What about my inner adult, why isn’t anyone concerned about him
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Gasoline Alley, 11/18/24
Is that really true, Arty? Have today’s children seen a lot about Mars on TV? Is there actually a lot of Mars content out there, on television, a medium that today’s grade-school children are definitely watching? Are America’s 8-year-olds into the Apple TV+ show For All Mankind, the only actual current show with Mars content that I can think of? Seriously, are they watching that? Are 8-year-olds watching it and not me, even though, as an alt-history sci-fi show created by Ron Moore of Star Trek/Battlestar Galactica fame, it was basically created to specifically cater to my personal tastes? Are the 8-year-olds really this far ahead of me on this? I gotta watch that show, is what I’m saying. Feel like I should finish The Expanse first (I KNOW), but I’m gonna get to it soon enough.
Hi and Lois, 11/18/24
I realize it can be hard to tell with me when I’m talking through multiple layers of irony, so I need to be very clear: Hi and Lois now does strips that are mostly “funny without having punchlines in a traditional sense” and I really love it. It’s great! This strip is great! “I don’t think Lois likes me.” “What makes you say that?” “Oh, well, I was kind of taking liberties by looking for something to eat in your fridge and she really bit my head off. Didn’t hold back at all, and was actually pretty mean about it. Look at her face, you can tell she’s still pissed!”
Alice, 11/18/24
I honestly find the cold, hooded expression with which Alice is regarding her inner child pretty distressing. “Wounded, eh? Well, who do you think wounded you? The same one who’s now going to kill you off once and for all!” [produces huge knife that’s somehow able to stab metaphors]
Crock, 11/18/24
I guess the first panel here is a relic of the days when newspapers would sometimes have some column inches to fill so they’d do an interview with a local weirdo and/or the PR person for an obscure trade group and produce features like “Camels for dinner? Not so far-fetched, experts say”. But I honestly prefer the idea that our Legionnaire is reading a French-language newspaper sold to the local occupation troops, and the banner headline is “FLN SIEGE OF ORAN POCKET HOLDS; STARVATION IMMINENT”.
68 replies to “What about my inner adult, why isn’t anyone concerned about him”
Arty is in deep denial about the popularity of “John Carter” or “Mars needs moms”. Mars does not sell tickets! Sure, the “Martian” was a success but it was because of Ridley Scott and because it was Robinson Crusoe in space, not because of the Red Planet
I have tried French cuisine. With the right sauce and some fat, not only they will make us eat camel, but they will make it taste very good!
If they previously visited Saturn, Mars is not “farther exploration”! It’s “closer to home exploration”!
I’ll take “would you eat me?” over “would you still love me if I were a worm?”
Luann: Missing final panel – Luann kisses the old woman full on the mouth
Phantom: Look, I have no particular love or sympathy for the gazillionaires who have agglomerated inordinate power over our daily lives, but I have to say to this writer: OKAY, WE GET IT!!!!!!
RMMD: Does this man know anyone who isn’t a schlub or turning into one?
CS: ‘Newspaper’? That’s a funny way of saying ‘One-page newsletter I print just to vicariously relive my lost and misspent life’.
MW: WARNING! WARNING! WILBUR STORYLINE INBOUND!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!
In the tradition of “no punchline,” let me just say: Dark. Hi and. Lois. [closes his eyes and lifts his head in pleasure like a cat receiving a chin scritch]
H&L: Hi’s dumbfoundedness is the real joke here. How many years has he blithely overlooked his wife’s open repugnance for Thirsty?
MW: Every single person that I know on this entire planet would say, “What can I bring?” But, nope.
RMMD: Lewton believes in making these gol-durned sawbones WORK for their money. Not one iota of help will Rex get from HIM.
DtM: How, exactly did Dennis acquire these Cordon Bleu affectations? I mean, the kid would eat a worm on a bet without hesitation.
FC: Dolly says; “God can’t hear you with your head under the covers.”
“I know.” replies Jeffy as he lets loose a stream of blasphemies; “Mommy and Daddy are rats!”
“I don’t think Lois likes me.” Yeah, why should she be the exception?
“Would you eat me?” is not an abstract or fear-based question. It’s more like, “Please hurry up and eat me and get me out of this comic strip rerun hellscape!”
Crock: Camel meat is actually eaten in many parts of Algeria, although to be fair I guess the French colonists weren’t big fans. Maybe this newspaper is a “manufacturing consent” kind of deal, attempting to soften up the occupiers to the native way of life. Tomorrow: “Spices! Are they just a vogueish trend, or could they be here to stay?”
