Rekindling romance, horsily
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Mary Worth, 11/20/23
I regret to inform you that Keith and Kitty’s date redo went really well, and now she’s accepted Keith’s invite to help him sensually relive his days as a Horse Cop and hers as a Horse Girl. Our last hope is that the Santa Royale Stables remain just as romantically cursed as they were back in 2007 when Jeff’s son Dr. Drew was on the receiving end of an epic love triangle slapdown from Dawn that echoed down through the ages and still haunts the place.
Six Chix, 11/20/23
Normally I’d interpret this as a human saying something rude about the cows in human language and a cow saying something similarly rude about the human in cow language, but the fact that the woman on the right turns her head to face the cows between panels seems to indicate to me that maybe the cows are speaking English aloud? I don’t think I’d react to talking cow with a sly little smile — more a series of unintelligible screams, to be honest — but I don’t know what other people do.
Dennis the Menace, 11/20/23
I like the way Henry seems to be holding Alice back a bit. “No, no, let’s see where he goes with this,” he’s saying. “I’ve honestly wondered this myself.”
144 replies to “Rekindling romance, horsily”
MW:
Just before Keith can shout “Giddyup!”, he and Kitty are confronted by an angry Sonia, brandishing a PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Appaloosas) picket sign.
DtM: “What happens when everyone stops sinning? …What will you do? …And don’t give me any of that ‘original sin’ bullshit.”
MW – Kitty: “A LOT of things are COMING back to me.”
Keith: “Like what?”
Kitty: “Horses. Stallions, to be specific. SOMETHING about them reminds me of YOU.”
Keith: “I don’t get it.”
Kitty: “SOMETHING that is COMING back to me. Try HANGING on to the innuendo here!”
Keith: “?”
Kitty: “Oh, for the love of…I give up. Let’s ride.”
I know people dress up for church, but do they normally wear tuxedos with bow ties and pocket squares? Are the Mitchells are watching their son harass the maître d’ at the fanciest, most blasphemous restaurant in town?
DtM: Dad is channeling his inner Dagwood Bumstead.
FC: Daddy will get a real workout if he lifts his mother-in-law (who resembles Susan Boyle or Roseanne) over his head.
RMMD: Isn’t Rene just out on bail? Haven’t these three heard of bail? Or did Fergus Mud sing “Muddy Boots on the Moon” to the Prosecutor and make those naughty charges go bye-bye?
MW: Seize the day, Keith! (or, rather, the two months; that seems to be your shelf life) And for crying out loud, slip a helmet on the Junior Jarhead this time!
DtM: O Henry would envy the irony here.
MW: Not so subtle Kitty shows up with bed hair for her date with Keith.
MW: I like that look of alarm on the horse in panel 2. “Wait, she’s doing what on my back..?!”
6Cx: Ugh, somewhere in there there’s a decent joke about a modern golden calf and phones, but I’m sure as not going to stare at this thing long enough to come up with it.
DtM: I read somewhere that Rasputin had a theological belief that the only thing that gave God true pleasure was forgiving people, and that we had a duty to sin at least a little to keep Him happy. Anyhow, I’ve never imagined what Dennis might grow up to be, but ‘half-mad mystic with sway over a world leader’ suddenly seems terrifyingly plausible.
FC: Grandma asks why one of the ceiling fan blades has Jeffy’s profile cut into it.
DtM: Well son, we’ll never have to worry about that as long as you’re around. Unless, of course, that “Menace” title is just facade.
MW: Keith caught a good one, it looked like it could run.
Meanwhile, Kitty is wondering why her horse has been saddled with a purple Thigh Master pelvic floor exerciser.
Ah, Six Chix… now and again it makes you laugh, and that’s a special day.
H&L: Like a bad 80’s comedy, woman with terrific body seeks validation from the schlubbiest man on the planet.
MW: Not since Putin’s bare-chested shot has there been so much sexiness on horseback.
6C: “OK, hold on. I’m going to have to Google that.”
DtM: See, that is something you’d expect a young Antichrist to say. Anyway, he’s got a birthday party to get to.
@Hibbleton: (on H&L) Did you mislabel 9 Chickweed Lane by mistake?
Chix (sic): Uh, The lesson here is that before you comment on someone’s weight you should check your own foibles. I’ll go with that.
@taig:
@Hibbleton: (on H&L) Did you mislabel 9 Chickweed Lane by mistake?
I never read it but I’ll run with that thought.
H&L: Since when are they getting their strip ideas from 9 Chickweed Lane? (woman with terrific body seeks validation from the schlubbiest man on the planet).
MW:
“Ready?”
“I think so. Hence, let’s go.”
” ‘Hence’? Did you just say ‘Hence’?!? Why, I’m reminded of a Cole Porter song.”
“Cole Porter?!? What does Cole Porter have to do with any of this?”
