Normally I say “shoot your shot,” but even I have limits
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Dustin, 6/19/22
Earlier this year, my faithful readers were treated to what I assume was an enlightening etymological journey in which they learned that the phrase “the bucket list,” far from being some longstanding cliche in the English language, was actually dreamed up by the screenwriter for the 2007 film of the same name. It’s therefore interesting to note that despite the phrase’s recency, many people who use it seem to forget that the “bucket” part comes from “kicking the bucket,” and treat it as a generic “list of things you want to do someday,” rather than what it actually is supposed to be, which is a specific “list of things you want to do before you die, an event which you suspect might occur sooner rather than later.” Anyway, my point is that the Dustin creative team seems to fall into this category, and also the category of people who think it’s hilarious if an item on someone’s “bucket list” involves an actual bucket, or a thing like a basketball hoop that’s close enough. Either that or Dustin’s eight-year-old friend is actually dying, in a storyline that I guarantee will jerk exactly zero tears since nobody is emotionally involved in the comic strip Dustin or any of its characters, but it would explain why this kid seems to think he needs to do a slam dunk now rather than just waiting to get taller.
Mary Worth, 6/19/22
Imagine if you had been subject to abuse from your intimate partner so violent that it landed you in the hospital, where you spent the night being cared for by a sensitive physician’s assistant, and the next day, as you’re leaving, you screw up your courage and ask him out on a date. If you discovered at that point that he had a girlfriend, it would — and I am not exaggerating here — be one of the best things that could’ve happened to you in that scenario. Girl, you need some time on your own and this guy has weird control issues, do not answer the phone when he inevitably calls you!!!
Dick Tracy, 6/19/22
Oh, huh, looks like Dick’s plan to sleuth out Mr. Memory’s location has been short circuited by the fact that Mr. Memory is enjoying a pleasant dinner with the Plentys, Dick’s son’s parents-in-law. Mostly I’m posting this on the off chance that Dick is about to have his face gouged off by an owl and I didn’t want you to miss it.
163 replies to “Normally I say “shoot your shot,” but even I have limits”
Well, it’s no “Eaten alive by rats,” but I suppose it’ll do.
There’s NO way that Mary Worth isn’t somehow watching/listening to this exchange, but I don’t see her in any of the panels. If we’re lucky, she’s just disguised as one of the background characters; if we’re not lucky, the WorthDrone™ has now added a StarTrekian cloaking device.
MW-And that’s the end of that story.
JP-Sophie’s turned into one of the blue people!
FW-What? Do you really want people to see how you really look?
Spiderman-“What’re you gonna do when you get there?” Have a few drinks. Look at some violent pictures. Really get into the mood.
Dustin-Nice to see Dustin with his son.
LUANN: Fifteen years ago Bwad was “just a little kid”? This is the same Brad DeGroot who was inspired to become a fireman by the events of 9/11, almost twenty years ago, when he was presumably thus one or two years old, and who quickly got into the training academy and started hitting on a classmate? Precocious two-year old!
SLYLOCK FOX: Another reason to doubt that the gym set has been sitting in that back yard for a year already is that the neighbors would have, you know, noticed? I don’t see any gigantic privacy fence around the property (not that one would stop the uber-busybody snoops like Sly anyway).
PHANTOM: I wasn’t reading this strip back whenever the “Island of Eden” plot element was previously involved, so I’m going to assume that the presence of a tiger in Africa was explained then, along with the calm friendliness of usually-ferocious predators to the humans and each other. Apparently nobody on this Eden has chomped away on The Apple yet (but then why are Phantom and Diana wearing clothes? it’s so confusing!)
CS: Yeah because enjoying the full range of the musical experience on ear buds is totally better! And it doesn’t look stupid at all.
FW: Good thing for Funky he didn’t leave the porn filter on instead.
AGNES: This reminds me somehow of my favorite joke from BEYOND THE FRINGE (it’s one that worked sixty years ago but would be incomprehensible if newly minted today). One Brit is explaining American politics to another Brit: “Well, you see, in America, you have the Republican party, which is the equivalent of our Conservative party. And on the other hand you have the Democratic party, which is the equivalent of our Conservative party.”
Dustin: Ugh, imagine only having a shirt time left to love and having to spend it in Dustin.
MW Not sure exactly exactly who that Robert Frost quote is for. Jess, hoping for a date with Jared? Jared, hoping for something more from his love life? Or Mary, hoding behind a potted plant, cackling to herself.
Dustin: Maybe it’s because most of the time the punchline of this comic involves someone being an asshole to another character, I appreciate these gentler, kinder strips. There are problems, like the ever-present problem of Dustin having a friend who is at least ten years younger than him, or the fact that Dustin put his friend in peril. There’s an alternate version of this panel where DustinFriend falls from the ladder and ends up paralyzed for life, and DustinDad says something like, “them’s the breaks.”
MW: Jared then realizes he missed an opportunity by not getting the sister’s phone number.
MW: Jess is going back to her abuser. You can tell from her weirdly twisted butt in the last panel that she has decided to turn the other cheek.
@Shrug:
It’s a kind of behavioral Dr. Moreau-style zoo: Phantom imports wild animals and “trains” them to do unnatural acts; e.g., the tiger catches and eats fish. Any attempt to do this in real life would quickly leave the island devoid of fish and knee-deep in impala.