Alice: Never noticed until she was drawn reflected against her inner child, but wow, Alice is stacked. I guess the syndicate discovered that inscrutable hallucinogenic pop-psychology sells better when it’s being spouted by a woman with breasts bigger than her thighs (but also confusingly smaller than her nose).
MW: ….wilbur is coming….
Alice: This is exactly what I imagined Alice was like as a child: a bitter, dowdy middle-aged secretary. Which makes me wonder what’s even the point of visiting her own childhood. Or her adulthood.
CS: Oh goody! It’s ANOTHER Funkyverse character who’s going to become a writer! What is that now, 173?
MW: Oh, please let this be a ‘To Serve Man’ parody.
Mustard? They’re French, after all. We probably wouldn’t see products like Maille in Crock, but maybe two Legionnaires on camels re-enacting the old Grey Poupon TV ad.
But why, Alice? Why do– What is– [[pinches bridge of nose]] Look, okay, there are eight (8) words in your one-panel comic strip and 25% of them are “inner child,” so why do you need the caption? Did King Features Syndicate hide “ALL COMIC STRIPS MUST CONTAIN NO FEWER THAN TEN WORDS” somewhere in the fine print, or do you really and truly think that we won’t get it? (I mean, I don’t really ever get what’s going on in this strip, but I realize that this is a me problem.)
Crock: Camel Burgers is a fast food chain and the camel laments; “Wouldn’t you rather slaughter and cook me for a home cooked meal?”
RMMD: “I will relate my current symptoms to you in song form.”
MW: “It’s tops!” Dawn is roleplaying a late 1940s bobbysoxer, and will be getting out the Sinatra records next.
9CL: Oh, for god’s sake, Edda. He PEED ON HIS SHIRT so he took it off, okay? I’m not pure how he managed it, but he PEED ON HIS SHIRT.
HtH: Does this make any sense at all? The King drops himself through a trapdoor when the Queen wants to watch half-naked dancing girls?
GA – …and farthermore….
H&L – …and she never stops by my camp by the fire pit for a steaming can of hobo stew….
Alice – I’m your inner homunculus…not much different than your outer homunculus…a little smaller….
(Appropriately named) Crock – Only as sexual foreplay….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
This is Thirsty here, whom we know to be an alcoholic. Yes, it’s possible he was looking for food but come on now. Hi may enable him but Lois damned well won’t.
***
I will never not be horrified by fictional worlds where animals have the same level of sentience and intelligence as us and can communicate this verbally, but are still treated the way we treat animals right down to the eating as food. Would I eat this camel? No, but only because I know he wouldn’t shut up about it.
@Ettorre: “Would you eat me, please?”
GA: I’ll give you ‘further’, but ‘farther’? Last I checked you were circling the rings of Saturn, now you’re hopping 750 millions miles closer to earth? You know, I’m starting to question the educational quality of this little tour.
H&L: I like how Thirsty seems to be leaning over in that second panel as if he’s really winded from that walk over from the kitchen. He’s really in rough shape!
Alice: I’ve gone through several stages with Alice: at first I thought that it was just weirdly quirky, then I thought that it made no sense, and now I’m starting to wonder if it’s actually coded messages. Anyhow, I’ve made a google news alert for ‘Operation Inner Child’, which will hopefully let us know who the recipients are.
Crock: ‘Mustard’ is their donkey, I assume…
Crock: “Would you eat me?” “With relish! Huh huh? Get it?” [Soldier is hooved to death]
GA, meta: Good for mentioning “The Expanse”, but you should be warned that Chrisjen Avasarala isn’t exactly a kid-friendly speaker.
JP: Neddy is 21? Next thing, she’ll be on AARP.
Is it me, or is Alice just weird, off-putting, nonsensical and thoroughly unfunny?
[narrator’s voice: Alice just weird, off-putting, nonsensical and thoroughly unfunny.]
@pugfuggly: re: GA: Yeah, this is making “Interplanet Janet” look like an astrophysics course at MIT.
You know, I am starting to think the problem may not be that Dustin is bad at his job.
Pibgorn Watch: Three months, nine days, and counting….
RMMD-Was it a taxi? Did you take a taxi to get here?
MW-It won’t be Thanksgiving until Wilbur passes out in the mashed potatoes.
Crock — Aren’t we getting our French signifiers mixed-up here? Shouldn’t it be mayonnaise?
“When you stare at Alice, Alice stares back at you.” — Nietzsche, probably
Gasoline Alley – I’d rather watch the Magic School Bus episode where they go the Mars, and Arnold traumatized a generation by removing his helmet and freezing his head.
Hi and Lois – Next Lois will demand he keep his grubby hands off the furniture as she cleans the potato chip grease and stale beer stains off the chair.
