Can’t believe the French are stealing our Thanksgiving. How dare they
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Crock, 11/26/24
The thing that’s great about this Crock strip (and that’s a phrase I never thought I’d write) is that Barlow is covered with feathers, which I’m pretty sure means that Crock’s Thanksgiving turkey was still alive when he stole — and, presumably, ate — it. The image of a near-feral Barlow, crazed with hunger or some other form of madness, tearing the poor turkey limb from limb heedless of Crock’s punishment or basic human decency — well, it’s a grim yet wonderful one, and for even suggesting it I’m willing to forgive the strip for not showing his uniform stained with the blood we all know should be there.
Beetle Bailey, 11/26/24
Hello, Beetle Bailey fans. Were you worried that this realistic, grounded strip was going to present you with an absurd situation, like a dog that can read? Well, don’t worry too much: Otto, who is a dog and who walks on his hind legs, wears clothes, is fully capable of understanding and thinking in human language, is interested in astrology, and knows that the markings on a newspaper encode human language — which, to repeat, he’s fully capable of understanding — can’t read. He does remember things people say to him word for word, but he can’t read.
Mary Worth, 11/26/24
Well it looks like another invitee to Mary’s cancelled Thanksgiving dinner is not even slightly sad that Mary’s Thanksgiving dinner got cancelled, and does not intend to bring Mary something nice or check in on her to see if she’s feeling better later this week! Dawn will probably be spending most of the rest of the month taking the lyrics of “Defying Gravity” and really holding space with that and feeling power in that, so honestly Mary’s better off not seeing too much of her until that whole thing blows over.
Gasoline Alley, 11/26/24
Look, I get that the deal with cursèd objects is that they use their sinister powers to compel hapless victims to pass them from person to person so they can wreak havoc, but I do like how blasé Gertie is about it here. “Sorry Jones, they’re not here, they’re gasping for air as the last of their oxygen runs out. You want this doll? She’s inhabited by a demon from the depths of hell and her very existence is an affront to God. Give it to Ava Luna if you see her!”
151 replies to “Can’t believe the French are stealing our Thanksgiving. How dare they”
Mary Worth Mashups
MW:
“Mary, you’ll never believe where I am! — I’m at the Santa Royale Playhouse, and Jimmy Durante is doing a one-man show as the protagonist in ‘The Pilgrim’s Progress’ !”
MW:
“Mary, my friend Scooter and I are at a double feature of new cinematic offerings, and after we see ‘Wicked,’ we’re going to watch what I believe to be a psychological thriller about an unrepentant whale who lacks remorse not only over swallowing Jonah, but also over swallowing Jonah’s wife!”
“Really? What’s it called?”
” ‘Glad He Ate Her, Too‘ !”
BB:
I know how I know you’re a dog. You misspelled “hygienic” !
Dennis the Menace: that is the tiniest hamburger ever to appear in the comics page.
B. Bailey: Otto can’t read because he needs glasses but a dog wearing glasses would be ridiculous. Tough luck, buddy.
A damning indictment; Mary would rather relay a message through Dawn instead of talk to Wilbur. Are we sure she didn’t infect herself with an experimental strain of bird flu in order to get out of having to interact with Wilbur at Thanksgiving?
GA:
“Hi, Miz Gertie! Are Aubee, Ava Luna and Sophie here?”
“Nope. They’re off on a trip because they all took hits of LSD, and now, as is evident from the story arc, the readership here has been suffering through the consequences these past several weeks!”
BB: It’s weird that this astrology forecast outright stated that Otto’s canine couplings would result in nothing. I thought fortune reading was supposed to be more metaphorical rather than just calling a spayed a spayed.
DT: I thought the clock tower was where Junior put his secret terrorist nerve gas workshop that Senior doesn’t know about. But it looks like it’s actually a dojo dungeon of reclusive kickboxers that must all be defeated to relight the historic landmark, and Junior is finally resolved to take out the trash one punch at a time. Forget all that weird Third Reich vengeance stuff, this would be way more fun.
JP: Damn. Not only is Alan off the wagon again, he’s even drinking entire glasses of scotch in a single gulp. Including the ice cubes. That’s hardcore.
RMMD: “You want to put a treadmill in my beautifully decorated living room!?! But I worked so hard to cultivate this piss-yellow monochromatic aesthetic with accents of looming dread!!!”
GT: One of the handy things about the former constant rotation of graduating high schoolers was that past Gil Thorp writers could address various issues, problems, and phenomena affecting youth while keeping things fresh and realistic. Having plunged the strip into the chronovortex of Comic Time, Barajas has instead stuck himself with a small and static cast, which means that Keri has to experience all of those teen issues, and it doesn’t help they’re completely insufferable about each of them. Also, this is a blatant retcon; we saw last year’s Thanksgiving and Keri seemed perfectly pleased by the spread, which probably didn’t include this dish of placenta garnished with capers and rubber bands that Keri is picturing.
BB: Man, that’s one depressing-ass horoscope. Did Tom Batiuk take up astrology?
