Big and/or small business
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Judge Parker, 5/27/26
The humble diner now appears to be the soap opera strips’ go-to employer for those seeking to abandon a hectic, go-go lifestyle and reconnect with good, honest work — a group that includes everyone from former movie stars disillusioned with the Hollywood grind to scammers in search of redemption. Anyway, the proprietor of this establishment was understandably somewhat hesitant to hire a literal con artist, but I predict he will quickly accede to Alan’s request so he doesn’t have to hear any more details of Parker family emotional drama.
Hagar the Horrible, 5/27/26
Not that I expect Helga to be a big expert in macroeconomics or fiscal and monetary policy, but she has only her husband and his fellow warrior/traders to blame for this! Looted silver and gold coins from England and the Carolingian Empire, along with revenue from increased trade with the Byzantine and Islamic worlds via the Russian river networks, has had a naturally inflationary effect. Sadly, Viking society isn’t advanced enough to make use of this influx of wealth by increasing productivity, so instead they’ll just face sharply rising prices for the near future.
Mother Goose and Grimm, 5/27/26
Look, it’s one thing for Mother Goose and Grimm to try to pass off yet another widely known street joke as a punchline in a newspaper comic — I think we’ve all come to accept that at this point. What bothers me is that it’s trying to pass off yet another widely known street joke about a retail chain that stopped operation more than three years ago. Sure, it’s true that the website formerly known as Overstock.com acquired Bed, Bath & Beyond’s intellectual property and has subsequently been wearing the deceased brand’s skin, but you know that if Mother Goose had bought that stuff via this newfangled “online shopping” process, that would’ve been the heart of the joke.
48 replies to “Big and/or small business”
Oh, God, Alan has whatever acrewed up Double Tap. This is annoying! This is annoying!
“Ha ha! Our caregiver can’t really afford her spending! Funny! Good thing I’m a dog, and will cheerfully eat my own poop!”
Judging by everything in this strip BESIDES Helga, the year is 1966. Hopefully she conducts her business and leaves before she must make any contact with The Munsters, and her son continues to wuss out of Vietnam.
MG&G: Where indeed? Judging by the number of bags she chose to carry, someplace that sells marshmallows, feathers, rice cakes, and ramen?
Nancy: I usually miss arists’ mistakes, but this one was so overt I was confused as soon as I saw it.
JP: Alan makes the hollow gesture of offering to secretly pay her salary.
“Eh, waitresses are paid way less than minimum wage by law, right?”
Between Friends : Maeve, the reason you haven’t tossed this idiot out of your home
preferably out the windowBETTER be that you’re not physically strong enough to overpower him in that manner, otherwise, yeah, this isn’t a situation where you give a friendly warning and hope he changes his behavior.************
Family Circus : …thanks for sharing that, Jeff Keane.
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Ripley’s Don’t Believe It :
a) Imagine the
only goodbest adaptation of your favorite book being a movie you personally starred in. That part’s crazier than choosing that movie to be the last thing you watch before you die.b) So there’s a non-zero chance you can bump into someone who’s into Warhammer if you go to Valhalla?
c) It’s not every raven-haired girl who has fantasies of growing up to become Morticia Adams (or some such spooky vamp), but it’s not THAT notable to note that one raven-haired girl who DID is a celebrity now.
************
Safe Havens : “OH BOY! I can’t wait to go back to this place where a bunch of strangers amorously jammed their noses up my butt again!”
Pam, your new boyfriend is discovering THINGS about himself, and I’m not sure they’re good for your ongoing relationship…
MW: Oh noes!! It’s the return of Dirk the Dick! And Dawn has no bowling ball with which to crush his foot!
Seriously though, I just bet that is Dirk, with Tommie coming up right behind to play the White Knight.
JP: Never mind your daughter, Judgey Wudgey. Whose lump of flesh with a coffee cup glued to it is that in the first panel? It’s freaking me out!
