I’ve seen the future and it is on a single story
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Gearhead Gertie, 7/3/25
I am if nothing mercurial, and do you know what I’ve decided? I like the Gearhead Gerties where the focus is on Gertie’s perpetually put-upon husband. I’m done feeling bad for him. He had to have known what he signed up for. His wife is Gearhead Gertie, for Pete’s sake! I like his grumpy little face in the second panel as he endures this latest NASCAR-related indignity. Ha ha, he has to watch TV sticking way up in the air, for NASCAR reasons that I don’t fully understand!
Pluggers, 7/3/25
Over the past several years, I reached an age at which some of my parents and in-laws have reached ages at which stairs, and the need to accommodate their lives minimizing the number of times they go up and down them, became an important thing we all had to think about. Stairs, man! You think you’ll be able to use them forever with ease, but I’m here to tell you: that’s probably not true. Anyway, today’s featured plugger is not yet at the stage where he can’t use the stairs, but it’s a lot harder to use them than it used to be, and he knows in his bones it won’t ever get any easier, and every time he goes up, the little pep talk he gives himself needs to go a little harder in order to do its job. In its quiet way, this is the most genuinely harrowing Pluggers panel since Rhino-man hocked his TV.
Hi and Lois, 7/3/25
You know I’m on the record as being in favor of Hi and Lois depicting “Thirsty” Thurston as a lovable drunk, but I think it’s a little too on the nose for him to just be blurting out his various disorders like this. “I’m getting addicted to online gambling!” “I let my lawn and my hair get so unkempt because I’m very depressed!” “My wife doesn’t love me and I don’t think she has for a long time!” C’mon, let us use our imagination a little here.
Mary Worth, 7/3/25
“Remember the last time they took a father-daughter vacation together, and they almost died in a cruise ship disaster? I think this one will finish them off for good.”
210 replies to “I’ve seen the future and it is on a single story”
Slylock Fox: This is the first time I’ve seen socks with a reservoir tip.
A Plugger knows what goes up must come down and coming down stairs is the worst part.
H and L:
“Thirsty, what are the odds that you’ll get help for this addiction?”
“All bets are off!”
TG: what a mess! Tina is fit to be tied, and if Rob doesn’t stop these health violations he’s going to lose his shirt.
GA: no sympathy for Slim and Clovia. They knew better than to put all their eggs in one basket.
GT: I came late to this strip. Is this just snti-gay bias or is something els going on? What’s Keri’s history?
Pluggers-“Today’s the day I throw myself down the stairs.”
FC-Keith Moon you are not.
RMMD-And is park bench code for your lover?
MW-“Maybe this trip will finally kill them.”
MW-Looks like Mary’s trying to put Dawn and Wilbur together.
MW:
These two are precisely who Plato had in mind when he described “The Ship of Fools” in his Republic.
Mary just can’t give up writing Wilbur’s advice column, so she has to keep finding ways to get him out of town. Which isn’t such a bad idea regardless of motivation.
Been a lot of noise about the death of old style newspapers but apparently it’s not universal. Wilbur seems to be well paid, is never seen doing any work, and has unlimited vacation days.
Pluggers Break Bad Part 7: Having done some crime-related thing downstairs, Cat Plugger sighs deeply, like an internet commenter who’s trying to continue a bit but is being given NOTHING.
MW: “I’m sure they’ll have a GOOD TRIP and be able to put their latest drama BEHIND them!”
“I’m so glad you agree, Jeff. I’ve put Wilbur and Dawn in the fore cabin. Make a heading south: we’re all taking our vacation together in Puerto Vallarta!”
RMMD: ‘Park Bench Time’. ‘PARK BENCH TIME’!!! Good grief, it’s a running gag now…
Luann: Don’t ask me, I’m just a girl! Tee-hee!
Crank: It’s a good thing you’re open to doing freelance voiceovers, Mr. News Anchor, because you’re obviously getting fired for this little on-air stunt.
MW: Maybe the syndicate is finally getting as sick of the Wilbur worship as we are, because I’d swear it looks like the dialogue in panel one was originally ‘I will NOT rest under I have found a woman for Wilbur! One who will love all his endearing quirks and give him all the sexytimes he wants! It is my destiny to help him acheive his!’
H&L: “You know, being a lovable drunk is not considered funny anymore and online gambling is really popular. Can’t you work it into the strip?” —Ed., Walker-Brown Syndicate LLC
“Okay, but I’m still not doing any jokes.” —Reeves
MW:
The way that Dr. Jeff’s dreadnought is starting to list to port in the second panel, I’m guessing that their dinner venue for tonight is going to be Davy Jones’ Locker rather than the usual Bumboat.
MW: “If I keep agreeing with her, maybe eventually I’ll get laid!”
I used to know someone fairly into NASCAR, and have half-heartedly sat through a few races. I recall no reason why I should’ve been at an angle to watch. Is this what I was missing, all along, with sports I’m not into? Literal change in perspective? Should I be upside-down for basketball? Would twisting my head 180 degrees make lacrosse endurable? Is perpetual spinning the secret of the Winter Olympics? Or is Gertie, like, pretending she’s having the tires on her couch changed, or something equally soul-dead? It’s that one, isn’t it?
MW: How about a Wilbur-Dawn-Tobey-Ian vacation? That has potential.
H&L: Stay tuned for, “The Flagstons find Chip’s guitar and the family silver in the pawn shop window after the next Guy’s Night.”
9CL: I’ve mentally tied cinderblocks to their ankles and I feel GOOD.
MW: naked_gun_3_entire_audience_facepalms.gif
Luann: Why is Phil so eager to send Luann to Camp Skye? She doesn’t have any of the four skills listed, and it doesn’t even pay more than her crap Weenie World job. Sounds like he’s trying to dump her, but is too socially awkward to do it.
Frazz: Yes, Caulfield, there is no bigger mistake that not knowing what you don’t know. Now think hard about this advice might apply to YOU.
CS: Lillian needs help with her YouTube video, but has no friends and no idea how to make any, so she’s calling people she’s seen on TV.
GG: Did Gertie saw one of the legs off her couch, or does she weigh 500 pounds?
Pluggers: This is one of those Pluggers jokes that don’t work because of the animal depicted. Aren’t cats supposed to be good at climbing?
@A Grave Mind:
Gertie figures that since she ALREADY watched NASCAR at an unnatural angle, why not push it even further?
(By that, I mean that the strip is doing that thing where both the television set and the people watching it are facing the reader/fourth wall at a 3/4 angle, but if you map it out you realise Gertie and the TV are not facing EACH OTHER)
@A Grave Mind: Would twisting my head 180 degrees make lacrosse endurable?
