can only be averted with the help of Grand Vizier Poteet of the Agjoshtics (snarkers) and Mother Superior Dingo of the Joshrealites (squids).
Weasel Boy
March 21st, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

The plugger’s number one rule for buying marked down fruit: Call Family Services and see if you qualify for food stamps.
Shave Ezra
March 21st, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

Did anyone catch the disturbing pun in FBOFW?

Liz says that “Jo has shot some of the best known models”,

and Warren replies “ask him to bag a couple for me”.

And we thought Anthony was the creepy one…
Christopher
March 21st, 2007 at 2:22 am [Reply]

Well, Tyler is explaining his plan to Milford’s own Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen because they were all set to accuse his girlfriend of faking the assault in the next edition of the School Paper

Tyler only obliquely implicated RJ, but his weirdo alien girlfriend was openly accusing RJ wherever she went, which naturally focused suspicion on her in the minds of several of Milford High’s student body.

So Tyler is trying to do the chivalrous thing and get his gal off the hook.

Incidentally, the thing to remember with Rick, AKA Pudgy, is that he has spent all of his appearances sitting in the same office chair in the Milford High Gazette’s office, except for the one he spent in the passenger seat of a car.

Far from being a bully, I’m fairly sure he’s deceased.

You might argue that the fact that he’s talking here would tend to argue for him being alive, but I contend that anything he says is just a mass hallucination.

Meanwhile, in yesterday’s comics, I found Dilbert to be unusually morose.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 2:22 am [Reply]

I’m not so sure I want to be Mother Superior Dingo. First, as a male, it has a creepy FOOBiverse quality to it. Second, I warble a pretty damn bad Climb Ev’ry Mountain.

Now, if I was that cat, Dingo is a bad Mutha Superior… SHUT YO’ MOUF! Hey, baby, I’s just talkin’ ’bout Dingo [and he can dig it], I could accept that.
Christopher
March 21st, 2007 at 2:40 am [Reply]

71. Okay, here’s the background to my background:

Dateline: Milford, mid-basketball season.

Coach Gil Thorp made one of his rare coaching decisions and decided to pull Tyler Jay (The guy who is clubbing himself up there) out of the starting lineup (Or wahtever, what do I know from basketball?) and replace him with rival RJ Brennan, who is not featured in the above strip, but looks exactly like Coach Thorp, aside from three gargantuan freckles on each cheek.

At this point my memory gets a bit fuzzy, because the b story with the women’s basketball team intervenes, but basically Tyler starts playing his ass off in an attempt to get back to the starting line-up, while RJ’s playing suffers.

At that point there’s a party, and Tyler staggers in late, bleeding from the head-wound you see him giving himself up there, and claiming he was attacked.

He claims he didn’t see who did it, but his girlfriend, Brynna, insists it was RJ to everybody she meets, friend and stranger alike.

Helen Marzano and Rick Bozich, star reporters for the Milford high School paper, suddenly realise that they’ve been appearing sporadically since at least January but haven’t actually contributed to the story in any way, so they decide to investigate Tyler’s attack.

Lord knows nobody else has bothered.

They learn nothing, but decide to write up a story accusing Brynna, because she’s kind of a bitch. Which gets you caught up with my previous post, which in turn gets you caught up to today.

So there you go.

Further info can be found at http://gilthorp.wordpress.com/
kippetje2000
March 21st, 2007 at 2:51 am [Reply]

#76 Mutha Superior Dingo. I seem to remember some pretty masculine sisters in Cerebus the Aardvark. How’d the job interview go? I see you’re back and keeping the CC Bar open late tonight.
Caged Tygre
March 21st, 2007 at 3:02 am [Reply]

#74 Shave Ezra, Anthonyis still a creep, other characters’s creepiness doesn’t take away from his still amazingly high creep factor.
Granted, Liz is like a black hole pulling men in and then crushing any remnants of human dignity and integrity.
AppleGirl
March 21st, 2007 at 3:04 am [Reply]

77 – Wow, Christopher, you are the ONLY person I know of who has figured out what the hell has been going on in Gil Thorp. Seriously. Everyone else here just assumes it’s a psychedelic romp of randomness. I could never even figure out who the characters are. Heck, you even know their names, sort of!

(DT)GT – 3/21 – I have been laughing myself silly this evening over what that guy Rick, AKA Pudgy, said in the first panel. I have looked at it half a dozen times now and it just gets funnier and funnier.

I can’t believe I’m actually getting a laugh from Gil Thorp. Maybe I never realized the true humor of the strip before. Or maybe I’m just Margo-punchy from my weekend in the Sixth Dimension with the Emperor.
Tats
March 21st, 2007 at 3:05 am [Reply]

A-3G: Panel three: DO YOU SMELL WHAT MARGO’S COOKIN’?

MW: I’d like to have just one comic where Vera doesn’t turn to the reader and grimace at the end. Yeah, we get it. She’s got a deep, dark secret. People are going to start thinking she has a disorder if she keeps turning her head and scowling in the middle of conversations.

JP: Check the whoor’s outstretched hand in the last panel. I believe that if presented in its entirety, the panel would read: “Wait! You’re Americans? *grab* HONK HONK!”

FBoFW: That’s an interesting fashion choice on the woman in panel two. I… didn’t realise the jester look came back in. It’s so 4th C.
Trilobite
March 21st, 2007 at 3:15 am [Reply]

Finally the hostility of the French hooker in Judge Parker is understandable: check out that wagon Neddy’s draggin’, guys! Baby’s got back, and she’s painted on a pair of blue jeans over it.
AppleGirl
March 21st, 2007 at 3:17 am [Reply]

81 – Tats, I think the whole party is taking place on the Holideck.

DINGO – Don’t worry. You got the job. Now just sit back and relax until the offer rolls in. Positive thoughts, my friend.
The Avocado Avenger
March 21st, 2007 at 3:19 am [Reply]

#74 Shave Ezra – Yes. Yes, I did, and it made my skin crawl. Warren doesn’t have a healthy appreciation for attractive women so much as he thinks women are game animals to be hunted and mounted… on the wall. You know, like head. I mean heads! On a wall! Oh, nevermind, we’re all thinking about Warren doing the nasty now so we might as well go with it.

…ew.

Knowing what happens in the 3/31 FOOB just confuses the everlovin’ corn outta me, though.
Lynngineering
March 21st, 2007 at 3:27 am [Reply]

FBOFW: Such changes in character (Northern Mountie is actually cheater, Warren’s “bag em” wit about “shooting women” ) is just not explained by Lynn alone. Lynn J. uses her comic as an expression of her own psychological terrain, no issue there, that we figured by now, but still that won’t explain the difference in turning every character that sees Liz suddenly into neanderthal simpletons. She couldn’t have managed the comic with that kind of material for so long.

It WOULD be clear if it were Mike’s COMA Fantasy at work though. I mean what better logic, Michael’s there, fantasy at work, and his mind shifts over to the party he imagines for himself – hell, Michael’s existence IS a PARTY where he is central and honored all the time. Foob has been going M.A.D. (Michael.All.Day). In this party, Michael sets up sis once again. Everyone Liz meets is turning slowly into some loony neanderthal, only a lousy male “author” with a lack of maturity could believe worth writing.

(And another aspect – April, the sister Michael likes, as long as she babysits his progeny, is being so pumped full of hormones that she gets excited if her sister puts on a dress! This after they already bumped in the soft-core shower scene, and so on. )

Sure he can supposedly occupy female characters minds, but obviously not men – and certainly not his sisters boyfriends! (Michael thinking: Ewwww.) So they all turn out to reduced to 2d with bad movie dialog (“bag em”) and motives. Who needs a plot in fantasy anyway, all Michael is dreaming about is the changes, not the melody lines. That is, Liz will, in just a few steps, be hugging her bunny all over again, Dad will be talking about Warren in that room of hers, as Michael, laying in the hospital bed, vegetating, smiles inwardly.

And anyway, he’s got that April plot going as well, he needs to get back to. This was just throwing some more “take that Liz” to keep warm.

Parties are great for plots to allow too many events to “control”, just like in a good Fellini film. Sequences, no logic. Perfect for Coma-Patterson. And this being Patterson and Weed Party, there are going to be few surprises, and this being Michael’s fantasy, well….we pretty much imagine the plot. Just the “how” is missing for this moment. Hm.. I wonder if Granthony is standing near by, will just magically appear.
Jack Parsons
March 21st, 2007 at 3:49 am [Reply]

Is Prince Valiant the only comics character to inspire a hairstyle?
Damian P.
March 21st, 2007 at 5:13 am [Reply]

Tyler is a member of Opus Dei? Who knew?
a new guy
March 21st, 2007 at 5:47 am [Reply]

(Long time reader, first time poster….)

I’m pretty sure that the guy hitting himself on the head with a stick forfeits his right to call people stupid.

That is all.
FSogol
March 21st, 2007 at 5:56 am [Reply]

Trying to get Mary Worth back into the Washington Post? Good Lord, why? Use you power to get Prickly City or Agnes out of the Post.
Pozzo
March 21st, 2007 at 6:11 am [Reply]

Oh, I get it — it was Gary that called, but Tommie will think it’s Neil. Or, possibly it was Neil that called and Tommie will think it was Gary. Either way, wacky “Three’s Company”-style mistaken identity hijinx will no doubt ensue.
Jeff
March 21st, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

Regarding today’s FOOB (03/21/2007) – Ah, it’s spring, and a young man’s fancy turns to bagging the “best models” that his would-be-girlfriend’s brother’s best friend takes lurid photos of for a living.

And so begins the last stage in the bizarre and intricate mating dance between Lizard-breath and Porn-stachony.

* cue music *

Tune in next week when Lizard-breath discovers that one of those photographs is of her younger sister, and that there’s a positive DNA match between it’s glossy surface and Warren. All this and Mike and Weed’s forbidden love, next time on “As the Foob Turns!”
smacky
March 21st, 2007 at 6:23 am [Reply]

# 51: treeedweller, it’s worse than just Alzheimer’s disease. The kid asks, “Are there mountains in this county?” Randy S. (# 70) is right: Cranky Crankshaft has finally snapped and he’s driving them up to his cabin in the woods. The cabin where he stores his clown suit!

# 64: Dingo, I guessed Mary was doing one of two things in the last panel:

(1) Counting the seconds before she can ask Vera about her “love life” (because she knows proper etiquette is a five-count).

or

(2) BOOM! Mary just had a minor stroke, giving her sudden-onset OCD. Now every five minutes she has to count all her fingers and toes to make sure they’re all there. She also has to pat the underside of each breast 16 times, without blinking. Otherwise, she has to start over. You thought the strip moved slow before! Wait until it takes Mary 30 minutes to open a door!
Krazy Kat
March 21st, 2007 at 6:27 am [Reply]

Whassup with Mary Worth anyway? Does she have a key to every apartment in Charterstone and can just come and goe as she wishes? Did she make a deal with the senile security guard? No wonder she’s into everybodys bizniz.

Pluggers-Notice a subtle touch-the peaches are “South Carolina Peaches” A plugger could not afford those and would have to wait till the rock-hard Georgia peaches arrive.
yellojkt
March 21st, 2007 at 6:34 am [Reply]

La Cucacaracha goes all meta and tries to make jokes about comics like “Mex” Morgan. Except it misspelled “Gil Thorp” as “Heathcliff”.

In the self-abuse trend, Big Nate gets enormous pleasure from hitting himself on the head with an empty soda bottle. He then hits all his friends on the head to their immense gratitiude. If there is a metaphor for middle-school blow-jobs in there, I don’t want to find it.

