Some bathroom jokes (SORRY)
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Barney Google and Snuff Smith, 5/9/26
Snuffy sure looks smug, doesn’t he? He shouldn’t, though: cultivating the favorite food source of your primary prey animal sounds clever, but it represents the first step on the road to agriculture, which leads to more advanced and economically complex societies, which in turn leads to Snuffy having to get a job. Beware!
Pluggers, 5/9/26
Honestly very thankful that they chose a plugger with an emergency-level headache attacking an aspirin bottle with a nail file as the visual here, and not a sweaty, increasingly agitated plugger sitting on the toilet tearing wrapping away from a roll of toilet paper. Bless you, Pluggers, for taking the high road in response to this entry.
B.C., 5/9/26
Tycho Brahe is pretty famous for a 16th century Danish astronomer, which is to say that he’s not very famous at all, and I honestly wonder if there’s anyone out there who knows who he is but doesn’t know that he had a brass prosthetic nose (he lost most of his nose in college in a drunken duel with his cousin over who was a better mathematician, respect). And then how does “people who read B.C.” fit into this Venn diagram? Much to think about.
Pickles, 5/9/26
This week’s Pickles strips have been about how Grandpa Pickles, sick of his wife telling him he’s bad at picking out matching pants and shirts, has gotten really into jumpsuits. This is all fun and games until you can’t get them off fast enough and then piss yourself, apparently.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/9/26
Ha, Lonnie, you thought this freelance paparazzi/blackmail scam would be easy money, huh? Well, what if you have to get involved in some cuck stuff to pull it off, huh? Because it seems like you might have to get involved in some cuck stuff.
44 replies to “Some bathroom jokes (SORRY)”
Pluggers was just too classy to tell us that this guy already crapped himself. It’s a vast tapestry of slightly-difficult-to-open stuff!
Do the B.C. cavemen get annoyed at temporal paradox entries like this one. Like, “Great, now the prick’s gonna make me listen to who Tycho Brahe is for like 20 minutes. Quit showing off that you’re an immortal displaced in time, Wiley! Or at least bring back some porn!”
If tomorrow’s Rex Morgan is just a black rectangle, I will forgive so, so much.
BGSS: Somebody’s sick of eating stolen chicken all the time.
Is the Plugger’s arm supposed to be hairy, wrinkled, or both?
BG&SS: Oh right, Snuffy’s going to stay awake long enough to shoot something in that lovely field.
MW: Over-dramatic much? She’s going to Florida. Not really a trek worthy of Odysseus.
GT: Wait, that WAS a wedding dress? Oh, definitely go with that one. It will give the Anti-Thorp Brigade fuel for the fire.
B.C.: Tycho also fits the daily theme. He died from a burst bladder because he was excessively polite to excuse himself during a royal banquet.
Snuffy Smith: Oh, look, kids, it’s the funny pages in your daily paper! Why, yes, that man is making plans to shoot, kill, and eat Bambi. Those news sections don’t seem so scary in comparison, now, do they?
Pluggers: If a plugger is having an aspirin emergency, it’s probably because the 911 operator told him to take some for his heart while waiting for the ambulance. The hard-to-open packaging is actually a life-threatening problem, so stop laughing, people!
Rex Morgan: “Look, here comes our second customer of the day — I guess I’m going to have to go back to being a movie actress, because there’s no way this restaurant lasts another month. Oh, it’s the same guy from yesterday? Make that a week.”
Luann: “Because if we live together, I might have to see his weenie.”
BC – Heck, even some of us who’d learned about the prosthetic nose (like me! thanks Dr Clutton-Brock for a fun historical digression in astro 101!) are confused, thinking it was silver or maybe gold as originally reported. TIL about the not-exactly-earthshattering-world-news of the 2010 skeletal analysis pointing towards a brass alloy!
So Mud doesn’t like threesomes?
I’m surprised.
Hello, Curmudgeon.
Mid-time reader, first time commenter.
That’s me.
I’m the B.C. reader who is aware of Tycho Brahe, because of an obscure 90s adventure game, which lead me to know about his death by bladder, but didn’t know/remember he had a prosthetic nose.
Murky Tail:
Giant Foreground Squirrel: “Wait, where did my wallet vanish? That Mark Trail person said he only wanted a hug from me!”
@Izzy Moreno:
Watching Carl Sagan’s Cosmos in, oh, 1986, taught me about the brass nose.
Murky Tail:
If only you could just have told dad to stick to carp or mackerel, you’d have saved the cost of a phone call, let alone a trip.
Is Mark *that* desperate to escape his wife and son?
CURTIS: A girl who can blow bubbles — Heart Throb found his match! Bet she throws a mean punch too
Wary Morth:
Whisky is fleeing because she just discovered that Tommy and she are both Hardy Har Hart’s children from the other side of the sheets. The DNA test was just confirmatory; she knew already. The dead giveaway was that they all have the unique mutation that lets them cry from one eye at a time.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Nobody in this strip has one, especially not Fill.
@Izzy Moreno:
#11. BC: welcome, Izzy! Sounds lovely ke you have great knowledge to share. I look forward to your future comments. (Note, I didn’t know about this guy until Josh described him– oh, what fun lessons we were NOT taught.)
B.C.: Apparently I’m in the middle of that Venn diagram, though I’d forgotten about the prosthetic nose until I read the strip this morning.
