Can’t believe the French are stealing our Thanksgiving. How dare they
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Crock, 11/26/24
The thing that’s great about this Crock strip (and that’s a phrase I never thought I’d write) is that Barlow is covered with feathers, which I’m pretty sure means that Crock’s Thanksgiving turkey was still alive when he stole — and, presumably, ate — it. The image of a near-feral Barlow, crazed with hunger or some other form of madness, tearing the poor turkey limb from limb heedless of Crock’s punishment or basic human decency — well, it’s a grim yet wonderful one, and for even suggesting it I’m willing to forgive the strip for not showing his uniform stained with the blood we all know should be there.
Beetle Bailey, 11/26/24
Hello, Beetle Bailey fans. Were you worried that this realistic, grounded strip was going to present you with an absurd situation, like a dog that can read? Well, don’t worry too much: Otto, who is a dog and who walks on his hind legs, wears clothes, is fully capable of understanding and thinking in human language, is interested in astrology, and knows that the markings on a newspaper encode human language — which, to repeat, he’s fully capable of understanding — can’t read. He does remember things people say to him word for word, but he can’t read.
Mary Worth, 11/26/24
Well it looks like another invitee to the Mary’s cancelled Thanksgiving dinner is not even slightly sad that Mary’s Thanksgiving dinner got cancelled, and does not intend to bring Mary something nice or check in on her to see if she’s feeling better later this week! Dawn will probably be spending most of the rest of the month taking the lyrics of “Defying Gravity” and really holding space with that and feeling power in that, so it’s honestly Mary’s better off not seeing too much of her until that whole thing blows over.
Gasoline Alley, 11/26/24
Look, I get that the deal with cursèd objects is that they use their sinister powers to compel hapless victims to pass them from person to person so they can wreak havoc, but I do like how blasé Gertie is about it here. “Sorry Jones, they’re not here, they’re gasping for air as the last of their oxygen runs out. You want this doll? She’s inhabited by a demon from the depths of hell and her very existence is an affront to God. Give it to Ava Luna if you see her!”
75 replies to “Can’t believe the French are stealing our Thanksgiving. How dare they”
Mary Worth Mashups
MW:
“Mary, you’ll never believe where I am! — I’m at the Santa Royale Playhouse, and Jimmy Durante is doing a one-man show as the protagonist in ‘The Pilgrim’s Progress’ !”
MW:
“Mary, my friend Scooter and I are at a double feature of new cinematic offerings, and after we see ‘Wicked,’ we’re going to watch what I believe to be a psychological thriller about an unrepentant whale who lacks remorse not only over swallowing Jonah, but also over swallowing Jonah’s wife!”
“Really? What’s it called?”
” ‘Glad He Ate Her, Too‘ !”
BB:
I know how I know you’re a dog. You misspelled “hygienic” !
Dennis the Menace: that is the tiniest hamburger ever to appear in the comics page.
B. Bailey: Otto can’t read because he needs glasses but a dog wearing glasses would be ridiculous. Tough luck, buddy.
A damning indictment; Mary would rather relay a message through Dawn instead of talk to Wilbur. Are we sure she didn’t infect herself with an experimental strain of bird flu in order to get out of having to interact with Wilbur at Thanksgiving?
GA:
“Hi, Miz Gertie! Are Aubee, Ava Luna and Sophie here?”
“Nope. They’re off on a trip because they all took hits of LSD, and now, as is evident from the story arc, the readership here has been suffering through the consequences these past several weeks!”
BB: It’s weird that this astrology forecast outright stated that Otto’s canine couplings would result in nothing. I thought fortune reading was supposed to be more metaphorical rather than just calling a spayed a spayed.
DT: I thought the clock tower was where Junior put his secret terrorist nerve gas workshop that Senior doesn’t know about. But it looks like it’s actually a dojo dungeon of reclusive kickboxers that must all be defeated to relight the historic landmark, and Junior is finally resolved to take out the trash one punch at a time. Forget all that weird Third Reich vengeance stuff, this would be way more fun.