No, but having most of your brain removed helps.
MW: Listen Mary. Wilbur is a fucking advice columnist. That’s what he does for a living. Why the fuck would he need advice from you?
@Baja Gaijin: Now you’re making me wonder if they’re ribbed and lubricated.
H&L: I always appreciate the details that this strip uses to indicate severe depression: an unkempt lawn, an untouched can of PBR, sitting as close as possible to your neighbor’s house so you can sponge off their WiFi, wearing black pants in the blistering summer heat…
MW: Wilbur decides big wall climbing is just the vacation they need. Things go south when he attempts to free solo El Cap. No worries though. Alex Honnold breaks his fall.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
On Luann : Yeah, I was gonna bring up that Phil goes on ONE “date” with Luann during the brief window their schedules synch up, and suddenly he’s aggressively pushing her to take a temporary full-time job where she’ll have to move to and live on the premises for the duration of the contract.
Phil actually spoke to Luann for 5 minutes, and he decided he should try to trick her into living on a compound in the woods for a whole month.
************
On Frazz : it almost has to be PURPOSEFUL that CAUFIELD is the character chosen to spout “don’t go around saying stuff to make yourself sound smart when you’re not even sure it’s true (or worse, you THINK it’s true but have never verified)”. Like Mallet is taunting us with Caufield’s unawareness, if not outright hypocrisy.
*************
Crankshaft : … this storyline is based on how Batiuk only recently discovered that books have video trailers made for them, and that he had to start making some for HIS books, too?
I really enjoy these Josh rabbit holes I go down, clicking on a link to a post from the past and then another one and another until I got to a April 13, 2005 Gil Thorp when we find out that Marty Moon’s real name is Martin Munenhausen.
Mark Trail – As they ponder the source of contamination, all I can think of is that Marvin recently visited Lost Forest.
@Professor Well Actually: **Gestures wildly at everything Wilbur**
GG: Honestly I’m just impressed that Gertie’s husband can stay seated at that angle. Despite his age, he must have butt cheeks like vise grips.
Pluggers: But that guy isn’t saying “I think I can”. Are you saying that CatMan is not a Plugger? This strip might be a bit more complex than I thought…
H&L: Has this strip ever been as blunt about Thirsty’s obvious alcohol addiction? I mean, beyond the silly 60s stereotypes of the neighborhood lush, has there ever been a strip where the punchline has been ‘God, we should really get him into AA’? No joke here, just honestly wondering how these two very deadly conditions are treated within this strip.
MW: OK, I know this is not on topic or even original but my GOD that is a HUGE boat just to use to take a spin around the bay as an after-dinner digestif (or possible as a substitute for sex). How much diesel is getting burned up each time these two trade platitudes about their friends’ latest adventures? I’m just going to say it: Mary Worth is a climate villain that must be stopped.
GG: Either that couch has broken legs or Gertie needs to consider a diet.
MW: I’m not objecting to the Westons potentially getting themselves killed but how many vacations has Wilbur taken? And unlike when he could extort a trip to Miami for “interviewing hurricane victims,” he hasn’t even gone back to work. As for Dawn, what’s another semester of doing nothing productive? It’s not like she’s ever going to move out and get a job.
MW: I was thinking that today’s strip meant more time than we probably think has elapsed, considering Wilbur is going on vacation again, but then I realized holy god, the Dawn/Dirk thing was a Christmas/New Year’s plotline. WE HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THE WESTONS SINCE BEFORE CHRISTMAS 2024!!! IT’S THE FOURTH OF JULY TOMORROW!!!!!! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE!!!!!
@LTJpezcore1: If Moy wants to write about the Westons being narcissistic morons with desperate love lives and incestuous undertones, she should just write a spin off.
@Needless Exposition: I could ignore that properly…Although I probably wouldn’t…
MW: Ye Gods, the S.S. Compensation has grown even more ludicrously larger. Moy knows as much about pleasure boats as she knows about veganism, and yoga, and karaoke, and college hierarchy, and, well everything else.
@LTJpezcore1:
It’s All Westons All The Time now.
Either the Westons need a spinoff or everyone else except the Westons and Mary need a spinoff.
What would happen if they introduced Dawn to Dustin?
Mary Worth: “For example, Wilbur and Dawn could join us on this comically large yacht for a cruise down the coast. We’d hardly know they were here.”
“I named this boat the S.S. No Plebes for a reason, Mary.”
Thursday on Fall Risks: Mr. Gearhead Gertie (Self-transfer from couch to toilet), Cat Plugger (Dementia, repeated self-transfer to upstairs toilet due to loss of bladder control), Thirsty (Alcoholic dementia), Wilbur (Cruise ship).
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I don’t know if the world can handle Ed and Wilbur in the same universe let alone the same room.
Curtis: Soooo … Luann crossover summer?
Also – how old is Curtis? Is his dad going to make him sit outside with a lemonade stand? Knock on doors to mow the nonexistent lawns? If he’s as preteen as he looks and acts it would break all sorts of labour laws but we could bet on who’s the more useful fast food worker: Curtis or Luann
DT: Shaw’s wife was so successful at getting him to not dwell on intense downer stuff that he completely forgot the lake was closed off when they invited Robbie along for a swimming expedition
@Anonymous 23: Yeah, it’s almost like Phil’s trying to get rid of Luann. They’ve been on maybe two dates, and she’s already acting like they’re married. (I know she’s tried to do the just-friends thing, but nobody’s buying it. Nor should they.) But Phil’s too socially awkward to break up with her, or even tell her to dial it back a little. So he’s pushing her to go out of town for a few weeks in hopes the relationship will die on it own.
The sad thing is, this would totally work. Luann would take a lateral-move job she’s even less qualified for to please Phil, Luann would latch on to the next cute guy that walks by, and Phil extricates himself from Luann’s orbit.
(Curtis again – I’m actually kind of pleased they’re going *anywhere* with this other than the “money? no!” loop. Hopefully to snarkable territory.)
Mary Worth: The Last Houseguest is a perfect title for a novel about Wilbur’s dissolution into alcoholism and sexual addiction before getting pushed over the side of a yacht in Baja California by his friend Mary, for his own good.
H&L: Thirsty’s lawn seems to have magically been cut between panels one and two, so maybe he hit on his parlay. Or the art sucks. What are the odds?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: What would happen if they introduced Dawn to Dustin?
I think that would be extraordinarily dangerous.
Mary Worth
Mary: “I suggested they take a father-daughter vacation.”
Dr. Jeff: “Better yet, they should take a three-hour tour! It’s much more economical as Wilbur and Dawn, each by themselves, are the embodiments of the Seven Deadly Sins (that makes 14!), whereas on that last tour it took seven people to fill that island-of-vices-run-amok.”
