More Les, more or less
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Heathcliff, 9/14/24
One of the hazards of the Backup Comics Blogger business is that you start musing about the interior lives of comic strip characters. To wit: does Heathcliff resent Garfield? I mean, he’s got nothing to be ashamed of: Heathcliff has run for fifty years; launched a TV show, movie, and more than 50 books; hung in the Louvre; and sponsored NASCAR driver T.J. Bell (2007 Ford F-150 #50). But relative latecomer Garfield (1976) is a force of nature: the world’s most widely syndicated strip; multiple TV specials; TV series in the US (four Emmys), France, and coming up on Nickelodeon; and wellspring of the Paws, Inc. licensing and merchandising juggernaut sold to Viacom in 2019 for an undisclosed amount probably north of a quarter billion dollars. When you think “orange comic-strip cat,” Heathcliff is probably your second thought.
So I understand Grandma Nutmeg’s mistake; I’ve made it myself. But I understand Heathcliff’s little scowl, too.
Crankshaft, 9/14/24
[Author’s note: On Wednesday I compared legacy comic strip Funky Winkerbean to a parasitic snail. That comparison was mean-spirited and grossly unfair. I have heard and understood those to whom I’ve caused incalculable pain and harm. I am profoundly sorry, and extend my sincere apologies to parasitic snails everywhere.]
In his Joan of Arc play Die Jungfrau von Orleans, Schiller wrote, “Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens”—”Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.” But I wish at least a couple of those gods would contend with Les here, so I don’t have to. Consider: Les is working around the School Board’s ill-drafted rule that disapproved books can’t be ordered by the school [nudge nudge wink wink] by ordering copies himself to be distributed to students through a local bookstore. Why not just pass them out in class? Don’t know!
And when that bookstore is torched by an angry mob, he accepts the kindly offer of another bookstore owner to take over distribution. What could go wrong? Maybe that thing that went wrong last time? Nah, it’ll be fine.
Frankly, if this “banned book” prestige arc ends with some stupid pun about Harry L. Dinkle’s “band books,” I’ll be strangely satisfied. That’s all I’ve got for you today, Les: go away now!
Luann, 9/14/24
OK here’s another Les, sort of a palate-cleanser. Like Thomas Fairchild in Sabrina—who took a chauffeur’s job so he’d have time to read books—Leslie Knox is unambitious, comfortable in his own skin, and content. He’s the bad one. Whiny, manipulative, anxiety-ridden, passive-aggressive Mama’s-boy Gunther is the good one. You will be made to agree!
Pearls before Swine, 9/14/24
Geez, and here I thought Dagwood was a fascist. Fight the cyclocracy!
Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/24
Panel three: Mary Worth plops down between Parker and Truck and hisses, “Listen to me, young man. You get right back on that bike and this time, stay in your lane.”
So ends the 2024 Comics Curmudgeon Fall Fundraiser. Josh sends his grateful thanks from far-off sunny Italy, and I add my own. Thank you, generous readers!
—Uncle Lumpy
145 replies to “More Les, more or less”
Crankshaft-Imagine their shock when they discover all those books are actually copies of “Lisa’s Story”.
FC-“Oops. I need some clean pants now.”
MW-And the readers aren’t happy with the pace of the story.
RMMD:
“It’ll all be better when Godot gets here, Mister.”
“I wouldn’t count on it, son.”
RMMD:
“Son, why is it that the background here keeps alternating between being completely blank, as was the case in one of yesterday’s panels, and being in full leaf, as is the case in both panels today?”
“It’s Schrodinger’s shrubbery, Mr. Tyler!”
“You’re a pretty smart kid, you know that?”
CS: The paperback version of Fahrenheit 451 depicted here retails around $8-10, Les wasn’t allowed to use any discounting he’d get from a school order, and while it’s hard to judge exactly how many copies there are in these boxes, it looks like this little act of rebellion would have cost Les well north of $1000 out of “his own pocket” (i.e. funds “redistributed” from the Lisa’s Legacy breast cancer charity). And remember, this is the amount of books left over after his students have picked up copies and some were damaged by the fire, which appears to imply that Les vastly overbought or, more likely, none of these kids in any of Les’s classes actually picked up their books in the first place. Truly, the lethargic apathy of today’s youth is the greatest literary inferno of all.
(Also, Lillian’s stairs have been retconned into a low-incline ramp that definitely cannot reach the second level anymore.)
JP: You know, Marciuliano, if you realize you’re doing some extremely terrible writing, you can skip the self-aware quipping and just not do it.
HtH: “Wait, if my boyfriend sold you out in court, why are you here?”
“Oh, I just had my merciless band of raiders enslave and slaughter everyone at the courthouse. Hey, if it got me into this mess, it may as well get me out of it.”
DT: Ah hah! It was genetically-modified space Nazi incest all along! That… answers… everything?