General Halftrack is too clueless to realize what Buxley and Beasley were doing together that kept them up too late. Don’t ask, don’t tell, indeed. Most Sapphic Miss Buxley Wednesday Ever.
Calico
March 21st, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

MT – nice to have extra large Canada Geese (Elly and Liz?) all over LoFo. They always leave a very distinct, um, trail.

Rusty is scrubbing the bottom. He scrubs with vigor. He finds a screw.
This is another of Rusty’s Home-Skooling lessons-today it’s sex ed 101. Since Mark is Asexual, Rusty has to learn by fondling and wrestling boats.

FOOB – looks like Warren and Liz are made for each other. Warren visualizes humping all the ladies in the photos on Weed’s wall, while Liz uses Heli-Boy as arm candy. Enter Pornstache, I hope.
insolenttomato
March 21st, 2007 at 7:15 am [Reply]

FOOB: I’m starting to think LJ is counting the seconds until she can put this comic to bed and snuggle up with her two best friends; Virginia Slims and Vodka. She’s doing the soap opera comic version of picking a punchline in advance and getting there via a Rube Goldberg-esque set-up. In FOOB she’s picked an outcome (Saint Elizabeth Patterson Caine) and is flooring the strip toward that inexorable conclusion no matter how many deus ex machinae she has to plow down along the way.
jules
March 21st, 2007 at 7:28 am [Reply]

Ahhhh….Yesterday’s Gil Thorp, Panel Two…still as satisfyingly hilarious as it was yesterday! Let me bask in its glory…

And for once I agree with Rick Bozich: “I can’t believe a guy who clubbed his own head open just called me stupid!”
insolenttomato
March 21st, 2007 at 7:33 am [Reply]

Also, thanks to all y’all who attempted to save Monkeyhawk and myself from His Imperial Moosewood Collectiveness. I go into that good night knowing that my snark has not been in vain.
jvwalt
March 21st, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

“Agnes” doesn’t usually figure much in CC, but today’s punchline is potential T-shirt material:

“Poke it somewhere warm and wet. …It’s almost magical!”
Islamorada Girl
March 21st, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

Warren, you have sealed your Foobian doom! How dare you check out even paper dollies when you’re in the presence of Precious Princess Prize Liz? Run, Warren, run! Doing what comes naturally to 99% of the human race is a Jack Chickian sin to Lynnbreath!
Tweeks_Coffee
March 21st, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

3/21

C-shaft: So he regularly kicks kids off the bus and, apparently, takes them on impromptu field trips? How does this man still have a job?

FC: Judging by the grim look on grandma’s face, I’m pretty sure Dolly’s about to get tossed out that window.

FW: Nothing to really say about this, but I’d just like to say that this is the last time I’m going to comment on the entire no smoking storyline.

GF: Another awesome strip. I love Foodar using the phrase peckish.

(DT)GT: I’d say Rick about summed up my thoughts on this in the first panel.

JP: I’m not sure, but I do believe that Abbey and Neddy are about to be offered a freebie.

R&R: “Shag some fly balls”? I’m sure that’s an innocent term, but all I can think about is Austin Powers.

RwO: Kinda cool that there’s a Kinks reference in today’s strip.

TDIET: I never once complained if there were distractions when I was doing homework. Hell, I hardly did homework in the first place.
Ces
March 21st, 2007 at 7:45 am [Reply]

Great. Now all I can think about is penning a ritual self-abuse story line for “Sally Forth.” On the other hand, I am up against a deadline and bereft of ideas. Hmm…

Poor Ted. He has no idea what he’s going to be doing to himself come mid-May.
Calico
March 21st, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

#94 – That BB is awesomely priceless! It’s even Butchy-Femmy – hahahaha! Those two tongues just made my day! ; )

Maybe we’ll see the same thing in time in JP with Abbey and the Blonde, who, BTW, speaks terrible French like the 2 punks.
Squawk
March 21st, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

GT: The idea of somebody repeatedly hitting himself in the back of his head seemed implausible to me, but then I realized that I get pretty much the same feeling when I force myself to read Gil Thorp.
J Lo Center Of Gravity
March 21st, 2007 at 7:56 am [Reply]

Now, wait just a minute, why is Toby moving into a smaller apartment? Oh, wait — that’s not Toby, it’s Toby’s identical twin, “I need to wash that Von outta my hair” Vera Shields. Hope Dr. Chinbeard doesn’t get them confused (or maybe I do…..).

Mary really does need a new project — after killing off Aldo, saving Jeff from saving others, and running that psychic old lady out of town, she’s ready for a new life to meddle in. She’ll have to be careful, of course, as she’s been burned before. Don’t show her your fucking swans, Mary!! She’ll break them just as sure as she’ll break your heart!!!!!
athena
March 21st, 2007 at 8:00 am [Reply]

If Warren merely lusted in his heart after the models, that wouldn’t be so bad. That’s normal–I think it even shows that Lynn has a basic understanding of human libido. It’s the “shoot”/”bag” pun that’s worrisome. I can see Warren turning into something out of Silence of the Lambs or The Collector, “bagging” his models for his collection, which of course he keeps in a cage similar to the so-called playpen in Granthony’s basement.

Maybe he and Granthony are having a contest to ‘bag’ the most desirable “model” for their collections: the lovely Liz.

Clearly our work here is done.
Calico
March 21st, 2007 at 8:00 am [Reply]

#94 again – OMG, I wonder if Daily Ink thinks today’s BB is too risquÃ© – they are featuring an oldie from the 50’s on DailyInk.com .
Wow – or maybe my dirty mind is in overdrive this AM.
OK, I shall “ferme ma bouche” for now.
athena
March 21st, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

If Warren merely lusted in his heart after the models, that wouldn’t be so bad. That’s normal–I think it even shows that Lynn has a basic understanding of human libido. It’s the “shoot”/”bag” pun that’s worrisome. I can see Warren turning into something out of Silence of the Lambs or The Collector, “bagging” his models for his collection, which of course he keeps in a cage similar to the so-called playpen in Granthony’s basement.

Maybe he and Granthony are having a contest to ‘bag’ the most desirable “model” for their collections: the lovely Liz.

Clearly our work here is done.
Tweeks_Coffee
March 21st, 2007 at 8:02 am [Reply]

Re: #102-Ces

Oh man, you’d be my instant hero if we got a strip of Emo Ted cutting himself in the bathroom while Sally was outside pounding on the door.
Mike
March 21st, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

MW: I’m surprised no one else has noticed this. There’s evidently an intricate game of “tag” going on, with Vera the perpetual target. And you get bonus points if it’s a “bad touch.”
Quacks Like A Duck
March 21st, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

Pluggers grocery stores sell feather dusters, but call them bananas.
ChefMike
March 21st, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

MT: Ya see, rusty, a screw is…um I think I’ll have your mother explain this to you.
Crankshaft: I am hoping that instead of this just being another case of Crankshaft being unnecessarily mean to the kids, that this is a sign that it’s time for him to retire. Of course he doesn’t need to go out right away, they can milk this for a while. As I’ve said before, Senile dementia=comedy gold.
MW: now, I’m aware that clerks do more than type things, but isn’t “clerk typist” a redundancy? actually I guess it was the best choice because secretary or administrative assistant wouldn’t fit in the word balloon.
FC: that’s it, grandma. Just come up behind her quietly and give her a good whack with the newspaper. That’ll shut her up.
9CL: it’s disturbing to find out that “Eating Szechuan” has just become Amos ‘n’ Edda’s code word for “hot, sweaty monkey love”
BC: I wonder why the caveman at the top of the hill looks so disgusted, it was really more of a visual pun. then I remember, it’s BC! why do I even ask these things?
maxie
March 21st, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

MW: Clerk/typist? CLERK/TYPIST? What the hell year is this, 1970? Of course, that might explain the clothes.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 21st, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

3/21

MW: Okay, I give up. Why is Mary counting her fingers?

Luann: Panel two, camel toe alert!

BB: The general sees Miss Buxley and Private Blips with their tongues out. That scene will go a little differently in his dreams tonight.

FC: Good thing Grandma is holding that newspaper. When Dolly is saying “And there’s the fifteenth robin of spring” I see that paper getting rolled up to “stun” density.

SM: Because there are a dozen or so people who don’t know JJJ’s a fool.

Agnes: “Poke it somewhere warm and wet.” I’m speechless.

RMMD: Former Batman artist (you can look it up http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graham_Nolan) pays homage to the sixties Batman TV show and its tilt-a-cam. Either that or the Morgan’s are on a faultline and June has to be real careful with that coffee pot.
man behind the curtain
March 21st, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

FBOW — After the party Warren and Liz return to Chez Patterson to find April and her boyfriend in the sack. Liz is shocked and repulsed because April’s boyfirend is actually cheating on Liz. Meanwhile Warren suggests an orgy. .
banana
March 21st, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

#104 Squawk: COTW!!!

I agree wholeheartedly.
Dennis Jimenez
March 21st, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

DtM – I like Margaret’s uni-leg. It looks like she’s just started to evolve from a mermaid.

A3G – Schmuckface – his name is Schmuckface. Is that so hard to remember?

FBoFW – I hope he’s not over his limit – that they’re not out of season – that he has the international migratory model stamp on his license – that they were taken during legal shooting hours – that he didn’t slice open the colon when he invicerated them and hung them upside down to bleed out and age in his garage (OK – that last one is a little creepy).

MT – Scrub down the bottom – a little screw – back to life as usual in the Lost Forest.

MW – Great shades of Jane Hand – the reaction of Mary says it all in panel two – like I could give a boxcar.

JP – I ought to be able to some up with something – the city of lights, the poses and European hand gestures, the ta-tas – nope – still drawing a blank.

RMMD – Damn you Wilson and Nolan, it’s hard enough to keep my balance after the Colt 45s without this – I’m gonna be sick.
Weasel Boy
March 21st, 2007 at 8:52 am [Reply]

MW: Vera doesn’t realize that Mary can read minds, and she’s already taking notes to prepare for her upcoming meddling. “Rat trap, unfortunate situation. Please, go on.”
stinky pete
March 21st, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

86 jack parsons, well, there’s the “Calvin,” the “Schroeder,” and the “Hagar,” to name but three.
gh
March 21st, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

. . . and after today’s Zits, the “Jeremy.”
Meanwhile
March 21st, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

I wonder when people will stop crowing about being first post. To do so inevitably causes fate to skootch you down to number 3 or 4 at best.
Lyman Returns
March 21st, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

A3G-Shouldn’t the exclamation “Ah-Ha” have a “!” after it? And how did that phone message get buried under all that paper? Just how many phone calls did Margo field that day, anyway? By the way, I’ve just figured out what makes supporting character Gina so disturbing…SHE NEVER STOPS SMILING. She’s either like the Joker, and disfigured to the extent where she can’t stop smiling, or she’s perpetually high. Either option is pretty cool, actually.

BB-Poor General Halftrack! No respect at home, no respect at the office. No wonder the old bastard drinks so much.

Curtis-Mama Curtis is attempting to out-do Neddie in the beret-wearing department. Girlfriend’s matching her JACKET to her beret. How will Neddie top that, I wonder?

FBOFW-I find it hard to believe that the friends, family, and business associates of Mike’s could fill a room like that. I think that most of those people are random passers-by and homeless people who came in for the free food. I wonder if Mike’s former co-workers at the magazine, bitter at him for leaving them high and dry to produce a new edition with a looming deadline, are there. If so, they’re either going to jump him in the parking lot or slip some hemlock into his punch.

And, um, is Lynn aware of what the term “bag” means? Because if so, I wonder exactly what Warren would get out of Weed “bagging” some models. Vicarious joy in the knowledge that another guy is “bagging” some models? I just don’t know.

GF-Are Foodar and Chubby Huggs taking the place of Bucky and Satchel in a ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ circa 1982-type move?