9CL: It’s a good thing Amos/Brooke did this, because Edda most certainly doesn’t get the attention, or praise, she deserves. I hope Edda knows a decent orthopedic surgeon for the hip damage that certainly occurred in panel 7.
Luann: Frank is a huge asshole, but he’s only being an asshole to Brad, so it’s OK.
MW: “Oh no, I’m torn between two women! What should I do?! Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!” [Jared goes home and binge-watches Kenobi]
DtM: “Pretty soon, Dennis. If Wilson’s Parkinson’s gets any worse, you’ll be shaving him by Christmas.”
RMMD: “By the way, Clayton, due to some technical procedural bullshit, they dropped all charges against Snake and his friend. Have a nice day.”
JP: “We have to do *something.* We can’t just leave things alone and let people work out their own problems. No, it’s up to us to make this better. I mean, it can’t get any worse, right?
“We’ve already made it worse.”
“Did your sister have her lips deflated?”
CS: “A museum of crap.”
FW: What kind of hell dimension do they live in that the characters from Hi and Lois look like that?!? Never mind, I just answered that question myself.
FC: PJ’s contribution to the card was the poop he smeared on the back.
In the spirit of Family Circus, I wish all the dads out there a Happy Farter’s Day!
Jared’s shifty side-eye when he says he’s already seeing someone reveals that he’s no more excited about it than Dawn is.
@Shrug: Mary Worth has transformed herself into a pool of viscous goo on the floor, Terminator 2 style.
“I always entertain great dopes.” – Mary Worth
“They really appreciate salmon squares.” – she added.
MW: Jared’s expressions- so much fun! The sideways glance as he reluctantly admits he’s seeing someone, and I swear he’s looking at Jess’s parting ass with pursed lips. “Whoo-hoo!”
MW: Mary, unobserved, watches Jared staring at the womens’ asses as they leave; “Monkeys, shmonkeys, You have your zoo and I have mine.”
MW: “Are you into S&M? Because I sure am! And I can go either way!”
DT: “Why would I, a man who looks like a green-clad demonic imp, be continuously thwarted from a place called Paradise?!”
Next week, as the police march Jared away from Jess’s sister’s place: “I stayed up with you the whole night at that damn hospital! I comforted you! You owe me, bitch!”
Meanwhile, Judge Parker moves on from “people talking about other people talking” to “people crying about other people talking.” This is called plot development.
MW: This story arc can still be salvaged! Let’s use Jared as a case study to teach the public how abusers and manipulators do not come only as violent aggressor but also passive aggressors!
Judging by the way Dustin’s eyes go from normal to pure black in an instant, I think he’s dying, too. Maybe we’re witnessing a stealth crossover between Dustin and the X-Files and he has the black oil.
Yeah, in that case I’d probably have a bucket list, too.
DT — Say hello to my little owl!
Dustin – I’m a big kid now….
MW – I’m guessing Bob…maybe the diamond guy…Lang and Hicks….
DT – Zack, Slater, Lisa…Mr. Belding…the whole gang really….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Y174 richardf8: OMG! You spent far more time thinking on this than I have ever thought about Star Wars and/or Trek.
@MKay: someone should photoshop Jess, Jared and Dawn’s faces onto that meme of the dude checking out another women while he’s with his gf.
Luann is actually funny today. That never happens! Happy Fathers Day to me!
9CL – Speaking of “shoot your shot”, is there any doubt that is what Amos did in today’s strip, and that the final two panels show her noticing the wet spot he left and then being proud she could make him jizz himself?
@2 Shrug:
Mary is watching them in her caldron as she slowly stirs and cackles.
FW: Holly should consider herself lucky that Funky made her Lois and not Thirsty.
MW: The entire female cast has some unhealthy co-dependency issues that they believe are solved by having a man in their lives so Jess, a victim of domestic violence, is right at home. Jared, meanwhile, has negative self worth and no spine to speak of so he’s letting a woman who spoke to him with kindness and/or respect walk away so that he can get back to his self absorbed, gold digging girlfriend where he can wonder what’s making it burn when he pees this time.
RMMD: Rex looks at Clayton with a sigh, his mask hiding his mixture of contempt and disappointment as he realizes that his escape from this miserable existence has become impossible. He was already starting to like the idea of becoming Broom Boy with his dustpan and hand broom as well as the promise of spandex clinging to his body like peaches in heavy syrup.
MT: Now we know the house Joolz lives in. It is the one on the block that never gets mown, has tires in it, an abandoned Edsel, an old refrigerator, and a collection of beer cans. There’s eco-awareness and there is being a lazy slob. Joolz is definitely the latter.
JP: Reena tries to understand what’s happening; “Abbey is furious with Sam for believing she’s an arsonist?”
“Yes, that …and hooking up with her half-sister.”
CS: Vinyl sales still happen (and with new releases), and there are plenty of us who like to own our media, so I’m more impressed that what’s her name is so dim she cant recognize stereo equipment. That’s stupid even by Crankshaft standards.
FC – They also misspelled their names on the back of the card.
PBS – Oh, God. Don’t give Crankshaft any ideas.