Heathcliff: Heathcliff, Heathcliff, no one should…be in a third rate Garfield cartoon…
MW: Every single time that Moy expects the readers to side with a character, she never fails to make it so that they back up the opposition. We’re supposed to side with Estelle because she’s planning her wedding (and its incredibly childish and idiotic theme) alone but she’s becoming more obtuse and self absorbed every second. Dr. Ed, however, is coming across less as a workaholic and more the kind of veterinarian who actually cares about his patients after hours instead of just telling his clients to fuck off at 4:59 so he can get his “me time” (*cough* Sheila *cough*).
RMMD: I wouldn’t necessarily call Parker a smart kid without adding -ass at the end of “smart.”
MW:
“Thank you, Doctor — but his name isn’t ‘Grover.’ I named him instead after the pizza-making material that’s used by the local Greek fraternity at Santa Royale’s very own Community College!”
“Really? What’s his name?”
“Phi Dough!”
PbS — Voting for these two would be like doing something that, although you haven’t done it in a long time, seems completely natural.
RMMD — “Go see a doctor when you’re hurt” is a pearl of wisdom right up there with “Don’t read Luann,” “Les is an insufferable poseur,” and “Don’t paint Garfield when you’re supposed to be painting Heathcliff.” Or do roots-country practitioners normally display a deep vein of subtle sarcasm?
Family Circlejerk – Just wait until Jeffy steps up and joins the fun. It will be Marvinesque.
Crankshaft : Wait a minute, since when do Amelia and
BedeliaEmily have a triplet?… Oh wait, that’s supposed to be MINDY. Man, the “all blonde women in Funkyshaft look exactly the same” problem has gotten way out of ha-Wait a minute, since when are Amelia and Emily YOUNG ADULTS again? Last we saw them, they were little kids again, because of the weird time travel stuff?
(Yes, that’s what I’m focussing on. That panel two features the same character model THREE times in a row.)**************
Hagar the Horrible : Honi had forgotten she wasn’t dating Knute anymore, and thus, it was odd for Hagar to talk about how well her boyfriend could sing.
**************
Heathcliff : it was incredibly weird for the recent Garfield movie to feature a fat orange cat reuniting with his deadbeat criminal father, because having a deadbeat criminal father is Heathcliff’s thing.
But then again, the main villain of that movie is Garfield’s dad’s ex (but not his mom, we’ve met Garfield’s mom several times before), and she’s a big puffy white cat, just like HEATHCLIFF’s girlfriend, so I spent the entire movie wondering “Hey, was the initial idea of the Garfield movie to reveal that HEATHCLIFF is Garfield’s dad, in a weird meta joke, but the deal fell through?”
Sorry for talking so much about Garfield (2024), this was just the main thing on my mind vis-à-vis Garfield vs Heathcliff**************
Luann : man, I *WISH* “Les is a picky eater who only ever eats one thing and one thing only” and “Les does the EXACT SAME THING every day”, is in fact leading up to things like “Les is really bad at social interactions, picking up nonverbal cues in particular” and such. Luann deciding to run a story on neurodivergence where the character in question is the ONLY character in the cast who’s NOT a huge nerd, to give the message of “neurodivergence =/= being a nerd”, that would surprise me.
*************
Pearls before Swine : Goat heroically tries to stop Jef Mallet’s evil plan of turning the entire population of the United States into duplicates of Frazz and Caufield.
Sadly, he doesn’t do it by simply pointing out that if they did THAT, they would have no one to feel superior to, and insult behind their backs.
*************
Rex Morgan M.D. : “If what appears to be a medical issue bothers you, you should go see a doctor about it right away” IS good advice, but it’s ignoring the more immediate “if you feel bad about loudly, angrily screaming while breaking things, then abruptly leaving without explaining what that was about, you should go back and apologise right away”.
DtM: Henry slams shut his diary. “F you, kid!”
CS – Les is in the strip but does not speak. I call it a win.
CS: Nathan Hale, Susan B. Anthony, Martin Luther King Jr., Les Moore. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
MW: These major nuptials are going to be great, their primary feature being a seething mutual resentment that will fester long into the marriage.
6Chx: Cats are not good.
Dustin: Whoa, why the sudden immersion in raking leaves? Threat of divorce.
GT: Well Henry finally got something right. With the possible exception of San Antonio Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich, in the entire history of sports broadcasting, there has never, ever been an on-field interview that wasn’t a complete waste of time, effort, and breath.
Heathcliff: Besides, Chris Pratt has never played Heathcliff in a major motion picture. Point: Heathcliff!
FW (yeah, I’m referring to this as Funky Winkerbean now): It was nice of Batiuk to have his Dumb Female Exposition Character (DumbFEC) ask a dumb question, so we know these are the banned books. It’s like he doesn’t trust his artist for some reason.
Luann: The unintentional irony in this series of strips is absolutely delicious!
RMMD: “It’s a good thing this kid(?) suggested I go to the doctor. I’d never have thought about it, otherwise.”
Luann: Being blessedly unfamiliar with the characters in “Luann,” my first reaction to seeing this strip was, “Why is a vampire sitting in a chair eating?”
Frazz: Congrats, Caulfield. You took the prize of “most shitty pile of sanctimonious shits” from Gunther.