“Oh, give me bland, lots of bland, under sparring cries above
Don’t ‘hence’ me in
Get me snide through the wide open country that I love
Don’t ‘hence’ me in
“Let me be by myself in the evenin’ whee-eze
And listen to the fervor of the rotten ‘hood, ple-ease
Fend me off forever, but I ask you, ple-ease
Don’t ‘hence’ me in
“Just turn me loose
Let me prattle; my old saddle
Wanders ‘neath the Weston skies
Let me ponder over yonder
‘Til I see discountin’ rise
“I want to stride to the bridge where the stress commences
And gaze at this toon ’til I lose my senses
And I don’t look at baubles and I can’t stand ‘whences’
Don’t ‘hence’ me in
“Oh, give me bland, lots of bland, under sparring cries above
Don’t ‘hence’ me in
Get me snide through the wide open country that I love
Don’t ‘hence’ me in
“Let me be myself in the evenin’ whee-eze
And listen to the fervor of the rotten ‘hood, ple-ease
Fend me off forever, but I ask you, ple-ease
Don’t ‘hence’ me in
“Just turn me loose
Let me prattle; my old saddle
Wanders ‘neath the Weston skies
Am I abstruse?
Let me wander over yonder
‘Til I see discountin’ rise
“I want to stride to the bridge where the stress commences
And gaze at this toon ’til I lose my senses
I can’t look at baubles and I can’t stand ‘whences’
Don’t ‘hence’ me in….”
Don’t be so smug, Mrs Cow! The reason is spend so much time on the phone is that eating all that beef gives me constipation!
Frazz: If you took the AirPods out of your ears, you might learn some new words on the trip too. It’ll be nice to have something to throw at Caulfield.
Luann: Luann’s contribution to this story is done, so she’s gone. But where is Stef? And Tiff? Oh. Oh no.
CS: “What would my dear sister do? Probably scold me for ruining her life. Hard lemonade it is!”
FC-Which is a bit odd since Daddy has all those workout magazines and videos.
RMMD-We are getting more legal drama here than in ‘Judge Parker’.
DtM: I like the ennui in this priest’s eyes: “If you had seen the things I have seen, not even in a war zone but in this small suburbia, you’d understand that humanity is damned and no force in the world can stop it from sinning, not even Church or Christ!”
@Hibbleton: Perfect! Also, lucky you for never reading 9CL.
GT: Unable to understand Spanish, Milford’s EMTs continue to watch Charissa Thompson discuss halftime adjustments on their phones as Pedro writhes in agony.
MW: Kitty smiles as she remembers her sexual awakening on the back of Trigger. “Lots of things are coming back,” she sighs.
6C/ DtM: This is how Abrahamic faiths conquered idolatry. When you follow YHWH, you get to be the snarker, but if you worship the golden calf, then you’re the butt of your god’s mockery.
BB: Yesterday Beetle was exclaiming joyfully about his weekend plans while carrying a short length of rope, and today he’s bragging about how he does everything right-handed. Can’t say I care for the direction this is headed.
CS: “Oh no, I don’t have rum for my rum-based recipe. So instead of just buying some rum, I’ll consider using something completely unlike rum! Aren’t I just hilariously wacky?”
JP: Thank you, April, this is a useful “reminder” for both CIA Lady and us readers, seeing as in the actual course of events you just let your mom wander off without you and left it up to the real CIA agents to handle everything. But hey, the past is only how you remember it, right?
SlyF: For crying out loud, Slylock, if you’re going to flagrantly violate probable cause, just go tell Slick Smitty directly to knock off his little scam instead of wasting the time of every restaurant manager in the city.
9CL: (Speaking of) Edda needs to try her short skirt on for Amos, who will declare that she is the lonciest lonce who ever lonced.
MW: Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars! hits pay dirt when a Hollywood producer happens on Santa Royale Community Stable, spies the gray horse looking out the window, and cries out in excitement: “That face! That FACE! Get me that LONG FACE!”
@jroggs: (on BB) I hope Beetle doesn’t pull a Carradine. (too soon?)
@Little Blue Bicycle: Movie factoid: Trigger was the same horse used by Olivia de Havilland when she played Maid Marian in “The Adventures of Robin Hood”—it’s a mere quirk of fate that Trigger was the one who got taxidermied.
SC: The head-turn would make sense if cow language sounded to humans like simple mooing. But if you heard a cow speaking English, would you feel guilty over that burger you had for lunch? Turns out, cell phones are key to the bovines’ plans for revenge. Picture the future as humans being marched into cow-run slaughterhouses, frantically checking their social media right up until the end.
@Bob Tice: I was sure that the song of the day was going to be a certain Céline Dion ditty. Too obvious?
Damn, I would read an entire book of DtM cartoons where he questions religious dogma.
@Charterstoned: There’s an old joke that Dale Evans was grateful to have outlived Roy Rogers, or else she would have ended up preserved alongside Trigger.
Zits: “I always say ‘eat your feelings,’ so Pierce’s therapy bird will serve as far better therapy as the main course.”
FC: “Especially Jeffy. He’s really dense.”
MW- “do you usually use a riding crop?”
