Mostly babies
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Hi and Lois, 11/19/24
See, here’s an example of why Hi and Lois absolutely should stick to its post-punchline vibes: today’s strip does have a punchline, and it sucks. Oh, what’s that? You don’t watch a form of televised entertainment that’s become omnipresent because it’s cheap to produce and activates the same base pleasure centers in the human bran that react to cocaine? You’d rather contemplate the slow-moving majesty of nature instead? Thanks, smug baby, you’ve really given us all something to think about, via extremely mild wordplay.
Marvin, 11/19/24
Two of the worst things about Marvin are (a) it’s often about the title character peeing and pooing, and his adversarial relationship to toilets and being potty trained, and (b) it never really lands on whether the title character is a preverbal infant who communicates with thought balloons, in which case the peeing and pooing make sense, or a child old enough to go to school independently and talk out loud and such. Anyway, today’s strip hits both of these low notes, if you’re keeping track.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/19/24
Is Rex Morgan a fast-paced, gripping adventure strip that makes every visit to the comics page a thrill ride? No. But does it tackle real-world medical issues and educate the general public about their importance? Also no. But does it feature lots of drawings of hands in very specific positions and configurations? Yeah, that’s the one. It does that. We all know about “feet guys,” but if there’s such a thing as “hand guys,” as I assume there are, Rex Morgan, M.D., is their go-to, and I think that’s great.
147 replies to “Mostly babies”
Mary Worth Mashup: Yes, it’s exactly what you think.
Lockhorns: What’s worse than Loretta’s singing? Loretta singing an annoying advertising jingle.
Pluggers: Ha ha! Pluggers know they’re so ugly a decent haircut won’t help ’em be less hideous to polite society.
G. &*#$#*! Thorp – It would make sense to reference someone’s first interception of the season, but it sounds downright stupid to say first interception of the game. Does Marty Moon have ESP and know that Austin Field will have a multi-interception game? If Marty were around in 1861, would he announce, “The Confederates are whipping the Union in the first Battle of Bull Run?”
RxMD: I thought Brooke was the Hand Guy.
RMMD:
“The thing is, Doc, I don’t feel so good.”
“Not to worry, Mr. Lewton — you’re not wearing a red shirt with a Star Trek emblem. You’ll be okay!”
RMMD:
“Wait a minute. You’re not Mr. Lewton. You’re Jimmy Hoffa! — I thought you disappeared!”
I don’t know about anyone else but I read Rex Morgan for its hyper-realistic medical scenarios. I know when I go to the doctor, he has no idea why I’m there until I blurt out “I don’t feel so good.” And of course, like everybody does, when he asks me a routine question about my daily habits, I respond with a truculent “Eh,” arms crossed, frowning, daring him to inquire further. It’s like really being there!
RMMD: At least this guy hasn’t represented with the dreaded Spazz Finger.
MW: If one wants a turkey leg on Thanksgiving, one had best begin kowtowing well in advance.
BB: I can’t believe that Sarge doesn’t use this as a reason to pummel Julius to a pulp. He’s reduced Beetle to a smear for a LOT less.
RM- “If you’re having trouble with sleep, there’s a comic strip I can prescribe. You don’t have any allergies to root country music do you?”
MW:
You can just see the wheels turning in Toby’s head as she searches to come up with some kind of snotty comment.
H&L: For babies, all of reality is new and strange and incredible. For adults, reality is a known and terrible quantity, so to hell with it, let’s close the curtains and watch Milf Manor.
RMMD: Jesus fucking Christ, Terry Beatty, can you just cut to the goddamn chase? We get it, Chemtrail Lewton is a tedious old asshole who takes forever to get to the insipid point, but you don’t have to bore us with your accidental author-insert’s bullshit.
CS: See above, replace “Terry Beatty” and “Chemtrail Lewton” with “Tom Batiuk” and “Tom Batiuk.” I mean “Skip Rawlings.” Oh, and remove the word “accidental.”
MW: 2024 is my favorite month of the year.
H&L I really want an extra panel here so the dog can wander into frame and say something like “Ah, but what is reality, sweet child? I concern myself with the metaphysical…”
Marvin: I mean…better than stopping it with just poop, right? I feel like they should get credit for that.
RMMD Amazing how it only takes a brief interlude of Rex doing his daily job for me to long for the excitement of Truck and his fiancée. Man, you think they’re sitting on a bench right now? I’ll bet they’re sitting on it real good.
JP: Is Sophie responsible for Neddy’s terrible behavior? Eh, debatable. But Sophie probably should be held responsible for Sophie’s behavior, which was also abhorrent and should not be so casually excused. But Marciuliano has some weird notions about the relative culpability of men and women for their actions, so Sophie getting into a screaming match in a restaurant and subsequently ignoring Glen entirely just makes him love her all the more. Meanwhile, this transition sucks. After spending all that time building up Neddy confronting Glen, the
seasontime of day changes and we have no real idea how Glen and Neddy parted ways. Don’t hold your breath on this conversation about Glen’s extremely fucked-up life being particularly meaningful, either.GT: Where did that ball come from? Did the rest of both teams drink invisibility potions or did Valley Tech’s QB throw a pass around the entire circumference of Earth?