9CL: I wonder if that cat spits acid too.
MW: I can’t wait for Stelle to tell Ed she’s unhappy with doing the work for the wedding (something she agreed to earlier) in the most inhuman and awkward way possible.
Zits: Connie, two words: refractory period.
FC: He’s within kicking range, Thel. Do it!
It’s good that Gunther is getting some face time again. He was voted the Most Despicable Character by an expert panel (us) a few years ago, and he shouldn’t be forgotten, especially with people like Estelle now making a strong challenge.
RMMD: Parker–the Les Moore of Rex Morgan, MD
Garfield is 1978, you moron. I guess you are a perfect substitute for Josh since you have the same level of intelligence. That goes for all the commenters who didn’t call you on this.
Luann: Gunther, you are eating what looks like a bone-dry salad and an apple, not a half-rack of ribs slathered in BBQ sauce. Lose the damn bib.
FW/CS: “It feels like we’re committing a crime with a back alley hand-off!” That’s exactly what you’re doing, boopsey! Mopey Pete is even confessing to being an accessory! Too bad this is probably a misdemeanor instead of a felony that would draw a mandatory sentence of hard time.
I fear for the future of this country with (among many other things) it’s over-incarceration and miserable failure to treat the incarerated with any kind of dignity or sense they could ever meaningfully contribute to society again, but for the chance of seeing Les, Mopey, Lillian and the rest of this gang of idiots locked in a cage never to see the light of day again, I would be willing to make a big, BIG exception.
Crank – The townspeople rally against it, but Les is determined to inflict Lisa’s Story on a new, and innocent, generation.
FC: “I’ll out barf Barfy. Watch me hurl. Get outta way PJ!”
Heathcliff – Heathcliff, of course, can’t see what’s on the canvas from where he’s sitting. He just resents that “Whoops” as an unwarranted interference in the artist’s creative process. Would Heathcliff ever have invented the HAM Helmet or bubble-gum levitation if some naysayer were standing around saying “Whoops” all the time?
@Needless Exposition:
I hardly ever watched that cartoon, and yet the theme song pops into my head almost every time Heathcliff is featured here. It must be damn catchy.
Don Abundio, translated:
[Sign: HAT-TAKE 5]
JP: Merry Mix-Ups ahead! “Son, I absolutely forbid you to marry a brown girl! Well, orangish-brown. The colorists seem to be confused about the range of possible human skin tones. Besides, she really seems like a lesbian — don’t you pick up any signals at ALL?”
Alley Oop: You can’t blame Ooola. Remember, her usual couture is a simple off-shoulder shift made of saber-tooth tigerskin.
MW: ”Estelle, when you met me, you knew that the cats and dogs come first! Now, where’s that sledgehammer?”
Luann- Throwing these two together was an attempt to get some kind of Odd Couple thing going, and now the Evansii are doubling down on it.
It looks like Les is winning the happiness game until you realize that being a self righteous little prick is what brings Gunther joy.
At that point, it just becomes No Exit.
Agnes: Uh oh. Now they’re talking about a moth having sex with a leaf.
Archie-“Who is this April you’re easing into,” Betty demands.
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
@Peanut Gallery: I will admit that I stole it from this Homestar Runner cartoon.
MW: Estelle is going to be one of those annoying girlfriends who constantly calls up her man when he’s at work (usually when he’s busy and can least talk on the phone) asking, “Whaddya doin’?”
DT: Mysta in the last panel is starting to look more like Gravel Gertie.
RMMD: By tomorrow Truck and Parker will be covered in pigeon shit.
Dustin: Look, everybody! Dustmom actually changed clothes!
Dustin: It’s obviously hot outside since Dustmom can wear shorts and a tee shirt yet Dustdad is doing yardwork in a pullover sweater?
Pluggers: This one covers pluggers are fat and pluggers are medically decrepit.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Good to hear that about Pluggers. I’d hate it if the strip was strictly one-note.
MT: I know, I know – you thought we were finished with this scatshow of a comic. But where else are they gonna get a pride of well-trained professional Lions? We were able to pick up this crew at the Senior Center for Retired Circus Lions to help ’em out. Yeah, I realize they look to be more fit and buff than you’d normally expect from seniors, but they all participate in the exercise and predator classes to keep on their paws. And no, they’re not sedated for this passive scene. It’s called ACTING!
MW: Meanwhile, another Canine extra hoping to get his big break. But unfortunately, cute little Grover is destined to be just a one-shot. Unless…. he and Mrs. Kennedy get to remain in the picture while Dr. Ed takes the call from Estelle! The vets here don’t mind discussing their personal lives in front of their patients, so he may get a few Sunday panels!
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: I forgot to mention this but excellent job with casting those Rotties last week. Wonder if you can get some work set up for my brother’s Rottweiler who’s looking for her big break…
CS: “Frankly, if this “banned book” prestige arc ends with some stupid pun about Harry L. Dinkle’s “band books,” I’ll be strangely satisfied.”