GT: ‘Oh, and honey you simply *must* do something about that coolant leak in your eye socket. That stuff will just ruin your dress!’
Ph: Uh, he could *still* do all that, Schmelon Schmusk. Now that he knows it’s all an illusion, you mean to tell me that Eric ‘Nomad’ Sahara doesn’t have the mental discipline born of fighting Stripeypants to push past your little parlor trick? Also, take off that stupid mask! Takeitofftakeitofftakeitoff!!!!
HTH: As I understand it, the Viking diet consisted mainly of pickled cabbage, fermented fish and barley ale, and this seems to be an awfully big parcel of those. It might make for a nice wedding evening, but I’m concerned it’ll throw a spanner in the wedding night.
Andy Capp:
I’m sure the police want to serve a gourmet breakfast so the worthless bum would try and get locked up every night.
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Wary Morth:
“Hey, Dusk! Want a little quick energy boost for your run? The first one’s free!”
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Wrecks Moregone:
To be fair, egg and potato salad seems to be about the right cuisine level for the Glenwood Cafe.
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Murky Tail:
“….a 28-year-old exotic dancer, she said. I assume that means she’s an exponent of dances from Morocco or Bali.”
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Wrecks Moregone (2):
Tomorrow, a furious Jordan Like The Country arrives, lawyer in tow, demanding to know why Doug Like The Pompadour’s employee Luis Like The Cartel has bought up all the wholesale food supplies in town. Hilarity does not ensue.
HtH: The young woman appears to be wearing a tee. I have those. This costuming wouldn’t pass muster at even the mangiest Ren Faire.
GT: C’mon, Beth! You’re the feisty barmaid. Cram the old lady’s head into her wine glass.
RMMD: Mr Manager is truly a man unprepared for success.
MW: They left out the “BAHAHAHAHA!” that should have followed P1.
Since when does Hélg? go *shopping* instead of ordering Hågär to just go out and loot everything?
JP: Alan just wants a woman on the inside so that the next time he invades the diner to shove family photos in the patron’s faces, he can’t be kicked out.
GT: So has Gil’s mom always been evil, or is this a recent development?
@Ukranazi Stepan:
Since probably always, because
a) This is a comic strip that originates from the 1950s, of course it plays the “Women be shopping” trope.
b) Hagar is dumbass who would blow all his gold on ale and whores immediately upon acquiring any lucre, to the point he’d be sold into slavery to pay his debts. Helga is the one who manages the finances to make sure that doesn’t happen (a similar set-up is present in Snuffy Smith).
JP: “Another favor Nick, could you use a big Norwegian bouncer?
@The Quiet Man: Dawn, in Friday’s strip: “The old Tommy would never have beaten up another man just for being rude to me! Is is possible he’s changed?”
Hagar the Horrible: Macroeconomics-shmacroeconomics. I want to hear more about the trade networks that brought glass-and-stainless-steel refrigerated meat cases to Viking society. (Also about how this newlywed’s husband dies brutally in Hagar’s next raiding party, but I am willing to be patient.)
MG&G: Judging from Mother Goose’s eyes in the first panel, I’d say she does most of her shopping at “Stimulants “R” Us.”
Judge Parker: Diners are also favored by pinheads, but this is Alan Parker we’re talking about, so I guess that’s not really news?
Hagar: Is the butcher also the town laundry? Because that’s the same package my father’s shirts used to come back in from the cleaners.
I guess we should just be glad the creative team behind Mother Goose and Grimm didn’t go for a joke about “Tarzhay” or “Monkey Ward’s.” On the other hand, maybe it would have been funnier if Mother Goose went shopping with a real, live monkey, given Pan troglodytes‘ bent for violence and dominance hierarchies? I’m pretty sure Grimm doesn’t need all those limbs, is what I’m saying.
Today’s Zits is about the self proclaimed punk rock teen being explicitly told that 13 million men and women in the US have sexually transmitted diseases and it suddenly seems to be dawning on him that he’s already got some personal experience with these diseases.
