Maybe they just want to make sure he picks the poop up. Lotta people don’t
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Rex Morgan, M.D, 11/29/24
Oh, hey, it turns out that Rex’s cranky old patient is Merle Lewton, who we met a few years ago after he got scammed by Miss Galexia, the Rene Beluso-backed new age healer. Merle’s current complaints are more down to Earth, mostly consisting of him being tired and in pain all the time, and Rex’s advice was “I dunno, try going for a walk instead of sitting on the couch and watching TV all day?” Merle tried to “beat the system” by getting a treadmill so he could go for a walk and watch TV all day, but that was nixed by his wife who claimed treadmills were “expensive” and “ugly”; she assigned him dog-walking duties instead. But now — whoops! — it turns out that taking your dog for a walk is just an open invitation to harassment by local punks, thugs, and ruffians. The lesson here: don’t listen to your killjoy wife and snooty doctor! Leaving the house is not worth the trouble!
Beetle Bailey, 11/29/24
What I love most about the Beetle Bailey strips that look at the Halftracks’ awful marriage are Mrs. Halftrack’s facial expressions. She always looks either furiously angry or crushingly depressed. They’re not doing a bit! Their married life really is a constant punishment, especially for her!
The Phantom, 11/29/24
Speaking of punishment, there’s a new Phantom plot getting started, and Diana, on a work trip in London, appears to have by chance met a guy who was once involved in some kind of BDSM relationship with her husband. We’re probably not supposed to imagine him talking like Austin Powers in that last word balloon, but I’m doing it anyway.
75 replies to “Maybe they just want to make sure he picks the poop up. Lotta people don’t”
Mary Worth Mashup
Hey, mister! We don’t take kindly to lollygaggin’ dogs ’round these parts!
MW: Thanks for this, Baja. I guess I’m not winning the dead pool—Mary seems to have survived her case of 4-hour sniffles—but your mashups let me dream. Moy can’t stop me from dreaming!
That “East Africa” sounds kind of arbitrary. I mean, I’m sure not everyone knows where Bangalla is, but East Africa isn’t even a country. It would be like me telling a casual acquaintance I’m from “Cincinnati, Midwest America”
@Baja Gaijin: About The Simpsons yesterday, thinking of Groundskeeper Willie.
I remembered with Apu, despite being one of the more popular characters outside of the Simpson family, he was over the years considered “racist” so the writers stopped using him. He hasn’t had a speaking role since 2017.
Then I thought… what about other ethnic stereotypes? Like Groundskeeper Willie? Bumblebee Man? Luigi the Italian Chef?
Then I realize that The Simpsons, when you really think about it, was kind of racist in some ways.
But was subtle and funny about it.
Unlike Family Guy whose more blatant racist jokes are just cold and uncomfortable, and the show proudly revels in them…
FC-“You should probably turn Daddy over if you don’t want him to choke on his vomit.”
RMMD-Oh no! Not more corny bullying!
Bangalla’s in *East* Africa? I for some reason had always assumed it was in the neighbourhood of Nigeria. Maybe because of the “deep woods” and pygmies.
@Baja Gaijin:
A dog? Which dog? The poodle kidnapped by the dognapper gang?
RMMD — “Hey mister, can you tell us where a park bench is? Because there’s some old dude man-spreading on the one we know about.”
The Ghost Who Sort-of Name Checks: I was a very, very bad man. But Graham Norton wanted me on his show. Now that I’m not a very, very bad man, I can only get time on a third-rate version of it. Hey, want to hear the story about how I got this death’s head tattoo?
On another note: Does the mark of the Phantom start to fade and disappear if you reform your ways? Asking for a friend. . .
RMMD: It took almost two weeks, but we’ve finally reached what should have been the story’s starting point. Well, hopefully. It’s entirely possible these two phrenology case studies just want directions to the nearest breakfast-all-day diner.
DT: Far be it from me to shame anyone’s private kinks, but when you decide that electrical soldering is just too graphic and explicit to be shown in the funny pages, you might be tipping your hand a little more than you realize.
HtH: This joke is missing two or three or possibly several hundred panels of context that it would need to make any sense, but it’s still pretty funny that this prince showed up personally just to give Honi a sack of broken glass.