JP: Damn. Not only is Alan off the wagon again, he’s even drinking entire glasses of scotch in a single gulp. Including the ice cubes. That’s hardcore.
RMMD: “You want to put a treadmill in my beautifully decorated living room!?! But I worked so hard to cultivate this piss-yellow monochromatic aesthetic with accents of looming dread!!!”
GT: One of the handy things about the former constant rotation of graduating high schoolers was that past Gil Thorp writers could address various issues, problems, and phenomena affecting youth while keeping things fresh and realistic. Having plunged the strip into the chronovortex of Comic Time, Barajas has instead stuck himself with a small and static cast, which means that Keri has to experience all of those teen issues, and it doesn’t help they’re completely insufferable about each of them. Also, this is a blatant retcon; we saw last year’s Thanksgiving and Keri seemed perfectly pleased by the spread, which probably didn’t include this dish of placenta garnished with capers and rubber bands that Keri is picturing.
BB: Man, that’s one depressing-ass horoscope. Did Tom Batiuk take up astrology?
MW. You know Mary is really sick because she’s starting to be drawn at her actual age again and not as a 35 year old model in a silver wig.
MW: Upon hearing the news, Wilbur gathers his hunting gear to bag Thanksgiving dinner. After all, it’s wabbit season.
RMMD: “Screw your well-being. No clashing with the decor!”
SF: Ronan’s muscles come from literally holding off women. It’s a vicious circle.
H&L: Lois would appreciate the irony, but it’s wasted on Hi.
BB: Since Otto and Sarge are basically one entity, this is also Sarge’s horoscope. Except that, presumably, only one can include dining on excrement as “hygiene habits.”
Family Circus: Alternate caption: Jeffy’s angry because he found out his IQ is lower than most turnips.
Luann: I see Depend is making undergarments of kevlar. What other explanation for Mrs. Horner’s pants not being on fire for telling such a whopper of a lie.
Six Chix: I think I liked the sandwich fucking better.
Crock: Yup, he’s good! So good that he just got straight to the point without saying or doing anything really funny. He’s the best!
BB: I’m sorry, but that is a hilarious daily horoscope “You’re poor, you smell so bad that you can’t go out in public, and you’re still kind of a slut. Give up now, loser.”
MW: Telling that Mary calls Dawn to relay her apologies to Wilbur, even though he is no doubt sitting and home doing nothing. I guess when you’re already feeling nauseous you don’t want to put yourself over the edge.
GA: Good lord, would you look at that thumb??! Maybe talk to that haunted doll about extracting that lobster DNA from out of you.
Gertie fobs Ida Noe off on Jones by telling him to pass it along to Ava Luna even though Ava Luna could be expected to return to the house, and she didn’t tell Jones where Ava Luna specifically was. Jones doesn’t notice this because he’s an idiot.
(Appropriately named) Crock – It takes a sharp eye to distinguish them from the normal chicken feathers….
BB – Don’t forget the part about diarrhea….
MW – …so I’m canceling Thanksgiving. Yes…that includes everyone. Yes, the whole planet. Yes…that’s forever. And Woodrow Wilson, too, as long as I’m at it….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Gaaaaah! I am forced to conclude Jones’s mother cashed in on the Pregnancy Discount at the liquor store. Frequently.
MW: Dawn, never known for her good taste, and her friend go see the cut rate knockoff of the Gladiator franchise: RVFVS
Gasoline Alley: The final panel closeup is a close second to “The Wilbur Smoochy Face” in horrifying visages on the comic page.
“Why, Mary Worth! What a coincidence! My date and I were just stepping into a movie about you!”
Mary Worth would be vastly improved if Mary’s speech balloon in panel two emanated from the witch silhouette on the poster instead of Dawn’s phone. That poster, by the way, is not from Wicked. Dawn and pal have just seen a cheap knock-off at the local discount theater. That’s why they so look so satisfied: It’s the best three dollars those girls have ever spent.
Beetle Bailey:
On the internet, no one knows you’re a dog@1; Baja Gaijin:
You have totally, or pretty much, captured the essence of Dawn. Give yourself a muffin.
