Crime and/or punishment
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Hagar the Horrible, 5/19/25
I really appreciate how chill Hagar is about his own prosecution here. Based on the wigs, he’s probably being tried for his crimes in England, which was particularly powerless to stop Viking raids during this period, so presumably he’s sticking around out of curiosity to see what the verdict will be before his warrior band overwhelms the inadequate local Saxon levies and frees him by killing everyone in the courtroom.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/19/25
Snuffy Smith has been doing a storyline where Barney Google has reappeared and is practicing law with no more legal training than his big city smarts, and apparently he’s winning case after case. This just goes to show the importance of an adversarial legal system: after decades of townsfolk being forced to appear in court without any legal representation, the town’s law enforcement community has lost all ability to make even the basic arguments necessary to convict obvious lawbreakers like Snuffy Smith.
Hi and Lois, 5/19/25
Look at the big smiles on Hi and Lois’s faces! They’re positively giddy at the prospect of watching 2024’s feel-good Oscar fare like Anora and The Brutalist. C’mon, Chip, join in on the fun!
112 replies to “Crime and/or punishment”
BG&SS:
“Barney Google’s only been lawyering for two days now and he’s already gotten three fellows off the hook.”
“What happened to yer country patois, Lukey, losin’ consonants ‘n’ syllables ‘n’ such?”
“I’m like REM’s Michael Stipe, Snuffy. I’m ‘losing my elision’ !”
RMMD-Rex is excited because he’ll try and bang the best man.
MW-“Wilbur, you love that fish more than me.”
FC-“Oh one more thing.”
MW: That fish is gettin’ boiled. “I’m not gonna be ignored, Wilbur!”
H&L: While heretofore Chip’s future looked pretty grim, after watching Anora, a delighted Lois is keen on the prospect of Chip becoming a sex worker and marrying a Russian oligarch.
RMMD: Free Cake!! Looks like Truck and Wanda can forget about a gift from the Morgans.
MW: So, Belle is so diabolically clever that she only exhibits her bulging lunatic eyes when no one is looking at her? Wilbur and Dawn have NEVER seen that expression?
RMMD: I will bet anything that the invitation says, “Weddin’.”
H&L: You’re right, Chip, parents are SO out of it. What do they DO with their copious spare time?
BG&SS: I don’t see any tell-tale feathers, but it’s gotta be chicken-thievin’, right?
BGSS: I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t mind seeing a Hootin Holler version of Law and Order with its “unique” mysteries like whether the family donkey is a pet or the great-grandmother.
MW: Belle should have realized when she was busy crossing out Dawn’s eyes that in a list of the top three things Wilbur cares about, she’s number four after himself, Stellan, and Willa.
HtH – Remember Hagar – you took an oaf. Heck – you are an oaf….
BG&SS – Who knew – Barney Google is the Johnny Cochran of Hootin’ Hollar. If it goes down like shit, you must acquit….
H&L – For Pluggers, summer blockbuster season begins with powerful laxatives….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW: I could moan about how everyone called Wilbur caring more for his fish than his daughter weeks ago, or complain that Moy is content to do nothing in these Wilbur plots except throw increasingly absurd Brigman art at us, but instead I’ll just say: Yes…ha ha ha…yes!
HtH: Did Hagar put on a pair of clear aviator shades between those two panel to deliver that zinger? Is this CSI : Jorvik?
BGSS: This joke hits a little different when you realize that it’s not chicken-snatchin’ they’re wanted for, but the murder of several members of a rival clan.
H&L: When Chip woke up that morning, he could tell something was different: the angle of the sun, the heaviness of the air, that smell in the breeze. Was it…popcorn? He stumbled out of bed and into the livingroom as if in a daze. “It’s here” he said aloud “it’s summer-blockbuster season…”
HtH: Gavels don’t balance like that, do they? That’s a single-piece iron statue, isn’t it? Hagar will steal it on the way out, just to pick up a couple of quick pennigars on the open market.
RMMD: Free cake? Well, that ain’t as good as the boats, fried clams, collectible comic books, and apartment buildings Mr. Wilson used to endow us with but I guess it beats nothing.