MW. You know Mary is really sick because she’s starting to be drawn at her actual age again and not as a 35 year old model in a silver wig.
MW: Upon hearing the news, Wilbur gathers his hunting gear to bag Thanksgiving dinner. After all, it’s wabbit season.
RMMD: “Screw your well-being. No clashing with the decor!”
SF: Ronan’s muscles come from literally holding off women. It’s a vicious circle.
H&L: Lois would appreciate the irony, but it’s wasted on Hi.
BB: Since Otto and Sarge are basically one entity, this is also Sarge’s horoscope. Except that, presumably, only one can include dining on excrement as “hygiene habits.”
Family Circus: Alternate caption: Jeffy’s angry because he found out his IQ is lower than most turnips.
Luann: I see Depend is making undergarments of kevlar. What other explanation for Mrs. Horner’s pants not being on fire for telling such a whopper of a lie.
Six Chix: I think I liked the sandwich fucking better.
Crock: Yup, he’s good! So good that he just got straight to the point without saying or doing anything really funny. He’s the best!
BB: I’m sorry, but that is a hilarious daily horoscope “You’re poor, you smell so bad that you can’t go out in public, and you’re still kind of a slut. Give up now, loser.”
MW: Telling that Mary calls Dawn to relay her apologies to Wilbur, even though he is no doubt sitting and home doing nothing. I guess when you’re already feeling nauseous you don’t want to put yourself over the edge.
GA: Good lord, would you look at that thumb??! Maybe talk to that haunted doll about extracting that lobster DNA from out of you.
Gertie fobs Ida Noe off on Jones by telling him to pass it along to Ava Luna even though Ava Luna could be expected to return to the house, and she didn’t tell Jones where Ava Luna specifically was. Jones doesn’t notice this because he’s an idiot.
(Appropriately named) Crock – It takes a sharp eye to distinguish them from the normal chicken feathers….
BB – Don’t forget the part about diarrhea….
MW – …so I’m canceling Thanksgiving. Yes…that includes everyone. Yes, the whole planet. Yes…that’s forever. And Woodrow Wilson, too, as long as I’m at it….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Gaaaaah! I am forced to conclude Jones’s mother cashed in on the Pregnancy Discount at the liquor store. Frequently.
MW: Dawn, never known for her good taste, and her friend go see the cut rate knockoff of the Gladiator franchise: RVFVS
Gasoline Alley: The final panel closeup is a close second to “The Wilbur Smoochy Face” in horrifying visages on the comic page.
“Why, Mary Worth! What a coincidence! My date and I were just stepping into a movie about you!”
Mary Worth would be vastly improved if Mary’s speech balloon in panel two emanated from the witch silhouette on the poster instead of Dawn’s phone. That poster, by the way, is not from Wicked. Dawn and pal have just seen a cheap knock-off at the local discount theater. That’s why they so look so satisfied: It’s the best three dollars those girls have ever spent.
Beetle Bailey:
On the internet, no one knows you’re a dog@1; Baja Gaijin:
You have totally, or pretty much, captured the essence of Dawn. Give yourself a muffin.
MW – To be fair, Dawn shows all the interest that a real-life college student would exhibit when a girls night out at the movies is interrupted by a meddlesome elderly neighbor calling her to complain about her health.
“Frequent romances lead to nothing”. So Sarge never had his dog fixed and Otto has been impregnating all the neighbourhood’s dogs
Gasoline Alley: Inhabited by a demon from the depths of hell…very existence is an affront to God…but enough about the kid, what about the doll?
@Baja Gaijin:
Time for Mary Worth Bashups.
Mary has been Wilbur’s most devoted enabler, but when she’s sick and weak, not even her wants to speak with him directly!
Ida Noe will be good for Jones. She’s already got him to grow teeth between the first and second panels.
MW: Even Dawn’s foray into a lesbian relationship is overshadowed by Mary’s indisposition.
Pluggers – Oh no. I hope this isn’t the lead-in to a series of automobile-themed Plugger hygiene captions, such as “When a plugger leaves skid marks, it’s time to change his underwear.”
In this universe, the USA enabled French colonialism much longer instead of encouraging them to cut losses, which allowed French domination over Algeria to last until today. However, it had a price. France had to stop resisting the encroachment of American culture, to the point of making Thanksgiving an official holiday for the army. By trying to make Algerians their slaves, the French turned themselves into slaves of les Anglo-Saxons
Also Gasoline Alley:
I plopped down in my easy chair and turned on Channel Three
A bad lil’ doll called Ida Noe was chasin’ poor Arty
She trapped him by the planet Mars and said with an evil grin
“If you don’t give me power over the girls I’ll cut off your oxygen!”
And then she grabbed him (and then?)
She turned him off (and then?)
She turned on the magnet (and then, and then?)
And then along came Jones
Small, squat Jones
Bug-eyed Jones
Gap-toothed Jones
Along came small, squat, stupid Jones
MW: Keith Hillend saves the day by cooking a feast for the entire gang. He also uses it as an opportunity to take everyone’s DNA. “Well, well, well. Look who’s passing.”
