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Dick Tracy, 5/24/22

Aww, it looks like this rat dinner is actually just a li’l treat for an adorable li’l owl sidekick to this owlish (?) dude, who I’m pretty sure is the same guy who we saw last week hypnotizing people at ATMs into giving him their money, just like an owl would (????). I’m thinking of completely changing careers and setting up a computer repair shop, but telling everyone that all service has to take place on my front porch because “computer components aren’t owl friendly” and offering no follow-up or further explanation.

Mary Worth, 5/24/22

Aw, crap, it looks like against my advice this summer romance storyline is going to be about Dawn and Jared after all! And instead of “romance” it’s actually going to be about how Jared still doesn’t feel like he isn’t “good enough” to meet Dawn’s standards (?????????) and has to keep puffing himself up in her eyes, with hilarious results. “Dawn, I’m not some idiot clown who’s always screeching and throwing poop, like a baboon! In some circles, I’m actually considered quite intelligent, like a baboon.”

Marvin, 5/24/22

Say what you will about the comic strip Marvin, but it really hammers home what it’s like to be a parent to an infant (what it’s like is that there’s piss and shit everywhere that you have to deal with). It also takes occasional breaks from that material in order to let you know what it’s like dealing with an older gentleman (what it’s like is there’s also a bunch of piss stuff and it takes about 33% more time for them to get to the point about it than it should).

Beetle Bailey, 5/24/22

Sad news, everyone: the closed, secret trial of General Halftrack is about to start! He’s going to be the first person sent to Gitmo for incompetence.