“Oh, is that why my crotch is burning all the time? That’s very interesting”
H&L: If an office coworker said they were going to quit their job to do some painting, that would be amazing and fellow workers would be overjoyed, or at the very least supportive. But of course, Hi has to be a dick about.
“What do you know about art you fat, drunken, lazy bastard.”
@Pozzo: “Stimulants ‘я’ Us”
“Who cares if you got married? You were Olga Eriksdotter before, and you’re still Olga Eriksdotter, not Olga Svenswyf. Stop defining yourself by the patriarchy!”
“Oh, shut up, Helga Leifsdotter.”
Heathcliff might actually be a god as he has the power to take a food he’s obsessed with and turn it into a working car, but he’s also really malcontent. How long until he just destroys the world just because he can?
People have made jokes about the “Beyond” part of “Bed, Bath and Beyond” being some sort of trippy void or such.
Then “The Backrooms” horror meme started right around when BBB closed down. The two would have fit perfectly together.
JP:
“Okay, a little off-topic, Mr. Proprietor, but did you know that I’ve snared the role of Pepe Le Pew in the Cavelton Players’ forthcoming production of Looney Tunes: The Musical?”
JP – The way he’s acting all secretive asking about food service makes me wonder if “food service” is code for something else – like feet pix, heroin, or smuggling babies in from Russia. For adoption. Or, whatever.
Does anyone else find it odd that Grimm calls Mother Goose “mom” and wonder if he’s doing it because her name is literally “Mother Goose” even though she doesn’t actually have any children. It seems like Grimm is her pet but he’s actually a completely sentient adult who can go to restaurants and movie theaters and has full understanding of the world around him so he’s not really a pet. Grimm just lives with this bird person and allows her to treat him like he’s her pet even though he’s perfectly capable of living independently. I think we can at least be grateful that there’s no sexual element to this relationship.
reOBH — Ruthie’s parents don’t get enough privacy to screw!
JP:
“Now, do you think she really wants to work here?”
“Well, no, but she wants to check off the ‘Odyssean descent into the underworld’ box on her work experience list.”
Well, actually, the shambling corpse that was Bed Bath and Beyond did reopen a few stores under their original branding. All in the vicinity of Nashville according to their website. So, that means that (a) we have a geographical fix on MotherGooseVille and (b) time has come full circle and this legacy strip is now more up to date than Josh’s snark. I …don’t know how to process the latter. My world is shattered.
JP-“Has Anne ever been a celebrity and is now hiding her celebrity status? We could use a celebrity working here to draw in the customers.”
FC-And Jeffy will take over Daddy’s comic strip.
RMMD-And yet the hotel rooms are still empty.
Mother Goose and Grimm contains a version of the “Marvin” problem. Can Grimm and the other dogs speak and understand English? If so, why doesn’t Mother Goose seem to notice them talking about her?
MG is also more anthropomorphic than her pet, and they occupy different social strata, so they’ve also borrowed problems from Disney. Are these dogs like Pluto, who can understand his surroundings reasonably well, but also barks at leaves and chases his own tail? If so, are there Goofy-esque anthropomorphic canines out there, walking around with their opposable thumbs and written language, mocking Grimm and his kin?
Let’s hope so! Grimm looks more like an ambient lemon than a dog. Occupying a space between man and beast is usually confusing, but it could only clarify things for Grimm and his pals.
Crankshaft: Please let this be a sinkhole. If it is a blackhole, then it is such a break in the in-continuity universe that it must be the end of Crankshaft. Maybe it is an imagined story that Crankshaft dreams up after falling asleep in front a Road Runner and Coyote cartoon.
DT: Unlike in the bank escape scene in the movie Heat , this whole attack sequence will not be used to teach the use of firearms.
GT: C’mon this girl has made her own way through the world and has been slinging drinks for years to alcoholic golfers. She finally snagged Gil (hooked through the gills) so she isn’t going to be put off by some sad old woman with horrible plastic surgery. She’d just shrug it off
Dustin: Once again, we see the issue. Dad thinks Dustin is USMC material.