@Lauralot: Moy is trying to drag out this story as a means of trolling everyone so that Mary doesn’t meet Belle until Thanksgiving where she has still failed to kill Dawn who won’t eat anything except styrofoam packing peanuts and Wilbur is so besotted that he wants to marry her.
BG&SS: Yeeee-haw! With Barney as our mouthpiece we can just dump these sacks of severed Barlow heads right on Sheriff Tate’s desk and walk free!
JP: Gonna be hard to leave that room when the door has no knob or hinges.
CS: Is this Crankshaft or a new character?
H&L: Gosh Chip, what an influencer. You sound just like the rip and read local news when they get a PR release from Paramount.
Hi and Lois: Those are the faces of an unsuspecting couple about to witness the Vaginoplasty song from Emilia Pérez.
MW: @Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!
I continue to be impressed with the dramatic performances of your clients! Willa’s wide-eyed impression of the maniacal Belle Batsfrey in that first panel is spot on! And the languishing expression on her face in the second panel, after ingesting what I can only guess is fish food that Belle has laced with arsenic, is right up there with Greta Garbo’s portrayal of the dying Marguerite in “Camille.” Anyway, I HOPE that’s acting—although the “x” eye in that second panel looks awfully realistic….Kudos to your makeup artist (unless Willa really is dead, in which case you have my condolences).
Either way, whether in Oscar-worthy acting or as the unfortunate result of a colossal mix-up with the fish food prop, maybe Willa HAD to be sacrificed, to save Dawn. After all, it would take something as shockingly tragic as the sudden demise of his darling goldfish—not the impassioned warnings of his frightened daughter or his wise friend—for Wilbur to realize that his girlfriend is a homicidal maniac.
The bright side, if Willa really has crapped out in the aquarium, is that we would then get to have her funeral, which means another boat ride! Woohoo!
Rex Morgan MILF Diver: Rex thinks, “Free cake,” while Truck is thinking, “Free pie.”
Meanwhile, Juggs Parker is starting to live up to its name again.
And . . . Luann juts, but she’s no Thel.
Your commentary on Hi and Lois would be impressively funny if people have heard of the movie, but I’m willing to bet most Americans like me outside your liberal movie don’t know, and quite frankly, don’t care. But keep elevating yourself to a bujie status if it makes you feel unrealistically happier about your depressed life.
RMMD: Isn’t this almost word-for-word the same strip from when they were invited to a previous wedding? (Michelle? Buck?)
The beauty of the jokeless era of Hi & Louis is the lack of specifics. This strip could easily be re-run at least once a year, leaving more time for golf.
@Powers: Don’t forget – coming up: Augie and Summer.
@Charterstoned: Sorry, Willa’s not the favorite child; Stellan was. She’ll at least get a burial in Mary’s garden but you can guarantee that Mary will drag all the residents out and make them give Wilbur halfhearted condolences because he’ll throw a tantrum if nobody pays attention to him.
Crankshaft: Please be a stickup. Please be a stickup.
FG: Schkrade makes his first narrative mis-step! Is anyone reading this NOT picturing that Flash and Bok are hiking through a huge, throbbing penis?
Phantom: Not boffing the Nomad’s sexy bikini daughter overnight earned you a morning plate of ham and eggs. Not the pick many of us would have made, Kittles.
MW: GAAAHHHH! They’ve got Willa!!! She was supposed to be in protective custody!! They didn’t renew her contract, but now they’ve fishnapped her!! Wait … is that really Willa, or did they sneak in a ringer. I can’t tell if she’s trying to send us a message – was that a blink? or is it… an X!!!
We’ve gotta find out if that’s really Our Willa. Intern, you have to go over there, sneak in and check her out. You remember the *real* Willa has that mole … you know where. No, no one’s gonna call you a pervert – this is all business, and maybe life or death! Just get on over there… and watch out for that homicidal maniac….
RMMD: Meanwhile, I have the unpleasant job of telling our new Snowball that her services won’t be needed after all. Yeah, her potential story has been displaced by the wedding of a couple of nouveau hayseeds that no one cares about. Whatta business….
HtH: A more period-appropriate version would be “You can’t sleep during torture!,” to which Hagar responds, “I could if you’d stop poking me with hot sticks!”