JP: Alan’s been pretty up-front about becoming a semi-reclusive alcoholic lunatic obsessed with finding and protecting his fugitive murderer daughter while doing so in the laziest and most inefficient way imaginable. And now we’re learning this was a lie to cover up the real horrible truth? This is going to be one doozy of a revelation. Either that or Marciuliano is just filling his panels with empty lofty-sounding dialogue to balance out the tedious quipping and eyerolling while having lost track of what his characters are and what they’ve been doing. I don’t think I need to say which one my money’s on.
GT: It’s bad enough that Gil increasingly looks like a Latino Shaggy Rogers since his unexplained life-threatening occurrence, but in today’s third panel Beth looks like she’s halfway through transforming into Scooby Doo. This artwork is worth a zoinks, a jinkies, and no fewer than three ruh rohs.
RMMD No-one is more shocked when something happens in this strip than the characters themselves. And yes, some kid saying “Hey Mister!” counts as a major plot development.
BB I’m trying to imagine what the General actually sounds like in that last panel, tongue flapping in the wind. Like a combination between Taz and Daffy Duck I’ll bet.
Ph I’m sure there’s a long backstory behind whatever’s going on in that last panel, but I’m choosing to believe that Bengalla has an endemic disease known as ‘Phantom Pox’
RMMD: Josh: “ Leaving the house is not worth the trouble!” Me: OMG! Rex Morgan finally has a theme I can relate to.
B. Bailey: A third panel showing Halftrack’s head with a smashed mailbox stuck on it would be funny but whatever.
RMMD:
“Hey, mister!”
“What do you mean, ‘mister’? — do I look like an anthropomorphized atomizer to you, you tonsorially-challenged reprobate?”
RMMD:
I’ll bet these two didn’t do so well on the ACT. Just sayin’.
BB: General Halftrack has always secretly wanted to appear in those The General car insurance commercials, but instead it looks like he’ll be starring in the gruesome Camp Swampy safe driving film if he doesn’t pull his head back in.
RMMD:
“C’mon, Buster. No lollygagging!”
“Give me a break here, Merle. I’m experiencing cognitive dissonance — you’re expecting me to do my business on a chartreuse lawn?!?”
RMMD: “Hey, mister! Have you seen my chin? I’m sure I left it around here somewhere.”
Rex Morgan:
Well, she’s not wrong, though she forgot “seldom used”…
Also Rex Morgan: “Hey Mister! Know where there’s a good hair salon? Cost Cutters just ain’t doing it for me anymore.” (tip o’ the pin to Schroduck for the inspiration)
The Phantom:
“And how about that Bangalla Bangers football club, eh?”
“Oh gosh yes! Incredible!”
…
“Anyway, want to f***?”
“No.”
[Long, awkward silence]
Baby Blues: Is she just strapping a cellphone onto a tripod?
Family Circus: Did Thel just kill her husband? Or is he just incredibly drunk?
Slylock Fox: That’s a nice drawing of a stoned goat but they forgot to make the eyes bloodshot.
Curtis: Why is he shouting the name of the game from Harry Potter with the flying brooms?
Dennis the Menace: Dennis wants to sign the physical evidence of his crimes.
Aaaand Beetle Bailey: Fun fact: if you replace P.E. 180 on the Halftrack’s license plate with “TVC 15,” you have a classic David Bowie track. That’s it, that’s the comment, it’s more than most Beetle Bailey panels can say for themselves.
RMMD:
“Scarface, before we interact with this guy, let’s figure out how smart and resourceful his dog is, so we can figure out how to handle it.”
“Great idea, Spike. Hey, Bowser — listen up! This journeyman catcher, first name ‘Phil,’ played for a variety of major league baseball teams in the ’60s and ’70s, and then followed that up with a professional career as a manager and coach. What is his last name?”
“Woof!”
“Okay. This acronymic organization is devoted to the care and feeding of persons 50 years of age and older. What is it?”
“ARF!”
“One more, Bowser. This word of presumably imitative origin, probably Dutch or low German, is sometimes used in a slightly different context to describe a particularly slow, heavy traffic delay.”
“SNARL!”
“Scarface — the dog’s a genius!”
BB: Every day, it gets harder and harder for Mrs Halftrack to be the power behind the throne.
MW: Wait, who made the turkey? Who fixed the fixings? Could it be that someone besides Mary is culinarily competent?