Luann: No, Luann, you keep that word “dull.” No one’s earned it more than you.
Marvin: Most vandals run away after stuffing the toilet but Marvin appears, from his sopping wet footsteps, to have stood there reveling in the overflowing sewerage. While many would assume Marvin’s obsession with fecal hygiene is a sign of a larger psychosis, it may be simply be a desperate cry for help. Has anyone checked this child for rectal prolapse?
You know in any realistic suburban living scenario Hi would be out there laying traps, poison, ultrasound alarms or just straight up taking an axe to any and every part of this infestation of rabbits, squirrels, birds, purple weeds and whatnot ruining the perfectly flat sterile lawn aesthetic the HOA is going for. Mom needs reality TV to feel like there’s something genuine and alive in her home, don’t judge her too hard, smug baby.
RMMD: Re hands, maybe Beatty’s been feeling nostalgic for the old Soupy Sales show:
“Rhaa woo, wha rhoo, rha rha rha woo?”
Wait, Marvin… uses TOILET PAPER??
RMMD — Rex gives the whitest, least-sassy possible interpretation of “talk to the hand.”
H&L: “I don’t know why She watches those…” Trixie detachment from Lois is so complete she doesn’t even realize that’s her mom.
DtM: Give it up, kid. If he hasn’t had a heart attack yet, it ain’t going to happen.
Marvin: Look, I have a Marvin-aged son, and he’s about as tall as my hips. I know comics exaggerate for artistic effect, but he’s just too small. He’s the size of his mother’s foot! This doesn’t look like #relatable parenting content about a troublesome toddler, it looks like a horrible little leprechaun is breaking into schools and homes and peeing all over them.
RMMD: Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he does not feel so good. Says he wakes up sore and tired. Says he is not sleeping all right. Doctor says, ‘Treatment is simple. Rex Morgan MD is in the local paper. Go and read it. That should bore you to sleep.’ Man bursts into tears. Says, ‘But doctor…I am in Rex Morgan MD.’
@jroggs:
On Luann :
1) That first panel, where Luann looks directly at the audience and basically says “My life is not worth following because it’s a very empty, dull routine”… considering how little she appears in her own strip anymore, I feel like it’s the most SINCERE thing the strip has done? (ALSO : that’s the routine of a HIGH SCHOOLER with a part-time job, not a college student who took a bunch of random classes for fun)
2) …Luann is still tutoring kids? I thought she had stopped doing that, what with the last time we saw her doing it being… I wanna say over 18 months ago?
***********
Marvin : …Lucky those puddles Marvin is leaving behind are colored like clear water, and not yellow, or worse, BROWN.
***********
Ripley’s Don’t Believe It :
1. Conversely, that study is proving that “I read (non-specific) books” is the LEAST REPULSIVE hobby
(commenting on Comics Curmudgeon is probably the MOST, with my luck)2. …You’d think that Ernest Hemmingway having very modern tastes would be a more commonly known factoid
(did Epic Meal Time ever do “Bacon-wrapped Fried Fish”?)3. And if you beat it up enough, it evolves into Araquanid.
H&L – The bee is a busybody, the cardinal won’t shut up, the rabbit will screw anything, the squirrel can’t stop playing with his nuts, and the butterfly flaps his wings and there’s an earthquake in Cartagena….
Marvin – Aw…they’re full of shit….
RMMD – A mob boss…ordering hit jobs…burning out small businesses…stealing from the rich and poor, alike…can’t sleep at night? Well, that doesn’t sound right….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Hi and Lois: Josh talks about a kind of television program that “activates the same base pleasure centers in the human bran that react to cocaine,” which, in that excessive cocaine use can cause you to lose control of your bowels, is a most appropriate typo. It’s shit and it causes you to shit, is what I’m saying.
@Schroduck: And here I thought you were like the rest of us. You know, old.
H&L: Note that when Trixie says she watches “real reality”, she is staring directly at… us. The comics know that they’re comics, and they know that we’re “reality”, and they’re reversing those roles. Why? Last month H&L observed its 70th anniversary, and so Walker-Browne Industries apparently decided that enough is enough. After being the subject of over 25,550 comics for us to look at, now the Flagstons are going to be looking back. This explains why the H&L strip is moving into what Josh describes as its “post-punchline” phase – henceforth, we’re the punchline. Smile, readers, the joke’s on you!
Crankshaft: “Yeah, I bet. So, can we do something about the ‘old man smell’ in here? Burn some matches maybe?”
@seismic-2: Headcanon immediately accepted.
Marvin: A strip like this makes me wonder who the joke is for. Parents of not-quite-potty trained toddlers? They’re too busy and stressed to read the comics. The grandparents of said toddlers? Probably closer, but clipping a strip like this and posting it on the refrigerator is an awful lot of work for passive-aggression. Sickos with extremely niche fetishes? Could be, but how many of us Marvin hate-readers are there, really?
@seismic-2: @Amelie Wikström: When you stare into the comics, the comics stare back at you.
@Hibbleton:
Ahh. White Fang and Black Tooth. Both staples of my misspent childhood in the Detroit area (although I know that Soupy eventually went national.)
