“Honorable” may be overstating the case
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Beetle Bailey, 2/4/26
Hey! Miss Buxley Wednesday is an honorable tradition, and it was specifically created so that elderly pervert comic strip fans could regularly get hornt up about a crude drawing of a sexy lady in a little black dress! It’s not for insulting Miss Buxley as a bad worker, and then not even showing her in the strip so people can get horny over her. This is disrespectful to Miss Buxley. I mean, doing it the other way is too, I suppose, but this way is disrespectful to the perverts too, and like it or not they keep the comics in business.
Mary Worth, 2/4/26
It’s hard to imagine a meal getting funnier after one of the participants says “Toby, I’m glad Ian finally found peace with your bird,” but then — wham! The waiter shows up with a huge salad and a big slice of pie, apparently to be eaten by two different people at the same time.
Marvin, 2/4/26
Ha ha, it’s funny because soon all of Marvin’s body parts will freeze in the bitter cold, and then eventually his unpleasant parents, who are nowhere to be seen, will be charged with criminal negligence. That’s what we in the Marvin-hating community call a “win-win”!
63 replies to ““Honorable” may be overstating the case”
It did kick in!
MW He could only shout and grumble! And see things his way! Why it took so long for him to appreciate the sweet, sweet scent of parrot guano all over the apartment’s torn-up things, I can’t understand!
Phantom Knocked-out, awake – make up your minds about how you want Chuma’s flunky, folks. But I wouldn’t expect any reasonable answers after the brain injury you gave him to make him unconscious.
DT Was that gifted watch part of the original gathering in the bar? Are we actually supposed to keep track of this nonsense that far back?
MW: So, bottom line; Ian is such a pompous axx that he came perilously close to being cuckolded by a bird.
RMMD: It’s counterindicated to indulge in apoplectic outbursts right after surgery. Rex is going to pop something.
Mary Worth:
“When Ian tossed the caber at Sunny in a fit of anger, turning our unit into a shambles, why, that was practically the last straw!”
“Toby, I’m glad Ian eventually found peace with your bird,”
Mary knows far far too much about Toby and Ian’s sex life. And now, so do we.
Mary Worth:
“Toby, I’m already three sheets in the wind! — but you could never tell that by looking at my eyes, could you….”
Here I’ve been looking for just the right OnlyFans name — Boomer apparently carries some bad generational juju — and there was Hornt just sitting there waiting for me
Mary Worth:
“Hey, lady — you on the right. You had the ‘3.1416’ dessert, right?”
“The ‘3.1416’ dessert???”
” A slice of ‘pi‘ !”
I wanted to divorce my husband because he didn’t like my bird. AITA?
Marvin refuses to shit himself to get a little warmer. Shitting yourself is not a means to an end, it’s an end in itself!
Beetle Bailey:
“She also claims that she picked up something from you!”
MW: It would be funny if Ian changes his mind, kills and cooks Sunny and serves him with a side of peas.
MW – “And since Ian doesn’t speak Spanish, it doesn’t bother him when the birds call him an “imbécil pomposo’!”
MW:
Across town, Ian and Wilbur discuss recent events at a diner as the waitress arrives with a plate of haggis for Ian and a slice of mayonnaise pie for Wilbur.
Wilbur’s eyes, alight and slightly askew with anticipation, eventually focus on Ian as he addresses the topic at hand. “Ian, I’m glad you decided to keep the parrots and make peace with your wife, Toby. Birds are good. Not as good as goldfish, but they’re okay. And Toby is pretty hot for a woman in her late forties. Not as hot as Iris or Stell, but she’s okay. You’re probably lucky to have her, even if she’s a little ditzy.”
Ian smiled as he lifted a mouthful of steaming haggis. “Oh, yes…half the time, I have no idea what she’s talking about, but as long as she’s not nagging me about something, she’s tolerable enough. To be honest, there have been times when I didn’t want to be around her. I guess that’s why I’m having lunch with YOU today.”
Wilbur wiped a dab of mayonnaise from his lips with the collar of his maroon polo shirt. “I’ve been wondering how you two were getting along, what with all the shouting like ‘What’s this shit??’ and ‘Eres tu!’ Frankly, I didn’t know you two could sing, and in Spanish, no less! What say we make it a threesome and go to the Star lounge tonight for some karaoke?”
“I’ll have to check with Sunny and Rosie–they decide what we’re doing and when. Also, they’re the ones who know Spanish. Toby and I can’t sing in any language, but I’m sure we’d enjoy watching YOU make a fool of yourself.”
Wilbur held up two fingers in the direction of the waitress and nodded at his empty pie plate. “It’s a date, then!”
Phantom:
“Call it sixth sense, but I’m not perceiving this as a window of opportunity,” muses General Chuma.