@Baja Gaijin:
I literally laughed out loud, Baja! That’s great!
RMMD – Merle’s first venture outside and he’s approached by a Donna Summer tribute band. What are the odds?
RMMD: Those guys look more like suburban hipsters than the local neighborhood thugs. “Hey Mister! We’re starting a new wave ska band! Can your dog play bass?”
Family Circus: “Since he won’t be needing it anymore, can I have Daddy’s gun now? It still has five bullets in it.”
@The Rambling Otter: It’s been reported that Hank Azaria said he no longer wanted to voice the character for reasons pertaining to racism.
The Beetle Bailey remake of the 2018 Ari Aster film “Hereditary” is going to be surprisingly good!
@The Rambling Otter:
Come on, harmless laughing at racial and ethnic stereotypes is not inherently “racist.” This term is probably the most overused and misused word out there. Let’s save the term “racist” for thing that truly are racist and stop cheapening it by applying it to every damn little funny comment that someone makes.
CS: Well I’ll be damned. “That’s the way the rookie fumbles” is almost kinda clever!
JP: That full bottle of wine Alan commandeered during dinner was evidently just an appetizer. He’s gotten into the Jim Beam now.
Frazz: “I, of course, being Frazz, would never ever look at a television broadcast. If something important happens, I wait for someone to write a book about it. That’s the only pure way.”
MW: That’s some curvature of the spine going on there. Mary needs more calcium.
RMMD: Nice to see those bit players from Mary Worth’s Santa Royale Warehouse and Women’s Shelter District are still finding work.
MW: Mary appears to have survived the supervirus she contracted, to no one’s real surprise. Although that virus leading her to turn into Wilbur…gotta admit that’s a little bit of a surprise…
Rex Morgan, MD – Buster is loyally sensing trouble and vigilant to threats to his owner Merle, and Merle is too lazy to care. I hope we see a heroic dog storyline. None of the humans in this strip interest me.
Beetle Bailey – Say what you will about Amos Halftrack’s declining mind caused by years of alcohol abuse. Just so long as you call him by his proper title: Trump’s nominee for Chief of Staff of the United States Army.
General Halftrack is into puppy play.
Comics are over now. Bye everyone.
One more with Beetle Bailey: Irma sighed, an exhalation from her very core that Julius would never hear. She had always dreamed of a long and happy retirement, and worked hard on her sobriety to that end. But it had never taken with Julius, and now here they were left, with his alcoholic dementia fully set and a sour feeling deep in the pit of her stomach crawling up her throat. Ah, well. She sighed again. “Death will find us sooner or later, even though we run to Samara,” she muttered as she jerked the wheel, towards the curbside lamp post.
DT: At least the alarm still works.
RMMD: Uh oh. White Suburban Punks on Dope.
Phantom: Bangalla? EVERYONE in London’s been in Bangalla! Let’s do the Bangalla Bop!
Ph: She has one of those, too, but it’s not on her face.
Rex Morgan: The notoriously deadly and cutthroat streets of fenced upper-class white suburbia are about to claim yet another victim.
Beetle Bailey: Methinks that Missus Halftrack is contemplating recreating a certain scene in Hereditary…
GIL THORP: Beth: “Can that ‘prize’ be a new face by a new artist? Please?”
Phantom: This guy must be practicing his Babu Bhatt impression for the show. ‘A bad man, a VERY bad man!’ [wags finger]
RMMD: ‘This is Shorty and Beanpole turf, mister! You ready to laugh your socks off at some of the finest talent vaudeville has to offer?’
JP: And Senior leads Junior to his big Wall O’ Strings and Clues. Like Son, Like Father.
SF: Wow, Ted actually decides NOT to be a pop-culture obsessed ninny who alienates everyone around him? It’s a Thanksgiving miracle!
@1 Baja Gaijin:
Ya know, that’s probably what really happened.
Beetle Bailey: Next, a flock of birds crap on Halftrack’s head.
“The Phantom” introduces an interesting question. Permanently branding criminals as criminals — putting them on a watchlist or directly searing their flesh with a mark — wouldn’t hinder rehabilitation and create a permanent criminal underclass? “The Phantom” takes the position that no, it wouldn’t, because the ex-criminals would be grateful for the opportunity to change life. It’s a take, but I wouldn’t take my opinion on criminal reform from a comic.