Crock: [Stares at screen, thinking about the sexual fetishes of comic strip characters and questioning the life choices that have brought him to this point]
Oh, Otto. We thought you were intelligent for a dog, but then you went and called it an “astrological forecast” instead of a “horoscope” and showed us how ignorant you truly are. You’re just another stupid dog. Who’s a dull boy? You are! This is why cats are the superior pet.
***
I guess if you’re a kid constantly doing jazz hands in Gasoline Alley, people will refer to you by your last name like you’re some schlub in accounting.
GA:
“By the way, Miz Gertie, does Ida herself have any little doll friends that she likes to hang out with?”
“Oh, yes. And one of her very favorite friends is so named because of her genius in creating themes for traditional Japanese theater!”
“Really? What’s her name, Ms. Gertie?”
“Noh Idea!”
The Gasoline Alley Playhouse’s open casting for Pippin is a welcome bit of inclusiveness to encourage amateurs to try out.
The plague of big, bright eyes and jazz hands suggests closed casting for next season’s Camelot.
The Apple Mary strip appeared before the filming of the “Wizard of Oz”, but after the publication of the books, so it is very possible that Mary consider even the MGM movie a revisionist take of the story — “the shoes were silver!”.
The “Gasoline Alley” artist could have kept Jones’ hands off panel instead of depicting them in a prominent place. This means, that he, unlike most artists, is fond of drawing hands, although “fond of” is not “good at”.
@MKay: “ MW: Upon hearing the news, Wilbur gathers his hunting gear to bag Thanksgiving dinner. After all, it’s wabbit season.”
Duck Season!!!!
My theory is that there was a previous story where they dumped a bucket of turds on Barlow and Crock is reusing the art.
Crock: It looks like that turkey was {puts on sunglasses} gobbled up. {Cue: “Won’t Get Fooled Again”}
BB: Aw. He’s like Crankshaft. I hope no one from the former Funky Winkerbean invades his comic strip.
MW: It looks like Dawn buried the lead/lede. She didn’t tell Mary about the biographical movie playing at the cineplex.
GA: It is way too early
in the morningto see those horrifying faces!Does Jones have some kind of disease that makes him perpetually do jazz hands? Is he intended to be a more uncanny version of Grumm from Tim & Eric? Can he cause flesh to decompose with a touch?
Wait, isn’t Crock about the military? Shouldn’t the characters have uniforms? Is the uniform just a black shirt?
I wish in the second panel of today’s Mary Worth, Mary just went OFF on Dawn for her blindingly obvious advice. “Oh, now that I’m sick I should rest and take care of myself? Here I was, about to run across the country like Forrest Gump, picking fights at every available opportunity. Thank GOD you came along and straightened me out, Dawn. Hey, by the way, how much hubris does it take to think you can give advice to MARY. FUCKING. WORTH. GIVING ADVICE IS MY WHOLE *THING*, HOW DARE-” and at that point Dawn hangs up.
Gasoline Alley: I have to give GA’s artists credit, each of the hideous anti-children wandering this neighborhood is uniquely grotesque. Jones’ characteristics seem to include variable hand size, oily hair, and a pose that makes him look like a dancing action figure. And, dear Lord, the power to break the Fourth Wall and gaze directly into my already ravaged soul.
Hey, Jonesy! Quit spiking the camera and get back to work!
Every time a child in Gasoline Alley with that horrible weirdly detailed face shows up it qualifies as a jumpscare.
FC: A real turkey got prioritized over the melonheaded turkey.
Dustin: No one is going to believe that, Ed.
Crock – My only explanation for why a French Foreign Legion official would be celebrating American Thanksgiving is that the Slylock Fox creators did the same idea to horrifying outcomes given the context of sentient animals in the strip, and they gave the idea to Crock. The Slylock people probably did some Black Friday joke involving Reeky Rat.
Beetle Bailey – With Peanuts having ended almost 25 years ago, the elapsed time needed to allow such a legendary strip to stand alone is passing. Otto, however, cannot adopt the full mantle of Snoopy (Literacy, being a big one). But he can have Charlie Brown’s crippling depression and social anxiety.
Mary Worth – Wilbur is going to look even deader behind the eyes without Mary’s cooking. A full on relapse is in order, and if the sodium of his Hungry Guy meal binge doesn’t kill him, despair surely will.
Gasoline Alley – Let’s hope that weirdo Jones manages to moronically wander out of his own strip, and leaves Ida Noe in The Family Circus to cause some carnage.
Crank: Peggy and Lee? Is this new?
(Unwanted image of Young Loathsome finger-poppin’ along to “Fever”)
Luann: Nancy is thankful that the only crappy parent in the household is Frank. She tried her best, and sometimes it shows through.
CS: The Interchangeable Funky Girl Twins feel called out.
9CL: It’s amazing that Alistair’s “South Korean” heritage wasn’t brought up as part of the punchline.
@Victor Von: Is Jones` hair supposed to be oily? I thought he was a gray-haired sixty-year-old midget. I never want to hear anyone complaining again about singing animals.
Crock-Thanksgiving is an American tradition. If you join the French Foreign Legion you give up all customs of your previous country.