“It’s for later”
CS: I was watching this Japanese movie on PBS where the cleaning lady mixed up the rat poison she kept on the same shelf as the food spices. She wound up killing the whole family but the detective investigating their deaths rejected her confession and came up with this convoluted story of murder/suicide carried out by the father. Just saying it’s unusual to keep your drink mixes under the sink with the cleaning solutions.
Mary Worth – With the newspapers dying, the Mary Worth creative team knows they have to branch out into other media. Print itself isn’t dead, and romance novels remain a top-selling category. Expect to see Keith shirtless atop his horse saving Kitty from whatever peril befalls her (and possibly shirtlessly saving his long-lost daughter, since it adds wholesomeness to balance out the torrid romance).
Six Chix – How long do you suppose Isabella Bannerman spent writing this comic that make the same observation of a million other comics, without really saying anything at all? Like a cow chewing cud that is something to ruminate on, though unlike the cows, you wouldn’t get anything worthwhile for all you effort. Much like this comic.
Dennis the Menace – While the church no longer holds the sway it once did over society, you only need to look at the current culture wars and the history of policing to know that if crime/sin drop and threaten the power and funding of the powers that be, other pleasurable activities will be criminalized/sin-ized(?) to keep the populace in fear and throwing their dollars for protection from God(s) above, or the state here on Earth
MW:
“Keith, did you know that Sonia’s favorite horse of all time has the same name as the political body responsible for the day-to-day operations of her favorite organization of all time, the Communist Party in the Soviet Union?”
“Really, Kitty? — what horse might that be?”
” ‘Secretariat’ !”
DtM – “Hey, I’m the reason you have a job! Show a little appreciation!”
MW:
[Horse 1 to Horse 2]: “Grey Ghost, if you’re not careful where you tread, you may end up stepping in a beloved A. A. Milne character!”
[Horse 2]: “Really, Flicka?!? — what character is that?”
[Horse 1]: “(WHINNY) The poo!”
The sly little smile makes so much sense though.
“You think we’re only on those phones for four hours. Think again, cow, think again.”
9CL – So, she has the old skirt that she keeps at her moms. Where does she get the skirt she wears when she turns into a child again? Does it just appear on her butt, or does she have a skirt at home for when she wants to be a child and ask the nuns where babies come from?
Six Chix: This feels like there’s a “The Far Side” joke in here somewhere.
Although that joke would probably entail a group of cows texting nearby and one of them saying “Ooh crud, I accidentally sent a burger emoji, unsend! Unsend!!” (or something along those lines)
As Keith watches Kitty wrap her legs around the horse’s back, an earworm of Mel Tillis’ “I Got the Hoss” plays in his head and he longs to be her saddle.
Oh shit, Dennis the Menace made me laugh. It’s appropriate I guess that it’s taking place in a church, what with this being one of the prophesied signs of the end times (I think, don’t quote me on that, I’m no theologian).The look of consternation on his face though as he berates the priest who is looking suitably chastised is everything.
Dennis’s getup of saddle shoes, sky-blue jacket and plaid tie is subtly menacing, given that The Book of Genesis says that God made man in his own image.
Mary Worth: Keith and Kitty rekindle their love by playing an early 2000s Barbie CDRom game.
Six Chix: Interesting one-liner to drop just before initiating the Animalpocalypse by trampling these two random ladies to death with your hooves.
Dennis The Menace: Dennis attempts to challenge his pastor’s faith and torment him psychologically by asking thorny theological questions. Fortunately for the pastor, Dennis is an idiot with zero understanding of religion and mostly just asks Reddit fedora-tipper “gotchas”.
DTM: the illustration in today’s strip is so lazy that I confused Alice’s purse for one of those cast-iron fireplace ash shovels, which I assumed she uses to brain her idiot son as needed.
OTOH, I do enjoy Dennis’s rejection of God. “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law!”
@ectojazzmage: Just you wait – tomorrow he’ll go to the library for the first time and discover the works of Bertrand Russell.
MW: Dahlings, did you ever see a Mary Worth plot move so quickly? They only gave me the official call yesterday (thanks, mw@y95 for paging me) and it’s been such a rush to get here! I barely had time to pack my saddlebags. And I get here to find they’ve already assigned another Horse to Kitty! That’s my cousin, Miranda Mare. Yeah, the blonde bleach job gives her an advantage, I guess.
So it looks like I get Keith, after all. Fortunately I’ve done my back-strengthening exercises so I think I can handle him. Besides, from that scent I’m picking up from Kitty – she’s gonna start squirming like Savarna soon, and I’ve had enough of that! Wait – I’m sensing a little “movement” from Keith now. Oh geeze, he’s “bulging”… This had better not turn into a … they know I don’t work blue!!
Well, I’m going to be professional about all this, ignore the innuendo going on, and concentrate on doing my job….. I wonder how Sultan is doing….
DtM – Most kids would phrase this as “what if everyone stopped sinning?” But Dennis seems pretty sure that it’s just a question of when. If enough people take him seriously, we should expect a Vatican III fairly soon.
