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Funky Winkerbean, 3/10/22

Wow, in an extremely believable turn of events, Marianne has won an Academy Award for Best Actress, for her extremely cliched role as “wife who dies of cancer” in a movie nobody saw or liked or promoted! And, as is only appropriate, she begins her acceptance speech by thanking Lisa, who died of c– wait, what? She’s thanking her mother? UNACCEPTABLE! Under most circumstances, I don’t want to be confronted with Les’s smug face, but I do sort of want to see a smash cut to him watching at home mournfully, while Cayla smirks in the background.

Crankshaft, 3/10/22

Remember last month, when Crankshaft went to church to pray for a disaster-level snowstorm, which would snarl his town’s economy and possibly result in accidents and deaths, but would have the advantage of getting him time off of work? Well, I never followed up on that, but there was a big storm and they did cancel school, but he went in to work anyway because he didn’t bother to check, because he’s an idiot. What he took away from that experience, though, was that God would heed his call to heap pain and violence on others at his whim, and I think everyone in Centerville is going to be a lot worse off for it.

Rex Morgan, M.D. 3/10/22

Man, check out Rex’s expression in panel two! That’s the face of a man who knows that he’s supposed to feel joy at the prospect of a new adorable baby entering the world, and so he’s just going to tighten his cheeks has hard as he can and hope that’s the vibe he’s conveying.