FW – This is an insult to Mort Walker Enterprises. Sure, they’re hacks, too, but at least they don’t have any pretensions that they’re writing Pulitzer material.
Breaking Cat News – Pet peeve. I can’t stand those toys in the house. Play with it outside.
As sad as it was watching about 45 minutes worth of interrupted and stilted conversation spread out over two weeks, the reality is that it could have been a lot worse. This is literally the calm before the storm. Dawn hasn’t yet gotten involved and considering what an absolute peach she’s been so far, we’re going to have the pig manure hitting the industrial fan when her hypocrisy steps in. I can just hear it now…
“How dare you talk to that woman and do your job while I was sneaking behind your back to dance with other guys!”
DtM – What do you need with a beard. You already have Margaret.
SlyF – Scott’s Turf Builder: Recommended by Big Brad Wolf for a lawn that stands up to a wolf pup’s hard play every day, and sometimes twice on Saturdays.
MW – Hey! Jess is able to get that eye open! Sorta. Real progress there.
MW (Panel 7): DAT ASS, THOUGH….
MW – Yes, Robert Frost always entertained great hopes. That’s how he learned that one should never invite Bob Hope and Hope Sandoval to the same dinner party. They spent the whole evening trying to top each other’s anecdotes.
FUNKY WINKERBEAN: A better question: Why do they look like Hi & Lois Form a Polygamist Cult? (Sorry but a smirky “Hi” posing with “Lois” and “Irma” vibes, man.
FW: Hi and Lois and Irma in a three-way? Sure, why not. An overweight, diabetic, inebriated Thurston is sure to have trouble achieving an erection.
@2+2=7: Oops, I should have refreshed before posting.
DT – You’re looking for scree? Try Snuffy Smith. Lots of steep, rocky hillsides in that strip.
CS: Mindy goes to the John and finds a Sears catalog where the TP should be.
Later that night, Max asks Mindy how she got ink on her taint.
MW – This is also how Jess met the guy who abused her. Hope springs eternal, right Mr. Frost?
A more apt quote for today’s Mary Worth: “If you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will gaze at your back” – Friedrich Nietzsche
MW: Jared can’t lie to Jess when she directly asks if he’s seeing someone, but the shifty sideways glance when he’s answering, and his longing look at Jess’s retreating backside in the last panel, plainly tell us the unspoken part of his answer: “Yes, I’m seeing someone for the moment, but maybe not for very much longer”.
Perhaps we can go back to seeing how Dawn’s enjoying herself in the meantime? At least then there will be some action, we can hope.
DT: Dick let a man get eaten alive by rats, its only fair that he gets taken out by the next animal on the food chain.
MW: I know nothing makes a woman eager to jump back into the dating pool than having recently escaped from an abusive partner, one who is probably not willing to end the relationship and poses a very real risk to her and anyone she’s connected to.
You know, mashing today’s highlighted strips results in a pleasant result.
DT: Did you ever think you’d see the word “zygodactyl” in the CC comments section? Well now you have! Owls have zygodactyl feet, which means they have the toes of each foot arranged in pairs, with two toes in front and two behind. Most parrots and most woodpeckers also have them.
The owl in today’s strip has three toes in front and one behind, but that’s okay, because owls can rotate their fourth toe back and forth, which they typically do when flying. So kudos to the DT artistic team, intentional or not.
Jungle Jim – In hindsight, it was a waste of time to bring native chieftan Oliver Hardy into the plan. He spent the whole night getting coconuts dropped on his head by his buddy Stan.
“Kolu,” says Jim through clenched teeth, “It’s his life or mine!”
“Say again, Tuan?”
“It’s his life or mine!”
“Itch hiss liver mind?”
“I said, it’s his — Oh, forget it, let’s try it with unclenched teeth.”
Slylock: Slylock presents another very flimsy deduction which ny competent defence lawyer will immediately tear to shreads. “My client, Mr. Wolf, cares very much for his lawn, and makes sure to move the swing every few weeks so the grass underneath can recover.”
Of course, when the trial comes, Big Brad won’t get a competent lawyer, or any lawyer at all. The animals’ judicial system is designed to keep certain species in their place (which in Brad’s case means jail); Brad will be left to defend himself while Slylock will be both the prosecuting attorney as well as the state’s chief witness, and of course Slylock will have the ear of both the judge and the jury, which will be composed entirely of the animals on which wolves used to prey before the Revolution. It would be a kangaroo court, expect for the fact that Kangaroos are not yet allowed on the bench.
Yoooo, look at that owl. Cute face at first, and then it has FIRE in its eyes in the last panel. I know next to nothing about Dick Tracy but I think the owl might be my favorite character now.
DT: Wow, that owl certainly doesn’t like the police! Does he have a criminal past, like his dad? Was he perhaps earlier one of those citizens of Forest City who fell victim to Slylock Fox’s repressive methods? Was he convicted by a kangaroo court with jury of voles, with Max Mouse as the principal witness for the prosecution? Please give us a flashback!
9CL: Because if there’s one problem Edda has, it’s low self-esteem.
C’shaft: The “lol, kids these days don’t know what a record player is” joke has been around for about half my life, I think it’s time to put it to bed. Especially since vinyl is having a resurgence with many recent albums releasing special editions in the format.
FW: It’s an improvement, trust me.