Luann – Bets is about to tell Stef that she and Kip need to clear out of the “f*** and suck hut” or “privacy fort” or “jizz tent”, because she and Gunther have a lot to “work through”.
Of course there’s a van for that…
Maybe she wants to thank her for being so brave and honest on the telephone. But that wasn’t very likely and we didn’t expect it.
CS: The way I see it, Lillian, you have two options here. You can go to the store and buy a bottle of rum, or you can make therm using your own urine.
DtM: Was it traditional in the 1950s for a man to attend church dressed like a supper club waiter?
9CL: “Don’t snicker; at least this time I’m wearing underwear.”
Luann: Did the Evans intend to end this plot midweek, or can they not count? This happens a lot.
Phantom: “Ooooooooooooo, my new clothes don’t fit!” There’s got to be a TVTropes for this brand of fanservice.
Seriously, this is the greatest day in the funnies since JP’s Busty Rusty the Girl Private Eye accidentally came down to dinner in an evening gown three sizes too small.
MW: Imagine you’re a young, idealistic woman like Sonia. You search for your biological dad, you have high expectations for him but then it turns out his profession and lifestyle conflict with your principles. Break relations, no great loss, right? WRONG! He will trace you back and start banging your mom! Happy therapy!
DtM: Dennis is going to be the Televangelist in the Dragnet movie when he grows up.
@Bob Tice: If you hit Shift+Enter
your lines will stick together tighter
Lack of sinning will make priests redundant? I guess universal reconciliation is the new AI, the job killer of organised religion. Very menacing!
Dennis the Menace: Speaking as a former pastor, there’s only one good reason for the minister to be holding a Bible as people leave worship, and that’s to swat little brats asking stupid questions. (If you are a member of my Church and Ministry Committee, this never happened, probably.)
DtM — “When everyone stops sinning–what will you do?”
“I’ll just keep reading this Hela Bible!”
MW — “A lot of things are coming back to me. Like how I raised a child on my own for twenty years without any child support. This is Plan A, but if the horse ride doesn’t work you’ll be hearing from Boyd, Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe. . .”
The priest, of course, is completely unmoved by Dennis’ question. The Church came up with Original Sin millennia ago so people would have something to repent for regardless of how virtuously they lived. Dennis is a bush leaguer compared to the menacing of organized religion.
How now brown cow?
“Six Chix nix clicks.”
6C: Nice effort, but it still doesn’t equal the Far Side “Yakkety Yak Yak Yak!” cartoon.
DtM: Two ways to interpret this:
1.) The reverend realizes he has failed to adequately convey the concept of the Kingdom of God as a place where sin is non-existent, therefore “everybody stops sinning” is not only desirable but the ultimate endgame for the faith. Dennis’ question makes him doubt his suitability to his calling. Menace level: subtly cruel.
2.) Dennis has come to the conclusion that “sin” is just the way organized religion shames its followers into compliance, and confronts the reverend with the vision of a secularized world in which his livelihood will be obsolete. Menace level: horrifying from a mainline Protestant perspective, but bravely defiant if you’re an athiest.
MW: Are there places that just let you take a random horse out on your own? Most of the horseback riding available to people who don’t actually own horses seems to be limited to group outings where you ride at a walk in a line down a trail that the horses have been on five times already that day.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
Thank you for the hint! I know that if you push the edit button and make any kind of adjustment, the lines will tighten up as well, but this is a much better and more direct way.
DtM:
I see Dennis inherited his rosacea from his mom.
MW: “Ready for some horseback riding?”
“Sure! But this time, let’s use a saddle. After all, all our problems started with bareback riding!”
Dennis the Menace: “What happens when everyone stops sinning…what will you do?” At that moment, a cold wind blew into the sanctuary, and the sky turned red. A thick darkness covered the earth, until Dennis could see only himself and the minister. The cleric himself seemed to grow by several feet, and cloven hooves appeared beneath his cassock. A dreadful buzzing arose, along with a smell that Dennis would later identify as a mixture of dead goat and sulfur.
The minister stared the defiant Menace down before a serpent’s tongue flickered across his lips. He perched reading glasses on his muzzle and opened the book of scripture to read. “What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little ‘clever’ comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. Amen.”
@Bob Tice: Ah, the vagaries of WordPress commenting systems!
Mary Worth: “A lot of things are coming back to me! Such as the pervasive childhood trauma I tried to heal from through years of equine therapy! Thanks a lot, asshole!”
@TheDiva: The further west you go in the U.S. the more lax the horse-riding rules become.
In rural Maine and Virginia my prepubescent children needed to be 21 years old, fully insured, up to date on all vaccines, earned a full drivers license, and sign 87 release forms before they were even allowed to LOOK at a horse. In western New Mexico, Mongo just threw them across the barnyard onto the top of a pair of broncos, bareback.
9CL: Ha, I KNEW Edda had been wearing the same clothes for the past fifteen years!
BCN: Or, as it’s known to us ADHD types, every week.
C’shaft: If I lived next to Crankshaft I’d probably run out of alcohol on a regular basis too.
