I’m not convinced Rex is absolutely certain of his kids’ names, for what it’s worth
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Dennis the Menace, 2/3/26
OK, this is, no joke, some significant menacing here. First of all, this guy has never appeared in the strip before, so I assume Dennis is in the yard, unaccompanied by a parent or guardian, of an adult who is a total stranger to him. And check out that fence! That’s a serious fence this five-year-old kid scaled, presumably with pockets full of rocks, which he is now spookily skipping across a pool belonging to, as noted, someone he’s never met in his life. Kudos to you, Dennis, this time! You’re really freaking me out!
Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/3/26
Man, I love Rex’s grim expression here in panel two. It’s pretty clear that “Jimmy” is a mistake for Johnny and not Michael, but it’s very important that he know for certain whether this embarrassing failure of an appendix to maintain structural integrity happened inside the torso of his biological son or his adopted son, so he can start figuring out whose genes to blame.
Herb and Jamaal, 2/3/26
Normally, actually prestigious restaurant awards are driven by their own institutional investigation and decision making processes — you don’t send in an “application” that gets “declined” or anything, you just wake up one day and find out that they gave the award to your hated rival. Still, I’d like to believe that the Michelin Guide made an exception for Herb and Jamaal and sent them a personal note in the mail telling them to eat shit.
71 replies to “I’m not convinced Rex is absolutely certain of his kids’ names, for what it’s worth”
Most menacing at all is that Dennis is using hitherto-unknown psionic powers to keep the rocks afloat on the surface of the pool. That is like Magneto-level menacing.
Wary Morth:
Please make literally anything happen! Let aliens land on Toby’s car’s bonnet. Let the plate licker and Trashlee hijack the car as a getaway vehicle. Let Weelbur, chased by Bella, armed with a ladle, and Fabiana, armed with a paternity suit, run in front of the car and get run over. Let a flock of parrots attack the car to force Toby to release Sunny and Rosie. Let something happen, dammit.
Wrecks Moregone:
“No, I mean Jimmy. Johnny? Is *that* what they told you his name is?”
Questionable Discontent:
Remember Skullmaster, Master of Skulls, who used to play with snakes?
I miss Skullmaster, Master of Skulls, who used to play with snakes.
RMMD: The amount of contempt on Rex’s face as he corrects Tildy is off the charts. I wouldn’t blame her for telling him to take an Uber.
H&J: There’s a plague of fake awards that prey on small businesses, offering them supposedly prestigious awards (sometimes with similar names to real awards and guides) but charging a long list of hidden fees for certificates, press releases, logo use and so on. Anyway, looks like Soul Food diner was too bad even for them.
Rex Morgan MD: What’s up with Tildy’s eyes? Is she on cocaine? Or did she just sniff too much “pixie stick powder” and then have a “sugar rush”?
Herb and Jamaal: “Michelin Guide”? Well, la-di-da! Try “Yelp.”
RMMD: “Jimmy, Johnny, whoever. Just get in the damn car. You’re keeping me from my shows.”
SF: Are we going to have to go through a tedious “Ghost of Everyone Who Ever Died in the Cabin” plot?
“June asked me to drive you to the hospital. If we make it in time, you will be able to do the operation yourself and save a lot of money”
“But I have only one eye!”
“Yes, but you have two sons, so a spare anyway”
“That’s fair”
DtM: So that’s what Andy Capp looks like with his hat off.
“Self-actualisation by buying yourself trophies”: Herb’s guide to happiness under late capitalism
DtM I dunno, dude: looking at the rocks that have been ‘skipped’ already, I’d say that pool is all of six inches deep. Is there really another purpose for it?
RMMD Rex’s expression in thst second panel looks less like concern than one of a villain in a western learning that the hero survived that explosion at the mine.
H&J Uh, guys? That wasn’t a restaurant prize, it was a bamk loan rejection…
Curtis: “Eeeeewwww! Curtis sure is a creepy stalker!”
Also:
“Ha ha ha ha! Curtis has a creepy stalker!”
RMMD: Is Aunt Tildy wearing rimless hexagonal glasses, or did they just leave an impression on her face?
The soul-crushing final scene of the Sundial Films release, “Jamaal Dreams of Gumbo.”
Luann: You see, this is what happens when you don’t assert yourself and walk out of a clearly useless and insulting class, which I told you to do yesterday. Now, get up, walk out, and go straight to administration to file a complaint against Ms. Fogarty for violating your privacy. Which Tara and Les should be urging you to do, not looking at you judgily. And Fogarty’s suggestion that Luann ever overcame anything in her life is another jewel in her crown of incompetence.