Pluggers aren’t going to use either of those gifts.
S4: Ted’s really good at passive-aggressive guilting, but his timing is lousy. You’d figure he’d at least give them half an hour to do congratulate him before starting to drop hints.
FW: That’s actually funny (at least by the standard of this strip) and not at all depressing. Who drew this strip, and what have they done to the real Batiuk?
What would be depressing, though, is if Hi and Lois had left the filter on and accidentally made their whole family look like the Winkerbeans. I’m eternally grateful they didn’t go for that… or did they? [Hurries to check out today’s Hi and Lois; draws a sign of relief.]
DT: Maybe the cute little owl is trying to break into prog rock:
“Struggling down the slope / There’s not much hope / I begin to try to ride the SCREE…”
@Baja Gaijin: That brightened my day. Nice job.
I’d like to see the owl dive bombing Edda and Amos, especially when her leg is seductively over his shoulder. With any luck they would both be seriously injured when she tried to disengage to escape the owl.
@Oversized Garden Ornament: I would especially not want to see Hi looking like Funky did yesterday.
@Uncle Lumpy:
” Well, it’s no “Eaten alive by rats,” but I suppose it’ll do.”
It will certainly do! Having your face gouged off by an owl is in a way even more grueso e than being eaten alive by rats, because Dick will have to live the rest of his life as Faceless Tracy.
DT: Why is there a question mark when Dick says “B.O. Plenty?” After seventy years (or whatever), you’d think he’d be used to people he knows having stupid names.
@I speak Jive:
” I would especially not want to see Hi looking like Funky did yesterday.”
That would be the stuff nightmares are made of.
Nothing says “Happy Father’s Day” like white-knighting an abuse victim while conveniently forgetting about your girlfriend!
Pluggers: Fun fact: William BJ Wood is Haywood Jablome’s cousin.
@64 I speak Jive: I think the little owl’ll be making appearances in future mashups. He’s so cute when he’s angry.
Dustin: Let’s not overlook the miracle on display here. Dustin himself is on-panel for 60% of this strip, but he doesn’t say a single blessed word. Not one syllable escapes from his mouth. For me, this is a win.
MW: “I’d like to see more of you, so if you could somehow get some pigmentation, that’d be great. Right now, you’re practically transparent. Have you thought of dyeing your hair so that it’s a color? Any color?”
DT: So … what do you think the sex is like between Gravel Gertie and B.O. Plenty? Hot? I’m guessing hot.
@Pozzo: They’re at Mr. Memory’s house. Dick recognizes B.O., he’s just surprised to see him there.
Dustin: I hope Dustin’s fuckit list is considerably more interesting than that little kid’s seems to be. I know mine is.
Mary Worth: “Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll… meaningful pause…. wait I wasn’t supposed to say that part out loud… if you ever become single, I hope you’ll give me a call. And by single, I mean if she goes out shopping for an hour. I’m not some slut who wants a 3-minute quickie, you understand. I want at least 45 minutes, allowing for travel.”
Dick Tracy: I figured B.O. Plenty’s wife would be named B.J.
@TheDiva:
MW: ” I know nothing makes a woman eager to jump back into the dating pool than having recently escaped from an abusive partner, one who is probably not willing to end the relationship and poses a very real risk to her and anyone she’s connected to.”
Unless she already took care of that part. All in self-defence of course. Jess is not just an abuse victim, she’s a widow, too. Her previous three husbands all turned out to be disappointments: one was a drunk, the second one cheated on her, the third one hit her. Now they’re all dead and buried and she’s willing to make a new attenpt with Jared.
CS: isn’t this the couple that ran that movie theatre with old movies? I find it hard to believe they wouldn’t be familiar with old sound equipment.
MW: Jess is recovering from a beating at the hands of her SO. I wouldn’t expect her to be hitting on a man at the hospital.
MW: I don’t know if it’s just me, but I am getting increasingly annoyed by Brigman’s depiction of glass. She’s moved from exterior shots to interior, adding more opportunities for this nonsense. This must stop
@Shrug: In our universe, 15 years ago this week, Brad was a firefighter living in his own house. The Evanses could have had substantially the same joke without trying to use specific years …
Frank: “Brad, I’d like to redeem my Father’s Day coupon for a ‘Deelux Car Detale! Wash! Polish! Vakum!'”
Brad: “When did I give you that?”
Frank: “When you were 7 years old.”
Brad: “Dad! I was a kid! I didn’t know how to detail a car!”
Brad (outside, washing the car, to TJ): “… And he says, ‘Why do you think I saved it all these years?'”
TJ: “Dads. Just when you think they’re clueless …”
@pastordan: Good catch. The whole strip is a little bit off if you assume B.O. and Gertie invited Memory over. Like B.O. offers to answer the door, which he wouldn’t say at HIS house. And most people don’t bring their pets to other peoples’ homes, especially if it’s a savage owl.
I like to imagine that they carried the hot dinner over in East Indian tiffin carriers.
Sorry about my earlier comment. Turns out it was just a little acid reflux
MW: “Thank you for the number! I’ll call you if I become single! If not, we’ll see each other at the hospital, since you seem to be making very poor choices!”