Dustin: Isn’t a “side hustle” just a way of monetizing your hobbies and interests in a vain attempt to earn a living wage? (Then again, to do that Dustin would need a hobby or interest…)
JP: “I don’t work for the CIA anymore, remember?”
“Are you sure about that? Everything about this mess is so badly plotted we could have hired you back on without telling anybody.”
Luann: “Yes, Gunther, I’ve given up a central part of my identity just to be with you. As a Nice Guy you deserve nothing less.”
Phantom: Looks like Mozz kept the “Diane and Sarvana experience a sapphic interlude” part of the prophecy in his private collection.
9CL: At nine years old, that skirt would already be too short for parochial school. The scary thing is that Edda takes the same waist size she did at age nine. Somebody fix that woman a sandwich.
One way or the other, it looks like we’re up for a week of Sexy Schoolgirl Shenanigans in The Void.
@TheDiva: In Maryland, there’s a place near the DC line called Meadowbrook Stables, and back in the day I was allowed to ride a horse without knowing squat about it. They put me on a nasty-tempered pony that immediately rolled over, with me leaping off the thing to keep from getting crushed. Next up was a horse that must have realized I was no rider, because it took off and did’t respond to commands, kicks, or reins. After a departure from the trail through the trees and into a rivulet, the beast finally allowed me to go back to the stables from hell, and I added horseback riding to my list of “Things I Won’t Be Stupid Enough to Do Ever Again”—right after riding a rollercoaster.
MW – Wow, Brigman is really good at drawing horses. I vote they set all future strips in the Land of the Houyhnhnms, with no Yahoos involved in any of the stories.
Don Abundio, translated:
[Sign: VETERINARIAN]
“Bring in your dog, Don Abundio”
“But there are several people ahead of me… I’ll come back later”
“No, it’s just six guys with a big snake…”
“The perfect mascot for their law firm!”
Mary Worth: Karen Moy helps June Brigman sensually relive her days as a middle schooler, drawing horsey after horsey after horsey into her math notebook during boring lectures.
DtM: Upping his menace to the Cosmic/Spiritual realm, Dennis reveals himself to the cowed minister a six year old Satan. His next line in deep demonic voice, “As above, so below!”
MW: Man, this brings Keith back to his days as a cop. “Pure horse. Book ’em.”
MW – Kitty’s horse is the same as one of the horses in the strip Josh linked, the one in which Dawn slapped Drew. The palomino in that strip heard that a Charterstone resident booked a ride and had enough sense to call in sick today.
JP – Have they checked April’s and Katherine’s Facebook pages?
Frazz – There’s a different kid today. Caulfield couldn’t talk about traveling to visit relatives because every relative on both sides told his parents to go somewhere else for Thanksgiving.
Flail those arms!
Kliban – Those women are the biggest WTF? I’ve seen since Thursday Chick’s last comic.
Pluggers – Every night he takes the pens out of his pocket, and every morning when he puts on a clean shirt he puts the pens in the pocket. But he doesn’t take the time to see what works. I guess he can figure it out by the end of the day when there’s an ink stain under one pen.
6ix Chix: Did you know that Mudges spend four hours a day updating their screens?
@Poteet #Y172 – Re the 1968 TV production of Laura. I remember that. There was a lot of publicity because Lee Radziwill played the title role. The reviews were scathing. I remember watching it, and it was dreadful.
REX MORGAN M.D.: I think one of the other things that’s really bothering me about this story (outside of the miasma of mild-mannered dullness that engulfs every Rex Morgan plot) is that Rene…isn’t really “reforming.” (Hilariously, this arc seems to be suggesting that merely turning himself in is an act of redemption, which…no) Indeed the fact that he’s immediately trying to get out of jail kind of shows the opposite, because a “reformed” person would be willing to accept his sentencing instead of weaseling out of due consequences. I mean we haven’t even heard him pledge not to do crimes anymore, for pete’s sake!
DtM:
“What happens when everyone stops sinning?”
“I’ll get a whole lot less trim from the lady parishioners, that’s what.”
Pluggers: Pluggers are cheapskates and their belongings are all shitty and worn out. Also, not explicitly mentioned but always part of the narrative: Pluggers are fat.
Jump Start – She’s just discovered the toughest part of Marcy’s job.
Crank: Alternatively, there’s this amazing new thing called a “grocery store”, where people who have run out of the ingredients for their favourite recipes can go and get more in exchange for money.
DT: “You wouldn’t talk to me like that if I were wearing my Carmen Sandiego costume?”
JP: Disappointing and really odd, given that Helena wants them to have the information. But I guess the Genius Masterplan is that Sam has to be the one who uses it as a bargaining chip, in order to be released after deliberately placing himself in the middle of the extraction and then confessing to handing all Helena’s info to Pavel. Most of the Genius Masterplan seems to be about extracting Sam from a situation he wouldn’t be in if it weren’t for the Genius Masterplan, really.
Phantom: By a curious coincidence, that’s also what she said when she met Kit.