CS: Was Tom Batiuk thinking of a “Nigerian scam” (which is a well-known name for something, though it’s more proper to call it 419 Fraud or Advance Fee Fraud) and tried to remove its racial component? Because “Russian hacker” is just an ethnic slur. There’s zero reason to point out anyone’s nationality in this stupid joke, and “Russian hacker” hasn’t been taken seriously as a villain archetype for at least 20 years. The correct answer is obviously “I am not a Skrull”, because you have to be a comic book addict to even know what that means. (Which would actually be a good CAPTCHA test for the Funkyverse.)
H & J – This makes me wonder if Ed Kudlick got a rejection letter to get a World’s Best Dad mug and had to make his own.
Rex is thinking something that has never been thought in the history of humankind: “I wish they would have called Buck”
In high school, a prick named Andrew Ostenzeski (or some such thing) taught industrial relations, and I had him for a pottery class. Now, I’m no Fawn Lebowitz, and I got a D in the class, which everyone knew because said prick announced to everyone that, “The only person in the class getting a D is Scrotum.” There were a few teachers from that school I hope have died or are dying a slow and painful death. We had some real pricks.
DtM: If Mr. Turtleneck and Loafers Pool Owner is upset about Dennis skipping rocks, just wait until he peers in more closely and sees Mr. Wilson anchored at the bottom of the pool.
They say it is good character design if you can recognise them by the silhouette. I can recognise Jamaal, but I defy — defy! — anyone calling that good!
Dennis the Head Floating Above His Shoulders Menace works for me.
Is “Herb & Jamaal” sneaking a contemporary political dig in on us? If so, everything I’ve ever believed is a lie.
Why is the neighbour keeping the pool full in the middle of winter? That water could have been used to grow almonds or power AI!
H&J: Herb got the coveted FIFA Food Prize.
MW – I think I’ve died and gone to hell. Every day for eternity, I must read Mary Worth, and every day, endlessly and without variation, the strip ends with two parrots speaking Spanish to each other. I probably deserve it.
Also Dennis the Menace: Who leaves a pool uncovered in the dead of winter anyway, when you’re wearing a heavy sweater, the kid’s got a jacket, and all the leaves are off the trees? Unless…is that a heated pool? For the swinger parties you host? It’s for the swingers, isn’t it, and the real menace is the five-year-old exacting biblical justice on their sins.
Rex Morgan, M.D.: “Johnny, you mean? If I’ve told that little shit once, I’ve told him a thousand times: keep your appendix in line, Mister! Does he listen to me? No.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: In my experience, teachers holding up students for public humiliation about confidential matters had ended by the time I went to college. Which was 35 years ago.
Before that, I went to a Christian elementary school that absolutely LOVED doing this kind of thing. I transferred to a public middle school, which was supposed to be a harsher environment. But I found it much more pleasant, because there were lines the adults had the good taste not to cross. And they left you alone if they didn’t have a valid reason to be in your business.
RMMD:
Terry Beatty’s wife Erika posted on Terry’s FB page around midnight this morning (EST) that his Monday surgery had been a success; that his doctor was happy; and that Terry would be monitored in ICU for a couple of days (which I understand to be SOP for the type of operation I believe he had.) This is super, super news. Godspeed to him for a quick and full recovery.
The true menace is the neighbor leaving his pool uncovered with a fence a five-year-old can scale. His home insurance company is about to drone strike him.
@MKay: I’m guessing it’ll be a tedious ‘Ralph injures himself in the first five minutes* and bitches about how no one will believe him that he actually could ski’ plot.
*Probably at Ted’s incompetent hands.
In the age of Trump, “if people don’t give you an award, make one up and give it to yourself” almost feels like political commentary.
@The: Dangit, that was me. Hit the wrong key…
DtM:”But I appreciate the weather. It’s the start of February and this is awfully pleasant.”
Crankshaft: Check one? So he’s all of the others, it says.
Someone tell Batiuk how websites work, just a little bit.
DtM:
“Well, they say that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones — but I don’t live in a glass house!”
Guys, does Rex want to get ants in his eyes? Because he’s using a Ritz cracker as an eyepatch, and that’s definitely how you get ants in your eyes!
DtM: “Look, kid. I know my fence doesn’t meet zoning laws and I routinely leave the gate open but you’re not supposed to be here either. Why don’t you take this twenty, get outta here and we both forget about it.”
@Bob Tice: Thanks for the news, Bob. Best wishes to Beatty for his recovery.
RMMD:
“Appendicitis? Which of the boys?”
“Not sure, Rexy! — but Sarah made up a song about it!”
“Really? How does it go?”
” ‘When he was just a little boy
I asked my father, “What’s an IV?”
Will he feel crappy?
Will he be stitched?
Here’s what he said to me:
” ‘Hey, Sarah, Sarah
Whatever will be, will be
The suture’s not ours to see
Hey, Sarah, Sarah….’ ”
@Pozzo: Herb is holding the FIFA Food Prize.