Looking forward to this Dick Tracy story arc becoming the origin of Dick’s new and iconic “eyepatch and huge facial scars” look. Kinda like Nick Fury + Jonah Hex + The Man In The Yellow Hat. Maybe Warren Beatty will finally stop trying to play him in a sequel.
MW – In P3 I at first took the right side of the vase for a stem and thought Jared was handing her a flower.
Is Jared really going to dump Dawn when he finds out she, um…cheat-danced on him?
Pluggers: I personally don’t feel comfortable wrenching on a pipe unless I have a snazzy necktie on.
Mutt & Jeff: Jeff was introduced in the strip in 1908, when he escaped from an insane asylum. Even if you count that as his “birth date”, 1908 plus 36 is 1944. This strip is signed by Al Smith, who didn’t start signing M&Js until the 1950s, although he was the main author since 1932.
Could Jeff be an unreliable narrator? Is is possible that Jeff is being untruthful to his girlfriend Vixen? I refuse to believe it. The only explanation is that Jeff was born on Leap Day, probably in 1808, making him 144 years old but with only 36 birthdays.
RMMD: Friends, this strip has caused me to think about my own dreams and plans for the future. Perhaps my desire to be an absolute theocratic dictator is unrealistic, and, who knows?, I might even be led into committing crimes by attempting it. Maybe being a supervillain, like being a superhero, is something best left to comic books and the movies.
// Hah! Just kidding. Yield to me, heathens! I AM God’s Will! Them that dies will be the lucky ones!
@Shrug: Oldest political joke that still works: “I am not a member of any organized party — I am a Democrat.” — Will Rogers, 1935
@78 Ukulele Ike: I have a hard time believing the Dick Tracy-verse has dabbahwallas. I don’t have a hard time believing someone bringing his cute owl to dinner at a neighbor’s house.
@79 Zipper Mule: Acid reflux or no, your comment stands. The exterior glass reflections belong outside only.
PV: There goes the neighborhood! Aleta, quick! Call the realtor and put the castle up for sale before the property values go down!
JP: Aww. The poor widdle princesses have the sad’s and their widdle wuncheon was wuined. Boo-hoo.
Crankshaft: Now go to Ed’s room and show her his gramophone with 78 rpm records, a Crosley radio (AM band only), a black and white DuMont television, and a Bell and Howell super 8 home movie camera.
@astroboy: MW – In P3 I at first took the right side of the vase for a stem and thought Jared was handing her a flower.
At first, we thought the flower stem was just part of the vase, and Jared was preparing to cheat on Dawn by accepting another woman’s phone number.
RMMD: Thus ends the saga of the lamest superhero ever. Hope you kids all enjoyed it. Coming soon: The Even Lamer Superhero. But first, a short story-arc about the Morgans’ brilliant daughter doing something quotidian.
@83 Nehemiah Scudder, Deo Vult!: concerning Mutt and Jeff
Wow. That’s more math than I”m willing to do on a lazy Sunday.
@56 Peanut Gallery:
If Major Garan and Ming the Merciless got into a thumb wrestling match, who would win?
@Scudder: I’m pretty sure Will Rogers said that sometime in the late 1920s, the Democrats having lost the White House in 1920 and having been through three really awful Republican presidents since that year.
Also too, Rogers got daid in an airplane crash with Wiley Post in 1935.
Mutt & Jeff – Sheesh, Jeff, you could at least have put on a fresh undershirt.
CS: “What’s all of [sic] this stuff?”
“Microwave ovens and car batteries. What the fuck do you *think* it is?”
9CL – The problem with these “Amos subjects Edda to an endless stream of praise for her matchless beauty, culminating in him staining her dress with his appreciation” sequences is that when the long-awaited “anything else” comes along, it’s usually the introduction of a new matchlessly beautiful pathologically violent heroine who will make the entire Third Reich bust a nut in her general direction.
I’m sorry, but even at his physical peak as a young adult Dustin’s friend is never going to do a legitimate slam dunk. Nerd.
Tabby goes back to sorting her Magic The Gathering cards, occasionally chuckling at the nerd in the comic strip…
Dustin: Ah, yes, The Bucket List — the family-friendly movie that makes every child with a streaming service unnaturally aware of their own mortality. (Of course, E.T. and The Avengers: Endgame serve the same purpose — but at least in those movies, there’s the comforting sense that you might come back.)
Mary Worth: There’s Bob and Abishola on “Bob Hearts Abishola,” Denny and Izzie on “Grey’s Anatomy,” maybe two characters in The English Patient (I honestly can’t remember the plot of that movie), and now Jess and Jared in Mary Worth — I’m telling ya, when you inevitably become attracted to a nice medical professional taking care of you in the hospital, asking them out is always a great idea! They’ll find it charming and not at all annoying, and you’ll probably end up in a successful long-term relationship that’s barely even marred by the psychological ramifications of how you met. Even Robert Frost said “I always maintain the greatest hopes,” which essentially means “Go for it, you love-struck fools!”
Dick Tracy: So Mr. Memory hasn’t just hypno-whammied Gertie and B.O. Plenty, but also that owl? I’m not an ornithologist, so it’s hard to tell if the zonked-out look on its face indicates mind control or is just its everyday expression. Where’s Sunday Mark Trail when you need him?
@astroboy: I think the problem is less “cheat-dancing” and more “lying behind Jared’s back to go out instead of just saying she’s going out like a responsible adult would.”