RMMD: There was an interesting programme on BBC Radio 4 a while back about how a British jury has the right to find a not guilty verdict even if the judge says otherwise, for reasons including “We know they did it, but we approve”, as has happened with some recent trials of protestors. The show didn’t consider the scenario where a person has multiple witnesses testifiying to attempted murder, but says he’s really sorry about it, and American law is different anyway, so maybe the same thing applies. But I doubt it.
SH: One of the failed sketch formats in season 1 of The Muppet Show (and completely abandoned in subsequent seasons) was the Talking Houses, which far too frequently went for the format “I, a talking house, have a relative in a certain industry.” “Really, do they have a relevant human job?” “No, they’re the building they work in! Because I’m a talking house!” (“My mother’s religious … she’s a church!” “My son works in medicine … he’s a hospital!” and so on.) It occurs to me that “I, a plant person, am going to get some kind of treatment.” “Like a person?” “No, like a plant!” is basically the same thing, and Holbrook could probably get a whole week out of it, but shouldn’t.
@Charterstoned: #29: Another movie factoid: John Wayne’s dog in Hondo was one of the Lassies made up to look like a mangy mutt.
Phantom: Yet another subtle clue that the Bandar women secretly hate Diana and want to fuck up her shit.
@Horace Broon: #87: re-CS: This strip takes place in Ohio were one can only buy hard liquor in a state-owned liquor store. Several other states (Pennsylvania, Alabama, Utah) also follow that practice, as opposed to Louisiana, where even petrol station convenience stores sell it. Every sizeable town in Ohio should have one but maybe Loathsome Lil doesn’t want to make the drive.
re-RMMD: Here in the US we do have the option of jury nullification, though used very rarely. In that a jury may decide that the law is unjust and let the defender off whether that person is guilty or not. Some people cite the OJ verdict as an example.
@Guillermo el chiclero: “This strip takes place in Ohio were one can only buy hard liquor in a state-owned liquor store. Several other states (Pennsylvania, Alabama, Utah) also follow that practice”
This is a complete nightmare, as any serious alcoholic needs a rotation of liquor stores available, so they don’t have to face the embarrassment of going back to the same cashier they just bought a fifth of Jim Beam from three days ago.
MW: Hooboy! Things are really popping today! We have the fan favorite Melody Mare, and her lesser-known cousin, Miranda, in the featured headliner! Plus a couple of Equine extras to add to the ambiance. And I think @Charterstoned is right about that Gray Horse extra – he’s primed for a breakout with a face like that!
6CX: And just below the fold we have our talented bi-lingual Cows, Clara and Clovis, offering the perfect comeback to the two-leggers critiquing their eating habits! And Josh seems surprised that lowly – heh heh heh – Cows can speak English! I thought he realized that multi-language ability is a necessity these days in show biz, or anything else for that matter…
Bliss: Don’t miss all the dramatic action here today! A mixed Fish ensemble in “danger” from an underwater swimming Feline! It doesn’t get any better than this! But of course it’s all “acting” and the Fish are pretty ho-hum about the whole thing – they realize that Freida is gonna run outta air pretty soon. Hey – I think it’s time to get her outta there! Is anybody keeping an eye on this?
MT: One of our seasonal Turkey stars stayed over from yesterday to do today’s Foreground Fauna shot. She did the “sleeping in trees” role in the Sunday spread, which wasn’t much of a dramatic challenge, but today she shows her emotional range with disdain for the two-legger “Turkeys” who are friends of Mark! Great job, Tessie!
If anyone needs me, I’ll be at the White House with two of our most photogenic Domestic Turkeys, Liberty and Bell, playing the roles of a lifetime!
@Ukulele Ike: “9CL: At nine years old, that skirt would already be too short for parochial school. The scary thing is that Edda takes the same waist size she did at age nine. Somebody fix that woman a sandwich.
One way or the other, it looks like we’re up for a week of Sexy Schoolgirl Shenanigans in The Void.”
Last time we went down this route, we had Amos announcing that Juliette (Edda’s mother) looks hot in her schoolgirl outfit, and that he has always wanted to pork her. Everyone agreed that this was Fine.
Phantom: Look, Mozz, you didn’t include this is your Chronicles, but in the Graphic Novel edition, can you contract out the artwork to for Frank Cho?
MW: The only thing to save this storyline is for Kitty to have a Betsy Russell “bareback riding” wardrobe malfunction.
GT: And now, with Martinez hijo off the field, the Mudlarks can achieve their victory over the hated Valley Tech without mixed feelings.
GT2: Funny, that’s the same thing Pedro said to Keri when he tried to pull out.
@Ukulele Ike: In rural Maine and Virginia my prepubescent children needed to be 21 years old
Not in some sort of 9 Chickweed Lane way, I hope.
GT: In his anguish, Papa Martinez calls out to Santa Medica, patron Saint of high school football snapping noises, frostbitten Sousaphone marching band lips, and flag team girls’ nylon runs.
Retro MW – Dawn simultaneously SLAPPING Drew while throat-punching Vera was a Giella-era classic! Dawn’s slapping arm proportion is hilariously absurd – her arm would have needed to be at least 4 feet long – and she’s SLAPPING him with…the back of her hand? A backhanded slap?