MW – I wonder if that’s supposed to be quiche or something
“Ian could not see any way but his way!”
“Didn’t you bring a disruptive pet to live in your shared home without asking or even informing him?”
“So what? The problem was that it was his way, but it has to me MY way!”
Phantom:
“Hey, Costumed Crusader! — why didn’t you throw my flunky apparatchik out the window first, instead of leaving it to me to break the glass as I’m flying out???”
“Because people who sit in glass houses shouldn’t throw drones!”
@TomD:
Great question. Now, personally, if I look at a food item and I’m not sure what it is, I don’t eat it. It’s been a winning life strategy for me.
Hey, Queen Elizabeth I cast out Sir Robert Dudley because he didn’t like HER bird. Take my word for it, and do not look it up. I SAID DO NOT LOOK IT UP!
Miss Buxley and Miss Blips are named after their boobs, but it is nice to see that despite their different boob sizes, they band together against the common enemy, i.e. their superior. Truly the army is amazing in building comradeship and unity cohesion!
Toby Toby Toby – now you’ve done it – you let Mary see the crack in your and Ian’s veneer. It is a well-documented fact in pest control that if a rat can fit its head through a hole, its entire body can follow.
Buxley had wondered if keeping pony bottles of Old Crow in her car was being overly cautious, but then today dawned.
“Yes Toby, build on that! Feed any lingering tension between you and your husband, make it a big problem! I have contributed absolutely nothing to this storyline and I need to get my fix of meddling!”
Marvy — In cases like this Marvin, the only thing to do is to gather more data points. How about one hundred additional trials? And maybe take your boots off once or twice as a control. . .
Science is a harsh mistress.
RMMD – “I got the Count’s caddy out there. He suggested I hit a pitching wedge to the center of the green to avoid the water on the right. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have a car, so we’re going to have to walk home.”
MW: Foolish amateur that I am, I’d have said Toby’s thoughts of leaving her husband should come up during their actual conflict, but clearly that’s what the audience would expect. Moy has the restraint to make it a passing comment during Mary’s victory lap, and that’s why she makes the big bucks.
JP: All the characters in this strip are sucking lemons off panel.
Heathcliff: Is Heathcliff a trans tomcat? Discuss.
MW: As I recall, Toby and Mary are eating at someplace called “Patisserie Royale” or some such, so I’m guessing this is a brunch and Mary’s getting a slice of quiche. No mimosas, of course–every month is Dry January with Mary.
Beetle Bailey-“Ms. Buxley is late.” Beetle should have used protection.
MW-“But then I remembered that the only other man around here is Wilbur.”
MW-Toby just took in Sunny and did not get in touch with Ian to tell him about it.
FC-Oh sure. Blame the redheads.
MW-Toby will consume the standard salad that is nothing but wilted lettuce and Mary will have a huge wedge of cheese.
Marvin-The only thing keeping Marvin warm is that warm trickle of feces slowly sliding down the back of his legs.
CS: Wonderful Pluggers/Crankshaft crossover running this week. Tomorrow: Jeff has to find the security code! OMG! LOL!
RMMD: how can someone without testes be so testes?
HtH: What does he have that Lute doesn’t have? A snazzy tam-kilt combo obviously. While Lute plods around in his generic medieval minstrel getup singing (badly) sappy ballads, this guy is bringing a crucial element of ethnic authenticity that provides a sharp and pleasing contrast to his avant-garde noise rock act.
Pluggers: Pluggers are covered in their own mucous and phlegm. But we already knew that.
“Pick up something for the General on your way in. Maybe pick up some basic office decor, too. I dunno, an area rug, some pictures for the walls, a vase with flowers, hell, an American flag, anything to break up the maddening monotony that is this office.”
MW: It’s not pie, it’s quiche with side salad. A totally normal lunch dish that Ian won’t allow Toby to consume in the house, because Ian knows one taste of quiche and there goes his last pretence to heterosexuality.
Beetle Bailey : on the other side of the phone call, Ms Buxley reacts the same way she did in this blast from the past : “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO GET HIM”
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Family Circus : … that’s a REALLY weird way to phrase “I’M NOT PAYING TO *HEAT* THE OUTDOORS!”, like, I almost thought Bil was saying something to the OPPOSITE when I first read it.
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Marvin : it’s your pee, freezing inside your bladder, you dumb kid.
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Mary Worth : “It was the perfect pretext to finally throw him out of the house! But now that he gets along with Sunny, I lost my opportunity!… Maybe next time…”
“There’ll always be another opportunity for a final parting, Toby.”
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Slylock Fox : WHICH TWO IMAGES ARE THE SAME? Three and Four. In one of the other images, that jack-in-the-box is actually a disguised way to spray Max Mouse with deadly nerve gas. Can you tell which it is?
C’shaft: Nothing makes the little annoyances of life less annoying than watching Tom Batiuk whine about them.