Gearhead Gertie – Sports medicine normally focuses on the athletes, but this general practitioner will become the father of fan medicine after writing a paper on the many injuries to Gertie’s husband.
Pluggers – Private equity buying up the housing stock had probably disrupted the previously normal decision for retirees to downsize from large family homes to smaller, usually one-story, homes.
Hi and Lois – Years ago, before the Supreme Court ended the federal ban on sports betting, I remember watching a segment on ESPN where one of the host dismissed sports gambling as dumb, saying that casinos in Vegas didn’t build palaces on the Strip by giving money away.
That would get a host on the network fired for disloyalty, since plus for ESPN Bet are as common as the score ticker updating.
Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC better hope the syndicate doesn’t buy a stake into FanDuel, or else they will be plugging addictive gambling apps during Ms. Buxley Wednesday and in lieu of Trixie sunbeam episodes.
Mary Worth – The readership needs a vacation from Wilbur and Dawn for a while.
@CanuckDownSouth: “Greg forces 11 year old child in the inner city to get a job, then pays no attention to what he does” has become a summer tradition, and one that has pretty much made me give up on the strip. It’s just stupid, not funny.
I was thinking come on, pluggers, those chair lifts for stairs look fun, but then I remembered that they are old enough to have seen Gremlins in theatres and are probably terrified of meeting the same fate as Flo from Alice.
***
There is no way Dr. Jeff isn’t realizing that Mary’s meddling is ineffective what with how much worse the Westons’ lives are getting, but he’s not going to say anything because the sunken cost fallacy is eating him alive with how much work he’s been putting into eventually doing the naughty with her.
MW: I don’t actually read any newspaper strips besides Nancy so I only see the ones Josh posts here but I feel like Wilbur has been on a permanent vacation for like a decade at this point
“I’m getting addicted to online gambling” is aspirational. It’s Thirsty’s fun new little project.
“Is this boat getting larger every second?”
“Yeah, it’s made of that stuff they use for the little dinosaurs that expand when they get wet?”
“Sponge? What’s going to happen when we’ve taken on too much water to be buoyant?”
“Don’t be silly, Mary, the ocean’s not that big!”
@Veronica: He might as well be since he can basically work from home and half the time he makes Mary do his job.
Apple Annie: “Remember the last time they took a father-daughter vacation together, and they almost died in a cruise ship disaster? I think this one will finish them off for good.” No, Josh, no. Dawn could die, sure, but at this point it’s very clear that Wilbur is some sort of Eldritch horror, and that is not dead which can eternal eat, / And with strange sandwiches even mayo bleats.
MW: Obviously the writers of the strip are aware that tormenting Wilbur is a consistent source of amusement, but I really wish they would go beyond the “Wilbur falls off a boat!” theme. There are many more interesting ways to almost die than boats! Why not have him accidentally wander into a hot spring at Yellowstone and have his flesh boiled off? That could be a nice source for advice column material!
God, this “father-daughter vacation” advice is stupid in so many directions.
1. Wilbur and Dawn tend to almost die on their vacations.
2. Wilbur and Dawn were just seen doing this. They’ll come back as a couple.
3. Wilbur just came back from a vacation. That’s where he met Belle. He doesn’t need a vacation so much as he needs a week of doing actual work for a change.
4. Wilbur just told Mary he wants to “get on a plane and go see Belle.” Who lives in a vacation hotspot. Where do you think he’s going to go?
5. Wilbur will just meet another woman, and we can go through yet another puke-inducing “lovesick Wilbur” story.
It’s fun to think that Mary is trying to get them both killed, but we all know that’s not the case. This is possibly the worst advice I’ve ever seen.
@Rube: Ah, I only pay attention sporadically, seen the “money? no!” come up over and over but I must have missed the dumb summer job stuff. I may try to check on it this summer for the novelty of a different stupid. It can’t be worse than endless Wilbur-o-rama in Mary Worth, can it? /famouslastwords
9CL: For all the time his characters spend in the water you would think Brooke would know how treading water works. A moment ago they were in a standing embrace, now they are impossibly floating in some unknown depth.
H&L – “Yeah, I get that you’re an alcoholic and gambling addict, but my issue with you is that you keep your lounge chair right next to our shared fence in a direct line with our bedroom window. What’s that all about, dude?”
MW; This vacation isn’t for Wilbur and Dawn, it’s for Mary, who is as tired of putting up with their crap as we are. Sure, eventually Wilbur will return with whatever absurd drama he got into abroad in tow, but for a couple blissful weeks, Mary will be free.
Gearhead Gertie: I’m going to be the boring one who explains the joke even if everybody gets it. In race tracks they often bank the turns so that gravity pushes you away from the outside wall and you can drive even faster. You may have seen it on freeway off ramps.
Or for you gamers, this was one of the stunts in the game Hard Drivin’.
Do you think the Professor ever banged Mary Ann? Discuss and show your work?
Rex Morgan, MILF Diver – If a certain politician can fuck a couch (yeah, I know that’s not true but it’s too good to not keep repeating), why can’t Truck bang a park bench? (Yeah, I know the answer to that one, too – splinters.)
Wilbur needs to stop going on cruises. I don’t think he’s ever been on a cruise where he hasn’t almost died or met someone who eventually tries to kill him.
Pluggers: Thanks to rheumatoid arthritis, lady taig has been a Plugger since the age of 22. Fortunately, medical relief has caught up to make things considerably easier for her. We’ll still only ever live in one-story abodes.
GG: He needs to start asking Pam-like questions to annoy Gertie. “Why isn’t Dale Earnhardt in this race? Did he get injured?”
HnL: Regrettably, Thirsty only knows “therapy” as an IPA.
MW: Mary is going to meddle with their travel plans, so they have to fly through Newark.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Given that they were the only two likeable folks on the island, I certainly hope so.
C’shaft: What are you doing answering your phone on the air? Hell, why don’t you have Lillian’s number blocked already? You can’t tell me this is the first time she’s imposed on you. Yes, she’s being presumptuous in the extreme, but a lot of this is on you, Mr. Channel 1 Mid-Day News Anchor.
Dustin: Stop it! Just stop it! Jesus Christ, some Jeopardy contestant asks to be introduced as a “stay-at-home-son” as a joke and because it sounds better than “recent college graduate looking for a job” and you decide this is Everything Wrong With the Youth Today and devote an entire week to pointing and laughing at him rather than spending one second thinking about the social and economic dynamics that might be preventing an obviously intelligent man with an advanced degree in PoliSci from obtaining financial independence. Dear God, if you were projecting your own self-centered laziness any more you’d be buying ad space at Cinemark.