H&L: The joke here is that NO ONE is excited about watching Oscar-winning movies, right? They’re so often just some flavor of emotional-torture porn. Which may be Lois’s kink, now that I think about it.
@Ukulele Ike: Re: Flash Gordon — If I wasn’t before, I sure am now, and I don’t know how to feel about that.
Apparently Barney Google is so good at lawyering that Snuffy Smith‘s court jokes have to slum it in Hagar the Horrible of all places. Even on the strip’s own terms it doesn’t make much sense for Hagar to be thrown into court, but sure, treat him like a common chicken thief for the sake of the joke.
@Yesyotujg: At least spell “bougie” correctly.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Sid, don’t you employ stunt doubles to protect your clients?
@Ukulele Ike: I think that’s Eugene, so I’m hoping he’s come to finally get his revenge on Lillian for hiding his marriage proposal letter 80 years ago. But I bet he spends a week buying flowers to take to Lucy’s grave. She might as well be named “Lisa.”
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: Wait until Lukey and Snuffy find out it’s not legal advocacy that Barney’s been up to, but the most dangerous art: human taxidermy.
The crazy thing about Chip’s line is that you could so easily edit into something sort of like a conversation people might have, like he could say, “Can I have $20 to go see a movie? It’s summer blockbuster season!” But… I dunno. Looking at the punchline, I sort of get the level of effort going into the setup. Just do the line and go see your band friends, Chip, it’s fine.
@Hibbleton: Of course, this is ‘Wretch Morgan, Massively Dollared’, remember? The newlyweds are going to end up giving the Morgans their wedding gifts simply for being adjacent to the events which brought them together.
Luann: But dearie, we’re in a featureless void from which there is no escape. Why should be be excited at your hallucinatory ravings?
Seriously though, Luann claims she’s got a job but we didn’t actually SEE her get hired. Here’s how it probably went down:
L: Can I have the job of that guy who just quit?
Manager: Yeah, like I’m just going to hire the first person I see…
L: Great! I’ll see you on Monday!
M: But I didn’t…
L: You won’t regret it, I’m the bestest, smartestest worker you’ll ever meet! Everyone I meet tells me I have Inner Beauty!
M: What the hell does that even…
L: I can’t wait to rub it the face of that ol’ meanyhead Tiffany! She’ll be soooo jealous!
M: Lady, will you please take your order and go? You’re holding up the line…
L: And my new boyfriend Phil! He’ll be so impressed! We almost kissed the other day you know…
M: [Starts dialing the police]
Fun fact: English judges didn’t start to wear wigs until the reign of Charles II, in the late 1600s.
This means that Hagar could just as easily be giving testimony related to the Rye House Plot, rather than standing trial for his own numerous crimes, which apparently span at least seven centuries.
Phantom: Kit is being served a tray full of breakfast, including a tall pitcher of some liquid or other, while he lies in a hammock. What could go wrong?
RMMD: “Million-dollar contest”? “Free cake”? What is this guy, 10 years old? He’s no more mature than his idiot sons. What’s next, “Can I lick the spoon?”
MW: I don’t know how, but somehow Belle is going to drown Willa.
S4th: As they unveil… American Gothic, setting off a Dick Tracy crossover where Ted’s insane tall tales of childhood are actually more coherent than the criminal plot, and in the end they activate Ted’s plan to disappear and assume new identities as the Chadsworths(sp?)!
Luann: Forget *how* she got the job, the idea that a part-time weekend job will get her enough money to move out is at least as crazy.
MT: If you want to show that the “green room” has fake park imagery which makes Mark pine for the real thing, you need to be a better artist, sorry – that looks much more like a big window to a real park or even an open-air patio than a picture on a wall.
Snuffy is short-sighted, as usual! While a lawyer could help him escape punishment now, it will end up strengthening the rule of law and trust in authorities, making people less interested in engaging in the informal economy. Soon, he will have to get a job, pay taxes and become a cog of the modern state!
Although I would love it to be Banana Jr. 6000’s version, I’m guessing this will be an attempted stick up as the generic character flings open that flasher coat but discovers that nothing sticks up.
CS: Is Ed going to flash her? Please tell us that Ed is going to flash her.
FC: They have a desk in their kitchen? Interesting.