@Ukranazi Stepan: Bangalla is in east Africa, because it apparently drifted there from the Indian subcontinent, which is where it was located in the strip until the 1960s.
Beetle Bailey Spanish to English.
The General’s PTSD manifests in his dependence from adrenaline. Far away from the thrills of combat and life-and-death situations, Halftrack put himself in harm’s way by doing stupid stunts like sticking his head out of the car, just to make his heart go faster and pump those chemicals in his brain. You know what? Bringing the logic of warfare in civilian life is not psychologically healthy, but it’s better that Halftrack imitates a dog than he sets up a fascist movement.
Yay! Martha Halftrack is melting! Because of her husband’s stupidity! That counts as “her husband’s personal weapon” doesn’t it? I suppose we need the strip with Julius accidently sitting in the puddle of Martha before the official declaration. I’m thankful for ALMOST winning the dead pool!
Covid was brutal to all of us! Five years ago Merle had the energy and enthusiasm to go out of home and get scammed by Belluso, but he is now stuck in front of the TV — probably getting scammed into buying gold or doing a reverse mortgage.
No lollygagging?! I thought lollygagging was specifically what the doctor ordered! [Stealthily open a tab to discover what lollygagging is]
Don Abundio, translated:
“Another ball in the pond!”
“Why don’t you just take a penalty stroke?”
“Are you nuts?”
“Pretty soon I’ll have it filled in!”
Pluggers: I’m sure Jerry from Iowa meant pluggers’ ties are stained with actual mashed potatoes and gravy, not made out of fabric resembling mashed potatoes and… hey, hold on a sec… pluggers don’t wear ties. Jerry is a fraud!
CS: A very nice football pun, so of course it isn’t original. It’s in this collection of puns that Batty probably has bookmarked. He’s stealing other people’s jokes instead of coming up with his own, and I fully support that.
GT: By now the syndicate must regret agreeing to pay Rachel Merrill per pen stroke.
How did Sex Organ V.D. manage to get the late Ernest Borgnine to star in “A Very Beavis & Butthead Sequel”as Mr Anderson’s twin brother who isn’t Hank Hill ether?
RMMD: Is this going to be a story stolen from Mary Worth about dogs being used for fighting after being stolen from their owners by ne’er-do-wells sporting hairstyles that denote their malevolence and evil intent stolen right out of vintage Mark Trail? Hoping @Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars! Will shed some light on this.
Two comics with disturbing post Thanksgiving messages.
Bacön and Loose Parts.
I’m pretty sure today’s “Beetle Bailey” is a rerun, but I cannot find it in previous posts. Maybe I am just experiencing eternal return, but since I am neither a full Übermensch nor a Last Man, I find it neither exciting nor despairing, but simply annoying
@Ettorre: lollygagging
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Must be the Beano’s version of Dennis the Menace! Gnasher will make short work of that thing at the end of the leash, oh, and the dog too!
The Stripe and the Butt: Considering how The Ghost-Who-Steadfastly-Refuses-To-Go-Viral opened some verbal whoopass to some philatelist, I imagine some very very bad man (albeit apparently reformed) who transformed his permaskull into a profitable business is going to get shut down faster than an Esty account with Disney IP.
GT: Remember the original Star Trek episode where the consciousness of Jack the Ripper travelled from star system to star system and ended up in Scotty? I think we may have found out where Sally Forth’s mom ended up.
You really want to bury your son ahead of you so that he can’t inherit, do you?
RMMD: Yessss! They picked Buster! This guy’s been waitin’ for his Big Break, and they’ve made an excellent choice! He’s a versatile player, has appeared with ensembles in a lotta one panels, and can do either comedy or “serious” roles, whatever is needed. Today you see him on high alert at the approach of these questionable strangers… and as @Philip suggested, this has “hero role” written all over it! But being as this is “Rex Morgan”… maybe we should steel ourselves for disappointment…
Oh, by the way, we’ve insisted that Buster’s walks are solely for the purpose of Merle’s “exercise.” We have it in his contract that NO defecation will be depicted on panel, nor will any results of same be shown! Now if these guys are tellin’ Merle to pick up after his Dog… such might be “implied” but we assume the visuals will stay tasteful.