(He’s waiting for the restaurant owner next door to give him his James Beard Award which Herb believes he deserves. That arson threat was just a little joke between friends)
Whoops. Sorry Future Ghost @ 25.
Dennis’ black leather jacket is a great menacing touch. Anyway, dude should be happy it wasn’t Joey who jumped the fence because… OH NO! This isn’t menacing at all! Dennis is just teaching this man that he needs to get a better fence because there are children who wander about freely in this neighbourhood and this time he just needs to clean out some rocks instead of facing a greater tragedy! This is Dennis the Future HOA President! Oh. Right. Maybe it’s menacing after all.
Rex Morgan – Of course Tildy’s confused. Your kids should by all rights be named Carter and Mason, or Hunter and Liam, or something a little more of the time. Sure, James, John, and Michael are all classics, but we are in our Braden, Jaden, Caden era.
Sarah gets to be Sarah, I guess – but wouldn’t she make a charming Nevaeh or Brooklyn?
Phantom: “BOK!”? Is this a backdoor pilot for a Defenders of the Earth strip, at long last?
RxMD: That’s not “Aunt” Tildy! That’s Kryten from Red Dwarf wearing a wig! Watch out, Rex! This means Lister and Cat can’t be far behind, probably enacting some money-making scheme that involves whisking you away 3 million years into the future where you will go toe-to-toe against Rimmer in a pissy-face-off.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: The only class I walked out of was an introductory Spanish class at a major land grant university.
I needed to take it because we didn’t have any foreign language classes at my tiny high school.
I was late and immediately saw the room was packed with about 50 students.
The teacher was calling roll: Rodriguez…Rojas….Gonzalez….Garcia.
I looked at the Hispanic student next to me and said “you’ve gotta be kidding me.”
He said “Hey, man. I was born in Austin, Minnesota. I don’t speak Spanish.”
I left and enrolled in French classes.
Merde.
DtM:
“See this rock I’m brandishing and ready to throw, Mister? It epitomizes feelings of alienation, anomie and despair among disaffected youth like myself — a sense of dysfunction and of being deracine, cast adrift from familial moorings.”
“No. Don’t say it, kid.”
“Yep. ‘Pebble without a Cause‘ !”
OK, Rex, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but a black eyepatch makes you look like Sam Jackson playing Nick Fury, while a white eyepatch makes you look like a Nazi spy trying to accessorize his white linen tropical suit. And honestly, you can’t pull off either look.
Six Chix-At least the bus showed up. We’re still waiting for a joke.
RMMD-“The son that isn’t your real son.” “Could you be more specific?”
Blondie-Good on Blondie. After spending all day running her restaurant and catering for everyone who wants some off the wall themed party why is Blondie expected to come home and cook for Dagwood.
DtM: Dennis runs out of rocks and in a rage throws his neighbor into the pool —after first breaking his neck.
Dennis the (Marvel Comics) Menace
If the fence around your pool can’t keep out wandering 5 year olds, you are exposing yourself to an incredible amount of liability. This is the real menace. I expect the next move is for Margaret and Gina to come over and shake down the neighbor for “insurance” money. Would be a shame if some kid drowned in your pool…
So, courtesy of the LA Times, I think I know what the ultimate payoff of the Mary Worth storyline will be: Border inspector finds protected birds in man’s pants. Here’s how he tried to explain it.
Wilbur. It was Wilbur all along.
H&J: Man, when the local printing company won’t even take your “4.1 stars on Yelp!” decal order…
RMMD: I’ll believe Rex knows his sons’ names, but I’d bet good money he doesn’t remember which one is which. Hell, I can’t be bothered to remember, and I’m pretty sure I pay closer attention to his family than he does.
Jamal picks up Herb’s World’s Greatest Dad cup. “Hey, wait a minute. This is a red solo inked with a sharpie.”
Well, at least Jamaal still has the award for Best Sex Sandwich from the Sandwich Sex Society, (Dagwood Bumstead and Depressed Chick, presidents).
MW: It might be interesting if Ian started teaching the parrots to curse in Gaelic.
@Ukranazi Stepan:
Okay, so, with a quick search, I think what you’re trying to say is “Remember when this character, Sam from Questionable Content, used to express her desire to be grim and dark and edgy through pretending to be this gleeful, energetic, over-the-top cartoon supervillain, instead of just being a generic, mopey brooding goth”?
…
Since you know Questionable Content better than I do, can you answer me this; isn’t Emmett’s running gag that they’re always sharing bizarre anecdotes of them having done insanely dangerous and illegal things? And if so, do those stories usually end with Emmett getting punished? Because if yes to both, what is Sam crying about? Emmett’s been blowing up their hometown with stolen construction site dynamite, getting suspended over fighting a bully is not an escalation that would lead to believe you’ve been a “bad influence” on that kind of person!