The 2nd time when Drew was remembering it was drawn much better. Grading on a curve.
@I speak Jive: Thanks!
Oh dear. But I’ll bet the reviewers had some fun. And maybe George Sanders had some fun. Even young Poteet, who didn’t know better, had some fun. You and my mother and millions of others did the suffering:-).
@Melody Mare, ready to ride: As one of your many devoted fans, I am absolutely thrilled to see you today!! And after reading your comment, I appreciate even more what you are going through to provide that thrill for your admirers! You and Miranda both look good, but you have your usual special poise, not to mention your especially-attractive coat and mane.
I’m actually a teensy bit concerned about your cousin. She looks a little alarmed in that second panel. Maybe she caught her first big whiff of Kitty when she bowed her head in the first panel…
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Great work, Sid! Your Cow clients are outstanding in their field. Ha ha! Very sorry, could not resist, but they really do look good. And while the new MT plot premise is remarkably stupid, your Tessie gave a fine performance, yesterday and today! Today’s strip NEEDED her disdain, and it’s gratifying to see it.
Does anyone know what is going on with REAL LIFE ADVENTURES? I was sorry to learn that my local dead-tree paper, via Gannett, had dropped it, but then I saw in the online strip last week that the creators of the strip are retiring. Yet today it’s still running. Huh. RLA had/has a special understanding of life with cats, which I especially appreciated.
@Poteet: Apparently it’s in reruns, although the Daily Cartoonist notes that the creators have been known to to headfakes in the past.
Judge Parker:
And the dreck goes on
And the dreck goes on
Ces keeps pounding nails into our brain
Yahdy dahdy dee
Yahdy dahdy dah!
MW: A lot of things are cumming back into me.
Thank you for refraining from using the word “menacing” re: today’s Dennis the Menace.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I can confirm that that’s the policy in Pennsylvania. In PA, hard liquor is sold only in state owned and operated stores. The stores used to be the only place to buy wine, too, but in the last decade or so some grocery stores have been allowed to sell wine and beer. The state stores continue to sell wine. Stores known as beer distributors sell beer.
I’m still startled if I go into a grocery store or drug store out of state and see shelves of booze.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: The fish also did a great job in Speed Bump. Willa and Stellan are apparently trying out different roles.
@Rube: Thanks!
RMMD: Whenever I find myself thinking that this Rene story has become a thumping bore, per Holly Golightly, I remember that the alternative is Rex. Keep on thumping, Rene story!
GA: Maybe Slim really did wake up, looked around, realized he was in serious danger lying in the bed of a pickup on the freeway, stroked out, and died. Happy Thanksgiving!
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: #91: Maybe Lillian didn’t want the local church ladies thinking she was a closet tippler. When I turned 21 and my dad had retired he would often send me on his liquor runs if he knew I was going out for something. I made a habit of rotating 3 different nearby state stores so I wouldn’t become too familiar with the staffs.
PHANTOM:. just as Vet let Savarna wear her clothes, Diana too will give her more decent clothes.
If she is reluctant to change, Savarna is a lousy guest who is attempting to ensnare and corrupt an innocent manchild. Or her
hostess’s husband.
When will someone let Vet and her hubby know their services will not be needed?
@Guillermo el chiclero: Interesting, thanks!
Here in Godless Britain, you can buy alcohol almost anywhere; I grew up here and I still doubletake when I notice the refreshment trolley on the train has cans of lager along with the Cokes and the tea urn.
Horsily? That’s whore, silly.
@Ukulele Ike: In rural Maine and Virginia my prepubescent children needed to be 21 years old
They grow up so fast, don’t they?
“Riding a horse is just like riding a bike…it’s just a lot harder to stick cards in the spokes…” -Robert Stack, AIRPLANE! (adapted).
@I speak Jive: #107: PA was even stricter than Ohio. When I was a kid my grandfather, who lived about 30 miles south of Pittsburgh, would order his Iron City beer by the flat from the local distributor. In Ohio grocery stores are allowed to sell diluted whiskey/rum/vodka/etc. It’s 42 proof, the same strength as those fortified bum wines.
@Horace Broon:
How much DO the Cokes and the tea earn on the trains?
@Garrison Skunk: 3.50 (Pounds Sterling)
@Charterstoned: When I was a kid, our family often went to a stable and rode horses on designated trails (in New Mexico as it turns out, @Ukulele Ike No. 71). One ride, my horse kept rolling over and dumping me. The last time I went tumbling down a slope and into an arroyo. One of the adults finally let me ride with him. Turns out the horse had a sore on his back; he’d take as much as he could, then off I’d go. Too bad he couldn’t talk like the horses in Six Chicks because then he could have warned us to stay off his back.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Louisiana, where even petrol station convenience stores sell it.
Louisiana is wilder than that. I’ve been in a gas station where you could buy a gun, ammo, a pint of whiskey, and a pack of smokes all at once. They were referred to as the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms.
