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Crankshaft, 3/7/07

Wow! What’s that you say? A beleaguered woman cast aside her frumpy hausfrau garb, revealing an outfit resembling of that of a superhero? And began running after the bus that had spurned her, like some sort of avenging angel? Boy, that sounds like quite an arresting and potentially amusing image! If only there were some way I could, you know, see it. But how on earth would the comics medium allow me to do that? I’ll just look at the back of this old man’s head as he describes the incident to no one in particular.

Mary Worth, 3/7/07

There’s been a lot of joy in Curmudgeonville about Mary Worth today, with its obvious reference to everyone’s famous dead alcoholic Captain Kangaroo lookalike stalker; some have been so bold as to proclaim the beginning of “Aldomania 2007.” I’m not going to get emotionally invested just yet. I got all excited a few months ago about the return of Tommie the tweaker, and while we did get an awesome look at him waving a tiny bible at his mother, he was just used as a prop in a larger, much duller play. Maybe in a few weeks Ella will be laughing maniacally as she holds up Aldo’s severed head, which has been reanimated through the dark arts and is ordering Mary to beg for forgiveness, but more likely there’s just going to be a lot of platitudes about forgiving yourself and blah blah frickin’ BLAH.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/7/07

Well, the gunplay might have taken all of a day or two and been resolved without intervention from any of the major characters, but the protracted battle with Child Protective Services has just begun! Yes, no comics feature brings you the gripping drama of negotiating with byzantine government bureaucracies the way Rex Morgan, M.D., does. Remember June’s interminable struggle with the DMV? Well, that was just the beginning! TASTE THE EXCITEMENT!