It is my sad duty to report:
https://www.gocomics.com/crankshaft/2024/08/31
Garfield: A fun fact which I learned from the game show People, Place or Thing just yesterday is that when Garfield first appeared in 1976, the comic strip was named “Jon.” Jim Davis renamed it to “Garfield” in 1978, when it became clear who the popular character was. Congratulations to Uncle Lumpy for knowing such an obscure but very true fact, and commiserations to any blah trolls who thought otherwise.
Heathcliff: The writer chuckles to himself about his humorous shout out to Garfield, unaware that Jim Davis is now aiming a rifle at the back of his head.
Crankshaft: My guess is that there isn’t actually any sort of Concerned Parent Illuminati burning down book stores; Les is just orchestrating all this stupid bullshit to make himself look good and create material for his next book, the shocking sequel to Lisa’s Story titled “Why I’m Awesome And Everyone Should Love Me”. The book will flop horribly, aside from a large surplus of copies being bought by one Mr. Batiuk as jerk-off material.
Luann: Most of the cast from Luann seems to have this bizarre puritan martyr complex where they think they’re being noble and brilliant by making themselves miserable, and it makes me question the sanity of the author. Anyways, Les Knox is awesome and probably the only character in Luann that I don’t find utterly repulsive; I hope he escapes from it’s confines some day to go to an actually good comic like Pearls Before Swine.
Pearls Before Swine: Case in point.
Rex Morgan: Christ, it’s gotten to the point that even Truck himself is pointing out how stupid and boring this arc of him sitting around thinking is!
C’shaft: If Les were really as saintly and heroic as he wants us to think he is, he would be distributing these books on his own without dragging the middleman of a bookstore into this mess that he’s created. But someone has to accept the potential consequences of his actions, and it sure as Hell isn’t going to be him.
Luann: It’s a noble effort, Clan Evans, but Dustin remains the gold standard for hating on “those lazy good-for-nothing kids these days.”
RMMD: “For example, I’m smart enough to see how contrived this entire situation is.”
@ectojazzmage: What about Ox? Unless he’s the one from that one strip where he waylaid Les(?) from entering the men’s restroom because one of the female characters was using it, has he ever been presented as anything other than a sweet-natured, optimistic person?
@ectojazzmage: Thanks to you, Luann makes sense as a Calvinist parable.
@Terence O’Brien: It is my sadder duty to report that Tom Batiuk has used the “banned book” sounds like “band book” line twice in the last five months:
https://www.gocomics.com/crankshaft/2024/05/02
DT: Is that a reference to the whole “he’s adopted” thing regarding Loki in the MCU? If so, well played, Ro-Zan, well played.
Dustin: “And I’ve found some great reads, too! Girl on the Train, A Certain Hunger, They Never Learn, ‘Lamb to the Slaughter’…very, very inspiring.”
JP: No, Ronnie, the correct response is “Well, you should have thought about that before you made the obviously stupid move of trying to reconcile your fiance with his estranged family behind his back. I may be a lesbian but I am NOT lying down with you in this bed you made.”
MW: First off, you’re thinking about it as “your wedding” and not “our wedding” which to me indicates an important part of the problem…
Phantom: “Surely the destructive adaptive learning robot learning to climb trees won’t be a problem here in the jungle canopy!”
@The Quiet Man:
The waylayer was Knute; your point about Ox stands.
@Anonymous: RE: Rex Morgan M.D.: Of course Truck doesn’t feel the need to apologize for his scene. He already “makes up for it” by giving his lady the good “D” (I mean the chord on his guitar, of course. What else could I have meant?)
CS: A back-alley handoff. Sorry, Becky. Is Becky the one with one arm from Funky Winkerbean, and am I making a cringe joke? I have a feeling it’s cringe. If you have to ask, it’s cringe. And FW only ended about 2 years ago.
Luann: Meanwhile, Gunther doesn’t have to work. I don’t think he will ever have to pay back student loans, either. Do you realize how many students his age have jobs AND crippling video game addictions? I dare the Evansesesez to write about crippling video game addictions.
CS/FW: Why did Les take boxes of paid for books from Westview to Centerville (a distance of 20 miles according to Google Maps), so that dozens of students will have to drive that 40 miles to pick up their book, and then have to write a report on it. Couldn’t Les just pass them out at school or to avoid controversy from his house? Or Montoni’s? Maybe the explanation will win Batiuk his Pulitzer.
I don’t feel good about it but I like Les Moore’s plan better than Uncle Lumpy’s. If someone is burning down bookstores to make a point, I’m pretty sure they’ll burn down schools, especially after they’ve crossed the arsonist’s threshold.
Arsonist’s Threshold is a pretty good name for a band.
Anyhow, That doesn’t make what Les is doing smart – drag the school board’s bad decisions into the daylight, protest their meetings, embarrass them in public – but I understand his impulse. He wants to stand up to a bully and not let a terrorist define local public policy. The fact that Les is unlikable doesn’t enter into it. Even a relentlessly smug narcissist can be kind of right once in a lifetime.
@cs: Or order them from Amazon, as it’s been possible to do for about a quarter century?
