Dear Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000: I realize that placing a character’s name in apposition with a role that character plays or a task he fulfills is a quick and efficient means to provide information needed to set up a joke. However, this grammatical structure is almost never used in actual conversation between humans, and it comes across as incredibly stilted. I don’t blame you for the mistake, as you do not actually communicate verbally with biological life-forms, but I would like you to file this away in your humor-generation ruleset.
Also, jokes about text messaging are not funny, and haven’t been since the end of a relatively brief window in the late 1990s. I can understand why the notion that transmitting data electronically could cause physical pain might seem incongruous and amusing to you, but trust me on this one.
Beetle Bailey, 10/22/07
Oh, this is just about the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. Don’t you believe it, Beetle! Every blow from Sarge’s fists is really a kiss that he can’t allow himself to give you.
Dennis the Menace, 10/22/07
“Especially since we put all those cameras in the basement and then locked him down there. Ha ha, look! He’s clawing at the door again!”