Alice – The inner child having its heart upside down and on the wrong side of its body is a bigger issue than its psychological meaning.
Crock – In order to keep the French Foreign Legion capable of committing terrible crimes in the name of colonialism, the generals have to remove all respect for life. We’ve already seen the legion forcing cooks to kill sentient chickens. But a legionnaire with a camel would naturally bond with it, and that could lead to empathy seeing the natives who also develop strong bonds with their camels. Constant propaganda has deadened the men’s emotions to the point where their camels are a mere resources to be used as commanded. The best this solider can offer is to promise his camel it would be decently prepared for consumption.
@But What Do I Know?: Oddly enough, the French eat more mustard than anyone else on the planet. When the Canadian mustard crop failed a few years ago, the French suffered.
@Little Guy: Sam said Sophie was 21 in the Sunday strip so, unlike Luann, she’s now a college senior. That would make Neddy….24? 25?
Okay, I’m trying not to be sarcastic or reductive here, but what the Hell is this Alice about? Alice looks in the mirror and sees the wounded inner child inside the mirror image? There is exactly one way I’m willing to buy that this is a comic strip cartoon joke: If Andrea Beizer has never even heard of the concept of self-reflection before but just recently discovered that things which happen continue to have effects on your mind as you absorb and process those things.
When you stare into a mirror late at night and chant her name, Bloody Mary appears to kill. When Alice stares into a mirror, she just sees more Alices, and that is far more terrible.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I want you to paint a sign that will help me meet chicks”
“Like a billboard that tells women what you have to offer, Don Abundio?”
“Yeah!”
“Hurry up! Here come some now!”
[Sign: DON ABUNDIO IS A PATHETIC OLD LECH]
GA: Having been corrected on his grammar one time too many, Arty makes sure to double down on his frequently-confused words to confound whoever and whomever might try to talk down to him.
JP: Did you know Neddy is often overprotective of Sophie? Well, despite never demonstrating that, now she is. Or… was, given that Neddy just ran off to the airport to catch up with some fling she hasn’t spoken to in three and/or eight years without actually vetting the dangerous cradle-robbing 25-year-old dating her 21-year-old sister. Uh… look, this probably isn’t going to come up again, so probably best we just forget it. Neddy certainly already has.
CS: This story could be an opportunity to do some interesting things. You could talk about the changing attitudes towards journalism, explore the perspectives of two people with half a century separating them in age, or maybe just pull back the curtain a little on the ins and outs of the profession. Or you could do a week of “Young people are stupid and probably don’t even know what newspapers are!” Take a wild guess which direction Tom Batiuk is headed.
Luann: Last we left off, Tiffany and Stef were butting heads over their mutual hatreds of each other and desires to possess Kip, while Bets and Dez are caught in the middle. The household is aflame and there’s not a drop of water to be found. Something has to give, and you know what that means – PLOT PIVOT, MUTHAFUCKAS! So never mind that stuff, it’s all getting dropped without any resolution and we’re switching to Luann disappointing a dying old woman with her idiotic clothing.
Luann – First of all, Sleepy Creek? No, just no. In this day and age, these places are going full Bridgerton: Barrington Square, Addington Estates, Herringbone Court – or, vaguely Corporate New-Agey: Acania, Cendara, Symbreo.
And second of all, I’ve had shirts made for myself. For $40 and some basic clip art, you too can have whatever you want emblazoned on your chest. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. I’d almost rather watch Stef and Tiff yell at each other across their suite.
Alice: How exactly is this inner child “wounded”? Is it the little upside-down heart? That’s probably it, isn’t it?
GA: Back in the day the Divalings liked a show on PBS Kids called Ready, Jet, Go! in which a family of visiting aliens help teach kids about the solar system. Maybe that’s what Arty is thinking about? I dunno, it’s been years since my kids were in that demographic so I have no idea if the show is still aired or how popular it is, and frankly I’m not invested enough in Gasoline Alley to check.
@pugfuggly:
GA: I’ll give you ‘further’, but ‘farther’? Last I checked you were circling the rings of Saturn, now you’re hopping 750 millions miles closer to earth?
It could be “farther” if the two planets are in opposition to each other.
@Hibbleton: Retrograde!
FC: I guess Bil is inviting the reader to imagine booting little Jeffy straight out the open window? Surprised big Jeff didn’t pick up on that.
Alice: “Who are you?” “It’s a mirror, genius. Who do you think?” “Okay, fair point, but we’re drawn very badly, and I didn’t want to risk saying the wrong name.”