GT-Um, if someone really did this, which I highly doubt, wouldn’t it be easier to slam your head into a wall or the ground to produce the desired wound? Does this town have a CSI department that could determine if the blows to the head came from a hand-held blunt object or not, forcing this young idiot to smack himself in the dome with a stick? Well, whatever, this guy needs some serious therapy. This being Gil Thorp, it probably won’t happen, or we’ll never realize it because our heads will be spinning from 450 random scene-changes.

JP-Look at her hand in the last panel! She’s about to cast a spell or something! She’s no prostitute, shes’ an urban French sorceress! She’ll take care of those two time-travelers from the 80s following our heroines, perhaps casting them into Funky Winkerbean where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.

MW-Sorry, Vera, Mary’s already tuned you out and is focused on filing her nails in front of you. Is there really a job title, anywhere in the universe, called ‘Clerk Typist’? Isn’t the ‘typist’ part pretty much implied by the ‘clerk’ part? Don’t most offices call people like Vera an “Office Assistant” or something like that? Yet more proof that the creators of MW haven’t been in the active work force for at least seventy years or so.

Pluggers-Do Pluggers really consume entire boxes of donuts? That must mean every teenage boy in history is a Plugger. And don’t think we don’t notice you trying to steal Foodar’s gig, Plugger-writer.

TDIET-I was going to comment on the 1800s schoolboy look of our young musical protaganist, then I realized that it might be part of his rock-and-roll schtick, kind of like Angus Young of AC/DC’s schoolboy outfit that he wears on stage. So with that issue settled, I must move on to the nature of this rock band…acoustic guitar, drums, saxophone. Is there any real-world trio that features that line-up of instruments?
BigJoe
March 21st, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

MW: Wow, I never saw Mary giving anyone the bird before. But in panel two she’s just starting to flip it.

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070321&name=Mary_Worth
Pelagius
March 21st, 2007 at 9:09 am [Reply]

Rotten fruit? They could have just titled it “Pluggers buy their groceries at Shoppers Food World”
Justafoob
March 21st, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

Warren is so yesterday.

Granthony rules!!!!!!!
willethompson
March 21st, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

1 BR APT. – LIVING RM, FULL KIT, UTIL INC. FULL-TIME BIDDY MEDLR IN YR FACE 24/7. DPRSSED SWF W/BAGGAGE PREFERRED. NO VONS.

If you EVER see an ad like that, Run. Away. Quickly.
juggernaut
March 21st, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

I like to think that this suffocating, nihilistic, self-loathing internal dialogue of Vera’s goes on ALL THE TIME.

“Wow, Vera! That was some great sex!”
“Yes, yes it was (if only I hadn’t been responsible for my younger brother’s death fifteen years ago!).”
“Say – do you have anything to eat?”
“Yes, yes I do (but I feel awful about running that dog over on my way to the suoermarket!).”

and so on and so on, until even Trent Reznor begins to seem like one freakin’ cheerful dude.
Zen Doggies
March 21st, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

FOOB: I must de-lurk long enough to tell you what I think is on its way here. A model, or maybe several models, will show up at the party, and Warren’s tongue will hit the ground. Once he reels it back in, he’ll start hitting on her/them with great gusto, causing Poor Lizzie-pooh to have a conniption. She will dash out of the room, blinded by her tears, smack into Blandthony, who will “comfort” her (Margo-esque quotation marks, if you please).

And that, my friends, is how it’s done in the Land of the Truly Unimaginative!

Because, ya know, the hunks are up to no good, and the dweebs are the ones you want to marryâ€”LJ’s maxim. Good girls don’t want sexy, they want breadwinner, whiney, flacid; much easier to control than a full-blooded man. Capons rule in FOOB-ville.

Back to lurking and getting on with my life. Thank you all for making me laugh. This website has been a real find.
yellojkt
March 21st, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

Ces,
Hook up Sally’s little sister with New Office Guy With One Of Your Friend’s Name and have her get in a cat fight with Cougar Alice. That would be awesome.
AAckTTpth
March 21st, 2007 at 9:35 am [Reply]

#99

“Pungent unguents” is a pretty good line too.
MichiganPete
March 21st, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

67. I’m a bit late to the party, but that’s a goose in MT today (not a duck). Elrod’s branching out into larger fowl – I can’t wait for the inevitable harpy eagle.
CBrachychynchos
March 21st, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

GF – I was wondering when someone was going to comment on it. It’s a strip that just keeps getting crazier by the week between Shakespug, Foodar, and Chubby Huggs. I’m wondering how long it’s going to take for the ferret to show up and join the party.
joeyjoejoe
March 21st, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

Today’s FBOFW: “Ask him to bag a couple for me!”

Clearly Warren is unfamiliar with the actual meaning of this expression, so let me give him a hand: “bagging” a girl does not involve putting her in a bag an delivering her to someone else. It does not mean putting in a good word for someone else, or pimping a woman out to someone else. It means having sex with her. So Warren is either stupid and doesn’t know this, or else he has such pathetically low self-esteem (probably from hanging out with Liz so much) that he would get some kind of vicarious thrill from just knowing that Weed is having sex with women that Warren would never, ever have a chance with, no matter how many times he showed them his helicopter.

I think maybe what’s really going on in Warren’s head right now is that he’s slowly realizing that his profession is not the chick magnet he expected it to be. I can just picture Warren as a senior in college excitedly telling his aspiring artist/cop/teacher/rock star buddies about all the sweet helicopter groupies he’s going to bed as a result of his awesome career choice. Only now is it dawning on him that the majority of the world, hot chicks included, are entirely unaware that his chosen profession even exists. Forget models, Warren: Liz is your last and best chance to have sexual relations with a human female, and you should be fighting tooth and nail for the opportunity to do so. It’s clearly what Lynn wants, anyway. And no one questions The Lynn.
Gabe
March 21st, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

4: Hey! You’re not me!
gh
March 21st, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

I guess what I find most endearing about Mary Worth is her ability to offer up so much unsolicited advice while actually having zero affect for everyone around her. Itâ€™s like Ted Bundy making sure the part in a womanâ€™s hair is just so before throwing her body in the trunk.
T. Chicana
March 21st, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

MW: I am so agreeing with everyone on the “clerk typist” thing. Vera really should say she’s “in advertising!” That’s what people do! And even if I WOULD say clerk typist, I’d say it with no shame. Vera is looking down at the floor like she’s just telling Mary that she works as a hit-man. And saying “but I’m WORKING MY WAY TO THE TOP!” ugh…Vera’s like everything you shouldn’t do in a job interview. Or a Charterstone interview…unless it’s with Mary, since she loves to see someone with low self esteem.
FBOFW: Warren better check himself before he wrecks himself!! And I cannot wait for April to get busted mid-makeout and the hilarity that will ensue. Who will bust her? And who would be the best one to have walk in? It might be her dad.
joeyjoejoe
March 21st, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

I guess I’m a little out of the foobloop. What happened with the 3/31 FBOFW strip?
spoonman
March 21st, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

JP: I was going to comment on the street-walker’s, “there’s no way in hell a drugged out prostitue has ads like those,” abs; however, the last line intrigues me.

Is she going to inform the ladies that she offers a 25% off discount for Americans with an extra 10% for couples? Maybe, just maybe, it will turn out that our prozzie is actually a member of the Parisian tourist bureau and is offering the ladies an informative tour; during which we all learn a valuable lesson about assumptions. Which is it Judge Parker, the carrot or the stick?
Hogen Mogen
March 21st, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

MW: “I’m a clerk typist blah blah blah… ”
Meanwhile, Mary has found some far more fascinating dirt to scrape from underneath her fingernails.

Is she analyzing the scrapings she took from Vera’s chest yesterday? Will she find traces of semen, like on CSI: San Royale?
Hogen Mogen
March 21st, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

#138 – Spoon:
Which is it Judge Parker, the carrot or the stick?

The carrot, the stick, the cucumber, the vibro-wand. Anything will do for these three chicks in serious need of a good solid orgasm.
Hogen Mogen
March 21st, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

#133 – Joey – Yeah, that “bag one for me” struck me as weird, too. Obviously Warren will not be “The One”, as he is having impure thoughts that are not slavishly fixated on the nearest Patterson. Dickless Blandthony would have thought (but not said, because he’s dickless and bland) something like “You should be up here, too, Liz! … Especially in his nude series!”
T. Chicana
March 21st, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

JoeyJ.J., in the leaked 3/31 FBOFW strip, Warren is making quite a sad display of himself. He and Liz are on the front porch of her family home. He keeps brow-beating her and acting really desperate and needy for her to “see me again.” Like a LOSER! He totally knows now that his helicopter driver profession is in no way impressive to anyone, much less girls he likes. Then, when Liz is like, “Okay, maybe, whatever,” Warren does this ridiculous Broadway-show leap through the air, saying something really flamboyant like, “I’m flying already!!” Way to make an exit… And that’s what happened.
Decidedly So
March 21st, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

Judge Parker: Following up on the “ils/elles” distinction: While I love the idea of our two innocents being accosted by a hooker who is apparently moonlighting from her job as a lingerie model, for the love of god, someone get these guys an actual French-speaking editor. A (non-foreign) hooker who says “To go out from here! It is my corner!” would get ridiculed all the way out to the grand banlieue.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 21st, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

By the way, I’ve pwned bad helicopter props, or whatever it is those wacky kids with their shattering racket say these days: I called it, re Gil Thorp, way back in early February.

Please tell me my prize isn’t a Gil Thorp wall poster.
Calico
March 21st, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

A Computer Programmer I used to work with had another job to take in a little more cash – he called his position “Petroleum Transport Specialist.”
In other words, he pumped gasoline on the side.

My dog has the new title of “Alimentary Acquisition Technologist.” Or, a goat. That’s right.
Krazy Kat
March 21st, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

Josh-Perhaps a break with tradition is in order.
I nominate Rick Bozich of Gil Thorp for COTW for his incredicle:
â€œI canâ€™t believe a guy who clubbed his own head open just called me stupid!â€
remark
Hogen Mogen
March 21st, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

#112 – ChefMike:
9CL: itâ€™s disturbing to find out that â€œEating Szechuanâ€ has just become Amos â€˜nâ€™ Eddaâ€™s code word for â€œhot, sweaty monkey loveâ€

This is 9CL and if there is a strip that goes by without sexual reference of some kind, I’m disappointed.

But Edda’s shtick about feeling rejected by a guy that she already knows is gay is annoying. First, Edda has a boyfriend of her own. Second, Seth is gay and has a boyfriend. Third, Seth mentioned that he was sort-of interested in non-artificial insemination, so Edda wouldn’t exactly function as “a piece of Pyrex”. Fourth, from what I know of women, very few would feel elated at the sudden offer to be used as a human incubator for a recently single gay guy’s child. Then she spent last week trying to make Amos jealous as sin by telling him all about it. Now she’s dejected. Call me confused. I bet this all gets solved somehow by Edda stretching her flowing figure across four panels, followed by incomprehensible ramblings of Dick Cheney’s liberal doppelganger.
Tinycat
March 21st, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

# 71 Emily: This horror of a GT plot started when dude showed up to a party bleeding and said he’d gotten hit on the back of the head by someone. His alien gf started spreading a rumor that his basketball team rival did it. The newspaper kids were about to break a story about the alien gf having done it, but now we get this. I am so ashamed that I know all this. Curses upon you This Week in Milford!