@Ukulele Ike: Phantom – Oh, Mrs Daft is just being old-school-British-influenced. All the unmarried are to start and end the night properly in their own beds, and no nosy parkers allowed to ask about who was up and about in the hallways at any time of the night or any part of the house! Sometimes you just want to take the scenic route to the bathroom, even if it does take you to the completely opposite side of the house past all the other bedrooms…
MARY WORTH: Ok, so we all know that this Fatal Attraction* retread is eventually going to go into the “boiled bunny” portion of the plot, yes? And that this is going to be the catalyst for Wilbur recongniztion that his new “friend” (with benefits!) is cray-cray and not quite right in the head, not her attempted murder of what-her-name, that girl that someone times hangs around Wilbur’s condo when he’s not banging some male loser, yes?
But I suspect that the only reason Wilbur’s clinging to ol’ Crazy-Eyes so desperately (and probably the actually a vacation hook-up is given such importance) is that, lately, Wilbur seems to be wading perilously close to “Homer, people don’t do those kinds of things with fish” territory and TPTB need to nip that in the bud before the censors get wise.
*With poor Dawn stuck in the “Anne Archer” role. More’s the pity.
I’ve been rating the amount of quiet desperation in every Hi & Lois strip for two months now, and this is literally the first panel where (a) Hi and Lois are both smiling and (b) Lois is not being served breakfast in bed.
Oh and yesterday Chip’s eyes were visible. Five signs of the apocalypse left I think?
@Yesyotujg:
Inhomogeneous burn, dude!
FC: If I were a dog who just gobbled up an alarmingly dangerous amount of chocolate I wouldn’t be wearing such a blase expression.
LUANN: You know, maybe we owe
Kate GosslinBelle Batsfy from Mary Worth an apology. I mean we’ve been kind of hard on her (but not as much as Wilbur has been, if ya know what I mean, heh, heh, wink, wink?), but really, her wild-eyes sabotage-and-murder plot is certainly less insane then the one Luann is coming up with to support herself. Even the daffy senility of Mrs Horner (Luann’s biggestenablercheerleader), can’t get her to fake that much enthusiasm for for her former student’s dumb scheme.Hagar: I was watching a trial just this morning, it was being held on Zoom. This guy on trial (who I can’t remember his crime, I think Grand Theft Auto) had fallen asleep, just sitting in a fold-up chair in his garage, and the Judge and Lawyers were just going “Awww, he looks so peaceful” and decided to not to wake him, he woke up a few minutes later regardless and the trial resumed.
Hagar’s Judge needs to learn some chill.
Also, I’ve seen other convicts on trial, who sleep (or pretends to sleep) during court, everyone just ignores it and keeps the trial going.
“Ya think Barney will get us off on thos’ tree fuckin’ charges, Snuffy?”
“I wooden count on it, so keep hidin’.”
@Yesyotujg: “if it makes you feel unrealistically happier about your depressed life”
Says the guy who insults others to make himself feel better -rolls eyes-
MW: Belle can poison Dawnie and definitely Wilbur, who shouldn’t be alive anyway, but LEAVE WILLA ALONE!!! You hear me Karen Moy?!?!
Hagar the Horrible – England didn’t ban trial by combat until 1819, thus Hagar is simply resting (and resting his case) because he needs to save his energy for his appeal, which will be trial by combat against the hapless prosecutor.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith – I’ve had a fan theory that the “Newnited States” was the result of a civil war where a socially progressive faction overthrew a corrupt crony regime and sought to invest in rebuilding society, while battling resurgent forces of the old regime, with Hootin’ Holler existing on the margins of that society.
In what seems like a not-so-subtle comment on current affairs, the old crony regime is back, and Barney Google is in well enough to be able to practice law without the proper credentials. The shortcomings of the prior regime to bring necessary legal reforms is being exploited by the resurgent crony regime in a deeply cynical way, which will only manage to reinforce the base instincts of the denizens of Hootin’ Holler.
I guess like how Teen Vogue took an unexpected political turn in 2015 and became a voice of resistance, Barney Google and Snuffy Smith is aiming to take the mantle from Doonesbury, which hasn’t produced daily strips since 2014.