Six Chix-I would say less gothic and more s&m.
MW-Mary cancelling Thanksgiving dinner might drive Wilbur to suicide.
MW: “Dawn, please tell your father that Thanksgiving dinner is off. I’d tell him myself, but I don’t want to put up with the screams of grief.”
“Sure, Mary. Good luck. Let us know when you’re all better.”
“Dawn, [cough, cough] I might need someone to run to the drug store and pick up some medicine for me.”
“You’re in luck, Mary. Drug stores offer free delivery now. Of course, you have to tip the driver, but you can handle it. Gotta run. Bye!”
“SOB!”
What a weird horoscope! They are usually vague, but positive bullshit, so that people could wish to apply to themselves. Who knows, maybe the newspaper employs the only honest astrologist in the world!
Crock: Easiest Skylock Fox ever!
Luann-Why do you feel awful, Nancy? Mrs. Horner isn’t your teacher. You have no emotional investment in this woman.
Dustbin – Football injury? Dustin’s tits-up signal indicates they found a medical station with one of those breast exams show (which, of course, they learned out to do from Lawrence in Office Space) and Ed pulled more than an elbow muscle when they hit paydirt.
JP: I like the Judge’s sculpture bust of Whit Bissell. Must be a huge “Time Tunnel” fan.
Phantom: Aaaaaoooooooooo….werewolves of London.
Kudos to Jef Keane for digging into the archives for such a marvelous depiction of an active bitch face.
JP: “Huh? Oh, Rambly, ish you. I’m [hic] fine, jush fine. You bring any boozsh for me?”
CS: “Because Lee has a package and Peggy doesn’t. Sheesh, don’t they teach you kids anything in health class?”
H&L: “And by ‘giving here a week in the Tropics,’ I mean I volunteered her to serve in a dysentery-ravaged village in Guatemala, where she can help clean up after the sick. She’s excited about it. She said it’s gotta be better than cleaning up after me.”
Crankshat – Obviously these are the Overlook Twins from 9CL making a guest appearance and scowling because they haven’t yet learned how to smirk at Loathsome Lil’s witticism.
[Gives me] Gas (oline Alley: JEESUS JEESUS THAT FACE THAT HORRIBLE HORRIBLE FACE KILL IT KILL THE CHANGELING BEFORE IT GETS TO THE *REAL* CHILDREN!!
MW: The current, and final, story line in the strip will teach us that we, the audience have been unwitting inhabitants of a shadow world, misled for decades by an unreliable narrator (Mary herself possibly) to believe her incessant insinuation into the lives of others is not just tolerated but welcomed and celebrated by the characters in the play. We’re seeing the play through the eyes of a new narrator now, though (Wilber possibly). The curtain is drawn back! The truth revealed: for 80 years the population of the strip has loathed that meddlesome old woman and they are indifferent to her death!
@Dog Balls: The court took away Wilbur’s phone after all those prank calls to Dr. Ed’s office.
More MW: Typical Dawn to go see the other version of Wicked starring Lady Elaine Fairchild.
GT: Panel 3 is a cry for help. From the artist. Ew! Yuck!
@Baja Gaijin: They’re all excellent, as usual. Can’t really decide which one I like the best.
Did Gasoline Alley move to the Maine coast, where the children attend the services for Dagon and become increasingly batrachian. In a hundred years, all will look like this except Walt, still denied death and huddling in his bed in a state of revulsion and terror. Because I would read the hell out of that.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Beautiful
MW – It’s hilarious that Mary circumvents contacting Wilbur directly and instead tells Dawn to relay the message. If I were in the MW universe, I’d avoid Wilbur at all costs too.
Usually it’s the doll whose vacant, vapid gaze I find creepy. In Gasoline Alley today it’s Jones, the poor man’s Beaver Cleaver that gives me the heebie-jeebies.
@knocking hats: Hmmm.
Maybe Moy & Brigman are planning a Mary Worth-centered version of “it’s A Wonderful Life’’.
Just in time for the holidays.
MW: This week on “Celebrities Without Makeup!” — Mary Worth as you’ve never seen her! We snuck inside her Charterstone condo for these candid shots! Yes, she’s still wearing her wig… it’s been surgically implanted to her head.
GA: And yet somehow the evil magic talking doll is the third creepiest character in today’s strip.
MW: Having seen Wicked (aka Wicked: Part One, aka Elphaba Begins, aka Into the Oziverse), I can only assume Dawn and/or Dawn’s Nameless Friend Who We’ve Never Seen Before And Never Will Again is about to have a sapphic awakening somewhere between “What is This Feeling?” and “Popular.”
MW: That woman next to Dawn is dressed just like Luann. I guess that’s how you know they live in southern California.
GA: Jones is the name. He’s one of the Jones Boys.
Archie-For a woman who sleeps around Veronica does have some standards.
RMMD: I can believe that Lana would have a “beautifully decorated living room” complete with clear plastic seat covers. But she would NOT have the TV in there. That would be in a small den area with matching recliners, convenient to the kitchen.