RMMD – Downloading a reference photo of a CPAP machine from the internet is too much work, but my hand? It’s right here! I can draw that!
GT:
Rachel asks; “Henry, can you play football in the void?”
“Sure, but you better add Marty in a control booth to keep it grounded.”
6Chx: ”Punk” is just shy of fifty years old. Binaca might not be as cutting-edge as she thinks she is.
Lockhorns: I have no idea what this is referencing, so I’m just gonna go with Bleak House.
I know there isn’t much reality in reality shows. I don’t even watch reality shows. But damn it, Hi and Lois, you made me hate a goddamned BABY for snobbishly putting quotation marks around “reality” in her own thought bubble.
***
Who on Earth is this doctor fella in Rex Morgan M.D. and why the heck is he talking to some non-hipster who probably isn’t even into roots country or neo-Vaudeville?
RMMD: That’s Ernest Borgnine, right? Just rub one out everyday, sir, you’ll feel better in no time.
GT: Is Marty in Houston at mission control? Clearly this game is taking place on a distant asteroid.
Hi and Lois – That is a lot of smugness for a baby that still hasn’t mastered object permanence and anthropomorphizes sun beams.
Marvin – How Marvin got from school while still tracking toilet water leaves a lot of questions to be answered.
Rex Morgan, MD – Artist Terry Beatty has an attachment to an early book on figure drawing and makes sure to use the same general hand positions and never deviates.
RMMD: If you wite-out Rex’s word balloon, that third panel makes a perfect reaction-gif, just like the same guy’s earlier reaction, “AWFUL!” in an earlier strip.
MW-Mary fills her cooking with a lot of THC.
FC-And Mommy has a buttonhole someplace less visible.
I somehow feel like Marvin being the next strip up was the reason Josh wrote “bran” instead of “brain.”
Yes, Hi and Lois, we should critique the quality of the TV show the Mom is watching while she ignores her baby.
MW: Everyone everywhere: “PLEASE GOD NOT ANOTHER WILBUR STORY LINE!!!!”
**monkey’s paw curls**
H&L: We were shown just a couple of days ago (okay, Saturday) that the Flagstons live in a monoculture-giant-lawn-and-bare-fences neighborhood with barely a fringe of minimal shrubbery right next to their house. So the presence of this wildlife makes no sense. Yes, it only consists of one butterfly, one bird, one rabbit, etc., but even that much wildlife needs more than what, for wildlife, is a ginormous mowed-grass hellscape. Trixie’s baby brain is so desperate for stimulation that she is hallucinating.
JP: “I know family can be challenging, especially after everything that happened to mine this summer.”
“Oh, we’re going to make this all about *you* now? That’s not why I agreed to this.”
MW: “Do you want me to help with this year’s Thanksgiving dinner?”
“Oh, double Hell No.”
CS: “Well since you asked, we do have a dress code here that mandates short skirts and skimpy tops for girls. That won’t be a problem, will it?”
Frazz: Just send the little shit to Harvard already and be rid of him.
Sometimes art drift suddenly really stands out to me for some reason… Martin is barely SHIN-HIGH, even an infant (standing upright under its own power???) would be taller. And WHAT is going on with the adult’s mishapen ovoid feet with the heels extending far back past the ankles?!
Marvin – He couldn’t have done it. He was too busy participating in a macrocephaly study.
H&L: Lois has four underage children, including a baby, plus a career as a real estate agent. Congratulations to her on being organized and efficient enough to have time to relax and watch television in her very clean house. To hell with reality shows, she should become what I think is called a mommy-blogger or influencer, right? Showing thousands of followers How It Should Be Done.
@Poteet:
A mommy blogger whose kids never get any older would certainly make the other mothers count their blessings.
Today’s Jumble features Slylock Fox. Get out your thinking caps, everyone!
Hi And Lois: “Kids these days and their damn technology”-type bits are already horrid, but putting them into the mouth of a literal toddler just takes it to a whole new level of making you wish you could tell the writer to shut the fuck up. Particularly when that supposed “toddler” acts more like a cat for some reason.
Marvin: Marvin isn’t actually a kid at all, just a man with extreme dwarfism and a scat fetish who killed and replaced this couple’s real kid and is now living as said child, much like the changeling myths of old.
Rex Morgan: Josh, I’d like to introduce you to a good man by the name of Yoshikage Kira…
H&L: Ah yes, the “reality” of a carefully manicured lawn in an idealized version of 1950s suburbia. Nothing like it!
Marvin: Even assuming Marvin is old enough to be in preschool (in which case his limited oral vocabulary and lack of toilet training would have resulted in an IEP, if not intervention from CSS), the setup of today’s strip implies that he walked/bussed home entirely on his own, rather than being picked up by a caregiver. That seems improbable even in the realm of “free-range child” nostalgia, let alone our more security-obsessed era.
RMMD: Don’t know about “hand guys,” but there are definitely “hand girls” and, as one myself, I can tell you this is doing absolutely nothing for me.
@ectojazzmage: Marvin’s mom should start brewing in eggshells to get him to out himself.