GT: Poor Inma. She deserves someone who can draw her a good hijab-conforming evening dress, rather than making her wear an ill-fitting sack.
JP: Reena, what the HELL are you doing? If you’re trying to stay awake until you get your caffeine fix, there are more discreet options…
Luann: I thought the other posters were humorously exaggerating, but no, this definitely reads like Phil is trying to get Luann out of his hair. He’s even weaponizing her own need to be validated by him against her.
MT: “Also, can anyone tell me who I am and how I’m related to all of you?”
Incredible. The entire 90-odd year run of Mary Worth was a backdoor pilot for The Westons.
Luann: “And the camp is in Colorado, which is an extra bonus!”
CS: “I only took your call because I thought you were going to confess.”
9CL: Oh, look. Here’s something novel from the
pencrayons of Brooke McEldowney.FC: No wonder Barfy spends so much time under the bed, howling.
Dustin: “Can you find me a job where I can be someone’s stay-at-home son? I really want to be a stay-at-home son.”
H&L: “I’m serious, Thirsty. Alcoholism is funny and all, but gambling? On the PHONE? That’s just sad.”
@Activist, GT: It’s more basic; sports rivalry.
Coach Luke, before he went ghost hunting, coached Girls’ Wrestling. Inma and Horse Girl were in the Finals and Coach Luke told Inma that Horse Girl was the enemy and that she should be hated and not talked to and no degree of sportsmanship, and Inma took it to heart, so,when Keri talked to Horse Girl (who helped Keri get over their eating disorder), that was a betrayal to their friends and their team and their school, and Inma and her team never got over that.
Thirsty should have asked Hi “How much do you want to bet that I can make my chair’s armrest disappear?”
@TheDiva, Dustin: I don’t know about CotW, but that is one epic rant that deserves its own award and recognition.
@Little Guy: I agree. And it will at least get a Scrote.
@nescio: Those creditors are fast!
@Egon Spengler:
We’re gonna have stop Gozer somehow, man
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
And now, Aqualung by Jethro Tull is completely ruined. Nah, that’s not true. It always sucked.
GT: Hand to Inma’s parents, in little Milford they rented the world’s biggest party bus. Judging from panel 1, that thing must half a block long.
@Little Guy: …and then Inma relented during the wrestling finals and tried to make amends, but Horse Girl wanted no part of it. Then Inma encouraged Peanut to ask Horse Girl to prom, which she completely forgot today, and no, none of this makes any sense, thanks Henry.
JP: “IT’S HAUNTED!!! No, just kidding. It’s where that fucking horrible cat lives.”
FG: I made several hilarious jokes over the past few weeks about how Flash and Bok were transported to deadly shitholes, but Dale and Zarkov will end up in the laps of luxury, and here we are. Personally, I’m happy that Dale gets a break. (Next week we see Zarkov transported to two thousand feet up in the air.)
Gearhead Gertie: The idea of Gertie having Steel Battalion levels of ridiculous and expensive peripherals just to watch NASCAR is, unironically, pretty amusing.
Hi And Lois: I’m starting to think Thirsty isn’t even actually a dysfunctional buffoon, he just pretends to be one so he has a “bit” to identify himself by in the world’s most boring neighborhood.
Mary Worth: The way Mary feeds into Wilbur and Dawn’s incestuous-feeling relationship is almost as creepy as the way she feeds into Wilbur’s everything else.
Curtis: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! THAT’S where Curtis made money with that couple, it was a year or so ago with “Curtis gets a Summer Job” Arc. They already had “Curtis works in the wrong place, and no one picks up” and “Curtis gets a job he likes —- aaaaaaannnndddd it’s gone!” Curious what they will try this year, and, yeah, Luann/Weenie World is on the table.
Pluggrz: It’s not indicated what Katt-Mann’s problem with stairs is. Does he just get winded halfway up and have to pause to catch his breath? Is he asthmatic? Is he painfully crippled by arthritis in his knees or hips? For this Plugger, losing weight would help any of those problems. So as far as I’m concerned, he brought it on himself, and self-help is the key to improvement.
GG – Sofa related soreness often affects the posterior….
Pluggers – The Obese Geriatric Who Collapsed on the Steps and Broke His Neck….
H&L – How much money do you want to throw away enabling me. Don’t tell me now…I’ll be back in a few minutes after I piss all over the floor of your bathroom and grab another beer from your fridge….
MW – So…can we crack the code today? Father-Daughter vacation – Make it up – Good Trip – Behind. Sounds like a coin flip between Dollywood or Branson Missouri….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
It was fortunate for Mary that she found the one other person who found discussing the boring details of pathetic wretches to be a turn-on: “Yes, yes, tell me more about Dawn and Wilbur and their lower middle class, tacky travel plans, Mary! Then kiss me, you fool!” Dr. Jeff thinks.
GT: “ALL us girls on the team are lesbians horny for you, and you asked the JOKER to be your prom date?”
Purple Suit: Did the Unknown Commander stop going to the office and start working from home during COVID? I only catch this strip occasionally.
MW:
“Okay, a little off topic, Mary, but do you have any idea how many unnecessary procedures it took for me to be able to afford a boat of this colossal size?”
We’ve seen Wilbur’s taller, more attractive doppleganger, but I believe that I’ve found one for Sam Catchem. Discuss.
I take offense to the insinuation that all Coloradans smoke marijuana. Only 95% of us do.
@White Rabbit:
AFAIK, the Unknown Commander has NEVER appeared at the camp in person, and always gave his orders through phone calls (said orders being “defer to this purple spandex-clad vigilante as if he was ME” (which he is)). What happened is that the Phantom had to arrange for the Unknown Commander, Mr X and Phantom to be on the same conference call to trick Colonel Worubu into thinking they are three separate people even though they are the same person (and also, IIRC, to transfer Mr X out of Jungle Patrol headquarters, because stripey-pants figured he didn’t actually need a secret identity who’s a simple soldier in the Jungle Patrol when he already has two other identities who are essentially their boss).
@TheDiva: GT: At least Inma’s not getting worse treatment than anyone else – hijab-conforming, gender-conforming, gender-nonconforming – ALL the outfits are poorly-drawn ill-fitting messes
@Activist: Not sure I’ve got it all nailed down, but I think the issue here is that “horse girl” (who provided Keri with some horse-based animal therapy when she was recovering from anorexia) is a wrestler on a rival school team who objected to Inma keeping her hajib on during a match.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Wilbur and Dawn are two people who least deserve a vacation (lazy advice columnist and perpetual student in no hurry to graduate) let alone one together. If Dawn actually had any sort of self worth and an existing spinal column, she should be trying to distance herself from Wilbur because he pretty much showed that he’s willing to sacrifice his daughter’s sense of safety to satisfy his libido. This experience should not have brought them closer together but instead confirmed that Wilbur is a narcissistic slimeball who should be left alone with not even a fish. Unfortunately Dawn burned the bridge with her mother by being her “charming” self so Wilbur is the parent she has to leech off of but he’s an even bigger leech.