Crock: Judging by Crock’s crazed expression, this is the conclusion of a Queeg-like hunt for the perpetrator of the turkey theft that drove Crock to the brink of madness, so Barlow is probably about to be sentenced to death by firing squad.
Beetle Bailey: I know nothing about astrology but do the forecasts usually consist of wildly insulting the subject?
Mary Worth: I like how this arc seems to be turning into Moy admitting that – realistically – most of Mary’s “friends” at Charterstone would probably not care that much for an annoying busybody like her who ratchets herself into everybody’s personal lives to try and manipulate everyone into conforming with her weird, puritanical arch-conservatism. With what the series is usually like, you’d expect everybody to be majorly upset about Mary’s sickness and missing Thanksgiving, but instead everybody is off doing fun things and clearly enjoying themselves now that they don’t have Mary “Endearing Quirks” Worth breathing down their necks to judge them into heteronormative super-monogamy or pester them into venting their emotions at a karaoke bar or force them to eat her latest batch of Vague Beige Slop That’s The Script Says Is Cookies.
Gasoline Alley: If tomorrow’s trip is the spaceship crash landing into Gertie and exploding, I’ll never have a criticism for this comic ever again.
GA: So in this universe are jazz hands a character trait or a medical condition?
C’shaft: “The senility doesn’t help matters either.”
Dustin: Dustdad’s body is not used to expressions of joy and excitement.
GT: Nice to know the response to Keri’s eating disorder so far is “there are vegan options so no excuses, young non-binary person!”
JP: “And may have committed some slight murder, but you know, these things happen…”
Luann: Speaking of senility…
MT: You think anyone in this strip has heard of pulling a permit…?
Phantom: Where will YOU be when you’ve realized you’ve wasted your life with a man who lives in a cave as part of some elaborate, outdated White Man’s Burden dynastic obligation?
Bizarro: Well, there ya have it! One of my former clients who got impatient with the slow pace of Thanksgiving hiring. He got bamboozled by a fast-talking Butterworth rep. Oh, they promised a featured role… even throwing in fancy footwear! He was gonna be a star! Yes, but at what cost? 99 cents a pound! Woulda brought 2.99 if he’d been organic…
@TheMightyFinn: I swear, if I was playing Five Nights at Freddys and THAT face appeared on the screen. Forget the (sort of) adorable bear and bunny. This is REAL nightmare fuel.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: … as well as the Butterball guy! Fortunately he didn’t fall for the syrup gig.
@Liam: I saw your comment on Six Chix, it’s amazing how this can immediately answer the question of “Is this Tuesday?”
GA: No no Gertie, you say “Ava Luna left her magic doll, can you give it to her please?” BEFORE you actually give him the doll, not after he’s already walking away with it.
You really couldn’t scrimp for a third panel could you Scancarelli? But then again the more this hell child is contained the better.
@The Rambling Otter: Yeah, and if the comment is “Christ, that’s ugly and stupid”, you know it’s Thursday.
Gasoline Alley: There is a horror game called “Amanda the Adventurer” which is your character watches old cartoons of a Dora pastiche which are cursed and contains a demonic entity who will kill you if you piss off Amanda too much by giving the wrong answers or not doing what she says.
I’m not saying that the comic strip Gasoline Alley is possessed by a demon who will devour your soul if you stare at him too long. But I’m not ruling it out.
MW: I’m feeling sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiightly attacked, Josh. *tries to slip her last ten Threads posts about how great Wicked was under a stack of newspapers* ?
love is… talking like Zippy the Pinhead.
Really, if there is any character that is safe from whatever abomination Ida Know is, it’s…. whatever… That… is that knocked on the door… My god, That…. makes a possessed demonic doll definitely the lesser of two evils…
I think one of the bigger problems with the art in Gasoline Alley is how all of the children are much, much more upsetting to look at than the cursed doll, and also appear to be older than the adult cast.
BB: That horoscope sums up Wilbur Weston’s entire life.
9CL – Shockingly, there is no humor in today’s strip, just a bunch of teenagers in skimpy swimwear spending yet another day just hanging around in a knee deep pool of water.
No word on the fate of The Shirt, though!
The punchline involves the fact that people sometime squint when trying to see at a distance, and how everyone loves it when Alistair does this.
None of the laffs apparently originate in the fact that they dressed in swimwear again to spend all day standing knee deep in some body of water. Can’t really swim in it. Why not find somewhere where the water comes up past your waist to go swimming in?
@taig: “ 9CL: It’s amazing that Alistair’s “South Korean” heritage wasn’t brought up as part of the punchline.”
Of course, Alistair’s parents are from Hong Kong. The origin story for Xiulan made a big deal of her visit there and of her contempt for the local culture and traditions, just before heading home with a check from dad for “one billion laundered US dollars”.
GA – GA is not on my read list for several reasons, especially the off putting artwork. “Off putting” is mild. That child is nightmare fuel.
FC – When did grocery carts start having the little fold out seat for kids to sit in? This strip apparently dates to before then. Jef tries to remember to update phones and TVs, but it doesn’t occur to him to update things like store doors, which have sensors to open them automatically, and grocery carts.