Rex Morgan – “Whatever it is, I’m guessing oxycontin would take care of it… whaddaya say, doc?”
@13 Hibbleton: About six hours after Thanksgiving dinner, a epidemic of prolapsed rectums runs through Charterstone.
@16 Cindy: Marvin uses toilet paper…to clog toilets. It’s his rebellion against potty training.
@33 Ukulele Ike: on The Lockhorns: Jardiance is a prescription diabetes medication advertised ad nauseum on Plugger TV stations. It has an earworm-worthy song involving ” a little pill with a big sto-ory to tell.”
So, we’re going to get a whole week and a half of various people advance-praising Mary’s cooking, aren’t we. Followed by one day of people eating Mary’s cooking while praising it, and then by a whole week of various people reminiscing about just how great Mary’s cooking was.
I can barely contain myself. Excitement, thy name is Moy.
What can your television show that contains such great drama as nature, red in tooth and claw? Absorb your simplistic stories of knights and dragons and gore, while I consume consumption itself. I watch as the hawk descending breaks the air with flame of incandescent terror! You sit mindlessly before soap operas, while I watch nature glory in lust and death. Sit in your heated box, believe you are protected from nature, but revel in the fact that just beyond the liminal spaces of your doorway awaits a world of terror and glory!
Trixie stares out of the window, riding in her bubble, where she waits for the blessèd break.
@Baja Gaijin: Thanks! I prefer to believe that Bunny was paying homage to “Jarndyce and Jarndyce.” However, given the Bleak House plot, they should be spontaneous combustion pills.
C’shaft: So this isn’t a “newspaper” so much as it is a blog you distribute in a very inefficient manner.
DT: On the plus side, Dick now knows where the violent final confrontation will take place.
Dustin: So, does this end like “The Veldt” with Dustmom preferring her helpful virtual man to her self-absorbed egotistical husband and arranging his death, or are we going in the direction of that Simpsons “Treehouse of Horror” bit where the artificial intelligence falls for the wife and tries to off the husband? I would approve of either outcome.
JP: Yeah, your sister having an unreasonably overprotective freakout over your boyfriend being five years older is totally the same as your uncle going all King Claudius.
MT: I don’t know, if it comes down to hanging out with Bernice or being strapped to a dialysis machine for five hours, I know which one I’m picking.
MW: “Besides, last time you went to the store for me I asked for baking soda and you came back with a two-liter bottle of Sprite.”
CS: So one-armed Skip produces a full-featured daily newspaper all by himself. Compare this to the process of making a comic book cover, which takes a full week and at least two people.
9CL – Mock all you like, but “The Cum-Stained Shirt of Courage” is the most insightful depiction of cum stained clothing in comics since the Fuck Hut storyline in “Luann”
@Banana Jr. 6000: The part Skip hates most is composing the daily crossword puzzle and Jumble. Maybe he can trick this dumb blonde into it.
LUANN: LOL at this comic’s passive aggressive way of telling us that that, nope, Luann’s life is going to stay dull and uninteresting despite what status-quo-breaking scenarios we might have hinted at. That “blank slate” is going to be as untouched as Mary Worth.
LUANN (2)
Claudette, Lisa’s momMrs Horner (non-chalant): “I got the results of the test today. I definitely havebreast cancerkidney failure.”LisaLuann (casually): “Oh don’t worry about it. Anyway back to what I was saying….”@Cleveland Mocks: JP: “I know family can be challenging, especially after everything that happened to mine this summer.”
Poor Glenn is already beginning the ritualized Parkerverse neutering that befalls all straight white men in post-Franwit realty.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Well Josh, someone had to pick up the baton that Gil Thorp dropped when Rod “No-Those-Weren’t-Supposed-To-Be-Catchers-Mitts” Whigham retired.
@MKay: HAHAHAhaha…ha…ha…wait a minute, that is kinda sorta what it is like to live with a decades-long continuous series of multiple cats. *feels sudden need for sugary-carb infusion*
H&L: Trixie is further delighted when she witnesses a drive-by shooting in front of Thirsty’s house.
GT: His *first* interception of the game? Um, Henry, this ain’t exactly Paul Skenes notching his first strike-out of the game. (Yeah, I know, you would have absolutely no clue what that means because it’s, you know, sports.)
Sure, Trixie is a baby, but she also was a baby in the 1950s, so she’s a boomer, as shown by the trite glurge that would go well in a Facebook or Instagram post
MW: remember how a week ago, I suggested that it would be awesome if Moy and Brigman Dedicated a series of strips to Mary’s recipes? Now would be a good time.
Luann: I think what Luann means is “I’ll never complain about my life again after hearing your troubles” but it comes off as “boy, I thought MY life was boring. But wow, you’re one boring-ass old lady.”
CS: “Okay, girlie, rule number one: We do not run any comics by Batton Thomas. They suck.”
H&L: Ah yes, reality, like that purple bush. At least there’s not a dog hiking his leg on it.
Marvin: I hope those puddles were a colorist error.