@MKay: re: MW – yeah, has she packed up all her things in a moving van? Found a job in Florida? No? If you’re so needy that you treat a few weeks visiting family as “we’re going long-distance! how can we possibly make this work??”, Tommy, you *deserve* to have her break up with you so that you can grow up more before trying relationships again.
re:GT – it’s been years, but I used to live in an apartment and looking for random cable shows for exercise room distractions led to a *lot* of Say Yes to the Dress viewing. And there were *plenty* they showed that look like they forgot to put the dress layer on top of the lingerie. I’m not talking getting shocked by a low neckline, I mean translucent corsets that rely on lace bits to cover the nipple areas. So that pedo-creepy babydoll option that needs matching panty covers is hardly the most ridiculous wedding dress she could buy!
RMMD:
The 1950s brought us Richard Boone’s Paladin and “Have Gun – Will Travel.” The 2020s bring us Lonnie and ‘Have Pen – Will Travel.”
JP: YES!! Beat their stupid asses!!! Speaking of which…
Luann: After I stopped laughing hysterically at the idea of Luann getting any job higher that chief table-wiper and floor-mopper, I marveled at how our ‘heroine’ has reached yet another new low. Is she implying that she’s going to get this job, give Phil part of her earnings and still live in her parents home, in her pigsty of a room? If Phil doesn’t take her up on that offer, he’s even dumber than she is!
S4th: My decision? You all go to Happy Acres until medical science can determine what the hell is wrong with you and the strip ends so Ces can finish ‘Apartment 3-G’ing’ Judge Parker. And speaking of strips the syndicate should have mercy-killed years ago…
Phantom: C’mon guys, have Schmelon Schmusk take the damn mask off already…
GT:
Gil: I’m the lucky one, came in at 5:1. . .
BG&SS:
“This way, I get to hear animal poetry, from “Alfred, Lord Venison“!”
H&L Oh no kids, that’s just the part you’re *allowed* to know about. There’s nothing “easy” about the gift he has planned (based on VERY direct requests) for once you’re asleep. There’s a reason why your Mother’s Day menu has a *lot* of oysters, just saying.
Luann So we’re trying to set up “Three’s Company” jokes… except they’re dating… in the 21st century. Riiighhtt. The audience of this comic is officially grandparents resolutely putting their fingers in their ears and going “la la la I can’t hear you!” to the suggestion they their grandkids who have moved in with someone of the opposite sex might *gasp* not actually be Saving It for the wedding night
@The Quiet Man:
#22. PHANTOM: Oh my gosh, The Nomad is paralyzed and soon will be mind-controlled. Me thinks this arc is designed to teach him a smidgen of empathy.
@A Grave Mind: Tomorrow’s Sunday. So you’ll get your wish.
Pluggers:
Pluggers want to know why every last one of them resembles, both in appearance and curmudgeonly demeanor, a furry Wilford Brimley.
MW: Either Brandy is moving in with her half-aunt she has yet to actually meet and is bringing a single backpack’s worth of possessions for this relocation, or she’s every bit as stupid as Tommy. This being Mary Worth, it could go either way.
BC: It’s Wiley’s Dictionary. Wiley, of course, has a wooden leg. I wonder if he relates all words to celebrities with missing body parts. Next up: “Side eye: All Sammy Davis, Jr. has left.”
BC:
“Things are looking up!” exulted Tycho, after his successful rhinoplasty.
Pickles:
“This is admittedly a bit unusual, because Grandpa doesn’t, um, ordinarily resort to standard protocol before engaging in this particular activity.”
I will never forgive the Tylenol murderer. Thanks to them we have the multiple layers of packaging to contend with.
6CX: He who pays gets to monopolize the conversation. He who monopolizes the conversation will do coffee solo.
@Gil Bates:
#6. BC: some of us would prefer if our bodies weren’t exhumed– another reason to go with cremation or green burial
Pickles is also to be thanked for high road-taking. “The facilities” is a bit formal, but Nelson has big ears. Earthier phrases like “Grampa uses the crapper” and “So’s your old man” will enter his vocabulary soon enough.
Crankshaft has been in “Ed needs a handler” territory since before any of us knew what a cognitive test was. I applaud Batiuk and Davis for being ahead of the curve.
Dustin: Like Kevin is ready for the profound life examination and societal commentary secretly contained in French classics such as Le Charme Discret de Tendres Cousines.
BC: “Who won the math throw-down?”
“Tycho’s cousin, by a nose.”
GA: I didn’t know people still drove Jiffys.
Pluggers: Toilet paper with multiple layers of packaging? I don’t think they even had that during the pandemic. Where is this plugger shopping, a hotel supply store?
MW-These people fall apart so easily when somebody leaves them. “Oh no! You’re more than five feet away from me! I’m so desperately lonely!”
MW-Did I miss something here? Brandy is just going to Florida and will be back. It’s not like she is going to stay there forever.
Hi and Lois-Hi is going to give Lois a pearl necklace.
Weezy’s been hoeing.
***
Pluggers are old enough to remember the Tylenol scare but annoyed enough that they will take that chance, damn it, they don’t need to get a headache trying to open their headache remedy! Just sell them handfuls of pills like they’re bulk jelly beans! While they’re at it, can they just buy loose rolls of toilet paper please?
But seriously, what kind of toilet paper are pluggers buying that come in more that just a single layer of plastic? If it’s a struggle, they could just get environmentally friendly rolls that come in paper pac… HA! Sorry, pluggers, I’m kidding!
MW: I’m sticking with my prediction that Brandy meets someone else in Florida and dumps Tommy. That would explain why he’s crying in the present. Why he’s sobbing in this flashback, on the other hand, I can only attribute to bad writing — unless it turns out he’s psychic too, and is having a premonition of the breakup. That I’d have to attribute to really bad writing.
@Liam: She’s leaving. On a jet plane. Don’t know when she’ll be back again.