Aside from the general awesomeness of the middle panel, I also like how it’s framed over a…um…panel of drakness with a bit of a brick wall?
Poppinjay
March 21st, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

Josh, anytime you feel the need to pesker the WaPo about getting Mary Worth back in, please take some immobilizing drugs.
Hogen Mogen
March 21st, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

Gil: What I really love about the current GT confession is that this guy not only clubbed himself, but did it five or six times.
Wham!
“Ow, that really hurt.”
Wham, wham, wham!
“Only two more to go… ”
Wham! Wham!
“Yeah, that opened it up really nice… Oh shit, my brains are spilling out now. Hope that counts for the 95% that I don’t use.”
Harold
March 21st, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

Mark Trail and Rusty are doing their Ambiguously Gay Duo schtick. Again. When Goosezilla awakens, they’re both doomed.

Mary Worth has apparently pulled a lancet or penknife from her pocket in panel 1 and is using it to slice open her fingers in panel 2. Tomorrow she will smear blood across Vera’s forehead.

Ah, Vera. Such easy prey, with her crushingly low self-esteem. Actually, she’s kind of cute. So much more accessible than the models in Weed’s photos. Do you think she’s got plans for dinner?
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

Today, a lesson in proper shilling. I saw this guy’s web site and like his style of drawing. Moreso, I like his style of shilling. Much more in-your-face than Scaduto or Johnston. And he can draw (though the Little Orphan Annie eyes do give me the creeps).

Somewhere, in the Great White North, I hope someone is preparing an icy, garden hose enema for Lynn Johnston.
Hogen Mogen
March 21st, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

#17 – King Folderol:
GT (DT) – Rare points for realism in Panel Oneâ€¦the guy asking sushi-for-brains what he smacked himself in the back of head with has the look of many a bully Iâ€™ve encountered in my life: no matter what the answer, he wonâ€™t be satisfied, and heâ€™ll probably beat the crap out of you anyway.

I don’t know about that. The dude with the Superman Jeri-curl is the star of the basketball team, and the so-called pudgy bully is the editor of the school newspaper. The literate one should know better than to tussle with a guy who is all smiles after braining himself with a tree branch. Don’t mess with crazy f*cks. They’ll just f*ck you up, you f*ckin’ f*ck.
andreavis
March 21st, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

#144 Gadge, your prize is 5 or 6 whacks on the back of the head, with the stick of your choice. Enjoy, and congratulations!
Harry Paratestes
March 21st, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

MW: Wow, Mary Worth is a Geri-Goth!
Bitter Scribe
March 21st, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

For a moment, I read “With a stick, stupid” as “With a stupid stick,” and I thought it was an idiom, along the lines of “Whooeee! He shore got beat up with a ugly stick!”

Which actually would have made more sense.
gh
March 21st, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

#122 Lyman Returns, #151 Harold

I believe thatâ€™s an apartment key Mary is holding. She appears to be checking it for ear wax. Even so, itâ€™s still more interesting than Vera.
rich
March 21st, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

151, Harold: Agreed, Vera is looking pretty cute in that second panel. (I can never remember her name is Vera. Could I just call her Jane Hand?)

GT: Watch those college recruitment offers come rolling in… let’s draft that Milford kid who gleefully smashed his own skull in! Seriously, can they have this guy committed?

GA: Speaking of self-inflicted mutilation, did T-Bone just accidentally chop off one of the fingers on his right hand? Didn’t they just do this storyline with the bad-tasting food?
cheech wizard
March 21st, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

JP – I’m confused. Does the hoo’er think that American women are all lesbians, and thereby potential customers? Is this because, compared to French women, they all dress like Andrea Dworkin? And why doesn’t she have one hand on her hip and the other tucked behind her head, like all JP husseys?

Or is the hoo’er a former American art student learning the true value of her degree? Perhaps she is the wraith on the corner, warning Neddy that it’s not too late to switch to accounting.

And what’s a hooker doing in JP anyway? I thought this was a family paper, fer Chrissake.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

Gadge #144: You win a date with Ann Coulter.
Random Aussie
March 21st, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

#43 Harold: My comment wasn’t related to there being a produce section. I live in the US and am unfortunately more than familiar with the “fresh” produce available in either an Australian or US supermarket. It looks to me like the “PRODUCE” sign is painted on the inside of the storefront window creating an interesting business model whereby the store attempts to attract those passing by shoppers who can read backwards.
B
March 21st, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Self-mutilation has become a recurring theme in Gil Thorp. First it was Bill Ritter amputating his own leg, now we have Tyler hitting himself in the head. I guess I should be relieved that the trend is towards less traumatic injuries instead of more. Next plot line will culminate with somebody giving them self a paper cut.
dimestore lipstick
March 21st, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

More proof that Plugger = Old.

As an elderly Claude D. Pepper once said, “A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ”At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.â€
cheech wizard
March 21st, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

47- This Was Your Life is great, but it lacks the classic Chick imprinteur of the guy taking off his mask and turning out to be the Devil.
Marion Delgado
March 21st, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

the 29 cents a pound bananas i buy in oregon (and occasionally in alaska) aren’t rotten. you just have to eat them that day, and if not, they’re still good for banana bread for about 1-2 more days.

Actually, they’re often the tastiest. And I have gotten organic bananas for 39 cents a pound under the same conditions.
Trotzenbonnie
March 21st, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

FBOFW – Hope this hasn’t been cleared up already but as a resident of the nation’s Sportsman’s Paradise, I can tell you that bag is another way of saying shoot – as in “I bagged a 17 point buck”. So Warren’s comment is a triple entendre. Does that increase Lynn’s funny quotient even more after the horseback comment from yesterday?
drewbobw
March 21st, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

MT: Dan could walk up to Mark right now, and Mark still wouldn’t get that the death was faked. He needs Sly Fox to get to the bottom of this!

FOOB: This story line will end with the Lizzard coming home and kicking the everloving [boxcar] out of Gerald, who she thinks is assaulting Apwil. I can’t wait for that.
Old Fogeyette
March 21st, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

MT: I’m sure this has been mentioned before, but the ginormous ubiquigoose in panel one is truly frightening. I’m pretty sure it’s some sort of archaeopteryx relative, a primordial dinosaurian forerunner of today’s birds. Run, Mark and Rusty! Run good!
dreadedcandiru2
March 21st, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

FBoFW – Yep, Mistah Blackwood, he dead. We just know quite HOW yet, but we have a vague idea. The only pleasant surprise was how tasteful the Mikerobe wankfest was. Apparently Carleen ~~knocked~~talked some sense into Jo and convinced him that Mikey deserved better than the glorified steinhoist he had planned. ObliviLiz isn’t too classy for the room after all. If anything, she comes across as looking a bit cheap-looking.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 21st, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

#141, No, Granthony would have thought “Gosh darn it! I just can’t get this coffeecake crumb from between my teeth.”
Marion Delgado
March 21st, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

Gil Thorpe was this close to being a Chick tract, actually. One half of the LEFT BEHIND series was actually the “writer” for a while. And Jack Chick could easily have slipped in for the “artist,” since, as many have commented, the styles are startlingly similar (a traditional American style called CFD (Can’t Boxcar Draw).

We’re damned lucky every other week we don’t have Stormy Hicks mid-game clutching his suddenly seized up heart, dying, and reviewing his sinful, faithless life before the demons go haw haw haw and Jesus tosses him into the flames, is all I can say.
tblue
March 21st, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

Today’s FBOFW foreshadows Warren’s doom. He sees the photos Weed has taken of models, and with Elizabeth right next to him, in her sexy litle dress, all he can think about is getting Weed to “bag” him a couple of models.

We knew it was going to end up being Anthony, but Warren has been so devoted to Liz, even as she dumped him for someone else, that having him suddenly thinking about (pointedly drooling over) other women is just unbelievable. What a cheap trick (no, not Elizabeth–the way Warren is being set up to be a “playa.”)
Justafoob
March 21st, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Just how many of the guests were laid off by Canadian Life or whatevah the rag was Mike worked for?

Even if Saint Narcisus didn’t pull the trigger, he will be looked upon as a weak editor who chose to bail rather than to fight for his staff.

I hope one (or more) has taken this opportunity to piss into the punch.
ridge
March 21st, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

GT: I’m less interested in the impossible physics of how Tyler smashed himself in the head than in the tender caresses of the jheri-curled adolescent Samoan (also basketball team captain??). Said captain must have seen this to the chance to make his move and edge out Tyler’s girl. I’m hopeful that there will soon be a parallel subplot in which our love-struck captain spends tormented evenings waiting for Ty’s call, maniacally refuses to believe Ty did it to himself, and spends the following weeks planting evidence to frame Ty’s (ex)girl to get her out of the picture for good.
D.A.Pennington
March 21st, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

FOOB: Okay, is “bag a couple of models” Canadian for sloppy seconds or something?
Calico
March 21st, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

#136 – haha – “I’m working my way to the top so I can eventually ice you and take your place, you old biddy!”
Has Mary finally met her meddlin’ match?
willethompson
March 21st, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

Vandalizing Jack T Chick pamplets was one my formative attempts at snarking. We had a religious contingent in jr high that would leave these on lunch tables. I would use an ink eraser to eradicate the copy in the balloons and write in my own, much funnier text.

I have no doubt that if that were the only sin I ever committed, The Big Guy himself would meet me at the Pearly Gates extending a cold Molsons and saying, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant! That Chick bozo doth pisseth Me off, too! Revelations? John of Patmos had been slurping up the May wine when he wrote THAT one!”

I think he’d have a big chuckle at Nolan & Wilson 3:16, too.
Johnny
March 21st, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

Zits: Is this strip lifting storylines from Calvin & Hobbes now? It made a little more sense when a six-year-old got a haircut from his best friend. I’d rather not imagine the sequence of events that led to Jeremy and Pierce giggling at the bathroom mirror with a pair of shears.

FBOFW: “Whoa!” “Whoa!” “Whoa!”
AhClem
March 21st, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

Bachelor #1: “I live up in Mtigwhatthefucky and I’m gettin’ it on with my old native squeeze.”

Bachelor #2: “I fly helicopter gunships, and use my side-mounted machine guns to bag squirrels, moose and models.”

Bachelor #3: “My pornstache is so thick, at the end of the week I run hot water through it and make soup.”

Liz: “It’s no contest. I’ll pick Bachelor #3.”
kingklash
March 21st, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

Tyler went and got an Easy-Flo Elbow(tm) just for that? Actually, it reminds me of the poor sap who died from nearly 100 hammer blows to the head, and the cops first ruled it a suicide.

And, on the Jack Chick subject, click my name for something I happened upon in my web-travels. If you dare!
Squawk
March 21st, 2007 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

#171: Similar? Jack Chick is Rembrandt compared to the Gil Thorp artist.
jaybrrd
March 21st, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

JP: Saved, by an accommodating whore!

You know, I believe that would be the first time someone in France said “Wait, you’re American!” in a positive context.

So what happens next? Will our incompetent twosome be drawn into a life of prostitution and leopard print bras? Will Sid Vicious succeed in stealing their purses? Will the turn of phrase ‘hooker with a heart of gold’ turn out to be nothing more than literary fallacy?