Robots piloting a saucer
Oh man, look at those weird girls go
It’s a poorly drawn show
Take a look at old Walter
Yearning to finally die
Oh man, wonder if he’ll ever RIP
He’s in a legacy strip
Is there life on Mars?
@11 Schroduck: on Alice: You know what they say about a woman who’s breasts are bigger than her thighs and confusingly smaller than her nose.
@17 Ukulele Ike: on Hagar the Horrible: You missed the point–the “lap dance and happy ending” button the king pushed shouldn’t be pushed when the queen is around. She’ll grab her rolling pin and chase him out of the castle.
@36 jroggs: on Luann: Is it the idiotic clothing or the idiot in the clothing that is disappointing the dying old lady? My vote is for the latter.
C’shaft: “Your teacher called several days ago, so I should have gotten over any surprise I had at the situation by now, but I’ve been holding on to it as a reminder that the world I knew is a distant memory and I hate you and everyone your age because of it.”
DT: “Well, you know, the war and the development of much better technology that made relying on a seven-story clock tower in a major metropolis for navigation pretty stupid.”
Dustin: I would think that “I sent you someone who I’m so convinced is a useless loafer that I assume your calling to compliment his efforts is a practical joke” would lose a temp service a lot of repeat business.
GT: It’s hard to mess up telling dad jokes, but apparently Gil manages.
Luann: “Oh, and a lot of people have told me this t-shirt is the stupidest thing they’ve ever seen.”
MW: You’ve heard of Friendsgiving, get ready for…MEDDLESGIVING!
Phantom: “You mean an invading force burst into your territory, claimed it for its own, and proceeded to treat you like an inferior who should be grateful for its presence? I have NO idea what that’s like…”
Pluggers take all the joy out of Hobbit “second breakfast.”
MW: Best punchline today: Mary says; “Thanks, Dawn.” for the benefit of new readers.
GT: “Yeah, I fumbled once and felt terrible about it. Coach Thorp sat down next to me and told me a little joke. And then the next day at practice he made me run gassers until I puked.”
RMMD: “Oh, so we’re going to play Twenty Questions, is that it? Crap, I should have taken the Stewart kids. They’re more intelligent.”
CS: “Well the reason I want to shadow you is that the other kids at school said it would be funny to watch a guy with one arm run a printing press.”
JP: Without overprotective Neddy around, Sophie absent-mindedly walks out in traffic and is hit by a food truck.
MW: “I look forward to your turkey dinner and sides ev” [buffering . . . buffering . . . buffering . . .]
Marvin: Jeff’s look of bewilderment is appropriate here. His child has suddenly turned from a preverbal toddler into a stand-up comedian speaking in full sentences. Is he possessed by the spirit of Rodney Dangerfield?
Slylock Fox: All of these animals have suffered traumatic head injuries that should have instantly killed them. Is that busty bunny lady just wrapping gauze over their hemorrhaging exposed brains?
Family Circus: Is Jeffy in a desperate attempt to keep god from reading his mind hiding under a bedsheet because he’s had horrible blasphemous thoughts that god will smite him for and send him straight to hell?
JumpStart: “At least the dog didn’t eat my novelty edible underwear that I bought at the adult book store.” That’s probably going to be the same place that will be selling the edible socks, for people with foot fetishes.
“Would you eat me? Please, right now, kill me and harvest my flesh for a Royale With Cheese joke, and get me the heck out of the internal prison that is ” CROCK”!” (Marvin enters) “Cool sandbox you guys have. Mind if I leave some grey poop on your camel?” “No…..my appetite, she es gone.”
Pull back to show the Six Chix reading the comic “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh? Is that what they call a poonchline? So if we add a camel to our comic, we’ll be funny?” ” How about we make the camel into a sandwich, and I have sex with the sandwich while wearing a.pumpkin on my head?”
Alice – “I’m wounded because I’ve only had one dress my entire life.”
H&L: In all fairness to Lois she’s very worried about their crippling poverty and the little food they have is needed to keep their 4 children from starving. Hi should be doing more to support his family.
Gasoline Alley: If some sort of super-powered steampunk AI robot offered to show me things I had seen on TV, my first choice certainly wouldn’t be Mars. It would be (in no particular order): the Scrub Daddy, the ThighMaster, the Snuggie, the Veg-O-Matic, the Pocket Fisherman, the Shake Weight, Emeril’s two-door air fryer, that thing you put over your stovetop to keep it clean, and, of course, Julie Newmar as Catwoman.
Crock: “Would you eat me?” “Not without mustard, ketchup, mayo, salt, pepper, relish, garlic, horseradish, A-1, Tabasco sauce, Worcestershire sauce, fried onions, and a squeeze of lime.” “Okay, I feel better. A little insulted, though.”
