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Mary Worth, 1/29/19

There are a lot of ways this plotline could’ve escalated. Jannie could’ve implied that she’d be willing to do more than wink if that’s what it took to get a good grade, or, if we wanted to be more daring, Ian could’ve implied that she would need to do more than wink to get a good grade. But, nope, Jannie is just going to get outraged that her perfectly insane plan of occasionally saying nice things to her professor and then not doing her homework somehow failed to work. Mary Worth may not always pay off when it comes to actual drama, but it invariably delivers when it comes to characters making inscrutable choices based on opinions and assumptions that no real human being would ever actually hold.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/29/19

One thing you really have to respect about Funky Winkerbean is its commitment to the bit, with the “bit” here being “unending, grinding darkness.” Like, normally, you’d expect a comic with this dialogue to feature its old-timers exchanging rueful smiles and they contemplate the foibles of aging. But no, check out these guys. They’re miserable! Getting old and going deaf sucks, and they hate it!

Crankshaft, 1/29/19

Meanwhile, the joke over in the “fun” Funkyverse strip is that Crankshaft thinks Ralph is talking about his doctors putting a tube up his dickhole, but they’re actually gonna put a tube through his heartholes, because he has an extremely serious and life-threatening medical condition. But at least it doesn’t involve his dick!