Sexy (?) Sunday
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Heathcliff, 2/1/26
Before the heavy crown of Heathcliff stewardship descended upon Peter Gallagher from his uncle, he contributed comics panels to Weird NJ magazine, which included a character named “The Jersey Tomato.” It’s difficult to find images of The Jersey Tomato online, but her whole deal appears to be that she’s a tomato who’s a sexy lady, or possibly a sexy lady whose head is a giant tomato. Anyway, since taking over Heathcliff, Gallagher has rewritten much of its DNA, and it’s impossible not to see a bit of the Jersey Tomato in this incredible new character, “The Hot Ham,” a ham who’s a hot, sexy lady, or possibly a hot, sexy lady who’s mostly a giant ham. I’m excited for this strip’s burgeoning audience of Zoomer fans to add “aromantic (except for hams)” to the long list of sexual-emotional orientations that I as a middle-aged person do not have to worry about.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/1/26
Oh, snap, it’s not Buck at all who’s picking up Rex from his surgery, it’s June’s crazy beloved Aunt (?) Tildy! A few years ago we were teased with a “Tildy is an old drunk” storyline that immediately turned out to be a “Tildy loves soda pop and takes ‘unplanned naps’” storyline, but let’s keep our hopes up that she has some kind of impairment that makes Rex’s drive home a truly terrifying one.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/1/26
Somewhat counterintuitively, this strip about caricatured hillbillies with occasional cameos from a big-city sharpie from the Woodrow Wilson administration was a pioneer in making jokes about cryptocurrency. So I’m excited for them to explore the crypto-adjacent world of prediction markets, where anyone can place prop bets on just about anything and insider trading is not just legal but encouraged because it makes their predictive powers more accurate (and enriches insiders in the process).
Crock, 2/1/26
I mean, obviously. What did he think the “car going in the tunnel” thing was about?
34 replies to “Sexy (?) Sunday”
Heathcliff: Spare a thought for Giovanni Aniceti, whose moment of fame has just been ruined. I mean, if he frames this immortalization of his cat and hangs it up, everyone will think he’s just a ham pervert.
Crock: Burp II: The Sequel is still a better title than Crock.
RMMD: I’d like to hear the Doc’s thoughts for that short period of time when she thought Aunt Tildy was Rex’s wife. “Ugh. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.”
Beetle Bailey-Can’t disagree with Killer.
MW-Sunny: “Have you changed the locks?”
Heathcliff-I want whatever drugs the writer is on.
RMMD: If that 2020 story line is any evidence, Aunt Tildy might have narcolepsy, which would definitely satisfy Josh’s wishes. It’s also the setup for that nasty old joke, “I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like Aunt Tildy, not screaming in terror like the passengers in her car.”
Flylock Socks:
With the advent of Dick Tracy in the Slylockverse, the next time Cassie Cat steals a worthless bauble in a desperate attempt to get Slylock to pay a little attention to her, Dick is instead going to shoot her in the face.
Wrecks Moregone:
Shouldn’t the eyepatch strap go over Wrecks’ ear to stop it sliding down his pissyface?
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Wary Morth:
Pompous and Mrs Axx are about to become proud grandparents.
RMMD:
“Funny — I don’t see her. Of course, I have a bad eye, so….”
RMMD:
Can someone administer some anesthetic, please, to shut this little full-of-logorrhea guttersnipe up?
RMMD:
“…and we’ll all be here when it’s done. But if, during the procedure, you see your late grandma at the end of a tunnel suffused with brilliant white light, beckoning for you to come to her, don’t take the bait!”
Snuffy approves of Barney’s dream of entering the world of professional bull riding. This is the entire joke, somehow.
BG&SS:
I’ve never seen a comic strip where all the characters are so consistently bemused and affable as this one. I wonder if gummies have invaded Hootin’ Holler.
Heathcliff:
Okay, so here we have an anthropomorphization of one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
Bizarro : Okay, so the joke is supposed to be that other superheroes don’t want to associate with these guys because of their embarassing contortions. But :
a) Spider-Man’s acrobatics involve stupider-looking contortions and he’s always teaming up with everyone else!
b) This would ABSOLUTELY not be a problem if they were Gymnastics Woman and Yoga Girl. (well, it COULD be a problem in that some people would complain their contortions make them TOO appealing)
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Crankshaft : …this would probably work better on a day that’s WARMER and NOT OVERCAST, dumbass. Like, you should be doing this in mid-to-late March (maybe on the 22nd?)!