Dustin: I don’t think the writers of Dustin should be throwing stones at men who insist they “have a pretty good understanding of the female psyche.”
FG: That’s not all that’s buzzing. Probably not a good idea to chug five Red Bulls before your diplomatic meeting with a deposed god-emperor.
Luann: Mrs. Fogarty: Gives a detailed expression of a specific pleasure, showing a nuanced understanding of herself and appreciation for life
Luann: Has never given a single thought to what she likes, or indeed anything at all
Tara: Has done enough unusual things that she could say something interesting, but instead uses the opportunity to flirt in the weirdest possible manner
Les: Blunt and unimaginative, but at least it’s something an actual human being might say
…Remind me again which character(s) Clan Evans expects us to relate to?
Pluggers are disgusting in so many ways.
RMMD: Did Rene Belluso kill Aunt Tildy, skin her, and make a mask of her flesh in order to ingratiate himself with the Morgan family?
The problem with Mary Worth is that any time a story appears to be wrapping up, you can’t be sure the next one won’t be about Wilbur. The other issue with Mary Worth is that it’s equally possible this bird story could go another six months.
“I mean, I still don’t want to be around him, which is why I’m here with you.”
Luann: At this point, Luann deserves whatever she gets. She’s had plenty of chances to push back, and chose not to every time. She let her friends pull her away from a long-awaited cuddle session with her current love interest. She let somebody sign her up for a useless ‘Career Paths’ class. She did nothing while the professor displayed her incompetence, violated Luann’s privacy, an openly insulted her. And now she’s just going to sit there, while her supposed friends talk over her. This is going to happen the rest of your life, Luann, until you learn to say the word NO.
Pluggers: I’ll spit on your head for free. Just ask.
CS: “Choose your payment method from almost any credit card. We’re sorry, Ticketmaster does not accept silver age comic books or Montoni’s coupons.”
MW: What @Ettorre said.
Luann: I love how the Evanseses went out of their way to portray Luann as submental today. “I like… uh.. many things.” LOL, shades of a slightly stupider Sara Palin!
Mary Worth: Although I was enjoying Ian’s transition from “grouchy Scot” to “emasculated little bitch,” I WAS wondering why. Toby’s response in panel two tells me everything: she took Ian to the vet and had him spayed. Mary’s demented google-eyes in panel one is also a treat: Mary starts her day with Irish coffee, and then it’s White Claws and cheap chardonnay all the way down.
Crankshit: This week was inspired by Tom Batiuk’s difficulty (and ultimate inability) to figure out how to buy tickets online. It’s really not that difficult (although don’t get me started on apps).
GT: Thank God, another guest artist. I can tell who’s who again.
I don’t read RMMD often enough to know who everyone is. But is it wrong for me to hope that Aunt Tildy just said she’s borrowing Count Dracula’s caddy to drive Rex home in? Can this caddy be a hearse? And can it have a closed coffin in the back? And can the sun go down while Tildy’s driving Rex home, and the coffin then opens somewhere on the highway?
The Familliar Mucus: Bil tells Jeffy that his farting is causing global warming.
RMMD: Rex, if I were you I’d be more worried about the condition of the driver and not the condition of the car.
@brendancalling: Batiuk is so inept, and so hostile to learning anything, that he can’t even describe what the online purchase process is actually like. Yesterday’s multiple choice question made zero sense. Today is begging to be a “nobody takes Discover Card” joke (viz. Futurama, c. 1999). But he bypasses the easy target for something even lazier: Herb & Jamaal-level vagueness. It’s as if he doesn’t want to offend anyone who actually has a less-popular credit card. Like he apparently didn’t want to offend Nigerian people yesterday, by changing a well-known online scam to “Russian hackers” (also c. 1999).
FC: Come summertime we’ll see basically the same cartoon but with Bil yelling, “We’re not air conditioning the outside!”
“Excuse me, I ordered my tap water without lemon. Ian doesn’t like when I have too much sugar.”
On Luann : Luann’s answer to “tell us something you like” is indicative that she took this “Career Paths” class because she has ZERO idea what she wants to do with her life, and wants somebody else to give her the answer.
Like, she could have answered “
Playing dressupActing!” or “Teaching kids!” or “Creative Writing!” or “Taking care of the elderly!”, but all her interests are fleeting, and she’s given up on them because acheiving those goals take time and effort, andshe’s never putting in any of THATPhil has given her the impression she needs to turn her life around NOW.MW- I’m glad Ian found peace with the bird. Too bad that piece wasn’t a fucking drumbstick.
JP: “….and take off that ridiculous rubber nose.”
BF: Huddled Bosses: “Our marketing director got a new job.” “Say, this would be a great opportunity to fire that chunky old blonde loser with the bad shoes we hired by mistake.”
