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Dick Tracy, 1/14/22

When Apple rolled out the Apple Watch in 2015, probably a lot of comics nerds out there were like “Oh, a watch computer that helps you make phone calls? Just like the wrist wizards from Dick Tracy?” But there are important differences! For instance, thanks to Apple’s legendary quality standards, Apple Watches very rarely overhead and explode, and when they do, they definitely don’t instantly consume the wearer in a vortex of flame, as appears to have happened here.

In other news, if Dick Tracy is contemplating a return to its storied tradition of killing off its villains in cartoonishly horrific ways, I for one am interested, very interested! I’m also interested in hearing Dick tell the paramedics that “I told him to stand still, but he insisted on screaming and writhing around in agony, like a coward.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/14/22

Ha ha, yes, Sarah’s going to crack like an egg when they put her on the stand! I certainly hope that Rene manages to secure the services of his erstwhile mob family’s slick attorney, who will run rings around the Morgans’ bargain basement lawyer.

Mary Worth, 1/14/22

“A Code Oscar is what we call it when a gross, obnoxious slob falls off the boat to his death! If an uptight, prissy neat freak does it, that’s a Code Felix.”