Wondering if anyone would tell Blondie, Inc that grizzle and gristle are not the same?
Not yet.
MW: “As Mary and Jeff discuss Wilbur…” is the least enticing lead-on to a comic strip I’ve ever read. It could just as well say “As Mary and Jeff discuss their bowel movements…”
@Anonymous: the Unknown Commander has NEVER appeared at the camp in person,
Well, that makes sense. Like the UC, I could use an extra office in which to keep my overflow books, which I will never actually read. But, if the UC has never been there before, why does Col. W knock at the door and wait for permission, before he finally lets himself in? And another thing! If I were the UC, I would want a spy inside the Jungle Patrol to spot any dissension or disloyalty, and who better to trust than myself as Mr. X? On the other hand, to the best of my recollection, that led to trouble when all the Patrol girls thought Mr. X was just absolutely swoony, and started asking him for bra size advice.
@Bob Tice: “I mean, did you never wonder why it was called the S.S. ’18 U.S.C. § 1035′?”
@Ukulele Ike:
They should get that out there. They’re clearly all melting from a cosmic death ray, and should unburden themselves.
@Philip: ESPN and sports media in general have become unwatchable/unlistenable because of all of the betting nonsense.
I have to say that ESPN.com did give me a great laugh with a story about an NFL team employee stealing MILLIONS from his company to feed his addiction.
The Jaguars sued two major online sports books, saying the had to know the guy couldn’t afford that level of betting.
The response was, essentially, “why don’t YOU guys watch your own employees?”
@A Grave Mind: I heard Aqualung on the music system of a grocery store.
“Sitting on a park bench. Eying little girls with bad intent”.
Yep. That’s corporate/family friendly entertainment.
Crankshaft :
“You can book me through my talent agency”
“Yes, I have an agent.”
“‘But you’re black?’ What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Hello? Hello?”
@UncleJeff: agreed.
MW:”Any idea where they might go?”
“Wilbur mentioned Orlando, apparently there are a lot more sex-starved mental patients there.”
@Needless Exposition: Yeah, Wilbur and Dawn are like Judge Parker characters: profoundly awful people who get handed expensive gifts like they’re on The Price Is Right. (SEE ALSO: McKenzie, Lillian.)
@Needless Exposition: #30
I wish she would and spare us all the misery. And I would actually love to see it spin off far away from our solar system…into the Oort Cloud, preferably, where it will return every 10,000 years or so.
Pluggers: earlier this week I went out for a 6 mile run, then came home and did a few sets on the rowing machine. Back in 2023, I ran a marathon. I do a lot of running.
But holy shit, stairs. When did I become a plugger?
@UncleJeff: I find the betting nonsense a lot more tolerable than the shrill forced arguments between dueling AM radio edgelords. And the Entertainment Tonight-like coverage of past-their-prime shitheads like Aaron Rodgers and Kevin Durant.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: #34
Actually if Dustin were rendered by June Brigman he might be a fairly nice-looking young man.
MW: I still can’t quite wrap my brain around the emphasis on Wilbur being unlucky in love rather than how lucky he is to not be taking a dirt nap.
@Anonymous: #23: re-Frazz: Mark Twain once said better to stay silent and let people think you’re a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Crankshaft: I don’t remember this guy, but I will now. I can’t forget a newsreader who brings his phone to the desk, leaves the ringer on, and answers it during a broadcast. He really belongs in Centerville!
Gasoline Alley: “Bounce” is really not Clovia’s language. Didn’t they try “23 skidoo” in the writers’ room?
BG&SS: If I want a Southern sheriff to have a patina so full of good-natured yuks I’ll travel back in time six decades to Mayberry.
H&L: Huh. I never envisioned Thirsty to have an addictive personality, but here we are.
MW: More Wilbur, now? That they kissed is almost a miracle. Minutes of talking about Wilbur doesn’t really go along with candlelight and chocolate-dipped strawberries when it comes to mood-setting.
Gearhead Gertie: Any woman her age might have tilted the couch so her husband slides into her. Well, any happily-married woman.
H&L: Hey, wait a moment, Josh. Has Thirsty ever actually announced that he doesn’t mow his lawn as often as the neighbors because he is depressed? If not, I shall continue to privately tell myself that his yard, which is not a very short monoculture wildlife hellscape, is one of the few cheering features of H & L.
You know, if they do go on vacation, and the strip then follows them around instead of following Mary’s attempt to break Toby’s SPLAK addiction, the whole strip should be renamed to ‘”The Westons”
@Needless Exposition: Wilbur just came off a two-month vacation. Most people (in the US) consider themselves lucky to get two solid weeks of vacation at once.
@Daisy: That would actually be more interesting and less disgusting.
Crankshaft: He’s a professional. Offer to PAY HIM, you loathsome hag.
MT: In most of Iowa, the best way to find out if something is “being built” is to keep track of county and municipal decisions, plus follow local newspapers (those that still exist). But there are still certain Iowa counties that have no zoning or land use planning. If that is the case in LoFoLand, maybe this story will show Mark trying to do something about that. Good luck, Mark.
@Ukulele Ike: I know you’re not pandering (or maybe you are and, if so, good for you) but I think there might be a correlation between getting a Scrote and by calling Lillian a loathsome hag. As there should be.
@Liam: “FC-Keith Moon you are not.”
Maybe one day, though, he’ll grow up to be Marty Moon?
GA: I would certainly not have pegged Slim as the GA character most likely to have astounding visual acuity. But there’s a man in the Gasoliniverse who is about 130 years old, so clearly the usual biological realities do not apply.
MW:
Wilbur, Schmilbur. There’s always the OTHER side of the story.
I imagine that out there in the infinite sea, in multiple parallel universes, each of Wilbur’s ex-girlfriends is being discussed at tedious length by a meddlesome old biddy and her sex-starved gallant as they cruise along in an enormous yacht. Suddenly, all the enormous yachts converge in the same fog-shrouded area of the ocean where those alternate universes intersect, creating a Wilbur-AntiWilbur explosion that wipes out the entire Worthiverse in a nano-second of complete annihilation.
The end.
@Bob Tice: “Okay, a little off topic, Mary, but do you have any idea how many unnecessary procedures it took for me to be able to afford a boat of this colossal size?”