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Crock : …Huh, this comic has been running for so long, there are possible reruns from a time when the “kid” character was just a baby?…
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Hagar the Horrible : is commanding a troop of Robin Hood-looking dudes to attack… VIKINGS!? Either
a) Hagar’s men have mutinied, and he has hired mercenaries to put them down
b) This strip is really bad at remembering WHO Hagar is supposed to be fighting. And I thought “Viking Barbarians vs Castle Knights” was an easy concept! (granted “Forest Outlaws” are an outlier in this, but archers do not NEED to be forest outlaws! They can be vikings!)
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Heathcliff : Giovanni Ancetti actually carries a tommy gun in his guitar case. They call him the “Cat-loving Hitman”.
…Too far in the stereotyping?…************
Moose & Molly : “That’s not a tree, by the way. That’s the telephone/power lines pole. Chester is PISSED.”
Maggot and Grossie had a baby? I just threw up in my mouth a little.
MW – Wait, we’re back to evenings spent by couples singing cheesy crap from the 70s together?
HEATHCLIFF: If this food-woman thing takes off, Dagwood, Jughead and Wilbur Weston will be happy, happy men.
RMMD: When this is over, I want to see June retreating to a spa for two weeks. Under an assumed name.
Heath: Man, I am so, so glad this isn’t Blondie.
RMMD: And at last, the conflict is revealed: Rex Morgan is mildly inconvenienced!
DtM:
Answer: Dennis says; “Make it nice an’ warm!” as Alice shows her honeypot to the readers in the next to last panel.
Question: How do you get fan service past the censors.
RMMD: A few years back, Randall Munroe of xkcd had appendicitis and wrote a few comics about it (https://xkcd.com/2147/). I hope Johnny has the same doctor.
Phantom:
“Sir, you’re from Britain, aren’t you? — do you happen to have a copy of Paul McCartney’s catchy single, Bandar on the Run?”
C’shaft: Crankshaft owning a drone has got to violate some FAA regulation somewhere.
DT: Wow, Mr. Mirror really sucks at this hitman thing, doesn’t he? Didn’t even make it out of the hotel room before being noticed and chased by the police and his target’s thugs, had to sneak into a snoring old man’s apartment to elude them, got attacked by the old man’s pug and left behind evidence. I fully expect him to wind up with one foot caught in a bucket before all this is over.
Dustin: “This this will finally be what causes his heart to give out?”
“We can hope.”
JP: That’s the face of someone who arranged the release of her aunt from prison so she wouldn’t have to spend time with her drunk grandfather and enabler grandmother if I ever saw one.
RMMD:
“Mom, before I go under the knife, would you mind if I just kind of tossed around all of the background art that’s been depicted in today’s installment and in the installments of this past week?”
“What purpose would you seek to achieve by doing that, Johnny? Wait. No — don’t say it.”
“Yep. ‘Upend‘ ‘a situs‘ !”
DT I’m trying to decide whether the authour is a good enough writer to be deliberately setting up this “mirror” as a wannabe copycat (the wife?) on their first kill, trying to imitate the actual competent Mirror hitman.
MW Actually coherent – maybe Moy’s decided to plot the Sundays and toss that into ChatGPT to expand to the previous six dailies?
RMMD: As Rex slides into the passenger seat he hears Aunt Tildy, “Buckle up, stud muffin, you’re in for one hell of a ride.”
RMMD- Try looking through your other eye.
@16 MKay: Did you wonder what that would look like? Here’s Heathcliff Minus Heathcliff Plus Dagwood. You like?
@17 TheDiva: Uh oh. Don’t click the link above.
MW:
June shuffled into the kitchen and headed for the coffee, but was stopped short when she saw a stack of large boxes blocking her way.
“What’s all THIS?” she asked Karen.