Hi and Lois – You’d think Hi, who makes consuming old media formats a big part of his identity, would be in favor of watching films in the theater like their creators intended, instead of on streaming.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Did you get the cheese, Hilda?”
“Lots of it, Abundio…”
“I know you don’t like those fancy cheeses, so you must be planning a special treat for some friends”
“Right!”
“Patience, my little ones, you will eat soon!”
RMMD: It’s Free Wanda Good-Old-Fashioned Diner Wedding Cake, which means it’s been sitting on the counter under a glass dome for the past five days.
REX MORGAN M.D.: June: “Guess what arrived in the mail?”
Rex: “Did we win a million-dollar contest?”
June: “Better! We’ve got invited to a wedding for a couple we’ve interacted with all of one time!”
REX MORGAN M.D.: I do like that Rex is continually keeping his eye on the prize though.
Look pal, Rex thought-balloons while looking at the viewer, breaking the 4th-wall at where he imagines Terry Beatty to be, I’ve done my part and tolerated your schlubby rockabilly bullshit. When am I going get back to to the comic’s roots and start getting free stuff I didn’t earn again?
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Sid, you dummy – of course it’s me! My career was going nowhere, so when The Ladies approached me with the idea of doing my OWN death scene, like Stellan got, how could I say “no”? They assure me that all precautions will be in effect, and that I’ll suffer no pain or discomfort whatsoever.
And you all are SO wrong about Belle! She’s a talented character actress who is such a sweet person in real life! We’ve really bonded here on the set – she’s been doing most of my feeding lately, and we play games, like holding our breath contests. She is so much FUN to be around!
Sid, I really don’t appreciate your Intern sneaking in and trying to take a look at my hoo-ha! But he vamoosed pretty quick when he saw Belle approaching with a knife. She uses it to open the box of those special FishFlakes she buys…
@Little Blue Bicycle: Willa is the only Weston who has any real human emotion since Wilbur is cartoonishly narcissistic and Dawn can’t stop getting into strange men’s pants.
@Yesyotujg: Sick burn, dude!
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Wasn’t it just a couple of weeks ago someone was getting free truck?
H&L: “It’s summer blockbuster season, and I, a teenage boy in 2025, want you, my parents, to take me to the local cineplex so that we can all enjoy some big budget franchise films in the theater on the big screen, the way God intended. Hurry, Mom and Dad! With luck, we can still catch Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning and Thunderbolts before they become available for streaming in a few weeks.”
@H. R. Pufnstuf, Licensed Cannabis Retailer: As you only post in response to the Troll, we are all beginning to wonder if you are merely another facet of his personality. Kinda like Freud’s Rat Man, or the psychotic Doctor Schreiber.
MW: Belle will be wokking Willa and feeding her to Wilbur.
@Banana Jr. 6000: #32: I dunno, wasn’t Eugene more of a scrawny nebbish ala Arnold Stang/Wally Cox? This guy looks huskier. Didn’t Eugene make his final canoe ride down the River Styx to join his beloved Lucy?
@Ukulele Ike:
FG: Schkrade makes his first narrative mis-step! Is anyone reading this NOT picturing that Flash and Bok are hiking through a huge, throbbing penis?
Well, thought it was a vagina actually.
BGSS: Wait…Barney Google and Snuffy Smith does storylines? I thought it just vaguely hillbilly-themed one-off gags. I….I need to sit down for a minute…
HtH: Hagar knows that his fifth amendment rights prevent him from saying anything that incriminates himself, so he might as well get a nap in. (Yes, the Bill of Rights is anachronistic in this setting, but then again so are the British Legal System robes the judge and prosecution are sporting, so we might as well go whole hog.)
MW: Foreshadowing much???? Cue the theme from “Jaws” as Belle lays her maniacal eyes on Willa…
Are we sure it was Barfy and not Jeffy who ate it and then took a massive dump in the wastebasket, which is fascinating P. J.?