Which was necessary for him to buy since something else he has is non-colossal size. Also, I wonder how many Corvettes Jeff owns.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: ”Do you think the Professor ever banged Mary Ann? Discuss and show your work?”
Probably not, but I’m sure he tasted her cherry pie.
CRANKSHAFT: You could get some revenge, unfortunate TV anchorperson, by waiting for Sweeps Week and doing a special story on how Lillian’s bookstore has always had an impressive number of zoning, permit, and safety violations. A casual reader might think those problems would have been noticed at the time the store was set on fire, but noooo. Forget it, reader, it’s Centerville.
Pluggers reminds me of the time last year when my father was so sick and weak that he had to be pushed around in a wheelchair, and he expressed a desire to see the upstairs of his house, just one final time, but cancer had other ideas and pretty soon he was confined to a bed in his living room, where he remained unti his death a few weeks later. Oh what a laugh today’s Pluggers gave me!
LUANN: So now readers are supposed to believe that in the populous San Diego area, Luann would be one of the top candidates for the position described, a position that is mysteriously open even though any typical summer camp is already fully staffed and well underway. Riiiight. I’m hoping that Luann will soon be caught in a human trafficking operation that specializes in the terminally stupid, and that Tara will turn out to be one of the organizers thereof.
@Ukulele Ike: It’s always been great that every guy on the planet, when asked “Ginger or Mary Ann?” picks the latter to show that they’re not some shallow dude who will just jump on the slutty glamour girl.
I should say almost every dude. My friend Roger the Perv (I can’t call him Roger the Dirty Old Man because he’s sensitive about is age) would probably go for Ginger. I told him this once, but he didn’t know what I’m talking about since he’s never seen Gilligan’s Island. But I’m sure, given a chance he’d never have, he’d bang Ginger and turn up his nose at Mary Ann.
I love your down-home Iowa spirit. (And your state motto: We’re all going to die.”
GG: “Are you doing anything unusual that could be causing your neck pain?”
“Watching Television from the side, and not in front of it for some odd reason”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I’m certain Betty and Veronica could be given the same debate
@Poteet:
At the very least, the odds that this is another thing Tara peer-pressured Luann into doing but Tara herself will no-show are high (Remember when they went parachuting? Or that Tara had invited herself to that “camping = parking by the highway and sleeping in our car until it rained” disaster, but no-showed? I forget, was Tara even at the “crazy party” Luann ran away from?).
…Though the “this is actually an elaborate scheme to lure someone into being trafficked” tracks, what with how one of the very first things Phil asked Luann about was “Hey, you’d be cool donating all your organs to a total stranger, right?”
…(I’m now reminded that Piro has been Tara’s accomplice before, and now I’m seeing “Phil” as just being Piro with glasses, a shaved stubble, grown-out hair to hide that stupid star, and scrubs he stole from his last hospital visit. You’d think just wearing glasses, changing hairstyles and costumes wouldn’t fool anyone, but it works
in comics and also especiallyon someone as dumb as Luann).@CanuckDownSouth: Even then, he’ll probably take whatever money Curtis makes for himself. (He needs that sweet sweet cigarette money)
@Poteet: That’s nothing compared to the labor violations. Lillian’s had two underage employees for years, and she just started paying one of them last month. I’m guessing they’re on a missing or exploited children list somewhere.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: He’s clearly never seen Mary Ann in a halter and short shorts.
@The Rambling Otter: I’d probably go with Betty just to see if the carpet matched the drapes. But you couldn’t go wrong either way. It’s like to guy who was asked if he could describe the worst blow job he ever had. “Yes,” he replied. “It was fabulous.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Ginger or Mary Ann? Neither. Lovey Howell. Sex is temporary, bills are permanent. #followthemoney
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Why, thank you very much! Yes, we’re going to put that bit about dying on our state welcome signs in future, possibly alternating with “Welcome to Iowa, Hope You Brought Your Own Water.”
What kind of Medicaid scam is Dr. Jeff running that he can afford that massive yacht?
@teenchy: Have you seen their pre-nup? If Lovey so much as LOOKS at the pool boy or chauffeur, Thurston can cut her off without a nickel. At least Mary Ann stands to inherit 25 acres of truck farm in Kansas.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: One of my favorite Punch cartoons, circa 1905:
Doctor: “What did you operate on Jones for?”
Surgeon: “One hundred pounds.”
Doctor: “No, I mean what had he got?”
Surgeon: “One hundred pounds.”
But the Big Beautiful Bill is going to stop that gravy train.
@Banana Jr. 6000: HAR!
Come to think of it, I’m surprised we haven’t seen Lillian anointed as Centerville Citizen of the Year, and that we won’t see her riding in a convertible in the 4th of July parade.
@Anonymous: Ooh! I really like the way you think.
@Poteet: Can you fit all that on your license plates? “We’re All Going to Die” is so…New Hampshire.
@Batiuk’s Attic: It seems to me that yacht keeps getting bigger and bigger. I wonder if June plans to gradually turn it into the TITANIC, with Mary and Jeff doing that spread-out-arms bit from the movie.
Of more immediate concern than Wilbur and Dawn being finished off for good (sorry Josh, it’ll never happen as long as Ms. Moy’s in charge) is that the Jeff-and-Mary sea cruise has replaced the Charterstone pool party as the preferred intermezzo. Not a good choice, secondo io.
@Charterstoned: Sorry, New Hampshire. You’re a beautiful impressive granite-filled state, but Iowa is in the national news now for that “die” quote, so you’ll have to find your own quote for 2025.
PLUGGERS: As a new Plugger, I try to make stairs into a game. Can I take two at a time? Can I run up? Maybe not, but I can at least walk up — as long as there are rails!
@Charterstoned: Isn’t yours “Eat Shit and Die?” Almost as good as Iowa’s.
MW: what with all the money he spent on the yacht, I guess Mary is the best Jeff can do by way of a yacht girl.
@Rube:
#46. CURTIS: Right, two years ago when CURTIS also was 11 Dad got him a make-work job at a comic book store but Curtis by mistake worked to save sea turtles, as a volunteer he found in August. Last year Dad got him a paying job at a floral shop where he excelled and decided to be a florist when grown. Think his pay was taken by parents and put in college fund. If I recall correctly. Only in second year did Dad check on his daytime activity .
Crank: Your regular reminder that literally everyone in the Funkyverse is bad at their job! Sometimes, as with this guy, that’s the joke, such as it is. Other times, as with Skip Rawlins, it’s because Batty doesn’t really know how the job works and refuses to find out. And on very special occasions, as with our beloved title character, it somehow manages to be both at once!