Kinda bummed that Pearls missed an opportunity to satirize actual fascists instead of dunking on what Pastis imagines holier-than-thou cyclists are saying behind his back.
Crankshaft – I’m not sure what annoys me most about this dreck – the heavy handed treatment, the stupidity, or the smugness.
I hope that angry mob that burned down the bookstore doesn’t hear about Gender Queer or The Bluest Eye.
Mary Worth – If this turns into Mary trying to meddle Estelle into getting back together with Wilbur, go ahead. They deserve each other. @Needless Exposition: #5 is absolutely on target.
Pluggers – Pluggers don’t understand why they gain weight, because they eat only one meal a day. From 7:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m.
@Victor Von:
“Cyclist Jef” is Pastis’s friend and Frazz writer Jef Mallett, so he’s probably saying those things in front of Pastis’s back.
I just want to let everyone know that Mr. Jive and I had our wedding on September 14, 1974. Today is our fiftieth anniversary.
Crankshaft: The Blonde Brigade.
Rex Morgan: Yes he should see a good doctor, in other words, not Rex Morgan.
@I speak Jive:
Congratulations to you both!
@I speak Jive: Hey, that’s extremely cool. My wife and I married late and will never make our 50th in all probability, I am always happy to hear about others who have had a good run.
RwO: Terrific performances by the Bluebirds of Unhappiness! And yes, they cleared this comic with the Audubon Society – it’s meant to show that your donations are spent wisely on conservation, habitat protection, and affordable housing for Bluebirds, not pricy Mealworm delicacies. And we thought providing their favored Insect and Caterpillar diet would be unethical, to say the least!
@Cleveland Mocks: re 6Chx: “Cats are not good.”— No, they’re GREAT! Like this Feline slice-of-life ensemble starring recognizable Cats with lifelike expressions and dialogue! No Insects or Arachnids were harmed in the making of this comic, of course. I dunno about the Avocado – you’ll have to ask Plant guy.
Hooboy, a slow week and then… boom… I hafta work on Saturday! But I’m the one who signed up for the Show Biz life… and bills gotta be paid.
@I speak Jive:
Hey, joyous congrats, Mrs. Jive! I’m guessing you didn’t have a zoo-themed wedding, but you can still force everyone to wear festive animal masks for your Golden Anniversary gala! I’ll bet they love it! Or maybe not.
@I speak Jive: #54: Congratulations. You must have been a child bride. Like Rube I married late so I’ll have to live well into my 90s to see my fiftieth.
@I speak Jive:
Congratulations!
Ha ha! Goat lives in a fantasy world! *sobs*
Phantom: Watch out, Stripeybutt. If Avarice has acquired the abilities of a monkey he’ll soon be bombarding you with cyberpoo.
@I speak Jive: Congratulations and wishing you many more years together. There’s no secret to reaching your Golden Anniversary, you just have to marry the right one (at a young-enough age!)
@I speak Jive: That’s awesome! Congrats on a half century with your better half!
CROSS COMIX- Mind Reading. Who needs questions when we already know the answers?
BETWEEN FRIENDS- The relationship version
CANDORVILLE:. The political take
MARY WORTH: Estelle: “Maybe if will help if I tell him to take off work in the middle of the day like his assistant and secretary did….”
MARY WORTH (2): Y’know maybe Estelle will go back to Wilbur after all. I mean he’s certainly one guy who’ll always pay attention to Estelle (Estelle’s even got the restraining order to prove it)!
@TheDiva:
#44 JP:. Thanks for the reminder To nie is married, is she not? No more awkward roomie duties.
@I speak Jive:
M and M Jive, you’re Golden! Congratulations. I hope you make a Diamond together.
@I speak Jive: Congratulations!
Congrats, Jive! The Ukulele Lady and I just passed our 35th anniversary last Feb. (Wedding, that is — 43rd of First Boink)
@made of wince: Skip Townes should be abetting this criminous act; he’s definitely got a hand off.
@ectojazzmage: I’m still repulsed by Leslie. I haven’t forgiven him for trying to pull a sex assault on Tiffany back in high school. Of course, knowing the Evans mindset, the intended message was probably “Bubbleheaded Slut Deserves It.”
Honestly, I think even Grumpy Cat (death aside) is more iconic/recognizable than Heathcliff these days.
Crank: When Funky Winkerbean was cancelled, my one regret was that I was sure that, had it kept running, at some point Batty would forget that the teenage Polar Opposite Twins in Les’s class and the pre-teen Literalism Twins who hung out with Lillian were meant to be the same characters, and now that there wasn’t a timeskip only one set of them should exist. And I really wanted to see that happen.
Well, I may have got my wish today, but it’s impossible to tell. There are three blonde women in this strip. One of them is probably Mindy, and the other two are possibly students. Are they those students? Who knows? They weren’t addressed by name, and how else can you distinguish blonde women in the Funkyverse?
HtH: It’s funny because Lute tried to get Hägar incarcerated and failed! Has Hägar already wreaked his vengenance on the unfortunate skald, or is he biding his time?