Jeffy must have been sitting in the bottom of the cart. I hope Thel didn’t dump any fresh vegetables where his butt was.
Rex Morgan – I don’t blame her. Just looking at her, it’s obvious that she has exquisite taste.
S4th – I laughed unironically at the last panel. Ronan is a good addition to this strip.
Crankshaft – If the cats really want to mess with her, they could steal some of her mail and ruin her life.
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
@I speak Jive: Jeff also doesn’t update having the father not help shop or mind the kids, or not having two of the kids stay in the car.
@Baja Gaijin: Mashups – You’ve captured Dawn’s character and personality very well. It was tough to choose, but I like the second one.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: They’re scowling because their legs aren’t meticulously drawn and shaded. We can’t even see those legs.
@Arabella: And they would have metal TV tray tables so they can eat dinner while they watch Wheel of Fortune.
We won our tray tables playing bingo. We used them as end tables when we were first married.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Great job with those Bears in Speed Bump!
Baby Blues: How old is Hammie supposed to be? He goes to school, can read, rides a bicycle but his mother still gives him baths. I was a little distracted by the shower head attachment that is connected to the bathtub faucet. Is that a real thing people have? Also his friend lives in a home infested with bedbugs and he’s dumb enough to be convinced they’d make good pets so maybe there’s a reason he can’t be left in the bathroom unsupervised.
@Flipper: I wondered where Billy and PJ were, but thought that maybe they were at holier than thou Grandma’s place.
Leaving two young kids alone in a car in a parking lot could result in a call to the police. At least Billy is more dependable than Jeffy or Dolly would be. Jeffy would probably try to eat the upholstery.
@I speak Jive: on Sally Forth — someone finally said what all the women have been thinking since Ronan entered the strip.
@Flipper: @I speak Jive: Another possibility: PJ has wandered off unnoticed except for Billy, who is leaving a dotted line behind him as he runs through the store trying to find him.
Gasoline Alley shows viewers a creepy possessed doll so they don’t mistake the black-haired being in blue for a creepy possessed child…as often.
@Rube: I especially loved what the first woman said.
Don Abundio, translated:
“How much are you asking for this house?”
[Briefcase: REAL ESTATE]
“$750,000.”
“Why so low?”
“Well, it does have some issues…”
“It’s built on a haunted Indian burial ground”
Curtis: Very smooth how they managed to slip in the heavy exposition about how Chutney’s mother died from cancer which was apparently years ago even though the characters in this comic never age. Then in the last panel they deliver the hilarious punchline that Curtis wants his own separate turkey to eat after the guests leave.
Zits: Jeremy is self aware that he’s an asshole and constantly takes advantage of his mother but he also knows that she raised him to be this way so she’s kind of getting what she deserves.
Marvin: I like how scared Jeff looks in the 2nd panel. It’s like he just realized that Marvin is fully capable of understanding all the terrible insulting things said about him and could easily decide to take revenge, Marvin could kill him and never face any consequence because of his age. But then Jeff decides that he doesn’t really care and decides he’s going to continue making fun of his kid.
Beetle Bailey Spanish to English.
Rex Morgan – I totally relate to Mrs. Take-A-Walk. My company closed our local office and I’m now fully remote. My office is my former dining room. I *love* that I can fire someone in the same place I used to throw dinner parties for favorite people.
Extroverts do not make great WFH employees.
In today’s The Argyle Sweater you get to meet Sid‘s intern.
Hey, it’s still show biz.
@Bob Tice: #3
GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! “I who am about to die salute you…”
@jroggs: #9
“calling a spayed a spayed.”
GAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
@Pozzo: #10
Tom B’s planets are permanently retrograde…
MW: Work has been a LOT today so getting in here late…but I guess it’s better than being laid up with pneumonia AM I RIGHT????
I do understand to a certain extent that you would call your guests and say sorry, can’t cook, but if Mary is so ill that she can’t do anything but lay in bed why would she just have had the first person she called tell everyone? I know that’s Toby in this case, and that she was so drunk that she probably won’t even remember the phone call, or the date for that matter, but she also didn’t HAVE to call Toby first and could have called Dawn who seems…at least marginally more responsible/sober
Crank: Oh, okay, so Batty hasn’t forgotten Westview’s teen twins and Centerville’s tween twins are supposed to be the same characters, he’s just decided that in the Summer’s Book Timeline, they’re the teenaged versions. Except that still doesn’t make sense! Because 1) we’ve already seen the kid versions since Funky Winkerbean ended, 2) the teenaged versions live in Westview, so why are they still hanging around Lillian’s bookstore, and 3) the teenaged versions developed into Polar Opposite Twins, so even if Emily does still want to hang around the Village Booksmith (and I guess if you want to hang around the Centerville Sentinel, anything is possible), Amelia wouldn’t.
Anyway, stupid though all of that is, let’s not let it distract it from the fact that in the last panel they’re clearly thinking “She thinks the cats are plotting against her. Should we be talking to someone about vacancies at Bedside Manor?”