Hey, Intern, take the van over to RMMD and pick up the other Dogs who weren’t selected…. Yeah, y’all can stop for ice cream on the way back…
Merle’s wife’s statement “Your duty in this scam of a marriage is only to clean up the dog’s duty! And use the gloves not your bare hand, doofus!”, really hit him where he lives.
On this day 50 years ago, Freddie Prinze, Sr., face criticism for playing a Chicano in Chico and the Man, and a yo-yo played a clam’s lust object in the popular (??) strip Animal Crackers.
Hey there, all you budding cartoonists. Has this ever happened to you?
@Little Guy: You really want to bury your son ahead of you so that he can’t inherit, do you?
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Wasn’t that the punchline from Mr Wilson to Henry offering an ultimate solution to solve both their problems in that really dark installment last week? Inspiring an eavesdropping Dennis to say”Mom why are Dad and Mr Wilson killing birds? They said they could do it with one stone.”
Back on June 22, 1938, the tables got turned on Snuffy Smith.
Back in the Day: Why cartoonists strive not to be late with their strip. It’s also the reason we often get half-assed cartoon strips.
Phantom: So our friendly barkeep used to be a common thug until a chance encounter with the Ghost Who Scars People for Life convinced him to change his ways. It’s like Les Miserables, but with punching.
RMMD: See, this is why Nextdoor is so important! If Merle had been alerted that there were “teenagers acting suspiciously” (ie. just kind of hanging around being teenagers) in his neighborhood, this never would have happened!
C’shaft: “That young runner [you] drafted” has a name, Jeff. If you won’t use it out of respect for him, at least use it so you don’t talk like a convoluted setup panel in a Pearls Before Swine strip.
DT: So what, they’re running an illegal tattoo parlor in the clock tower?
Dustin: “Look, idiot, I’m sitting here working on my laptop in Copyright-Friendly Starbucks, I’m obviously not trying to hook up with strangers or even have conversations with them. Do you bother women on the bus who have earbuds in too? You know what, don’t answer that, of course you do.”
GT: It’s very telling that I can’t figure out if that scribble on Gil’s chin is supposed to be his Facial Hair of Lazy Indifference, shading, or if Rachel Merrill’s cat jumped on her back while she was doing the line art.
JP: The Parkers are the sort of people who serve canned cranberry sauce but insist on mashing it up and pretending that it’s homemade, instead of serving it in a perfect, sliceable cylinder as God intended.
Luann: Luann still brags about that time in New York when she rode an actual subway and almost went clubbing until she was carded.
MW: So Mary’s “friends” just dumped their Thanksgiving leftovers on her doorstep and called it good? Sounds about right.
P&HU: I’ll let this slide, because while Phoebe’s dad is not old enough to remember the LP era, he is both about the right age and nerdy enough to be a vinyl snob audiophile.
@70 TheDiva:
We all know the Cleveland Browns is Crankshaft’s preferred team. That being said, their running back is Nick Chubb who is not all that young for a professional football player (drafted in 2018). Also, he is not prone to fumbling a ball having only 7 fumbles in 7 seasons. It was probably for the best they didn’t mention his name.
They also mention the runner being a rookie. The Browns have no rookie running back. The back ups were drafted in 2022.
Dustin: Lady, you are in some unknown coffee (bar?) in an unknown town just waiting for someone tall, rich, and handsome? That’s like Dustin just waiting for an ideal job to just fall into his lap.
…actually, maybe you and Dustin were meant to be.
9CL – Keep in mind that Hugh is the guy who, when he first met Xuilan, was so emotionally stunted that he couldn’t use a bathroom unless it looked like the bathroom in his childhood home. Xuilan had to redecorate the lavatory in her jumbo jet to match Hugh’s childhood bathroom.
And now he does lavish public displays of snogging* with Xuilan. Of course he does. God, I loathe these characters and I loathe this strip. It’s a total hate read.
*If Brooke can write the twins pretentiously calling Edda “Mummy”, I can use Britshisms, too.
RMMD: Huh, I didn’t know this strip was set in Skyrim. I assume these guys are here to complain that someone stole their sweetroll.
Rex: The Hey Mister guy looks like the “criminals have a small cranium” illustration in the 1940s health text we had in 7th grade