Dustin- You are exhibiting poor ladder safety DustinFriend. THREE points of contact at all times young man. THREE POINTS OF CONTACT!
Slylock Fox-“Say, Slylock, are you going to eat that thing or can I eat it?”
I’ll bet that Brad’s spelling hasn’t changed since he made that card
Sally Forth: My prediction: Tomorrow Sally’s back at the office. Hijinks may ensue.
[Narrator: Hijinks do not ensue.]
Crank: Is the joke that Jeff has a Betamax video player as part of his stereo system, noticably nowhere near a TV set? Or just that he has a Betamax video player? Honestly, playing that aspect up more would be funnier than the “What are records?” schtick. “That’s my dad’s Betamax video tape player, that’s his eight-track cassette player, that’s his Laserdisc system…”
FC: Hey, remember a few weeks ago when Billy said going to Grandma’s was “funner” than school, and Big Daddy Keane gave him a lecture on their being no such word? Guess he’s only Understanding when they’re saying how great he is.
JP: The Blue is spreading. Soon it will engulf all of Calveton, and not a moment too soon.
MW: The only good thing I can say about this strip is that at least the quotebox didn’t go for Carly Rae Jepsen.
S4th: This is one of those strips that requires a certain amount of Sally Forth Deep Lore. If you don’t know about the absurd lengths Ted and Hil go to on Mother’s Day, which invariably involve waking Sally up long before 7:30 with a bizarre conceptual variant of breakfast in bed, then Ted’s just being an asshole. If you do know this, then Ted … is still being an asshole, but an asshole whose unreasonable expectations are at least clear.
@Needless_Exposition: That’s the actual problem. I’m not sure it’s going to be Jared’s problem, the guy who got paranoid that she glanced in the direction of another guy in the middle of a fascinating lecture on mountain lions.
@Baja Gaijin: Jess, watch out for your face!
@104 taig: Are you sure the owl’s after Jess?
Flunking Wrinkled Brains: Somewhere Hi Flagston is shouting “Who the h-e-double hockey sticks posted our family picture on the Friends of Les Moore website?!?”
@Anonymous:
@Shrug: Mary Worth has transformed herself into a pool of viscous goo on the floor, Terminator 2 style.
_________________
Mary Worth: Deep Space Meddle Nine”
@Austria: Yeah. The thing that makes me sad is that as Mr. Memory’s pet he won’t become permanent. Maybe Sam can adopt him after Mr. Memory’s brain gets eaten by parasites or whatever?
Some Father’s Day gifts are appreciated more than others.
DT: Here’s what’s going to happen. Tracy will duck in time and perennial fallguy Sam will take the full fury of the owl’s talons.
DT: Even if they can’t pin the cyber crimes on Mr. Memory they can at least charge him with keeping a federally protected bird if prey as a pet.
@Ukulele Ike: #91:
“three really awful Republican presidents”
To be fair to Warren Harding he did rehire all of the black civil servants who were hired by the Roosevelt and Taft administrations and fired by the racist Woodrow Wilson. Also, his Washington Naval Treaty, which limited the construction of dreadnaught battleships, had an indirect effect in our victory in the Pacific War against Japan. We had three completed hulls of battle cruisers under construction. We couldn’t complete them as battle cruisers but the treaty said nothing of those new-fangled aircraft carriers. They became the Lexington, Saratoga, and Yorktown, which were fortunately out to sea when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor and played decisive roles at Coral Sea and Midway.
@91 Ukulele Ike:
Hey! Cut the political commentary!
@Tabby Lavalamp:
”I’m sorry, but even at his physical peak as a young adult Dustin’s friend is never going to do a legitimate slam dunk. ”
If nothing else because of his short stature. He’s supposed ti be 8 years old, but is about three feet tall, which is the size of a normal child half his age.
DT: I’m not sure what kind of small ear-tufted owl that is supposed to be. But the final panel may indicate that it’s a SCREE-ch owl.
I once had to help take down an about-to-fall fifteen-foot bird-box pole and hoist the pole and box back up again. The nest box turned out to contain a mama screech owl and her egg, sooo cute. I hope and assume that the creators of DT fully understand that while it is just fine to send human criminals to interestingly-varied ghastly deaths, owl-harming is completely off limits, no matter what the owls do. And if this owl is your client, Sid, nice work!
PV: When I see those horses, I can only think of Melody Mare. As one of her many devoted fans, I hope she’s having a great time, wherever she is. *sigh*
MW: I’m interested in the sister who was apparently willing to disrupt her entire life to come to the rescue of Jess. If there had been a couple more panels, they might have shown a discussion in the parking lot. “Jess, goddammit, if you are gonna hit on the medical staff, I’m flying home. Your first boyfriend took ten thousand from your savings, your second almost made you a sister wife, the third one just beat you up, and now you’re trolling for Number Four! I’m gonna tie you in a chair and make you binge on Doctor Phil.”
Dick Tracy: That owl isn’t going for Dick Tracy it’s headed for B.O. Plenty. That BO is about all it can stand!
@Baja Gaijin: True. Owls are raptors, so one would go for the weakest available prey. Which would be Jared.