I’m on tenterhooks, I tell you. TENTERHOOKS.
Johannes Vermeer
March 21st, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

#181 Squawk, I painted with Rembrandt. I knew Rembrandt; Rembrandt was a friend of mine. Squawk, Jack Chick is no Rembrandt.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

#183 Love your quartet.
Hogen Mogen
March 21st, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

JP: Aside from the blonde prostitute being the only person in Paris who can’t tell the difference between two out-of-place high-society debutantes and a pair of migrating street sluts, the plot line will only be a disapointing fizzle. Build anticipation with skinheaded Beavis & Butthead (a rough French translation would be Beavisse & LeButte). Then build further anticipation with an angry hooker. Then have the angry ho turn out to be a friendly American, who shoos off the skinheads with a minimum of excitement. That’s what it’s all about, right? Set up a promising story line over two months only to wrap it up in a week with a minimum of action. Maybe Abbey the Wonderdog will save the day after she fishes Milton’s body from the North Atlantic.
Aaron
March 21st, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

I think I may put a 29 cent sign up above my compost heap.
Hogen Mogen
March 21st, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

#29 – AAck: Thanks for the Jack Chick link. I’ve never seen that stuff before, but I’ve seen other less heavy-handed tripe using the Archie characters and once from the Luann characters. What I especially like is the quote
â€œBut I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hat committed adultrery with her already in his heart.â€
So does that mean that if I see a hot woman and my heart lusts, that I might as well go ahead and commit adultery physically since I’ve already been tagged for the sin anyway?
Randy S
March 21st, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

164: Granted there may be “better” Chick tracts, but I believe This Was Your Life holds a special place in the Chick universe…
As I understand it’s one his most popular, and it’s been around like forever.
Also it features very prominantly the definitive Chick character, the skinny faceless psycho-god sitting on his throne ordering people thrown into the lake of fire.
Dean Booth
March 21st, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

FOOB: It took me a few months of reading CC to kinda understand the hate and anger CCers have toward FOOB, but today was the first day I felt it!
[que Freaks mantra]
Hogen Mogen
March 21st, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

After all these years, it still makes me sit in incredulous wonder how Native Americans will protest when a sports team with a Native American themed mascot makes it in to the playoffs, but does not inflict severe bloodshed to any editor that allows a comic like Tumbleweeds to daily insult the proud tribes of North America with demeaning stereotypes.
Randy S
March 21st, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

Plus, there’s the one panel with the classic hystrionics
Just get a look at the guy’s face as he screams:
“I must have been insane!”

Hilariously over the top.
HBGhost
March 21st, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

Hi, everyone. Long time no post, hence the variation on my usual moniker. I just had to lay low for a while. But what has brought back into the CC bosom is today’s Foob, in whose honor i throw the time-tested and true acronym:

STB!

See you in the funny papers,
HBGlord
Justafoob
March 21st, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

ala Return of the Archons

Festival! Festival! Festival!

Warren only gets out once a year.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

Paris Metro
to the tune of ‘Green Acres’

Paris Metro is the place for me.
French livin’ is just so scary.
Bedecker spread out far and wide
Ask that hooker directions? No, taxi ride!

Old woman, that’s with whom we stay.
Hunky butler (is he really gay?)
French remind me of Pepe Le Pew
Dah-ling I love you but Bentley’n ain’t my stew.

…The store.
…The whores.
…Petit mort.
…Consort

Your purse or life?
Goodbye, Yankee strife
Paris Metro we are there.
briantologist
March 21st, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

(belatedly) #39 — Yeah, I know — technically the bargain meats are often a pretty sweet deal. I guess it’s just funnier to picture a Plugger sifting through the four dripping styrofoam packages a nearly empty cooler in his/her/its Soviet-era supermarket, halfheartedly hoping to come across something that’s not quite rancid yet.

Plus there’s something inherently funny to me about the phrase “discount meat.”
cheech wizard
March 21st, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

191 – True, but nothing’s quite as over-the-top or revealing of Chick’s foaming-at-the-mouth dementia as Who Was Wrong? where the two guys get killed in the car crash, go to hell and the one pulls the mask off and turns out to be Satan. That’s been around forever too, and I think Chick used the same device more than once. But both are classics.
Chromium
March 21st, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

114- How… how… HOW did this get past the censors?? Daily Ink won’t allow Miss Buxley to stick her tongue out but it’s OK for little girls to stick thermometers in their vaginas?
Hostrauser
March 21st, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

Pluggers rule number three: buy plenty of toilet paper and air freshner to cope with the grievous chocolate waterslide that is the inevitable result of a diet consisting of nothing other than greasy drive-thru cheeseburgers and old fruit.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

Chromium, I’m imagining an entire line of Lynn Johnston-style Hallmark cards with the “poke it where it’s warm and wet” motif.
Randy S
March 21st, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

196: Like I say, I’m not really arguing about it being the “best” but its like there’s something almost archetypal about it. It’s like the Chick manifesto, describing in a single tract the entirety of his essential doctrine.

There are certainly others that are funnier, and nothing beats the sheer creepiness of The Execution (with its extremely dubious moral message)
gh
March 21st, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

#198 Hostrauser

Topped off with a dozen jelly donuts.

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/21&name=Pluggers
New-Me
March 21st, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

Please be kind.. Oh CHENNUX.
I bow before you with great humbleness.
I am only attempting to be funny. Please put the magmacannon down……
(running like hell to get under Poteet’s rock)

With great appologies to Bob Lind ( I am so sorry)

You might wake up
some morning
To the sound of CHENNUX
sklorping next to Dingo or Poteet.
And if your quick enough to skeez
You’ll catch a fleeing MonkeyHawk or Mibbitmaker

Out on the new ska zorker
you may see the distant motion of an Apple Girl or me
And if your mind has left the job
You might hear Preener
screeming through the open worm holes

Don’t be concerned
It’s only CHENNUX
He’s only here to
magmacannon someones asshole
Across our dreams
With thoughts of horror
He fried the ass of Stinky Pete and Trotzenbone.
Foobaphobe
March 21st, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

Jack Chick: “Last Rites” is another of his classics, demonstrating with precise, geometrical logic that Papists will all go to Hell. The Cthulhu cross-over Kingklash found is great and really and truly captures his “thinking.”

FOOB: Weed’s pad is truly the “Shame of the North,” with lascivious portraits of scantily clad Canadian beauties, posed alluringly on snowmobiles and quaffing Moosehead. Liz must get Warren away from that sinkhole of temptation at once, or he’ll end up like the Catholics. See, supra.
majolo
March 21st, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

I haven’t been here in some time, so please be gentle if this has been suggested a thousand times already: Doesn’t Aldo look like —

No wait, I mean: There must be a Tyler-smacking self-in-back-of-head look-alike photo contest! Make it happen, Josh!
Foobaphobe
March 21st, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

FOOB: On further reflection, marriage to Liz would undoubtedly constitute Purgatory, allowing a dead Warren immediate passage to Paradise.
Bunk Moreland
March 21st, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

Vera (screams, looking skyward): Vonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!

It’s coming in this Mary Worth storyline. I’m taking June 11 in the office pool.
Christopher
March 21st, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

I was in Paris for, like, three days when I was 16. The only thing I remember about the Metro is that for some reason all the passengers sat on the aisle seats, even when adjacent window seats were available.

So you’d have to stand even though there were, like, ten free seats.

So, somebody who spends more time there: Is the Metro really that confusing? and, do you have to actually leave the station and walk around above ground before you can get to a train going the other direction?

Anyway, My theory for a long time has been that France and America are basically the same country, in terms of national attitude. eg, the joke works just as well as “I believe that would be the first time someone in America said ‘Wait, youâ€™re French!’ in a positive context.”

Now, thanks to Judge Parker, we’ve learned that, just like Americans, French people don’t know how to speak French.

We’re all brothers and sisters on this planet, I tell you.

Luann: So… Brad was a slob at home not because he was busy or because he naturally is happy in a messy environment, but because he knew his mom would always clean up after him?

Am I wrong in thinking this makes him kind of an ass?

Mallard Fillmore:

TASTES GREAT! No, wait, LESS FILLING!

Wait, this is Mallard Fillmore, it’s definitely less filling. Shouldn’t there be an argument in there somewhere? Or at least a big-chinned John Travolta?

The Phantom: Wait, which side of the truck is the Phantom on?

I’m guessing that the truck driver just pulled a 180 there, but I can’t for the life of me imagine why he wouldn’t just keep driving. If the police couldn’t catch him, why some dude on a horse? If he was any good at riding that thing, he’d be called the “Ghost-Who-Rides”, wouldn’t you think?

Snuffy Smith:

So, lady, if you hate doing housework, and Snuffy(?) there thinks that opening the windows and waiting for a good breeze is plenty good enough, then don’t look at him like, that, take a damn break!

You’re a bunch of shack-dwelling hillbillies fer crying out loud. Nobody’s going to judge you any worse if that hogshead you use for a dining table gets a little dusty.
MossMoses
March 21st, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Whoa! Warren is smart enough to fly a helicopter yet suffers from the same affliction as all other foob men, even saintly Grandpa. Men are superficial cowboys. They are incapable of relating to the (human) opposite sex on a mature level. They think of women as objects, like cars or cellphones. “She’s a beaut’, Gordo. Let me take her for a spin”. “Ooh, that’s a cool new ringtone you put on her, Weed”!

I know everyone grieves in their own way but the Mark Trail grieving process seems highly unusual. It doesn’t make sense that his old army buddy just died and he seems totally unconcerned. The guy died a couple of days ago and Mark Trail’s first priority is to clean out boats. What stage is that in the process? He must still be in denial.
gh
March 21st, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

Speaking of Snuffy Smith I’ve been subjected to this strip off and on for 40 years and, as far as I can tell, never once has anyone asked his wife why she wears a pair of bull testicles around her neck.
Old Fogeyette
March 21st, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

202 NEW-ME: Hahaha! Good one!

#204 Majolo: Great idea, and I second it! I would even consider entering such a contest, if I could somehow explain to Mr. OF why he would need to photograph me in such a position.
Poteet
March 21st, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

# 72 — Joshtradamus, trotting along to this site and discovering that I may become a Grand Vizier is a definite first. Wow. However, honored as I am, I’m going to try to make sure this important position is given to someone more responsible and worthy (steps behind Old Fogeyette and points at her while signaling the Fates with the other hand).

DT — I’m developing a really unhealthy obsession with the Queen of Diamonds. Among other things, I want to know where she gets her wardrobe, how she manages bathroom visits, how old she is, why her extended hand always looks so odd, and whether she’s dating anyone.

# 179 — BWAHAHA! Nice one, AhClem.

# 192 — Good to see you again, HBGlord. You’re back in time for the millenipost, or whatever it’s called!
rich
March 21st, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

162: Continuing the self-mutilation theme, in tomorrow’s strip Brynna will rip out her antennae in a fit of self-destructive despair and slowly bleed to death.
NotThatGuy
March 21st, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

#208 MossMoses: Mark’s not in denial, he’s in de Lost Forest.
ianscot
March 21st, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

Personally I found the goose in the foreground in MT today rather artful, particularly by the standards of the strip. It’s the homoerotic dialog that’s a little… overpresent… today:

“Scrub the bottom good, Rusty.”
“I’ll get it in good shape, Mark.”
“There’s a little screw on the bottom, what’s it for?”

And Mark’s capping summation of the entire conversation, reduced to its essence:

“A screw?”

It all makes me want to turn back to yesterday’s exposition about the boat — I feel I must’ve missed some titillating foreplay, there.
NotThatGuy
March 21st, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

Oh, and Foob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!

(But who didn’t see this coming a year and half ago?)
bats
March 21st, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

Is it bad of me to hope that once Liz and Anthony get together (oh, you know it’s going to happen…there hasn’t been such a glorification of telegraphing something since the end of WWI) that he’ll be impotent?
ianscot
March 21st, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

We now know, after weeks and weeks of meandering currents in the GT plotline, who whacked, and why he whacked.

What I’m waiting for is a motive for which said whacker is now, smiling like a goof, confessing to the act. Is he falling on the grenade to save his gal? (No, Tyler — it’s a FIGURATIVE grenade. Or grenades. Oh, knock yourself out…. No, Tyler, not really…)
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 21st, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

RE:#190
Scalping jokes. In 2007. And the Indian talking is a single-toothed dope.

