Mark Trail, 6/9/17
Oh, man, I haven’t kept you up to date on Mark’s Kidnap Adventure, huh? Well, that’s because literally nothing has happened except for Johnny getting a little too far ahead of the group for Bald Kidnapper Guy’s comfort, but now we know that our heroes are going to triumph through the power of … trick riding! Pretty sexy, eh? Trick riding? That’s a sexy thing? [looks it up on Wikipedia] Oh, it’s just business about riding a horse in a fancy way, never mind.
Mary Worth, 6/9/17
Meanwhile, Katie and Derek are having a big blowout argument — the sexy kind, the kind that stirs the passions and reaches a climax when anger turns to lust and [squints and looks more closely at strip] nope, nope, never mind, this is the kind of argument that erects a wall of emotional distrust between two people and it’s hard to ever come back from it to a loving, intimate relationship, forget I said anything.
Fine, here’s an actual sexy soap opera strip. Yes, it’s doing a particularly weird version of the thing where if the readers at home glimpse the Phantom’s eyeballs, we’ll all die, but just … there are pecs, OK? Large, sexy, hairy pecs. And underboob shadow! Something for everyone!