Ugh, I just realized the inevitable trajectory of the Jess relationship with Jared in MW is that she will end up giving him the pet name “Jar-Jar” and I think I’d better avoid this blog until that storyline blows over. See ya in 2024, Josh!
@Guillermo el chiclero: Crankshaft: Now go to Ed’s room and show her his gramophone with 78 rpm records, a Crosley radio . . .
***
That is Powel Crosley, also owner of the Cincinnati Reds, who dealt a lot of appliances.
He was a refrigerator magnate.
Hey, remember yesterday when Edda was drowning? Apparently, Amos got the gas out of his trunks and rescued her! (Or maybe she just got tired of waiting and swam out on her own.)
Popeye has a harsh message for Father’s Day.
Easy for you to say, Mark Trail, you don’t have to deal with HOAs that equate “native plants” with “weeds.”
@Horace Broon: Laserdiscs, yes! Awkward to use (you had to flip them over like vinyl records) (and the player itself was huge and weighed a ton) but the best image and sound of all formats. It’s where the special features of listening to commentaries at the same time you watched the movie began.
@Sequitur:
Flash! While those two are keeping each other busy, he might finally have time for a make-out session with Dale.
@Joe Blevins: #71
“DT: So … what do you think the sex is like between Gravel Gertie and B.O. Plenty? Hot? I’m guessing hot.”
Well, they spawned l’il Attitude Plenty a few years ago, and in the “Pouch” storyline we find out that they have a weekly “date night” which apparently involves canoodling in a car until a fleeing villain threatens them and B.O. heroically knocks him out, to Gertie’s enthusiastic approval, so yeah, I’m going with hot also. A bit smelly, but hot.
@Professor Well Actually: #75
“MW: Jess is recovering from a beating at the hands of her SO. I wouldn’t expect her to be hitting on a man at the hospital.”
Bad Taste Joke Alert Warning:
If she has low self-esteem issues and assumes any SO will abuse her anyway, it’s probably more convenient if she finds him and gets that out of the way while she’s already in the hospital.
@120 Dr. Pill: Wow, that’s cold. I’d forgotten a new artist took over. I looked back a few days. Does the new artist think Olive Oyl’s uses the same style brassiere as Loweezy Smif?
@astroboy: #82
“Is Jared really going to dump Dawn when he finds out she, um…cheat-danced on him?”
I like the term “cheat-danced.” Batiuk is slapping himself for not inventing it instead of trying to make “vendos” and “solo car date” happen.
And of course a few years ago Dawn stink-eyed her father’s semi-discarded girlfriend (even though Wilbur was then in Antartica or thereabouts, and “he* had asked *her* to pause the relationship for the interim) for “cheat-dancing” with Zach.
@Nehemiah Scudder, Deo Vult!: #83
“The only explanation is that Jeff was born on Leap Day, probably in 1808, making him 144 years old but with only 36 birthdays. ”
If Vixen still won’t marry him, Jeff will run off and become apprenticed to a pirate.
@Guillermo el chiclero: #86
“Crankshaft: Now go to Ed’s room and show her his gramophone with 78 rpm records, a Crosley radio (AM band only), a black and white DuMont television, and a Bell and Howell super 8 home movie camera.”
Cranky may *have* all that ancient tech, but as an Honorary Plugger it’s still way too complicated and advanced for him to actually use it. His idea of up-to-the-minute home entertainment options is putting a candle behind his hands and making bunny pictures in shadows on the wall.
(Someday he may upgrade the candle to a flashlight, but he’s in no hurry. Candle’s been good enough so far.)
@Ukulele Ike: #91
“the late 1920s, the Democrats having lost the White House in 1920 and having been through three really awful Republican presidents since that year.”
Hey, Coolidge at least had a pawky sense of humor! And kinda a neat name and slogan!
(Not that I’m being untrue to man-crush president Chester A. Arthur, of course, but a guy can still ogle….)
@richardf8: #108
“Yeah. The thing that makes me sad is that as Mr. Memory’s pet he won’t become permanent. ”
I still miss the corpse-eating jackal that was the pet of Silver Nitrate and Sprocket, and we never even actually *saw* it. Even though we had a perfectly good scene set at the NeoChicago zoo where it wound up (Dick almost getting killed by a water buffalo released by Selfie).
O.K., I admit I can’t recall if the original Nitrate story preceded the Selfie saga or not, so maybe the jackal wasn’t even there yet, but was still being carried around in its presumptive jackal-shaped carrying case by the Nitrates. (To be fair, I understand that only *some* fanatic lovers of old time movies had a habit of murdering people and feeding them to jackals, so we shouldn’t judge.)
@Guillermo el chiclero: #110
” when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor”
Hey! Spoiler alert next time!
@Dr. Pill: #121
” It’s where the special features of listening to commentaries at the same time you watched the movie began.”
Er, I don’t know which came first, but I’d *much* rather credit MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000.
@Shrug: “Not that I’m being untrue to man-crush president Chester A. Arthur, of course, but a guy can still ogle….”
For aesthetic reasons!
Pluggers-Pluggers are given gifts that will be used to kill the gift givers.
FW-Could be worse. You could have looked like the cast of ‘Curtis’.
DT: Not for the first time, Dick’s eyebrows have been mistaken for a nice juicy mouse.