You might enjoy looking up the commercial distinguished British actor James Mason did for Thunderbird. “It has a unique flavor that’s all its own.” It’s on YouTube.
“Wendy Witchell, SBN” “Yes,yes,what is it?” “SBN? It’s a bland name substitute product name for CNN that we use so we won’t get sued, but that’s not important right now.”- AIRPLANE! 1: THE ORIGINAL (adapted)
@White Rabbit: #120: What, no slot machines too?
@Melody Mare, ready to ride:
… they know I don’t work blue!!
_______________________________
I was in Sid’s office when he took a call from the producers of the Las Vegas “Blue Horse Group” show. No matter how much they increased their offer for your services, Sid stayed firm “Neither Melody nor Mane & Tail will allow her coat to be painted blue for ANY price!”
Late Thread Cuisine: I included the recipe this time because I can’t figure out how it’s that color. Can anyone explain?
DT: Is Wendy Wichel cosplaying as Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle?
@Baja Gaijin: The vinegar?
@126 taig: I looked up images of tarragon vinegar. It’s clear with minimal color.
@Baja Gaijin: Do you mean the red color? If you expand the picture, you’ll see that the red part is pieces of pimento.
The green beans look pretty sad. The best ones are a more vibrant green, at least in my experience. Light green ones like that sometimes have a texture like Styrofoam.
The other day someone posted a link to an interview with Retro Ruth, who talked about the bizarre retro recipes she makes. She mentioned that Weight Watchers recipes are always horrible. She’s right about that.
Six Chex And A Cat Named Speedy Gonzalez: “You know,some cartoonists spend longer than four seconds on drawing their final work?”
@Baja Gaijin:
@126 taig: I looked up images of tarragon vinegar. It’s clear with minimal color.
____________________
That was during the early 90s vinegar wars….Sour-Cola™ came out with a clear vinegar soda and all the others had to follow suit.
rmmd if nothing else maybe renee will do something to get bail revoked and have mudd and buzz as his cellmates for running a scam.with the merkel method. luann now where is step odds are either trying to get into tiffs pool with kiff or arguing with him again or after betts shut down the site she was getting hits off of busy somewhere pouting not realizing she is about to learn what happens when you earn betts wrath and betts will do what to her what tiffiny has been wanting to for so long a cat fight is a brewing and may the winner be betts
@The Rambling Otter:
Six Chix: This feels like there’s a “The Far Side” joke in here somewhere.
_____________
Either that or a Steven Wright joke:”The other day I mooed at a herd of cows as I passed them. One turned to the other and said, “Hey, there’s a cow driving that car! Why don’t WE get cars?”
@White Rabbit: When my wife was in college in Mississippi, they would sometimes drive to the drive-thru daiquiri shop just over the border in Louisiana. Passengers were allowed to drink, but for the driver, they put a sticker over the straw hole in the lid.
DENNIS THE MORONIC MENACE. Yeah, sure kid. People will stop hating each other, being greedy, perverted, stop stealing, killing, and raping. Might as well ask the CEO of Charmin what will he do if people stop shitting.
@Poteet: J Nebus has written a couple of blogs on that subject this week.
@Rube:
@Poteet: Apparently it’s in reruns, although the Daily Cartoonist notes that the creators have been known to to headfakes in the past
______________________
“Those darn carbon units! You let them infect a planet, next thing you know, they’re playing practical jokes! My Decker-unit side is highly annoyed!
“No means NO, Ms Winchell, and consider yourself lucky: if I wasn’t wearing my Foster Grants™, my eye lasers would be burning a hole in your brain at this very moment.”
The Phantom: Since Savarna’s outfit is probably a hand-me-down from some pygmy girl I would have thought it would be even smaller and more revealing.
@Philip: #37: re-DtM: There could be some truth to your theory. Marijuana became illegal right after Prohibition was repealed. I guess the large Federal bureaucracy created to enforce Prohibition needed something to do and laying off numerous Federal employees at the height of the Great Depression wouldn’t have looked too cool.
@Garrison Skunk: Actually, it’s a Garry Shandling joke.
@Garrison Skunk: Much appreciated! Found, read.
A&J: It’s okay with me if Arlo and Janis move. It’s okay with me if we only find out that they are going to move after the strip has ended. It’s okay with me if it’s left up in the air. It’s all good, as long as Luddie remains healthy and happy. Luddie must have the best of care and consideration, that’s the bottom line.
FC: It would serve Bil right if he makes Jeffy motion sick and gets a load of hurl right on top of his head.
Looking back, as a kid I always hated when a grownup grabbed me and lifted me up to ceiling level.
@Guillermo el chiclero: In my part of Ohio, liquor sales are handled by a state-run agency, OHLQ. Liquor is sold in some grocery stores. Some grocery stores sell liquor, some don’t. In one Giant Eagle grocery store, the liquor store is a separate room within the grocery store. In the ACME Freshmarket store, the liquor is stored on shelves in the back of the store along with the beer and wine. You use the same checkout lines as regular groceries.