FG: I’m losing confidence in Ming’s Evil Emperor Mastermind bona fides.
1) Your nemesis hangs with a Dragonman, who are all identical. DO NOT hire a Dragonman Imperial Guard.
2) Queen Stormy, with her buzzing clicking electrical muscles, is about to collapse in a pile of mecha junk. Also, weird eyes.
3) “Reign Dogs.” Okay, Schkrade is a Tom Waits fan. Fair enough.
4) Boss Shark Man is a dullard.
5) OTOH, Evil Witch Queen cheesecake for the rest of the week! Thank you!
Mary Worth: This might be the first time I can remember that the comic has actually somewhar acknowledged that Ian is an asshole and his relationship with Toby kinda sucks shit. Leave it to Mary Worth to only admit something like that after it’s been “fixed” by turning their relationship into something even more bizarre and creepy than it originally was.
MW: I’m imagining that Mary is British, so that when she says “I’m glad Ian eventially found peace with your bird,” she’s talking about Toby’s girlfriend.
@Rover Berkeley: Can it be a hearse that Aunt Tildy “picked up” while walking past the mortuary?
(Look up ‘Dull Funeral Home of Baldwin, WI’ for art depicting Tilly’s walk to the hospital)
Beetle Bailey: Gen. Halftrack is fantasizing that when Miss Buxley goes to “pick up something for him,” it means she’ll be stopping at Victoria’s Secret and modeling some sexy items of clothing in the office. What it really means is that she’ll go to the Base Supply Center for a box of pens, because that, even though she’s faking the need for it, would actually be a useful part of her job. Especially since Gen Halftrack is old and was never even issued a computer, so he spends all day waving big pieces of paper around.
Wary Morth:
“There were times I didn’t want to be around him anymore…then I remembered that the only other person in the world I’m acquainted with is you, so my only alternative is to move in with you, and I came to my senses immediately!”
@Banana Jr. 6000:
Right? Isn’t Luann’s presence and behavior here pretty much a perfect depiction that this Fogarty is full of shit? Like, you “helped” make THIS? I’d drop the class then and there, if I’d ever been a big enough dickhead to take a “Career Paths” class.
@Ukulele Ike: Evil Witch Queen cheesecake? Well I suppose, if you’re on a low fat diet and into Philly light. YMMV but it takes more than a scantily clad stick insect to get me “hornt up.”
@Ukulele Ike: Look, Ming was dead; that takes some time to recover from.
DT: Classic “best friend turns out to be the bad guy” trope.
GT: So the last guest artist was good with faces and sports (Jason Margos). The new guest artist is good with cars and figures (Louie Chin). Is this some sort of try-out competition? In between each guest artist we have the listed artist comeback as a palate cleanser to reset the audience’s low expectations?
JP: Ann is really leaning into the “family” card. I hope their squabble wakes up Judge Parker who stumbles down to make peace. Charlotte in the meanwhile has finished her hot chocolate and is now making a nice lunch.
MW: Tobey was unhappy with Ian, but now that she gets her way all the time, life is so much better!
@A Grave Mind: Yeah, Les and Tara should have laugh-snorted at how much bullshit THAT characterization was. As for “Career Paths”, this seems to have been Luann’s own idea after all. January 22: “This semester I’m doing career paths. I wanna find a career for my talent.” The obvious problem of Luann’s “talent” aside, she makes it sound like Career Paths is all she has planned for the entire semester. Which is sadly plausible.
Beetle Bailey – A good tease knows that the sexiest things are what goes on in the mind. The perverted old men who read this get to imagine they are smarter than a brigadier general in the US Army, just as they know that, unlike the other sad sacks in their favorite gentlemen’s club, the stripper that’s less than half their age really does like them.
Mary Worth – Mary is pretty dead-eyed and dry in her delivery. Are we sure she hasn’t been replaced by an AI?
Marvin – Oh no, Marvin is showing signs of early onset Pluggerism.
BB: The “late” Miss Buxley. RIP.
MW: “There were times I didn’t want to be around him anymor.” “Nobody wants to be around Ian, dear. You certainly are slow on the uptake.”
e
Huh. That one letter was stuck under the mouse when I went to shut down my laptop.
Luann (apologies to Rodgers, Hammerstein)
Sprinklers on Gunther, and cute Aaron Hill
Putting on costumes and blue-balling Quill
Ignoring Puddles, Taking this class;
I like many things; I’m a pain in the ass
Working with Weenies on lunch counter duty
Ignoring The Fuse, leaning on inner beauty
Fighting with Brad; loving TJ’s entendre!
Next to Tiffany I am Pittsville’s favorite blonde.
When my Dad puns! When Bernice zings! When I’m feeling bored;
I simply remember I’m the star of this show, and for some reason I’m
adoredtolerated.