JP: Oh yeah, I forgot I forced Anne to take the diner job. She then fled town because she hated being a server. My mind has been foggy lately and I forget stuff. Can I have another coffee and what is today’s special?
Slylock: Slylock is making a mistake and will accused of making false accusations. Max points out that those are Herky Bars – the new chocolate bars that are heat resistant. They are the official chocolate bars of the French Foreign Legion desert forts and Death Valley gift shop.
There was once a time (probably because people didn’t pay as much attention) that judges were viewed as distinguished and fair distributors of justice. It’s 2026 now though, Mr. Diner Man, and it wouldn’t hurt to have one owing you a favour.
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Good on Helga for not freaking out over that refrigerated display unit. Sadly though, as Christianity takes over more of the Viking world, that butcher will be executed for witchcraft.
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Oh, Grimm, that joke really Sears!
JP:
“See this nonfunctional hat I’m wearing? — it identifies me as a dweeb!”
FC I really didn’t expect the melonheads to try for a tie-in with the upcoming summer blockbuster by broaching Oedipal themes, but here we are…
Crankshaft Not only are they ignoring the tidal effects ripping everything apart, that event horizon has grown from under a half meter across to 5 meters-plus, which means it went from something like 20 Earth masses to 350 Earth masses by absorbing the mass of a bit of lawn and dirt. I knew Crankshaft had some weird stuff ordered from Bean’s End, but who knew they had ultra-dense compost in their catalog?
GT This is where in real life this behaviour gets discussed with your spouse-to-be and depending on their reaction the wedding might be off – or on with a renewed sense of being family united in responding to extended family awfulness. Here, I’ll bet it goes nowhere as the writer doesn’t seem able to make Beth anything other than a prize for Gil – Stepford wives have more character traits than her.
@Victor Von:
I think the situation with Grimm is that although he’s fully capable of wearing clothes and eating like a civilized person and probably even using a toilet he actually really enjoys behaving like a dog. He’s basically an adult man in a dog costume who is choosing to drink out of the toilet and eat garbage and shit on the lawn. It’s actually really perverse when you think about it for more than a minute.
@Hibbleton: Wasn’t a plot point in the original British version of The Office?
@treetown:
On Crankshaft : Crap, I didn’t realise “it was all a dream!” ending is a possibility, which is lamer than where I thought this was going : “Luckily, it turns out Lena’s yucky brownies are supermassive matter than can plug up the hole and save us all!”
On Dustin : nah, it’s DustinDad trying to trick Dustin into accepting a job where he’ll HAVE to move out and bunk there, because he’s too cheap to send him back to college, and having him get a law degree and giving him a nepobaby job at his firm would make DustinDad realise things about himself he doesn’t want to face (for example, WHERE DOES DUSTIN GET HIS LAZY SHIFTLESSNESS PROCRASTINATING ATTITUDE FROM WHAT A MYSTERY).
Dustin — why is the trope to send all malcontent/underachieving kids to the USMC? Why not Army or Navy or one of the other uniformed services?
With a canonical BA in English, I don’t see Dustin as particularly useful to the military, even as an officer.
@A Grave Mind: Nah, Double Up’s tic comes at the end of an utterance. This repetition at the start of an utterance is more a Sally Forth thing. I wonder who the vector for this horrible ailment could be?
@TheDiva: Aw crap, what did I do this time?
RMMD:
Rockabilly Billy: “Oh, no! If he’s paying retail for groceries, the cafe is going to end up losing money.”
Hector: “Not to worry, boss. I sent him to root through the dumpsters behind the Safeway.”
MG&G – In the Mother Goose and Grimm universe, Bed Bath & Beyond sells straw, flea dip, and environmental enrichment toys.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Why the long face?”
“I don’t mind being a butler, but I can’t help wondering…”
“if I would have what it takes to be a great tycoon”
“You were right, this is a breeze”