Hi and Lois: “I don’t know why she watches those ‘reality’ shows when she has an actual baby, crawling around the house with no supervision, probably hungry and with a full diaper, then trying to entertain myself by staring out the window and wondering if the creatures I see are edible. Oh, that’s the way moms on those reality shows do act — it’s just that some are poor and neglectful, while others are rich and neglectful but can afford full-time childcare? Never mind.”
Marvin: If schools are the same as when I was a kid, their bathrooms contain cheap, scratchy, single-ply toilet paper that’s way too thin to stop up anything. But since Marvin is too young and small to carry around a pile of books and school supplies, we have to assume that what’s in his backpack is four or five rolls of pillow-soft three-ply. And those old school pipes are too delicate to handle the good stuff!
Rex Morgan:
— “I’m sore and tired and not sleeping well.”
— “Have you tried seeing a doctor?”
— “You are a doctor.”
— “No, I mean a good doctor.”
@Baja Gaijin: MW: Toby: “Not that I can cook, but boy can I drink!”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Hey! I’m so happy I feel like I could float away!”
“Mimosa! I can always count on you to keep me grounded!”
@Baja Gaijin: The “Prolapsed Rectums” would be an excellent name for a punk band.
LUANN: “Yep, dull dull DULL, that’s my life. It’s kinda cool that I’ve been nineteen for a decade, however, and my mom keeps buying the groceries and cooking all my meals and cleaning the house where I live, and I don’t have to pay rent or taxes, and I can just stay on my parents’ health insurance indefinitely, and I get credit for being a tutor without ever having to spend any time tutoring, and the money for my tuition just keeps on flowing in from somewhere, and my dog is apparently immortal. Things could be worse, I guess.”
This story about this man who doesn’t feel too good but has difficulties explaining why is very relatable and I don’t like it!
MARY WORTH: You know we give Toby a lot of grief on here, but just look at how much our baby has grown on panel one. She feints an offer of help and them immediately cites deliberate incompetence to extract herself from any actual work, all the while, getting “credit” offering. Our little girl is learning from Mary after all (This is an intermediate-level tactic in the Fine Art of Passive-Aggressiveness, so Toby should be proud)
Lois is watching “The Real Housewives of Walker-Browne”, in order to feel superior to Helga, Martha (Halftrack’s wife) and other characters who remained homemakers, while she took up a job as a realtor. However, since she’s at home, in the middle of the day, watching reality TV, her job must not be going so well.
@brendancalling: I don’t know if you’re old enough to know what goes into Gray Slurry in a Pan and Oblong Beige Blobs of Foodstuff.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Give poor Marty a break. He’s probably drunk.
CRANKSHAFT: Blondie there wouldn’t be grinning there in panel #3 if she knew that was just Skip’s lurid innuendo about his love life.
@Little Guy: Brooke does like his hand jive, but he’s basically a leg man.
@Chance: That’s the only way to receive quality medical care, give vague, non-specific answers,
@72 Lord Flatulence: That is the first and only thing that popped into my mind with today’s strip. It seemed appropriate.
@74 Lord Flatulence: As long as they didn’t illustrate their band’s namesake condition on their CD covers and merch. Ew.
Zits: Ha Ha it’s funny because Jeremy’s dad has a problem with his rectum, anus, or gastrointestinal tract and has to see a specialist to treat him.
Family Circus: I like how concerned Jeffy looks at Billy’s asinine comment. “Does everyone assume I’m an idiot” he seems to be thinking as he has a real moment of self awareness.
Beetle Bailey: Those effeminate gay men sure do love to knit. Is that a gay stereotype?
SlyLock Fox: I appreciate the silhouette in the upper right corner showing a sentient fish being carried away to a horrific death. This might be a comic for kids but they still need a dose of the harsh reality of the real world.
Hagar: Looks like Hagar and his gang are finally being put on trial for their many savage crimes. Most likely immediately executed afterwards. R.I.P. Hagar
@2+2=7: Mrs. Horner’s kidney problems stem from her longtime overindulgence in Nums snack crackers.
@brendancalling: I have the feeling that Mary’s Thanksgiving recipes lean heavily towards canned green bean casserole and Stove Top Stuffing.
At least she won’t have to wonder about which hand he uses.
@Voshkod: Oh hey, the UPS truck.
RMMD: Green shirt guy was in the mood to play charades to communicate his affliction, but he changed his mind after seeing Dr Rex’s fluttery hands.
@Lord Flatulence: #74
And the planet Uranus would be their band logo!
@Guy Nerdlinger:
@Voshkod: Oh hey, the UPS truck.
Trixie recognizes Thirsty as the neighborhood porch pirate.
MW: They are putting a lot of emphasis on how this is a tradition of Mary’s and that she will manage to do it all by herself again this year. No, thanks she won’t need any help. Could this foreshadow that maybe she *won’t* be able to do it this year? I don’t recall them giving this build-up to Thanksgiving dinner before. It’s usually just a one-day scene with selected guests. We’ve got over a week to go here.
For those of you who read ahead, don’t tell me if I’m wrong. Please let me hope that something happens to Mary.
@BigTed:
But as crappy as that school toilet paper is, better than when I went into a tiny restaurant in Detroit to use the bathroom. Instead of toilet paper, they had a towel in the bathroom… a freaking TOWEL…
As I come out, the workers behind the counter have a full wall of bullet proof glass in front of them.