Curtis: I honestly can’t decide if the fact every “Curtis gets a summer job” arc pretends this is totally unprecedented is a clever acknowledgement of the eternal present of comic strips (since Curtis never ages, he’s always the age where his dad will first suggest he gets a summer job) or is just sloppy and annoying.
GT: I clicked on this to double check Henry Barajas’s name for the cheap swipe I make later (it didn’t help because, hilariously, the Seattle Times is still crediting it to Neal Rubin and Rod Whigham). And I don’t know why, but I skimmed down to see if it had started making any kind of sense since I stopped reading back when Gil decided to use one of his players to trigger a rival coach’s PTSD, because you can do stuff like that when you’re the Designated Good Guy, apparently. Anyway, I note that last Tuesday, Imna told Keri they should ask Horse Girl to the prom even though Imna hated her, and today, she doesn’t understand why Keri asked Horse Girl to the prom when they know that Imna hates her. So, yeah, about what I expected.
JP: “I didn’t think anyone lived there. Not since that red-headed girl from Wisconsin died there, twenty years ago this very night.”
MW: Does the S.S. Compensation keep getting bigger, or do I keep forgetting just how big it is? Did Jeff have to buy a whole new boat just so he could sail it without thinking “This boat was involved in a freaking goldfish funeral“? He thought he could just pretend it never happened, but it’s difficult when Mary just keeps on yammering about bloody Wilbur every time they go out in it!
OTF: Maybe this is nitpicky, but I feel like for “I blame you” to be a punchline, the setup needs to be something other than “I specifically told her she should do the thing you don’t like her doing.” Whether it’s reasonable for Ms Trellis to be annoyed about Dethany taking the personal days she’s allowed to is another question, but accepting that she is, yes, she’d probably blame Wendy, since she’s just said she’s responsible.
(Of course, as a British government drone, the whole set-up feels weird because every year, without fail, I get told “You haven’t taken all your allocated leave. You need to take it now or our sums don’t work.” I guess it makes sense that most employers aren’t like that, but I’d never really thought about it before.)
Phantom: Then they weren’t exhausted, were they? The correct answer is “That’s what the miners thought, but…” But I guess Woboru isn’t comfortable directly contradicting the Unknown Commander, even on a minor point like that.
SH:I like that we’re seeing Puff looping through the hoop all by himself as they talk, just to make it absolutely clear that the fact he keeps going through the hoop has nothing to do with either Gill’s alleged basketball skills or the physics of how things would move in air. He’s swimming through it, and while I don’t know much about sports, I’m pretty sure basketballs don’t do that. Heck, I bet even Henry Barajas is pretty sure basketballs don’t do that, and he knows less about sports than I do!
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Nah. “Treasure the Chesapeake” is my state’s best license plate.
@Little Guy:
#70. GT: wow, Little Guy, thanks. Mean girl pettiness is so familiar. Unfortunately, that means Horse Girl will now have to save everyone’s life.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: #127: You think the Ginger or Mary Ann debate draws a lot of heated internet discussion, check out Jeannie or Samantha.
@Ukulele Ike:
A big factor here: once, around…2000 or so, bored out of my mind, found myself watching Gilligan’s Island retrospective. The actress who played Ginger (not looking this up) had totally gone to shit. The actress who played Mary Ann (see above)? Looked terrifyingly the same as her glory days. Consider the long-term investment here, gentlemen!
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Iowa’s actual state motto is “Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain.” Catchy, huh?
The Iowa state seal situation is more amusing, as were the newspaper discussions about it decades ago. “The Iowa state seal features a citizen soldier standing in a field with a plow behind him. The original legal description of the seal, adopted in 1847, described the soldier as being ‘with a plow in his rear’. This phrase has been the subject of some discussion and even a proposal to change it due to its potentially awkward interpretation.”
@Charterstoned: #121
“MAKE IT SO!” …in my best Picard voiceover…
@A Grave Mind: Healthy living. Also, no cocaine in Kansas.
(Re: Ginger: I’ll always remember “Tina Louise” because of the girls’ names in Bob’s Burgers)
Oh, Canada. Once again I really did think of you on your special day. And once again I failed to post Canada Day greetings on CC. I appreciate you, Canada! Really! I’ve spent many happy weeks enjoying what you offer! Anyway, Canada, very sorry, happy late 158th birthday, hope it was really wonderful, so glad you are there.
@Ukulele Ike:
Holy crap, I never caught that. I’m…not proud of this.
@Guillermo el Chiclero: Wonder Woman or Supergirl?
I do actually remember when they almost died and while I’ve enjoyed their various romantic ups and downs, I need to see the one of them on a desert island eating the other. I don’t really care who eats whom but Wilbur’s so sad, so delicious histrionics would be much more amusing than Dawn’s “it’s what he would have wanted” sobbing, and also no Dawn, he’d much prefer the first scenario
@Charterstoned: We get ‘Taxation Without Representation,’ which is only funny in that they have to re-plate all the Federal cars depending on which party controls the Executive Branch.
FC – Yeah, that’ll help Thel’s hangover.
Frazz – “…[S]pewing advice on something you don’t know anything about.” For as self absorbed as these two are, they’re not self aware at all.
Mary Worth – If this is the start of a six month story about the Westons on vacation, it’s time for torches and pitchforks.
Crankshaft – Yeah, a newscaster would have his phone on and answer it while he’s on air. A quarter inch from reality.
Rex Morgan – We spent a boring week watching Truck settin’ a spell on the park bench and thinkin’ about how upset he was. Now we’re spending a boring week watching two repulsive people talking about that boring week.
Pluggers – I bet he doesn’t have any trouble jumping up onto the counters.
@Poteet: Then Mary could be part of Wilbur’s “I shoulda been dead” series.
@Poteet: Then Mary could be part of Wilbur’s “I shoulda been dead” series.
@Vulcan with a Mullet: Yes! Maybe he could pet a bison.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Lillian IS a loathsome hag, and it needs to be repeated often.
@Poteet: He could also do an investigative report on how she ruined her sister’s life.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I mean, the real answer is “for what?”
Marriage? Mary Ann, all the way. She seems low maintenance and like she’d be a good mom.
One night stand/friends with benefits? Ginger, though she might rely her looks rather than…skill, shall we say.
@taig: The last time I took anything close to a vacation was when I spent three and a half days in Knoxville near the end of April to visit my dad and stepmother who is receiving treatment for lung cancer. I couldn’t imagine spending longer than a week on vacation let alone two months.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Moy lives in a fantasy world where everyone in Mary’s proximity has a disproportionate amount of income to their occupation along with an equally ridiculous amount of free time, especially since this is Southern California.
@Voshkod: Based on today’s actions, my pals down the road can shorten it to “Without Representation” and leave it at that.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: If Santa Royale were in Texas, people would say “Big hat, no cows.”