Curtis: So Curtis just randomly invited someone to Thanksgiving dinner without checking with his mom first? Huh. And Billingsley just transitioned from Chutney’s tragic backstory to a “Curtis is a bottomless maw that consumes all” gag in a single panel? Also huh.
Phantom: Do you think Stripey ever gets jealous that Diana is allowed to whip off her sunglasses dramatically?
Pluggers: Okay, more numbered reasons something doesn’t make sense: 1) While Earl Houndstooth is, of course, a grotesque beastman with a thick coat of fur, he’s also frequently been the target for “I know it looks like this grotesque beastman has a thick coat of fur, but for the purposes of this joke, he’s bald.” 2) In Pluggers panels of the form “When a Plugger [does a thing], he’s actually [doing a different thing]”, the joke is that the first thing is something Pluggers supposedly don’t do, like use social media or go to fancy restaurants willingly. I know “Pluggers’ cars are falling apart and they refuse to do anything about it” is also a go-to joke, but do they really not even check the oil? (The idea they only wash their hair when they absolutely have to is very much within the perameters of this strip, though.)
RMMD: At last, DRAMA! Incredibly low-stakes DRAMA, but DRAMA!
@TheDiva: #79
“Phantom: Where will YOU be when you’ve realized you’ve wasted your life with a man who lives in a cave as part of some elaborate, outdated White Man’s Burden dynastic obligation?”
I am so tired of this entitled couple and their entitled Nordic kids. They are beyond boring. I would much rather be with the Bandar, who are genuinely interesting and have an actual culture.
@Rube: #100
Hubba hubba…yeah!!!!! :-)
@LTJpezcore1: …had the first person she called tell everyone?
Yes, that’s how it would work in real life. However, if she did that, Mary couldn’t hear every person she invited praise her and her cooking.
“Oh, no! I was looking forward to it! You’re the best cook.”
“That’s bad news. I’ve been thinking about how wonderful your cooking is, and now we’ll miss it.”
“You’re the best cook ever, Mary. Take care of yourself. I guess we’ll get takeout.”
“I’ll really miss your wonderful cooking, but fortunately I have a new jar of mayonnaise that hasn’t been opened.”
GA — too bad the Forths can’t fob off their own terror-doll the same way.
@Ukulele Ike: The twins seem to be, errm, blossoming in this timeline.
MW: ugh We all know what’s going to happen here. Mary thinks all her friends/neighbors/etc. (by which I mean Jeff) don’t care about *her* but only about her cooking. They’ll all secretly team up, Hallmark-movie-style, to cook a Thanksgiving dinner and bring it to her. Then, when they walk in to surprise her, they’ll find her dead on her couch of the plague. Hilarity ensues!
@Liam: IIRC, Nancy and Frank bought Mrs. Horner’s house for an investment property. Probably cheated her in the negotiations.
@UncleJeffers: You pretty much nailed Hammie’s personality. However, he is smarter than, say, Jeffy.
50 years ago Americans anxiously awaited the confirmation of Frank Zarb as the new head of the Federal Energy Administration, and Riverdale High’s beloved janitor Mr. Svenson addressed the national fuel shortage problem by preparing to pollute the students’ lungs with wood smoke.
Luann: Suddenly Wilbur Weston, Jeremy Duncan, Sergeant Snorkel, and Curtis Wilkins burst in, hearing news of a big feed.
Pluggers: Hair? I first thought it was an ill-fitting toupee. I then was ready to call foul, saying no plugger would ever spend money on one to hide his baldness, that’s what baseball caps are for.
Pluggers: I don’t even want to know how a plugger determines when he needs a bath or when to change clothes.
Hmmm… was just thinking of how twisted it would be, if Otto reverted back to the mindset of a normal dog, no longer wearing clothes or able to read. Just running around, barking.
I mean, Dawg is a regular dog in the same canon, it’s not like the military is uplifting animals to be massively intelligent on a human level to become soldiers… right?
@Baja Gaijin: No. 1, “Dawn’s M-F-F Threesome”, is by far the best.
BB: Damn, this horoscope is good. It also said, “Sure you walk around and wear polka dot boxers, but if you want that fame and fortune you need to talk aloud in identifiable words.”
GA: Guessing that some bigger kids will beat Jones up for walking around with a doll. Then either they get hexed by Ida Noe or they lay off of him because his sister’s desiccated corpse was just found by a Mars rover.
MW: Dawn is going to spend half of Wicked: Part One talking on her phone, isn’t she? This is why we need ushers.
Mary Worth Scenario 1: the Santa Royale gang comes together for Mary, and despite a “feast” of toast, popcorn, pretzels, and jelly beans, there’s a wonderful speech about Thanksgiving coming without food, booze, and football.
Mary Worth Scenario 2: The Santa Royale gang produces a stellar feast–with kitchen scenes that make The Bear seem comatose–yet throughout the meal, we hear Mary comment: “A little too much salt, dear.” “Hm. Not the variety of potatoes I would have used.” “Malbec really is more of a blending wine.”