Silly employees, no-one’s going to rob you, as you can’t even afford toilet paper.
Also that joke you shared reminds me of in The Simpsons, where Homer was purposely trying to become obese to get Disability rights and work from home. He went to consult with Doctor Hibbert on ways to get fatter, Hibbert was appalled at how sick and unhealthy the idea was and he wasn’t going to help him.
Homer: Can you recommend another Doctor who can?
Hibbert: Sure!
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Only old in spirit.
Marvin-And the less said about the kid Marvin drowned and tried to flush down the toilet the better.
Rex Morgan – Vague grumbling about aches and pains. We have Pluggers for that. Of course, pluggers haven’t tried smelling salts and peanut butter and honey sandwiches.
Mary Worth – Thanksgiving is going to be unforgettable. Turkey stuffed with muffins. Sweet muffin casserole topped with marshmallows. Savory muffin casserole topped with French’s fried onions. Mashed muffins with chives. And for dessert – three kinds of muffin pie!
S4th – A cat owner who sets the table days in advance deserves whatever happens. The cat will sit in the dishes before sweeping them to the floor.
Crankshaft – It just occurred to me that Skip has wormed his way onto my Most Loathed Comics Characters list. I despise everything about him – the hat, the pinned up sleeve. So far he’s not in the top ten; I don’t feel as strongly as I do about Dinkle or Loathsome Lillian. Instead of the hatred with the heat of a thousand suns, it’s just an eyeroll and “Not this asshole again.”
Looks Good On Paper – I’ve never looked for it, but I’ve never seen a dress that reveals a camel toe. That’s a leggings or tight pants thing.
Frazz – The bad habit isn’t procrastination. It’s that Caulfield is a smug, insufferable asshole.
Hi and Lois-Thirsty’s wife is beating him again.
Sex Organ V.D.: “Mr Borgnine, I believe the ailment you’re suffering from is death.”
@The Rambling Otter: The bullet-proof glass wasn’t protection from robbers, but from irate customers. I hope you flushed the towel.
@I speak Jive: Mary Worth: I read that in adult Ralphie’s (by which I mean Jean Parker ” Shep ” Shepherd Jr.’s) narrative voice.
Also, I think that Mr. Shepherd may have the longest (American) name.
@Baja Gaijin: Mashup – Yup, that’s our Toby. Of course, if I spent all my time between pompous windbag Ian and meddling savior Mary, I’d be sloshed all the time, too.
@Bob Tice: No wonder he doesn’t feel well. Being buried in concrete for almost fifty years will do that.
@Baja Gaijin: Re Lockhorns and the Jardiance commercial – I laughed when I read the comic, because I seriously despise those ads. We mute the TV when they come on.
@Ukulele Ike: I read Bleak House many years ago and loved it. I remember the death of Krook.
There was a very good adaptation on PBS some time ago – Gillian Anderson was in it.
@seismic-2: “In
Soviet RussiaHi and Lois… cartoon characters (who will never age, go broke or lose their jobs) laugh at you!Did anyone notice that Hi and Lois seemed to have only started getting preachy and nihilistic, after Lois crossed-over with Crankshaft?
It spreads…
@The Rambling Otter: Good ol’ Dr. Hibbert could laugh about anything. It’s funny how we all remember details from the first 10 seasons of “The Simpsons,” but very little from the most recent 25 seasons.
@The Rambling Otter: Now I’m imagining the Bumpus dogs crashing Mary’s dinner.
@BigTed: Same with how nearly every single Spongebob meme is from Season 2 and 3 (and sometimes Season 1) Despite the show being around for over 20 years.
But with The Simpsons sometimes the quotes and memes outright salvage episodes.
Such as the one episode that had the “Stupid Sexy Flanders!” line, (Little Big Mom) the episode itself was unremarkable and really nothing of substance. Except for that line/meme which was one of the biggest memes spawned from the show.
Marvin: Whether you are a feet guy, as Josh phrased it, or just a regular civilian, I feel it is important to state for the record: That Is Not What A Human Foot Looks Like. I repeat, That Is Not What A Human Foot Looks Like. That Is Not What A Human Foot Looks Like. That Is Not What A Human Foot Looks Like. Ugh. That is all.
The Phantom: In most countries, it’s considered a courtesy to rise from your seat when the President stands up. But I guess GWW is such best buds with old Wing-Collar that he can lounge on his stripey ass without giving offense.
Marvin: The school just has one toilet? That was an accident waiting to happen.
Sex Organ V.D.2: You’d think a comic that features Shorty and the Beanpole would get a classic vauldevillian joke right…….its Ernest Borgnine: My arm hurts when I do this.” Dr.Doofus: “Den don’t do that!” And don’t forget the ahhh stick and the nurse with the big medical plans!
RMMD: am I supposed to know who Mr Greenshirt is?
RMMD: Okay, this is just the first half of a Folger’s commercial.