JP: “Wait here while I tell Kat where I’m going.”
“Who?”
“My wife? Actress? Looks exactly like you for reasons that don’t have any subtext whatsoever? You met Declan at our wedding?”
“Nope, I’m pretty sure if someone like that existed they’d have been mentioned in the past year!”
S4th: Psst, Jackie, I know you’re worried about all the differences between running a magical shop that maintains itself through unknown means and a normal shop with overheads, but the good news is, when you run a normal shop, it’s actually possible to make money at it. You just stock things people want, and they’ll come into the shop and give you money in exchange for it! That’s how normal shops work!
@I speak Jive: Congrats!!! :3
@taig: Upon reading that line, I wrongfully predicted that your sentence was going to end with:
“It’s a good thing Randy did that… a good good thing…” (Truck and Parker get sent to the cornfield)
@I speak Jive:Congratulations!
@Ukulele Ike: I had to Google Skip Townes and skimmed that there’s a real life musician named Skip Towne. I bet he’s good, too! The other musician Townes I know is Townes Van Zandt, but he has passed away, sadly. Great songwriter.
@The Rambling Otter: Yeah, those two getting sent to the cornfield would have been the most charitable thing for the readers.
@made of wince:Steve Earle once said “Townes Van Zandt is the greatest songwriter today, and I’ll stand on Bob Dylan’s coffee table and tell him so.”
Townes said “I have met Bob Dylan’s bodyguards, and I have some bad news for Steve Earle.”
@I speak Jive: Well, well! Congrats to you and The Mister on this momentous occasion! We would be pleased to provide you with Animal entertainment for your Golden Gala – at special Curmudgeon rates! May we suggest the GOLDFish musical package, with headliners Willa and Stellan! Yes, they sing and dance, too. Expect their limo around 6pm. …. You don’t have a Cat, do you?
Garfield’s success is pretty much how Jim Davis planned it. Each step of the way, Garfield is less of an artistic success than a commercial one.
@54 I speak Jive:
Congrats and yahoo! July was Mrs. Sequitur and my 50th wedding anniversary.
1974 was a good year for marriage! (As opposed to 2024 with Estelle and Neddy.)
Luann-Isn’t this also the same comic that says being ambitious is terrible?
Crankshaft-Meanwhile going over their accounts Cayla was wishing all the money Les spends was going towards a mistress.
@The Rambling Otter:
About my Twilight Zone comment, just out of curiosity, I did some research on the episode, as to what the Cornfield exactly is.
No-one knows, as the show purposely left it ambiguous, EXCEPT… a later iteration of the show did a sequel episode, where it was mentioned, that the cornfield was actually a place where people are kept happy.
(Which I call bull on, as the kid clearly used it as a threat… unless said “happy” was forced upon them as it already was in the original show proper)
But then I did some deep thinking, and the kid in the original story, with all of his powers he could probably do the sickest, most disgusting body-horror transformations to people beyond comprehension (The jack-in-the-box transformation would probably look outright pleasant in comparison) in turn, maybe what he COULD do actually scared even him, and sending them to the cornfield before he impulsively did something much much worse to them, maybe was a mercy, rather than a punishment.
Even without the context of what the (arguably, ambiguously canon) sequel episode revealed, this could still factor in.
Just thinking out loud here really… when I ramble, I RAMBLE…
@Ukulele Ike:
Skip Townes should be abetting this criminous act; he’s definitely got a hand off.
Ha haaa, I think that’s hilarious! Which I guess doesn’t speak very well of either of us.
Heathcliff – A Heathcliff – Garfield comic equivalent of diss track is the dream of comics publishers. Anything, really, to get people under the age of 65 to pick up a newspaper, or to make memes on social media.
Crankshaft – Before Funky Winkerbean’s strip ended, he was often relegated to the side by Les’ antics. Now Crankshaft has been ousted from his own strip, as proof the Les will take up more space in any strip he is even featured in once.
Funky Winkerbean was criticized for becoming a depressing cancer strip, but judging by how he’s metastasizing in Crankshaft, it was clear Les was the cancer the whole time.
Luann – Capitalism requires a desire for growth at all costs! Merely doing the minimum work possible to survive on simple pleasures is a sin against the Protestant work ethic. Luann is giving The Family Circus a run in promoting the dominant American conservative ethos.
Pearls Before Swine – Jef, of course, is a reference to Frazz creator Jef Mallett. This ongoing sniping is just a self-loathing creator of a once funny, now misanthropic strip arguing against the smug self-satisfied creator of a once funny, now misanthropic strip.
Rex Morgan, MD – A shiver runs up Rex Morgan’s spine. It’s like a spider-sense, but unlike Spider-Man, Rex is not going to be motivated to do his duty in aiding someone.
@Philip: Crankshaft won’t even pull a Barney Google here. I think he’s just literally gone.
C-Shaft: By the time Mopey Pete showed up I had forgotten whether he co-runs the Valentine or Montoni’s, so his desperation to be Part Of A Thing is understandable.