MW: Hospital wards with a lot of domestic violence victims are a great place to meet chicks. Thank you, Mary Worth. I thought I’d have to go on the Dark Web for this kind of insight.
9CL: No one else is gonna thank you for that, dude.
FW: I’ve never seen Hi Flagston so smirky before and I never want to again.
JP: Don’t worry about it, Sophie. This is a chic place. You’d hardly be their first bulimic.
RMMD: “Yeah, I was a superhero for five days and by day five I was holding a hostage and desperately trying to plan a lobotomy. Really made some good memories.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: #119
“He was a refrigerator magnate.”
Refrigerator magnet, you say? Hubby and I collect those!! Our fridge is covered with them!
(snort…giggle…pfffttt…that pun was just waiting in the wings…)
@Dr. Pill: You might be interested in lddb.com, the laserdisc database. My collection is in there. LDs had no copy protection, and you could make VHS copies that would amaze your friends with their quality, especially if your friends were used to third-gen tape dupes.
@Ukulele Ike: I’m sure you’re right — it’s just the earliest citation known to Wikiquotes, from a book about him. Will Rogers was King of all Media at one time — vaudeville, newspaper, radio, movies. It would be interesting to know when he first started using it.
@Kaye:
For crying out loud – that was me!! My evil twin is playing tricks again…
@139 White Rabbit: My collection is in there too. It’s easy, I have only one disk.
@141 Daisy: Do we need to send an owl after her?
@Shrug: You mean apprenticed to a Private, right? I’m a little hard of listening lately. Jeff will show up in Beetle Bailey any day now, and if you ask me, it will be a big improvement.
” when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor”
Hey! Spoiler alert next time!
***
I thought the Germans attacked Pearl Harbor. I saw it in a movie once.
@Peanut Gallery: Sheesh, Jeff, you could at least have put on a fresh undershirt.
And what makes you think he hasn’t? White cotton wife-beaters are pretty fungible.
// To be fair, it looks like Vixen’s wearing the same swimsuit.
@Liam:
Wow
@Baja Gaijin: I’m no fanboy. Just a casual consumer of both franchises. Your question made me think, “hey, that’s a fun thought experiment!” And off I went.
You (and DePaul/Manley because I first noticed the Mozz-Jawa thing before he took ill) have challenged one of my assumptions about Jawas. I always thought their eyes were bioluminescent, but now I wonder if they’re all just bespectacled?
@147 richardf8: Just remember, compared to me, you’re a massive Darth Vader fanboy. When I say something wrong about the Stars, just ignore them. I won’t learn.
@Guillermo el chiclero: @Shrug: Now I’m waiting for somebody to speak up on Herbert Hoover’s behalf.
(helpful hints: 1) he did a good job organizing relief for suffering Belgians during the Great War; 2) he owned an incredibly cool eight foot statue of the goddess Isis.)
@149 Ukulele Ike: Mr. Hoover made great vacuum cleaners. I know people who still use Bissell’s built during his administration. They’re called “Pluggers.”
@Shrug: And a lot more entertaining, too.
@Baja Gaijin: The new artist does Sunday only. The one you link to is Sagendorf, and likely a rerun.
@152 Dr. Pill: I thought Olive Oyl’s “blips” were on her chest area, not around her waist.
MT: It’s late, so short rant ahead. It’s interesting that this strip complains that lawns eat too much water, which I’m sure is true in the water-limited West. But Iowa is now getting really big rain events more often, and here, lawns are dissed by conservationists for NOT absorbing much water. During big rain events, typical lawns here are often not a whole lot better than concrete at absorbing the runoff. Whereas a good prairie can easily absorb a six-inch rainfall, like a sponge, yaaaay.
: @Baja Gaijin: But look at that STATUE. I want that big scary statue in my house NOW.
Tell you what, I’ll rent the U-Haul, we back it up to the Hoover birthplace, and you topple it in with your powerful muscles. We drive back to Brooklyn and set it up in front of my brownstone. I will repay you by, uh, recommending you on online art-theft websites. Also, I buy the beer and pizza.
@Ukulele Ike: That wouldn’t be Falstaff beer, in the brown bottles with the little rebus puzzle under the bottle cap?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: He was a refrigerator magnate.
That was cold, man.
@Shrug: Hey! Spoiler alert next time!
I thought he was just making a joke or something, but now I find out it was da troof? Hey! Give us some warning next time, before you ask for a spoiler alert!
@Ukulele Ike: he owned an incredibly cool eight foot statue of the goddess Isis
Hawt.
@Ukulele Ike: #155: No powerful muscles needed. Just spread the word that Isis was a symbol of the Confederacy and Antifa and BLM will do the toppling for you.
9CL: That’s it. I just read the horrid Monday strip and snapped and deleted horrid 9CL and its horrid characters and its horrid universe from my list.
Maybe it won’t last. But I snapped and deleted IT NEVER RAINS and haven’t read that one for months. And I deleted PIBGORN long ago. Farewell 9CL, at least for now. Your horrid twins being horridly lectured by an incredibly horrid father, the day after Father’s Day, were the very last straw.
@155 Ukulele Ike: @160 Guillermo el chiclero has a good plan. My lower back thanks you.
@teenchy: why do I feel like I’ve just read a Mark Trail Sunday strip?