HTH: How do Hagar’s eyes work? Normally, they’re a big white expanse between his nose and his helmet with two black dots in the middle to represent his pupils. It looks like Hagar used to have peach-colored eye bags back in the day, but these were phased out a while ago. Now, the peach color only appears when his eyes are closed. In such a case, the dots turn into U-shapes. But what are we to make of today’s strip? Panel one: Hagar’s eyes are obviously closed. The expanse is peach-colored and there are U’s instead of dots. But panel two? The expanse is now white, but the dots are still U’s! It’s like you’ve just jarred him out of “sleep mode,” and there’s some weird transitional phase he has to go through before he’s fully awake.
Snuffy Smith: Snuffy won’t be so cheerful when the sheriff decides to just shoot him in the face to avoid the hassle of court.
@Astroboy:
#3. MW. Oh no, last week’s commenter was right– a shocking plot flip. We know these are all professional actors bu t Sid needs to be bringing in extra security.
MW: It’s an exercise in futility to expect accuracy from this strip, but goldfish are freshwater fish, not “marine animals.” Wilbur, Wilbur, Wilbur…Belle, meanwhile, knowing the facts about Carassius auratus, heads into the kitchen to find the box of salt…”By the gods,” she thinks, “no damned fish is going to replace *me*!!!”
C’shaft: Who are these people? The man looks a bit lie Harry Dinkle, and the woman could be this sister of Mary the Bus Driver, but they could be anyone for all of the context we’re given here.
DT: Actually, after the last arc I would totally believe the average Dick Tracy criminal is dumb enough to try to sell one of the most easily recognized icons of American art on Knockoff Ebay.
Dustin: “What if you weren’t a little bitch about everything? Now there’s an unrealistic scenario!”
GT: “Trust me, if I can get a demon to possess one of these kids the state championship is ours! It’ll be like Angels in the Outfield but with the unholy forces of Hell!”
Luann: Good job, Luann! Part-time, weekends only, minimum wage, zero benefits, the money management skills of an overcaffeinated monkey…I’d say you’ll have saved enough for a deposit on a shitty studio in southern California sometime around the heat death of the universe.
MW: If I had bothered to think “how could this arc get even more laptop-throwing-levels-of-rage-inducing?” I probably would have come up with “Belle kills Wilbur’s fish and only then does he realize she’s crazy, because Wilbur is incapable of thinking or caring about anything that does not affect him personally.” I’d probably follow that up with “rather than Dawn and Mary slapping Wilbur upside the head and screaming ‘I told you so!’ they’ll pat him on the shoulder and tell him not to worry, the right woman is out there for him and he totally deserves all the love and attention he wants.”
Phantom: I guess that means not respecting the rules of the house means you’re stuck with Pop Tarts and Lucky Charms.
RMMD: You just know Wanda’s searching for roots country arrangements of “Canon in D” even as we speak.
@Daisy: #73
…forgot to add “heh…heh…heh…”
@Activist:
#72 we see from Comment 27 Sid was already on this. When you’re in the big time like he is, you’ve gotta sleep with one eye open. Or with both eyes if you’re a fish.
Hagar is in a courtroom where the judge wears a wig and bands (England), and wields a gavel (USA), ad the prosecuting counsel wears a tocque (France), which altogether looks 18th century at the earliest.
Guys, I’m starting to think that Hagar the Horrible might not be a reliable primary source.
Pluggers – Helping Hands Hamster Helpers? Is that some sort of fry coating?
MW: There was this old science-fiction cartoon, called Captain Star, which was a clever deconstruction of the genre (and depressingly realistic in some ways) as the titular Captain Star was the world’s greatest space-hero. Then once he starts showing the first signs of age, he is ordered to wait for his next mission on a planet at the edge of the universe (he will never get his next mission, it’s just the Galactic Federation’s way of saying “you’re obsolete now, we don’t need you any more”)
But what I’m getting at, before I started rambling, his Navigator, Black, had a very creepy obsession with fish. It didn’t go anywhere plotwise, was more of a running gag if anything. But thinking back, that gag was almost charming compared to the obsession Wilbur had.
RMMD: Since Wanda’s diner will most likely cater the event so besides free cake there’ll be free grease.
RMMD: I wonder if Mud/Fergus is invited.
@Ukulele Ike: #26:
@Flash Actually: #66:
Looks more like a bowel tract to me. In fact, it looks like the pictures of my last colonoscopy. Since they are trying to sneak in through the backdoor it makes sense that “The Vein” is Castle Syk’s butthole.
