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Judge Parker, 4/15/17

So Sam and Honey Ballenger’s armed, aggrieved, kicked-off-the-police-force-for-his-various-personality-problems dad are heading over to the Buttresses kidnap compound and right into her cunning trap, I think, but I wanted to share with you today’s high comedy: Officer Ballenger (Involuntarily Ret.) bashes in a window with his rifle butt, reaches through the broken glass to try to open the door, gets an owie, fails to open the door, withdraws his arm (presumably causing more owies) then starts yelling and trying to kick in a door that, from the look of it, opens outward. Good revenge skulking, guys! A+++!

Mary Worth, 4/15/17

Hey, remember a couple of days ago, when Mary decided to take a short break from her walk and try out one of these “chairs” that are all the rage? Well, she’s now fully committed to the sitting lifestyle and has no intention of ceasing to sit any time soon! Toby might be line dancing by the pool later, and maybe the Hoosiers will see her there, but they won’t see Mary anywhere but in this chair, where she’s going to be staying indefinitely. Remember how there was vague talk of going to see how they make the folded towel animals? Well, fuck that. Chair.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/15/17

In honor of the risen Christ, Snuffy has briefly stopped robbing his neighbors and started … robbing stores, I guess.