The Mary Worth tour of Vietnam is starting to look enlightened.
Justafoob
March 21st, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

Oh come on everyone, despite what Lynn says about horseback riding, Liz has been riding the Granthony Caterpillar for the longest time.
Poteet
March 21st, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

# 202 — Welcome, new-me! Congratulations on your artistic achievement! See, it’s not so bad under this boulder — have a wee drap of Bowmore, or Caol Ila if you’d prefer. And here’s chocolate.
Dicky
March 21st, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

Everything that I want to say has been said already…

Agnes: Again, the punchline is words to live by.

FOOB: Just WTH?

GF: I would love the Chubby Huggs service. And wouldn’t most people be fine finding non-random people from their afternoon in their bed?

FC: If Dolly keeps this up, she may be counting the SECOND bullet in her knees, the THIRD, and…
New-Me
March 21st, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

Thank You Poteet. Could you use a drink from my flask? Jeremiah Weed. Makes the sun shine out of your eyeballs!
gh
March 21st, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

#202 NEW-ME

Kudos! Took me awhile to figure out the tune [Bob Who?], but worth the effort. You make SC proud!
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

So, my problem with Gil Thorp (Wait? There’s ONE?) is that the high school journalistas were about to run a story, with the permission of their advisor, completely based on hearsay and a Nancy Drew on Crullers type of forensic sleuthing. There is a term for this under the law: libel. Defamation of character using the printed word is libel. They have no concrete evidence that Brynna Antenna was the culprit in the Case of the Amazing Basketball Bashing Bogeyman yet they are given permission to run the story. They TELL Brynna they’re going to expose her in print. That leads to the conclusion of the story with the confession of the true criminal – the victim himself. I can’t fathom how many times I’ve seen bad exposition like this but a few come to mind: the final trial scene in Johnny Belinda, the mawkish conclusion to the trial in Jodie Foster’s The Accused, or Bill Clinton’s admittance that the stain on the little black dress was not glaze from a Krispy Kreme. Lesbian libeler Nancy Drew and Lard Lad were setting the newspaper up for a potential lawsuit and their advisor did nothing. Jack Chick should hire them to write about the Pope creating Islam or how George Bush has computer data in the basement of the White House containing the names of all curmudgeonistas , next to Karl Rove’s strap-on.
rich
March 21st, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

208: Mark sees life and death on a daily basis in The Lost Forest — fluffy bunnies being torn asunder by hungry wolves, etc. The loss of an old army buddy he wasn’t particularly close to (they apparently hadn’t spoken in years) would not leave lasting scars on a man such as Trail.

Besides, in Mark’s eyes the guy was dead the minute he showed up wearing that shady moustache.
gh
March 21st, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

#224 Dingo

Brynna Antenna?? That one goes in the scrapbook!
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

By the way, my congratulations to American Idol for finding Sally and placing her in the audience of last night’s show. Now if only Randy Jackson would admit to having portrayed Molly the Bear.
Gabe
March 21st, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

Dingo: That, and would any school ever really let the school paper print anything remotely like that? Fictional HS newspapers seem to exist in some whacky alternate dimension than the one I workd on as a sophmore.
stinky pete
March 21st, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

202 New-me, a “BWA” and 3 “HA”s to you. Although up to this point GE Chennux has more or less ignored my presence, and anything that attracts his attention may not be worthy of that 3rd “HA”.
Christopher
March 21st, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

224. Even worse, the fact that Tyler was assaulted is well-known to both Male and Female Coach Thorps, and on the girl basketball team, this resulted in a fight that got two players booted from a game.

The reaction of the adult population has basically been “Man, Tyler’s brutal beating sure has caused problems with the student body. M’yep”.

They haven’t even reached the point where they take the effort to bemoan their inability (By which I mean unwillingness) to address the situation.

Gil Thorp is a terrible coach and a terrible human being. He’s like the male Mary Worth.
New-Me
March 21st, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

Thank you all. BTW gh I am really not FROM South Carolina, I am from Texas. I am being held hostage here by a job. (Some people will do anything to be able to eat. (And sleep in a warm bed)
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

Hey, Poteet, AppleGirl, Old Fogeyette, Frank Drackman, and others who might find the male form intoxicating. Click on Gabe’s link and go to profile. That ~~boy~~ man is one tall drink o’ water… with lemon. I could see Mary, sitting in a chair, fanning herself and saying to him, “Young man. Young, young, young. Did anyone ever tell you you look like a young Ian Cameron? You do, honey lamb. Come here. Come on over here, like I told you. I want to kiss you just once, softly and sweetly… on your mouth.”

Ay, caramba!
Amanda
March 21st, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

Apparently Crankshaft has completely lost whatever sanity he ever had, and intends to hold these kids hostage and/or sacrifice them to the gods of the mountain and end the evening by dining on their young tender flesh. That’s my prediction, and I’m sticking to it.
gh
March 21st, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

#231 New-Me

Me-too [but Colorado, not Texas. Well, Texas then Colorado, then SC]. And I’m in favor of as many more imports as the law will allow. This place makes Gil Thorp look like a treatise by Immanuel Kant.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
March 21st, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

Hey, Gil Thorp and Immanuel Kant are both very hard to follow.

And Texas, Colorado, and the Carolinas have all won Stanley Cups more recently than any Canadian-based team — but this COULD BE VANCOUVER’S YEAR, EVERYONE! Or Buffalo…
willethompson
March 21st, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

#220 Poteet – Damn, woman, have you been in my liquor cabinet AGAIN? Just last week I picked up some Caol Ila 15 yr, which sits proudly next to the Laphroiag 10, the Lagavulan 10 and the Ardbeg 17.

Old Fogeyette! I’m discussing scotch with Poteet! Time to end the thread, don’t you think? More coffee, dammit!
AndreaD
March 21st, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

#22 – Jack Chick (what kind of an oxymoronic name IS that?) and his splendid artwork is not limited to major cities. Christian fundies in small towns across America fuck up every Halloween by passing out these little booklets alongside (or instead of ) candy. That said, Mr. Chick (har!) has a style that is infinitely better than anything ever found in or near Gil Thorp. GT, which I didn’t know existed until I happened upon this site (thanks, Wonkette!) makes me sad that I didn’t end up as an comic artist. Apparently you don’t have to have anything bordering on “talent” or a grasp on “reality” in order to “draw” a “comic”.
AndreaD
March 21st, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

Also, why is Gil being tended to by Koko the Gorilla in Panel 3? Koko only cares about kittens, not high school jocks.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

Oh, wille, wille, wille, wille. Wille, wille, wille, wille. The time to end the thread isn’t when you begin to discuss Scotch. You end the thread after you’ve made your way from the Scotch, to French, to Greek, and then to warm/wet thermometer land. You end the thread after Poteet nakedly turns over, hair and breasts cascading into your face, and utters, “willethompson, you’ve ruined me.” in the pouty, insouciant manner that instantly has you ringing the concierge for more Scotch and his finest, ribbed condoms.

THAT’s when you end the thread.

I’m just sayin’.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 21st, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

Dingo 239: Dammit, I’m trying to work here.

Well, not really.

That image will just make it harder.

To work, I mean.
fizzy logic
March 21st, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

After looking at Gabe’s website, I’m confident in saying that in the Venn diagram of our lives, the CC site is the only site of intersection…how different these young men be….

Hello everyone, checked out for a couple of days, but now that we’re in the 200’s, can return with my existentialist crisis still intact, as no one will notice I’ve returned.

Wille, I saw your Eaten as a Snack number the other day, and I think it will look dazzling on stage, especially if Red can get David Johansen in for me – I think he’ll look extremely fetching in some platform boots. Maybe I shouldn’t be selfish and let him have a larger part…

I’ve got some thoughts running around my brain about the whole FOOB fiasco that is starting to take place – just give me a little while to let that gel, painful though it may be to think about.

Also painful, the 3G storyline. Mygod. How stereotypical can these women be? The ditz, the bitch and the nice-girl-doormat-who-only-likes-the-bad-boys? Put that together with Mary the meddler and you have a full set. Free with fill up. (Bonus – Toeby the trophy wife! Now for a limited time!)

And Rex Morgan? The last time we even saw this woman was November? And you expect me to remember what was going on? I didn’t know I was supposed to take notes.

Gil Thorp? GaaaaBwaaaHaaHaHaaHaaHaa!

As you were….
AndreaD
March 21st, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Jesus! Full-on background butt shot in JP:

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/judgeparker.asp?date=20070319

Sorry if it was mentioned already. I know hookers are obvious, but isn’t this taking it a bit far? I mean, the background Lady of the Night is wearing a cumberbund and tube top and nothing more.
Krazy Kat
March 21st, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

Hey New Me!
Nothing wrong with being from SC or even living there temporarily. We should hold a CC get together in Charleston or Columbia!!
fizzy logic
March 21st, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

Oh and Chubby Hugs in today’s Get Fuzzy was just about the cutest thing ever, without being vomitous. And Foodar was there too.

In the Seattle Times, Lio is positioned directly above Rose is Rose. An interesting juxtaposition – sickly sweet kid v. sometimes sick kid. Coincidence? I’d like to think not.

Oh, who am I kidding? After Dingo’s comment, no one is reading this.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

AndreaD (Doria? Dworkin?): As soon as the French whore in the tiger print top shouted out, “Wait! You’re American?” all I could think of was Jacky Best.

Okay, if you don’t get that, here’s another clue: I once thought of creating a poster showing two women in white cotton undergarments, each reclining against a white wicker chair with a young man in Edwardian clothing seated between them. The title of the fictitious movie? Those Schlegel Girls. The tagline? Someone’s gonna get it in the End..

And I wonder why I’m underemployed.
insolenttomato
March 21st, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

#241 fizzy logic: That reminds me of an old Margaret Cho sketch about stereotypical female triads (e.g. Charlie’s Angels) to whit . . .

“Charlie’s Angels should have been called And Then There’s the Ho because evidently whenever you have three women who are friends there’s the smart one, the sweet one, and then there’s the ho.” I’d say the same goes for A3G as of late.
Old Fogeyette
March 21st, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

#211 Poteet: Ah, Sister, you do me too much honor. I am neither responsible nor worthy of the honor of Grand Vizier. I USED to be responsible, and might be again, though.

#232 Dingo–what link? Where? I’m always hot for nubile young men.

#241 fizzy logic–hope your existential crisis gets resolved in a good way. But I pretty much agree with your summary of the whole panoply of comics characters here. Hard to snark when there’s so much stereotypical saturn boxcar goin’ on.

#236 Willethompson–I agree, it’s time to end the thread. I can’t have any more coffee today or I’ll never sleep tonight. But I do feel very sleepy… nap time and hopefully new thread coming up.
gh
March 21st, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

I’m sorry, but Gil Thorp. Tyler whacked himself 5 – 6 times upside the back of his own head to get more minutes “off the bench.” Which, my GT flashback is telling me, he didn’t care about as long as they won. Brynna [Antenna] was the only one who cared. So . . . she wouldn’t put out? Now she does? Is that why he has that non-stop goofy grin, despite his confession and, one presumes, his imminent eviction from the team? Jocks rock!
willethompson
March 21st, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

#239 Dingo – [Margo]ing ay, bubba. You’re right. I will now administer a Tylerwhack to my head in penitance and good ol’ Skinnerian pain-avoidance therapy.

WHACK! BOXCAR, that HURTS!
MossMoses
March 21st, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

Now that I’ve discovered what a “bland gland” is I think I’ll start calling Lizardbreath’s love interest Glandthony. His hyperactive bland gland secretes a faint odor of hopelessness and stale cinnamon buns.

http://www.nature.com/modpathol/journal/v13/n3/fig_tab/3880047f15.html#figure-title
gh
March 21st, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

#244 fizzy logic

Nothing, really. I just like saying fizzy logic.
rabidbadger
March 21st, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

Saw this for the first time today,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Trail

at the bottom theres a link to the curmudgeon. heh.
Sheilagh
March 21st, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

The thing about “clerk typist” is that the profession pretty much ceased to exist with the invention of the personal computer. Back in the dark ages, when I used to temp between “real” jobs, not everyone COULD type without making a big mess. So they’d write their stuff out in longhand and give it to a clerk typist to be made all pretty and nice and official and properly spelled and legible. (The “clerk” part meant you also filed and answered the phones. And made the coffee, for that matter.)