@Poteet: H&L: Lois has four underage children, including a baby, plus a career as a real estate agent. Congratulations to her on being organized and efficient enough to have time to relax and watch television in her very clean house. To hell with reality shows,
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Probably helps that she’s in reality a Foofram™ Industries Industrial Android Killbot like her “brother” Beatup Bailey. Her kill control is on….watch out Thursty the next time you stick your hands in her “fridge”!
@Professor Well Actually: No, but you’re supposed to care.
MW: this is a serious complaint about this comic. We are told repeatedly that Mary is an amazing cook and baker but nothing she makes looks edible. I think that’s a problem but possibly only for me.
@Professor Well Actually: RMMD: am I supposed to know who Mr Greenshirt is?
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Mr. Greenjeans’ Great grandson.
LUANN: Luann has a moment of self-awareness about how boring she is, but don’t worry, she won’t actually do anything with this newfound knowledge. Though it’s nice for the strip to finally confirm that she only takes one college course at a time, since by her own admission she’s able to attend school and still squeeze in some tutoring all before lunch, at which point she goes home where her afternoons consist of nothing but walking the dog again and then loafing around with Bernice until dinner. Such a full life she leads.
Crank: The ongoing continuity of the Sentinel is hilarious. It’s not that it’s inconsistent, exactly, but when you put it together it tells a story that I’m not sure Batty realises he’s telling. Consider:
2021: Skip writes a bitter editorial about how an evil hedge fund bought the Centerville Sentinel and pushed out everyone except him, then quits.
2022: The Centerville Historic Society funds a new Centerville Sentinel, completely ignoring that the hedge fund still owns the name. (This fact literally never comes up, at all.) Skip is put in charge, excited to be doing proper journalism again, and some other people also seem interested in contributing.
2023(?): At an editorial meeting, Skip tells all the other contributors that their contributions are getting in the way of what newspapers are really about, which is
quality journalism of the sort he was complaining the hedge fund wasn’t interested in fundingcomic strips, obviously. He pretty much declares that all these non-comic strip features and articles will have to go.2024: Skip complains that there’s nobody except him working on the Sentinel these days. For some reason.
I guess you either die the boring, sanctimonious journalist, or you live long enough to see yourself become the evil hedge fund.
Curtis: So now Curtis is policing the Insta of the girl he keeps asking out and who keeps rejecting him, and telling her which selfies she’s allowed to post. I’d be less concerned about being blocked and more about a restraining order, tbh.
DT: Lizz, either you have something Dick needs to know right now, in which case you should tell him, or you have something that can wait until he gets back, in which case it can wait until he gets back. Calling him in the middle of his investigation to tell him there’s something he should see when he gets back serves no purpose except to fill a day while Costello tries to remember if something was meant to be happening here besides Dick being told the history of an old building.
Heath: Say what you like about Marvin‘s obsession with bodily functions, but at least the strip hasn’t developed the kind of bizarre mythology Heathcliff has created around “cats sometimes eat garbage”. (Yes, there was a talking toilet that one time, but it was never mentioned again, thankfully.)
MW: “Help? Help? You think I’m going to let you run down to the store for yams or whatever and then tell everyone you were involved in creating my Thanksgiving dinner? I don’t think so, bitch!”
Phantom: Hooray, it’s the most thrilling part of any Phantom story, a flashback in which one character describes to another something we the readers already saw happen. I hope there’s a bit where Stripey suddenly breaks off and we get a week of Luaga wondering what he’s going to tell him next!
OTF: Bill Holbrook doesn’t get how Zoom/Teams/etc. works, part 347.
@Guy Nerdlinger: Ah, yes, the brown van arrives, like the great junks of Zheng He as he brought to riches of China unto people that needed them not, but would trade the sweat of their long labors for a few yards of silk. And it has passed, or is passing, or is yet to come, as like a vandal in the dark, the local sot approaches the door, to steal a package, a lesser reaver who will never stand before his Gods. Here is drama, mother, not what is captured in the tiny phosphors of your idiot box!
Ernest Borgnine knew he was lucky to get ANY acting roles, being dead and all, let alone the part of Bugs Bunny in “Space Jam 3″, but try as he might he.just couldn’t force himself to say the whole line —- ” Eh, What’s Up Doc?”, thinking the role beneath him.
@Professor Well Actually: He’s the guy who alerted Rex to what Rene was up to … I think four scams ago? Maybe five? The first time he moved from art forgery to “wellness”, anyway. And by “alerted” I mean “fell for it hook, line and sinker so Rex had to deal with the situation, judging everyone involved every step of the way.”
MW:
If you disregard Toby’s long winded speech bubble and all you see is the look on her face, the cup so close lovingly close to her face, and her bleary eyes squinting too happily as someone else tools away in front of her – and Mary facing away from Toby, almost too delicately handling muffins, and giving a terse “No, thank you” – one could credibly believe that Toby was offering Mary a belt of brandy to go along with her morning muffins.
@I speak Jive: @Baja Gaijin: Re Lockhorns and the Jardiance commercial –
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My favorite episode of “LOVE, LOCKHORN STYLE”!
Mary’s Worst: “……and I can’t wait to see the new Mary Worth balloon in the Macy’s parade this year!”