DtM: “Okay, this is, no joke.”
Clear as day!
The Familliar Mucus: “No, Dolly! Those inhuman grunts and groans are coming from Mommy’s Secret Sex Room.”
BCN: Uh-oh, I’m starting to have traumatic flashbacks from our teacher reading Charlotte’s Web to us in first grade…
C’shaft: So….you can only access this website if you’re exactly three out of four of the listed options?
Dustin: I’d say Dustdad is eating his feelings, but really, what feelings?
GT: So Gil got a good deal on his kid’s car by agreeing to appear in one of Foxy’s commercials? Heavy is the head that wears the Most Important Man in Milford and Greatest Coach Alive crown indeed.
JP: Oh please, Katherine, Alan has been in an alcoholic stupor since the Obama administration. His children’s drama has nothing to do with it.
Luann: I don’t think Luann is the success story you’re making her out to be.
MT: My dad often said that the thing he loved about Disney parks was that a full-grown man could walk around wearing a baseball cap shaped to look like Goofy and nobody would bat an eye. Despite Jules’ insistence, the same is not true of Las Vegas and rhinestone cowboy hats. Hell, nobody can wear a rhinestone cowboy hat anywhere without looking stupid.
MW: Those damn birds have been more romantic towards each other in the past two weeks than Ian and Toby have been since their honeymoon.
Pluggers were never hip, don’t lie to us.
@Dmsilev: For years people have debated whether the Goblin King’s package in Labyrinth is stuffing or 100% pure David Bowie. I think I just found my new favorite alternative explanation.
Dennis the Menace-I would be more worried about the body Dennis dumped into your pool.
MW-Every strip must end with the final panel being the two parrots.
@TheDiva: The only “Hip-ness” that involves Pluggers are the surgical replacements they get every few years.
RMMD:
“Appendicitis? Which of the boys?”
“Well, I know that your boys Appendicitis and Peritonitis founded Rome, but I forget now which of the two of ’em just got sick.”
Tired: Skipping stones on the surface of a neighbor’s pool.
Wired: Adding that Costco 40lb box of Jell-o™to bounce stones on the surface of a neighbor’s pool.
@Bob Tice: Also they were said to be raised by wolves, which checks out with how little Rex gives a s***
@UncleJeff: I never walked out of a class, but I did drop one after one session. One summer I was at a junior college to clear out some general studies, one of which was American history. The teacher was… someone I wanted to get as far away from, as quickly as possible.
He was basically cosplaying Sam Kinison in Back To School, while giving off smug, condescending, not-as-smart-as-he-thinks-he-is vibes like Raymond Reddington in The Blacklist. The harder he tried to prove he was really a nice guy, the more off-putting he became. At one point, a student asked a reasonable question about exams; he responded “all essays!” sadistically, as if this would scare college students.
The weird thing was, that was actually what I wanted! I’m bad at memorizing facts, but I’m good at writing essays, and everyone had to take writing classes anyway. So I would have loved a history class that was more or less a writing class. Not from this guy, though. My reaction to “all essays!” was “if I’m the kind of person you’re trying to weed INTO this class, then I doubly don’t want to be here.” Because this whole performance seemed designed to scare this bunch of freshmen and sophomores, for no apparent reason.
The Sam Kinison thing was an act, but the more he pretended to be that character, the more he revealed he really was that character. I didn’t stick around to find out any more.
The Familliar Mucus: “No, Dolly! Those inhuman grunts and groans are coming from Mommy’s Secret Sex Room.” “Come to think of it, P.J.’s farm animals may INDEED be down there.”
Luann: Quick, Luann, report Mrs. Fogarty to school management.
Dustin: Another thing, Ed. Thurber said he wants someone else handling his case, not that fat, incompetent tub of lard.
Dennis – With that long, skinny shape, it must be a lap pool. Next time, Dennis, bring Ruff along for a swim and tell the irate homeowner you wanted Ruff to be a “lap dog.”
@Banana Jr. 6000:
I didn’t know you *could* walk out of class. I had a French prof in college who was a complete a-hole. In fact, his last name was Assaf. He was Egyptian, and was contemptuous of female students. It was a small class filled with about a dozen of us who needed it for our minor. He tried to get us to move to his class earlier in the day, and we were all like, “Nope, we’re here because we have another class for our major during your earlier section, please piss up a rope.”
He was nasty to all of us. There were enough students in there that he was required to teach it, and he was mad about it. I was pretty mouthy, so he didn’t much like me. I got a B and gave him a terrible eval.
I can tell you in great detail what I learned in every French class I took in college but his. I have completely blanked on it.