DT: OK – first someone complains about corpse ID that draws the MCU and Tracy into action. Now, the crook is the one helping to bring attention to themselves?
MW: We should worry about the poor fish, but I hope ‘no animals were harmed’ in making this comic strip.
RMMD: ? What kind of cake? A classic round one or a tiered flat cake?
SLylock: And that was the last they saw of Slylock – as the tight surged in and flooded the whole chamber..
H&L: If I had ever walked up to my parents when I was Chip’s age and announced “It’s summer blockbuster season!” they would have sent me to a doctor. No way was I going to get that excited for the Goonies.
Hagar: He looks over confident and that usually means trouble.
@Grill-A-Lot: I would love to see a set of new Plugger characters, one of which should be a hamster.
Hagar: In “The Elder Scrolls II: Daggerfall” if you get arrested, you’re put on trial. If you have high charisma you can talk your way out of a conviction, but also if you’re a member of the Thieves’ guild, or Assassins Guild, they will intimidate the Judge into letting you go.
So just saying that:
1- Hagar’s men will burn down the courthouse, murder the court staff and rescue Hagar.
2- Why is that courtroom mechanic never used in any future game since? It was awesome! The closest I found was the iconic courtroom scene in Chrono Trigger but that was actually a scripted part of the plot.
@TheDiva: You pretty much predicted how this storyline is going to end: Wilbur learns nothing from this experience except that he gets coddled and enabled by his landlady-mommy and daughter-wife who should have all but abandoned him.
MW — one word: “fishsticks”
MW — or better yet, “fishsticks with mayo”.
BULLSHIT! Hi is a middle-aged male comic character with a family and it’s mid-May! There’s no way he’s that happy spending time with his loving wife instead of golfing.
***
I like this Hagar fella sticking it to the (il)legal system. Can I vote for him?
@Guillermo el chiclero: Any which way, it’s damned unpleasant. Can’t they just knock on the front door and ask Witch Queen Hotsy-Totsy for a glass of water?
I don’t think Hagar has much to worry about; English common law, which permits a court to hold someone in contempt, post-dates the Viking era. However, this shouldn’t stop you from holding this lazy excuse for a comic strip in contempt.
@Guillermo el chiclero: This is the man whose life with Lucy McKenzie Lillian McKenzie ruined. The flowers are fir Lucy’s grave. He hangs out with CS at the Dale Evans.
@Yesyotujg: Bujie? I think you misspelled budgie. That bird that, like you, perpetually regurgitates on its image in the mirror.
Dustin: Hey Dustin, why don’t you ask your sister when she’s going to leave the tiny titty committee and grow a set like her mom’s?
@Ukulele Ike: FG – You need your eyes checked. That was a vagina dentata, clearly. Sing it to the tune of “Hakuna Matata,” and see how long it takes them to throw you out of “The Lion King on Ice.”
Come on, this is a medieval trial! “Cross examination” should involve interrogating someone while crucifying him!
Snuffy and Lukey are about to learn a hard lesson: Never rely on Google for legal advice.
Sorry Hi, I know how pretentious you want to be with your radio and your physical newspaper, but Chip is a much better cinephile than you! By going to the movie theatre, he is experiencing the cinematic art in full and he is giving money directly to the producers, even if he is just watching some action flick. You watching movies on streaming months after, probably while scrolling with one eye, is what is killing any innovative instinct in Hollywood!
Crank: Oh, no, it’s a strip that sets a fairly dull-seeming scene with possibly-new characters and then doesn’t even attempt to have a joke-like utterance, which means this is going to be a Serious Drama week. Buckle up, folks, and remember, we’ll be back to horrible subpuns soon enough.
DT: I presume that Dick knows this caller is genuine because they mentioned “a button and a scuff mark” suggesting a familiarity with the crime that prank callers wouldn’t have. The posssibility that someone that involved in the crime might intentionally give them false information is the sort of fantastic idea that could only occur to someone who isn’t familiar with just how dumb Neo-Chicago criminals are.
FC: There are two possibilities here. 1) Jeffy routinely roots around in the bin and nobody stops him. 2) Jeffy went to the bin because he knew there were two chocolate wrappers there, because he put them there after eating the chocolate while his parents thought he was asleep, and now he’s attempting to deflect blame. The second is less disturbing, but also requires Jeffy to have a certain amount of guile.