MW – To be fair, Dawn shows all the interest that a real-life college student would exhibit when a girls night out at the movies is interrupted by a meddlesome elderly neighbor calling her to complain about her health.
“Frequent romances lead to nothing”. So Sarge never had his dog fixed and Otto has been impregnating all the neighbourhood’s dogs
Gasoline Alley: Inhabited by a demon from the depths of hell…very existence is an affront to God…but enough about the kid, what about the doll?
@Baja Gaijin:
Time for Mary Worth Bashups.
Mary has been Wilbur’s most devoted enabler, but when she’s sick and weak, not even her wants to speak with him directly!
Ida Noe will be good for Jones. She’s already got him to grow teeth between the first and second panels.
MW: Even Dawn’s foray into a lesbian relationship is overshadowed by Mary’s indisposition.
Pluggers – Oh no. I hope this isn’t the lead-in to a series of automobile-themed Plugger hygiene captions, such as “When a plugger leaves skid marks, it’s time to change his underwear.”
In this universe, the USA enabled French colonialism much longer instead of encouraging them to cut losses, which allowed French domination over Algeria to last until today. However, it had a price. France had to stop resisting the encroachment of American culture, to the point of making Thanksgiving an official holiday for the army. By trying to make Algerians their slaves, the French turned themselves into slaves of les Anglo-Saxons
Also Gasoline Alley:
I plopped down in my easy chair and turned on Channel Three
A bad lil’ doll called Ida Noe was chasin’ poor Arty
She trapped him by the planet Mars and said with an evil grin
“If you don’t give me power over the girls I’ll cut off your oxygen!”
And then she grabbed him (and then?)
She turned him off (and then?)
She turned on the magnet (and then, and then?)
And then along came Jones
Small, squat Jones
Bug-eyed Jones
Gap-toothed Jones
Along came small, squat, stupid Jones
MW: Keith Hillend saves the day by cooking a feast for the entire gang. He also uses it as an opportunity to take everyone’s DNA. “Well, well, well. Look who’s passing.”
Crock: [Stares at screen, thinking about the sexual fetishes of comic strip characters and questioning the life choices that have brought him to this point]
Oh, Otto. We thought you were intelligent for a dog, but then you went and called it an “astrological forecast” instead of a “horoscope” and showed us how ignorant you truly are. You’re just another stupid dog. Who’s a dull boy? You are! This is why cats are the superior pet.
***
I guess if you’re a kid constantly doing jazz hands in Gasoline Alley, people will refer to you by your last name like you’re some schlub in accounting.
GA:
“By the way, Miz Gertie, does Ida herself have any little doll friends that she likes to hang out with?”
“Oh, yes. And one of her very favorite friends is so named because of her genius in creating themes for traditional Japanese theater!”
“Really? What’s her name, Ms. Gertie?”
“Noh Idea!”
The Gasoline Alley Playhouse’s open casting for Pippin is a welcome bit of inclusiveness to encourage amateurs to try out.
The plague of big, bright eyes and jazz hands suggests closed casting for next season’s Camelot.
The Apple Mary strip appeared before the filming of the “Wizard of Oz”, but after the publication of the books, so it is very possible that Mary consider even the MGM movie a revisionist take of the story — “the shoes were silver!”.
The “Gasoline Alley” artist could have kept Jones’ hands off panel instead of depicting them in a prominent place. This means, that he, unlike most artists, is fond of drawing hands, although “fond of” is not “good at”.
@MKay: “ MW: Upon hearing the news, Wilbur gathers his hunting gear to bag Thanksgiving dinner. After all, it’s wabbit season.”
Duck Season!!!!
My theory is that there was a previous story where they dumped a bucket of turds on Barlow and Crock is reusing the art.
Crock: It looks like that turkey was {puts on sunglasses} gobbled up. {Cue: “Won’t Get Fooled Again”}
BB: Aw. He’s like Crankshaft. I hope no one from the former Funky Winkerbean invades his comic strip.