@Voshkod: “I just thought that had something to do with the fact that you went to Southern Cal!”
@Ukulele Ike: But Kansas is replete with marijuana, since apparently all of Colorado’s exports go down I-70 eastbound.
Just for the record:
Maryanne
Bailey
Supergirl
Samantha
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: and Betty
@Poteet: Nebraska recently had a license plate that depicted a farmer spreading seeds. The problem was that he appeared to be spreading his seed in a more metaphorical sense.
In Mary Worth, I just don’t think a woman as old and frail as Mary should be on a boat racing through choppy seas like this. At least her boyfriend recognizes the hazards and is so busy carefully navigating that he’s responding to everything she says with some bland platitude.
@Poteet: Lillian’s a YouTuber now, so she’ll probably have 20 billion followers by Saturday.
MW – It’s obvious from the dialog that they’re discussing Wilbur, so I have to conclude that the purpose of the narration box is to be sarcastic about how long this has been going on. “As Mary and Jeff are still discussing goddman Wilbur…”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Have you heard about my amazing new invention, Abundio?”
“No, I didn’t even know you were an inventor”
“It’s a screen that displays all my thoughts”
“And here it is! Behold!”
@180 Peanut Gallery:
This should be the title of the strip.
C-shaft: Lillian did an interview on Channel One? I’m sure her wittering on about her interminable series of bookstore-themed cozy mysteries really hit big with the bored-ass high schoolers paying quarter-attention.
@177 Banana Jr. 6000:
I see what you mean.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Luann: Phil has been depicted as controlling since the beginning, constantly criticizing Luann and Bernice.
Luann May 9, 1986. Yes, Luann has always been clueless.
@Sequitur: And I just noticed I spelled it “goddman Wilbur.” Goddamn Wilbur is a much better title!
@187 Peanut Gallery:
I knew what you meant.
@The Quiet Man: Is “Park Bench Time” like “It’s Howdy Doody Time?”
@Ukulele Ike: Not Guillermo, but Wonder Woman, no question. Not because I don’t like blondes, but because Supergirl is a teenager.
@Sequitur: Or, based on the last several days, “As Mary and Jeff Are STILL Discussing Goddamn Wilbur” might be an ever better title. At least it’s more descriptive than “Mary Worth”.
@191 Charterstoned:
That seems a bit long for a comic strip title but then there’s The Comic Strip That Has A Finale Every Day.
LUANN: Phil: “This camp counselor job would be perfect for you! Who better to instrunct in the creative arts than a girl who needs a man to do all the thinking for her?!”
MARY WORTH: Mary: “Wilbur, you can make it to Dawn by continuing to let her hog up the screentime of the Mary Worth spinoff, The Westons, that I’m currently making a guest appearance in.”
MARY WORTH (2): Mary: “It’ll be perfect! Dad and daughter can bond over their (apparent) lack of responsibilities or obligations.” (As a reminder, Wilbur just came back from an extended vacation. Even a jet-set celebutante doesn’t do this many getaways.)
H&L: If Thirsty’s trying to make a bet with the guy in front of him he’s at least dropping the “online” part. Baby steps.
MW: The only question now is which Weston will be coming home minus a kidney. Or maybe it will be one apiece.
@195 Artist formerly known as Ben: on MW
They’ll probably take their brains. They don’t really need them and zombies need to eat too.
@The Quiet Man: re:RMMD: Come on now. After the pulse ponding action of “Trucks sits around a diner all day, doing nothing*”, we can use the pallet-cleanser of a slower-paced “Truck sits around a park, doing nothing” scene!
*Gee, how did this energetic go-getter constantly end up with unsatisfying marriages? It’s such a mystery….
C-Shaft: If he’s smart—big if—he’ll use a fake name and insist on being paid in cash.
Crock: This might work as a joke if French Foreign Legion commandants were known to get fan mail in general.
FC: That’s…clearly a high school marching band bass drum. Billy just mugged a teenager, didn’t he?
GT: At the very least, Inma’s timing could be better. It’s not like Keri Thorp is going anywhere, alas.
JP: Something about Sophie saying “the orange wooden house” bugs me. Bricks can, I guess, be sort of orange, although I’d call them “reddish brown.” But if it were a brick house she would just say “brick house” and not really bring color into it. If it’s not brick and it’s got some color other than grey or brown I think we can assume the outside is made of wood. Sophie’s dialog just sounds kind of non-Terran.
Luann: If she tells everyone that she switched jobs because Phil wanted her to Weenie World is going to throw him a parade.
@2+2=7:
Hey, man there was a giant, possibly advice-giving squirrel inolved, here. This jagon has ADVENTURES.
@Sequitur: “I shouldn’t be alive…and above the neck, I’m not!”
@Peanut Gallery: #187
I have a sneaking suspicion that *supposed* misspelling was no accident…
Heh heh…
@2+2=7:
Luann being a secret master of pedagogy and the plastic arts is part of her Inner Beauty ™. Add thespianism and you’ve got the triple threat
to herself and othersLuann DeGroot truly is!(Man, a petting zoo, drama classes, art classes, archery… in my experience, not impossible for even a “cheap, not actually good” summer camp to all have, but like, all the classes would be handled by a dedicated instructor who’d only handle that specific thing, while the counselors are essentially in the “be the responsible older kid in your cabin” role, which is not exactly what is being advertised to Luann)
@Needless Exposition: #170
I hope she’s doing okay?
@Artist formerly known as Ben: I made a joke about how Wilbur’s going to get a woman’s phone number by selling Dawn’s kidney to the black market. She’s going to wake up in a bathtub full of ice while Wilbur’s at the bar drinking Shirley Temples and hope that her dad is having a good time. After all, her almost dying is not nearly as serious as Wilbur having a self centered pity party.
@Daisy: Good news is that she’s responding well to the treatment and is even able to get back to work soon enough. My dad’s been super diligent about keeping an eye on her and both of them quit smoking with great success.
@ValdVin:
Slides into her. Nice.
@pugfuggly:
Mary: “What can I say? I like big boats and I cannot lie….”
@Majicou: As I recall–and I’m not proud of remembering this–Channel One is not the news channel beamed into high schools, but just the Funkyverse’s standard broadcast channel, the “joke” being that it’s number is one below the VHF minimum.
@Nobody:
“Into her dream he melted, as the rose/Blendeth its odour with the violet….” — Keats, “Eve of St. Agnes”
Loveliest euphemism for zorking in the whole of Western literature.
@208 Artist formerly known as Ben:
If memory serves correctly, channel one could not be used because it was the same frequency used by taxi companies.