H-Cliff: Not much doubt about which long-running cat strip is “I feel bad for you” and which is “I don’t think about you at all.”
Luann: Who are these people that think Gunther is the smart one. Have they ever actually met a smart person?
BB: “You’re crazy!” they said. “Stick with the schoolkids, that’s where the money is,” they said. “How are you even going to get a security clearance to sell ice cream on a military base?” they asked. But Nick showed them. He showed them all.
DT: “Gosh I hope the alien invasion in this old and beloved police strip gets some incestuous backstory” said no one ever.
JP: Ronnie doesn’t even have the illusion of free will. Whether she’s happier that way is a matter for philosophical debate.
MT: Quite a testimonial to whoever sold the producers that couch. It can support the weight of at least one lion and has no claw marks on the upholstery.
MW: Woody Allen IS Mrs. Doubtfire!
@I speak Jive: Congratulations to the Jives!
@Artist formerly known as Ben:
Mopey Pete: that may be Comic John; I get them confused all the time. He’s the crusader against suppression of 1950’s comic books; probably the only one still active.
@Uncle Lumpy: It’s Mopey Pete, unless Davis forgot Skunkhead John’s signature look, which is certainly possible.
@89 The Rambling Otter:
I’m sure we’ll see Crankshaft again next grilling season.
By the way. The Middletons had an exploding grill story from September 10 – 13, 2024. The link takes you to Sept 10th. Click the single forward button to see all four days one day at a time.
@54 I speak Jive: Happy Anniversary! I brought cake.
@Liam: Crankshaft-Imagine their shock when they discover all those books are actually copies of “Lisa’s Story”.
Well, that would explain the size of the books. Fahrenheit 451 is 250 pages: these books are a foot thick.
@96 Baja Gaijin:
Very good. No olive eyes.
@86 The Rambling Otter: “The jack-in-the-box transformation…” sounds worse than the Wilbur Weston transformation.
@98 Sequitur: Olive eyes on a cake made from crumbled-up Wonder Bread? Sheesh. Oh wait, they put sliced olive eyes on everything back then. Nevermind.
@Baja Gaijin:
#96. That was better than I expected. (I expected Tobi yo pop out of it.). But EIGHT eggs?!?! Are you trying to kill the celebrants?
@I speak Jive: Congratulations! Mrs A and myself have only reached 26 years …
@Baja Gaijin: I was scared it was the Awful Fish.
@100 Activist: And yet the eight slices of Wonder Bread didn’t trigger you? IN A CAKE???
@102 taig: I found a “salmon cake” that was actually in the shape of a cake not a salmon. I figured this cake was more appropriate for the occasion, at least by looks.
Dustin: Mom, the radio talk show swampcritter, is ‘rehabbing’ by taking a break from the swampcritters on social media?
Luann: I get that we’re supposed to hate Gunther but the days of a guy having a roof over his head with a minimum wage job are long, long gone. Uncle Al and/or Irma won’t live or stay together forever. If the house is sold, there goes the granny flat Les infests.
Far Side: A classic today!
Between Friends: Tried to give this strip the benefit of the doubt but I’ve seen frozen molasses move faster than Bell-Lundy’s plots. All the goodwill earned from the Consultant’s office Machiavellitude is crushed by her off-again, off-again romances on two continents.
@The Rambling Otter: Running over mailboxes in Hell.
@Consul, the Almost Human:
Re: BF. It’s her lassitude that kills me. She should just stand up, bellow “I AM SLUT FRIEND” and act like it for once. There is nothing in the world says you can’t bang ’em both, girl.
@Activist: Don’t worry about the eggs – they’re the only REAL thing in the cake! Don’t look at the recipe, just focus on the pretty picture.
I watched Kraft Television Theatre way back in the day, and saw first-hand those Velveeta and Philadelphia Cream Cheese recipe ads. But even though pre-Julia Child cooking was pretty grim, neither my parents nor any of their friends ever prepared any such things. I think of those recipes as a subgenre of fiction, like dorm-room business ideas: “Heh heh wouldn’t it be wild if ….”
@105 taig:
In Hell they rip the mailbox off before Crankshaft can hit it denying him the pleasure. That’s Hell for Crankshaft.
@Uncle Lumpy: I’ve only read the strip a few months, don’t know her deep history, and can’t speak to the s-bomb or her self-pride therein. But I do agree with you that it isn’t 1970 anymore.
S4th: Jackie has nothing to worry about. The summer season ended two weeks ago, and the leaf-peeping season has about two more weeks in north New Hampshire before everything turns brown and falls off the trees. If she’s not open for business by then, no one is going to walk into that store until the end of next May.
Way to go ISJ and Senor Jive. A much more successful marriage than I predict for Stell and Ed.
@Uncle Lumpy: Glad to hear that, thank you Uncle Lumpy.
I also see that the post where you explain that was from those halcyon days when we could refer to ‘beloved secondary character Wilbur Weston’. Such a long time ago…
@Uncle Lumpy: @taig: Yeah, Pete still looks younger than Comic Book John, which is not quite the same thing as looking better (it’s a wash.)