Nowadays every schmo can produce his/her own documents with ease. Even if the schmo is a three-finger typist, it’s still quicker to compose right there at the computer — and any typographical “mess” can be corrected with a touch.

Which brings us back to the question: what year is it supposed to be in Mary Worth? You’ll note that half the cardinals are completely puzzled by the very term “clerk typist,” that’s how obsolete it is! I think Mary’s stuck in a time warp. I mean, look how bent out of shape the Professor gets at the notion of premarital sex — it’s obviously 1955 at Charterstone!!! Which would explain why Mary never gets older (and here I thought she bathed in the blood of virgins…).
fizzy logic
March 21st, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

#251 – gh – *Mwah* Big cyber kiss to you* – thanks, I needed that.
PeteMoss
March 21st, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

Dear Heloise,

Whenever I want to open up the back of my skull, I use a stick covered with rough, tree bark. That way, I can get job done with only five to six, easy smacks! I donâ€™t even have to strike myself that hard. Itâ€™s also helpful that Iâ€™m double jointed. Please pass this hint on to your readers!

Tyler (uh, I forget my last name.)
Caged Tygre
March 21st, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

So this is the real reason for Granthony’s basement setup.
gh
March 21st, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

#254 fizzy logic

I got to say it again, he-he. Now I have to scrub my cyber-cheek as I’m out the door.

Toodles!
PeteMoss
March 21st, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

Ya know, TDIET really has a point this time around. How can Wombo play in a loud rock group, The Shattering Racket, and later want quite so he can concentrate on his homework? Wombo is completely irrational. Still, heâ€™s got a bitchinâ€™ haircut. Oh yeah-hh!
Poteet
March 21st, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

# 222 — Thank’ee, new-me, don’t mind if I do. (sips.) WOW. This might be a drink that the Emperor would like!

Speaking of whom, my personal opinion, not based on any insurance statistics, is that if the Big Guy doesn’t fry you within twenty posts or so, it’s safe to venture out and resume life, while staying a little wary. But feel free to take boulder-cover again any time you need it.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
March 21st, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

Speaking of today’s TDIET, do ya think the name “Wombo” is a nod to Barry Wom of the Rutles? Probably not, but I just wanted to mention the Rutles, and I think “Wombo” is a cool name.
PeteMoss
March 21st, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

â€œScrub the bottom good, Rusty, then weâ€™ll think about refinishing it!

â€œGreat, Mark! I like thinking about refinishing things! Do you think the dead guy will bloat up and float to the surface before we get around to thinking about refinishing the boat? Right now I’m thinking about what those geese are eating!â€

“That reminds me, Rusty, Dead-guy Dan use to enjoy hearing me talk about my old college boat wrestling stories! Good times!”
Chubby Haggis
March 21st, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

237. It’s not too late! It would be swell!
PeteMoss
March 21st, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

260 Skullturf

Cheese & Onions! Wombo does look more like Barry Wom than Ringo Starr.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

I keep wondering… could Gil Thorp be introducing the concept of Ashura and martyrdom to non-Muslim Americans? He whacked himself on the head, got bloody, and then walked into the party, where he was tended by Koko, the Wonder Gorilla. His girlfield, Brynna Antenna (maybe I should have named her Brynna Antynna but no matter) looks strikingly like the Persian god-king Xerxes in 300 (Mmmm…. leather speedos and facial hair). Quick! Someone call Jack Chick!
AndreaD
March 21st, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

#245 – Not Dworkin. Jesus. No. I jsut wasn’t feeling creative enough to come up with a good moniker, so I was like, First Name+Last Initial = Good.

TDIET: Wha? “Wombo’s rock group is, like we mean, loud”? If you can’t do a decent job mocking the way teenagers (and frankly, everyone else – even my mother says “like” and “that sucks”) talk, then don’t bother mocking it! Even by slang standards, “like we mean” isn’t punctuated correctly. Like, we mean, loud. Howcum no extra comma?

And why is Wonbo in a jazz band with 50-year old musicians? And acoustic guitar and a saxophone cannot possibly cause anything close to shattering racket, no matter how hard Teenager Wombo is banging on those drums.

And is this strip actually complaining about a teenager doing his homework? Why is this published? Why?

Oh, and in an earlier post, I wrote “Gil” when I meant “Tyler”. And I’m as baffled as anyone else by the storyline and confessions and bizarre attempts at libel.
commodorejohn
March 21st, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

And the character assassination of Elizabeth suitors with sex drives continues. Obviously, any male with a libido Is Not Acceptable for Johnston’s Virgin Queen. God, I hate this strip.

Also, I was under the impression that Warren and Liz are not currently an item, in which case Johnston’s expecting us to look down on him for finding other girls attractive is even more colossally stupid and bitchy than usual.
Poteet
March 21st, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

# 236 — Wille, of course I haven’t been in your liquor cabinet. Well, okay, just a little of the Lagavulan 10. Okay, a small glass. I hoped you wouldn’t mind. To make up for it, care for a little Bowmore 12? Not my favorite, but kind of an interesting smoky (sees # 239 and involuntarily spews Bowmore) WHAAA??!!

Dang, I hate wasting good Scotch. Dingo, is that any way for a Mutha Superior to write? On the other hand…pouty…insouciant…sure, why not, I’ll take it. Just don’t tell Cousin Stevie B. Of course you can’t anyway, because today’s STEVE CANYON is missing in action (sigh). Wille, I’ll take a little more Lagavulan 10, please.
Jack Chick
March 21st, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

Curmudgeons, you have a choice to make. Follow false gods like Mary Worth & Slylock Fox or follow the one true God. Repent now or a Lost Forest Lake o’ fire awaits you, sinners!

Simply write to me and I’ll send you 100 â€œtracksâ€ with my award winning cartoons. You pass them out to other Curmudgeon hedonists and I will personally write a letter of recommendation to the Almighty faceless one on your behalf.
Gabe
March 21st, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

Which Gabe are you talking about?
PeteMoss
March 21st, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

269. I’m sure they’re talking about the attractive looking Gabe, not the other Gabe. Personally, I got a face for e-mail.
Laura c
March 21st, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

#252 — So “expanding the radio network” is just as important as saving lives?
After I read this link I thought for a moment of trying to win the Mark Trail award, but then I figured the dog that found the Boy Scout is a shoo-in for this year.
Gabe
March 21st, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Well, that clears it up. I do know that one of the Gabes, at least, is not tall.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
March 21st, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

Speaking of Slylock Fox, I know a lot of curmudgeonites have complained about the solutions to the mysteries (Cassandra Cat’s earrings were cold!) but I must say I’m sometimes annoyed by the true/false questions as well. I mean, you wouldn’t really have to tweak them very much to turn them into questions like:

Q. True or false: a big meteor hit Siberia in June 1906.

A. False! Everyone knows it was 1908, you idiot!

– or maybe I’m just bitter that I often have trouble with a children’s comic strip.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

Was it Jack Chick who wrote the Smoky Robinson hit, The Tracts of My Tears?
Red Greenback
March 21st, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

Re: Casting thus far for the Chennux musical opera.
-Cynthia Rothrock is a go for any part (male or female)- she’d also like to be the choreographer.
-George Lazenby would very much like to be cast as CHENNUX’s dad- he suggested his character be called “Poopdeck Pappy”. Sheesh!,go figure actors!
-Julie Strain-she can’t sing or dance, but looks fabulous covered in syrup.
-Stu Nahan gave a big go-I see him as the outwardly calm but sweaty-lipped news reporter.
-Sy Sperling wants to play Scaduto-needless to say, he’s on hold until I see the libretto.
-Good news, Josh, Tony Danza is a definite go. Male or drag.
-Speaking of drag, David Johansen and Harvey Fierstein are involved in other projects. Sorry Ladies!
-Interesting side note: In negotiations for the newscaster part, I talked to Vin Scully, who suggested as a title; “CHENNUX ON FROZEN GRANNIX PHLEGM!”!!!…damn, that man is all-knowing!
I have a lot more “talent” who are rarin’ to go, I just need to get an outline of the dang thing going forward.
PeteMoss
March 21st, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

272.
Quiz time!

Find six differences between the two Gabes!
Laura c
March 21st, 2007 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

Speaking of Jack Chick, when I was a child my aunts attempted to save my mortal soul by sending me religious Dennis the Menace comic books for my birthdays.
Dennis read all about Moses in the basket and then he wanted to take a bath.
I’m not sure it was a Jack Chick but I ran across a comic-book tract in my teens which said that “Dark Shadows” was one of Satan’s works. (Satan had these really cool bar graphs…immorality going up, homosexuality going up, etc.)
And this was in the early 1980s, long after Dark Shadows was off the air!
Ten Day Dinosaur
March 21st, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

I’ve been exposed to asbestos and radiation in a slowly decaying building in an attempt to escape undergradhood, so bear with me…

If I haven’t said it before, I’ll say it now. Damnit, Dingo! Your comments always make me laugh… Though I treat your links with caution these days.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

I was referencing the Gabe in Tennessee. “Tall drink o’ water… with lemon” does not necessarily mean tall in height.
PeteMoss
March 21st, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

Quiz answers –

Only one Gabe is lactose intolerant.

One Gabe watches CSI:Miami while the other Gabe enjoys the original CSI.

Both Gabes use Liquid Plumber, but only one Gabe enjoys it over ice.

Only one of the Gabes knows all the lyrics to “MacArthur Park.”

One of the Gabes is wearing mis-matched socks.

One Gabe secretly enjoys reading Cathy.
Gabe
March 21st, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

How did you know about my Cathy paperback collection?

(and thanks, Dingo! And Poteet! Though I’m disappointed no one commented on how sexy I was in the lucha mask.)
Gabe
March 21st, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

277: Never got those, but I ended up with a stack of the religious Archie comics as a kid. Bizarre, since most of my comics were ones my mom picked up at the drugstore when I was a kid, and she’s not particularly religious.

And yes, the Satan Graph is 10 kinds of awesome.
Caged Tygre
March 21st, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

#273 Skullturf Q. Beavispants,
“and it was determined to be a stony asteroid not a meteor, in fact meteors don’t even make impact with the earth’s surface otherwise they’d be called meteorites”.
Of course Slylock would look smug as his sidekick stares goggle-eyed at those who’d even attempt to outsmart a comic strip.
Poteet
March 21st, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

I tried to check out both Gabes. I found one head shot of each, and to me, they both look good. Maybe there’s something about the name. Unless they were both actually the same Gabe. After a couple glasses of Lagavulan 10, it’s a wee bit hard to tell, and I’m easy either way.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

10DD: Thanks. I’m currently picturing you as Marni Nixon, dressed up like a nun*.

Treat my links with caution these days??? Golly, my links these days are much more tame than they used to be. And I usually do use a (NSFW) if it’s not safe for work. There was just that one moment in our recent unpleasantness where I didn’t and now I’m damn glad I didn’t. Got the ball rollin’ on the discovery that many of us on here need a bit of a boost in the private sector of our lives: things like health coverage, stable employment, Al-Anon ( but NOT Snark-Anon), the death of Lynn Johnston, etc. I read that you’re an undergrad. Do everything possible to stay in the false world of academia as long as you can! The real world is filled with Cathy mugs (“Aaaaaack!”), Jack Chick wannabes, and no nude calendars of Special Counsel Patrick J. Fitzgerald (a crime). Just don’t major in media studies.