MW: It looks like Dawn buried the lead/lede. She didn’t tell Mary about the biographical movie playing at the cineplex.
GA: It is way too early
in the morningto see those horrifying faces!Does Jones have some kind of disease that makes him perpetually do jazz hands? Is he intended to be a more uncanny version of Grumm from Tim & Eric? Can he cause flesh to decompose with a touch?
Wait, isn’t Crock about the military? Shouldn’t the characters have uniforms? Is the uniform just a black shirt?
I wish in the second panel of today’s Mary Worth, Mary just went OFF on Dawn for her blindingly obvious advice. “Oh, now that I’m sick I should rest and take care of myself? Here I was, about to run across the country like Forrest Gump, picking fights at every available opportunity. Thank GOD you came along and straightened me out, Dawn. Hey, by the way, how much hubris does it take to think you can give advice to MARY. FUCKING. WORTH. GIVING ADVICE IS MY WHOLE *THING*, HOW DARE-” and at that point Dawn hangs up.
Gasoline Alley: I have to give GA’s artists credit, each of the hideous anti-children wandering this neighborhood is uniquely grotesque. Jones’ characteristics seem to include variable hand size, oily hair, and a pose that makes him look like a dancing action figure. And, dear Lord, the power to break the Fourth Wall and gaze directly into my already ravaged soul.
Hey, Jonesy! Quit spiking the camera and get back to work!
Every time a child in Gasoline Alley with that horrible weirdly detailed face shows up it qualifies as a jumpscare.
FC: A real turkey got prioritized over the melonheaded turkey.
Dustin: No one is going to believe that, Ed.
Crock – My only explanation for why a French Foreign Legion official would be celebrating American Thanksgiving is that the Slylock Fox creators did the same idea to horrifying outcomes given the context of sentient animals in the strip, and they gave the idea to Crock. The Slylock people probably did some Black Friday joke involving Reeky Rat.
Beetle Bailey – With Peanuts having ended almost 25 years ago, the elapsed time needed to allow such a legendary strip to stand alone is passing. Otto, however, cannot adopt the full mantle of Snoopy (Literacy, being a big one). But he can have Charlie Brown’s crippling depression and social anxiety.
Mary Worth – Wilbur is going to look even deader behind the eyes without Mary’s cooking. A full on relapse is in order, and if the sodium of his Hungry Guy meal binge doesn’t kill him, despair surely will.
Gasoline Alley – Let’s hope that weirdo Jones manages to moronically wander out of his own strip, and leaves Ida Noe in The Family Circus to cause some carnage.
Crank: Peggy and Lee? Is this new?
(Unwanted image of Young Loathsome finger-poppin’ along to “Fever”)
Luann: Nancy is thankful that the only crappy parent in the household is Frank. She tried her best, and sometimes it shows through.
CS: The Interchangeable Funky Girl Twins feel called out.
9CL: It’s amazing that Alistair’s “South Korean” heritage wasn’t brought up as part of the punchline.
@Victor Von: Is Jones` hair supposed to be oily? I thought he was a gray-haired sixty-year-old midget. I never want to hear anyone complaining again about singing animals.
Crock-Thanksgiving is an American tradition. If you join the French Foreign Legion you give up all customs of your previous country.
Six Chix-I would say less gothic and more s&m.
MW-Mary cancelling Thanksgiving dinner might drive Wilbur to suicide.
MW: “Dawn, please tell your father that Thanksgiving dinner is off. I’d tell him myself, but I don’t want to put up with the screams of grief.”
“Sure, Mary. Good luck. Let us know when you’re all better.”
“Dawn, [cough, cough] I might need someone to run to the drug store and pick up some medicine for me.”
“You’re in luck, Mary. Drug stores offer free delivery now. Of course, you have to tip the driver, but you can handle it. Gotta run. Bye!”
“SOB!”
What a weird horoscope! They are usually vague, but positive bullshit, so that people could wish to apply to themselves. Who knows, maybe the newspaper employs the only honest astrologist in the world!
Crock: Easiest Skylock Fox ever!
