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Man, a guy goes away for a few days, and some pretty twisted romance goes down in the funny pages. Let’s check in with the weekend’s high points!

First, Sunday’s Mary Worth will go down in infamy as the Day The Stalking Started. We need to begin by taking a look at this panel:

The fact that Mary doesn’t want to spend time with creepy sublettor Aldo Kelrast needs no explanation, but why does she feel that the best way to reject him is to babble on like a minor character in a Jane Austen novel? She seems to be taking the line that if she’s seen spending time along with a man 15 years her junior while her not-actually-her-boyfriend is out of the country, she’ll be branded as a whore. Which may seem ludicrous to those of here on planet Earth, but check out the two old biddies in the left half of this panel, clearly in mid-gossip. Already the tales of Mary’s trampish sluttery — talking to a strange man with her arms and shoulders exposed! — are no doubt spreading throughout the hallways of Santa Royale’s most exclusive mid-range child-free condo complex.

Meanwhile, Aldo forgets that the first rule of stalking club is: don’t talk about stalking club.

This panel has actually solved a little dilemma for me. Since Aldo first came on the scene, I’ve imagined his voice to be effete and quasi-British, like Dr. Smith in Lost In Space. Mrs. C. feels that instead it should be high-pitched and nasal — the classic movie nerd voice. Now, however, it’s clear that he talks like George Zimmer, the guy who does all those damn Men’s Wearhouse commercials.

Speaking of classic movie nerd voices, this weekend Raju got a little pep talk from Abbey:

Yeah, Raju, go for it! Go for it! And say, who’s lounging cartoonishly sexily in the next room?

Let the daughter pimping begin!

Meanwhile, in Lost Forest, Mark Trail is expressing his forbidden love for Kelly Welly the only way he can: by tackling her.

Despite the fact that even casual readers of this strip know that this is Kelly, Mark’s been referring to her as “he” and “him” for days now, presumably as another part of the sublimation process.

And speaking of forbidden love, “Dr.” “Troy”‘s head exploded.

He’s also, to the surprise of no one, not a real doctor. I keep waiting for Rex to laugh and say, “Join the club, Troy, join the club.”