Friday one-liners
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Shoe, 8/7/26
I guess Skyler passive-aggressively hinted that it would be nice if he and his uncle/guardian ate together once in a while, so the Perfesser has decided to passive-aggressively book dinner for the two of them at a restaurant where they won’t be allowed to talk to each other.
Blondie, 8/7/26
“I’m so glad I grew up in the offline generation … and also don’t know any kids and haven’t given really any thought at all about the practicalities of what going to school in the modern age might be like.”
Mary Worth, 8/7/26
Damn, can you imagine what a bummer it would be if you had the chance to enjoy the amazing high that only methamphetamines can deliver, but you somehow end up in this scenario instead?
25 replies to “Friday one-liners”
Mary Worth:
“C’mon, let’s all knock down a beer — group chug!”
“Dawn can hold her own — I just don’t want her holding yours!”
“I know it’s against the commandments and all, but I covet that former felon drug addict’s mop of hair!,” muses Wilbur.
Blondie is in fierce competition with Crock for the most technologically backwards strip. So far it’s losing, since it at least knows what a phone looks like and at least vaguely how text messages work.
Blondie:
“If you blocked her, how do you know you got an ‘online’ detention, Elmo?”
“Listen, Mr. Bumstead, I don’t write this stuff. They just draw a speech bubble next to me!”
MW – Dawn’s finally getting the ménage à trois she’s dreamed of ever since she saw that Seinfeld episode.
Shoe:
“Are children welcome?”
“Kids? — they’re for the birds!”
MW: Is it me, or is Dawn at a slightly larger scale than either of her companions? And where is Tommy looking? Toward the heavens, to pray for escape from the clammy embrace of mayonnaise?
Shoe: “Before you hang up, please know that we really earn that $400 in enforcing the rules.”
Blondie: Kudos to the Blondie creative team for demonstrating that screen addiction is nothing new. It’s multigenerational. The screens have just gotten smaller.
MW: “Hmmm,” Wilbur thinks, “people are capable of personal growth and self-improvement? Wow, that’s a real surprise to me. I literally had no idea. I’ll have to apply this newly-acquired knowledge to my job as an advice columnist. Maybe this is what my articles have been missing.”
Shoe I really hate that sky look that the Perfesser is giving in the final panel, as if he’s finally cracked the code. Dude, no child would be at any place you’d be eating, no parent wants to have to explain your whole deal to their kids.
MW “Group hug! That’s where you awkawardly press your torsos into each other and make a face like baby passing gas, right? What a fun moment to share with my fellow hu-mans…”
MW: “Do hugs, not drugs” might be a catchy slogan, but consider: what if the hug involved Wilbur?
MW: This might just be the glurgiest glurge that ever glurged.
JP: Neddy, what’s worse? That this chirpy little voice on the phone cannot possibly be our pissy, psychotic CIApril, or that you were caught sneaking off to Hollywood and leaving the raspberry-haired brat in the care of the *other* pissy, psychotic blonde woman in this comic? Either way, be careful, or you’ll turn into the Randy Ape (still some of the most deliciously stupid yet strangely captivating art this strip has ever produced).
S4th: Hooray! Ted’s finally having a fatal heart attack! Don’t let the pitchfork hit you on the way down!
CS: Five days. Five days they have been staring at this little flame and done *nothing* to snuff it out. Good thing ‘climate damage’ is a hoax and Ohio has gotten *plenty* of rain this summer, otherwise they might have been in trouble!!
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: [makes silent screaming face like George at the end of the ‘Labelmaker’ episode]
Mark Trail: I’m setting up a pool on how many strips it’s going to take before Rusty’s lost in the flooding cave. Come on, a “Do Not Enter” sign on a potentially-flooding cave is pretty much irresistible to idiots.
Slylock Fox: That hippo just finished whacking off in the pool. Totally. Pobrecito, pato.
Six Chix: I’d figure the “Best Ideas Ever” notepad would be located just about the tramp stamp area, since most of the Six Chix’s “best ideas” are pulled from between their gluteus maximuses (maximi?).
@The Quiet Man:
On Crankshaft : a single spark from a golf club lightly scratching a small stone causes all of Los Angeles to burn to the ground. A lithium battery fire on a dry lawn barely rates higher than a birthday cake sparkler, or one of those “snake” pseudo-“fireworks”.
GT: If Gil were to half-ass being mayor like he half-asses coaching, he might have a whole-ass job!
Heathcliff: Is the joke there that the mice had been milking the cows, and now that he’s gotten rid of the mice, Heathcliff has to milk the cows? Is that what’s going on here?
MT: Oh he’ll yeah! Cave adventure incoming! Who do you think it’ll be who ignores the sign? Nü Rusty is nowhere as stupid as OG Rusty, so I’m thinking it’ll be that ranger’s asshole kid.
MW: Gross.
Blondie Online summer school? Is Elmo *that* far behind from hanging out with Dagwood instead of doing his homework?
RMMD: If they’re going to make this work, first thing is to lose that showy mom car and steal a windowless van.
LUANN: No worries, Phil; who DOESN’T want a roomie who micromanages every aspect of their life?
SHOE: Kids aren’t welcome, but it’s OK to bring a clutch of eggs with you.
MW: If this is a PSA for “don’t do drugs,” it’s lost on me.
RMMD – They’re going to kidnap the wrong girl with black hair
Blondie: Mrs. Godfrey must have gotten a transfer from P.S. 38.
Mary Worth
When reading this strip and witnessing the weirdly worded worrues, outlandish cruise ship disasters, mental muffin mending moments (read gaslighting), and
sometimesmosttimes nonsensical love-thy-Wilbur moments, I wonder if I am indeed sober…I was about to make a comment that Wilbur should consider that people in glass houses should not throw stones. Then I realised that everyone already made that comment. THEN I realised that there must be some sort of prize for the one thousandth jab at Wilbur smugness and self-righteousness and that’s a competition I want in!
FLASH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Suddenly, Prince Vultan awakens and uses his outside voice, which is his inside voice but weaponized, and destroys the incoming ships.
Blondie, 8/7/26: Why is Elmo playing with a Barbie Volkswagen?