Re: Beetle Bailey, Otto cannot both be “interested in astrology” and fully capable of understanding things that he reads.
Re: Gasoline Alley, surely the reason Gertie hands over this evil doll is because the child is already a demon from hell, look at that kid’s orange eyes.
So Otto is basicly Ed Crankshaft squeezed into a dog-style body?
I still have no idea if Ida Noe and Arty are actually sentient, or if the kids were just playing pretend all of this time.
@I speak Jive: re Speed Bump – Thanks, we do have a full cohort of Bear talent, not just the headliner Ol’ Rex. He’s of course hibernating now – old enough to need the rest and rich enough to take the time off. And he’s a traditionalist… likes to keep the old ways. But he usually sets an alarm for the Winter Solstice Celebration.
The Speed Bump Bears are part of the New Wave of Bruins who say “You snooze, you lose” and are willing to take gigs year round. A couple of ’em also appear in Tundra today. It may be a generational thing… or climate change… or competition for fewer Wildlife gigs. Anyway, it’s good for our business.
9CL: I’d do a lot more than squint if my fiancée(?) were possessed by Pazuzu, but in Lolly’s(?) case it might be an improvement.
C-Shaft: It’s funny because the twins used to do the same thing, until they found that messing with a dullard is a fleeting joy.
DT: Does PR start with a 6’6 320lb Aryan cracking his knuckles. It does at some companies, and it looks like Totten is one of them.
Dustin: Should’ve told him you’re not allowed to talk about Fight Club. It’s no less believable.
GT: Okay, there’s a limit on how many “kids today” signifiers any one character can be allowed. Spontaneously generating crude emoji officially puts Keri Thorp over the line.
H&L: I could see this leading to Thirsty and Irma finally welcoming their first child to the world. Well, maybe not exactly “theirs.” Read the lyrics to Steely Dan’s “Haitian Divorce” for a clearer picture.
JP: Right on. Enough of Sophie Spencer-Driver sucking face with the older brother of the “just friends” guy who’s name she’s probably forgotten. Here’s a romance that we’re all invested in: Alan Parker and brown liquor. Drinkin’ with Lincoln has to be a daily ritual of his.
MT: Cherry can’t picture Honest Ernest without seeing him give a thumbs-up. Or is that talons-up. The man could easily gouge your eye out. It’s terrifying.
RMMD: Oh no, Mr. Lewton. You did NOT just step to Olympia Dukakis where interior décor is concerned.
I guess Otto, canonically, fucks.
H&L: So Thirsty has the house to himself? Looks like in nine months Lois is going to have another “Flagston” baby.
Do take note of the cymbalism in today’s Hagar. Otherwise, the orchestra guy will be visiting you.
“The Coffee Spills and the Barista Kills” isn’t that bad of a title for a murder-mystery parody.
@BeckoningChasm: That’s one reason Henry is one of the skinniest fathers to appear in the comics.
Adam@Home: The game the family plays is “Which turkey did Adam fuck?” and avoid that turkey.
(hint – it’s the one with extra gravy)
@Ukulele Ike: Whit Bissell, Whit Stillman, Slim Whitman, and Slim Pickens walk into a bar…
Baja, Baja Gaijin! Something fell off the truck for you.
mw and next dawn tells the news to wilbur who is sad for he was looking forward to having diner with the one person who tolorates him. though still say by a miracle at the last minute mary will be having the diner with every one since they will show up bearing food
@Garrison Skunk: Argh, you had to put “Ed Crankshaft” and “dog-style” in the same sentence.
Crock: “I swear I didn’t eat your turkey, Sir. I, um, merely plucked it, if you get my drifting sands. . . . I’m so lonely.”
BB: Faced with these undeniable truths, Otto hits the sack and says, “Fuck it. Goddamn Beetle has been right all along.”
MW: “Never mind that, Mary. The main thing is for you to take care of yourself and get some rest! Thanks for the call. Talk to you next November.”
GA: . . . Uh, holy crap, what the hell is this? I got nuthin’. Man, this is just . . . I gotta go.
@139 Sequitur: And what a thing to fall off a truck!
@143 Baja Gaijin:
Barely missed my foot when it fell off.
@144 Sequitur: Good. You need that foot. You only have two of them.
@Sequitur: This is some kind of biblical reference, right? Like, he who can’t be named catches Adam fucking a turkey, and decides to create Eve! Perfect for Thanksgiving!!! Now let’s decipher why pigs were deemed unclean and off limits….
@Dennis Jimenez: #146:
“why pigs were deemed unclean and off limits”
Because they taste so good and God felt we didn’t deserve them.
@The Rambling Otter:
#131. GA:. Do Artie or Ida Noe ever speak or act when adults are present? I’m going for imagination of children. Like Hobbes.
GA:
I’m more concerned for Ida Noe than Jones. Look at that kid’s eyes, he’s gonna drag that poor demonic doll straight to the depths of uncanny valley.
BB: Joke’s on you, Otto. This paper, left on the floor for you to shit on, was from last week!
BB: “Astrology forecast”? I didn’t realize the term “horoscope” was trademarked or something.