* – Marni, singing voice of Deborah Kerr in The King and I, Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady, and Natalie Wood in West Side Story, is the little pudgy nun with glasses during the How Do You Solve a Puzzle Like Maria? number who proclaims that Maria makes her laugh.
PeteMoss
March 21st, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

Oh, a seventh difference: Only one Gabe spells his name with a â€œsilent eâ€. Bonus points if you caught that one.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

Gabe #281: As someone dating a Mexican whose temper can easily match my German propensity for controlled anger, I thought it best not to mention the images that went racing through my head when seeing you posed as a luchador. I will, however, tell you this: you made me suck on my twisty straw until my mouth filled with a cold jolt of Dr Pepper and as I finished swallowing my mind uttered a “Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…” to shame Clara Bow.
Gabe
March 21st, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

Well, if you check out our profiles, I specifically say that I’m not a jew and other Gabe wears a yamukah at his wedding.

Then, I could just be in denial of my chosen oneness.
Gabe
March 21st, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

Well, as long as you two don’t give birth to Carlos Mencia, rock on. German + Hispanic = Awesomely passionate about sacking Rome.

And the trains will run on time…except during Siesta.
fizzy logic
March 21st, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

Well if you decide to not be in denial anymore, you might want to ask the rabbi for a yarmulke instead.

Oh, just ignore me being pedantic.
Poteet
March 21st, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

# 175 — Thanks for the update, Red! You’ve been working hard. And oh well, Harvey was a beautiful dream while it lasted. I’ll just trust you on the recasting.

# 277 — So, Laura, DARK SHADOWS was created by Satan, eh? Well, that would explain some of the overacting:-). Actually I loved D.S., and had a minor thrill when I rode for several floors in an elevator with one of the D.S. actresses.

As for Jack Chick, I got the impression that he was much more enthralled with the idea of unbelievers being fried to a crisp than believers spending eternity with wings and harps. Perhaps I’m being unfair.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

Hmm… I read further down. Someone needs to buy Gabe a six pack. Drink it near a picnic table.

Damn. I feel like Whirlybird Warren.
Gabe
March 21st, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

I knew I shoulda looked that up. It’s well known that closet Jews can’t spell.

Dingo: Picnic tables? You obscofured me.

(we also make up our own words)
Gabe
March 21st, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

Ha ha. Nevermind.
fizzy logic
March 21st, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

#275 – #291 – Red & Poteet – You’re right Poteet, it was a good dream while it lasted; both David and Harvey could sing in their drag personas and I was looking forward to the sheer campiness of it all.

Red, you have been working hard, and we should just leave it to your best judgment as to who is available. Sounds like as soon as we get things firmed up and the libretto in place, we’ll be able to get the A-listers on board. (Not that you haven’t already assebled a fine cast – first rate in my book).

As long as you-know-who doesn’t vaporize them all before opening day.
Dingo
March 21st, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

Imagines Tony Danza dying of “the vapors.”
Dean Booth
March 21st, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

Here’s your chance to Help Tyler Whack Himself. SFW

* For IE only. …and it doesn’t work if you hold the Enter key down: you have to press it repeatedly.
Red Greenback
March 21st, 2007 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

Major coup, people. I got Julie Piekarski,Marj Dusay and Loren Lester on board!…SWEET!
I'm a Yogi, Not a Pooh
March 21st, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

297. Dean ,that’s hilarious! And it works in Safari, too. (Yes, I’m a Mac.)
Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
March 21st, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

Damn, I’m a few days behind, but Good ‘ol Tom Batuik is still bringing it. A Sunday spread about the misery of hot flashes? That brings fear to the young and painful recognition to the old? Thanks, Crankshaft!!! That’s even better than your lame interpolation of a MasterCard commercial that took two weeks to set up. It’s so f*ing great how harmoniously unhappy the Crankshaft family has all become.
I'm a Yogi, Not a Pooh
March 21st, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

297. I especially like the part where the eyeball bounces through the next frame and off the screen
I'm a Yogi, Not a Pooh
March 21st, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

297, 301. Now I have to think about what THAT says about my personality…
Dean Booth
March 21st, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

Thanks, Yogi.

#22, macb: I’m pretty sure the guy is Chick tract is named Von.
stinky pete
March 21st, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

297 DB, way cool, and if you think about it you could have produced something with the same title that would have been NSFW.
Harold
March 21st, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

Ummmm, not to go off-topic here, but here’s a comics-related snark I failed to make earlier. Whether or not you get it immediately will depend on whether you are older than, or younger than, 37 or so.

Tomorrow’s Crankshaft will be a single panel of the school bus bumping along a dusty road, past a sign that says “WELCOME TO CHOWCHILLA”.

It is also possible that the story is simply heading along the lines of this 2002 incident:
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0201/24/bn.12.html
http://archives.cnn.com/2002/US/01/24/missing.school.bus/index.html
Red Greenback
March 21st, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

Dingo, Mr.Danza is well aware of G.E.CHENNUX’s magmacannons (as I’ve outlined the basic premise of the project to him)…Mr. Danza really wants to show his method acting background…(paraphasing Mr. Danza “I wanna be somebody, I wanna be a contender”)…
commodorejohn
March 21st, 2007 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

#291 – No, you’re pretty much right. Chick is one of those Christians who think way more about everybody else being in Hell (including Catholics, because the Catholic Church is a Satanist organization, much like apparently every other organization on the planet,) than the Christians being in Heaven.
Red Greenback
March 21st, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

I hit Soleil Moon Frye in the back of the head with a barky stick 5 or 6 times for her to get on board for the role of fizzy logic in the”CHENNUX ” extravadanza. I’m a bad man, but business is buiness.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 21st, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

The other thing Mexicans and Germans have in common is they don’t know how to pronounce the goddamned letter “j”…

As for my Gil Thorp Future-Predicting prize – Dingo suggested Ann Coulter, while andreavis suggested four or five whacks with the stick of my choice. I choose Ann Coulter.

Weirdly, I had a dream about Ann Coulter last night. Turns out she was sorta dating a guy I know named Jack – only when she wasn’t on TV, she looked and acted more like the “Ann” in Arrested Development: short, withdrawn, funny-looking. (Okay, in actual real-life outside my dreams Coulter is also funny-looking.)
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 21st, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

D’oh! I keep forgetting all you guys aren’t inside my head. So, uh, when I wrote “I choose Ann Coulter” what I meant to say was “and so for the ’stick of my choice’ I choose Ann Coulter.”

There.

It still isn’t funny.

Sorry.
Dean Booth
March 21st, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

#256, Caged Tygre: it’s odd they went to jail; they seem like good Samaritans to me, helping out strangers and all.
Old Fogeyette
March 21st, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

Oh, youse guys are on a roll! Have fun, but please keep the posts to a manageable level until I return in the AM.
Red Greenback
March 21st, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

Excuse my buiness, Buiness is next to Golliness, Yeah, that’s the ticket!
andreavis
March 21st, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

#309&#310 — It’s OK, Gadge, any encounter with Ann Coulter (real or imaginary) is bound to [margo] with your ability to form a coherent sentence.
Pendragon
March 21st, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

Okay, Old Fogeyette’s mojo isn’t apparently working so now it’s my turn to try and end the thread.

#267 – Poteet, I have been having trouble getting the Steve Canyon comics, too. I ended up going to the main page of Humorous Maximus, clicked on Comics, then on Steve Canyon. My bookmark is the same as where this leads but for some reason it hasn’t been working the past few days. He’s there, you just have to drill down to get there. In a decent sort of way, of course.
Harold
March 21st, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

#309 Gadge – Can you combine the two prizes and give Ann Coulter four or five whacks with the stick of your choice? My choice would be a cement-filled aluminum baseball bat, wrapped in barbed wire that has an electric current running through it and has been coated with the contents of Karl Rove’s exploded colon, tabasco sauce, itching powder, and recalled cat food. But that’s just me.
Ruinedarch
March 21st, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

I think Mary needs a fresh skin suit and the fly has just been caught in her web. I’d bet Vera will be dead within two weeks…
illyanadmc
March 21st, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

will someone please explain the “DT” in “(DT)GT”? i don’t get it… in my household, we sometimes say “DT” to mean “darn tootin’” (because we’re awesome like that), but i am pretty sure that’s not what it stands for here… maybe “drawn terribly.”
Harold
March 21st, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

Oh, and #180 kingklash: Belated kudos on the ATHF reference. ROMULUX!
Harold
March 21st, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

#318 illyanadmc: It stands for “Death To”. I was puzzled by this myself a while back. I always assumed it was a Dick Tracy reference.
Poteet
March 21st, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

# 298 — Wow, Red. Given the hazards of this particular project, you must be quite a salesman!

# 315 — It worked! Thank you, thank you, Pendragon!
Pendragon
March 21st, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

The mojo worked also — new thread alert, people!
Blondie
March 21st, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

I’d just like to point out that the TDIET teen’s name is Wombo. Wombo.
SixFootJen
March 21st, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

13, 161 Random Aussie: Have you ever walked down a city sidewalk and seen a produce display outside a small grocery store? You know, piles of temptingly delicious apples ‘n’ oranges (‘n’ rotten bananas) on crates, under an awning, to draw in customers. That’s what we’re looking at. This is a storefront. The writing is facing the street.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
March 22nd, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]

As noted, “DT” in (DT)GT stands for “death to” – but “drawn terribly” is certainly apt, and I think ought to be accepted as an alternate answer.

What? I’m not here either…
Herro!
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

“So, somebody who spends more time there: Is the Metro really that confusing? and, do you have to actually leave the station and walk around above ground before you can get to a train going the other direction?”

No, and no.
Dennis Jimenez
March 22nd, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

A plugger’s marketing plan is to buy low and eat high. After you’ve cooked that spoon of meth and taken a little spin, you don’t mind those rotten vegetables out of the dumpster – you’re not hungry anyway.

Yeah for the simple plugger life – no bills to pay – candles are more than fine for cooking, ambience and illumination.
Tracey
March 22nd, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

I find it amazing that Tommie was able to get two men to give her any sort of attention, no matter how fleeting or unrequited, given that she appears to favor clothing (especially that green shirt she has on in today’s strip) that has all the sex appeal of a garment bought from “Mao Tse Tung’s Secret.”
alamo
March 22nd, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

vera be’n frank
mary be’n frank
we all be’n frank.

plugger buying cheap produce ‘cuz no money to spend on laxatives to keep things rollin’ cuz plugger is all plugged up eating cheap roasted weanies, frankly speaking.

speaking of rollin’ old zippy needs to get some pluggin action if his own if his mutt is gonna play keep away with his bun fodder.

ben frank — the name of your little weanie roaster guy??

my apologies and tip of the old hatlo hat to anyone who came up with any of this ahead of me. it is too late and no time to read all of the great entries. ’sides i need to unplug myself.
Frank Parsnip
March 23rd, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

Tommie standing there in panel one, eyes agog and mouth forming an “o” is doing an excellent imitation of a blow-up love doll — the little “shake” lines around her indicate that somebody’s just hit the vibro-matic switch.

Meanwhile, one can only appreciate the way Margo in panel 3 with upraised finger indicates she’s giving Tommie that “uh-uh-uh sistah” head-swinging look.
Doodee
February 1st, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

Thanks for sharing

Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors.

Archives:

Comment of the week:

Main navigation:

Main content:

Comics in which ritual self-abuse would have been less surprising: Funky Winkerbean, Sally Forth, Apartment 3-G (Tommie only)

331 responses to “Comics in which ritual self-abuse would have been less surprising: Funky Winkerbean, Sally Forth, Apartment 3-G (Tommie only)”

Leave a Reply

All the cool kids…

Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery