Shorties
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Six Chix, 9/16/24
Hey lady, if you want to shut down all the chit-chat, repeat after me: “I’m a Cross‑Fit vegan; let me tell you about my fur‑babies!”
On the Fast Track, 9/16/24
Oh for crying out loud, Dethany, it’s the one in Row 3 Column 1. It’s your sight gag, own it!
Gil Thorp, 9/16/24
Gil takes his team to Juvie. “Scared straight” or role-modeling? I don’t know, but I know how I want to bet.
Phantom, 9/16/24
Plasma cutting requires an electrical path through conductive material to ground. Devil’s upset because his prosthetic tin nose itches and there’s an electrode up his butt.
Sally Forth, 9/16/24
The Forths enter a corn maze and narrative Doom Loop. They will escape from neither.
Hmm, do Brits have “maize mazes”?
—Uncle Lumpy
183 replies to “Shorties”
FC-Ah how technology has changed. Originally it was send Billy’s homework by carrier pigeon.
MW-Pam was visited in the night by a visit from Mary Worth.
Phantom:
“That burning snout definitely singed your hide, Devil…next time, we’ll have to equip you with form-fitting skivvies like the ones I’m so fond of wearing in the jungle!”
H&L: I’m puzzled; does Hi’s idea of “getting fresh air” consist of freezing in place and breathing? And he could have inhaled a LOT worse; like an unwashed Thirsty.
MW: Oh, goody! Here’s hoping Cousin Pam is a real piece of work.
GT: “Boys will be boys!?” This is the attitude we want in someone mentoring challenged youth?
SF: No one will ever accuse this strip of fresh new ideas.
GT: Omigosh, two of the players joked with each other?! It’s like a second Civil War! When will the madness end?!
H&L: Ah yes, the notoriously strong and malodorous miasma of fabric softener. Guaranteed to ruin anyone’s day. Christ, Hi Flagston is the kind of whiny prick who would do an exaggerated cough at a kid eating a candy cigarette.
JP: Neddy finally got Mrs. Declanmom on the phone to talk to her about the family estrangement… and immediately that conversation was killed and postponed. Since then, Neddy’s spent twice as many days quipping with Ronnie, but they finally went out to meet Mrs. Declanmom in person… only to immediately detour to a diner to continue running out the clock. By the time they finally get to the Whelan house, they’ll already have to leave. How could they not? There simply won’t be enough time!
MW: “What was that fight about, anyway?”
“Oh, you know. Arguing over movies, arguing over whose music to play in the car, she borrowed one of my blouses without asking, I slept with her husband, typical back-and-forth stuff between ladies.”
“Excuse me, what did you say?”
“She borrowed my blouse without asking. You know, come to think of it, I am still a little ticked off about that.”
CS: That is not how fire works. Also, where the hell is Lillian watching this from? I thought she lived in her bookstore house. Instead, her perspective appears to be about thirty feet above where the street should be. Unless Lillian sleeps in some kind of low-flying dirigible, this angle is impossible. Can Batiuk and Davis get anything right?
Tina’s Groove: This is now a comic strip by David Lynch.
Brits have bustles in the hedgerows.
6C: What is the visual representation of no hands clapping?
GT: Gil’s milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they’re like “This is boring and lame”
Damn right, it’s boring and lame
He’d teach them, but they’d just complain
Sally Forth: Ted is a fictional character in a comic strip who suddenly seems to think he’s a fictional character in a movie. You wish, Ted! The days of making features out of mid-level daily comics is long gone! Sure, AVClub.com once recommended a Sally Forth movie directed by Richard Linklater, but that was a joke. If no studio will make their Lockhorns movie starring Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally, they certainly aren’t making this one.
Yes, we do.
https://www.amazingcornishmaizemaze.co.uk/
S4th — My money’s on maize labyrinths.
Sick Chicks — Wouldn’t a Zen response to “How are you?” be more something like “The wind rises in the mountains, but the valleys are undeterred.”?
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
Brits? Most Americans probably associate the name “maize” with Natives and Spanish speakers. The rule apparently is that, for any object that English speakers either discovered or was invented after 1607, British and Americans must have different names for it.
MW – I should know better than to set myself up for such disappointment, but if Dr. Ed and Cousin Pam don’t engage in sexual congress, I shall be very disappointed.
The
MW: Finally it’s time for Crazy Cousin Pam to show up! And it seems that Estelle has temporarily stopped bitching about her hypocrisy because someone decided to throw a party that was all about her.
Blink twice if you’re in distress, Ed.
6Cx: The one time that I can’t get in on a sandwich joke…
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I think the crowd is more interested in pairing Crazy Cousin Pam with Wilbur but then Estelle started mainlining the Charterstone Kool-Aid so Ed’s better off just avoiding that entire genetic mutation.
Slylock Fox: The hippo in the outfield ate some primo hash brownies before the game.
GT With the entire town under his thumb, Gil finally realizes that he can just jail students for being bad at sports. “That was a terrible fumble, Billy: drop and give me 25 to life!”
Ph: Coming this fall: Phamtom vs Predator: the Battle for Bengala. The Hollywood Reporter says “Wait, are we supposed to know who that is?”
Slylock: “Well, if I stand at the south pole and throw the ball hard enough to go into low earth orbit, it’ll start out going north but return to me heading south having changed directions in mid-flight.”
Max pauses; “Or” he says; “you can throw it straight up in the air. Jeez, what a dick.”
@jroggs: I think the bookstore is supposed to be over Lillian’s garage, not in the house proper, so as much as I hate to say it I don’t think this is a continuity flub. Still, the bookstore is on fire now and will soon be smouldering ashes, and that’s what really matters.
‘And there was much rejoicing…’
MW: ‘It was as if our fight never happened! Like some unseen power that controls our every move decided they didn’t know how to make that story interesting and decided to do a complete 180! Now we’ve never been anything but the best of friends!’
RMMD: Truck walks in the diner to find two annoying women babbling about ‘the fluffiest pancakes’ in one of the booths and a surly cook behind the counter. ‘Wanda? Ain’t never been no Wanda working here, buddy. Now you gonna buy something or not? Time is money, pal!!’
Flash Gordon : there are times where “SUDDENLY, NINJAS” is a welcome, appropriate plot twist. This is one of those times.
************
Gil Thorp : …is Coach Kaz trying to milk sympathy from his new job running GLADIATORIAL DEATH MATCHES!?
(okay, they fixed THAT at the end of that storyline… Did they? Or are people still gambling over juvenile convicts getting injured playing full-contact sports?)***********
Hi & Lois : …do people put fabric softener on clothes they hang out to dry on the line outside? Has this
probably AI-writtenstrip forgotten how CLOTHESLINES work?***********
On the Fastrack : It’s good for this comic to finally admit Dethany is a backstabber who screws over her fellow employees at the behest of Ms Trellis.
…too far?…***********
Phantom : Watch out, Oh Ghost who Walks! That robot probably not only has a PLASMA CUTTER, but also a PHOTON DISRUPTOR, a SONIC SCREWDRIVER, a BFG9000 and a MONOFILAMENT NANODIAMOND KATANA!
@Applemask: There are several “maize mazes” in the U.S. as well, as the pun is too good to pass up. “Corn maze” is the generic term, though.
RMMD: Truck enters the diner only to find out that Mud/Fergus has already moved into his territory and his scoring points with Wanda.
MW: Wouldn’t cousin Pam’s family also be Estelle’s family?
Wait until Ted reaches the next page of the script and sees a Stephen King joke.
MW: Uh-oh! Estelle made major plans without checking with Ed, and now Ed has look up from his laptop to tell her he can’t make it because he’s working that evening as a favor to Dr. See, who asked him to cover her night shift at the Animal Emergency Room. Estelle is going to be so pissed she’ll throw all 10 of her different cake samples in his face.
CS: Oh please, could this story possibly get any clumsier? Yeah, some nut is so dedicated to banning a sillly book that he’s become a serial arsonist. Is there comic strip equivalent to the Razzies that someone can give to Batty so that he can finally get a trophy and retire?
Sally Forth is launching a guest writing appearance by Grant Morrison.
Wait is The Phantom doing a space storyline now? Leave it to Dick Tracy! Honestly, Dick Tracy, leave it to Robotman or something, which has been called Monty for over twenty years!
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
YES! IT FINALLY HAPPENED
LILLIAN THE LOATHSOME IS GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT SHE’S DONE ALL THAT TIME AGO
HER HOUSE IS ON FIRE
So, Zippy Service at Wanda’s seems to be a shout out to Zippy the Pinhead, who loves those diners. Is Fluffiest Pancakes a shout out to Rip Haywire, who often drops everything for Pancakes?
RMMD: Truck gets to the diner and finds Dr Morgan waiting for him. Parker used his bike to race to the diner and tell Wanda the whole story. She then called Rex and had him come over in the time it took Truck to walk there from the park. Truck thinks; “Fuck, he really is a ‘Nosy Parker.'”
“his prosthetic tin nose itches and there’s an electrode up his butt” may be the funniest thing I read all day, so thank you for that, U.L.
Six Chix: Remember, it’s not Zen until Sensei tests your concentration with a 2×4!
…
I said…
Dustin: Alas, back at the employment office. Guess Dustin couldn’t handle the pressure of being on the front lines of the ice cream service industry.
H&L: Oh no, now it’s aromatic dryer sheets. Will Hi’s miseries never end?
Pluggers: Pluggers come up with cute little scenarios that make no damn sense.
GT: Gil supplies the fresh fish.
@CsRoberto2854: Well, her standalone garage, but hopefully the fire will spread to the main house. And isn’t Crankshaft her next door neighbor? Can we burn down his house too?
Maybe this actually is ‘The Burnings’ and by the end of the year Batuik will finally put this misery out of its misery.
(Or rather, the syndicate will…)
OtFT: What an unusual way to play Battleship.
GT: I’m ready for this revision of The Dullest Yard.
SF: Even worse, their faces are going to freeze like that!
Six Chix – *Newbie still doesn’t get the hint*
“What is the sound of one hand slapping?”
On The Fast Track – There is a potential for a good Battleship joke in here about coworkers on Zoom.
Gil Thorp – Gil Thorp is priming itself to be both an IP and a chance to reboot properties like “The Longest Yard” to serve a YA Gen-Z/Alpha audience.
If that sounds like nonsense, you aren’t craven Hollywood executive material, or attempting to sell to such miscreants in the current Hollywood recession.
Phantom – One good thing about the comics not being culturally relevant is that Silicon Valley tech bros won’t be inspired to invent this version of the Torment Nexus.
Sally Forth – Sally Forth creators, still hoping to break in at the margins of the dying comic book cinematic universe trend, looked at the success of 4th-wall breaking Deadpool and decided to emulate it without understanding it.
Craven Hollywood executive are still hung over from last night’s Emmy party drinking games, but when they wake up and stumble in the office, they might still be dumb enough to sign a two-season then canceled deal for streaming.
@Cleveland Mocks: Re. MW: And Moy will expect us to side with Estelle the whole time.
I’ve never given much thought to the process involved in creating a daily comic and I guess it makes sense that a script of some form would be written first, but you’d think they’d be better than the “let’s improvise each panel as we get to it” feeling that most of them have.
Frazz: Uh oh, I bet she had to…watch television! {Lightning strike, thunder crash, witch’s cackle}
Luann: I get the feeling the Evanses are inviting us to pity Les, but honestly they’re completely undermining their premise. Les seems happy with his life! Meanwhile try-hard Gunther can only hope to be mediocre at everything he does.
CS: Eugene found out that Lillian fucked up her sister and his romance. This has nothing to do with the bookstore burning story.
9CL: Brooke tries his hand at a Non Sequitur gag and misses the mark. Still, it’s not objectionable in any way I can perceive, so 5 points to Brooke.
JP – Neddy is seriously the dumbest character in all of comics past and present. And this is a reality where Bernice and Luann exist.
MARY WORTH: Once Cousin Pam sensed the obvious drama that was about to come, she made amends immediately and invited herself over for a front row seat. I am amused that so many people think she’s going to be the impetus of the drama, when the conflict is clearly going to be Ed cancelling his invite to dinner at the last minute because an orange tabby got sick or something (probably too much lasagna) and Estelle throwing a conniption fit about it that would give the Judge Parker girls a run for their money. (Actually now that I think about it, I can see why so many people might not have picked up on what’s about to happen. The creative team has been so subtle seeding little hints about what the overarching theme of this plot is that I can see readers without a keen eye for detail failing to pick up on the minute cues.)
MW: Whew! I was worried about the dramatic tension between Stelle and Pam. Glad it got resolved completely off-panel!
Zits: I’m surprised Walt is not comically in a hospital room with all his limbs in casts.
FC: I’m going to guess the joke as written in 1982 was funnier?
Dustin How about first thing every morning, you make a resolution to answer simple questions without being a bitch?
@Cleveland Mocks: re Pluggers: This bit of humor only “works” if pilot is pronounced “pilit.” So it wasn’t suitable for a written gag. And it still doesn’t make any damn sense.
SFx: Then Max does a victory dance, chirping, “Suck it, Fox. I gotchu, chump. In. Your. Face!”
The other day, one of you said that when Estelle first came to Charterstone, she was mature, a little standoffish, but otherwise a well-adjusted normal person. (And now has the personality of a toddler)
But, the earliest arc with her I remember, is when she dated Arthur Zero, who was scamming her for her money, Mary told Estelle to cut all ties with Arthur.
Estelle: But I love him too much! (This was after she found out he was a crook)
@Cleveland Mocks: A serial arsonist who burns down independent bookstores. Because Barnes & Noble plays hard.
@The Quiet Man: Or they plant the remains of a barbecue grill in the ashes for the ultimate frame-up.
FG: Oh, no, Aura lost her Mongo Empress tiara! (We learned yesterday she owns at least two). Now she is indistinguishable from a truck stop diner waitress!
Crank: Oh, no, it’s Ohio Haitian Terrorists! Look for telltale fried pussycat drumstick bones.
Pluggers – A barber will roll his eyes when his plugger customer makes the same stupid joke for the hundredth time.
@4 jroggs: on Hi and Lois: I sympathize with Hi. I’ve run into that same thing on walks around the neighborhood. Invisible clouds of artificial sweet smell. It’s almost as if Procter and Gamble were making Downy April Fresh Clean Linen scent right in the house’s basement. Pee-yew!
on Crankshaft: You say it appears Lillian’s viewpoint is above the fire. Maybe a big eagle swooped down from the sky and plucked her off the ground, mistaking her for a tasting backstabbing weasel? Perchance it’ll realize its mistake soon, releasing its prey right into the inferno.
@Cleveland Mocks: A serial arsonist who outed himself to a news reporter as the parent of one of Les’ students. Scooby-Doo villians aren’t this stupid.
GT – “You could bring them to the yard.”
“Great idea! I’ll get some milk shakes as an enticement to go.”
MW – “I thought you were estranged? Mumph – what’s the white stuff on this sandwich?”
“Oh, that? Just memories. Happy memories…”
GT – “You can always bring them to the yard. Tie them out there on a long chain. Make them eat out of bowls placed on the ground. It worked for my kids.”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Greetings, miss… Everything I know about interacting with women, I learned from my dog”
6Cx – I finally understand Zen. It’s the art of being a passive aggressive jerk, clearly.
Hi & Lois: I love the smell of fabric softener in the morning. It smells like freedom!
JUDGE PARKER: Hey speaking of predictable plots, given the direction the story is going, I think it’s safe to say that Neddy is going to bring Declan’s family together by bringing them to an impromptu roots country concert (Mrs Declun: “Oh that Fuck Fyler saved our family! Shame about what happened to his finger though.”)
JUDGE PARKER (2): As a reminder, these chicks live in L.A. So “on the road for 15 minutes” means they still should be stuck on the 405.
@Baja Gaijin: I prefer jrogg’s theory that Lillian lives in a low-flying dirigible. When the bookshop fire gets hot enough she’ll go up Hindenberg-style.
CS – LES: It’s about time someone lit a fire under Lillian. (Everyone smirks)
@Hibbleton: re MW: “Wouldn’t cousin Pam’s family be also Estelle’s family?”
One would think so. I guess we’re supposed to believe Estelle was also estranged from these relatives who have been living in Santa Royale all this time? But everything is OK now! What other revelations about Estelle will we get? Will it turn out she has “estranged” adult children from her first marriage, and grandchildren? Maybe she got away with murdering her first husband. We could get a much more interesting story than wedding planning.
@2+2=7: Oh, I know that the situation is going to put all the blame on Ed because he’s basically the Madi who gets treated like he does everything wrong simply for existing but is in fact far more sympathetic than any of these Charterstone losers.
@Arabella: Previously I joked that in regards to Estelle’s first husband, his fate was “Suicide, was it?” Now I feel like I might not be too far off…
CS: Les’ publicity stunt for the sequel to Lisa’s Story, Fahrenheit 2000, The Story of Lisa’s Cremation, is coming along as planned.
MW: I assume Estelle made up the big fight with cousin Pam.
CS: Gasoline as an accelerant? OMG, Ed is burning books he can’t read!
6C: “Which is more than you’ll be doing if you don’t shut up and let me meditate, bitch.”
GT: For a strip that has generally “gone woke” as the Internet creeps these days say, Gil Thorp is supremely unbothered by the amount of Milford kids in the school-to-prison pipeline.
Phantom: Fake Elon Must has developed a robot wolf with advanced adaptive artificial intelligence and an array of weapons to combat his fellow billionaires in their dick-measuring space race. Meanwhile Real Elon Musk is surprised to discover that the FBI does not in fact find “jokes” about which presidential candidates should be getting shot at to be funny. I think the Phantom writing team has overestimated him.
@Baja Gaijin:
Different context, but I’ll ask again: why don’t the eagles just fly her to Mordor?
@Uncle Lumpy: She’s too heavy.
@Tonio: I always associate “maize” with the University of Michigan and Twin Cities radio broadcaster Halsey Hall, who said during a 1930s football game “And here come the Michigan Wolverines in their blue jerseys and maize pants. How they got into May’s pants, I’ll never know.”
@58 2+2=7: on Judge Parker: So “on the road for 15 minutes” means they still should be stuck on the 405. You got that right, sister!
@59 Ukulele Ike: I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want someone that loathsome under a giant gasbag.
@61 Arabella: on Mary Worth: We could get a much more interesting story than wedding planning. No, no we couldn’t. This is Mary Worth. Nothing ever “more interesting” happens.
On the Fast Track-Et tu, Brute?
@68 Uncle Lumpy: I’m not sure where Mordor is. If it has a big lake of fire or a sarlacc pit, I could be on board.
“Sally Forth: Bandersnatch”
@Anonymous: re: Phantom.
You forgot the Illudium PU-36 Exploding Space Modulator.
C’shaft: “Oh no! The house next door, which somehow looks exactly the same as mine down to the bookstore in the attic, is onf ire!”
The fact that the arsonist knows to target Lillian’s shop, even though it’s a small business on a residential street that’s not even in the same town as the high school class it’s providing the books for, should make the culprit fairly easy to trace–I can’t imagine the source of the student Fahrenheit 451 copies is making national or even local news. An aggrieved parent would seem to be the most likely culprit, but my money is on Les himself, motivated by the same hero complex that makes certain firefighters start fires so they can get the credit of putting them out.
Dustin: “This dovetails in with my overarching life philosophy, which is ‘everyone and everything is terrible and the only joy in life is making others as miserable as you are’.”
JP: “I’ve brought my ruler, my digital food scale, and my extensive spreadsheet on average pancake density…”
Luann: He’s got a comfy beanbag chair, a cat in his arms, AND Gunther won’t be around to nag him? Les’ life just keeps getting better and better!
MW: Pam is the Mary Worth of her own little community, and has been drawn into Estelle’s personal drama like a shark smelling blood in the water. Mary herself, meanwhile, senses another meddling biddy has intruded on her territory and prepares for battle.
Pluggers demand the impossible.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: Fortunately Centerville has a special asbestos dispensation from the EPA, as the walking fire hazard that is Ed Crankshaft is deemed a greater threat to public safety than the cancer risk.
@Roscoe: Sally is far from frumious in today’s strip. But she could be uffish.
The Fandumb: “Plasma weapons?!? This is the work of Parker Abernathy!”
@TheDiva: Pluggers demand the impossible.
_________________________________
That’s because diabetes threatens to make them self distruct.
@TheDiva: Your comment brought to mind, I remember this webshow I watched years back about Dinosaurs working in an office.
There was a news report about a meteor coming to wipe out the entire planet.
Then a later report says that the meteor was smaller than expected.
Then a later report says that the meteorite is headed directly to a building called DinoCo Industries.
(Shows the meteorite completely obliterating DinoCo industries)
Then shows the Dinosaur characters and their office are completely fine.
Craig: Oh no!!!…. I had stocks in that company!!
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
Amazing maize mazes.
@Baja Gaijin: @68 Uncle Lumpy: I’m not sure where Mordor is.
__________
It’s the name of the pool at the Overlook Hotel ,or is that the Rodrom?
Berkley Mews: Speaking of bawdy sex games…
@TheDiva: (on Dustin) Isn’t that the general mission statement for Dustin?
@TheDiva: No one else would dare to die of cancer!
WuMo: Where Josh went on his vacation.
Anyone know what’s going on here?
FC: But where’s Crankshaft?
CS: It would be pretty cool if the arsonist is the decaying corpse of Lillian’s sister, come back to life EC Comics style, getting revenge on Lillian for ruining her life.
CS: That is some muddy looking gasoline. I didn’t know Nestle’s Quick was that flammable.
@Sequitur: Some take on “HIs Master’s Voice”? Hell, I don’t have any ideas other than that..
Sally Forth: If you’re tired of Maize Mazes, a Kukuruz Labyrinth could be fun.
@Guillermo el chiclero:
Then Dr. Fredric Wertham shows up and tries to ban Lucy; Mopey Pete objects.
Shorties:
Six Chix: The few men who attend these sessions all have short penises.
On the Fast Track: Someone in this meeting has a short penis.
Gil Thorp: Boys will be boys, except the ones with short penises.
Phantom: That burning snout is meant to compensate for a short penis.
Sally Forth: I found this script that reads, “Ted has a short penis.”
@Sequitur: Anyone know what’s going on here?
They omitted the original caption, which was, “Christ, what an asshole.”
@Ukulele Ike: Oh, the humanity! Wait – this is Loathsome Lillian. Oh, the whatever alien life form she is!
Mary Worth – I can’t make it that evening! I’m scheduled to work late on that backlog of kittens to be euthanized.
Crankshaft – Here’s hoping that when the authorities investigate, they cite Loathsome Lillian for every code violation they can find.
Sherman’s Lagoon – Roots country!
9CL – This is a rerun. The copyright date is 2018.
JP – Is it possible for Neddy to be any more immature and annoying? I don’t know which marriage is more doomed: immature Neddy’s or bridezilla Estelle’s.
@Arabella: Pluggers: Granted that this isn’t much of a joke, but I don’t see the problem with the pronunciation: “pilot” is indeed pronounced pretty similarly to “pile it,” at least in my dialect.
Judge Parker turned into Rip Haywire so slowly I hardly noticed it except Rip Haywire is clever.
On The Fast Track: Dethany laughs and than breaks down into sobbing over the fact that nobody is around to appreciate her stabbing her computer for the sake of a dumb bit.
Gil Thorp: Oh boy! A repeat of that arc from awhile back of Gil and the juvie center exploiting local teens by making their charges perform sports for an audience! I wonder in what wacky ways Gil will take advantage of the struggling Milford youths this time!
The Phantom: In most media, this would be an intense, fast-paced action sequence. In a newspaper comic, however, it will consist mostly of the characters staring at each other and providing exposition between sporadic panels of things happening.
Sally Forth: God, please let the Forths go mad and cannibalize each other in this corn maze.
Archie – “Wait, I remember now! It was ‘Don’t look at the audience.'”
Gil Thorp, 9/16/24: SAY! Isn’t that Truck’s grandson in the middle panel?
@Tonio: The one about the poison ivy, maybe?
@Baja Gaijin: Yes, much as I hate to identify with Hi Flagston on anything, I find this phenomenon annoying too. Frequently, I even smell that cloying artificial laundry perfume on people’s clothes when they walk by. Overkill!
@Peanut Gallery:
Expensive laundry soaps tend to be fragrance-free (“Hey, I’m not stinking up the joint!”); bargain soaps tend to be fragrant (“Hey, I did my laundry!”).
CS – So who fills a gas can with – is that brown stuff raw sewage – and expects it to burn? Who would that even work for? Oh. Welcome back to the strip that bears your name, Ed.
Meanwhile in Garfield…….
Garfield is doing nothing, big whoop
Day By Dave: It seems Wallace of Wallace & Gromit fame got married.
SF: The Forths always manage to wriggle free from the maze of giant word balloons around them, so they’ll be fine.
H&L: Like @Baja Gaijin & @Peanut Gallery, I’m with Hi on this none. I switched to unscented laundry detergent and fabric softener for itchy allergy reasons, and now I’m hyper aware of how strong the scents are in the regular versions. I can be mowing the lawn in a cloud of grass clippings and mower exhaust, but I can still smell a neighbor’s dryer vent spewing that “fresh” smell. I think they’re designed to numb your sense of smell so you can’t smell odors, or anything else for that matter.
CS: @jroggs: Lillian’s bookstore is above her detached garage, not in her attic, which makes its TARDIS-sized interior even more amazing.
JP-This calls for a cameo by Zippy the Pinhead.
Fart Of The City: Nice to see Libby is getting her missing eye looked into, so to speak.
Crankshaft-Harry Dinklage will do anything to make sure “Lisa’s Story” doesn’t outsell his autobiography.
@ectojazzmage: re: Phantom: Oh, I expect that thing will be up in the tree for at least the next two weeks. After observing monkey behavior, it’ll be busy grooming itself, picking its anus, and eating its own fleas. Kit and Devil might as well head back to Skull Cave for coffee and cake.
@Flipper: her detached garage,
__________________
Was Cranky responsible for detaching her garage?
@Sequitur: Day By Dave: It seems Wallace of Wallace & Gromit fame got married.
_______________________
“Grommit! Its the wrong condom!”
@113 Ukulele Ike:
And tomorrow it turns into a Star Trek plot.
@115 GarrisonSkunk:
The title dog, Gromit, has one “m”.
@Sequitur:
“Revenge of the Archons”?
(I would watch the hell out of The Phantom starring William Shatner.)
@Flipper: Yeah, Lillian’s store almost certainly violates local zoning, construction, and fire safety codes, on top of the obvious ADA violation. And now it is violating the laws of physics, since I’m 99% sure that nothing we’ve seen in the past indicates that the stairs leading to the store should be visible at that angle from her bedroom window.
Also, as others have noted, gasoline is absolutely not that color. I’m surprised the flames aren’t purple and green.
@Sequitur:
Wallace ment for it to sound like “Dammit”, mustn’t swear in an Aardman Production, you know!
DT: Wait, so the current position of the writer is that Diet knew Ro-Zan was fibbing right from the start? Back when Mysta said “This guy is Bad Actually” and he was all “How dare you say that without any proof beyond your word? I need someone else’s word, preferably a man in a hat, and until then I’ll just let him wander about the place unsupervised!”? Wow, you’ve actually managed to make him look dumber than when he seemed to be taking everything Ro-Zan said at face value!
FC: I find it genuinely hard to believe Billy has e-mail (I am absolutely certain he doesn’t have a smartphone), which makes me think the intended joke might actually be “Haha, imagine a little kid thinking he has e-mail! E-mail’s for grown-ups!”
GT: It’s been a while since the whole “Gil finds profiting through forcing juvie kids to play football on PPV vaguely uncomfortable but can’t explain why or do anything about it” storyline. Maybe they’ve progressed to actual gladiator games.
JP: With Neddy literally derailing her own story after one panel and 15 in-universe minutes, I am very afraid that Ces may be in on the joke. Comics writers being in on the joke is always a bad thing. It inevitably results in “Look, it’s more of the thing you like making sarcastic comments about!” but with an addition of smug knowingness (cf. Wilbur, boatsplosions, Wilbur, Sarah Morgan: Girl Genius, and Wilbur), and never results in them realising that the reason we make sarcastic comments is to gains some entertainment from aspects of the comics that we actually find quite annoying.
RMMD, meta: Josh has often mentioned how, as soon as things actually start happening in Rex Morgan: MD, he loses interest. I don’t think it ever reached the point where he stopped commenting on the strip because a character had stood up, though.
S4th, meta: Well, that sent me down a rabbit hole of “does anyone in the UK even grow maize?” And it turns out yes! But do we have maize mazes? Also yes! This is all news to me!
Then again, I wasn’t even entirely sure we were the ones that called it “maize”. I knew that technically “corn” in British English means “any cereal crop”, but in my experience, these days it mostly means the one that produces cornflakes, popcorn, sweetcorn, and corn-on-the-cob. But I guess there’s still enough ambiguity there that we need a seperate word, while American English is fine using the old word for the new crop. Interesting.
(Now I think about it, when I was a kid, I wasn’t sure cornflakes were made from the same “corn” as the others, and thought it might be a different kind of corn that was more like wheat.)
GT: I can guess what “the yard” is, but I’m grateful to be so unfamiliar with youth correctional facilities that I’m not completely certain. Understanding GIL THORP, however, is challenging enough without wrong spellings. C’mon, guys.
@Uncle Lumpy:(I would watch the hell out of The Phantom starring William Shatner.)
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GHOST
WALK
I
“What does it mean,Spock? I am a walking ghost or I take strolls with Captain
Gregg?”
SF: For several years there was a huge corn maze a mile from my house. And it was a serious corn maze — no cider and doughnuts, no slide, no small livestock for petting, nothing at all but a kybo and handing over your money and getting lost. But there were a lot of stinkhorn fungi on the paths, and they were the kind of stinkhorns that looked exactly like small bright-pink penises, if the tops of the penises were coated with something that was greenish-brown and smelled kind of like dog shit. The stinkhorns were my favorite part of the maze, and I hope the parents and children enjoyed them as well:-).
I could go for some Wensleydale.
@GarrisonSkunk:
Holy crap there’s an official interactive William Shatner AI. Oh brave new world ….
@Liam: I would love to see Neddy and Ronnie subjected to one of Zippy’s diner rants. For some reason, I picture them reacting like Valley Girls.
“Ew, Neddy, is that grody creep talking to us?”
“Gag me with a spoon!”
@Uncle Lumpy: I just tried to have it calculate the last digit of pi, a la “Wolf in the Fold”. Sadly, it did not take the bait.
@The: I can’t be that definite.
@Peanut Gallery: Strip references to Meow Mix and Tender Vittles usually make me ROFL.
FW – And that’s why they never should have let David Bowie join the Volunteer Fire Department.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: And Little Friskies too.
@Horace Broon: #121: I once watched an old Benny Hill skit on TV and he referred to American beer as being made with maize water.
Benny Hill fun facts: Hill served as an anti-aircraft gunner on one of the D-Day landing craft during WW2. He also spoke fluent French and would take his vacations at the same little-known resort in Southern France every year. He did it because nobody knew who he was there and he wouldn’t be bothered by fans.
@Poteet: If only the people running the maze had known, they could have raised their prices and called it an Educational corn maze!
Low and Hi-less: Hi really should do something about his sniffing neighbors laundry fetish.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: @Uncle Lumpy: I just tried to have it calculate the last digit of pi, a la “Wolf in the Fold”. Sadly, it did not take the bait.
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It’s interesting to hear Piglet say, “Die, die,die! Make you suffer!” Or is it Mr Peterson finally snapping and attacking Mr Carlin?
@Peanut Gallery: Bwahaha!!
I worked long ago at a summer camp where those stinkhorns grew, and while my job as the nature counselor was to explain the reasons for their interesting features, the young campers occasionally used them to educate each other’s pillows and sheets, yuck.
70’s stereotype of a Native American,holding up a copy of today’s Sally Forth: “You call it funny, but we call it crap.”
DT: I don’t get it, Tracy. I’m usually a good judge of character. Ro-zan has a square jaw and manly handshake just like you. What could go wrong I thought.
@Mister Miggle: #48:
“or they plant the remains of a barbeque grill in the ashes for the ultimate frame-up”
It was Keesterman, finally getting revenge for all of those wrecked mailboxes.
Hi and Low: The very attractive X-ray technician at my local clinic used a distinctive scent which I didn’t recognize. Then one day I was walking near a laundromat and picked up the same scent. At first I thought I was having an olfactory hallucination. (Is there such a phenomenon?) After a couple of days I figured out what was going on.
@White Rabbit:
Yup: phantosmia.
CS: Batiuk is going to stick with this storyline until he gets that Pulitzer. I just know it.
On the Fast Track-You sunk my frigate.
@A: I can’t be that definite.
You both could try being more inclusive.
@Horace Broon: Whaddaya need corn (maize) for? You guys make your whisky out of barley.
(The Irish make their whiskey out of barley, too, but here in America Tennessee and Bourbon whiskeys are made out of corn (maize). In Canada, they make their whisky out of rye, but in the U.S. we make rye whiskey.
The question is, why can’t we all agree on a universal spelling? It’s enough to make you switch to gin (in the Netherlands and Belgium, genever).
Making things worse, the plurals are whiskies and whiskeys.
Six Chix: Barely a joke, barely a strip.
@TheDiva: Well, Mary having a meddling rival has happened before :-) Ella from what Josh called “The Battle of the Biddies”
@I speak Jive: 9CL – This is a rerun. The copyright date is 2018.
Brooke must’ve sprained his hand from touching himself to drawings of Edda again.
Speaking of cheese.
YEARS back, there was an Addams Family parody created by The Dairy Farmers of Canada
(It wasn’t an actual parody, or even a sketch really, it was more like a series of commercials, for cheese)
It was called “The Edam Family”
All of the family members’ names were cheese puns (that was the entire joke)
Like Wensleydale which is the only that I can remember. Maybe Uncle Feta?
@Ukulele Ike: #146: Dickel Tennessee Whisky uses the Scottish spelling because George Dickel felt his booze compared against the best Scots whiskies. Maybe we should just go back to the original Gaelic term of usque beatha or usquebaugh (pronounced ooshka bayy), meaning water of life.
@Liam: The original cartoon had Billy ordering Thel to bring the homework to him. New technology saves her from a long drive.
Welp, I was wrong about the book burners. Going for the little shop owner instead of, say, a Barnes & Noble.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Try as I might, I cannot imagine Benny Hill in a real life army.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I prefer Irish– Jamesons, if you’re buying.
@Bob Tice: @The Rambling Otter: Like Wensleydale which is the only that I can remember. Maybe Uncle Feta?
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I believe Mortica was mozzarella, and Lunch,their butler.
@Mister Miggle: Oops, oversnarkpologies. I usually read first, then post, but the one time I don’t …
It was done– TINA’S GROOVE makes PLUGGERS look like flattery.
@GarrisonSkunk: Oooh yes :3 thanks!
@Uncle Lumpy: <a href="ht
#68. Uncle Lumpy, Love your reviews this week. For the record, they're all living in s town in Mordor. The eagles will hopefully take Lillian and Ed to the rim of Mt. Doom which is lacking books for it's fires.
GA:. Poteet, kittens, even blind newborns, are good. And yes, they cannot be placed for adoption until neutered.
“Estelle is a Bitch” BINGO Card inspired by @Y10 Needless Exposition. No olive slice eyes or jiggly things in the linked material.
@Baja Gaijin: Very nice!
@162 taig: Did you favor any of the squares?
@Horace Broon:
#121. S4TH:. Last time I lived on a farm (it’s been decades) there were two basic types of corn– sweet / garden corn for human use and field corn for birds and those with four legs. So you were probably right as a kid.
@Baja Gaijin: I’d love to use “unhelpful muffin reeking buttinski” in real life. On second thought, that means that I would know Mary Worth personally. Never mind.
@Baja Gaijin: Ed accidentally euthanizing the ring bearer was a particular favorite.
@165 I speak Jive: The slur doesn’t have to be accurate. You can use it against an “unhelpful crescent roll reeking buttinski” if you want.
@166 taig: I now realize I should have put quotation marks around the word “accidentally.”
@161 Baja Gaijin:
White letters on a pink background. Sorry, my old eyes can’t handle that.
For putting up with the Estelle and Ed show, I’m ordering Pierre a Wanko Pizza.
@Sequitur: Perhaps tomorrow night’s Late Night Cuisine will include carrot cutlets garnished with carrot purée and a sauté of carrots in a carrot gravy. You’ll be threading the smallest of needles in no time!
@169 Baja Gaijin: Sorry. I thought there was enough contrast between the background and letters.
I like how the caption makes it clear he’s talking to Mommy even though he’s pointing his finger – with the “I’ll break your kneecaps” expression at P. J. However, I would find it believable that P. J. knows how to use email.
@Peanut Gallery: “Don Abundio, translated:
“Greetings, miss… Everything I know about interacting with women, I learned from my dog”
Let the butt-sniffing begin!
@173 Avoiding the Madding Crowd:
Yes, of course. It’s well known information.
♫ Butt sniffing, butt sniffing, sniffing that butt.
That’s what you do.
When you’re a mutt.
Butt sniffing, butt sniffing, feeling so grand.
We’re sniffing all over the land.
@Ukulele Ike: You mean uisge?
@Sequitur: 175
Sadly, the Smothers Brothers were cancelled from the network after they sang that song. Or was that the Kingston Trio?
@177 Avoiding the Madding Crowd:
Which leads to over five and a half minutes of wasted time.
@Activist: I’ve taken care of many stray cats over the last several decades, have paid to get them neutered, spayed, and vaxxed, and have helped get them adopted. That has included several litters of kittens. I really do like kittens. What I do not like is the “adoption” of a stray cat without getting that cat to a vet ASAP for a checkup and needed care, which in this GA story would have made the kitten situation clear immediately. And what I’ve seen of cats in GA does not lead me to be optimistic about how this kitten situation will be portrayed. Sorry. If you think I’m crabby on this subject, you should hear my vet:-).
@179 Poteet:
IT’S TOTAL FICTION. IT’S NOT REAL! IT NEVER HAPPENED! DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT!
It’s how I feel about the comics.
@Poteet:
#19. GA:. Thanks for the suggestion, but I prefer having an MD as my PCP.
@Activist: Sorry, I don’t understand this comment or what my suggestion was or what “#19” means. But it sounds as if you and I both like kittens, so yay for that.
#182:. Well, #19 means it was late and I was careless in typing 179. Comment was meant to be humorous, suggesting that I get physically checked out by a veterinarian. But some jokes don’t work. We DO both like kittens, so yay!