Alice: The inner child is wound in as far as like, a third of her face is missing. Alice had never noticed that about herself before and now it’s going to keep her up all night.
Crock: Guess this is the awkward part of the conversation where Figowitz(?) explains how he knows camel meat is bland.
H&L: “And by ‘out of your fridge’ I mean ‘off of her tits’ but it’s the same principle, right?”
HTH: So this king has a button on his throne that summons a dancing stripper, but the queen who he’s sitting right next to is already fully aware of it? Feel like there’s a lot happening here for this joke that wasn’t thought through. Also Hagar is very much into this and will probably proceed to violate her before he violently kills all of them and steals anything of value.
@Ukulele Ike, JP: Sophie… Neddy…. they’re interchangeable, aren’t they, They aren’t? Oh, Sophie’s the blonde and Neddy’s the brunette. And Abbey’s the redhead. Got it.
@Hibbleton: MW: Best punchline today: Mary says; “Thanks, Dawn.” for the benefit of new readers.
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Alice – It looks like she’s after Tuesday Chick’s job. She already has the bad artwork nailed down, and now she’s working on the wallowing in depression.
Mary Worth – That’s the most stilted Thanksgiving planning conversation I’ve ever heard. Moy has never heard two human beings talking, has she?
Rex Morgan – It’s obvious here that Rex is his own boss and does not have to meet any corporate quotas or insurance standards. Doctors have a limited amount of time to see all their appointments, and they don’t just set a spell with the patient while the patient leisurely blathers. My primary care doctor has the world’s worst bedside manner, and I can just imagine his reaction to a patient like this. The sarcasm would be off the charts.
@MKay: Re Mary Worth – That’s a really good point. The Westons especially should contribute something, since Wilbur will be scarfing down everything in sight. Including the tablecloth.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Re Crankshaft – The few who don’t want to be a writer would like to be comic book artists.
Low and Hi-less: “Lois, what part of my anatomy are we calling ‘the fridge’? And what exactly do you think Thursty and I do in my Man Cave when we’re alone and the door is closed?”
The Gasoline Alley “children” are rendered in the most disturbing ways possible – each “child” is rendered differently, yet in a way to make each one uniquely repellent. At least there’s a reason for Dick Tracy Moon People to have different irises than Earth People – they’re different species! The Dustin artist(s) use different styles of eyes on all the characters to indicate surprise or some other emotion. There’s no reason for these Gasoline Alley “children” to have different eyes, different hair, yet the same weird hand gestures borrowed from Rex Morgan. I demand an explanation, or a retraction as papers used to do when Doonesbury was too liberal.
@Little Guy: @Ukulele Ike, JP: Sophie… Neddy…. they’re interchangeable, aren’t they, They aren’t? Oh, Sophie’s the blonde and Neddy’s the brunette. And Abbey’s the redhead. Got it
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“….and Mel is the one with four feet, and the elegantly groomed Mane and Tail™….”
@Ettorre: I wish I could find it now but I swear I read a blog post once about French restaurants during the 1870 siege of Paris coming up with “elevated” recipes for cooking horse hooves flavored with whatever herbs could be grown in the city. Everyone agreed were pretty good!
MW: Well, that was exciting…
RexMD: Well, that was exciting…
@Josh: recipes for cooking horse hooves Horse hooves? Those are basically just big thick fingernails. Not sure how much cooking and spicing could render those edible.
@BigTed: “Not without mustard, ketchup, mayo, salt, pepper, relish, garlic, horseradish, A-1, Tabasco sauce, Worcestershire sauce, fried onions, and a squeeze of lime.” And soy sauce. Don’t forget the soy sauce.
@Josh: There’s always room for fresh-off-the-horse Jello.
CS: Lesson One: If it’s a slow news day, interview a local bookshop owner about bookshops being set on fire, then set their bookshop on fire.
Blondie: So who’s to blame here: the colorist for using green to color the Thanksgiving tree made out of chocolate-covered drumsticks, or the artist for drawing a normal pine tree?
MW: I assume Dawn means Thanksgiving 2025, because there’s no way Karen Moy can tell a story in less than two weeks.
Alice should have a reboot called “Alice’s Inner Child”! It would still be a carpy comic, but we could get Arlo Guthrie to do an awesome theme for the tv/movie versions, I can almost hear it now……” You can get anything you want from Alice’s Inner Child…(excepting Alice)…..” (continue for an hour)
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You know you’re a long time Curmudgeon when your Spellcheck insists “Arlo” is spelled “Aldo”.