Mary Worth, 9/18/13
Oh, man, I really fell down on the job of keeping you up with Mary’s adventures (and I use that word in the loosest possible sense) over the past few weeks, didn’t I? Well, lucky for me, I don’t even have to type up a recap, because she’s conveniently thought-ballooning one for you. Her choice of reading material does give me an opportunity to point something out that I’ve been meaning to bring to your attention, though: there is now an officially authorized Mary Worth anthology that you can buy with your money on Amazon, right now. It is called Love and Other Stories of Mary Worth and it includes three of the great Mary Worth storylines of the past decade. The first is the story of Anna, who Mary urged to pursue her old flame Brian at her high school reunion even though he was married, but it turned out he wasn’t married anymore and so they got married and had sex and then she was afraid she was barren but then she barfed and it turned out she wasn’t. Next of course is the gripping tale of Aldomania, following the tale of thwarted romance from first glimpse to fiery death. And then it concludes with the story about the figure skater and her overbearing father-coach, which I seem to remember enjoying at the time but in retrospect it seems kind of meh and I’m not going to bother fishing through my archives to find the strips, but still, you should buy this book, because why not? I actually had forgotten the title of this collection and briefly thought that, in an act of subliminal buzz-building, Mary was reading her own book. Still, we can hold out hope that Return to Love is the sequel that will follow hot on the heels of Love and Other Stories, and will include all sorts of romantical Mary Worth tales like, uh, that lady who almost had sex with Charterstone’s designated pervert but then decided to stay married to her husband instead. Stay tuned!
Man, do I love how indignant El Condor is over Spidey and Tarantula’s ruse! Now I know why the U.S. government keeps propping up his regime despite its well-documented history of human rights abuses: because he’s hilarious! (Also, he’s cheerfully subservient to American business interests.)
Remember when everyone was freaking about E. coli in their hamburgers? I think it was the late ’90s? Also, remember when “hamburger steak” was a thing that people said and/or ate? I think it was never? I guess they mean Salisbury steak, but if so why does supposed Frenchman Crock love the Kaiser so much?