Luann-Why do you feel awful, Nancy? Mrs. Horner isn’t your teacher. You have no emotional investment in this woman.
Dustbin – Football injury? Dustin’s tits-up signal indicates they found a medical station with one of those breast exams show (which, of course, they learned out to do from Lawrence in Office Space) and Ed pulled more than an elbow muscle when they hit paydirt.
JP: I like the Judge’s sculpture bust of Whit Bissell. Must be a huge “Time Tunnel” fan.
Phantom: Aaaaaoooooooooo….werewolves of London.
Kudos to Jef Keane for digging into the archives for such a marvelous depiction of an active bitch face.
JP: “Huh? Oh, Rambly, ish you. I’m [hic] fine, jush fine. You bring any boozsh for me?”
CS: “Because Lee has a package and Peggy doesn’t. Sheesh, don’t they teach you kids anything in health class?”
H&L: “And by ‘giving here a week in the Tropics,’ I mean I volunteered her to serve in a dysentery-ravaged village in Guatemala, where she can help clean up after the sick. She’s excited about it. She said it’s gotta be better than cleaning up after me.”
Crankshat – Obviously these are the Overlook Twins from 9CL making a guest appearance and scowling because they haven’t yet learned how to smirk at Loathsome Lil’s witticism.
[Gives me] Gas (oline Alley: JEESUS JEESUS THAT FACE THAT HORRIBLE HORRIBLE FACE KILL IT KILL THE CHANGELING BEFORE IT GETS TO THE *REAL* CHILDREN!!
MW: The current, and final, story line in the strip will teach us that we, the audience have been unwitting inhabitants of a shadow world, misled for decades by an unreliable narrator (Mary herself possibly) to believe her incessant insinuation into the lives of others is not just tolerated but welcomed and celebrated by the characters in the play. We’re seeing the play through the eyes of a new narrator now, though (Wilber possibly). The curtain is drawn back! The truth revealed: for 80 years the population of the strip has loathed that meddlesome old woman and they are indifferent to her death!
@Dog Balls: The court took away Wilbur’s phone after all those prank calls to Dr. Ed’s office.
More MW: Typical Dawn to go see the other version of Wicked starring Lady Elaine Fairchild.
GT: Panel 3 is a cry for help. From the artist. Ew! Yuck!
@Baja Gaijin: They’re all excellent, as usual. Can’t really decide which one I like the best.
Did Gasoline Alley move to the Maine coast, where the children attend the services for Dagon and become increasingly batrachian. In a hundred years, all will look like this except Walt, still denied death and huddling in his bed in a state of revulsion and terror. Because I would read the hell out of that.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Beautiful
MW – It’s hilarious that Mary circumvents contacting Wilbur directly and instead tells Dawn to relay the message. If I were in the MW universe, I’d avoid Wilbur at all costs too.
Usually it’s the doll whose vacant, vapid gaze I find creepy. In Gasoline Alley today it’s Jones, the poor man’s Beaver Cleaver that gives me the heebie-jeebies.
@knocking hats: Hmmm.
Maybe Moy & Brigman are planning a Mary Worth-centered version of “it’s A Wonderful Life’’.
Just in time for the holidays.
MW: This week on “Celebrities Without Makeup!” — Mary Worth as you’ve never seen her! We snuck inside her Charterstone condo for these candid shots! Yes, she’s still wearing her wig… it’s been surgically implanted to her head.
GA: And yet somehow the evil magic talking doll is the third creepiest character in today’s strip.
MW: Having seen Wicked (aka Wicked: Part One, aka Elphaba Begins, aka Into the Oziverse), I can only assume Dawn and/or Dawn’s Nameless Friend Who We’ve Never Seen Before And Never Will Again is about to have a sapphic awakening somewhere between “What is This Feeling?” and “Popular.”
MW: That woman next to Dawn is dressed just like Luann. I guess that’s how you know they live in southern California.
GA: Jones is the name. He’s one of the Jones Boys.
Archie-For a woman who sleeps around Veronica does have some standards.