JP: No patrons will be seated during the pulse-pounding “week of packing” scene! Readers of a nervous disposition may be assured that, intial awkwardness aside, Glen’s first meeting with the folks went fine, probably. Hey, if it had been dramatic, they’d have shown it to us, right? Right?
MW: Uh-oh, Bats is about to figure out which of Wilbur’s children is actually competition for his affections!
OTF: Holbrook has just given up completely on these visual metaphors making any sense whatsoever, hasn’t he? Something weird happens in cyberspace, last panel reveals it’s an issue with Dethany’s phone! Comedy!
@Yesyotujg: It was the strip itself that set up the idea Hi and Lois are interested in Oscar winners, Josh just riffed on it. But “most Americans are actively ignorant about their own country’s biggest movie awards” sure is an impressive burn on someone.
@Powers: Michelle and Jordan, kind of — as I recall, Rex’s fixation there was that he’d get to eat Jordan’s food at the reception, because the idea that maybe a member of the servant class wouldn’t cater his own wedding just never occurred to him.
@Guts Dozier: Fun fact: English judges didn’t start to wear wigs until the reign of Charles II, in the late 1600s.
(Grandpa Simpson voice) …which was the style at the time…
Mary Worth – I agree with everyone that Batshit Belle is going to go after Willa next. Wlibur didn’t take the threats to Dawn seriously, but when Willa is threatened the scales will fall from his eyes. He will finally understand what’s going on. Caring more about a fish than his daughter does not put Wilbur in a good light.
Mary’s meddling has been limited to trying to talk Wilbur into looking at Dawn’s point of view. This is unacceptable. I want to see a battle to the death between Mary and Belle.
FC – PJ is the only one with the brains to solve this.
It can’t be Thel, because she was getting into her other stash.
Pluggers – Oh, no! I relate to this. However, I prefer the small tablets. We have a three inch stack of them next to the landline phone.
Rex Morgan – Between this wedding and Summer and Augie’s wedding, Rex will put on so much weight from free cake that he’ll qualify for the fat shots.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Bogarting the 69 position are we.
Luann: Phil is always Mr. Negativity. It’s fascinating that when the writers decided to give Luann a boyfriend, they made him a male Bernice.
Dilbert: Scott Adams announced that he too has prostate cancer that has metastisized to his bones, and he does not expect to live much longer.
BG&SS — A controversial third panel, rejected by censors, shows Lukey placing the bloody head of “Snuffy” on a post in the town square as a warning to any other replicants hoping to infiltrate Hootin’ Holler. “‘Throw caution to th’ wind,’ indeed,” says Lukey, as Jughaid organizes a hillbilly-hunt to find the actual Snuffy’s remains.
@Tom T.: Is this the Evansii rebelling against the censorship of a toxic lesbian relationship by making a toxic heterosexual relationship? Luann can do better than a gender flipped version of her
best friendattendant, even if it’s just Puddles and a jar of peanut butter.Six Chex And A Cat Named J.Nebus In Search Of A Punchline: Say what you will about the Chix, but they sure do know how to draw a luxury squirrel!
President Trump officially invited Pope Leo XIV to the White House. “Free cake!” was the Pope’s reaction.
BARNEY GOOGLE & SNUFFY SMITH: To be fair, Barney Google didn’t set his clients free. SNUFFY a.d Lukey are speaking literally: Barney merely prevented the perps from getting the death penalty via being stung up on a hook through the throat..
@Your Favorite Foghat Cover Band:
BG&SS — A controversial third panel, rejected by censors, shows Lukey placing the bloody head of “Snuffy” on a post in the town square as a warning to any other replicants
Nothing new…….J.Nebus proved long ago that it’s canon that Snuffy’s head just pops on and off.
https://nebushumor.wordpress.com/2023/04/01/wait-you-can-just-pop-snuffy-smiths-head-off-like-it-was-nothing/
@Tom T.: I’m fascinated that the writers gave Luann a boyfriend and didn’t make him a Mr Potato Head (then again, that would probably be too much intellectual stimulation for our gal to handle.)