@I speak Jive: Congrats.
Also to Sequitur.
@Baja Gaijin: Just walnut-flavored cake without the real thing? I guess it goes well with the artificial sugar.
@taig: I guess he’d be Hell on wheels?
@116 Dr. Pill: And the strawberry frosting with the imitation butter flavoring.
Thanks so much for the good wishes on my anniversary. We had a good day – went out to eat at a very good local restaurant.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: They must have known that I’m a Beatles fan, because they did a sweet rendition of In My Life.
Fortunately, we do not have a Cat.
@Baja Gaijin: No olive eyes, but every artificial ingredient known to man. You know that I love those Weight Watchers recipes.
MW: “Mrs. Kennedy, Grover is looking better. You, on the other hand . . .”
@119 I speak Jive: I guess back then the pressure for women to be thin was so great that wearing an uncomfortable constricting undergarment wasn’t enough; women had to endure eating uncomfortable food too.
@Baja Gaijin:
“Discomfort food” pretty much defines your culinary links.
@Liam: Crankshaft-Imagine their shock when they discover all those books are actually copies of “Lisa’s Story”.
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Now you’re dragging George Orwell into this mess…all books are burnable, some are more burnable then others.
@I speak Jive: Congratulations! Yay for you!
@Uncle Lumpy:“Discomfort food” pretty much defines your culinary links.
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Baja frequents the same inconvenience stores as Steven Wright.
@Baja Gaijin: olive eyes on everything
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Truck’s next number none hit song.
@I speak Jive: Congrats on the big 5-0, that’s the Jack Lord anniversary if I’m not mistaken.
@Baja Gaijin: @100 Activist: And yet the eight slices of Wonder Bread didn’t trigger you? IN A CAKE???
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Builds Fat Bodies Seven Ways.
LUANN: I definitely like Les better than Gunther. Even more so if I were their age. But my only real concern is for Punk the cat. Whatever happens, Punk needs to be cared for. Actually I’m kind of hoping that Mr. Grey, or whatever his name is, will kick off in some painless fashion and leave Les enough money so that Les can buy very modest but permanent housing for himself and Punk and continue doing the kind of work he enjoys until The End. Meanwhile, if Gunther marries Luann, I’m going to try a whooole lot harder to quit the strip. Assuming I don’t quit when Bwadoni has a baby, horrid thought.
CRANKSHAFT: UGGGGGH, ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.
@HaikuMatt: Garfield’s success is pretty much how Jim Davis planned it. Each step of the way, Garfield is less of an artistic success than a commercial one.
__________________________________
To see a UK take on the “Garcliff” method, go to Strippers Guide and search for ” King Kat”
http://www.comicstriphistory.com
@Consul, the Almost Human: #104: re- Luann:
“the days of a guy having a roof over his head with a minimum wage are long, long gone”
How true. That probably ended with the 80s. I did some math. When I graduated from high school the federal minimum wage was $1.65 an hour. Based on a 40 hour week that comes out to $66.00. After taxes that would leave you with $60.00. $60.00 a week is $260 a month. Back then, at least in Columbus, Ohio, one could get a half decent one bedroom apartment in a semi decent part of town for well under $100. Get a roommate and you could split a two bedroom for $120. A single person could eat for $20.00 a week if they were frugal. A good running clunker car could be had for $500 and your gas was maybe $10.00 a week. If you went over 40 hours a week you’d get time and a half on the overtime.
Yeah, well, fuck y’all. I think Les should join Gunther in dinners of healthful salads and lean proteins, take up baking fresh bread, apply to medical school, and become an accredited podiatrist. Ann Eiffel’s going to need someone to support her once her looks go.
What a Frazz-hole: why do I get the feeling that Mrs. Olsen is about to drink a halfcaf swamp water cappuccino?
@Baja Gaijin: Where the hell did Weight Watchers get that recipe from, The Great Depression Cookbook?
@Rube: Bob Dylan’s coffee table
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According to the Rutles, Dylan was more into “tea”.
Baldo: Baldo is ordering big pizza, however, if Papa is doing dishes they just finished eating. But if Tia Carman is bringing out the marijuana they certainly will be needing that pizza.
@Ukulele Ike: @Baja Gaijin: Wow, man. That recipe is a real downer.
@Poteet: I’m talking about the cake and the life, man. Bummers both.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Yep. If it weren’t for the Mobster Uncle, Les would be sleeping on the streets. I was going to say he’d be homeLess but thought better of it.
Oh, wait…
@Ukulele Ike: At least he should GTFO So Cal where I believe ‘Luann’ is set and where cost of living is pricing out two professional incomes. The gravy train boat he’s on isn’t forever. And by gravy train I mean the dog food.
@135 Peanut Gallery: If you weren’t depressed before you read the recipe, you will be afterward.
Crankshaft – Loved The Critical Drinker reference.
@GarrisonSkunk:
Interesting bit of comics history, there. Apparently we Americans were not too fond of a cat that behaved like a cat! :D
@Lumpy Blah: 1976 actually IS the right year, goofy. Look it up.