Depressing Tuesday
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Shoe, 7/14/26
I appreciate that this joke could’ve worked fine by just saying that ol’ Uncle Herm was a lousy bowler; but no, we also gotta work in the fact that he was a big drunk as well. It’s nice to see the Perfesser is continuing the family tradition of nephews having a semi-close relationship with their alcoholic uncles. Will Skyler make visits to the graveyard to leave flowers on his tombstone when he dies, an event that, based on his general vibes, always seems imminent?
Dennis the Menace, 7/14/26
“The only motivations other people have for doing things all involve their feelings about me, the main character of reality” is admittedly a pretty menacing attitude to go through life with. You have to hand it to Dennis today, menace-wise!
Pluggers, 7/14/26
“Even the small bits of pleasure pluggers once took in everyday life have been transformed into nagging, painful reminders of their failing bodies.” —Pluggers, the comic strip beloved (???) by pluggers everywhere
26 replies to “Depressing Tuesday”
Shoe:
“Now, because he was also a minimalist, we honored him on his headstone by not reciting (a) his date of birth, (b) his date of death, (c) his last name or (d) any pithy saying or description which purported to sum up his life.”
Crankshat – Eugene wants Loathsome Lil to give him the handy he never got from Lucy. I hope they at least continue this with no dialogue.
Pluggers:
You’re a plugger when your very motion — however tentative and slow-paced — activates a seismograph.
Mary Worth Mashup: I wonder what gem of advice Mary will give to Wilbur?
Questionable Discontent:
If you’d told me even five years ago that Claire would one day become one of the characters I hate most, in any media, I would never have believed you.
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Wary Morth:
A minute? She’ll give you as many minutes as she can suff with muffins and meddling.
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Popeye:
They have been recycling, frame by frame, a plot from the 1970s and trusting nobody to remember.
I remembered.
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Wrecks Moregone:
“Uncle Jimmy – you’re our uncle and your name is Jimmy, and we’re your nieces and our names are Jane and Jean – you’re a scammer who stole the Mirakle Method, which is a scam you ran, by which you made money, but people took it seriously, which we have to remind ourselves, because Wrecks has sucked all the oxygen out of Glenwood and we’re all reduced to amnesiacs without constant exposition. Isn’t that right, Uncle Jimmy? You’re our uncle and your name is…..”
@Baja Gaijin:
Blastings too.
Shoe Love that the tombstone just says ‘HERM’ mainly because it reminds me of one of my favorite Soparnos scenes. Just imagining the Perfesser grimacing and saying ‘”We gotta redo it. Fuckin’ Skyler…he’s dyslexic…”
Pluggers My favorite part of this strip is that the ‘Ow’ is followed by a period, not an exclamation point. There is no shock or surprise in pain anymore, just a sullen acknowledgement that it is always present, and a fading memory of a time when it wasn’t.
@Bob Tice: just one of those things that make you go HERM…
For a Plugger, the spring in his step has been replaced by the winter of discontent.
The bowling alley took Herm’s name off the gutter when he died? Even for the Shoe-verse, that’s cold.
DtM:
“He’s constantly offering advice to me, too, on what kind of lawn to install when I’m old enough to have my own home. He’s always saying to me, ‘Get bent!’ “
Dennis, to Mr. Wilson’s unconcealed rage, regularly invades his very home. But he stays off his lawn. Lawns are sacred.
RMMD: someone remind me why Jimmy is in jail. I don’t think it’s because of his stupid scams. Did he try to murder someone?
DtM: That lawn looks like it needs a good clipping. Maybe if Dennis offered to mow it for good old Mr. Wilson, he might mend some bridges. And at the same time, he could destroy his prized flower garden. Ah, what a menace!
Shoe accompanies his employee to a cemetery to put flowers on the grave of someone he’s never met because…there’s more to this relationship than we’ve been led to believe?
(and why aren’t they perched on the headstones?)
Luann: Next time, Toni, to avoid a swarth of busybodies, get anal lube first, then switch out for the pre-natal vitamins before checkout. Unless you get the Evansiitypical modern goth cashier who will attract attention while trying to count out your change when you use a debit card.
Then again, get shipments by mail and avoid the grocery store.
I suppose it just could be that the tombstone is clearing its throat. (“HERM!”)
MW: Anyone but Wilbur would know that Mary isn’t going to jump on his Drive Tommy Out of Town bandwagon.
H&L: Is the artwork meant to make them look elderly, or like they’ve completely lost the will to live?
LUANN: I’m confused; she ATE wool socks to improve her fertility chances?
SHOE: Well, it’s a sure bet that fun-loving Uncle Herm wouldn’t want FLOWERS on his grave. A bottle or a bowling pin, maybe.
yyRMMD/Phantom/DT: You know, I would have gone for Invicta to break out Rene with drones, like Mumbles and crew in the previous storyline, just to have Rene scam the Morgans out of one single dollar, and Invicta declare over the various socials and streaming services that Rene has global immunity for his actions.
With the maniacal laughing, of course.
Pluggers – Saying “ow” is a reflex that actually acts as a natural pain reliever. Research shows the physical act of vocalizing and the muscular movement involved distract the brain, raising your pain tolerance. THINKING “ow,” is…well, I don’t know what the hell that’s all about.
RMMD: Tomorrow they all turn to the audience and say ‘Everybody got that??’ while glowering.
JP: ‘C’mon Ann, monetizing your personal pain because no one needs your physical or mental labor any more thanks to automation and AI is the new American Way!’
MW: ‘Mary, why does my daughter look like a hideous ape creature with no nose whenever she’s seen straight on?’
Ph: So what, now the drone’s gonna shoot out the little mind-control doohickey like Spiderman shooting a web? I’d love it if they missed and Chatu runs off beyond the reach of Schmelon Schmusk’s vaunted technology and No-mad No-partner turns and says ‘what NOW, genius??’
Luann: Yup, we’re going there… may God have mercy on us all, we’re going there…
Shoe: Aye, where exactly was his name placed? For a bowling drunk bird, there are three possibilities: the hazard next to the venue’s playing surface; the small ditch adjacent to the street in front of the establishment; or the rain diverting structure on the edge of the roof. I should move on and get my mind out of the gutter. Hey, look! Stars!
@MKay: Por qué no los dos?
Self-promotion, because where else would people be interested: If you are on Bluesky, and would like an account dedicated to ranking the amount of quiet desperation in each day’s Hi and Lois, it is now here.
DtM — “Everyone is the menace of his own life story.” John Barth, probably
Shoe: The gutter he’s talking about was the storm drain in the street outside where he went to vomit during his regular benders. The bowling stuff is unrelated.
Dennis: Actually Mr Wilson only has a lawn because the HOA includes strict rules about grass maintenance. The real menace is outdated Eisenhower-era lawncare regulations developed to inflate property prices and make it harder for “undesirable” families (single parents and dual-income families, who lacked the free time for regular mowing, or even just people who couldn’t afford a mower or a gardener) to move into the suburbs.
@MKay: re: Luann – no, no! She’s *gestating* a pile of laundry in a new unholy genetic engineering biological manufacturing scifi process! In about a month she’ll extrude enough socks to sell to feed her family for the winter!
GT Today we have tough competition for who can make the comic more incomprehensible – the artist, with Coach Matinez’ whole family being gradually turned into Quasimodo clones – or the writer who can’t seem to track whether or not Martinez has it in for Gil – is that lighthearted joshing, or a serious insult about the marriage??