@91 Myrtle: The author’s heavily foreshadowing a Mary Worth-only holiday meal because the artist already has many holiday strips ready to resuse starring Mary and Mary only. I know because I have them saved in my library for future mashups. Why create new artwork when old artwork will do?
@94 Liam: Marvin flushing a kid down the toilet like an ordinary goldfish? [Wilbur Weston joins the chat…]
@105 The Rambling Otter: “Stupid Sexy
FlandersWilbur!” said no one ever.Pluggers: Pluggers are cheap # 4962.
CS: Skip thinks, “I know. I’ll let this little twerp do the astrology column. She looks like one of those types who believes in that bullshit.”
FC: HTT Grandma is thinking, “Hmph. That tight-fitting dress looks like Thel painted it on.”
JP: “You have no reason to be sorry about your sister, Soph. Just focus on surviving another insane storyline. I’m just gigging here, thank god, but you’re a regular cast member. You poor soul.”
DT: The “Two Fox Plaza” building is a real building in Real Chicago, on the north side of the Chicago River west of Da Loop. I’ve driven past it on the south side hundred of times. I have no idea whether it’s abandoned, being turned into a farmers’ market, was once a place they “made stuff for the Big War,” the clock works, the tower structure is sound, or if there’s a lot of junk up there.
It’s just a big ass building, and I’ve seen it.
@BigTed:
It’s funny how we all remember details from the first 10 seasons of “The Simpsons,” but very little from the most recent 25 seasons.
That’s because most of the funny details occurred in the first 10 seasons. Don’t get me wrong, even a bad episode of the Simpsons is better than much of what’s out there – but the first few seasons were so, so good.
I still enjoy the show, it’s just not appointment television like it was in the mid-late 90s. But with the advent of streaming, nothing is appointment television, really.
@Myrtle: Hey, cool! That is also my hope and theory as expounded a day or two ago! I talked about Mary getting hit by a vehicle. But I’d happily settle for a sprained ankle, a couple of cracked ribs, or a fast defenestration out of a high window. And I’m with you, Myrtle. No reveals or spoilers, please, dear Mudges, just let us keep hoping!
@Guillermo el chiclero: It’s also “Pluggers are stupid”, because after decades they haven’t figured out that short haircuts always last longer.
CS: Emily, I dare you to ask Skip how he lost his arm.
Luann-“Wow! Dialysis! That’s more exciting than anything I do.”
Luann-I hope Mrs. Horner talks about her former husband Jack who liked to stick his thumbs into pies.
Crankshaft-“How would you like to be on Page Three?”
Marvin, meta:
lowbrown notes@Anonymous: Brown noise?
Crankshaft: How about shadowing my face?
@Guillermo el chiclero: Threshing combine? Sawmill accident?
”Oh, you poor man — however did you lose your arm?”
”Waal, I jest done like this…..AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
@Lord Flatulence: Kudos for the username/reply synergy!
@Cleveland Mocks:
CS: “Rule number two: Unless it’s in the police blotter, we never mention Batton Thomas in this paper again. He stiffed me on that puff piece he hired me to write about him.”
Marvin: Let’s face facts. If Marvin wanted to clog the school toilets, he wouldn’t need toilet paper to do so.
RMMD: “You don’t feel so good? Well that’s a change of pace! Most of my patients just want to give their medical insurance a workout.”
C-Shaft: Do yourself a favor. Just…just find out ahead of time if he’s had a breakfast burrito that morning.
DT: It just occurred to me that Dick has been wearing a black jacket since Sunday, not his trademark yellow overcoat. This is his idea of going undercover, isn’t it?
JP: Shock and surprise! Is Glen actually remembering that he has a brother? Or just that his dad was killed Hamlet style by his uncle. Yeah, I guess you could say that’s “challenging.”
Luann: Dumbest t-shirt ever or most appropriate t-shirt ever? A little of both, to tell the truth.
MW: “Mary Worth’s cooking is so good!” ranks with “Raymond Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life,” for programmed responses.
Phantom: “I was prepared for Avarice to take out a laser pistol and try to waste me. As it turned out the only thing it wasted was my time. And even there, it’s not a first for me. A word of advice: if Mozz ever uses the word ‘prophecy’ around you pretend you didn’t hear him.”
SFx: Message to any cats out there that may be thinking of piloting a submarine. Try to pick one whose hull isn’t so feeble a swordfish can penetrate it by dumb mistake.
@Horace Broon: Skip has managed to become the evil hedge fund without having any money. Now that takes dedication!
@Dennis Jimenez: H&L – The bee is a busybody, the cardinal won’t shut up, the rabbit will screw anything, the squirrel can’t stop playing with his nuts, and the butterfly flaps his wings and there’s an earthquake in Cartagena….
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….Car 69,Where Are You?
@Baja Gaijin: #124
“Why create new artwork when old artwork will do?”
That’s pretty much the mission/vision statement of most of the comics we review here.
Look, Trixie can act smug about staring at the back yard all she wants, but the fact is, if Lois plops her down in front of Cocomelon, her ‘adorably’ precocious brain will utterly deactivate more swiftly than any other character in this strip’s brain ever could. Except Thirsty.