“It’s a delivery from Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars! I have a call in to him now to–” She was interrupted by the electronic ringtone melody of ‘Muskrat Love’ and, knowing how much June despised the tune, quickly answered the phone. “Sid? Sid, yeah, thanks for getting back to me. Listen, I talked to your intern but he didn’t seem to understand what–yes, we DID get your delivery. Sid, what the heck are all these boxes?….What? No, we didn’t actually plan on–well, I understand, but we weren’t going to move forward with this story for now and that’s–wait, HOW MANY? No, we didn’t get five gallons of green ink, you sent us 50 gallons, Sid. Five-O!….What do you mean, ‘it’s not returnable’? We can’t store 50 gallons here! We can’t even use ONE gallon. I told you, we were going to move on to another story!…What? Well, WILBUR, of course….No, he’s not going to get another fish just now. Yes, I understand, but we’ve featured so many of your clients in our recent–Sid, stop crying! It’s just for one story! No, we can still use the Doves o’ Love, but Sid, they’re not GREEN. Look, we can maybe work in one or two of your extras in an outdoor scene, but I don’t think we can use any of your regular folks in a featured role just now. Yes…yes, I know you’re disappointed, Sid, but your contract doesn’t give you–Sid, I can’t talk to you if you’re going to keep sobbing! I’ll tell you what, June and I will discuss the situation, but Sid–Sid, LISTEN TO ME. You have to send that goofy intern of yours over here to pick up all this green ink! We’ll keep one box. ONE, do you hear me? The other nine have to be out of here before lunch. No, Sid, TODAY. You do whatever you have to do, but get this stuff out of here. Yes, June and I will–Sid, we are NOT getting Wilbur another goldfish! No, not even one. Anyway, June doesn’t have much yellow ink left and she just ordered more maroon for Wilbur’s polo shirt, so we’re committed to a Wilbur story at this point. No, I don’t think he wants to have a parrot, Sid. Sid, will you STOP CRYING??!! Listen, we can talk later today. Yes, AFTER you get these boxes out of here. I mean it, Sid.” Karen disconnected.
June stared at the boxes. “Green ink? ALL OF IT?”
“Yeah, 50 gallons of green ink.”
“Good lord. Well, spring is coming…we can do some outdoor scenes in the park, Mary and Toby can go on walks, and I guess Sunny and Rosie can make an occasional appearance, but otherwise, what am I going to use all that green for? Mary uses purple, Toby is in more of a pink range, Wilbur is maroon….” June shook her head.
“Well, we have St. Patrick’s Day coming up. Can we do something with that?” Karen suggested.
“Not unless we make Carlos into a leprechaun.” June thought for a moment. “Can Wilbur hang out in the bushes some more? Is there anyone new he can stalk?”
“I hadn’t thought about that. I’ll tell you what, let’s figure out where to put ONE of these boxes, and we’ll leave the other nine by the door so Sid’s idiot intern can move them out of here. I have no idea what’s going on with Sid, though. I feel bad for him. Maybe we can have some fledgling parrots this spring?”
“Yeah, or Toby and Ian could get food poisoning tonight. There’s enough green here to keep them vomiting for a year.”
@27 Charterstoned: What to do with all that green ink? Mary Worth Patented Broccoli-Bran Muffins by the barrelful!
BG&SS – There’s no way to confirm it, but I would be willing to bet that no hillbilly has ever said “as to whether.”
MW- Ahhh. ..I get it now! Rosie’s family owns a string of restaurants. Now do they have a karaoke night? Maybe a mariachi band? Is Wilbur barred from the place?
I’m only now realizing that Heathcliff’s Kitty Corner contains what *looks like* stories from readers but no information about where readers can submit their own. Is “Kitty Corner” closed to new submissions? Is Peter Gallagher sitting on a backlog of thousands of reader submissions from the Gately era? How long has Giovanni Aniceti’s entry been sitting in the inbox? Or worse: Is Gallagher just inventing fictitious cat stories? WHO ARE YOU, GIOVANNI ANICETI?
Zits: Seems Connie had a better night than her son. But we all knew that.
Slylock Fox: Because the case the thief solved which had been baffling Forestville PD for years was of the Jefferson Park Killer, and “J” is commonly in the second of four alphabetized groups in English.
Hagar the Horrible is an uncanny tribute to the Battle of Agincourt. It’s like I’m looking at Henry V’s longbows on the comics page!
Lockhorns: I gotta admit seeing Leroy in jail is a new one to me. Constables usually only show up in traffic stops here.
Blondie: Don’t tell Young and Marshall but the Super Bowl hasn’t been a week after the conference title games for almost two dozen years.
FC: Thel closes the door. Returns with an industrial pesticide fogger. “In or out, your choice.”
@Baja Gaijin: We’d have to bring back Ted Miller to do the PR and marketing.